Chapter Text

The Prophecy

The Golden King and his Dark Queen

with hair like the Night Sky

soar from the stars

And before the Seasons have turned

the Queen will have brought forth

an Offspring that will grow to bring

Prosperity and Wealth.

But Beware the Thief and his Consort,

coming from the Night going through the Night

Taking Lives and Happiness

when being Welcomed.

They are barren like the Land from whence they come,

Only Death in their Wake.

from the Prophecies of Th’Hrall the Coveted, Third Age, 365 ED

Chapter Text

Part 1 - Orbiting

Prologue

If there ever was a reason to apologize, this probably would have been it. But the moment, the ideal moment, had been over for so long that now any word in that direction would have been hollow and disingenuous. 

They had sailed right through it, both of them. And what was left was a sense of desperation, maybe even urgency. And helplessness.

But the worst part was that they had stopped talking.

Talking had always been an integral part of their relationship, no matter if it was the discussion of orders, the solving of a problem, or late night talks about love, life, relationships, the universe, and all the rest.

They had talked it out, strengthened their bond with every word, until they had achieved such intimacy that they could sometimes even  finish each other’s sentences.

But now, that was gone.

Chris didn’t know if he had himself to blame, Una, the circumstances, or maybe blame all of it in equal parts.

The whole situation had been crazy from the get-go, and he had been sure that she would put up more resistance, or at least try to look for a different solution, as she so often did. But that hadn’t happened. Instead she had asked to think about it and had returned the next day, offering herself to him in the only way she had known.

He often wondered if what they did was right, if it had really served the purpose they both thought it did. And if they finally succeeded, what would happen to them then?

Chapter Text

Chapter 1 - The Broken Pieces of a Shattered Ship

Something was wrong. The world had turned upside down, a perspective that shouldn’t exist, but suddenly did.

The frantic beeping of the consoles told a story of panic and urgency. But why was it so hard to focus?

“Chris?” He knew that voice, but it came as far away as the beeping. A hand touched his neck and remained there for a moment. “Thank God, you’re alive.”

His head hurt, everything hurt, was twisted and torn and not as it should be. Why was he on the floor?

He coughed, and then he tried to move before a stabbing pain in his side made him fall back on the floor.

He groaned, strained from the exertion, trying to sit up again, failing again. “Don’t move!” the same voice said, and then he heard a humming sound.

His vision cleared and the pain subsided, and he was confronted with the worried face of his First Officer. There was a bloody gash right over her right eye, the blood seeping down her face and into her uniform. She had several other cuts, and parts of her uniform seemed to be burned.

That was not how she was supposed to look. The last thing he remembered… the last…

“Una? What happened?” he asked, frowning. Everything was a blur and his head still throbbed.

“What is the last thing you remember?” she asked, a tremor in her voice that betrayed either worry or shock or both.

He creased his eyebrow. “The.. nebula?”

There had been a nebula. They wanted to have a look at it. They wanted to…

Why was that so hard?

Focus Chris, focus!

But one thing stood out, something–a lot of things–just plain wrong.

“Why are you hurt, Una?”

“It’s nothing,” she said quickly. He reached out for her, searching for something, but not finding it.

“I should… let me regenerate you.”

“No, Chris,” she said firmly. “We need to save our resources for the real injuries, like your head.”

“My head’s alright,” he slurred. He tried to get up, but why was his command chair tilted to the side? When he pulled himself up he immediately fell down again.

“Yeah, your head is alright,” Una remarked. “Lie still, don’t move!” And then she vanished from his field of vision. It was hard to keep his eyes open, and blackness took Chris moments later.

With the clarity came the horror. When Chris awoke for a second time, the fog around his brain had lifted. He still had a horrible headache, but that was the least of his worries.

His bridge lay smashed and broken, consoles burned out, blinking and suddenly dying, and all around him were injured. He could see Una and Ortegas stepping around the bridge, taking care of the wounded, making them comfortable and generally assessing the situation.

He saw that his right arm was in a sling and that his uniform was also burned and torn. And the memory returned with full force.

The Yakkata nebula had been an interesting spatial phenomenon. Its electromagnetic currents disabled any ship stupid enough to come close, making navigation impossible and trapping it forever. They had, however, discovered on long-range sensors that there was a solar system inside the nebula and that it even had a class M planet, an interesting unlikelihood that warranted more research. So they positioned themselves well outside the nebula’s boundaries to increase their scanning range and find out more.

A perfect, scientific routine mission.

Bridge personnel working efficiently, Spock increasing the scanning range, Ortegas holding the ship in position, Una helping Spock with the calculations, Chris observing the nebula, Uhura holding hailing frequencies open, maybe finding another living entity in the nebula, Pelia… what was Pelia actually doing on the bridge that morning?

It was satisfying seeing them working so well and efficiently together, like the cogs of a well-oiled machine, the peak of Starfleet professionalism. Chris was proud of his crew, how they came together to face adversities and celebrate scientific successes and he looked forward to the reports and explanations they came up with, glad that they would conduct another research mission.

A mission that would help them understand more about the wonders of a beautiful universe.

A dangerous universe.

The attack had come out of nowhere and hit the ship with full force. Red Alert sirens blaring, the Bridge crew snapping into action, everybody was immediately at their post–Ortegas at the helm, La’An at tactical, Una at the conn.

“Report!” Chris shouted over the sirens and the frantic beeping of the consoles.

“We were attacked by a cloaked vessel, sir!” La’An informed him. “That was no natural occurring phenomenon and the Enterprise was hit by several concentrated plasma beams! Another two or three hits and we’re gone.”

“Evasive maneuvers,” Chris ordered. And then: “Spock, Una, is there any way to detect our attacker?”

“Negative, sir,” Spock replied immediately. “While it might be possible to scan for anomalies or deduce an attack pattern, probability suggests that the Enterprise will be annihilated before the ship can be decloaked.”

“In that case,...” Chris wanted to order a retreat. There was no sense in staying and fighting against a superior force. But before he could sound the order, the Enterprise was hit by another attack, shaking violently. Electricity sparkled around the bridge and some consoles had already short-circuited.

“Sir, I’ve lost helm control!” Ortegas informed him. 

“The last attack took out one of the nacelles!” Una added her voice to the chaos.

Desperately, Chris ran a hand through his hair, the options getting fewer by the second.

“Pelia, any chance to get helm controls back up and running?”

“I could try for impulse power, but that won’t be enough to outrun a ship of that power.”

“Damn,” Chris cursed, but it got worse.

“We’re gaining momentum towards that nebula!” Ortegas shouted. “And there’s no way I can stop it!”

So in front of them was that very dangerous nebula that would trap them forever if they got too close, and somewhere behind them was a cloaked attacker who was hell-bent on destroying them.

Both meant death.

Chris got up from his Captain’s chair to take in the people around him, the best Starfleet had to offer, all of them brilliant and talented.

Erica Ortegas, a hell of a pilot with a great sense of humor. 

Spock, a promising young scientist with the makings of greatness in him.

Jenna Mitchell, always so afraid to make mistakes and then made none.

Nyota Uhura, who had such an uncanny knack for languages and vibes.

La’An Noonien Singh who carried around the burden of her ancestry and tried to disprove the prejudices about her family by being the goddamn best head of security in the fleet.

And Una Chin-Riley, Number One, Chris’ most steadfast friend and a constant presence in his life for many years–unwavering, faithful, beautiful, whose only wish  had ever been to see the stars.

All of these people would perish in the next moments, and Chris mentally prepared to say his goodbyes.

And then the Enterprise was hit again, and the lights went out on the bridge.

Emergency lights came back on shortly after, but it was eerie and dark.

“Report!” he croaked, assuming his Captain role because that was the only thing that gave him purpose just about now.

“You’re awake,” he heard Una’s voice as she knelt down next to him. “How are you?”

“Headache,” he managed. 

“That’s to be expected,” she said softly. “Can you move?”

Chris tested his good arm and his legs, then he nodded. “Yes, I think I can.” Then he looked around the smashed bridge.

Una was right there with him, Ortegas was trying to get a console working with the help of Spock, while Pelia worked on an open bulkhead, welding cables together. La’An and Uhura were picking up debris and putting it on a pile. Mitchell… was nowhere to be seen from his vantage point.

“How bad?” he asked Una.

She grimaced, and in that moment he knew that it was very bad. But then again, he had already resigned himself that they would all perish, and  he could see most of them still alive. So that was at least better than feared.

“We lost the complete drive section and all hands down there when the ship crashed on the planet,” Una said tonelessly. 

“Whoa whoa, hold on!” Chris interrupted her. “Crashed? Planet?” The last he remembered was the ship spinning out of control.

“The M-class planet inside the Yakkata nebula that we were supposed to observe? That one. With you out cold I gave the order to let the ship crash-land there, and with Pelia’s help we could adjust the thrusters accordingly.”

Chris didn’t have to ask why. If the Enterprise hadn’t crashed she would have continued to drift and spin aimlessly, the forces of the nebula tearing her apart, eventually killing all hands. And if that didn’t happen, they would have died a cold and lonely death in space when the last of the ship’s systems gave out. By having the ship crash on the planet, Una had made a calculated decision to ensure the survival of at least some of them.

“Good work,” he told her, but she just shook her head.

“The Enterprise will never fly again, and we are now trapped here for the rest of our lives. The only thing we can do is put up beacons so Starfleet knows what happened to us, but they cannot get us out. The nebula won’t allow it.”

She guiltily looked down. “I trapped us here forever, Chris.”

Gently, he put a hand on her shoulder. “I would have made the same call, Una. You saved lives.”

“Tell that to the crew in the drive section.”

The reality of what she said hit him now with full force. While some had survived, a large part of his crew had perished in the accident.

“You only tried to salvage an already unsalvageable situation,” Chris said. “It was my fault for not reacting sooner when we were attacked.”

Una got up and dusted the dirt from her uniform, then she reached out a hand to pull Chris up. He stood on wobbly legs, supporting himself on the toppled over command chair. His bridge was completely destroyed, some monitors still flickering but slowly dying.

“What’s the current status?” Chris wanted to know.

“We have 89 crew members reported as alive,” Uhura said, “but this number will surely increase, because we just sent out the call. Right now rescue teams go through the different decks and see if they can find survivors.”

“We are currently establishing shelter outside,” La’An added. “Fortunately the emergency rations on Deck 2 were largely unaffected, so we can set up tents for the time being.”

The unspoken truth being that the ship was no longer their shelter, but a large coffin.

“How long will our rations last?” Chris asked.

“That depends on how many survivors check in. Current estimates would be one month,” La’An added. “After that, we should either have found alternative sources of food or…” 

Chris nodded. “...or we slowly starve to death.”

From the corner of his eye he saw that Una grimaced ever so slightly at his last comment. It was barely noticeable, but it was there. Something was bothering her, and he had a pretty good idea what it was.

“Good work, carry on,” he told La’An and signaled that she was dismissed for now. Then he limped over to Una, still holding himself on his broken command chair.

“Una,” he said quietly. “You made the right call.”

She wrapped her arms around herself and eyed him. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell myself, with varying degrees of success. But the fact of the matter is that I may have just  delayed our inevitable deaths and made them worse. Suffocating in space or dying in an exploding ship is quick and mostly painless. Starvation is not.”

Chris gently patted her on the shoulder. “Let’s first check our surroundings and get some bearings. If we know more about where we have landed we can learn how to survive. You’ve given us that chance. A month is a long time, and this crew is resourceful.”

He tried to sound more cheerful than he actually felt, because Una was right. Their situation was bleak. They had not only lost a great deal of their crew members but also many of the Enterprise ’s amenities. For the next few days they would only survive, not live, and right now he couldn’t see when that would ever change.

“They certainly are. Let’s hope your optimism is warranted.”

Of course Una would see through him immediately. He had never been a particularly good liar.

“Any casualties on the Bridge?” he quietly asked the next pressing question.

“We lost Jenna Mitchell when her console exploded,” came the sad reply. “And what’s even worse… sickbay is also completely gone.”

Joseph! Christine!  

He pressed his eyes shut for a moment, rubbing his temples. There would be even more familiar names as soon as he would receive the casualty list–friends, colleagues–but Joseph was probably the one person on board that he had known for the longest time,besides Una.

His eyes shot back to her and he took her in, battered and bruised, but alive, and involuntarily his hand reached out to hers.

Una took his hand and squeezed it tight. At least Chris could blame his head injury for this, but right now he needed companionship and reassurance that not everyone had died.

Right now, everything still felt so unreal, and there was a numbness inside Chris, probably due to shock, but he knew that the realization of what had happened today would eventually hit him with full force. Just now he had to function, be a Captain, give orders and take care of the survivors.

He looked around. “Is there anything salvageable on the bridge?” he asked.

“We will have a look later,” Pelia said. “Medkits and survival kits are now our top priority.”

“Carry on,” Chris told her. With all the strength he could muster, he walked over to the security console at the former back end of the Bridge. Below that were emergency kits, weapons and medkits. The stash hadn’t been opened yet, but it was good to see that these things were still in usable condition.

“We should establish a central point where we can collect all our emergency supplies and distribute them when needed. That way we always have an overview over how much is left,” Chris said.

“I already ordered that,” La’An said immediately. “So you can hand those to me, sir.”

Chris nodded and she walked over to take the boxes from him. Then he watched her walk over to where the Bridge’s viewscreen used to be, where now a huge hole was, providing ample view over the planet’s landscape. She walked outside on the hull until she vanished from his point of view.

Chris shook his head and sighed.

What a complete and utter mess.

A captain without a ship. It was an antithesis, an oxymoron, an impossibility. The worst thing that could happen. But it had happened.

When Chris Pike looked over the corpse of his ship, the only thing he could feel was emptiness. A dark and growing black hole that threatened to swallow everything. Sound, light, emotions.

The Enterprise, or what was left of her, lay nested in a mountain range; the saucer section smashed and the drive section crushed beyond recognition, killing all the unfortunate souls  who had the misfortune of working there the moment of the crash.

Casualty reports were still coming in, but it looked bad. Really bad. He and the bridge crew had only survived because they had been at the highest point when the ship fell. But right now he couldn’t even tell if that was a blessing or a curse. He couldn’t tell anything. 

The tent city was more or less fully erected now, but because of the limited space, crew had to bunk together. When Una told him that she would be his tentmate, he had only absently registered that. It was so hard to think, so hard to do anything.

After the orders had been given, he had helped with the construction of shelter as best as he could with his injuries–staunchly refusing more medical treatment to save resources–until Una had gently told him that he should save his energy. That was when he had started wandering, trying to get an overview of the crash site.

And when he finally saw the skeleton of his smashed ship, the saucer section forcefully separated from the drive section, ripped and torn apart, reality hit him with full force.

This planet would be their home now. Forever.

They would never again soar the stars, never again research strange space phenomena, never again return to Earth.

They would never fly again.

Exhausted, Chris sat down on a rock, resting his weary body. In a way he needed to see his dead ship, to take it in in full.

He had hoped that that view would shake him out of his apathy, drive the emptiness away, make him feel something, even though it was only pain, but everything still felt so dull, so far away. And so he made his way back to the shelter when the sun began to set. They had to save energy so only a few lamps were burning.

Spock was working on setting up some lighting arrangements powered by solar panels with the help of Pelia and Lieutenants Jørgensen and K’Nhai. At least they could get some renewable energy that way. Not enough to get the ship flying again, but enough to get some higher standard of living. Chris nodded to them before he walked over to his tent, took off his shoes, and slid inside, letting himself fall onto the mattress of the makeshift bed.

He let out a long sigh, turning around so he lay on his back, crossing his arms under his head and staring at the tent’s ceiling.

“How are you feeling?” he heard Una’s distinctive voice through the darkness.

“Like shit would be an understatement,” Chris sighed. “And you?”

“Let’s not go there,” Una mumbled.

“That bad, huh?”

“Worse.”

“I know,” Chris whispered, feeling her pain.

“And how is your head?”

“Oh just fine,” Chris lied, the headaches being a companion for the whole day.

“You sure you don’t want a hypo?”

“No, Una. We need them for more pressing matters. Don’t waste them on me.”

“You do know that you most likely have a concussion?” Her voice was heavy with worry.

“Yes, Una, I know.”

“And you do know that a head injury will affect your ability to command?” she went on. Chris felt her hand in the darkness on his arm. He turned to the side, trying to see her but all he could make out in the dark was the silhouette of her body. He could, however, feel the warmth she was emanating.

“It’s not that bad,” he tried to reassure her, but she snorted.

“Stop being extra, Chris. Right now, more than ever, we need you in top shape.”

He groaned. How could he tell Una that he actually wished for his mind to slip a bit, to make it easier to process the absolute catastrophe that had befallen them. That was irresponsible behavior. And of course, Una had sensed it and stopped him before he spiraled.

“You’re right,” he admitted.

He heard rustling when Una got up and opened the tent. She slipped out and Chris was alone in the darkness. Alone with his thoughts.

It felt as if he was alone in the universe. The large and hostile universe.

For a moment he imagined the tent walls would vanish, that he would lie under the night sky and see unfamiliar stars and constellations. Constellations he would probably get to know, if they managed to procure a stable source of food, because this, here, would be home for the rest of his life. He closed his eyes, fighting against the emptiness, the dull ache inside.

He knew  the emotions would come. He had gone through the motions of grief before, when he had lost crew members, his parents, friends, and even when he lost his future on Boreth. First came the numbness, until reality settled in. In that period he could function and be a cool, collected Captain. But when the grief hit him fully, when his emotions finally found their way to the surface, he’d need a break. So he dreaded when that moment came, when his crew needed him.

The tent rustled again and Una slipped inside. He felt her come closer, put a hand on his chest for stability, and then the familiar hiss of the hypo on his neck.

The pain immediately subsided, and he rubbed the spot where the medicine had entered his body.

“Thanks,” he said.

“Sure,” Una replied.

Then he heard her lie down next to him.

He reached out with his hand until it touched her uniform and he made stroking movements with his fingers.

“I’m so glad that you’re still with me, Una,” he said. “If we want to survive here, we need to work together. I… can’t do this without you.”

“Don’t forget that it was me who stranded us here,” she said tonelessly, but Chris felt her put her hand over his.

“It’s only because of your quick thinking that we are even having this conversation,” Chris reassured her. “And if there is one thing I’m grateful for, it’s that.”

“Let’s have this conversation again in a few months' time,” Una said. “I hope you won’t curse me then.”

“I would never curse you.”

“Yet.”

“Stop that, Una.”

He turned to the side to face her, even though he couldn’t see her, and reached out to grab her hands, pressing them to his chest.

He knew the pain she was feeling. It was his pain as well. The guilt, the self-reproach.

Having responsibility for many people was nice when it felt like Chris could improve those people’s lives, teach them something, take them somewhere they hadn’t been before. But right now that responsibility felt crushing and suffocating.

“Come here,” he whispered, offering his embrace and all the comfort it offered. She was his friend and she needed a hug. And if he was honest with himself, so did he.

She did indeed inched closer and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his embrace, her head resting on his chest.

She felt warm and alive, and he could feel the minute movement of her breathing. There was so much he wanted to tell her at that moment. Give her reassurances that she had done the right thing, tell her how much he needed her support and that her insight was invaluable.

But he simply held her, glad that in the immense loss they both had suffered, Una was not one of the casualties. Frankly, he didn’t know how he would have been able to go on without her.

They must have drifted off like that, because it was getting brighter outside when Chris awoke.

For a moment he had hoped that everything had just been a nightmare, but the tangible reminder of his Number One in his arms told him that it very much wasn’t.

Gently he stroked over Una’s hair, wishing he could provide her some more consolation.

“You did nothing wrong,” he quietly told her sleeping form, picking up their previous conversation.

“Neither did you,” Una replied drowsily and he felt sorry for having woken her. That hadn’t been his intention. “I was there, Chris. You didn’t have a chance.”

“Why doesn’t it feel like that?” he asked her.

“Why are you asking me?” she said. Gently she peeled herself from his arms and sat up, her long hair falling over her face. “I’ll tell you when I figure it out.”

She brushed her hair with her fingers and then made herself ready to start the day, both of them needing to relieve themselves after the night.

When she was almost out of the tent, she turned back once more.

“Do me a favor, Chris? When you figure it out first, how about you tell me.”

With that, she exited to begin the long day, in what would undoubtedly be a series of long days on their new, endless mission to survive this strange new world.

Chapter Text

Chapter 2 - Goddess of the Morning

On the third day they had scouted their intermediate surroundings, and had a relatively good idea where they were situated and what kind of landmarks were around the crash site, giving them points of orientation when venturing out into the wilderness.

The several scouting teams had combined their collected data so it was possible to create maps detailing a radius of approximately 3 kilometers around the camp. Luckily, there was a small river nearby, meaning that they had a reliable water supply. Also, the forest around them yielded edible roots, mushrooms and berries, as well as game, so  they wouldn’t run out of food until they could start coming up with more sustainable options such as agriculture.

At least the survivors wouldn’t starve to death here on this planet. It would be possible to make a living somehow. And maybe, at some point in the future, they could at least dwell somewhat comfortably and not huddled together in a tent city, eating scraps.

Right now the rest of the Enterprise crew, 143 souls, still scavenged the remains of their broken ship for anything usable, bound to come into contact with the remains of friends and comrades.

Chris eventually had to decide what to do with the bodies, but it was so hard even thinking about them; about Joseph and Christine and all the others who now lay mangled and broken inside the smashed corridors and rooms of the former Federation flagship.

The remains of the dead weighed heavily  on his conscience, each and every one of them.

He still hadn’t made up his mind whether the ship should become their last resting place, or if they should retrieve them and then bury them in the strange soil of this planet. If they chose the latter, it would mean burying over 100 bodies, maybe more, as there were still crewmembers unaccounted for. But that would also mean investing a lot of energy that they might need for other tasks–right now they were more or less exposed to the elements, the climate of this planet an unknown constant. Who knew what dangers awaited them? What harsh weather, what predatory animals?

Then again, their fallen comrades deserved more than just being left where they fell.

He would talk about this with Una.

In any case, he would soon hold a memorial service for all of them, conscious of the fact that he needed to fulfill some performative act that would strengthen their bond of community. What better way than a shared remembrance of beloved and missed friends.

But now he needed some peace and quiet to sort his thoughts. With each passing day it got harder getting up and performing his duties, being a captain and a contact person for his aching crew. The numbness had increased instead of going away. 

From his youth he knew that being alone in nature helped him to relax and calm his thoughts, both needed to retain a modicum of stability necessary to lead his people through this difficult situation.

They did a great job organizing themselves and they had achieved a lot in three days, but in the end it was him who gave the orders and who coordinated them. Him and Una, his unwavering shadow and his silent support.

The path led deeper into the mountain range. It was hard to determine whether this path was naturally occurring or the result of occasional usage. It was gravelly and full of leaves. But Chris felt compelled to follow it.

He knew from the maps that his crew had already compiled and his own scouting trips that the path led to a lake, and this morning he wanted to sit a bit at the lakeside before he stepped into his captain role again. The sun hadn’t risen yet, and the grayish light of beginning dawn illuminated the path just enough that Chris found his way without stumbling.

He walked past rock formations and underbrush, landmarks that would help him find his way back. By now he knew that he needed to pass a small hill that would then provide a breathtaking view of the lake.

But when he reached the hill this time he stopped in his tracks.

Somebody was already there!

Was the planet inhabited? Was he finally meeting one of the natives?

Quietly, Chris walked closer, careful not to startle the person at the shore. They had their back turned to him, so it was hard to make out their features in the dim light.

But the closer he got the more familiar the person got.

Una had shed her uniform and was now standing knee-deep in the water. She was completely naked as far as Chris could tell.

Soon after he had spotted her, she raised her arms towards the sky and sang a song of unfamiliar melody and words, a song that almost sounded like a prayer.

Her voice was bright and clear and confident at the same time, as if she knew these words by heart and put her soul into each of them. And if the language had been familiar to Chris he would have hung on  every word. But he didn’t, and so the contents of the song remained a mystery. She really had a beautiful singing voice, and the tune sounded so sad and hopeful at the same time that he couldn’t stop himself from listening, enraptured.

She continued singing until the sun began to rise over the mountains. And then she stopped. In the reddish light of dawn he could see her clearer than before, and he couldn’t help but notice her curves and well-formed backside. 

She had an extraordinary body.

It was not the first time he’d seen her naked, but it was the first time that the view stirred something in him, because there was such a fragile beauty and vulnerability to her lonesome morning ritual. He knew that Una had a vulnerable side and her beauty was out of question.

It was the combination that hit him unexpectedly.

He closed his eyes and exhaled, trying to stave off the heat that was rushing to his loins, his face reddening in shame. 

He had lost everything a Captain could lose, and the first thing that came into his mind was lusting after his First Officer and best friend? Intruding on this intimate moment without her knowledge, no less.

Pathetic.

He was better than that and Una deserved better than that. But at the same time he was so captivated by her that it was almost impossible to turn away.

Now that the sun was up, Una walked into the lake and was submerged by the water in seconds. He saw her diving and then washing her dark hair in the clear water before she started swimming into the sunrise.

When she was out of sight, Chris hid behind a tree and breathed in and out.

A part of him wanted to admonish her for endangering herself by going to that lake alone and swimming in unfamiliar water, but it seemed to him that she knew exactly what she was doing, as if coming to the lake was something she needed for her equilibrium. Also, if he did that, he would have to admit to watching her. 

He had the distinct feeling that the whole scene was not for anybody else’s eyes, and he didn’t want to take that away from Una by admitting to violating her privacy. Even though he hadn’t meant to initially.

But there was something else. Something about what he had just witnessed that irked him.

Ever since the crash, everything had been in a haze, his emotions dulled down. Seeing Una this morning and hearing her sing had been one of the few instances since the catastrophe that he had felt something, as inappropriate as it was.

Before she would discover him, Chris turned around and walked back to the camp to start the day.

With sunrise, the rest of the crew stirred and slowly emerged from their tents. For this day they had assigned more scouting parties and scavenging parties for food and water. The intermediate future would entail the start of a more permanent settlement out of the remains of the Enterprise.

“Captain,” Pelia greeted him when Chris entered the tent city. She was unusually glum and something gripped Chris’ throat. More bad news?

“What is it?” he asked her, trying to keep his voice level.

“We have a problem with our salvaged technology.”

Going through the remains of the shattered ship was difficult and dangerous. And harrowing. While the decks in the upper part of the saucer sections were somewhat easily accessible, it got increasingly harder the lower they got, until it became impossible. Still, Chris had sent small groups back into the ship to gather any useful technology they could find. 

Their main focus had been on tricorders, weapons and medkits, although they had also tried to salvage some of the computer consoles. Maybe with these components they could start building an emergency beacon to at least let Starfleet know what had happened to them, even though they couldn’t be rescued.

“In what way?” Chris asked, expecting the worst.

Pelia sighed. “The short version is that it will not work for much longer.”

“Meaning…?”

“Meaning that very soon we won’t have access to our tricorders and PADDs anymore. So it’s useless to invest more time into scrapping the ship for useful parts. They’ll stop being useful very soon.”

Chris rubbed his forehead.

He should have felt something when hearing this news, but it was just another addition to an already dire situation, feeding his inner void.

“Why?” he asked dutifully.

“The particles in the nebula that affected our ship’s systems are also found here on the planet, in slightly smaller concentrations. But they are interfering nonetheless, costing us almost all of our technology eventually. It will work for a little while longer, but not forever.”

So much for starting a small settlement with 23rd century amenities. At least they could use some of Enterprise’ s alloys as building materials and maybe they could scrap some of the furniture. If they finally chose a place to settle down. But before they did that there was still a lot to do.

“What about the medkits?”

“The hyposprays aren’t affected by this phenomenon but the regenerators are, as with all technology,” Pelia explained. “However, with so many wounded, I’m afraid our medical supplies won’t last much longer either.”

She handed Chris a sheet of paper with a list written on it in neat handwriting.

“As the PADDs will stop working soon, I took the liberty of taking down our current stock of supplies the old-fashioned way.”

Chris took the paper and glanced at it. It didn’t look… great. Their medkits were almost depleted as it were, but at least they still had enough rations going around.

“Thank you, Pelia,” he told her. “If there is anyone here who knows how to live with little to no technology, it’s you, so we might need to learn from you.”

Even though she was now doomed to spend the rest of her long existence on that planet with them, Chris was glad to have her and her experiences in this particular situation now.

Pelia smiled sadly at that and nodded. “I’ll see what I can do.” 

Then she turned around and Chris watched her vanishing between the tents and the other survivors.

That was when Una entered the camp, coming from the same direction as Chris, hair wet and tied together. Images of her naked form appeared before Chris’ inner eye and he closed them shut.

This was neither the time nor the place to indulge in such fantasies, no matter how fresh the imagery and he felt an irrational anger rising in himself.

“Where have you been, Commander?” he asked her, emphasizing her rank, attempting to stave off any inclination of intimacy.

“I needed to take care of something, Captain,” she answered primly, and Chris knew that he wouldn’t get a good answer out of her, at least not in front of the others and especially not if he pried.

“I would appreciate it if you informed me of any venturing outside of the camp,” he told her sharply. It should have come from a place of worry, but for some reason it came out more harshly than intended.

The way Una’s eyebrows raised and her lips parted he knew that his remark had hurt her. But then something strange happened. He felt… elated by the small modicum of power he held over her. And it was a weirdly satisfying sensation, especially after what Pelia had just told him.

“Yes, sir,” she said quietly, and Chris immediately felt sorry. It was miserable that the only thing that made him feel something came at Una’s expense. But then he thought again about her naked form and he knew that he had to create some distance between her and himself  before he said or did something inappropriate.

“I would also like for you to be present when important things are discussed, Commander,” he snapped. And although he meant this one, because he needed Una’s additional set of eyes and ears, he opted for the sharper tone here as well.

“Yes, sir.” Another quiet affirmation.

He rubbed his temples again, fully aware just how nasty he was being to Una. But how could he possibly tell her that he had seen her? And that a part of him was punishing her for something that he had done, not her. Or that another part of him had just put her down to make himself feel better? He had rarely treated her like this, their command relationship was usually on eye level, their difference in rank more a formality than something that influenced their daily lives.

But their daily lives were blasted to hell. New dynamics would soon follow.

He handed Una Pelia’s sheet of paper. “This is our current stock, as taken by Pelia.”

She frowned as she took it and skimmed over it before handing it back to Chris. “I understand,” she said quietly.

“No, you don’t,” Chris hissed. He should have stopped here, stopped at verbally kicking Una for unwittingly doing something that had affected him . But now that he had started it was hard to stop, because pushing his void onto her made him temporarily forget his inner emptiness. “Because you weren’t there.”

She opened her mouth to say something and he half expected a sassy or at least recalcitrant reply, as she had usually done when he overstepped his bounds. He even hoped for it. But somehow he seemed to have struck a nerve. She closed her mouth again.

“I don’t need you wandering off while important ship’s business is discussed. Understood, Commander?” Chris went on, still seeking that disturbingly strange high from his first admonishment.

Una held her gaze but she blushed a bit, either out of anger or embarrassment or both.

