Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

This sucked.

Buck threw his blankets onto the floor and slowly pushed himself into a sitting position on his couch before using both hands to swing out his giant, cast-laden leg into the open air. He scrubbed a hand down his face and looked up at his huge windows leaking in sunlight that indicated it was indeed a new day. And what did this new day bring him? A busted leg, a near empty apartment, no job and no girlfriend.

Yay.

He grabbed his crutches and hauled himself up. At least breakfast was something he had. Hopefully. He couldn’t really go shopping with his Guinness world record size leg cast and he wasn’t sure if Maddie had brought anything for breakfast when she dropped off some food yesterday. Only one way to find out.

He had only taken one crutch jump towards the kitchen before he stopped and furled his nose. What was that smell? He dropped his head and sniffed himself, his eyes going wide with disgust. Oh, it was him. Great. Maybe a shower before breakfast then.

Before he made his way to the bathroom Buck remembered that he couldn’t get his cast wet so was going to have to get a garbage bag to put over it, which was going to be a real treat to get on since he couldn’t bend his knee. He made his way into the kitchen, thankful he left his garbage bags in a high drawer, but then his eyes caught sight of his shower and his heart sank, because he didn’t just have a shower, he had a shower tub combination, with the lip of the tub being well over a foot high. Buck hung his head. Dammit, he couldn’t even have this one thing? Because sitting under a hot spray and crying his eyes out sounded pretty damn good right about now. He’d probably break his other leg if he tried to shower alone, but hey, maybe then he could call 911 and his friends would come over. That would be nice.

He huffed out a laugh and shook his head. He was being an idiot. They’ll just come over if he calls them. So Buck picked up his phone and called for help.

~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~

“Has anyone heard from Buck lately?”

It had been a quiet overnight shift at the station and the team was taking the downtime to enjoy a full breakfast, but all eyes turned away from their plates and towards Hen who had asked the question. “Any update on his leg or anything? Last I talked to him he was waiting for more test results.”

“I haven’t had a chance to call him,” Eddie said, a guilty shadow crossing over his face to join the tired bags under his eyes. Planning a funeral for his wife and organizing his shield ceremony in the same week that his best friend had his leg crushed had been … a challenge to say the least. “My parents only flew back to Texas yesterday and they’re …”

“A lot,” Chim finished for him, not bothering to make it a question or flinching under Eddie’s light glare. “We all noticed.”

“Anyway, I haven’t heard anything,” Eddie finished, stabbing lightly at his eggs.

“I don’t think he’s got the results back yet,” Bobby said as he joined them at the table with a fresh coffee. “I told him to call me when he gets them.”

“So none of us have heard from him?” Hen asked.

“Maddie saw him yesterday,” Chim said, holding out a hand to reign back her concern. “He’s fine. Very much alive. He’s probably too busy playing nursemaid with Ali to think about the rest of us slaving away at our jobs.”

“We’ve had two calls today and you took three naps,” Hen pointed out. “We’re not exactly roughing it here.”

“Oh yeah, then explain this splinter I got from an axe earlier,” Chim said waving his right index finger dramatically.

Bobby frowned. “Could be serious. Did you have a medical professional look at that?”

“I got it,” Eddie said. He grabbed Chimney’s wrist and started inspecting the tiny dot of an injury.

“Oh, this looks bad Chim,” Eddie announced solemnly. “Very swollen. I think you’ll probably lose the finger. Your tongue too if we’re lucky.”

Chim pulled his hand back and held it against his chest protectively. “Army medics, you always jump straight to amputation!”

Eddie shrugged. “Some things aren’t worth saving.”

“Like our friendship!” Chim shouted.

Before Eddie could reply his phone started buzzing on the table and his eyebrows shot up.

“Speak of the devil,” Eddie muttered then brought his phone up to his ear. “Hey Buck, what’s up?”

“Hey Eddie,” Buck said, sounding tired and a little hesitant. “Is this a good time? I know you’re working.”

“Yeah, we were just talking about you. All good things, except from Chimney. One sec, I’m gonna put you on speaker,” Eddie said.

“Oh, okay,” Buck said, surprised.

Eddie turned on the speaker then held his phone towards the middle of the table so everyone could lean in.

“Hey Buckaroo!” Hen called out.

“Hey Buck,” Bobby said.

“Hi guys,” Buck replied.

“I know you’re faking it Buckley, you just wanted the time off!” Chim yelled, earning himself an elbow from Hen.

“I wish,” Buck said. “Maybe then I could get up my own stairs.”

“Does your place have a lot of stairs?” Hen asked. None of them had seen Buck’s new apartment except Eddie who had helped him move in the small amount of furniture he bought a few days before the rig exploded on him.

“It’s uh … largely stairs, unfortunately,” Buck said, and they could all hear him shrug. “But I’m making it work.”

“You get your test results back yet?” Bobby asked.

“Nothing yet.”

“Well let us know if you need anything.”

“We miss you!” Hen added.

“I miss you guys too. A lot. I um … I need to talk to Eddie for a second though. Eds can you take me off speaker?” Buck asked, voice going small.

Eddie’s brow furrowed in concern along with everyone else.

“Yeah of course.” Eddie turned off the speaker phone and walked towards the couches for privacy. “Hey, it’s just us.”

“Thanks. Sorry, I’m probably being weird,” Buck said.

“Not weird at all. What’s up?”

“I could use a favor when you’re off work, if you have time, but you can totally say no,” Buck rushed out.

“I’m probably going to say yes. Spit it out,” Eddie said.

“I uh … I need help showering,” Buck said, barely loud enough for Eddie to hear.

Eddie tilted his head back in understanding, relieved it wasn’t something serious. “Sure man, that’s no problem.”

“Are you sure? Don’t say yes if you think it’s weird! I don’t want to be the weird guy who makes his friends come over and bathe him.”

“Buck, I’m a medical professional and your friend, it’s fine. Plus, we shower together at the station all the time.”

“Not really the same thing,” Buck said.

“It’s close enough. Happy to help.”

“Okay, thanks man. I was gonna try doing it myself but I think I would have just ended up breaking the other leg.”

“Well we don’t want that. I’ve got another hour left on my shift but I’ll see your stinky ass around noon,” Eddie said, finally pulling a laugh out of Buck.

“You say that like it’s a joke but you probably will see my actual ass,” Buck said.

“Consider me duly warned,” Eddie said. “You need anything else? I can stop by the store on the way.”

“No, I’m good. Maddie brought me a bunch of stuff, thanks. I just uh … didn’t want to ask my sister to help me shower, you know. She already saw me naked once this year and she was naked too and that seemed pretty scarring.”

“I see why you didn’t want this conversation on speaker phone,” Eddie muttered.

“No, it … it wasn’t weird! Well, no, it was weird, but it wasn’t planned! It was normal!” Buck assured him.

“Yeah, it sounds like it. I gotta go clean up breakfast but you can tell me all about it in a few hours,” Eddie said. “Or, you know what, better idea, you can not tell me about seeing your sister naked.”

“That’s fair. Please don’t tell Chim,” Buck pleaded.

“Our secret,” Eddie promised. “See you in a bit.”

“All right. Thanks. Bye Eddie.”

“Later Buck.”

~|~|~|~|~|~|~

A few hours later Eddie walked into Buck’s apartment and found his best friend sitting in the dining room with a garbage bag on the table in front of him wearing nothing but a towel.

“I know I promised it wasn’t weird that you needed help with this, but this is a little eager,” Eddie said in greeting as he walked in.

“Yeah, sorry.” Buck waved his arms in a ‘what are you gonna do’ motion. “I didn’t really have anything else to do, so I just got ready to go shower with you.”

“Not even gonna offer me a drink first,” Eddie muttered.

“Oh shit,” Buck’s eyes shot up. “Sorry, there’s water and juice. I can make you a coffee.”

“I’m fine, I’m kidding,” Eddie said, waving him off. He came over and picked up the garbage bag then shook his head as he took in the sight of Buck’s cast running all the way from his thigh to his ankle. “I swear this thing is bigger every time I see it.”

“Heavier too,” Buck said.

“Well, get lifting.” Eddie shook out the garbage bag and held it over Buck’s foot then when Buck lifted his leg he pulled it up higher until the entire cast was covered. “There you go.”

“Thanks,” Buck said, tying the edges as tight as possible then shoving the knot down into his cast.

“How you been feeling?” Eddie asked as he waited.

“Gross,” Buck said.

“Aside from that.”

For a moment it looked like Buck was going to say he was fine but then he shrugged, deflating a little as he met Eddie’s eye.

“Uh let’s see. Lost, in pain, pissed off that a truck landed on me. You can take your pick.”

Eddie sighed. “I’m sorry, I should have come and checked on you sooner …”

“Don’t apologize,” Buck cut him off. “You’ve got your own shit that you’re dealing with, man. I shouldn’t have even called you.”

“Yes, you should have. We’re a team,” Eddie told him. “We have each other’s backs.”

“You’re supposed to be helping me rappel down a building or tear open a car, not climb into the shower.”

“Helping is helping. You’d do the same for me,” Eddie countered, then held out his hand to help Buck stand. “Let’s do this.”

“Yeah, fine.”

Buck took the offered hand and let Eddie help him to his feet and into the bathroom. When they got to the lip of the tub Eddie stopped and waited for Buck’s lead.

“Did you have a plan for how you wanted to do this?”

Buck sighed. His doctors had been very clear that he was not to put any weight on his cast or ankle, even temporarily, as any pressure could affect the rod placements and rebuilt blood vessels in his leg, which meant jumping in one foot at a time wasn’t an option. If his shower curtain rod was sturdier he would have just swung himself in, but as it was he only saw one safe option.

“Just pick me up.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow. “You sure?”

“I was sitting at my kitchen table in a towel, I left my dignity at the door. I just want to get cleaned up. So yeah, I’m sure. Show me what you got Eight-Pack.”

“Eight pack?” Eddie muttered in confusion but didn’t dwell on it as he was already wrapping his arms around Buck’s waist. “All right, on three. One, two, three.”

Buck felt himself being picked up like he was nothing and deposited lightly into the shower where he immediately braced himself against the wall.

“You good?” Eddie asked when he was steady.

“Yeah, thanks man. I got it from here. I’ll uh call out when I’m done,” Buck said, feeling like an asshole for wanting privacy after he invited Eddie over, but Eddie waved him off again.

“Of course. I’ll just be outside.”

“Feel free to raid the fridge if you want or anything,” Buck yelled to which Eddie grunted noncommittedly as he retreated into the kitchen.

When Eddie heard the water turn on he paused for a moment, but when there were no thumps or sounds of a struggle he figured Buck had it handled and started to wander around the space. Eddie had seen it a few days before Buck had been hospitalized when he helped carry in Buck’s new couch and giant bed. The rest of the apartment had been practically empty at the time and not a lot had changed since then. Buck had been couch surfing before getting this place so there was almost nothing to fill up the space, no pictures, no frames, no shelves, no knick knacks, he didn’t even have end tables or appliances that hadn’t been included in his lease. It was a nice apartment, and Buck had been excited to fill it up with stuff and decorations, but without those things it just felt hollow and temporary, with nothing to really call it a home just yet.

Moving into the living room Eddie saw the first signs of life in the place as the couch was loaded up with pillows and blankets, there was a stack of books on the floor and a collapsing pile of Buck’s clothes folded in the corner. Eddie looked up at the railing-enclosed bedroom and frowned – Buck really couldn’t get up there then if he was sleeping on the couch and keeping his clothes down here. Damn, that was half of his living space gone.

He went back into the kitchen and looked over the counter top suspiciously. It was absolutely pristine, with no dishes in the sink or the drying rack. He opened the dishwasher and found it empty. It was after noon, had Buck even eaten today? And where was Ali? She had likely brought down Buck’s stuff from his bedroom for him but there were no other signs of a second person being here. Either way, it was clear Buck wasn’t taking care of himself and it didn’t look like anyone else was either.

Sighing, Eddie opened up the fridge, hoping there was something easy to make in there as he wasn’t exactly known for his cooking skills. A big Tupperware container caught his eye. He cracked it open and found a good helping of stew inside that Maddie likely dropped off. Thank god for her. Perfect. He put a pot on the oven and started reheating it. As the first few heat bubbles appeared he heard the shower turn off, so he set the heat to simmer and stood by the bathroom door.

Shuffling sounds floated out for nearly a minute but Buck still hadn’t called out to him.

“Buck, you good?” Eddie asked, peaking his head in.

“Yeah, sorry.” Buck pulled the shower curtain open to reveal himself wrapped in a towel looking almost completely dry. He must have patted himself down after the water shut off. “I didn’t want you to get soaked helping me out.”

Eddie smirked. “That’s sweet. I shoot water hoses at things for a living, but it’s still sweet.”

“Well you’re off work, you deserve to stay dry.”

“Thanks.”

Eddie grabbed Buck’s crutches and leaned them against the wall then put his hands arounds Buck’s waist. “On three.”

He lifted Buck out, pulled off the garbage bag so he wouldn’t drip water everywhere then went back to the living room to get him some fresh clothes.

“How are you feeling now?” Eddie asked as he came back in.

“About the same, but cleaner. Thanks,” Buck said.

Eddie nodded and held out Buck’s clothes, then hesitated when he realized Buck couldn’t grab them and stay upright in his crutches.

“Oh, I’m also here to help with this?” Eddie asked, holding out a clean pair of underwear for clarification.

“Yeah, if you don’t mind,” Buck said and may have blushed but it was hard to tell after coming out of a hot shower.

“No problem,” Eddie said, kneeling down. He could see how Buck got undressed alone but getting a pair of briefs on when you can’t bend your mile-long leg was probably close to impossible. He worked quickly and looped the fabric through Buck’s casted leg then held the other end near his planted foot.

“Up,” he said and pulled the fabric around his good leg after Buck lifted himself up on his crutches. He repeated the process with a loose pair of shorts and then pulled everything up. Buck reached down when the fabric was at his thighs.

“I got it, thanks,” Buck said and pulled his clothes up the rest of the way, not removing the towel until he was fully covered up.

“You’re a tease Buckley,” Eddie said, tapping his shoulder. “You said I’d get to see your ass.”

Buck laughed. “Guess we just work too well together, sorry.”

“Next time,” Eddie said.

Buck smiled then sniffed the air. “Did you cook something?”

“Yeah I stole your stew, it looked good. Hope that’s cool,” Eddie said.

“Of course.”

They went back out to the kitchen where Eddie made a beeline for the stove while Buck sat down.

“This is more than I thought,” Eddie said as he stirred, trying to sound casual. “You want half?”

Buck smiled, clearly not fooled by the ruse designed to get him to eat, but sat down at the table and nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

Eddie spooned out two bowls, putting significantly more into Buck’s, then joined him at the table. He waited until he saw Buck eat a spoonful before breaking into a new conversation.

“Is Ali working?” he asked.

Buck looked up, surprised by the question. “Huh?”

“I don’t mind coming over to help out, but I thought she’d be all over doing the girlfriend-adjacent parts of your recovery like dressing and undressing you. She working?”

Buck bit his lip and shook his head before replying.

“No she’s not. Well, maybe she is, I don’t know. We … we broke up,” Buck said, staring deep into his stew. “So she’s not here, either way.”

Eddie dropped his spoon into his bowl. “Shit. What happened?”

“She couldn’t handle it,” Buck said. He shrugged like it was no big deal but Eddie didn’t miss the way his eyes had already started to water.

“Your recovery?”

“No. The life,” Buck said. “Me being a firefighter, not knowing if I would come home at night. She saw how hurt I could get and … she said she couldn’t do it.”

“Shit Buck, I’m sorry,” Eddie said. “Some people aren’t cut out for what we do.”

“Yeah.” Buck shifted his stew around and forced on a sad smile. “At least she told me she was breaking up with me. That’s a step up compared to the way my last relationship ended. And she was honest. I actually kind of appreciate that.”

“That’s something, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t still suck.”

“Oh no it sucks,” Buck agreed wholeheartedly, finally taking another bite of stew. “Yeah it’s reaching whole new levels of suck every day.”

“I get that,” Eddie said, and they lapsed into silence for a moment, both staring morosely into their own bowls.

Eventually Buck cleared his throat, determined not to just talk about himself.

“How’s Chris doing?”

“Good, I think. As good as can be expected, I guess,” Eddie said. It was his turn to shrug as though nothing was wrong even though his wife had just died two weeks ago. “My parents left yesterday and he seemed a little relieved to be honest.”

“Just him?” Buck asked, lips curling up. Eddie didn’t talk about his parents all that much but Buck had gleaned from Pepa and Abuela that they were over bearing and over-critical to the point that they had driven Eddie out of Texas to get away from them. Maybe Buck should thank them. If they were better parents Buck would have never met Eddie and he didn’t want to think about a world where he didn’t have his best friend, especially now.

Eddie huffed out a laugh. “No, not just him. They mean well, but, there’s a saying about good intentions that definitely applies to them.”

“The one about the road to hell? Dangerous thing for a Catholic boy to say, especially about his parents.”

“Well then I’m glad I didn’t actually say it, you did. Besides, the roads they’re trying to pave lead somewhere else entirely. They wouldn’t stop talking about me moving back to El Paso.”

Buck inhaled sharply and almost choked on his stew, a pit instantly forming in his stomach that wasn’t caused by his food. Eddie started to rise to pat him on the back but Buck just met his eye, coughing and shaky.

“You’re going back to Texas?”

“Hell no,” Eddie said and noticed how quickly Buck’s shoulders relaxed, allowing him to breathe again. “I love it here, Chris loves it here, but they want me to move back. They just don’t get it, they don’t think I have enough support here, enough family.”

“Well they’re wrong,” Buck said. He shook his head and sat up straighter, like he was getting ready to fight someone. “You’ve got family here, lots of it.”

“I know,” Eddie said softly, smiling at Buck in thanks. “I don’t think they understand that the people you work with can be a real support system, but they also stopped pushing as hard after my shield ceremony, so maybe they got it eventually after they saw all the team together. You were probably a big part of that.”

“Me? How? I barely even talked to your parents,” Buck said.

“You hauled your ass to my party literally a day after you had major surgery, sporting the biggest cast of all time. That means something to people. At least, it meant a lot to me.”

It was Buck’s turn to smile into his bowl. “Well I wasn’t going to miss it. Or any chance to party with my favorite Diaz.”

“Chris?”

“Of course.”

Eddie smiled. “Yeah, he’s my favorite too.”

Buck laughed and finished off his stew, feeling better for the company and the food. As Eddie cleared both their empty bowls away, Buck grabbed his crutches and made his way into the living room.

“Hey you want to watch a movie or something?” Buck asked over his shoulder as he shuffled away. “You can pick. I’ve been burning through my watchlist pretty fast so I’m open to anything. It can be Spanish if you don’t mind having subtitles on.”

Eddie followed him into the living room, looking apologetic as Buck collapsed on the couch and searched for the remote.

“I can’t stay that long,” Eddie said, stopping Buck in his tracks. “I gotta pick up Chris at school in like an hour.”

“Oh.” Buck turned and looked out the window so Eddie wouldn’t see his face drop. “Yeah, of course. I uh … I can throw on an episode of the Office? We can get through that before you go.”

Eddie watched as Buck started flicking through the apps on his TV frantically, clearly desperate for Eddie to stay even as he refused to make eye contact and let Eddie see how much he was dreading being alone. If he had turned his head he might have seen just how determined Eddie was not to let that happen.

Buck had just hit play on the episode when Eddie sat on the coffee table in front of him, took the remote and turned the TV off.

“Buck, come on,” Eddie said, splaying out his arms.

Buck’s brows furrowed in confusion. “What? You love the Office.”

“I like it fine. That’s not what I’m talking about. I meant, come on and get off the couch, you’re coming to my place,” Eddie said, standing up and motioning for Buck to do the same, but he stayed where he was, still clearly confused.

“What? Why?”

“Because you can’t stay here alone like this, you’re recovering from major surgery and you can’t walk or use half your apartment. You need someone around to help you with stuff.”

“No, I’m fine here, I told you all that when I got out of the hospital.”

“And we all let it go because we thought Ali would be here with you most of the time. Obviously that’s not the case so you’re not staying here by yourself,” Eddie said, hands on his hips like he was still waiting for Buck to get up.

But Buck just shook his head, though he wasn’t entirely sure why. “No. I can take care of myself Eddie, it’s fine. I’ll call you guys if I need anything. I’ll be fine.”

The shakiness of his voice said that he was anything but fine though, making Eddie sigh in exasperation.

“Buck, you hadn’t even eaten yet today before I got here. Just come stay with us,” he said again.

“No, I’m not gonna put you out like that,” Buck said, more emphatic now.

“Honestly, it’s gonna be more inconvenient for me to come over here every three days to help you shower than it would be to have you around the house.”

Buck looked mortified. “You think I only shower every three days?”

Eddie huffed in disbelief before he continued.

“All I’m saying is, my house is literally designed to be easy to get around in crutches and I already have bars and a seat installed in my shower for Chris, you’d be a hell of a lot more comfortable. You can’t even get up to your bedroom here man.”

Buck looked at him like he was crazy. “Where would I sleep?”

“Where are you sleeping here?” Eddie asked, not missing Buck’s guilty glance at the pillows and sheets piled on his couch that answered his question. “I guarantee you my couch is just as comfortable.”

Buck seemed to really consider it for the first time, jaw twitching as he weighed Eddie’s offer but then he shook his head sadly.

“You just feel bad for me, laid up and staying here alone.”

Eddie shrugged. “Is that a bad thing? Caring about you?”

Buck faltered.

“No. No I guess not,” Buck said, then he shifted uncomfortably and finally nodded. “I suppose, I could try it, for a few days. Only if you’re sure.”

“I’m wildly sure,” Eddie said, sighing in relief.

“What about Chris?” Buck asked.

“What about him? He likes you more than I do, he’ll be thrilled that you’re there.”

“I guess that’s a compliment?”

“You know it is,” Eddie said, then clapped his hands together once like they needed to get something started. “All right, I’ll grab a duffle bag, you think about what you need.”

“Okay,” Buck mumbled as Eddie disappeared up the stairs to his bedroom, too choked up by Eddie’s insistence on taking care of him to sound more enthused.

Fifteen minutes later they had a bag packed with all Buck’s essentials as well as a grocery bag full of all the perishables from his fridge and counter. Eddie hefted the bag onto his shoulder and smiled.

“Now I don’t even have to go to the grocery store,” Eddie said. “Having you around is paying off already. You got everything you need?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Buck said but made no move to follow Eddie towards the door.

“What’s wrong?” Eddie asked.

“I just, feel kind of dumb? I signed the lease on this place a few weeks ago and I’m just gonna move out?”

“You’re not moving out. I carried that ridiculous bed up those stairs for you once and I’m not doing it again. You’re just staying at my place while you heal. The apartment will still be waiting for you when you’re healthy.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Buck sighed.

Eddie nodded then bit his lip. “Not to rush your emotional moment but I really do gotta pick up my kid.”

“Right, yeah, let’s go,” Buck said. Motivated by the thought of seeing Christopher, Buck finally started moving towards the door, keys clenched awkwardly in his hand around his crutch handle. Eddie took both bags and led the way into the hallway, letting Buck come through last. After he locked the door Buck rapped his knuckles against the frame lightly in a gesture of good-bye.

“You’ll be back,” Eddie told him again as he patted him on the shoulder. “Come on, you’ll love it at our place. We’ve got ice cream. I think, don’t hold me to that.”

Buck smiled, pocketed his keys and followed behind him and let his feeling of failure slip away, edged out by the tiniest hint of excitement because yeah, he was pretty sure he might just love it at Eddie’s house, ice cream or not.

Chapter Text

After Eddie got Buck settled into his truck, putting the passenger seat all the way back to accommodate his leg as much as possible, they headed for Chris’s school. Buck had heard horror stories about the mix of chaos and boredom that happened while waiting in the pick-up line at LA schools and braced himself for a grueling afternoon, but was pleasantly surprised when Eddie bypassed the long row of cars lined up in front of the school and pulled into a disabled parking spot in a small lot next to the entrance.

“Special privileges,” Eddie said, smiling smugly and pointing at the parking pass hanging from his rearview mirror.

“Cool,” Buck said, relieved. He started to open his door but paused when Eddie reached out a hand to stop him.

“Uh we can just wait in the truck. We’ll see him when he comes out,” Eddie said, suddenly twitchy. It didn’t pass Buck’s notice the way he sighed in relief when Buck re-shut his door, causing Buck to raise an eyebrow. For a moment he worried that Eddie was ashamed to be seen with him, but then he noticed the way Eddie slumped low in his seat and kept shifting his gaze up and down the sidewalk on high alert for something that definitely wasn’t Chris walking out the front doors.

“Are you … avoiding someone?”

“What? No,” Eddie said unconvincingly then spotted a parent walking towards them, crouched low in his seat and put a hand over his face.

Buck watched all this then clicked his tongue.

“Are you suuuure?” Buck asked.

Eddie sighed and pushed himself up just a tiny bit higher in his seat.

“I’m not avoiding anyone,” Eddie said firmly, then Buck squinted at him skeptically and he deflated. “Okay, I’m avoiding everyone.”

“What?”

Eddie waved a hand helplessly towards the teachers and parents gathered near the doors outside.

“Chris’s teacher told his class why he missed a bunch of school and the kids told their moms and dads and now every parent and teacher I run into wants to tell me how sorry they are for my loss and ask if they can do anything and how Chris is coping, and it’s kind of nice I guess but it’s also exhausting and … I don’t know.”

“Invasive?” Buck guessed.

“Yeah,” Eddie agreed, face brightening with Buck’s understanding. “Like, they don’t actually want to know how I’m doing, they just want something to gossip about and observe me like some reality show character or something.”

Buck nodded in understanding, his playful questioning disappearing at Eddie’s answer.

“I’m no expert but I think if you hide in your car they’re just going to gossip about that,” Buck said.

“Probably, but this way I don’t have to talk to them.”

“Well, bad news, you do have to get out. Superman’s coming,” Buck said, pointing out the window to where Christopher was walking through the school doors.

“How dare you call that bad news,” Eddie said with a fake scowl, but was already smiling again by the time he opened his door to get out.

Buck watched Eddie walk around the truck and jog towards the school doors and couldn’t help but smile at the way Christopher’s face lit up at the sight of his dad. Without breaking stride, Eddie swooped down and wrapped Chris in a tight hug before taking his back pack and steering him towards the car. Deciding that a Christopher hug was too good to pass up at the moment, Buck opened his door and maneuvered himself awkwardly out of the truck. When he got situated he looked up and saw Eddie bent over whispering in Chris’s ear and pointing towards him and Buck just barely heard him say, “I got a surprise for you.”

Christopher’s gaze had been on the ground, like it usually was when he walked with his crutches, but he looked up at Eddie’s urging and scanned the horizon for his present. When he spotted Buck his eyes went wide with joy and he started racing towards the car.

“Buck!” Christopher yelled in excitement, melting Buck’s heart.

“Hey buddy!” Buck replied as Christopher stopped in front of him, clearly waiting for a hug. Buck moved to pick him up but nearly lost his balance, realizing too late that his cast wouldn’t allow him to bend over. Thankfully Eddie was already there, kneeling behind Christopher.

“Buck can’t pick you up right now buddy. Do you want up to give him a hug?” Eddie asked.

“Yeah,” Chris answered instantly, nodding emphatically.

“Okay, going up,” Eddie said then he picked Chris up under the shoulders and lifted him into Buck’s arms.

“There’s my guy,” Buck said in relief, wrapping his arms around the small body and squeezing as hard as he dared. Chris hugged him back then leaned away.

“What happened to your leg? Are you okay?” he asked, a concerned little furrow in his brow.

“I hurt it at work, but I’m gonna be just fine,” Buck said, being purposefully vague so as not to upset him. He had seen Chris at Eddie’s shield ceremony a few days ago but had barely been able to say hi as Eddie’s visiting family had monopolized Chris’s attention while they were here, so much so that Chris hadn’t even noticed Buck’s cast. “I’m going to be on crutches for a few months while it heals though. I’m not great at using them yet. Do you got any tips for me?”

“Hmm.” Chris’s tongue slipped through his lips as he considered the question seriously. “Stairs are hard, try not to use them.”

“Where were you before I got my apartment?” Buck laughed in a huff, making eye contact with Eddie as though to say this kid is smarter than me. “Anything else?”

Chris shrugged. “Just take your time. You’ll get there eventually.”

Buck breathed in deeply and nodded, eyes welling up against his will as he considered the long road to recovery he had ahead of him. He pulled Chris in close and hugged him again.

“That might be the best advice I’ve ever heard. Thanks Chris,” he said softly.

“You’re welcome,” Chris said, smiling and tapping a hand against Buck’s cheek.

Buck looked over Chris’s shoulder to see Eddie smiling sadly and shaking his head to clear his own eyes before he reached for Chris reluctantly and set him back on the ground.

“Christopher, how would you feel about Buck staying with us at the house?” Eddie asked, his tone light but also sincerely asking. “Would that be okay?”

“He’s gonna move in with us?” Chris asked.

“Not permanently, just until his leg gets better,” Eddie said.

“Kind of like a really long sleepover,” Buck added.

“Awesome! We can play video games all the time!” Chris exclaimed, looking up at Buck excitedly.

“I’d love that. You’re way better at them than your dad,” Buck said.

“I wasn’t going to say anything,” Chris mumbled then burst out laughing when Eddie put his hands on his hips in an exaggerated pout.

“Why do I feel like I just agreed to be outnumbered on everything from now on?” Eddie said.

“Hey, you invited me over,” Buck reminded him with a smirk. “This was your idea. Actually, you insisted!”

“Yeah, no one ever said I was smart. All right, in the car, both of you. We gotta get home.”

“To play video games!” Chris said as Eddie lifted him into his car seat.

“Yeah!” Buck said in agreement.

“After your homework,” Eddie said.

“Boo!” Buck and Chris both shouted in unison for several long seconds. Eddie bit back a smile and gave them a stern look.

“Before you boo me, remember that I control the ice cream flow in this house,” Eddie said.

This brought the boos to a halt. Buck looked at Chris in the backseat. They both nodded at each other seriously.

“We withdraw our boos,” Buck said.

“Yeah,” Chris agreed.

“That’s more like it,” Eddie said, starting the car. “Also, I’m not bad at video games.”

“Well you’re not good at them,” Buck said. Chris burst into laughter and Eddie shook his head fondly, pulled out of the parking lot and took his boys home.

~|~|~|~|~|~|~

When they got to the house Eddie jumped out, helped Christopher down and handed him his crutches, then did the same for Buck who had his crutches stashed in the back. Buck thought they probably looked like quite a sight to the neighbors but Eddie never broke stride, just took Buck’s duffle bag and walked ahead to open the door.

“All right mijo,” Eddie said to Chris as they entered, “do you want a snack first or homework first?”

“Homework!” Chris said with more excitement than Eddie had ever heard before, undoubtedly remembering the promise of video games with Buck after he finished.

As Christopher disappeared into his room to do his homework, Eddie looked at Buck with a warning in his eye. “I think you’re going to be playing a lot of video games for the next little while.”

“Oh no. How will I ever fit it into my busy schedule?” Buck laughed as he hopped into the living room and collapsed on the couch. “And it’s not like he won’t be able to find me. This is my home for the next little while after all.”

Eddie’s brow furrowed when he saw Buck was gesturing towards the couch specifically and not the house in general.

“Buck, I was joking. You’re recovering from major surgery, you’re not sleeping on a couch. You’re taking the bed, I’m sleeping out here,” Eddie said.

“What? No, absolutely not,” Buck said, his expression becoming deathly serious. “I’m fine out here.”

“Your body is 90% legs and you can’t bend your knee or ankle,” Eddie reminded him. “There’s no way you can sleep out here.”

“I made it work at my place, I can make it work here. This is your house, I’m not taking your bed, that’s final,” Buck said, standing firm. After everything Eddie had been through recently and everything Eddie had offered, Buck was not going to take away the comfort of letting him sleep in his own bed.

Eddie was equally adamant however as his hands moved to his hips and he shook his head. “You show me how you could possibly lay on that couch comfortably and I’ll drop this.”

“Fine. No problem,” Buck said, trying to sound more confident than he felt as he shifted around on the couch. He knew from experience that he was indeed too tall to lay out flat – his casted leg just ended up over the armrest pointing straight up and making his leg fall asleep – but he came up with a system at his loft that should work here. He reached out and pulled the coffee table right up next to the couch, placed a pillow on the edge of the table, then laid down on his back with his good leg curled up beneath him and his bad leg resting on the pillow on the table.

“There. See. Perfect,” Buck said, hoping he looked suitably comfortable.

“That’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen, and I’ve literally been in a war,” Eddie told him before pointing down the hall towards his bedroom. “Get in the bed. You’re hopped up on pain pills anyway, you’re going to be sleeping all the time. If you’re out here I can’t watch TV.”

“Oh yeah, Eddie Diaz, known media connoisseur,” Buck said, rolling his eyes.

“You gonna tell Chris he can’t watch Frozen whenever he wants because you’re asleep out here?”

“Don’t pretend you wouldn’t secretly love it if had to watch Frozen less,” Buck said.

“I would but that’s not the point.”

“Well this is your home, I’m not kicking you out on the couch.”

“Fine, we’ll share the bed!” Eddie announced and picked up Buck’s bag as though the conversation was settled.

Buck sat on the couch for a moment with his mouth hanging open in shock then grabbed his crutches and shuffled after him. He found Eddie in the bedroom, transferring his own clothes to the lowest shelf of his dresser before he started on Buck’s.

“I’ll put all your stuff in the top drawer so you can reach it easier,” Eddie said, working methodically and never meeting Buck’s eye.

Buck wanted to keep arguing his point but found himself unable to once he crossed the threshold of Eddie’s bedroom, a room he had never been in before. It was almost barren inside, practically hollow, a stark difference to the rest of the house and Chris’s room that felt so very alive, filled with toys and posters and decorations. Eddie’s room had almost nothing, except a few dressers, side tables and a single mirror on the wall. The emptiness gave the room a somber quality, the hollow corners echoing with grief. It also made the few possessions inside much more noticeable.

While Eddie started to vigorously unpack his things, Buck lowered himself onto the edge of the mattress. On the nearest table he saw a picture of Shannon and Christopher that made him exhale suddenly, the reminder of what Eddie had lost causing a pain to shoot through his chest that told him he didn’t belong here, that he was intruding on Eddie’s life at a time when his friend needed support, not another burden.

“Eddie, seriously, this is going to be weird. Me being here,” Buck said quietly, almost willing Eddie to reject him.

“No, it won’t,” Eddie said and his tone said he wasn’t just trying to be gracious or selfless. He wanted Buck here for some reason. But Buck still shook his head.

“I shouldn’t put you out like this, you just lost Shannon.”

“And I almost lost you,” Eddie said, finally looking up and letting Buck see the anguish he’d been trying to hide, making Buck breathless for an entirely different reason. “The rig exploded and I … I thought I lost you too. And Buck, that would have … well I don’t like to think about what it would have done to me. So if I can roll over in the night and see that you’re here, that you’re okay, that’s going to be good for me. Trust me. Please.”

Buck licked his lips and found he couldn’t speak for a moment. He didn’t know what to do with this. What to do with someone who not only didn’t leave him, but wanted Buck to stay. It wasn’t something he was used to, but he believed Eddie when he said that this was something he needed, so he nodded his head and let himself stop fighting against being here.

“… okay, I’ll stay.”

Eddie breathed out through his nose and wiped at his lips. “Thank you.”

It didn’t feel like something he should be thanked for, but Buck nodded nonetheless.

“Can … can I at least unpack my own bag?” Buck asked.

“No,” Eddie said and made a point of throwing a pair of Buck’s socks forcefully into the drawer. “You’re resting, whether you like it or not.”

Chapter Text

True to his word, Eddie didn’t let Buck do anything more strenuous that day than play video games with Christopher (after he finished his homework), followed by dinner and a few episodes of some reality TV show. When Eddie took Chris to get ready for bed it was still early by Buck’s usual standards. He had planned to stay up for a few more hours but the full day and fresh handful of painkillers he had taken caught up to him and he was sound asleep on the couch by the time Eddie came back out to the living room, at which point Eddie shook him awake and helped him get settled in his bed. Buck thought it was going to be awkward sharing the bed, but Eddie wasn’t going to sleep yet and Buck was out like a light as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He woke up the next morning to sunlight in his eyes and Eddie’s alarm going off at 6:30am. He blinked himself awake and rolled over to see Eddie smashing the alarm clock off and smiled.

“You’re a man of your word,” Buck muttered. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.”

“Huh?” Eddie said, rubbing sleep out of his eyes as he sat up, his hair softer and more rumpled than Buck had ever seen it.

“I was sure you were going to sleep on the couch.”

“Oh.” Eddie waved him off. “I thought about it, but we agreed to share and I didn’t want you running off on me if I didn’t follow through.”

“I’m not running too many places these days, but thanks,” Buck said. “I would have felt like a jerk if you slept out there.”

“No problem. Speaking of sleep, go back to bed, you don’t have to get up,” Eddie said.

Buck shook his head. “Nah, I’m hungry, and on the same sleep schedule as you.”

“All right. Oh, I don’t have time to take Chris to school before my shift starts so Carla’s coming by for him,” Eddie said.

“I’ll make sure I’m decent,” Buck promised and felt his smile widen at the prospect of seeing Carla outside of a hospital room.

“We all appreciate that,” Eddie said then looked to the doorway where Chris was ambling into view still dressed in his pajamas.

“Morning,” Chris said, all smiles as usual despite the early hour.

“Hey buddy.” Buck waved from the far side of the bed. “How’d you sleep?”

“Good,” Chris said while Eddie stood up and stretched. “How was your sleepover?”

Buck and Eddie both chuckled, having forgotten they had explained it to Chris that way.

“Uneventful,” Eddie answered for them. “Buck went to bed at the same time as you.”

“Yeah, because Chris is cool so I do what he does,” Buck said, successfully managing to make Chris laugh.

“Are you going to work out with us?” Chris asked.

Buck’s eyes went wide with surprise – he didn’t know Chris and Eddie exercised together in the mornings.

“I would love to, but I’m not supposed to be working out just yet cause of my leg. I can cheer you guys on though, if you don’t mind,” Buck said.

“Yeah, come on! I can do so many lifts. I’ll show you,” Chris said, his voice fading as he disappeared down the hall with excitement.

“I’m coming,” Buck promised. As he pushed himself out of bed, Eddie handed him his crutches. “I didn’t know you were so into working out. I see how you got the eight pack.”

“It’s not for me,” Eddie shrugged. “Chris has to do his physical therapy stretches in the morning so I work out with him. It’s easier when we do it together.”

“Oh,” Buck said, feeling a warmth spread through his chest that he was becoming increasingly familiar with as it seemed to pop up every time he found out some new sacrifice Eddie made for his son. “I don’t want to interrupt his therapy, I can stay in here.”

Eddie made a face. “No way, you have to see how many lifts he can do. It’s so many.”

Buck laughed, accepting the easy invitation. “Well, I’d hate to miss that.”

When they got out to the living room they found Chris waiting for them, bouncing impatiently.

“Watch this Buck,” he said. As Buck let himself fall onto the couch, Chris bent over at the waist and touched his toes. Eddie rushed forward to be behind him in case he lost his balance, but Chris stayed solid as he splayed out his fingers on the floor.

“Whoa! That’s crazy,” Buck said enthusiastically. “I wish I could do that.”

“Dad can teach you,” Chris said.

“Might take a few weeks, Buck’s legs are a lot longer than yours,” Eddie said. He stood beside Chris and lifted his hands in the air. “Now up!”

Chris stood up to match him and they both stretched for a few minutes, with Eddie and Buck alternating yelling encouraging phrases to make Chris smile.

“All right Superman, time to show Buck those lifts,” Eddie said.

Chris dropped down to the floor at Eddie’s instructions and laid out flat on his stomach with his arms and legs stretched out to do a Superman lift.

“Count how many I can do Buck,” Chris requested as he got into position.

Buck made quick eye contact with Eddie to check if he should count for real and waited for his small head nod of affirmation before he replied.

“You got it,” Buck said, watching as Eddie got down too. “Okay, one!”

At his count Chris lifted his legs and arms off the ground, his movements choppy but confident, and Eddie did the same.

“Amazing!” Buck said, his voice overly enthusiastic but meaning every word. “Two!”

They both repeated the exercise and Buck kept counting. He wasn’t sure how high he was supposed to go but when they got close to twenty Eddie made a show of looking tired and wiping at his forehead which made him think they should wrap up.

“Eighteen!” Buck said, noticing that Chris was still smiling but panting now. “Come on Eds, I think you can make it to twenty!”

“I’ll try,” Eddie said through gritted teeth, then let out a dramatic exhale despite the fact Buck knew he could do a hundred of these no problem.

“Nineteen! Come on, you’re so close!” Buck cheered them on. Chris had a little less enthusiasm than when he started but looked determined to finish. “And, one more!”

After Eddie and Chris finished their last lift, Eddie flopped down as though exhausted, indicating they were done, while Chris pushed himself back onto his knees.

“That was so good Chris!” Buck cheered, leaning forward to give him a high five.

“That’s why we call him Superman,” Eddie huffed out.

“Thanks Buck,” Chris said, proud but tired. “I could do even more!”

“More? But you did like two thousand already!” Buck said, eyes going wide.

Chris threw his head back and laughed at the exaggeration. “I only did twenty!”

“Are you sure?” Buck asked skeptically.

“Felt like two thousand,” Eddie said from the floor, even though he wasn’t even sweating.

“I think you did two thousand. I was counting,” Buck said seriously. “Eddie did five.”

Chris continued laughing but shook his head. “You might be bad at math.”

Now it was Eddie’s turn to laugh as he rolled over and smiled at Buck who made a show of looking crestfallen, at least until Chris added, “Dad can do at least six.”

Eddie made an affronted sound, then picked Chris up into his arms.

“I’ll show you what I can do!” Eddie growled playfully then blew a raspberry on Chris’s stomach making him burst into giggles yet again.

“All right, enough showing off,” Eddie said as he put Chris back on the ground. “Time to get ready for school.”

As Chris agreed, reluctantly, and started to head down the hall to his room, Buck picked up his crutches and made his way to the kitchen.

“You want coffee?” he asked Eddie.

“Yeah, that’d be great,” Eddie shouted back as he also disappeared to change.

Buck had just figured out how to fill a coffee maker while balanced on crutches when he heard the front door open and turned around a moment later to see Carla enter the kitchen.

“Buckaroo!” she exclaimed in greeting, smiling and holding her arms out wide for a hug.

“Hey Carla,” Buck said happily melting into her embrace. “How are you doing?”

“Better than you, from what I hear,” she said, frowning sympathetically as she pulled away. “Eddie told me about Ali. I’m so sorry.”

Buck shrugged and tried to shake off the hurt that was creeping up his chest. “It’s all right. It happens. She had to do what’s right for her. And uh, Eddie’s not a terrible substitute, all things considered.”

“Look, I am thrilled that you agreed to stay here because it means that Eddie and I can both keep an eye on you, but you don’t have to pretend it’s not hard sweetie,” she said.

Buck smiled begrudgingly and nodded.

“Yeah, fair enough,” he said, his voice more choked with emotion than he expected. “It uh … it hasn’t been great. But it’s getting better, really.”

Buck was surprised to realize how much he meant what he was saying. He had been at Eddie’s less than a day but already felt more rested and at ease than he had the entire time he spent in his apartment, even before Ali left.

These thoughts were interrupted by the kitchen door opening to reveal both the Diaz boys, now dressed for the day.

“Carla!” Chris exclaimed happily and laughed as she bent down to give him a wet kiss on the cheek.

“Morning sweetie,” she said.

“Hey Carla.” Eddie moved around her to grab two boxes of cereal and milk from the fridge but then met her eye again. “I’m glad you’re here a little early, I was hoping to talk to you about something.”

Carla’s eyes widened with amusement. “I actually came by early to talk to you about something.”

“Well,” Eddie motioned dramatically toward the door leading the living room. “Step into my office?”

“Of course.”

As Carla stepped out, Eddie put two bowls on the kitchen table and pulled out a chair for both Chris and Buck.

“All right, help yourself to healthy or unhealthy,” Eddie said, pointing at the vastly different cereal brands between them then looked at Buck pointedly. “Though I think I know what you’ll both pick. And if you could make sure he eats some instead of just spelling funny words with it, I’d appreciate it.”

Buck held up the box of Alpha-Bits and leaned closer Chris. “What kind of words do you spell with this?”

“Butt!” Chris said without hesitation, instantly giggling.

Eddie looked unimpressed but Buck just laughed and started pouring cereal into both their bowls. “I can’t say no to that. That’s comedy gold.”

“I gotta start buying Rice Krispies again,” Eddie mumbled but left them to it and followed Carla into the living room. She was standing in front of the couch with her arms crossed and a knowing look on her face.

“I assume you wanted to talk about Buckaroo,” she said.

“Yeah,” he said. “So, I convinced Buck to stay here so I can help him out, but, I also work 24 hour shifts from time to time and I don’t want to leave him hanging if he needs anything. So, I was thinking, since I happen to know the best personal care aide in Los Angeles …”

“Eddie you can pause the sweet talk, I’m happy to help Buck with whatever he needs. I’ll be here with Christopher anyway and I don’t know if you know this, but your child is a dream to take care of, I was due for some actual work around here.”

“Yeah, well my new child might be a little grumpier,” Eddie said. “But I appreciate it, thank you. He can’t really cook right now so if you can make sure he eats dinner that’d be great, and he might need a drive to a doctor’s appointment at some point, I’m not really sure yet.”

“That’s no problem. I’m happy to help, you know I love Buck,” Carla said.

“I know you do, thank you so much, but I’m also aware this is above the scope of what you’re paid to do right now,” Eddie said.

“Don’t worry about that,” Carla said, and Eddie believed that she didn’t really care about the extra work but pushed ahead anyway.

“Just, hear me out. Cause I was thinking, Buck will be here at night if Christopher needs anything, so after Chris goes to bed, you really don’t need to stay as long as Buck’s here.”

Carla’s hands moved to her hips and her eyes went wide with interest. “Eddie Diaz, are you saying for the foreseeable future I could be home with my husband every night before Jeopardy?”

“I am, if that’s something that interests you, and there’s no need for the aide company to know your hours are any different, so, you’d be doing more work while you’re here, but you’d work less hours and get paid the same,” Eddie said, finishing up his offer with a hesitant shrug. “Does that sound fair?”

Carla shook her head fondly. “It’s more than fair, it’s a very generous offer, that I will take you up on.”

“Awesome, thank you,” Eddie said, smiling with relief. “So, that was it. What did you want to talk about?”

Carla’s expression became serious. “It’s about one of Christopher’s financial aid programs.”

Eddie’s stomach dropped out. “Oh.”

~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~

Meanwhile, back in the kitchen, Buck was desperately scrounging through a box of AlphaBits while Christopher egged him on in a hushed stage-whisper.

“Did you find it yet?”

“I’m working on it, you gotta keep eating or your dad’s gonna kill me,” Buck said and sighed in relief when Chris took another bite of cereal.

“You said you’d spell it,” Chris whined. “He’ll be back soon.”

“I can’t find a ‘k’,” Buck said, shaking the box. “Oh! Here, got it!”

“Quick,” Chris said, a loud giggle pouring out of him as Buck finished spelling out the word on the empty placemat across from him. He’d just gotten the last letter down as Eddie came back in, clapping his hands with a kind of forced enthusiasm.

“Okay, we gotta get going to school,” Eddie said.

But Chris shook his head, shared a mischievous smirk with Buck, then looked back up at Eddie. “Wait, Dad, we made you breakfast.”

Eddie’s brow furrowed, as it was obvious neither of them had gotten up from the table. “You did?”

“Yeah!” Chris said, then pointed at the placemat beside him. “There.”

Eddie shuffled a few steps and looked down to see the word “breakfast” spelled out in Alpha-bits on the table and couldn’t help but huff out a laugh in surprise at the terrible pun. It was all it took to set off Chris and Buck who started howling with laughter and high fiving each other.

“We got him!” Buck cheered triumphantly while Christopher clapped with joy.

“Thank you both so much,” Eddie said. He tried to keep his voice flat to play along but their laughter was infectious and he found himself chuckling. “This is terrible.”

“What is going on in here?” Carla asked, hands held out in confusion as she entered the kitchen to find all three of them laughing.

“We made dad breakfast!” Chris announced, thrilled to get to repeat his joke. Eddie motioned towards the word on the table for Carla’s benefit and she laughed along with them.

“It is too early for you to be this clever,” Carla said as she shook Chris’s shoulders.

“Then I don’t need to go to school?” Chris asked hopefully.

“Nice try. Now get going or you’re going to be late smart Alec,” Eddie said, ushering him out of his chair.

“Okay,” Chris said then turned back around. “Don’t forget to eat your breakfast Dad!”

“It’s the most important meal of the day, Eds,” Buck added with a grin.

Eddie shook his head, but scooped up the letters in one hand and shoved them all into his mouth, much to Chris’s delight.

“Delicious,” he said, chewing loudly.

Another wave of laughter rolled through the kitchen, tempered by Carla, who shuffled Chris along.

“Go get your backpack and we’ll get going,” she said. When Chris’s giggling form disappeared down the hall she turned to Buck. “Traffic allowing, we’ll be back from school around three, but if you need anything you can call me while Eddie’s at work today.”

“Oh, no, I’ll be fine Carla,” Buck said. “You focus on Chris.”

“I know you’re fine,” Carla said, adding the slightly flirtatious and appreciative tone she adopted sometimes when she spoke to him and even added a lifted eyebrow, “but, you can also be fine and need help. Maybe with showering?”

Buck laughed, having missed her innocent flirting. “Thanks but I uh, I think Eddie’s got that part covered. We already worked out a system.”

Carla clucked her tongue disapprovingly and glared in Eddie’s direction. “We have to talk about chore allocation around here Eddie. You can’t keep all the good jobs for yourself.”

Eddie laughed. “Sorry, I didn’t know giving baths was a coveted job.”

“Carla gives great baths!” Chris announced enthusiastically as he appeared again with his backpack, breaking them all out in smiles. “She never forgets the toys.”

