Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Annual Event

The harvest festival was in an uproar when Torchwood arrived. Fruit and vegetables bouncing between pews like rubber balls, tins rolling down the aisle, loaves of bread stacking themselves like building blocks.

The entire congregation was sprawled haphazardly about, laughing their heads off, and the vicar had a black eye from being hit in the face by a wayward bunch of celery.

The cause of the chaos sat blinking innocently beside the font.

Harmless. A Rigolian party favour.

Ianto switched it off; everything stopped moving except the giggling congregation.

“Chemical spill causes hallucinations?”

“Again?”

“They believe it every year.”

“True.”

The End

Chapter Text

Autumn. Harvest time. Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness.

“They got the mist part right,” Ianto muttered, stumbling over another rut.

Here they were, at night, out in the middle of nowhere, retrieving alien tech from a field - already harvested, thank God. Suddenly down comes the mist and they can’t see past the ends of their noses. Bloody freezing, too. Finding the tech had proved easy. The SUV, on the other hand…

It had to be around here somewhere.

A loud thud and a muffled curse came from Jack.

“Found it! Ow. Think I broke by doze.”

Ianto winced.

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto stared in horrified fascination. The Torchwood Three archives were a disaster area. In fact ‘archives’ was something of a misnomer.

Paper files were stuffed untidily in dozens of metal filing cabinets, packed so tightly they might burst, while alien artefacts and rift debris had been crammed on shelves until they were full, then piled on the floor wherever there was room.

A lesser man would have despaired, but Ianto Jones was made of sterner stuff.

How do you move a mountain? One rock at a time.

He took off his jacket, rolled up his sleeves and set to work.

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto dragged Lisa from the wreckage of Torchwood One, planning what he needed to do:

Get them both out without being seen. Steal a conversion unit. Rig it to serve as life support. Acquire whatever drugs Lisa needed. Cardiff would be their best chance; he’d need a van to transport everything.

Find somewhere to hole up until he could get a job with Three and smuggle Lisa inside.

He’d have to locate a cybernetics specialist to remove the implants, make Lisa human again.

The list of tasks seemed insurmountable, but it was for Lisa, and for her, he’d move mountains.

The End

Chapter Text

A turbulent Rift storm had dropped yet another problem in Torchwood’s laps – a small and battered blue alien had been dumped unceremoniously in a field outside Cardiff.

“My name is…” It made an unpronounceable sound. “I believe the literal translation in your language would be ‘fortunate female’.”

“Fortunate?” The team stared at the mangled remains of the small being’s spacecraft.

She sighed heavily, “I suspect my progenitors were being ironic when they named me so. Fortune tends not to favour me.”

“At least you survived the crash,” said Gwen brightly.

“But now I am stuck here with no way home.”

The End

Chapter Text

“Aha! Found you! I win!” Jack cries triumphantly, pouncing into Ianto’s hiding place and dragging him out. “Looks like Lady Luck is on my side tonight!”

“Luck has nothing to do with it,” Ianto grumbles, “You’re cheating again!” He gestures to the scanner in Jack’s hand. “You didn’t even search, just let that lead you straight to me. In fact technically, you didn’t find me, the scanner did, so you lose.”

Jack can’t believe what he’s hearing.

“However,” Ianto purrs seductively, “if you do exactly what I say, you might still get lucky tonight.”

Jack’s knees go weak. “Yes, Sir!”

The End

Chapter Text

The weevil was strong; Jack could barely hold it away from his throat.

Ianto kept back, trying for a clear shot, but darkness and pounding rain obscured his vision. It would be too easy to hit Jack, or the injured and terrified woman behind him. The combatants kept staggering one way then the other, finally hitting the railing and toppling slowly into the bay.

Ianto ran to the railing and looked down. For a moment there was nothing, then Jack surfaced, spluttering.

“You okay?”

“It was sink or swim – it sank and I swam,” Jack grinned.

Ianto rolled his eyes.

The End

Chapter Text

He’d stalked Harkness for weeks, waiting for the right opportunity to present itself. Rescued him from a weevil and got the brush off.

Stalked him some more, offered him coffee, which obviously met with his approval. Got the brush off again. What did it take to impress the guy? Something different, something new.

When he stumbled across the Pterodactyl, managed to lure it into an empty warehouse using chocolate, he knew it was his final chance because he’d never find something to top this!

Waiting by the road in the rain, he steeled himself. This was it. Sink or swim.

The End

Chapter Text

Owen ran, faster than he’d ever run when he’d been alive. Feet pounding, arms pumping, never tiring, he reached the end of the pier, leaping as far as he could, out over the cold waters of Cardiff bay.

He hit the surface with a splash and went under. No need to hold the breath he no longer had, no need to struggle or try to swim, no need to do anything but let himself sink deeper and deeper beneath the surface.

It changed nothing. He wasn’t alive, so he couldn’t drown. He was trapped, halfway between life and death. Forever.

The End

Chapter Text

When Ianto went out to pick up supplies, all was quiet in the Hub. He returned an hour later to complete chaos.

Jack was sitting at Tosh’s workstation, tapping frantically at her computer while prodding a piece of alien tech. Owen was scowling at Gwen’s phone, muttering under his breath. Tosh was stomping around the autopsy bay, swearing and kicking things, and Gwen was jumping up and down, saying, “Look at me! I’m Gwen! Wow, these babies really bounce!”

Ianto looked at Gwen. “Jack?”

Gwen beamed at him. “Yep!”

Ianto closed his eyes and sighed heavily. It must be Friday!

The End

Chapter Text

Owen skulked up from the vaults, shoulders hunched and arms hanging at his sides. He was walking oddly, almost shuffling with his knees bent.

Ianto watched him curiously. Something wasn’t right.

“Owen?”

Owen jerked around, snarled and backed away.

That was… odd.

“Jack? I think we have a problem.”

“What is it now?”

“You know Owen’s been running tests on Janet using that new piece of alien medical tech…”

“I vaguely recall something about that, yes.”

“I think he may have accidentally switched bodies with her.”

“Our medic’s a weevil?”

“Yeah, and I don’t think she’s very happy about it!”

The End

Chapter Text

‘Okay, this feels weird,’ Owen thought, flexing his arms and legs. Or more accurately, Janet’s arms and legs. Weevil joints weren’t quite the same as a human’s, they bent differently and his centre of gravity was lower.

Movement caught his eye and he glanced up to see his body shambling towards the door.

“Hey! Where do you think you’re going with my body?” he yelled. At least he tried to; all that came out was a series of snarls.

Janet didn’t even look back.

‘Shit!’ Owen thought to himself, scrabbling at the toughened plexiglass cell door. ‘I am so screwed!’

The End

Chapter Text

Owen was hammering loudly on the cell door when Jack came down to the vaults twenty minutes later, accompanied by Ianto who had Owen’s handcuffed body on a leash.

“That’s a good look on you, Owen,” Jack smirked, leaning casually on the wall opposite the cell door. “Weevil suits you!” He looked entirely too smug.

Owen buried his head in his hands and groaned. Surely this day couldn’t get any more humiliating.

“Come on now, don’t be like that,” said Ianto. “Smile for the cameras!”

Owen looked up.

Sure enough, the CCTV camera was aimed right at the cell.

Crap!

The End

Chapter Text

Sometimes there just weren’t any good choices, only bad, worse or catastrophic, but that didn’t make such decisions easier to make or to live with.

He reminded himself she wasn’t really a child anymore, had ceased to be that when she was chosen. Not entirely human, no longer suited to this world. She wanted to go with them, where she belonged, where she fit.

But she still looked like a child; she had a mother who would grieve her loss.

In the end it wasn’t even a choice. Let this one go, or let the entire world suffer the consequences.

The End

Chapter Text

Tosh checks the blueprints, measures, snips pieces of wire and solders connections, feeling a sense of awe as she sees what she’s building take shape.

She shouldn’t be doing this, she knows she shouldn’t; it’s against the law, stealing blueprints to build a weapon. She doesn’t even know for whom she’s building it or why they want it so badly.

Deep down she knows she’s committing treason, knows she will pay for her crime. She can’t let that stop her though. Her mother’s life is at stake and family is everything.

She’ll do whatever it takes to save her mother.

The End

Chapter Text

Torchwood Three wasn’t like One, it lacked the emotionless, unfeeling bureaucracy and red tape, the air of superiority.

These were real people, good people; not perfect but doing the best they could for the greater good. The people who’d dared stand up to Hartman, the thorn in her side.

Toshiko, Owen, Suzie… and Jack. He was using them, betraying them, and it was killing him inside, a little more each day.

They didn’t deserve to be used this way, but what else could he do? He had to put Lisa’s needs first. She should be all that mattered, and yet…

The End

Chapter Text

Realistically, Owen knew there was little hope of solving the crime after so many years. Lizzie’s murder was long forgotten by anyone except her family and friends.

He’d felt it all though, her terror, her pain. Her death. He couldn’t let go, couldn’t forget, he needed to do… something!

The very least she deserved was for the truth to come out, even if he couldn’t bring her justice.

He had a name, Ed Morgan. That was a start. Maybe the bastard still lived.

It was the slimmest of chances, but even the ghost of a chance was better than none.

The End

Chapter Text

In retrospect, attempting to drive though a river ford in pouring rain probably wasn’t one of Jack’s better ideas. As water poured in, the SUV’s engine coughed, spluttered and died.

The team scrambled out, quickly becoming soaked through by rain and river water.

With no hope of a phone signal this far out, they trudged through mud and rain to the nearest shelter, a spooky, abandoned house about a mile from the road.

“Some Halloween,” sighed Ianto.

Standing dripping in the hallway, Jack studied their surroundings and grinned.

“Look on the bright side, there’s always the chance of a ghost!”

The End

Chapter Text

Cardiff Council had organised a Halloween party for local children on the Plass, with a Trick or Treating route around local businesses.

The most popular stop was the Mermaid Quay Tourist Office, where long queues had quickly formed.

Groups of children were led into the spooky, cobwebby interior where a sheet-clad ‘ghost’ popped up suddenly from behind the counter, humming eerily and making them scream with delighted fear. Then a headless, handless man dropped candy into their bags before a handsome vampire ushered them out.

At the end of the evening, Ianto removed Nosy’s sheet.

“That was fun!”

Nosy agreed.

The End

Chapter Text

When Ianto found the small piece of alien tech while walking to work early one sunny morning, he thought nothing of it, just picked it up carefully, placed it in a bag and carried on walking.

Passing a bus stop he didn’t notice the small queue of people turning and following him. The same thing happened at the next bus queue. Everyone he passed immediately stopped what they were doing and followed him.

Reaching the Plass, he glanced back and stopped dead. The long line of people stopped too.

Ianto pulled out his phone.

“Jack? I’ve got a slight problem.”

The End

Chapter Text

An outsider watching them would think Ianto and Owen couldn’t stand each other, and to be fair, it was easy to see how their constant bickering and the snarky insults flying back and forth between them whenever they were in sight of each other, might be misunderstood.

Jack smiled as he watched them, knowing the truth; they would lay down their lives for each other in a heartbeat. For all their squabbling, they shared a bond even deeper than friendship. Although they’d been born to different parents, they were brothers in spirit and would always be there for one another.

The End

Chapter Text

“Even by Torchwood standards that’s weird,” Owen muttered.

“What is?”

Owen almost jumped out of his skin, not having heard Ianto come up behind him. He gave Ianto a token glare, then pointed.

“Myfanwy and Nosy playing together! Since when did the bald budgie and the feather duster become friends?”

Ianto watched as with a flick of its head, Nosy tossed a frisbee across the Hub, Myfanwy diving to catch it, then swooping to drop it in front of Nosy again.

“Nosy likes playing and Myf likes catching things; friendships have been built on less.”

Owen grinned at Ianto. “True.”

The End

Chapter Text

They come from different worlds, and with Torchwood that can be taken literally. She has her origins in the far future; he comes from a world that no longer exists.

They are so different from one another that they can’t even touch, there is no common language that unites them, yet there’s a strange sense of kinship between them. They share an understanding of the vastness of time and space that few here, in this time and place, could comprehend.

Mainframe watches over the hand in its jar and wonders if it feels as out of place as she does.

The End

Chapter Text

“I think it’s adorable,” Tosh said with a smile.

“You would! I think it’s bloody weird!” Owen grumbled.

“Everything about Torchwood is weird,” Gwen stated. “We should be used to it by now.”

“I just wish everyone could get along so well,” Andy mumbled from where he lay sprawled across the sofa.

They all turned to watch as Nosy slithered past again, humming cheerfully, Velvet the Shrodlet clinging to its back with her tiny paws. She looked like a little purple pimple amid the thick, green fur.

“If you think that’s weird, you should see her riding Myfanwy,” Ianto smirked.

The End

Chapter Text

“I don’t get it. We went to so much trouble finding a suitable mate for Janet and they can’t stand each other! What’s the problem? They’re both weevils and Brad is quite the looker by weevil standards.” Jack couldn’t conceal his exasperation.

“To be fair, it’s not Brad’s fault,” Owen said wearily. “He fancies Janet, but she’s not interested. Her heart’s already taken.”

Just then, Ianto wandered in carrying several steaming mugs. “Coffee?”

Janet moaned softly, yearning towards the Welshman.

“Oh, you have gotta be kidding me!” Jack sounded shocked.

“Nope! She’s smitten.”

Ianto shrugged. “She really likes my coffee!”

The End

Chapter Text

“I don’t get it. We went to all that trouble finding Janet a mate and they can’t stand each other! What’s the problem? They’re both weevils and Brad is quite the looker by weevil standards.” Jack couldn’t conceal his exasperation.

“To be fair, it’s not Brad’s fault,” Ianto explained. “He fancies Janet, but she doesn’t want him. Her heart belongs to someone else.”

Owen ambled in. “So, how are the lovebirds getting along?”

“They’re not,” Jack grumbled. “Ianto thinks Janet loves someone else.”

“Like who?” Owen sounded puzzled.

Hearing Owen’s voice, Janet purred seductively.

“Does that answer your question, Owen?”

The End

Chapter Text

She knew the others looked at her oddly when she was with her beloved, but she didn’t care. They were just jealous! He’d had many lovers before her, but even though he never said the words, she was certain he felt the special connection between them; how could he not? It was just… complicated.

Still, she was confident all complications could be overcome; after all, true love always won in the end, didn’t it?

Janet sighed as she gazed at Owen. Yes, despite the obstacles they faced she knew they would find a way to be together. It was destiny!

The End

Chapter Text

They’d been inseparable as children. Wherever he went, Gray would follow and he’d never minded because he’d loved his little brother and Gray had looked at him like he was a hero.

Then the monsters came and he failed to protect his brother; suddenly he didn’t feel like a hero at all. He’d searched for years, but it was hopeless, the universe was too big and he was just one man.

Now Gray was back, blaming him for the hell he’d been through, wanting revenge, wanting his brother to suffer as he had. It was all Jack’s fault.

Jack agreed.

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto and Jack moved slowly through the dimly lit car park, looking around carefully, peering into dark corners. They made a full circuit of the level they were on then returned to the stairs, climbing to the next level and beginning their search anew.

It was a large area with a lot of ground to cover, but it was taking far too long and after searching five levels, Ianto was not in the best of moods. It had seemed funny to start with, but now…

“Why the Hell didn’t you take note of where you’d parked the bloody car, Jack?”

The End

Chapter Text

Tosh stares at nothing, contemplating her empty life as the old year ends. Another year of coming home alone to an empty flat, of having her hopes dashed, of Owen ignoring her and leaving more scars on her heart with his thoughtlessness.

On TV bells chime, fireworks explode, marking a new year. She feels a tiny surge of hope; maybe this year will be different, maybe she’ll meet someone who appreciates her, even loves her. Maybe when next year arrives she won’t be alone. It’s not much, but hope is all she has to cling to and so she does.

The End

Chapter Text

Torchwood’s Christmas buffet was a thing of beauty, the entire team having pulled together, preparing and cooking the feast. Every kind of Christmas food imaginable was arrayed across tables that practically groaned under the weight.

Team and guests were in festive mood, filling plates and glasses, laughing and chatting merrily, until Owen’s indignant voice silenced them.

“’Ere, who pinched the twiglets?”

Everyone looked at each other until a suspicious scrunching sound was heard from under the tables. Ianto lifted the cloth.

“Think I’ve found the culprit.”

There was Nosy, its snout buried in the twiglet dish.

“Bloody typical,” Owen grumbled.

The End

Chapter Text

The entire team jumped up as the cog door opened and Jack helped a very pale and shaky looking Ianto up to the sofa, where he slumped bonelessly.

As Jack hurried away to fetch a glass of water, the others crowded around.

“Ianto, what’s wrong, are you alright?” Tosh asked anxiously.

“Yeah, Teaboy, you look like you’ve seen a ghost!” added Owen.

“The world is ending,” Ianto mumbled, staring blankly in front of him.

Jack returned with the water.

“The Coffee Emporium has run out of his favourite blend and won’t be getting any more until after Christmas,” he explained.

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto rushed into the Hub.

“What’s happening?”

“According to Jack, the world’s ending,” Tosh replied, sounding worried.

“What? How?”

“Not really sure. I checked Mainframe, but she’s not detecting anything dangerous and all I can get out of Jack is something about a Doomy Doom of Doom and that we should all flee the city and save ourselves.”

“That sounds bad. I’d better put some coffee on.”

“I’ll call the police, see if they’ve heard anything,” said Gwen.

“I’ll go and autopsy something,” Owen added cheerfully.

Ianto snapped awake and groaned. “That’s the last time I eat cheese before bed.”

The End

Chapter Text

“What the hell are they?” Ianto gasped, ducking as another whizzed past his ear.

“No idea,” Jack replied. “They’re moving too fast, all I see is a blur!” Throwing himself to the ground as three more zoomed past, narrowly missing his head, he tugged at Ianto’s trouser leg. “Come on, it’s safer by the wall.”

Dropping to hands and knees, Ianto joined Jack, crawling quickly across the warehouse until they reached the wall.

“Now what?”

Jack shrugged.

They watched bright blurs zipping back and forth at alarming speeds until…

PING

They vanished.

“Huh. Now we’ll never know.”

“Another Torchwood mystery!”

The End

Chapter Text

It was over. Lisa was gone.

He’d known for a long time, just couldn’t admit it, not even to himself. No choice now; his hopes and dreams were splintered beyond repair, his future unknown.

He looked at Jack.

“What do I do now?”

“That’s up to you. You have a month to think things over. After that, you’ll have a choice – retcon or Torchwood. A new life, or a fresh start with us.”

As Jack left the flat, Ianto sat on his couch and wondered if he had the courage to start over with people who no longer trusted him.

The End

Chapter Text

Jack knew he’d hurt Ianto badly, leaving the way he had, but he’d only expected to be gone a few hours, maybe a day.

Instead it had been months for Ianto, and over a year for himself. Not a good year, either. The Master tortured him relentlessly at first, but eventually grew bored and ignored the Freak for weeks at a time.

There’d been ample time for Jack to think about what he’d do if the Doctor’s plan worked, but as time passed he’d realised there was only one thing he really wanted: the chance to start over with Ianto.

The End

Chapter Text

“I’m sorry. I know I hurt you by leaving that way, but I never meant to be gone for so long. I thought I’d be back in a few hours, a day at most.”

“Why weren’t you?”

“Everything went wrong, we were captured by a madman; it’s been a year for me, a year of being held prisoner and tortured. All I could think about was you and what a mess I’d made of everything. I wanted so badly to get home to you. If you’ll let me, I swear I’ll make it up to you.”

“Promise?”

“Yes. Anything.”

“Okay.”

The End

Chapter Text

Trying to save her mother had cost Tosh her life; not in the literal sense, but in every way that mattered. Yet even locked away in that dank little cell with only her thoughts for company, she still couldn’t regret what she’d done.

Then he came, so vibrantly full of life he was dazzling. He made her an offer – five years of service under his command in return for her freedom. Her criminal record would be erased.

There was only one answer she could give. Walking from the UNIT prison beside him, she felt as if she were being reborn.

The End (Or really, The Beginning for Tosh!)

Chapter Text

A new year and a new life; Ianto couldn’t get his head around how much had changed in the last few days.

First had come the New Year and with it, an unexpected question.

“Happy New Year, Ianto! Will you marry me?”

Then, just a few days later, had come an even more unexpected pronouncement.

“Ianto, I don’t know how to tell you this, but… I’m pregnant.”

Ianto glared at the tangle of yarn in his hands; he’d master this if it killed him. Unravelling the mess, he started casting on again.

How hard could it be to knit bootees?

The End

Chapter Text

Everyone looked up as Ianto entered through the cog door, looking rather put out, with a containment box in one hand and a large, white rabbit tucked under the other arm. It was wriggling.

“Stop that,” Ianto told it crossly. “I’m not putting you down here. Myfanwy might decide you’d make a good snack.” The rabbit immediately went still, looking oddly worried.

Ianto put the containment box down beside Tosh. “Be careful with it, but try to figure it out. I’ll put Jack in his office and give him a carrot.”

Tosh stared at the rabbit. “Jack?”

Ianto sighed. “Yep.”

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto carried Jack rabbit to his office, putting him down on the couch.

“Right, stay there and try to keep out of trouble. I’ll be right back.”

Jack sat with front paws neatly together and twitched his nose innocently at Ianto.

Ianto glared. “Stop looking cute! This is entirely your fault. If you’d watched where you were going, you wouldn’t have stepped on that piece of tech and you wouldn’t be a rabbit!” He stalked out of the office.

Jack shrugged, sat up on his haunches, and promptly fell off the couch. Being a rabbit was harder than it looked.

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto sat beside Jack, setting Jack’s lunch on the couch between them and resting his own plate on his knees.

Jack eyed the carrot suspiciously.

“Now what’s wrong? I washed it thoroughly, even put it on a plate for you. Not that you bother with plates most of the time anyway.”

The rabbit looked pointedly at Ianto’s lunch.

“No way! Rabbits don’t eat pizza. You’d never digest it.” Ianto had never seen a rabbit glare. He glared back. “You’re a rabbit. The scans prove it. Eat your carrot.”

Reluctantly, Jack started gnawing the carrot, holding it still with his paw.

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto followed the others into the conference room, sitting Jack on his chair at the head of the table before taking his usual seat to Jack’s right.

All anyone could see of Jack were the tips of his ears poking up above the table.

“Right, any progress, Tosh?”

“Some, but I need to be careful. I don’t want to turn Jack into a human with the brain of a rabbit.”

Unnoticed, Jack had hopped down under the table and was busily humping Ianto’s leg.

Ianto buried his head in his hands and groaned. “I’m not sure I’d notice any difference.”

The End

Chapter Text

The rift alert indicated something big - and from the readings, very nasty if Jack was any judge. The team geared up appropriately and headed for the site of the incursion, ready to deal with the monster.

On arrival, they leapt from the SUV, weapons at the ready, only to stop and stare.

“As monsters go, that’s a bit of an anticlimax,” Ianto stated.

Tosh checked her readings and shrugged. “I guess even something that well armoured doesn’t handle being ejected from the rift fifty feet above ground level too well.”

“It’s pancaked,” Owen agreed. “Better break out the shovels.”

The End

Chapter Text

When the first snowflake fell, Jack had been as excited as a child. He’d never seen snow until he first came to earth on Time Agency business, and he never tired of it.

Until now.

“Jack…” Ianto shouted as Jack bounded out of the house, eager to play in the snow that had fallen overnight.

Jack slammed the door behind him. “What?”

Ianto winced as all the snow cascaded off the roof in a miniature avalanche, right on top of Jack. He stood there, half buried in snow, looking like a poor attempt at a snowman.

“Don’t slam the door.”

The End

Chapter Text

Alarm goes off, waking him. 6.30am precisely.

Turn it off, get up, shower, shave, dress for work…

Halfway through dressing he remembers. No work today. No work for the next four weeks. Lisa is gone.

He undresses, puts clothes away neatly and crawls back into bed, pulling the covers over his head.

.......................................

Alarm goes off, waking him. 6.30am precisely.

Turn it off, get up, shower, shave, dress for work… Then remembers and crawls back into bed.

.......................................

Alarm goes off, waking him. 6.30am precisely.

Turns it off, gets up, showers, shaves, starts to dress…

Remembers.

Sits on the bed and cries.

The End (or just the beginning…)

Chapter Text

Crashes and clatters sounded from the autopsy bay, accompanied by increasingly girly screams of “Get it off! GET IT OFF!” from Owen.

Ambling over to see what was happening, the team were treated to the unusual sight of Owen flailing about with the tentacled creature they’d found earlier wrapped firmly around his head.

After several minutes, Jack managed to prise the poor creature off, leaving Owen slumped on the floor, gasping for breath.

“I know I’m not the medical expert here, but I thought you were supposed to wait until something was dead before performing an autopsy,” Ianto commented mildly.

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto was not happy with Team Torchwood.

“Look at this mess! Has anyone actually thrown anything away in the last week? Or bothered to wash a single dish? And Jack, I can’t even see your desk under all your unfinished paperwork! I take a week off to help Archie catalogue the backlog of alien artefacts that have built up, and this entire place goes to Hell! What have you all been doing while I was away?”

“We’re sorry.” Jack turned on the puppy eyes.

“You will be! Decaf instant until this place is tidy, understand?”

Everyone groaned.

“Loud and clear.”

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto picked up a bit of meat with a pair of long metal tweezers and poked it towards the nest.

“Here, have a bit of rat. Mmmm, juicy rat!”

It was quickly gobbled up.

“Have another bit of rat! Make you grow big and strong. Hopefully.”

That was quickly gobbled up too.

“More rat?”

“How’s it going?” Jack asked quietly, settling down beside Ianto.

“She’s eaten almost a whole rat,” Ianto replied. “You can do the next feed. Never thought we’d be foster parents to a de-aged pteranodon!”

“We got lucky. At least we’re not having to incubate an egg.”

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto clutched Jack’s coat to his face and breathed deeply. It smelled of Jack, that warm, tantalising aroma Jack had always said was 51st century pheromones.