“Yes, sir.”

“Pelia has just informed me that we will lose all of our technology soon. PADDs, tricorders and computers are affected by the same forces that made us lose control of the Enterprise in the nebula,” he told Una curtly.

“So we need to focus our efforts on gathering more local resources to use for our survival?” she asked.

“That, and we’ll lose a lot of our conveniences. No food synthesizers anymore,” Chris added, another dig. “We can use the salvaged technology as long as it continues working, but we can no longer rely on it.”

“We’ll manage,” Una informed him neutrally. “I’m more concerned about our lack of medical resources, because injuries and illnesses will happen.”

“I agree. We need to save up as much as we can, but at the same time we should treat any injuries now, especially since the regenerators will become useless from overuse anyway before they waste away. We can hold onto the hypos a while longer.”

“I can do another stocktaking at the end of the day and then we can see how much we used up,” Una offered. “In the meantime I’ll relay your orders that injuries should be treated.”

She stiffened a bit, taking up her command posture. “That includes your concussion, sir.”

Una calling him ‘sir’ hurt. But she was only reacting to what Chris had done, accepting the distance he had created. And he already regretted it. But it was too late. He couldn’t turn back now without losing face.

“I will have that taken care of,” he told her and then disengaged from the conversation before he made it worse.

Since they didn’t have a sickbay, and more importantly any medical personnel any longer, one small part of the tent city had been reserved for injured crew. There Chris found several Lieutenants from the Science department who had taken on responsibility for the crew’s health since the crash. They were responsible in the way that they scanned the wounded with a Tricorder and used up the medkit resources, as they had only their first aid knowledge to rely on. Strangely enough, Pelia was among them. Chris hadn’t expected to find her here after their previous conversation.

“I thought you were an Engineer,” he approached her.

“Captain, I don’t think there’s anything I haven’t been in my lifetime, and right now my services as an engineer have outlived themselves. I know a bit about traditional healing methods, so maybe this is the right place for me?”

Chris just nodded, too tired to argue with her, and sat down on one of the crates.

“I think I have a concussion,” he said.

“A Captain without a clear head,” Pelia remarked and loaded up a hypo. “That’s a new one.”

Chris thought back to what Una had told him and winced. She had seen it before he had, and she had kept a cool head ever since the crash. He knew that she was hurting, too, she just had a different strategy to cope than him.

And maybe that little morning ritual helped her to stay focused.

Again he saw her naked form in the lake, water droplets on her pale skin and pressed his eyes shut. He wanted to blame these thoughts on the concussion, but he wasn’t quite sure. He only knew that the crash of his ship would test his friendship with Una in ways Chris couldn’t predict. And he was afraid of that.

This evening, when he crawled into the tent with Una, she lay on her side, her back turned to Chris, and even though he didn’t know whether she was asleep or not, it signaled that she didn’t want to talk with him. He had hurt her.

“Listen, um… Una…” he said, unsure what to tell her.

Her blanket rustled as she sat up, facing him.

“You were right, Chris,” she said quietly. “I shouldn’t have left the camp without saying anything. But I was…”

“No, don’t tell me,” he said immediately. He wanted to preserve her privacy in that moment, to leave her the one thing that seemed to give her strength, but she looked down, obviously understanding it as if he weren’t interested in what she was about to tell him. “Just… make sure you’re here when it matters,” he added.

“Yes, sir,” Una mumbled.

Chris briefly contemplated apologizing, trying to explain what had gotten into him. But in the end, he also rolled to his side, not saying a word, unable to do so.

When he awoke again, Una wasn’t there.

And when he crawled out of the tent, he knew exactly where she was.

This time, Chris walked to the lake with the full knowledge that Una would be there, singing, praying, whatever it was that she did. And this time he followed her on purpose. It was still dark. Una was earlier than the day before, likely taking his reprimand to heart, and in a way, Chris was glad about that. He wouldn’t be able to see her in the darkness–and she wouldn’t be able to see him.

But this time he wasn’t there to ogle at her, as much as he admired her female form. He was here for another stupid reason: he needed to hear her voice, the clear singing, the foreign words, whatever they meant.

When he had heard them the last time, they had touched something in his shattered heart, Una’s song carrying so much purity and pain.

He leaned against a tree, hidden from her, and closed his eyes. And then he let his tears flow, spurred on by the sad and melancholic melody of her beautiful voice.

He slid down on the tree, not caring that the bark would scratch his back, his hands on his face, and he started sobbing–uncontrollably and silently–his bottled up emotions finally finding their way to the surface.

He cried for lost friends. He cried for lost chances. He cried for a lost future. He even cried for Una, who was the only one who could reach him, touch his deepest core, while she clearly suffered herself. He cried until there were no more tears left. And then he rested his head on his knees.

Usually crying made him feel better, but when the sobs subsided, the emptiness was still inside him, threatening to devour him.

He left before Una returned from her swim, none the wiser that he had followed her again. Both of them had their little secret to carry now. Hers that she sneaked away to perform an almost religious ritual, and his that he followed her to witness it, because he found strength in what she did – in her voice, her song, and her unknown words.

It had to be some Illyrian prayer or song, but Chris didn’t want to know about it. The mystery was part of the appeal.

He was back in his tent when Una returned and it was still dark.

This went on for several more days and although Chris knew that Una was technically disobeying orders, he let it slide for now. He pretended to be asleep when she returned, listening to her slipping inside her sleeping bag again, remembering her voice and what it did to him.

On the sixth day they finally held the memorial service. After some discussion with Una and La’An they had settled on letting the ship be the final resting place of all the crew lost in the catastrophe. They had salvaged what was salvageable and there was no more reason to enter the remains of the ship now – making it a fitting coffin for those who had lost their lives trusting that the Enterprise would keep them safe. In addition, the logistics of carrying dozens of bodies out of the ship to bury them would strain their tight resources and morale to a degree that was simply not manageable.

After that was settled, Chris organized the day and ordered each one of the survivors to create one or two small tokens of remembrance for the dead, so that they would have one for each soul lost. Chris himself would do one for his old friend Joseph M’Benga and Jenna Mitchell, and he knew that Una would do one for Christine Chapel and Samuel Kirk. When he had spare time he sat down to carve their names into a stone he found, adding the Starfleet logo and embellishing the stone to the best of his abilities.

It was a slow and meditative task, one that helped him remember and let go at the same time, and he preferred to be alone for that.

And then they all gathered in a clearing next to the shattered ship. Everyone present had brought their token of remembrance.

“This will make a beautiful graveyard,” Una whispered to Chris, holding hers close. It also was made from stone but Chris couldn’t make out how she had worked on it. 

Chris looked at her, at her stony features that betrayed nothing of the grief she surely felt, and realized that this was the first time in days she said something that had nothing to do with ship’s business, her remark trying to sound uplifting in a situation where words of consolation didn’t suffice.

“That was the plan,” he told her. The tokens were intended to serve as substitute headstones, giving them a place to visit and remember friends and loved ones.

“How are you?” she asked, worry and sincerity clear in her eyes. Chris thought back to their first night on this planet and the support and comfort they had given each other. It had felt good and natural then and he wished he could return to that. But somehow Una’s lake visits and his secret following had pushed an invisible barrier between them, making it so hard to connect to her as much as he wanted to.

He shook his head, avoiding her gaze. 

What should he tell her? He felt like a failure. Like a pathetic excuse for a human being. Like a fish out of water. He had failed all of them. His crew, Starfleet, and Una, too. Especially Una.

“I’m coping,” he said noncommittally and Una nodded thoughtfully.

“Me too,” she admitted quietly.

Hugging her would be nice now. But he didn’t deserve a hug from her any longer. And so he continued walking until he found a slightly exposed place in the clearing where he thought that he could be heard by everyone present.

The Starfleet handbook contained a detailed outline on how to perform funeral services as a Captain, a strict set of rituals to be followed and what kinds of speeches to hold. The Starfleet handbook had burned to dust and Chris hated speeches. Besides this was not a memorial for one or a few crewmembers - this was a memorial for the majority of the crew.

He couldn’t find comfort in the Starfleet way. Besides, he had never been one for oratory, and it already stressed him out that so many eyes were on him.

He swallowed.

“Remember,” Una whispered next to him, “this is for the living, not the dead.”

He nodded and closed his eyes, pushing down the void, trying to find emotions that he could muster to do this properly.

He cleared his throat and lifted his token. 

“Today we want to say goodbye to many dear friends and colleagues, Starfleet’s brightest and finest. And I would be lying if I said that their loss didn’t weigh heavily on my mind.” 

Conscience. He had led them to their demise.

“The stories we can tell about them would fill many books and would keep us awake many a night. And I am sure, all of you have stories in your heart, about your bunkmates, about your shift colleagues, about the one time you were part of an away team and things went sideways. Stories are what keeps people alive and we need to remember that, because as long as we remember, they will remain with us, will guide us and give us comfort when things get bleak.

Stories remind us that we are alive to tell the tale, give us purpose to stay alive, because if we didn't tell them, who would?

I cannot promise you anything about what the future will hold, but I can promise one thing – I will do my damndest to stay alive, to find a way to live on this planet, so that their sacrifice will not be in vain. Because it is what they deserve, and because it’s what they would do.

I could now quote the famous Starfleet truism that everyone we are mourning today ‘knew the risks’ and they probably did, but I find no consolation in that. The universe is dark and dangerous, but also immensely beautiful, and it is that beauty that drives us out to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations and to boldly go where no one has gone before.” He chuckled sadly, quoting one of Starfleet’s core tenets. “And that is an amazing thing to do. But it stops being amazing when people die. When ships get lost. When crews strand. And as much as they knew the risks, they signed up for exploration, not death.

But we are left to honor them for their decision and their bravery. We are strong and resourceful, we are still Starfleet’s finest. And even if we will never leave this place, we can eventually find solace and consolation… and maybe even a home.”

That felt like such a lie and his voice started to waver.

“I have made my token for Joseph M’Benga, my old friend and comrade who wore his battle scars with pride and found a new purpose in saving lives instead of taking them. He was wise and kind and a hell of a doctor. I trusted him with my life and he saved me so many times. I have made another token for Lieutenant Jenna Mitchell, who was a dedicated operations officer and a connoisseur of classical music who was in the process of learning how to play the violin. She had a promising career ahead of her.”

Chris stepped forward and put his two tokens on the ground, and then he let Una take over, as they had discussed. “My token is for Christine Chapel, the friendly face of sickbay who cared for everyone with empathy and love.” They had long debated whether Spock would get this token, but in the end it was Spock who had agreed to let Una remember Christine, the pain obviously still too fresh for him. Chris saw him only barely at the edge of the clearing, holding two tokens of his own. “Christine approached everyone with the same attitude of kindness and understanding. She will be greatly missed.”

Her voice was as bright and clear as it was at the lake and it seemed to Chris as if he could faintly hear her song in the way she was intoning the words. She had her face fully under control, but he could see the strain. She was holding it together because she had to, probably feeling the same void as he did. But watching her, hearing her talk was comforting in its own way. She just had that all-encompassing air of empathy that she had just attributed to Christine, being an extremely approachable First Officer for the entire crew, especially when Chris was unavailable.

“Samuel Kirk will be remembered by my second token. His unorthodox approach to his work was often irritating but successful at the same time, and I often felt I could learn from him in the way he looked at things. His humor and his insights will be dearly missed.” With those words Una put her tokens down.

And then the clearing began to fill as the rest of the crew followed suit. Those who felt they needed to say something stepped forward, finding words of remembrance for their fallen colleague or friend while others mourned silently, but at the end of the day, the clearing was filled with nearly 300 small headstone tokens.

Like Una had predicted – a graveyard, a place of memory.

It was not ideal, but it was what the living needed: A dedicated space of mourning, and the opportunity to let go.

When it was over, Chris tried to get away from it all, needing solitude after the overwhelming clash of emotions, heavy and sad.

And when he returned to the tent, Una was fast asleep.

He didn’t want to rouse her, but he knew that she would sneak out again later. And she did, again ignoring his order. This time he didn’t follow her. But he waited for her on her return.

“Where have you been?” he asked, trying to keep all emotion out of his voice, afraid that it would betray him otherwise.

“I made sure to return before the day started,” she replied evasively.

“You didn’t answer the question.”

“Because you didn’t want to hear the answer last time I tried to tell you,” she said calmly. And it was true, he hadn’t. Still, behind Una’s calm demeanor he could hear the slight tremble in her voice, the hurt.

And Chris felt lousy pretending to discipline her for something that he had also profited from.

“Do you want to come with me next time?” Una asked tentatively after a time of silence. “I could… show you?”

A cold hand squeezed at Chris’ heart and he swallowed. The trust Una had in him was so absolute that she would share such an intimate moment, one that was hers and hers alone. Something he had had no right to ever witness. But she would let him.

Because she was his friend.

Because she felt that maybe she could share something with him that had meaning.

Because it did something for her and she believed that perhaps it would do something for him, too.

But Chris had already betrayed that trust, tainted that intimacy by following her. He had no right to receive it from Una now, when she was offering to share her secrets.

“No, thank you,” he said coldly, feeling the weight of his refusal, along with his betrayal, settle into the pit of his stomach.

“As you wish,” came the muffled reply, and it sounded as if there was a hint of disappointment in her voice.

The next day she had stopped going. And she never went again after that. 

Chapter Text

Chapter 3 - The Star People

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into nearly a month, and with each passing day the survivors of the Enterprise learned new things. They would not starve on this planet. They would survive. But with their technology failing, it wasn’t really living, let alone thriving, merely existing. Even the solar panels that had provided some sort of energy had given out eventually due to the planet’s unique particulate concentrations.

However, when doing inventory, La’An and Spock had uncovered several crates of seeds for different fruit and vegetables and the whole surviving science department had set out to create several beds to plant them and secure a more stable source of nutrition in the long run. They were even in the process of building greenhouses from scavenged materials.

Slowly but steadily the tent city underwent the transformation into something more permanent, although the foundations for that were small and the building process tedious.

It still was a perpetual camping trip from hell, and Chris couldn’t fathom that at one point of his life he’d actually enjoyed sleeping in a tent. The prospect of doing that for some time more, spending his days gathering resources and slowly building a community, didn’t appeal to him at all.

Even getting out of bed in the morning was hard, everything exhausting and taxing.

The only bright spot through all of that was Una and having her close by, but even here things weren’t as they used to be. Something had shifted in their relationship, an almost imperceptible rift having opened.

And for the first time in his life he didn’t know how to talk about it with her, didn’t even know where to start.

Talking in general had become hard, feeling even harder with each passing day. And so he had retreated, focussing his energy on being a leader, to giving orders and advice.

Una did the same. On the surface they were still the command duo they had always been, but though they continued to share the same tent, their talks had become rarer, more detached.

Chris often laid awake, arms crossed under his head, staring at the ceiling of his tent, listening to Una beside him, and longed to reconnect to her in the way they had comforted each other after the crash.

But he couldn’t. If he did, he felt he would have to admit to her what he had done, and that was even worse than continuing to push her away. Distancing himself meant that he didn’t have to burden her with his complicated, unpleasant feelings.

He could protect her from the mess he was. It was better that way.

Una could hear Chris’ even breathing next to her and she knew that he was awake, brooding. He was only on arm’s length away from her, but it seemed that a whole universe separated them now. She would have loved to reach out, to connect to him, but he had become withdrawn and short, uninterested in any kind of comfort she had to offer. She saw that he suffered quietly – it was easy for her to recognize his tells, but at the same time, she had become the last person to do something about it. 

She had betrayed his trust. As his First Officer she should have shown more restraint, and he had been right for calling her out on that unprofessional behavior. And when she had tried to explain it to him, he had rightfully shut her down. What the hell had she been thinking?

When she had realized how much it had hurt him that she had snuck away, she had stopped, but the damage was done. And Una didn’t know how to apologize without making things more awkward between them.

Instead she had focussed on her duties, on the crew in need of a sympathetic ear, had accepted Chris’ reprimands when she had again slipped up or overlooked something, and waited for him.

And suddenly, a horrific clarity overcame her.

He did blame her. He had promised that he wouldn’t, but ever since then, they had gone through one setback after the next – no more technology, unsteady food supplies, unhygienic surroundings, and they had lost several more crew members to their injuries.

Their perpetual suffering was her fault. She should have been brave enough to let them die a quick death.

But of course Chris could never tell her that. So he shut her out, as he was prone to do with others when he was mulling over a problem.

Una had lost the privilege to be his comfort person. And it was her own damn fault.

The feather scratched over the paper, letters slowly forming. Names. Dates. Everything. With the PADDs bound to fail, Pelia had insisted that they would try to preserve as much knowledge as possible, falling back on putting  words to paper. And so the survivors had committed themselves to the task of copying everything from the PADDs they deemed worthwhile for continued survival and further use. Chemical formulas, blueprints, medical information, history and much more. All written down in a frantic race against time.

Chris had chosen a stone a bit further away from the settlement on which to sit down and work on his task. From here, he could overlook the ‘scriptorium’ as Pelia had aptly named it – a wooden hut with wooden benches, where crewmembers sat and wrote at all possible times, whenever they had a moment to spare. PADDs were collected there in a basket in the middle, as well as paper, ink and quills – the latter materials gathered and harvested from local resources. Outside was a large tub of water where the paper was being processed out of leaves and other plants, before the sheets got hung up to dry. On another wooden rack they collected the skin of hunted animals to make parchment out of, a sturdier and more durable material to write things on. In a second hut they stored all the notes they had taken down, bound into little books, a small ‘library’. Una had taken to organizing that, making sure information was neatly sorted and not copied several times. And she had quickly learned how to bind books. Pelia had been a good teacher in that regard. She had an absolute knack for this kind of thing, so much so that Chris wondered how much time she had spent in medieval monasteries, spreading mischief and chaos. Her presence would at least explain some of the strange illuminations found in medieval manuscripts from Earth. When he had asked her, she had simply smiled enigmatically and handed Chris a notebook, an inkpot with the Starfleet Delta engraved on it, and a customized writing feather in yellow, saying that he’d better get writing.

And so he did. He copied everything that he deemed necessary, and on the side, as a personal project, he took down all the names of the casualties, committed to learn them by heart and to remember details about each and every one of them.

And when he did that, he sat alone, just as he did now, watching the others bustle, but needing the calm, the concentration.

Chris liked physical books. They had such a tangibility over PADDs, the way his fingers could move over the rough paper, the way one could start reading in the middle, the smell of them. He’d even had some of them in his quarters and sometimes Una had borrowed one, bringing it back in pristine condition.

He had been possessive of his books, most of them antique, but he had always trusted Una with them. Now they were lost forever, perished after having existed for so long, another reminder of the transience of things. But the one book he really missed was his collection of recipes, a family heirloom in which everyone had added more recipes, or a modification of one, a physical manifestation of Chris’ origins and roots.

The books here were new, amateur, an awkward attempt to preserve memories before they got lost. But in a way they also symbolized their tenacity and their spirit of adventure, to try out new things. It was the one thing Chris started to like about their new existence.

And it trained his hand. He hadn’t written for so long that it was difficult in the beginning. And so, at one point, when the most important things were committed to paper, he felt the need to write down his favorite recipes again – if he still remembered them.

He sighed and continued with his notetaking.

In the following weeks the camp and the library grew, a concentrated effort from all of them. Seeing growth, seeing something being created out of nothing, filled Chris with hope that they did perhaps have a chance on this planet, their losses notwithstanding. It felt good to participate and contribute, and it also meant that as long as he was preoccupied with manual labor that he didn’t have to engage with his own thoughts. And Una.

He often watched her as she made the rounds through the camp, talking, listening, being present and probably trying to take on the role of a counselor in the process. He tried to be approachable, too, but he had taken on a different style than her.

For him it was joining crew members when they felled trees and made shelves or trunks or other pieces of furniture out of them. Getting involved. Not shirking the hard work. And talking with them in the process.

For her it was emotional availability. Listening. Paying attention.

Although he, too, made the rounds, and she also helped with any manual labor that had to be done. 

But while they tried their best to be there for the others, they conveniently forgot to be there for each other. They still shared the same tent and slept next to one another, but their talks had decreased in frequency, both of them preoccupied with the events of the day, or at least pretending to be.

They both had lost something, something that had connected them before. Something valuable.

Their friendship.

Or at least that was what Chris had thought until he found the crate one day. It stood in front of the tent and he stumbled over it when he went to emerge for his morning ritual.

It was a simple metal crate, one of the Enterprise standard cargo crates. Not particularly large, but also not particularly small. The camp was full of them, as they had stored their rations and supplies in them.

The difference was that somebody had written “Christopher Pike” on this crate with huge black letters in flowery handwriting. Chris knew that handwriting even though he hadn’t seen it very often on the Enterprise . He had always admired the way Una curved her letters, the evenness of it. It was very neat and beautiful.

Una, however, was nowhere in sight, having obviously gotten up earlier than him. For a moment, he contemplated looking for her, but then his curiosity got the better of him. He knelt down and put both of his hands on the crate, clicking the locks.Then he put his hands on the lid and slowly pushed it upwards.

When he finally peeked into the crate he gasped, feeling the familiar sting of tears in his eyes. With shaking hands he reached into it, pulling the contents out, stroking it.

“Una, you shouldn’t have,” he whispered, feeling a lump of guilt in his throat. He had neglected her out of fear on how to approach her. And she had probably felt the same. And still she had tried to find a point of connection, observant as ever.

Carefully, Chris took his recipe book out of the crate, dusting it with his finger and pressing it close. Only then he realized the sheet of paper that was lying under it. He took it.

“I’m sorry for disobeying orders again, but I felt that this is important to you,” stood there in the same flowery writing.

Una had returned to the wreck in secret and against standing orders. She had endangered herself, found his quarters, retrieved the book, and put it in a crate.

Because she knew it meant something to him.

A peace offering.

A chance.

And Chris was adamant to take it, to talk to her at the next best opportunity. 

But it never came.

The next day they came at sunrise. It was a group of people clad in colorful clothes, riding on horse-like animals, with one wagon pulled by one of the creatures. Chris had seen them approaching while he was washing himself and quickly put on his uniform.

The newcomers answered one question that had been lingering in the survivors’ collective consciousness all this time: Was this planet inhabited?

It was, but whether this meant good news or bad remained to be seen. Had they not been attacked, it would have been a scientific marvel that a planet in such a hostile area of space could bear life. Now, it could spell death or salvation, depending on the inhabitants’ disposition. But one thing was certain – they didn’t have the same technology as the Federation, making a cultural clash inevitable. Even without the loss of their technology the Enterprise survivors would still heavily influence this society, but Chris couldn’t care less about the Prime Directive now. He only cared for the lives of his remaining crew members and how to protect them.

“Who is your leader?” a male voice called out through the tent city. It was a loud, booming voice, and Chris saw heads emerge from the tents, curious and drowsy. He didn’t have to look to know that Una was standing behind him. From the corner of his eye he noticed that she was wearing her uniform, trying to be as clean and tidy as was possible at short notice. 

“I see you have learned,” he told her quietly, trying hard not to wince at himself. He had wanted to thank her for the recipe, instead, like a bad reflex, he was again picking on her.

“Yes,” Una replied just as quietly. “I have.”

Returning to this sore topic was like scratching a scab. Chris knew it was unhealthy and damaging, but he was irresistibly drawn to it. At this point he wondered himself why he felt it necessary to take repeated digs at her for something that was, all things considered, small and unimportant to him. Even more so because he believed that the ritual at the lake had been important to her – until he had ruined it for her. Nonetheless, each time he resorted to that behavior, he felt something, a bit of power in a situation of powerlessness. But that wasn’t even the whole of it.

A part of him hoped that she would finally snap and challenge him, or make a sassy comment telling him to cut the crap. But she never did.

Maybe he just wanted to see that she also felt something. Anything.

But every jab ended with her almost timid surrender. She never contradicted. And that was not the Una he knew. The Una he knew would have told him her opinion in no uncertain terms. The Una he knew would have stood her ground and told him to stop. The Una he knew would have jabbed back at him.

And maybe he just wanted to elicit the old Una under the mountain of grief and shame she surely felt. Because each time she agreed with him, a part of him died inside.

“Good,” he told her. And then he turned away from her, his attention on the strange visitors. He stepped forward.

“I am!” he said loudly. “I am… was…” He exchanged an uncertain glance with Una, but she just looked at him askance. “I am Captain Christopher Pike of the Federation starship Enterprise .” A Federation captain’s standard greeting in first contact situations, and most likely the last time Chris would ever utter that particular sentence.

Chris stood out in his yellow uniform between the gray tents. There were not many people left wearing that uniform color.

Una. Una was left. He beckoned her to join him. She was the leader of this ragtag group as much as he was. He couldn’t deny her this.

The strange delegation with the wagon and the strange, horse-like animals came closer. Chris counted five men, dressed for travels on the road. The animals carried all sorts of gear needed for wilderness survival, and if he assessed the situation correctly they had traveled to the crash site with the express purpose of finding out what had landed on their planet. They must have seen the ship go down and had been sent to investigate – and the way they had prepared themselves meant that the nearest settlement was more than a day’s trip away. Especially since they had only now reached the tent city.

The moment they laid eyes on him and Una a strange commotion started among them, and the men were murmuring among themselves.

That was not a good sign.

One of the men stepped forward. His clothes seemed a bit more elaborate than the ones of his companions, but despite their colors they were clothed sturdily and practically: boots, trousers, shirts and cloaks. This one had embroidery on his cloak that the others lacked.

He made an elaborate bow before putting his hand on his chest.

“Are you… the Star People?” 

Chris exchanged an uneasy glance with Una. 

The Prime Directive existed for a reason. He believed in that reason and in Starfleet's core tenet. But how could they not interfere with this civilization when they had no chance of hiding themselves nor removing themselves from the situation.

“We have traveled the stars, yes,” he answered noncommittally. Never again.

Again the men started murmuring.

“But now you grace us with your eternal presence, Star King!” the man said.

“You could say so,” Chris answered him, rubbing the back of his head. “But with whom do I have the honor?”

“Forgive me, Star King, for not telling you. My name is Rheoden, I am the First Scout of our esteemed ruler, The Exalted Vashkane and I was sent here to investigate the shooting star over the mountains.”

“The ‘shooting star’ you are referring to is my ship.” Chris turned around to show Rheoden the wreckage that was impossible to overlook. “It fell from the sky after we had some trouble.”

“It could be seen from all over the lands,” Rheoden said. “A sign that the Star People have arrived. And I have the honor to meet you first, Star King.” 

First Rheoden bowed down, then his whole delegation followed and Chris watched awkwardly while they did this.

“We are no royalty,” Una stepped forward to say. “Just travelers who lost their way.” 

Her intervention, however, had the opposite effect.

As soon as Rheoden and his men saw her, they fell on their knees. “The Golden King and His Dark Queen,” they murmured.

Chris exchanged an awkward glance with Una. He didn’t like the direction of that conversation one bit. And he sure as hell didn’t like people kneeling in front of him.

“Please,” he said weakly, “there must be a misunderstanding, we are neither king nor queen, just… stranded travelers.”

“This woman,” Rheoden said, looking up and pointing to Una, “what is she to you?”

“This is Commander Una Chin-Riley, my second-in-command, advisor and confidante,” Chris said immediately. He could see the minuscule movement in Una’s face when he mentioned the last word, as if it had an impact on her.

“So she rules with you?” Rheoden asked again.

“In a sense, but as she said, we’re no royalty.”

“We take care of our group of travelers and make sure that they are safe,” Una added.

Again the men began to mumble among themselves.

“It is you,” Rheoden then said confidently, “It must be you. The promised Star People! You are the Golden King and she is your Dark Queen with hair like the night sky, just as was foretold.”

Chris looked down on his dirty and worn yellow uniform that could be interpreted as golden. And then he paled.

Zhelyen, the capital of the Aeynlarr Empire, was a marvel to behold and Chris was sad that Una couldn’t see it, but somebody had to take care of their camp while he was away. Instead he was taking La’An and Uhura with him. The former as his bodyguard and the latter because he needed a language expert and somebody culturally sensitive. At least their universal translator wouldn’t betray them according to Pelia.

He had asked her before leaving, but since the devices were embedded in their brains, they were protected from the detrimental environmental influences that claimed all the rest of their technology.

Chris had seen the necessity to go with Rheoden and his delegation. He had to make contact with these people, establish his presence, discuss that prophecy nonsense they were referring to and try to come to a mutually beneficial agreement that would serve his survivors and the planet’s inhabitants likewise.

He just wanted to be left in peace, not infringe on any of the civilization’s development more than necessary, and perhaps trade with them if necessary.

While it was good that the planet was fertile enough to harbor intelligent life, people who could aid them, it also bore uncertainty and he had to be careful. Especially since these people clearly saw him and Una as some sort of religious figure.

A dangerous path.

He still wanted to keep his influence on that culture minimal. But before that, he first had to find out what kind of culture that was.

The planet’s inhabitants looked humanoid enough, but were slightly smaller than humans on average. Their skin, like the colors of the sunset, ranged from orange through different hues of purple and blue, to almost translucent. The men wore their silvery hair long in elaborate braids. They were a pretty people. Different, but pretty.

And he was curious to see their settlements. To see how their architecture had developed. Because, Chris had learned while encountering so many different cultures over the years, that their architecture told something about who they were and what values they shared.

At one point during their travels he had finally mustered the courage to ask whether he was allowed to ride on one of those horse-like animals that Rheoden called cashoon . Before he had done so, he had watched the men care for them and found out that there wasn’t much difference in the treatment between them and horses. They needed food and water just as any other living being, and like horses they seemed to eat plants. The men made sure to give the animals enough rest, and so they slowly but steadily made their way down from the mountains where a large valley awaited them. Strangely enough, that whole valley seemed to be uninhabited, because if it had been populated, his scouts would have reported it. Instead it was grassland as far as the eye reached and up to the next mountain range that the group seemed to have chosen as a destination.

Sitting on the back of the large and gentle cashoon enabled Chris to take in more of his surroundings, to write another mental map of the lay of the land, although he and his team were already frantically drawing maps on the way, comparing them and adding things that the others have missed, eager to take as much down as they needed to find their way.

It took five days to reach the first village. It consisted of painted round clay houses, built into the foot of the mountain and a few farms with unfamiliar animals. But Rheoden chose not to rest there, making Chris, La’An and Uhura hide in the wagon. He didn’t want to raise a commotion before having introduced the strangers to his leader it seemed.

From then on, the land was more cultivated, more villages, and even fields, but the population density wasn’t particularly high – they could still sleep outside settled areas.

It took another two weeks to reach the capital city, Zhelyen. And that was a sight to behold. Zhelyen was nestled between two smaller mountains that were separated by a river. The city sprawled around the river and into the mountains and there was a large bridge crossing the river, connecting the two mountains in the process and on that bridge a palace-like structure was erected, with twisted towers and with blue walls and symbols that looked like they represented water. Chris couldn’t make out more from the distance, but he was sure that there were several ports on that river, probably even under the bridge.