“I’m glad someone around here appreciates what I do,” Carla said. “Thank you Christopher. I hope you also like my driving when I’m late.”

“Have a good day at school Chris,” Buck called out with a wave.

“Bye mijo,” Eddie added, kissing the top of his head before he left.

“Bye dad, bye Buck.”

“See you boys later,” Carla said in good-bye, and then they were gone.

“I don’t think I fully factored in how bad of an influence you were going to be on him when I invited you over here,” Eddie said to Buck when they were alone, though his tone was light as he cleared Chris’s bowl away.

“Hey, we were spelling! It was educational,” Buck argued with milk spilling down his chin as he finished his own cereal.

“It was sure something,” Eddie shot back, but his amusement was obvious, though brief. As he stood at the kitchen sink and rinsed out Chris’s bowl, Buck could swear he saw a mask drop from his friend’s face, one that he assumed Eddie had put there for Chris.

“Hey, uh, what did Carla want?” Buck asked, trying his best to sound casual.

“What?” Eddie said, jolting out of some deep thought that had grasped him as he over-cleaned Chris’s bowl.

“I assume you wanted to talk to her about helping me out when I need it, which is unnecessary, but thank you,” Buck said. “But what did she want? I was too busy pranking you to eavesdrop.”

“She um … she wanted to talk to me about one of Chris’s assistance programs that she helped me set up. The one that pays for most of his school,” Eddie said, his voice going tight.

“Is everything okay?” Buck asked, feeling his chest tighten with apprehension. He knew Chris and Eddie both loved that school, it was a million times better at accommodating Chris than public school had been, and the thought of them losing it was instantly devastating. Before Eddie even answered Buck felt himself mentally shuffling through his own finances, wondering if he could help somehow.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Eddie said, still sounding distraught but somehow also like he meant it. “It’s better than fine, I guess. She said if she updates our profile online or something I can get more money for Chris, probably enough for him to join some of the after school clubs. She just wanted my permission before she made any changes.”

“That sounds great,” Buck said, instantly breathing easier and taking another bite of his cereal. “I told you she was the best. So, what’s the problem? You don’t seem too happy about it.”

Eddie finally turned around and Buck noticed his jaw twitch as he dried off his hands and never met Buck’s eye. “There are a couple of factors that determine how much money you get from the program. When Carla set it up, she put down that I was married, you know, cause I was, technically. But, you get a bigger payout if you’re a widower, so … she’s gonna update it.”

“Oh,” Buck said and shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “Yeah, okay, that kinda sucks.”

Eddie nodded in agreement.

“I want Chris to have everything he needs. He deserves the world. But this, it just, it feels predatory, profiting off my wife’s death.”

“No, Eddie, that’s not what you’re doing,” Buck said firmly. “It’s not like you’re buying cars and champagne for yourself. You’re a single parent who wants to send his son to a robotics club at school and this is just a program that helps you do it. And Shannon would have wanted Chris taken care of. I didn’t know her well but I think she would probably yell at you if you didn’t take the extra money for him.”

“You’re probably right,” Eddie said, half shrugging in agreement. “She yelled at me for a lot of things.”

Buck deflated. “That’s not what I meant.”

“No, I know,” Eddie said. “You’re right, she would, but it doesn’t make me feel less gross about it.”

“Fair enough, but as long as the money’s going to Chris, all you’re doing is being a good father.”

“So you’re saying I shouldn’t drive to Vegas and put it all down on red?” Eddie asked, mood perking up.

“Of course not,” Buck said. “You put it on black, obviously.”

“Obviously,” Eddie said, managing a small genuine smile. “All right, I gotta get to work, but, thanks, for listening.”

“Any time. Be nicer to yourself and tell the team I said hi,” Buck requested.

“I will. I’ll be home at 8. Call me or Carla if you need anything.”

Buck rolled his eyes. “Eddie, I’m gonna watch TV and read all day. I’ll be fine.”

“I’d love to believe that but you have a talent for getting into trouble.”

“I’d disagree with you but …” Buck motioned towards his bad leg. “I’ll take it easy, I promise.”

Eddie levelled him with a stern gaze. “You better.”

~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~

Three hours later, Buck was in Eddie’s back yard thinking about gardening. He wasn’t actually gardening, yet, but he was definitely thinking about it. If he was being honest, the only thing holding him back at this point was a lack of tools and permission to use them on Eddie’s plants, or lack thereof. But he really wanted to start gardening. After watching some terrible day time TV and reading one of his books for a few hours, he decided he needed some fresh air and shuffled out into Eddie’s back yard. It was a pretty simple patch of grass, just a square that Eddie clearly mowed with a chest near the door full of some of Chris’s toys but not much else. And Buck couldn’t stop thinking about what he could do with it. He pictured a row of flowers near the door to spruce up the entrance and maybe a few vegetables along the fence. It felt like something Chris would love to help with, and maybe he’d argue less about eating vegetables if he grew them himself.

Before he could get too deep in his garden schemes, Buck felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and cringed, wondering if Eddie could somehow sense when he was about to get into mischief, at least until he saw it was actually the other person in his life who could sense when he was about to do too much.

“Hey Maddie,” he said. “What’s up?”

“Oh, so you’re alive after all, I’m glad to hear it,” she replied in an overly nice tone that was clearly meant to imply light annoyance.

“What?”

“I’ve been knocking for five minutes, Evan. Are you going to let me in or do I have to call your firefighter friends to open this door?” she asked. He detected a hint of worry this time and he wondered just how close she had been to calling Bobby or Chimney to break her in.

Wait, he hadn’t heard any knocking on the door. Oh …

“Are you at my apartment?” he asked.

“Yessss,” Maddie replied, her voice becoming suspicious. “Are you not?”

“Uh, no.”

“Where are you, Evan?” Maddie asked, her tone frosting over with a warning of anger.

“Nowhere bad, or crazy, relax. I spent the night at Eddie’s, I’m at his place,” Buck said and could hear Maddie sigh in relief over the phone.

“Okay, that’s fine. I’m sorry, I was picturing you down at the beach trying to see if your new cast floats in the ocean or something,” Maddie said, tone apologetic.

“Not this time. Maybe next week. It’s a good question.”

“Don’t even think about it. Well I was going to yell at you for not resting, but I suppose I can let you hang out with your best friend who is also a medical professional, this time. I should have called ahead. Sorry if I interrupted your boys day with Eddie.”

“No, you’re not interrupting anything he … he’s actually not here right now.”

“You’re at Eddie’s house alone?” Maddie asked.

“Uh, yeah, I’m … I’m gonna stay here, for a couple of days at least, maybe more. We’re gonna see how it goes,” Buck replied, cringing both inside and out as he braced himself for Maddie’s reaction.

“Uh huh. So when I offer to let you stay at my place you say no, but when Eddie offers …”

“It’s nothing personal, I swear,” Buck said, instantly feeling guilty for not letting Maddie know he was leaving at the very least but yesterday had all happened so fast. “In case you’ve forgotten, half of your apartment is at the top of a huge flight of stairs like mine. Eddie’s got a big house that’s completely crutch-friendly and when he’s working Carla is here if I need anything. It just … it made sense to come here.”

“That does make sense but I am still struggling to not be offended here,” Maddie said. She was trying to keep her tone light but he could sense at least a kernel of truth in her words.

“Come on Mads, you didn’t want me sleeping in your dining room for the next five months any more than I did.”

“I would have made it work though,” she said and the sincerity in her voice almost made him tear up.

“I know, and I love you for that, but I’m good here really. Eddie and Carla are taking care of me and Christopher has dubbed me his permanent video game opponent for the foreseeable future.”

“And you were worried about being unemployed,” Maddie said, making Buck laugh. “And you’re sure he’s okay with you being there? I know he’s your best friend, but with Shannon …”

She trailed off, knowing she didn’t need to finish but still Buck felt a pit form in his stomach.

“Yeah, we … we talked about it already. He wants me here, I think to keep an eye on me more than anything else.”

“Well I know the feeling,” Maddie said.

“Thanks. I’ll talk to Eddie when he gets home. I’m sure he won’t mind if you come over to visit but I want to run it by him first,” Buck told her.

“What a courteous guest you are,” Maddie said, sounding mildly impressed. “All right, well let me know what he says, get some rest and call me if you need anything. Anything!”

“I will. Talk to you soon Mads.”

“Bye Evan.”

As Buck hung up the phone a cloud finished its pass across the sky, soaking Buck and the backyard in a fresh spray of sunlight. Buck felt the warmth on his face and a different warmth spreading through his chest as he felt, for maybe the first time in his life, that he was truly surrounded by people who cared for him. For all the dreams he had of being loved by someone, anyone, he had never imagined a life for himself where his family and friends fought over which of them would get to take care of him in his time of need. It felt absolutely foreign, but incredibly welcome. So much so that Buck had to sit down, right there in the middle of Eddie’s yard and let himself feel it all the way to his bones.

It's not like he had anywhere to be after all.

~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~

After sketching out some garden plans and putting a few items in his Amazon wish list to purchase if Eddie gave him the go ahead to start planting, Buck considered making himself some food, but before he could get off the couch the front door opened, admitting the whirlwind that was Carla and Christopher back from school.

“Buck!” Chris called out as soon as he was through the door, searching around corners for him.

“Right here little man,” Buck said, leaning over the arm of the couch and waving.

“You’re still here,” Chris said, his face shining with joy but also a touch of relief.

“Not really a lot of places I can go,” Buck said.

“Do you want to play Mario Kart?” Chris asked.

“I’d love that, unless Carla’s got other plans for you,” Buck said, looking up as she entered the room.

“He’s got to do his homework before supper, but he can have a little video game time with his Buck first,” Carla said.

“Awesome,” Chris said, climbing up on the couch next to Buck. “I’m Bowser Jr.”

“And I’m going to make you both a snack,” Carla said. “You need anything Buckaroo?”

“Um …” Buck was tempted to say no but looked at his giant cast which was well settled on the coffee table and would be a hassle to move. “Could you hand us the controllers?”

“Of course.” Carla smiled, at least until she got to the box of video game accessories under the TV and looked confused at how many items were inside. “Um …”

“The white ones on the top,” Buck said. She nodded in relief and handed them the controllers. “Thanks.”

“Not a problem, you two have fun.”

“We will,” Chris promised, already clicking open the start menu.

“You must like losing!” Buck said dramatically and grinned widely when Chris giggled at his trash talk, like usual.

Carla disappeared into the kitchen and they began racing, but put the game on hold when she came back with two plates loaded full of snacks, one for each of them. Buck made a face that said she didn’t need to feed him, but took the plate gratefully, because he actually hadn’t eaten since breakfast. So okay, maybe Eddie had a point about him not taking care of himself right now.

They put on a cartoon while they ate and then Carla tried to shuffle Chris off to his room to do his homework, but the eight year old planted himself firmly in the living room and turned to Buck with a surprisingly serious expression on his face.

“Buck, will you still be here when I’m done?” Chris asked. Buck’s brow furrowed in confusion, as Chris sounded eerily serious and unsure, like he desperately needed Buck’s reassurance for some reason.

“Yeah buddy, of course. I’m not going anywhere, you’re stuck with me,” Buck said, trying to put on a cheery smile but making sure it was clear that he meant it.

“Okay. Thanks Buck,” Chris said, sighing in relief and finally making his way to his room to start his homework.

As soon as he was gone Buck turned to Carla and held out his arms questioningly. “That was weird right? Why would he think I wouldn’t be here?”

Carla smiled sadly and shook her head. “Oh Buckaroo. That boy just lost his mother, suddenly. From his perspective she was here one moment and gone the next. I’m not surprised he wants to make sure the rest of the people he cares about aren’t going anywhere.”

“Oh,” Buck said and felt a pit forming in his stomach in sympathy, along with a feeling of guilt for not realizing that of course Christopher misses his mother and was traumatized by her death. That also explained why he had been relieved Buck was still here when he got home from school. “That poor kid, I never even thought. God Carla, I shouldn’t be here.”

Carla’s eyebrows shot up to her forehead. “Now what in the world are you talking about?”

“I’ve never really lost anyone, you know, not the way Chris and Eddie have with Shannon. I don’t know how to help or relate or do … anything. I’m just this dumb burden on their couch,” Buck said, suddenly overwhelmed with a familiar feeling of not being enough, which was quickly interrupted by Carla swatting him on the arm.

“Now you know Chris and Eddie both love you and want to take care of you,” she said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. But Buck could only half shrug in agreement.

“It doesn’t mean I’m not mooching off my best friend when he needs support from someone who can actually help him.”

“And you don’t think you can do that?”

Buck pointed at his immobilized leg and huffed in frustration. “Carla, I can’t do anything right now.”

“You think you can only help someone by physically doing something for them?” Carla questioned, and shook her head. “Let me tell you something, Eddie lives for that little boy, lights up whenever he sees him, but Christopher’s bedtime is a cool 7pm every night. That leaves a lot of hours for Eddie to spend in this big house alone with his thoughts, or at least it was before you got here. You might be able to help him just as much as he’s helping you.”

Buck understood what she was saying but still looked down, fiddling with the hem of the blanket on his knee. “I’m not a therapist Carla.”

“No, you’re something better. You’re his friend, and a good one. Seems like you could both use one of those right now,” Carla said.

“Yeah, that’s true,” Buck agreed and pushed himself up higher, rallying his own spirits. He’d already agreed to stay at Eddie’s and he had just promised Chris he wouldn’t leave, which meant he was definitely here for the long haul, so he could mope about being inadequate, or he could do his best to be a good friend. Carla’s words made him realize that he had failed at that spectacularly the night before by falling asleep at the same time as Christopher, but he could do better today. “How long does Christopher usually take to do his homework?”

“Maybe an hour,” Carla said.

“Okay, I um … I’m gonna go lay down for a bit,” Buck said, knowing if he napped now he could stay up later with Eddie tonight. “Can you wake me when he’s done. I don’t want him to think I left or anything.”

Carla smiled fondly at him, with a hint of smugness as it was obvious he was taking her advice to heart. “Of course.”

“Thanks,” he said, then grabbed his crutches and headed for the bedroom, determined to be the best friend he could be.

~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~

After Buck woke up from his nap Carla made them all supper, then gave Chris his bath (after making sure Buck didn’t want one too), put Chris to bed and took off for the night, leaving Buck alone on the couch to wait up for Eddie.

It was just past eight when Eddie got home, coming in with a familiar perk in his step.

“No big calls today?” Buck asked, able to recognize the easy gait Eddie moved with after a boring day at work.

“Nothing too serious,” Eddie confirmed as he threw his wallet and keys in the bowl. “Had to use the ladder to save a window washer that was dangling downtown, that was pretty exciting.”

“No way!” Buck said, eyes wide. “I’ve been waiting to get a window washer. That actually happened?”

“Yeah. Chim pulled seniority though and went up the ladder. Said he needed to check ‘save window washer’ off his bucket list.”

“We’ve all got bucket lists Chim! Everyone should have gone up,” Buck said, his arms flailing in animated frustration as Eddie dropped onto the couch next to him.

“Might have been a little crowded,” Eddie said then swept an appreciative gaze over his clean living room that he had been slightly worried Buck might clutter up while he was home alone today. “Chris get to bed okay?”

“Yeah, he seemed to go down for Carla pretty easily. He was pretty tired after the fifth time I beat him at Mario Kart,” Buck said.

Eddie leaned back and shot him an incredulous look. “You didn’t let him win?”

“Why would I do that? I’m better at Mario Kart than him.”

“So am I, but I let him win,” Eddie said. “I don’t actually suck at video games.”

“Well that’s up for debate,” Buck said with a skeptical eye, then leaned in and elbowed Eddie lightly in the ribs. “Also, I’m joking. He beat me like six times.”

“Jesus,” Eddie muttered lightly. He ran a hand down his face and shook his head, looking exasperated but amused. “You’re gonna give me an aneurysm.”

“Sorry, I’ll be serious the rest of the time I’m here. Promise,” Buck said with a beaming smile that foretold the opposite.

“Sure. Speaking of you not being here,” Eddie started with a teasing lift of his eyebrows, “Bobby was wondering if you wanted to come down to the firehouse next shift.”

“Come down, what for?” Buck asked, recoiling slightly and assuming he was in trouble.

“Because everyone misses you,” Eddie said like it was obvious. “It’s only an eight hour shift and I can take you in with me. I’m scheduled to be man behind so if there’s a call we can still hang out. If you want.”

Buck very much wanted. “That sounds great. It’d be nice to see everyone, and get out somewhere.”

“Well don’t pack yet. I’ve got tomorrow off so it won’t be until Sunday, but I’ll let Bobby you know you’re in. Thanks,” Eddie said and patted Buck’s leg.

“Thanks for what?”

“Everyone won’t stop asking me how you’re doing now that you’re staying here, so it’ll be good to let them be concerned about you to your face,” Eddie explained.

“What, they don’t think you’re taking care of me?” Buck asked.

Eddie tilted his head and half shrugged. “The subject of my lack of cooking skills may have come up.”

“Oh,” Buck said, cringing slightly. He wasn’t going to say anything but Eddie’s abilities were historically subpar. “Hey, at least Carla’s here to make sure I don’t starve.”

Eddie hit him with a pillow. “You’re supposed to disagree. Stand up for me.”

“Lie Eddie? You want me to lie?!” Buck asked incredulously.

Eddie tried to hit him again but was blocked by Buck’s defensive posture.

“When are you going to bed?” Eddie asked with exaggerated frustration that was belied by his light laughter.

Despite the repeated assaults, Buck was smiling widely as he answered. “Not for awhile. I had a nap a few hours ago. You’re stuck with me.”

“Just my luck,” Eddie grumbled as he grabbed the remote. “Well, I was gonna let you pick what we watched, but now I’m feeling petty and putting baseball on whether you like it or not.”

“I can live with that,” Buck said and made a show of getting comfortable to settle in and watch. Eddie had barely found the sports channel before he spoke up again. “Can we talk during baseball?”

Eddie huffed in amusement. “Yeah, it’s like, the only way it’s watchable.”

“Awesome,” Buck said, even more excited to have it on now and angling his body more towards Eddie to keep talking. “Quick question, how do you feel about gardening? Immediate follow up question, how do you feel about me gardening in your back yard?”

Eddie inhaled and looked like he was going to answer, but instead he pushed himself up off the couch and started to head for the kitchen.

“I think I’m gonna need a beer for this conversation.”

“Oh can I …?”

“Nope. You’re on pain meds,” Eddie said, cutting him off. “You want a water?”

“Fine, sure.”

Eddie disappeared into the kitchen but came back quickly with a beer and a water then sat down and gave Buck his full attention.

“All right, so, what’s this about you digging up my yard?”

Buck’s face lit up and he pulled out his phone to show Eddie his sketches.

“I had a few ideas …”

Chapter Text

After tentatively approving Buck’s gardening plans, with the condition that Buck would only work the soil and let Eddie lift absolutely everything, they watched the rest of the game and then went to bed.

The next day started with Christopher barreling into Eddie’s bedroom again to wake them up, followed by another morning round of stretches and then pancakes, which Eddie somehow managed not to burn (that he would admit to, Buck was pretty sure he smelled smoke and planned to check the trash later for any lost soldiers).

But as they all sat around the dining room table in their pajamas fighting over the proper amount of syrup for a pancake, Buck felt a warmth spread through him that was entirely foreign to him as he realized that this was what it was like to have a family. Eddie and Christopher didn’t seem to notice the sensation, why would they, this was a normal weekend for them, but Buck was struck by the feeling so suddenly he almost choked on his food. This was what it was like, to just exist with people who loved you, to share the same space with others and instead of resenting it, to fill it with laughter and routine and affection. As Chris tried to drown his dad’s pancake in more syrup, and Eddie easily blocked him, Buck realized that this is what a family should always be like and felt his eyes start to tear up.

“Hey Buck, you okay?” Eddie asked, when he noticed.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine, I uh …” Buck couldn’t admit that he had just been overwhelmed by the domesticity of their lives and how grateful he was that they had invited him into it, that would sound crazy, so he scrambled for another reason to be crying. “I just haven’t had my pain meds yet.”

His leg did hurt a little, but he still felt bad when Eddie rushed up from the table. “I’ll go get them.”

“Thanks.”

Eddie came back with the bottle and a concerned look on his face. “Should we set a timer for you to take these or …?”

“No,” Buck cut him off while accepting the pills. “I’m supposed to take them with food so I was just waiting. I got it.”

“All right.” Eddie seemed to accept this but Buck had a feeling his friend was going to spend the weekend secretly tracking whether Buck had taken his meds or not, but he supposed he could live with that. He could more than live with it actually and even admitted to himself that it felt kind of nice.

After they finished eating Eddie cleared their plates, Chris went to his room and Buck settled onto the couch to collect himself. While the Diaz boys puttered around the house Buck got his emotions in check and tried to plan out his day. He couldn’t do any gardening yet without supplies, he didn’t have a lot that he wanted to watch and he was sad to say that his stack of books to read had already diminished greatly and needed to be restocked. When Eddie came back out from the kitchen, Buck flagged him down with a questioning frown.

“Hey, uh, what are you getting up to today?” Buck asked to feel around Eddie’s busy levels.

“Laundry,” Eddie shrugged. “Hadn’t gotten too far beyond that. Why, what’s up?”

“I’m running out of stuff to read. If I watch Chris for a little while would you mind running to the library and picking up some books I have on hold?” Buck asked.

“Absolutely not,” Eddie replied indignantly, causing Buck to recoil in surprise, worried he’d crossed a line with Eddie’s hospitality. “You want me to go to the library alone and not take the two people in this house who actually read? You’re crazy.”

Before Buck could reply Eddie leaned out of the room to yell down the hall.

“Hey Chris, you want to go to the library today?”

“Yeah!” Chris called back immediately. “I need a book about penguins!”

Eddie nodded in understanding and turned back to Buck. “He needs a book about a penguins so, that’s two of us going. You coming?”

Buck felt himself get breathless again at the way Eddie could be so casual yet determined to include Buck in their lives. It was still so foreign to him that his first instinct was to push back against it, not willing to believe it was real.

“I … I don’t want to slow you guys down if you’re going out together.”

“Library’s not exactly known for its riveting speeds,” Eddie said, quirking an eyebrow at the ridiculous claim, then lowered his voice conspiratorially, “and I don’t know if you’ve noticed, my kid’s not particularly fast.”

Buck laughed at that, finally relaxing, but also tilted his head mischievously. “And yet you managed to lose him at the hospital after Chim was stabbed.”

“I didn’t say he wasn’t sneaky,” Eddie said. “More reason for you to come, keep two sets of eyes on him.”

“All right, all right, if I’m needed for labor purposes I guess I can go,” Buck said, giving up the fight to stay behind that he wasn’t sure why he was fighting in the first place. “What time to do you want to leave?”

“I’ll throw that laundry in then we can head out,” Eddie said, then tapped Buck on the shoulder appreciatively. “Thanks, I didn’t know what I was going to do with him today.”

“Hey, childcare is easy when you like doing the same stuff as kids,” Buck told him, causing Eddie to shake his head fondly as he headed towards the laundry room, calling out to Chris to get dressed as he did so.

Half an hour later the three of them were piling into the car, Buck’s crutches were stowed in the back, Chris was strapped into his car seat, proudly holding his library card, and they were on their way.

“Oh, sorry,” Buck said when he saw Eddie taking a street that led to the library near their house. “The books got sent to the library near my place, I didn’t have time to update the location yet. Hope that’s okay.”

“No problem,” Eddie said, turning off his blinker and going straight instead. Then he raised his voice so Chris could hear him in the backseat. “Hey buddy, we’re going to a new library today. This one’s near Buck’s place.”

“Oh,” Chris said, his voice suddenly quiet and unsure.

Buck and Eddie shared a worried glance at his sad tone. Eddie clearly wanted to ask what was wrong but since he was driving Buck gave him a look that said he had it and turned around in his seat to meet Chris’s eye.

“Everything okay?” he asked.

Chris frowned and held his library card up to Buck questioningly. “Will my library card work there?”

“Oh Chris, absolutely!” Buck said, so filled with enthusiasm that Chris’s face immediately lit up. “That’s the awesome thing about libraries. You can go to any library in LA and get any book you want with that library card.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. And if there’s a book you can’t find that you want they’ll even order it.”

“Libraries are awesome,” Chris said, then smiled down at his library card once more.

“I think so too.”

Seeing that Chris’s excitement was successfully restored, Buck turned back around in his seat just in time to see Eddie shoot him a warm smile.

“Thanks,” Eddie said to him quietly, clearly appreciating Chris’s spirits being lifted.

“Hey, don’t thank me,” Buck said. “Thank libraries.”

Eddie shook his head, his warmth fading into put upon exasperation. “You’re such a dork.”

Twenty minutes later they pulled into the parking lot of Buck’s library, a tall shining building on a busy street made almost entirely of big glass windows.

As Eddie lifted Chris out of his car seat and onto the ground, he squinted up at the building, which was almost blinding in the mid-day sun.

“Are you sure this is a library?” Chris asked seriously.

Buck laughed. He knew the library near Eddie’s house. Like most libraries in a residential area it was a small brick building that gave off cozy vibes, settled close to a park on a quiet street. But Buck lived downtown and the bustling metropolis wasn’t exactly known for its cozy small buildings.

“I’m sure. The libraries get bigger the further downtown you go. But that just means they have more books,” Buck told him.

“Okay, if you’re sure,” Chris said, but his voice still sounded skeptical.

Buck looked at Eddie and huffed indignantly. “Can you believe this kid?”

Eddie shrugged. “I’m with him. I don’t think there’s any books in there.”

“Eddie!” Buck reprimanded him, even as he accepted the crutches Eddie was handing him.

“Your library probably got turned into condos,” he said as he looked up at the tall glass building.

“Hey, don’t joke, that could happen!” Buck pleaded as he shuffled behind Eddie on his crutches.

“Well then we better get some books before this place disappears,” Eddie said ushering the two of them along before he sped ahead of them to hit the automatic door button, not releasing it until they were both through.

Once inside the three of them stood in the entrance for a moment, giving Chris a chance to take in the new space. As promised, it was indeed a library, but much more spacious than the one near their house. The books were further away but seemed to go on forever and directly in front of them was a long check out counter and a bustling computer area.

“Let’s try to find the kids section,” Eddie said, eyes sweeping over the place to find the bright colors that usually denoted a children’s area.

Before they had gotten a step they were approached by a woman in her mid-forties with a loose bun of brown hair and a name tag that said she was “Jane” and worked at the library.

“Hi, can I help you find anything?” she asked, clearly noticing their lost gazes. “If you’re here for the Lego presentation it’s upstairs.”

“Lego!” Chris practically screamed, excitement immediately overwhelming him.

“Easy buddy,” Eddie said, laughing lightly but bringing a finger to his lips in a ‘shh’ gesture. “You gotta be quiet in the library.”

“Sorry!” Chris said, his voice hushed but still brimming with excitement. He looked at Jane and smiled. “I love Lego.”

“I can see that,” she said, smiling back, instantly charmed by Chris as all humans with souls were.

“We weren’t actually here for that, but we might check it out. What kind of presentation?” Eddie asked.

“We have a certified Lego Master Builder and he’s going to talk about his job a bit and build a few things with the kids. It’ll only be about half an hour,” she said.

“When’s it start?” Buck asked, quickly becoming just as enthusiastic as Chris.

“About ten minutes.”

“Can we dad, please?” Chris asked.

“Yeah Eddie, please,” Buck said, joining in.

Eddie shook his head. “Yes, we can go.”

While Buck and Chris shared a high five, Eddie turned to Jane.

“Thank you,” he said, then swept his eyes over his two charges. “Is there an elevator?”

“Yes, of course, against the back wall,” she said.

“Thank you,” Chris said, already bolting towards the elevator banks.

Jane laughed. “You’re welcome. Have fun.”

“We will,” Buck assured her and then the three of them were gone.

When they got to the elevators Chris looked up at them both. “Is he a master builder like in the Lego Movie?”

“Maybe,” Eddie said. “We’ll have to go to the presentation and find out.”

The doors opened on the second floor and they shuffled out, following a sign to an open area that led to a slightly raised stage with a table and a few boxes set up on it. About thirty kids were seated in front of the stage on the floor while the parents sat in chairs at the side or stood at the back.

“Do you want to sit on the floor or in one of the chairs?” Eddie asked Chris before they reached the group. Chris got along pretty well with new kids for the most part, but when he had to sit for long periods a chair was usually better for him, comfort wise.

“On the floor,” Chris said like it was obvious. “That’s where the kids sit.”

“Okay,” Eddie said, but Buck didn’t miss the barest hint of hesitation in his voice. Eddie liked to let Chris make his own decisions and do things on his own as much as he could, but it was clear he would have preferred Chris to have taken a chair.

“I’m gonna take one of the chairs,” Buck said louder than necessary and winking when Eddie turned to him. “Better for my leg.”

Eddie smiled, fully aware that Buck was trying to make it seem cool to sit in a chair to sway Chris’s decision, but the thought of Lego had so overtaken him that Chris hadn’t even clocked what Buck had said and kept on marching towards the group in front of the stage. Eddie sighed then jogged after him and helped him get settled at the edge of a row of kids.

“Thanks for trying,” he told Buck as he joined him in the cluster of parents. “Do you actually want that chair?”

“I kinda wouldn’t mind,” Buck admitted, not eager to stand on his crutches for the next half hour.

“I got you,” Eddie said then crossed the room and brought back two chairs, one which he placed behind Buck to sit on and the other in front of him to prop his leg on. As they got situated Eddie could feel the eyes of all the parents in the room on them, intrigued by the unusual trio and undoubtedly whispering about them, but he ignored the feeling of their stares and made an effort to get them all settled smoothly. Once Buck got his leg propped up he laid his crutches across the two chairs and took Chris’s too so they were all together.

“You good?” Eddie asked.

“Yeah,” Buck scooted back slightly on his chair to get comfortable then clapped his hands together. “Let’s Lego!”

As if summoned by Buck’s words, a slender man in a black polo with a Lego logo on the chest walked up onto the stage and waved to the gathered crowd.

“Hi everyone! Thanks for coming. My name’s Jeremy and just a quick question, does anyone here like Lego?”

The question was met with high pitched squeals and enthusiastic clapping from the children while most of the parents applauded politely, aside from Buck who cheered louder than all the kids. The response was good enough for Jeremy though, who sighed with relief.

“Good, we’re all in the right place then. So I’m gonna talk about Lego for a bit and what I do with it and then we’re actually going to build something together,” Jeremy said to the kids then swept his gaze over to a parent standing at the side that he had been talking to before he went up. “While I’m talking this wonderful young woman is going to hand out a little Lego pack to each of you that I’ll ask you not to open until I tell you to.”

Chris’s eyes went wide at that and he turned to Eddie and Buck, practically vibrating off the floor.

“I get a Lego pack!” Chris exclaimed as though any of them knew what that was.

Eddie shushed him again lightly but nodded happily, “Just don’t open it until he tells you.”

Chris nodded in understanding and turned back to the front, half watching Jeremy and half waiting for the woman with the packages to reach him. Eddie tried to turn back to the presentation but felt Buck tug on his sleeve and leaned down so his friend could whisper in his ear.

“Do you think we all get a Lego pack?” Buck asked excitedly. He was eyeing the woman with the free handouts and Eddie honestly couldn’t tell if he was joking or not.

“It’s for kids Buck.”

“He’s probably got extras,” Buck argued, but Eddie slapped him in the shoulder and stood up straight to end their conversation.

Up on stage Jeremy was explaining what a Master Builder got do in real life (as opposed to in the Lego Movie), how he became one, and showed off a few of the intricate pieces he had designed and built.

“So now that you’ve all got your packs, we’re going to build our own Lego models,” Jeremy said, and watched as the children squirmed, eager to open their tiny presents. “Before we open the packs we have to go over the rules of Lego, which I’m sure all the parents here know. Rule number 1 – Lego do not go in your mouth or up your nose. I know they’re bright and delicious looking, but they don’t go down smooth, so don’t try to swallow one. And they also don’t come out smooth, so keep them out of those noses.”

The kids nodded in agreement with this, some even looked a little ashamed and avoided the eyes of their parents making it clear that a few of them had done some exploratory Lego surgeries in their lives and regretted it.

“Rule number 2 is possibly even more important,” Jeremy continued. “Rule number 2 is, always pick up your Lego.”

Upon hearing rule number 2 raucous applause broke out amongst the parents in the audience along with several cheers, all clapping as loud as the kids had at the concept of Lego.

“Glad we all agree. There’s nothing worse in this world than stepping on a Lego,” Jeremy said, then his eyes glinted mischievously and he pointed towards Buck who had his casted leg propped up on a chair. “This guy stepped on a Lego last week and look what it did to him.”

A wave of laughter went through the group of kids when they saw Buck’s cast, especially when Buck played along by nodding vigorously and gesturing towards his leg.

“You gotta watch out for the yellow ones,” Buck yelled dramatically.

Jeremy smiled at him in thanks for being a good sport then continued.

“But, if you can follow those two simple rules, then you can open your Lego packs now.”

The response was immediate as all the children tore desperately at the small boxes they were finally allowed to open. After a few seconds it was clear Chris was struggling with the tape holding his box closed so Eddie knelt down next to him.

“You want me to get it started for you?” he asked gently.

“Yeah.” Chris held the box out, too eager to see what was inside to want to do it himself. Eddie tore the tape but was careful not to lift the lid so Chris could finish opening it and handed it back. Chris opened the top to reveal six individual Lego that he started to take out and inspect.

“So inside you’re going to find six completely different Lego pieces,” Jeremy said when all the boxes were open, “but what’s so cool about this set is that with these six pieces you can make three entirely different models which I’m going to walk you through right now.”

The rest of the presentation flew by after that as the kids gleefully built the three different models with Jeremy, with some parental assistance provided throughout the group. The final shape was a flower which Chris held up to Eddie who made a show of smelling it. When Eddie let his eyes flutter in delight the peel of laughter that came out of Chris was so pure it threatened to crack Buck’s heart open.

When they were all done with their models Jeremy thanked them all for coming and then announced one final surprise.

“If anyone wants to stick around I’ve got my special people builder sets,” Jeremy explained, pointing at a few boxes on a table that he hadn’t used in the presentation yet. “I’d be happy to build a version of each of you in Lego to take home.”

A rumble of excitement passed through the crowd as each kid looked to their parent for permission to get a Lego-mini of themselves.

“Dad, can I get one?” Chris asked.

“Of course,” Eddie said then turned to Buck. “You want to wait with us or go get your books?”

Buck let out a huff of indignation. “I gotta see Lego-Chris, are you kidding?”

“Dumb question,” Eddie agreed as he picked up the smaller crutches from Buck’s chair. He tried to offer them to Chris but he was still holding onto his box of Lego pieces. “Why don’t you let Buck hold onto your Lego set while we go wait in line.”

Chris agreed to this and handed the pieces over to Buck with a careful reverence.

“I’ll be back for these,” Chris promised seriously.

“Okay, I’ll take good care of them,” Buck said, but couldn’t resist bringing one of the pieces up to his mouth. “I’m supposed to eat them right?”

“Buck! No! That’s one of the rules,” Christopher exclaimed, reaching desperately for the piece as though to save Buck’s life.

“Oh, okay, sorry. I misunderstood,” Buck said, smiling as he riled Chris up but made a show of putting the piece back in the box. “I’ll keep it closed until you get back, just to be safe.”

“All right,” Chris said, but still looked skeptical.

“You’re giving that back,” Eddie whispered in Buck’s ear as they headed towards the rapidly forming line.

“But I never got one,” Buck whined, holding the box to his chest. Eddie pointed a finger at him and looked like he wanted to get a quick threat out, but had to go catch up to Chris so walked away. Buck chuckled to himself, equally amused no matter what Diaz boy he was riling up and waited for them to get back.

As Chris and Eddie joined the line, Eddie noticed a few parents look back at them with a torn expression that he had become familiar with over the years that said they weren’t sure if they should offer to let Chris ahead of them in the line. Eddie smiled politely at the adults and offered a subtle head shake and wave that told them it was fine, Chris can wait with the rest of the kids, for which he received a few nods of acknowledgment in return, before he turned back to Chris who was chattering about Lego as they waited. Luckily the line was moving fast, with Jeremy quickly but confidently assembling Lego mini-figures of each kid ahead of them.

When they got up onto the stage for their turn Eddie noticed Jeremy slow down a little to offer Christopher a big smile.

“Hi there,” Jeremy said to him from behind the table full of boxes. Now that they were standing in front of him Eddie could see that the boxes held an array of little Lego pieces needed to make figurines, with each one filled with heads, bodies, legs and other accessories likes hats and hair.

“Hi,” Chris said, smiling at Jeremy while he pushed himself as high up as possible to see inside the boxes. “I liked your show.”

“Thank you very much. And what’s your name?” Jeremy asked.

“Christopher. I’m seven,” Chris replied, adding on the age since that was usually what people asked next.

“Well Christopher, age seven, let’s make a little Lego-you,” Jeremy said and then reached for the furthest box on his left that was full of different Lego-legs. “Let’s see, you’ve got blue pants on so we’ll get you a blue set of legs.”

Jeremy grabbed a pair of blue-panted Lego legs and placed them in Chris’s eyeline on the table.

“Next you’ll need a torso I think,” Jeremy said. “Let’s see if I have a red and white striped shirt like yours. Oh, that’s pretty close, what do you think of that?”

Chris looked at the little striped torso and nodded. “Looks good.”

“Great, now, very important. The head! Are those red glasses you have on your favorite ones?” Jeremy asked.

“Yeah,” Chris said, nodding vigorously but also looked up at Eddie as though to ask if he was right.

“Yeah, I think those are your favorites,” Eddie said, smiling at Chris’s excitement and also secretly enjoying seeing how the Lego figure was being made.

“Great, then how about this for your head, with the little glasses drawn on?” Jeremy said and showed Chris a plain Lego head with red glasses on it.

“Awesome!” Chris said.

“I also think it’s awesome,” Jeremy said with a smile. “Should I give you hair?”

“Yes please,” Chris answered, making Jeremy laugh.

“Okay, since you’re so polite, we’ll get you a flop of brown hair and there we have it, Lego-Christopher, age seven,” Jeremy said, putting all the pieces together and brandishing the little Lego man to Christopher with a flourish.

“So cool,” Chris said, reaching out to take the figure but Jeremy pulled it away at the last second with a thoughtful look on his face.

“You know what, I think I can add one more thing,” he said then reached for a box on the far end that hadn’t even been opened yet. Eddie couldn’t see what was inside but watched as Jeremy scrounged through the little pieces for a moment then made an “aha” face as he seemed to find what he was looking for and adjusted the mini-figure hidden away in his hands.

“Okay, what do we think about that?” Jeremy said with a slightly more tentative smile as he stood the altered figure up on the table again.

Christopher gasped and Eddie felt his heart explode when he saw that the little Lego figure now had a set of crutches attached to his hands.

“Dad! Dad it’s me,” Christopher said in awe, his voice coming out breathier than usual and overwhelmed.

“Look at that, yeah, he’s got crutches just like you,” Eddie said, kneeling down next to Chris and swallowing back some tears when he saw his son’s wide-eyed amazement at the toy. “Isn’t that cool?”

“Yeah,” Chris agreed, his awe transforming into joy as he picked up the figure and a huge smile broke out across his face. “It’s so cool. We gotta show Buck!”

“Hey easy, don’t forget to thank Jeremy,” Eddie told him nodding his head toward the Master Builder.

“Thanks Jeremy,” Chris said in a rush, still eager to show off his treasure.

“My pleasure Christopher,” Jeremy said with a wide grin.

Before they moved on Eddie stood up, met Jeremy’s eye and shook his hand firmly.

“Thank you,” Eddie said, his voice shakier with emotion than he expected but it wasn’t everyday that he met a stranger willing to accommodate his son or make his day like this.

“No problem at all,” Jeremy said and then Eddie had to jog off after Chris who could normally handle the three stairs leading off the stage but Eddie knew he might get tripped up in his excitement to show Buck his mini-figure. When they were safely on the floor Eddie let Chris speed off towards Buck, who sat up in his chair, equally excited to see what Chris got.

“Did you get a mini-you?” Buck asked as they approached.

“Yeah. Look, it’s me,” Chris said proudly as he held the Lego figure up towards Buck.

“Oh wow, look at that,” Buck said, genuinely awed. “He looks just like you. That’s so cool! It’s got your crutches and glasses and it’s just as cute. Do you like it?”

“I love it,” Chris said quietly, perhaps more to himself than Buck, as he looked over the little figure again.

“We’ll find a special place for it in your room when we get home, okay,” Eddie promised him and Buck didn’t miss the way his friend’s eyes were slightly teared up at seeing Christopher so happy.

“Okay,” Chris agreed and carefully placed the figurine in his pocket.

“He’ll look great in your room. Should we go get some books?” Buck asked as he pushed himself up onto his crutches.

“Yeah, let’s get what we came here for,” Eddie agreed.

They took the elevator back downstairs and wandered around until they found the kids section. Buck came with them for a little while and went through the penguin options with Chris, then made his way over to the hold shelf to get his own books. He had just pulled the last one down when he saw Jeremy walking by towards the exit.

“Oh hey, Mr. Lego Builder,” Buck called out, cringing as he forgot the man’s name.

Thankfully Jeremy just laughed and stopped at the greeting.

“Most people just say Jeremy,” he replied with a smile. “Oh, I’m glad I saw you, I hope you didn’t mind the joke about your cast. I probably should have checked with you before.”

“No, it was great,” Buck waved him off. “Very funny. And I like your version better than what actually happened, so, it’s all good.”

“Well I hope it heals up quickly,” Jeremy said.

“Thanks and uh, thank you, for the little figurine of Chris. It was really special, I could tell it meant a lot to him,” Buck said, finally getting to the reason he had flagged the man down.

“It was an absolute pleasure,” Jeremy said wholeheartedly. “Your son is a very special young man. I’m just happy I could make him smile.”

Buck faltered at Jeremy’s words about Chris being his son but decided it wasn’t worth the effort to correct him so offered a smile and nod.

“You really did, you do great work,” Buck said.

“Thanks,” Jeremy said then motioned towards the door. “I have another presentation across town to get to but you have a nice day.”

“Yeah you too,” Buck called out to Jeremy’s retreating back. When the Lego master was gone he stared at the empty doorway for a moment before he shook his head and laughed to himself.

“Twice in one month,” he muttered in disbelief. He couldn’t believe that two different strangers had thought that Chris was his son and by proxy probably that Eddie was his husband. Yeah right, he could only be so lucky. Buck’s bisexual ass had definitely taken in the view of his best friend a few times, it was impossible not to notice that he was a very attractive man, but Eddie was very much straight and also grieving and off limits for so very many reasons. But still, Buck didn’t have a lot to distract himself these days and it never hurt to daydream that he was actually a part of the Diaz boys family.

“What’s so funny?” the voice from those daydreams asked, Eddie suddenly appearing next to him as he finished laughing to himself.

Buck started to open his mouth to tell Eddie about Jeremy’s assumption but saw Chris by Eddie’s side and hesitated, not knowing if he would understand or be confused.

“I’ll tell you when we get home,” Buck promised instead then turned to Chris before Eddie could press the issue. “What books did you pick out?”

“A Lego book and two penguin books,” Chris said proudly.

“Two penguin books! Should we get you a little tuxedo so you can look like them?” Buck asked playfully.

“We’ll see after I read them,” Chris decided to which Eddie nodded in agreement.

“Good idea,” Eddie said. “Can’t just go throwing around tuxedo money. All right, let’s get our books and get going.”

Eddie was holding Chris’s books and motioned towards the check out station. Buck cursed himself for not bringing a bag and spent a total of five seconds trying to figure out how he could carry his own books with his crutches before Eddie picked them up for him and started walking away. Normally Buck would use the self-checkout but Chris was headed towards the librarian seated at the front desk with a determined stride.

“Hi,” Christopher said quietly, not quite able to see over the top of the desk. “I’d like these books please.”

The librarian smiled widely down at Chris and then looked at Eddie as he put the three books on the counter.

“I think we can do that,” she said then looked at Chris again. “Do you have your library card?”

Chris nodded enthusiastically, pulled his card out of his pocket and held it out to her.

“Excellent. Thank you … Christopher,” she said, adding his name after she scanned the card and saw it come up on screen. “So these are all due back in three weeks.”

“Dad will you remember?” Chris asked.

Eddie laughed and nodded. “I’ll remember, you just worry about reading them.”

“Okay, those as well?” the librarian asked, gesturing towards the adult-sized books in Eddie’s hands.

“Oh no these are his. He’s got his own card,” Eddie said, gesturing towards Buck who had stayed two steps behind them on his crutches to wait his turn. Eddie squinted at him with a teasing threat, “No free rides.”

“You literally drove me here,” Buck muttered as he chuckled at the uncalled for look of intimidation.

“Still,” Eddie said.

“Well you’re all set young man,” the librarian said, handing Chris his books along with a dated receipt.

“Thank you. This is me if I was Lego,” Chris announced unprompted, holding up the Lego version of himself proudly.

Eddie shook his head and smiled apologetically for his son’s lack of segue while Buck just laughed loudly behind him. Eddie didn’t have to worry about apologizing though as the librarian was clearly amused and smiled widely down at Christopher and his figurine.

“That’s incredible. It looks just like you,” she said.

“Thanks,” Chris said, then pocketed the Lego figure and laced his hands back through his crutches, ready to leave. “Have a nice day.”

“You too,” she said, then shot a look at Eddie that wordlessly said ‘oh my god he’s so cute’ to which Eddie just nodded in agreement then placed Buck’s books on the counter.

“All yours,” Eddie said to him then took a step to the side with Christopher.

“He’s adorable,” the librarian whispered to Buck as she scanned his books, clearly overwhelmed by her interaction with Chris. A feeling Buck understood all too well.

“You’ll have to be more specific about which one,” Buck whispered back, deciding it was safe to be a little cheeky with the stranger. He was pretty sure she had also noticed how good Eddie looked in the tight black t-shirt he was rocking today, an assumption that was confirmed when her eyes went wide with feigned shock at Buck’s remark.

“I will not,” she said through a barely restrained smile, clearly amused and pushed his books back across the desk. “Due back in three weeks.”

“Thanks,” he said, then his brow furrowed. “Do you have a bag by any chance?”

“Sure,” she said and put the books into a small plastic bag.

“Perfect,” he muttered, able to loop the bag over his wrist to carry it while he was on his crutches. “Thank you so much.”

“It was my pleasure,” she replied, still smiling, and Buck could tell she meant it.

He winked good-bye to her then hopped over to where Eddie and Chris were waiting and held out his arm proudly. “All set.”

“Great, you can take these,” Eddie said, then popped Chris’s books in Buck’s bag and steered them both towards the door. Logic told Buck that he should have been bothered by the way Eddie just dropped the books off without asking, but instead he found he adored it. It felt like how they worked together at a scene, seamlessly, sometimes wordlessly managing to be in sync and provide whatever the other needed to get the job done. Except this was more domestic, more … intimate? That was probably the wrong word, they were just hanging out at the library after all, but it was different than what they had at work, in a good way that made Buck feel warm inside.

He didn’t have long to ponder these errant thoughts before he had to haul himself into the passenger side of the truck while Eddie buckled Chris in.

“Can we get ice cream?” Chris asked, wide eyed and innocent as always as Eddie got into the driver’s seat with a raised eye brow.

Buck definitely could go for some ice cream and almost blurted out his agreement but he could see that Eddie was weighing the request so kept quiet for the moment, not wanting Eddie to look like the bad guy if the answer was no.

“Ice cream, huh?” Eddie said then looked at his watch. “Tell you what, it’s almost lunch time so we’ll go get some food first and then, if you promise me you will eat at least one full vegetable with supper tonight, we can get ice cream.”

“Which vegetable?” Chris asked, forcing Buck to cover his mouth with his hand to muffle his laughter.

“I don’t know,” Eddie said, equally amused and shrugged. “Probably a carrot.”

“Okay. One carrot,” Chris said.

“Then we can get ice cream.”

“Yay!” Buck and Chris exclaimed simultaneously while Eddie shook his head fondly and started the car.

“A masterful negotiation,” Buck said quietly as they pulled out.

“You’re my witness,” Eddie said, tone serious. “He’s eating that carrot.”

“Hey, I’ve got your back,” Buck promised.

“Thanks for that,” Eddie said and his tone was light but Buck could still tell that he meant it.

In the backseat, Chris played with the Lego pack he had received at the presentation for awhile then his head popped up as though struck by inspiration.

“Buck, after we get ice cream do you want to build Legos with me?” Chris asked.

“Yeah, I’d love that. We can make a little city for Lego Chris to live in,” Buck agreed happily then turned to Eddie. “You want to build a city with us after ice creams Eds?”

Eddie visibly laughed at Buck’s question. “Sure. We’ll all play with Lego after ice cream. Sounds great.”

Chris seemed happy with that but Buck just shot Eddie a questioning look, confused by the sarcasm in his tone. Instead of explaining himself, Eddie just smiled cockily.

“I can’t wait to see what we build,” Eddie said.

“It’s gonna be really cool,” Buck insisted.

“Of course it is,” Eddie nodded in agreement, still insincere but Buck let the matter drop as they arrived at the restaurant.

An hour later Eddie pulled into his driveway and looked over at his two passengers, both dead asleep in their seats.

“Gonna play with Legos my ass,” Eddie mumbled to himself, amused but not surprised to see the state that Buck and Chris were in. His dad senses had told him that after the library trip, the Lego presentation and an ice cream sugar crash, his boys were going to be out for a few hours, Chris because he was very small and Buck because he was hopped up on painkillers. As good as it felt to be right though, it meant he now had to get them both inside. Shutting his door quietly he moved Chris first, confident Buck would be fine for a few minutes alone in the car. After he carried Chris into his bed he went back out and opened the passenger door of the truck which jolted Buck awake as he had been leaning against it.

“Wha …?” Buck mumbled, confused about where he was for a moment.

“Get up, ya gotta play with Lego,” Eddie told him.

“Oh right yeah, just …” Buck rubbed at his eyes and visibly shook himself, desperate to wake up until Eddie laughed and took pity on him.

“I’m kidding. Chris is dead asleep in his bed, you’re next. Let’s go,” he said and handed Buck his crutches.