Jack.

Tears stung Ianto’s eyes as grief threatened to overwhelm him. Jack had told them he couldn’t die, but now he lay lifeless in the morgue, the life force drained from him as he sacrificed himself to save the world.

It was all their fault. They’d let themselves be deceived by visions of loved ones long gone. Their betrayal had cost Jack his life.

Ianto’s half-healed heart shattered inside him.

He should’ve stopped them.

The End

Chapter Text

The creature slunk silently through the Hub, following the scent of its prey. It moved stealthily, keeping to cover wherever possible, freezing in place whenever someone came into view. It must not be spotted, the success of the hunt depended on the people around it remaining unaware of its presence.

Closer and closer, its prey was in view. It watched from its hiding place, waiting for the perfect moment to strike, coiled in readiness. Now!

One quick lunge and….

SLURP!

“Oi! Get your snout out of my coffee!”

“I warned you, Gwen. Never leave coffee where Nosy can get it.”

The End

Chapter Text

It had been a rough few days, Jack thought. Dragged back to 1941 with Tosh, he’d thought they might be trapped there but they’d made it back, only for time to start splintering.

Rhys died, the team mutinied, Owen killed him and he’d revived as the Hub began to crumble, courtesy of the now dangerously unstable Rift.

Then he’d sacrificed himself to defeat Abaddon, returning to life days later, his team guilt-ridden over their betrayal.

He needed a vacation.

As if on cue, he heard the sound he’d waited over a century to hear.

Somewhere above, the TARDIS was materialising.

The End

Chapter Text

It was a quiet day in the Hub. Mostly.

The team were busy at their various tasks, except Jack and Ianto, who were leaning on the railings outside Jack’s office, talking quietly.

Huff huff huff squeak.

Huff huff huff peep.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared as Nosy slithered past.

Huff huff huff peep.

“Why’s Nosy making that weird sound?” asked Tosh, looking concerned.

“Ah,” Ianto grinned, “Nosy heard me whistling to Myfanwy earlier. It’s been trying to copy me ever since, but I don’t think it’s quite got the hang of whistling yet.”

Huff huff huff peeep.

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto stuck his finger in his ear, wiggling it around. Something wasn’t right. Everyone was going about their work in complete silence.

Except… When he looked more closely, they were obviously chatting to each other, he just couldn’t hear them. Which was odd, to say the least.

He jumped and spun around as someone grabbed his shoulder. Jack.

Jack’s mouth was moving but Ianto had never thought to learn lip-reading.

Jack sighed, taking the small artefact Ianto was holding. Sound flooded back in. Ianto looked questioningly at Jack.

“It’s a personal sound-dampening field.”

“Oh. That’s good. Thought I’d gone deaf.”

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto was exhausted, head aching; he just wanted to sleep, but that sound was driving him insane.

Squeeeeeee! Honk. Squeeeeee! Honk. All the bloody time!

He turned over, trying to get comfortable.

Squeeeeeee! Honk. Squeeeeee! Honk.

Cursing, he rolled on his back. Nothing helped. There was no escape.

“You okay?” Jack asked from beside him.

“No. Is a bit of peace and quiet too much to ask for?”

“Sorry, can’t help you there.”

Ianto pulled his pillow over his head, but the sound continued.

Squeeeeeee! Honk. Squeeeeee! Honk.

Why did his nose whistle so irritatingly when he had a cold?

The End

Chapter Text

Mooching around Ianto’s bedroom while Ianto was making the bed, Jack picked up a rather tattered something he hadn’t previously noticed.

“What on earth is this?”

“That,” Ianto said with indignant emphasis, snatching the object in question from Jack’s hands, “Is my teddy bear, Fred. I’ve had him since I was a baby.”

“You still keep your teddy?”

“Of course. He has great sentimental value.”

Jack snorted.

“21st century humans, getting sentimental over inanimate objects.”

“This from the man who keeps a bottled hand on a shelf and talks to it when he thinks no one can hear.”

Jack blushed.

The End

Chapter Text

Agatha Christie met Jack Harkness only briefly. Stumbling from her car, still shaking from nearly hitting something, she was grabbed, there was a flash of brilliant light, and she was in the arms of a very handsome man.

He’d apparently been expecting her.

“Sorry about that. Let me buy you a drink.”

She never remembered her encounter, or knew what happened. One minute she was driving along a quiet lane in Surrey, the next she was checked into a Harrogate hotel under a false name, with no idea how she got there.

Only a handful of people knew the truth.

The End

Chapter Text

Jack caught the famous author as she fell through the vortex. Other Time Agents were already dealing with the man who’d abducted her, planning to make his fortune by having her write novels he’d then pass off as his own.

“Sorry about that. Let me buy you a drink.”

Retcon had its uses. At least history was clear on when and where she would be found. All that was left was to put her in the Hydropathic Hotel and check her in – he knew the name to use and a bit more Retcon would deal with the staff.

Easy job.

The End

Chapter Text

It was a gloriously warm, sunny spring day in Cardiff and they were determined to make the most of the good weather.

Jack leaned against the counter in Ianto’s kitchen, watching Ianto prepare food for their planned picnic, cutting the sandwiches diagonally into four neat triangular pieces.

“Why do you always do that?”

“Do what?”

“Cut sandwiches in triangles.”

Ianto stared at the prepared sandwiches, then looked at Jack, bemused.

“I have absolutely no idea.”

Cutting the next one in squares, he stared at it.

“That just doesn’t look right.”

He quickly cut each square diagonally.

“That’s better.”

Jack laughed.

The End

Chapter Text

“What are you two up to?” Ianto asked Tosh, who was talking animatedly to Nosy.

“I’m teaching Nosy about different shapes!” Tosh sounded rather pleased with herself.

Ianto raised an eyebrow. “Care to demonstrate?”

Tosh grinned. “Nosy, what shape is a wheel?”

Nosy squiggled around, nose to tail, until its body formed a circle.

“Very good!” She gave Nosy a grape. “What shape is an egg?”

More squiggling and Nosy settled into a rough oval, earning itself another grape.

“Impressive.”

“Bet you £10 it can’t do a triangle,” said Owen.

Nosy rearranged itself.

“Huh.”

“World’s first triangular Fluff!” Ianto smirked.

The End

Chapter Text

“Nothing to worry about,” Ianto said cheerfully.

Rhys stared at Gwen in stunned disbelief.

“Happens a lot, does it?” He sounded a bit dazed.

“This exactly? Not to my knowledge. But similar things? All the time.”

Rhys kept staring.

“Could be worse,” Ianto attempted to reassure the stricken man. “Jack was a rabbit for almost two weeks, and Owen… Well, let’s just say orange really doesn’t suit him. Gwen’s fine, just a little shorter than usual.”

“A little? She’s five inches tall!”

“Tosh will fix it. On the bright side, her clothes shrunk with her.”

Rhys sat down.

“Bloody Torchwood.”

The End

Chapter Text

It sat there, squat, grey and triangular, like an old, water-worn rock or a primitive sculpture. Jack poked it experimentally with a stick and the surface rippled, shimmering rainbow colours spreading in waves from the point of contact then fading to grey again.

“What is it?” Ianto asked, leaning back against the side of the SUV, hands in pockets.

“Damned if I know.” Jack prodded it again, watching the ripples of colour spread then fade. “Pretty though.”

He went to poke it again but an appendage unfurled, grabbing his stick.

“Stop poking,” the object rumbled, opening one large eye.

“Sorry.”

The End

Chapter Text

Back at the Hub, Jack and Ianto set their burden down beside the rift pool.

“That came through the Rift?” asked Owen.

“Yep. Don’t poke it.”

“Why would I want to poke it?”

“Because it turns pretty colours when poked,” Jack replied.

“Okay, so then why shouldn’t I poke it?”

“He doesn’t like it.” Ianto set a plate of pebbles beside the triangular lump.

“He? It’s alive?”

“Yeah, we only found out when Jack started poking him. Apparently sunlight makes him very sleepy.”

“What are the pebbles for?”

“Dinner,” their new guest rumbled, opening its single eye and grinning toothily.

The End

Chapter Text

Captain Nosy the Fluff, fearless leader of Nosewood, lay on its desk, sipping coffee and looking out over its domain.

It had been a hard day, battling the scum of the universe, and its brave team were battered and tired but safe. Captain Fluff had come to their rescue in the nick of time, tricking the vicious aliens that had its team surrounded. The humans had rallied behind their Captain, throwing themselves into the fray; their defeat of the foe had been swift and final.

Jack watched Nosy twitching in its sleep.

“I wonder what Nosy’s dreaming about,” he mused.

The End

Chapter Text

It was her own fault really. She’d let Mary persuade her to wear the pendant – again.

“You need to go somewhere public, somewhere crowded.”

So she had and now she’d heard something she couldn’t ignore, something she had no choice but to try to prevent. You can’t overhear someone planning murder and just ignore it.

Now she was here, trying to stop a complete stranger from murdering his ex-wife and child. How was she ever going to explain this to the police – to Jack?

Why had she ever listened to Mary? She’d heard too much already, but she couldn’t stop…

The End

Chapter Text

Just to be different, this time the Rift spat out the alien equivalent of a butterfly – 30cm across, four lacy, pastel coloured wings and tentacles for legs.

Chasing it proved exhausting and fruitless, until…

“Oh, well done! You caught it! I think it likes you.” Jack sounded half impressed, half jealous as he ushered Ianto into the SUV.

“Not a word from anyone, or you’ll all be on permanent decaf!” Ianto snarled stepping into the Hub a short while later, the alien perched at a jaunty angle on his head like an Easter bonnet.

Owen fell off his chair laughing.

The End

Chapter Text

Owen was on overnight duty, tucked up in the bottom bunk while Nosy snoozed on the top one.

Jack and Ianto had gone out to dinner, arriving home after midnight and heading towards their quarters when a loud shriek and a series of crashes sent them racing for the Night Duty Room, drawing their guns.

The sight that met their eyes was not what they expected.

“What the hell happened?” Jack demanded.

Owen sat up on the floor, rubbing his sore head.

“Nosy saw a moth.”

A fluffy head poked cautiously out of Owen’s bunk.

Ianto rolled his eyes.

“Scaredy-Fluff.”

The End

Chapter Text

Owen was sound asleep, snug in the comfy bottom bunk with Nosy snoozing above when there was an alarmed squeak from overhead and something fuzzy slid under his duvet, scaring the life out of him.

With a decidedly girly shriek, he scrambled away from the intruder, got tangled in his bedding and fell out of bed, hitting his head on the bedside table and knocking it over with a resounding crash.

“What the hell was that for?” He eyed the quivering, duvet covered mound on his bed as something soft fluttered around his head in the half-light.

“A moth? Seriously?”

The End

Chapter Text

The alien butterfly flatly refused to shift. Clamped onto Ianto’s head firmly, yet painlessly, it seemed content to remain there permanently. Which was disconcerting, and a downright nuisance whenever the occasional shift of position caused its wings to cover his eyes. Catching sight of his reflection in one of the computer monitors, Ianto thought the damned thing resembled one of the fancy hats worn at Ascot on Ladies Day. It really didn’t suit him.

The others couldn’t look at him without giggling, and Jack seemed oddly envious.

On the other hand, all those legs gave a pretty good scalp massage.

The End

Chapter Text

They look so charming, delicate and innocent; pretty little fairy folk with butterfly wings, flitting about in the moonlit woods, playful, laughter like tinkling bells.

But it’s a lie, part illusion and part deception, a disguise for something dark, ancient and primal. Not entirely evil, just other; creatures from the oldest tales and nightmares, warped and wizened, their nature and motives beyond human comprehension.

Most of all, they’re dangerous. They take what they want, they can neither be reasoned with nor appealed to, and they must never be crossed. All of time is their playground, there is nowhere to hide.

The End

Chapter Text

Jack felt he’d been patient long enough. The alien butterfly was monopolising his Ianto and while he though Ianto looked quite charming adorned as he was, enough was enough.

So, while Ianto waited patiently for the coffee to brew, Jack pounced, kissing him so thoroughly his knees buckled and he would have slid to the floor if Jack hadn’t been holding him up.

Finally separating several very enjoyable minutes later, they discovered that Jack was now wearing the butterfly. Apparently it had suddenly decided to switch perches while they weren’t paying attention.

Ianto smiled smugly. It was Jack’s problem now.

The End

Chapter Text

Jack seemed delighted with his new headgear.

Ianto watched with amusement as his lover pranced about the Hub, checking out his appearance in every reflective surface.

“It suits me, don’t you think?” Jack asked, striking a dramatic pose. “This would be the height of fashion on Zelmaxus IV.”

“Yes, Jack, you look very pretty,” Ianto agreed with a smirk, “Having an alien butterfly on your head might prove a trifle awkward if you have to go out on a Rift alert though.”

Jack looked thoughtful.

“Maybe I could camouflage it.”

Ianto wondered if the butterfly was regretting its rash decision.

The End

Chapter Text

Thankfully, Jack had calmed down a bit by the time the Rift alarm went off a couple of hours later and the butterfly was sitting quietly on his head instead of fluttering agitatedly.

He strode over to Tosh’s station and leaned over her shoulder to look at her monitor.

“What have we got, Tosh?”

“Rift spike over by Central Station, looks like whatever came through is inanimate but fairly big.”

Jack straightened up and blinked. The butterfly was now perched, calmly preening, on top of Tosh’s head.

“Huh.” Jack glared at it then grinned. “Looks good on you, Madame Butterfly!”

The End

Chapter Text

Parents. Everyone has them.

Gwen’s are loving, caring, devoted to their only child.

Jack’s are long gone, yet at the same time haven’t even been born yet. As much a paradox as he is.

Tosh seldom gets to see hers; part of the deal made by Jack in order to free her from the UNIT prison.

Ianto’s are dead. A father too demanding and a mother too weak to shield him from his father’s temper.

As for Owen, he doesn’t even remember his father, and wishes he could forget the look on his mother’s face the day he turned sixteen…

The End

Chapter Text

“Are you sure these night feeds are necessary?” Jack asked through a huge yawn.

“How the Hell am I supposed to know?” Ianto snapped peevishly, dragging himself from their bed. “I’ve never been a parent before! Anyway, even if they’re not, how’s anyone supposed to sleep through that racket?”

He dragged himself wearily towards the source of the screeching.

“Alright already, I’m getting your food! Can’t you just be patient for a minute? I’ll kill Owen for this. He can feed you tomorrow night. Here.”

Baby Myfanwy flapped her stubby wings and snatched the meat scrap from Ianto’s giant tweezers.

The End

Chapter Text

Nosy had noticed Owen often seemed to be chewing something, and was naturally curious. It had been watching for days, and now it saw Owen unwrap something from silvery paper.

“Owen, can you spare a minute?” called Jack from his office.

Cursing under his breath, Owen put down the paper and its contents.

“What is it now?” he grumbled, heading up the steps.

As soon as Owen had gone, Nosy slunk forward and sniffed. Minty! It delicately picked up the strange thing and started chewing.

A few minutes later, Owen returned to his workstation.

“’Ere, who’s pinched my chewing gum?”

The End

Chapter Text

As Ianto emerged from the archives with some files for Jack, Nosy slithered past, chewing on something. Ianto watched for a moment, then shrugged and headed for Jack’s office.

Emerging thirty minutes later, he spotted Nosy by the couch, still chewing. Frowning in puzzlement, he continued to the kitchen to make coffee.

He passed Nosy, who was still chewing, on his way his way to hand out the coffees. Noticing that Owen was also busily chewing, something clicked.

“Owen, I think I know who stole your gum earlier.” He pointed at Nosy.

“Damn! Good thing it wasn’t bubblegum,” Owen muttered.

The End

Chapter Text

It all happened in a flash – literally.

Tosh was examining a piece of alien tech they’d retrieved. Owen dodged to avoid stepping on Nosy and tripped over his chair, knocking the tech to the floor.

A blinding flash of white light shot upwards, there was a startled squawk and suddenly Myfanwy was on the ground, glowing brightly and visibly shrinking.

Ianto thought later that if she had simply shrunk it wouldn’t have been too bad, but when the glow faded instead of an adult pteranodon there sat a small, newly hatched, hungry chick, convinced he and Jack were its parents.

Continued in ‘Night Feeds’

Chapter Text

Ianto was relaxing on the couch, reading a file, when Nosy draped itself over his lap, humming disconsolately.

Still reading, Ianto dropped one hand to Nosy’s head to pet it, and encountered something unpleasantly sticky tangled in the silky fluff.

“What on earth…?”

Setting the file aside, he took a closer look. Several grey, sticky lumps were stuck in the fur on Nosy’s head. Ianto prodded one.

“Yuk! Owen, get over here!”

“Now what?”

“Care to explain why Nosy has chewing gum stuck in its fur?”

“I wondered where that kept disappearing to.”

“Well, now you know,” Ianto smirked evilly.

TBC in ‘A Sticky Situation’

Chapter Text

Owen looked closely at Nosy. Yep, that was definitely chewing gum and since he was the only one who indulged (or at least the only one who stuck used gum under the nearest table), it was a safe bet that it was his gum. He was starting to get worried; Ianto had a decidedly evil smirk on his face.

“Well, since you admit it’s your gum, I guess you should have the pleasure of removing it from Nosy’s fur.”

“What? How do I do that?”

“Very carefully. Jack will not be pleased if Nosy starts looking like a motheaten rug.”

TBC in ‘A Sticky Solution’

Chapter Text

“Have fun!” Ianto smirked. He patted Nosy, carefully avoiding the gummy bits, and sauntered off.

“Oh, great. Come on you.” Owen headed for the autopsy bay, Nosy slinking along behind him.

OoOoO

Arranging Nosy on the autopsy table, Owen draped surgical cloths around the gummy areas, and prepared to start work.

Grabbing a blob of gum with his forceps, he applied an alien solvent and carefully started teasing the fur away. It was slow, painstaking work, but he didn’t want to cut off big clumps of fluff. Ianto was right, Jack would notice and then Owen would really be in trouble.

TBC in ‘Unstuck’

Chapter Text

Owen dropped the last blob of gum into a dish, put down his forceps and uncovered Nosy.

“Now for the final part of the procedure.”

Fetching a bowl of warm water and the bottle of baby shampoo he used for his rats, he dampened Nosy’s head, added a drop of shampoo and worked up a good lather. A quick rinse, a spot of conditioner combed through the fluffy fur, and a thorough final rinse had Nosy looking… soggy.

“Better than being sticky, right?”

Nosy shook itself vigorously, soaking Owen, then slithered off the table and up the steps.

“You’re welcome!”

The End (I think)

Chapter Text

Ianto gingerly poked a stick into the campfire, rolling a charred sausage towards him. When it was close enough, he stabbed it with a fork and deposited it on a plate with several other sausage-shaped cinders.

He glared at Jack.

“I hope you’re not expecting these to be edible.”

“Sorry.” Jack looked sheepish.

“What on earth possessed you to try flipping sausages?”

“I saw a chef doing it on TV. He looked really cool, tossing and catching them. I thought I could do it.”

Ianto groaned. “No more TV, you’re too easily influenced.”

“At least we still have the beans!”

The End

Chapter Text

Browsing the supermarket produce section with Ianto, Jack prodded at a lettuce.

“Back in Victorian times, lettuces symbolised cold-heartedness.”

If Ianto was surprised by Jack’s random comment, it didn’t show.

“So if you wanted to tell someone they were cold-hearted, you’d give them a lettuce?”

“Something like that I guess.”

“Bizarre. How about cabbages?”

“Profit.”

Ianto nodded sagely. “Sounds about right. Lot of money in cabbages.”

Jack laughed.

“So, if I were to give you this,” Ianto waved a cucumber at Jack, “What would that mean?”

“That I’m onto a sure thing tonight?” Jack sounded hopeful.

Ianto winked. “Could be.”

The End

Chapter Text

Late one night, Ianto was busy collecting rubbish from around the Hub before switching everything to night mode.

Retrieving a mug from Owen’s messy desk, he headed for the kitchen, returning to find Nosy rummaging in the bag of rubbish.

“Nosy, what are you doing? Get out of there!”

Nosy backed out of the bag, something unidentifiable clutched in its mouth, and slithered towards its play area. Curious, Ianto followed, watching as Nosy carefully placed its rescued object on a narrow ledge, beside an array of similar objects.

Bottle caps.

Ianto smiled.

One man’s trash was treasure to a Fluff!

The End

Chapter Text

Jack watched Tosh carefully in the aftermath of Mary. It was so unfair. Time after time, she was tossed aside like yesterday’s newspaper, her heart broken by people like Mary who only wanted to use her, or like Owen who barely noticed she existed except when he needed her help with something.

Yet each time, she bravely picked up the pieces of her shattered heart and carried on, somehow keeping hope alive.

Brave, brilliant and beautiful, Jack knew she was a rare treasure, he just hoped that someday someone would see her true worth and cherish her as she deserved.

The End

Chapter Text

Saving Cardiff from rampaging aliens wasn’t unusual for Torchwood, the Rift saw to that.

It wasn’t even that unusual for aliens to explode unexpectedly – earth conditions were hazardous to the health of many non-terrestrial species, so Torchwood had become adept at getting various kinds of alien gloop off clothing, pavements and people. Sometimes the gloop stained, but Ianto was amazingly good at stain removal. Usually.

Not this time though. Jack was bright blue and apparently there was nothing that could be done.

Owen, of course, found it hilarious.

“Guess you really are a true blue hero,” he sniggered.

“Bite me!”

The End

Chapter Text

Tipping his head back, Ianto looked up at Jack, standing on the edge of one of his favourite roofs, coat whipping around his legs in the wind like a superhero’s cape.

Smirking, he imagined Gwen would see Jack as Superman, the pure and perfect hero, always saving the day. But there was a darkness in Jack. For all his immortality, he was merely a man struggling to do the best job he could of protecting his adopted city.

More like Batman really. Underground, cave-like base, standing on roofs at night…

Ianto paused, rolling his eyes.

“Guess that means I’m Alfred.”

The End

Chapter Text

Look at him, standing there staring out across his city, his home.

Tall, broad shouldered, standing straight and proud, head up as though scenting the air for trouble. A handsome man, dressed distinctively, his choice of clothing his armour against the world, a disguise to hide behind so that no one sees the real man.

There’s an air of mystery around him. He’s both more and less than he seems. Few people really know or understand him and he likes it that way.

Jack smiles. The world may only see Clark Kent, but looking at Ianto Jones, Jack sees Superman.

Chapter Text

“It’s not my fault!” Jack whined. “I just touched it and it came right off in my hand!”

“What were you doing touching it in the first place?” Ianto sounded exasperated. “You know Stuart’s off limits, on Owen’s orders. He’s very old and fragile. I told Owen he should be kept at home, but apparently he was putting girls off when he was in Owen’s bedroom. One even complained Stuart was leering at her.” Ianto considered Stuart for a moment. “She has a point.”

“What do I do? Owen will kill me!”

“Give me the leg, I’ll mend the skeleton.”

The End

Chapter Text

“Some days I feel like a litter collector,” Owen grumbled, picking up another fragment of something that had been ejected from the rift with so much force it had shattered. “Might as well be pushing one of those bins labelled ‘Keep Britain Tidy’. I didn’t join Torchwood to be a janitor.”

“Quit moaning, Owen.” Jack teased a fragment out of a nearby wall. “It doesn’t look like much now, but if one tiny bit is found by the wrong person it could advance science prematurely by centuries, completing wrecking timelines. We’re not just keeping Britain tidy, we’re preserving the future.”

The End

Chapter Text

“It’s that day again,” Owen announced breezily, striding into the Hub. “Time to defrost Frozen Turkey guy. How time flies. Seems like we stuffed him back in the freezer only yesterday.”

Tosh was appalled. “He has a name, Owen; Tommy Brockless. You could at least try to show him some respect.”

Owen raised his hands in mock surrender. “Sorry, Tosh, just trying to inject some humour into the situation.”

“Well don’t. Tommy deserves more than cheap jokes. He only gets to live one day a year, it’s up to us to make that day worth living.”

Owen sobered.

“Yeah, okay.”

The End

Chapter Text

Wandering into the hothouse, Ianto found Owen standing near one of his plants, looking troubled.

“Problems?” he asked casually.

“I think something’s wrong with Gordon.”

Ianto didn’t bat an eyelash, having long since become used to Owen naming his alien plants. He moved to stand beside his colleague.

“How so?”

“Not sure. He just seems down.”

Truthfully, Gordon did look rather droopy.

“Maybe he just needs cheering up.”

“How do you cheer up a plant?”

Ianto shrugged. “Not my area of expertise. You’ll think of something.”

Owen thought then moved Gordon to the window overlooking the Hub.

Surprisingly, it worked!

The End

Chapter Text

It hadn’t taken Ianto long to realise the best way of keeping Lisa hidden was to make himself invisible.

Never one to draw attention to himself, he quickly learned to blend into the background, being indispensable while going about his tasks unnoticed.

It was simple. Most of the team barely noticed him as long as whatever they needed appeared when, or better yet, before they needed it.

Jack’s attention, however, proved impossible to avoid; different tactics were required.

So Ianto encouraged him, flirting, leading him on, diverting his attention.

Sometimes, he mused, the art of concealment is all about misdirection.

The End

Chapter Text

Torchwood One grew too big for their boots, its leaders forgetting the Institute’s true purpose – to protect earth from alien threats – in their greedy quest for more power over the rest of humanity, regardless of the cost. When Canary Wharf fell, Jack felt guilty for momentarily thinking they’d got what they deserved. So many innocent lives lost…

On taking charge of Three, Jack had declared they would cease following One’s lead. They would be better; loyal, brave, compassionate, eliminating threats while defending the innocent, regardless of species.

Now, despite being battle-scarred and broken by life, his team make him proud.

The End

Chapter Text

One quiet day at Torchwood, Ianto’s carrying a tray of coffee for the team’s afternoon caffeine fix, when he trips over Nosy.