They were stopped at the city gates but when Rheoden identified himself, they were quickly waved through. The streets were bustling with life – people transported goods on their carts, merchants were advertising their wares behind market stalls, and it smelled like fish and tang. The river was obviously nearby and likely led to one of the planet’s oceans as rivers were wont to do. Behind the houses Chris could make out masts of ships, but the wagon didn’t stop, bringing them closer to the palace. He was sure that this was their destination.

Eventually they stopped at the foot of the bridge.

Rheoden opened the door of the wagon.

“Esteemed Star King, esteemed handmaids, I need to ask you to disembark here,” he said with a flourish.

And so they climbed out of the wagon to find themselves in front of a metal elevator.

“The sky-climb will bring you to the Coveted Halls of the Exalted Vashkane,” Rheoden explained.

“Is that thing safe?” La’An mumbled. She moved closer and inspected the metal cage. It was connected to a winch and fixed with several iron chains.

“We know at least that these people have some knowledge of physics and that they can handle metalwork,” Uhura whispered back.

“As if the wagon and the bridles of these cashoon hadn’t been an indication,” La’An said.

“True, but this is another level of craftsmanship. They are of course not even close to warp-capable, but they appear intelligent and inventive,” Uhura explained.

“Let’s just hope that they can be reasoned with,” La’An said. “If they decide to turn on us we don’t stand a chance at all.”

“Only one way to find out,” Chris interrupted the two, trying to sound lighter than he felt. Then he stepped into the elevator and held himself tight. When everybody was inside, Rheoden closed the cage and stepped over to a wheel that he started turning so that the elevator went upwards.

As they ascended, Chris could finally take another glance at the city. Along the river there were indeed port facilities and he could see lots of ships being anchored there, being loaded and unloaded. Cargo was being transported. Around the harbor areas seemed to be the poorer quarters of the city, whereas the houses nestled in the mountains were of better quality, indicating wealth. He followed the river to the horizon, and realized that it flowed into the direction from the crash site, and when the elevator had finally reached the top of the bridge Chris could make out the tiny silhouette of the Enterprise in the mountain range, far, far away. 

From another time and place.

Rheoden opened the door for them and the three Starfleet officers got out. Then he walked them to the palace doors.

“I am here to seek an audience with the Exalted Vashkane. I bring the Star People,” he explained to the guards.

The guard, clad in a golden breastplate and golden helmet looked Chris and the two women up and down. He squinted his eyes.

“They do look different,” he said.

“Because they are different. The Exalted must know,” Rheoden insisted. The guard nodded curtly. “Wait here.” Then he vanished.

Chris inhaled. This place was so foreign, so different from his life on the Enterprise , it seemed even magical. And he wished that Una was with him just now. He could certainly gain from her insights. But he had left her behind.

Literally and figuratively.

There was so much he needed to do when he returned to her in order to amend. But first, he needed to make sure that he and his two officers survived the encounter.

“We could probably handle the elevator ourselves, sir,” La’An whispered. “In case we need to escape.”

“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that,” Chris whispered back. “I’m still hoping for a peaceful coexistence.”

“The wealth and development of these people points to a philosophy of peace,” Uhura said. “The city is not built for war, but trade. And there must be other cultures on that planet, too.”

“Keep your eyes and ears open and take down everything that you deem important,” Chris instructed them. “Our lives might depend on it.”

The guard returned with an old man, dressed in colorful robes and an intricate staff in his hands. 

“Rheoden, you followed the falling star and you brought to us the Star People?” he asked.

“I did as instructed, Keeper of the Orbs,” Rheoden replied, bowing deeply. Chris hesitated a moment, but then bowed as well.

“The Exalted awaits you and it is my task to bring you to her,” the Keeper of the Orbs told them. And so they entered the palace of what was most likely the ruler of that empire.

In terms of palaces, this was not the most lavish one Chris had ever encountered. It was built in a way that let in lots of light through windows in the ceiling, directed and changed through colorful glass windows, drawing patterns on the floor. Transparent curtains adorned the windows on the side, giving the whole building a drafty and fleeting atmosphere. The rooms, like the palace, were decorated in imagery connected to water and creatures most likely dwelling in the water. And again, Chris had to think of Una, who had been drawn to the water, sung a sad song, bathed in it. She probably would have loved this place.

He had really treated her abysmally. He needed to do better.

So much better.

Before he could dwell more on Una they had finally reached the room where they were supposed to be brought in.

It was a well-lit room and Chris counted about a dozen people present. An old woman on a throne-like seat was sitting elevated, framed by two men dressed in black and white. The rest of the people were dressed in several different attires, colorful and bright and of both genders.

The Keeper of the Orbs pushed his staff on the floor, gaining the attention of everyone present.

“First Scout Rheoden has returned. And he brings with him the Star King, Exalted One,” he announced.

The old woman on the throne, clad in blue robes with intricate embroideries and a circlet on her head, got up, descended the stairs, and approached Chris.

“The Exalted Vashkane feels deep honor that the arrival of the Star King falls in her regency. Your coming has been foretold many cycles ago and it has come to pass. Be welcome!”

“My name is Christopher Pike,” Chris said. “And I am no king. I am a captain of a ship, not unlike the ones you have in your harbor. But my ship traveled among the stars until it was met with an accident that stranded us here.”

“He also has a Star Queen,” Rheoden inserted himself in the conversation. “She has hair like the night sky and she is very beautiful.”

“Is this the truth?” Vashkane asked Chris.

He rubbed the back of his head. “He is talking about my Second-in-Command, Una Chin-Riley. I left her responsible for our encampment. But she is no queen.”

“Does she rule with you?” Vashkane asked.

“We commanded the ship together, but we are no royalty.” Chris wondered how often he was to repeat that sentence. “Where I come from, everyone can learn how to command a ship. We are not special.”

Vashkane walked around Chris and watched him closely while doing so. At first he tried following her with his head until it became impossible. Then he looked straight ahead.

He swallowed.

Posing as a figure from a religious prophecy was probably the worst transgression of the Prime Directive imaginable. He didn’t want to end up like Zac Nguyen who had transformed a whole society in his image – although Chris was not entirely innocent in leaving Zac behind on Rigel VII in the first place. Another crewmember he had failed.

When Vashkane had finished her inspection she smiled, although Chris couldn’t tell whether her smile was maternal or predatory.

“You are a healthy and strong man, Star King. And you wear a golden shirt. It must be you.”

“We don’t know that, Exalted One,” one of the men sitting next to the throne interrupted. “He could also be the Thief.”

“We will find out, Hyathem, we will find out,” Vashkane said.

Chris cast an uneasy glance to Uhura whom he knew was frantically taking mental notes. 

“I thank you very much for your hospitality and for receiving us,” he addressed Vashkane. “But I assure you that neither I nor my people are connected to any prophecy. I regret having trespassed on your lands, but with your humble permission we would rather remain to ourselves and not infringe on anything you or your people do.”

He was being bold here, but enmeshing themselves in this culture would only lead to problems further down the road.

“You want to settle in the Valley of Storms?” Vashkane asked and the people present started murmuring. 

“We would be inclined to trade with your people from time to time,” Chris offered. “But apart from that, it would be best if we stayed where we are, staying out of your affairs and vice versa.”

Vashkane smiled enigmatically and for a moment the tension in the room was palpable. He probably asked too much of these people. He knew that he was at their mercy and that whatever they decided he had to do – they outnumbered the roughly 150 survivors massively and he and his people didn’t have a technological advantage anymore.

“This is outrageous!” the man named Hyathem screamed. “Before we allow them to live they need to prove themselves.”

Vashkane silenced the man with a gesture of her hand.

“What do you know of the prophecy, Star King?” she asked Chris, also eyeing the women present.

“We gathered that you think us to be some mythical characters whose arrival was foretold, and you feel that the description in the prophecy fits our description,” Uhura was bold enough to say. “You interpret the Captain’s yellow uniform as golden and Commander Chin-Riley indeed has dark hair. But she is not the Captain’s queen.”

“That is all?” Vashkane asks.

“We are not familiar with the rest of your prophecy,” Chris admitted.

“Keeper of the Orbs!” Vashkane snapped her finger. “Bring the Sacred Scrolls for the Star King’s perusal!”

“Very well, Exalted One.” The old man vanished and Chris felt a rising feeling of uneasiness. He couldn’t quell the impression that whatever was written in that prophecy would drop a bomb on him.

He looked around at the other people in the room who watched him and his companions intently. 

“If I may ask the question, Exalted One, who are your advisors?” he asked, in an attempt to learn something more about this culture and to pass the time.

“This here is the Council of Ten – each province sends a member to my court to take care of each province’s interests. I need to have an ear for my people’s sorrows and needs. Hyathem and Jasnero are my personal advisors as well as High Servants of the Temple of Life, attending to our people’s spiritual needs. Does that satiate your hunger for knowledge?”

“Thank you for your explanation, Exalted One.” Chris inclined his head. It meant that these people at least had some form of representation, even though their system of government seemed to be a monarchy interwoven with a church.

It was then that the Keeper of the Orbs returned with a scroll.

It was wound around an adorned wooden stick, tied fast with golden strings – and it looked old.

Slowly the man opened it.

“This is what Th’Hrall the Coveted foretold, many cycles ago – the promise of the Star People,” he intoned.

“Read it to them,” Vashkane ordered and with a flourishing bow he began to read:

The Golden King and his Dark Queen
with hair like the Night Sky
soar from the stars
And before the Seasons have turned
the Queen will have brought forth
an Offspring that will grow to bring Prosperity and Wealth.

But Beware the Thief and his Consort,
coming from the Night going through the Night
Taking Lives and Happiness
when being Welcomed.
They are barren like the Land from whence they come,
Only Death in their Wake.

The words hung in the air, and when the man had ended his interpretation Chris blinked several times, trying to process what he had just heard.

“Thoughts?” he whispered to Uhura, hoping against hope that he had misunderstood what was just read aloud.

The young woman fidgeted. “I’m sorry, sir,” she said quietly. “But it seems that prophecy implies that you and the Commander will have a child.”

Then he didn’t mishear.

Una and him. A child.

Again he saw her naked body in the lake. Her highly desirable naked body. And he suddenly felt extremely hot.

He couldn’t do that to her. He could never do that to her.

“Is something the matter?” Vashkane asked.

“We.. um,” Chris cleared his throat, “...we are just discussing how to interpret the text of the prophecy. There are a few things unclear.”

“Either you are the Star King of the Prophecy or you are the Thief,” Hyathem called out. “And there is only one way to know who you are.”

“I could be neither,” Chris posited.

“You came from the stars!” Hyathem pointed out and for that Chris didn’t know a good answer.

“And if you are indeed the Thief your life is forfeit. The life of you and your people,” Jasnero added.

Oh God .

Chris swallowed. “So… to prove that I am not the ‘Thief’, that I am indeed your ‘Golden King’, I need to have a child with my ‘Queen’?” The room was spinning and he felt as if the air was cut off from him.

“Until the Seasons have turned”, Hyathem added.

“I am not the king of your prophecy,” Chris said again weakly.

“The signs align,” Vashkane said mildly. “It must be you.” 

“Sir,” La’An whispered, “we can find a solution.”

Una! How could he tell Una?!

“I am not that man,” Chris reiterated. “And I ask of you nothing more than to live with my people in peace.”

“Very well,” Vashkane said mildly and bowed. “The Foretellings are stronger than any man and I shall grant you your wish. You and your people shall be allowed to remain in the Valley of Storms, free from the Laws of the Aeynlarr Empire. We will send merchants and traders once every moonturn for the exchange of goods.”

Relief flooded Chris. They could just live in peace, try to refrain from taking part in local affairs. They might erect a settlement, prosper eventually. It was possible.

And he didn’t have to tell Una any of this.

“However…” Vashkane said, lifting her hand. “If, for some reason, you choose to give up your village to live among us, you will subject yourselves to our laws, and that means that you accept the prophecy.”

That sounded fair, but something was nagging Chris at the back of his head. Something he was overlooking. He couldn’t imagine that these people would so easily give up on that whole affair.

Again he turned to La’An and Uhura. “Options?” he whispered.

Both looked at each other. “Considering the circumstances, the offer appears fair,” La’An said, “although I’m sure there is more behind it.”

“For now it’s the best we can get,” Uhura agreed. “We retain friendly relations with them, even trade relations, and they seem content to leave us alone. There is no guarantee that they won’t go back on their word, but there never is.”

“Your proposal sounds reasonable” Chris said, turning back to Vashkane, “I agree to these conditions.”

“Then it shall be done so,” Vashkane said.

“Exalted One, Keeper of the Orbs, could I have a copy of your prophecy?” Uhura asked.

“I can read it again to you and you can write it down,” the old man offered and Uhura nodded, seemingly content with that solution.

They stayed in the palace for a while longer, being offered food and drink and a bath after their travels on the road. For their trek home Vashkane offered them three cashoon , a wagon and provisions, a generous offer of peacekeeping or a shrewd tactic – perhaps both.

They were invited to stay overnight, and they did. 

When they left the palace the next morning well rested and ready to return, a storm was brewing on the horizon.

Chapter Text

Chapter 4 - The Valley of Storms

Chris wasn’t prepared for what awaited him when he returned.

As soon as Uhura, La’An and him had climbed the last hill before they reached their camp he stood there frozen, unable to move, unable to speak.

The void, the emptiness that he had successfully managed to put away during his travels to Zhelyen returned with a vengeance, and he didn’t know whether he would be able to deal with what lay before him. 

The camp was completely gone. In its stead Chris looked at a second catastrophe. The urge to simply give up, to let himself sink down in the mud and stay there was overwhelming, but the presence of his two officers kept him from letting himself go.

They had seen the thunderstorm from far away, admired its dangerous beauty, the yellow, burning clouds and the lighting cracking against the black sky.

Chris had seen it, gained new respect for the forces of nature on this planet, and compartmentalized that tug of worry that had haunted him when he had seen where that thunderstorm was headed.

Una had been in charge of the camp and he had trusted her to keep it safe.

But now he looked out at complete destruction. The tent city had given way under the pressure of the rain, and everything was still flooded and muddy. Not one tent had survived, crates with tools and other things floating by.

“Sir,” La’An said tentatively.

Chris just stared at his failure. He shouldn’t have left. He should have seen it coming.

“Sir, I’m sure the survivors are somewhere safe,” she reiterated. And Chris blinked. She was right, he didn’t see corpses, just destroyed equipment. 

Usually he was of the opinion that equipment could be replaced as long as no lives were lost. Now he wasn’t so sure anymore, as they had lost their whole means of livelihood in one fell stroke.

“Yes, yes, you’re right,” he mumbled absentmindedly, still reeling from the view in front of him. “Let’s go find them.” 

The three of them tied their cashoon on a fallen tree, their wagon not far behind and waded through the camp, looking for signs, tracks, anything that would tell them where the others were.

It was Uhura who seemed to have discovered something first. “Sir, look!”

She pointed somewhere up on the mountain and when Chris squinted he saw what she meant. There was a strange flickering light that shone through the rain.

“Yes, that could be them,” La’An agreed. “It would make sense to flee higher up when trying to evade the rising water.”

“It’s them, it must be,” Uhura said, voice shaking.

Chris put a hand on the young ensign’s shoulder. “It must be,” he reiterated, as much for himself as for her.

The light was in some distance and it was still raining heavily, but it was the only lead they had. The rain had covered all possible tracks they might have left.

“Is anyone here?!” Uhura called into the storm, but her voice was drowned out by the sound of the wind.

She shook her head, knowing very well that nobody would answer, but trying it anyway. Chris understood the urge and he was glad that she had done it, in part so he didn’t have to.

And so the three of them pulled their cloaks tighter and waded through the remains of the camp.

Chris tried not to look at all the things destroyed, tried to tone out the blow to progress they had just received. Their vegetable patches gone. Their library gone. The shelter over their heads, gone.

And while they might be able to rebuild primitive huts from wood and stone, maybe even receive aid from the Aeynlarr, their collective knowledge had been flushed down the drain.

Gone forever.

He ignored the cold water around his legs – he was drenched as he was, it didn’t matter now. He just needed to reach the light, ascertain what had happened to the rest of his crew.

When they started their ascent they waded out of the water, but it was still a slippery endeavor, as the ground had been drenched, making it muddy and soft. And even though the climb was not particularly steep, he and the two women slipped more than once, falling down into the mud, helping each other up.

Slowly the cold crept into Chris’ bones, biting him, making each step painful and hard, while the rain lashed against his face. His cloak had long been drenched, it didn’t offer any protection any more. But at least the pain made him feel alive, in the present.

He turned and saw La’An and Uhura fighting against the elements as well. All three of them were already exhausted. And so he looked down, one step at a time, a fight against gravity and the forces of nature, while the remains of the devastating thunderstorm battered at his body, trying to bring him to the ground.

He persisted and eventually they had reached the source of the light – the mouth of a cave. Someone had erected a brazier in the entry and Chris deflated visibly, tension leaving his body. A brazier meant a signal, and there was nobody else here other than his wayward crew who would do this.

Someone had known that he and the two women would look out for a signal. Someone was alive.

He stretched out his hands to warm them over the fire and turned around to watch La’An and Uhura make the remainder of the climb.

“Someone is here,” he told them.

“I told you they would have survived,” La’An said and he could see her approaching, a defiant smile on her face. She seemed happy to be right.

Together they entered the cave and after a short walk the path widened into a larger cavern. And there they sat, huddled together under blankets around a fire. Chris could make out some boxes among them, so not all was lost.

The relief that washed over him was almost numbing. They weren’t dead. Una had been clever enough to evacuate them. And even though they looked tired and haunted, some of them even asleep, he could sense that they were as glad to see him as he was to see them. His eyes scanned the small room for the yellow of Una’s uniform, but he couldn’t make it out among the crew. Maybe it was hidden under a blanket, although it wasn’t like Una to lay herself down when she had to take care of wounded and frightened crewmembers.

“Captain,” Spock approached him, together with Pelia. “I think I speak for all of us when I say that we are glad for your safe return.” Spock had lost his Vulcan coolness. His wet hair clung to his head, his clothes were dirty and muddy. And even the unshakable Pelia looked tired and dirty.

“Thank you Spock. Where is Una? I need to talk to her.” He needed her report, he needed to know that she was safe, he had to tell her about that prophecy.

He needed her.

Spock and Pelia exchanged uncomfortable glances and Chris felt the onsetting panic.

“Where is Una?” Chris asked, louder this time, swallowing down the bile that rose in his throat.

“She is… not here…” Spock said carefully.

“Where is she?!” Chris screamed now. 

“Commander Chin-Riley went out again,” Spock said levelly, but the rings under his eyes betrayed his outward calm. 

“Did she say why?” Chris asked impatiently. 

“She said that there was something she needed to take care of,” Pelia said. “And she ordered us not to follow her.”

Chris felt suddenly dizzy. 

He had seen the destruction when he was wading through the remains of what used to be their home, between the torn down tents, the mud, the water and the swimming boxes. Ever so slowly they had started building their life, almost from scratch, and they had made progress only for all of it to be torn down by a cruel stroke of fate.

If Una had gone out while the thunderstorm was in full force…

No. No, unthinkable. 

“That was approximately three hours ago,” Spock added. “The Commander has not returned.”

Three hours in that weather.

“I’m sorry, Captain,” Pelia said softly.

Chris involuntarily thought back to his last interactions with Una and how cold he had been towards her. How tormented she must have felt.

He couldn’t lose her. Not now, not ever! How was he supposed to go on without her presence? A presence he had taken for granted. He needed to breathe, to get a grip, to be a captain to the rest of the crew.

“Report,” he said weakly.

“We saw the thunderstorm brewing on the horizon and the Commander ordered the evacuation of the camp as soon as it became obvious that it would head in our direction. She ordered us to grab the most important things and the food, and to flee to this cave that we had prepared for exactly such an occasion. In the end the storm came faster than we anticipated, and she ordered us to abandon everything that couldn’t be carried,” Pelia replied.

“How long have you been here?”

“For some time,” Pelia said. “The weather has just about now calmed down.”

“It will be seven hours now,” Spock added.

“Have you seen the camp?” Chris asked.

“I imagine there is not much left,” Pelia said and Chris nodded numbly. But he hadn’t seen Una in the camp, no yellow uniform.

“Thank you,” he told them before he ran out of the cave, again into the rain. He had to find Una. He had to, even if it was just her broken and battered body. But he had to see her one more time.

While Chris slid down the slope to the cave he contemplated where Una might have gone. It stood to reason that she had returned to the camp again, maybe to secure some cargo that hadn’t been recovered that she had deemed important.

While he went downwards he cast his eyes around to look out for her distinctive yellow, unable to see it anywhere. And then he heard some rustling behind him.

La’An, Uhura, Spock and Pelia had caught up with him.

“With you here now, the chief’s order can be overridden, sir,” La’An explained. “And I will not rest until we’ve found her. I still owe her.”

It was touching to see how much Una meant to these people, even Pelia, and again, Chris was painfully reminded how much they needed her for crew cohesion and morale. It would be devastating to lose her.

“Very well, spread out and look for her. We should go in pairs, If somebody finds her, alert the others, understood?” Chris ordered. The mumbled “Yes, sir!” came in unison.

“Spock, you’re with me,” he called out, “We’ll head back to the camp. The rest of you, look at the foot of the mountain, try to trace her steps.”

They acknowledged his orders and shortly after Pelia, Uhura and La’An vanished from Chris’ sight in the rain. He was alone with Spock and his thoughts.

Returning to the camp with him was eerie.

“Una!” he called out. “Number One, answer me!” he screamed into the storm, assisted by Spock calling the “Commander.” But as often as they called they never got an answer.

Seeing the devastation for a second time was still painful. Even with the additional knowledge that the crew had survived, Chris was, in a sense, responsible for a second crash. He should have made sure that the group had built sturdier dwellings in time. But he hadn’t.

And somewhere between all the debris lay Una’s shattered and broken corpse.

In his mind he saw her in the water, face down, limbs contorted in unnatural positions, open eyes staring at him with the unspoken accusation that he had failed her, that he had hurt her, that he had betrayed their friendship, her mouth slightly agape, never to speak to him again.

The mental image was too much, the thought that she had perished unthinkable, and he sank into the mud, heaving, everything too much, so overwhelming.

He needed her. Oh God, did he need her. It was already so hard to keep going, how could he do it without Una? She was the one unwavering presence in his life, the one thing after the crash that had encouraged him to continue, the one thing that hadn’t turned out to be horrible – until he had ruined it.

“Sir!” Spock approached carefully, putting a hand on Chris’ shoulder. 

“Leave me!” Chris snapped.

Where was Una? Where the hell was she?!

“Sir, she’s not in the camp!” Spock said.

“Did you check?!”

“Yes.” Spock had better eyes and a yellow uniform would certainly stand out against the muddy brown and green, even more so as the tents were torn down, flying helplessly in the storm. And when Chris made himself get up and cast another glance over the former tent city, he had to agree. It wasn’t likely that Una was between the tents. She had to be somewhere else.

Still, he went through the torn down rows, just to be sure not to miss anything, ignoring the crates and other items scattered and unusable. Each tent had been a home. Not anymore. And without thinking, Chris went to the spot where his and Una’s tent had been.

Like the others, the rain had crushed it, a tattered ruin. No longer the roof for Una and him, never again. A lump formed in his throat when he thought of the long nights they had spent next to each other, the failure to connect, to talk.

Una...

“Sir!” Spock called again from the other end of the camp. Chris looked up and saw him standing at the edge of a steep slope that hadn’t been here before. 

And then he understood. The water in the camp had to go somewhere eventually, causing a mudslide in the process, flushing a part of the camp away. If Una had been present at the wrong moment, it was likely that she had been washed down that slide.

Without thinking Chris started running down that slope. He didn’t care that the wet underground made him lose his footing, falling, slipping, sliding, just following the trail.

When he fell, he accepted that he rolled downwards a bit before he caught himself again, ignorant of his totally soaked and ruined clothes by now.

He had to find her! He needed to know.

There was a spot of yellow at the foot of that slope, surrounded by dirt and plants.

“Una!” he cried. “Una! Una!”

No answer. But it didn’t matter, he had to go there, see for himself, while he screamed her name, tears starting to form in his eyes now that she was so close, and maybe so far away. 

The rain would wash those tears away and nobody would ever see them that way.

When he had reached the spot of yellow, he fell down on his knees, trying to fight the nausea and the panic. Una lay in the mud, fortunately not face down, covered by dirt and plants.

“Una, talk to me! Una!” he repeated, his mind hyper focused on the woman before him. His hands started to dig the mud away from her, and when he had freed her body he was relieved to see that none of her limbs were at a weird angle. Careful not to hurt her even more, he pulled her up into his arms, hugging her body – her lifeless body – so close, trying to give it warmth. 

“Una!” he was now sobbing, while he clung to her, pressing her to his chest, rubbing her back. “Una, oh God, please don’t be dead, don’t be dead!”

“Chris…” her voice was almost inaudible, but it was there. “Chris, I’m sorry…” a weak hand grabbing his shoulder.

Chris pressed his face into her hair, his tears mixing with the rain. And he couldn’t let go, never let go.

Moments later Spock slid down the hill, as dirty and as wet as Chris probably was.

“Go and get the others,” Chris ordered him. “She’s alive, but she needs help.”

Una was alive. His Una was alive! And without thinking he started kissing her hair. Oh God, she was alive.

“I’m sorry, Chris…” she said again and that’s when he realized that she had apologized for the second time.

He didn’t know how to react to that, baffled that she would apologize at all, and so he said instead: “Are you injured?”

She nodded, too weak to speak, before collapsing in his arms. But it didn’t matter – Spock would get the others and then they would bring Una to the cave, to safety, where she would get all the help she needed.

“She’s asleep now,” Pelia told Chris and put a blanket over his shoulder. His drenched clothes hung on a line to dry, and somehow they had procured another uniform for him – a red one. He took it for the time being, it was better than being naked.

“Will she make it?” he asked tiredly. It was so hard to keep his eyes open, the weariness and the exhaustion finally catching up with him.

“Oh yes. The Commander is strong and healthy.”

Chris sighed. A human wouldn’t have survived, but Una wasn’t human. The secret she had carried for so long was now completely devoid of meaning. Here nobody cared that she was genetically enhanced. In fact, it was a blessing, not a drawback.

“When can I talk to her?” There was so much he needed to know from Una, not least of all why she had deemed it necessary to go back into that thunderstorm when she was already safe.

“I gave her a mild sedative, but I’m sure she’ll be responsive in the morning,” Pelia said and sat down next to Chris.

“Is there anything else I need to know about this disaster that we didn’t have a chance to talk about?”

“Emry and Helmand didn’t make it, Captain.”

“Was Una trying to save them?” Chris asked, rubbing his temples, trying to stave off another wave of guilt that he was responsible for two more deaths.

“No. A tree crashed on their tent, there was nothing we could do.” 

“We will give them a proper burial as soon as we are able to,” Chris mumbled. And then he, too, fell asleep.

The waterfall crashed down into the lake, masses of water moved by something as simple and complex as gravity. The heavy thunderstorm had let it swell even more, transporting unimaginable amounts of water in a small timeframe. The drop was at least 100 meters.

The call of the void was so strong.

One step forward, a body being weightless for a fraction of a second and then – no more pain, no more suffering.

It would be easy. So easy and quick.

Una turned away from the abyss. She didn’t deserve the easy way out. Not for what she had done.

And then she sat down on a large rock, resting her crutches next to her. A broken leg and a concussion as well as several bruises were the results of her little excursion. She closed her eyes and exhaled. Why couldn’t she just have broken her neck? She had caused pain again. And death.

Faintly she could remember Chris’ desperation when he had found her, knowing that she had failed him again. He had been beside himself and she was the cause of it, because, again, she had made the wrong decisions. She wanted to be as reliable as he was used to from her, but she was slipping, falling, not only in the mud, but also as a reliable professional, no longer Number One. Just Una.

A woman.

And scared.

The sun was bound to rise soon – at least it was that time of the day – but the heavy clouds covered it. The worst of the storm was over. The worst of their lives had just begun. And she was goddamn responsible. 

She heard the rustling of some leaves and the smacking sounds of feet through the mud, but she wasn’t prepared. She couldn’t talk now.

Chris sat down wordlessly next to her, reaching out his hand for her to take. She took it, and when she did he put his arm around her back and pulled her close so that her head rested on his shoulder. They just sat there for a while, listening to the sounds around them – the booming of the waterfall, the wind blowing through the leaves, the chittering of small animals in the underbrush. And in a way, Una was glad.

She didn’t need to justify herself, Chris understood her wordlessly, as he was carrying the same burden. But she had scared him. And he had almost lost her.

Irresponsible.

“Why?” Chris asked after a while.

Una closed her eyes. Of course, he would want to know. She sighed.

“Why did you do it?” he asked again. “Goddamnit Una, we almost lost you. We lost Emry and Helmand, and almost you, too.”

“I know,” she said tonelessly. Emry and Helmand. Two more names on her list of shame.

“So tell me - why?”

“The library,” she said. “I wanted to save the library.”

Their collective knowledge, things needed for survival, for thriving. Their core. Their history. Their identity.

She felt it important to save that, to give them a chance to start anew.

Chris moved his fingers on her back, almost caressing her and Una jerked away. She didn’t deserve his kindness and tenderness. Not when he was rightly admonishing her. If he was startled or irritated by this he didn’t let on.

“I made a mistake, I’m sorry, Chris.” She stared at the ground at her feet.

“Did you?” he asked after a while.

She looked up, clearly confused by the question.

“Save the library, I mean?” he added, clearing his throat.

She nodded. “I think I did. I managed to pack the majority of the books in a waterproof crate. It was flushed away with me, but it should be undamaged. It should be near where you found me.” She was grateful for Chris putting their conversation on safer territory.

“Good work,” he said and Una winced. “You gave us a chance to recuperate.”

She shook her head. It had been sloppy work. She should have seen the danger much sooner, ordered evacuation much sooner. She hadn’t. And two people had paid the price. And she couldn’t even save all the books – just most of them. She hadn’t been quick enough. 

She looked down again, fidgeting with her fingers.

Again they sat in silence.

“It’s my own fault,” Una mumbled. “I should have been more alert.”

“Stop that!” Chris said, surprisingly sharply and Una flinched again. Each time he used that tone with her, something died inside of her. But how much was left anyway?

“Please Una, stop it,” he said more softly, and pulled her a bit closer. “You reacted spectacularly. It’s only because of your quick thinking that so many survived, and even the books.”

“Emry and Helmand didn’t…” More deaths on her conscience.

“You couldn’t know that.” He sighed. “Sometimes we can do everything right and still fail…”

“Yes, but this time I didn’t do everything right. We saw the dark clouds on the horizon and I dismissed them at first.”

“Because none of us are familiar with this planet’s weather. We have to learn a lot of things again, get used to this kind of life… It’s hard. And we will have setbacks. Believe me, I know.”

Una turned, trying to read Chris’ face.

He looked absolutely haunted, dark rings under his eyes, his cheeks sunken in, and it was her fault. She had made him worry, go over his limits. And he carried his own burden around, the weight of the dead crushing him as much as it did her.