“So no Lego City?” Buck asked.

“No Lego City,” Eddie confirmed.

“You were right?”

Eddie nodded. “I was right.”

“Damn,” Buck sighed but accepted the crutches and shuffled out of the truck.

“You’ll get me next time,” Eddie assured him, patting him on the back affectionately. He grabbed their books and Chris’s crutches then steered Buck inside and straight to bed. Despite his light protest that he was awake now and not tired, Buck fell back to sleep within seconds of his head hitting the pillow, mentally cursing Eddie’s dad senses for proving him wrong twice.

When he woke up he wasn’t sure how much time had passed, just that the house was quiet and he was thirsty. He grabbed his empty water bottle and headed into the hallway, surprised to see the living room empty, then stopped at the kitchen door when he heard Eddie’s voice on the other side.

“He’s not a stranger, you met him at my shield ceremony.”

Buck frowned, surprised to hear he was seemingly the topic of conversation with whoever Eddie was talking to on the phone. He knew he should walk away and give Eddie his privacy, but the tension in his friend’s voice made him hesitate. Was Eddie frustrated with him or whoever he was talking to?

“I’ve known him for over a year. He’s pretty much my best friend.”

Buck inhaled and was surprised by how shaken he was by the simple statement. He knew he and Eddie were friends, but best friends. He didn’t think they’d ever called each other that out loud. It was dumb. It was juvenile. It didn’t matter except … he’d never had a best friend before.

“You know you said the same thing when Carla started working here, you couldn’t believe I would leave Chris with a stranger. You love her now,” he heard Eddie say. “And Buck’s the only reason we even have her around.”

Okay, Buck should go. He had his answer, Eddie was definitely frustrated with whoever he was talking to, but he didn’t sound mad at Buck, though he might be if he found him listening in at the kitchen door.

“No one’s taking advantage of me,” Eddie announced, stopping Buck in his tracks again as he felt his heart clench at the implication. Was that what people thought he was doing by staying here? Taking advantage of Eddie? Did the team think that? Is that what he was doing? “I invited him to stay here, I had to insist actually.”

A long silence followed and Buck swallowed heavily, now he was definitely eavesdropping but was scared to leave. It was so quiet he was sure his crutches would be heard against the hardwood floor, letting Eddie know he’d been listening.

“Christopher loves him mom, he makes him laugh. I’d let him stay as long as he wants for that reason alone.”

Oh god, Eddie’s mom thought he was a freeloader who couldn’t be left alone with Chris? Even after he told her how proud he was to be Eddie’s friend. And he’d complimented her shirt! He distinctly remembered that. Wait, what was that about letting Buck stay?

“Well, it’s not up to you. Look, I gotta get started on dinner.” Eddie’s frustration sounded like it was reaching a boiling point but at least Buck could slip away from the door when Eddie started banging pots together to start cooking.

“I’ll talk to you later.”

Buck braced himself, ready to move when the clanging started, and was unprepared for the kitchen door to swing open in front of his face to reveal his best friend.

“Jesus Buck!” Eddie swore, startled and clearly unaware Buck had been standing there.

“Shit, this looks bad, sorry,” Buck started rambling apologetically. “I wanted some water but I heard you on the phone and I didn’t want to interrupt but then I thought if you heard me walk away you’d think I was eavesdropping so I just stayed here which … I guess actually just turned into eavesdropping in the end but my intentions were privacy in … in my heart.”

As Buck trailed off Eddie just blinked at him, then sighed and held out his hand.

“Give me your water bottle,” he ordered.

“Oh, sure,” Buck said, handing it over. Eddie took it and walked back into the kitchen, shaking his head as he pulled the water jug from the fridge to fill it.

“Thanks,” Buck said and took a seat at the kitchen table. “And sorry again.”

“It’s fine. It’s not like my mom wants her opinions kept a secret. She’d be thrilled someone else got to hear them,” Eddie replied, clearly still frustrated.

“So she uh …. doesn’t like me, huh?”

Eddie laughed humorlessly and handed him the bottle. “My mom doesn’t know you, which is the problem. She also thinks every choice I make is the wrong one, but that’s a different problem.”

“Oof, sorry,” Buck said. “For what it’s worth, I like all the decisions you’ve made, I mean, they’ve worked out well for me at least.”

It was a strange turn to take the conversation, Buck knew that, and it was confirmed by Eddie’s confused glance.

“Like she probably doesn’t like that you moved to LA,” Buck continued, “but I think it’s great, because I got a best friend out of it and the 118 got an awesome firefighter. And I bet she doesn’t like Christopher being so far away but it means I get to see him all the time, which is awesome for me. And from what I just heard she doesn’t like that I’m staying here, but I … I really like that I’m staying here so I think you’re doing great.”

“Well I’m glad I could please someone,” Eddie said, a sincere laugh of appreciation bubbling out before he shrugged one shoulder. “And for the record, I like that you’re staying here too and I’m sorry my mom is … the way she is.”

“She’s not totally wrong,” Buck said, ducking his head awkwardly. “I don’t think I’m taking advantage of you but I am kind of freeloading in your house.”

Eddie looked incredulous. “Is that what you think?”

“Well yeah, it’s true.”

“Buck you’re here so I can look after you. But on top of that you’ve been watching Chris for me since you got here.”

Buck rolled his eyes. “I’ve been playing video games and watching TV with him. You’re driving me around, cooking for me, helping me shower! And I’m not doing anything to help.”

Eddie looked thoughtful for a moment then looked at Buck like he’d come to a decision on something.

“You want to help around here?” Eddie asked firmly, a challenge in his tone.

“Well yeah, but …” Buck gestured to his leg helplessly. Eddie shook his head as though slightly disappointed.

“Come on,” Eddie said, then stood up and walked into the living room. Buck followed after him but Eddie just pointed at the couch and kept walking.

“Sit down,” Eddie instructed before he disappeared down the hallway on a mission.

Buck was confused about what was happening but shuffled across the room and got settled on the couch just as Eddie came back with an overflowing laundry basket.

“You want to help? Get folding,” he said and dropped the basket on the table in front of Buck with an air of finality.

“Awesome!” Buck said and reached for the basket so eagerly it might as well have been full of gold instead of undershirts. “This is great. Thanks Eds.”

“Glad you’re happy,” Eddie said. His voice was amused but he could also see the genuine relief in Buck’s shoulder as he finally had a tangible way to help around the house. “I’m gonna start supper.”

“No wait, Eddie,” Buck called out desperately, stopping Eddie in his tracks on the way to the kitchen. “Fold one of everything for me first.”

“What?”

“I need to see your folding technique,” Buck said and gestured towards the pile of laundry like it was obvious what he meant. Eddie raised an eyebrow. It was not obvious what he meant.

“My folding technique?”

“Yeah, so I can match it,” Buck explained.

“Buck it doesn’t matter, just fold them however you want,” Eddie said but received a skeptical look from Buck in return.

“You’re saying it’s not going to bother you when half the clothes in your drawer are folded differently than the rest?” Buck asked.

Eddie started to laugh the comment away but then clenched his jaw and made a disgruntled face. “Dammit, that will bother me.”

Buck laughed triumphantly and threw a t-shirt at him.

“Show me what you got and I’ll copy it.”

Eddie sighed, exasperated but … touched by Buck’s thoughtfulness. As he folded an example t-shirt and pair of pants, Buck started to sort through the pile of clothes and gasped loudly.

“Eddie, oh my god,” Buck practically cooed and Eddie looked over to see him holding up one of Chris’s socks. “Eddie they’re so small!”

Eddie shook his head. “You’ve seen my son right? He’s much smaller than us.”

“But I’ve never held his clothes! Look at this,” Buck picked up one of Eddie’s socks and held it behind Chris’s to emphasize the size difference. “It’s barely there Eds!”

A laugh came unbidden from Eddie’s chest. He honestly couldn’t believe this guy sometimes.

“Those pain pills don’t affect your mood by any chance do they?”

“Probably a little,” Buck admitted as he held one of Chris’s shirts up against his chest and almost cried. “They’re all so cute. It’s killing me. How do you get through them?”

“I don’t, that’s your job now,” Eddie reminded him. “Good luck.”

“I’m gonna need it,” Buck said, but clearly wasn’t going to let his emotional distress stop him from completing the precious task he had been given of folding Eddie’s laundry. “Good luck with dinner.”

“Let me guess, I’m gonna need it?” Eddie guessed, waiting for a jab against his cooking.

“Only if you forget about that carrot Chris promised to eat.”

Eddie’s eyebrows rose. He had forgotten about that carrot Chris had promised to eat.

“Right. I hope I bought carrots,” Eddie muttered and wandered towards the kitchen with a distracted wave. “Thanks Buck.”

“No, thank YOU.”

Buck looked over the pile of laundry he had been given to conquer, smiled and got to work, a feeling of contentment settling in his chest as he finally helped out around the house.

Staying at Eddie’s was getting better and better every day.

Chapter Text

The next day Buck was scheduled to go to the station with Eddie to visit the team, a fact he was so excited about that he woke up well before Eddie’s alarm went off in the morning. Through a sheer act of will he managed to lay in bed quietly for the twenty minutes it took Eddie to wake up as well, not wanting to deprive his friend of his precious sleep because he was eager to go out and socialize. For his part, Eddie figured out something was up when Buck sat up in bed before Eddie had even turned off the alarm.

“Someone’s excited,” Eddie mumbled as he rubbed sleep out of his eyes.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Buck said indignantly, reaching for his crutches and tearing out of the room. “Chris we gotta stretch! Let’s go!”

Buck’s shouts were answered with an enthusiastic yell from Christopher. Eddie groaned, choosing to regret his life choices for just a few moments, at least until he had a coffee.

An hour later all three boys were stretched, fed, showered, coffeed and out the door. Eddie and Buck dropped Christopher off with a round of waves and hugs then headed to the station. It was only about a thirty minute drive but Buck was practically buzzing with anticipation.

“You keep shaking like that you’re going to tear my truck apart,” Eddie said, voice relaxed but with the barest hint of a warning that Buck’s fidgeting could get annoying soon. “You gotta relax man.”

“Sorry,” Buck said and slapped his hands down on his good knee to keep it from bouncing anymore. “It’s just been awhile. I’m excited to see everyone. Like, what’s happened since I left?”

“Nothing. You were there like a week ago for my shield ceremony,” Eddie said.

“Yeah, and that means I’ve missed your entire first week as a full fledged firefighter,” Buck pointed out then his energy instantly dropped at the realization. “Oh my god I missed your entire first week as a full fledged firefighter!”

Eddie just laughed. “It was pretty similar to all the other weeks I worked, don’t worry. It’s not like I ever really got treated like a probie anyway.”

“Hey, I tried to treat you like a probie, it just didn’t stick cause you were so good at everything. It was really annoying,” Buck said, to which Eddie raised a skeptical eyebrow. “For like two days it was annoying! Until you knew how to remove a live grenade from a guy’s leg and then somehow I didn’t mind you anymore.”

“Good to know that’s all it takes to win you over. Hopefully I’ll get a similar call when I’m out with the next guy,” Eddie said.

Buck swallowed tightly and started fidgeting again. “Next guy? Wha … what next guy?”

“Don’t know,” Eddie shrugged. “It keeps changing. Bobby’s been filling your spot with whoever’s available from B and C shift but he said he’ll be getting someone permanently soon.”

“Permanently? What do you mean permanently?” Buck asked, his voice suddenly tight with tension. He felt his breathing speed up as a dozen terrible thoughts fought for dominance in his mind, not the least of which was that he was being replaced. That the team didn’t need him.

Eddie finally seemed to notice Buck’s rising anxiety and tried to walk back his words.

“Temporarily permanent, you know.”

“I don’t know, that doesn’t make any sense,” he said.

“Buck,” Eddie sighed, dropping his voice to a tone that said think this through please. “You’re gonna be out for like five months. Bobby can’t just keep filling your shift in one day at a time. Eventually he’ll permanently pick someone to take your shift spot, but it’ll be temporary because as soon as you’re healthy you’ll be back where you’re supposed to be.”

“But in the meantime I’m being replaced,” Buck said, a bitter edge to his voice as he turned to look out the window.

“You’re not being replaced,” Eddie said firmly. “You couldn’t be. Trust me.”

“Feels like it,” Buck muttered, unable to hear Eddie’s kind words, too focused on hating how quickly his good mood had vanished at the realization that he was disposable. Easily substituted on a shift. Not missed.

“When Collins filled in for Chim for a month after he got stabbed, was he being replaced?” Eddie asked, breaking into his thoughts.

“No, Chim’s family,” Buck said without thinking, to which Eddie waved his arms in a “there you have it” gesture.

“Exactly. Family doesn’t get replaced whether it’s Chimney, or you or anyone else,” Eddie said, making Buck drop his gaze in contemplation. The situations were similar and he never once doubted Chimney’s place on the team, not after the rebar or the stabbing. But it just felt like different rules applied to Buck. He knew from experience that he was easy to leave behind.

“Maybe,” Buck said, only partially convinced.

“I also don’t remember Chim being invited to hang out at the station while he was off on medical leave,” Eddie pointed out.

This did help Buck’s mood and he shrugged reluctantly. “That’s true.”

“Come on,” Eddie said, his voice serious as he risked turning away from traffic to meet Buck’s eye. “Everyone misses you and we can’t wait for you to get healed up. Especially me.”

“You’re right. Sorry. It’s just hard, not being around,” Buck said. “It’s hard not to feel like you’re missing out.”

“You’re talking to an expert on not being around and missing things,” Eddie said, a touch of self-deprecation edging into his voice. “And as an expert, I can tell you that that’s not going to happen to you. Especially since we are currently at the station and you’re about to spend the whole day with the team who can’t wait to see you.”

At that Buck looked back out the window and saw they were pulling into the station parking lot.

“I guess we’ll find out,” Buck said with a shrug that was more hopeful than despairing. Eddie nodded in agreement not looking the least bit worried. As he grabbed his bag and Buck took his crutches they headed towards the door, where Buck was pleasantly surprised to find that Eddie had been right.

B Shift was just ending, which meant half a dozen firefighters were heading out as they entered, all of whom patted Buck on the shoulder or waved at him exuberantly, all clearly eager to get home to their beds but also happy to see their injured co-worker up and about.

Their reactions were nothing compared to Hen who rushed out of the change room with her uniform shirt only half buttoned when she saw Buck and Eddie approaching.

“There was a rumor going around we might have a Buck sighting today,” she said with her usual tempered joy as she gave him a long hug.

“Hey Hen! I guess you can believe some things you hear,” Buck said, squeezing her back as best he could with his crutches. As she pulled away he saw Chimney approaching from behind her with a wide smirk and a mischievous sway in his step.

“Eddie I think you got something caught on your shoe … oh, shit it’s Buck! I thought we got rid of you,” Chim exclaimed loudly even as he held open his arms for a hug.

Buck happily obliged, accustomed to Chimney’s brand of loving insults.

“In your dreams,” Buck said then pulled away, taking a moment to take a long purposeful look at Chimney’s outfit that now matched the rest of them. “It would be just my luck that I get hurt just as you stopped being Captain though.”

“Yeah, I decided Bobby could have it back. I only wanted the job to torment you, Buck-a-roo,” Chimney confirmed with a grin.

Eddie shook his head. “Then why did we all have to suffer through Captain Han?”

“You’re friends with him,” Chimney said as though it was obvious. “Torment by association.”

“Of course,” Eddie said then locked eyes with Hen. “This is some kind of HR violation right?”

“Definitely,” Hen agreed.

Before Buck could chime in a booming voice from above made them all look up.

“Role call!” Bobby called out from the balcony, a wide grin across his face as he looked down at his team, complete for the first time in weeks. “Buckley?”

“Uh here Cap!” Buck said, smiling hesitantly, happy to play along but also unsure what to say since they hardly ever did role call. “Technically, not reporting for duty I guess.”

Bobby laughed and shook his head. “Good enough. Welcome back. Now get up here and get some food.”

“Yes sir!” Buck replied, more enthusiastically. He had missed his job and his teammates, but he might have missed Bobby’s cooking most of all. Speaking of which …

“Is that Bobby’s double smoked bacon?” Buck asked as he sniffed the air, a delicious and rare delicacy in the firehouse.

“It is, and it’s all mine!” Chim yelled, taking off suddenly and running for the stairs like a madman.

“Chim no! You hogged them all last time, I didn’t get any!” Buck yelled, all playfulness disappearing as he struggled towards the stairs on his crutches, desperate not to miss out on Bobby’s delicious bacon.

“And it’s going to happen again!” Chim said far too confidently.

“No it’s not,” said Eddie, appearing behind Chimney out of nowhere. He swallowed the smaller man up in a bear hug that literally took him off his feet, then looked back at Buck and shouted. “Go!”

Buck didn’t waste time replying, he just shuffled across the room as quickly as possible, a bemused Hen following behind him.

“Help! Hen call HR! Call 911! This is harassment! Abuse!” Chimney shouted as he struggled against the death grip Eddie had him in. “Help me!”

“I’m gonna sit this one out, sorry Chim,” Hen said, a satisfied smile on her face saying this was payback for his behavior as Captain Han, even as Eddie started carrying him across the room and further away from the stairs.

“Traitor! I’m owed compensation! And bacon!” Chimney said, yelling over his shoulder, then he faced forward and saw where Eddie was taking him. “Wait, Eddie, no!”

“Eddie, yes,” Eddie said then tossed Chimney into the open back of the ambulance and slammed the doors shut.

“Go go go!” Eddie shouted again as he raced back across the room but he found Buck standing at the bottom of the stairs with a frustrated expression on his face.

“Slight problem,” he said to Eddie, craning his head towards his crutches and then the huge set of stairs that were the only way up to loft, a mountain that would take him several minutes to climb.

Behind them, the doors of the ambulance burst open to reveal Chimney, fuming and pointing at Eddie. “You’ll pay for this Diaz!”

“Shit,” Eddie mumbled then took each of Buck’s crutches and held them out to Hen. “You take these, you get up.”

Buck was confused for a moment when Eddie crouched down in front of him until he realized his friend was offering him a piggyback ride. His pride told him he couldn’t possibly jump on Eddie’s back like a child, but his need for bacon and instant panic as Chim ran closer overrode that emotion almost immediately and he barely hesitated to climb on to Eddie’s back.

“Go, go, go,” he shouted as his arms locked around Eddie’s neck. Then they took off and he found himself laughing uncontrollably, both at the ridiculousness of it all and the simple joy of being carried. He could see why Christopher liked this so much. He could feel Eddie’s muscles under his arms, barely straining to carry his huge frame and damn, that was impressive. He’d file that information away for later, right now he needed bacon, and to not die, oh shit!

“Duck, duck, duck! Low!” Buck shouted frantically as they reached the top of the stairs. The wooden beam that ran across the top of the loft was always a danger to Buck’s tall frame, but it loomed even closer than usual as he was hoisted high on Eddie’s back, threatening to decapitate him. Luckily Eddie had excellent spatial awareness and ducked until he was practically bent over to make sure they both cleared it. At the speed they were going though the position threatened to send them off balance so Buck reached out and grabbed on to one of the high tables to steady them.

“We’re good,” Eddie said assuredly, smiling as he righted them easily and aimed them back towards the kitchen. Then he looked up, stopped dead in his tracks and stood up so straight Buck nearly slid off his back.

“Wha …?” Buck started to say, confused, until he saw Athena standing at the end of the breakfast table, a hand on her hip and one eye raised in judgement of their shenanigans.

“Athena! Hey!” Buck said, waving awkwardly with his hands around Eddie’s neck. “We didn’t know you were here. Not that it’s not great when you’re here. We were just uh … practicing our carries.”

“Right, yeah,” Eddie said, withering under Athena’s gaze as he lowered Buck back to the ground. “Can never get too much practice in.”

“Is that so?” she asked skeptically, an amused glint in her eye. Before Buck and Eddie had to decide whether to keep lying to her, Chimney raced up the stairs with fire in his eyes.

“You two will regret the day you crossed … Athena! Hey!” Chim said, choking back his righteous anger at the sight of her and coughing as he lowered his voice to a normal level. “So nice to see you.”

“Nice to see all of you too, and acting so professional in Bobby’s firehouse.”

“I’m technically not working,” Buck pointed out, taking his crutches from Hen as she joined them at the top of the stairs.

“Well in that case you’re excused Buck-a-roo,” she said, going in for a hug that made them all sigh with relief that they weren’t about to get a stern lecture. “How have you been doing?”

“Good as I can be, I guess,” Buck said with a shrug. “Definitely caught up on my reading.”

“I hope you’re hungry,” Bobby said, appearing from the kitchen to lay down a covered platter on the table before he squeezed Buck’s shoulder in greeting.

“I’ve been staying with Eddie, so, I’m starving,” Buck replied.

“Ungrateful,” Eddie muttered as he pushed an extra chair up to the table for Buck to prop his leg on and dropped the pillow he had grabbed for it with a disappointed huff.

“Honest,” Buck countered as he sat down and propped his leg up on the offered chair with a smile. “Thanks.”

“Not that you deserve it,” Eddie said with a teasing lilt as he sat down next to him.

“I’m glad you could make it in,” Bobby said to Buck before he moved down to the head of the table.

“All right, bacon time!” Chim added enthusiastically. He sat down and reached for the first covered platter only to have his hand swatted by Athena.

“Two rules,” she said in a tone that brooked no arguments. “Everyone gets four slices of bacon to start and no more until everyone’s had some. That’s non-negotiable. And two, no one plates anything until Bobby’s said his piece.”

Everyone at the table lifted their hands away from their plates in agreement with the stated rules and turned their attention to Bobby with a quizzical eye.

“Is this a special occasion we don’t know about?” Hen asked, motioning towards the covered platters that were more of a production than usual for breakfast.

“Obviously, it’s all for me,” Buck said with a joking wave.

“You’re a quarter right,” Bobby said with a pleased smile as he placed down a final piece of cutlery then stood up and looked over the group assembled at the table. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you all, and I didn’t want to do it until all of us were here.”

The last part he said with an added smile in Buck’s direction to make it clear who he was talking about. Buck shifted uncomfortably. As much as he loved to be included, he wasn’t sure if this was leading somewhere good or bad if it was a big enough deal to need them all here.

Then Athena cleared her throat, drawing everyone’s attention before she moved to Bobby’s side and wrapped an arm around his waist.

Bobby looked at her, love and fondness exploding from his eyes and inclined his head, as though in response to something she had said even though she hadn’t spoken.

“You’re right,” Bobby continued, hugging her back. “There’s something we’ve been meaning to tell you. A few days ago I decided I loved this woman too much to wait to be with her any longer, so we took the kids and we went to city hall and we got married.”

The table erupted.

“Whaaaat?!” Hen cried out incredulously, sending an affronted look Athena’s way.

“All right!” Chim cried out.

Buck sighed in relief that it was a good announcement, and not anything about retirements or transfers and found himself clapping with joy and shouting encouragements at the newlyweds. The whole table quickly followed suit, with everyone applauding the happy couple. It took a few seconds for Buck to notice Eddie, clapping in congratulations along with the rest of them but wearing a tight smile that was hiding something else. It wasn’t the time to discuss it but he filed it away for later.

“Thank you,” Bobby said over the noise, shushing them all with a motion. “I am very proud to call this amazing woman my wife and I know we are going to get some flack for not having a proper wedding reception, so we thought we would sit down and celebrate this morning.”

“What are you sorry for, you saved us all from having to buy you gifts!” Chim said, earning a light slap on the arm from Hen. “Hey, we’re all thinking it. Does that mean it’s bacon time?”

“Yes, dig in, please,” Bobby said but made no move to sit down, instead he turned to Athena and smiled. “I love you.”

“I love you too Bobby, and I’m glad everyone knows just how much now,” she said before leaning in to give him a kiss.

A chorus of “oooohs” and whistles followed the display of affection, ended only when the couple broke apart and Athena waved them off.

“Eat your food, all of you!” she ordered, then her gaze laser focused on the end of the table. “Four slices Chim!”

“Uh, yes ma’am, of course,” he said, letting the fifth slice of bacon in the tongs he was holding drop back down into the serving tray.

“Eddie,” Buck said urgently, pointing at the bacon tray that was just out of his reach and holding his plate out helplessly. Eddie huffed out a laugh and took Buck’s plate to load up with bacon, then transferred two pieces of bacon from his own plate to Buck’s.

“To make up for my cooking skills,” Eddie said with a half smile that said he wasn’t mad.

“No, I was joking, come on,” Buck said and tried to hand them back but Eddie wouldn’t accept.

“Take it. I eat like this all the time, you haven’t had a Bobby-meal in weeks,” Eddie said, waving him off with a large spoonful of hashbrowns.

“Thanks,” Buck said, ducking his head shyly as he took a bite and almost moaned louder than the applause Bobby and Athena had received. “It’s so good.”

“Hey! Extra bacon!” Chim shouted, interrupting their moment with an accusatory finger pointing at Buck’s plate.

“Eddie gave me his,” Buck replied with a smug smile as he bit into his second piece of many. “He’s a good friend.”

Chim scowled at this but then looked at Hen next to him. “Hey best buddy of mine …”

“Don’t even think about it Chim,” Hen cut him off, spinning her fork into a stabbing position. “I know 14 different ways to send you to the hospital if you even look at my bacon.”

“Hey Eddie,” Chim said despondently, making Eddie raise an intrigued eyebrow. “You taking best friend applications right now?”

“I threw you into an ambulance a few minutes ago,” Eddie reminded him.

“And I’ve already forgiven you for that. It’s one of the many reasons I make a good best friend.”

“Hey, stop poaching my territory!” Buck said, leaning into Chim’s line of sight to block his view of Eddie.

“After this one leaves come talk to me,” Chim said to Eddie around Buck. “I’ve got a lot to offer.”

“I already ate all my bacon,” Eddie said.

“Never mind then, offer rescinded,” Chimney said. “There’s no limit on these hashbrowns at least. Bobby, this is all great! You gotta get married more often!”

“Sorry Chim,” Bobby said. “This is gonna be it for me.”

Another round of ahhhs ended only when Hen leaned forward with a concerned furrow in her brow.

“Wait, if this is your wedding celebration you shouldn’t have cooked,” she said.

“Yeah Bobby. We’re supposed to be celebrating you guys and how disgustingly in love you are!” Chim agreed.

But Bobby just shook his head, unbothered. “I love feeding you guys, you know that.”

“Still, you’re not touching another pan today! We insist! We’re going to take care of you the rest of the day!” Chim yelled.

Eddie cleared his throat and looked down at the table in embarrassment. “I’m on supper duty, Chim.”

“Dammit Eddie, he just got married, you want to kill the guy?” Chim said.

“I can help Eddie in the kitchen,” Buck said, perking up.

“No,” said half a dozen different voices at the table in unison.

“You really don’t understand resting after major surgery, do you?” Hen asked.

Buck wanted to argue that he was an excellent patient and healing well but saw Eddie’s smirk and faltered.

“Now you all know what I’m dealing with at home,” Eddie said around a mouthful of toast. “Every time I let him out of my sight he tries to clean something.”

“You know most people would love having a roommate who is desperate to do chores around the house,” Buck countered with a pointed finger. “Maybe you’re the one who’s ungrateful. You ever think of that?”

“No,” Eddie replied with a shake of his head that said he wasn’t going to think about it either.

“Well … you should,” Buck said, his floundering response sending a chuckle through most of the table.

Breakfast continued in that vein for awhile, with the bacon quickly disappearing, and the laughter and congratulations increasing, along with the conversation, until the warmth of their meal was broken by the alarm blaring.

“Let’s go people,” Bobby said. He wiped his mouth off, kissed Athena, then stood up, leading the charge towards the engines downstairs. The rest of the team followed after him, some grabbing a final hashbrown or sip of coffee before they rushed off leaving only Athena, Buck and Eddie at the table.

“Well, at least the alarm waited until we’d all eaten,” Athena said as she stood up and took her plate into the kitchen.

“And told everyone you got hitched!” Buck added. “That would have been awkward to announce over the headsets in the engine. Congratulations by the way.”

“Thank you Buck-a-roo,” Athena said, then looked at her watch and turned to Eddie who had started clearing the table. “I hate to dine and dash but my shift starts in twenty.”

Eddie waved her apology off. “This was your wedding breakfast, you shouldn’t be cleaning it up anyway.”

“Yeah, Eddie and I got it,” Buck said then awkwardly reached for his crutches while holding a single dirty cup.

“Sit!” Eddie and Athena said in unison, knocking Buck back down into his chair with the power of their combined threats of bodily harm if he tried to help.

“Eddie wasn’t kidding. You don’t let up, do you?” Athena asked with a raised eyebrow and a fond smirk.

“I can’t just sit here while Eddie cleans up everything,” Buck said, motioning towards the huge mess on the table. “I’ll feel like a jerk.”

Eddie responded by dropping a stack of Tupperware on the table next to Buck.

“You can plate leftovers, that’s it,” Eddie said firmly, only willing to give him a job he could do while sitting at the table, but Buck just smiled and happily reached for the bowls to get started.

Accepting Buck’s need to help was sated for now, Eddie started moving plates into the kitchen and noticed Athena taking one more trip over with him.

“You’re good with him,” she said softly once they were behind the kitchen island. He looked up and caught her smiling at him. “I know how hard it is to wrangle Buck when he puts his mind to something, even if that something is going to get him hurt. Thank you, for watching out for him. You’re a good friend. He needs that. He’s going to keep needing that.”

Eddie shrugged. “He’d do the same for any of us.”

“Isn’t that the truth,” Athena agreed, then squeezed his shoulder. “Still, Bobby and I both sleep better at night knowing he’s got you. That’s no small thing.”

Eddie swallowed but didn’t know how to respond. He was never good at talking about his feelings, or even listening to other people do it, so he just nodded in acceptance of her words. This seemed to be enough for her and she crossed to leave, patting Buck on the back in farewell first.

“Take care of yourself Buck-a-roo,” she said.

“When don’t I?” Buck shouted back as she disappeared and could swear he felt her exasperated eye roll even though he couldn’t see her.

As he finished plating up the leftovers, Eddie finally came back to the table to grab more dirty dishes. It didn’t escape Buck’s notice that he was blinking heavily as though trying to shake away some distraction as he cleaned up.

“Everything okay, Eds?”

“Yeah,” he said non-convincingly, never meeting Buck’s eye as he waved towards the TV in the lounge area. “Can you put the news on or something?”

“Uh, sure,” Buck said, accepting the dismissal and hoping Eddie just didn’t want to talk about whatever was bothering him as opposed to not wanting Buck around. He grabbed his crutches and headed towards the couches but decided to test Eddie’s mood. “News Eight okay?”

“Buck,” Eddie said, drawing his friend’s name out in warning as though he knew better. News Eight was Taylor Kelly’s channel. “Anything but News Eight.”

Buck laughed, pleased to have at least gotten a small rise out of his distracted friend. “Oh right, I forgot. I think the Price is Right is on or something.”

While Buck got comfortable on the couch, Eddie finished cleaning up and putting away Buck’s expertly plated leftovers. Eddie noticed Buck hadn’t finished his coffee so moved it onto the table in front of him just as Buck yawned widely.

“Day catching up to you already?” Eddie asked.

Buck groaned. “It’s these pain meds, they kick in so fast. Plus I’m full of hash browns and bacon.”

“You certainly are,” Eddie said, having noted how quickly Buck scarfed down his breakfast. “Well you got nowhere to be, team won’t be back for at least an hour.”

“Fair enough,” Buck replied but Eddie had already disappeared into the kitchen and out of earshot.

Alone with Drew Carey and the price of every day grocery items, Buck felt his eyelids start to drift down and saw no reason to fight it.

~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~

When Buck blinked himself awake awhile later, Drew was gone, replaced with a Taylor-less news program of some kind. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but he didn’t think it had been too long as the team wasn’t back yet judging by how quiet the station was. Rubbing at his eyes he pushed himself up off the couch and saw Eddie standing at the railing overlooking the engine bay, which was a little weird as Eddie probably had more chores to do as man left behind, though the kitchen looked immaculate.

Buck grabbed his crutches and shuffled over to join him.

“Captivated by the view?” Buck asked jokingly about the empty engine bay. He had expected Eddie to roll his eyes, unamused by the bad joke. What he hadn’t expected was for Eddie to visibly startle at his presence, inhale sharply and take a step back in surprise. And he especially didn’t expect to see tears streaming down Eddie’s face.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t …” He hadn’t meant to intrude and would have been more gentle if he had known Eddie was having a moment. As Buck stuttered Eddie shook his head and wiped at his eyes angrily before squaring his shoulders as though to fight off the emotions he had been feeling. Buck’s shoulders deflated as he watched and he said again, softer this time, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, it’s … it’s stupid,” Eddie said.

“It’s not,” Buck said. “I don’t know what’s up, but, it’s not stupid, whatever it is.”

Eddie gave him the smallest smile of appreciation before he shook his head.

“I’m at work. I shouldn’t be …” Eddie trailed off, unwilling to put a voice to just what he had been doing.

“We’re the only ones here Eds,” Buck reminded him, leaning against the railing next to him. “What’s up?”

Eddie’s face tightened and he clenched his jaw. He looked away into the distance for a long time and Buck thought he wasn’t going to answer him, until finally he said, “Shannon and I eloped.”

Buck inhaled. Of course. Bobby and Athena’s wedding announcement.

“Basically,” Eddie said, continuing with a shrug. “She got pregnant and I … I asked her to marry me. Do the right thing, you know. She said yes but she wanted to get married before she started showing. Our parents had no issue with that and threw it together fast, barely had time to invite anyone. It was maybe as many people as were here at breakfast. But even rushed, Shannon looked beautiful.”

“I bet,” Buck said quietly, scared to break the trance that had gotten Eddie talking more than he may have ever had.

“I always thought though … I thought someday we might do it again,” Eddie said, biting his lip. “Not another wedding, we were still married but, I don’t know, a vow renewal or something when we were … when things got better. We could do it right, invite everyone, get a tux for Chris.”

“I’d pay to see that,” Buck said softly, matching Eddie’s fond smile.

“Me too,” Eddie agreed, then he shook his head and looked out over the engine bay again. “But we won’t get that, that real ceremony. Two kids getting rushed down the aisle that’s … that’s all we had.”

“But you had that,” Buck said, with a self-deprecating shake of his head and a half smile that he hoped was uplifting. “It’s more than some people get.”

“I guess.”

“How old were you?” Buck asked, suddenly realizing he had never worked out the logistics of Eddie’s marriage.

“18,” Eddie said. “19 when Chris was born.”

“Jesus, when I was 18 I was getting kicked out of community college for spending my tuition on a motorcycle,” Buck said wistfully then shriveled under Eddie’s incredulous stare. “Sorry, we’re uh … we’re not talking about me.”

“Maybe we should be,” Eddie said, finally cracking the barest hint of a smile.

“Nah,” Buck waved him off. “We’re still on you. Do you have any photos, of the wedding?”

Eddie looked surprised by the question but nodded. “I’ve uh, I’ve got an album back at the house.”

“I’d love to see it,” Buck said.

Eddie huffed. “It won’t take long. It’s like ten pages. Like I said, short and sweet.”

“Still. I bet you looked cute in your tux.”

“I bet I didn’t.”

“I’ll be the judge of that. We should show Chris too. He’d love to see you guys getting married,” Buck said and immediately regretted it as it seemed to close Eddie off. His fond smile disappeared and his shoulders tightened.

“Yeah, maybe,” Eddie said softly, but Buck thought it sounded like he had no intention of doing so. Before Buck could question his change of heart, the bay doors sprang up and the engine rolled back in, spurring Eddie to back away from the railing and wipe a hand across his face once more to destroy all evidence of his tears.

“I should uh, go help with rollouts,” Eddie said, motioning to the truck below.

“Yeah, of course,” Buck said, lowering his gaze, deciding it wasn’t time to push.

Eddie nodded and started to leave but not before he squeezed Buck’s shoulder in silent thanks. Buck almost said something in response but it was too late, Eddie was gone down the stairs.

~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~

After the team got back, Buck spent most of the rest of the day on the couch, chatting and playing video games with Hen, Chim and Bobby and whoever else wandered through the lounge. It felt incredible catching up with everyone but he also found himself tracking Eddie throughout the day, checking up on him after their talk, but his concern seemed increasingly unjustified. At some point during the shift, Eddie either managed to push his grief back down or completely forgot their conversation had even happened, returning to his standard, deadpan self for the next few hours until it was time to leave. What he clearly didn’t forget though was the conversation the two of them had had on the way into work, which he brought up on the drive home with great amusement.

“Hey, remember when you thought the team was gonna forget and replace you and then Bobby waited a whole week to tell anyone he got married cause he specifically wanted you to be there when he announced it?” Eddie asked as he weaved through traffic with a smug smile. “Cause you’re an integral member of this team – do you recall that?”

“I do remember that actually,” Buck said with a shrug that said he now realized the thought was ridiculous. “I’ve kind of never been more happy to be wrong.”

“I don’t suppose this means you’ll actually relax a little now and focus on healing instead of getting back to work right away?” Eddie asked.

“Hey, I’m relaxed! I’ve started gardening,” Buck protested.

“You better not have,” Eddie said. Not only had they not bought gardening supplies yet, Buck had agreed not to do anything without Eddie’s help.

“I’ve hypothetically started. I’m in my gardening design era,” Buck said. “Besides, if you want me to rest you shouldn’t be driving me out to spend the day at the station.”

“You’re right, that’s on me,” Eddie agreed.

“Thank you though, for doing it,” Buck tacked on quickly. “It really … it meant a lot, to be there when Bobby told us all and just to see everyone. Feel like I’m still part of the team.”

“You’ll always be part of this team,” Eddie said.

“I know, I guess, but the reminder is still nice. So thank you, it meant a lot.”

“Thank you,” Eddie said in return, quieter, and with his gaze focused on the traffic ahead. “For being there today. It … just, thanks.”

Buck smiled softly, assured that Eddie did remember their conversation and he had helped instead of hindered Eddie’s grief, a worry he had carried all day as he had felt Eddie’s walls go up near the end of their talk.

“Any time,” Buck said. “And not just because I’ve got like, a lot of free time right now.”

“You are wildly available.”

“No need to bring my dating life into this,” Buck said with feigned hurt, pulling a chuckle out of Eddie.

“Not what I meant,” Eddie clarified, finally turning to Buck and shooting him a warm smile. “You’re all mine anyway.”

“Yeah,” Buck nodded. “I am.”

Chapter Text

Spending the day at the station had been just what Buck needed. Seeing the rest of the team, reconnecting with them, celebrating Bobby’s marriage with everyone, Buck felt happier and looser than he had since his accident, finally confident that he could reclaim his place on the team after he was healed up. For now though he was absolutely wiped after his big day out and very grateful that Eddie had the next day off work to just lounge around with him and Christopher. After their usual morning routine of a workout and breakfast, Buck found himself on the couch, pondering how they could all spend their day. Chris was currently in his room fitting Lego pieces together and Eddie was sweeping the house, but that wasn’t going to take him much longer, so they had a lot of day left to fill.

Then he remembered he had a new hobby that he wanted to start and opened up his phone to Google the nearest garden center. Maybe they could all go pick up gardening supplies when Eddie was done his chores and then work together on Buck’s backyard renovations. That could be a pretty great day.

Before Buck could suggest this plan though, Eddie’s phone started to ring on the table, breaking the calm of the house. Buck lifted his gaze and watched as Eddie checked the name on the caller ID, then hesitated and took a steadying breath before he hit accept.

“Hey Leah, what’s up?” Eddie asked, voice soft as he answered the call. Buck’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he didn’t recognize the name or Eddie’s behavior. He was denied any further analysis of his best friend though as Eddie beelined into the kitchen to take the call, which meant Buck could only hear the soft echo of his voice and not make out any details of the conversation. He tried to shift his attention back to his gardening supplies and mind his own business, but he found it impossible not to let his gaze drift back to the kitchen door every few seconds and wonder what was happening on the other side. He wasn’t left wondering for long though as Eddie came back a few minutes later, gaze on the floor as he tapped his phone nervously against his palm.

“Everything okay?” Buck asked, sitting up straight on the couch to give his friend his full attention.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Eddie said, but the tightness of his voice said otherwise and the fact that he wouldn’t meet Buck’s eye, instead his gaze seemed fix down the hall. Eddie bit his lip for a moment before he inhaled, seemingly coming to some decision and turned back to Buck. “Um … feel free to say no if it’s too much but could you watch Chris for a few hours? I gotta go out but I can call Abuela if you …”

“No, I got him,” Buck said, cutting off Eddie’s uncharacteristic rambling before it could go too far. “We’ll watch a movie or something, it’s no problem. But uh … where are you going?”

Eddie’s gaze moved back to the floor. “That was Leah, she’s uh … Shannon’s friend. Her best friend. Her and her husband have been packing up Shannon’s apartment and she … she wants me to come down before she finishes. Go through her stuff, see if there’s anything I want to keep.”

“Oh,” Buck said, deflating with unease. He’d never even considered Shannon’s belongings, or estate. “That’s nice of her, to do that for you.”

“Yeah, she wanted to and I … I didn’t really have time with Chris and …anyway, thanks for watching him. I shouldn’t be gone too long,” Eddie said, standing up and squaring his shoulders.

“Wait you’re not … gonna take him with you?” Buck asked, words forming slowly as he tried to tread carefully around the subject. But Eddie just shook his head adamantly as though the answer was obvious.

“To go through his dead mom’s things? No, he’s … he’s been through enough lately,” Eddie said, gaze flitting back to the hall where Chris was playing in his room. “He’s been doing better lately, happier. I can’t … I’m not putting him through that again.”

Buck opened his mouth but then closed it and turned away, his fist clenched against the arm of the couch to stop himself from offering an opinion that wasn’t asked for. It didn’t matter though, Eddie saw the movement and shook his head.

“Say what you want to say Buck.”

Buck looked at Eddie and shrugged apologetically even as he spoke, “I get it, okay. You want to protect him, and the idea of doing anything to make that kid sad tears me up. I can’t imagine what it does to you. But don’t you think he might need closure more than he needs to pretend his mom didn’t just die?”

“He got closure, we had a funeral,” Eddie said.

“I know but … Eddie you were there when Shannon died. For you it’s … it’s too real that she’s gone, but for him, one day his mom just didn’t show up and I hate to say it but she’s done that before. He never really got to say good-bye. He might need to know that she’s gone for good this time,” Buck said.

Eddie shook his head and Buck could see the sheen of tears in his eyes. “I don’t … I can’t do that to him.”

Buck bit his lip and shrugged, almost helplessly. “Maybe you should ask Chris what he wants.”

Eddie inhaled sharply, eyes going towards the ceiling as his jaw clenched and he held his breath. Then he closed his eyes and exhaled loudly.

“I should ask Chris what he wants,” Eddie said, nodding in agreement. Buck could feel the newfound conviction in his friend and knew that the conversation was over. It didn’t surprise him. He knew how deeply Eddie cared about his son making his own choices in his life, even if he briefly forgot sometimes in an attempt to protect him.

“Thanks Buck,” Eddie said softly, but his gaze was fixed down the hall now and he was already moving towards Chris’s room.

“No problem,” Buck muttered, more to himself than anything else and leaned back on the couch cushions, unsure what to do with himself. It felt awkward to move to a different room or turn on the TV knowing that Eddie was having a serious conversation down the hall with his son but the gardening supply list on his phone also seemed wildly unimportant now. He looked around, desperate for anything he could do that was normal or helpful, then sighed and ran a hand down his face when he realized how impossible that was. God he should have just kept his mouth shut. It’s not like he had any experience with a grief like this or raising a kid. Who the hell was he to tell Eddie how to deal with it? Eddie didn’t need his help raising his son, nor had he asked for it and Buck just stuck his nose in where –

“He wants to go.”

Buck’s head shot to the doorway of the living room to see Eddie standing there, hands on his hips and an expression on his face that said he was in no way looking forward to what was about to happen.

“He does?” Buck said, mostly to edge Eddie into telling him more.

“Yeah. I explained it all to him and … he wants to go. He’s getting dressed and then we’ll take off. We’ll uh … we’ll be back later this afternoon,” Eddie said.

“Okay, yeah, sounds good,” Buck said, stammering and unsure, lost in the sea of grief he had unthinkingly jumped into with Eddie. “Let me know if I can do anything, to help.”

“I will,” Eddie said, but Buck didn’t think he would. Instead he went back down the hallway, bundled Chris up and walked them both out to his truck.

Buck watched through a crack in the blinds as they drove away and prayed he hadn’t just given Eddie the worst advice of his life.

~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~

Hours passed. Buck looked out the window, waiting for Eddie and Chris to return, and saw only clouds where a sunny sky had been a few hours earlier, like a terrible precursor of what to expect when the Diaz boys finally returned home. He managed to make himself a sandwich and turn on a documentary that he barely acknowledged. His mind was too busy swirling with the thought that he had made a huge mistake, that he had led both Eddie and Chris astray by insisting that Eddie take Chris with him to go through Shannon’s thing, that he had pushed for them both to suffer unnecessarily.

A smaller, less powerful voice told him he may have done a good thing. That this might be something both Eddie and Chris needed, but Buck always had trouble hearing that voice, even on his best days.

The sound of Eddie’s truck rolling into the driveway finally broke his spiral of thoughts, letting him know it was time to face the consequences of his actions. He was tempted to meet them at the door but didn’t want to crowd the pair so stayed on the couch and muted the TV. A few minutes later the door swung open, revealing an exhausted looking Eddie with Chris draped across shoulders, sound asleep. Even from the living room Buck could see Chris’s face was splotchy from crying. Eddie didn’t look much better, his eyes red rimmed and sunken in as he closed the door softly and nodded towards Buck in acknowledgement before heading to Chris’s room to lay him down.

Eddie came back a few moments later and went straight to the kitchen, coming back out again with two beer bottles which he placed on the table before collapsing on the couch next to Buck.

“I um … I can’t drink on my pain meds,” Buck said apologetically.

“They’re both for me,” Eddie said as he twisted the cap off the first beer, his gaze unfocussed and fixed on the wall above the TV as he took a long drink.

“I’m guessing it didn’t go well?” Buck asked softly.

“It sucked,” Eddie said, tipping his head back against the couch cushions and closing his eyes. “I told him. I told him she wouldn’t be there. That we were just gonna go through her things but he was still so excited when we pulled up. Then he walked into her apartment and he saw everything packed up and the furniture put away and I guess it finally hit him cause he just … he lost it. Heck, I did too.”

Buck’s heart clenched and he felt sick. If this was Eddie in the aftermath of the experience how grueling had it been to be there, to hold his sobbing, heartbroken son.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed for you to take him,” Buck said.

Eddie remained collapsed against the cushions but shook his head just a little.

“No, you were right,” he said quietly, gaze still on the ceiling. “It sucked but he … he needed it I think. We eventually did go through her things and he wanted some stuff I wouldn’t have grabbed so … it was good, in the end.”

“I’ll take your word for it, but you seem pretty wrecked,” Buck said, lightening his tone and nudging Eddie who had chosen to flop down on the middle cushion, shoulder to shoulder with Buck.

“I feel pretty wrecked,” Eddie admitted.

“Why don’t we order in tonight?” Buck suggested. “My treat.”

“I’m so tired I’m not even gonna fight you on that.”

“Good. When Chris wakes up we’ll ask him what he wants and I’ll order it.”

“Thanks,” Eddie said.

“It’s just UberEats,” Buck said, waving him off. “Though maybe that’s a big deal when you’re bad at cooking and using technology.”

“Not for that,” Eddie clarified, his words having more weight than before. “Thanks, for being here. Listening. It’s … just thanks.”

Suddenly Buck’s mind flashed back to a conversation he’d had with Bobby last year when he had been struggling to figure out his relationship with Abby.

“You’re hoping to pull her out of this trap she’s in with her mom. What she needs is for you to step inside with her. Keep her company in there.”

Buck took a deep breath, sunk down onto the couch and smiled as he pushed his shoulder into Eddie’s, fully prepared to keep him company, for as long as he needed.

“Nowhere I’d rather be.”

~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~

Buck wasn’t sure what was happening.

After Chris had woken up they had ordered Chinese food and gathered around the table with way more take-out containers than they could ever eat. The meal started out somber, but then Buck shoved his chopsticks in his mouth like a walrus and tried to pick up his food with them, pulling the first real laugh out of Christopher since he got home. It was a different kind of laughter than usual, wet from tears and crying, but loose from the release of grief and memories. The laughter only continued when Eddie tried to sincerely pick up his rice with his chopsticks, failed miserably, and switched to a fork after a few well-mocked attempts.

After they ate Chris asked to watch a movie and sat himself in the middle of the couch between Buck and Eddie, alternating every half hour whose arm he leaned on until he fell asleep again.

Overall, it had been a good night. Sad, but cathartic, and Buck had felt a warmth inside of him that he had never felt before at being able to be there for both Chris and Eddie, providing support and comfort to the people he cared about, without thought, almost without trying. Just being there seemed to be all they needed from him, which baffled him in some ways, as he wasn’t exactly used to being wanted, especially when he couldn’t offer anything in return. He had always thought that being a family was hard, that sharing a life together caused more pain than love, judging by the way his parents had done it and after what Maddie had been through with Doug, but taking care of Eddie and Chris was different, loving them was different - it was as easy as breathing.

Right now though, the bedside clock said it was 2am and something had woken Buck up. He wasn’t sure if it was the light being clicked on or Eddie shifting frantically next to him in bed. Then he heard it.

“Dad!”

Christopher’s voice was keening, and even without seeing him Buck knew he was crying in the other room, likely woken up by a nightmare which explained why Eddie was flying out of bed and into the hall with just a quick glance back at Buck to say, “I got him.”

Buck offered a single nod of acknowledgement but couldn’t do much else before Eddie was out the door. He heard him enter Chris’s room a moment later. He couldn’t make out the words but recognized the sounds of Eddie comforting his crying son and was at a loss at what to do with himself again. Eddie didn’t need him hovering in Chris’s doorway while he calmed him down, but it felt wrong to just roll over and go back to sleep like he didn’t care. Because he did care, a lot, but he wasn’t sure how to show it right now.

He got his answer a few minutes later when Eddie reappeared in the bedroom doorway with a sniffling Chris in his arms.