Nosy squeaks and shoots forward, knocking Gwen off balance, sending her stumbling backwards. Tripping over her own feet, she lands in Tosh’s lap, her elbow hitting the computer keyboard and turning Tosh’s programming into gibberish.

Meanwhile, five mugs of coffee arc through the air, spraying their scalding contents over Jack, who staggers backwards, hits the railing above the autopsy bay and tumbles over, landing on Owen and the corpse he’s dissecting.

Ianto regards the chaos, wide eyed.

“Whoops.”

The End

Chapter Text

Living on the Rift meant Torchwood were accustomed to peculiar happenings, from minor incidents all the way up to potentially world-ending scenarios, but to Jack’s knowledge, this was the first time aliens had ever tried to steal Cardiff Castle.

They needed to get it back, fast, preferably before anyone noticed it was missing. Tosh had set up a holographic projection so that from a distance it still appeared to be there, but if anyone got too close…

Four aliens, carrying the miniaturised castle, fled along the street, the Torchwood team in hot pursuit.

Stealing tourist attractions would not be tolerated.

The End

Chapter Text

Mavis Poskitt had never married.

There had been suitors a-plenty back when she was young, but her beau had died in the war and none of the others could hold a candle to his memory.

She lived out her dreams of romance through the pages of lurid novels, full of manly men and maidens with heaving bosoms; until she moved house.

That’s when she first saw them, late one night, under a streetlight. Her handsome young neighbour and his dashing boyfriend, locked in a passionate embrace.

It set her old heart a-flutter!

Now her daydreams are all about that kiss!

The End

Chapter Text

Browsing his record collection one evening for something to play, Jack turned to Ianto.

“Did I ever tell you I knew Pavarotti?”

“Really? What was he like?”

“Well, I didn’t really know him as such, but I met him. Once. In passing. Okay, I nearly bumped into him outside a restaurant in London.”

“Ah.” Ianto smiled. “So you knew Pavarotti the way I know Charlotte Church.”

Jack looked intrigued.

“Saw her once from behind when she was opening a summer fair. Could’ve reached out and touched her but a crowd was in the way.”

Jack laughed.

“Yeah. Exactly like that.”

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto came up from the archives chuckling, waving an old newspaper.

“You lot have got to see this!”

Gathering around him, they looked at the paper, The South Glamorgan Gazette, 20th August 1949.

The front page held a grainy photograph captioned ‘Jack Harry Teesdale of Cardiff displays his prize-winning leek at the South Glamorgan Agricultural Show.’

Jack, dressed in his usual attire minus the coat, beamed out at them from under a flat cap, holding up a gigantic leek.

Everyone giggled.

“Teesdale?” inquired Ianto.

Jack was unapologetic.

“Couldn’t use my real name. I won ten shillings for Best In Show!”

The End

Chapter Text

All was dark and silent; Gwen had long since gone home and Ianto was sleeping fitfully in Jack’s bunk.

Jack couldn’t sleep; the events of the past 24 hours – or was it two thousand years? – whirling through his mind in an endless loop.

Pausing by Tosh’s workstation, he ran fingertips over her keyboard. The thought flashed into his mind: She’d never use it again.

Finally stepping into the autopsy bay, once Owen’s domain, he stopped. Ianto had cleaned, scrubbing until his hands were raw, but in his mind Jack could still see blood.

And empty places where friends should be.

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto hadn’t meant to eavesdrop on Jack’s phone call; it was unavoidable.

“That’s right.” A pause. “No, just the bottom. Extra reinforcement, heavy-duty if possible. It needs to hold up under rigorous use.” Another pause while Jack listened.

“What’s the largest size?” A brief silence, then, “Seriously? I think that might be a bit too big. What’s the next size down?”

Ianto was completely baffled by now.

“Sounds perfect. Can you have it ready by Friday? Splendid. See you then.”

As Jack hung up, Ianto asked, “What was that about?”

Jack smirked.

“Can’t tell you, it would spoil the surprise.”

The End

Chapter Text

The long, exhausting chase ended in a rundown junkyard at the edge of town, their quarry cornered amid piles of rusting metal.

Moonlight shone down on proceedings, lending everything an ethereal glow.

The Weevil snarled, swinging its head from side to side, looking for a way out but not finding one. Even so, taking it down was no picnic.

When they finally had it sedated and restrained, Jack turned to Ianto, smiling softly. “Not exactly the romantic dinner I’d planned.”

Ianto smirked. “Romance is overrated. Right now I’d settle for chips and a beer.”

Jack laughed. “Sounds like a plan!”

The End

Chapter Text

Glorious weather on their day off had Jack and Ianto heading for the park to enjoy the sun. Apparently, most of Cardiff had the same idea.

People were everywhere, sunbathing, or playing football and Frisbee. Radios tuned to a dozen stations competed with raucous laughter and screaming children.

Jack sighed heavily.

“We should have gone to the beach.”

Ianto peered over the top of his sunglasses.

“The beach would have been just as crowded and we’d have been stuck in traffic getting there.

Jack huffed.

Ianto just rolled his eyes.

“Shut up and eat your Ice Cream before it melts.”

The End

Chapter Text

Shopping with Jack was usually a pleasure, not to mention highly entertaining, but buying furniture for their new flat was turning into an exercise in frustration.

It wasn’t even that Ianto didn’t approve of Jack’s rather eclectic taste in furnishings, it was more a case of Jack wanting to buy everything they both liked. Ianto couldn’t seem to make him understand that there simply wasn’t enough room.

“We don’t live in a TARDIS, Jack! If we buy all of this stuff, there won’t be room for us!”

“You think the Chaise Longue is too much then?”

“Yeah, just a bit.”

The End

Chapter Text

Abaddon the devourer, freed from his prison to walk the earth, bringing death wherever his shadow touched.

And it was their fault. His team, the people he’d picked, the ones he’d trusted the most. Somehow he couldn’t find it in himself to blame them.

They’d been used, manipulated, tricked into believing that only by opening the Rift could they save the world from certain destruction and get their loved ones back.

Manger had played them all, one monster bound and determined to release another.

Jack could only pray that his overabundance of life would be enough to defeat the beast.

The End

Chapter Text

One morning, Wesley found a thing in his shed. It hadn’t been there the night before, he was sure. It was green and purple, went ‘ping, ping, blip’ and bounced up and down.

Being the cautious sort, Wesley called the police.

A constable came, looked at the thing and then called Torchwood.

Two blokes arrived in a big black car. Wesley showed them the thing.

“Haven’t seen one of those in years!” said one. They thanked Wesley and left, taking the thing with them.

Wesley just shrugged.

“Can’t be having strange things in my shed, what would the wife think?”

The End

Chapter Text

When he discovered Jack’s clothes on the floor, Ianto tutted and put them away.

When Owen spread goo all over the autopsy bay, Ianto merely rolled his eyes and started cleaning.

Even when Gwen, going to the archives for a file, left the contents of two cabinets strewn everywhere before remembering she hadn’t given it to Ianto in the first place, she only got a stern reprimand.

But when Ianto discovered someone had raided his stash and eaten the muffin he’d bought for lunch, he blew up.

“That’s it, you’re on decaf for life!”

Jack winced. “We’ve created a monster!”

The End

Chapter Text

The Hub was in chaos. Myfanwy had taken offence at something and was flapping and screeching, scattering papers everywhere, while Owen and Gwen were having a very loud argument about… Well, Ianto hadn’t bothered to listen so he had no idea what it was about, he just knew he didn’t want anything to do with it. Or with them.

He grabbed his coat and headed for the cog door, only to find Jack at his side.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m leaving home, forever. Might be back by teatime.”

Jack winced at a particularly loud screech.

“Can I come too?”

TBC in ‘Nowhere Particular’

Chapter Text

Strolling across the Plas, Jack glanced at Ianto. The stressed look on his face was fading as he started to relax.

“So, where are we going?”

“Hadn’t planned on anywhere in particular, I just wanted to be somewhere that isn’t the Hub,” Ianto admitted.

“Good call. If I’d had to listen to that racket much longer I’d have gone nuts.”

The rapid clicking of heels sounded behind them and a voice called out, “Wait for me!”

They stopped to let Tosh catch up.

Linking her arms through theirs, she asked, “Where are we going?”

“Nowhere particular,” they chorused.

“Sounds perfect.”

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto looked up as the door to the Tourist Office opened and an elderly man walked in.

“Good afternoon, Mr Bickerdyke, how can I help you today.”

“Mr Jones, I am the bearer of grim news once again, I’m afraid. It appears the world will be ending next Thursday.”

Ianto’s brow creased with concern. “Thursday, you say?”

“After lunch.”

“That’s grave news indeed, Mr Bickerdyke.”

“So you’ll take care of it then?”

“I will indeed. The end of the world would be bad for the tourist industry.”

Mr Bickerdyke nodded. “Good day, Mr Jones.”

“Good day, sir, and thank you.”

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

After Mr Bickerdyke departed, Ianto headed down to the Hub to deliver the news.

“Jack? We have a problem. According to Mr Bickerdyke, the world is ending next Thursday, after lunch.”

“That’s not good, gives us less than a week to prepare. I really wish he could be more specific. Okay, kids, listen up. Something bad is coming our way next Thursday. Tosh, monitor the Rift. Gwen, liase with the police; anything out of the ordinary, I want to know about it immediately. Ianto, Owen, internet and news. We have to keep the world from ending. Let’s get to it!”

The End

Chapter Text

They’d served him well since he joined Torchwood Three, faithfully protecting him through mud and mire, through slime and goo, through disgusting sewers and even through years of cleaning the cells and Myfanwy’s nest.

Now though, their faithful service had come to an end; they’d been defeated by a river of neon green, acidic gunge, bravely giving their last to keep his feet from being melted off.

The least he could do was give them a proper send off.

“Alas, poor wellies, brave to the last. I salute you,” Ianto murmured solemnly, then shrugged and tossed them into the incinerator.

The End

Chapter Text

Up in the Tourist Office, Ianto clicked on his Bluetooth.

“Jack? Can you come up here please? We have a bit of a situation.”

Not knowing what kind of situation, Jack took the Invisible Lift up so he could enter by the front door, stopping dead as soon as he was inside.

The whole office was swarming with foot-high, white-bearded little men and women, all chattering at once in surprisingly deep voices.

He looked questioningly at Ianto.

“Gnomes?”

“Yes, sir, the entire Cardiff population. Apparently they’ve had a very nice visit, but they’d like to go Gnome now,” he smirked.

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto should have known a romantic weekend away with Jack at a hotel famous for their waterbeds was a recipe for disaster.

The first night was heaven. So was much of the first day, actually. Ianto found himself twisted into positions he never would have imagined possible, perfectly supported by the water filled mattress and was so inspired, he tested Jack’s flexibility to its limits too.

Everything was going swimmingly; a poor choice of words, in retrospect.

Jack’s ever-present Vortex Manipulator must have caught on the mattress, because suddenly they were sinking as water fountained over them.

Ianto groaned. “Fuck!”

The End

Chapter Text

Jack glanced at the clock. He’d been checking the time every few seconds since he’d left Ianto finishing up with Suzie in the morgue. Ten minutes had never seemed more like an eternity.

As soon as he’d reached the main Hub, he’d ordered everyone home. The events of the day had been so unsettling that even Tosh didn’t argue, gathering her things with one hand while turning off her computers with the other as if she couldn’t wait to escape.

Owen followed Gwen out, muttering that he needed a drink.

Jack checked the clock again. Still three minutes to go…

The End

Chapter Text

Owen stared in horror. The lid had somehow come off the specimen jar and, predictably, its erstwhile contents were nowhere in sight.

“Crap! That’s all I need! I’ll be looking for the little bugger for the rest of the day,” he groaned.

A thorough search of the autopsy bay proved fruitless. Honestly, how could something that small move so fast?

Owen sighed heavily. He would have to extend his search, and that meant telling the others. Not an appealing thought. There was no choice though; they couldn’t let it escape.

“Guys? We have a problem. I’ve lost the Peruvian Wart.”

TBC in ‘If You’re Not Careful’

Chapter Text

“How the hell did that happen?” Jack was definitely not pleased.

“I don’t know! The lid was off its jar.”

“We can figure that out later,” Ianto reminded them, “Right now we just need to find it fast, preferably before it selects a host and latches on. Whatever you do, don’t let it come into contact with bare skin.”

“Yeah, I don’t want to try removing it if it attaches to one of you and starts reproducing!” Owen shuddered. “You’d probably be stuck with it permanently.”

The look of disgust on Jack’s face would have been funny in other circumstances.

TBC in ‘An Apple A Day’

Chapter Text

Donning gloves and tucking trouser legs into socks, they began their search, armed with scanners for detecting the missing Wart and forceps for safe retrieval.

“When we find it, I want it destroyed,” Jack ordered.

Owen wasn’t inclined to protest. It was proving more trouble than it was worth trying to study it.

So no one complained when Ianto, spotting it scuttling across the floor, took it out with a well-aimed apple off Gwen’s desk.

“You know the saying, ‘An apple a day keeps the Wart away’.”

“I thought it was Doctor, not Wart,” said Tosh.

Ianto shrugged. “Same difference.”

The End

Chapter Text

They’d been captured by invading aliens. Again. Funny how that kept happening, Ianto mused.

Bound and gagged, they were locked up. In a tool shed.

Incompetent aliens then. Hadn’t even taken their weapons. Ianto would have rolled his eyes, but it wasn’t worth the effort.

It was the work of moments to find suitable tools, cut themselves free, then take the door off its hinges and escape. Jack was impressed with his ingenuity and promised suitable rewards. Later. They had an invasion to prevent first.

Which proved woefully easy.

The aliens, shocked that they’d escaped, promptly surrendered.

Another crisis averted.

The End

Chapter Text

As potential new recruits went, Harry Randolph didn’t get off to a good start.

At his first sight of Myfanwy, he shrieked like a girl and leapt into Owen’s arms, much to everyone else’s amusement.

He didn’t endear himself to Ianto either, loudly announcing that coffee was as bad as any drug and he’d only drink herbal tea or water. His strict diet meant he didn’t eat junk food either.

To cap it all, he passed out while observing an alien autopsy and cracked his head open.

At least the head injury provided the perfect explanation for his memory loss.

The End

Chapter Text

Their first date hadn’t exactly gone to plan.

Jack had booked a table at a lovely restaurant, then they’d been late because he’d gone the wrong way down a one-way street and been stopped by the police.

Then Jack knocked the candle over and set fire to their table, making things worse when he tried to put it out with the brandy he’d grabbed from a passing waiter.

As they walked back to the car, Jack mumbled, “I wanted it to be romantic.”

Ianto stared at him, then burst out laughing.

“Romantic? No. Unforgettable? Definitely. It’s the thought that counts!”

The End

Chapter Text

Sprawled on the grass, Ianto and Lisa enjoyed their weekend away. Lisa closed her eyes against the sunshine, smiling; Ianto had never seen anyone so perfect.

“What’re you thinking?”

“Just daydreaming.”

“About?”

“Our life after we’re married.”

Ianto chuckled. “I haven’t even proposed yet! Tell me.”

“We’ll have two kids, a boy and a girl, Michael and Lauren.”

“Don’t I get a say in their names?”

“Nope! You’d pick something Welsh that I can’t pronounce!”

“We’ve got all the time in the world to think about our future. Let’s just enjoy today.”

A week later, they ran out of time.

The End

Chapter Text

“Jack, one of the new Weevils is pregnant,” Owen announced, relishing being the bearer of less than joyful news.

Jack looked more than a little surprised.

“Are you sure? I thought you told me you didn’t know how Weevils reproduced.”

“Well, yeah, I said that, but only because I’d never seen a pregnant Weevil. None of the Weevils I’d studied had any reproductive organs, but this one does.”

“Which one is it?”

“The one you named Brad.”

“Ah. Guess I’d better rename her.”

“What would you call a baby Weevil?” mused Ianto. “A Weevlet? Weevling?”

“I’m thinking Fred,” said Jack.

The End

Chapter Text

Overhearing an odd conversation between Jack and Ianto had Gwen puzzled.

“I like Millie for a girl,” Ianto commented thoughtfully.

“How about Oscar for a boy?” Jack replied.

“Hmmm, okay. Or Oliver, Ollie for short.”

“No, I knew an Ollie once, he was an idiot.”

“How about Jasper then?”

“I like that. Maggie?”

“No way. I dated a Maggie once. She dumped me.”

Frowning, Gwen hurried over to Owen.

“Jack and Ianto are discussing baby names. Is Jack pregnant?”

Owen snorted. “Hardly. They’ve been arguing all morning over what to name their kitten and they haven’t even got one yet.”

The End

Chapter Text

Leaning on the railings, Ianto stared across the bay, wind ruffling his hair.

He shivered. Sometimes he felt like one of those boats out on the water, tossed relentlessly by storms, adrift, going where he was driven with no will of his own. It scared him. His life revolved around Torchwood and sometimes he wasn’t sure who he was anymore.

Warm, strong arms enveloped him from behind; soft lips brushed his cheek.

He closed his eyes and sighed, leaning into the embrace, anchored once more in the safe harbour that was Jack, knowing whatever happened, he wouldn’t face it alone.

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto poked his head into Jack’s office.

“Jack?”

“Mmf?” Jack replied, chewing vigorously.

“I’m just popping out to the shops. Anything you need?”

“Ffffumph mmmf mmfff fffff?”

Ianto rolled his eyes as chocolate dribbled from the corner of Jack’s mouth.

“I can’t understand a word you’re saying.”

Jack waved an empty bag at him.

“Mmmmmfff?”

Looking at it, Ianto raised his eyebrows.

“You’ve eaten them already?”

Jack gestured at his mouth.

“You know you’re not supposed to stick a whole Mars bar in your mouth at once, right?”

Jack looked sheepish.

“Mph.”

Ianto sighed. Jack’s pregnancy cravings were seriously odd.

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto winced as he watched Jack cram an entire Mars bar smothered with marmalade into his mouth.

Jack just gave a muffled groan of pleasure and started chewing, a blissful expression on his face.

“If you’re not careful, you’ll choke. Can’t you just bite bits off?”

Jack looked apologetic as he finally managed to swallow the last of his treat.

“They don’t taste right if I don’t eat them whole,” he explained.

Ianto sighed wearily.

“Your cravings are going to be the death of me!”

Jack gazed at him mournfully until Ianto kissed him.

“Don’t worry, I’ll figure something out.”

TBC in ‘Constant Cravings’

Chapter Text

“Getting those for Halloween?” the cashier asked as Ianto piled two dozen bags of fun-sized Mars Bars on the checkout.

Ianto sighed heavily, shaking his head.

“Pregnancy cravings.”

The cashier frowned.

“Aren’t you with that dashing American bloke?”

“I am. Friend of ours offered to be our surrogate.”

He emptied his trolley: six jars of marmalade, six of pickled onions, four tubs of strawberry ice cream, a steak pie and a bag of frozen chips.

“Now it’s Mars Bars and marmalade all day, pickled onions and ice cream for supper.” He grinned ruefully. “The pie and chips are for me.”

TBC in ‘Craving Dangers Solved’

Chapter Text

Ianto watched Jack smother a mini Mars bar with marmalade before stuffing it in his mouth and chewing experimentally.

“How does it taste?”

A brilliant smile lit up Jack’s face.

“Perfect! Even better than the big ones!” He pulled Ianto in for a strange tasting kiss. “You’re a genius, Ianto Jones, I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He wiped away a few tears as the pregnancy hormones kicked in, then unwrapped another Mars bar.

Ianto smiled. Jack was happy, and the mini Mars bars were less of a choking hazard.

Perhaps they’d both survive this pregnancy after all.

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto ran through the dimly lit Hub, fleeing his pursuer, breathless but keeping far enough ahead to be out of immediate danger.

Ducking around a corner and up a flight of stairs, he took a second to check his weapon; as he’d suspected, he was out of ammunition. He had to keep moving, find somewhere to reload. His pursuer had him at a disadvantage.

Down a corridor, round another corner… Damn, he’d run right into a trap!

His pursuer fired, hitting him squarely, then fired again.

Ianto stood dripping, glaring at Jack.

“Cheat! You should only have one water pistol!”

The End

Chapter Text

Breathing hard, heart pounding in her chest, Tosh stumbled on through the woods.

The uneven ground, littered with roots and fallen branches, was treacherous in the darkness and having her hands tied behind her back threw her balance off, but she couldn’t stop, didn’t dare look back. He was behind her somewhere, that evil man with his crazy eyes and sharp knife, intent on butchering her.

She was already exhausted, but Ianto was alone back there. He’d risked everything giving her this chance to escape. She couldn’t let him down.

Keep going; find Jack, save Ianto. Nothing else mattered now.

The End

Chapter Text

Jack was buying breakfast when he spotted a familiar figure running through the nearby park. Abandoning his plans, he set off in pursuit, ready to lend whatever assistance was needed, finally catching up when Ianto slowed to a stop.

“I don’t see anything. What happened, did we lose it?”

Ianto looked puzzled.

“Lose what?”

“Whatever it was you were chasing.”

“I wasn’t chasing anything.”

“But you were running.”

“It’s called jogging, Jack. I do it to keep fit.”

“Oh. Well, I can think of a better way to get all sweaty.”

Ianto rolled his eyes, smirking.

“Of course you can.”

The End

Chapter Text

“Take Gray, keep him safe.”

There was no more time left for arguing, nothing he could do but obey his father. Gripping Gray’s hand in his own, he ran, dragging his little brother behind him, the hot sand dragging at their feet and slowing them just when they needed every ounce of speed they could muster.

Stumbling onwards, struggling to keep going despite the treacherous footing, he didn’t notice Gray fall, didn’t register the loss of the small hand he’d been holding. Not until he reached the edge of the beach did he realise that he’d failed.

Gray was gone.

The End

Chapter Text

Arriving back in the Hub with the latest bit of flotsam tossed out by the Rift, Jack and Owen dumped it on Tosh’s desk.

“What is it?” Gwen asked, leaning over Owen’s shoulder to peer at the object.

“From the shape, I’d say it’s Caffronian,” Jack replied. “Look at the flanges.”

“I don’t think so,” Tosh disagreed, “It looks more like one of those cooking devices from the Riffix Nebula.”

Ianto strolled over with coffee for everyone. Picking the object up, he turned it over, examining it carefully.

“You’re both wrong,” he smirked, “Says right here, ‘Made in the USA’.”

The End

A/N: Song title used is ‘Made in the USA’

Chapter Text

Ianto stared at the CCTV footage; there was no escaping the truth. Jack had left of his own free will, haring off to be with his Doctor, not a thought for his team.

‘Not a thought for me either, I didn’t even rate a goodbye. Owen was right; I was just the part time shag, filling in until Jack’s Doctor showed up.’

He hadn’t expected commitment or monogamy, but still, seeing the joy on Jack’s face was like a knife to his heart.

Jack was gone and Ianto couldn’t think of a single reason for him to ever come back.

The End

Chapter Text

A loud sneeze echoed around Jack’s office.

“Bless you.”

“Thag you,” Ianto replied with what little dignity he could muster.

Jack tried not to laugh.

Ianto’s cold was the result of an unplanned swim in the Taff, courtesy of a rampaging Hoix. Being a strong swimmer, he’d hauled himself out easily enough, but the chill water and even chillier wind had combined to lower his defences. Now here he sat, bundled in a duvet on Jack’s couch, with a nose that resembled Rudolph’s in all its scarlet glory.

Jack was staring intently at it.

“What?”

“Your nose matches your shirt.”

The End

Chapter Text

Yesterday, he thought his girlfriend was special ops; today he’d learned the truth. Gwennie worked for Torchwood, catching aliens! Rhys felt like his entire world had been turned upside down. It was… bloody brilliant, if he was honest. Well, apart from the bullet wound; could have done without that

Aliens were real, and he’d seen one! A bloody great space whale, no less. Poor thing hadn’t had a good time on earth though, butchered alive like that. Rhys hoped he hadn’t eaten any of it. It was almost enough to put a man off meat.

Shame he couldn’t tell anybody.

The End

Chapter Text

Jack flung open the curtains of his and Ianto’s bedroom and stared out the window. Everywhere was a fairyland of winter white, with big, fat, fluffy flakes drifting endlessly down. It was quite hypnotic.

Smiling, he stood watching the snow. Even after all this time it amazed him. He’d grown up in an arid, desert climate; never saw snow until he left Boeshane.

Ianto stirred in the bed behind him, drawing Jack’s attention away from the window.

“Rise and shine, gorgeous! Better bundle up, looks like sweater weather today!”

Ianto groaned and burrowed deeper beneath the covers.

“I hate winter.”

The End

Chapter Text

Tommy was scared.

He didn’t want to go back to 1918, knew he’d be sent back to the front and he couldn’t do that again.

Tosh said they were counting on him, that only he could save the world and all of time, save everyone.

She called him her brave, handsome hero, but he didn’t feel brave, didn’t want to be a hero. He just wanted to stay here, in the future, with her. Why did it have to be him?

But if it wasn’t him, he wouldn’t be here now, would never have met the beautiful Toshiko.

“Take me.”

The End

Chapter Text

Red. Without a doubt, it was Jack’s favourite colour on Ianto.

He looked gorgeous no matter what he wore; whether in jeans or a suit he was always immaculately turned out. But red was definitely his colour. Whenever he wore one of his red shirts Ianto looked so stunning Jack could hardly take his eyes off him.

But however good he looked in his clothes, there was no doubt in Jack’s mind that Ianto Jones looked best like this: naked, sweaty and sated, sprawled bonelessly across the deep red sheets of their bed in the afterglow of their lovemaking.

Perfection.

The End

Chapter Text

Lisa was dead, callously murdered.

Except that hadn’t been Lisa. Not because she’d stolen another woman’s body, but because not even her mind had been her own by then.

When had that changed? When had Lisa ceased being the woman he’d loved? When had she stopped fighting, fallen to the cybermind?

After Tanizaki helped her breathe on her own? Before? Had there even been anything left of her once the conversion began?