“How was your trip to the capital?” Una asked after a while. They had been so preoccupied with all the flood business that she hadn’t stopped to think about what had happened to Chris and what news he had.

He sighed. “I will give a full report when everybody has recovered enough. But…” He brushed his hand through his hair and gulped.

“...there is something rather important I need to discuss with you. But not now.”

“Why not now?” she asked quietly. 

“Because you need to recover first,” Chris said. “Look at you. You took quite a heavy beating.”

“Chris?” she inched closer and searched for his hands. He took them and they felt warm and dry. He had such strong hands.

“It’s alright,” he said. “It’s going to be alright.”

But when Una looked at him she knew that it was very much not going to be alright.

Chapter Text

Chapter 5 - The Price of a Life

Vashkane had known. Chris was sure of that now. That sly old woman had known that they would not last long in their camp because nature would claim its due.

He should have seen it when she had talked about the Valley of Storms. He should have realized when she had not put up much resistance to his suggestion to live separately, after they had made it clear how much their stupid prophecy involved him and his people. 

And he had run into the trap like the fool he was. His only consolation was that La’An and Uhura had raised no objections either.

But it was clear that they couldn’t stay there. The next storm was a certainty.

They also didn’t have permission to settle elsewhere.

And that meant… obeying Aeynlarr law.

And fulfilling the prophecy.

While his crew was in the process of retrieving what was salvageable from the camp and packing their belongings for their inevitable move, Chris had the dreaded task of talking to Una. For several days he had procrastinated on this, pretended that packing would be more important, but before they returned to Aeynlarr territory he had to sort it out.

He had gotten the copy of that cursed text from Uhura and read it several times more until he knew it by heart.

Now it was time to tell his Number One that he needed a child from her.

Ever since the devastation of the camp Una had become even more withdrawn. There was a melancholy around her, a sadness that had worsened after he had pulled her out of the mud. His news would certainly not add to any improvement in her mood and he already hated himself for that.

He found her at the rock overlooking the waterfall, a place she had chosen if she needed some distance. While she still hobbled a bit, she at least didn’t need her crutches anymore. She would fully heal from her accident. At least that was some good news.

Without a word he sat next to her, watching the waterfall with her.

And for a while they simply sat, a heavy silence between them, enhanced by the roaring of the water. 

Chris started fidgeting with his fingers. His whole Starfleet training did not prepare him for a talk where he had to tell his First Officer that he needed to get her pregnant by a certain deadline.

“Stalling doesn’t make it better, Chris,” Una said after a while, avoiding his gaze.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right,” he answered a tad too quickly before blowing out his breath.

“So, what is it?” She still didn’t look at him.

Wordlessly he handed Una Uhura’s paper with the full text of the prophecy. Una took it with her slender hands and started reading. It was then that Chris noticed that her immaculate nail polish was almost gone, only a few remnants still existing. For some reason it filled him with sadness that another part of her was irrevocably gone.

He closely observed her face while she took the information in. The way her eyebrows kneaded, the way her eyes widened, the way her mouth wordlessly pronounced the words as she returned to certain passages.

Then she handed him the paper back.

“And before the Seasons have turned the Queen will have brought forth an Offspring that will grow to bring Prosperity and Wealth,” she quoted before she looked up, finally fixating her gaze on Chris. “And I assume that they take me for this ‘Dark Queen’?”

“Yeah,” Chris said helplessly, drawing odd figures in the dirt before him with his foot.

“Is any of that to be understood metaphorically?” she inquired then.

“No.”

“Then that means…?”

“Yeah.”

Again silence. And the roaring of the waterfall. Chris wished for the ground to open and swallow him instead of having this awkward conversation.

“What happens if I don’t produce your offspring by the end of the “Seasons”?” Una asked quietly.

“Then they will kill us. Because then that would be proof that I am the ‘Thief’ who brings ruin over the land. And they don’t want to risk that.” Chris ran a hand through his hair before looking down again. 

“So we need to show them that you are the good guy by having a child together because otherwise you are the bad guy?” It sounded so ridiculous when Una said it. But still, that was their bizarre reality now.

“Basically…” Chris swallowed. “Look, I tried to negotiate us out of that. I made a deal with their leader that we could live in peace near the crash site, undisturbed, not part of their laws. And she agreed.”

“But now living here has become impossible,” Una finished the thought for Chris. “Because of the thunderstorm. And the many that will follow it even if we regroup.”

“Yes. We need them for survival. And I’m certain that she knew that from the start.”

“It’s not your fault, Chris,” Una said after a while. It was strange hearing that from her who was so adamant that many things were hers instead. 

“Sure doesn’t feel that way,” he mumbled.

“I know,” Una agreed, a sad undertone in her voice.

Again silence. And the roaring of the waterfall. And a tentative hand on Chris’, warm and tender.

“Can I keep the paper, Chris?”

“Sure.”

After the flooding had somewhat subsided, the survivors had managed to salvage a small portion of the tents which served as temporary homes for some last days – until everything was packed and they would begin their final exodus.

It was in one of these salvaged tents Una lay awake, tossing and turning and trying to process what Chris had told her.

From the first day on this planet she hadn’t been good enough – death in her wake, as that strange prophecy so aptly put it, when all she wanted to do was save lives. Even though her intentions had been good when she’d made those decisions, she had killed people. The whole crew in the drive section, Emry and Helmand, and maybe also others she didn’t know of yet. 

Their deaths would forever be on her conscience, regardless of what Chris or anybody else told her.

And now, even those people she had managed to save for the time being were in mortal danger because of her. Because she had made the wrong decisions, false calculations, had tempted fate.

She was a liar and a fraud and her misdeeds had finally caught up with her.

But through the prophecy she had a chance for atonement. 

To create life instead of taking it. 

And by creating that life, she would be saving the lives of so many others who depended on it.

It didn’t matter what going through with this would mean for her – she had failed enough already. But if it meant protecting the lives of her fellow crewmembers, she would have this child.

“Chris?” she whispered into the darkness.

“Una?” came the sleepy reply. 

“Chris… while you were away… I bled,” she admitted quietly. It was unsettling after all these years – the pains, the cramps, the blood. She was no longer used to it, although she had to be from now on.

“I know, I’ve seen you,” he mumbled in his sleep.

“I don’t mean my injuries. I was menstruating, Chris.”

The rustling of the sleeping bag next to her told Una that he was now wide awake.

“You were… but that means…”

“It means that you and I… can start right away,” Una said and swallowed. She suddenly felt very hot. It was lucky that the darkness covered her blushing. “Our shots have run out for good.” They had received them at the same time as part of the annual health checkup.

There was another moment of eerie silence when all Una heard was the drumming of her heart in her ears.

“You would…” Chris started before he stopped.

“We have to,” Una said. “It’s the only chance we have, we and all the others. We owe it to them.”

“We have to,” Chris agreed, but she could hear the confusion in his voice, as if he was still trying to make all of it make sense in his reality.

“And we should start sooner than later,” she went on, pretending that they were talking mission. And not… whatever this was.

“Yeah… yeah, you’re right.” But she could still hear the hesitation in his voice.

Una slipped out of her trousers and her panties in the darkness. Then she leaned over to put her hand on Chris’ belly, gilding deeper into his trousers.

He jerked and twitched, sitting up.

“Now?!” He cleared his throat. “Obviously now… but…”

She heard Chris turning around, and then she saw his silhouette facing her. “Una… you don’t have to do this. I can’t ask this of you. I can’t…”

“Don’t be absurd,” she hissed. “I’ve caused enough death already. I don’t want to cause more.” For once, she could do something right again.

“Una…” She couldn’t see his face in the darkness, couldn’t tell how he looked, but the way he said her name just then made her fall apart inside. There was so much emotion in the way his voice wavered, so much unsaid.

The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. 

“Chris,” she replied, the lump in her throat heavy, her hand seeking out his body, wandering between his legs and finding him, warm and soft and pulsating. She took his penis and gently caressed it.

Chris groaned, then put his hands on hers, making her stop. He shivered.

Then a pair of strong arms enveloped her and pulled her close, pressing her against his broad chest, enmeshing her in his warmth and his scent. Una put her chin on his shoulder, leaned her head against his cheek and let her breath settle down.

Christopher Pike was her best friend. He was the person who had steadily been in her life for the longest. Longer than anyone else.

He made her feel safe. Needed. Wanted.

He trusted her.

Or at least he had trusted her before catastrophe had befallen them.

Una closed her eyes and grit her teeth.

She loved this man, loved him so much that her heart skipped a beat whenever he simply smiled at her. She had never shared this truth with him, scared of the implications and his reaction, comfortable in that equilibrium of trust they had shared until they had shattered it.

But she would give him her body willingly. She would carry his child.

And maybe he could find some emotional relief while using her for this task.

His hands started roaming her back, stroking her hair and then pressing her closer again, so close that his beating heart reverberated on her skin.

Oh how she wished that he would hold her like this forever, fall asleep with her, cuddle her.

But she had lost that privilege. She needed to work hard to regain it.

For now, this was a transaction – her body for his seed. His seed that would plant itself inside her and hopefully bear fruit. 

She had bled. She was still fertile.

She could control this, regain some part of agency again, even if it was minuscule.

Slowly she peeled herself out of Chris’ embrace, leaning her forehead against his, listening to his breathing. And then she put her hands again in his lap, stroking him into hardness, his breathing exhilarating, raspy and urgent.

She straddled him, as well as her injured leg would let her, letting his length slide into her.

It hurt a bit; he was large and she wasn’t wet enough, but it didn’t matter. She could take the pain. Her body was no longer used to having intercourse and the intrusion felt unfamiliar and came a bit fast. But it was alright. She could bear this. Chris inhaled sharply the moment he sunk into her. Then he put his hands on her hips, holding her in place, then rocking her, making her move.

She followed his guidance, letting herself bob up and down on his shaft. She ignored the dull pain Chris unwittingly caused her, in full knowledge that if he knew he would stop immediately. He was not the type of man who thrived on the pain of others. But this whole endeavor wasn’t about her. It was about doing the right thing for once.

And while she silently rode him, she bit her lower lip until she felt the metallic taste of blood on her tongue.

His hands frantically roamed her body, her exposed backside, as he pulled her close, sinking himself deeper into her. And then he twitched, as the orgasm rolled over him and Una felt his ejaculation deep inside her.

Her first sex in years was mechanical breeding, an unsatisfying grind for procreation. There was a certain irony to it, especially when she took into account whom she had just slept with.

As soon as Chris had finished, she disengaged and rolled over on her sleeping bag, turning her back to him, indicating that she didn’t want to talk. She didn’t want to make this worse than it already was. Let it remain in the dark .

“Una…?” Chris tentatively asked in the darkness. She didn’t reply.

“Are you… okay?” he asked again.

“Yes,” she said. “Yes, I’m okay.” And in a way she was. She had the opportunity to feel him, to be close to him – and to make sure that the rest of the crew that she had doomed finally had a chance to live.

When the light of the sun seeped in through the torn seams of the tent, they tickled Chris awake. And when the grogginess of slumber receded the memories returned. He blinked several times, trying to discern whether what he remembered doing in the darkness had been a dream or reality.

Una had come to him, had offered herself to him, and no words had been necessary.

It had been a surreal experience, not like anything he had ever imagined doing with her, his mind eternally haunted by her ethereal presence in the lake and the very painful knowledge that the Una he had seen then and the Una he had just fucked were two very different people.

Fucked. He had fucked her. Bred her.

He hadn’t even kissed her, he had just used her body, done his business. How could he kiss her and be gentle to her when he had to use her like this? If she had wanted any of that, she would have asked for it, and he didn’t want to impose on her, didn’t want to make this whole awkward endeavor about him, when it was ultimately her who bore the consequences, literally and figuratively.

This was duty; nothing more, nothing less. And it was better to treat it that way, to not get emotionally tangled.

It was bad enough as it was.

And then… he remembered the way she had clung to him, her breath, her warmth. There had been something to it – her proximity had calmed him down in a way nothing had calmed him ever since stranding here.

And that’s when he realized her absence, the lack of warmth her body emitted. It had become a habit that she left the tent long before him and she didn’t seem to break with it now.

Chris wondered if it was her way of avoiding talking to him or the need to still function as an ever-present officer. Or a mixture of both. Or maybe she simply needed less sleep than him.

When Chris emerged from the tent, the remainder of the camp was slowly rising with him. Now that the waters had retreated they were going through all the scattered items to find out what was still usable and what was gone for good.

Pelia’s list of provisions came into Chris’ mind and he wondered what had become of that piece of paper. The only thing he knew was that the provisions had dwindled at a much faster pace than anyone had anticipated. And now they were scratching together the rest of their belongings to start another life.

A life among strangers who may or may not become friends. But for the first time in his life Chris had to accept a law that was not Federation law and a way of life that was guided by other values than that of the Federation.

It was the ultimate seeking out of new life and new civilizations – but he would never be able to report on his experiences. Even setting up a beacon had turned out to be impossible. The only thing he could do was say his goodbyes to many certainties and accept others in their stead.

Una was already in the thick of it all, unfazed by the mud and dirt. She was giving orders, directing cargo, breaking  things down – Number One in command mode.

Her uniform had become grimy and tattered, but it didn’t matter – she wore it as if it were in pristine condition, staying on top of things.

And in that moment Chris knew that he couldn’t approach her about what had happened during the night, because this Una was again a different Una than the one who had sought him out in the darkness.

The Una in the tent had shown him her weakness and vulnerability - the Number One in the camp oozed confidence and competence, even if it was just pretend.

And so Chris slipped on his Captain’s mask to assist her in their endeavor to evacuate and return to Aeynlarr territory, tail between their legs.

Slowly the caravan made its way down the mountain. It was a much slower trek than when Chris had traveled with Rheoden and his men before, because at that time the whole group was either riding or sitting in the wagon. Now they had put the heaviest of their belongings on the cashoon Vashkane had given Chris and on the wagon that had come with them, meaning everybody had to go on foot. Of course, everyone also carried things on their back – food, provisions, and the remnants of their library that were saved by Una.  Eventually they had succeeded in packing everything that was still usable and valuable, leaving very little behind.

When Chris looked at the exodus – at another displacement of his people in so short a time – the impact of what it meant for them fully hit him. He would return to Vashkane as a beggar, an applicant, who had to humble himself before her, to accept whatever judgment she dished out. And he dreaded that.

These people were his responsibility. Their safekeeping was paramount. To now be dependent on an old monarch who had some strange hangup about a prophecy was not only humiliating it also was dangerous.

He had already failed them as a captain and now he feared he was continuing to fail them.

When Chris turned around once more he said his final goodbyes to his ship whose shadow they had existed in for some time, and he also said his goodbyes to all the people in it, as well as the graveyard that had been destroyed by the storm.

Una had let the tokens be gathered, proposing that wherever they would settle now they still needed a place of memory. And so each crewmember carried at least one token on their body. Unfortunately not all tokens could be recovered, but the ones that couldn’t were slowly being replaced.

Their first camp was set at the end of a day’s march in the middle of the large grassland between the two mountain ranges following the river. And when it was erected, Chris stood in awe at his people’s efficiency.

They had managed to set up the few tents they had left, cramping themselves into them so that they somehow made do, taking shifts with those who stood guard. La’An had taken a few officers from her security detail on a hunting trip and had managed to return successfully. And so they feasted on their provisions and the game from the hunt, water provided by the river that would lead them to Zhelyen.

In the night, Chris and Una shared their tent again – the rest of the crew insisting that the command duo got some privacy. It made Chris wonder what Uhura and La’An had told them. Did they know? Did it matter…?

It was another wordless grind. Accelerated breath, touching, shuffling. But at least he could hold Una close, touch her and smell her, while he pumped his seed into her. And in the morning they acted as if nothing had happened.

Slowly and steadily their trek made it towards Zhelyen, each day following the same rhythm – getting up at sunrise, marching as long as possible, setting camp, eating, and then the command duo retreated for another breeding session. 

When they reached the first settlement things started to change as the Aeynlarr inhabitants came to greet them and word spread fast. The villagers met the refugees and when Chris explained their situation to their elder everything seemed to happen at once. 

Representatives of several villages came together over the news and after some deliberation they made the most generous offer.

They agreed to distribute the Enterprise survivors over several settlements in return for their labor in the fields or in other areas of daily lives, while Chris and select officers would continue towards Zhelyen for another audience with Vashkane. 

That meant that Chris could use the three cashoon they already had and be so much faster to the capital and back. 

But this time Chris would take Una with him. Whatever he had to discuss with Vashkane affected her as much as it did him. And so he left Spock and Pelia in command as well as the rest of the remaining bridge officers. He felt their unique talents were more needed among the refugees than in another audience with Vashkane. Also, he didn’t look forward to the humiliation that would certainly arise from admitting his failure. Nobody needed to see that. Nobody except Una, because she understood.

Entering the city again after everything that had happened took away much of the awe he’d felt the first time. But at least Una seemed interested and so Chris humored her, explained to her what he knew and eventually led her to the lift that would bring him to the Coveted Halls.

The way her eyes sparkled when she took everything in was heartwarming and sad at the same time. She, like him, was a natural-born explorer. And ever since the crash her wings had been clipped - too much survival, too much tending to the daily needs of the crew.

Now, at least for a short period of time, she could experience something new, something foreign again and it did something to her. She stood straighter, was more alert.

It was beautiful to watch.

As much as Una as a whole person was beautiful to watch.

She was just insanely attractive, always had been, even though he had pushed that feeling aside, because it had no place in a friendship like theirs.

A friendship he was throwing out of the window by doing what he had to do to her, having her so close and yet so far away. 

Still, it was good to have her companionship on this particular walk of shame.

The audience with Vashkane and her advisors was surprisingly easy to get, and Chris couldn’t rid himself of the impression that she had been waiting for him.

“Star King, you have returned,” she greeted him from her throne, Hyathem and Jasnero next to her, but from the Council of Ten only one remained. He seemed to be middle aged and was slightly chunky, clad in ornamental robes and looking like a man who had only ever seen privilege. 

Chris bowed slightly. “I seek again your audience, Exalted One,” he said, mimicking the language of these people.

Vashkane glided from her throne towards her visitors and seemed particularly interested in Una.

“I see you brought your Queen with you this time,” she remarked.

“This is Commander Una Chin-Riley,” he introduced his companion and Una imitated Chris’ bow.

“It is a great honor to meet you,” she added.

Vashkane inclined her head and walked around Una in a similar fashion as she had done with Chris so many days ago. And then her gaze softened.

“Rheoden has not lied. You are, indeed, of extraordinary beauty,” she told Una. “You are a fitting companion for the Golden King. And you will bear him a beautiful child.”

Chris felt heat rush towards his face, the conversation becoming distinctly uncomfortable. At least Una took it in stride.

She showed no outward sign of embarrassment at the remark, but then again, she’d always had a more cavalier attitude to those kinds of topics.

Instead she put on a small smile and bowed again. 

“Will this be your first child?” Vashkane asked.

“Yes, Exalted One,” Una replied politely.

“You will discover on your journey that a child means pain and happiness. And often these things are connected. When you despair, do not forget that your pain has a purpose.”

“I will not forget it.”

“And now to you, Star King. You came back because you learned your lesson, didn’t you.”

Although the words were harsh, Vashkane’s tone was that of a mother that spoke to a wayward child.

“I learned that the Valley of Storms was not a good place to settle,” Chris admitted. He inhaled. The next sentence was probably the hardest he had to say – begging was just something he straight up despised. He looked to Una and thought to see an encouraging nod from her.

“Me and my people have lost everything in a flood and we need the help of the Aeynlarr to survive.”

“You will submit to our laws and customs?”

Another glance was exchanged with Una. And again she nodded.

“We will.”

“And you will accept the prophecy?”

“I will.”

“You might not see it now, Star King, but from the moment you arrived in my realm you were part of the foretellings. You cannot fight destiny – and your destiny lies in a future you create with your beautiful queen. I knew you would come back and I know that you are the Golden King. Things will happen as foretold. It is the way.”

A future Chris created with Una. Right now Chris couldn’t see that at all. But that was a problem for another day. Right now he needed his people sorted out.

“It is the way,” he thus uttered noncommittally.

Vashkane walked over to a large table in the middle of the room and when Chris followed her he saw a map spread out on the table. It was painted on a large sheet of paper, obviously showing the entirety of the Aeynlarr Empire. And while he was unable to read their letters, after some getting used to it he got a general overview, especially when he discovered that somebody had added the Enterprise wreck to the map. He then followed the river westward and discovered Zhelyen where they were now.

Chris could not discern scale from that map, but Vaskhane hadn’t lied – the Empire had ten provinces, as indicated on the map. In one of the provinces somebody had put a pin, obviously on a settlement.

“The village of Jhuntey in the northern province of Halemya has suffered an outbreak of the Silent Death, killing great parts of its population. I want your people to settle there.”

“The Silent Death?” Chris asked immediately. That sounded ominous, although he hoped that his and the others’ vaccinations would keep them safe from most illnesses in the foreseeable future.

“It is a devastating illness, starting with fever, then the swelling of the arms and legs, the coughing of blood and eventually death. Nobody escapes. It goes as it comes,” the middle-aged man explained.

“This is Elder Baudy, the governor of Halemya under whose jurisdiction Jhuntey lies,” Vashkane introduced the man who had stepped to the table.

Something was unsettling about him and after a moment Chris realized that he didn’t like how Baudy looked at Una. He knew that gaze all too well–Baudy was not the first man who had looked at her like this.

But this time, Chris and Una and the rest of his crew were at the mercy of this man. So he had to tread carefully.

“Jhuntey needs help and you and your people need homes,” Baudy said. “If you settle peacefully and help us in our daily endeavors until we know who you really are, I welcome you.”

“Wouldn’t it be dangerous to let me and my people live in your midst if I really turned out to be the ‘Thief’?” Chris asked.

“A wise question,” Vashkane praised. “This is why we chose Jhuntey. The village is dead, but you can revive it.”

Chris had another glance at the map. Halemya was far away from the capital and Jhuntey lay nestled against another mountain range. Vashkane was banning him and his people to the fringes of her empire until she had certainty. Their labor could transform a village back to life – but if it didn’t, not much was lost.

“You will take up occupations in the village community, earning your keep,” Baudy added.

It made sense.

“So you provide housing for us and we provide work?” Una chimed in and summed up the part of the agreement as Chris understood it.

“This is our offer. What is your choice?” Vashkane asked.

Chris glanced over at Una, nonverbally asking for her opinion, valuing her insight.

Another nod.

“We will move to Jhuntey and fulfill our part of the obligation,” he said, hoping to have made the right decision.

“So it shall be done!” Vashkane declared.

Afterwards Chris and Una hammered out the details with Baudy on how to get to Jhuntey and the logistics of moving his crew across the land. It would be hard but doable. They also discussed possible labor opportunities for him and his people.

In the end Chris asked for the map and was granted a copy of it. And then Vashkane insisted that he and Una stay the night.

When Una opened the swing door she was greeted by light-flooded rooms, transparent curtains flowing in front of the windows, white mosaic tiles beneath them and intricate paintings on the floor.

The rooms were a work of art. And that was before she even noticed the colored-glass window in the ceiling that painted colors on the floor depending on how the light fell.

Chris hadn’t lied when he had described these people as crafty – she had already been impressed by the bridge over the city. But the palace was a marvel of artistry and colors, the overall motif that of water and the life it bore.

It resonated with her in a way she hadn’t experienced very often.

Life.

Being here was about life and she tried to focus on that. About the life that water created almost universally across the universe. About the new life that she and Chris were about to enter. About the life that would hopefully soon grow in her.

She slipped out of her shoes, wanting to feel the tiles under her bare feet and walked over to the window, pushing the curtain aside.

That was when she realized the tiled tub in the middle of the room, water flowing into it from an animal’s head, but not overflowing, the tub decorated with living plants that were winding around four pillars around the tub and growing into the ceiling. She felt the sudden strong urge to take a bath.

Hygiene was not easy when living in tents and on the way to the city she couldn’t clean herself as much as she wanted to. And now the water called her, tempted her.

Her clothes were finished anyway, her Starfleet uniform reduced to dirty rags now, torn, soiled and muddy. All her attempts to get it clean had failed in the end and she hadn’t had time for repairs. And yet it felt painful to part with it.

That uniform represented so much of her life, her identity. To let it go would mean to finally accept that Starfleet was gone for good for her.

She sighed and eventually she slipped out of the uniform, letting it fall where it stood. And then she walked over to the tub.

She tested the water with her toes and when she found it warm and pleasant she sank into it with a sigh.

The warmth all around her was so satisfying, so soothing – relaxing. It was only then she realized how tightly wound she was and how badly she needed this.

She let the warmth envelop her and laid her head back on the rim of the tub, not caring if her hair got wet – she would wash it anyway.

And then she just let go.

For a tiny, frozen moment in time there was only warmth and the sensations on her body – no duty, no guilt, no Chris.

She listened to the gentle slushing of the water filling the pool and smelt the freshness of the plants.

And for the first time in what seemed like forever Una felt good, alive.

She submerged herself in the pool and dove under the small fountain, emerging again, letting the water shower on her head. There were towels and what looked like soap nearby and she would eventually use them. But not immediately.

First she needed that moment of solitude after having had none for such a long time.

She dove again, testing how long she could hold her breath, reveling in the freshness of the water – it was like balm for her wounded soul.

She loved Chris. Still did. Maybe even more than before if that was possible. But at the same time, sharing the tent with him had become increasingly unbearable. Because she loved him. And because nothing good would ever come of it.

She swam to the edge of the tub again and sat down there, letting the moving water play with her skin.

Wistfully she stroked her flat belly, closing her eyes and imagining what it would be like to have Chris’ baby in it. Having a baby had never been a part of her life planning, too many complications for an Illyrian in hiding. But now the thought made her tingle inside.

The warmth from the water mixed with a tugging sensation between her legs, an old need reawakened, twitching, taunting her.

And without thought Una let her hand glide from her belly towards her folds.

Her fingers knew what excited her – a practiced dance of many years of loneliness – and they quickly parted her folds to find herself slick.

Her other hand wandered to her breast, squeezing and stroking it, playing with her already hardened nipple.

Chris!

In all her fantasies, when she lay awake in the darkness of her quarters, touching herself, he had prominently featured. And even now she wished it were him playing with her breast and exploring her, licking her, probing her, diving deep inside her.

While she steadily worked herself to a frantic climax she realized that having started to regularly sleep with him had done nothing to quell her fantasies. Now she was taunted with his proximity on a daily basis, got to smell him, while he held her and she held him deep inside her, and yet she knew that they were never as far apart as when they bred in the darkness – both of them erecting and maintaining their inner walls in order to protect themselves from each other.

Una came with a sigh and slid back into the water, spent and empty.

Haunted by everything she wouldn’t have and still determined to keep trying.

There were days when the mere thought of having this baby made her clam up inside, the uncertainty of how to take care of it, questioning how she and Chris would deal with a planned but unwanted child. But then she had days where she felt the thought of being a mother strangely appealing. Where it made her giddy with anticipation to cradle a newborn that would be hers and Chris’.

But ultimately her feelings on the matter were irrelevant. She would have this baby.

And she would make sure that it survived.

The squeaking of the door took Una out of her reverie and instinctively she dove down in the pool so that only her eyes and nose were above water.

Footsteps came into the room, sounding like the squeaking of leather boots, the person hidden by the pillars. 

“Una?” Chris called into the room.

Una closed her eyes and exhaled, her moment of solitude over.

“I’m here,” she answered quietly. And when Chris didn’t immediately find her she added: “In the pool!”

There was no need to get shy now. He had seen her naked before and they were sharing their bodies regularly. And so she remained where she was.

The footsteps came closer and then she saw him emerge from behind the pillar.

He had shed his uniform for a local set of clothes and for some inexplicable reason the sight saddened Una. Her uniform still lay crumpled on the floor, cast aside and ignored. 

It was just so… unsettling that Chris had been the first of the both of them to cast it off. But it made sense.

In contrast to her, Chris had already managed to turn his back on Starfleet one time, ready to live a different life. He had returned eventually, largely because of something she had done, but his previous spark had diminished somewhat, tainted by a future he had seen in a vision. So maybe it was easier for him to shed his old self and move on.

He was clad in black trousers and leather boots, his white shirt covered by an ornamented and embroidered vest of gold – it seemed that Vashkane had ordered these garments for him on his inevitable return, as they were fitted for a human and not an Aeynlarr.

“How are you?” he asked Una, seemingly unfazed by her naked form in the water. At least he showed no outward reaction to it. 

Why did his lack of reaction elicit a pang of disappointment in her?

“The water is heavenly,” Una said noncommittally. She wasn’t ready to talk about the mountain of her real issues. “For the first time in days I feel clean!”

“I can imagine,” he said kindly and sat down at the edge of the pool. Una approached him, put her arms on the edge and laid her head on them.

“You also look cleaner than I remember you,” she kept the conversation going.

“Before they forced me into these clothes they had a bath ready for me,” he explained and shrugged.

“You look good,” Una said and meant it. “Unfamiliar, but good.”

“I’m curious as to what they come up with for you,” Chris said and Una sighed.

“I… don’t want to shed my uniform yet,” she admitted, her gaze moving to the clothes on the floor. “But I know that I cannot keep it much longer.”

“I know.” A gentle and dry hand on her elbow. “I didn’t want to either. It still doesn’t feel right.”

It didn’t. But Una could not bring herself to say that.

“The clothes really suit you, though,” she said, half in jest, managing a small smile.

“At least one person who likes them, then,” Chris said and scoffed. Absent-mindedly he put a hand into the water and started stirring it. The water made small ripples on Una’s skin, like waves of an ocean coming to shore. It was oddly comforting.

Una resisted the urge to turn her body around to catch more of the ripples he created. The gesture was strangely intimate even though they weren’t even touching. Even though Chris was no longer looking at her but instead stared at his hand. Even though he probably didn’t even intend it to be.

She inhaled, grounded herself. The best way to do that was to talk business before the situation got even more awkward. “I still need to wash my hair and then I can come out,” she said after a while.

“Shall I have your uniform cleaned in the meantime?” Chris suggested. He was probably trying to cheer her up by pretending that her wearing that uniform had any sort of future.

Una shook her head. “No. I will take the clothes they will provide for me. I don’t like it, but I guess it’s time to let it rest.”

Chris nodded thoughtfully. “I’ll have it cleaned anyway. No need to throw it away.”

Una averted her gaze so he didn’t have to see the sadness that overcame her.

“What sense is there in these keepsakes?” she muttered. “It’s only a memory of things we will never have again, a daily reminder of a life that will forever be lost.”

“Una…” There was hurt in Chris’ voice now, probably because she had reminded him of something he had tried to push away.

“It’s the truth,” she said tonelessly.

Chris played with the water some more, then he got up. “I will get your garments then,” he offered eventually, probably also to give Una a bit of privacy.

“Yes, thank you.” She was sad to see him go, but didn’t know how to keep him. When he was done she finally took an interest in the various vials that were arranged at the other side of the pool. When Una opened them she found them to be filled with some sort of liquid soap of a sweet, fruity but unfamiliar fragrance. 