“We’re gonna sleep in the big bed tonight,” Eddie said, half to Chris and half to Buck as he rearranged his pillows with one hand before laying Chris down in the middle of the bed. Buck noticed Chris was clinging to a stuffed animal, a long, fuzzy crocodile named Chomps that had been one of the items he brought back from Shannon’s apartment.

“You want a glass of water?” Eddie asked Chris after handing him a tissue to blow his nose.

“Yes please,” Chris said, quiet and small as he shuffled across the bed and latched on to Buck’s arm.

“All right,” Eddie said and met Buck’s eye, silently asking if he was good with him for a few moments. Buck nodded emphatically and pushed himself closer to Chris in a silent show of comfort.

“You have a bad dream, kiddo?” Buck asked softly after Eddie disappeared.

“Yeah,” Chris said simply, holding Chomps close and seemingly not wishing to elaborate.

“I get that. I have nightmares too sometimes, you know,” Buck said. “A lot of adults do.”

“Oh,” Chris said, eyes becoming even more sad and downcast. “So I’ll always have them?”

“No, no, that’s not what I meant,” Buck said, cringing and backtracking as quickly as possible. “You might get them sometimes, like when sad or scary things happen, but they get better. They go away eventually. Like … like I had really bad nightmares right after I hurt my leg, but you want to know something?”

“What?”

“I haven’t had a single one since I started staying with you and your Dad,” Buck told him, surprising himself with the realization even as he said it.

Chris nodded and looked around the room in understanding. “The big bed keeps nightmares away.”

Buck laughed. “No, no it’s not the bed. It’s the people. You and your dad make me feel happy and safe, so … so I don’t have nightmares anymore.”

“Cause of me?” Chris questioned, eyes wide.

“Yeah, cause of you,” Buck said.

“Wow,” Chris said, in awe of himself as he snuggled down and leaned against Buck’s shoulder. “Buck?”

“Yeah buddy.”

“If you do have a nightmare you can borrow Chomps,” Chris offered, holding the crocodile up for inspection. “He makes me feel safe.”

Buck felt tears start to prick at his eyes as he nodded. “Thanks Chris, that means a lot. You keep him for tonight, but I’ll let you know if I need him.”

“Okay,” Chris said, and held the animal close once more.

It was then Eddie came back, entering with an unhurried speed that told Buck he had probably been standing in the hallway for a few moments to let them finish their conversation, a theory that was confirmed by the soft look of gratitude Eddie shot Buck’s way as he came in.

“Here you go,” Eddie said, holding the glass out to Chris who held it with both hands and took three long gulps.

“Thanks,” Chris said, handing it back.

Buck watched as Eddie laid down the glass then tried to get situated, shifting Chris and their pillows around until Buck pushed himself up on his elbows.

“I … uh … I can go sleep on the couch,” he offered, knowing Chris needed his dad more than Buck right now.

He expected Eddie to protest, but he didn’t expect Chris’s fingers to tighten around his arm as he looked up at him with sad eyes. “Why?”

“Well, you know, so you and your dad have more room,” Buck said gently, wanting to make it clear he didn’t want to leave him.

“But you have to keep the nightmares away,” Chris said.

“Yeah Buck, you have to keep the nightmares away,” Eddie repeated like it was obvious and Buck was an idiot. “Bed’s plenty big. Lay your butt back down.”

Buck almost protested again, but crumbled under the combined will of the Diaz boys, like he was always destined to do. Eddie climbed in as well and Buck could see that he was pushed to the edge of the mattress with all three of them in there, but you would never guess he was uncomfortable or annoyed. In fact, he might have been the most content Buck had ever seen him.

“Good night you two,” Eddie said after he clicked off the light.

“Good night, Dad,” Chris said then tugged Eddie’s arm forward, making Eddie chuckle as he wrapped his arm around his son’s waist in a tight hug. Chris was still pressed in close to Buck on his other side, practically forcing Eddie’s hand to close around Buck’s bicep in the cramped space.

“Good night, Buck,” Chris said, eyes drifting shut in sleep already.

“Good night Superman,” Buck whispered. He pushed back Chris’s hair lightly, then let his hand hover for a moment before squeezing Eddie’s fingers, a silent acknowledgement of … he wasn’t sure yet, but he knew his heart sped up when Eddie’s squeezed back. “Sleep tight.”

Buck closed his eyes and had the best sleep of his life.

Chapter Text

Over the next few weeks Buck found himself falling into an easy routine with the Diaz boys. On weeknights he helped Chris with his homework before settling in for a few hours of video games with the younger Diaz while Carla cooked dinner. On nights where Eddie was off shift and cooking for them they all crowded into the kitchen together to help, with Buck doing chopping and prep work at the table, while Christopher grated cheese or tore lettuce and Eddie did the actual cooking, with a few tips from Buck thrown his way from time to time that everyone agreed was helping his food become more palatable. The bantering and light-hearted arguments that came with them all being in the kitchen together undoubtedly made the cooking time longer than it needed to be, but Buck wouldn’t trade a minute of it, or the warm feeling that spread through his chest every night when they sat down to eat together.

They had also made it to the garden center eventually and purchased all the soil, seeds and tools Buck needed to spruce up Eddie’s back yard. He had put down a few flowers himself that were already starting to bloom and brighten the place up, and he had also spent several Saturday afternoons sitting in the dirt with Christopher, laying out and planting their vegetable garden, which he was confident would bear fruit soon, figuratively speaking.

Buck was also feeling good about being able to contribute around the house more, not just when he chopped onions to spare Eddie’s poor eyes, but financially as well. Eddie had refused to take any money from Buck originally, but after Buck decided to stay at Eddie’s for the duration of his recovery, he also realized he could make some cash by AirBnBing his empty apartment for a few months. After all, it was a great size for tourists and he hardly had any stuff in it, so it was already like a hotel room. He found his hypothesis correct when his listing got booked up almost immediately, which was a relief as he was only receiving 70% of his pay while on medical leave. After he explained exactly what AirBnB was to Eddie, they agreed to be partners, with Buck taking care of all the bookings, while Eddie would go clean the apartment once a week for him, and they would split the profits evenly. This was a great arrangement in theory, but ended up leading to the closest thing they had to a fight when Buck sent Eddie his half of the money after the first month. His friend had angrily pointed out that they had said they were going to split the money and he didn’t appreciate Buck sending him all the profits. It had taken some persuading (and screenshots of several invoices) to convince Eddie that Buck had indeed only sent him half the money he’d made at which point Eddie apologized and left the room with a dazed expression on his face as he looked over the numbers on his phone.

But as welcome as Buck felt in Eddie’s home, he could never shake the fear that he was going to become unwanted eventually, or be around too much, so he also planned strategic outings with Maddie to get brunch or see a movie on days that Eddie had off work so he could have the house to himself for a few hours. After the third time, Eddie point blank told Buck that he didn’t have to keep going out and he liked having Buck around, at which point Buck blushed and texted Maddie that they would have to reschedule their trip to the mall, because Buck also liked being around Eddie. Like, all the time.

What Buck also really liked was his weekly trip to the station to hang out with the team, like on …

“June 1st,” Bobby announced cheerfully as he walked into the lounge area of the loft with a stack of a rainbow colored fabric, which he held up for them all to see. “I need a volunteer to put the pride flags up on the roof.”

“What? Bobby!” Buck protested, leaning forward from his spot on the couch next to Eddie, cast propped up on the coffee table in front of him. “You know I always put up the flags.”

“Not this year Buck. I’m pretty sure falling off the roof is gonna set back your recovery,” Bobby said with only the barest apology in his tone.

“As a medical professional, I can confirm that,” Chim added with a smirk.

“Anyone else?” Bobby asked.

All eyes floated to Hen who put down her book and glared back, “Oh, just because I am out and proud means I am automatically the one who does the labor to make this place safe and inclusive?”

Chim, Eddie, Buck and Bobby all floundered for a response to that particular statement, until Eddie bravely leaned forward and raised his hand.

“I can put ‘em up,” he said.

Bobby nodded in thanks and handed him the stack of flags but kept an eye on Hen to make sure the action was acceptable. She nodded imperceptibly and went back to her book, causing a sigh of relief to go through the rest of the team.

“Let me know if you need a hand.”

“I got it,” Eddie said. “Flag raising is kind of a whole thing in the army.”

“Thank you Eddie,” Hen said, kindly breaking the tension even more.

“You’re a true ally,” Buck added dramatically, clapping him on the shoulder.

“Yeah I’m a saint,” Eddie muttered as he went through the stack, then his brow furrowed in confusion as he pulled a purple and pink flag out from underneath the rainbow one. “Cap, this one’s missing a bunch of colors.”

Hen and Buck’s jaws dropped. Chim laughed out loud, obscenely amused by Eddie’s wide-eyed confusion.

“Eddie, you’ve got to be kidding,” Hen said, dropping her book once more. “That’s the bisexual pride flag.”

“Ally card revoked,” Buck said jokingly and reached to take the flag from Eddie’s hands. “I can’t believe you’d disrespect my poor flag like that. Don’t listen to him baby, you’re beautiful.”

“There’s more than one flag?” Eddie muttered, having had no idea, then his brow furrowed again. “What do you mean it’s yours? Like, you bought it?”

“Like … it represents me? Because I’m bisexual,” Buck said as though it should be obvious.

“Oh.” Eddie straightened and stuttered, suddenly wide-eyed and nervous. “That’s … that’s great Buck. I … congratulations.”

Buck squinted at Eddie for a long moment, trying to figure out if he was joking.

“Eddie, that wasn’t me coming out, everyone knows I’m bisexual,” Buck said, motioning towards the unshocked faces of the rest of the team.

Eddie fidgeted awkwardly and replied quietly. “I didn’t.”

Buck dropped his shoulders and huffed. This was just ridiculous. “Come on, I came out to everyone years ago.”

“And was that particular year one before Eddie joined the team?” Chim asked smugly, knowing the answer even before Buck’s face fell.

Buck looked shell shocked and Eddie looked apologetic. “Sorry, you’ve just only dated women since I met you.”

“Oh my god. My best friend didn’t know I was bisexual,” Buck muttered then looked down sadly at the purple and pink fabric in his hand. “I don’t deserve this bisexual pride flag.”

Hen leaned forward and smacked him in his good leg with her book. “Hey, you decide your sexuality, Buck, not how you’re perceived by anyone else.”

Buck shrugged half-heartedly in agreement but motioned pitifully to the other end of the couch where Eddie was sitting. “Yeah, but … Eddie. We live together.”

“And we all feel for the guy,” Chim deadpanned then sat up straight, energized with a brilliant idea. “Would it help your identity crisis if Eddie went up to the roof and shouted to the world that Evan Buckley is bisexual?”

Buck lifted his eyebrows and tilted his head back and forth, thinking about it.

“Maybe,” he said after a moment and looked at Eddie imploringly.

Eddie coughed uncomfortably and eventually nodded.

“I guess I could do that if that’s … a cool thing to do?” he said, looking between Buck and Hen for guidance.

“Okay, I think this has officially gone outside the boundary of work obligations and into a potential HR nightmare,” Bobby said, stepping in before Eddie had to commit to shouting out a co-worker’s sexuality in public. “Buck can claim his own identity however he wants to do it.”

Buck started to open his mouth but Bobby cut him off.

“That doesn’t involve going up on the roof,” he said.

Buck huffed and crossed his arms. “So not really ‘however’ I want to do it then.”

Bobby rolled his eyes and Eddie chuckled, seemingly relieved the matter was now sufficiently settled.

“Can I get your flag back?” Eddie asked, gesturing towards the bisexual pride flag still in Buck’s hands.

“Treat her like your own,” Buck said with mock seriousness but handed the flag to Eddie who folded it back up carefully.

“I’ll make sure she eats three servings of vegetables and plays plenty of video games,” Eddie promised.

Buck scoffed. “Like you’ve ever gotten Chris to eat three servings of vegetables.”

“Potato’s a vegetable,” Eddie pointed out.

“That’s like a dessert vegetable, it barely even counts,” Buck said.

“Your Irish ancestors would have something to say about that,” Bobby said, raising his eyebrows at Buck in feigned disappointment.

“No bisexual pride, no Irish pride. You proud of anything, Buck?” Chimney asked with a teasing smirk.

Buck threw a pillow, hitting Chim square in the face.

“I can think of one thing,” Buck said with a satisfied smirk.

“I’m pretty sure hitting you back after coming out a second time would be considered a hate crime or something, but know in my heart that I walloped you for that,” Chim told him, then made a show of keeping the pillow Buck threw at him and putting it behind his back.

Seemingly done with their nonsense, Eddie picked up his stack of flags and stood up from the couch.

“Well I’ve got some pride to go wave,” he said, then shook his head like he wasn’t sure he should have said that.

“Or, your pride to wave? I guess. I …uh …” He cleared his throat and pointed at the exit. “I’ll be on the roof.”

When he was gone Chim, Hen and Buck shared a questioning look.

“He gonna be okay?” Chim asked. Buck frowned. So he wasn’t the only one who noticed Eddie was flustered throughout the entire conversation.

“We’ll give him a minute,” Hen suggested. “He’ll be fine.”

“Yeah,” Buck agreed, but sounded far from certain. He tried to turn his attention back to the TV show they were watching but his mind continued to race in the background. Was Eddie just uncomfortable because he’s straight and doesn’t know how to talk about LGBTQ stuff or was it something else? Like the fact that Buck was bisexual, which Eddie apparently hadn’t known. Was that going to be a problem? Were things going to be weird between them now? Would Buck still be allowed at the house? Around Christopher? Was everything different now? Should he go talk to Eddie?

He should go talk to Eddie he decided, grabbing his crutches and heading towards the roof door, only to be stopped by Hen standing in his path.

“Nuh uh, Buck-a-roo,” she said.

“He’s been gone a long time. I’m just gonna go check on him,” Buck said but Hen was unflappable.

“It’s been ten minutes and it’s three flights of stairs up to the roof. By the time you get up there our shift will be over. I’ll go see what’s taking him,” Hen said and pointed at Buck to sit once more.

“Fine,” Buck relented and sat back down, knowing he could corner Eddie at some point once they were on the same floor. He watched Hen jog up the steps and started tapping his fingers against his cast, waiting for her to reappear with Eddie but more minutes kept ticking by with no sign of either of them.

“What is there a blackhole on the roof?” Buck muttered as he grabbed his crutches once more.

“Buuuuuck!” Chim called out, obliged to try and stop him but not wanting to get up off the couch. It was enough to stop Buck a few feet from the roof door though.

“Have you heard of giving people some space? Or at the very least just calling them?” Chim asked.

Buck hesitated and pulled out his phone. Considering the multiple staircases in front of him, it wasn’t a ridiculous idea to just call and see what was taking them so long up there. His thumb was hovering over the dial button when the door swung open in front of him, followed by Eddie who had to pull up quickly so he didn’t walk straight into Buck.

“Whoa, sorry,” Eddie rushed out, taking a second to make sure he hadn’t hit Buck with the door.

“Hey, no, I’m sorry, this was not a good place to stand. I uh …” Buck stuttered for a moment, suddenly feeling silly for wanting to check on his very capable friends for being gone for a few minutes. Especially considering how relaxed Eddie looked, especially for a man who had nearly caused a collision. “I was just gonna see if you wanted to work out.”

It wasn’t a ridiculous lie. Buck was cleared to do upper body and core exercises now, which thankfully meant he didn’t have to rebuild his muscle mass from scratch once he got healed up, but it also wasn’t something he normally did at the firehouse.

Eddie faltered and pointed down to the engine bay. “No, I … I’m on laundry, and I’m running late. Sorry.”

“Yeah, of course, some other time,” Buck said, to which Eddie nodded slowly.

“Cool. Well I’ll see you in a bit,” Eddie said then jogged downstairs. Or was he running? Did he want to get away from Buck? Was Eddie avoiding him?

“He’s fine,” Hen said, appearing behind Buck and seeming to read his thoughts.

“What … what did you guys talk about?” Buck asked, needing more assurance than that.

“That’s between us, but it’s nothing to worry about,” Hen said, then laughed when Buck’s brow furrowed unhappily. “You can ask Eddie later, he’ll probably tell you.”

“Yeah,” Buck said but sounded unsure. “Probably.”

~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~

Buck couldn’t relax for the rest of the day, unable to shake the feeling that Eddie was avoiding him. He caught his eye and waved at him a few times and sat next to him at lunch, but the rest of the day Eddie was gone. He wasn’t man behind that day, so for most of the day he was either out on a call, showering, or doing some chore that was nowhere near Buck. Of course, these were all valid things that Eddie needed to do. He was currently working after all. Buck tried to remind himself that Eddie usually gave him some space when they came to the station since it was Buck’s only chance to hang out with the rest of the team during the week, but today he was hyper aware of just how little time they had spent together.

When the shift finally ended Buck at least thought Eddie couldn’t avoid him anymore since he had to drive him home, and still he managed to lose him in the parking lot. Buck was halfway to the truck before he realized Eddie wasn’t behind him. He turned around and saw Eddie was just standing in front of the station, staring off into the distance.

No, not the distance, upwards. He was looking at the Pride flags flying on the roof, a thoughtful look on his face. Contemplative even, like he was trying to decipher what they mean even though they had literally been explained to him earlier that day.

Buck felt his nerves kick into overdrive but made himself stay where he was, waiting, letting Eddie finish whatever thought he needed to process. Because he was watching, Buck saw when Eddie shook himself out of whatever thought was consuming him and turned back around to find Buck waiting for him.

“Sorry,” Eddie called out, smiling apologetically.

“It’s no problem,” Buck said, hoping he sounded casual, then gestured towards the roof. “They look good. The flags.”

Eddie nodded and his smile widened. “Yeah, they do.”

Buck wanted to say more, ask him what was on his mind, but Eddie was already opening his door and climbing into the car, rushing to make up for the time they lost as he stared into the sky.

When they got home it was late. They had eaten supper at the station and Carla had already put Chris to bed, so they both hugged her good night and got settled in for the evening. Buck thought they could finally talk on the couch except Eddie retreated into the kitchen to pack Chris’s lunch for school the next day.

Buck let him go at first, but couldn’t take not knowing any longer and followed after Eddie just a few minutes later, finding him standing at the kitchen table cutting a sandwich in half and licking mayonnaise off his finger.

“I can sleep on the couch,” Buck announced loudly as he entered the room.

“Uh.” Eddie’s hands stilled, one finger still in his mouth, and he blinked heavily. “What?”

“I … I can sleep on the couch. I don’t mind,” Buck said, quiet but just as confident and willing to do whatever would make Eddie feel comfortable.

Eddie blinked again, still not following what was happening and held out a hand. “Um, no, you’re not sleeping on the couch. We’ve been over this. But also why would you sleep on the couch?”

“I just … in case you don’t want to share a bed with me,” Buck said, gaze dropping down to his feet. When he finally looked up he saw Eddie still looked utterly confused. “Cause, you know, I’m bi.”

Eddie exhaled in a mix of laughter and disbelief. “Have you not been bi the past two months we’ve been sleeping together?”

“Well yeah, I was, but you didn’t know I was and you’ve been kind of spaced out all day and I thought maybe you were uncomfortable with it now that you know so I … I can sleep on the couch if you need me to,” Buck rushed out, his voice getting quieter as he went.

Eddie nodded, starting to understand and put his weight against the kitchen table to lean closer to Buck.

“No, shit Buck … I’m sorry if you thought that was bothering me. It’s not. I mean this in the most supportive way possible, I don’t care that you’re bisexual, if that makes sense,” Eddie said, questioning that he was getting his point across.

“No, no it does,” Buck said with a relieved laugh.

“Okay, good. Cause I’m glad you told me, and I’m happy for you, but it doesn’t change anything. At least not for me.”

“Yeah, not for me either,” Buck agreed, shrugging self-consciously. “I already knew I was bi, so it’s all the same to me.”

“Right, makes sense,” Eddie laughed. “Did I say anything to make you think …?”

“No, no, I just, I kind of sprung it on you and I didn’t get to really talk to you about it so I … I guess I’ve just been spiraling all day, imagining worst case scenarios.”

“Well stop it. We’re cool.”

“Absolutely. The coolest. And I’m sorry too,” Buck said, gesturing towards Eddie now. “It’s kind of rude that I just assumed you had a problem with it.”

“No, I get it, I was spaced out a little today, but it wasn’t because of that. Not really,” Eddie said, his gaze going distant once more.

Buck finally moved further into the room, stopping just at the edge of the table. “Is it anything you want to talk about?”

“Sure,” Eddie said, motioning for Buck to join him. Buck tried to sit down gracefully, not wanting to break the fragile tension in the room, but ended up dropping onto the kitchen chair hard enough that it scraped loudly backwards a foot, earning him an incredulous look from Eddie.

“So uh, what’s up?” Buck asked, righting himself as quickly as possible.

Eddie shook his head as he huffed out a laugh before answering.

“It’s not really anything I guess, just thinking. I put the pride flags up on the roof and then I kind of realized I’d never really seen them before and just stared at them for awhile,” Eddie said.

“Well I already knew you hadn’t seen at least one of them,” Buck said, jabbing at Eddie’s misstep earlier that day in the lounge.

“I don’t just mean the bisexual one, though I might have actually never seen that one before. But even just the … the standard pride flag you know. Like, I know what it looks like but I grew up in Texas and then I spent five years in the military, and neither of those places is exactly known for embracing people who don’t fit in. I’ve seen the flag on like, a pack of Oreos or something, but I’ve never actually seen it raised up in the sky. Looking at them all waving above the building, where I worked, I just started thinking … I’m really happy I moved here.”

Eddie turned to Buck now, not finished, but meeting his friend’s eye and smiling warmly.

“For a lot of reasons,” he continued, “but mostly for Chris. Cause he’s growing up and if he ever needs to tell me something about who he is, you know, if he’s one of the letters, I’m glad I know people who can help me understand it all and that we live in a place that will accept him, as much as any place will. I guess I just realized that was important to me.”

It was Buck’s turn to smile warmly, touched as he often was by Eddie’s thoughtfulness. “Have I told you lately that you’re a really good dad?”

“Yeah, you should probably tone it back honestly, I’m starting to get a big head about it,” Eddie laughed.

“Well I’ll bring you back down to earth by roasting you mercilessly for saying your kid might be ‘one of the letters’,” Buck replied. “What the hell Eddie?”

“He could be one of the letters!” Eddie reiterated. “What? I’m supposed to say the whole alphabet?”

“It’s like five letters! Or just say queer,” Buck said but this made Eddie pull back slightly.

“Can I say that?” he asked quietly.

“As an umbrella term and in a non-derogatory manner, yes, you can say queer, even if you’re straight,” Buck said.

“Okay,” Eddie said, accepting this. “I asked Hen about some stuff, cause clearly I don’t know enough, but we didn’t talk about that.”

Buck’s smile widened. “Well, you have this queer person’s permission to use it. And for what it’s worth I think it’s really cool that you’re willing to say you don’t know enough about this stuff and learn about it. A lot of people, they get defensive if you point out that they got something wrong.”

“Well it’s not exactly my strong suit, but I want to try. So, I’d appreciate any help, if I mess up.”

“Yeah, of course.”

“And if you want to tell Chris you’re bi, I’m cool with that. If you want him to know. It’s up to you,” Eddie said.

“I think I’d like that,” Buck said, ducking his head shyly to hide his appreciative smile. “It doesn’t need to be a big thing, but I can’t believe I never told you.”

“It just never came up,” Eddie said, shrugging and turning back to packing Chris’s lunchbox. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Okay, as someone who just mentioned he spent his life split between Texas and the military, I need you to acknowledge how many dudes wouldn’t be cool sharing a bed with a guy who’s attracted to other guys.”

“That’s … fair. But also it doesn’t matter, it’s not like you’d be interested in me.”

Buck nearly choked on his own saliva.

“What? Eddie have you seen you?” Buck asked incredulously. “Even Hen has commented on how attractive you are. ‘What a Mighty Good Man’ starts playing when you walk into a room.”

It was Eddie’s turn to duck his head. It was hard to tell in the dim evening light of the kitchen but Buck thought he might have been blushing. At the very least he was biting back a smile as he waved a hand around aimlessly.

“Well, thanks, but even if that’s true, I’m not your type you know, I’m not … fun.”

“What?” Buck demanded. Eddie had never seen him look so offended. “First of all, you’re plenty fun. But do you think being fun is all I’d look for in a partner?”

“I don’t know. I just assumed you’d want someone more like you. More outgoing, lively.”

“You don’t think you’re fun,” Buck said in disbelief, looking to the ceiling for help. “We pulled a live grenade out of a guy’s leg the first day we met.”

Eddie pursed his lips and squinted. “Was that fun?”

“It was definitely lively! Either way, what I’m saying is, if I was dating right now you’d definitely be my type,” Buck said with a confident smirk that disappeared almost immediately when he realized what he had said. “And I hope that doesn’t immediately make you want to backtrack and not share a bed with me.”

“I think my virtue’s safe, it’s fine,” Eddie said with a laugh. He looked down to pack a mini-bag of Oreos in Chris’s lunchbox then his gaze turned thoughtful as he continued speaking, face aimed down towards the table. “For what it’s worth, I think you’d be my type too … if I was dating.”

If Eddie had been looking up, he would have seen Buck’s face open up with tragic vulnerability, touched that Eddie would offer such kind words but also ashamed because it made him feel … excited? As Eddie spoke, a warmth came to life in Buck’s belly, a tingling feeling of excitement and hope that moved up his spine and made him smile and shudder at the same time even as his mind told him not to fall any harder for his grieving, straight best friend.

But that was the thing about falling, most of the time there was no way to stop it.

“Thanks,” he replied eventually, trying not to stumble over his words. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Yeah,” Eddie said, still not looking up. “Good.”

Silence descended on the kitchen after that, uncomfortable for the first time in perhaps their entire relationship. Eddie finished packing Chris’s lunch, closed the lid and changed the topic to the weather. Buck let him.

That night they went to bed, turned out the lights, stared at opposite walls and didn’t sleep.

Chapter Text

The next few weeks passed normally, or as normally as weeks can pass when you’re recovering from a crushed leg at your best friend’s house who you may or may not have accidentally made a pass at when discussing your own bisexuality, which he may or may not have also reciprocated. Buck really couldn’t be sure because they never talked about it again, not Buck’s sexuality or their mutual agreement that they would date each other if given the chance. And things were fine. They weren’t great, but they were fine. Most days there was an underlying layer of tension between them that hadn’t been there before, but it wasn’t terrible, it didn’t keep them away from each other, it was just new. Like someone had woven a single thread of clumsy nervousness into their interactions, making them just a step out of sync where they used to be so at ease. It was most obvious when they looked at each other, or more specifically when they didn’t. Whereas they used to meet each other’s gaze during most conversations, discussing more with a look than words at times, now they still talked, but always facing away for as long as possible. Buck couldn’t guess what Eddie was feeling, but he knew the reason he had lost his footing was because every time he looked at Eddie he felt his chest get tight with something that wanted to overwhelm him, like longing and fear and desperation mixed together. Like every time he saw Eddie he wanted him to stay so bad that it just made him worry about Eddie leaving instead of enjoying the moment Eddie was there. Which was ridiculous because Eddie was there a lot. They still laughed and hung out and did chores together, they still had fun, but there was something else there now. Something that neither of them was ready to unpack yet.

But whatever it was it didn’t stop them from being friends, at some point they had made some unspoken agreement that they wouldn’t let it. Which was probably why Eddie was walking purposefully across the empty loft of the station towards the couch where Buck was camped out with his cast propped up on the coffee table.

“Hey, that telenovela you like is starting soon,” Buck called out teasingly as Eddie approached, though he was only half-joking since he knew Eddie did indeed tune into the soap opera from time to time. “You want to watch it?”

“No, I gotta do inventory,” Eddie answered too quickly.

“Uh huh.” Buck’s eyes narrowed suspiciously at Eddie’s lack of hesitation. “You’re taping it at home aren’t you?”

Eddie shrugged innocently. “Christopher might want to watch it after school.”

“Suuuure, Christopher,” Buck said, now fully teasing.

Eddie somehow managed to roll his eyes and still look fond as he smacked Buck on the shoulder. “You want to help me with inventory or not?”

“What’s in it for me?” Buck asked as though requesting a bribe even though they both knew he would definitely be helping no matter what.

“You get to use the clipboard,” Eddie offered, arms wide like it was a great deal.

Buck’s eyes lit up. “Oh, I do love that. It’s a good offer, but I want one more thing.”

“Like what?” Eddie asked suspiciously.

“Help me get down there on the pole, I don’t want to use the stairs.”

“Buck …”

“No one will know,” Buck promised, gesturing at the empty station. Eddie was man behind today and the team had just left for a call, meaning they wouldn’t be back for awhile. “We’re the only ones here.”

“Bobby said Athena might stop by,” Eddie reminded him.

“The chances of her coming in just as we’re doing something bad are …” Buck faltered at Eddie’s raised eyebrow. “… not zero, I admit. But come on. The stairs take forever, and honestly they’re more dangerous. I’ll be careful. Promise.”

“Ugh,” Eddie grumbled and tilted his head up with his hands on his hips as though looking for guidance. “Fine, but you can’t tell anyone I agreed to this.”

“Awesome, it’ll be our secret,” Buck agreed, grabbing his crutches and heading towards the fire pole as fast as possible. As much as he was trying to keep his spirits up about his recovery, as was the rest of the team and Maddie and Carla and Eddie and Christopher, he still couldn’t wait to get this damn cast off his leg. It was itchy and heavy and hard to walk in and forced him to sleep on his back every night and he dreamed of the day in two weeks when he would be switched into a walking cast that would at least let him bend his knee. Until then though, maybe he could finally have some fun while he and Eddie had the station to themselves.

“Don’t even think about going down first,” Eddie yelled, jogging to catch up.

“Well hurry up then. Pretty embarrassing that I’m faster than you,” Buck said with a mocking smile.

“It’s because you get all that exercise running your mouth,” Eddie said, smiling back, then put his hands on the pole and disappeared down to the ground floor. When he was out of sight Buck took a steadying breath to battle down the knots in his stomach that had started to form whenever Eddie smiled at him. He shook his head and told himself not to think about it.

“I’m telling Pepa you were mean to me,” Buck said through the opening in the floor to cover up his sudden nerves, but Eddie just shook his head.

“You’re proving my point.”

“Goddammit,” Buck muttered. Eddie had really backed him into a corner on this one. “Just take my crutches.”

Eddie was nice enough not to argue and just reached up towards the hole so Buck could hand his crutches down then waited underneath the opening for him.

“All right, be careful,” Eddie said pleadingly as Buck wrapped his hands around the top of the pole and got ready to go down.

“I’m fine Eds, I’ll land on my good leg, I promise,” Buck said and before Eddie could reply he hefted himself up and slid down the pole. All things considered, the slide was pretty anti-climactic. Despite his innate desire to do something thrilling, Buck still gripped the metal tightly to keep himself from sliding down too fast, and ended up landing at a speed not dissimilar to Christopher’s when he would go down the thing. Also like Christopher, Eddie stood at the bottom waiting for him and put his hands on Buck’s waist to keep him steady as he landed on one leg at the bottom.

“Thanks,” Buck said, quieter than he probably should have, shocked by how good it felt to have Eddie’s hands wrapped around him. He learned they were really strong and then immediately tried to forget that fact.

“No problem,” Eddie replied then moved away quickly to get Buck’s crutches that were leaned against the wall and kept his gaze glued to the floor as he handed them over. And just like that they were back to not making eye contact again, too scared by whatever this charge was between them to look at each other and let it build up any more energy.

“Was it everything you dreamed?” Eddie asked, motioning towards the pole and making an effort to keep his tone casual, normal. They were completely normal. Nothing was happening here.

“Not quite yet,” Buck said, shrugging over his crutches. “But it’ll get there.”

“Yeah, it will,” Eddie agreed, then jutted his thumb towards the inventory closet. “Come on, we got a clipboard with your name on it.”

“Lead the way,” Buck said, following after Eddie into the supply room. Some people called it a closet, but honestly with the amount of supplies they needed to be stocked up on, it could only be called a room as it easily fit Buck and Eddie inside along with two giant shelving units of medical supplies and a large medical safe at the back with their drugs and blood supply. As Buck walked in he pulled the inventory clipboard off its spot on the back of the door and sighed contently.

“You know, I thought I just missed the exciting stuff, fighting fires and rappelling down buildings, but there’s something to be said for all the other parts of this job too,” Buck said happily, then clicked the pen attached to the clipboard several times for posterity’s sake and leaned against the wall, ready to get started.

“I’m glad one of us likes it. What’s first?” Eddie asked, standing in front of the shelving unit like he was ready for a battle.

“Let’s see. Pressure Bandages, bracket small,” Buck read off. Eddie found the bandages section easily and counted the boxes there.

“Six boxes of twenty,” Eddie reported, which Buck wrote down.

“All right, Pressure Bandages, bracket medium,” Buck said and didn’t miss the way Eddie fought back a smile at the way he read off the list.

“Five boxes of twenty-five,” Eddie said, then his brow furrowed. “Why do these ones come in twenty-five?”

“We don’t get paid to ask those questions, Eddie,” Buck said, never looking up from the clipboard.

“You’re not getting paid to be here at all,” Eddie pointed out.

“Which you would think would make you appreciate my help a little bit more,” Buck shot back but didn’t wait for a reply, moving down the list methodically. “Pressure Bandages, bracket large.”

“Four boxes of twenty,” Eddie said, then muttered and shook his head. “Back to twenty.”

“Less questioning, more counting,” Buck said with playful sternness. “Tongue depressors.”

The tongue depressors were on a low shelf that took Eddie a moment to find but he eventually answered. “Two boxes of fifty, and one opened box with like, 25 loose.”

“Like 25?” Buck asked incredulously. “You gotta count them Eddie.”

“They’re tongue depressors Buck. They’re five cents each. No one cares if we know exactly how many we have,” Eddie said.

“Uh, of course they do. That’s why we do inventory. If I put down the wrong number of tongue depressors, then the next time someone does inventory the numbers won’t match. If the numbers don’t match in the system, our firehouse could get audited. Bobby could get investigated. We could all get suspended, or fired, it’s a snowball system meant to crush guys like us Eddie,” Buck said, becoming surprisingly riled up and passionate as he monologued.

“You think we’re all gonna get fired … over tongue depressors?” Eddie asked, his tone bordering on incredulous.

“There’s a chance,” Buck said, not backing down. “And there’s no reason to risk it. So if you could count those tongue depressors properly please.”

Eddie shook his head and walked away. “I think I heard the door.”

“Eddie, our jobs depend on you counting these!” Buck shouted, knowing he couldn’t catch his friend as he speed walked away from his antics.

But Eddie just laughed and motioned to the hall in front of him.

“I’m serious!” he yelled back and Buck could see through the slit in the doorway that Eddie was indeed walking towards the side door and not just running away from Buck’s lecture. The bay doors were closed and locked when the trucks were gone out so the side door was the only way inside. Assuming it was just Athena coming in, Buck looked down at his clipboard to see how much more they had to do but then he looked up sharply when he heard Eddie’s voice echoing down the hall in a tone that he definitely wouldn’t use for Athena.

“Can I help you guys with something?” Eddie asked, his tone tight and questioning.

Buck pushed himself off the wall and tried to lean out to see who Eddie was talking to but he only made it a few inches before the smacking sound of something hard hitting flesh filled the air and Eddie stumbled back into view, clutching at his head and tripping into the secondary engine parked in the bay.

“Eddie!” Buck yelled out in concern and rushed forward as quickly as his crutches allowed.

Eddie looked up when he heard his name, his face scrunched in pain and confusion. When he saw Buck coming towards him he instinctively put a hand up, desperately motioning for him to stay back, but it was too late, Buck was already in the hallway.

“Don’t move! Both of you!”

The voice was loud and shaky enough to stop Buck in his tracks. He turned around to see two men coming towards them, he could tell they were white but not much else about them as they were both wearing baggy clothes, a baseball cap and sunglasses. More importantly they each carried a handgun, held straight out and pointed directly at Buck and Eddie.

“Nobody fucking move!” the second man shouted. His voice was angrier than his friend’s and his gun swung around more easily between the two firefighters who stayed stock still as instructed.

“Easy,” Eddie requested, staying where he was against the engine but putting his hands up to hopefully calm the men down.

“Shut up!” the same man told him and brought his gun dangerously close to Eddie’s face. Buck nearly stopped breathing at the sight of a gun barrel pushed against Eddie’s temple but for his part Eddie just stiffened, clenched his jaw and did as he was told.

“Whatever you guys want you don’t need …”

It was Buck’s turn to get a gun shoved in his face, cutting him off mid-sentence.

“We said shut up!” the first man said, quieter but no less threatening than his friend. Buck immediately went quiet when the gun moved towards him, but his brow also furrowed at the sound of the man’s voice. Shifting his eyes away from the gun, Buck took a closer look at the man’s face and tried to imagine it without the hat, glasses and beard. Oh shit. Buck’s eyes widened. He knew who this was.

“Who else is here?” the man demanded and now Buck lowered his eyes, not wanting to reveal that he recognized him.

“No one, it’s just us. I’m man behind,” Eddie said, unaware of the turmoil going on in Buck’s head.

The first man nodded at this, accepting it, but the second gunman looked at Buck. “And what the fuck are you doing here?”

“I’m just hanging out. I’m on medical leave,” Buck stuttered out, pointing down at his cast.

This made the man laugh. “Picked a hell of a day to come chill, didn’t you?”

Buck looked down the barrel of the gun and swallowed noticeably. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Get over there with your pal,” the man said and pushed Buck before he had a chance to move. The force would have knocked him over but Eddie lunged forward and caught him, pulling him upright to stand against the engine with him. Buck nodded in gratitude but refrained from talking again, very aware of the multiple guns and orders to be quiet.

“You got this?” The first man asked, turning to his companion.

“Yeah, go, get the shit,” the second man said. Buck looked him over from the corner of his eye but he wasn’t familiar, not like the first gunman. Marcus, his mind supplied, even as he reminded himself not to say anything.

“All right,” Marcus said, then tucked his gun into the back of his pants and disappeared into the supply room, leaving Eddie and Buck alone with Marcus’s gun happy friend.

“Nobody moves or does anything stupid and we’ll be out of here in a few minutes,” the man said, standing a few feet in front of them and moving his gun constantly between the two of them. “Keep quiet and no one gets hurt. Cool?”

“Yeah, yeah cool,” Buck said, nodding enthusiastically with the proposed plan. He looked over at Eddie and watched his friend stand up straighter, looking shockingly unperturbed to have a gun pointed at him. Four years in a literal warzone would do that to you he supposed. He could see that Eddie’s eyes were squinted slightly but Buck thought it was probably from pain, not fear, judging by the red, swelling mark on Eddie’s jaw where it looked like he got pistol whipped. He wanted to check it out but knew now wasn’t the time. Instead he swallowed and nodded reassuringly when Eddie eventually turned to meet his eye, though the movement was reluctant, like Eddie didn’t want to take his eyes off the gunman, which was probably another thing that had been drilled into him in the army. Hopefully Eddie wouldn’t need to use any of his training and these guys would get out of here fast like they said they would.

“Fuck!” Marcus shouted from the supply room. Buck cringed. It didn’t sound like they were getting out of here quickly after all.

“What?” the gunman yelled towards the back room. “What’s going on?!”

Marcus emerged from the room in a panic, swiping at his mouth and practically stomping in frustration. “It’s a different safe!”

“What?”

“It’s a different safe!” Marcus repeated, shouting in his friend’s face. “It won’t fucking open!”

“You said you could open it!”

“I could open the old one, it only had one combination! This one’s digital and shit!” Marcus replied, his anger rising before his attention swung back to their two hostages. They had been forgotten for a moment and both guns had moved significantly far from them, to the point where Buck had seen Eddie tense up and wondered if he was about to make a move, but the moment passed when Marcus pulled his gun up and stalked towards them.

“What’s the combination to the drug safe?” he demanded, gun moving between the two of them.

Buck swallowed and Eddie shook his head. “I don’t know.”

“Don’t lie to me!” Marcus screamed pushing his gun against Eddie’s forehead.

“He doesn’t know!” Buck shouted, backing up Eddie’s claim, which was also the truth. “Only Bobby and paramedics know the combination now. We’re both front lines. They changed it after you …”

Buck cut himself off, realizing he had said too much, but it was too late, Marcus swung his gun in Buck’s direction with intense interest.

“After I what, Buck?” he asked, emphasizing Buck’s name with marked familiarity. Buck swallowed. The game was up, it was obvious he knew who Marcus was.

“After you got fired,” Buck muttered. For stealing drugs from the drug safe, he added in his head but kept that piece of information to himself.

“Yeah, after I got fired,” Marcus repeated bitterly then shifted his gaze to Eddie who looked confused by the entire conversation.

“This my replacement?” Marcus asked, seemingly unimpressed and angry.

Eddie raised his hands higher and tried to look non-threatening. “Hey, I’m just trying to do my job man.”

“Well, you better do it perfectly or they’ll kick you out on the street without a second thought!” Marcus hissed. Buck wanted to point out that wasn’t true, that Bobby had been merciful to not press charges when Marcus stole half the narcotics they had on hand to both sell and use, and they had all tried desperately to get him to go into drug counseling, but the former firefighter had disappeared off the face of the Earth and lost all contact after his mandatory suspension. Bobby had had no choice but to fire him. It had indeed meant that Eddie was eventually hired to fill his spot, which Buck was of course grateful for, but it didn’t mean that the dismissal had been anyone’s fault other than Marcus’s.

“Enough with the fucking reunion. We gotta get what we came for and get out of here,” Marcus’s buddy said impatiently.

“Let me fucking think Nick!” Marcus demanded, apparently believing that Buck and Eddie didn’t know the combination to the new safe that Bobby had purchased to keep another Marcus situation from happening. Right now the Marcus situation happening was that he looked like he had a brilliant idea.

“We’ll grab the saws,” Marcus said, pointing at the cabinet on the wall where they kept the extra equipment. “We’ll cut through the safe.”

In theory it wasn’t a bad idea, the saws could usually cut through anything. Except Buck and Eddie had actually tried to saw through a safe a few months ago and it hadn’t gone well. Granted, that had been a bank vault, not a drug safe, but Buck was still confident that it was going to take a lot longer than Marcus seemed to think it would and honestly he wanted them out of here.

“Um, I know where the combination is, if that helps,” Buck said, drawing the attention of everyone in the room. “I just … the saws might take awhile and you guys seem to be in a rush.”

“You know the goddamn combination?” Nick hissed, and pushed forward menacingly towards Buck, enough so that Eddie took a half step in front of him to block his path.

“I don’t know what it is, I know where it is,” Buck repeated, looking at Marcus now, the more reasonable of the two gunmen. “Bobby changes it once a week but he writes it down in a yellow notebook, in his office.”

Marcus took this in and grit his teeth so hard Buck thought he heard his jaw crack.

“If you’re lying …”

Buck cut him off before the threat could finish. “Come on man, I don’t care if you empty the safe out. I just want us all to get home tonight.”

Marcus seemed to consider this then turned to Eddie. “You seen this notebook?”

Eddie looked at Buck, pretty sure he knew what he was talking about.

“The little one? This big?” Eddie asked, bringing his hands to a pocket-sized square. Buck nodded. “Yeah, I know it.”

“All right,” Marcus said, accepting this. He looked at Nick then motioned towards Buck. “Stay and watch him. You -” he pointed at Eddie with his gun “-upstairs with me. Help me find this fucking book.”

“Okay, just, be cool,” Eddie said as he put his hands up and carefully moved away from the engine. As he walked past Buck he slowed down and turned his head, meeting Buck’s gaze for a long moment, sending a clear but silent message that was half commanding and half pleading. Don’t do anything until I get back.

Buck nodded quickly, not that there was much he could do with his cast, but he wanted to reassure Eddie anyway and tried to send back his own message.

Be safe.

Somehow Eddie seemed to understand and nodded in response before picking up his pace and heading towards the staircase that led to the loft along with Marcus.

Buck watched them go, holding his breath every time Marcus shifted his gun hand the smallest amount, but once they reached the lounge he lost sight of them and could only imagine the rest of the trek to Bobby’s office. That left him alone with Nick, who seemed more agitated than Marcus, which wasn’t helping Buck’s nerves. The guy started pacing the second Marcus disappeared from view, clearly nervous about how long the entire thing was taking and even muttered to himself a few times, gun hand gesturing wildly. It was upsetting, but Buck was at least grateful that he seemed to have him not pegged as a threat, likely due to the fact that he could barely walk in his cast, but it at least meant his gun didn’t point in his direction often.

“What does this safe even look like? Can we carry the thing?” Nick asked suddenly. The question seemed mostly for himself as he marched into the supply room where the safe was stored before Buck had a chance to even contemplate an answer.

Buck sighed in relief to have him gone even for a moment, but then his head turned sharply at the sound of the side door opening again. Oh shit. Athena.

Sure enough there she was, strolling through the door like she had a dozen times before, eyes scanning the empty station, relaxed but alert as always until her eyes fell on Buck and she smiled in greeting.

He didn’t know what to do. Training had never covered this particular scenario. Nick was still in the supply room and couldn’t see Athena coming but he would hear if Buck tried to talk to her or move from where he was leaned against the engine, especially with his crutches on the ground across the hall. Adrenaline made the choice for him and he started gesturing wildly towards her, crossing his arms in a “no” gesture several times, motioning for her to go back and finally mouthing the word “gun” and making a shooting motion with his hand.

Thankfully Athena knew Buck well enough to know when he was joking and when he was being deadly serious, and despite him basically playing charades at her, the smile still dropped off her face as she watched him gesticulate. She took a step forward on instinct, but when Buck motioned her back she stepped to the side, hid behind a pillar and unholstered her gun. Resisting the urge to say anything, her eyes tore away from Buck to scan the rest of the station, which meant she didn’t miss it when Nick emerged from the supply room, still rambling with his gun still waving.

“Dammit we can’t move that shit. Where the fuck are they we …”

“LAPD! Freeze!” Athena shouted, head and gun arm poking out from behind the concrete pillar down the hall.

Buck pushed himself as far back against the engine as he could and watched as Nick spun around in confusion, gun still at his side.

“What?” he muttered, shoulders raising and breathing speeding up.

“Drop the gun and put your hands up!” Athena said, loud and clear, gesturing towards his hand.

“No, no, no,” Nick hissed and took a single step back as though to take in the extent of the situation, taking it all in before he decided what to do. Buck saw when he made a decision, the wrong one.

“No, man, don’t …” Buck started to say and probably would have even run forward if he wasn’t in a cast, but instead all he could do was stand there as Nick brought up his gun hand and aimed at Athena.

He never got a shot off. Athena pulled the trigger before he even had a chance to aim. Buck jumped as the sound of the shot reverberated through the empty fire station and then Nick was falling to the ground, his breath leaving his lungs in a loud exhale as he landed on the concrete.

Buck watched him fall and could feel himself shaking. Of all the tragedies he had seen on the job, he had never watched someone get shot before. Before he could collect himself Athena rushed by to kick Nick’s gun away out of reach. It was then Buck noticed the man was still breathing. A bloodstain was starting to form on his chest, but it was high, near the shoulder. Buck was pretty sure it missed his lung.

“Buck!” Athena shouted and he was pretty sure it wasn’t the first time she had said it. “Are you okay?”

He blinked and then shook his head. “Eddie!”

Athena’s brow furrowed in confusion and she looked around the empty engine bay.

“Where is he?”

“There’s a second gunman, he’s upstairs with Eddie, we gotta …”

A gunshot echoed through the air.

Buck flinched away, looked at Athena and then at Nick to see if he had gotten his gun back somehow, but neither of them had fired.

The shot had come from upstairs.

“Eddie,” Buck whispered, a curtain of red tunneling his vision as he looked for Eddie. He needed to get to Eddie. He tried to get to the stairs and stumbled, held up only by Athena rushing to his side.

“I’ve got Eddie, you stay here,” Athena told him firmly as she pushed him back against the engine for balance.

“No, I gotta …”

“What you have to do is stay here and get me some damn back-up,” she said, cutting him off. She pulled the radio off her shoulder and shoved it into his chest. “Call it in. Now Buck!”

She didn’t wait for his acknowledgement. As soon as his fingers wrapped around the radio she took off, gun held low as she went up the stairs in a crouch, trying to assess the situation. Buck watched her go, hating the cast on his leg more than ever as he was forced to stay where he was, though he was certain Athena was grateful for the damn thing keeping him out of her way right now. She was also thankful that Buck was a trained professional, because even as he kept his eyes on Athena’s progress he brought her radio up to his lips.

“Dispatch this is Firefighter Evan Buckley we need police and medical units to Firehouse 118 immediately. We have at least one wounded and multiple shots fired. Sargeant Grant is on scene and needs back-up ASAP.”

“Firefighter Buckley we’re dispatching units to your location now,” dispatch replied and Buck was pretty sure the voice was Sue Blevens, the floor manager. He knew she was efficient and controlled and help would be here as soon as possible. “Can you give us more information on the situation?”

“Two gunmen came into the station to rob the drug safe. Sargeant Grant shot one of them, he needs medical attention,” Buck said then looked up to the loft but couldn’t see anyone, not Athena or Eddie or Marcus. He swallowed and continued his report. “The other one is upstairs with Firefighter Diaz. There was a gunshot. I … I don’t know if he’s okay.”

Chapter Text

Eddie didn’t know if he was going to be okay.

He had been on edge since the two would-be robbers had entered the station, obviously, but he was struggling more mentally than he was physically, at least at the moment. As he walked up the stairs with Marcus and headed towards Bobby’s office, he asked himself, not for the first time, if he should just disarm this man and get it over with. He didn’t think it would be difficult. Eddie had been trained to disarm combatants and knew he could easily overpower the other man, judging by his drug-addled physical frame, but it didn’t take a lot of strength to pull a trigger and a shot could always go wild. He couldn’t try anything downstairs, not with two of them and Buck being immobilized, but up here, one on one, his odds were much better.

But he could also just give these guys the drugs and let them walk away, no shots fired, no one hurt. It was a good option, and if he hadn’t already been sucker punched when they walked in he might be leaning more towards it, but they had shown they could be surprisingly violent.