Ianto didn’t know.

One thing was certain; it hadn’t been Lisa rampaging through the Hub, but the thing that killed her.

He understood.

Not murder.

Neutralising a threat.

The End

Chapter Text

There were times Tosh loved Owen so much that her heart would pound if he so much as looked at her.

Times when he could be so sweet and thoughtful that for a while she could actually believe he cared for her.

Then there were the times when he was dismissive, rude, crude and downright spiteful. When he seemed to take perverse delight in hurting her.

Times she hated him so much that she had to resist the temptation to shoot him.

Most of the time she just wished she could settle on one emotion. The Love/Hate thing was exhausting.

The End

Chapter Text

Ninety years married and Ianto looks just as gorgeous now as the day they wed. Sometimes Jack still can’t believe how lucky he is.

It’s not all perfect. They have their fights, like any other couple. Sometimes Jack sleeps on the couch and gets served decaf. Sometimes Ianto gets snapped at or given the silent treatment.

They can never remain angry for long though. Doesn’t matter who makes the first move; one of them will, because there’s no one else for either of them. Never will be.

Jack’s no longer afraid of living forever, now that he’s found true love.

The End

Chapter Text

It had been a slow day at Nosewood, but now alarms were blaring.

Captain Fluff slithered from its office to see what was happening.

“Captain, something’s come through the Rift,” exclaimed Toshiko, “I’ve traced it to Splott.”

The Captain hummed approvingly, rallying its team to investigate.

OoOoOoO

A Very Bad Alien had come through. The team were brave, but the Captain knew it must deal with this threat by itself, to protect them!

Slithering silently up a tree, it dropped on the alien, coiling tightly around it until it was completely squished.

Everyone cheered. “Once again, Captain Fluff saves the world!”

The End

Chapter Text

Jack found Ianto leaning on the railing outside his office, staring intently at something, a puzzled expression on his face.

“What’re you looking at?”

“Nosy.”

“Oh. Why?”

“Well, when we found it in all that dead bracken…”

“When you stepped on it you mean.”

“Whatever. It was really well camouflaged, rusty brown with a few green bits, just like the bracken it was hiding in.”

“What’s your point?”

“Is it just me or does it look a whole lot greener now?”

Jack took a long look at Nosy, who was mooching about the Hub.

“Huh, now that you mention it…”

TBC in ‘A Brighter Shade Of Green’

Chapter Text

Still puzzling over Nosy’s colour change, Ianto turned to Jack.

“Maybe it blends into its surroundings, like a chameleon.”

Jack snorted. “It’s getting greener by the day! Unless it’s planning on spending its entire life in the hothouse, which I doubt, it’s going to be highly visible in here.” He gestured to indicate the complete absence of anything remotely green around them.

“Well, maybe it doesn’t feel the need to hide now so it’s reverting to its natural colour.”

“Maybe it’d faded due to poor diet,” suggested Owen, joining them.

“Is that possible?”

Owen shrugged.

“Good an explanation as any.”

A/N: This was going to be the end, but then I read everyone’s comments on the first part and I couldn’t resist writing just one more.

TBC in ‘It’s Good To Be Green’

Chapter Text

The team sat around the boardroom table, discussing Nosy’s colour change.

“Okay, what theories do we have?” Jack asked.

“It changes colour at will for camouflage.” Ianto was sticking with his original idea.

“Faded due to poor diet.” So was Owen.

“It fades in sunlight?” suggested Andy.

“In Wales?” Ianto’s eyebrows were getting a good workout.

“Maybe it’s moulting,” said Tosh.

“Doesn’t seem to be,” Mickey grinned. “I’m sure Ianto would’ve noticed.”

“It likes Sesame Street; maybe it’s copying Kermit,” Gwen giggled.

Under the table, Nosy listened, amused.

‘Green shows up. I don’t get stepped on,’ it thought with satisfaction.

The End

Chapter Text

Returning to the main Hub, Ianto tugged his overalls off and collapsed on the sofa with a groan, wiping his soot-streaked forehead with the back of one hand.

“How’s it looking down there?” Jack asked, handing him a bottle of water.

Ianto shuddered.

“Not good, the alien mould’s spreading fast. The flamethrowers are keeping it confined to level nine for now, but we can’t hold it off indefinitely. If Owen doesn’t come up with something to kill it soon, the whole Hub will be green and fuzzy by the end of next week. Imagine what that’ll do to the archives!”

TBC in ‘You Solve One Problem…’

Chapter Text

After thirty-six hours of fighting the encroaching mould, Owen finally had something he thought would work.

Thankfully the ventilation system for the lower levels was independent from the Hub’s main air-conditioning and had already been shut down to prevent the mould spreading through the ducts. Now they just had to flood the affected areas with herbicidal gas and that should fix the problem.

And it did. Sort of.

Staring at the resulting thick black slime, Ianto despaired.

Jack patted his shoulder sympathetically.

“Look on the bright side! At least now you don’t have to worry about your archives going green!”

The End

Chapter Text

“So,” ventured Jack, trying to get back into Ianto’s good graces after apparently insulting his teddy bear, “why’s this bear so important to you?”

“My grandparents gave him to me when I was born. He was my first friend and my confidante when I was growing up. I told him all my secrets. Didn’t you have anything like that when you were little?”

“No, not really.”

“I can’t imagine that. Everyone needs a teddy bear.”

“I don’t, I have you; you’re much better for cuddling.” He pulled Ianto into a bear hug.

“Daft sod,” muttered Ianto.

But he hugged back.

The End

Chapter Text

It was late at night and Jack was lonely. Ianto would be in London for three more days and somehow their bed seemed far too big without his Welshman to snuggle up to.

It wasn’t even the sex he was missing, just the companionship and having someone beside him if he woke in the night. Jack never used to have trouble sleeping alone, but being with Ianto had changed all that.

OoOoOoOoO

The next night, Jack found a solution.

“I think I finally understand about teddy bears,” he confided, snuggling up to the warm body beside him.

Nosy hummed in agreement.

The End

Chapter Text

“Why am I doing this again?” asked Jack irritably.

“Because you’re infiltrating a costume party and you’re the only one the suit will fit,” Tosh replied, showing remarkable patience considering how many times she’d already answered the question.

“I know that, but why am I a teddy bear? It’s not exactly sexy. It’ll ruin my image!”

“You’re a bear because that’s all that was available. Anyway,” Ianto added brightly, “no one will recognise you and you can easily conceal the object once you find it. I think you look rather huggable.”

“Really? You can hug me anytime!”

“Perverts,” muttered Owen.

The End

Chapter Text

“They’re not actually teddy bears,” Jack explained to his team in a low voice, “they just look similar.”

Truthfully, the creatures really did resemble oversized stuffed toy bears. There were around seventy of them, all shades of brown and grey, sitting in a circle in a woodland clearing.

“Are they having a picnic?” Gwen asked in an awed whisper.

“Clan gathering,” Jack replied. “Every year they choose a neutral planet and the clan leaders gather for a meeting; set up trade, exchange news, elect new leaders, that kind of thing. Don’t worry, they’re peaceful folk. By morning they’ll be gone.”

The End

Chapter Text

Their voices were growly but good-natured and they greeted the Torchwood team warmly, inviting them to join the Gathering. Jack accepted on everyone’s behalf and they soon found themselves seated between various bears, being offered food and fruit juice.

It was a merry affair, casual and relaxed, business deals being set up between small groups in between general announcements.

As the sun set, the entertainment began, singing and dancing and the telling of stories, which lasted until the sun rose the next morning and the weary bears teleported back to their orbiting ships.

Equally weary but happy, Torchwood headed home.

The End

Chapter Text

Arriving at the site of the latest rift alert, the team weren’t especially surprised to find a small, brown teddy bear with a sign around its neck reading ‘Please look after this bear.’

“How many is that now?” asked Owen.

“Seventeen,” Ianto replied. “I’m starting to think the rift has a rather peculiar sense of humour.”

“At least they’re not dangerous,” said Tosh, picking the bear up.

“Maybe Cardiff is hosting an intergalactic teddy bear convention,” Owen suggested.

Ianto rolled his eyes. “Maybe you’re a few bears short of a picnic.”

Owen grabbed the bear and threw it at him.

The End

Chapter Text

Scans and tests proved the bears to be completely normal, so once the Rift energy had dissipated, Ianto bagged them up and took them home.

Now he stood smiling in satisfaction at the results of his labours; fifty-three freshly laundered teddy bears, in various colours and sizes, hung on the washing line in his small backyard, swinging gently in the wind.

“So,” asked Jack, “what will you do with them now?”

“Thought I’d take them over to Tŷ Hafan once they’re dry and looking presentable. I’m sure they can find room for a few homeless bears.”

Jack nodded approval.

“Perfect.”

The End

Chapter Text

Curled on her couch, still hugging Ted, Tosh was woken by someone banging on her door.

Stumbling to her feet half asleep, she dried her face on her sleeve and opened the door. Owen stood there, looking awkward and uncertain.

“Owen, is everything alright?”

“I don’t know; is it? You took off so fast I didn’t get a chance to ask. After a day like today… I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You look like you could use a hug.”

She shrugged. “I have Ted.”

“Bears don’t hug back,” Owen said softly, hugging her, “but friends do.”

The End.

Chapter Text

“Calm down, Jack.” Ianto attempted to soothe his agitated lover. “Tosh assures me it’s not the costume; we’ll have you back to normal as soon as she figures out the tech you brought back.”

“Calm down? I’m a BEAR, Ianto! Bad enough I had to dress as one, but now I’m a walking, talking TEDDY BEAR! Why would I calm down?”

Jack waved his furry arms about, accidentally knocking Ianto over.

“Ow!”

“Sorry.” He bent to help Ianto up and… “Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.”

“You growl when you bend over!” sniggered Owen.

Bear-Jack glared.

“Next person who giggles is fired!”

Silence.

“That’s better.”

The End

Chapter Text

Jack approached Ianto, working busily at his computer.

“What’ya doing?”

“Researching my family tree.”

“On Boeshane, we had actual trees.”

Ianto looked up, intrigued.

“It was a desert world, trees were vital. Every family adopted one; watered and pruned it, hung tokens from it for those who’d died. Babies were taken to their family tree and a lock of their hair buried at its roots, binding child and tree together. Then on birthdays, we’d take gifts to our tree in thanks for surviving another year.”

Jack sounded wistful.

“Maybe we could plant a family tree,” Ianto suggested.

“I’d like that.”

The End

Chapter Text

“It wasn’t what you were thinking, you know.” Jack spoke quietly into the silence as he drove Ianto home from Gwen’s wedding.

“What wasn’t?” Ianto was drowsy from the long day and the champagne.

“My dance with Gwen. It had nothing to do with me fancying her, or regretting that she’d chosen Rhys. I wanted, no, needed her to marry Rhys. It was such a relief to get them both through their wedding in one piece.”

“You’re not entirely making sense. Which isn’t unusual…”

Jack stopped the SUV outside Ianto’s home.

“They don’t marry, I don’t exist. They’re my ancestors.”

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto stomped into the Hub, muttering under his breath, with Jack trailing along behind him.

“Ianto, calm down! It was a work related accident, Torchwood will pay for the repairs.”

“What happened?” Tosh asked, looking concerned.

“The Rift’s gone mental, that’s what! I think it has a grudge against me,” Ianto groaned, shoving his hands through his hair, making it stick up in all directions and dislodging bits of leaf.

“It’s not mental, just seasonal,” Jack explained, patting him comfortingly on the shoulder.

“Oh yeah? That’s no excuse for it to drop an entire bloody alien tree on my car!”

The End

Chapter Text

Back at Ianto’s car, the team surveyed the scene of devastation.

There were leaves and small branches scattered everywhere while a couple of larger branches were cracked and oozing. The main trunk lay half on the bonnet of Ianto’s car, half on the pavement.

Even as they watched, the tree stirred feebly. Owen was shocked.

“It’s alive!”

“It’s a tree, Owen, of course it’s alive. It’s also in pain. See if you can set its branches,” Jack snapped out.

“Never treated a tree before,” Owen muttered, setting to work.

“Think of it as just another displaced alien,” suggested Ianto.

“Right.”

OoOoOoOoO

The tree was a Rift victim just as surely as any alien plucked from its home and dumped on an unsuspecting Cardiff. This autumn, the Rift seemed particularly keen on botanical specimens, Ianto mused, although at twelve feet tall, it was the largest so far.

They hauled it back to the Hub where it was temporarily planted beside the Rift pool so that Owen could treat its damaged branches. Despite complaining he was a doctor, not a botanist, he worked hard splinting its limbs to help them heal. It would recover, though the chances of sending it home were remote.

TBC in ‘Tree-Homing’

Chapter Text

Autumn was in full swing, leaves turning glorious colours before falling from the native earth trees, by the time the alien tree was fully recovered.

Despite his earlier protestations, Owen had thrown himself into caring for it; the alien plants in the hothouse were his responsibility so why not a tree? Besides, it was a living thing and Owen was, above all, a healer.

“What happens to it now?” he asked Jack, “It’s too big to stay in the Hub permanently.”

“Torchwood owns Flat Holm Island in the bay, we’ll plant it there.”

So they did, and there it remains.

The End

Chapter Text

The Weevil they were hunting led them a merry chase before disappearing down an open manhole. It hadn’t harmed anyone, so they’d let it go; maybe it had just wanted a romp in the autumn air.

Which left Jack and Ianto a couple of miles from the SUV, trekking back through Bute Park in the early hours. The huge pile of fallen leaves they’d come across was just too tempting.

With no one around to see, they grinned at each other and dived in, tossing leaves around with abandon, filling the air with laughter.

Some immortals just never grow up!

The End

Chapter Text

Jack was apparently capable of causing offence wherever they went.

“I demand a duel to the death,” hissed the orange skinned alien. “Name your second.”

“What are seconds?” Ianto murmured to Jack.

“They remove the dead body of the loser.”

“Ah.” Ianto stepped forward, “I’m his second. Jones.”

“Very well. I choose Chialabanch.”

A small alien stepped from the crowd, looking nervous.

“Are we ready?” Jack’s grin was a mile wide.

OoOoOoO

The fight was brief and brutal. Jack died quickly and the seconds carried his body to their ship.

“Stop offending people,” Ianto grumbled as Jack revived.

“But it’s fun!”

The End

Chapter Text

Time has slowed to a crawl. Each second lasts an eternity, ticking past so achingly slowly Ianto feels he could go insane between one tick of the clock and the next.

Sixty seconds a minute, three thousand six hundred an hour, eighty six thousand four hundred a day and it’s only been two days, one hundred and seventy two thousand eight hundred seconds.

“You’re on suspension, four weeks,” Jack told him.

Ianto doesn’t know how he can stay sane for another two million three hundred and thirty two thousand eight hundred seconds, or if he even wants to.

Lisa’s dead.

The End

Chapter Text

Having Rhys join Torchwood and take over some of Ianto’s more mundane daily tasks, namely the cleaning and providing of food, was proving to be something of a mixed blessing.

On the one hand, it meant Ianto had more time for his other duties; fieldwork, maintaining the archives, tending to Jack…

On the other hand…

“Anyone for seconds?” Rhys asked jovially, his question immediately answered by a sea of raised hands.

“Bloody hell,” muttered Owen. “If we keep eating like this we’ll all be too fat to chase aliens!”

But he dug into his second slice of lemon cheesecake anyway.

The End

Chapter Text

Nothing exists in the dark place; not sound, not light. Not time. It’s oppressive, an absence of everything, even of self. It should feel suffocating but with no physical form, breathing isn’t required.

He’s nothing, surrounded by nothingness, existing (if something that is nothing can be said to exist) in a timeless no-place.

Frozen between heartbeats, he waits until…

With shocking suddenness he’s dragged from the dark, his first breath tearing his lungs, infinitely more painful than birth, and time re-starts; seconds ticking into minutes ticking into hours.

Death cannot hold him.

Jack’s never sure if he’s relieved or disappointed.

The End

Chapter Text

Slumped against a grimy wall in a rain-drenched, litter-strewn Cardiff alleyway, Ianto cradled Jack’s dead body in his arms.

At least there was no blood this time.

Jack had been killed by an alien wielding some sort of energy weapon; the creature responsible lay a few yards away, a neat hole in the centre of its forehead. Ianto had shot it just seconds too late to prevent Jack’s death.

Now he could do nothing but wait in the cold and the dark for Jack to gasp back into life.

Eyes closed, Ianto prayed his lover would return to him soon.

The End

Chapter Text

Jack clapped his hands together, making the butterfly on Tosh’s head flutter a little.

“Okay, boys and girls, gear up, we have an unknown but sizeable object to retrieve!”

He glanced at Tosh.

“Sorry, Tosh, looks like you’ll have to sit this one out. Direct us from here and keep us informed.” Turning away, he called out, “Mickey, we don’t know exactly how big this thing is so you’d better bring the van.”

Tosh sat and watched the team head for the garage, then turned to look at the butterfly reflected in her monitor.

“Well, just you and me now.”

TBC in ‘Reflective Butterfly’

Chapter Text

Between one second and the next, Jack jolted back into life, gasping for breath and clutching at Ianto like a drowning man.

“It’s okay, Jack, I’ve got you,” Ianto murmured in his lover’s ear.

“Ianto, you’re alright! Was scared you’d be killed too, didn’t have time to warn you.”

“I saw everything, dealt with the alien before it knew I was there.”

Jack breathed a sigh of relief, squirming around to face Ianto; the next few minutes were spent in very pleasurable kissing and groping as Jack checked for himself that all Ianto’s parts were attached and in working order.

OoOoOoOoO

Separating to catch their breath, Ianto leant his forehead against Jack’s and just breathed in his scent for a few seconds before finally pulling away.

The rain was coming down ever harder and they were now half-laying in a rapidly expanding puddle of freezing water, soaked to their skins. Funny how he hadn’t noticed that until just now.

“As pleasurable as this is, we should probably clean up the evidence,” Ianto gestured at the dead alien, “and get back to the Hub before we drown.”

Reluctantly, Jack let him go.

“You’re right. Work before pleasure. Later though?”

“Count on it.”

Definitely The End

Chapter Text

In vino veritas. In wine there is truth. Maybe that’s so, but not this time.

One little pill dropped in each glass and all this wine would hold was forgetfulness.

It was better that way. These were just ordinary people; they knew nothing of Torchwood and aliens before today. No one should have to live with the memory of homicidal, shape-shifting monsters on a day when the worst that should happen is a few guests drinking too much and getting a bit rowdy.

Tomorrow they would remember the perfect wedding; Tosh’s technical wizardry would ensure they had photos to match.

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto swigged from the wine glass and continued the tale of his doomed romance with Emily Hughes when they were eight.

“Then her mam caught us playing doctor in Em’s Wendy house; dragged me home by my ear. We were never allowed to play together again,” he finished gloomily. “Don’t know what she was so mad at though, Em still had her knickers on,” he added indignantly.

Jack wiped tears of laughter from his eyes.

“You should get drunk more often. Wine loosens your tongue.”

“What’re you talking about? I’m not drunk.” Ianto brandished his glass. “This is cranberry juice.”

The End

Chapter Text

“I love Owen,” Tosh confided in Ianto rather loudly, “but I have noooo idea why. He looks like a frog and he’s such a bastard! Sleeps with different women every night. He’s a… he’s a cad! I hate him!”

She threw her arms up in the air and nearly dumped the contents of her wine glass over her head. Ianto quickly took it away from her.

“Why doesn’t he want me, Ianto? Aren’t I pretty enough?”

“Owen’s an idiot. He’s not good enough for you.”

Tosh squinted myopically at her friend in awe.

“It’s true, you really do know ever’thing!”

The End

Chapter Text

The romantic, candlelit dinner for two had been Jack’s idea. He set the table, lit candles, chilled wine; everything looked perfect.

With Ianto seated across from him, gorgeous in dark suit and red shirt, Jack served the starter. He smiled at Ianto, reaching to take his lover’s hand, when suddenly a fluffy head popped out from under the table and stole the avocado right off Jack’s plate.

Ianto almost fell off his chair laughing at the look on his captain’s face. Jack was speechless; mouth open, eyes comically wide with shock.

“Don’t worry, cariad,” he chuckled, “you can share mine.”

OoOoOoOoO

Some weeks later, after being run off their feet for several very long days, Jack and Ianto had sent the others home and settled down to watch a movie.

Ianto was nursing multiple bruises and a sprained wrist following a disastrous encounter with large and clumsy aliens, so Jack was intent on pampering him. Thoroughly enjoying all the attention, Ianto was snuggling close to Jack and hoping for a bit of post-movie fun.

Right up until a certain Fluff decided it wanted to watch the movie too and draped itself across their laps.

‘Sometimes,’ Ianto mused, ‘you just can’t win!’

The End

Chapter Text

The team returned to a Hub in chaos and a very harassed looking Ianto.

“What happened?” Jack asked, looking shocked, “and what’s that all over the floor?” He gestured at pools of purple liquid splattered about.

“It’s wine of some sort, probably alien,” Ianto replied. “A vat appeared on the Plas and exploded when I was bringing it down on the invisible lift. Unfortunately, someone got to it before I could clean up.”

They heard a loud “Hic!” and watched as a very sticky purple Nosy slithered erratically past them.

“Do Fluffs get hangovers?” asked Owen

“God, I hope not!”

The End

Chapter Text

Bathing a drunken Fluff had been an experience, but between them they’d managed to wash most of the wine off. There were some stains, mostly underneath where it had really soaked in, lending Nosy a purplish tinge but overall it wasn’t too bad.

Now though, Nosy was looking decidedly sorry for itself, lying limply by the sofa with an ice pack balanced on its head.

Owen sympathised, he’d been there only too often.

“Let that be a lesson to you,” he said, injecting Nosy with a hangover cure. “Too much wine isn’t good for you so don’t lay in it.”

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto spent his 17th birthday up a tree. This wasn’t exactly unusual, at least not for Ianto, who spent a great deal of time up various trees. So much so, his sister Rhiannon said he must be part monkey.

There was a lot to be said for being up high, looking down on the world, especially if no one knew you were there.

Being up a tree was like being in a different world. It was peaceful, private, a good place for thinking and an even better place for spying, which was what Ianto was doing right at that moment.

A man stood a short distance away. Ianto had seen him before; tall, dark haired, gorgeous if you liked that sort of thing, and Ianto rather thought he did. Just looking at him made his skin tingle.

Maybe it was the coat, retro military. He wore it like it was as much a part of him as his blue eyes, white teeth and film-star smile. Made him look like the dashing hero in those war movies he watched with his dad at the Electra, back when he was a kid. Before dad lost the shop and turned to the bottle.

Ianto watched the man surreptitiously. He seemed to be waiting for someone, or something.

There was a communication device in his ear; he keep reaching up to touch it and speaking in a voice too low for Ianto to hear what he was saying.

Ianto wondered if he was some sort of secret agent, like James Bond. That would be so cool!

Suddenly, the man tensed, pulling a gun from a holster at his hip. Ianto’s eyes widened and he held his breath as the man took off at a run, coat flying out behind him like a superhero’s cape.

Ianto watched until the man was out of sight before slumping against the tree trunk, panting, unbelievably turned on by what he’d witnessed. There was something about the man that excited him in ways he’d never experienced before.

He liked girls, no doubt about that, and he was attracted to boys too, but this was different, stronger. He felt drawn to the man, like iron to a magnet.

Everything about him was perfect; his hair, that smile, the way he moved. That bloody glorious coat!

He was a mystery; Ianto didn’t even know his name, but someday, he’d find out.

The End

Chapter Text

It was Owen’s turn on night duty, so he’d come prepared.

Snacks, a handheld computer game for entertainment until bedtime, his iPod loaded with great music, and something else hidden at the bottom of his bag that he’d made sure no one else found out about.

The team had all gone home, Jack and Ianto were on a date and the Hub was quiet. Nosy slithered obediently into its bunk and Owen tucked it in.

“Ready for your bedtime story?”

Nosy hummed eagerly.

Owen pulled a book from his bag and settled down.

“Green Eggs and Ham, by Doctor Seuss…”

The End

Chapter Text

The bag of chocolates sitting beside the coffee machine looked so tempting; Gwen was sure no one would mind if she had one.

Popping it into her mouth, she delighted in the chocolate and the crispy inside. Checking to make sure there were plenty left, she took one more, crunching it up quickly.

“Morning, Gwen, I’ll have coffee ready shortly,” Ianto said breezing into the kitchenette. “Ah, that’s where I left them.” He picked up the bag. “Myfanwy, loves chocolate covered scorpions.”

Gwen’s eyes widened and her face paled.

“Scorpions?” she squeaked, then fled.

Ianto frowned.

“What’s up with her?”

The End

Chapter Text

Returning to the Hub after a weevil hunt turned out to be a hoax, the team came across a bustling farmers’ market.

Stalls displaying fresh fruit and veg vied with those selling fancy cheeses, handmade chocolates or preserves. One section was devoted to meat of all kinds, from beef to buffalo, chicken to ostrich. Sausages and burgers sizzled on barbecues, filling the air with mouth-watering aromas that made their stomachs growl.

Approaching a stall, Owen bought burgers, handing them out.

Gwen took hers dubiously.

“What is it?”

“Reindeer.”

“I can’t eat Rudolph!”

“Just kidding.”

“Oh.”

“It’s kangaroo.”

“Bastard!”

Owen smirked.

The End

Chapter Text

Setting a steaming mug down beside Tosh, Ianto held out a bag.

“Chocolate covered ant with your Weasel coffee?”

“Oooh, yes please!”

Tosh took one, biting into it.

“Mmmm, lovely. Have you tried the grasshoppers?”

“Yep. I prefer the ants though, they have a nuttier flavour.”

“I think I’ll try the salt and vinegar grasshoppers next time. I eat far too much chocolate.”

Ianto pulled a catalogue from his pocket and flipped through it.

“I’ll get some toasted ants then. Owen, care for an ant?”

