Chapter Text
“Alright dingus, spill it.” Robin smacked her hands against the kitchen counter, almost knocking over Stevie’s iced latte in the process - an iced latte that Stevie had made for once because she was desperately trying to cut down on her Starbucks intake now that they’d increased the star amounts for free drinks. (Fucking capitalism.)
“Seriously? I just made that!”
“Yeah, I know dingus, I just watched you seduce my Nespresso into doing your evil bidding.”
“Uh, excuse you, it’s not my fault that Captain Americano likes me better,” Stevie scoffed, carefully scooting her drink out of the Robin Buckley Danger Zone.
“Nope, no, you’re not going to distract me this easily, buster, I know that I might have been a zombie these last three weeks and therefore not as present as I should have been, but now that my thesis is done it has become crystal clear to me that you, Stephanie Marie Antoinette Harrington, are hiding something.” Robin leaned over the counter and poked Stevie in the chest for emphasis.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Seriously? Are we seriously going to do this?”
“Do what?”
“Do what, she asks,” Robin mimicked in a squeaky voice. “You’re going to tell me what’s going on with you, that’s what we’re going to do!”
“There’s nothing going on, Rob.”
“Oh, oh really?” It was Robin’s turn to scoff. “You’ve watched Pride and Prejudice six times in the last week. You keep giving me that weird smile that you think looks natural but actually makes you look constipated – and it’s never worked on me, by the way, I know all of your looks and your tells and the last time you had that look on your face, you used the last of my acne cream before my date with Leslie and you knew it was the only thing that could clear the giant-ass zit on my forehead and you used it for your tiny blackheads anyways- ”
“Oh my god, I said I was sorry – ”
“ - and don’t even get me started on the fact that the only band you’ve listened to these last three weeks is Corroded Coffin, which is really weird because the last time I checked, you said, and I quote, ‘c’mon Robin, I’m not into that nerd rock shit!’”
Well.
Fuck.
“Robin – ”
“ – so yeah, you’re obviously hiding something dingus, and as your twin flame and sister for life and the future godmother of your Von Trapp family of children it is my goddess-given right to know what in the world is going on!” Robin finished with a huff.
(Stevie briefly took stock of her options: she had never been able to lie to Robin, and strict avoidance hadn’t worked, so she could try and edit the truth somewhat? Maybe just say she thought the band was hot? No, no way, Robin would totally see through that too, which sucks because Stevie thought she was doing a really good job of acting normal. And it’s not her fault that Pride and Prejudice (2005) was the greatest and most comforting movie of all time, now was it?
Ugh.
Fuck it.)
“Okay, look – ”
“Ha!” Robin clapped her hands together, grinning in triumph. “I knew it! I kneewwww ittttttt,” she sang with a little shimmy. “Okay, time for you to ‘fess up, Harrington.”
Grumbling, Stevie slid her coffee off the counter and made for their living room. (She was not about to tell this story sitting on the weird barstools Robin had found on the side of the road, no way, no how.) “Fine, but we’re talking on the couch.”
“Yes!” She heard Robin hop excitedly behind her. “I’ll bring the Pop-Tarts.”
/////
“Holy shit.”
“I know.”
“Holy shit.”
“I know.”
“Holy – wow,” Robin said, awed. Her eyebrows were so high up her forehead that they were practically orbiting her skull. “I mean, I was right, you were totally hiding something, but I just thought that maybe you were just sexting Billy again.”
“Ugh, seriously?” Stevie shuddered in disgust.
“Hey, I’m not the one with a history of snapchatting my tits to my douchey ex at two in the morning.”
“Well, actually - ”
“We don’t speak of her here,” Robin whispered fiercely before glancing over her shoulder, as if the specter of Tammy Thompson was going pop out from behind their shitty fridge. “In any case,” she turned back to face Stevie, “I thought you were just having a minor lapse in sanity, not literally going cuckoo bananas! How did you not know he was Eddie Munson, dorkus, his face is literally everywhere! The TikTok girlies are obsessed with him and you’re, like, the TikTok girlie, how have you not seen any of Eddie Munson edits?”