They reached Bobby’s office, Eddie leading the way while Marcus followed with his gun out, and Eddie opened the door, still battling with himself about what to do. At the moment he needed to find that notebook, which would at least distract and possibly appease the two intruders.

“I think it’s in his desk,” Eddie said, then started to make his way around the office.

“Easy,” Marcus said, not liking the casual way Eddie moved.

Eddie scoffed. “Bobby used to be your captain. You think he keeps weapons in here? He doesn’t even have a letter opener.”

“He could have bought one, it’s been awhile,” Marcus said and took a step closer to Eddie with his gun held high. “So take it slow.”

“Fine, whatever you say,” Eddie said and meant it. He was about to turn around and start his search when they both perked up at the sound of muffled voices from downstairs. Bobby’s office had thick walls and was as far from the engine bay as possible, making it impossible to hear exactly what was going on. Marcus took a step back and tried to lean out the door to see what was happening but he only made it halfway out before a gunshot rang through the air, startling them both. Marcus pulled himself in tightly, clearly not used to the sound despite the weapon he was holding. Eddie didn’t flinch but he straightened his shoulders and inhaled sharply in fear.

Buck.

“Nick?” Marcus called out softly, almost timid as he turned away from Eddie and started to walk out the door. He didn’t get far. Eddie tackled him from behind, pushing him headfirst into the wall of the office, while he kept one hand on Marcus’s wrist, forcing the gun to stay pointed at the air. Marcus gasped in surprise and squeezed down, firing off a single shot that went wide but made Eddie’s ears ache as it went off right next to his head. Marcus tried to push back against him but Eddie slammed his wrist against the wall, forcing him to drop his gun, then spun him around and smashed his head against Bobby’s desk.

Papers, placards and a calculator all fell to the ground, but so did Marcus, and that was all it took. The former firefighter laid still and unconscious on the floor among the detritus from Bobby’s desk and Eddie breathed in heavily, trying to calm himself down.

That had been reckless but he needed to know what had happened to Buck.

He bent down and picked up Marcus’s discarded gun, muscle memory kicking in as he automatically checked the magazine and flipped off the safety. If he let himself think about it, it would disturb him, how easily he armed himself, how quickly it all came back. He hadn’t held a gun since Afghanistan, but there was another gunman downstairs and Buck may be hurt and nothing was going to stop him from getting to him. Especially not a few bad memories.

Except when he stood up the world started spinning. He closed his eyes and breathed through his nose, warding off a bout of nausea undoubtedly caused by the mix of a head injury and a rattled ear drum. He took a moment to steady himself against the wall then moved forward, gun held down and crouched low so as not to be seen from downstairs.

He came out of Bobby’s office and swung his gaze around the lounge. It looked empty, at first, but there, a flash of brown hair and black clothing. He started to raise his gun, but Nick had been wearing a hat and a blue hoodie.

“LAPD put your hands up!” a voice shouted, muffled by his ringing ears but still familiar and welcome.

He sighed in relief. “Athena?”

“Eddie?” she called back, lifting her head up tentatively. He raised his empty hand to wave it was okay and then stood up at the same time as her.

“Thank god, we heard a gunshot,” she said, relieved but questioning as she approached him, her gun still held low.

“I knocked the other guy out, the shot went wild, I’m okay,” Eddie explained, then he looked at her imploringly, heart beating out of his chest. “There was a shot downstairs. Buck …?”

“He’s fine, he’s not hurt,” she said. His eyes closed in relief. He could breathe. He could breathe. When he opened his eyes again Athena continued as though he hadn’t needed a moment. “He’s calling it all in, or at least he’s supposed to be. I had to shoot the one downstairs.”

Eddie nodded, not doubting her judgment.

“Do me a favor, give me that,” she said and pointed at the gun in his hand. He handed it over, handle first and watched as she holstered it. “I’ll cuff this one. The one downstairs is alive but bleeding out. He could use medical assistance, if you’re up to it. I don’t know how far out an ambulance is.”

“No, I got it. I’ll go check on him,” Eddie said, his professional mask slipping back easily with a job to do.

“Thank you, I appreciate it,” Athena said and Eddie knew she meant it, having no desire to kill the would-be robber even if he had pulled a gun on her.

He had also pulled a gun on Buck. Threatened him. Could have killed him. But Athena hadn’t let him. Eddie shook his head and squeezed her shoulder.

“Thank you.”

~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~

Back-up was coming but hadn’t arrived yet, which meant there was no one there to help Buck reach his crutches. He had finished reporting in to dispatch and now he needed to know what was happening upstairs. He had to know what happened to Eddie, but to do that he needed his crutches which is why he had one hand wrapped around the railing of the driver’s door of the engine, anchoring him to lean over far enough that his fingertips could just barely grasp the handle of one of his crutches.

“Come on,” he muttered, releasing his grip on the door slightly to get an extra half an inch. And that was it. His fingers closed around the squishy material at the top of his crutch and he had it in his grasp. He pulled it in and stood up, sticking the crutch under his shoulder, then he was ready to go. He’d make do with just one. He needed to find Eddie.

Except when he looked up there he was, rushing down the stairs.

“Eddie!” Buck yelled, relieved, overjoyed, and just a little bit scared still like maybe it wasn’t him somehow. Like maybe things weren’t actually okay.

But then Eddie saw him and his face broke out in a relieved gasp that propelled him forward until his arms were around Buck crushing him tight.

“Thank god,” Eddie said, breathing into Buck’s hair. “I heard the shot and …”

“I heard the shot!” Buck said, hugging him back, fingers digging in tight, refusing to let go. “I thought you were …”

He couldn’t say it but he felt Eddie nod against his ear and knew his friend had feared the same thing.

“I’m okay,” Eddie said reassuringly. “The shot went wide. I’m not hurt.”

It was Buck’s turn to nod. He closed his eyes and leaned further against Eddie, letting himself feel that the other man was alive. That he hadn’t lost a piece of himself he had just found.

The moment was broken by a wretched moan behind them. Eddie pulled away and his gaze moved to Nick who laid on the ground a few feet away, bleeding.

“Not everyone can say the same though,” Eddie muttered and then he was moving, kneeling down next to Nick to take his pulse at the neck.

“How far out was an ambulance?” Eddie asked, looking up at Buck as he hopped over on one crutch.

“Eight minutes,” Buck said and didn’t miss Eddie’s shocked look at the slow response time. Buck shrugged. “We’re literally as far from another station as you can get.”

“All right, we’ll need to get to work then. Help me?” Eddie asked, his shorthand way of asking if Buck was sturdy enough to assist.

“Yeah, of course,” Buck said. He would give Eddie anything he needed.

“Okay,” Eddie said, his gaze drifting for a moment as he thought about what he needed then he disappeared into the supply room. He came back a moment later with one of the extra med kits they kept stocked inside and knelt down by Nick and motioned for Buck to take the other side. Buck had to lower himself down on his crutch to get to the floor but made it without injury.

“It’s a through and through,” Eddie reported, leaning over Nick to inspect the wound. He reached into the medkit and pulled out two large pressure bandages which he handed to Buck. “Apply pressure on the front and back, I’m gonna start a line.”

“Got it,” Buck said, ripping the packages open with his teeth and then applying both at the same time, sandwiching the wound between his two hands. This pulled a pained squeak out of Nick who tried to look at his wound but was pulled away by Eddie snapping his fingers in his face.

“Hey, Nick, right? Look at me. You’re gonna be okay, all right,” Eddie said, reassuring their patient as he unfurled IV lines. “An ambulance is on its way and we’re going to take care of you until then.”

“You are?” Nick asked, his voice quiet, surprised even as he watched the men work to save his life.

“Yes. We’re not gonna give up on you, that’s not what we do,” Eddie said.

Nick’s eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry I didn’t … I just needed …”

“Hey it’s okay,” Buck said, taking over the patient duties while Eddie readied a needle. “We know you didn’t want to hurt anyone.”

Nick nodded, gulping back tears, but desperately trying to agree. “I didn’t.”

“Okay, Nick, hey, look at me,” Eddie said then held up the needle he was about to inject. “You have any drug allergies I should know about?”

“I wish,” he said with a scoff towards the ceiling. “Maybe then I wouldn’t be in this mess.”

Buck and Eddie both laughed, a miracle in the circumstances.

“Well, you’re going to get what you came for at least,” Buck said with a shrug as Eddie injected the painkiller. Nick’s laugh trailed off almost immediately as the drugs hit his system fast.

“Whoa,” he said, eyes rolling back pleasantly.

“All right, keep pressure on,” Eddie said to Buck, back to business. “I’ve gotta set up the LifePak.”

They worked mostly in silence for the next few minutes now that Nick was doped up and drifting away, knowing instinctively what needed to be done like they always do in an emergency. The sound of sirens eventually drifted in to the firehouse letting them know back-up was almost there. Cop cars arrived before an ambulance however and Eddie had to hold up a calming hand as two patrol officers came rushing in with their guns drawn to assess the scene.

“Easy,” Eddie said. “Everything’s under control. We’re LAFD.”

“Dispatch said Sargeant Grant was on scene and needed assistance,” one of the officers said as they both lowered their guns only slightly.

“She’s upstairs with the second suspect. He was unconscious last I saw him. You can check in with her,” Eddie said, motioning towards the stairs.

“Hey, what’s the ETA on the ambulance?” Buck asked before they could disappear.

“They’re outside, we told them to stand down until the scene was cleared.”

Eddie and Buck sighed in slight annoyance but nodded in understanding, knowing this was standard procedure in a dangerous situation and only put in place to protect firefighters from armed suspects.

“Well get them in here, this guy needs a hospital,” Buck said, gesturing to Nick’s clearly deteriorating state.

“I’ll check in with Grant,” the first officer said, heading upstairs while the second radioed that the paramedics could come in. A few moments later the door burst open with Captain Mehta and two paramedics entering with a gurney and med packs.

“Diaz, Buckley,” Mehta said in greeting, a hint of relief in his voice. “You’re looking better than I expected when I got a call about a shooting at your firehouse.”

“Yeah, we got lucky,” Eddie agreed, then shifted to clear space for the paramedic from the 133 who was coming in to assess the patient.

“Single GSR, through and through,” Eddie reported to them. “He’s had morphine and his pressure’s holding steady. He’s got a history of drug abuse but no allergies he knows about.”

“Sounds good,” the other medic said with a satisfied nod. Her turnouts said Wheeler on the back.

“Let’s get him loaded up,” Mehta said.

“We gotta get called to other stations more often,” Wheeler said as they loaded Nick onto the gurney. “Work’s all done for us.”

“We’re full service here at the 118,” Buck said grimly, still sitting on the floor until Eddie offered him a hand up along with his crutches.

“All right, we got him from here,” Mehta said when Nick was loaded up.

“Oh officer,” Buck called out, getting the attention of the cop standing nearby. “You might have to go with them. He kind of tried to rob us at gunpoint and needs to be arrested.”

“Got it,” the officer said, following after the gurney and shooting Buck a look as he passed. “You two must have had quite the day.”

“You’ve got no idea,” Eddie grumbled.

“Glad you’re both okay,” Mehta yelled back from the door as he shook his head in disbelief.

“Yeah,” Buck said loudly, waving good-bye as the 133 vanished as quickly as they appeared. Then he looked at Eddie, his voice softer. “We’re okay, right?”

“Ask me again tomorrow,” Eddie replied, just as soft, looking down at the mess around them, with blood splattered on the floor and used up medical supplies laid out everywhere from working on Nick.

“You’re probably going to be here until then,” a voice said behind them and they turned to find Athena coming down the stairs. “An officer-involved shooting at a firehouse, people are gonna have a lot of questions.”

“Athena, you had to, he raised his gun,” Buck said, catching the worried look in her eye when she mentioned the upcoming investigation.

“I appreciate that Buck. Whatever happens though, I’m just glad you boys are both okay,” she said but her eyes were at the door where the 133 had left with their patient.

“We’re good, and I think he will be too,” Eddie said, pointing towards the doorway. “His vitals were steady and no interrupted breath sounds. I don’t think you hit a lung. He should be fine.”

Athena sighed in relief. “I do like to hear that. Thank you.”

“Um, what should we do now?” Buck asked, gesturing around them. Normally this was the part where they packed up their things and left, but they were already at the station and were also witnesses to several crimes.

“You’ll have to stick around until a detective gets here, and don’t touch anything until the crime scene unit looks over it all,” Athena said.

“Does that mean we can’t go upstairs?” Buck asked.

“Afraid so. One of the suspects was up there, it has to be processed,” she said apologetically.

“Can we wait in the bunk room? No one went back there,” Eddie said. “Buck needs to get off his feet.”

“Um … if one of us needs to rest it’s you,” Buck said, affronted. “You got punched in the face.”

“You can both go wait in the bunk room,” Athena said, cutting off their argument before it escalated. “I’ll get you when the detective’s here.”

“All right, come on,” Eddie said, leading the way so he could hold open the door. Buck shuffled in after him and tried not to look too eager as he headed straight for the nearest bunk. Despite briefly arguing with Eddie that he was fine, his leg was actually killing him after being jostled around so much, especially now that the adrenaline was wearing off, so he dropped himself onto the nearest mattress and sighed with relief.

Eddie started to follow suit but was stopped by Buck who had a sudden concerned look in his eye.

“Can you grab that medkit off the wall?” Buck asked.

“Yeah, sure,” Eddie said, grabbing the small white case with the cross on it and moving back over to the bunks. As he handed it to Buck his eyes swept over his friend, trying to catalogue any injuries he couldn’t see, which just made Buck chuckle.

“It’s not for me,” Buck said, then motioned to the empty spot on the bed next to him. “Sit down, let me look at your head.”

“I’m fine,” Eddie said, putting his hands on his hips and making a show of not sitting down.

“You got something better to do? We’re stuck in here, come on, humor me. At the very least I can prescribe you an aspirin,” Buck said, shaking the small bottle of painkillers from the med kit enticingly.

Eddie rolled his eyes but sat down and reached for the pill bottle. “Fine.”

“Oh no,” Buck said and pulled the pills out of reach. “You’ll get your prescription after your check up.”

“You’re not even a medic Buck,” Eddie grumbled but didn’t move as Buck started poking through the med-kit looking for something.

“Not technically but I can still do a concussion check. At least I can if I have …” he trailed off, not finding what he was looking for until he glanced up and his eyes landed on Eddie’s chest.

“Aha! I’ll take that,” he said and pulled the penlight out of Eddie’s front shirt pocket.

“I’m not concussed,” Eddie said matter of factly even as he shook his head fondly at Buck’s over the top medical antics.

“Well then this won’t hurt,” Buck said then clicked the pen directly into Eddie’s eyes and hummed knowingly when Eddie flinched away. “Uh huh. Sensitivity to light is one of the first symptoms of a concussion.”

Eddie frowned, yanked the pen light away and shone it in Buck’s eyes who also flinched away.

“Everyone flinches if you shine a light directly into their eyes, Buck. The test is for peripheral sensitivity,” Eddie said.

“Okay, fair enough,” Buck conceded, but then he motioned toward Eddie’s forehead pleadingly. “At least let me bandage it.”

“Yeah, fine,” Eddie said, leaning forward to let Buck reach him easier.

“Thanks,” Buck said. His fingers probed the area gently, never touching the small cut under Eddie’s eye as he worked. Then he looked through the medkit again, sorting through the alcohol wipes and bandage options. “Too bad Chris isn’t here, he’d have a Spider-Man bandage with your name on it.”

“This might be the only time I’m happy Chris isn’t here,” Eddie said. His eyes moved to the floor and they both went quiet as they unwillingly pictured what could have happened if Chris had been at the station at the same time as the two gunmen, then simultaneously decided it wasn’t worth thinking about.

“I’ll uh, put a little Neosporin on it, so it heals faster,” Buck said about Eddie’s injury. “Nothing I can do about the black eye you’re going to have though. You’ll be quite the sight at Parent-Teacher night.”

“Oh god, is that coming up?” Eddie asked, more distressed by this news than the bandage Buck was placing on his head.

“Yeah, this week I think,” Buck said.

“Dammit,” Eddie muttered and pulled out his phone, the light of which immediately made him cringe. “Fuck.”

Buck yanked the phone out of his hand.

“Okay, that’s concussion behavior,” Buck said.

“Buuuuck,” Eddie said threateningly, but Buck just held the phone out further.

“You know the protocol, no screens for 24 hours. It’ll just make your head hurt worse,” Buck said and only let his guard down when Eddie’s face looked like he may actually concede to Buck’s point. “What were you looking up? I’ll find it for you.”

Eddie sighed but let Buck keep his phone. “Chris’s school has an online calendar, I’ve got it bookmarked. Check when parent-teacher night is for me.”

“All right,” Buck said and turned his attention to the phone. Eddie already had a browser open to Google, but it was a different brand of phone than Buck owned so his finger hovered for a moment, looking for the Bookmarks button. In the split second he hesitated, a drop menu appeared below the Google search bar auto-filling with, what he realized too late, was Eddie’s most recent search history, which Buck literally couldn’t stop himself from reading as his eyes scanned the page.

what do all the letters mean in LGBTQ, read the first search, which, fair enough. Eddie had already admitted he didn’t know enough about LGBTQ identities. Good for him.

How long date again after spouse died, read the next. This one broke Buck’s heart a little, both at the idea of Eddie dating again and of him looking for advice from random strangers on the internet about how to navigate the complicated world of being a single dad dating after being a widower before age 30.

But if the first two broke his heart, the last two took his breath away.

How to you know if you’re gay.

How to you know if you’re gay - late in life.

Holy shit. Oh god. He was not supposed to read that. He was not supposed to know about the things Eddie was privately questioning in his life, like his sexuality and his desire to date, and how that desire to date might involve men. Because Buck was a man! Who also had a desire to date! And now he was silently freaking out and also furious that Eddie didn’t use incognito mode for these kinds of questions, come on man!

“You find it?” Eddie asked, breaking Buck out of his thought spiral. He looked up and saw Eddie pinching his forehead in pain from his headache, blissfully unaware of Buck’s accidental invasion of his privacy. Deciding to keep his crimes to himself, Buck frantically hit the menu button to find the bookmarks tab which had Chris’s school schedule marked right near the top.

“Uh, yep, got it,” Buck said, clearly his throat and trying to sound casual. “Um, yeah, parent teacher conferences are Friday night.”

“Great,” Eddie muttered. “Who needs a weekend?”

“What, did you have some hot plans that night?” Buck asked with a nervous laugh.

“Not unless we count you,” Eddie said casually and Buck’s heart pounded again, even faster, until Eddie tensed up as he realized what he had said. “I just mean … you know … we usually hang out.”

“Yeah,” Buck said, somehow feeling calmer as he remembered every movie night on the couch since he had moved in and how warm it always made him feel. “Yeah, I know. But I guess I can let the teachers have you … for one night.”

“Or … you could come,” Eddie said.

Buck’s jaw dropped open.

“That’s for parents,” he said, clearly shocked to be invited but Eddie just shrugged.

“You’re an important adult in his life. You’ve been helping him with his homework all year and I’m willing to bet he talks about you at school a lot more than he does me,” Eddie said, voice somehow both shy and firm. “You should be there.”

“I’d love to,” Buck said. “I’m there.”

“Great,” Eddie said, smiling at him with, nervous relief? “Friday night then. Just the two of us.”

Buck smiled at the implication, especially considering what he had just read on Eddie’s phone.

“I can’t wait.”

Eddie was still sitting next to him in the bed, hip to hip with nothing separating them but silence and a charge in the air, until the door to the bunk room swung open, admitting a tall detective in a suit, flagged by Athena.

“Hi there. I hear you boys have had quite the day,” the detective said in greeting.

As the man approached, Eddie shuffled away and Buck looked down at Eddie’s phone still in his hand that had spilled his friend’s secrets.

“In more ways than one,” Buck said.

~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~

The rest of their shift was less exciting, but no less tiring, than the first half had been. It was nice to not be held at gunpoint any longer, but it was also exhausting answering Detective Ransone’s questions, especially for Buck who had actually witnessed Athena opening fire and had to recount the ordeal multiple times. But after giving Ransone their contact information they were released, quite literally into Bobby’s waiting hands as he and the rest of the team had been forced to wait outside the station with the truck and ambulance while the crime scene unit processed the building. Thankfully Athena had already filled them all in on the details and let them know Buck and Eddie were okay, but it didn’t stop the team from surging towards them with questions and assurances the second they were outside.

After that Bobby insisted on driving them home. Technically Eddie could have driven since he wasn’t actually concussed, according to Hen, but Bobby wouldn’t hear it and loaded them both into the battalion car. Buck was pretty sure he would have stayed to make them supper and possibly tuck them into bed if Carla hadn’t already been waiting at Eddie’s house with a hot meal for them.

They scarfed down the food with a single beer and a lot of gratitude, hugged Carla good night and then collapsed into bed, exhausted from the terrifying day and the adrenaline crash that had followed it. They were both asleep before their heads hit the pillow. Or they had been.

It was now 3am and Buck was decidedly not asleep. In fact, he was more awake than he ever wanted to be as he laid in bed and writhed in pain.

His leg had hurt a little when he went to bed, but it hurt all the time and he had been too tired to think much of it. He was definitely thinking about it now though as he woke up with a terrible shooting pain going up his leg, over and over again. This was the worst part about the giant cast, when he got a leg cramp or a muscle spasm he couldn’t move or touch his leg to massage it away or stretch it out. All he could do was lay there and wait for the agony to end. Except tonight it wasn’t going away. It was coming up on ten minutes now of his leg continuously throbbing and he had tears rolling down his cheeks as he shoved his wrist in his mouth to muffle his sobs.

Buck knew that his painkillers would help, but he had been so tired at supper he had forgotten to take his meds. He could ask Eddie to go get his pills or grab his crutches and head to the bathroom himself, but that would be loud and he was desperate not to wake Eddie. His friend did so much for him, all the time, and had had just as shitty a day as Buck and deserved all the sleep he could get. So Buck continued to lay there, panting and shaking in agony. After another five minutes of his leg trying to saw itself off his body, he was nearing his breaking point of just waking Eddie up, but then he heard sounds coming from the bed beside him.

He rolled over and pushed himself up slightly, brow furrowing. That couldn’t be right. Eddie was whimpering.

That was the only way Buck could describe it. As he looked over his friend he could see that he was tensed up and curled almost completely into a ball, hand wrapped around his pillow in a death grip. Then he let out a keening moan that was more painfilled than any sound Buck had made that night – it sounded like Eddie was hurt, but also scared.

Buck wasn’t sure what to do. He knew you weren’t supposed to wake up sleepwalkers but what about a person that was having a nightmare? Was it better to just let it pass and hope Eddie didn’t remember it in the morning?

As if in answer to his question Eddie twitched wildly, his eyes screwed shut tightly and his hand clenched in a tight fist as though squeezing something that wasn’t there.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie whispered, so quiet and broken that Buck couldn’t take it anymore.

“Hey, Eddie you’re okay. Wake up. You’re safe,” Buck said while rubbing his hand lightly up and down Eddie’s arm in an attempt to gently ease him into consciousness.

“Eddie, it’s okay, you’re home,” Buck said, almost whispering in his ear then pulled away when Eddie inhaled sharply and twisted onto his back, eyes suddenly open and frantic.

“You’re okay Eds,” Buck told him, recognizing confusion along with a fight or flight instinct in Eddie’s eyes. “You’re home in LA. Chris is asleep in his room. You’re safe. Everything’s okay.”

Eddie inhaled again but met Buck’s eye and nodded, acknowledging he understood. Then he breathed out heavily a few times before he collapsed onto his back and ran a hand down his face.

“Fuck,” Eddie whispered, trying to shake off the dream’s hold on him.

“You okay?” Buck asked after he had a moment to compose himself.

“Yeah, sorry I woke you.”

“I was up,” Buck said.

“Yeah sure,” Eddie said, scoffing in disbelief, which, fair enough, it sounded like a lie.

“Was that … Afghanistan?” Buck asked, guessing at the topic of Eddie’s nightmare.

“Yeah,” Eddie said, his hand starting to rub over his left shoulder in an almost unconscious motion. Buck had seen Eddie shirtless enough times to know there was a small scar on both sides of that shoulder and though Eddie had never confirmed it, he knew it had been caused by a bullet.

Buck’s leg spasmed and he bit down a moan of pain, confident he could ride it out for a few more minutes.

“It sounded bad,” Buck said.

Eddie nodded, staring at the ceiling. “It was. I almost forgot how bad. I haven’t had one for awhile. Was kind of hoping they were done.”

“I mean, getting held at gunpoint that … that’s gotta trigger some stuff,” Buck said.

The room was silent for a moment. Eddie’s breathing finally evened out and his gaze turned to the shadows, contemplative, dissecting.

“I don’t think it was even that,” he said softly after a moment, as though into the darkness itself. “I think it was holding one. I haven’t picked up a gun since I got stateside, but I knocked Marcus out and I picked up his gun and it all came back so easily. I checked the chamber and clicked off the safety and … it was like no time had passed.”

“Muscle memory,” Buck said, his voice equally soft in the black empty space they were inhabiting together at 3am. “It can get in pretty deep, military probably likes it that way.”

“My old drill sergeant’d be thrilled I’ve still got it,” Eddie mumbled, clearly disturbed by the thought.

“You’re not that guy Eddie,” Buck said into the darkness. “At least, you’re not just that guy. You could be him, some soldier with a gun, but you’re more than that. You chose to help people, to save people. You’re a good friend, and great dad, and a hero.”

“Buck come on,” Eddie said, his voice tight with emotion as he turned away.

“I mean it. You’re all those things,” Buck said. “And a really, really terrible cook.”

That pulled the desired laugh out of Eddie who finally turned Buck’s way.

“Now I believe you.” But Eddie’s eyes had finally adjusted to the dark of the room and he saw Buck’s face clearly for the first time, red, tense and covered in tear stains. “Oh shit. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, don’t worry,” Buck said and wiped a hand across his cheek to try to destroy the evidence of his tears, but Eddie just looked devastated.

“Did I hurt you?”

“No,” Buck said, ferocious and unwavering, unwilling to let Eddie think he could ever hurt him. But he also knew Eddie wouldn’t believe him unless he told him what was actually happening. “It’s just … my leg.”

“It’s never been like this. Do we need to go to the hospital?” Eddie asked. He was already lifting one corner of the bed sheets up, clearly ready to load them all up in the truck in an instant, and Buck felt his breath stutter in his chest, amazed that his friend would drop everything so quickly, with no hesitation, to take care of him in the middle of the night.

“No, I just got jostled around a lot today and this muscle cramp won’t go away and I can’t massage it and it usually stops by now,” Buck admitted, his voice going soft at the end, frustrated and a little scared the pain had gone on so long. Eddie still looked skeptical though, but before he could say anything Buck shrugged. “I also forgot to take my pain meds at supper.”

Eddie nodded in understanding and was out of the bed before Buck finished his sentence.

“I’ll go get ‘em,” he said and rushed out into the hall. Buck would have said thanks but Eddie was already gone. He heard him enter the bathroom – Buck had agreed to keep his pills in the high cabinet that Christopher couldn’t reach as the kid had a habit of snooping through Eddie’s things, which had been fine until he forgot to take them and got stuck in bed with a throbbing leg and his pills several rooms away.

Eddie returned quickly with an open pill bottle and a glass of water.

“Here,” he said as he handed both over.

“Thanks,” Buck said, feeling instantly guilty for making Eddie get out of bed to help him out, especially when he had been in the middle of opening up about his nightmare. Then again Eddie looked more focused and less despairing now, seemingly having forgotten all about his dream as his need to look after Buck overrode the shakiness the nightmare had instilled in him. So maybe Buck had helped. Or maybe all he had helped Eddie do was repress his trauma even further. He really wasn’t sure which, but he couldn’t do much else other than swallow his pills, then almost choke on his water as a bolt of pain passed through him while he was drinking. “Fuck.”

“Easy,” Eddie said, taking the water back and placing it on the nightstand.

“I’m good,” Buck told him. His words might have been more assuring if he wasn’t laying on his back shuddering in pain. “Or at least I will be in like twenty minutes when those kick in.”

Eddie stood there a moment, clearly torn about what he should do next. He couldn’t inspect Buck’s leg with the cast on so he picked up Buck’s wrist and pressed his fingers to the pulse point.

“Your heart rate’s elevated,” Eddie reported with a frown so deep Buck actually laughed.

“Yeah, I’m in a bunch of pain and my best friend just had a war-induced nightmare next to me. I’ll be fine in a few minutes Eddie, just lay back down,” Buck requested, pulling his arm free gently.

Eddie hummed with discontent but moved around to the other side of the bed and climbed in as instructed, though he sat straight up and made no move to get comfortable.

Buck raised an eyebrow. “You gonna sleep sitting up?”

“I’m not sleeping until I’m sure you don’t need to go to the hospital,” Eddie said as though it should be obvious.

“I’m fine you don’t …” Buck’s protest was cut off by a gasp as the pain intensified again with enough force to push fresh tears down his cheeks. It hurt so bad that he clenched his eyes shut and arched off the bed, existing only as agony for a moment. Then he felt a new sensation, his fingers being forced apart and another hand slipping into his grasp.

Buck opened his eyes and found Eddie laying down next to him, his eyes looking helpless even as his hand squeezed Buck’s reassuringly. Tears formed in Buck’s eyes for a new reason and he squeezed Eddie’s hand back in thanks. God, he may just love this man, and maybe there was just a tiny chance that Eddie loved him back. Wouldn’t that be incredible?

“I got you,” Eddie said, shaking their clasped hands together lightly to prove his point.

Buck smiled. “I know.”

Silence fell for a moment, broken only by Buck’s labored breathing as he tried to ride out the next wave of agony all while squeezing tightly to Eddie’s hand. When the stabbing pain passed a moment later and his body relaxed, Eddie cleared his throat.

“Can I uh … can I ask you something?” he said hesitantly.

Buck laughed but nodded. “Yeah. Yeah I got a few minutes.”

“You know that documentary you were watching the other day, the one about sea life?” Eddie started, and okay, this was not where he expected Eddie’s line of questioning to go.

“The one that you refused to sit down and watch with me so you just stood in the doorway for five minutes at a time over and over?” Buck asked.

Eddie rolled his eyes. “I had chores to do but yes, that one.”

“I might remember. What about it?” Buck asked, turning with curiosity to meet Eddie’s gaze and finding his friend’s forehead creased in confusion.

“Did … did they say there was like a nuclear shrimp or something? What was that all about?” Eddie asked, voice shockingly serious. Buck couldn’t be sure, but it looked like the question had been plaguing Eddie for days.

“The pistol shrimp?” Buck asked, perking up immediately at the question. “That guy’s so cool. Okay, so he’s not nuclear himself, like he doesn’t give off radiation, but he can perform a kind of nuclear fusion with its claw and make shockwaves that stun its prey.”

“A nuclear claw?”

“No, the claw’s not nuclear, it just clicks open so hard that it superheats the water until it becomes plasma and makes a shockwave. Scientists are studying it though to try to figure out how to create nuclear fusion on a larger scale using its methods.”

Eddie pulled his mouth to the side. “A shrimp figured out nuclear fusion before scientists did?”

“That’s evolution Eddie!” Buck said. “Nature keeps evolving creatures to figure out the best way to do things. Like the beaks on the finches Darwin studied …”

Over the next few minutes Buck described, in shocking detail, four additional species that displayed helpful evolutionary states that humans had learned from. As he spoke Eddie nodded and hummed where appropriate, listening with rapt attention and feeling just a little bit smug for successfully distracting Buck from the pain in his leg with science questions.

A few minutes after that Buck’s answers started coming slower, his eyes drifting shut with exhaustion, the pain forgotten as he rambled in Eddie’s ear. Eddie followed shortly after, falling into a deep, fitful sleep with Buck’s enthusiastic voice echoing through his head instead of memories of war.

When they woke up the next morning, their hands were still clasped together.

Chapter Text

“This is incredible! Oh my god, it feels so good! I didn’t even know I could move this way!” Buck exclaimed joyously.

A few feet behind him, Maddie laughed as she followed him through the front door of Eddie’s house.

“Are you seeing this?!” Buck asked, turning around to face her and pointing at his leg which was no longer encased in a plaster cast that went past his knee but was instead strapped into a walking boot that actually let him bend his leg.

“Seeing it and hearing it, for the entire drive home from the doctor’s office,” Maddie said, with a head tilt and an amused smile.

Buck blushed and lowered his head apologetically. “Sorry, I was starting to think I’d never get that thing off. You have no idea how often you bend your leg Maddie. No idea.”

“Well I am very happy for you and will try to appreciate my knee bends more in the future,” Maddie promised.

“Want to do some squats?” Buck asked enthusiastically, and went down into a crouch right next to Eddie’s kitchen table.

Maddie laughed. “Maybe we start with some chair sits?”

“Fine,” Buck said. He joined her at the table and smiled to see her beaming at him. “What?”

“I’m just happy you’re happy,” she said. “I know it’s been a really hard couple of months, not being able to be at work and I just … I love seeing you excited.”

“A lot of it has sucked,” Buck agreed but then shrugged wistfully. “But it’s also not been as bad as I expected. I really didn’t think I’d have this many people helping me out. Bobby letting me come to the station, Eddie letting me stay here, you taking me to my doctor’s appointments. I really appreciate it.”

Maddie scoffed and waved off his thank you. “Please, I’ve barely done anything. This is the second appointment I’ve taken you to in four months.”

“And I appreciated it both times,” Buck said, not backing down. “Especially this time, you know, it’s nice having a medical expert there with me when the doc goes over my test results.”

“In that case I am medically obligated to remind you that the doctor said that you can only take that boot off to shower, you cannot drive and you can only do very low impact work outs.”

“So I should cancel the kickboxing class I had scheduled?” Buck asked and laughed at Maddie’s incredulous expression. “I’m kidding. The gym at the station has an exercise bike. I’ll use that for a few weeks to get my leg strength back up until I’m cast free.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Maddie said then smirked mischievously. “And I’m also going to tell Eddie so he’ll hold you to that too.”

“Narc,” Buck said, frowning slightly. Eddie would make sure he only used the exercise bike and nothing else at the gym, but Eddie also wasn’t around all the time.

“So you’re already dreaming of being completely cast free?” Maddie asked. “Moving on to bigger and better things?”

“Everything is better than being in a cast,” Buck said. “But yeah, I’m definitely dreaming about the next few weeks. Realistically I’ll need some time to get my muscle strength back to where it was to be able to pass my recertification but just being able to work out properly is going to be a relief.”

“Being on medical leave will give you lots of time to get back in shape,” Maddie said.

“Yeah, whenever I’m not watching Chris anyway.”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, Carla’s wanted to go on vacation for awhile but didn’t want to leave Eddie stranded, so she’s taking two weeks off once I’m cast-free and I’m going to watch Chris while she’s gone,” Buck said, his smile getting even wider at the thought of spending extra time with one of his Diaz boys. “Take him to school and stuff.”

Maddie’s eyes shone fondly. “That’s very sweet of you, and I’m sure Eddie appreciates it.”

“It’s the least I can do. He’s done … a lot for me,” Buck said and his gaze went slightly distant, thinking about every time their hands grazed each other recently, their touch lingering, charged and purposeful. Every time Eddie looked back at him softly, his eyes sparkling with … something. Buck wasn’t sure what it was but it felt like possibility. Or so Buck thought. Hoped.

Something had changed after the robbery at the station, or at least it felt like it did to Buck. There was something between them, simmering. Buck was almost certain. He knew how he felt about Eddie, he was head over heels for the guy, but he knew his friend was in a vulnerable place, recovering from the death of his wife and possibly going through a blossoming sexuality crisis based on what Buck saw on his phone a few weeks ago. Buck was walking a fine line of trying to let Eddie know how he felt about him without pushing too hard, determined to give Eddie all the time and space he needed to figure out if they could become something different, something new.

“Well I’m excited for everything to go back to normal,” Maddie said, shaking him from his thoughts.

“What?” he spluttered, blinking as his daydreams cracked back to cold reality.

“Back to how things were, you know. You’ll be at work, Eddie can have his house back, you can go back to your own place, have your own space, sleep in your own bed. God you must miss your bed. It’ll be great,” Maddie said, her voice energized with supportive enthusiasm, excited for his recovery, and unaware that her words had just hit Buck like an anvil. That the thought of moving back into the loft crushed the air out Buck’s lungs and for a moment he couldn’t breathe.

He hadn’t been to his apartment in weeks, had barely even thought about it. Why would he? That cold empty space never felt like home. It could never wrap him up in warmth and safety the way he felt at Eddie’s house. It could never make him feel needed, or supported, or loved. His apartment was just stairs and empty rooms. Just a place that he used to make a few bucks on AirBnB and the thought of moving back in there made him shudder.

He knew what a home felt like now, and the loft could never be that.

But maybe that was his fate. Maddie was right, he didn’t have a reason to stay at Eddie’s much longer. His leg was healing, his apartment was available whenever he needed it, and Carla would only be gone a little while, so Eddie and Chris didn’t need him. Not really. Not for long. Everyone obviously expected him to move out when he was healed. Which meant that soon he might be right back where he started.

Alone.

“Buck?” Maddie said, leaning forward, her brow furrowed with concern when she saw his face fall with devastation. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I um …” Buck hesitated, breath stuttering as he tried to swallow down the emptiness crawling up his chest. “I just, hadn’t really thought that far ahead, you know. I guess … I guess I should get out of Eddie’s hair soon.”

Maddie frowned and reached out, trying to squeeze her brother’s hand. “Evan, I didn’t mean …”

Whatever consolation she was about to offer was cut off by the front door opening to reveal Eddie and Chris, both smiling widely and walking in with excitement.

“There he is,” Eddie exclaimed happily to Chris when he saw Buck at the dining room table. “Let’s go see how that leg’s looking.”

“Buck is your cast off?” Chris asked as he rushed through the doorway and towards Buck, who was sitting at the far end of the table where they couldn’t see his legs. They both knew about his appointment today, but it had been scheduled right when Eddie needed to pick up Chris at school so Maddie had offered to drive him. Not being with him seemed to have just made the Diaz boys more excited about the whole thing though and Buck felt his spirits instantly lift when he saw them both smiling at him.

“You tell me,” Buck said, then pushed himself up and stood in the center of the room to show off his new walking cast.

“Dad it’s gone!” Chris yelled back

“Look at that, he’s actually got a knee under there,” Eddie said, hands on his hips as he looked Buck over.

“And it even bends,” Buck said, lifting his leg off the ground.

“Wow!” Chris said, genuinely marveled by the small movement.

“He’s a medical miracle,” Maddie chimed in from the table. Buck started to sit down again but was stopped by Eddie waving at him to stay in place.

“Hey now, we want the whole show,” Eddie said, grinning mischievously. “Come on, give us a twirl, let’s see it all.”

Buck stayed standing and held his hands out appeasingly, trying not to blush as Eddie eyed him up and down.

“Fine, you want to see the whole leg?” Buck asked as he shuffled in a circle and dramatically motioned to his leg like a model on the Price is Right, making Christopher laugh ecstatically.
“Is this good?”

“Can you do a curtsy?” Christopher asked, smiling innocently to the amusement of the adults.

“For you? Anything,” Buck said and dropped into as low a curtsy as his new cast allowed.

Christopher clapped in delight.

“You want to see what else I can do?” Buck asked. Christopher nodded even though it sounded more like a threat than a question. Then Buck took a step forward and swooped Christopher up off the ground and into a huge hug, something he hadn’t been able to do in the old cast. “How do you like this?”

Christopher’s answer was a shrill of laughter as he wrapped his hands around Buck’s neck.

“I think he’ll survive it somehow,” Eddie said with a smirk then turned to Maddie as she stood up from the table. “Thank you for taking him today.”

“Well you take him every other day, so I figured you deserved a break from my brother.”

“Ah, he’s not so bad,” Eddie said. Even though he was busy tickling Chris, Buck didn’t miss the unnecessary softness in Eddie’s voice as he said it. “Are you staying for supper?”

“No, but thank you. I’m on shift soon so I’ve got to get going,” Maddie said, grabbing her purse and standing up. “But the appointment went great and I’ll text you everything his doctor said he can and can’t do for the near future.”

“Great,” Eddie said, clearly eager for the information.

“Hey, I’m right here,” Buck protested. “I can tell Eddie everything the doc said.”

Eddie and Maddie stared at him in joint silence for a moment before Eddie turned to Maddie again. “So you’ll text me?”

“Absolutely,” Maddie said, smiling in her annoying smug sister way as she moved towards Buck for a hug. He put Christopher down and wrapped her in a tight embrace.

“Thanks again for the lift,” Buck said.

“Anytime,” Maddie said, then pulled away and met his eye. “And call me if you need anything, even just to talk.”

Buck nodded. It was obvious she remembered the crestfallen look on his face earlier and wanted to help him with it, but now wasn’t the time.

“I will,” he said then waved her off. “Have a good shift.”

“I’ll try. Bye Eddie, bye Christopher,” she called out as she headed for the door.

“Bye Maddie,” Christopher said, waving adorably until she disappeared out the door.

“All right, the celebratory steaks need to marinate for awhile so I’m going to start prepping supper,” Eddie said, then looked at Buck. “You want to help me out or do you need to rest up your knee?”

“No, I can help,” Buck said, always eager to lend a hand, especially when it came to Eddie’s cooking, which admittedly had been getting better since Buck started hanging out at the kitchen table offering advice while Eddie cooked. It was also the only time Buck could just watch the other man unabashedly as he flitted around the kitchen in his tight t-shirts, cooking and chopping, lightly touching Buck’s shoulder whenever he needed to get by him.

“Good, cause I’ll probably need some stuff from the lower cabinets,” Eddie said enticingly.

Buck laughed. “Well, I might know a guy with a recently bendable knee who can help.”

“Can I watch Pokemon?” Chris asked, looking up between the two.

“Yeah sure. One episode then homework, okay?” Eddie said, happy to let his son relax awhile before starting on work.

“What if it’s a two-parter?” Chris asked.

“Then you’ll have to do your homework really fast so you can find out what happens before supper,” Eddie said.

“Buck,” Christopher said in a stage-whisper around Eddie’s leg. “Can you help me with my homework?”

“Of course,” Buck said like it was a ridiculous request then pulled a face. “… as long as it’s not math.”

“I know, I’m on my own if there’s numbers,” Chris sighed as he climbed onto the couch and picked up the remote.

“Your kid knows I’m bad at math. I can’t believe this is the reputation I’ve made in this house,” Buck said forlornly as he followed Eddie into the kitchen.

“Don’t worry, everyone outside of this house also knows you’re bad at math,” Eddie assured him as he held open the kitchen door.

“Comforting,” Buck chirped back with a grumpy smile.

Despite gloating about how his knee can now bend, Buck sat down in his usual place at the kitchen table, not surprised when Eddie handed him a list of marinade ingredients.

“Read that off to me, will you?” Eddie requested, hands in the air prepared to go in any direction.

Buck laughed at his pose but started to read the list.

“Soy sauce, Italian seasoning, lemon juice …”

As Buck read each item Eddie pulled it from the cupboard or fridge, giving Buck his favorite guilty pleasure view of Eddie as he walked by over and over. He supposed he should enjoy it while he can since he’d probably be moving out in a few weeks. Back to his own empty kitchen like Maddie said. The thought wiped the smile from his face and excitement from his voice, which made Eddie stop in his tracks with a clove of garlic in his hand.

“Everything all right?” he asked.

Buck shook his head. “Yeah, yeah it’s fine.”

“Are you sure?” Eddie pushed, appraising him closer now, seemingly fixated on the rocky furrow between his eyes and tight set of his jaw. “Did the doctor say something or …?”

“No, no the doc said I’m all good. The appointment went great,” Buck assured him swiftly. “I’m fine, really. It’s dumb, I was just thinking about something Maddie said.”

Eddie’s shoulders relaxed slightly but he stood at the edge of the table and raised an expectant eyebrow. “Which was?”

Buck fidgeted until he looked up and met Eddie’s eyes shining with such patient concern it forced Buck to sigh out the truth. “When she was here earlier, we were talking about my recovery and she said I must be excited to get my cast off … so I can go home.”

Buck looked up to gauge Eddie’s reaction, but his friend just raised a confused eyebrow and motioned towards the kitchen as if to say Buck was home.

Buck’s heart warmed at the implication and he had to clear his throat before he continued softly with an apologetic nod. “Home to my place. At the loft.”

Eddie inhaled sharply, like he was in physical pain, then tensed up and looked away.

“Right, yeah. Yeah I guess, that makes sense,” Eddie said, biting his lip and looking down at the garlic clove in his hand intently, filling the tense silence with the sound of the peel cracking as he squeezed down on it nervously. “I guess once you’re healed up you … you won’t need to stay here anymore.”

Buck nodded sadly in agreement but didn’t miss the shattered look on Eddie’s face, like the world was tilting underneath him in real time and he couldn’t find his footing. It was a feeling Buck knew all too well, he had felt the same way just a few minutes ago when Maddie had suggested he move out. Did that mean Eddie also hadn’t thought about Buck leaving? It certainly looked like the idea of it was as equally devastating to Eddie as it was to Buck. Silence hung in the air between them for a moment until finally Buck swallowed nervously and sat up straight, preparing to dip a toe and test the waters of Eddie’s feelings.

“No, I guess I wouldn’t need to stay,” Buck said, nail scratching at the wood of the table top as he started his descent. “But you know, she said some other stuff too.”

Eddie took a steadying breath, still appearing shaken as he asked, “Like what?”

“Like, she said I must miss sleeping in my own bed.”

Eddie shrugged and looked confused. “Don’t you?”

“See that’s the thing I’ve been thinking about,” Buck started, his voice becoming more animated as he spoke. “My bed, it’s way better than yours. It’s bigger, it’s softer, it’s got high thread count sheets, sturdy frame, tons of pillows, memory foam. It’s categorically a better bed, Eddie.”

Buck let the moment hang for a moment, waiting until Eddie looked at him again before he smiled softly and finished his thought. “But no, I don’t miss it. Not even a little bit.”

Eddie exhaled in relief, the tiniest laugh escaping his lips and looked at the floor. After a moment he bit his lip and smiled through a swell of emotion.

“Well, if you don’t miss it, you’re welcome to stay here,” Eddie said, his tone light but full of promise. “As long as you want.”

Buck nodded. “It might be awhile.”

Eddie reached across the table and pushed the clove of garlic into Buck’s hand, squeezing around it until their fingers were practically entwined. And then didn’t let go.

“Good.”

~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|

Later that night as they got ready for bed Buck felt as close to content as he had ever felt in his life. An evening of Pokemon, homework, medium rare steaks and soft looks across the table had all combined to make him feel warm and safe in a way he had rarely ever experienced.

Unfortunately that feeling was short lived as he looked over at Eddie in the bed next to him. Buck was laid out on his back, as he usually was since his cast anchored him to one position, and Eddie was laying with his back to him but he hadn’t fall asleep right away like he usually did. His breathing was wrong and his shoulders were too tense for him to be asleep, but normally when Eddie was restless he talked to Buck or shifted around. But tonight he was just laying there silently, clearly awake, and Buck had to know why.

So he stopped scrolling, put his phone on the nightstand and turned his head towards Eddie.

“If you’re trying to fool me into thinking you’re asleep you’re doing a terrible job,” Buck said softly.

He was rewarded with a light shake of a chuckle from Eddie, who whispered back. “Is that so?”

“Yeah, but, you never really had a chance. I know how you act when you’re asleep and you don’t.”

Eddie sighed and rolled over onto his back. “That does give you an unfair advantage.”

Buck smiled and waited until Eddie turned to look at him but he never did. “So what’s up?”

“Just thinking,” Eddie said, his gaze never straying away from the ceiling.

Buck frowned, his feeling of contentment drifting further away the more Eddie shut him out.

“Well if you’re self-conscious about your bed I was exaggerating to make a point. It’s a perfectly good bed,” Buck told him, his voice light and sincere, trying to draw Eddie back to him with humor.

“It’s not that. At least, it wasn’t.” Eddie’s brow furrowed. “It might be now.”

Buck laughed. “Well, what was keeping you up before now?”

“You,” Eddie said, meeting Buck’s eye across the pillows. “What you said earlier.”

Buck faltered, surprised by the intensity of Eddie’s gaze at a totally different frequency than earlier that night. Eyes that had been soft and warm now looked tormented, maybe even sad.

“What I said? About leaving?” Buck asked.

Eddie shook his head. “About staying.”

Buck had more questions but before he could say anything Eddie rolled over to face him and breathed in deeply like he was preparing for something, so Buck stayed quiet, giving Eddie the moment he needed.

When Eddie eventually spoke he kept his gaze low, stuck on the curl of the bed sheet and never looking up to meet Buck’s eye.

“I was just thinking because, a lot’s happened lately and I know that we …” Eddie faltered and shook his head, “… that there’s something we haven’t talked about and I know it’s cause of me and that’s not fair to you but … I’m not ready for … I can’t …”

Eddie closed his eyes, physically struggling against the words like his body didn’t know how to say them. Buck held his breath, able to feel the struggle going on in his partner. He didn’t know whether he should be terrified or excited, but he stayed still and waited. He’d wait as long as Eddie needed. It was a few more steady breaths before Eddie opened his eyes again, looking straight at Buck now, solid and determined about what he had to say.

“I can’t ask you to wait,” Eddie finally said, “but I want you to stay.”

Buck nodded vigorously, tears pricking at his eyes. He knew this was all Eddie could give him in this moment and right now it was more than enough.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Buck told him. “Some things are worth the wait, you know.”

Eddie sighed, a mix of relief and happiness, nodded and wiped away the threat of a tear. Buck wanted to do so much, but Eddie had asked for time, so he didn’t reach out to hold Eddie or kiss his temple or wipe away that single tear like he wanted to. Instead he settled on entwining their fingers together and holding on tight.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” Buck said like it was a promise.

“Yeah, you will,” Eddie replied.

Everyday.

He didn’t say it, but Buck could see it in his eyes.

Eventually Buck went to sleep, knowing Eddie needed time to figure out his feelings, and hoping it was okay that he already loved him.