“I’ll pass. You two are seriously weird,” Owen muttered.

Ianto shrugged.

“No sense of adventure.”

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto stared at the small group of aliens huddled together in the tourist office. They had endured an unimaginably long and perilous journey to reach Cardiff and now they stood before him, nervous yet hopeful that their quest had not been in vain.

“Let me get this straight. You travelled to Cardiff from the other end of the galaxy?”

Seven heads nodded in unison, round eyes blinking solemnly.

“Loooong way! Many danger. Much time pass.”

“All that way for…?”

“Great delicacy. We take back, we heroes, much praise, many females!”

“Wait here. I have to go shopping. For dog biscuits.”

The End

Chapter Text

“They wanted what?” Gwen asked, gaping.

“Dog biscuits. Bonio actually. They’re the ultimate delicacy on their world.” Ianto shrugged. “Don’t think much to them myself, rather dry. No accounting for taste though.”

“Wait a minute, you tried one?”

Ianto looked surprised. “Of course. How else would I find out what other biscuits they might like? Sent them home with an ample supply and some samples.”

“Hold on,” Jack butted in, “Who paid for this bounty?”

“They did. Used my credit card though, didn’t think the supermarket would accept their currency.” He held out several flawless sapphires.

“They’re welcome back anytime.”

The End

Chapter Text

Gwen had suggested another team bonding game.

“What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten? I’ve tried octopus. It was… rubbery.”

“I’ve had Rocky Mountain Oysters,” admitted Owen.

“What’s odd about oysters?” Gwen wondered.

“They’re not actual oysters, they’re deep fried bull testicles.”

“Oh. YUK!”

Owen sniggered.

“Tosh?”

“Roasted tarantula. It was good, quite crispy. What about you, Ianto?”

“Alligator. Tastes like chicken. Oh, and Witchetty Grubs.”

Looking disgusted, Gwen turned to Jack.

“I’m almost afraid to ask!”

“Dinosaur. No idea what kind though, they were pretty much pre-cooked after the asteroid hit.”

Ianto rolled his eyes.

“Should’ve guessed you’d win!”

The End

Chapter Text

The bag was pale purple leather, butter soft to the touch, and Tosh coveted it the moment she saw it in the exclusive little boutique. It was also wickedly expensive, and being the practical sort, Tosh just couldn’t justify spending so much.

That didn’t stop her pausing to gaze longingly at it whenever she passed the shop window.

Until, one day she paused to look and it was gone.

Smiling sadly, she returned to the Hub.

OoOoOoOoO

Weeks later…

“Happy Birthday, Tosh.”

Seeing the joy on her face as she opened his present, Owen decided it had been worth every penny.

The End

Chapter Text

Jack and Ianto lay on their backs in a sunny meadow, staring up at the sky, cloud watching.

They’d come out here on a Rift alert. Rather than sending the team, Jack had decided to handle it himself, with Ianto’s assistance.

All they’d found was harmless junk.

They should have gone straight back to the Hub, but the sunshine was too enticing, so…

Ianto pointed at a cloud.

“That one looks like a butterfly.”

“Oh yeah! That one over there could be a swan.”

“That is a swan, Jack!”

“Swans can fly?”

“How long have you been living on Earth?”

The End

Chapter Text

Jack sat quietly, watching the temporarily de-aged five-year-old Ianto drawing.

Ianto was concentrating hard, tip of tongue poking out and a little frown drawing his eyebrows together. He looked adorable.

“What are you drawing, pet?” asked Gwen, “Is it a duck? Why is it purple?”

Little Ianto rolled his eyes and replied with exaggerated patience, as if he were the adult and she the child.

“Not a duck, a swan. See the long neck? And it’s purple ‘cause swans are white but so is paper; if I drew it white it wouldn’t show up.”

Jack beamed.

“Can’t fault that logic!”

The End

Chapter Text

Jack pulled off the coast road just north of Dunnet. Headlights off, the only illumination came from moon and stars; silence reigned but for the soft susurrus of the sea.

Ianto gazed through the windscreen at the silvered seascape. He’d never been this far North, but Archie had needed help with a crashed spaceship so they’d driven up, leaving the rest of the team in Cardiff.

They’d been heading home; Ianto didn’t understand why they’d stopped until Jack pointed overhead. Curtains of scintillating light were shimmering across the heavens.

The Northern Lights

Ianto gasped, breathless at the sight.

“It’s incredible!”

The End

Chapter Text

The team were in costume for a Halloween party on the Plas.

“Why’s Teaboy wearing a purple curtain?” asked Owen, who was rather unimaginatively dressed as a doctor.

Ianto rolled his eyes, but it was Jack, dressed in a short white tunic and sandals, who answered.

“It’s called a trabea, Owen, a ceremonial toga worn only by the Emperor.” He placed a circlet of vine leaves on Ianto’s head to complete the outfit.

“Huh. So if Teaboy’s the Emperor, what does that make you?”

Jack winked lasciviously.

“Every Emperor needs a slave.”

“He gets to feed me grapes,” Ianto smirked.

The End

Chapter Text

Torchwood had been chasing an alien through Cardiff’s streets for what felt like half the night, and probably was. It had eluded them numerous times, despite Tosh directing them via CCTV.

That was probably due to it constantly changing shape so they never knew what they were looking for, Ianto reflected.

He and Owen finally cornered it by the lake in Bute Park, quickly netting it before it could escape again.

“How did you know that one was the alien shape-shifter?” Owen demanded.

Ianto gave him a withering look.

“Is your eyesight that bad? Swans don’t usually have three legs.”

TBC in ‘Illegal Alien’

Chapter Text

Jack couldn’t stop staring.

Ianto, his Ianto, sat before him astride a motorcycle, a vision in black and red leathers, eyebrow raised and a wicked smirk on that oh-so-tempting mouth.

“Whu?” Jack mentally shook himself and tried not to drool. A second attempt at speech was more successful. “Since when did you ride a motorcycle?”

“Since I was eighteen. Haven’t had one since London, but a friend was selling his, so… What do you think?”

Jack’s brain was mush. In his opinion, Ianto Jones was the sexiest being beneath the firmament, but all he could manage was a heartfelt “Guh!”

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto watched Jack showing off for the police, flirting and smiling the smile until they gave up, leaving the investigation to Torchwood.

“It’s all smoke and mirrors with you,” he observed, coming to stand beside his captain.

“What do you mean?”

“The Wizard of Oz hid behind a curtain to fool people into thinking he was some great and powerful being; you hide behind the coat and a flirty smile, playing the Big Damn Hero so people don’t see that you’re just like them. But I see you Jack, you don’t fool me.”

Jack looked into Ianto’s eyes.

“I know.”

The End

Chapter Text

Jack stared admiringly at Ianto’s outfit – deep red shirt, open halfway down his chest, matt black leather trousers that looked like they’d been painted on, and matching waistcoat. He looked good enough to eat. There was just one thing worrying Jack.

“You look positively sinful, but are you sure you can breathe wearing those?”

“Trust me, Jack,” Ianto purred, winking, “I can do a whole lot more in these than just breathe. They’re not as inflexible as they look.” With that he bent over and touched his toes to prove it.

Jack's jaw dropped and his brain left the building.

The End

Chapter Text

The alien, now in its natural form, sat forlornly in its cell.

“What do we do with it now?” Owen asked Jack.

“We find out what it's doing here, aside from pretending to be a native.”

“According to our records, it's a Flummel. They're peaceful scholars,” Ianto supplied.

“I did no harm,” the Flummel protested.

Jack frowned.

“Then why’d you run?”

“I am not authorized to visit your world.” It sounded sheepish.

“So you tried to hide.”

It nodded.

“Why a swan?” Owen demanded.

“They’re similar. I thought I would blend in.”

“And the third leg?” Ianto inquired.

“I miscounted.”

The End

Chapter Text

Headed back to the Hub, it took Owen a moment to realise Tosh wasn’t with him. Turning around, he spotted her looking into a shop window and trudged back to join her.

“You okay?”

”Hmmm?” She tore her gaze away from the purple leather handbag she was staring at. “I’m fine. We should get back.” She scurried off.

Owen glanced at the price tag, muttered “Ouch!” and followed, but he couldn’t get her wistful expression out of his head.

A week later, he exited the shop with a package and a significantly lighter wallet.

“Expense be damned, Tosh deserves it.”

The End

Chapter Text

The strap was old, its leather well worn and flexible where once it had been stiff and new, scuffed where it used to be shiny.

Back in his Time Agency days, and even after he turned rogue, it had been his ticket to adventure, all of time and space accessible at the touch of a few buttons. But not anymore; its circuits had burned out making the jump to Earth, leaving him marooned here, condemned to spending eternity in one place.

All he could do was stare at the heavens and pray that his Doctor would return for him soon.

The End

Chapter Text

Standing at the bedroom window, Gwen stared between the curtains at the deserted streets, hating herself.

She’d lied to Rhys. Again. Told him she was working, when in reality she was here, with Owen.

What was she turning into? She kept telling her colleagues how much she loved Rhys, hated having to deceive him about the true nature of her job, but now she was doing something far worse; betraying his trust.

As much as she hated it, lying about her job was a necessary evil. But this was wrong. She knew she should stop.

She just didn’t want to.

The End

Chapter Text

Growing up, Tosh considered herself dowdy and rather plain. Not that she minded, she knew her brains made up for what she lacked in looks. Boys, though, tended to be intimidated by her intelligence. She often thought if she were only prettier then maybe they wouldn’t mind that she was brainy.

Older and wiser now, she still lacked confidence. She wanted so badly for Owen to notice her, but how could she compete with Gwen on her wedding day?

Slipping into a purple dress, she turned to the mirror and gasped. The ugly duckling had miraculously transformed into a swan.

The End

Chapter Text

The sky was a bruised purple colour, indicating an approaching storm. Ianto threw back the curtains and stared out gloomily. The weather suited his mood.

He wished he could just go back to bed and hide from the world but that wasn’t an option. Since Jack disappeared, it was all hands on deck. Besides, the others couldn’t be trusted to clean up after themselves and no one else would think to feed Myfanwy and Janet.

He missed Jack.

With a heavy sigh he opened his wardrobe to select a suit. Time to don his armour for another day of work.

The End

Chapter Text

Stretched out on the SUV’s bonnet, leaning against the windscreen, Jack and Ianto looked to the heavens, taking in the splendour of the Aurora Borealis, one of the most captivating spectacles earth had to offer.

As curtains of light danced across the sky, Jack tightened his arm around Ianto’s shoulders.

“I was hoping we’d be lucky enough to see this while we were here,” he admitted softly, “I wanted to share it with you.”

Ianto squeezed his hand.

“It’s breathtaking, Jack, thank you.”

“Guess I can do romantic dates when I try,” Jack teased.

“Never doubted it for a second.”

TBC in Stargazing

Chapter Text

The light show had ended, but still Jack and Ianto lingered in the pre-dawn stillness, gazing at a sky filled with more stars than could ever be seen over Cardiff. Jack had long since memorised earth’s constellations and now he pointed them out to Ianto, though he suspected his lover already knew their names.

“That’s Cygnus, the swan. One constellation, dozens of stars. Earth’s astronomers are only just learning how to detect planets around distant stars, but they’re out there, millions of them.”

“Do you miss it? Travelling among the stars?”

“Sometimes. Someday we’ll visit them together.”

“I’d like that.”

TBC in ‘Homeward Bound’

Chapter Text

It’s raining again; Suzie likes it. Fewer people on the streets and they keep their heads down, hurrying home. It simplifies things.

Target selected, she follows him down an alleyway, reaching into her bag. Her fingers brush the glove and she smiles, grasping the knife that lies beside it and plunging it into an unsuspecting back.

Swapping leather glove for metal, she reaches for her victim’s head.

Suzie believes she’s helping people, learning to conquer death. But the glove is twined around her mind, whispering lies, obliterating the line between right and wrong. She thinks she’s in control.

She’s not.

The End

Chapter Text

Seeing inside Ianto’s flat for the first time came as a shock to Jack, though in retrospect it shouldn’t have. All Ianto’s time and resources had been poured into caring for Lisa when he wasn’t working, and sometimes even when he was. The flat was simply a place to keep things and to shower. Calling it Spartan was an understatement.

A sleeping bag on the bare floor, a radio, crates to sit on, boxes everywhere. There was no furniture whatsoever and the bare minimum in the kitchen, just enough for one person.

“Let me help you make this place home.”

The End

Chapter Text

They stayed up all night, first watching the Aurora, then stargazing, and finally watching the sun rise in a cloudless summer sky. Ianto said it was the most romantic and magical night he’d ever known; Jack had excelled himself.

Driving down the motorway, remembering Ianto’s words and the smile on his face as they’d lingered over breakfast in a small village café, Jack was filled with a warm glow.

Glancing across at his lover, fast asleep in the passenger seat, he smiled softly.

Whatever the future held, Jack knew there was no one he’d rather share it with than Ianto.

The End

Chapter Text

“Sorry to call you boys in on your night off,” Gwen apologised, “but I don’t think I can handle this by myself. Whatever came through the Rift is alive and pretty big.”

“It’s fine, Gwen, Ianto and I were just having a quickie at the café on the Plas,” Jack explained airily.

Gwen’s eyes widened comically as she stared at them, face turning scarlet.

Ianto rolled his eyes.

“Quiche, Jack. How many times do I have to tell you it’s pronounced quiche?”

“I like my name better,” Jack smirked.

“You just like shocking people to see their reaction.”

“That too.”

The End

Chapter Text

Owen glared at the thing.

“How come we never get anything good?”

Peering over Owen’s shoulder, Jack laughed delightedly.

“That’s not just good, it’s brilliant!”

“You know what it is?”

“Yep. It’s a sexbot!”

“WHAT? But it has tentacles! And suckers! And what are those disgusting wiggly bits in the middle?”

“I never said it was a sexbot for humans.” Turning to Ianto, he whispered, “We’ll try it later; you’ll love it.”

Ianto nodded calmly.

“Very good, Sir. I’ll pack it for transport.” Under his breath he added, “I hope you’re right. The last ‘sex toy’ tried to eat us.”

The End

Chapter Text

Despite being used to the strange effects of alien technology, they all agreed this was among the strangest.

Tosh had started knitting and couldn’t stop.

As it was usually her job to figure out alien devices and reverse their effects, that was a bit of a problem.

Well, two problems really. Tosh only knew garter stitch and had no idea how to cast off, so just kept knitting while the others tried to work out how to turn the damn thing off.

‘On the bright side,’ thought Tosh, ‘it looks like I might break the record for world’s longest scarf!’

The End

Chapter Text

After almost two days, the team finally succeeded in turning the device off.

Once the compulsion to knit wore off a few hours later, Ianto talked Tosh through casting off and they measured the finished scarf, which turned out to be just over 7 metres long.

Despite it falling far short of breaking any records, Tosh was still proud of her achievement. It was the first thing she’d ever knitted so she intended to wear it, even if it was rather long. Cardiff could get very cold in winter, but wrapped in her scarf she was sure to stay warm.

OoOoOoOoOoO

The following morning, Tosh grinned to herself as she wrapped her new scarf around her neck several times as protection from the bitterly cold Cardiff morning, before setting off to work.

Leaving her building, she hurried towards the bus stop and almost immediately ran headlong into a strange, tall man.

“I’m so sorry!” she exclaimed. “I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

“Nonsense, my dear, it was entirely my fault,” he replied. “Oh, I say, I do like your scarf. It’s just like mine!” He beamed at her approvingly, then dug in his pocket. “Would you like a jelly baby?”

The End

Chapter Text

Little Ianto stared in wonder at the frost making pretty patterns on the windowpanes. Coming up behind him, his mother wrapped her arms around him in a warm hug.

“That’s the work of elves you know,” she told him. “On winter nights they come and spin lace out of ice crystals to decorate the world and make everything beautiful.”

“Why do they only do it in winter?” Ianto asked.

“Because the rest of the year, the world is beautiful enough.”

OoOoO

Ianto smiled to himself. He knew better now, but frost on the windows would always remind him of his mother.

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto snuggled closer to Jack, pulling the blankets tightly around them both as he watched fingers of frost spreading lacy patterns across the SUV’s windows.

Jack was cold, almost frozen solid by the aliens they’d been hunting, but in here with the emergency heat packs and thermal blankets, the doors securely locked and the windows tightly closed, they’d be safe enough.

Hopefully it wouldn’t be long before the rest of the team arrived with flame-throwers and heat grenades. Then Ianto would willingly join the fight against the ice demons who’d killed his captain for fun.

They were going to pay.

The End

Chapter Text

Years later, the scarf was still with Tosh. She even still wore it occasionally on very cold winter days, though she’d now made herself several shorter ones that fitted better.

One day while wearing it, Tosh came across a familiar looking figure wandering through Cardiff. He seemed bewildered and confused, not to mention rather cold.

“Here,” she told him, looping the scarf around his neck, “looks like you need this more than I do.”

“Oh, thank you very much! Yes indeed, that’s much better! I say, you don’t happen to know where I could get some Jelly Babies, do you?”

The End

Chapter Text

It had been such a stupid fight. Ianto couldn’t even remember what had started it. All he remembered was yelling at Jack, getting yelled at in return, and storming out of the Hub to his car.

He’d just started driving, not caring where he was going, until he’d found himself here, at a rocky cove with the sun going down over the sea.

His bad mood gradually melted away as he sat on a rock, breathing sea air and watching the sunset.

Pulling out his phone he found a text from Jack.

‘I’m sorry. I love you. Come home. Jx’

The End

Chapter Text

For the first time in living memory, team Torchwood had absolutely nothing to do.

All their paperwork was finished, all the filing done; cataloguing was up to date… There wasn’t even a corpse for Owen to dissect or one of Tosh’s programmes needing work.

“Now what?” asked Owen, throwing himself down on the sofa.

“Now we have a lazy day.” Ianto’s voice drifted up from where he lay on the floor, legs on the sofa, watching Myfanwy lazily circle the Hub on an updraft.

“Doing what?” Owen grumbled.