She closed her eyes to inhale and bask a bit in that scent, imagining herself far away, maybe in a grove where the trees grew that would produce fruit that smelled like that. And then she used the soap to cleanse herself before finally stepping out of the pool to wrap herself in the towels. 

The air was warm enough that she would dry soon, even without the help of the towel, especially when she walked around. She tried her best not to look at the piece of yellow clothing on the floor, discarded and empty.

There was a sudden clarity that she would never wear it again.

At that moment Chris returned, holding some fabric in his hands. This time his eyes widened when he saw her stand there, light shining on her from behind and above, only clad in the towel, towering over the last symbol of her old life.

“This royal suite is really luxurious,” Una greeted him, unsure what else to say in that awkward moment.

“Fitting for a king and queen, huh?” Chris added, attempting to humor her.

“About that…” Una sighed and looked down, fixating on the tiles on the floor, realizing that it was hard to express what was on her mind.

“Yeah?” Chris asked after a while when she hadn’t continued.

Una swallowed, recalling the events of the day. Meeting Vashkane. Submitting themselves under Aeynlarr law. Getting assigned a new home. Starting a new life that had nothing in common with traveling around on a starship. 

All of that in the last several hours. Before Vashkane had insisted they stay the night in the ‘royal suite’ – rooms literally made for lovemaking, probably counting on them to do just that.

But Chris and her were neither king nor queen, they weren’t even a couple. And they weren’t making love.

At least they could stop shuffling around in the darkness.

Instead of saying all that, Una removed the towel from her body. Presenting herself to Chris in full for the first time, discounting the times when they had seen each other naked during missions. But these times never had been sexual, they just were about two people coexisting in a close environment.

This time it was very much about sex.

“You still need to be the king today, Chris,” Una said after a moment of silence in which he simply stared at her, doing his best to lock his focus on her eyes.

He obviously didn’t find her desirable. Never had – she had always been a friend to him, probably such a good friend that he had never seen her as a woman. It honored him in a way. But it didn’t help them.

Chris blushed and averted his gaze, suddenly finding the tiles of specific interest. 

“What an interesting way to put that…” he said after a while.

Una blew out air. “What would you have me say instead?”

“No, it’s… it’s alright,” he said quickly, forestalling any example Una might have brought up. His lips were trembling and he looked distinctly uncomfortable.

Maybe it would have been better to have stuck to the darkness, as she had thought at first, but after several weeks Una realized wasn’t ashamed of what they were doing. 

Even if it was not done out of love, but out of duty, there was a certain kind of love present – the love they both had for their crew. 

Both of them would sacrifice themselves for the crew without hesitation. This was no different, their personal relationship irrelevant. She tried to focus on that.

Una stepped forward and offered her hand to Chris. He silently took it and she led him to the large and soft bed with the many pillows in the other corner of the room.

She sat down on the bed, opening her legs, a quiet invitation.

Chris started playing with his hair, the nervousness visible all over his shaking body. And then he sank down in front of Una, wrapping his arms around her in the curve of her back and pressing his head on her belly.

He shivered and Una helplessly held him close, unsure how to proceed. Eventually she just stroked his head and his hair, giving him time to collect himself. His breath was so close to her thighs and the heat of her lap and for a moment she humored the fantasy that he would turn his head ever so slightly to press his mouth on her folds to explore them and to make her so wet.

But Chris had avoided anything overtly sensual in his interactions with her, stuck to the most basic sequence of events needed to get the task done. And so she enjoyed the little closeness she could get out of him before they returned to business, staying silent and afraid to shake the fragile equilibrium they were currently in. It was always a dance without words ever since they had started.

The truth was that Una was his, regardless of how he treated her in bed.

She would never deny him at least until they had bred successfully. Because afterwards he would never again seek her out.

After a while Chris calmed down enough to loosen his embrace, and when he sank back his face was at the same height as her core. He frowned, looking at it puzzled and curious at the same time, as it was the first time he ever saw it.

Una felt suddenly inadequate under his scrutiny, ugly and strange, but she kept her legs open, trying to control her involuntary twitching.

Chris slowly and hesitantly raised his hand and moved it towards Una’s legs. In that moment she realized that she had held her breath and slowly let it out, craving and anticipating his touch.

She looked away so he didn’t see her weakness, gasping when his finger stroked over her folds. And then Chris removed his finger and got up.

He had to find her so repulsive.

Una swallowed and closed her eyes. It didn’t matter. 

It didn’t matter.

She climbed on the mattress, lying on her back, trying hard to swallow that lump in her throat. 

A moment later Chris had joined her on the bed, making a dent next to her, but he avoided looking at her body, focussing on her face, his expression unreadable. He studied her and Una had to close her eyes before she betrayed something he shouldn’t see.

While he did so, he put his hand back between her legs, making her jerk from the unexpected touch.

“I’m sorry, Una, so sorry. Did I hurt you?” he asked. “I just thought…”

“You didn’t hurt me,” Una said quietly. And when he started stroking her between her legs she involuntarily pushed herself on his hand. It was so good. She was already wet from her self-stimulation, but it was the first time that Chris had touched her there, trying to get her ready.

She reciprocated in kind and let her hands wander under his trousers, finding him warm but still soft. And so she stroked him, too, listening to his breathing and the way it changed under her ministrations.

Their faces were so close and all Una had to do was move forward and touch his lips, but she didn’t dare it, didn’t want to infringe on his boundaries.

When he was ready he pushed his trousers down enough to mount her, rolled over and was above her.

This was different than doing it in the dark where she couldn’t see his face, couldn’t see how much he suffered. And so she looked away again, trying to make it less awkward.

“Una…” his voice shivered and with a gentle hand on her cheek he turned her head towards him again. 

She just nodded very softly and then he was inside her. Again.

Trying to make her a mother.

Again.

Una couldn’t resist wrapping her arms around his neck, hugging him while he placed his head on her chest.

“Okay?” he groaned.

“Yes,” she said immediately, surprised that they tried to talk during this performance when they had never done so before. But maybe it was the light. That they saw each other, their faces and their reactions.

It was different, but Una didn’t know if it was better. At least Chris checked in with her, too much of a boy scout not to, regardless of his personal feelings.

She knew his rhythm by now and when he started thrusting she met him, following his movements and making sure that he would inseminate her as quickly as possible so he could be done with this unworthy spectacle.

Before he came there was always a short break in his movements before he grunted and collapsed, filling her with his seed. And by the time she feel it oozing out of her he had already pulled out, rolled over, put his trousers back on and left the bed.

Leaving Una behind.

A friendship for a life. It was a good price.

Chapter Text

Chapter 6 - A Rose Dying

Jhuntey, or the ‘plague village’ as it became known among the survivors had, in theory, everything a successful settlement needed. According to the map it was situated close to a forest, connected to a river, nestled into a mountain range, and before so many of its population had succumbed to the Silent Death it had been famous for its agricultural produce.There also had been some mining of ores in the nearby mountains. Ironically enough it was closer to the crash site than Zhelyen had been, and in theory Chris could reach the site in a week’s ride with a fast cashoon .

Jhuntey used to thrive before its population died.

“Charming,” Una quipped next to him when they entered the village through the wooden gates of its southern entrance that were manned by a few remaining Aeynlarr. The Enterprise survivors were exhausted from the long trip, tired of the dust from the road and ready to finally rest, to find a place to stay.

Chris greeted the guards, introduced himself and his people, and showed them the missive he had received from Vashkane allowing them to live here. Strangely enough the guards didn’t act surprised at all. They almost seemed relieved, as if things would now slowly get better.

They led the newcomers deeper into the village and showed them all the necessary places of interest. And even though they were now accompanied by locals, the overall atmosphere was eerie, like they were entering a ghost town, the shadows of previous life still clinging to the structures, but the silence of the walls unable to tell the story.

This was not the first abandoned settlement Chris had visited on his travels, far from it – he had seen abandoned outposts, derelict ships and even empty settlements on planets. But before he had had the choice to leave. Now he had only the option to stay.

When he looked around, the mood was subdued, nobody really seemed to like these surroundings. He closed his eyes and silently apologized to his crew.

“Are you cursing me now?” Una whispered next to him when she saw him grimace.

Startled, Chris looked at her. “I’m not cursing you.” 

“I don’t know about that,” Una insisted. “Remember what I told you when we crashed here?”

And Chris remembered. It had been their first night in the tent when he had thanked Una for her quick thinking. That seemed a lifetime ago just now. So many things had happened since then, unforeseen and devastating.

“ Let’s have this conversation again in a few months' time,” Una had said back then. “I hope you won’t curse me then.”

He had hugged her that night, comforted her. Tried to be a good friend and somebody she could rely on.

And now he did other things to her. And none of them were for her comfort.

And yet, when Chris looked around, took in the unsettling emptiness of the empty and abandoned buildings he didn’t only see doom. He also saw a chance.

The houses were mostly in good condition, as the plague hadn’t been so long ago for them to fall into disrepair. And if they got over the fact that they were replacing dead people, they could actually transform this village into something worthwhile.

And maybe, with a permanent residence and without a daily fight for survival, things could calm down between him and Una.

“I’m not cursing you,” he told her again. She squinted at him and then turned away, tending to some of the crew. Chris let her. He could understand her guilt, wished he could alleviate it, but at the same time was powerless to do so.

He had lost that sort of standing in Una’s life and it had been him who had driven her away. And now she had nobody to confide in who would understand the burden of command. 

But neither had he.

“Una,” he said quietly, but she didn’t hear him anymore. And so Chris focussed on his surroundings, taking in the village for what it was.

There was a central square, surrounded by several useful buildings. One looked like a smithy, there seemed to be an inn or a tavern, a few abandoned market stalls, a well, and several storefronts. All of these structures seemed ultimately salvageable.

They just had to figure out how much of a threat the Silent Death was going to be for them.

Chris hoped for one of two things: either his people proved to be immune against the disease or they would find out the cause of it and fix it. The latter would tremendously help their standing in Aeynlarr society and maybe enable them to finally live in peace, but he didn’t count on that.

First they had to regroup and restructure.

And for that they now had lots of empty houses that needed to be filled with life again. Some were farmhouses with uncultivated land, some of them, in the center of the settlement, were houses with different apartments made for merchants or artisans.

Near the river was a port that needed to be maintained and also fishing opportunities. At the entrance of the village were cashoon stables used for a transport network. And there also was a small cemetery they could use to remember their fallen, a space where they could add their tokens to the history of the former inhabitants. Another place of memory. 

The infrastructure was definitely there, and with some ingenuity the survivors could build upon it and improve the living conditions for themselves and the locals who still tried to make a living in the village.

On the trek there Chris could watch how his crew slowly but surely acquired the skills needed to survive here. During his and Una’s absence seeking another audience with Vashkane they were taught how to farm by the Aeynlarr who hosted them or shown other artisanal skills, and that mountain of knowledge only increased while they traveled northward, being forced to infringe on other Aeynlarr villages as well.

But the Aeynlarr were generous in their teachings and gave them enough provisions that everybody had made it to Jhuntey alive.

In the following days and weeks the survivors found their occupations. Some of them surprised Chris, others were consistent with what he knew of these people.

A group of twenty officers adopted the empty farmhouses and the seeds they still had from the Enterprise , attempting to revive the village’s agriculture and to see whether they could grow some more familiar fruit and vegetables.

Another group tried their luck with another farm that specialized in animal husbandry. Here they had to start from scratch, learning about unfamiliar animals.

Pelia decided to move to the edge of the forest into a healer’s hut. She had erected the hut there herself with the help of several of the survivors, among them La’An and Erica who were still looking for a purpose. It had brick walls and a thatched roof, looking like the clichéd hut of a witch in a fairy tale.

Spock found an empty alchemist’s laboratory where he felt needed, hoping to eventually create substances and materials that would help them increase their standard of living. Several survivors of the science team joined him there.

La’An and Erica eventually moved into the local smithy, keen on learning metalwork, relying on Spock’s findings, but they also helped out with other things around the village. La’An also attracted a few of her former security officers for the task, recruiting them to run errands.

Nyota Uhura claimed an empty house that was perfect as a library and decided to become the local librarian, sorting the books they brought with them, adding new ones and translating Aeynlarr literature into Federation standard while at the same time learning the Aeynlarr writing system.

Una had decided to become a seamstress – having alway been good at seeing patterns and putting them meticulously together, that kind of work seemed like a physical manifestation of her qualities. In a relatively short time her work had become renowned for what it was, attracting customers from other settlements as well. But even if it somehow fit her, Chris still had to get used to this change of pace in her life.

Chris himself had eventually settled to work at the local stables, feeding and caring for the cashoon that were needed in the transport network. He took care that the stables themselves were in good condition, even acted as a farrier when needed, and made sure the animals were healthy in case they were needed.

And so everybody found a place. If it could become their place remained to be seen, but they had been given a gift – housing and resources to build a community.

It was now on Chris and Una to make sure everybody’s work was not squandered. 

And even though the Aeynlarr seasons lasted longer than Earth seasons, as Chris had found out in the meantime, he and Una didn’t have an infinite amount of time left: the deadline was roughly the equivalent of two Earth years and the clock was ticking.

The doorbell of the small clothing shop rang out, but Una didn’t even look up from her work of sewing a shirt together. She was in the process of providing everybody with sturdy new clothes after their uniforms had run their course – an experience she had already provided herself. And while she was fast, she had her work cut out for her. At least it kept her busy and distracted her.

It had taken some getting used to to just overtake the shop of some dead and unknown Aeynlarr taylor, using their tools, sleeping in their bed, claiming their life’s work, but the shop had everything Una needed, even a room above the salesroom where she could sleep. And then the locals had told her more about Pafell and his wife Aynlora who had succumbed to the Silent Death as one of the firsts. And when Una had brought her tokens to the cemetery she had placed them on Pafell’s and Aynlora’s headstone. Since they had died so early they had still gotten a proper burial. 

Later victims didn’t have headstones anymore and Una didn’t know where the Aeynlarr had buried those. But by adding her tokens for Christine and Sam she also wanted to honor those unknown artisans about whom she knew little more than their names, trying to continue what they had started, hoping to make them proud.

In order to earn her keep she also made clothes for the locals, fulfilling their wishes as best as she could. After several weeks of practice her clothes were now on a presentable level, sporting neat stitches and clean patterns. And while others had liked her work before, she had still strived to perfect it to a level she found acceptable.

Even the Aeynlarr seemed to like it now and after a while she received customers and orders from other settlements in the province.

“Hey chief!” It was La’An.

The young woman had matured tremendously since the crash. She had taken on so much work and responsibility keeping the crew safe and fed that she had lost a lot of weight. 

Amidst her personal problems and all the rest Una realized that she hadn’t talked with La’An in quite some time. But it was nice that after everything that had befallen them things were settling down now in a way that meant that they were not permanently running around in crisis mode.

“Come in!” Una welcomed her friend and La’An immediately came closer to sit down on one of the stools opposite Una.

For a while she watched Una sew, not in the least bit irritated by the fact that Una continued her work on the shirt. Then La’An broke the silence: “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to seeing you do this, chief.”

Una shrugged. “I have to do something. And I can’t go off exploring. At least not yet.” She was finished with her row of stitches now, sewed them up and cut the thread with a pair of scissors. Then she held the shirt up, testing if the newly attached sleeve held, and when she was content, she picked up buttons which she began attaching.

“Right, that.” La’An inhaled air through her teeth and grimaced. She looked down and cleared her throat.

“How… how is…?” She shook her head. “Goddamnit, how are you, chief?” She got up and awkwardly stretched out her arms for Una to hug her.

Una put her work aside, got up and gladly took her friend’s embrace, wrapping her arms around La’Ans thin frame and pressing the other woman close. La’An felt so fragile in Una’s arms, despite her considerable strength. Nevertheless, touching another person, connecting, feeling supported felt so rewarding that it was only when she hugged La’An that Una realized what she had missed the whole time.

Una’s last hug had come from Chris – in Vashkane’s royal suite. Since then Chris’d had to deal with the logistics of bringing his people to this village, assisting in the restoration efforts, finding a place for himself and being there for his crew. In the process he had become even more emotionally absent, locking himself away in a shell that was hard to crack, Una becoming an afterthought.

There had been a time when Una had had the skill and the permission to open that shell, to be Chris’ confidant and advisor. They had spent many evenings in his quarters when he had cooked for her, talking about missions, discussing books they had read, and joking. It had been more than friendship but it had never been romantic, just intimate.

This intimacy was gone. Now Chris hated spending time with her. He sought her out, did what he had to do and left, avoiding her at all possible cost. But she couldn’t blame him. She had become a harbinger of doom – each consecutive choice of hers endangering the crew even further while Chris picked up her pieces.

He would never tell her, he was too good for that, but she could see it in the way he behaved around her that she was no longer to him what she used to be.

Una could accept that, could accept that actions had consequences and that she had to take responsibility. But at the same time it did her good to talk to another friendly face.

“I’m alright,” she told La’An, unable and unwilling to go into details, still grateful for the question before she removed herself from the embrace and sat down again, picking up her work.

“Bullshit,” La’An blurted out. “Everybody can see that you are anything but alright.”

Una looked at her friend. “What do you want me to say?”

La’An let herself fall back on the little stool. “I’m worried,” she finally admitted. “You and the Captain… it’s hard to watch.”

Una closed her eyes. 

Since it was a matter pertaining to the safety of everyone they had let the whole bridge crew in on this ill-famed prophecy. La’An had even been present when it was pronounced to Chris in the first place. 

Una rubbed her temples.

In theory she had known that La’An knew. She had just pushed the thought away that La’An, like the others, thus knew about her and Chris.

“We do what we need to do. You as Chief of Security should understand that – the safety of the crew is paramount,” Una said eventually after a longer pause, because she didn’t know what else to say, not wanting to share the burden of what was happening behind closed doors with any more people than necessary.

La’An shook her head. “Nobody, not even me, thinks that whatever it is that you’re doing will guarantee the safety of the crew. Excuse me if I’m being too blunt here, chief, but the crew of the Enterprise has only been so successful because you two were such an inseparable and well-coordinated team. Watching you lose this cohesion isn’t good for anybody.”

Una sighed. “I know you mean well and I appreciate your thoughts, but this is between the Captain and me.”

“Of course it is,” La’An added quickly. “Just…” She interrupted herself and inhaled. “I know that you’re beating yourself up over everything that happened. But nobody blames you for anything. We are grateful for all you did. So, please be kind to yourself, okay?”

Una patted La’an on her upper arm.

“Thank you,” she said quietly.

Before La’An could say another thing or ask another question the doorbell rang again and this time it was an Aeynlarr who entered Una’s shop. She recognized him immediately as Elder Baudy who had been present when Vashkane had assigned their village to Chris and his crew.

Baudy had his residence not very far outside Jhuntey on the crossroads to several settlements. But Una had not expected to see him so soon and especially not in her humble store.

“I see you have settled in,” he greeted both women.

“Welcome, Elder. What an honor to receive you in my humble shop. Is there anything I can do for you?” Una asked, putting the shirt away to introduce him to the selection of clothes she currently offered. She didn’t like the man, but since he was now the governing entity for them it was only proper to show him respect.

Baudy looked around before his gaze settled on Una, having acknowledged La’An’s presence.

“I see you have a visitor, Star Queen,” he told her. “I shall come back at a later time as what I have to discuss is only for your ears.”

“As you wish,” Una said politely, unable to ignore her unease in this man’s presence. He meant trouble, she was sure of it. And suddenly she was glad for La’An’s visit.

When Baudy was gone and Una closed the door behind him she exhaled.

“That was strange,” La’An muttered.

“I know.”

“That man is bad news.”

“I know.”

The younger woman got up and hugged Una again. “I’m here for you, chief. Be careful.”

Una closed the wooden door behind Chris and nodded, leading him further into the room. 

Even after having spent several months now in the village of Jhuntey, Chris had not completely gotten used to the Aeynlarr standard of living. It provided the basic necessities and the Aeynlarr were clean and creative, but it still was so far below what the Enterprise had had to offer. Also he had had some problems profiting from the dead at first.

“Come,” Una said, throwing him a glance over her shoulder. “We have a prophecy to fulfill.”

With a swift movement she had slipped out of her white blouse, discarding it on the floor. And then she got rid of her breast band. The Aeynlarr didn’t use bras, and so Una had eventually stopped using one herself.

Even seeing her exposed back, Chris inhaled sharply. The way her back muscles worked, the small dent where her spine was, back curving, running down to where it met her bottom… 

He had seen her so often by now, but her beauty never ceased to amaze him, bringing him back to the time he had seen her in the lake, now being able to see her amazing body close up – and yet still feeling so far away from her.

There were so many things he would have liked to tell her, but none felt appropriate and right for what he had to do to her. It was an enormous sacrifice on her part, one that she accepted every day anew – and he admired her for this. And at the same time he didn’t know how he could make anything better for her, except getting out of her way as soon as possible so as not to hurt her more than necessary.

They were both naked now, facing each other. And again, Chris couldn’t help but admire her. She was tall, as tall as he was, and never afraid to look him in the eye. Her long legs ended in curvy hips, and her breasts were simply perfect. They were made to be held and caressed, to be worshiped and cherished, but that was not what he had come to do.

He had seen the way she averted her gaze when he came to touch her, showing him how hard it was for her to be with him, how much she dreaded that whole thing. And he couldn’t blame her. He dreaded it himself.

They had been at this for three months Enterprise time now, which was half a season of Aeynlarr time. And for three months nothing had changed, meaning they had to continue still.

“Una?”

“Yes, Chris?”

“Do you think there is any chance that we will ever succeed?” He swallowed.

“I don’t know, Chris. Joseph would, however…” Her voice was so quiet that he almost couldn’t hear her.

“I wish things were different.” Chris sighed. Joseph was one of the losses he regretted the most. Not only had he been an old friend, the oldest besides Una, but his medical expertise would have been invaluable in their current situation. Pelia, while having lots of experience with a great many things, was not a medically trained professional conforming to Starfleet standards, and while her services to the crew had been overall useful, Chris didn’t think that she could help him and Una in regard to their particular problem.

“We all do,” Una agreed with him.

That was the most he had talked to her in weeks. And it felt good. It felt so much better than bedding her.

Because it meant that somewhere there was still the old Una and their old friendship, it was just buried under whatever this was.

Chris had thought that the more he pushed aside this issue and everything surrounding it , the better he could cope with it, but the opposite was true.

“I’ve never asked how you’re holding up. I was afraid of the answer.”

Una managed a lopsided smile. “Take a guess.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“But I don’t think there is much use in talking now, is there?”

As usual she climbed on the bed and lay on her back, spreading her legs and offering herself to him.

Seeing her like this broke Chris’ heart.

Wanting her and having her were two totally different things. And right now he was having her because she was forced to, not because it was something she and him could enjoy on their own terms.

He inhaled and climbed into bed with her. They lay next to each other and looked at one another. Una reached out to his penis and began stroking it to hardness. They never kissed, they never engaged in foreplay, it would have been too intimate, too loving. And as much as Chris would have liked to explore Una and make love to her, it would have felt like such a lie, like using her even more than he already did by pretending that they were in love when all he did was put his seed into her.

He, in turn, let his hands wander between her legs and caressed her into wetness. All the while their gazes never ceased to lock. It was easier to look in her eyes than to look elsewhere. After a while, her eyes fluttered downwards and that was his signal that both of them were ready.

He rolled on top of her and after an almost imperceptible nod he slid into her.

Una let out a small gasp, almost a sigh.

“Are you hurt?” Chris asked, worried. At some point she had to get sore, with the frequency they were doing this.

She shook her head and put both of her hands on the sides of his face. “No, Chris.” Then she looked away, most likely to hide what was really going on.

Hurt didn’t have to be physical. And she didn’t have to be in pain to be suffering. Chris closed his eyes. For the last three months he had come to her, and nearly every day they had done this, mechanically and coldly. He couldn’t even imagine what it was like for her.

It was she who was continuously used by him. It was her body that would fundamentally be changed by a pregnancy she hadn’t asked for. And it was him who put her through all of this, for the selfish reason that he didn’t want more deaths on his hand.

But then what? What happened if they did indeed manage to have this child? He had always pushed that thought aside – out of fear of what would happen, and because he simply didn’t know. 

The only thing he knew was that he caused her hurt, and that he no longer knew how and when to stop.

Una bent her long legs and wrapped them around him, threw her head back and met his thrusts. Her dark hair pooled around her head on the pillow, swaying like waves of an ocean in the rhythm he set with her. Her hands grabbed his shoulders, holding him in place inside her.

Her eyes were closed, her lips slightly parted and Chris wished he could just kiss her. In these moments she was so vulnerable, so exposed, that all he wanted was to stop and hug her for days. He wanted to cook a meal with her, sit down and talk, maybe watch the spectacular sunsets on this planet together.

Instead they had both retreated towards a prison of their choice, each of them an island, unreachable to the other, except for when they mated and let their bodies connect.

Gently, he allowed his fingers to trace the contours of her face, the way her cheeks bent, her straight nose, and stroked her lips and her chin. And he felt that this elicited a smile from her. A small smile, a sad smile.

Una moaned. Not very loud, but he heard it nevertheless. That was enough to rouse his need further, rocking deep inside her and bringing him over the edge once more to again fill her womb with his seed, both of them twitching in the aftermath until they lay still.

Chris immediately rolled off from her, ready to leave, but her warm hand held him back.

“Stay,” she whispered. “Please?”

He turned around to face her. She lay on her side, her legs on top of each other and he could see the white liquid pooling in her pubic hair. His white liquid.

He had tainted her again, debased her. And why did she look at him like this? Almost pleadingly.

“Una…” he took her hand in his. “Don’t make this harder than it already is.”

Her facial muscles twitched, and he painfully realized that his words were the equivalent of a slap in the face. She was trying to reconnect, to find something that they both lost, and he had pushed her away. He’d pushed her away because he was afraid of what would happen if he didn’t.

“It is already hard,” she whispered.

“I’m sorry, I can’t!” he whispered back. Because staying would mean getting closer. And getting closer would mean hurting her even more. Abusing her. Exploiting her.

Hurriedly, he shuffled into his clothes and left her room without another word.

The door shut with a loud bang. Chris was agitated. He always closed the door more forcefully when he was agitated. And even though the sound was only audible for a fraction of a second it reverberated in Una’s head.

A closed door. What a stupid metaphor. Chris slamming the door in her face, literally and figuratively.

She deserved it. She had asked for too much.

Defeated, she let herself sink back into the bed and put her pillow over her face, muffling her scream of desperation.

Put on a brave face. Be a dutiful first officer. Take it for the team. Don’t ask questions.

She was good at her job, performed admirably. Exemplary.

Nobody had told her, that doing so would mean lying on a strange planet, daily fucking her Captain, and hoping that one day, hopefully soon, she would carry his offspring.

An offspring he most certainly didn’t want, as much as he didn’t want her.

Slam.

She had tried to reach out, but Chris had clammed up. And she understood. He had lost everything that had made him who he was. He had lost his ship. He had lost the majority of his crew, he felt he had lost his right to call himself Captain.

He hadn’t lost her , though.

She had lost the same things. Those had been her friends and colleagues, too, that she had stranded here. And as his First Officer it had been her responsibility, too, to take care of ship and crew. His failure was hers as well. Maybe doubly so.

And now they had to atone for their sins by trapping themselves in their emotional limbo. Even here she was not worthy of him. Her body couldn’t even produce the one thing they needed to survive.

It had to be her. It had to be her cursed Illyrian physiology. Not for the first time she wished that she had simply been born human. What good was her heritage when it had only brought her pain and misery her whole life? When could she ever say that she was proud to be Illyrian when even her parents had denied it at every possible occasion?

Tears welled up in her eyes, and this time she didn’t stop them.

She needed to be brave in front of Chris and the others. But here nobody saw her. She let them flow into her pillow, quietly sobbing.

If Chris was a failure then she was useless.

Chris sat at the edge of the bed, and the only thing he could think of was that this wasn’t working.

It wasn’t working.

His mind went back to Elder Baudy’s visit the other day. The Elder felt threatened by the arrival of the Enterprise crew, fearing for a loss of status, and so he had a vested interest to know whether the prophecy could be fulfilled, hoping that it wouldn’t.

Is your Queen barren?

She has a pretty neck. I will enjoy hanging the noose around it.

But maybe I’ll keep her as my concubine first.

Chris hadn’t told Una. He couldn’t.

But the question remained.

Is she barren?

Or was he? Were they both?

It had been the usual ritual – fucking, coming, and now it was his time to leave. But he felt restless, uneasy, not like himself. Then again, he couldn’t remember the last time he had felt like himself.

Certainly not since coming here.

In the corpse of the Enterprise lay a large part of him, a part that he would never get back, buried and smashed. And he had filled this emptiness by following a daily rhythm, without thinking.

And by abusing Una.

She had tried to talk to him, but he had shut her out. He couldn’t bear it, couldn’t bear that she had still tried to connect after all he had done to her and was still doing.

He turned around and looked at Una who still lay on her back, the remnants of their latest session visible between her legs. She had taken it, like she always did, but after he had left her that day, something had changed inside her.

Another thing he had destroyed or was in the process of destroying. There had been a time when he had thought their friendship unbreakable. Until he had broken it, broken Una.

“Why aren’t we making progress?” he muttered, Baudy’s words echoing in his mind, the inherent threat and the glee. 

Time was running out and still nothing had happened.

The specter of his failure loomed over him, the death of his whole crew only delayed after having already lost so many. And it was all because of him and Una. This helplessness had begun to wear him down.

They were supposed to create life. Instead they had created nothing, continuing to doom his crew on a daily basis.

“Chris…” Una said quietly. She remained where she was, keeping her distance from him, another connection severed by him.

“Why aren’t you getting pregnant?!” he got louder. He wasn’t even angry at her , just at the situation and men like Baudy. And the lack of progress they were making.

“You know why,” Una muttered quietly. 

“You don’t know that! It could be anything! Neither of us are young anymore.” Chris retorted, deflecting her. He wouldn’t go there, bringing up her species was a dangerous path.

“It could be, but Occam’s razor indicates otherwise.” A philosophical principle stating that the simplest explanation was most likely true. “Say it!”

“Una… don’t do this.”

“I shouldn’t even be here,” she went on. “I should be in prison. But you chose to bust me out, and now everybody is paying the price.”

“So you are blaming me now?” Chris snapped. “For having been your friend?!” Interesting choice of words here. Did he mean that they weren’t friends any longer?

“If I weren’t here, they would have chosen someone else to be your ‘queen’, someone you are actually compatible with…“

“...and not some infertile Illyrian, is that what you’re saying here?”

“It’s the truth isn’t it?” 

“The truth is that you turned yourself in behind my back, without discussing it with me. You didn’t even give me a chance to prepare for your departure. Without warning you were taken from my life. What were you thinking?!”

Una recoiled as if he had slapped her, the hurt being hurled around by both of them. And then she straightened, ignoring his latest statement.

“Let’s face it, Chris, we wouldn’t be in this situation if I were human, but my species is adding another complication into the mix. You’re starting to get frustrated.”

“Yeah, can you blame me?”