Chapter Text

The next few weeks were some of the best of Buck’s life. With his new walking cast he could move around the house more freely, helping with the chores and working in the garden, where he was usually joined by his Diaz boys. He and Chris were finally seeing some vegetables start to sprout and the flowers around the patio had really brightened the place up. Everything looked great, except poor Eddie’s line of forsythia bushes. Buck had watched Eddie plant the things, carefully and tenderly, checking the soil and depth requirements on his phone over and over, and Buck would swear he had done everything right, but still they were wilting more and more each day.

“We probably got a bad stock from the garden center,” Buck had said, trying to sound certain instead of patronizing but Eddie had just sighed in defeat as more dead leaves fell on the ground. Buck even tried to nurse them back to health when Eddie was at work, hating how sad his partner looked every time he saw them, but nothing helped – it seemed Eddie truly did have the black thumb he had warned Buck about weeks earlier.

Outside of the Diaz home, Buck was enjoying the benefits of his enhanced by mobility by getting up the stairs at the firehouse in a reasonable amount of time and no longer getting yelled at when he tried to help with dishes or workout in the gym.

As his leg healed and his spirits rose, it started to feel less like he was stuck on medical leave and more like he was on vacation, especially when he finally got his walking cast off, was told his injury had healed nicely and was given a tentatively clean bill of health from his doctor. Eddie had been at the appointment with him, sitting next to him on the examination table of all places, and they had smiled wide at each other and bumped shoulders in excitement at the news.

When he walked out of the hospital with no cast on his leg and his right foot touching flat earth for the first time in months, he was pretty sure he was never going to stop smiling.

“You ready to go home?” Eddie asked, and there was no hesitation in his voice. Buck’s leg was healed, he had no reason to stay at Eddie’s anymore, but neither of them had any doubt about where he was going. They both knew where he belonged.

Buck took a deep breath of fresh air, feeling more free than he had … maybe ever.

“Absolutely. But on one condition.”

Eddie quirked an eyebrow. “Which is?”

Buck pointed at Eddie’s keys. “I drive.”

“Be my guest,” Eddie said and tossed them to him without hesitation.

They ordered in that night to celebrate, take-out containers passed around between them and beer bottles clinking together in harmony. It was a great night that led directly into a surprise early the next morning.

“This is new,” Eddie muttered as he woke up, turning his head to see Buck’s cheek squished against his shoulder blade. He could feel Buck’s arm tossed over his waist and his knee poking between his legs. It was wildly uncomfortable, and really nice.

As Eddie shifted Buck woke up with a start, rubbed at his cheek, blinked and then blushed with embarrassment.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Buck said, extracting himself from Eddie’s body and scooching back across the bed, leaving Eddie cold and wanting. “I uh … I meant to warn you, I’m kind of a wanderer in my sleep.”

“I’ve been sleeping next to you for four months and nothing’s wandered my way before,” Eddie pointed out, making Buck shrug like he had a point.

“Yeah but the cast was crazy heavy. It anchored me down. Now that’s it gone I … I can end up anywhere,” Buck said apologetically.

“I’ll warn Chris,” Eddie joked then closed his eyes and cuddled back into his pillow. “And for the record, I don’t mind if you end up over here.”

Buck huffed awkwardly. “You say that now …”

“And I’ll say it later too. Now wander your ass back to sleep,” Eddie ordered him.

Buck smiled softly and settled back down. “Yes sir.”

Getting his cast off didn’t just mean Buck could turn into an octopus at night though, it also meant Carla could go on her well earned vacation, leaving Buck as Christopher’s sole caretaker when Eddie was busy, and Buck loved it. He drove Chris anywhere he needed to go, helped him with his homework and of course partook in many hours of video games. Buck also pulled him into his workout routine. The youngest Diaz had insisted he wanted to help Buck get back in shape to get recertified so Buck had taken to going for runs with Chris on his back, shouting encouragements directly into Buck’s ear, or using the kid as a literal bar bell, rejoicing in Chris’s laughter every time Buck curled him into the air or threw him onto the couch cushions.

As great a workout partner as Chris was, a lot of days Buck would work out at the firehouse though, not just because they had better equipment but because it gave him a chance to see everyone, especially Eddie. He couldn’t see enough of Eddie.

It had been two months since Buck had promised to wait for Eddie, and he was happy to do so for as long as he needed, but honestly, waiting for Eddie felt an awful lot like being with Eddie. They hung out every day, cooked together, laughed together and still slept in the same bed. Every night they inched closer even when awake, every day their fingers lingered longer when they touched, their smiles turning into blushes more often than not. Buck may have been waiting for Eddie, but judging by the signs, he didn’t think he was going to have to wait much longer. They were closer than ever before, telling each other everything, except that one time Eddie lied, not that Buck minded.

“Abuela needs me to look at her dishwasher,” Eddie had said one night, grabbing his coat and heading out the door. It was a reasonable excuse to go out, but Buck knew Eddie was actually going to see Athena’s ex-husband Michael. Buck had seen a text message notification from him on Eddie’s phone on the table that just said “come over any time after 8 for our chat.” As Michael was the only out gay man Eddie knew, Buck was pretty sure he could guess why Eddie wanted to talk to him. It’s not like he had any questions about architecture after all. He got his answer several hours later when Eddie came home looking tired, but shockingly calm and had smiled at Buck softly from the doorway, looking so content Buck wanted to cry.

That was three days ago.

Today, Buck passed his recertification. The 118 had been on shift during his test, and his phone was blowing up with texts from the team asking him how he had done. Instead of answering he sprinted out to his jeep, drove to the station and walked in triumphantly with his recertification papers held high over his head. The place exploded. The team cheered and hollered, clapping and hugging him. Eddie embraced him last and held on the longest, only pulling apart when Bobby said Buck should come over to his house for dinner that night to celebrate. As Buck happily accepted, Eddie’s hand was still on Buck’s shoulder and his own hand was still on Eddie’s waist. Everything about it just felt wildly right. Everything in Buck’s life finally felt right.

Now it was an hour until they had to be at Bobby’s. Christopher was playing video games in his room and Buck had finished picking an outfit to wear so he wandered around the house, ignoring the twinge in his leg that had been bothering him all day, and found Eddie slicing up a shocking amount of cabbage at the kitchen table.

“Is that the coleslaw you told Bobby you’d bring?” Buck asked.

“Yeah,” Eddie said as though it should be obvious, but Buck just nodded knowingly. “Why?”

“Just looks like a lot of coleslaw for only five of us,” Buck said, his tone teasing, as Eddie’s eyes shifted uneasily to the huge pile of vegetables building up on the table. “I mean, if I had to guess, I’d say that’s enough coleslaw for a whole party’s worth of people, with all of my closest friends and family. You know … if I had to guess.”

Eddie threw his knife down and put his hands on his hips. “Who told you?”

“You, just now,” Buck said with a smug smile that turned into a laugh at Eddie’s glare. “But I had my suspicions for awhile, especially when Chim, Hen and Maddie all told me unprompted that they were busy tonight. So they’re either really rude or hiding out at Bobby’s right now waiting for us.”

“Dammit,” Eddie muttered then picked up his knife again and brandished it threateningly. “Just make sure you act surprised when we get there.”

“Obviously,” Buck agreed. “Hey, I’m the king of acting surprised. Here, tell me which one you like best. I’ve got the Home Alone …”

Without waiting for a response Buck stepped back, dropped his jaw and slapped his hands against his cheeks Macauley Culkin style, ignoring when Eddie rolled his eyes.

“Or there’s fake heart attack,” Buck said, moving on to the next option where he grabbed his chest and stumbled back into the fridge with a shocked look on his face.

“Or I could trip down the stairs as I come in, you know, Athena’s got that big landing,” Buck said, still smiling ear to ear as he acted out each scenario. “Do like a pratfall.”

Eddie released a put-upon sigh and tried to hide the amusement from his face as he shook his head.

“Definitely not the last one. That leg just healed up, we’re not going to risk breaking it again with a pratfall,” Eddie said. “If I have to choose, I vote heart attack.”

“All right, heart attack it is,” Buck said then stepped over to join Eddie at the table. “Do you need a hand?”

“Uh no, I’m pretty much done,” Eddie said. He transferred the rest of the cabbage into the mixing bowl then wiped his hands on his pants and inhaled before meeting Buck’s eye. “But we um … we got some time before we have to leave … I thought maybe we could talk. If you’ve got a minute. I just … I wanted to tell you something.”

Buck straightened up and thought he might not have to fake that heart attack after all as he felt his heart start to hammer in his chest, terrified to hope that this was the conversation with Eddie that he’d been waiting for. That they’d both been waiting for.

“Yeah, yeah of course,” Buck said, shifting like he was unsure if he should stand or sit, ultimately deciding to stay facing Eddie, giving him his full attention. “What did you want to talk about?”

Eddie licked his lips, looking lost but somehow determined.

“I just … before we head to a party that may or may not be crowded with people, I just wanted to tell you alone … I just wanted to say that I’m proud of you and I’m excited to have you back at work with us. With me,” Eddie said, his voice softening at the end.

Buck smiled, warmed by the compliment even as he tried not to feel disappointed by the turn of the conversation.

“Yeah? You don’t think you’ll get sick of me being literally everywhere you go?”

“No, no I don’t think that’s possible,” Eddie said with a confident shake of his head. “You can’t get sick of someone who makes you happy.”

Buck inhaled sharply and felt his throat threaten to close up with emotion, stumbling even as he stood still.

“Eddie … I … you make me happy too,” Buck said arms waving with emphasis. “Being here with you and Chris all these months, I feel whole. I’m so fucking happy I can’t believe it sometimes.”

“Yeah I can tell,” Eddie said a small smile upturning his lips before he looked at the ground nervously. “But it’s not just that I’m proud of you, that’s not all I wanted to say … you also … you inspire me, Buck.”

And now Buck couldn’t breathe, wasn’t sure he could handle any more wonderful words coming out of Eddie’s mouth, but that just meant Eddie could keep going uninterrupted.

“You got dealt a shit hand with the truck landing on you and all, but you didn’t let it stop you. You wanted to be a firefighter again, and I saw you fight for that dream every single day. You worked so fucking hard for it, and you healed and you got recertified and you did it all on your own.”

“No, I didn’t. The only reason I wanted to get up in the mornings was you and Chris. I couldn’t have done this alone Eddie,” Buck said, unable to let this assault of compliments continue without sending one back. But Eddie shook his head.

“Don’t sell yourself short Buck. You did this. You knew what you wanted, what would make you happy, and you went after it. I admire that.” Eddie paused to inhale, fingers fidgeting. “It’s not something I’ve ever been able to do, going after what I want, but I … I think I want to start? We’ve been dancing around something for awhile, waiting. And I know it’s because of me but I … I don’t want to wait anymore for the things that I want.”

His breathing was shaky and Buck could see he was trembling. Buck wasn’t doing any better.

“What is it you want, Eddie?” Buck asked.

“You,” Eddie breathed out in reply, his shoulders relaxing with the release of the word. His hand reached out and Buck met him halfway, fingers intertwining like it was the most natural thing in the world even as it lit Buck on fire, making his chest go tight. “Just you.”

“You’ve got me,” Buck said, eyes shining with unshed tears, overwhelmed with joy and so proud of Eddie in this moment. “All of it. You have me. You have for awhile.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. You’re the only person who’s ever … who’s ever made me feel like … like I’m on fire but I don’t want to be put out. Like I have a home. Like I’m wanted.”

“I want you here Buck. I always have, I just … I needed some time before I could say it.”

“I know, I get it. And I would have kept waiting, as long as you needed. But I really hope we’re done the waiting part now cause you’re also so hot Eddie and we sleep in the same bed. This has been hell.”

This pulled a laugh out of Eddie who nodded in agreement.

“No more waiting,” he said then stepped in closer. His free hand moved up to Buck’s cheek. Buck closed his eyes, cherishing the contact, melting into it. “Can I kiss you?”

“Please, yes,” Buck said and Eddie happily obliged him, leaning forward until their lips met and Buck wanted to cry. Because he was finally kissing Eddie. It was soft, and strong and real. He had the thing he had wanted for so long, to be accepted, to be … loved? It was too early to think like that but when Eddie’s hands held him so gently and his lips met him so fiercely, full of want and desire, it was impossible not to entertain the idea, even just to himself.

The kiss was over before Buck would have liked. Eddie may have been willing to go after what he wanted, which was Buck by some miracle, but he was still Eddie – cautious, tentative and ready to care for those around him. So he pulled away after just a few seconds, fingers shaking, breathing heavy and pupils blown out with wonder.

“So … worth the wait?” Eddie asked, breathless and hesitant as he met Buck’s eyes.

Buck started coughing.

“Shit,” Buck said, turning red with embarrassment as the tightness he had felt in his chest bubbled up into several quick coughs. He pushed Eddie back and turned his head to clear his throat but kept a hand on his shoulder so he knew he didn’t want him to go far.

“Not the reaction I expected,” Eddie said with an amused raise of his eyebrows.

“I’m so sorry,” Buck said, pounding at his chest now to try to make the coughing stop, but it only seemed to be getting worse.

“Buck it’s fine,” Eddie laughed, “as long as you’re not about to give me some corny pick up line about how I took your breath away or something.”

“I will if it means I’m not … totally ruining the mood,” Buck grit out, tensing up and trying to force his breathing back to normal with no success. “Dammit.”

“Just focus on breathing, please,” Eddie said. “It’s fine.”

Another cough tore out of him and Buck raised his hands, frowning helplessly.

“I wanna kiss you so bad,” he squeaked out.

Eddie laughed and shook his head. “Me too, but I’m not going anywhere. Except maybe to get you a glass of water.”

Buck nodded in agreement that water could be nice, but the second Eddie walked away the coughing became more intense, from deeper in his chest. Wetter.

“Buck, are you okay?” Eddie asked, mood shifting instantly as Buck’s condition worsened.

“I don’t …” Buck shook his head. Suddenly he was scared. This didn’t feel right. The coughing was shaking his body to the core, making it hard to breathe and he could feel liquid crawling up his throat. He grasped at Eddie, latching on to his arm for support as he coughed into his fist, desperate to clear out his lungs.

“Oh my god,” Eddie muttered. Buck looked up and saw Eddie’s eyes were blown out wide with concern. He followed Eddie’s gaze to his own hand and saw it was covered in blood. He could feel something running down his chin and more liquid clawing up his throat and he couldn’t breathe. He coughed and coughed, trying to clear it out, but he couldn’t breathe.

“Buck what’s happening?” Eddie asked. He had a hand on Buck’s cheek, guiding him to meet his gaze and compel him to explain what was wrong, but Buck could only shake his head and wheeze. He didn’t know what was happening.

Then his legs gave out.

Eddie caught him before he could hit the ground, cradling his rattling body to his chest, and a distant part of Buck’s brain felt bad for getting blood on Eddie’s shirt. It had looked so good on him. But then his vision started to go fuzzy and panic overtook him as it became even harder to breathe.

“Shit,” Eddie said. His own breathing was picking up now, for different reasons, as he fumbled to pull out his phone and dial 911.

“Just breathe Buck, get it out,” he said. Buck pushed Eddie away, trying to get more air, to get more space, but he just ended up collapsed onto all fours, coating Eddie’s floor with blood every time his chest heaved out another cough and there was nothing Eddie could do except run a reassuring hand up and down his back.

“911, what’s your emergency?” a male voice answered on the other end after a few rings. Eddie was grateful Maddie wasn’t working.

“This is off-duty firefighter Eddie Diaz. I need a medical unit to 4995 South Bedford Street immediately, I have a 27 year old male in severe respiratory distress.”

“I’m dispatching a unit to your location,” the dispatcher replied after a moment of typing. Eddie thought the guy’s name was Josh, but he wasn’t sure. “Do you know the cause of the distress?”

“No!” Eddie shouted, frustrated with himself and the whole situation. He was a medic. He was Buck’s partner. He should know what the hell was happening. “He was fine one minute then he just started coughing up blood.”

“Nothing’s happened recently? Nothing out of the ordinary? No environmental changes? No physical incidents?”

Eddie’s eyes went wide. The recertification testing. Eddie hadn’t been there. He put the call on speaker and put the phone on the ground.

“Buck did you get hurt at your testing today?” Eddie asked, grabbing Buck’s face and forcing him to meet his eyes. But Buck just coughed and spluttered. He was struggling so hard for oxygen Eddie didn’t think he could even understand what Eddie was saying. “Let me lift your shirt.”

Eddie pushed up the edges of Buck’s clothes to check his back and chest, then shook his head with renewed frustration.

“No visible signs of internal bleeding or bruising. I don’t think it’s an impact injury, and nothing’s happened in the last few hours, I was with him all afternoon,” Eddie said, loud enough to be heard over the phone. As Eddie pulled his shirt back down Buck collapsed onto his side, unable to support his body weight, gasping for air as rivulets of blood continued to spew down his chin. “Easy Buck, I got you, keep breathing.”

“Ambulance is five minutes out. What else could cause this kind of distress?” Josh asked, trying to help him work through Buck’s symptoms.

“Nothing! Something environmental wouldn’t have hit this fast. The only other …” Eddie paused as the pieces fell together. “Pulmonary embolism. Shit, it’s a pulmonary embolism! Crush injuries increase the chance of blood clots. One must have broken off and his hit lung.”

“Okay, good, I’ll let the medical team know,” Josh said.

“Tell them his lung might be perforated. We need a bougie bag to drain the blood and have an intubation kit ready or he’s not going to be breathing much longer,” Eddie shouted.

“Relaying now,” Josh said and Eddie heard the tell-tale click of the line going quiet as the dispatcher switched channels to talk to the medical team.

With no voice on the other end of the phone Eddie was alone with Buck, but not for long.

“Dad?”

Eddie Diaz didn’t panic, but in this moment, he came damn close.

“Chris don’t come in here!” Eddie yelled, grateful beyond words the kitchen door was closed. “You … you have to stay in the living room, okay?”

The clack of crutches told him that order was not about to be followed.

“Why? What’s …?”

The kitchen door swung open and Eddie watched as his son’s face changed from intrigued to terrified in an instant.

“Buck?” he said softly, taking in the blood, the tension in his dad’s body and the way Buck didn’t respond to his presence, he just kept coughing and wheezing, blood spilling past his lips.

“Buck!” he yelled now, scared and confused. He tried to come closer but Eddie moved into his path, holding him an arm’s length away, blocking his view of Buck as much as possible.

“What’s wrong?!” Chris begged, trying to get past but Eddie held him back.

“Buck’s sick buddy, you got to stay back, okay,” Eddie said, willing his voice not to crack. But Chris just shook his head and looked up at his father.

“Dad, help him,” he pleaded and Eddie felt tears form in his eyes.

“I can’t Chris I … there’s an ambulance coming, they’re going to help him, okay,” Eddie said, and he tried to sound reassuring but Buck was struggling behind him, choking on blood as his eyes fluttered back into unconsciousness.

“He can’t breathe!” Chris said, crying now, distraught. Eddie swallowed back his own emotions, forced them down into a box and shook Chris’s shoulders just enough to draw his attention.

“Chris look at me, I need you to do something okay, it’s important. You need to help Buck all right, he needs your help,” Eddie said and paused until he saw Chris look up at him, eager to help, desperate. “Okay, I need you to go unlock the front door so the paramedics can get inside. Wait for them on the porch, tell them they’re at the right house and that we’re in the kitchen. Can you do that?”

Chris was breathing heavily, tears running down his face.

“It’s really important Chris,” Eddie said, “I have to stay with Buck so you have to go unlock the front door and let in the paramedics so they can help, okay?”

“Okay,” Chris said. His tiny shoulders straightened and he nodded emphatically.

“That’s my boy, I love you so much,” Eddie said, then placed a kiss into his hair as he turned around.

“Unlock the door,” Chris muttered to himself, on a mission now, determined as he stormed out of the kitchen and disappeared down the hall.

Eddie wished he had a moment to breathe, relax, but the kitchen was suspiciously quiet now that Chris was gone. His stomach dropped as he spun around.

Buck had stopped breathing.

“No, no Buck, stay with me!” Eddie demanded as he put a hand on Buck’s neck to check for a pulse. There. Thank god. His heart was still beating, but it wouldn’t be for much longer if he didn’t start breathing. “Buck, come on, don’t do this to me, please.”

“Firefighter Diaz, what’s happening?” a voice asked, and Eddie realized Josh was back on the speaker, cutting into Eddie’s panic.

“He’s not breathing!” Eddie answered.

“Can you start rescue breathing?” Josh asked, still calm, still collected.

“No!” Eddie shouted back in frustration. If Buck had stopped breathing it was because his lungs were too full of blood, a problem that rescue breathing was not going to solve. He needed to clear out as much blood as possible, without any medical supplies. He needed Buck to breathe.

“Buck you gotta breathe for me please,” Eddie begged as he ran his knuckles up and down Buck’s sternum, trying to stimulate his breathing but it had no effect.

“Come on, you’re not doing this Buck, not now, please. Buck you gotta breathe, I can’t …” Eddie’s throat closed up, his body unwilling to say that he couldn’t lose Buck, unable to even consider losing him. Because the truth was it would destroy him. It would destroy Christopher. Everything they had been rebuilding would crumble and Eddie wasn’t sure he had the strength to crawl out of the rubble again. To face a world where another person he loved was taken away before they had a chance to truly live.

“Buck, please, you … you have so much left to do,” Eddie said, and suddenly he wasn’t sad anymore, or panicked, or desperate. He was angry. Angry that Buck wasn’t eating cake at his surprise party right now. Angry that the man who saved him while he was drowning in grief was slipping away right in front of him. Angry that they might not get the chance to figure out what they are. Who they could be, together.

Eddie breathed in through his nose and huffed out a breath. Then another, determination growing with each inhale.

No. They weren’t done.

“You’re gonna breathe Buck! You hear me? You’re gonna breathe right now!” Eddie said, ordering instead of pleading. He wrapped his arms around Buck’s waist, lifted him up by the torso and then pulled back abruptly in a twisted type of Heimlich maneuver. It was unorthodox and he wasn’t sure it was even medically sound, but he didn’t have any other options. Except nothing happened.

Eddie planted his feet firmer and pulled upwards again, hoping to force the fluid out of Buck’s lungs.

“We’re not done Buck!”

Then it happened. A cough escaped Buck’s lungs along with another spray of blood, but more importantly, he inhaled again afterwards. He was breathing.

“That’s it Buck, keep breathing,” Eddie urged him. “I got you.”

“Dad they’re here!” He heard Christopher shout from outside and finally noticed the sound of the sirens. He got kind of deaf to them when he became a firefighter. The sound followed them everywhere so you had to learn to tune it out, keep working or talking through their noise, but now he heard them and they were the most beautiful sound in the world.

“Thank god,” Eddie said. He laid Buck back down and flipped him over. He’d need to be on his back to be intubated, and he needed to be intubated because he stopped breathing again the second Eddie laid him down.

“Dammit,” Eddie muttered. He considered picking him back up again but he could hear voices on the porch, hurried but professional.

“In the kitchen,” he heard Christopher say to someone, his voice urgent and breathless.

Booted footsteps clicked across his living room floor then the kitchen door swung open to reveal Captain Mehta. Eddie saw it as his professional mask slipped away for just a moment to reflect the horror he felt when he found two fellow firefighters on the kitchen floor, one deathly pale and the other coated in his blood.

“Jesus Diaz,” Mehta whispered, but never missed a beat in doing his job. He stepped inside and held the door open for the two medics coming in behind him. Eddie recognized them as the same pair that showed up to take away Nick after he was shot during the drug safe robbery at the station. The female medic was named Wheeler, and she came in first, eager to help and, most importantly, holding the intubation kit Eddie had requested.

“What’s his status?” she asked as she came in, clearly informed about the general situation from dispatch.

“He stopped breathing a minute ago,” Eddie said then reached out his hand. “Intubation kit, now.”

Wheeler hesitated.

“Diaz, you should let us …”

Eddie grabbed the kit out of her hand and started to tear open the packaging. Above him, Wheeler looked like she was about to step in but Mehta shook his head, backing her off.

“Get him started on the LifePak,” Mehta said to her instead, recognizing that arguing with Eddie would be a waste of all their time.

On the floor Eddie got the kit assembled then pulled down Buck’s jaw and started to line up the scope to insert the breathing tube, desperate to get Buck the oxygen he needed.

Except Eddie couldn’t move.

The scent of plastic and blood mixed together and suddenly he was in the back of an ambulance. His hands seized up, his whole body shuddered. A yellow blouse. A tearful good-bye. Chimney’s voice.

Once that tube goes in it might never come out.

It never did.

“Diaz!”

Eddie blinked. Mehta was above him, seemingly furious. He understood. He’d be mad at him too. Buck needed him and he disappeared.

“I’m good,” Eddie said, swallowing, willing it to be true. Mehta fixed him with a stare that said he had to be sure.

“I’m good,” he said again then fixed his grip. His fingers moved this time. He lined up the scope, pushing it down into the esophagus, ignoring the resistance, the fact that he was forcing a piece of metal down Buck’s throat, the way that it slid against the slick of blood from Buck’s lungs. “Intubating now.”

He pushed the tube through, down into Buck’s blood filled lungs, and pulled the scope out, throwing it onto the ground with no regard for where he was. Wheeler held out an oxygen bag and he took it wordlessly, attaching it to the tube and then compressing down. Air moved down through the tube, Buck’s chest lifted and his lungs inflated.

Eddie felt his body sag. Buck could breathe, and so could Eddie.

“All right, we’ve got lung expansion. Let’s get him on a gurney,” Wheeler said, waving a third medic inside while Eddie worked the oxygen bag, transfixed by the sight of Buck’s lungs expanding.

A backboard was laid down next to them.

“On three,” Mehta said and they lifted Buck onto the gurney.

The tube was still breathing for him. His eyes were so still. His skin paler than the tile below him.

“All right, call ahead to the hospital, tell them to get an embolectomy prepped to clear these clots,” Wheeler said to her partner as they started to move the gurney.

Eddie tried to follow them but there was a body in his way. Mehta stood in front of him, his hands firmly planted on Eddie’s chest.

“Diaz, you gotta let them work,” Mehta said.

“I’ll ride in the back, I just …” I can’t leave him, he wanted to say but Mehta met him with a grounding stare and shook his head.

“Your son can’t ride in the bus.”

Eddie inhaled sharply, shame instantly over riding his panic. He’d forgotten about Christopher. God. Mehta was right, Eddie couldn’t just leave him to go with Buck in the ambulance.

“I’ll distract your kid,” Mehta offered. “You go change your clothes. We’ll take you to the hospital in the engine.”

Eddie looked down at himself and noticed for the first time that he was covered in blood. Buck’s blood. Mehta was right, Christopher couldn’t see him like this.

“Thanks,” Eddie said, nodding and more grateful than he could admit in that moment. He took off for his bedroom while Mehta made his way to the porch where Christopher was watching the ambulance drive away.

Eddie changed quickly, grabbing the first pair of pants and shirt he could find, then hugged Christopher and told him they were going to go see Buck. That turned out to be a lie. The 133 got them to the hospital in record time but Buck was still being worked on when they arrived and would be for a long time according to the ER nurse, Cheryl. Eddie knew her from dropping off patients and she agreed to watch Christopher while he made a phone call.

He ignored the blood under his fingernails as he scrolled through his contact list and hit dial.

“Eddie, hey, are you guys on your way?” Maddie asked, her voice a joyful whisper. He pictured her standing in Bobby’s living room with the rest of their friends, pulling Chim away from the windows to keep the party a surprise. She was probably holding a noisemaker. She was so excited to celebrate her brother.

“Maddie,” he said and he tried to be strong but his voice broke on the second syllable and that told her everything. He could swear he heard the air leave her lungs. The joy leave her voice.

“What happened?” she asked. “Where are you?”

“Cedars sinai,” he said. It sounded like defeat. “I don’t know for sure, I … I think it was a pulmonary embolism. They’re working on him now.”

“We’ll be right there,” she said and he never doubted it for a second.

“Okay,” he said and loved her for not needing more than that. For getting their family there.

The night went by slowly. The team showed up in the waiting room in less than half an hour but there were still no updates on Buck’s status. Eddie could feel everyone looking him up and down, wondering if he would shatter being back in this hospital again so soon after Shannon. He honestly wasn’t sure himself, but he was grateful to have the team there to keep him together. Not long after that Karen and Michael showed up with Denny, Harry and piles of Tupperware filled with the food from the party, insisting that they all still needed to eat. Eddie made up a plate for Chris but couldn’t stomach the thought of eating. He excused himself and washed the blood off his hands in the bathroom.

It was almost 2am before a nurse came out and announced Buck was stable. The entire waiting room sighed in relief. Eddie gripped the back of a chair so he wouldn’t collapse. They were all desperate to see him but it was well past visiting hours and they needed to keep the ER calm so they could only let two of them in the back right now.

An awkward silence fell as they all looked at each other.

Maddie was Buck’s sister and medical proxy. It made sense for her to go back. She would probably want Chim with her. Bobby was Buck’s captain and the closest thing he had to a father in all honesty. And Eddie was … he didn’t know what he was anymore.

The decision was taken from Eddie’s hands by Chim of all people. He squeezed Maddie’s hand and pushed her forward then grabbed Eddie’s shoulder.

“We’ll watch Chris,” he said, and motioned for Eddie to go with Maddie. Chris was currently dead asleep in a waiting room chair and didn’t really need to be watched. Eddie looked around at the others who all nodded in agreement and he wasn’t sure if he hated or loved that they knew that he needed this. He clenched his jaw, nodded in thanks and followed Maddie into the back.

The lights in the ER were dim and the voices were hushed. It was late after all and people were trying to sleep as much as possible.

They turned a corner and there was Buck. Sitting up in bed, dressed in a hospital gown, color back in his skin, alert, breathing, alive and frowning at an IV line in his arm. Eddie slowed to almost a stop at the sight of him, so very different than when he had last seen him on the kitchen floor, covered in blood and not breathing. Maybe it hadn’t been real at all. Maybe it hadn’t even happened.

Unlike Eddie, Maddie didn’t slow down and Buck looked up at the sound of hurried footsteps. He smiled widely when he first saw them, initially excited to see his two favorite people in the world, but his expression changed to a hesitant grimace when he saw the deep frown on Eddie’s face and the restrained anger pooling under the surface of Maddie’s skin.

Maddie rushed over to the side of his bed, hugging him tightly and quickly, a relieved sigh leaving her even though her shoulders remained tense.

“Thank god,” she muttered into Buck’s hair.

Eddie followed slowly and stood at the foot of the bed, arms crossed protectively across his chest. He made no move to get closer and hated that he wasn’t ready to take Buck’s hand. Sharing words in the kitchen, in their own little world with just the two of them had been one thing, he had been working himself up to that for weeks, but that bubble had shattered the second Buck started coughing up blood and he wasn’t ready to step back inside, especially not in public.

“Maddie I’m fine, really,” Buck said then shifted his gaze to the foot of the bed to meet Eddie’s eye. “I promise.”

Eddie nodded in acknowledgement but before he could speak a doctor stepped forward with a clip board.

“You must be Evan’s family?” he said with a questioning glance between the two of them.

“Yes, I’m his sister, Maddie,” she introduced herself.

“Eddie, I’m uh … Eddie,” was all he could say, hesitating on exactly what their relationship was now.

“I’m Dr. Murray,” the doctor said, unfazed. “I was just about to go over his test results with him.”

“Good, they’ll both understand them better than me probably,” Buck said, making the doctor’s eyes widen with interest.

“The paramedics said he was diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism on the scene, was that by one of you?” he asked.

“That was me,” Eddie said quietly, swallowing at the memory of blood flowing down Buck’s chin. “I was an army medic. I just … the symptoms fit.”

“It was a good diagnosis. You got lucky,” Dr. Murray said, turning his attention back to Buck. “Most people who suffer a pulmonary embolism don’t do it in front of a trained medical professional. Saved your life.”

Maddie shook her head at this news, more distraught than comforted to find out her brother had almost died that night. Eddie was less surprised but looked over as Buck sent a smile his way that was half thank-you, half apology for putting him through that. Eddie couldn’t find it in him to return it.

“So what caused the blood clot?” Maddie asked.

“Clots, plural,” Dr. Murray said, flipping through his clipboard. “There’s the one that hit his lungs and then there were two more in his leg. As to the cause, it’s unclear.”

Eddie shook his head at that. “He got a clean bill of health last week though. This came out of nowhere.”

“Did it?” Dr. Murray looked skeptical. “No pain or tenderness in the leg? Skin discoloration? Swelling?”

Eddie wished he could have been surprised when Buck looked away in shame instead of responding to the doctor’s question, which was really all the answer they needed.

“Buck,” Maddie admonished while Eddie ran a hand down his face.

“I thought I just pulled a muscle or something,” Buck said to them, emphatic, before turning back to his doctor. “I’ve been training for my LAFD recertification test.”

“Training hard can lead to dehydration which can increase the risk of clots.”

Buck raised his hands like that explained everything and the matter was closed. “Well great, okay look I’m not dead, you found the clots. When can I get out of here? I’ve got a party to get to, and a job.”

It was Dr. Murray’s turn to shake his head, as equally unpleased as Maddie and Eddie about Buck’s eagerness to push past his injuries.

“We’ll move you to a room and keep you on anticoagulants. Tomorrow, we’ll run some more tests. And then, we’ll see,” the doctor said, making no promises and putting his chart down.

“Thank you doctor,” Maddie said before he waved politely and excused himself.

Silence reigned for a moment before Eddie spoke, eyes glued to the floor, unable to look at Buck.

“When did your leg start bothering you?” he asked.

Buck sighed.

“Like a day or two ago,” he admitted softly, then continued before he could be yelled at. “I was not ignoring this okay. I didn’t know what it was. I thought I had a leg cramp or something.”

Eddie wondered if maybe it was a mistake to send both Eddie and Maddie back here after all, because he could see they were both vibrating at the same frequency of enraged concern for Buck’s health.

“Yeah well you need to be more careful,” Maddie said, her voice firm and her eyes imploring. “Because if Eddie hadn’t been there, if this had happened when you were alone, you could have died.”

Buck opened his mouth defensively, like the idea was ridiculous. “No but I … I didn’t okay? I just passed out …”

Maddie rolled her eyes.

“Yeah just passed out after coughing up blood.”

Buck’s eyes went wide and his gaze snapped over to Eddie. He hadn’t been ready for that. “I coughed up blood?”

Eddie nodded tightly, arms still wrapped around himself. He didn’t want to talk about it.

“I don’t … I don’t remember that,” Buck admitted quietly. “Sorry.”

“You don’t remember?” Maddie asked.

“The doc said I might lose a few minutes, cause of the oxygen deprivation,” he said, waving it off like it was no big deal, like it hadn’t just flipped the world upside down. Like it hadn’t made Eddie’s blood run cold.

“Wait you don’t …?” Eddie trailed off. How could he end that question? You don’t remember that we kissed? You don’t remember me telling you that you were everything I wanted? You don’t remember telling me I make you feel like you’re home?

He didn’t say any of those words, and judging by the blank look on Buck’s face he didn’t know what Eddie was trying to ask, which only confirmed Eddie’s worst fears.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Eddie asked and knew his voice was too desperate, his gaze was too intense, begging Buck not to do this to him, but Buck just shook his head apologetically.

“I think I was picking out something to wear for tonight. Hope I didn’t pick anything too nice cause it’s probably ruined now,” Buck said, trying to inject some humor into the conversation but it fell flat and he sat up straighter when he saw the horrified look on Eddie’s face. “Wait, how long ago was that? How much time did I lose?”

Eddie had to remind himself to breathe.

Buck didn’t remember.

Eddie took a step back, his crossed arms tightening as he tried to hold himself together.

Buck didn’t remember.

Eddie had laid himself bare and Buck didn’t remember. They had made promises, assurances. They had wanted each other. Held each other. They had become something more. They had everything they ever wanted.

But Buck didn’t remember.

And Eddie couldn’t tell him. Not right now.

So he shoved everything inside him down, every ounce of want, desire and despair, back into the box where it belonged, where it had lived for so long, took a steadying breath then met Buck’s gaze with a reassuring smile that didn’t meet his eyes.

“Just a few minutes. I promise. You made fun of my coleslaw, so, you missed that,” Eddie said, but he knew his voice was too quiet, his words were too heavy. Buck still tried to smile with him though, meet him halfway of wherever he was trying to get to.

“Well, that’s not a big deal. I can always do that again,” he said.

“Yeah,” Eddie huffed out a sad laugh. “Hopefully.”

Chapter Text

Eddie and Maddie were kicked out of the emergency room shortly after they arrived, visiting hours being long over. Maddie hugged Buck tightly. Eddie could only bring himself to squeeze his ankle in farewell and did his best to ignore the hurt and confused furrow between Buck’s eyes at the lack of contact from him.

As they made their way back to the waiting room Eddie stayed a step back while Maddie let everyone know that Buck would be fine. A relieved sigh escaped every chest except Eddie’s. He just stood behind Maddie, blinking heavily as his unfocussed gaze targeted a random tile on the floor and he tried not to think about everything he had gained and lost in the same night. And the longer he stood there the more he felt like he was plummeting into an abyss that was all too familiar.

He should have been less surprised when a heavy hand landed on his shoulder, bringing him back to the moment.

“Let me drive you home,” Bobby said, insisting more than asking. Eddie didn’t fight him. He was in no shape to drive and didn’t have a car there anyway, so he picked up a still sleeping Christpher and followed Bobby to the parking lot.

The car ride was silent. A somber mood enveloped the vehicle, a sobering mix of emotional exhaustion heightened by the emptiness of the dark LA roads at night. But in Eddie’s head it was not silent. As he gazed out the window he heard the echo of Buck’s hacking, bloody coughs and remembered the ghost of the beautiful moment they had shared that was now only his because Buck had almost died and didn’t remember it had happened. One of the best moments of Eddie’s life, followed immediately by one of the worst, forever woven together in his mind, inextricable from the other.

His thoughts shifted to the last time he had offered up his heart to someone, just six short months ago. He had told Shannon he forgave her. That he wanted them to be a family again. He had put it all on the line, and in response she had asked for a divorce and then died in his arms a few days later. Buck’s response had been much more positive, but his fate was almost the same, and Eddie wondered if he was cursed to be alone. If him admitting his feelings for someone just cursed them as well. Maybe the universe was screaming at him, begging him to listen.

The thought gave him a headache and he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“How bad was it?” Bobby asked, startling Eddie despite keeping his voice low so as to not wake Christopher in the backseat.

Eddie sighed and stared out the window. There was nothing out there, but he could still see flecks of blood everywhere, still hear those hacking coughs, still feel the scrape of the tube going down Buck’s throat.

Once that tube goes in it might never come out.

He squeezed his eyes closed but it just made things worse.

“Bad,” he said in answer to Bobby’s question.

Bobby just nodded and didn’t ask for elaboration. Eddie loved him a little for it.

When they got to Eddie’s house Bobby turned off the car but neither made a move to get out.

“You know, when you said Buck was staying with you all those months ago I was relieved as hell,” Bobby said, breaking the silence. “Buck needs people in his life who care about him, I always knew that, but I guess I didn’t know just how much. Thank you for being there for him. Not just tonight, but especially tonight.”

The words were so kind, so sincere, but Eddie shook his head. “I didn’t do anything.”

“If he’d been alone he’d be dead,” Bobby stated. Eddie exhaled shakily at the thought.

“I couldn’t have done that great a job looking after him, he never told me about his leg, that it was bothering him,” Eddie said. “If he had, none of this …”

Eddie let the thought trail off with a wave of his hand and a frustrated sigh. Bobby just tilted his head in contemplation.

“We can care about Buck as much as we want, what we can’t do, unfortunately, is make Buck care about himself. He’s going to be reckless and think he’s invincible, that’s just who Buck is. All we can do when he wants to push himself too hard is try to pull him back as much as we can. Help minimize the damage.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Eddie said. The words were wise, but Eddie was in no state to hear them. He was too tired and there was just too much. Buck had lied about his leg, he had nearly died in Eddie’s arms, in front of Christopher, he had kissed him and didn’t remember a damn thing, and now he was home and … now …

A pained sound escaped Eddie’s lips and he leaned his head back as he realized what happened now.

“You okay?” Bobby asked, eyes shining with concern.

Eddie shook his head minutely, his gaze fixed on his front door and eyes filled with dread.

“My kitchen’s covered in blood,” he said, hating the crack in his voice.

Bobby’s eyes went wide and he inhaled in surprise. But his mortified expression only lasted a moment before he looked back at Christopher, squared his jaw and nodded.

“I’ll help you get him inside,” Bobby said.

Eddie should have argued. He could take care of his own house. But he didn’t have it in him. He nodded and got out of the car, picking Chris up and letting Bobby hold the door open for him.

As he laid Chris down in his bed, taking off his shoes and glasses and deciding to let him sleep in his clothes, Bobby disappeared. Eddie found him a few minutes later standing in the doorway of his kitchen, holding a mop, frozen. He had clearly been ready to march into the room and start cleaning, always eager to help out, but hadn’t been able to get past the threshold. Eddie couldn’t blame him. He looked into the room over Bobby’s shoulder, not wanting to face it full on, but he could still see the red stains pooled across his linoleum, could see the bloody hand print on the table where he had pulled himself up, and knew he was standing in tracks left by the gurney after it rolled through Buck’s blood. Every splatter told the story of what had happened here and Bobby was reading it all as plain as day.

Bobby turned his head to Eddie and exhaled heavily.

“It was bad,” he agreed.

~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~

After spending an hour wiping down the kitchen together, Bobby left and Eddie fell into bed. He woke up far too soon but found that the small amount of sleep had helped more than he expected. It was the first time he had slept alone in five months and the bed had never felt bigger or colder. But it was morning now, the sun was filtering in through his windows and he reminded himself that even though he wasn’t here, Buck was okay. He wasn’t home but the doctors said he would be fine and yes, their relationship was in flux with Buck not remembering what happened between them in the kitchen, but that didn’t mean it was the end of their story. They had quite literally taken one step forward and two steps back, but there was no reason they couldn’t take a step forward again.

Eddie kept this thought in mind as he dropped Chris off with Carla and headed to the hospital.

As he stood outside Buck’s door he took a deep breath and thought, maybe he could fix this. Maybe he wasn’t cursed after all. He just had to gather up the courage to tell Buck how he feels again. How hard could it be?

When he walked in Buck was sitting on the edge of his hospital bed, breathing heavily, looking red-faced, panicked and broken in a way that had Eddie’s heart racing in fear.

“Buck, what’s wrong?” he asked, a shot of concern rushing through him, erasing all plans to announce his feelings.

“They won’t let me come back,” Buck said, looking up at Eddie with devastated eyes.

“What?” Eddie asked, instantly lost and unsteady. He had assumed he was about to hear some terrible news about Buck’s test results.

“The chief,” Buck said, waving a hand helplessly that ended up punching down into his mattress. “He won’t clear me for duty while I’m on the blood thinners. Bobby offered me a desk job. Light duty! I … I can’t come back to the team.”

“Oh,” Eddie said, secretly relieved it wasn’t a medical problem. They could deal with work issues, all Eddie cared about was that Buck was healthy. “Look, they’re just being cautious. It’s probably just temporary.”

“The doctors don’t know why I had the clots, they don’t know when I’ll be off the blood thinners. Temporary could be forever!” Buck exclaimed.

“It’s a little soon to be talking about forever,” Eddie said. He took a deep breath and tried to gather himself together. This conversation was not going at all how he planned. “Let’s focus on the fact that you’re alive and relatively healthy, okay.”

“What good is that if I can’t be a firefighter?” Buck asked him with more fire than Eddie expected.

“It’s more than a lot of people have Buck,” Eddie told him. “And a desk job doesn’t sound so bad for awhile. Think of all the clipboards you’ll get to use.”

“That’s not being a firefighter,” Buck said, eyes watering, refusing to hear anything Eddie said about accepting this fate. “That’s not helping people, that’s not … being part of the team.”

Buck looked away then, his fingers flexing distraughtly against the scratchy hospital sheets. Eddie sighed, took a step forward and stood in front of where Buck was seated, his thighs knocking against Buck’s knees and surprised them both when he took Buck’s face in his hands and made him look up at him.

“You’re not going to lose us Buck,” Eddie said firmly. Buck inhaled sharply and Eddie knew he’d found the real issue they were dancing around. Buck wouldn’t admit that’s what he was scared of, but brought his fingers up to wrap around Eddie’s wrist in a steadying hold, making Eddie smile softly. “Even if you’re not on the team, even if you’re not at the 118, you won’t lose us. Not me, not Christopher, not Bobby, not any of us.”

“You don’t know that,” Buck said, voice painfully small.

“I do, because … I’ve lost too much already,” Eddie told him, voice wavering. “There’s no way in hell I’m losing you too, job or no job. You’re family, no matter what.”

“Thanks Eds,” Buck smiled, calmed slightly, but his eyes still looked sad, and Eddie could tell that as much as Buck wanted to, he didn’t truly believe him. He didn’t actually think that he could be loved unconditionally. It made Eddie ache a little, to know Buck thought he was so easily expendable. Eddie lifted a thumb, tempted to run it along Buck’s cheek – maybe he had found his moment already - but when he looked down there was blood running down Buck’s chin.

Eddie dropped his hands and stepped back.

He blinked and Buck’s face was replaced by Shannon’s dead eyes, a tube crawling up her throat but no sound escaping.

Buck looked shock by the sudden distance but just watched as Eddie squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. When he opened them again the blood was gone and so was Shannon. It was just Buck. Alive. But Eddie was still shaky, his fingers flexing around the phantom feeling of the intubation tube that he had forced down Buck’s throat the day before and suddenly he knew he wouldn’t be finding his courage again that day.

“Eddie?” Buck asked, clearly confused but Eddie couldn’t talk about it. Not yet.

“So, do you know when you’re getting out of here?” he asked, changing the subject to something safer, easier.

Buck looked crestfallen by the sudden shift in the conversation but nodded. “Yeah, they’re getting my discharge papers now.”

“Good. Chris can’t wait to see you.”

Buck’s smile turned genuine at the thought of seeing the tinier Diaz.

“I could definitely use a Chris hug.”

Eddie nodded, understanding the healing power of his son’s embrace.

“That won’t be a problem. It’ll be fine Buck,” Eddie said, even though his voice was shaky and his tone uncertain. “Everything will be better once you get home.”

~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|

Things weren’t great once Buck got home.

Despite an enthusiastic round of hugs from Christopher, Buck’s spirits fell quickly. Within a day of being discharged from the hospital he received the official documentation from the chief that he was not certified for active duty and the news sent him into a swift, spiraling depression. He immediately stopped working out and cooking, opting to order take-out over and over, even when Eddie offered to cook. He stopped tending to the garden he had lovingly planted in the back yard and was firmly glued to Eddie’s couch at most hours of the day. In the evenings he would slump to the side to let Chris play video games, but even then Buck would opt to just sit and watch Chris play instead of joining him like he normally would. And he was sleeping, a lot, to the point where Eddie could barely find time to speak to him. Buck would already be in bed when Eddie came home after a shift and would roll over to go back to sleep after Eddie’s alarm went off in the morning. Even visits from Maddie couldn’t pull him out of his slump and Eddie watched day by day as he turned into a shell of his old self, wallowing in his newfound unemployment and lack of prospects.

It probably didn’t help that Eddie was silently going through his own issues. He wanted to be there for Buck, help him get his life back on track, but whereas Buck slept all day, Eddie was hardly sleeping, plagued by a slew of nightmares. Sometimes he was kissing Buck only for him to bleed out all over his kitchen, or morph into Shannon, dying with a tube shoved down their throat. Sometimes he dreamt of Buck in a void, flatlining in the back of an ambulance alone. Other times he just dreamt of blood and linoleum and Christopher yelling for him to help. No matter what he saw, every day he woke up shaky and anxious. And the problem wasn’t just his sleeping. The visions of his dreams started laying over reality to the point where every time he looked at Buck he saw blood dripping down his chin, remembered the feeling of him dying in Eddie’s arms. The images hurt and he recoiled away from them, which meant he hardly ever looked at his best friend any more and he never reached out, not figuratively or literally. They were just ships passing in the night, carrying their own cargo of trauma and loneliness, drifting further apart with the tide.

For his part Eddie suffered in silence, an act he was all too familiar with, not ready to talk about his feelings or nightmares, and definitely not ready to discuss with anyone how he wasn’t as straight as he thought and that Buck didn’t remember they kissed before he nearly died. It wasn’t exactly the kind of thing you bring up over grilled cheese at the fire house. He was forced to report to the rest of the team about how Buck was doing though and took it to heart when they said Buck needed them all to be there for him. Except Eddie knew he couldn’t be there for Buck properly right now, but he knew someone who could be, which is what led Eddie to barge into his bedroom Saturday morning, pull the covers off Buck’s body and yell at him to get up.

Buck tried to insist he had nowhere to be and go back to sleep, but that idea was crushed when Eddie told him he had given Carla the weekend off so Buck was in charge of watching Christopher.

“Take him out, get some fresh air, have fun,” Eddie insisted as he laid cash out on the table to pay for whatever activities they would get up to. “Maybe you’ll learn something. He never feels sorry for himself.”

And dammit if Eddie wasn’t right. Buck wasn’t up to cooking so loaded the young Diaz into his jeep and started their day by splurging for a giant stack of pancakes. The grin that split across Chris’s face was enough to make Buck smile for the first time in weeks and he snapped a pic to send to Eddie, a wordless thank you for pushing him out the door.

Buck considered going to the pier next, but the heat pushed them to the closest movie theatre with an air-conditioned arcade instead. They played pinball and whack-a-mole, laughed in the photo booth and then stocked up on popcorn and snacks for the movie.

After it was over, Buck felt better than he had since a blood clot hit his lung two weeks earlier. But that feeling dissipated quickly as they left the theatre and he noticed a strange energy in the air of the city. It was like the whole place had taken in a giant gasp which they hadn’t let out yet. No one was moving at a normal pace. Everyone was either standing dead still reading on their phones or frantically making calls as they ran past.

His phone had been on silent in the theatre and he pulled it out now to see his only notification was a voicemail from Eddie. He dismissed it for now and went to his news app.

“Oh my god,” he muttered when he saw the headline.

Tsunami Hits Los Angeles

“Buck, what’s wrong?” Christopher asked.