“Anything,” Jack replied, lying down beside Ianto. “Or possibly nothing at all.”

~~~~~~~~~

“Doing nothing suits me just fine.” Gwen flopped down beside Jack. “Been run off my feet planning the wedding. It’ll be nice doing nothing for a change.” She stared up at Myfanwy with a happy sigh.

Stretching herself out on the floor to Ianto’s other side, Tosh let out a huge yawn, setting everyone else off.

“I can’t remember the last time I felt so relaxed,” she admitted.

“You lot are weird,” Owen muttered, sliding off the sofa to lay down with them. “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.”

Watching them from above, Myfanwy sighed. She’d never understand humans.

The End

Chapter Text

When they’d left the Hub to track whatever had come through the Rift, Ianto never imagined that he’d wind up having to defrost his lover.

Unfortunately, it seemed unlikely that Jack would revive until he’d thawed out a bit, so with grim patience, Ianto endured the discomfort of cuddling the frozen man, determined to do what he could to warm him even if it meant risking a touch of frostbite.

It seemed like forever before Jack’s skin finally began to warm, the blue tinge turning to a healthier pink, but Ianto only relaxed when Jack finally took his first breath.

TBC in ‘Preparing For Battle’

Chapter Text

Gasping back to life, Jack found himself bundled in blankets and held tightly in Ianto’s arms.

“Hey,” he murmured, “how long was I gone?”

“About thirty minutes. Had to thaw you out first.” Ianto looked grim.

“How bad is it?”

“Ten of them, two of us. The team are on their way with weapons; we’ll be safe until then. Your playmates are getting frustrated, but at least while their attention’s on us they aren’t looking for victims elsewhere.”

“That’s some consolation I guess.” Jack pulled on the dry clothes Ianto handed him. “They’ll regret tangling with Torchwood.”

“Not for long!”

TBC in ‘Early Thaw’

Chapter Text

They’re Ice Demons, born on a frozen world, equipped for the cold. They don’t stand a chance against Torchwood’s weapons.

Jack thinks Ianto is being uncharacteristically vindictive but really, it’s just pragmatism. Jack’s only alive because he can’t stay dead. Anyone else wouldn’t have been so lucky. Ianto intends to make sure none of these creatures gets another shot at killing a human; he’ll take them on single-handedly if he has to, but they are going down.

Termination with extreme prejudice, if you like.

He’s not alone though, the team stands beside him. There’s going to be an early thaw.

TBC in ‘Victory’

Chapter Text

It’s not an easy battle, but it’s mercifully short, although merciful for whom is debatable.

The Ice Demons showed Jack no mercy, they’re shown little in return, but at least they don’t have time to suffer the way Jack did. Ianto supposes that’s a kind of mercy.

Flamethrowers are brutal but efficient, lasers slice cleanly, fire grenades…

They only use one; they have more but they’re simply not needed. The Ice Demons misjudged humanity; thought them easy targets.

They found out too late they were wrong.

Victory brings Ianto no joy, just the grim satisfaction of a job well done.

TBC in ‘Cleanup’

Chapter Text

Cleanup is a subdued affair. Death should never be taken lightly, not even when it’s meted out in defence of the planet.

The invaders’ remains will have to be burned. Creatures with an affinity for ice are not something Torchwood wants in their cryo freezers. They’re almost certainly dead, but it’s still a chance none of the team are willing to take.

Besides, there’s not all that much left anyway. Ice melts, and beneath that protective covering they were smaller than they’d appeared. Ianto might have felt sorry for them, had he not seen how much they’d enjoyed Jack’s suffering.

TBC in ‘Aftermath’

Chapter Text

Battle over, cleanup complete, bodies disposed of. Another invasion thwarted and the people of Cardiff remain unaware. The news briefly mentions a localised pocket of freak weather, but there’re more important events to report.

It’s been a rough night and the rest of the team need no encouragement to head home to their beds. Whether any of them will sleep easily is another matter entirely.

Ianto and Jack fall into bed, clinging to each other for reassurance that all is right in their world. Jack dying always takes a toll on them both.

But they’re together, and that’s what matters.

The End

Chapter Text

It was inevitable that Jack would take to the London Eye like a duck to water; high places were his thing, after all. So naturally, as soon as he could, he dragged Ianto across London for the sole purpose of taking a ride (or ten) on it.

Not that Ianto objected; he had no problem with heights and the views were breathtaking.

Jack was never still, moving around the car pointing out familiar landmarks to Ianto as the wheel slowly turned, apparently forgetting that the Welshman had spent five years living in the city.

Ianto just smiled, enjoying the view.

OoOoO

When his phone buzzed, breaking the tranquillity, Ianto pulled it from his pocket, checking the caller ID.

“UNIT again?” asked Jack

“Yep.”

“Never give up, do they?”

“Apparently not. We are rather late for our meeting; we should probably head over there before they send out search parties.”

“I suppose so,” Jack agreed reluctantly. Then he smirked, flipped open his Vortex Manipulator and pressed a few buttons. The wheel ground to a halt, with their car right at the top. “On the other hand, maybe you should call them, tell them we’re unavoidably detained.” He winked.

Ianto grinned.

“Yes, Sir.”

The End

Chapter Text

On the first day of Christmas, Torchwood got a call from the police. A pair of odd birds had got inside Mrs Partridge’s house and made themselves at home in her Christmas tree.

She hadn’t minded at first, they were pretty and seemed satisfied with the crumbs she fed them. Then they’d built a nest of tinsel and started courting.

“Can’t hear myself think over the racket they’re making,” she told the team when they went to investigate.

“Skreeeek! Skreeeek!” sounded from the living room, like fingernails down a blackboard.

“I see what you mean,” said Ianto, handing out earplugs.

TBC

Chapter Text

On the second day of Christmas, Torchwood responded to a call for assistance by the Cardiff Harbour Patrol. It seemed there were two large turtles diving in the harbour.

“What does that have to do with us?” asked Gwen, “Shouldn’t they call the zoo?”

“Apparently they’re wearing scuba gear,” said Ianto.

Arriving at the scene, they found there were indeed two scuba-diving turtles.

“Sorry, guys, but the harbour is off limits,” Jack told them. “What are you doing anyway?”

“Diving for treasure!” said one, and they dove into the water again.

“I’m starting to see a pattern here,” Ianto commented.

TBC in ‘The Third Day…’

Chapter Text

On the third day of Christmas, the police called again. They’d picked up three very confused young ladies who claimed to have been in France only moments before.

Naturally, Owen volunteered to go and collect them.

Jack sent Tosh, who brought them to the tourist office.

“So, what seems to be the problem?” he asked.

“According to Sabine, Odette and Denise, they were at their friend’s hen party in Rouen,” said Tosh.

“Of course they were,” sighed Ianto.

“Anyway, there was a bright light and suddenly they found themselves in Cardiff. They’ve also jumped approximately 17 years into the future.”

TBC in ‘The Fourth Day…’

Chapter Text

“Deck the Hub with boughs of holly,” Gwen sang, completely off-key, as she strung tinsel around the catwalk railings.

“Not holly though, is it,” commented Owen.

“Shut up, grinch.”

“What if I don’t? You gonna decorate me?”

Jack poked his head out of his office.

“Children, behave! Some of us are trying to work!” And he vanished again.

“He’s trying to put the fake Christmas tree together,” Ianto smirked. “Last time I checked, he had the branches on upside down.”

“Aren’t you going to help him?”

“I will when he’s frustrated enough to make it worth my while,” Ianto winked.

The End

Chapter Text

On the fourth day of Christmas, Cardiff Council contacted Torchwood, concerning a group of peculiar creatures that had been spotted wandering around the Pengam Moors Allotments in Splott.

Sure enough, when the team got there, they were confronted by an unusual sight; about a dozen bewildered bird-like creatures were milling about carrying heavy-looking garden implements.

At the sight of them, Ianto groaned and buried his head in his hands.

Owen just looked puzzled.

“I don’t get it,” he confessed, “what are they?”

“I think you’ll find they’re the fork-hauling birds,” Ianto told him wearily. “The Rift has clearly gone bonkers.”

TBC in ‘The Fifth Day…’

Chapter Text

“Where better to spend our first Christmas out among the stars than the planet Winter?” said Jack as he brought their ship in to land at the spaceport. “You’ll love it here. The icicles chime like bells when the wind blows! There’s a roaring fire in every cabin, beautiful scenery and every kind of snow sport imaginable. We’ll hire an ice yacht to see the sights; frost caverns, snow sculptures, the frozen sea…”

Jack’s enthusiasm was infectious; Ianto felt excitement bubbling inside him like he was a kid again.

“Sounds amazing!”

“It will be,” Jack smiled, “because we’re here together.”

The End

Chapter Text

On the fifth day of Christmas, there was a phone call from the Vicar at St Edeyrn’s Church, Llanedeyrn. It seemed a strange, glowing ball with flashing lights had appeared in the church sometime during the night.

Mystified, the team set out to retrieve it.

The Vicar greeted them warmly and informed them that the object was up in the bell tower.

Ianto slumped into the nearest pew.

“Don’t tell me; all five bells have inexplicably turned into gold, haven’t they.”

“How did you know?” asked the Vicar in surprise.

Ianto winced.

“We were due five gold rings about now...”

TBC in ‘The Sixth Day…’

Chapter Text

On the sixth day of Christmas, half a dozen hunky men suddenly appeared in the middle of the Plas, complete with a half-built section of brick wall.

“Now that’s more like it!” exclaimed Jack.

“You stay right there,” Ianto told him. “They’re confused enough already, the last thing they need is you flirting at them.”

“Spoilsport,” Jack muttered.

OoOoO

On returning, Ianto had some good news.

“At least they’re still in the right time. We just have to get them back to Cornwall.”

“I think I’m getting the hang of this,” said Jack. “Six guys a-laying.”

Ianto gave a pained smile.

TBC in ‘The Seventh Day…’

Chapter Text

Coming up from the garage, Ianto could hear the faint, tinny sound of Owen’s novelty Santa singing Jingle Bells. He groaned. Even from a distance it grated on his nerves.

“You okay?” asked Jack.

“Could’ve sworn I turned that bloody Santa off before we went out!”

“Maybe Owen turned it on again to annoy you.”

Ianto shook his head.

“He left early to take Tosh out to dinner.”

Making their way into the Hub, Jack started to laugh.

“Mystery solved!”

There was Nosy, wiggling and jiggling about in front of Santa.

“What’s it doing?” Ianto asked, puzzled.

Jack shrugged.

“Dancing.”

The End

Chapter Text

Racing headlong past a group of carollers, Ianto reflected that this probably wasn’t what they meant by ‘Dashing through the snow.’ Of course, where Torchwood was concerned, such things tended to be literal.

It was snowing heavily; visibility was poor and the footing was increasingly treacherous. Ianto prayed he wouldn’t break an ankle. Jack was just ahead now, charging downhill in hot pursuit of the weevil.

Suddenly Ianto slipped, crashing into Jack, sending them both skidding out of control. The weevil didn’t stand a chance.

Coming to rest on top of their quarry, Jack noted, “At least we caught it!”

The End

Chapter Text

Christmas morning in the Harper household was chaotic, mostly due to a certain young Fluff. Dizzy was still small enough to go home with them, provided it was kept out of sight of the neighbours.

Owen heated sausage rolls for breakfast, while his lovely new wife sat on the floor playing fetch with Dizzy. Dressed in her robe, bedroom slippers and without a trace of make-up, Owen though Tosh looked more beautiful than ever.

“Happy Christmas, love,” he said as he handed her a plate and a cup of tea.

When she smiled, Owen felt like the richest man alive.

OoOoOoOoO

“It’s the crack of dawn!” Rhys complained, tugging the blankets over his head.

“But it’s Christmas, daddy!” Anwen shouted, trying to pull the covers off again. He peeped out at his daughter.

“Is it now, young lady? Then we’d best go see what Santa brought you, hadn’t we?”

“Yay!” Anwen squealed, bouncing with excitement.

Gwen stood in the bedroom doorway, laughing at them.

“Not so long ago it was you dragging me out of bed at the crack of dawn to open presents,” she teased.

“At least we got to go back to bed afterwards,” Rhys said with a wink.

OoOoOoOoO

“Morning, gorgeous,” murmured Jack, sneaking up behind Ianto, still half asleep and trying to make coffee.

“Gorgeous? You need your eyes testing; I look like there’s a demented hedgehog on my head. Knew I should’ve got a haircut,” Ianto grumbled good-naturedly.

“I like it, gives me something to get hold of.” Jack tugged gently. Ianto rolled his eyes, but he was smiling.

“Happy Christmas, Jack.”

“Happy Christmas!” Jack fiddled with the belt of Ianto’s bathrobe. “Can I unwrap my present yet?”

“You never change, do you?” Ianto chuckled.

“Would you really want me to?”

“Guess not,” Ianto smirked, kissing him.

OoOoOoOoO

And in the Hub, Nosy slunk about with Velvet riding on its head, leaving small gifts and Christmas crackers at each workstation, humming along to the tinny-sounding novelty Santa on Owen’s desk.

Bob the alien sat in a corner, snoozing, a Santa hat perched on his apex.

George bustled about, distributing party hats and setting out the buffet ready for all the party guests to arrive.

The alien butterfly perched on top of the Christmas tree, impersonating a Christmas star, and Myfanwy presided over everything, checking the decorations and making sure all would be perfect for the Torchwood family Christmas.

The End

Chapter Text

The people of Cardiff had awoken to a blanket of snow covering the city is sparkling whiteness over a foot deep. Jack was completely enthralled, as he always was by fresh snow, but as they made their way to the Hub on foot, Ianto was troubled. His suspicions were confirmed when they finally arrived at the Plas.

“Jack, I don’t think this is normal snow.”

“What are you talking about? Snow is snow.”

“Usually you’d be correct, but don’t you think it’s the least bit odd that the snowmen are having snowball fights?”

Jack frowned.

“Now that you mention it…”

The End

Chapter Text

On the seventh day of Christmas, the team had the task of fishing seven very bedraggled beings out of the Taff.

It had to be said that as swimmers, they left a lot to be desired, but they were certainly giving it their best try.

“I’m no ornithologist, but I’m pretty sure these aren’t swans,” said Owen breathlessly, hauling one out of the water.

“Well spotted, Owen,” snarked a waterlogged Ianto. “What tipped you off?”

“Actually, they’re Melicans,” Jack explained, “They’re from a desert planet in the Swan Nebula.”

“That explains why they can’t swim,” Ianto muttered, wringing himself out.

TBC in ‘The Eighth Day…’

Chapter Text

On the eighth day of Christmas, eight large cows were discovered in the Millennium Stadium. Ianto thought they certainly looked ready for milking. Not that he was an expert on cows or anything…

“Oh look!” said Jack cheerfully. “The Rift almost got it right this time!”

“Yes, Jack, because eight ready-to-milk cows are just what we needed.” Ianto rolled his eyes so hard they nearly fell out. “What am I supposed to do with them?”

“Call a farmer?”

“I was hoping for buxom milkmaids,” Owen grouched.

Ianto sank into a seat. It was entirely possible he was losing his mind.

Alternate Eighth Day...

On the eighth day of Christmas, several crates appeared in a car park.

There was writing on them.

“Maiden’s Milk? What’s that? Some sort of booze?” Owen sounded hopeful.

Prising a crate open, Ianto pulled out a bottle.

“Sorry to disappoint you, Owen, it’s bath oil. ‘You too can have skin as soft as a maiden’s’,” he intoned solemnly. “You should try some.”

“Bite me!”

Ianto smirked.

“Right, let’s load ‘em. Hold on.” He glanced around. “There’s only seven. Where’s the eighth?”

They found it in a ditch, half buried in mud.

“Oh joy,” groaned Ianto. “The Rift hates me!”

TBC in ‘The Ninth Day…’

Chapter Text

On the ninth day of Christmas, Torchwood got a call about a disturbance in Asda; an entire checkout queue was doing the cancan.

Owen took one look and covered his eyes, saying something about being scarred for life.

Ianto had to agree. None of the ladies was under seventy; nobody needed to see that many pairs of bloomers on display!

Jack persuaded the dancers to form a conga line behind him and danced them into the staff area, while Tosh found the device responsible and switched it off.

All nine ladies agreed they hadn’t had so much fun in years.

TBC in ‘The Tenth Day…’

Chapter Text

On the tenth day of Christmas, Tommy Lord found a twinkling cube in his greenhouse and took it indoors to show his wife.

By the time the team managed to trace what had come through the Rift, all ten members of the Lord family, including their two pet cats, had been turned into frogs.

Luckily, they were all inside at the time, otherwise Torchwood might never have found them. As it was, they spent two hours trying to catch the leaping Lords so Tosh could change them back.

Ianto wondered if it was too late to run away from home.

TBC in ‘The Eleventh Day…’

Chapter Text

On the eleventh day of Christmas, Torchwood found themselves dealing with eleven very irate pipe-layers and half a mile of the pipeline they’d been building in Texas.

Ianto took one look, threw both hands in the air and announced, “That’s it, I’m going home, somebody else can sort this one out.”

Jack looked at the muscular men for a moment, clearly wrestling with temptation, then chased after Ianto, catching up just as he reached the SUV.

“Ianto? Wait, please! I’ll be your slave for a week if you just help me sort this out!”

Ianto hesitated.

“My slave? Well… alright.”

Alternate Eleventh Day

On the eleventh day of Christmas, eleven blonde girls materialised in the Millennium Centre, all talking excitedly at once. Naturally, Torchwood were called to investigate.

After speaking to them, Ianto rejoined the team.

“Apparently they’re contestants in a Billie Piper lookalike contest.”

Owen frowned.

“Who’s Billie Piper?”

Ianto shrugged.

“Search me. Jack? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. They seem vaguely familiar, I just can’t think why.”

“Maybe it’s because they look alike.”

“Maybe,” Jack agreed, then brightened. “Tosh thinks she can send them home.”

“Thank God,” Ianto muttered, wandering away, “Just one more day and this insanity will be over.”

TBC in ‘The Twelfth Day…’

Chapter Text

On the twelfth day of Christmas, Ianto had to admit he was pleasantly surprised.

After strange birds, gold bells, French girls, pipe-layers and bricklayers, frogs, turtles, cows, bewildered aliens and dancing pensioners, the steel drum band was a relief, bringing the sound of the Caribbean to wintry Cardiff.

Dancing around the Plas, held closely in Jack’s arms, Ianto reflected that all in all, Christmas was turning out to be quite pleasant after all. One good day made all the difference.

As for the Rift, it breathed a sigh of relief; finally it had succeeded in making its beloved Ianto happy.

The End

Chapter Text

Everyone thought Ianto and Jack had gone Weevil hunting, but they were wrong. The lovers had waited for weeks and finally conditions were perfect! A full moon in a clear sky provided more than enough light.

Wrapped up warmly against the winter chill, they trudged to the top of the hill and turned to admire the scene.

Pristine white snow stretched before them, completely untouched as it had only just stopped falling.

Settling comfortably, Ianto asked,

“Ready?”

Jack wrapped his arms around Ianto.

“Ready!”

One push and they were off, flying downhill, whooping with delight!

Sledding wasn’t just for kids!

The End

Chapter Text

There was a soft rapping at Jack’s office door and Tosh poked her head inside.

“Jack? Could you spare a minute?”

“Come in, Tosh. What’s up?”

“I think I may have done something terrible.” She wrung her hands together, looking worried.

Jack gestured for her to continue.

“I was bored, so I was hacking into various places, just to see if I could. I didn’t mean to do anything, but…”

Jack hardly dared ask, but he was her boss.

“What did you do?”

“I think I’ve accidentally taken over the world. Sorry.”

Jack shrugged.

“At least it’s in safe hands.”

TBC in ‘Empress Of Earth’

Chapter Text

Empress Toshiko the Bountiful, they called her, though she still preferred to be known as Tosh, especially by her many consorts.

Firm but fair, she worked hard to make the world a better place, free from hunger, hate and prejudice. The earth flourished under her reign.

It was the beginning of a new Golden Age, a time when they finally began to make official contact with alien races. Everyone agreed it was a great time to be alive!

OoOoOoOoO

Tosh sat up suddenly in bed.

“Good lord, what a weird dream! Maybe having sushi for supper wasn’t such a good idea!”

The End.

Alternate Ending

Tosh sat up suddenly in bed.

“What a weird dream! Never having sushi for supper again!”

A knock at the door.

“Empress?”

The End.

Chapter Text

Jack stuck his head out of his office again, and barked out,

“Ianto! My office! Now!”

Smirking to himself, Ianto obeyed his Captain’s order immediately. He’d been waiting for this all afternoon. As he passed them, he noted with amusement that the rest of the team were quickly gathering their belongings and heading for the exit.

“Something I can do for you, Sir?” he asked, closing Jack’s office door behind him.

Jack looked pathetically at Ianto, waving a Christmas tree branch.

“No matter what I do, I can’t make all the pieces fit together! Help?”

“You only had to ask.”

OoOoOoOoOoO

Ianto removed his Jacket and tie, rolling up his sleeves before getting down to business, which naturally involved plenty of bending over with his back to Jack. He could practically feel Jack’s eyes glued to his arse, following every movement.

Ten minutes later, the artificial tree was properly assembled, ready for decorating. He turned to Jack, smiling politely.

“There you go, Sir. Anything else I can help you with?”

He barely managed to finish the question before finding himself pressed against the nearest wall by a hot, sweaty and very eager Jack.

“I have a few ideas,” Jack replied huskily.

OoOoOoOoO

Ianto’s eyes rolled back in his head.

Oh yes, this was definitely worth waiting for!

A frustrated Jack was a force to be reckoned with, but Ianto gave as good as he got, stripping his captain even as his own clothes seemed to magically disappear. He spared a moment to hope they wouldn’t demolish the tree in their eagerness, then gave himself up to enjoying some very energetic stress relief.

When he was finally capable of coherent thought again, Ianto found himself on the floor underneath Jack. Seemed they’d missed the couch again.

“I should get you frustrated more often.”

The End

Chapter Text

Everyone thought it strange that whenever the whole team went out together, there was always CCTV footage missing when they returned.

It was a complete mystery.

OoOoOoOoO

The moment the Hub was empty, George fetched the chessboard, setting it up on the coffee table in readiness for the players, who took up their positions on either side.

Silence reigned except for the muted click of the pieces being moved.

Being closely matched, complete concentration was required from both players. Time ticked slowly past, until…

“Hummmmm!” (Checkmate!)

“Squawk?” (Are you sure?)

“Hum,” Nosy confirmed. (See for yourself.)

Myfanwy huffed.

“Kaaaa!” (Smarty Fluff!)

The End

A/N2: For the prompt ‘Myfanwy vs. ...’

Chapter Text

Jack stood in the Plas, alone and feeling exhausted. The Doctor and Martha had left, fading away in the TARDIS and he realised he had no idea what day it was, or even what time of day. He couldn’t even work it out from the position of the sun, currently hidden behind heavy clouds.

He’d travelled all over the universe, was accustomed to jet lag, but this was far worse than crossing time zones. He was out of step with the rest of the world. A whole year had ceased to exist; it never happened. He needed time to readjust.

The End

Chapter Text

Down in the archives, Ianto looked about cautiously, checking the coast was clear, before opening the secret panel and pulling a tin from its hiding place. Setting it on his desk, he opened it and selected two homemade gingerbread cookies shaped like Christmas trees, decorated with green and red glitter.

He’d just hidden the tin again and settled down to enjoy his cookies and coffee when Jack appeared.

“Oooh, cookies!”

Jack reached for one, only to have his hand slapped away.

“Hands off my cookies!”

“Sorry!” Jack retreated rapidly, chastened.

Ianto huffed.

No one came between him and his gingerbread!

The End

Chapter Text

AAAAACHOOOOOOO!

Myfanwy’s sneeze echoed through the Hub.

“Poor old girl,” Jack sympathised, “winter really doesn’t suit you, does it?”

The Pteranodon croaked feebly.

Ianto struggled into the nest, laden with duvets, and Jack helped him arrange them over their shivering friend.

“Do you think she has a fever?”

“I don’t know,” Ianto replied, “Owen refuses to take her temperature, he’s afraid he’ll lose his thermometer.”

“Oh. Understandable I guess.” Jack winced at the thought. “She seems to like the soup,” he added, pouring another cupful down Myfanwy’s throat.

“Homemade chicken soup cure’s everything.”

Myfanwy sighed contentedly. She felt better already!

The End

Chapter Text

They both have scars, physical ones from bullet wounds and emotional ones from… well, from life taking every opportunity to kick them in the teeth.

Lost loves, parental neglect, imprisonment; few people come to Torchwood undamaged and they’re no exception.

OoOoOoOoO

It takes almost dying to make Owen notice Tosh, see her clearly for the first time. And just as he starts to consider a relationship with her, she almost dies at Gray’s hands. Saving her life cements the bond between them.

At night they trace each other’s scars tenderly.

Without them, they might not be where they are now. Together.

The End

Chapter Text

“What did I tell you?” Jack asked with a satisfied smirk.

Lying half on top of him in an exhausted, sated, sweaty heap, Ianto lifted his head briefly from where it rested on Jack’s chest before letting it flop back again. Moving took far too much effort.

“You were right, for once. Tentacles are very stimulating, not to mention versatile. And those wiggly bits… I never imagined they could do that!” Ianto sounded awed.

“I take it you approve then.”

“Oh yeah!” Ianto smiled dreamily. “We’re definitely trying that again! It’s going in our personal archives tomorrow.”

Jack just laughed.

The End

Chapter Text

This wasn’t how either of them had planned to spend New Year’s Eve, but the Rift had no respect for earth’s traditions, and Torchwood were obliged to deal with anything that fell through, regardless of where or when.

Or what, Ianto mused, dousing another of the slug-things with salt water and watching it shrivel away to nothing. The neon pink beasties were parasitic and lethal, but thankfully easy to track and neutralise.

Nearby, church bells chimed and Jack pulled Ianto into a quick but heated kiss.

“Happy New Year!”

“It’s only ten O’clock!”

“Really? Well, it’s midnight somewhere.”

“Fair point.”

The End

Chapter Text

It was one of the stranger and more innocuous items to fall through the Rift. Amused and intrigued, Ianto settled down with the old TV guide, flipping through it to see if there were any shows he recognised.

He soon realised it must have fallen through from an alternate universe. Some of the shows were familiar, but the casts were different.

Turning a page, he was suddenly confronted by a familiar face.

“Jack! Take a look at this!” he laughed, pointing to a cast photo for Titans, an American soap opera.

“He looks just like a younger version of you!”

The End

Chapter Text

As Tosh looped the scarf around the man’s neck, he smiled at her, the manic yet infectious grin she remembered from so long ago. She was so caught up in remembering their last/first meeting she almost missed what he was saying…

“You don’t happen to know where I could get some Jelly Babies, do you? I have the oddest craving for them, but I can’t for the life of me recall what they are.”

Smiling back at him, she took his arm, guiding him along the street.

“As a matter of fact, I know just the place. It’s not far.”

OoOoOoOoO

Pushing open the door, Tosh led the way into an old-fashioned sweetshop, the kind with jars of sweets around the wall, waiting to be weighed out into bags.

Small independent shops had started making a return to high streets a few years previously. People had grown tired of the pre-packaged sweets, craving a taste of their childhoods, and enterprising businesspersons had quickly spotted a potentially lucrative opportunity.

Tosh had taken to buying herself some sweets here a couple of times a week. Somehow they tasted so much better from a paper bag, and Ernie stocked all of her childhood favourites.

OoOoOoOoO

“Morning, Ms Sato, what can I get you today?”

“Morning, Ernie. I’ll have half a pound of Sherbet Lemons, please, and my friend here will have a pound of Jelly Babies.” Tosh loved that Ernie had chosen to use pre-decimal weights. It added to the authenticity of the place.

Ernie fetched the jars and weighed out Tosh’s sweets, but just as he was about to weigh out the Jelly Babies, she stopped him.

“On second thoughts, could we buy the whole jar? My friend doesn’t live near a traditional sweetshop.”

“No problem. That’ll be £27.50.”

Tosh paid with a smile.

OoOoOoOoO

With the plastic jar and a bundle of paper bags in a brown paper sack cradled in the Doctor’s arms, they set off back along the street.

“I feel rather bad. You gave me this lovely scarf and you’ve bought me sweets, and I haven’t done anything for you.” He dug in his pocket. “I don’t think I have the right currency to repay you.”

“That’s alright, Doctor. I’ve been expecting you for a very long time.”

“You have? You know who I am? Extraordinary!”

“Let’s just say we’ve met before. I know some of your later regenerations quite well.”

OoOoOoOoO

The Doctor and Tosh stopped outside an old 1960s police box, incongruously parked in the middle of a flowerbed. Tosh found it highly amusing that not one person amongst the throngs of shoppers gave it a second glance.

“Well, here we are.” The Doctor opened the door. “Would you like to come in for a cup of tea? It seems the least I can do.”

Tosh smiled.

“Thank you. I’d like that very much,” she said, stepping through the door he held open for her.

Morning tea in the TARDIS seemed like a very good way to start the day.

The End (and this time I really mean it!)

Chapter Text

It had been a hellish week, even by Torchwood standards.

A stranger accused Ianto of being the father of her unborn baby, despite the fact they’d never met and she wasn’t pregnant anyway.

Tosh had come face to face with her evil twin.

Owen found himself being sued for malpractice because someone had stolen his identity and injured a patient.

Jack had woken up in the city morgue, twice, and Gwen was at war with her in-laws over a recipe.

“Someone should make a TV show about us. It would be the most whacked-out soap opera ever made,” muttered Owen.

The End

Chapter Text

“Just got a report about a driverless horse and carriage in Bute Park,” Jack announced to the team.

“What’s that got to do with us?” grumbled Owen.

“Apparently, it appeared in a flash of light, going flat out, and nearly mowed down a family picnic. Sounds like one of ours to me. C’mon, people, let’s go round it up.”

OoOoOoOoO

Ianto frowned at Jack.

“I thought you said ‘carriage’.”

“That’s what I was told,” Jack shrugged.

“Humph. You’d think no one had ever seen a Roman chariot before,” Ianto muttered testily as he led the chariot and pair into a Harwood’s lorry.

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto watched in concern. Nosy and Myfanwy were motionless, gazing with rapt attention at the TV Jack had installed. It was a disturbing sight.

Eyes widening in horror as he heard the theme tune begin, he spun on his heel, storming off in search of Jack.

“Jack? How could you?”

“Huh? What did I do now?”

“Myf and Nosy are glued to the TV!” Seeing Jack’s look of alarm, he added, “Not literally, idiot!”

“Thank God. You had me worried there.”

“You should be worried! You’ve turned our pets into couch potatoes! Worse than that, they’re watching Home and Away!”

The End

Chapter Text

It had been a rough day. An alien creature had fallen through the Rift; frightened and confused, it ran into the road and was hit by a car. The driver hadn’t even bothered to stop.

Ianto, arriving on the scene first, found the creature alive but badly injured. He’d called Owen, but despite the medic’s best efforts, it hadn’t survived.

Ianto took the loss hard, so Jack did what any good boyfriend would; took his partner home for some TLC.

“Better?”

“Much better, thanks.”

“See? All you need is love!”

“Clichéd but true,” Ianto agreed. “The chocolate didn’t hurt either.”

The End

Chapter Text

Rhys had thrown his back out again, this time playing rugby.

Helping him into the car, Gwen tried to persuade him to see a chiropractor, but he refused.

“I’m not paying some overpriced sadist to torture me! I’ll be fine with a few days’ rest,” he insisted, but next day, he couldn’t even straighten up.

Gwen didn’t know what to do, so sought Ianto’s advice. After all, he did claim to know everything.

His answer was certainly unexpected.

“Ask Tosh, she has magic hands, and she knows acupuncture.”

Tosh was happy to help, and surprisingly, Rhys didn’t complain at all!

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto sat back, grinning; he’d finally done it!

It had taken him weeks. There’d been talks with the Doctor and the TARDIS, help with calculations from Tosh and mainframe, but he’d actually managed to convert Jack’s birthdate on Boeshane into the earth calendar and work out his birthday.

November 15th.

He snorted. That made Jack a Scorpio. Not that Ianto really believed in Astrology, he was too down-to-earth for that, but there was no denying it fit.

Forceful, passionate, exciting, magnetic, he was all of those. Also secretive, obstinate, jealous and resentful, but no one was perfect.

Not even Jack.

TBC in ‘What’s Going On?’

Chapter Text

Ianto realised he’d figured out Jack’s birthday just in time. He had ten days to plan a birthday celebration for his lover, so he decided against a big party and arranged something for just the two of them.

OoOoOoOoO

Jack was puzzled when Ianto pulled up in front of a small hotel just up the coast from Cardiff. He was even more surprised when Owen dumped two bags out of the boot, jumped into the driver’s seat and calling out, “See you on Friday,” drove off with the rest of the team.

“Ianto? What’s going on?”

“Patience, Cariad, you’ll find out.”

TBC in ‘Happy Birthday, Jack’

Chapter Text

Up in their hotel room, Ianto sat Jack on their bed and explained what he’d done before rummaging in the bags and presenting Jack with a beautifully wrapped gift.

“Happy birthday, Jack.”

For the first time in a very long time, Jack was rendered speechless; he just sat there, staring first at the gift in his hands, then at Ianto, then back at his gift in complete bewilderment.

“It’s my birthday?”

“Yes, Jack, and since we only have two days here you might want to open that before we have to leave.”

“Oh, right!”

Jack carefully peeled the wrapping away.

TBC in ‘Lost And Found’

Chapter Text

Jack gasped when he saw what Ianto had given him. Lifting the glowing globe in both hands, he stared as moving images came and went inside it.

“Ianto, where did you get this?”

“I found it at Torchwood House when I was helping Archie catalogue his archives.” Ianto pointed at the next image that appeared, a young boy, beaming widely as he held a toddler. “That’s you, isn’t it? I recognised the smile.”

Jack just nodded. He could barely speak past the lump in his throat.

“It was lost somehow when Boeshane was attacked. Thought I‘d never see it again.”

TBC in ‘The Greatest Gift’

Chapter Text

Side by side they watched the moving images in the globe. Jack demonstrated how the slideshow could be paused on a chosen image, and drank in the familiar, much loved faces of his family and friends.

Images of his parents; of himself as a baby in his mother’s arms, as a toddler, and as a growing boy with his younger brother. Memories of his childhood on the Boeshane Peninsula he’d believed lost forever.

“Ianto, thank you, this is the best gift I’ve even been given!”

Ianto shrugged.

“I only returned what was already yours.”

“You gave me back my family.”

The End

Chapter Text

Jack stared morosely at the hand in its jar. Over a century of waiting for his Doctor and all he had to show for it was a severed hand. He didn’t know whether to feel hopeful or insulted.

On the one hand (the one in the jar), it would serve as a Doctor detector. On the other hand (the one still attached to the Doctor), he was no closer to finding out what had happened or why the Doctor had left without him.

He was trying so hard to be patient, but he needed answers only the Doctor could provide.

The End

Chapter Text

Growing up, everyone kept telling Ianto he’d been blessed with a good memory and that he should be grateful. They never seemed to understand that he had no choice but to remember, and no control over what he remembered either.

While other people could block out unpleasant memories, forget the worst moments of their lives, he couldn’t. Everything was indelibly printed on his memory in excruciating detail and the worse the memory, the more clearly he remembered.

He took to filling his head with useless trivia in an effort to block unwanted memories, but nothing worked.

Until he met Jack.

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto sighed contentedly. Nothing beat a roaring fire on a bitterly cold day. While howling winds drove sheets of rain against the windows, he and Jack were snug and warm, basking in the flickering glow of the flames, soft music playing in the background.

Leaning back against Jack’s chest, a thought occurred to Ianto.

“You know what would make this even better?”

“Both of us being naked?”

Tilting his head back, Ianto peered at his lover.

“Actually I was thinking about hot buttered toast, cooked over the fire.”

“Toast is good. Can we be naked after?”

“I’ll consider it.”

The End

Chapter Text

Jack was a spinner of tall tales, so his team took everything he said with a grain of salt. His claims were far too outrageous to be true, but they were fun to listen to so no one really minded.

Of course, most of Jack’s tales involved sex. There were stories of his sexcapades with boyfriends and girlfriends, humans and aliens; anecdotes about the historical figures he’d bedded during his many years on earth; long, rambling accounts of the hair-raising adventures he’d had with the Time Agency.

No one would have believed that his wildest tales were the absolute truth.

The End

Chapter Text

Tosh knew just who to ask for help choosing her wedding dress, which caused slight problems in the bridal shop.

“It’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her gown before the wedding,” the assistant told them, frowning.

That puzzled Tosh but Ianto just rolled his eyes.

“I’m not the groom, I’m the gay best friend.”

Apparently, those were the magic words. Before they knew what was happening, they were inundated with assistants showing them dresses. Tosh felt like a queen!

“Next time I go shopping, I’m taking you with me,” she joked. “I’ll get better service!”

The End

Chapter Text

After a long and tiring day at work, Ianto and Jack headed home, more than ready for an early night.

As he was sliding wearily into bed, Ianto froze.

Something was digging into his arse, and it wasn’t the pleasing something that usually dug into him when he shared his bed with Jack.

Reaching down carefully, he felt around and… Just as he thought!

“Crumbs! Jack, what have I told you about eating crackers in bed?”

“Ummmm, use a plate?” Jack mumbled.

“No, I think you’ll find that what I actually said was ‘Don’t’.”

“Sorry?”

“You will be!”

Jack winced.

The End

Chapter Text

As a child, Jack believed being immortal would be wonderful, but now he knew better: It was a curse he would never escape. Even death provided only a brief respite.

He was condemned to live forever, watching everything change while he stayed the same.

Worse, he would inevitably outlive everyone he loved, watching them age and die, leaving him behind.

Hard as he tried to keep people at arm’s length, it never worked. Someone always managed to sneak past his defences into his heart, making him care.

Just how many times could a heart break before it shattered beyond repair?

OoOoOoOoO

But what was the point of life without love?

It didn’t bear thinking about.

A hollow, empty, existence devoid of companionship and that precious, unique connection to another living being would be even worse torture than loving and losing.

Although it was his greatest source of grief and pain, love was also the only thing that made immortality bearable.

Having someone to share experiences with meant making memories to sustain him after they were gone.

Despite the agony of loss, Jack couldn’t ever regret loving. He would carry his memories of each and every loved one with him, throughout eternity.

The End

Chapter Text

Something was lurking in the Hub.

It lurked in the shadows under the stairs, barely visible but Ianto knew it was there.

Later, he half saw it lurking behind a kitchen cupboard, almost but not quite hidden.

Jack spotted it lurking beneath his office shelves. Unable to concentrate on his paperwork, he went to bother Ianto in the archives.

It lurked under Tosh’s desk and startled Gwen into dropping the file she was reading.

And when they were eating lunch, there it was lurking under the sofa.

“Why’s Dizzy doing that?” asked Jack.

Ianto smirked.

“It’s hoping for cookie crumbs.”

The End

Chapter Text

It was a perfectly natural mistake really; the alien tech Tosh and Gwen retrieved looked exactly like an ordinary ball, how was he supposed to know it wasn’t? And to be fair, he’d only bounced it once. Owen was sure Jack and Ianto would understand. Later. For now, it was probably a good thing the Rift pool was there. God knows where they could have been put otherwise.

They seemed to like it, judging by the splashing. They were…

Owen covered his eyes, but he’d already seen too much. Octo-Jack was doing thoroughly indecent things to merman-Ianto with his tentacles.

The End

Chapter Text

They’d overslept because the alarm hadn’t gone off, which had started their day badly. Now they were racing around, bumping into each other, trying to get ready for work in a hurry.

“Ianto, I can’t find my braces!”

“I think you tossed them over the TV last night.”

“Got ‘em, thanks. Have you seen my phone?”

“Try under the sofa, something fell on the floor when we were… busy.”

Jack scrabbled about beneath the furniture, arse in the air. Ianto watched, smirking.

“Nice view from here!”

Emerging, clutching his phone, Jack grinned.

“Well, I did win rear of the year!”

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto awoke feeling somewhat confused. For reasons he couldn’t begin to fathom, he appeared to be underneath the sofa in the Hub.

He looked critically at the underside. He’d suspected for a while now that it had a broken spring. Apparently he’d been correct.

“Ianto? Is that you?” Jack’s voice came from underneath the coffee table.

“I think so. Why am I under here?”

“Not sure. Something weird is going on.”

Checking the CCTV, the reason became clear.

Two ferrets, one air-force blue, the other grey with red pinstripes, chased each other around the Hub.

“Ah. Guess that explains it!”

The End

Chapter Text

Spring-cleaning for the first time since Jack moved in was quite an experience, especially when Ianto moved the sofa to clean underneath.

He discovered three odd socks, a pair of Jack’s boxers, a comb, half a packet of mints, Jack’s blue braces, which had been missing for over a month, a stocking… Ianto smiled dreamily, he remembered that night well; Jack had excellent legs!

Three squares of chocolate from another very enjoyable evening, £7.69 in change, seventeen sweet wrappers, a set of handcuffs, a blindfold and an alien porn magazine.

One thing was certain; life with Jack was never boring!

The End

Chapter Text

It had been a tough few days, the Rift as unsettled as the weather. Multiple Rift spikes had sent the team out into torrential rain and gale force winds countless times, retrieving everything from broken alien toasters to unstable explosive devices and an invasion attempt by lizard-like aliens which failed miserably because being cold-blooded, they hadn’t the energy to fight.

The Rift had finally settled sometime during the night while the waterlogged team were trying to get dry. Now, as dawn broke over the bay, Ianto smiled as a ray of sunlight pierced the clouds. Torchwood had weathered the storm.

The End

Chapter Text

They were both as good at lying to themselves as they were at lying to each other. Whenever they spoke in anger or in lust, the words they said were never those they wanted to say. Each was too afraid of his own feelings, and of how the other might react; lying was easier.