“I don’t. You have a right to be angry at me.”

There was a brief pause of silence between them.

“Why did you turn yourself in without saying a word, Una? Did you trust me so little?” If he was angry at her, it was for this. For her betrayal back then, so long ago.

“Is that really so important now, Chris? What matters is that the consequence of your choice to bring me back is now endangering all of us. I’m not yielding the desired results.” 

“I should have let you be punished? Is that what you’re saying?!” 

“I would have deserved it. I lied to all of you.”

Hurt, hurt and more hurt. A friendship threatened by unforeseeable changes, by Una’s species of all things. He could have told her that he still valued her. That she was important to him. That he had missed her during her absence. And it was true.

But he didn’t.

Right now, he couldn’t bring himself to say any of those things. Separated by guilt and old wounds, they both remained where they were.

“We need to increase the frequency,” he told her tonelessly. Clinical, detached, like he was talking about warp core maintenance.

“Yes, Chris.”

Yes, Chris? Simply, yes, Chris?! 

All he got was a quiet capitulation, maybe the admission of guilt. Sadness. Desperation. 

Where was her argument that he was out of his mind? That he was asking too much? That she wasn’t a machine? He had secretly hoped for it, but Una hadn’t put up resistance.

“I will come back tonight.”

“Yes, Chris.”

And he wanted to stay, to hold her, to tell her how sorry he was.

Instead he got up, pulled up his trousers and left.

Pelia’s hut was located at the edge of Jhuntey. No, it was more a cottage than a hut, Una mused while she walked the stony path toward the forest. Shortly after the edge of the town, the path turned into a dirt trail that wound through several fields until it reached the edge of the forest where Pelia resided. A witch. An herbalist. It was curious that their former engineer had chosen this profession, but it seemed that she had a knack for traditional medicine, and very well she should. In a twisted case of irony, Pelia was the closest thing to a medic the former crew of the Enterprise had. She had the 23rd century knowledge of medicine and different species combined with the experience of ancient herbal healing methods, making her superior to any local healer.

For months Una had hoped that she didn’t have to approach Pelia on the matter of conception, but recent events had painfully shown her that she needed medical assistance.

She still couldn’t stand the woman, found her irritating, arrogant and sloppy. But she was Una’s best chance for help. If anything could be helped at all.

Tentatively she knocked on Pelia’s door, heard some rummaging from within, and moments later the other woman put her head out of the door. She didn’t seem surprised at all.

“Oh, I was wondering when you would show up!” she said nonchalantly.

Una gritted her teeth. Sentences like these were exactly why she had avoided Pelia whenever she could while still serving on the Enterprise . She had that air of superiority while delivering subpar work. It was infuriating. 

But still, there was nobody better around than Pelia and a little more at stake than Una’s pride, which she had chucked out of the window months ago.

“I need your help,” Una said, and hated herself for being in this situation.

“I know, come in, child.”

Child?! Una was a grown woman, capable of making her own decisions, even stupid ones, and it was so condescending to be called a child – even though, in comparison to Pelia’s age, Una must indeed have appeared child-like. Still. Another sign of Pelia’s arrogance.

The other woman retreated into the hut and Una followed. It was cool inside after the long walk in the sun and the interior was exactly how Una had imagined it. Dried herbs were hanging on the ceiling and the walls, there was a mortar and pestle, a pot on the fire, and the usual wooden furniture; a table and several chairs, a bed, and a wooden counter where Pelia prepared all sorts of concoctions.

Una doubted whether any of that could really help her now that she saw it. But the reality was that she and Chris had tried the same thing for months and it wasn’t working. A wise man once said that the definition of insanity was to try the same thing repeatedly and expect better results.

“Sit down!” Pelia said and waved her hand while walking over to the counter, adding something to one of her brews.

Una chose one of the chairs and awkwardly sat down, putting her hands in her lap, waiting.

Pelia took her sweet time while Una sat there, wondering if she had made the right decision. Maybe it was a Lanthanite thing to take things slowly. And that was all good and well except when time was running out. And if it ran out it would cost Pelia’s life as well.

Although she had a knack for survival, that one.

After Pelia had finished whatever it was she was brewing, she took the chair opposite of Una and sat down.

“How can I help you?” she asked sweetly. Una swallowed down her annoyance. Pelia knew damn well what the problem was since Una wasn’t running around with a swollen belly, turning her problem into everybody’s problem.

“Fertility issues,” Una hissed through clenched teeth. She suddenly felt very put on the spot.

“Oh,” Pelia said sweetly, “a classic.”

“Yes, thank you. That’s very helpful.” Una inhaled, trying to find her equilibrium again. “I don’t have to tell you that there is a lot depending on my fertility.”

“Ah yes, yes, the whole prophecy and death thing. Rather grim, wouldn’t you say?”

“I’d prefer not to be responsible for everybody’s death.”

“But you wouldn’t. You would be responsible if you didn’t try at all. The way I’ve heard it, the Captain and you are trying all the time.”

“Anything else about our private lives that you are informed of?” Una snapped. But Pelia just smiled, almost indulgently. It was so hard to tell if she really wanted to get a rise out of her or if that was just her usual annoying self. 

Una inhaled and tried again. “Is this because of our advanced ages? Are they a problem?” That was one of two possible causes Una suspected although she firmly believed her species was the reason.

But Pelia shook her head. “Don’t worry about your age. You’re fine in that regard. Tell me, Commander, what do you know about the reproductive system of Illyrian women?” After the last interaction, this question hit Una surprisingly. She had been so sure to get another snarky remark about her non-relationship with Chris. But this question was actually… helpful. And confirmed her theory.

“On the outside it looks like a human’s. Otherwise I couldn’t have hid myself successfully for so many decades. As for the way it functions… I don’t know much. I received my sex-ed at a human school and the basic functions were similar enough. My mother explained a few things to me, but I dismissed them at the time, vowing never to have children of my own. So I didn’t ask for more details in that regard, glad to be put on birth control at the earliest possible occasion.”

“And now?”

“What now?”

“Have you changed your mind?”

“Isn’t that obvious?” Una hissed, but Pelia just slightly shook her head making her curls bob.

“You are forcing yourself to have a child because you feel it is your duty. But do you want it?”

“Does it matter?” Una was getting irritated. “I’m going to have it.”

Again that annoying smile. “As far as I can see you are not going to have it any time soon.”

“Thanks for adding insult to injury.”

“It does matter,” Pelia said, jumping back to Una’s previous question. “It matters a lot.”

“How so?” Una asked.

“Just answer the question.”

Silence.

Una started to fidget and realized that Pelia had aimed at the heart of the problem. Under a layer of self-denial and sacrifice, duty and guilt, lay a simple truth. Something Una had always mentally pushed away, because admitting to that truth would open up another can of worms she simply wasn’t prepared for.

“Yes,” she finally said quietly. “I want this child.”

“What changed?”

“What do you mean?”

“You said previously that you vowed never to have children of your own. And now you say you want this child. What changed?” Pelia had shed the air of superiority. She was now looking intently at Una and she sensed that there was even some sort of… empathy towards her. As if Pelia genuinely wanted to help her and not just tease her. Una relaxed a bit.

Unfortunately the answer to that question led to another set of problems that she had avoided contemplating.

“What is this? A therapy session? Can you not give me one of your brews?”

But Pelia was unwavering. She slightly shook her head again and sighed.
“Do you want to answer the question or do you want me to answer it for you?”

“Oh, go ahead and answer it,” Una said dismissively. She was curious what Pelia had to say.

The other woman bowed slightly forward and whispered conspiratorially: “It’s Christopher Pike, isn’t it?”

“What about him?”

“He made you change your mind. I have to admit he is a very attractive man, just a bit young for my taste. Also, he is already taken. I made it my mission never to mess with committed men.”

Taken?! There had been this fling with Captain Batel several months before their crash, but that had ended in mutual agreement that both of them were better off apart. And then Una froze. She had been so fixated on Pelia’s second remark that she had almost missed the first one! Was Una that obvious?!

She realized that she stared and cleared her throat.

“Oh don’t look at me like that, child. You love him and you want to be the mother of his child.”

“I’m a Starfleet officer,” Una interjected weakly, lifting her chin slightly and setting her jaw. “And so is he. We both dedicated our lives to exploration.”

“Not anymore,” Pelia said. “Those days are over now and it is your choice how you deal with that change.”

“I am dealing with that change,” Una snapped. She let Chris come to her, breed her, accepting that having a child would change her life forever.

“No, you are only pretending to deal with it. You do the moves, but your heart's not in it.”

“Thanks for the talk and the analysis of my psyche,” Una said, getting up. “But I don’t think this is helping me here.”

“Do you want this baby or not?” Pelia asked, remaining seated.

“I do, but… I don’t understand what talking does to advance that outcome. I need medicine or hormones or both. Right now, you’re asking me uncomfortable questions and I don’t feel that this is going anywhere.”

“Sit down!”

Una wavered for a moment and then sat down again. As grating as this whole interaction was, she had nothing to lose and still some time left until Chris visited her.

“You want some magical medicine from me that you know yourself I cannot procure. I am knowledgeable in matters of women’s health, but I cannot replace a Federation medical facility.”

Una sighed. “I should have known.”

“But that doesn’t mean I cannot help you. You just have to believe for five minutes that I have something worthwhile to tell you. Can you do that for me?”

“Yes.” Nothing to lose, Una had nothing to lose.

“Are you measuring your cycle?” Pelia asked.

“Yes,” Una answered truthfully. “Although we sleep daily with each other so that we don’t miss a window of opportunity.”

“Are you bleeding regularly?”

“Yes.”

“How often?” 

“Roughly every 672.5 hours. The days follow a different cycle here so it’s hard to measure in Earth time.” Numbers and facts. Una was good with those. It had been the first thing she had started tracking, measuring her cycle when it had started. She had hoped to find consolation and truth in the numbers, doing the math, finding the perfect day and when that day came making sure that she and Chris did it. Again and again and again. But her math hadn’t worked out – her measurements were precise but didn’t account for what was so aptly called ‘the human factor’, which was ironic as Una wasn’t even human.

“As I said, you’re going through the motions, but your heart's not in it.”

“What the hell does that even mean?!”

“You want this child, but what about Captain Pike?”

“He doesn’t.”

“How would you know? Have you asked him? Discussed this with him?”

“I know.”

Pelia got up and walked around the table, putting her hands on Una’s shoulders. 

“Try to shed some certainties. You are a very attractive woman, made for giving and receiving love. I wished I was even half as beautiful as you.”

Una felt Pelia’s fingers on her, touching her skin. “What does it matter how I look?”

Chris had never even looked at her in that way. She wasn’t his type. And this was the only man that counted.

“Sooner or later, the Captain will see you for what you are,” Pelia said. “And when that happens…”

“...then I will magically become pregnant when I haven’t for months?” Una sighed. “I’m infertile and no amount of esoteric talk will change that.”

“No, child, you are simply an Illyrian woman. And you are not the first Illyrian woman I’ve met.”

“Oh?” Una raised an eyebrow.

“But it seems that whoever raised you didn’t do a good job if you don’t know what’s preventing you from having children.”

“But you do?”

“Yes.”

“Then would you be so kind as to tell me?”

“You need to feel loved and secure in order to conceive. As long as you and the Captain are breeding like animals your body shuts down, feels stressed and under pressure.”

And with that simple sentence Una’s whole world crumpled. Her face fell.

Chris didn’t love her. He didn’t even want her. He came to her because he had to. It didn’t matter how attractive she was, she had only ever been his friend, and even that was no longer the case. She was just the woman he fucked now.

How could she order him – no ask him – to love her? She could never force this; feelings couldn’t be faked. And if she told him, she would just stress him out, drive him away.

And so she would never fall pregnant.

They were doomed.

When Chris returned that evening for the first session of their second breeding of the day, Una wordlessly opened the door. Something had changed within her since the time he had last seen her. And he immediately felt lousy.

She closed the door behind him, shed her clothes and crawled on the bed, without saying one thing. There was little light left, so he couldn’t make out her features that well, but he had the feeling that there was a void in her eyes that hadn’t been there before.

He was in the process of fucking the life out of her. She withered before his eyes. But of course she neither complained nor lamented. She did what needed to be done.

Like a good Starfleet officer. 

This time, for the first time she got on all fours, indicating that Chris should take her from behind, bowing her head down, her face covered by her hair.

Chris looked at her, saw her tremble and swallowed.

He wanted to see her face while they did this, to know that she wasn’t in pain. He needed her visual confirmation that she was alright. And there was only one reason why Una chose not to let him see her face now: because she feared that he wouldn’t like what he saw.

He had been harsh with her, too harsh, that afternoon. And he regretted everything he had said to her, even if it had felt necessary. And now…

He inhaled, contemplating for a short moment to order her to lie on her back, to show him her face.

But… he couldn’t. It would violate the fragile parameters they inherently had set about their incessant mating. The only reason he couldn’t call what he did to her ‘rape’ was because she willingly participated. Under her own conditions, but she did. If she told him to stop even once he would stop – immediately.

But she hadn’t. And so he had to assume she still consented. Because Una wasn’t the kind of woman who would let others do those kinds of things to her.

Even though complying was slowly draining her.

Chris came closer and tentatively put a hand on her lower back. She trembled under his touch, but she opened her legs some more, wetness glistening between them. With a finger he trailed her folds and found her wet enough not to hurt her.

How was that possible when she obviously didn’t enjoy what they were doing?

“What the hell is wrong with you?” he asked. He winced. That question came out totally wrong. He was worried for her and a bit frightened. But that sentence sounded like an accusation, and maybe it was. It seemed that the only way he was able to communicate with her these days was by hurting her.

A suffocated sound came from Una’s direction and Chris immediately felt remorse. Still, the one thing he seemed unable to do was apologize.

Without another word he shed his trousers and climbed into the bed behind Una, who had patiently and silently waited for him.

He stroked himself to hardness and then he plunged into her, noticing the little whimper when he did so. Una had never whimpered before.

He pulled out again, putting a hand on her shoulder. “Are you in pain?”

“N-no,” came the muffled reply. “Please, Chris… just… get it over with, okay?”

Just seeing her suffer was enough to kill any arousal and Chris felt himself going flaccid. “I can’t. Not like this.”

“P-please?”

This was miserable.

Una was too good for any of this. And Chris couldn’t make himself take her this evening.

“I’m sorry, this isn’t working,” he told her and zipped his trousers up. “Get some rest and I’ll see you tomorrow, Una.”

He watched as she turned her head to look at him and what he saw in her face frightened him.

Emptiness.

Before he could make the situation worse than it already was he turned around and left. And this time he thought that he could hear a quiet, muffled sob when he closed her door.

Chapter Text

Part 2 - Colliding

Chapter 7 - Lifted Fog

The murmuring of voices, community, warmth.

Chris didn’t know if he deserved any of that any more. He had killed so many of them and now he fought for survival, trying to find his place on this strange planet. In this strange world.

He had no problem with doing manual labor, it grounded him.

But he had a problem with forcing others to do the same.

When he entered the tavern from the rain he was greeted with a bustling atmosphere. It had been Uhura’s idea to meet monthly, to keep up with everyone left and to celebrate life.

Chris didn’t want to celebrate anything. But he still had a duty to these people.

He shook his wet cloak and hung it on one of the hooks on the wall with the other cloaks. It rained a lot in this season, another reminder that time was running out for him, or worse, for them.

And then he tried to inconspicuously slip into the crowd. He wanted to be there for them, with them, but he didn’t want their attention.

He found a wooden bench in the corner of the room with a pitcher of dark umaya -wine and poured himself a cup. Then he slowly started drinking, sipping the beverage.

Maybe he would get himself drunk tonight, forget at least for one night what he had done.

The wine was sweet, almost sickly so, and it went immediately to his head. He knew this, it was not his first time trying it. It had become a sorry tradition for the few times they had met up like this. When he imbibed, he became even more heavy-hearted. But he deserved that.

His eyes looked for Una in the crowd and it didn’t take long to find her. She was in the middle, as always, centering others around her with the bubbly persona that she put on for these occasions. He could see the cracks in her facade, they were glaringly obvious, but the others didn’t. She laughed and drank with them, distracting them for one night from the fact that they would never go home again.

Chris liked it when she laughed, but only when it was genuine. He hadn’t seen a genuine laugh of hers for a long time now. She had no reason to laugh anymore.

He had taken away her stars.

His Dark-Haired Queen. Her hair really was like the night sky, and when the light reflected just right on it he could pretend that the white highlights were the stars in her hair. 

One of these days he had to ask her if she was Illyrian royalty the way she held herself. She was more queen than he would ever be king.

Curse that prophecy! Chris downed the cup and filled another one, wallowing in his misery.

“She loves you, you know.” It took a while to identify the voice in the sea of voices, and took even longer, in his wine-clouded state, to realize that the voice was talking to him .

Pelia had managed her way to him and sat herself next to him on the wooden bench, also cup in hand.

“I’m sorry, what?” Chris asked, still confused.

“Commander Chin-Riley,” Pelia reiterated. “She loves you.”

The cup fell out of Chris’ hand, its sweet contents staining the wooden floor. Then he stared at Pelia.

Una… loved him?

“How would you know?” he managed. Why was speech so hard? As far as he knew Una and Pelia weren’t exactly best friends.

“It’s very obvious when you observe how she behaves around you. The looks she gives you. She would do anything for you.”

Like bearing a child that he forced on her.

“She deserves someone better,” Chris slurred, looking for the cup, remembering that it was on the floor and then taking the pitcher.

Gently Pelia took the pitcher out of his hand and put it on the table. “You should stop that. It won’t solve your problems.”

“I know, but at least I can forget them for a time.”

"Believe me, that has never helped anyone. And I’m speaking from experience here.”

Chris glared at her. “Give that back!” Pelia shook her head. And then she smiled. 

“I’ve hurt her,” Chris told her.

“Yes, you have. But it’s not too late.” 

He turned around and watched Una again. She seemed so at ease in the crowd, as if she belonged here. And even if she was acting, there was still a part of her who felt familiar in these kinds of settings. He suddenly felt a sense of longing, as if coming home from a long trip. Home. Was Una… home?

“What would it change?” he asked. “I still need to hurt her.”

“Why is that?”

“You know why,” he growled. “Everybody knows it.” He tried to reach for the wine again, but Pelia had put it out of his reach. It was irritating. 

“Has it ever occurred to you that she wants to carry your baby?”

“Impossible,” he blurted out. Una was an explorer like him, had traded prospects of having a family for a life among the stars. She had seemed content. Or hadn’t she? Everything was starting to get confusing and the wine didn’t help. “Why… why has she never said so?”

“You need to ask her that yourself,” Pelia said.

Chris frowned. This conversation was asking too much of him at once. He felt an upcoming headache and wanted to put his head on the table. But Pelia wasn’t having it.

“Go talk to her, to figure it out. She’s waiting for you.”

He sighed. “And then what? What would it change? We've been at this for several months now and nothing has happened.”

Pelia sighed. “Have you taken into account that her Illyrian physiology works differently than a human’s?”

He had. They had talked about this. It had been the elephant in the room the whole time. But what did it matter? They weren’t on the Enterprise any longer and had no access to Starfleet’s medical data. They just had each other and a few herbs.

“Of course,” he growled. “But it doesn’t make a difference.”

Pelia patted his back while getting up.

“I think it does. Be good to her. And be gentle.”

“That doesn’t make any sense!” Chris called after her. 

Pelia just smiled. “Maybe it doesn’t, but it seems to me that whatever it is you’re trying now is simply not working.”

The pitcher of wine was at the end of the table and Chris contemplated going for it now that Pelia had left the conversation. But her words echoed in his mind and he felt too upset to drown that with another helping of alcohol.

She loves you . Maybe she wants to carry your baby.

Was Pelia right? Did it matter? Could it matter?

A sudden surge of courage gripped him, maybe influenced by the wine, and he got up, making his way through the crowd, greeting familiar faces, finally making his presence  known.

But when he stood before her and she looked at him with her blue eyes the courage had evaporated.

Una tilted her head and raised an eyebrow, obviously puzzled by the way he approached her.

“Hi,” he greeted her. How utterly dumb and asinine.

“Hi,” she responded in kind. 

“You look… great tonight,” he managed. Peak of eloquence. He blamed it on the wine. But she did. She wore a yellow dress that fit her body well and had braided her hair.

“Thanks?” The confusion was visible on her face and Chris blushed. This wasn’t working either. Embarrassed, he shuffled away, outside, in the rain.

He sat down on the wet porch of the tavern, somewhat protected by its small roof, but enjoyed the gusts of water that still managed to find their way to him, blown by the wind. Their coolness cleared his head.

He had just made an absolute fool out of himself. Frustrated, he put his arms on his knees and laid his head on his forearms.

Slowly, the wine-haze evaporated and he had an opportunity to think back on the evening’s events. 

It didn’t take long for someone else to shuffle close. And then to sit down on wet wooden boards, ruining her yellow dress.

She loves you, you know.

The truth hurt. It hurt because now that Pelia had taken away the denial it was so obvious.

As far as he could think back, Una had been by his side. Unwavering. She had the abilities and means to pursue a career in command that went above her position as First Officer and he’d been sure she would make an excellent Captain. Instead, she had stayed with him – as his shadow, his counsel, his confidante – always on call when he needed her. And while he had enjoyed other partners over the years, he couldn’t recall Una doing so. At least not recently.

He had always assumed that these kinds of things didn’t interest her much, but never thought it appropriate to ask. It had been her business.

“I’m sorry, Una,” he said tonelessly. 

“Chris what was that just now?” she asked after a while.

He sighed. The easy way would be to lie, or make up a story, but somehow, that time was over.

“I tried to talk to you, but then I couldn’t,” he said.

“You’ve been drinking again,” she observed and he could swear there was hurt in her voice.

Be gentle.

“Yes, but that’s not it. I just realized that I haven’t been very kind to you recently. I wanted to apologize.”

“Oh.”

Was that… disappointment?

Be gentle.

“I don’t want to continue treating you like this. You mean too much to me for that.”

The dampness of the air had made her hair cling to her head and her dress cling to her body, her skin glistening in the sparse light. She was trembling and Chris put an arm around her, pulling her close, realizing that he liked her having close by. Her presence had always comforted him, had made him a better person, and just now she felt alive and soft against him.

She didn’t say anything, instead she leaned her head on his shoulder, searching his hand and intertwining her fingers with his.

She was warm against the coolness of the rain splaying his face and clothes, the contact feeling strangely familiar.

Pelia’s words continued to echo in his mind.

She loves you .

The weight of this revelation was crushing him and he suddenly felt so dirty for the way he had treated her in the last three months. He had tried to spare his feelings, hoping it would spare hers, too. But instead he had discarded her every day, letting her deal with her own emotions.

“I’m really, really sorry Una,” he mumbled, wishing he could form better sentences. But for now they had to suffice.

They continued to sit some more in silence, he and his dark-haired queen, listening to the rustling of the falling droplets of water.

“We’re in this together now, Chris,” she said softly. “You and I.”

She inched a bit closer still and took his arm, their bodies touching, strengthening each other against the rain. And Chris couldn’t believe it that she still sought him out after the lousy treatment he had given her. That he hadn’t lost her, even though, for all intents and purposes he should have. That she was still comfortable in his presence.

He suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to gently put his hand under her chin, make her face him, and kiss her.

Kiss his best friend. Kiss his First Officer. Kiss his Number One. Kiss the future mother of his child.

Kiss the woman he loved.

But he didn’t feel it appropriate to rush things, not when he had managed to establish only a tentative rapport with Una. He didn’t want to scare her.

And so he slowly got up, ignoring his wet clothes and the way they now stuck to his body. He had found something much more important. And he intended to keep it.

When he stood he outstretched his hand to pull Una up and she complied, landing in his arms for a quick moment.

“Come, Una, I’ll walk you home,” he told her.

She looked down on her body, taking in her drenched dress and hair and nodded. “It’s probably for the best. Thank you.”

Chris retrieved his cloak from inside the tavern. It was still clammy, but not as wet as when he had hung it on the hook. The atmosphere was still bubbly, but he was convinced that the others were closely observing the interaction between him and Una. They would also notice the two of them leaving now. But it couldn’t be helped.

The only thing he wanted from the rest of the evening was to spend it in Una’s presence. Which was pathetic as he had squandered so many opportunities to be with her, opportunities when Una had explicitly asked him to. Instead he had pushed her away because he had been so afraid of the wrong things. 

But not anymore. He just needed to be gentle now, as Pelia had said.

Back outside he took the cloak and put it around Una’s shoulders. Even though she was probably sturdier than him and as wet as he was, she accepted this gesture of humility and comfort. She put her hand on the cloak’s brooch to hold it closed and pressed it on her body. Chris carefully pulled the hood over her hair, his hands lingering a bit longer on her cheek.

He felt like such a miserable louse for his behavior toward her. And he had to make up so much to her. 

Silently they left the porch of the tavern and started to walk through Jhuntey’s dark alleyways. All lights from the windows were subdued by the heavy rain and so they were  somehow in their own world, created by the veil of falling water, the only people outside. 

He had Una hooked around his arm, simply enjoying her presence and her proximity, for the first time in months enjoying a companionable silence. While he was surrounded by the wet coolness of the rain, Una's body heat was a striking and welcoming contrast.

And then they had reached the back door of her house. It had a separate entry that avoided the tailor shop and led directly to her room after going up a set of stairs. Una slipped away from his arm to open it, and when she was inside she turned around, her breath visible in the cold rain now.

She slipped out of the cloak and handed it back to Chris, a tentative smile on her lips.

“Thank you,” she said.

Chris drew her in for a firm hug and pressed her close. “You’re welcome.” His hand rubbed over her back and he wished he could hold her longer, but it was getting uncomfortable being so wet and cold. And so he released her, with a heavy heart.

“Sleep well, Una,” he told her, reaching out for her once more, patting her arm, mirroring the hug he had given her so long ago in the transporter room.

It’s good to have you back.

“Good night, Chris.” She smiled tentatively, maybe for the first time since they came here.

And when she closed the door Chris was alone in the night and the rain. He put on his cloak, still warm from Una’s body heat, and relished in the remainder of her presence after she was gone.

A smile crept on his face, too. 

Una loved Chris.

And Chris loved Una.

He knew exactly what he would do with her the next day. For the first time since stranding on this planet, Chris felt hope.

The knock on Una’s door startled her awake. The time was much too early for any kind of visitor, especially customers. It was still dark but at least the rain had subsided.

At first she wanted to ignore it, but then it knocked again. Groggily she wrapped her blanket around her body and walked barefoot to the door.

When she opened it, there was barely a silhouette recognizable in the sparse light of the stars, but she knew that silhouette by heart.

Something cramped inside her when she saw him.

“Chris, do you have any idea how late it is? Can we… can we do that later?” she said sleepily. It must have been the first time she had told him ‘no.’

“I’m not here to sleep with you, Una,” he said quietly. “Get yourself ready, we have a long way to go.”

A long way to go. They did indeed have a long way to go, the way they had twisted and tangled and ruined their relationship.

“Where?” she asked instead, taking his remark at face value.

“You’ll see. Just, trust me, please?”

Una swallowed and nodded, then she bid him to come in while she went out to relieve herself. After her return she washed herself out of her water bucket, self-conscious of Chris’ eyes on her, even though it was dark enough that he couldn’t really see much and even though he had seen her naked countless times by now. Still, this was somehow different.

When she was done she turned around. “What kind of clothes?”

“Something comfortable and light.”

She settled for a pair of trousers and a white linen tunic, light enough for the warm days and one of her favorite items of clothing, even though she had refrained from dying the tunic yellow. Too much pain.

“Do I need anything else?”

“Just yourself. Are you ready?”

Another loaded question. Ready for their child? Ready for a change in their relationship? Ready to finally talk?

“Yes,” she said wholeheartedly.

Chris led her outside the house where he had tied his cashoon . The animals resembled Earth’s horses in their general build and speed, but they were sturdier, larger, had rounder heads and only very short tails. But it was the one thing resembling horses most, so of course Chris had taken up the opportunity to get one at the soonest possible occasion. And of course he had named it Archer . 

The animal was waiting patiently, drinking from a trough of water that could be found in front of a lot of houses. Its saddle accounted for two people and Una could see that Chris had packed several other bags.

“Get on!” he told her.

She hesitated. 

Una was good at a lot of things, but riding animals had never been her forte. She had always been glad to watch Chris when he interacted with horses, listened to his expertise and general love of riding, but she had always politely declined when he had offered her to join him.

Helplessly she looked at Chris who was standing very close behind her.

“Don’t be afraid, I’m doing all the work. You just have to sit here with me. Can you do that?”

“Yes.”

As graciously as she could, she climbed onto the animal while Chris held it fast with one hand and helped her with the other, ever so slightly brushing her bottom. And then she sat in the saddle, safe and secure, with the opportunity to hold herself steady at a little handhold in front of her.

Seconds later, Chris had swung himself behind her, taking Archer’s reins by putting his arms around her. Her back was nestled at his front and he felt so warm and real in the cold night air. It almost felt as if he held her, the way he took the reins.

Una closed her eyes and imagined Chris kissing her back and neck, putting her hair to the side to gain better access. Even after everything that had happened between them, she would have let him.

Carefully she let herself lean back a bit, into him, trying to increase the proximity and closeness. And then something strange happened. Chris took the reins in one hand and with the other he held himself close on her belly, nesting his chin on her shoulder.

“Are you comfortable, Una?”

“Very,” she muttered. If he only kissed her.

“Then let’s go.”

He gave Archer the signal by tapping his feet into the animal’s flanks and they rode out of town.

It was strange to see everything so fast asleep and dark, when all Una had known all her life were bright nights planetside, because almost everywhere artificial light had shone. Here the darkness seemed complete, all-encompassing, but with Chris so close-by it didn’t feel threatening, rather more like a long lost embrace.

When they had left the city walls behind there were first the fields of the farmers that lay still in the dark, only disturbed by the animals of the night. Then came the edge of the forest where Pelia’s hut rested, all lights out, even someone like her fast asleep at some time. Una realized that this was the furthest she had ventured by foot ever since coming here, too busy to be available for Chris and trying to earn her keep. The path wound through the forest among the dark and looming trees, but in Chris’ presence the black patterns Una saw between them weren’t daunting, but more artistic and beautiful, especially when illuminated by the glowing insects and mushrooms.

She hadn’t realized that the forest was such a magical place.

Chris’ hand on her belly began stroking her absentmindedly and Una closed her eyes, gripping her handhold. It was such an intimate gesture, so loving it made her wonder if she had it all backwards.

She had assumed that Chris was avoiding her because he dreaded becoming a father, only performing his duty as a Captain with her to save his crew, but too preoccupied in his grief to find his footing again. And she had wanted to support him from the beginning until he had shut her out.

But this touch could almost be called loving. Hopeful. As if he wanted it, too.

She sighed and put one of her hands on his, caressing it, signaling him that she wanted his touch, craved it. Needed it.

She snuggled her shoulder closer to him, emboldened by the calming atmosphere around them.