Buck felt himself start to vibrate with frantic energy, his muscles telling him to run, go, help people, get to the team, to do something, but he wasn’t a firefighter anymore. He had nowhere to run to. All he could do was scroll through his feed to get as much information as possible.

“Um, nothing,” he told Chris. “Everything’s okay, there … there was just a big accident down at the pier. Your dad left me a message, I’m gonna listen to it real quick.”

Buck’s stomach clenched with fear as he hit play, worried he was about to hear some terrible news, but it was just Eddie letting them know he had been sent to the disaster zone and might be hard to reach for awhile.

“Your dad’s okay, but he won’t be home for a bit,” Buck reported to Christopher, needing to wipe the worried look off his face as quickly as possible. “He’s down at the pier. A lot of people need help and it’s going to take a long time to get to them all.”

“He’s saving people?” Chris asked, eyes shining with pride for his dad.

“He sure is, that’s what your dad does.”

“Shouldn’t you go help him?” Chris asked, brow furrowing, oblivious to the way his question hit Buck like a knife in the heart. It took everything he had to force himself to smile for Chris instead of screaming into the void about how unfair life was. Because as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t go help. He didn’t have equipment, or a job, or a captain. If he went to the pier he would just be a civilian, alone and in the way, scrambling. Helpless. Besides, he wasn’t exactly free at the moment.

“I would like nothing more than to help him, and that’s what I’m going to do. Because I told him I’d look after you, so that’s what I’m going to do,” Buck said, and then picked him up, more for his own sake than Christopher’s.

When they got home Chris passed out almost immediately from their long day out and Buck turned on the news, sitting on the edge of the couch as he watched hours of footage of the disaster, including aerial shots of some of the ongoing rescues. He couldn’t see the 118 but he knew they were somewhere, doing their jobs, saving people, without him.

The thought made him want to crawl out of his skin. He was a firefighter for god’s sake. He should be there. He should be doing something. He found himself at the front door more than once, picking up his keys, ready to head alone into a disaster area, but every time he trudged back to the couch, knowing he had to stay where he was, trapped in more ways than one.

It was fourteen hours after the tsunami hit when his phone finally rang. Eddie.

“Eds, hey!” Buck answered, relieved, excited, nervous, he wasn’t sure what, but he clutched his phone to his ear like a lifeline. “How’s it going? Is everything okay?”

“It’s … going,” Eddie said, sounding as tired as Buck had ever heard him. Miserable even. God Buck wished he was there. He would love to be that tired right now.

“Have you eaten? Slept?” Buck asked, knowing exhaustion would have settled in hours ago.

Eddie laughed with a hint of irony in his tone, like he knew Buck would have done neither of those things if he was there with him.

“I had a power bar and a thirty minute nap at the make-shift hospital. That’s the best I’m gonna get for awhile,” Eddie said. Buck wanted to tell him that wasn’t enough, but knew the job well enough to know that that was all they could hope for in the current situation. “How about you?”

“I’m good,” Buck said too fast, determined not to burden his friend in a literal disaster zone with his problems. “Yeah, great.”

“Uh huh,” Eddie said skeptically and then waited silently. Buck broke instantly.

“I’m losing my mind sitting here, Eddie. I’m watching the news and I just … I want to be down there so bad.”

Eddie sighed and Buck could almost hear the fond smile on Eddie’s lips. “I know you do, that’s why I called.”

Buck smiled, cheered up the slightest amount by Eddie checking up on him.

“Thanks for that. I’ll be fine though, you know, I’ll get used to it. Knowing that your phone’s working is at least good news. I was pretty sure it had ended up in the ocean when I didn’t hear from you all day,” Buck said, trying to keep his tone light.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Eddie said, and Buck could picture him checking the time. “I should have checked in sooner.”

“No, no it’s okay, really, I get it, I don’t mind. I was just surprised,” Buck said. “You were so desperate to get a hold of Christopher during the earthquake last year, I thought you’d be calling every hour to check on him.”

“Oh. Honestly, I … I barely even thought about it,” Eddie said.

“That’s gotta be a first,” Buck said. “You’re always thinking about Chris.”

“I just … I knew he was with you. I wasn’t even worried,” he said, voice quiet like he was just realizing the truth as he said it, but Buck just shook his head.

“Come on Eddie, you don’t have to say that to make me feel better.”

Eddie inhaled sharply as though deeply offended.

“Buck,” he said, tone so firm Buck stood up stock still like he could feel Eddie’s hand on his shoulder, anchoring him, grounding him. “There’s no one in this world I trust with my son more than you.”

Buck could tell Eddie meant what he was saying and felt his throat close up, chest tight with a different emotion than the ones he had fought all day.

“Eddie …”

They didn’t do this lately. They didn’t talk about … anything really. But disasters have a way of putting things in perspective, or maybe it was just that they were talking on the phone and Eddie didn’t have to avoid looking Buck in the eye like he had been doing the last few weeks.

“Thank you for looking after him, you know I appreciate it,” Eddie said, powering through Buck’s shudder, then sighed dramatically. “But I actually need you to stop.”

“You … what? Why?” Buck asked, getting whiplash from this conversation.

“I was just talking to one of the captains of the search and rescue teams. The water’s receded but they’re short staffed for the scope of the shore they’re trying to cover. It’s still too dangerous to call in general volunteers, but he said if I knew anyone with rescue experience they should get down here. I may have told him I know a guy.”

Buck felt his heart start to beat even faster. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah, I figured you were probably chomping at the bit to help out,” Eddie said, chuckling softly at Buck’s eagerness.

“I am. Of course I can come help, but uh … what about the blood thinners?”

“I told him. He said as long as you’re just a volunteer and sign off on a waiver it’s not a problem.”

“Holy shit, I can get down there in … no, what about Chris?”

“I already called Pepa. She’s on her way over,” Eddie said. Buck wanted to cry. Eddie was in the middle of a literal nightmare of a shift in the closest equivalent they had to a warzone and he had still taken the time to think about Buck, to make arrangements for him even. It felt like more than Buck deserved.

“God, Eddie, thank you,” Buck said and felt frustrated by how those simple words weren’t enough, but then his eyes went wide with excitement. “Hey , we’ll get to work together again! Finally!”

“We won’t actually,” Eddie cut in, his tone apologetic. “They’re short on medical staff too so I’m staying at the hospital. I’m gonna be patching people up for the foreseeable future.”

“Oh,” Buck said and tried not to feel disappointed that this chance to reconnect with Eddie again and fix whatever was breaking between them was slipping away.

“I’ll text you the details about where to meet the search and rescue team though.”

“Okay, great, thanks. I … I guess I’ll see you when I see you,” Buck said.

“Yeah,” Eddie agreed. “Be careful out there, and do me a favor.”

“What?”

“Save someone for me.”

~|~|~|~|~|~

Buck worked search and rescue at the pier for almost a week. He cleared 52 buildings, tagged 28 dead bodies, and found 5 people alive. People who wouldn’t have made it if he hadn’t been kicking down doors and clearing away rubble. The feeling of saving people’s lives again made him feel like a new man and he rode the high of it straight into deciding that he would be a firefighter again, somehow. The first step to doing that was being employed by the fire department so after the pier clean up was finished he accepted the fire marshal job Bobby offered him. It wasn’t what he wanted to do, but it gave him access to the chief and other higher-ups that he would need to convince to let him be a firefighter again, so he threw himself into it completely. And found out he liked it more than he thought he would. After all, Eddie was right, he does love using a clipboard.

So work was looking up, but he couldn’t say the same for the state of things at home. Chris was as wonderful as ever, and Buck had even helped him build a solar system for his science fair project, but he couldn’t say the same for him and Eddie. Something had been different between them since the embolism. Buck wasn’t sure what it was, but trying to talk to Eddie lately felt like working through an obstacle course. Nothing about it was easy. Whenever they were together he could feel a distance that hadn’t been there before. Buck used to be able to feel Eddie looking at him all the time, like his eyes always strayed to Buck whether they wanted to or not, but now he could barely get Eddie to meet his eye, even when he’s talking directly to him, not that they say much to each other anymore. What used to be so easy felt stuttery now, like a video that won’t stop buffering and never quite plays right. And he could feel it physically too.

Eddie stopped touching him. Buck hadn’t realized just how often their fingers had touched when they handed each other coffee, or passed by on the couch, or shifted together in the kitchen, until he came back from the hospital and suddenly Eddie was placing Buck’s coffee down in front of him, or going around the table instead of pushing against Buck’s legs to sit on the couch, or standing awkwardly in the kitchen until Buck moved out of his way.

It wasn’t mean, or passive aggressive. It was totally normal, or it would have been with anyone else, but it was a step back for them, and more and more Buck started to miss what they had been. They had only been half way to something but Buck still longed for it with his whole chest, and wished he was brave enough to ask Eddie what had happened. His theory was that the hospital trip had shown Eddie that he wasn’t ready for a relationship yet, or worse that Buck was too much. Too much work and not enough reward. Like looking at a car you might buy, finding out it’s a lemon and giving up on it in the parking lot with a fond pat farewell. So as much as he wanted to talk to Eddie about what was happening, he was too scared to find out that Eddie had decided he was too difficult to love, so instead clung to the crumbs of their former relationship even as it went cold.

And then there was Lena Bosco.

Logically Buck knew that Lena wasn’t replacing him. She was only at the station because her fire house was destroyed in the tsunami. But that didn’t change the fact that she was working with his team, that her name was taped over his on the turnout locker, or, more importantly, that Eddie ran to her without hesitation when she called. Just left Buck behind, grasped the bar above her head, and slotted it back in place after several reps and worst of all, Eddie let their fingers touch as he shifted the weights. It was just for a moment, but it was more than Buck had felt from Eddie in weeks and he just didn’t know where they stood anymore. He had thought he and Eddie were working towards something, but every day it seemed more obvious that whatever they had built had been knocked down while he was unconscious in the hospital and he didn’t know how to start remaking it.

These thoughts plagued him constantly but he was jolted back into reality by Bobby inviting him over for dinner and he accepted as enthusiastically as humanly possible. Finally, he would have a chance to talk to Bobby one-on-one about coming back, but even better, he could feel like part of the team again, like family. Things had gone cold at the Diaz house lately, but he could feel warm again at Bobby and Athena’s. He looked forward to it all day.

It was the worst dinner of his life, and that included the time he got a tracheotomy on a restaurant floor.

Buck barged out of Bobby’s house with the sting of tears in his eyes, chest heaving as he held back the panic attack and scream of rage that were fighting for dominance in his throat. He started the jeep and took off. He probably shouldn’t have been driving, but he had to get away from the betrayal throbbing through his body. He had to get home.

He pulled into Eddie’s driveway and slammed the door of his jeep as he got out, then hesitated on the walkway. The urge to scream his frustrations was still simmering, eager to explode out of him, and he didn’t want to wake Christopher up, but he needed… he needed Eddie. As if called by his desperation Eddie appeared on the porch, shutting the front door behind him as he peered curiously into the driveway.

“Buck?” he said cautiously as he got closer, hands out in question as Buck paced in front of him. “I thought you were going to Bobby’s. Is everything okay?”

“No Eddie, everything is not okay!” Buck shouted and Eddie took a half step back, not intimidated but surprised by the anger in Buck’s words. “Nothing has been okay in a long time!”

Eddie moved his feet, shifting into a solid stance and lifted his chin. “Tell me what happened.”

“Bobby happened! Bobby said he was my friend. He said he cared about me, but he’s the reason I can’t come back to the team,” Buck said, spitting with fury. “I thought it was the Chief, but it was Bobby. He’s the reason I can’t come back. He doesn’t think I’m ready. After everything I’ve done. He … he thinks I’m a liability.”

Buck whirled around while he vented, arms flailing about, and felt the slightest bit better, until he looked up and saw Eddie’s face. Where he had expected to see compassionate anger, or empathy, or any sign of comradery, he saw Eddie clenching his jaw and looking away.

Buck felt the blood stop moving in his body and swayed on the spot like a zombie.

“You think he’s right,” he said softly, horrified. Eddie chewed on his lip and moved his head, the slightest of nods. Buck couldn’t breathe. “You don’t want me back on the team.”

Eddie’s head snapped back up at that, his eyes lit with fire.

“Don’t say it like that Buck, of course I want you back,” Eddie said like it was obvious. “When you’re ready.”

Buck wanted to tear off his skin.

“Oh my god I’m fine!” he shouted for what felt like the millionth time.

“I had to clean your blood up off my kitchen floor last week!” Eddie shouted back, the shake of his voice enough to bring Buck back off the cliff of his anger and stand in stunned silence for a moment until Eddie finally shook his head. “So no, I don’t think it’s a stretch to say you’re not ready to come back to work. I want you alive more than I want you on the job and I’m not sorry about that.”

“You and Bobby both say you care about me but no one seems to care about what I want, which is to be a firefighter again. I don’t care about the risk.”

“There are other jobs out there, Buck,” Eddie said, like he was trying to get Buck to see reason.

But Buck just fisted a knuckle into his eye, anger and frustration trying to bleed through as tears. How could people who claimed to be his family care so little about what he needed? Why couldn’t Eddie understand?

“You don’t get it Eddie,” Buck said imploringly, “if I’m not a firefighter I … I don’t have anything else.”

Buck didn’t realize what he had said until Eddie stepped back like he’d been slapped.

“Nothing? Wow. So, what, screw these last five months?” Eddie asked, one hand waving towards the house, motioning towards everything they had done together, everything they had built. A garden in the backyard, a kitchen where they cooked together, a happy child asleep in his bed. A family.

But Buck couldn’t see any of that. He saw the wilted leaves of the bushes that had died from neglect. The empty kitchen full of take-out boxes. A child that wasn’t his, as much as he wanted him to be. A man he loved who wouldn’t look at him. Wouldn’t touch him. Didn’t want him around anymore.

Buck remembered every moment of loneliness and despair that had crept in since he woke up at the hospital and shrugged helplessly.

“What do I really have here at the end of the day?” he asked.

Eddie inhaled at the question, considered it, then bit his lip and nodded.

“Not worth the wait after all I guess,” Eddie said quietly, like he’d expected it. Feared it. And Buck felt something inside him crumple. Had Eddie still been waiting for him? Had he needed Buck to reach out all this time, even though he’d been standing right in front of him?

“Eddie …”

He took a step closer but Eddie put a hand up and stepped back.

“We’re gonna wake up Chris,” he said, his voice unsteady, a sheen of tears in his eyes. Buck’s weren’t much better and it only got worse as he watched Eddie turn around, walk up the steps and disappear into the house.

Buck looked up at the sky, turned around, pounded a fist down on the hood of his jeep and screamed in the back of his throat. He leaned back, only feeling worse, as anger and self-loathing bubbled up inside him and came out as a pitiful laugh as he realized that everyone he cared about had turned their back on him.

He had been right. He didn’t have anything else.

~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~

Eddie walked back into the house on shaky legs, stumbled towards the dining room table and wrapped his hands around the back of a chair to stay upright.

Dammit, he had fucked everything up so bad.

This was all such a mess, everything between him and Buck, and he knew exactly why. He should have talked to him about his nightmares, and his daymares, and the fact that they had kissed in the kitchen before Buck’s embolism, and that he wasn’t sleeping, and a million other things, but instead he had pushed it all down for weeks, and now he was too terrified to poke at the box of his emotions in case it exploded in his face. But not talking was just making things worse and Buck deserved to know the truth, which meant this was all his fault. A sad laugh escaped Eddie’s lips. Story of his life.

It wasn’t the time to think about his relationship with Shannon though, he had to talk to Buck. He’d give them both a few minutes to cool down and then they’d talk about all this. They could fix this. As long as they were still here, together, they still had time.

“Dad?”

Eddie sighed. Great. They had woken Christopher after all. Eddie pinched his nose. He was already so tired, but he couldn’t not come when his son called.

“Hey buddy,” he said softly as he came into his son’s room to find Chris laying in bed rubbing at his eyes. He sat down next to him and smiled. “You okay?”

“I heard you guys yelling,” Chris said, his voice both sad and maybe curious.

Eddie frowned apologetically. “Sorry about that. We didn’t mean to wake you. We’ll be quiet. You can go back to sleep.”

But Chris wasn’t interested in sleep. “What were you yelling about?”

Eddie took a steadying breath and considered his response before answering. “It was just some work stuff. Buck got some bad news about coming back to the fire house and he’s a little upset.”

“Does he need a hug?” Chris asked, his eyes wide like he had a brilliant idea.

Eddie laughed.

“He probably does. Unfortunately you need to go back to sleep, but I’ll tell you what – I’ll give him a hug for you when he comes back inside,” Eddie said as he pulled the covers back up to his son’s chin.

“Promise?” Chris asked.

Eddie smiled softly.

“I promise,” he said. It would go along well with his apology. He should probably figure out what he wanted to say before Buck came back in.

“Okay. Good night dad.”

“Good night Christopher.”

Eddie kissed Chris’s forehead, tucked him in and stood up to leave but flinched when a bright light suddenly hit him in the eyes through the window. His brow furrowed in confusion. Headlights only came in through that window when someone pulled in or out of the driveway. Then he saw it, an all too familiar jeep pulling out and speeding away from the house.

A cold pit formed in Eddie’s stomach. He wouldn’t be giving out that hug after all.

Buck was gone.

Chapter Text

It was late when Buck got to the loft, so late that he found himself entering with the same careful hesitance that he would at Eddie’s house to make sure he didn’t wake up either Diaz. He laughed when he realized what he was doing and sighed because he didn’t have to worry about that here. The loft was empty after all.

He clicked on the light, threw his keys on the counter and stopped in the kitchen to take the whole place in. Even though he came by once a week to clean for his Air BnB rentals, the space still felt foreign to him, like it belonged to someone else. To him this loft was a business, not a home. But now it was all he had.

Bobby had betrayed him and Eddie had quite literally walked away from him after taking a turn at twisting the knife in Buck’s back. What choice did Buck have but to leave? And where else could he go but here? Everyone had abandoned him.

Well, not everyone. Not yet. He still had Maddie, and god would he love to fall into her arms for the biggest sister hug ever, but she was working the night shift, which meant he just had this empty apartment, with its cold floors and echoing walls and … nothing else really. He didn’t even have a toothbrush or a phone charger here.

He scrubbed a hand down his face. He was so tired, mentally and physically, that all he wanted was to get some sleep and force this day to be over. He went up to the bedroom, thankful he had left a few sets of clothes here at least. Dressed in a new pair of sweats he was ready to sleep, but found himself stuck at the edge of his room eyeing the bed like a mortal enemy. He couldn’t crawl into that bed. It wasn’t his.

Sure, he had paid for it, and lugged it up the stairs, and changed the sheets on it every week, but he had no claim to it. Dozens of people had slept in this bed since he moved out five months ago. It was probably lumpy in ways he didn’t remember and the sheets were going to be too crisp and the pillows were going to be too soft and it wouldn’t dip in the middle because it wasn’t Eddie’s bed. Eddie wasn’t here.

“And whose fault is that?” Buck asked his empty bedroom, but the only answer he got was his words echoed back off the walls. It didn’t matter, he knew the answer. It was his fault. Eddie wasn’t here because Buck had left. Five months of … something, and he had thrown it away just like that. He had no job, no partner, no best friend. All he had was an apartment he didn’t even want to be in. The thought made him so sad that tears pricked at his eyes. There was only one answer; to run away, again. He grabbed a single pillow and went downstairs to the living room. Sleeping on the couch would be easier. He could pretend he was still couch surfing like he had done for all those years. Could pretend this was all just temporary. Like he wasn’t stuck here, alone. Yeah, that could work.

He set himself up on the couch, turned on the TV and tried to pretend his plan was working.

~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~

He woke up the next morning groggy and confused about where he was, then physically cringed when he remembered why he was sleeping in the loft and the things he had said to Eddie. Dammit what had he been thinking, saying that the Diaz home offered him nothing, after everything Eddie and Chris had done for him? But Eddie didn’t want him back at work, and didn’t seem to want him at the house, so was Buck really wrong? Honestly, he had no idea. What he needed was some perspective, and maybe breakfast.

Unfortunately, the only thing on his kitchen counter was his wallet and a business card from Chase MacKay, the lawyer representing the seizure victim from the fire drill he had worked last week. He considered the business card as he made a cup of coffee. Chase had said to call if Buck ever needed legal help. Did this mess with Bobby qualify as some kind of wrongful dismissal? He picked up his phone, with its measly ten percent battery left, and found himself dialing shockingly fast. He was answered by Chase’s assistant, who told him the lawyer was in court today, but she made Buck an appointment to talk to him the next day. Which left him with nothing to do today to get his life back together.

Until he got a text notification. Maddie.

I’m done work. Come over whenever you want.

He’d never grabbed his keys so fast.

Twenty minutes later he was knocking on her door, and he must have looked like shit because the smile on her face disappeared the second she saw him.

“Oh god, what happened?” she asked as she motioned him inside.

“What didn’t happen?” he muttered with a self-deprecating laugh then dropped on to Maddie’s couch with a bone weary sigh. She followed at a distance, sitting slowly in the armchair across from him, studying his body language before she leaned forward and squeezed his wrist.

“Talk to me,” she said.

Buck looked toward the window and waved his free hand helplessly.

“I had dinner with Bobby last night and he told me he’s the reason I can’t come back to work. I thought it was the chief but he … he thinks I’m a liability. That I’m not ready, so I stormed out of his house. Then after that I found out that Eddie agrees with him and doesn’t want me to come back either. And then as a kicker, I told Eddie that I didn’t have any reason to stay with him anymore and I … I left. I stayed at the loft last night.”

“Oh Evan,” Maddie said, tilting her head sadly, unsure where to start.

“Yeah, I’ve never destroyed two relationships in one night before. That’s a new record, even for me. And to top it all off I left my charger at Eddie’s and my phone’s dead.”

“You haven’t destroyed anything,” Maddie said with enough conviction that it made him look up and meet her eye. “People can fight and disagree and still care about each other. Sometimes they do it because they care about each other.”

“Yeah that’s what they both said. That they want me to sit at a desk, stay on the sidelines because it’s safer. Healthier,” Buck said with a scoff. But Maddie just handed him a charger and shrugged.

“Are they wrong?”

“No, but … that’s not what being a firefighter is. It’s dangerous. It’s always been dangerous, even before a truck fell on my leg. We all know that and we all get to choose to do it or not, except I don’t get a choice anymore! How is that fair?”

“I get that it doesn’t feel fair but things are different now than when you decided to become a firefighter,” Maddie said. Buck finally looked over at her and felt a cold dread start to crawl up his spine. “You’re still on blood thinners, you’re still recovering from the accident.”

Buck covered his face and felt like the world was collapsing in on him. “No, no Maddie not you too.”

“A little more time off isn’t the end of the world.”

“It’s been six months Maddie! I don’t want any more time off! I am fine! I am healthy! Why can’t you all see that? Why is no one on my side?” he asked as he stood up and paced the length of the living room.

“We’re on your side Buck, all of us,” Maddie tried to say but Buck shook his head.

“You know Bobby I almost understand. He’s my captain, you know, he’s responsible for me if anything happens. But you, you said you’d help me, with anything. And Eddie, he said he’d always have my back but neither of you care, not about what I want!”

Maddie’s jaw clenched and she stood up from her chair, not mad but firm. “If you think I don’t care about you, that Eddie doesn’t care about you, then you’re a lot more far gone than I thought. We just want you healthy.”

“Jesus, I passed out for a few minutes one time and you’re all acting like I’m made of glass!”

“Passed out for a few minutes?” Maddie repeated incredulously. “Is that what we’re calling it now?”

“Yes! I had a blood clot, I passed out. I’m on blood thinners and I’m fine now! Clean bill of health. Nothing else has happened. Why is this such a big deal to everyone?” Buck shouted with frustration but Maddie just huffed in amusement.

“Passed out for a few minutes,” she muttered again in disbelief before she marched out of the room and down the hall.

“Where are you … Maddie!” Buck called out, his anger dissipating into confusion as she disappeared. She returned a few moments later carrying a laptop and a pair of over the ear headphones.

“What are you doing?” Buck asked, watching as she set up the laptop on the coffee table in front of him then held out the headphones.

“Put these on,” she said.

“Why?” he asked.

“Because I can’t listen to this again, but you have to,” she said.

He wanted to argue, make her explain what this was, but he saw she was on the verge of tears so just nodded and took the headphones.

“Fine.”

She exhaled with silent gratitude and he sat down on the couch while she turned back to the laptop. Buck saw she had an audio file queued up. Before he could see what it was she hit play and walked out of the room.

“Why are you …?”

His question was cut off by the start of the file playing.

“911, what’s your emergency?”

“This is off-duty firefighter Eddie Diaz. I need a medical unit to 4995 South Bedford Street immediately, I have a 27 year old male in severe respiratory distress.”

Buck felt his breath catch in his throat and his chest go tight at the sound of Eddie’s voice. Oh god. This was the embolism. This was Eddie’s call to 911.

“He was fine one minute then he just started coughing up blood.”

Buck’s brow furrowed. Eddie sounded worried, panicked, but he didn’t do that during an emergency. Eddie always kept a level head.

“Easy Buck, I got you, keep breathing.”

Buck felt his breathing pick up, even though he was just sitting on the couch, spurred on by the pleading of Eddie’s voice. He sounded so scared.

“No, no Buck, stay with me! Buck, come on, don’t do this to me, please.”

Buck looked behind him towards the hall as the call kept playing. He wanted Maddie here. He didn’t want to do this alone. But there was no sign of her. She was true to her word. She wouldn’t listen to this again. He couldn’t blame her.

“Dad?”

Oh God. Not Christopher. Oh fuck, how did he not know Christopher had been there when he passed out? He didn’t want to hear this, but he kept listening as Eddie sent Chris away to wait for the paramedics …

“It’s really important Chris. I have to stay with Buck so you have to go unlock the front door and let in the paramedics so they can help, okay?”

as Eddie begged Buck to breathe …

“Buck, stay with me!”

as Buck stopped …

“Come on, you’re not doing this Buck, not now, please.”

and as Eddie refused to give up on him …

“We’re not done Buck, so you’re gonna breathe! You hear me? You’re gonna breathe right now!”

And as Eddie willed his lungs into working again.

“That’s it Buck.”

And finally:

“Intubation kit, now.”

Buck swallowed thickly. Eddie had intubated him himself? After losing Shannon the same way six months ago? Buck dropped his face into his hands but continued to listen to the distant sounds of his own lungs expanding, of being rushed out to the ambulance and Mehta telling Eddie to change out of his bloody clothes before he drove them to the hospital. Then Eddie’s phone clicked off and there was only silence.

The file was 14 minutes long.

14 minutes.

That’s how long Buck had spent dying in Eddie’s kitchen.

Maddie must have known the length because she came back just as it ended, sat down next to him on the couch and waited.

Buck had tears streaming down his face. He shook his head.

“I didn’t know,” he told her softly and she nodded in understanding. “I didn’t … I didn’t know it was that bad, I swear. Eddie he … he never said. He never really talked about it.”

“He didn’t tell me either, but the look in his eyes at the hospital was …” she trailed off and shifted her gaze to the far wall. “When I got back to work and listened to it, I knew why he looked like that. You were dying Buck, right in front of him.”

“Yeah, I was,” he said quietly, realizing it for the first time. He had been dying, truly dying, should probably be dead by the sounds of that 911 call. But Eddie had saved him. He saved him and then never said a word about it. Instead he built a wall between them, and Buck still didn’t really know why. His knee bounced and his jaw twitched. Maybe it was time to find out. “I think I need to talk to Eddie.”

Maddie nodded in agreement. His phone had only been charging for a few minutes but it had enough juice for him to power it back on. Before he could find Eddie’s name in his contacts, several text messages and missed call notifications appeared, time stamped well over an hour ago. They were all from Eddie.

I know we’ve got some stuff to work out but Chris’s science fair is today. He’s really excited about it. Can I tell him you’ll be there?

It’s at 3.

I can pack up the solar system you built. You can just meet us at the school if you don’t want to come over. Chris really wants you there.

Buck???

The blood drained from Buck’s face as a calendar reminder marked “CHRIS’S SCIENCE FAIR” popped up along with his other notifications.

“Shit,” Buck muttered and looked at the time. It was already after two and Chris’s school was halfway across town from Maddie’s place. “Shit, I gotta go.”

“Wait, what?” Maddie asked, confused as he sprinted past her out the door.

“I’ll call you later,” he promised and then he was gone, racing out to the parking lot and scrambling into his jeep. Dammit this could not be happening. Not on top of everything else. How did he manage to mess up everything in his life, including his relationship with the most wonderful kid Buck had ever met?

He plugged Christopher’s school into his GPS and pulled out onto the road. It wasn’t until he got to a red light that he stopped to breathe and think for a minute. He needed to call Eddie and let him know that he hadn’t been ignoring his messages and was on his way.

“Siri, call Eddie,” he said as the light turned green but he was met with resounding silence. He looked down and saw his screen was black. His phone had died again. He was only half-certain how to get to Chris’s school from memory and had no way to call Eddie and let him know he might not make it on time.

“Dammit,” he said.

~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~

“Dammit,” Eddie said as Jupiter dislodged and rolled under the driver’s seat of his truck just out of reach. He’d have to go around to the other side of the car to grab it, then reattach it to its orbit somehow, which – he glanced at his watch – he really didn’t have time for. He sighed and pulled the rest of the solar system closer to the edge of the seat, trying to ready it for transport.

“Dad, we’re gonna be late,” Christopher whined, leaned against his crutches and waiting for Eddie to follow him into the school with his science project. The problem was Eddie had only been peripherally involved in the building of said solar system, happy to watch as Buck and Christopher made it on the kitchen table over the course of a week. At the time they had been planning to attend the science fair together so Eddie hadn’t worried about moving the thing, confident Buck had a plan for doing so. Unfortunately he had never shared that plan with Eddie, and as the hours ticked away without any word from Buck, Eddie had been forced to move the project into the backseat of his truck as carefully as possible, along with the large stand-up cardboard display, and just pray he didn’t break the thing. So far it was holding together, barely, much like Eddie himself.

It had been a long restless night of thinking about Buck and how much he had messed up followed by an even longer day of Eddie dodging Christopher’s questions about where Buck was and whether he was going to be at the science fair that day. Eddie honestly didn’t know if Buck would be there and didn’t want to make any false promises to his son so had told him,

“Buck had to go back to his place for a little while but he’s going to try his best to be there.”

Eddie didn’t know if that was true, he hadn’t heard from Buck all day, despite the multiple phone calls and texts Eddie had sent, but he wanted it to be true as much as Christopher did. This isn’t how it worked between the two of them and it had thrown Eddie for a loop. Even with all the strangeness of the last few weeks, they had never given each other the silent treatment, they had never just left the other hanging. And now here was Eddie, trying to carry a two-man science project alone in a parking lot. The idea that Buck had abandoned not just him but Chris too, well, it made Eddie shake his head to ward off the new nightmare he could feel trying to creep in.

“Dad!” Chris called out again, eager to get inside and show off his work to the other students and parents.

Eddie took a deep breath, managed to grab Jupiter, and forced it back into its planet holder.

“I’m coming Chris, I just gotta figure out how to carry all this,” Eddie called back, holding the cardboard stand in one hand and trying to balance the project in the other.

“Sounds like you could use a hand,” a familiar voice offered from behind him. Eddie felt a knot of tension release in his chest at the sound of it. Suddenly he could breathe.

“Buck!” Christopher shouted gleefully and Eddie could hear more than see as he got scooped up into a hug behind him. “You’re here!”

Eddie emerged from the truck just as Buck was putting Chris down, a huge smile spread across his face.

“Of course I’m here. You think I’d miss seeing the best solar system in the world in action?”

“Dad said you might not make it,” Chris said, seemingly trying to explain why he would have doubted.

Buck looked at Eddie and their eyes met for the first time. Buck smiled guiltily, a sadness creeping into the edge of his eyes. Eddie looked at the ground and shrugged.

“I hadn’t heard from you,” he said softly.

Buck nodded, understanding.

“Yeah, sorry. I didn’t have a charger, my phone died,” Buck said, pulling the black brick out of his pocket as proof. Eddie breathed out heavily, accepting the answer. Buck motioned towards the back of the truck. “So … can I help?”

“Please,” Eddie said, taking a step back and letting Buck at it.

“Dad broke Jupiter,” Chris said in a bad stage whisper as Buck started to inspect the project.

“No, dad fixed Jupiter,” Eddie interjected. “Gravity broke it.”

“That’s okay, Jupiter’s tough, she can take it,” Buck said, waving it off then looked at Eddie. “Why don’t you get the display and the door and I’ll carry this?”

“Sounds good,” Eddie said.

Buck hauled the project out of the backseat and started walking towards the school while Eddie locked the truck then jogged to get ahead of him and open the door. He wasn’t sure what was more awkward, carrying a delicate and weirdly sized solar system, or the tension between him and Buck whenever their eyes met. There wasn’t time to unpack any of that just yet though as a teacher waved them towards the table Chris had been assigned to.

Thankfully it only took a few minutes to set up the project. Once the cardboard display was up Buck leapt back triumphantly, making small jazz hands in excitement.

“Ta da! The milky way lives,” he said, smiling down at Christopher who laughed at his enthusiasm.

“Looks good,” Eddie agreed, then his brow furrowed as he looked the display over. “Shit, there’s only eight planets. We must have lost another one in the car.”

Eddie started to take out his keys, but Buck grabbed his wrist before he could run out.

“Relax, we’re good. There’s only supposed to be eight,” Buck said. “Pluto’s not a planet anymore.”

“What?” Eddie said, seemingly even more upset by this news than the thought he broke the display. “Since when?”

“2006!” Chris supplied with a satisfied grin.

Eddie’s eyebrows shot up, impressed. “You really did learn a lot making this.”

“More than you, obviously,” Buck said with a teasing smirk. Eddie laughed, then felt his chest tighten when he realized Buck’s fingers were still around his wrist. Buck’s eyes followed his and he pulled away, letting Eddie’s hand fall down swiftly.

“Sorry,” Buck said quietly but Eddie shook his head.

“It’s fine,” he said, but the tightness in his voice probably made Buck think otherwise. God, they had a lot to talk about, but not here. He turned to Chris who was shifting the angle of the sun just how he wanted it.

“So, what else do you need?” Eddie asked.

“Nothing Dad, I got it!” Chris said, clearly eager to show off the project himself. Eddie put his hands up in surrender and took a step back, always ready to let Chris have his independence. “You can go look at the other projects.”

Eddie looked around the auditorium and saw the other children were all standing alone and showing off their projects to the parents that were wandering around the room. He looked over at Buck who put his hands in his pockets and swayed awkwardly as Chris basically told the two of them to go for a walk together. Eddie nodded though. It wasn’t a bad idea.

“All right. Just shout if you need anything,” he told him.

“Okay,” Chris said but was already barreling towards the first set of parents who were passing by. “Do you want to know how big the sun is compared to Earth?”

Eddie snorted a small laugh and Buck shook his head in amusement, then their eyes met and they both stilled, unsure where to go from here. Eddie tilted his head down the path that led to the exit doors.

“Can we talk?” Eddie asked.

“Yeah,” Buck said, nodding eagerly. “I’m parked near the window, we’ll be able to see if Chris needs us.”

“Sounds good,” Eddie said and let Buck lead the way outside. It was a short but stiff walk, both of them holding on tight to what they wanted to say until they got to the car.

After Buck unlocked the door Eddie crawled into the passenger seat, leaned back and sighed. God he was tired. Had been exhausted by nightmares even before his fight with Buck the night before, and he really needed a minute to get himself together before they potentially had another one. Because as much as Eddie knew he had things to apologize for he was also mad as hell underneath it all.

Buck was not as interested in waiting, however.

“I’m sorry,” he said the second his door was closed, making Eddie’s eyes shoot open in surprise. Buck had been so mad last night, so disappointed in him. He hadn’t expected to be met with sorrowful eyes and a hesitant jaw twitch. “About last night.”

“Yeah,” Eddie said, like he already knew Buck was sorry, like he was sorry too.

“I shouldn’t have left like that.” Buck lifted a hand helplessly. “I … I promised I’d wait and I promised I’d stay and I didn’t do either of those things, and I’m sorry.”

Eddie inhaled sharply at Buck’s apology, and nodded. His words solidified what Eddie already knew before he ever got in the car. He’d already forgiven Buck, but even so, he absolutely had to make one thing clear.

“I know you are. And Buck, if this was just about me, I’d let it go and I wouldn’t care. I’ve been left by my partner in the middle of the night before, I can handle it. I can understand it. But Christopher has lost more people that he cares about than any kid ever should and he can’t lose anyone else. If you’re going to walk out then …”

“I’m not!” Buck interrupted him, unable to listen to even a hypothetical about not being in Eddie and Chris’s life. “I’m here. I promise. Whatever he needs, you know that.”

Buck sounded like he wanted it to be a statement but just as the end it became a question, asking if Eddie still believed in him. But that was never the question. Eddie smiled sadly and nodded.

“I do. I know. But he’s my kid, some things I still gotta say,” he answered, then leaned his head back again.

“I get it. You gotta protect him. But for the record, you should care,” Buck said, emphatic, and continued only after Eddie sent him a questioning look. “If someone leaves you, you should care.”

“I didn’t mean it like that Buck.”

“I know, I do, I just mean, you matter too, not just Chris. You’re allowed to feel hurt.”

Eddie huffed in sad amusement. He hadn’t allowed himself to feel anything for weeks now, not since he had walked into his kitchen, bared his heart to Buck and then watched him choke to death on his own blood. But he had to start feeling eventually.

He inhaled and had his own apology poised at the edge of his lips, but before the words could come out his gaze fixed on something in Buck’s cup holder. Brow furrowed, he picked up the small white business card with “Chase MacKay” emboldened in the center and a handwritten appointment date and time along the edge.

“Is this that ambulance chaser?” Eddie asked, holding up the card. “I thought he got your statement already. Why are you meeting him tomorrow?”

Eddie was pretty sure he already knew the answer, but his guess was confirmed when Buck shifted awkwardly and looked out the window.

“I’m just gonna talk to him you know, figure out my options,” Buck said, trying to shrug casually and failing.

“What kind of options?”

“You know, legal options, to … get my job back.”

Eddie knocked his head back against the headrest. “You can’t be serious Buck.”

“What else can I do?” Buck shouted. “I passed all the physicals but Bobby still won’t let me come back. I don’t have another option Eddie.”

“If you try to sue your way back onto the team you’ll burn every bridge in the department, in any department. They’ll never hire you back,” Eddie said, but Buck shook his head, not willing to listen.

“I need my job back Eddie. If I’m not a firefighter I’m not anything,” Buck said with so much passion it broke Eddie’s heart.

“God, who made you believe that?” he asked.

“It’s true,” Buck said, staring back at him defiantly.

“It’s not. You’re more than your job Buck, you always have been,” Eddie said, frustration growing for a whole new reason, but Buck couldn’t seem to hear him, no matter how many times Eddie said it.

“You don’t get it. This lawyer is all I have right now Eddie. I need something, okay, I need someone to have my back. To help me get back to where I belong!”

Eddie dropped his face in his hands. God what a pair they were. Eddie accepting that people would just leave him and Buck fighting tooth and nail for people not to. He admired it in some ways, he had meant it when he said that. Buck fought for the things he wanted, but fighting like this would ruin Buck, maybe even both of them, Eddie was sure of it. But there were other ways to fight.

“Okay, you need help, then this is what you’re going to do, for me,” Eddie said, then waited until Buck met his eye before continuing. “Before you talk to this sleazeball lawyer, you’re going to call our union rep and get her to look at your case.”

“Our … union rep?” Buck repeated, the fight draining out of him at the sudden suggestion.

“Yes Buck, our union rep,” Eddie repeated, “the lawyer who makes sure we’re treated fairly by our employer, the woman who’s a goddamn specialist about this stuff. Literally the reason we pay all those dues. She helped me with all my time off and benefits when Shannon died. So, you’re going to call her and go over what’s been happening and she’s going to tell you if she thinks you have a case, or you’ve been treated unfairly or anything like that, and best of all, the department can’t get mad at you for it.”

Buck nodded, slightly dumbfounded at the suggestion. “That … that makes sense actually. A lot of sense.”

Eddie waited, eyebrows raised.

“I’ll call her tomorrow,” Buck said. “And I’ll cancel my meeting with Chase.”

Eddie sighed in relief. “Thank you. God, you were going to take legal advice from a guy named Chase?”

Buck shook his head, just barely amused, but then looked away and bit his lip.

“What … what if she says Bobby’s wrong? What if she thinks I should be back on the team?”

“Then we fight,” Eddie said, like the answer was obvious.

Buck’s eyes went wide. It was a different answer than he’d received last night. “Really?”

“Yeah. You’re doing this for me, I can do that for you. And fighting, hell, that’s something I actually know how to do.”

“In more ways than one.”

Buck instantly regretted his words, not sure how Eddie would take them. He tried to smile but Eddie just looked down sadly at the business card in his hand.

“Were you even going to talk to me about this?” he asked.

Buck shrugged. “Do we really talk about anything these days?”

Eddie inhaled. Buck wasn’t wrong. They didn’t talk and it was Eddie’s fault. But before he could say as much, he looked through the window into the gymnasium.

“Dammit,” Eddie whispered. Christopher was frantically looking around the room, searching for them as several planets from his display rolled across the floor. Buck looked up as well and had his hand on his door handle before Eddie could even move.

“Shit, solar system down,” Buck exclaimed and they both raced out of the car, to try to rebuild the world that had shattered in front of them.

Chapter Text

The science fair lasted another hour or so, after which Eddie had promised to take Chris and his friends out for ice cream. The situation between him and Buck was still raw and unresolved, despite their talk in the car, and Eddie wasn’t sure what the next olive branch should be, an invitation to join them for dessert or to come back to the house, or to just let them both have some more space. He was saved from figuring it out when Buck backed away awkwardly and waved them good-bye in the parking lot.

“I better head out,” he said, already a few feet away. “You’ve got all these young minds to feed.”

Eddie let him go, assuming it was what Buck wanted.

“All right. Let me know how it goes,” Eddie shouted at him as he walked away. Buck raised an eyebrow in confusion. “With our union rep. Let me know what she says.”

“Right, yeah, I will,” Buck promised with a sad smile before he shoved his hands in his pockets and disappeared back into his car.

Eddie had a sinking feeling he should have pushed for Buck to join them, but he had three ice-cream starved children in his care now and decided it had to wait. Besides, he would get a chance to talk to Buck again soon when he called to tell him about his meeting.

Except it was a day later now and Eddie still hadn’t heard from Buck, about anything.

How was the meeting? What did she say? Eddie texted him at noon to no response.

“Hey Buck, I just wanted to check in, see how your meeting went. Call me back,” he said in a voicemail at 12:30 but received no reply.

He thought maybe Buck’s phone was dead again, but he had promised it would be charged from now on. As the afternoon ticked by with no word from Buck, Eddie’s mind started to spiral, mostly with images of Buck passed out alone on the floor of his loft, choking on his own blood like he had in Eddie’s kitchen a few weeks prior.

It was a worrisome enough thought that Eddie was out the door an hour early for his shift and headed to Buck’s apartment instead of the station. He pulled into guest parking and jogged to the elevator, a sinking feeling in his gut the entire trip to Buck’s door which he rapped on quickly.

“Buck? You home?” he called out as he knocked but he received no reply. He released a nervous sigh and pulled out his keys, fumbling briefly with the lock before he went in.

The first thing he saw was Buck’s phone on the kitchen counter, his shoes strewn across the floor haphazardly and his keys on the side table, seemingly having missed the bowl when he entered. If Buck was home he had blown through the place like a hurricane. Eddie’s brow furrowed in concern.

“Buck?” he called out again, rushing further inside, but when he got to the kitchen table he stopped and sighed in relief.

Buck was sitting on the couch.

“Jesus, you scared me, I’ve been calling you all day,” Eddie said as he walked into the living room, but his relief turned back into concern as he got closer and saw something wasn’t right. The TV was off and several books and papers were spread across the coffee table in front of Buck who was sitting on the couch, slumped back into the cushions, jaw open and red-rimmed eyes staring straight ahead at nothing.

“Buck?” Eddie said again and Buck finally responded, jolting slightly and blinking up at Eddie, snapping out of his haze. He shifted himself to sit up straighter and shook his head.

“Eddie … hey I … I didn’t hear you …” he said, voice trembling and unsteady.

“Yeah, I noticed,” Eddie said softly, approaching slowly, scared of spooking Buck further. “What happened? Are you okay?”

Buck huffed out a sad attempt at a laugh and his jaw quivered against his will.

“No. No I’m pretty not okay actually. I …” Buck swallowed and wiped away a tear. “I can’t be a firefighter again. Anywhere. Ever.”

Eddie’s heart dropped.

“What …?” Eddie couldn’t even finish the question, and Buck couldn’t answer, instead he waved at a book laying open on the table in front of him. Eddie sat down next to him, leaned forward to see what he was pointing at and immediately recognized the National Fire Protection Association handbook. Eddie had received a copy when he was in the academy but hadn’t read the thick set of firefighter guidelines since passing his exams. Buck’s copy was open to the page marked “Medical Disqualifications” with one paragraph highlighted.

• Anticoagulation drugs: Blood thinning medication (any anticoagulant medication that prolongs prothrombin time (PT), partial thromboplastin (PTT), or international normalized ration (INR), or beta-adrenergic blocking medication) is listed as a Category A medicine by the NFPA meaning those who take it will be unable to serve as a firefighter.

Eddie finished reading the paragraph and leaned back. “Shit.”

“Yeah, it was a pretty short call with the Union rep,” Buck said with a self-deprecating laugh as he wiped at another tear. “These are the guidelines for the whole country. As long as I’m on blood thinners I can’t be a firefighter. Anywhere.”

Eddie sat in the same stunned silence he had found Buck in, unable to comprehend the implications of what he had read. That Buck would never be back at work with him again.

Buck had been gone from Eddie’s house for less than a week and it had already felt like losing a limb and now he was faced with losing even more of him.

Yeah, he had wanted Buck to wait a little longer before coming back to work after what happened, to make sure he was fully healthy, but, losing his partner for good? Not having him there to save Eddie from falling off a cliff, or burning the team’s dinner in the kitchen? Not having Buck to watch his back or check his line? Not having Buck to brighten up the station with his big heart and his sunshine smile? Just thinking about it made Eddie’s chest feel tight, like a black hole had formed where his heart should be and was pulling on his rib cage, stretching him thin and crushing him from the inside.

Suddenly the possibility of Buck never coming back to work was as devastating to Eddie as it was Buck.

“But, you said Bobby was the reason you couldn’t come back,” Eddie said, grasping at any way to make this not true.

Buck shrugged. “She isn’t sure if Bobby even knew about the guideline, he was keeping me off duty for his own reasons. But she said the Chief had already logged it as my reason for dismissal and cleared it with the union. She had the page ready to read off to me the second I called.”

“Did she … there’s got to be something we can do?”

“She said I could file a civil suit for … pain and suffering and lost wages or something, cause I got crushed by city property. But if they let me go back to work the liability if I got hurt again would be through the roof, like criminally negligent or something, so no. There’s no chance of getting my job back. She said she agrees with the chief’s assessment,” Buck said, his red-rimmed eyes looked out through the window as he laid his elbows on his knees. “She won’t fight for me. No one will. It’s over.”

Eddie breathed heavily, taking this all in and glanced over at Buck who looked more upset than he did the night a truck landed on him. The only thing he wanted in this world, the thing that made him feel whole, and he could never have it again. Eddie finally understood. It wasn’t fair.

As Buck shook his head dejectedly, Eddie felt a fury rise up inside him, a determination he hadn’t felt since he pulled four soldiers out of a downed helicopter. This wasn’t the end. He was going to fight for Buck. With everything he had.

“No,” he said, his voice so firm Buck’s head snapped over to him, shocked by the certainty. “We’re not done.”

“Eddie,” Buck said his name like he was trying to let him down gently, “our own lawyer said I can’t win this.”

Eddie stood up and ran a hand down his face. There was an answer here. There was a way to fight this. There had to be. They weren’t done. Not after everything. He couldn’t lose Buck again. Not because of some damn blood clots that his doctor couldn’t even figure out the cause of.

Eddie’s eyes went wide. He picked up the book and read over the guideline again.

“Okay, you can’t be a firefighter while you’re on blood thinners,” Eddie said, hand waving, paraphrasing the book.

“Yeah, I just said that,” Buck replied, eyes shifting in confusion.

“So, we get you off the blood thinners!” Eddie said, voice rising with excitement. But Buck just shook his head.

“Like, I stop taking them?”

“No. No, do not stop taking them, that’s not what I’m saying,” Eddie said, pointing at him seriously so Buck would not even consider that as an option. “But the ER doctor said he didn’t know what caused the clots. The blood thinners treat them but they’re a symptom of something else going on. What if we take you to see a specialist or something? Maybe they can figure out why you got the clots. Treat the source of the problem so they don’t happen again.”

Buck’s eyes widened with understanding. “If they find the source and fix it I can get off the blood thinners.”

“Exactly.”

“Would … would that work?” Buck asked tentatively, too scared to hope too quickly.

“It depends on what’s causing the clots, but we won’t know until we try,” Eddie said, then pointed again. “The receptionist at your surgeon’s office … uh … Rebecca! She likes you and she always brags about knowing every doctor in town. I’m gonna call her, see who she thinks you should go see.”

“Right now?” Buck asked.

Eddie was already scrolling through his contacts and shrugged. “You know a better time?”

Buck faltered. “No uh, no. Now’s great.”

“All right,” Eddie said and held his phone up to his ear. Rebecca picked up quickly and Eddie plastered a smile on his face as he walked towards the kitchen. “Rebecca, hi, it’s Eddie Diaz, I uh … I used to come in with Evan Buckley. I was wondering if I could ask you something …”

While he chatted with Rebecca, Buck stayed where he was on the couch, engulfed in emotional whiplash. He had gone from alone and mourning the loss of all meaning he had found in his life, to watching Eddie fight for him, and feeling a small blossom of hope spread through his chest. Hope that he might be able to do the job he loved again, and hope that him and Eddie might mend what had fractured between them.