~~~~~~~~~

“You betrayed the team.” (Don’t I mean anything to you?)

“You killed Lisa, I hate you!” (Thank you for doing what I couldn’t.)

~~~~~~~~~

“I don’t do relationships.” (I could love you so easily.)

“Good, ‘cause I’m not looking for one.” (I think I’m falling for you.)

~~~~~~~~~

“Let’s just keep this casual.” (You’re all I want.)

“Fine with me! Friends with benefits.” (You’re all I need.)

~~~~~~~~~

“See you tomorrow, Ianto.” (I don’t want you to go.)

“Goodnight, Sir.” (I’d rather stay with you.)

~~~~~~~~~

Then Jack left, running off with the Doctor.

Ianto’s heart shattered.

And Jack? He discovered that what he’d waited so long for was nothing compared to what he’d left behind.

OoOoOoOoO

When Jack returned, he was no longer afraid to say what he meant, and neither was Ianto.

It was time to stop lying.

“I missed you so much!”

“Me too. Never leave me again!”

The End

Chapter Text

Jack and Ianto were spending a rare day off enjoying all the fun of the fair.

They’d already been on all the best rides, twice, had candyfloss and a toffee apple each, and were now exploring the sideshows and booths.

Ianto won a stuffed monkey on the coconut shy by throwing the ball so hard he split a coconut in half.

Then Jack’s marksmanship won him a balloon that looked like the earth seen from space.

Grinning, he grabbed Ianto, and danced off down the midway singing ‘I’ve Got the World on a String’ at the top of his voice.

The End

Chapter Text

“You think you’re so special! Just because you have someone to go home to doesn’t make you better than the rest of us, just luckier,” snarled Owen.

“At least I have someone who loves me, I don’t have to get some stranger drunk just so they’ll sleep with me,” Gwen threw back at him.

Tosh sighed heavily and retreated to the archives, in search of more pleasant company.

“Hi, Tosh, what brings you down here?” Ianto asked, smiling.

“Our special snowflakes are squabbling. Thought I’d escape before they tried to drag me into it.”

Ianto rolled his eyes.

“Wise decision!”

The End

Chapter Text

Sitting at his kitchen table, Ianto spread glue carefully in a heart shape then sprinkled red glitter over it. Jack liked glittery things. He hoped his captain wouldn’t find a homemade Valentine’s card ridiculously cheesy.

Across town, Jack sat at his desk. Reaching for the glue, he carefully stuck another heart on the card he was making, adjusting it until it was at precisely the right angle. It had to be perfect. He hoped Ianto would appreciate the effort he was putting into it.

Thinking of each other, the two men smiled as they poured their love into their creations.

The End

Chapter Text

They really should have been accustomed by now to the strange creatures the Rift took pleasure in dumping on an unsuspecting Cardiff.

However, the monstrosity now hovering in front of them had come as something of a surprise.

“It's a one eyed, one horned, flying purple people eater!” Tosh gasped. “Whoever wrote that song must have seen one!”

“Sheb Woolley,” Ianto said distractedly.

“What?”

“The writer.”

“Oh.”

The one eyed, one horned, flying purple creature glared at them.

“I’ll have you know I most certainly do not eat people! That’s slander! I happen to be a vegetarian,” it said huffily.

The End

Chapter Text

Owen had only known her a few days, but he’d fallen head over heels for Diane. She was a remarkable woman, especially considering the time she was from, where women were still expected to be dutiful wives and homemakers.

She was different. Her self-confidence, independence and pioneering spirit drew him like a moth to a flame; it was inevitable that he’d get burned.

He loved her, and though she said she felt the same, it wasn’t enough to make her stay.

Despite begging and pleading, even offering to go with her, he had no choice but to let her go.

The End

Chapter Text

Coming down into the Hub on the invisible lift, Jack was treated to a very stimulating view of Ianto, on hands and knees, peering into the Rift pool.

“Loving the view, Ianto!” he grinned. “Mind if I ask what you’re doing?”

“We have Newts!”

“Oh. That sounds bad.” Jack frowned. “How do we get rid of them?”

Ianto looked horrified.

“We don’t! I’m pretty sure they’re Great Crested. Do you have any idea how endangered they are? We should consider ourselves lucky, they’re a protected species.”

“Really?” Jack peered at the Newts. “Looks like Torchwood’s branching out into nature conservation.”

The End

Chapter Text

Sitting by the window, Ianto watched raindrops chasing each other down the windowpane, the way he used to as a child on rainy days when he wasn’t allowed outside.

The weather matched his mood; it seemed like the sky was crying, grieving for Lisa too. He’d cried for her until he had no tears left, just a hollow emptiness inside him where his heart had been.

He’d vowed to save her, but he’d failed.

A traitorous little voice in the corner of his mind whispered that there hadn’t been anything left of Lisa to save.

He wished it was lying.

The End

Chapter Text

Jack had always admired Ianto’s ability to multi-task; he was the master of doing several things at once, moving smoothly between tasks like a juggler spinning plates.

This, however, was bizarre.

A beam of light from their latest acquisition had hit Ianto while he was busily working through his ‘to do’ list and now, despite there still being only one of him, he was somehow managing to be in several places simultaneously, doing completely different things. Jack was getting dizzy just trying to look at him, but Ianto was delighted. He’d done a week’s work in a couple of hours.

The End

Chapter Text

Tosh had become resigned to the fact that she was unlucky in love. Even before she joined Torchwood, she’d never had much luck with relationships. There were always reasons. She was too shy, too quiet, too smart, too studious.

It didn’t help that she often got crushes on boys who weren’t interested. History repeated itself with Owen in that respect.

She’d thought her luck had changed with Mary, who turned out to be using her, and then with Tommy, who returned to his own time.

Watching a falling star, she found herself wishing, ‘Please don’t let me be lonely forever.’

The End

Chapter Text

Although Ianto was enjoying his new ability to do everything at once, it was freaking the team out.

He was impossible to look at or to interact with in any way since none of him was in any particular place at any given time. Just trying to look at him proved so disorienting that Jack eventually had to go and lie down. The others just kept their heads down, focussing on their own work to avoid seeing the fragmented, blurry image of their colleague flitting about the Hub like a disjointed ghost.

Everyone hoped the effect would wear off soon.

TBC in ‘Running Down’

Chapter Text

Owen was the first to notice that Ianto was starting to look less fragmented and more… together. There seemed to be more of him existing in one place, as if the fragments were being pulled back together. Instead of just seeing a hand, there was a whole arm and shoulder visible and sometimes, both legs were in the expected place at the same time. If you didn’t look any higher than his knees, you could almost believe that all of Ianto was walking across the Hub. It seemed whatever the alien tech had done to him was gradually wearing off.

OoOoOoOoO

Soon it was clear that from doing a dozen things at once, Ianto was down to just two or three.

Tosh managed to scan Ianto in bits and confirmed that the strange energy he’d absorbed was dissipating. After almost seven hours, he was finally slowing, like a clockwork toy running down.

In due course, he ground to a halt and stood, wavering slightly, in the middle of the Hub.

“Well, that was different.”

“How d’you feel, mate?” Owen asked.

“Tired. Think I’ll join Jack for a lie down.”

Jack had never been more grateful to see just one complete Ianto.

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto had been cleaning the boardroom the last time Jack checked his whereabouts, but now the captain spotted his lover leaving the kitchenette with a bag of sprouts in one hand, a bundle of cloths in the other, and Nosy slithering along behind him.

Curious, Jack followed.

Back at the boardroom, Jack peeped inside and saw Nosy, with towels fastened around its body, slithering rapidly around the floor, chasing the sprouts Ianto tossed for it.

“What on earth are you doing?”

Ianto blushed.

“Multitasking? This way I can feed and exercise Nosy while polishing the floor at the same time.”

The End

Chapter Text

There are dangers to be found in the back alleys of any city: thieves, muggers and worse. Cardiff’s no exception, but on top of the expected dangers, it has its own unique set of hazards that most people somehow manage to remain blissfully unaware of.

It amazes Jack, the way Cardiff’s citizens go about their lives rationalising or ignoring things that would shock anyone else.

Creatures in boiler suits, rooting through dustbins are dismissed as kids in masks. Even blowfish driving sports cars are shrugged off.

It’s left to Torchwood to ensure that what they don’t know doesn’t hurt them.

The End

Chapter Text

“Shit, I’m coming unravelled!”

Owen’s sweater was trailing a long thread.

“Give it here.” Ianto pulled a needle case from his pocket.

“Thanks, mate!”

OoOoOoOoO

“Damn it, the button’s come off. Ianto, pet, could you…?”

“No problem, Gwen.” Out came the needle case again.

OoOoOoOoO

“Tosh, sticky tape won’t work, your hem needs sewing.”

“I know. I just didn’t like to ask.”

“It’s okay, won’t take a minute.”

“Thanks, Ianto.”

OoOoOoOoO

“Ianto?” Jack stood there looking forlorn, cradling his coat. “Can you fix it? Please?”

Sometimes Ianto wasn’t sure whether having a master tailor as a father was a blessing or a curse.

The End

Chapter Text

Jack had turned his room upside down; he’d searched under the bed, in the wardrobe, even in the laundry basket, to no avail. Where the hell was it? He knew he’d put it somewhere safe so he wouldn’t lose it, but he’d lost it anyway.

“Jack, what the hell are you doing? Look at this mess!”

“Sorry, sorry, I’ll tidy up, I promise.”

“What’re you looking for?”

“I got an overdue notice from the library, but I can’t find the book! I’ll be fined!”

Ianto held up a book.

“This one?”

“That’s it! Where was it?”

“On your bookshelf.”

“Oh.”

The End

Chapter Text

Libraries always reminded Ianto of his childhood. They’d been his refuge on wet afternoons, losing himself in tales of wonder and imagination to escape the drabness of council estate life.

He wasn’t about to have his happy memories wrecked by the Rift’s contrariness.

Stun gun in one hand, Weevil spray in the other, he stalked towards the ‘vandal’ the librarian had reported.

Hissing at him, the Weevil swept books off a nearby shelf and bared its teeth.

One book came to rest at Ianto’s feet and he glanced down.

Frankenstein. How appropriate.

Apparently, the Rift had a sense of humour.

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto wandered happily around his local library, relishing the chance to pick out some fresh reading material.

It seemed like forever since he’d last read a good book; one of the downsides of working for Torchwood was that it rarely left much time for enjoying the simple pleasures of life.

He browsed the shelves slowly, reading the blurb on the back of the occasional novel, until he’d made his final choice, then cut through between the stacks to reach the desk.

The last thing he expected was to come across Jack, with his nose buried in a lurid bodice ripper!

The End

Chapter Text

It’s a little known fact that Torchwood has its own library.

Deep below the Hub is a large room filled with shelves of dusty books; Ianto found it while looking for somewhere to hide Lisa, and it’s become his favourite part of the archives.

Here the books that fall through the Rift are stored. Shelves full of novels that have yet to be written, by authors as yet unborn. Great works of literature from unimaginable worlds, written in unknown languages. Alien poetry, guides to places never discovered, treatises on the flora and fauna of distant planets.

Ianto cherishes each one.

The End

Chapter Text

Tony the Throat was a small-time hoodlum turned big-time London gangster. At least, that’s the way he thought of himself. No doubt others had a rather different opinion of him, but he was magnanimous enough to believe everyone was entitled to their own opinion.

He’d been doing well for himself until he’d got on the wrong side of some rather more powerful gangsters. Discretion being the better part of valour, he’d decided to make himself scarce until the fuss died down and a few misunderstandings were sorted out.

In retrospect, he might have been better off somewhere that wasn’t Cardiff.

OoOoOoOoO

Cowering among the dustbins in a back alley, he watched the monster advancing on him, teeth bared in a snarl. He was trapped, there was no way out unless he could get past the creature, and that seemed unlikely.

Just as death seemed inevitable, a big black SUV screeched to a halt at the mouth of the alley and several people leaped out brandishing weapons. They moved quickly and efficiently, spraying the monster in the face then throwing a hood over its head and tying it up. In a matter of minutes they had it stowed in the SUV’s boot.

OoOoOoOoO

Two men remained in the alley, one in a vintage coat, the other wearing a stylish suit easily matching Tony’s in quality.

The suited man approached him.

“Are you alright, sir?” he enquired calmly, then frowned. “Wait a minute, I know you.” He turned to the guy in the coat. “Better call in Detective Swanson, there’s a warrant out for this one. Tony Selby, self-styled gangster. Pulled a huge heist a few weeks ago.”

“What did he steal?”

Suit guy smirked.

“It was supposed to be high-end electronics, but this genius stole the wrong truck and got inflatable bananas instead.”

The End

Chapter Text

As a Torchwood operative, Ianto knew the importance of keeping in shape. Fieldwork could be very physical; chasing Weevils, fighting hostile aliens, carrying all kinds of heavy objects. He did his best to keep to an exercise regime, but Torchwood’s irregular work hours made it difficult.

Still, he swam whenever he could spare the time, went running at least three times a week and even managed to fit in some weight training.

But this was undoubtedly his favourite fitness routine.

Breathing hard, body glistening with sweat, he collapsed in a heap beside Jack.

“Nothing beats sex for a full-body workout!”

The End

Chapter Text

It’s well past midnight; the library is deserted, silent and still. The only light is from the moon shining through tall, arched windows, laying stripes of silver across the shadowed floor.

A door creaks gently, soft footsteps can be heard, then a thud.

“Ow!”

“Shhhh!”

“Stubbed my toe! It hurt!”

“Could you at least try to be stealthy?”

“I am trying to be stealthy! It’s not my fault I can’t see where I’m going!”

“You’re the one who said you didn’t need a torch, Jack! This is the last time I’m helping you sneak overdue books back into the library.”

TBC in 'Belated Realisation' (Chapter 1072)

Chapter Text

The librarian smiled as she checked out the books Ianto had chosen.

“Good choice, your kids will love these,” she said with a smile.

“I hope so. Anything to keep them quiet for a while and get them to sleep,” Ianto replied. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, have a good day.”

Books in hand, Ianto got in his car and drove back to the Hub to be greeted by a frazzled-looking Jack.

“I got books!”

“Thank goodness! Okay, kids, story time!”

“Yay!”

Little Tosh, Gwen and Owen clustered around Jack, eager smiles on their faces, tantrums forgotten.

“Thank God for libraries.”

The End

Chapter Text

“Right,” said Ianto, “I’m off to the library, does anyone have any books to return?”

“I do!” yelled Jack, scrambling to fetch his books. “I’ve got a book reserved too. Just came in, could you collect it for me please?” He gave Ianto his best puppy dog eyes as he handed over his books and library card.

“No problem, Cariad.”

Nosy hurriedly slithered over, its toy cart laden with books.

“Hummmm?”

“Yes, Nosy, I’ll get you some more books.”

“Hang on, Nosy has a library card?” Owen was stunned.

“Of course it does,” Ianto smirked. “Under the name Neil Ayson.”

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto scanned the vast, cavernous room; he was in an immense library. Shelves upon shelves of books stretched before and behind him, fading into distance; to each side were yet more. He’d never felt so insignificant. How would he ever find what he was seeking?

Checking the nearest shelf, he started walking. The books were in alphabetical order, one for every human who ever had or would exist. At least he was in the right section.

After walking for miles he found Jack’s life, shelves of books beyond number and beside them his own, equally numerous.

Smiling, reassured, he awoke.

The End

Chapter Text

Nosy lay, eyes glued to the television screen, entranced, just as it was every Sunday evening.

“You know this is the last week, don’t you?” asked Ianto.

Nosy sighed.

“I know,” Ianto agreed, “Sunday nights just won’t be the same. It’s the end of an era.”

“I’ll miss all the sequins,” said Jack.

“You and sparkly things.” Ianto shook his head. “Lines are open, time to vote.”

They reached for their phones while Nosy carefully dialled the landline.

“Who’d you vote for?” asked Jack.

“Ray of course.”

“Same here.”

“Hummm!” (Hayley!)

“Traitor!”

They were going to miss Dancing on Ice.

The End

Chapter Text

Sometimes, it seemed to Ianto that his sole purpose in life was to keep the entire team functioning by the judicious application of caffeine, supplied in an easily absorbed liquid format.

Then he’d roll his eyes, mutter something about turning into a pretentious prat and get on with making the coffee. Still, the fact remained that he spent an inordinate amount of time doing just that.

It wasn’t that the others couldn’t make coffee; more that their coffee wasn’t drinkable, which meant the only sensible option was to make his own, and make theirs too.

He shrugged.

It was self-defence.

The End

Chapter Text

“Let me get this straight,” said Jack. “You’re telling me that Fluff reproduction is tied to the amount of caffeine in their systems?”

“Sort of.” Owen looked thoughtful. “Look, it’s not like giving Nosy coffee will make it spontaneously start producing more Fluffs. It’s more that they can’t reproduce at all unless they have enough caffeine in their diets.”

“Then there’s not going to be a Fluff population explosion?”

“Let me put it this way. We’ve had Nosy more than five years and we only have one baby Fluff.”

“So that’s a no?”

“Right.”

“Pity. We could’ve made a fortune.”

The End

Chapter Text

It had been a long and busy day for Team Torchwood, mostly spent out in the field chasing down a horde of harmless but very energetic aliens. They’d finally been persuaded to give up sightseeing and return to their spaceship; now all the team wanted to do was go back to the Hub, collapse, and preferably never move again.

Except, of course, they couldn’t.

There was still the police to appease, Retcon to administer and a general cleanup to be done.

Ianto felt it prudent to deploy his secret weapon and pulled out a large thermos flask.

“Anyone for coffee?”

The End

Chapter Text

Well, this was certainly an intriguing proposition. Not that aliens wishing to trade for valuable commodities was all that unusual; only last year there’d been a group of aliens who’d traded flawless gems for dog biscuits. That had been interesting, but this…

These beings were interested in trading for Jelly Babies. It seemed a strange visitor some years earlier had got them hooked on the sweet treat so they were seeking a supplier.