And as much as she wanted him to kiss her neck and her shoulder, she couldn’t bring herself to say the words. This intimacy was the closest they’d had after so many months without it and Una was so starved for a little affection that she didn’t dare disturb what they’d just shared, out of fear of destroying it.

And so their ride continued wordlessly on the earthen path through the nightly forest, the canopy of leaves above them, a brook whooshing in the distance, the morning yet far off, just the two of them in a lonely world.

Archer had a calm and steady pace, its footing secure and strong, and Una thought that she could remain like this endlessly.

At some point the path inched upwards and the trees changed. From some of the maps Una recalled that there was a mountain range framing the valley in which Jhuntey lay. It seemed Chris wanted to bring her to the mountains.

Even though her curiosity was piqued now she remained quiet, deciding to trust him wherever he would take her. And so she took in her surroundings that slowly moved past under Archer’s steady pace. The trees became more sparse as the path wound upwards and upwards between rocks until finally they reached some sort of rocky plateau, grown over with grass and several scattered trees. It was pretty far up.

“We’re here,” Chris said, making Archer stop and then descending. When he was standing on the ground he helped Una down. The way he grabbed her hips and set her down was exhilarating. It sent butterflies through her stomach.

“And now?” Una asked, breaking the silence for the first time.

“And now we watch the sunrise,” Chris said. “I brought a blanket and some food and… I really want to do this with you.”

“Okay,” Una said. “Can I help you?” She looked at Archer’s saddle bags.

“No, just wait a minute, I set everything up.” He opened the bag and procured two large blankets. One he put on the ground, indicating for Una to sit down. In a swift movement, she let herself sink on the woolen blanket with the soft grass underneath. Shortly after Chris joined her, putting another blanket around them both, warding them from the cool night air. The top of this mountain was cooler than the forest and the town, so Una was grateful for this warmth. But she was even more grateful to be so close to him.

Carefully, her hand reached his, and when it did she took it, intertwining their fingers.

“Una, can two people start again?” he asked after a while. Her grip on his hand tightened. He looked at her. 

Wordlessly she put her head on his shoulder. “I’ve often wondered the same thing,” she whispered. “Do you want to start again?”

With his free hand he brushed his fingers through his hair. “Oh God, yes! I don’t know when the exact point was where I fucked up, but I know I did. I hurt you, Una and I’m so sorry. You have no idea how painful it was seeing you suffer because of me. But I felt so guilty that I didn’t know how to approach you, how to talk to you, how to make any of this right.”

“Chris?” she inched closer. “Do you know why I agreed to this? Why I let myself be fucked by you every day?”

She hated using such language, but it was a simple fact. They were fucking. Like animals. And it wasn’t even enjoyable. It didn’t satisfy him and it sure as hell didn’t satisfy her.

Chris winced at her words and then slowly shook his head. “I always assumed because you didn’t want us to die? Because you took your role and your responsibility seriously. And I really, really hated that you would force yourself to get pregnant to save us all. Even if I contributed to that.”

“Making sure no more people die because of me definitely played a role, but that is not my whole reasoning. I also did it for you.” She blinked, but she didn’t avert her gaze. He had started opening up and she needed to respond in kind.

“For me?” he frowned, the way he did when he was trying to figure out her logic.

“You already lost so many friends and crewmembers in the crash. I wanted to be around for you, to help you grieve the ones we lost, and I didn’t want to be another friend you lost. Because, I think… you need me.”

“And I almost managed to lose you because I was so blind,” he mumbled contritely.

“I’ve never wanted to hurt you. I just… I thought it would be easier that way.” He stroked her hand in his. Gently. “Every day, I’ve beaten myself up over the way I treated you. But I didn’t know what to do…”

“Chris…” Una snuggled closer to him. “You lost your ship and two-thirds of your crew to a sneak attack. You tried to hold it all together so that you could remain our leader. But I’ve seen behind your mask. You’re falling apart. And then that prophecy happened. I had hoped I could be your emotional compensation, allowing you to let off steam… ” She stopped and sighed. 

She closed her eyes, replaying her dozens of encounters with Chris in her head. There had been days when he had felt angry at the circumstances and maybe he had been rougher with her on those days. While the sex held no emotional gratification for her it had stabilized him emotionally to a degree, at least for a while. A band-aid that didn’t help with the deep-seated issues, but instead just kicked the can further down the road. 

“And what about you? Where is your comfort in all of this?” he asked quietly. “What you did exceeds the duties of a First Officer by miles, and even those of a friend, and I abused you for it.”

Una fidgeted. “I chose to let myself be ‘abused’ by you as you put it and I had my reasons. My comfort is secondary. Right now this crew, or what remains of it, needs you at your best. But for what it’s worth – you never hurt me. You tried your best to be as professional as the circumstances allowed.”

“Una, I did hurt you. Maybe not physically, but in the way I treated you. I cannot be at my best at your expense. This has to stop.”

She threw up her hands in concession. “Then what do you propose?”

He exhaled. “I don’t know. I really don’t know.”

Even though they had finally managed to talk, the core problem remained: Una wasn’t pregnant yet. 

“It seems we will continue fucking until something changes. Either you get me pregnant or they kill us.”

That was crudely put, but unfortunately true. She saw Chris frown in the darkness and then sigh. 

They indeed had limited options going forward. But maybe, maybe they had made a mistake on a basic premise.

“We’re in this together,” Chris mumbled. Together. They had always been at their best when they worked together. For the past three months they hadn’t. They had worked separately, even if they had shared the same goals, both of them stewing in their own problems and regrets.

Una inhaled.

“Chris, I need to know now and please don’t lie to spare my feelings. Do you want this child with me? Or are you just trying to fulfill your duty towards your crew?”

This was it, this was the question that needed to be answered.

“Una…”

“Don’t stall. And be honest.”

“Can I… explain a few things first?”

“Please just answer the question: Yes or no?”

He swallowed and then turned towards her so that their faces were at the same height. He cupped her face with his hands.

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes.”

Uncertainty became certainty and it finally felt so liberating, as if a breeze had lifted a heavy fog.

And then he bent forward, as if in slow motion, and his lips touched Una’s. Need and want jolted through her body, like a parched plant suddenly receiving water. And she couldn’t wait any longer. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she kissed him hungrily, with all the want and hurt of several months.

Between the kisses she whimpered his name, tears filling her eyes. She started kissing his whole face, his cheeks, his forehead, her lips mapping out his beautiful features.

When she finally released him she saw tears running down his cheeks.

“Una, oh my God, if I had only known…” He stroked her head and her hair, looking intently at her, as if to gather courage to say more and Una wished she could kiss his tears away, one by one. She didn’t want him to cry, not because of her, never because of her.

“When it all started I was so numb from the pain of losing almost everything that constituted my identity: my ship, my home, the opportunity to ever return to Earth and see my friends, and those many deaths of dear friends and colleagues. I couldn’t process it, it was too much and I shut down.”

“I know, Chris, I was there. I saw you falling apart,” Una said quietly.

“But I failed you. You were the one constant from my old life that survived and I treated you like an afterthought.”

“Hey,” Una said, catching his face with her hand, stroking his jaw. “Don’t do that. Don’t punish yourself for having limited emotional capacities while grieving. You had the worst that could happen to a Captain happen to you. And on top of that you were forced into a life-altering decision under the threat of death.”

“But the same thing happened to you, Una. You lost the same people and your home. And you are the one who has to deal with the risks of a pregnancy. But I was so locked in my own box that I didn’t consider for a moment that you were going through the same things.”

He looked down. “You were functioning when I couldn’t.”

“It only seemed that way,” Una admitted. “Appearing normal when everything around you is falling apart is learned behavior, one that saved my life on more than one occasion. But I grieved, like you, and I felt guilty, like you. Especially because I couldn’t give you what you needed.”

It was strange saying these things. But they had locked themselves in a repeating pattern of hurt, two celestial bodies orbiting each other, trapped in the other’s gravity, but never coming together. And it had not only damaged their relationship, it had eaten them alive and threatened the lives of their crew.

“You gave me what I needed,” Chris mumbled. “I just couldn’t see your offer for what it was.”

Una wanted to contradict, to point out that whatever she had tried to give Chris hadn’t been enough, because it hadn’t stopped the collapse of communication. But then she didn’t. It was in the past and couldn’t be changed while here they were talking about going forward.

“I wanted to give you more,” she thus said. “But I thought you didn’t want it.”

“And I thought I was taking more from you than you could give. And I felt so ashamed for imposing such a burden on you.”

A gentle kiss on his cheek, a loving stroke through his hair.

“I guess we both were idiots who could have saved themselves a lot of pain by just talking,” she quipped.

“Yeah, who would have guessed that communication serves a purpose.”

Morning was starting to dawn, light returning to the world of darkness, and it seemed like a fitting image. The clouds had parted, everything was becoming clear. Sunrise was still some time away, but the gray twilight, the strange phase between day and night – that liminal space where everything was possible – was the right time for the truths.

“Chris, as strange as it sounds, a part of me was excited when you told me of the prophecy. I have often… fantasized about a future where we both would raise children together. I never thought it would ever come to pass, but I always knew that you were the one person I would want to be a parent with.”

“I feel the same about you, Una. But I never thought that this was something you would be interested in. You were always so focused on your work that I believed you were content being my friend. And I didn’t want to push the matter, it felt wrong. And then of course…” he trailed off.

The sun was beginning to rise over the opposite mountain range, the gray light gradually turning orange, the landscape changing from a blur to crisp mountains and trees. And something else. Una realized for the first time that their spot gave them a very clear view of the remains of the Enterprise , kilometers away. And she was certain that was no coincidence.

Her hand found Chris’s again, holding it.

“...Boreth,” she finished Chris’ sentence. It was so rewarding finally being able to do that again. Anticipating his thoughts, thinking in sync with him.

“Yeah.”

There was a moment of silence where only Chris' ragged breath could be heard.

“Chris? Boreth lies in that mountain range. When the Enterprise died, so did your fate to burn.”

He nodded. “I know. I know. But it should have been me burning, not my ship.” He put his face in his hands.

Survivor’s guilt. A guilt exacerbated by the knowledge of a future of sacrifice that was now no longer coming to pass because another catastrophe had happened.

And everything Una could say to him would feel stale and fake. So she didn’t, and simply showered him in wordless affection, kissing him again and hugging him close. If she couldn’t find the right words to tell him how much he meant to her, she hoped her affections would.

“Grief is a strange thing, you know…” Chris said after a while. “You think it will never end, paralyzing you, everything too much, the hole inside you just too big to ever close. And it doesn’t matter who comes to you, who cares for you… when you’re inside that hole none of that matters. And suddenly…  things are becoming clearer again, the fog lifts, yet still… You know the hole is there, but it’s not as big anymore. And it never goes away.”

“You lie awake at night and suddenly all comes back,” Una added. “You see the images again and suddenly your grief is as big as on the first day. It might not be as often, but it always comes back. I miss them. All of them. Joseph… Christine…”

“Mitchell… Kirk… Shankar… Kyle…” Chris continued, and together they listed all 286 crew members who had perished in the crash, adding to each other, complementing each other, while the sun rose over the Enterprise’s corpse in the distance.

After they had ended, Chris put his arm around Una’s waist and pulled her close. In silence they watched the colors shifting as the sun climbed into the sky, beginning a new day. Dark pink and orange shifted to bright orange and yellow, but the starship’s skeleton remained the same. It was dead and would never rise again.

After a while Una felt brave enough to finally say something.

“Chris, for what it’s worth,I’m glad you’re still here with me. We cannot change what happened, but we can change how we develop the future. We have a duty to the living and not the dead.”

“I don’t think I could have survived until now if you had died on me as well, Una,” Chris said quietly. “A life without you is… empty. When you went missing on the day of the storm I had feared for the worst and my world was about to shatter. Seeing you hurt in the mud…”

Una placed another kiss on his cheek before she leaned her head onto his shoulder.

“I’m sorry I did that to you. I didn’t want to cause you distress,” she mumbled, inching closer. 

“I was just glad to have found you in time before you would have gotten seriously injured.”

“It felt so good when you pulled me close and showed that you cared for me that day,” Una admitted. “I even imagined that you kissed my hair when you found me.”

“You didn’t imagine it,” Chris said quietly.

“Oh.” Una felt heat rush to her face. “It felt too good to be true.”

Chris turned around to face her and dipped in for another sensual kiss. “It was,” he whispered. “But just right now it feels the same to me.”

“I know what you mean,” Una reassured him and took his arm, wrapping herself around it. 

And together they started this new day that would hopefully be the first in a long series of days in a new life.

It was a beginning.

It was evening when they returned from their excursion, exhausted, but content.

It was the first day in a long time that they hadn't mated. But they had talked.

About misunderstandings, about their understandings, about a future and about themselves.

And they had kissed. For the first time they had kissed.

At the threshold to Una's room Chris had stopped, arm leaning against the doorframe, almost reluctant to let her go.

"Is this the time where I kiss you goodnight?" he asked.

"Do you want to?" Una replied, smiling.

She couldn't recall when she had smiled the last time, but something had loosened inside her. Something that had clouded her mind for so long.

"I would like that very much," Chris said, all smiles himself. It was remarkable what the truth could do to two people who had lost themselves.

He came closer, careful not to step over her threshold, and put both of his hands on her hips.

It felt so good that he finally touched her, no longer afraid of showing her affection. Because he had a lot of affection to give. And Una needed all of it.

With a sudden move he pulled her closer into his arms and slightly bowed so that their lips touched.

Startled, Una squealed before she melted into his sweet kiss, putting her arms around his neck and simply enjoying him, savoring him.

Chris put both hands on the sides of her face holding her in place while his mouth explored hers. And she was simply content to finally be able to taste him.

She had often wondered how it would feel to kiss him, to let her lips graze and brush his, to let his tongue into her mouth. The irony was that they had bedded so often, but it had always been business.

That hadn't been the real Chris. And it hadn't been the real her.

Now her body tingled with want and not with duty.

She pulled him closer, not breaking the kiss, sighing into his mouth and eventually pushing him onto the wall next to her door.

Oh God, she wanted him.

She wanted him and she wanted his child.

When she finally released him they were both panting.

"Una, that was..." Chris breathed, eyes dark with want. "...amazing."

She had poured everything she could give into that kiss. All her love, all her devotion, all her pain.

All the days she had loved him from afar and wished she could touch him, explore him and run her hand through his hair, unsure of how he would react.

"Chris, Chris," she repeated his name, unable to say more, his name all she wanted, all she needed. All she had needed for a long time.

There was so much she needed to say, her heart overflowing with the joy of a common truth, but in this moment, everything lay in his name. And the best thing was that he understood.

They stood there, Chris pushing her into the wall with his weight and exploring her face with his hand, brushing hair away from her forehead. And the way he looked at her. The hardness in his gaze, the stoniness, had completely vanished, and in its stead there was pure and unadulterated love.

“Do you want to come in?” Una smirked when she saw that he couldn’t take his eyes off her.

Chris nodded. “I want that very much, but I feel that so much has happened today that I need to process it. It’s… it’s good.”

“It’s okay. I’m still here tomorrow.” Una wanted to say that they had time, but that was unfortunately the only thing they didn’t have. Still, it felt to her that taking this slowly, savoring it, was the right thing to do.

Pelia’s words echoed in her head, that she needed to feel safe and secure before her body would conceive. And another thing from that day suddenly made sense to Una.

Pelia had said that Chris was taken, making Una wonder what that meant and who that mysterious person was supposed to be. But now she finally understood. 

It had been her all along.

Chapter Text

Chapter 8 - A Glow in the Dark

They took their time getting reacquainted, rekindling the relationship they once had and everything that had made it so unique – the intimate knowledge of each other’s habits, the unconditional trust and the absolute comfort they had in each other’s company. 

But now there was another layer of intimacy, that didn’t detract from their friendship but added to it, complemented it, as if it had been there forever.

Stolen kisses, holding hands, passionate kisses. Touching and exploring. Connecting.

They had long talks over dinner that Chris cooked, took walks through the forest, watched the sunsets or visited the tavern. The most important thing was spending time in each other’s company and relearning what it meant to be together, listening to each other, understanding each other.

They had agreed to pause their daily mating sessions until they felt a bit more secure around each other. But each time they spent time together it became increasingly obvious how much they wanted each other until they decided to go the last step of the way, now that Una had told Chris about Pelia’s diagnosis.

And so, when Chris knocked at her door, there was none of the gloom that Una had usually felt in her stomach when he visited.

The panic and the dread that this was just a duty for him had gone, and the worst part was that it had been so easy – after they had started talking again and discovered that they both shared the same truth but were afraid that the other didn’t.

It still didn’t solve their problem of Una’s pregnancy. Or lack thereof. But at least they had each other now. And that was better than working separately.

She opened the door and greeted him with a kiss before he could say anything else, pulling him inside, closing the door again and framing his face with her hands, relishing in his taste and his touch. Chris wasn’t surprised in the slightest, instead he put his hands on her waist and whirled her around once.

It felt so good to be finally touched like this, to be acknowledged and seen. And although she understood why Chris had kept his distance before, there had been days when she had felt discarded and empty.

Not anymore.

When she broke the kiss he still held her locked tight and they smiled at each other. Una traced the curve of his mouth with her index finger, enjoying his closeness and his smile.

“Are you ready to become a father?” she whispered.

“I’ve been ready for several months now,” Chris breathed back. His mouth found her neck and he started kissing it, finding the spot between her jaw and her neckline that was so sensitive. Una let out a small whimper. This kiss was so intimate, so reverent, and it sent waves of heat between her legs. And while Chris continued his ministrations she realized again how much she had missed the tenderness in their previous interactions.

Pelia had taught Una about the Illyrian genetic failsafe against unwanted or forced pregnancies. But it remained to be seen whether gently making love with Chris would yield a different result. At least it broke a pattern, stepping out of the insanity of repeating the same thing over and over again.

And she would enjoy it – tasting him, exploring him, finding out what he liked. Her lips sought his again, and he willingly yielded to her tongue, lovingly kissing her back.

“You taste so good, Una.”

She smiled. “You haven’t even started…”

“I have time. And this time I’m going to take it slow... I need to make you feel good, make you feel loved. I want to.”

Something fluttered in Una’s stomach. A feeling of warmth and belonging.

“I love you,” she blurted out and then gasped. Despite their lengthy talks and their inherent agreement to become parents together, there had been no declarations of love. But just now, it felt like the right thing to say. Truth, honesty, openness. 

Before Chris could go on to say something else, she went on: “I fell for you the first time I laid eyes on you. The dashing Ensign in the colorful uniform giving a speech. You tried to hide your insecurities so well that day, but I could see your nervousness. It was endearing.”

This seemed to surprise him because he stared and blinked. “That long?”

“That long,” Una confirmed. “But I was an Illyrian in hiding, loving a superior officer. I didn’t want to make life complicated for both of us. I was content being your friend and your support.”

“Wow. I’m…” Chris shook his head as if to shake off a dream. “I’m… speechless.” Gently he put his hands around Una’s face, traced her round jawline and settled then on her shoulder, putting his thumbs under her shirt, stroking her warm skin.

“I always thought you weren’t interested,” he went on. “That you were comfortable being my friend and First Officer. And I accepted that, the boundaries I believed you set up. I can’t even say when I started loving you, but there was always this feeling in the background, the comfort in your presence and the emptiness in your absence. Like somebody who is home for me. You were my lighthouse in the dark when I was losing myself – bright, shining and steadfast. When you were arrested I realized how important you were to me. I needed you back in my life, and even though I thought at the time that we would remain friends, it was better than not having you close-by at all.”

In response Una kissed him again, brushing her lips on his before deepening the kiss. When she was finished, she placed her hands above his on her shoulders.

“Home you say?”

“Yes.”

“I’m here, Chris. And I’m ready to continue being your home.”

His right hand moved slowly under Una’s shirt until it rested on her chest, while he took her left hand, kissing her wrist. He closed his eyes feeling the steady thump of her beating heart. Una was sure her heart rate was elevated the way he made her feel just now, as if it was bursting from joy.

“I don’t deserve even half the love you're giving me. And I deserve your forgiveness even less. You are so vibrant, so energetic, and I almost destroyed that.”

“You deserve all the love I am giving you, Chris. All of it. Yes, you hurt me, but I also hurt you, because we stopped talking. Grief can do that to you.”

He nodded and swallowed, and Una kissed him again, emphasizing her point.

“Chris, if it had been any other man from the Enterprise in that stupid prophecy, I would still have agreed to do it, but with you this is more than duty. This is something I have wanted for a long time but never thought it could happen, okay?”

“Okay.”

His hand slid lower from Una’s heart, and again slipped under her shirt to settle on her still flat belly. He started stroking it carefully.

And then he looked at her with such vulnerability.

“May I… may I look at you?”

“Yes,” she said immediately. And added a quiet: “Please.”

“Can you believe that I never really looked at you? I tried to be done with it as quickly as possible, and it felt so wrong to do so.”

“I know.”

“So now, I want to. I want to see your beautiful body.” He began opening the laces that held Una’s shirt together, parting it in the middle over her breasts. He did so slowly and deliberately, as if he was trying to solve a puzzle, and Una’s breath hitched each time his hand or knuckles brushed over her skin. It was so hard to contain her excitement and stand there patiently waiting, but she did, almost at parade rest, while he continued his task. When he was finally done he threw the laces aside and put his hands on her naked waist under her blouse, holding her in place in front of him. And then he bowed down, his face moving the fabric aside while he buried it in the mound between her breasts. Una hugged him close, pressing him to her chest and kissed the top of his head.

After a while he released himself and very deliberately stripped her shirt from her shoulders, letting it fall to the floor and baring Una’s breasts. The cool air on her skin made her nipples stand up and her growing arousal hardened them even more. 

“Can I touch them?”

“Yes.”

With shaking hands he cupped her soft breasts and rubbed his thumbs over her sensitive nipples, hardening them even further. 

“They are beautiful. I can’t believe I didn’t pay attention to them before,” he mumbled. “You are beautiful.”

He kissed Una again while his hands continued caressing her peaks and then he took her in with his gaze.

“My Illyrian Queen,” he said reverently. “My perfect Illyrian Queen.”

“My silver-haired king,” Una replied with a shaky voice. “I want you so much.”

She gasped when his mouth latched onto one of her nipples, waves of arousal shooting through her. She pushed herself into him to get more of the exquisite tingling sensation. Chris took his sweet time, letting his tongue circle around this sensitive spot, gently sucking and even biting down on it, making her cry out in ecstasy. When he was finished with his handiwork he continued massaging her pink areolas with his thumb.

“Do you have any idea how perfect you are?” he hummed.

Your body is made for giving and receiving love. You are a very attractive woman. Pelia’s words echoed in Una’s mind and she smiled.

“People have said so before,” she told him. “But I’ve never cared much. Until I met you.”

Chris turned his attention to her other nipple, also hardening it with his tongue’s ministrations, and while he continued playing with her breasts he looked Una in the eye.

“Do you have any idea how many nights I lay awake, dreaming that I was allowed to do this? Those were my desires in the dark and I felt so ashamed that I fantasized about you. And all the while you were waiting for me.”

There were so many things that Una wanted to tell him right then and there. That she had more or less given up on sexual relationships after unsatisfying flings and one-night-stands in her youth, ready to be Chris’ chaperone to guide him to happiness. That he was allowed to caress her breasts whenever they were together. That she was his now. That she was looking forward to making love with him.

“Everything has its time and place, Chris. We weren’t ready for each other then, but we are now. Don’t grieve missed chances from the past, seize the present. I’m here now.”

“Seize the present you say?” he answered, a mischievous glint in his eye.

“Yes,” Una said and squealed when he put his hands under her thighs and lifted her up. Quickly she swung her arms around his neck and her legs around him so that he could carry her more easily. Then he carefully placed her on the bed, bowing down to kiss her again. And there was so much love and want in that kiss that Una wanted to cry.

“I’m here, Chris. I’m here for you…” she muttered and stretched out her hands to hug him close to her.

He followed her on the bed, lying next to her, and for the next several minutes they kissed lazily while Chris let his hands roam over Una’s naked upper body and she put hers under his shirt, mapping his muscles, his dents and curves.

Then he started kissing her neck again and landed back on her pink and swollen breasts. Each of his kisses and caresses were greeted by a small moan and Una felt so aroused already that she felt she would come from this alone if he continued. But before she could, he trailed further downward with his mouth, over her belly that he kissed with devotion, licking her navel and sending shudders down her spine.

Una bit down on her lower lip and dug her nails in the sheets to find an outlet for the exquisite sensations Chris was causing in her. This time there would be nothing awkward about coming together. They were indeed making love. His kisses stopped at the waistband of her black trousers and he hooked his thumbs into it, looking to her for approval. When she nodded slightly he started pulling it down, together with her panties, and with a lifting of her hips he had soon stripped it off. 

She now lay naked on the bed.

Chris sat next to her and couldn’t take his eyes off her, practically worshiping the sight.

“Do you like what you see?” she asked innocently.

“I don’t think I have ever seen something so beautiful in my life.” The pure adoration from his words touched Una’s heart and again she felt tears well up in her eyes. This time she didn’t hide them and some of them spilled over to her cheeks. 

“Oh, oh no, please don’t cry…” There was worry in Chris’ voice and with the gentlest of touches he brushed her tears away, kissing her cheeks.

“It’s okay…” Una sniffed. “It’s just so… liberating to feel loved. Thank you.”

Chris gasped and hugged her close. “I’m so, so sorry.” He didn’t have to say anything more for Una to know what he meant. He felt remorse for all the hurt he thought he caused her. 

“No, no, don’t be,” she added quickly. “You are making me very happy just now. It’s just… just that…” She stopped. How could she tell him that love was a rare commodity for somebody in hiding? That the last time she had really felt loved and safe was when she was with her parents? Her parents who she had left for higher goals. She’d had her friendships and a stable social circle, she’d had a unique relationship with Chris. And those were their own kinds of love. But at the same time, she had always needed to remain at a distance out of fear of being discovered, a fear that was hard to let go even though her secret was no longer a secret.

And so she had to rediscover what it meant to be loved for who she was and not for what she did . That part of her had withered for so long, like a rose that didn’t get enough sunshine.

“You can’t believe this is happening?” Chris asked. 

Una nodded. “Yes.”

“Then I need to make sure that you believe that this is real. Today, tomorrow, and every single day afterwards.”

He laid himself next to Una so that they were facing each other. With his free hand he stroked the curves of her body, lingering in some places, especially when Una signaled him that she liked his touch there. 

His fingers tingled on her skin even when they were no longer there, the aftertouch being memorized by her body. She arched forward for another kiss, meeting him, enjoying him.

“Chris, what will happen if I still cannot get pregnant?” Una asked after a while. They were about to heed Pelia’s advice, and something had changed, but Una was realistic enough that she couldn’t expect wonders. Not when two species were involved and both she and Chris were of advanced age.

Chris stopped his gentle touches and placed his hand on her belly, bowing down and kissing it again. 

“Let’s not go there, yet, Una. I have faith that we will somehow work it out.” Then he looked up. “And please, don’t put yourself under pressure again.”

Una managed a lopsided smile. “I’ll try.”

“Great.” That was the boyish grin she hadn’t seen for so long. She watched intently as his strokes got bolder and finally his circles drew his hand between her legs.

“Can you lie on your back, please?”

Wordlessly Una rolled herself to the side, now looking up at Chris who was hovering above her. His hand rested on her thigh and almost involuntarily she opened her legs for him.

Yes.

Chris locked his gaze with her and didn’t break it while he gently let his hand glide between her legs, caressing her. He let his thumb brush over her clit and Una buckled immediately, the sensation so exquisite and so foreign. It had been too long.

“Don’t stop,” she whimpered. She was already so wet, so ready for him, but she understood why he needed to cherish the moment and take it slow. It would heighten her pleasure, too. And they really had rushed it before.

And then he parted her folds and slipped first one and then two fingers inside her, his breath hitching as he realized how aroused she was. While staying inside her with his hand and rubbing her clit with his thumb he returned his mouth to her breasts, sucking and gently biting them while his fingers slid in and out of her. Her head thrashed uncontrollably to the side and she couldn’t suppress a few moans while he steadily brought her closer to climax.

And then it washed over her, first in small ripples and then setting her whole body on fire –her first orgasm in years, if not decades that wasn’t brought on by herself. And it was exquisite.

She clenched and unclenched around Chris’ fingers until her body calmed down again, then she lay still, panting.

“Oh God,” she breathed, before repeating his name like a babbling child.

Chris smiled and kissed her nose. “Thank you, Una. For letting me watch you, for letting me do this.”

She stretched out her arms to him.

“Come here, Chris.”

“In a moment.” He got up and as soon as he started undressing, Una sat up. 

“Let me help you.”

While he got rid of his shirt in a fluid movement she opened his belt and then his trousers, sliding them down, freeing his erection.

He was already hard from pleasuring her. And he was glorious. Warm and erect and so alive. Una looked up at him and when she found his gaze she shifted forward, taking him into her mouth. It was so important for her to taste and feel him and she smiled when she heard his gasp. It was part surprise and part enjoyment.

“Una… Are you sure?”

She slid him out of her mouth just to answer him when she whispered: “Please, Chris. Let me have this.”

Some other time she would tell him how often she had thought about doing this. And how one particular fantasy had involved his command chair. This one could never come to pass now, but all the others could, if Chris was willing and had the stamina. And then she closed her lips around him again and gently began pleasuring him.

He put his hand at the back of her head and stroked her hair while she bobbed back and forth, taking in his length and caressing his testicles with her hands. From time to time she looked up to gauge his reaction, pleased to see that he had closed his eyes and hummed in pleasure. She started increasing her rhythm a bit and still he followed her lead, gasping sometimes when she brushed a particularly sensitive spot. And when she let her tongue circle around him, he stiffened.

“Una,” he breathed, “I’m getting close.” He couldn’t manage more but he didn’t have to. Another time she would bring him over the edge with her mouth, tasting and exploring him, but right now his seed was needed elsewhere.

And so she stopped and released him. Then she lay on her back again, ready to receive him.

Chris removed his trousers and slid on top of her, his face very close to Una’s.

He kissed her lavishly and then looked at her questioningly.

“Please,” she simply said before he pushed into her.

Una threw her head back. She had received him before, she knew how he felt inside her. But this time was different, this time he had steadily increased her arousal, making this moment so much more exciting. She moaned.

“Are you okay?” he asked her, buried deep inside her, his face still hovering above her.

“More than okay…” She wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him close. “Thank you.”

“I love you, Una.”

“I love you, idiot.”

Just in this moment, Una felt an all-encompassing sense of belonging. It was a strange sensation for all that she, like Chris, had lost her home, her career and all she had ever worked for, as well as the opportunity to see any of her friends again who weren’t trapped on this planet with her.

But being with him, being so close that their bodies almost became one and the love and worship connected to it, made her feel so wanted and accepted as she had never felt before.

“I want your baby, Chris,” she reiterated. She felt it important to say again as they were in the process of making it. 

“And I couldn’t be more blessed,” he whispered, kissing her again and slowly starting to move inside her.