Forty-five minutes later, Eddie leaned over Buck’s counter, wrote a time and location down on a piece of paper, hung up the phone and smiled at Buck.

“All right, you’re seeing Dr. Meighner on Friday at 2pm. She specializes in post-surgery care and complications,” Eddie said. Buck nodded from his place on one of the stools at the counter. Eddie had been on the phone long enough for Buck to feel less overwhelmed and, after watching Eddie pace his kitchen relentlessly, fighting hard for him, more hopeful about the situation.

“Friday at 2pm. Sounds good. Great even. Thanks, for setting that up.”

“It’s no problem,” Eddie shrugged. “I do stuff like this for Chris all the time. Carla gave me a few tips. It’s usually about just, talking to the right people.”

“He’s a lucky kid,” Buck said, swallowing awkwardly now that Eddie was off the phone and they had to talk properly. “I’m lucky too. Thank you for … for having my back.”

“Of course. I’m … sorry, that I didn’t before,” Eddie said and hoped Buck knew how much he meant it.

Buck nodded. He did know that.

“Thanks. Still, I owe you. Let me … let me take you out for lunch at least. Or we can order in and just hang out. Talk.”

Buck’s eyes dropped nervously at the suggestion, as did Eddie’s. They had a lot to talk about after all. Fights and feelings and futures. But they were also getting really good at not talking about those things.

“You know I love any chance not to cook,” Eddie started, pulling a light smile from Buck, but then he looked at his watch and frowned. “But I gotta go. My shift starts soon.”

Buck’s face dropped.

“Right, yeah, of course, you’ve done more than enough. You should … you should get to work,” Buck said but couldn’t keep the sadness out of his voice. It was always sad when Eddie left, but it was worse when he went to the station, a place Buck had just learned he might not be able to ever come back to.

Eddie nodded reluctantly.

“Call me if you have any questions about the appointment or you need anything,” Eddie demanded as he shuffled around grabbing his keys and coat. “Dr. Meighner’s on our network, and Rebecca’s going to transfer your files to her office so she can look them over before we get there.”

Buck’s eyes lit up.

“We?”

Eddie stopped in his tracks. “Yeah, I … I usually go … I mean I don’t have to …”

“No, no I want you there. I didn’t know if you …” Buck trailed off. Eddie had come to most of his doctor’s appointments in the past, but that was when Buck hadn’t been able to drive and was living in his house and hadn’t blown up their relationship by saying Eddie couldn’t offer him anything and then running away. Eddie didn’t seem to care about any of that though.

“I do,” Eddie said. “I’ll be there.”

“Great,” Buck said.

“Yeah,” Eddie agreed. “But I gotta go.”

“Of course, uh, have a good shift,” Buck said.

“Hope so,” Eddie said and made his way over to the door. “I’ll see you Friday.”

“I’ll see you,” Buck said with a wave and a forced smile as Eddie walked out the door. He tried to sound upbeat but Eddie didn’t miss the way his eyes slid sadly over his loft in anticipation of being alone. It was a look Eddie wished he could wipe off Buck’s face forever, but he really did have to go. That didn’t mean he couldn’t call in reinforcements to help.

As soon as he was in the hallway, Eddie took out his phone and dialed a familiar number. He got an answer before he even got in the elevator.

“Hey Maddie,” he said. “Are you off today by chance? I think Buck could use some company … yeah he’s at the loft and he got some bad news.”

~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~

Friday came both fast and slow. Slow for Buck who had nothing to do but wander his empty apartment and slam his copy of the National Fire Protection Association handbook closed in anger over and over again. Fast for Eddie who worked a 24-hour shift, carted Christopher off to school, got three full hours of sleep at home, then rolled out of bed and rushed to the doctor’s office to meet Buck for his appointment.

When Eddie pulled into the parking lot he saw Buck was already there, pacing in front of the entrance, nervously bouncing every part of his body he possibly could.

“Been here long?” Eddie asked as he approached, pocketing his keys.

“No, few minutes,” Buck said, but Eddie thought that was probably a lie.

“Sure,” Eddie said, not about to call him on it. “You ready?”

Buck shrugged.

“No?” Then he shook his head like he was being ridiculous, “Yes! …well maybe.”

“It’ll be fine,” Eddie assured him but Buck didn’t look convinced and hunched his shoulders protectively.

“Just … what if she can’t help me?” he asked, his voice quiet and his hands shoved in his pockets. “What if she can’t figure out what’s wrong?”

“Then we see someone else. We find someone who can,” Eddie said like it was obvious. “Plenty of doctors out there.”

“It’s just that simple?” Buck said, a questioning smile on his face.

“We’ve got really good insurance, so why not? I won’t give up as long as you won’t,” Eddie said, speaking so plainly and matter of fact that it made Buck inhale sharply. He had forgotten what it felt like to be supported so casually by Eddie, so fully. It made him square his shoulders and smile.

“Then I guess we’ll never stop fighting,” Buck said.

“Deal. But let’s see what the doc has to say before we come up with a long term battle strategy here,” Eddie suggested. Buck nodded.

“Right, that’s a good uh … short term battle strategy,” he said, laughing nervously again. “That’s smart. You’re smart.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow and wondered briefly if it was his appointment making Buck nervous or Eddie’s proximity. It almost felt like Buck was … flirting? Badly? Now? If he was, his timing was literally terrible. Eddie looked at his watch. Their appointment was in three minutes.

“We should get inside.”

“Right, yeah. Let’s do this,” Buck said, taking a steadying breath before leading the way in, happy to turn his blushing face away as he went up the steps.

The specialist’s clinic was crisp and organized, with white sterile walls and only a few people in the waiting room. The receptionist checked them in and then led them to a small private office and told them the doctor would be in with them shortly. Eddie stood for a moment and took in the room – diplomas on the wall, a few plants, artwork he didn’t understand, all pretty standard. Meanwhile Buck sat down in the guest chairs, bounced his knee nervously for fifteen seconds then zoned in on the Zen Garden on the doctor’s desk.

“Don’t touch that,” Eddie begged, but Buck had already picked up the little broom to start playing with the sand.

“She wouldn’t have it here if she didn’t want people to use it,” Buck said.

“That’s her desk, it’s her garden,” Eddie pointed it.

“And she put it closer to the visitor’s side so stressed out people could play with it, like me,” Buck argued, drawing several frantic paths in the sand before he threw the tiny broom down. “It’s broken anyway.”

“It’s broken?” Eddie asked, smiling in amusement now.

“Yeah. It’s out of zen or something,” Buck said, knee bouncing again.

Eddie sighed, dropped down into the chair next to Buck and put his hand on Buck’s knee, stilling its motion.

“Relax,” Eddie said and was surprised to find he could actually feel the tension leave Buck’s body. “We got this.”

Buck breathed out, met Eddie’s gaze and smiled, relieved in ways Eddie didn’t expect, but this was the first time Eddie had reached out to him physically in weeks and Buck cherished the contact, didn’t want it to end. Hoping to prolong it, he slid his hand down his own thigh, moving slowly to hopefully entwine his fingers with Eddie’s, to hold on as long as possible, but just as their pinkies brushed together the door behind them pushed open and Eddie pulled away, clearing his throat and sitting up straight in his seat. Buck did the same, turning as a brunette woman in a lab coat walked in and smiled at them.

“Dr. Meighner?” Eddie asked.

“Yes,” she said, waving at them to stay in their seats as she rounded the desk to sit on the other side. “Hope you weren’t waiting long.”

“Oh no, no it’s fine. Not long at all. I’m Buck … er Evan … Evan Buckley, the patient, but everyone calls me Buck,” Buck said, shaken up by his brief moment with Eddie but still managing to reach out and shake her hand. She nodded politely at his awkward introduction then shook Eddie’s hand as well.

“Eddie,” he said, introducing himself. She raised her eyebrows, clearly waiting for more information about why he was joining Buck at his appointment. Eddie cleared his throat. “Oh, I’m Buck’s partner, at work, at the fire station. I’m uh … I’m a medic so …”

He trailed off, realizing too late that most able-bodied adults probably didn’t bring their friends to their medical appointments, but thankfully Dr. Meighner took the two awkward introductions in stride.

“Well it’s nice to meet you both. So I’ve looked over your file Evan, I’m sure you won’t mind if we get right into it?” she asked as she opened the small medical chart in front of her.

“No not at all. Let’s … let’s get into it,” Buck agreed enthusiastically.

“All right, so, you suffered a traumatic crush injury to your left ankle, had two surgeries and several screws inserted, that all went great, you made a full recovery, until three weeks ago when you suddenly had a pulmonary embolism from a blood clot,” she summarized.

“Yeah, that’s about right,” Buck said and looked at Eddie.

“Well, clots,” Eddie added. “One hit his lung, but there were two more in his leg.”

“Right, that is important, that it wasn’t an isolated incident,” she agreed. “So now you’re on blood thinners, but you want off of them? Is that correct? Are you having issues with them?”

“Um, no, they’re actually, they’re working great at stopping the clots,” Buck said, “but I’m a firefighter, or, I was, and I can’t go back to work if I’m on blood thinners. It’s too much of a liability if I get hurt or something, so I’m hoping to figure out what’s causing the clots and maybe we can treat that somehow instead of me taking blood thinners.”

“I see. Well, I can’t make a definitive determination, but the reconstruction of your crushed veins looks good, every blood flow check you had was in normal range, so my immediate instinct is that the clots are being caused by the screws in your ankle,” she said.

“The screws?” Buck said, flexing his foot as though he could feel the culprits inside him.

“He’s had the screws in for months though,” Eddie pointed out. “Since his first surgery. Why would they be causing problems now?”

“I see here they’re titanium. That’s very common for temporary screws, titanium is less likely to cause an infection compared to stainless steel, but after lengthy exposure they can cause other issues, including blood clots. I’ve seen this several times,” she said.

“Okay,” Buck sat up straighter and braced himself, “what does that mean then, if it is the screws? Is there anything we can do to stop the clots from forming?”

“Well removing the screws would solve the issue, and that’s going to happen eventually since they’re temporary. I’m sure your surgeon told you they would be removed once bone fusion was fully achieved,” she said then started to flip through his chart. “I’m not sure when he predicted that might be viable …”

“Six months to a year from now,” Eddie finished for her, having been at the meeting with Buck’s surgeon.

“Well, there you go. Once the screws are out I’m confident you can get off the blood thinners and back to work. You’re all set,” she said with a smile, assuming this would be good news, but Buck just shook his head, frowning.

“No,” he said softly, almost pleading. “I … I’ve already been gone for six months I can’t … Eddie I can’t do another year.”

Eddie sighed. In the grand scheme it wasn’t that long, he understood why the doctor would think it was good news, that this was all manageable, but Eddie knew Buck, he knew how badly he needed to get back to work, how badly he would spiral if he spent another year away from the fire station. He reached over and squeezed Buck’s wrist.

“There are no other options, to stop the clots from forming?” Eddie asked, looking at the doctor now.

“No better options,” she said apologetically. “Switching out the titanium pins for steel might stop the clots, but it would be a fairly major surgery and could cause significant bone damage. The clots would be gone but your bone recovery could be even longer than a year. I don’t recommend it.”

Eddie watched as Buck took this all in and slumped down in defeat, breathing shakily as the weight of an additional year of recovery pushed him into the ground. Eddie knew that it would crush him, in way less than a year.

“I’m sorry I don’t have a better option for you,” Dr. Meighner said, not missing Buck’s despondent reaction.

Eddie bit his lip. This couldn’t be it. They couldn’t be done.

“What about … well the blood thinners are the problem for work, not the clots. Are there any other ways to treat blood clots?” he asked, reaching for any desperate option. The question made Dr. Meighner’s eyes go wide with interest and Eddie felt his heart start to race.

“Yes actually,” she said.

Buck perked up next to him. “There is?”

“Yes,” she repeated, then turned around to rummage through a display of pamphlets behind her. She found what she was looking for and handed it to Buck.

“A blood vein filter?” Buck said slowly, reading the title of the brochure.

“Yes, it’s usually for patients who are unable to take blood thinners for whatever reason, but there’s no reason you can’t opt for it voluntarily.”

“What is it?” Buck asked cautiously. Eddie couldn’t blame him, it sounded intense.

“It’s a tiny filter that’s surgically inserted in the vein of your upper leg. When a clot hits it, the filter breaks the clot apart until it’s small enough to pass through, which is also too small to cause any damage to the heart, lungs or brain,” she explained.

“So the clots could still form, they would just never leave his leg,” Eddie said.

“Exactly. You would still suffer from slight swelling and soreness in the ankle if a clot forms, but once it breaks free the filter will take care of it with no adverse affects. No blood thinners necessary.”

Eddie smiled widely, excited at the idea, but was surprised to see Buck frowning at the brochure.

“It’s another surgery?” he asked, clearly not enthused at the idea of going under the knife for a third time.

“It’s a day surgery,” Dr. Meighner replied. “The filter is inserted with a surgical scope through a minor incision. You’ll have a local anesthetic, four to five stitches, and be home in time for supper. Full recovery is about a week.”

“A week?” Buck repeated, swallowing around the hope starting to bubble up inside his chest. “I … I could be back to work in a week?”

“If your boss okays the procedure,” Dr. Meighner said, making no promises.

Eddie smiled at him. “I didn’t see anything in the firefighter handbook about not allowing blood vein filters.”

Buck licked his lips and looked down at the brochure hopefully. “Neither did I, and I read that thing a lot the last few days.”

“We’ll have to talk to the chief first, see if he’ll approve it. Can we take this?” Eddie asked the doctor, pointing at the brochure.

“Of course. We perform the surgery right here at the clinic, so just call if you or your boss have any questions, I’ll be happy to answer them,” she said.

“I could be back in a week. This is incredible, doctor, thank you,” Buck said, standing up and shaking her hand aggressively.

“Oh you’re welcome,” she said, startled by the force of his gratitude.

“Okay, take it easy,” Eddie whispered, pulling Buck back by the elbow before he shook the doctor’s arm off. Buck stepped back sheepishly and Eddie offered his own hand for a more tempered handshake. “Thank you so much.”

“You’re very welcome. I hope everything goes well with your boss,” she said.

“Fingers crossed,” Buck said while physically crossing both sets of fingers.

“We’ll call you if we have any questions,” Eddie said as they gathered their things and moved to the door. “Thanks again.”

“You rule doc!” Buck said in parting with an enthusiastic point before practically skipping out the door. Eddie rolled his eyes fondly, then shrugged apologetically to Dr. Meighner and followed him out.

Eddie had to jog to catch up to him in the parking lot as Buck jumped down several stairs at once, landing at the bottom with a cheerful yelp before he held up the brochure triumphantly.

“Eddie this is it, this … this could really be it,” Buck said, a smile splitting his face.

“It sounds pretty good,” Eddie agreed, fighting back his own smile, almost too scared to hope that this could work. “It’s still gotta go through the chief though.”

“He’ll approve it, he has to,” Buck said, adamant as they walked towards Eddie’s truck.

“I hope so. Should I set up a meeting with him or do you want to?”

“I’ll do it definitely. You have done more than enough,” Buck said. His arm dropped down and his eyes went soft, overcome with just how much Eddie had done. “Eddie, thank you for this.”

Eddie shrugged and looked away. “I just made a phone call.”

“You didn’t give up on me, even when I …” Left, Buck’s mind filled in, making him flinch and swallow his words. “Even after everything. That means … that means a lot.”

Eddie smiled and leaned back against the door of his truck.

“You’re my partner. I got your back any day.”

“Yeah, I know.” Buck smiled sheepishly then sighed in relief. A moment of silence passed and he took the opportunity to slide closer, slotting in next to Eddie to also lean against the car door, then leaned just slightly to the left until their shoulders touched and smiled when Eddie didn’t pull away. Just like that things between them felt right again for the first time in weeks. They were finally talking, for real, Eddie had reached out to him in the office, however briefly, and Eddie was smiling. Relaxed. Maybe they could finally figure this out. Finally fix this.

“You should come have my back at the bar,” Buck suggested, clearing his throat nervously. “We should celebrate.”

Eddie didn’t shy away from the close proximity, and looked like he was considering it. Before he could answer Buck felt a tickle in his throat from his nervous swallowing, turned his head and coughed harshly, then smacked his chest twice to clear his airways.

“Sorry, swallowed wrong,” Buck said, feeling better, but felt Eddie shift away next to him. When he looked up Eddie was wide-eyed, white as a sheet and breathing harshly. “Eds, are you okay?”

Eddie wasn’t okay. Buck was covered in blood.

Eddie closed his eyes and shook his head, willing the image away. When he opened them Buck was still standing in front of him, healthy and alive, no more blood running down his chin and clothes, but Eddie was still shaking.

“Yeah, I’m good it’s just … uh … Christopher has a thing so I gotta …” Eddie trailed off, unable to come up with a lie as he reached for his car door in a panic. “I have to go. Sorry.”

Eddie climbed into his truck, turned the ignition over in record time and then pulled out of the parking lot without another word while Buck stood there dumbfounded. Things had been good, things had been easy, but Eddie was running away from him, there was no other way to describe it. And Buck had no idea why. He looked at the empty spot Eddie’s car had left and frowned.

“See you later,” he mumbled and walked back to his Jeep, more confused than ever.

~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~

Buck ended up buying a six pack on the way home and ordering take-out, which was definitely not how he wanted to spend his night, alone again at the loft. He drank his beer and picked at his food, wondering what had happened with him and Eddie. It was almost like he was scared to be near Buck, like he had been scared for weeks. For awhile Buck had been too depressed to pry about the sudden physical distance between them, honestly he hadn’t even noticed it was happening until he started to get his life back on track after the tsunami, but now things were looking up at work and if he could just figure out what was going on with Eddie his life might just be great.

It wasn’t like things were terrible. Hell, Eddie had been there for him this week, talking him off the ledge and coming up with this whole plan of getting him off the blood thinners. And it might even work! He owed him a lot. Maybe it was selfish to want more, but he did and he couldn’t help it. And he was pretty sure Eddie did too, but something was holding him back, something that Buck couldn’t understand. Maybe he should wait until everything was settled at work. Once his life was more stable he could confront Eddie, really talk to him about what’s been going on. What changed between them. He supposed he could try to be patient for once in his life.

With that decided, Buck took the last bite of his coleslaw and got ready for bed. He ended up brushing his teeth and pulling on his sweats on auto-pilot, distracted by a niggle in the back of his brain trying to tell him something. A shadow of a thought that kept whispering in his ear then floating away before he could hear what it said.

He laid in bed for awhile trying to figure out what it was, but every time he tried to grab on to whatever thought was circling his consciousness it slipped through his fingers like a sieve.

“Great, I got my leg fixed and now I’m going crazy,” he muttered as he rolled over, pulled his blanket over his head and willed himself to sleep.

An hour later he bolted upright in bed, gasping, his hand coming up to his mouth, chasing the phantom touch he could still feel against his lips.

“Eddie …?” he whispered into the blackness of his room. There was no response but Buck could see him. Remember him.

He was in a brown button-up shirt in the kitchen making coleslaw.

He told Buck he was proud of him.

He said Buck was the only thing he wanted.

Buck told him he made him feel like home.

Eddie said they were done waiting then …

Eddie kissed him.

Eddie KISSED him?

Holy shit EDDIE KISSED HIM!

What the fuck???

Buck threw away his covers, pulled on a pair of pants, grabbed his keys and was out the door with no thought to whether it was a good idea or not because all he could think about was the fact that EDDIE KISSED HIM! He navigated the LA streets on auto-pilot, never once considering that this all could have been a dream because even as he drove the memory became more vivid instead of fading, details filling in, becoming more real by the second. They were getting ready for Buck’s party. Buck said Eddie made him feel like he was on fire. Eddie said Buck inspired him. EDDIE KISSED HIM … then Buck started coughing. That’s where the memory started to fade, filled with snippets of Eddie’s desperate voice but before Buck could process any of them he was pulling into Eddie’s driveway, rushing up the steps and shoving his key in the lock.

It was past Chris’s bedtime but there was a light on in the kitchen. Buck rushed in and threw open the door. Eddie was putting dishes away but stopped at the sight of Buck bursting into his kitchen, panting and frantic.

“Buck?” he said questioning.

“YOU KISSED ME!” Buck said, loud and accusing. “I kissed you! We … we kissed each other!”

Eddie’s jaw dropped open but he made no move to speak.

“You kissed me,” Buck said again, gesturing wildly, “right there, three weeks ago and you never told me.”

Eddie stood stock still for a moment, frozen, until his eyes followed Buck’s finger, pointing to the spot in front of his fridge where they had kissed a lifetime ago. The spot where Buck almost died. The spot where Eddie’s life had changed twice in the same minute. He blinked.

“You remember,” he said, so softly Buck would have missed it if he hadn’t been straining to hear every sound in the Diaz household. Buck stopped breathing.

“It was real?” Buck asked, still tense and trembling. “It happened?”

Eddie nodded, put down the bowl he was holding and swallowed. “Yeah, it was real.”

Buck’s nostrils flared, fury growing as he crossed the room.

“How could you not tell me?” he demanded. The most important thing that had ever happened between them and Eddie hadn’t told him?

“You didn’t remember,” Eddie said, shaking his head. Buck practically stomped his foot.

“So you tell me!”

Eddie laughed humorlessly. “What could I say? How do you tell someone oh, by the way, we finally had our first kiss after months of dancing around each other but you don’t remember, you’ll have to take my word for it, sorry about that.”

“I would have believed you,” Buck said incredulously.

“I know, I know.” Eddie closed his eyes and breathed, steadying himself to finally face what he had been hiding for weeks. “But that was the start, of us. It was important and I didn’t want to take that from you, that moment. So I just waited. You know, we got there once, I just, I assumed we’d get there again, eventually. Have a moment you could remember.”

Eddie sounded so sincere, so heartbroken, but Buck remembered every flinch, every step away, every inch of distance Eddie had put between them in the last few weeks and could only feel angry.

“How were we going to get there again Eddie?” he spat. “You’ve been pulling away from me since it happened. You won’t touch me, you’ll barely even look at me most days. We’ve been further apart than ever.”

“I know, I know,” Eddie said, wiping at his lips and nodding in agreement with Buck’s accusations. “I’m sorry, Buck I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to. I don’t want to. I just …”

Eddie trailed off, too accustomed to not speaking about what had been happening the last few weeks. Buck moved into his line of sight and made Eddie look at him.

“What happened?” Buck asked desperately. Pleading. He had to know why he was always so easy to leave.

Eddie laughed again, more broken than before.

“What happened is I took the biggest swing of my life Buck. It was the scariest fucking thing I’ve ever done but I took a leap and I went after what I wanted and I told you how I felt and my worst case scenario was that you were going to say no and then I kissed you and you started coughing up blood and almost died in my arms. Like I had caused it somehow. Like I always cause it just … just like Shannon.”

Buck’s shoulders fell. “Eddie, that wasn’t because …”

“I know. Logically, I know that the two things weren’t connected. You still would have had a blood clot if we hadn’t kissed. I know that. But it doesn’t stop the fact that every time I thought about touching you since then I remember what it felt like forcing a tube down your throat. Every time I think about kissing you I see you covered in blood on the kitchen floor. And I’m scared it’s going to happen again. But you didn’t remember any of it, and I couldn’t tell you, so I just …”

“Pulled away,” Buck finished for him. Eddie nodded.

“Yeah. I was going to tell you. I wanted to tell you, but … it’s been a rough couple of weeks. I’m sorry.”

Buck swallowed, fully aware he had made most of those weeks harder than they needed to be.

They stood in silence for a long time after that, both processing what this meant for them. If Buck could forgive Eddie for lying to him. If Eddie could get past what had happened to them in this kitchen all those weeks ago. If they both wanted to try to figure it out.

Buck took a deep breath.

He wanted to try.

“I didn’t say no,” he said into the stillness.

Eddie blinked in confusion. “What?”

Buck licked his lips and took a step forward, gentler than before. Softer.

“Your worst case scenario, was that I would say no. I didn’t say no Eddie,” Buck said.

Eddie laughed and looked at the floor as though remembering.

“I know.”

Buck lifted an eyebrow and smiled. “If my newfound memory serves, I actually gave a pretty enthusiastic yes.”

“You did. And so did I, but after that …” Eddie trailed off and his gaze got stuck at a spot on the kitchen floor that Buck guessed was once covered in his blood. Buck couldn’t see it, his new memories didn’t go that far, but maybe he could still clean it up.

“Have you ever heard of immersion therapy?” he asked, tilting his head as he moved to lean against the counter, blocking Eddie’s view of the fridge.

Eddie chuckled. “Yeah, I know what it is.”

“I hear good things about it. Like, if you’re scared of heights you’re supposed to climb a mountain, over and over again. So if you’re scared to kiss me then …” Buck let the sentence hang, opening his arms invitingly with a lighthearted smile, trying to tell Eddie that they were okay. That they could get past this.

Eddie smiled in appreciation, but his eyes remained sad and his body was unmoving, taking no step towards Buck’s invitation.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said, shaking his head.

Buck deflated, equally touched and terrified by the words. Both loving and hating what they meant. He shoved down his instinct to hide behind another joke and met Eddie’s eye, making sure he could see how much he meant what he was about to say.

“Loving me is never going to hurt me Eddie, but pushing me away might just kill me,” he said and saw Eddie shudder, his resolve shaking. He took a step forward. “I’d take a thousand embolisms if it meant being with you.”

Eddie gasped and nodded, still tense but breaking, collapsing under Buck’s gentle assault. His fingers started to twitch, like he wanted to reach out but couldn’t make himself move yet.

Buck took a final step forward, directly in Eddie’s space and brought his hands up slowly to cup Eddie’s cheeks. “We’re going to make a new memory, okay? And then a new one after that. And a new one after that until you don't even remember why you were scared to kiss me. How does that sound?”

Eddie nodded, then replied in a whisper, “Good. Really good.”

“Great. Cause I’m gonna kiss you now.”

“Please,” Eddie said, voice breaking.

Then Buck kissed him. And Eddie kissed Buck. And they kissed each other.

It was desperate and clawing, Buck’s fingers closing too tight on Eddie’s jaw while Eddie’s hands dug into Buck’s waist, holding him close, feeling him alive beneath his touch, breathing together, succumbing and fighting for dominance at the same time. Their lips eventually broke apart but their bodies stayed flush, their foreheads leaned together. As they gasped for air Buck brushed a tear off Eddie’s cheek and felt him trembling.

“I’m okay,” he whispered, willing Eddie to believe it. “You won’t hurt me. I’m okay.”

Eddie’s arms tightened around Buck, pulling him closer, trying to bury into his skin. He needed to feel him alive.

“Stay. Please,” Eddie whispered back, his voice muffled against Buck’s shoulder. Buck nodded and laughed, because in what world wouldn’t he stay?

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Chapter Text

Buck stayed the night at Eddie’s, as promised, and with great enthusiasm. He hadn’t slept in Eddie’s bed for over a week and moved back in with a new sense of excited nervousness as they finally closed the physical distance they had been keeping for all those months they had been sleeping together. As they held each other through the night, with Eddie whispering apologies and kisses into his skin, and Buck promising to never leave again, Buck felt a warmth and contentment he never thought he’d experience start to take hold of him. They didn’t end up sleeping much, but he still woke up feeling refreshed and alive with his arms around Eddie’s waist and his head on his chest. It was the best morning of his life. It only got better when Christopher saw Buck back at their breakfast table.

“Buck, you’re back!” he yelled with delighted surprise.

“Of course I am, I couldn’t stay away from my favorite guy,” Buck said as he swooped down to pick up Chris in a hug, then winked over his shoulder at Eddie who raised an eyebrow at the implication that he might not be Buck’s favorite guy. “I had to go away for a few days to learn the best pancake recipe in the entire world. You want to try them?”

“Do they have chocolate chips?”

“Well they’re the best pancakes in the entire world, so yeah, they have chocolate chips.”

“Three please,” Chris said with a grin.

“Three it is,” Buck said, ruffling his hair fondly.

“Are you staying?” Christopher asked before Buck could disappear into the kitchen. Buck’s smile turned serious, but he knelt down to meet Chris’s eye and nodded.

“Yeah bud, I’m staying,” Buck said and looked over at Eddie again who smiled so warmly it threatened to light Buck on fire. It would be a good way to go he decided and stayed the next night and the night after that, just basking in being back in the Diaz house, knowing for the first time in his life it was where he belonged. He had absolutely nothing to do, and he loved doing it with his boys; he was thrilled to cook dinner, or play video games with Chris, or lounge in bed with Eddie, whispering endearments to each other or giggling late into the night. He loved it all and constantly thought that he might never leave. Why would he? He didn’t have a job after all, but maybe he would soon.

In the whirlwind of falling into Eddie’s arms (and actually remembering it this time) Buck somehow found time to call the Chief’s office and schedule a meeting with him and Bobby to discuss his employment options if he changed his medical treatments. The Chief agreed to a meeting with him on Wednesday at 2pm. It was currently Wednesday at 11am though and Buck had a problem.

“I don’t have any pants!” he shouted frantically as he threw open the front door of the house. Eddie leaned out of his bedroom, dress shirt half buttoned up and lifted an eyebrow.

“What?”

“I don’t have any pants,” Buck repeated, punctuating each word like the meaning should be clear.

“None?” Eddie asked, confused. Buck had literally left an hour ago to get clothes from his loft.

Buck sighed.

“I don’t have any dress pants to go with my uniform.”

“Oh!” Eddie said, finally understanding. Any meeting with the Chief was a formal affair and they had both decided to wear their dress blues to make a good impression but … actually Eddie didn’t understand what was happening. “Wait why …?”

“Maddie cut the leg off my only pair so I could wear them to your shield ceremony. They had to fit over my cast,” Buck explained before Eddie could finish his question.

“Gotcha,” Eddie said, but couldn’t hide the fond smile cracking his lips at the effort Buck went to in order to attend his party. “You can wear a pair of mine, I got extra.”

“Eddie we are not the same size,” Buck pointed out sadly.

Eddie hummed thoughtfully. “Your legs do kind of go on forever.”

“And your ass is like …” Buck held his hands out wide enough that Eddie raised an incredulous eyebrow. But Buck shook his head. “That’s a good thing Eddie, that’s a very good thing. Except when you’re trying to fit into each other clothes.”

Eddie huffed out a laugh and blushed lightly. He still wasn’t accustomed to Buck openly mentioning he was attractive, but he could definitely get used to it.

“Well you can wear no pants, or you can wear pants that make you look like you have no ass, which you don’t, so …”

“Hey,” Buck looked faux hurt and Eddie smirked.

“You make up for it in other places, Firehose,” he said, squeezing Buck’s peck appreciatively and giving him a quick kiss before moving to his closet and pulling out his extra dress pants. Buck unfurled them in front of his body to test their size, revealing that the waist probably wouldn’t be an issue but the length definitely was.

“Damn, just so much leg,” Eddie muttered looking at the huge gap between Buck’s ankle and the bottom of the pant leg. “If we pull the stitches out of the hem and iron it down they might be long enough.”

“I don’t want to ruin your pants,” Buck said but Eddie just shrugged.

“They’re pants Buck. You ruined a pair for me, I’ll ruin a pair for you,” he said.

“Is that the kind of relationship this is going to be?” Buck asked, tilting his head. “Where we just repay debts to each other over and over?”

Eddie looked affronted.

“No, this is going to be a relationship where we support each other when we need it. Because we’re partners,” Eddie said firmly.

Buck inhaled deeply at Eddie’s words, then smiled slowly and reached out to intertwine their fingers. “Partners. I can do that.”

“Good, now take off your pants, Partner,” Eddie instructed.

Buck’s smile turned mischievous.

“Yes sir,” he said and threw down his pants in one enthusiastic push. Eddie rolled his eyes.

“And put these on so I can see how long to make them,” he said, shoving the dress pants in Buck’s direction.

“Oh,” Buck said, clearly disappointed in the instructions.

Eddie shook his head and leaned forward, catching Buck in a kiss and not pulling away until he felt him smile under his lips.

“We’ll celebrate after we get your job back,” Eddie said, “Promise.”

“All right,” Buck said, then his shoulders drooped, his brow furrowed in concern and his gaze dropped to the floor. “What if we don’t …?”

“We’re not thinking like that,” Eddie said, cutting him off. “Bobby wants you back, the Chief wants you back, the team wants you back - there’s no reason for them to say no to this.”

Buck nodded and forced a smile, wanting to believe him. “Yeah, of course.”

“Hey,” Eddie said. He laid a hand on Buck’s shoulder, thumb pushing down on his pulse point and waited until Buck looked at him. “We got this.”

It was almost as though Buck could feel Eddie’s confidence through his touch, because suddenly his smile turned real and he nodded again.

“Yeah, we got this,” he agreed.

“Damn right we do,” Eddie said, still sounding confident until he stepped back, looked at Buck and cringed. “But not without pants.”

“Right!”

After a speedy sewing session and breaking several traffic laws, they made it to the LAFD office building with just moments to spare before their meeting. Buck and Eddie rushed in, not having any time to take in the stark difference between a fire station and the department’s administrative offices, before a receptionist met them and led them to a small plain meeting room and said the Chief would be there soon before returning to her desk.

So now here they were, sitting on one side of a long meeting table, with nothing to do except wait and, in Buck’s case, nervously bounce his knee until it whacked loudly off the bottom of the table.

“Relax,” Eddie said, but it was more of a plea, one Buck wished he could comply with.

“This meeting will determine my entire future, Eddie, I’m allowed to be nervous,” Buck said drastically, then waved a hand in frustration. “Plus you look super hot in that uniform and I can’t do anything about it right now which is not helping my nerves.”

Eddie huffed out an exasperated laugh. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry just don’t put it too far back in the closet when we get home, okay?” Buck said, his tone only half joking.

“You got it,” Eddie said, then turned his head to peer out the small window in the door and saw two figures approaching.

“They’re coming,” he warned.

“Oh god.” Buck shot up to his feet, smoothed down his blazer and ran a hand through his hair, trying to feel if it was presentable.

“Don’t touch your hair,” Eddie hissed, aware of how easily Buck’s curls could break out of their gelled prison.

“I’m nervous,” Buck reminded him, hissing back, but one of his curls had indeed broken free and Eddie stepped over to smooth it down frantically.

“Eddie stop.”

“It’s sticking straight up Buck!” he said. He licked his thumb and pushed the hair down just as the handle of the door started to turn. They both scooted away from each other in a rush, pressing their heels together to stand up straight at attention as Chief Alonzo walked in with Bobby right behind him.

“Gentlemen,” he said in greeting to them, tipping his head as he entered.

“Hello sir,” they replied, almost in unison.

“You both know Captain Nash obviously,” the Chief said, gesturing to Bobby entering behind him. Eddie saw when Buck tensed up, standing even straighter when he met Bobby’s eye. They hadn’t spoken since that night at Bobby’s house when Buck had stormed out of dinner after finding out Bobby agreed he shouldn’t be back at work yet.

“Of course,” Buck said, voice wavering with uncertainty. “Nice to see you Captain.”

Bobby frowned at the formality but nodded, his eyes open and inviting. “You too Buck.”

“Bobby,” Eddie said, trying to match Bobby’s casualness to put Buck at ease.

“Well let’s sit down and get on with this,” the Chief said, moving to the other side of the table with Bobby to sit across from Buck and Eddie.

“Yes sir, of course,” Buck said, then dropped down into his chair and pulled it tightly up against the table where he sat up ramrod straight. Eddie sat down slower and tilted his head down as he pulled in his own chair.

“Please relax,” he whispered and chanced reaching out a hand below the table to squeeze Buck’s knee reassuringly. He wasn’t sure it helped until Buck made an effort to take a deep, slow breath and let his shoulders relax just a fraction.

“So, Firefighter Buckley,” Chief Alonzo started, opening a folder that he had brought with him, “you wanted to meet to discuss your current medical treatment options and a possible return to work.”

“Uh, yes sir, I’ve got some uh … new information from my doctor that I think will change my employment status. Hopefully,” he said.

“Well I’m eager to hear it, but first I’m curious to know why Firefighter Diaz is joining us today,” the Chief said, eyebrow raising. Buck and Eddie shot each other the same nervous look they had at Dr. Meighner’s office; it was becoming increasingly obvious most people did not bring their best friend to these kinds of meetings. “He’s not the doctor you’ve been consulting with, is he?”

“Uh no, not exactly, but Eddie is a medic and uh … I’m not, so I thought it’d be good to have him here,” Buck said.

Eddie picked up on his faltering and leaned forward to take the Chief’s attention.

“I was at the medical appointment with Buck that we’re here to discuss with you, so I told Buck I would come, in case you had any questions,” Eddie finished for him.

“And you’re comfortable with us discussing your medical history in front of Firefighter Diaz?” Chief Alonzo asked.

Buck laughed. “I’ve been staying with Eddie for the past five months while I recover, he knows more about my medical history than I do at this point.”

The chief nodded. “Very well. Let’s get into it then. As you know, you were dismissed from active duty after being prescribed blood thinners to treat the blood clots you’ve been suffering from.”

“Yes sir, as per the regulations, I can’t be a firefighter if I’m taking blood thinners, I’m very aware,” Buck said, body tense as he recalled the regulation that was actively ruining his life.

“So what are we here to discuss? Has your doctor taken you off the medication?”

Buck shook his head. “Not exactly, not yet. The thing is, I’m currently taking blood thinners so I won’t get any more blood clots but the ER doctor didn’t know what was causing the clots, so I went to a specialist a few days, her name is Dr. Meighner, to see if she could figure out what was causing them and maybe fix it.”

Bobby’s eyes went wide at this. Eddie guessed he had thought Buck was just here to plead his case that it was safe to work while on blood thinners and was clearly surprised where this meeting was going.

“What did she say?” Bobby asked.

“She thinks the clots are being caused by the screws in my leg holding my bones together,” Buck said, a word choice which made the Chief visibly flinch.

“But the screws are coming out,” Eddie interjected, “in six months to a year. They’re not permanent.”

“I see,” the Chief said, following, “well that’s encouraging news. We can discuss putting you on light duties in the meantime. Put you on a year-long administrative contract then slowly transition you back to the field in a year if you’re cleared by your doctor.”

Buck sat up taller and cleared his throat.

“Um thank you sir, but no thank you,” Buck said, startling both Bobby and the Chief. “I don’t want to come back in a year. I’m a firefighter and I need to be out there helping people. Now.”

Chief Alonzo tilted his head at this, trying to parse what Buck was saying. He steepled his fingers together and leaned back in his chair.

“And we would love to have you back, you’re an exemplary firefighter, but I don’t see how that’s possible right now.”

“It’s possible because I can get off the blood thinners,” Buck said. He saw Bobby start to open his mouth and held up a hand. “Safely! Dr. Meighner told us about an alternate treatment to blood clots I could try instead of blood thinners. It’s uh …”

Buck faltered as he flipped through his own folder, looking for the brochure they had been given and met Eddie’s eyes briefly in a desperate plea.

“It’s called a blood vein filter,” Eddie picked up on Buck’s cue. “It’s a small filter, microscopically inserted in the vein of the upper leg. Instead of keeping clots from forming like blood thinners, it stops and breaks down any clots before they hit any vital organs like the heart or lungs.”

“Here!” Buck said, pulling out the pamphlet triumphantly and sliding it across the table. “This has more information. You can keep that Chief, that’s for you.”

The Chief smiled, mildly amused as he picked up the brochure and skimmed it. “And this is a certified procedure?”

“Yes, absolutely,” Buck said quickly, then glanced at Eddie to check if he was right. Eddie rolled his eyes fondly and nodded.

“It’s highly regarded and very low risk,” Eddie said.

“But the clots will still form?” Bobby said, only framing it as a question out of courtesy. “Wouldn’t there be side effects to that?”

Buck inhaled sharply and Eddie could see the internal debate happening inside him, could see how much Buck wanted to say he would be fine, that it was perfectly safe and healthy and there were no complications whatsoever. Instead Buck nodded tightly and looked down.

“Yes,” he said. Buck missed it, but Eddie saw when Bobby’s shoulder’s relaxed, eased by Buck’s honesty, “The doc said I could experience some swelling and soreness in my ankle if a clot forms, but it would go away as soon as it breaks off and hits the filter. It would be temporary. And mild. You know, my ankle didn’t even really hurt that bad from the first clot. I thought I just pulled a muscle.”

When Buck finally looked up and met Bobby’s eye something unspoken passed between them, an apology from Buck for blowing up at him, and shining respect from Bobby for slowing down and coming up with a solution to his problem. They both smiled for a moment, relieved to be seeing eye to eye, until the moment was broken by the Chief clearing his throat.

“Well, this is certainly the most interesting medical meeting I’ve ever had,” the Chief said, still flipping through the brochure as he spoke. “You’re right about the medical disqualifications, it’s the blood thinners that are the issue, not the clots themselves. I can’t say I’ve ever heard of this form of treatment, as promising as it sounds. But I will run all of this by our on-staff doctor – he’s very familiar with your records by now Buckley.”

“Thank you sir, I appreciate that,” Buck said and then swallowed, hating how much he couldn’t read the Chief. The man was like a stone, with his dead neutral eyes refusing to give away whether he thought this procedure could actually work or if he was just humoring Buck because a firetruck landed on his leg.

A moment of silence passed while the Chief tapped the brochure against the table thoughtfully before he finally looked up and met Buck’s eye with a wry smile.

“I can’t make any official guarantees, but if he says everything checks out, I don’t see any reason why you can’t return to active duty.”

Buck inhaled sharply, his chest going tight with a hope he was scared to let himself feel. Underneath the table he felt Eddie’s hand return to his knee, squeezing tightly, his only outward showing of excitement.

“Unless of course, Captain Nash has any objection or concerns,” the Chief added. He turned to Bobby, waiting for his judgment on the matter and Buck stopped breathing, pushing down that growing ball of hope that had been trying to take hold of him. Bobby didn’t think he was ready to come back after all, he had made that clear a few days ago, and it hadn’t had anything to do with the blood thinners.

But Bobby only smiled easily and shook his head.

“I have no concerns with Firefighter Buckley returning to active duty,” Bobby said with surprising certainty. “In fact I look forward to it.”

Buck couldn’t breathe again, for an entirely different reason, and his eyes went wide with confused disbelief. Bobby wasn’t fighting this. Bobby was supporting him. Bobby actually wanted him back. Eddie’s fingers squeezed his knee once more, this time prompting him to inhale.

“Well, that’s that then,” the Chief said with an air of upbeat finality. He packed the brochure away in his folder and stood up, holding his hand out to Buck. “I know you’re eager to be back son, so I’ll have our doctor check this out ASAP. But as far as I’m concerned, this is a done deal. Welcome back Firefighter Buckley.”

“Thank you. Thank you sir,” Buck said, shaking the Chief’s hand enthusiastically. “This means so much, you have no idea.”

“I’m starting to get some idea,” the Chief said, looking down at his hand with wide eyes, silently requesting to be released from Buck’s death grip.

“Oh, sorry sir,” Buck said, dropping it immediately. “I’ve just been on the sidelines for a long time. I’m excited to get back out there.”

“We’ll be excited to have you back. Now if you’ll excuse me,” the Chief said, pushing past Buck towards the door and nodding towards Eddie and Bobby as he left. “Firefighter Diaz, Nash.”

“Thank you for your time, sir,” Eddie said, his military training the only reason he was able to hold back the huge grin that was trying to break out across his face at hearing the Chief’s verdict.

He walked out with no more fanfare, clearly off to some other meeting, but Bobby lingered behind, walking slowly out from behind the table to stand in front of Buck with a satisfied smile on his face.

Buck sighed in disbelief.

“I don’t get it,” he said, shrugging. “You … you said you didn’t think I was ready to come back. What changed your mind?”

“You did,” Bobby said, not denying the accusation. “I was worried you were pushing yourself too hard, too fast. That you weren’t ready to be back out there, maybe mentally or physically. But instead of lashing out, you slowed down and you thought this problem through and you found a solution on your own. And you were honest about the limitations you might face. All of which I appreciate, and respect. I’m proud of you Buck.”

“Oh wow,” Buck muttered as he turned away to blink back tears from his eyes, embarrassed by how cracked open he felt to hear Bobby say he was proud of him. “Thank you for that. In the spirit of honesty though, and at the risk of shooting myself in the foot, this was all Eddie’s idea.”

“No, no!” Eddie said, stepping up beside Buck and shutting him down. “I barely did anything.”

“You told me to talk to my union rep AND to see a second doctor,” Buck pointed out.

“And you are the one who actually did both of those things,” Eddie countered, to which Bobby laughed.

“Don’t worry Buck, hearing that you’re actually willing to listen to the people around you is even better,” Bobby said, smiling assuredly that Buck’s honesty had not screwed him over. “I can’t wait to have you back at the station, you’ve earned it.”

He held out his hand, a peace offering. Buck smiled and shook it, accepting his welcome back with a shuddering breath. “Thanks Bobby. You have no idea how good it is to hear that.”

“I can imagine,” Bobby said, then released his hand and turned to Eddie. “Good work, as usual. I’ll see you at roll call.”

“Yes sir,” Eddie said with a crisp nod.

Bobby tilted his head to them one last time then walked out.

The second the door shut behind him, leaving them alone, Buck turned to Eddie, put his hands on his face and pulled him into a searing, celebratory kiss. Eddie laughed against his lips, unable to contain his joy either. He put his hands around Buck’s waist, holding him close even as Buck pulled away, panting moments later.

“We did it! I can’t believe it. I’m going to be a firefighter again. We did it,” he said, amazed and overjoyed.

“You did it,” Eddie said, pecking him on the lips once more, eyes warm and fond.

“No, I couldn’t have done this without you Eddie,” Buck said, his voice turning serious. “Thank you, for not giving up on me.”

Eddie shook his head.

“It never crossed my mind. I should thank you though,” he countered, just as soft, “for forgiving me. For being patient. I know it wasn’t easy.”

“Everything’s easy with you,” Buck said, then shrugged. “Besides, I doubt I’m going to have any more oxygen-deprived memory loss that makes you keep things from me in the future.”

“God you better not,” Eddie said, eyes going comically wide at the thought, making Buck laugh brightly and lean in for another kiss. Neither of them noticed the handle of the door pushing open behind them.

“Eddie do you need a …”

Bobby never finished his question, he just stood in the doorway and watched in shocked silence as they froze in his sight, then pulled apart so quickly that Buck tripped on the chair behind him, almost fell over and had to brace himself against the table to stay upright.

“Bobby!” Eddie said, for no particular reason as his mind went blank. Bobby didn’t respond, he just stayed where he was in the doorway, jaw agape.

“Oh,” he said after a moment, piecing together what he had just seen.

“Cap, we were just uh celebrating together … platonically. Like bros. Right Eddie?” Buck said, panicked and flailing as he tried to stand up straight. He turned to Eddie to agree but his partner just stared at him incredulously.

“Jesus Buck,” Eddie muttered, so dumbfounded by his response that he couldn’t even come up with his own lie to offer.

“It’s fine. Boys, it’s fine,” Bobby said, and held out a placating hand in assurance to put them at ease though his wide eyes betrayed that he might still be a little freaked out.

“It is?” Buck asked, skeptical. He didn’t need his new relationship with Eddie jeopardizing the job he had only just barely managed to get back.

“Yes. Of course. Just looks like I’m going to have to fill out more paperwork than I thought today,” Bobby said. He tried to make the joke lighthearted but they all just stood there awkwardly.

Eddie cringed apologetically. “Sorry Cap.”

“No apologies necessary. I’m happy for you,” Bobby said, but he was already backing away towards the door. “And technically you’re off duty and can do whatever you want, so uh, carry on. If you want. That’s not an order. Bye.”

Bobby was gone again before either of them could blink. The door slammed shut in his wake like he was worried they might try to follow him if he didn’t disappear fast enough.

Buck and Eddie stood in stunned silence for a moment, blinking as they tried to process the last few moments.

“So, I think we traumatized Bobby,” Buck said after a beat. Eddie opened his mouth to say something, but ended up just standing there slack jawed for a long moment until he looked at Buck and released a huff of air that could only be considered a laugh. That was all it took to set Buck off. A smile broke across his face and he brought a hand to his mouth to cover up how hard he was laughing.

“Oh Jesus,” Eddie moaned, pinching the bridge of his nose while his shoulders shook with laughter. “We’re so bad at this.”

“We’re the worst,” Buck agreed, but his eyes were shining warmly and Eddie couldn’t resist the urge to step into his space and lean his head on Buck’s chest, at ease with their short-lived secret being out, making him somehow exhausted and excited at the same time. Buck felt the same and put his arms around Eddie’s back and dropped his chin down onto Eddie’s shoulder, breathing him in and sitting in the moment for as long as he could.

“So, you heard Bobby, we’re off duty. What do we do now?” Eddie asked eventually, tilting his head up to meet Buck’s eyes.

Buck pretended to mull it over for a second before he shrugged one shoulder.

“Well, if everything goes right I’m probably getting minor surgery on my leg next week,” Buck said. “I could use a place to stay while I recover.”

Eddie smiled. “I think I know a place. The bed’s shit, but the hospitality is next level.”

Buck nodded.

“Sounds perfect,” he said playfully. “I’ll grab my stuff.”

Eddie straightened and put a hand on his cheek, running his thumb tenderly over Buck’s birthmark, thinking deeply before he spoke. “Grab all of it.”

Buck inhaled shakily and blinked, waiting for a retraction, but Eddie never faltered.

“You’re sure,” he said, more amazed than actually asking. Eddie nodded anyway.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything. I know what that house is like without you in it … and I never want to go through that again,” Eddie said, solid and firm.

Buck swallowed and nodded, tears in his eyes. “Eddie, you have no idea how impossible it will be to get rid of me from this point on.”

Eddie laughed, warm and safe and settled, and brought their foreheads together. “Good.”

Buck closed his eyes and breathed, let himself feel this perfect moment where he finally had everything he ever wanted. Acceptance, love, and someone to have his back, any day.

“Partners,” he whispered softly into the air, like he only just discovered the word’s real meaning and was breathing it into existence.

He felt Eddie nod against his skin like he understood. And of course he did. He was Eddie. No one ever understood Buck better.

“Partners,” Eddie agreed.

And Buck knew, without a doubt for the first time, that whatever came after this, he wouldn’t face it alone.

The end.