They’d chosen their trade goods well. Owen had done a full analysis, now Ianto tested the product.

“You have a deal.”

Premium grade coffee beans; caffeine heaven!

The End

Chapter Text

It was fair to say that Torchwood Three was fuelled by coffee.

It hadn’t always been that way; pre-Ianto, tea had been Torchwood’s beverage of choice. Jack had always preferred coffee though, even when he’d had to buy it from a nearby coffee shop in order to get a decent cup.

Things were different now. It was entirely possible that without caffeine the entire operation would just grind to a halt. It wasn’t only the team who were hopelessly addicted either.

Jack watched Ianto leave coffee on everyone’s desk then head for the hothouse.

Even the alien plants craved caffeine.

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto was dozing and dreaming on the couch, enjoying a break from his hectic existence as general support.

In his dream, he was laying on a tropical beach, palm trees swaying in a gentle breeze, azure sea lapping against pristine white sand. It was paradise at first; then slowly it changed, the beach becoming a desert, the warm sunshine turning to blistering heat.

Two figures were dragging themselves across the baking sand towards him, gasping and reaching out weakly. Jack and Owen.

“Coffee, need coffee!”

Ianto woke with a start.

“Bloody hell! Can’t even escape their demands in my dreams!”

The End

Chapter Text

Ianto was appalled. How could such a swanky restaurant be so backward in one vital respect? If he were a restaurant critic, he decided, he would definitely not recommend eating there.

The food had been excellent, the ambience pleasant and welcoming, the service faultless, the staff polite and the standards of hygiene beyond reproach. Even the prices were reasonable. He and Jack had thoroughly enjoyed their meals.

Then they’d made their one mistake; they’d ordered coffee.

It had been served in elegant cups, along with after dinner mints, but even beautiful presentation couldn’t disguise the fact that it was instant!

The End

Chapter Text

Owen was concerned. He’s arrived early and found Nosy laying on the steps leading to Jack’s office, immobile and looking somehow deflated, as if it had just stalled halfway up. Prodding it failed to get any response at all.

“Jack, something’s wrong with Nosy. It’s just laying there, not moving.”

Coming out of his office, Jack looked.

“Oh dear. Ianto had errands to run this morning, so Nosy hasn’t had its caffeine fix yet. I think it’s run out of energy.”

Owen sat on the steps beside Nosy.

“I know just how you feel, mate. I’ve had days like that.”

The End

Chapter Text

As undercover assignments went, Ianto decided, this was about as good as it got. He smiled to himself as he looked around the shelves of books that constituted the private library of the respectable gentlemen’s club. Yes, he could see himself enjoying this task.

As librarian, he would have complete access to all the beautiful old books residing on the shelves, books that required proper cataloguing before being scanned into the computer. The club’s members didn’t use the library these days, but Torchwood would benefit from the information stored here.

Ianto was sure Jack wouldn’t mind him taking his time.

The End

Chapter Text

Looking at Jack, most people would think he was somewhere in his thirties, a young-looking forty at the outside. Then again, most people wouldn’t look further than his handsome face, dazzling smile and easy charm.

Only when you really looked into his eyes was the illusion broken.

Jack had the oldest eyes Ianto had ever seen. Sparkling flirtatiously on the surface, their depths were swarming with shadows borne of pain, hardship, loss and bitter experience. They were the eyes of a far older man, one to whom life had been less than kind.

And they drew Ianto to him irresistibly.

The End

Chapter Text

Owen had tested the alien alcohol, pronouncing it safe for human consumption, so he and Ianto had tried some. Then a bit more, and another glass… It really was very good. Maybe a bit too good.

Giggling and clinging to each other, they staggered through the Hub, searching for something.

Jack watched them, baffled.

“What’re you looking for?”

“Pots of gold,” Ianto grinned dopily.

“S’right!” Owen said solemnly. “Can’t be Leprechauns without pots o’ gold.”

“Leprechauns?”

Ianto nodded so hard he fell over.

“Gotta be Leprechauns on Paddy’s Day! It’s patriotic!”

“You’re Welsh!”

“Welsh Leprechaun!” Ianto agreed.

Jack gave up.

The End

Chapter Text

Called in to work on his night off, Owen stopped just inside the Hub and rubbed his eyes.

“I must be way drunker than I thought. Could have sworn I just saw Myfanwy fly past with Nosy on her back.”

“You’re not seeing things; I wish you were.” Jack shoved both hands through his hair, leaving it standing on end. “Nosy was napping on Myf when the Rift alarm went off. It startled her, she took off and somehow Nosy managed to hang on, but now she won’t come down. I don’t know what to do! Ianto will kill me.”

OoOoO

Ianto stepped into the Hub from the garage just in time to catch Jack’s last words.

“And why will I be killing you this time?”

Jack’s eyes widened in panic; Owen just pointed.

Ianto looked up, tilted his head to one side and raised an eyebrow.

“Well, that’s certainly not something you see every day,” he commented mildly. “Is this why we were called in?”

“No. There was a Rift alert. This is more of an accidental side effect.” Jack explained what had happened.

“Nosy does like to nap in odd places.”

“It must be a Torchwood thing,” Jack muttered.

OoOoO

After watching the Pteranodon circle the Hub a couple more times with her unlikely passenger, Ianto turned to his team mates.

“Did anyone try to tempt Myf down with chocolate?”

Jack brightened.

“I didn’t think of that!”

“Of course you didn’t.”

Rolling his eyes, Ianto headed for the kitchenette, returning moments later with a bar of Myfanwy’s favourite dark chocolate. Whistling to get her attention, he waved it in the air.

“Come on, old girl. Got your favourite here!” he coaxed.

With an ear-splitting screech, their mascot swooped down, coming in to land a few feet in front of him.

OoOoO

While Ianto fed Myf her treat piece by piece, Jack and Owen hurried to check on Nosy, who hadn’t moved at all.

“Nosy? Are you okay?” Jack sounded frantic with worry.

“You’re safe now, you can get off,” Owen added.

Nosy just lifted its head and glared at them.

Gulping down her last piece of chocolate, Myf turned her head and squawked at Nosy, who hummed back and held on. Before anyone could move, the Pteranodon had launched herself into the air again.

“Ianto, do something!”

“Why? Seems to me that Nosy likes flying. They’ll come down when they’re ready.”

The End

Chapter Text

Life with Torchwood was seldom boring, even if the team sometimes wished otherwise. The Rift could be counted on to toss out all kinds of flotsam and jetsam, some of it fascinating, some deadly, some completely pointless as far as anyone could tell.

Now they stood staring at the latest object to fall through.

“Is that what I think it is?” asked Owen.

“Looks like an old pot full of gold coins to me,” Jack replied.

“Wonderful,” Ianto muttered sarcastically. “Guess we should expect a visit from a very pissed off Leprechaun in the near future.”

“Oh joy,” grumbled Owen.

TBC in ‘Reclaiming Property’

Chapter Text

“Give me back my pot ‘o gold, ya thief!”

Ianto folded his arms across his chest and glared down at the little man standing in front of him.

“Can you prove it’s yours?”

The little man glared right back at him, drawing himself up to his full height; all of two foot six.

“I’m a Leprechaun!”

“I’m not disputing that. But if this turns out to be some other Leprechaun’s pot of gold and I’ve already given it to you, then I’m going to be in trouble with the real owner.”

“Alright, damn ye, I’ll sign the paperwork!”

“Thank you.”

The End

Chapter Text

There were voices in the wind. That was one reason Jack spent so much time in high places. He could hear them more clearly there.

He knew them all.

They were his family, long gone and yet unborn. The friends who’d passed on and the lovers he’d left before he had to watch them grow old and die while he remained the same.

They were the people he’d failed; those he couldn’t save and those who would have been better off if he hadn’t.

They were the ones whose lives he’d taken with his own hands. He remembered every one.

Through his childhood on Boeshane, his years with the Time Agency, and the centuries since Rose had saved and cursed him with a single act, he had loved and lost so many good people.

Through work and war he’d been responsible for more deaths than his conscience could bear. They haunted his dreams

But there remained one voice that would never become an echo on the wind; that of the man who stood beside him now, as unchanging as Jack himself.

He would be eternally grateful for the sacrifice Ianto had made in order to stay by his side forever.

The End

Chapter Text

Tosh had been tinkering with the device on and off for days, whenever she had a few free minutes, but the others couldn’t even begin to imagine what it was.

There was something that looked like an Alice band, which had tiny built-in speakers on each side. Then there was a soft, stretchy fabric belt with a small pouch attached to it. Coiled wires like phone cords connected the two.

It was most peculiar.

Finally, Tosh announced it was finished.

“What is it?” asked Ianto.

“It’s a music player for Nosy,” Tosh replied, slipping it on their pet. “An iFluff!”

The End

Chapter Text

Owen knows he’s a pain in the arse; a cynical, lazy, sarcastic bastard and he’ll make no apologies for that. He has his reasons and those who need to, know what they are. Everyone else can take him as they find him or get stuffed, and quite frankly he couldn’t care less which.

But for all his cynicism and bitterness, first and foremost he’s a doctor, and God help anyone who gets in the way of him doing his job.

Human or alien, doesn’t matter; if they’re hurting he’ll fix them, or bust a gut trying.

He has no choice.

The End

Chapter Text

Jack knew what the device was; he’d seen them before though he’d never had the opportunity to try one. It was a sort of educational toy, popular on a distant planet where the people enjoyed learning through being. The effects were temporary, typically wearing off in a couple of hours. He explained what he knew to Ianto.

Ianto raised an eyebrow.

“So if I press that button I’ll turn into something else?”

Jack nodded.

Smirking, Ianto reached for the device and suddenly, instead of Ianto there was a ferret.

Jack grinned and triggered the device himself. Now for some fun!

TBC in ‘Ferreting About’

Chapter Text

A tiny corner of Ianto’s mind that still thought like a human registered that being a ferret was fun! The Hub was full of interesting smells to sniff at, especially the odd sock he found under a desk, which smelled very good indeed. Almost as good as the other ferret did!

The ferrets played tug o’ war with the sock for a bit, then went romping across the vast expanse of the Hub, which seemed so much bigger to a ferret. They chased each other round and round, up and down stairs, in and out of rooms and under furniture.

Becoming more adventurous, they found ferret-sized holes to explore, wriggling sinuously through air ducts and cable conduits before returning to the open area, where they pounced on each other.

Wrestling the other ferret was exciting! Rolling over and over they nipped at each other, tugged on tail tips and ears, pawed and chewed each other all over. The intoxicating scent of the blue-grey ferret made Ianto-ferret feel quite giddy and licking it, he discovered it tasted as good as it smelled. The other ferret seemed to agree, so they turned their attention to grooming each other enthusiastically. It was bliss!

TBC in ‘Goodnight Sweet Ferret’

Chapter Text

Although it was fun being a ferret, it was also tiring. After all the chasing, wresting, exploring, grooming and… other things, both ferrets were growing weary. They’d slowed from their earlier mad scampering to a more sedate pace, just ambling about, sniffing here and there, slowly wending their way back to where their adventure began.

Creeping under the sofa, they snuggled up together for a nap, licking each other sleepily.

A while later, the blue-grey ferret awoke; it licked the striped ferret’s head, then driven by an instinct it didn’t understand, moved away, curling up under the coffee table, alone.

TBC in Chapter 273: ‘Weird Awakening’

Chapter Text

Some days, Tosh was certain the universe was having a laugh at her expense.

Despite a brisk breeze, Ianto had decided he’d fetch lunch for the team, inviting Tosh to accompany him. Now she wished she’d said no.

She wasn’t sure what happened, but somehow her wrap-around skirt had got caught on Ianto and suddenly she was skirtless. Turning bright pink, Ianto hastily untangled the wayward skirt from his arm, handing it back and averting his eyes.

“Um, I’ll just pretend I didn’t notice that, shall I?” he asked.

“Good idea.”

Tosh really hoped that hadn’t been caught on CCTV!

The End

Chapter Text

“Owen, your flies are undone,” said Ianto.

“Haha, Teaboy, pull the other one. I know what day it is, you’ll have to work harder than that if you want to fool me,” Owen grouched, breezing past him and stalking out of the Tourist Office.

Watching him go, Ianto shrugged.

“Suit yourself,” he muttered to Owen’s retreating back. “Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Up on the Plas, Owen sauntered up to a group of young women.

“Lovely day, ladies,” he greeted.

They sniggered.

“Aren’t you a little drafty?”

He looked down.

“Shit!”

Of all the days to go commando…

The End

Chapter Text

The evening had gone surprisingly smoothly, unlike all their previous dates. Nice restaurant, great food, just enough wine to ensure conversation flowed easily. Perfect.

The bill paid, they finished their coffees and rose to leave when Ianto’s cufflink snagged on something. Without thinking, he jerked his arm.

A collective gasp rose from the other diners followed by applause, and Ianto glanced back to see their table centrepiece and coffee cups sitting on the table while the tablecloth dangled from his wrist.

As Jack started laughing, Ianto handed the tablecloth to a waiter and hurried out.

Their dates were definitely jinxed!

The End

Chapter Text

He’d thought the day couldn’t get any worse. Turned out he’d been wrong.

A routine raid on a warehouse believed to be housing alien artefacts had resulted in the entire Torchwood team being knocked out by some sort of gas. They’d regained consciousness handcuffed together, their ankles tied and their comms gone.

That had been bad enough, but while they were trying to work out how to get free, the doors burst open and in walked the police.

Jack plastered on his best smile, inwardly cursing fate.

“Detective Swanson! Looking as lovely as ever!”

Swanson smirked.

“Oh, this is priceless!”

The End

Chapter Text

“Right,” said Jack, “restaurant dates keep going wrong, so let’s try something simpler. We’ll get takeaway, a six-pack, and find a secluded rooftop somewhere so we can enjoy the view without interruption. What do you say?”

“Sounds good,” Ianto agreed with a smile.

Both of them casually dressed, they queued for their food then stepped out of the chip shop to be confronted by a clamouring mob, begging Jack for his autograph.

Ianto sniggered behind his hand.

“I’ve always thought you looked a lot like him,” he teased unhelpfully as Jack tried to explain that he really wasn’t John Barrowman.

The End

Chapter Text

Waiting to start the morning briefing, Jack sniffed the air. Ianto was approaching!

The rest of the team, settling into their seats at the boardroom table, were startled when Jack suddenly jumped to his feet as Ianto entered with the coffee. The moment the tray was set safely on the sideboard, Jack pounced, sniffing Ianto and licking his face enthusiastically. Ianto immediately started licking Jack’s ear.

Everyone was staring.

“That’s it,” Owen yelled, covering his eyes, “I’m scarred for life!”

Ianto and Jack froze, mid-lick.

“Umm, I think we might be experiencing some residual ferret behaviour.”

Jack nodded.

“Apparently so.”

The End

Chapter Text

Storming into the flat, slamming the door behind her, Gwen slumped onto the sofa, coat still on and hood up.

“Not taking your coat off, Gwennie?” Rhys asked cautiously.

“No!” Gwen snapped.

“Um, why not?”

“There was an accident at work.”

“Are you hurt?”

“No.”

“Then why…?”

Gwen whipped her coat off. She was bright orange.

“Nobody knows how long I’ll be like this! I look like a pumpkin!”

Rhys scratched his head.

“Good thing it’s nearly Halloween.”

A deathly hush fell as he realised he’d said the worst thing possible. Maybe one day he’d learn to think before speaking.

The End

Chapter Text

The team had headed to the shops, investigating a Rift alert. Jack had followed soon after, listening on comms. as he drove. The sounds he heard were disturbing.

“What the Hell’s happening?”

Ianto’s voice came through clearly.

“The chocolate is revolting!”

“Why? What's wrong with it?”

“It's revolting! Gwen's under attack by a horde of Snickers Bars, Owen is trying to fend off the Curly Wurlies, Tosh is in a pitched battle with some Twix... They’re twice the trouble!”

“What about you?”

“Aero is not as light and fluffy as you might think!”

“I’m on my way!”

“You’d better hurry!”

OoOoOoOoO

When Jack arrived, joining the fray, he found himself pelted by a hail of Maltesers, so ducked to safety behind a nearby shelf. He had a feeling his trusty Webley would be useless in this situation. Ianto crawled over to join him. He had chocolate smeared all over his face. Jack resisted the temptation to lick it off. Now was not the time.

“Any idea what’s causing this?” he asked as Ianto swung a French stick like a baseball bat, sending a small army of chocolate bars flying across the shop to collide with the wall.

“Alien tech, what else?”

OoOoOoOoO

It had been a stupid question, Jack reflected. When it came down to it, alien tech was behind most of Torchwood’s more unusual problems. Whatever fell through the Rift had apparently animated everything containing chocolate, and the sweet treats clearly weren’t too happy with humans.

Jack couldn’t remember ever being bitten by a Yorkie before. Not the chocolate kind anyway. He stamped on the chocolate bar in retaliation then wished he hadn’t. It was like stamping on a rock.

“How do we fight confectionary?”

“With fire!” snarled Owen, lighter in one hand, aerosol can in the other. “Melt the suckers!”

OoOoOoOoO

The rest of the team armed themselves and went to work, spraying everything that moved with flaming liquid. Soon, floor and shelves were littered with pools of melted chocolate and toffee; nuts and biscuit pieces crunched underfoot as the sought the cause of the mayhem.

Finding it was almost anticlimactic; it looked like nothing more than a gaily-painted Easter egg, but Tosh’s scanner confirmed it as the radiation source.

It exploded in a very satisfying manner when Jack shot it.

“I never want to see another chocolate,” said Gwen, picking peanuts out of her hair.

The others had to agree.

The End

Chapter Text

Jack wasn’t pleased to see John Hart. Having him turn up in Cardiff would never have been a good thing, but his timing couldn’t have been worse.

He’d never been exactly stable; a loose cannon on his good days, when the mood struck he made most psychopaths seem as harmless as Sunday school teachers by comparison.

There’d been a time when Jack had been just as bad, and he hadn’t had the excuse of being a borderline sociopath with nonexistent impulse control.

Hart was a reminder of a part of Jack’s life he would sooner forget.

Jack wanted him gone.

The End

Chapter Text

Jack sat at Ianto’s kitchen table, reading the paper over breakfast.

“Sugar?”

“Yes, honey?” he looked up to see Ianto offering the sugar for his cereal. “Oh, sorry, I thought we were trying out endearments. Thank you,” he added, taking the sugar and sprinkling some on his cornflakes.

“Endearments? Not that I’m aware of. And even if we were, I wouldn’t call you ‘Sugar’.”

“Why not? Aren’t I sweet enough?” Jack batted his eyelashes.

Ianto snorted.

“Only when you want something.”

“So what would you call me?”

“A pain in the arse?”

Ianto kissed Jack’s pout away.

“You’re my Captain.”

The End

Chapter Text

With Jack away in London, Ianto had thought the several hundred miles between them would allow him to get through some of the filing that had piled up. He’d been sadly mistaken.

He’d made good progress at first, but then the phone calls started. Jack was bored, and when he was bored he got horny. Repeated phone calls from a horny Jack were not conducive to getting work done, so when his phone rang yet again, Ianto snatched it up without checking caller id.

“No, Jack, we are not having phone sex!” He blanched. “Your Majesty, I’m most dreadfully sorry…”

The End

Chapter Text

Strolling through Cardiff with Jack one warm spring day, Ianto decided ice cream would be a good idea.

“Be right back, I’ll get you your usual.”

Jack, who was in the middle of a long, rambling anecdote, didn’t hear and just continued along, chatting animatedly, waving his hands about, oblivious to the odd looks he was getting.

Waiting to cross the street, he draped his arm around the man beside him.

“This makes a nice change.” Turning to his companion he found his arm was around a complete stranger.

“You’re not Ianto!”

The stranger grinned.

“I almost wish I was.”

The End

Chapter Text

As Ianto checked his shopping list, a diminutive young woman approached him.

“Excuse me, could you pass me a packet of those crackers from the top shelf, please?”

“No problem.”

Naturally, the crackers were right at the back of the shelf. Despite his height, even Ianto had to stretch up on tiptoes to reach them. As he did so, he felt a strange twanging sensation. He couldn’t think what it might be, until he became aware of a sudden draft as his trousers dropped around his ankles.

His belt had snapped.

“That’s why I wear braces,” Jack commented unhelpfully, smirking.

The End

Chapter Text

Jack was surprised to see Ianto leaving a pub. He’d told Jack he would be at his sister’s tonight, babysitting so she and Johnny could have a night out. Jack had planned to go over there in a bit with a rented movie. He wondered if he’d got his days mixed up. Ah well, he’d just go say hi and find out.

“Hey, gorgeous, wanna go have some fun?” He gave Ianto a little grope.

That got him punched.

“Mind who you’re groping, I’m a married man!”

“Ianto?”

“Ah, no. I’m Gareth. Ianto’s my cousin. Everyone says we look alike.”

The End

Chapter Text

“Thought you said there was an emergency,” Owen grumbled, entering the Hub at three in the morning to find both Jack and Ianto clearly unharmed, if a bit frazzled.

“There was. Is, I mean,” Jack muttered.

“You both look fine to me.”

“We are. It’s Myf who’s the problem,” Ianto explained sheepishly. “I was throwing pieces of chocolate for her and she missed one. She went after it, but she got a bit… stuck.”

Ianto gestured to where Myfanwy lay spread-eagled on the catwalk, her beak jammed in the grating.

“We need another pair of hands to pull her out.”

The End

Chapter Text

There was something unnatural about Jasmine. Sometimes she’d look at you with a blank, emotionless expression on her face and it would make your blood run cold. For all that she was just a child, her eyes said otherwise. She gave Roy the creeps.

A little voice in his head whispered ‘changeling’, but that was just myth and superstition. Still, he didn’t like being alone with her these days. Deep down he was afraid of her, though he’d never admit it. What could an adult have to fear from a small girl?

He discovered too late, changelings aren’t a myth.

The End

Chapter Text

Jack loved high places; you could see forever if you were high enough. He had no fear of falling from them because really, what was the worst that could happen? He’d smash himself up, die and come back healed. Or mostly healed anyway. Sometimes he came back before everything was completely fixed, which could be unpleasant, but not to the extent that he feared it.

Besides, if the building was tall enough, falling was actually quite enjoyable, at least until he reached the ground. No, falling from a building was fine.

It was falling in love that he really feared.

The End

Chapter Text

Jack groaned, tempted to bang his head repeatedly on the wall. Of all the rotten luck… Today just wasn’t going his way.

The Hub had gone into lockdown, sealing him in the archives. To make it worse, it was his own fault; he’d opened a vial of fragrant oil, the Hub’s systems had decided it was unrecognised and possibly dangerous, and had initiated security protocols. It was actually harmless; the scent simply stimulated one’s senses.

A faint sound made him turn. There stood Ianto.

“Locked in are we?”

“Apparently so.” Jack smiled. Maybe things weren’t as bad as he’d thought.

The End

Chapter Text

Spring had finally arrived in Cardiff.

It was Ianto’s favourite time of year; the air was almost balmy, the sun sometimes peeped through the clouds and people started to shed their dull and heavy winter clothes in favour of something colourful. They even smiled at each other and called out cheerful greetings. It was a vast improvement over dreary winter.

Then there were the flowers. Shy snowdrops gave way to the white, purple and gold of crocuses then almost overnight the daffodils appeared, carpets of sunshine yellow dancing in the breeze.

It was a sight that always gladdened his heart.

The End

Chapter Text

Suzie was barely gone and Jack had already hired her replacement, some naïve, still wet behind the ears rookie police constable with no experience or useful skills. Probably never even held a gun.

So she’d tracked them to their secret base, so what? And yeah, ordering pizzas under the name ‘Torchwood’ probably hadn’t been his brightest idea but no one was perfect. Suzie sure as hell hadn’t been. She’d had a dark side, haunted by her own demons, damaged just like the rest of them, but she’d belonged in ways Gwen never would.

Owen was determined to break PC Cooper.

The End

Chapter Text

Jack tried the door and wasn’t really surprised to find that it was locked. He looked over at Ianto who was lounging in a chair, watching him with an amused expression on his face.

“You didn’t think it would be that easy, did you? I’ve hidden the key somewhere you’ll never find it. There’s no way out Jack; you’re trapped. You’ll stay here until I decide you’ve been punished enough. Just us, in this room, for as long as it takes.” Ianto winked and Jack felt a delicious shiver run down his spine.

He hoped it would take all night!

The End

Chapter Text

Everywhere Tosh looked, there were trees and shrubs in blossom; white, pink, purple, yellow, they looked beautiful, a sure sign that spring was here to stay.

Lilac and magnolia, forsythia and laburnum, cherry, apple, pear and plum; every garden she passed on her way to work had at least one, petals showering down around it every time the breeze stirred the delicate flowers. In the park, the bigger trees bore their own insignificant, all-but-invisible blooms, but Tosh knew they were there.

She sneezed for the umpteenth time. Walking to work had been a seriously bad idea. Bloody tree pollen allergy!

The End

Chapter Text

Today was the day. Jack and Ianto stood together, looking across the Hub one last time.

The new team was fully trained, confident in their abilities. Their leader had earned their trust, loyalty and respect. She would do a fine job of policing the Rift and protecting Cardiff’s residents.

There was nothing left for them to do.

Gwen and Rhys had left years ago to raise their family.

Tosh and Owen followed a few years later.

Now it was time for Jack and Ianto to discover their own life after Torchwood.

This wasn’t the end; it was just the beginning.

The End

Chapter Text

Rhys was puzzled. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d forgotten something important, but for the life of him he couldn’t think what it might be.

The previous evening was a blur. Gwen said she’d come home late and found him passed out on the sofa; he must have had a few too many. That was odd to start with. He didn’t remember going out with the boys, and he only ever drank that heavily on nights out. There hadn’t been much booze in the flat anyway, and most of it was still there.

Why would Gwen lie to him?

The End