“Because I am perfectly happy on romantasy BookTok, thank you very much. The better question is why you, Robin Marzipan Buckley, are getting Eddie Munson edits. You hate men,” Stevie replied, pointing her finger accusingly.
“Corroded Coffin is all over my angsty emo-boy playlist,” Robin waved her hand, like that explained it. “And we’re not talking about me right now, we’re talking about you blowing Eddie Munson away. Figuratively. And literally.”
Stevie groaned and collapsed backward, staring up at their ugly popcorn ceiling. “Ugh, why did you have to say it like that?”
Robin flapped her hands in the air, doing an excellent job of ignoring Stevie’s complaints. “I just can’t believe that you pulled a Finn from Glee, sucked his brain out through his dick, and then just peaced out and poor Alice had to perform so he couldn’t follow you down the rabbit hole!”
“Oh my god, what are you even saying right now?”
“What I’m saying is that we need to be smart before you make your next move.”
(Um.
What?)
“What?”
“You could just slide into his DMs but I’m sure he gets, like, thousands of DMs a day, and who knows if he’s even the one in charge of his Instagram? I mean, I guess you could do the TikTok route, but then the odds of giving a repeat performance are slim to none.” Robin hummed, drumming her fingers on their coffee table. “Do we know where they’re headed next? I bet we could scalp some front row tickets, and I know Argyle has the capital to back it - ”
“What? No, no, no,” Stevie cut Robin off, snapping her head back up so she could shoot Robin a dirty look. “I’m not sliding into his DMs, I’m not making a TikTok, and I’m definitely not going to stalk him.”
“Uh, following his band so we can get you in the front row at every show until he notices you isn’t stalking, Stevie.”
Stevie snorted, and Robin had enough decency to wince at her last statement. “Well, I mean – no, what’s important is that we get you back out there so you can find each other! I mean it, this is totally the start of your happily ever after, dingus, we can’t let it get away!”
“I’m, like, 100% certain that getting blown by a fan isn’t a new experience for him, Robs.”
“Not with that attitude,” Robin scoffed.
“That doesn’t even make sense.”
“No, what doesn’t make sense is you not getting a literal fairy tale ending from the universe!”
Stevie frowned. “I – sorry?”
Robin sighed, and the excitement on her face faded until she just looked tired. And sad. “You just deserve one, Stevie. You’ve taken so many hits for, like, everyone, and I’m tired of it.”
Stevie straightened up at the serious note in Robin’s voice. “Robbie - ”
“I mean, think about it! Think about everything you’ve been through, like, all of that shit with the Upside Down and the Russians and those fucking demon bats, and all the fucking bullshit your parents put you through after that, and then how shitty both Nancy and Jonathan were towards you until, like, last year and god, don’t even get me started on Billy fucking Hargrove - ”
“Rob,” Stevie started again, but Robin couldn’t be stopped. She just kept going.
“You got tortured, Stevie. You got tortured for me. You have chronic migraines now because of me. And,” Robin sniffed and fuck, Stevie’s tearing up now too, “and you’re my best friend in the entire goddamn world, like, you’re my literal soulmate, and I don’t care how much I hate men, I would gladly become the Mind Flayer’s next Muppet if it meant you finally got a win. I’d literally be the Kermit of the Upside Down for you,” Robin finished, tears overrunning her swollen eyes.
“Robin, oh my god,” Stevie sniffled, and wow there was so much to unpack there, like the fact that Robin apparently felt guilty about Stevie’s medical issues (which were absolutely not her fault) and that she was responsible for Stevie’s happiness (which she also wasn’t), but in the moment Stevie could only think about how much she loved her friend.
(And the Muppets.)
“If you’re Kermit, I’m Miss Piggy.”
“Oh, you’re totally Miss Piggy, that’s not even a question,” Robin replied with a choked laugh, and then they were laughing together and crying together and holding each other, and any conversation about Eddie Munson was completely forgotten. (At least, until after they finished watching The Muppets and The Muppets Take Manhattan.)
/////
It took about two bottles of Sauv Blanc (and a night spent taking turns crouching over the toilet when it strongly disagreed with the maragaritas and spicy salsa they ordered from the bodega down the street) for Stevie to convince Robin that no, they shouldn’t waste their time trying to get Eddie Munson’s attention.
While it was sweet that Robin really, truly wanted Stevie to find love – because she knew Stevie was romantic, down to the very fibers that made up Stevie Harrington’s soul – Stevie didn’t really agree that the universe owed her anything. She’d made it through four tangos with the Upside Down and survived. That was reward enough, as far as Stevie was concerned.
(She’d also made it abundantly clear that her migraines and minor hearing loss wasn’t Robin’s fault; it was the Russians and the Upside Down and all the other bullshit they’d lived through, and the only way Robin could possibly repay her would be to let go of the whole acne cream debacle, which Robin agreed to consider.
Hey, Stevie will take her wins where she can get them.)
But back to the whole Eddie Munson thing, the reality was that he was a literal rock star; Robin was right, he probably had hundreds of thousands of fans on TikTok and Instagram making edits and leaving comments and posting over and over and over again in the hopes of being the one to get his attention, and so many of them were definitely way, way hotter than Stevie could ever dream of being, especially since she’d been blessed with a multitude of mysterious-scars on her torso that she literally couldn’t explain to anyone, and –
Well.
There was just no way a guy like him would choose someone like her out of literally everyone else in the entire world, not for something more than a night. And that was okay! Life wasn’t a romance novel.
(It was actually more of a sci-fi/horror mash-up, in her experience.)
Regardless, all of that added up to one overwhelming conclusion: the only thing her encounter with Eddie Munson would ever be – could ever be – was a story, and she was okay with that.
(She had to be.)
And so, Stevie repeatedly – and delicately – rebuffed Robin’s attempts to get the band’s attention, and soon enough Robin stopped asking about it, and Stevie went back to babysitting and attending her night classes and rolling her eyes every time one of the kids started rattling on about Corroded Coffin. And if some (read: all) of Corroded Coffin’s discography ended up in her Spotify yearly-wrap up, well, that was between her, Robin, and the Spotify gods themselves.
By the time January rolled around, it had been a full four months since that night, and any thought of Eddie Munson was nothing more than a pleasant memory. And that, Stevie knew, was how it was going to stay.
/////
Argyle: my brochachos and brochachas
Argyle: jon and i have the most tubular news
Robs: UR PREGNANT?!
Jon: wut
Jon: no
Jon: how?
Nancy: omg ignore her
Nancy: What’s your news babe?
Argyle: the dude called and he wants surfer boy to be the sole provider of gummies and good vibes at the headbanger’s ball in chi-city next month
Robin: HOLY SHIT
Stevie: OH MY GOD THAT’S AMAZING
Nancy: BABES <3 I’m so proud of you both! This is huge!
Robin: FOR REAL
Robin: ur side gig is about to become ur main gig
Jon: we’re going to be the only thc vendor there so we’ve got a lot of work to do b4 next month
Jon: would anyone be willing to work the event with us? u get free tix to the show and our undying gratitude
Argyle: and tipssssssssss
Robin: WE’RE GOING
Robin: STEVIE AND I ARE GOING
Stevie: co-signed
Nancy: Of course I’ll be there!
Nancy: I’ll do a rush order on those Hawaiian shirts we talked about last week stat.
Robin: YES
Robin: YES YES YES
Robin: this is going 2b amazing
Robin: and check out this line-up!
Robin sent a link
Argyle: yoooooooooo corroded coffin headlining with metallica, nice
Robin: i know, right?
Robin: i’ve got a really good feeling about this
Robin: wut about u, steebie?
Stevie: well shit