Una wrapped her legs around him to meet him as much as she could, to take him in, and when she let her arms fall back on the bed next to her Chris took them and pinned them over her head, intertwining his fingers with hers, providing yet another point of connection. 

Connection. Long enough they had orbited each other, but now the movement was shifting and they were connecting in more ways than one. And it was breathtaking.

Chris traced his kisses from her mouth to her neck again while she stayed in rhythm with him, meeting him, needing him.

And when he came close this time, Una shifted her angle a bit, driving him over the edge, taking his seed yet again.

He collapsed on her, remaining where he was and resting his head on her shoulder. Una stroked his back and caressed his now matted hair.

Then she placed small kisses at the top of his head. “Thank you,” she whispered again.

Chris shifted and slid out of her, lying on his side and caressing her face. She turned to meet him.

“How are you, Una?”

She smiled. She felt wonderful, exhilarated, in love… At home.

“Good,” she simply said. “You make me feel good.” And maybe her body would come to the same conclusion now. After all, they had made love in the literal sense of the word. Chris had been so tender, so conscious of her needs and so gentle. It had been perfect.

She watched Chris observing her and smiled again. There was so much love and devotion in his gaze that she melted. He reached out and stroked her again, mapping her curves and her body.

“I’m so glad to have you back, Una,” he said. 

“I was never gone.”

“You have more patience with me than I deserve.”

“And that’s where you are wrong. For what happened to you you deserved all the patience. Try to be a little less hard on yourself. You still carry that trauma in you and the pain is hurtful. The hurt has to go somewhere. You never meant to hurt me, it just happened, because, after all, you are a human with flaws.”

She also reached out to caress his face. “We both carry our battle wounds, from fights old and new. But we are still here. We have the capacity to heal.”

It was slowly getting late, night had gradually settled while Una had been busy with Chris.

“Will you stay here tonight?” she asked him, trying not to wince at the memory of what had happened the last time she had posed that question. 

“Will you have me?” Chris asked and she could hear the uncertainty in his voice.

“I wouldn’t have asked otherwise,” Una said and smiled.

And so they eventually nestled together in her bed that was too big for one person but too small for two. Chris spooned himself tight against Una, embracing her from behind so that his head rested on her shoulder and his hands lay on her belly. He placed a few more kisses on her shoulder and jaw.

Una couldn’t recall ever having felt more secure when falling asleep, because for most of her life she had slept alone and when she didn’t none of the people she had shared a bed with had given her the sense of security that Chris did. In fact, they had always carried the danger of exposing her because she didn’t trust herself in her sleep. But now she did. She put her hands on his and slowly drifted off in his embrace.

It was still dark when Una awoke again and it took a moment for her to settle into the realization that nothing that she remembered had been a dream.

Chris was still holding her tight and his warmth on her back comforted her. She listened to his breathing and realized that it lacked the shallowness of a sleeping person.

“Chris?” she whispered.

“Yeah?” came the immediate answer.

“How long have you been awake?”

“Don’t know. But I’m happy where I am.” He inhaled into her hair. “You smell so good.”

“It’s not easy when all you have is a washing trough and buckets full of cold water.”

“Mmmmmh,” he hummed and she didn’t know whether it signaled agreement, enjoyment, or both. But shortly after she felt his hardness press against her thigh. “Una,” he moaned into her shoulder and she felt another tug of excitement between her legs.

“Come here,” she breathed, slightly lifting her leg and moments later he was inside her, filling her again. His hands started roaming her belly and cupping her breasts while Una pushed herself into him.

Again Chris took his time before starting to move and when he did one hand started stroking her clit in synch while he held her so close. Una laid her head back to give him better access to her neck and mouth and Chris took the cue immediately. And while he showered her with affection she steadily worked him into a second climax. 

This time they came together, and for the second time that night Una received his seed. It was so much easier now that they were making love instead of just mating, and doing so didn’t feel like such a burden anymore. Just natural, as if they had done this for dozen times already.

Happily she snuggled herself back into Chris’s embrace, feeling snug and loved.

Finding a new rhythm was easy when the old rhythm had never worked in the first place. In the mornings both of them followed their occupation: Chris working in the stables and caring for the town’s cashoon that were so essential to the transport network and Una sitting in her workshop, creating and fixing clothes. One of these days she really needed to take on an apprentice, but just now she needed solitude.

In the afternoon Chris would return and wash the animal smell off his skin in the bath that Una had prepared for him. The food they shared. Even if he liked cooking better than her she felt it unfair that he would put in all the work after performing so much manual labor outside. And so she tried to come up with simple dishes and steadily became more confident. Before, in an environment that had food synthesizers, cooking hadn’t been her forte – she had rather reprogram things until they yielded the desired results. But since that wasn’t an option any longer, she needed to expand her skillset some more. In the end it was just as mathematical and formulaic as programming a computer or sewing clothes – one simply needed a healthy dose of patience and perfectionism. Two traits Una certainly didn’t lack.

After their shared meal they would talk about their respective days. They ended the evening with gentle lovemaking before falling asleep together, sometimes in Una’s home and sometimes in Chris’. It was obvious how much Chris looked forward to sleeping with her, his desire so open and honest and… flattering. 

Her heart always skipped a beat when he returned home and kissed her, his want and love so pure and endearing. And then he continued to worship her as best as he could before they rested in each other’s arms.

It happened after roughly two weeks.

Una awoke to a strange feeling. It was a tingling sensation in her belly, a sort of radiating warmth that she had never felt before in her life. Not even when she had first started bleeding. When she looked down at herself she saw a faint reddish glimmer under the blanket.

It was shameful that Pelia knew more about Una’s biology than Una herself, but at the same time, Una was now about to find out how her body worked and what to expect from it, even though she had a few surprises on the way.

Like this one.

“Chris,” she whispered, and when he didn’t react she gently pulled his arm that he had draped over her, holding her close.

“Chris?!”

“Hmmm?” came the drowsy reply.

“Chris, I think it’s happening…” she whispered.

“What is happening?” he mumbled.

“I think I’m conceiving your child just about now.”

That jerked him awake and he sat up. Una also sat up on the bed, legs crossed facing him, showing him her glowing belly.

“That has never happened before in my life,” she explained. “That must mean something?”

“But…?” Chris frowned. “Aren’t you usually glowing when you are having an intense immune response? Wouldn’t that mean that your body is fighting that child?” He sounded worried and he had a point.

“Yes. But this here, this feels different, not like a bad thing. It’s hard to describe. It feels warm and fuzzy and as if things are finally as they should be.”

“Then let’s hope you’re right.”

“You know, I’m really not against continuing our daily lovemaking sessions until we know for certain. I enjoy them very much,” Una smiled.

Carefully Chris bowed forward and kissed her. “Me too. You have no idea how much I want you. Every day, when I see you, my heart jumps because I want you so much. And I still cannot believe my luck that you want me, too.”

Gently and very slowly Chris reached out to put his hand on her still glowing belly. He was mesmerized by the pulsating nature of the light that flickered in rhythm to Una’s heartbeat.

“It’s very warm,” he said.

“Yes, warm and fuzzy.” Una reiterated and put her hands on his and pressed them to her body.

“It’s beautiful. I don’t know how you do it, that each time I think I’ve seen the most beautiful thing you manage to become even more beautiful,” he whispered in awe.

Una smiled. It was really cute seeing him so smitten with her. “I could say the same. The way you look at me makes me want to give myself to you all over again.”

With his other hand Chris traced the outline of her face and caressed her cheek. He swallowed.

“Don’t you think it’s time we moved in together?” he asked after a while.

“You mean the couple desperately trying to start a family should share a household?” Una lifted an eyebrow.

Chris nodded. “Couple. That sounds nice. You and me.” He swallowed and then he took her hand, nervously but gently playing with her nimble fingers. “Una? … Una, I…”

Una placed a kiss on his cheek. “Out with it, Chris.”

He smiled boyishly, still holding her hand. “If we are a couple now should we not like… make things official?”

“Are you asking me to become your wife right now?” Una asked, her heart skipping a beat.

“I should have declared you as my wife from the moment we met those Aeynlarr,” Chris mumbled. “Would have made a lot of things easier.”

“My, aren’t you romantic tonight,” Una quipped.

“Hey, that’s not…” Chris spoke up, trying to defend himself, but Una just smiled and shook her head.

“In case you want to know: I could consider becoming your wife, even marry you under Aeynlarr customs, but only…”

“Yes?” Chris raised an eyebrow, waiting for Una’s reply.

“... if I finally get that massage you’ve been promising me.”

Chris visibly relaxed before he grinned. “It’s a deal, Mrs. Pike.”

“Oh no, I’ve never said anything about taking your name, mister!” Una chimed up in mock indignation.

“Doesn’t matter, you’ll still be my wife,” Chris laughed.

Una threw herself forward so that she hugged him with some force, toppling him over, landing on him. Showering him with kisses.

This evening seemed to her the culmination of all her wishes. After so much pain and fruitless trying it seemed that she and Chris had finally conceived.

And then he had asked her to become his wife.

It couldn’t get any better.

The warm and pleasant feeling in her chest was spreading and it took her some time to identify it correctly.

She was happy.

Chapter Text

Chapter 9 - Ripples on a Lake

Slowly, almost indulgently Una moved her hips, her eyes closed, her lips parted and Chris deep inside her while she straddled him, her chest touching his, her chin resting on his shoulder while his arms wrapped her tight.

They didn’t have to do this any longer now that she was with child, but she realized that she still wanted – no, needed – to feel this connection with him from time to time.

Ever since her belly had started swelling Chris had insisted that he would not lie down on her anymore, but rather preferred holding her like this. And Una had agreed.

Doing this helped with her cramps and their agreement was that she would approach him if she wanted to sleep with him, because she was the one who carried the child.

Tonight she wanted and needed to feel him all around her. It was one of her moody nights, where she felt melancholic. So it felt good to be held.

Chris let her set the rhythm and she took her time, wanting to savor it as long as possible.

“Chris?” she mumbled into his shoulder. 

“Yes?” He turned his head and kissed her cheek.

“I need to tell you something. It probably doesn’t matter anymore, but I still feel you deserve it.”

He tensed immediately, worry obvious in his voice. “Are you alright? Is the baby alright?”

“Yes, yes… I’m alright,” Una said quickly. Apart from the nausea and the soreness. But he knew that already. She nuzzled his neck, knowing that she had to keep talking now that she had started. She closed her eyes, blinking the tears away that had started to form.

“I want to tell you why I turned myself in without informing you,” she finally said. It had happened in another time, almost in another universe.

But it had hurt Chris, had made him believe she didn’t trust him, when she had always done so with all her heart. It had hurt him so much that he had brought it up with her that one afternoon when they had argued.

“But Una, that’s so long ago…” he immediately said, his lips brushing her cheek. He held her closer, pausing the rocking motion of their hips.

“I know. But you deserve the truth. The full truth. We shouldn’t have secrets anymore.”

His hands stroked her back, gently, so gently. But he let her continue talking.

“When I couldn’t hide who I was any longer after our encounter with the light virus it occurred to me that my secret was no longer safe. Not because I didn’t trust you or the crew of the Enterprise , but because another accident like that could happen any time. And I started to get sick of living a lie, having to fear losing everything.”

“That’s understandable,” Chris whispered. “This mission reminded you that you could easily accidentally be exposed. And so you wanted to pre-empt that.”

“Yes,” Una said. “But that’s not the reason why I went behind your back. I did that because I loved you so much. I feared that if I waited much longer and then got exposed that Starfleet would ask questions about you, why you never turned me in and I never wanted you to be punished for my lies. And I also was afraid that if I told you what I planned that you would persuade me not to do it. You would say that you would protect me. That you didn’t want to lose me. And then I probably would have listened to you, because I didn’t want to lose you, too. I didn’t want to leave you behind. But I had to do this, to be free. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life.” She closed her eyes again, pushing her lids shut so she squeezed the tears out. 

“Oh, Una…” Chris said, his voice heavy with emotion. “I’m sorry for attacking you for that. I’m sorry for not seeing what was really going on. I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” 

Una leaned back so that she was facing Chris now and he gasped when he saw her tears, gently wiping them away. “No…” she whispered. “Please don’t apologize. You couldn’t know.” And then she bowed forward to kiss him, relishing in the way her lips touched his.

She loved him so much she could burst. “I didn’t tell you that to make you feel bad… I simply wanted you to understand me better. And I was so sad to realize how much I pushed you away with my decision not to involve you.”

“Una…” Chris inhaled, hugging her even closer. “You have given me so much in the last months and even before that proved to me beyond any doubt that you never wanted to hurt me. I’m sorry if I made you feel that you should justify yourself still.” He put his hands on her hips and made her lean back so that he could look at her slightly swollen belly, and he swallowed again, before stroking it with both of his hands.

“This… this is the greatest gift you could ever have given me and I still cannot believe that you of all people will be the mother of my child. Every day it is a new wonder.”

“And all it cost us was the destruction of the Enterprise ,” Una mumbled. “I’m no fool, Chris. We wouldn’t be doing this if we were still roaming the stars.”

She saw the sadness return to his eyes and almost cursed herself to have brought it up. But it was shared pain now. Shared guilt and shared grief. Roaming the stars meant Boreth. It meant Chris holding back because he didn’t want to involve her in the accident that would change him forever.

“Do you still regret it?” Chris asked quietly.

“Regret what?”

“Having crashed the ship here? You said turning yourself in was one of the hardest things you ever did and I think crashing the ship was the hardest.

Una nodded curtly, because Chris was right. It was.

“I… don’t know,” she said truthfully after a while. “I enjoy being with you. Every touch from you is making my heart sing and every time I feel tired and worn out from my pregnancy I’m reminding myself that this is your child and that I love you so very much, both of you. But… at the same time my happiness comes at the expense of so many dead people who cannot experience what we experience right now. And then I feel… guilty for being so happy with you.”

She leaned forward again and Chris put his hands on her back again, pulling her in an embrace. They both had their days when the guilt and remorse returned, but fortunately it never seemed to occur at the same time. So Chris could comfort Una when it happened and the other way around. She put her head on his shoulder again, concentrating on how he felt around and inside her.

It was strange, right now she just wanted to feel connected to him, not necessarily climax from their lovemaking. Just… feel him, know that he was there and alive.

“Una?” he said gently. “None of these people would come back if you punished yourself for their death. In fact, I’m sure all of them would want you to find happiness again. Christine…” He sighed. “Christine would love to hold our little baby.”

“But she never will,” Una sobbed quietly. “Because I killed her.”

The tears flowed freely now and Una let it happen. Bottling up emotions had never done her good. She never wanted to do that again.

“You didn’t kill her,” Chris whispered soothingly. On one of his bad days he would have insisted that he had killed her, but fortunately it wasn’t one of those days. “We all would have died. I had been so certain of it. But we didn’t. We are here now and I can love you and I can only do that…”

“...because I sacrificed two-thirds of the crew.”

“...because you saved as many as you could. And if you could have saved more, you would have. You made a brave and necessary command decision, Una.”

He stroked over her hair and tried to soothe her, gently kissing her where he could reach her. And it felt so good, a dream come true. She had always wanted him to do that with her. But never at the expense of others.

She knew that Chris was right. Denying herself his love and all the comfort it brought wouldn’t change the past, would serve no purpose. But it just didn’t feel right.

She rocked her hips a bit to remind herself that Chris was still inside her, and he was, and then she continued making love to him, allowing her tears to fall, until she had made him come inside her.

They fell to the sheets, Chris covering them with a blanket and then spooning her from behind, just holding her, kissing her occasionally, stroking her belly.

“I am death, Chris,” she mumbled after a while. “I am just this cursed Illyrian that ruins everything she touches. I’m no good for you.”

“You are life, Una…” he said gently into her hair. “You carry the most valuable thing inside, you even possess the power to heal. And you are simply wonderful. I love everything about you.”

She exhaled, his words the balm her tortured soul needed. 

Life? She could try to become life, and if Chris wanted she would carry more children for him. As many as he liked. It didn’t matter how hard the pregnancies were. That at least was a fitting punishment for her sins.

They lay like this in silence. Just holding each other close, Una putting her hands on Chris’ who rested his on her belly.

With each day he seemed to love her more, and she him, even though she had never thought that possible. She knew that they could heal together, that their wounds would finally scar. Never fully go away, but become less hurtful over time.

Eventually Una nodded off, feeling spent and secure in Chris’ strong arms.

It was bright outside when she awoke, still nestled into Chris’s embrace, but he was already awake, watching her.

His eyes were watery and she knew that look by now. He always looked at her like that, reverent, longingly.

“How can I miss you when you’re here next to me?” he whispered.

“I won’t ever leave you,” she promised. 

He stroked her face with the back of his hand and then he looked down. “Una, you said there shouldn’t be any secrets between us.” He cleared his throat.

“Yes…” She frowned, thinking of other things she kept secret from him. 

“Una… I watched you. At the lake.” He averted his gaze and she blinked several times.

What?

“The first time was an accident, because, like you, I ventured out to seek some peace and quiet out in nature. But then I saw you and I heard you and I was so mesmerized by it. And you were so insanely beautiful. God you still are… You always will be.” He smiled nervously while Una just stared.

“And afterwards I felt ashamed admitting to it because I had disturbed your privacy, and that’s why I was so… unpleasant about it to you.”

“You were still right about it, you know?” Una muttered. “That it wasn’t okay to wander off without saying a word. And I did it even after you told me not to, so we’re both not innocent here.”

“You aren’t angry? That I watched you?”

Una inched closer and nuzzled her nose to his, hovering her mouth just above his. “I should be. But then again, I shouldn’t.” She kissed him. “I betrayed your trust, too, because I went behind your back, and I feel a bit complimented that you liked what you saw.”

“Your song…” Chris whispered. “I came back for the song. It made me… feel, made me cry. I’m so sorry for stopping you from going.” 

Una put her hand at the back of his head and pulled him to her so that their foreheads touched.

“You didn’t.”

“I didn’t?”

“No… you just reminded me of my duties. You were right.”

“I took that away from you…” he reiterated.

“It’s okay,” Una whispered. “I didn’t need it anymore.”

She wrapped one leg around him to pull him closer and kissed him again, while he held her face.

“So… that song? What was that?” Chris asked after a while.

“That was Jo’Ikanhayna ,” Una whispered. “It’s hard to translate but it’s one of the few Illyrian songs I know.”

“Could you… sing it again? It was lovely.”

“When I told you in the tent that I could show you I meant it, Chris.”

“I want our child to know all the Illyrian songs and poems and legends that you remember, Una. She should grow up knowing where she came from, proud to be the daughter of such an incredible mother.”

“She?” Una smiled.

“Of course. It’s going to be a daughter, I know it. And she will be as beautiful as you.” He kissed her again. “She will have your dark hair and your blue eyes and your strong nose and she will be bright and witty and… just the best from you.”

“Hey, what about you? She can have your blue eyes and your soft lips and your cleverness, my pretty boy scout.”

He grinned. “You’re still more beautiful. And I want to look at the two incredible women in my life and love them with all I have.”

Una stroked her belly. “We’ll see. Maybe we are both in for a surprise? I could have twins,” she teased.

Chris slipped down to place kisses around her navel. “That would be even more incredible. Two little Unas who grow up to be as graceful and unique as their mother. I would love them even more.”

“I’m content with one,” Una said. “For now.” But then she sobered up. “Chris, I meant it the last time. I would be really honored if you could come with me and I could show you Jo’Ikanhayna. It’s more than a song… it’s… a ritual?”

“When you asked me the last time I was so ashamed for having already seen it that I felt I had no right to go with you. But now? Nothing would make me happier,” Chris admitted.

“Then it’s settled. Let’s sleep some more and in the morning before work, I’ll show you.”

“I’m looking forward to it.” He placed another kiss on Una’s forehead.

And together they fell asleep again, both glad that there were no more secrets between them.

It was not the same lake. It was a different one, located in ‘Pelia’s Forest’, as Chris called it now. And although he often thought about that lake in the Valley of Storms and what it meant for his relationship with Una, he was glad that it wasn’t the same. That one held too many painful memories, whereas the new lake near Jhuntey held the promise of a fresh start.

It was even more beautiful, surrounded by trees that were reflected on the water’s surface, with the mountain range in the background and blue clear water mirroring the sky. In the gray light of dawn he and Una approached the lake from a path through the forest. It was strangely quiet, as if the world hadn’t awoken yet, just he and Una disturbed nature’s slumber.

This time they came more prepared, with towels, blankets and food, because this time Una had not only herself to care for and they wanted to have this whole morning for themselves to enjoy each other’s company and love.

The morning air was cool on their faces, the seasons about to turn, the wind freshening up and rustling the leaves around them. It was definitely cooler than it had been the last time Una had performed the ritual.

“Are you sure about this?” Chris worriedly asked when they approached the lakeshore, Archer tied to a tree and grazing nearby. Now that they had reached their destination he found the air a bit chilly. While he trusted Una and knew that she was more resilient than a human, a pregnancy left every woman more vulnerable, regardless of species. 

It had also changed her, although she didn’t stop to reassure him that she was alright. And all things considered she was, but she was more prone to bouts of melancholy and tired more easily. And there were issues with nausea.

Growing a child inside her drained her strength. And even though she and Pelia both said that her symptoms were to be expected, Chris hated seeing her uncomfortable.

He took her hand, checked in with her, but found her confident and determined.

Una nodded. “I am sure. And I’m sure you’ll understand when I explain the ritual for you. It is a ritual to celebrate life and to honor death. It is done to guide unborn children, to welcome new life and to give the dear departed a final farewell.”

“So when you did it back then, you remembered our fallen comrades?” Chris asked.

“Yes. And to draw strength from the healing power of nature all around me that is so full of life. As I said, it’s one of the very few Illyrian rituals I know, but I needed something to hold on to.”

“And now you want to strengthen our child?”

Una nodded again. “To show them the way, to help them know who they are.”

Una held out her arms and Chris came over to embrace her and softly kiss her. She leaned into him, a beacon of warmth in the cool morning air. 

Their kiss intensified, lips meeting and dancing in a practiced and welcome ritual. The one universal language that meant love and tenderness and devotion.

Kissing Una was as exhilarating as it had been the first time their lips had met and Chris felt the tingling of love and want in his stomach when he put his hand in her long dark hair, wrapping strands of her hair around his fingers, holding her so close that the regular thump of her heart reverberated on his chest the way he felt her, her bump pressing into his abdomen.

He loved her so much that he could cry, eternally grateful for her bravery and her dedication and for everything she was so ready to give him. Among them the wonderful child in her belly.

He framed her jaw with both of his hands while she allowed his tongue into her mouth, sighing at each caress while she melted into him.

Chris held onto her for some time before she eventually broke the kiss with a warm smile, pecking him one more time.

“Let’s start,” she said.

Curiously Chris watched her, interested to see what she would do next.

Una started shedding her cloak and began opening her blouse. While she did, she started explaining. “ Jo’Ikanhayna means ‘The Fragility of Life.’ The song greets the sun and honors the water, both needed for life to flourish and exist. This is why the ritual is done in the morning when the sun rises, in a lake or other body of water. The sunrise symbolizes a new beginning, a new chance for life, but it also reminds us that in each beginning there is an end, life that didn’t make it until dawn and remains behind in the darkness of the night, honored but not forgotten. Because, even though they create life, both sun and water can also take life. Jo’Ikanhayna is about this circle of life and death and the importance of both.”

It sounded beautiful and so very wise to Chris, a universal truth made into something meaningful.

“I have one last question,” Chris said. “Why couldn’t I make out the words of the song? The universal translator should have picked them up, shouldn’t it?”

Una smiled enigmatically, while she slipped out of her shirt. Chris inhaled sharply at seeing her do this.

Images juxtaposed in his head: her otherworldly beauty when she had stood in the lake so long ago and her very tangible beauty just now. 

He approached her from behind and put his hand on her belly, kissing her naked shoulder and her neck because he had to remind himself again that he was allowed to do this, that Una reciprocated his desire.

In the lake she had been ethereal, almost unreal. But this Una was very real and even more beautiful. And she loved him as much as he loved her.

“Many Illyrians live in hiding or are prosecuted. The language was excluded from the translator on purpose,” Una explained eventually.

“Do you speak it?” Chris asked.

“Not fluently. I can manage the most basic communication and I know this song,” Una said sadly. “It got lost on my way to the stars.” She paused, thinking of her homeworld. “When I turned my back on them.”

Chris molded himself into her back and continued to shower her with affection. “I’m so sorry, Una,” he whispered. It was unimaginable what it must have been like for her to deny her real self over so many different years that she had lost such a large part of her heritage and identity on the way. And now she was bringing a child into the world, a different world, even more disconnected from her culture and was unable to teach them what it meant to be Illyrian. What did that do to her identity? To her sense of self? He had considered these questions before, but ultimately he had no answer. He doubted that Una herself had them. 

“It was a conscious choice I made, Chris,” she whispered back, putting her hands on his that rested on her belly.

“That doesn’t mean that it cannot hurt you, Una,” he said quietly, letting his hand gently wander over her bump. He tried to imagine the fragile life inside her and the questions its existence inevitably had to raise in Una. Maybe that explained her melancholy – a sudden feeling of loss, a crisis of identity, the attempt at reconnection with a heritage lost by distance and time. “And I think you are regretting some of it now.” He kissed her neck and she hummed.

“I cannot change the past, as I have told you before. And I can hold onto the little I know. It doesn’t matter if I regret it – I have to make do with what I have,” she said bravely.

“Yes, but there is one thing that sets you apart from the rest of us,” Chris said softly. “Even though you are not the only survivor who is now the sole representative of their species, the others have at least a swath of literature to help them remember, as well as other texts that were saved by you.” Chris put his hands on her upper arms now, stroking them. She was so soft in his touch. “You did something remarkable that day.”

Una turned her head and looked down, the memory still painful. But this time she didn’t contradict, making Chris continue. “You, however, are alone and you have no access to any cultural memory of your kind. All you have are fragmented images from your childhood, stolen moments, transmission without context. And it is okay to grieve that, especially because finding our identity and asking ourselves who we are and where we come from has become even more important now.”

His hands found her belly again, warm and alive. “So please, Una, teach me. Teach me everything you know. I need to keep the memory alive for you and with you. And our beautiful child that is as much Illyrian as it is human.”

Una leaned back into Chris’ embrace and sighed. “I’ll try my best,” she promised. “I will tell you everything I remember, even if it’s not much.”

Chris placed a kiss on her cheek. “And I will remember and respect it.”

Una peeled herself out of his embrace. “Then I will show you Jo’Ikanhayna now,” she said softly.

Chris felt a sudden sense of loss at having to let her go, missing her warmth already.

“The words, Una?” 

She cleared her throat. “I can give you a crude translation of the song? But it wouldn’t do it justice.”

“Can you teach me the words then without translation?”

Una nodded. “I will. But not now. Now I want you to stay with me and watch and listen and take everything in.”

Chris blushed. He had done so before. But Una was right. The song had evoked feelings. It transcended both him and her. It had a life of its own, probably taken from the surroundings.

“Anything else I need to do?” he asked.

“Eventually you can join in, sing with me. The song can be varied to be sung by two voices or even several, weaving themselves around the words and the melody, like vines around a tree. But that comes later. By shedding my clothes I return myself to nature as I was born, to show my respect to life - as we enter this world naked and in a sense we also leave it naked.”

Chris nodded along. “Is it of significance for the ritual that you are pregnant? Does it change the message in any way?”

“Yes,” Una said. “It changes some of the words and the melody, because my body is a vessel now, bridging the gap between the realm of lifelessness and life. Some of the stanzas change depending on who sings them, because each of us has a different standing in life, a different approach to death.”

“Just… be careful, okay?” he told her as he stretched his arm out for her and she slipped out of her trousers. And this time he didn’t avert his gaze. This time he was allowed and encouraged to look at her curves, her firm backside, her creamy skin. He loved every inch of her wonderful body.

Una took his hand one more time and squeezed it, caressing his fingers. And then she walked into the lake.

The water was quietly lapping at the shore, but the moment her feet stepped into it she caused ripples in the calm surface.

It surely was cold but Una didn’t let on. Instead she walked into the water until she stood knee-deep in it.

Then she started singing with her beautiful, ethereal voice. It reverberated on the lake surface, was carried over by the ripples on the water and embraced the trees. Again, Chris couldn’t understand the words, but he understood the feelings, understood that Una became what she sang about in this particular instant, touched and painted by the rays of the rising sun.

She was life. She was death. She was nature. She was water. She was trees. She was the sun. She was the stars. She was the animals. She was the planet.

She was Una Chin-Riley, the first and last of her kind. She was scientist, officer, seamstress, mother, woman.

She was everything.

She was Chris’ everything.

And in each note there was her heart, her soul, her pain and her happiness. And again, just like so many months ago Chris felt moved by her song, tears stinging behind his ears.

But this time, he felt . The void had gone. In its stead he now had this all-encompassing love for Una. Through her voice he felt the love for life, for nature, for this woman and their child. But at the same time he cried for them.

He cried for Una’s losses. For all the pain in her life. He cried for all the pain he had caused her, tears freely rolling down his cheeks.

And then the song ended. 

And Una collapsed into the water as if somebody had cut her strings, splashing when her body hit the surface.

Chris gasped. That wasn’t how he remembered it. At the other lake Una had dipped into the water and had swum. 

Without thinking he rushed towards her, not caring that his shoes and trousers got wet. He sank into the water next to her, putting his arms under her armpits and pulled her up.

“Una? Are you alright?” he called, full of worry, pressing her close.

“What happened, Chris?” she asked, confused. 

“You fell into the water when the song ended,” he told her, helping her out of the water and putting her on one of the blankets they had brought. Then he threw the other blanket over her and hugged her to rub her try. She trembled.

“That… shouldn’t have happened,” Una said flatly, teeth clattering.

“Did you maybe overexert yourself?” Chris offered. “It is rather cold and you are pregnant now.”

She shook her head. “It shouldn’t have happened.”

Chris swallowed, the worry for Una palpable. He hugged her even closer, to give her his warmth, rubbing her. And he hoped – no, prayed – that whatever it was that had made her fall into the water just now was because Una had overestimated herself and given everything she had… and not the start of something worse.

When the trees finally made way for Pelia’s hut, Chris sighed in relief. He had insisted on paying her a visit after what had happened and Una had finally relented. He knew how important it was for her to appear strong but in the end she had agreed that too much depended on her pregnancy. 

In addition he didn’t want her to be in discomfort and just the thought that she was ill didn’t sit right with him, for her sake as much as the baby’s. At least he could persuade her not to suffer in silence for his sake so that he wouldn’t be worried.

Una silently sat on Archer’s back, clothed again but still huddled in the blanket and she was uncharacteristically pale, while Chris led the animal back on the path. He tied it again in front of Pelia’s hut and then he knocked.

When he didn’t get an immediate reaction he knocked again, louder.

That elicited a reaction from Una. “She’s still asleep,” she said quietly. “Let’s just go home and I’ll get some rest. It’s probably nothing anyway.”

“No, Una,” Chris said firmly. “Whatever it is that just happened to you, I want to know what it is. And if it’s really nothing then we know for the future.”

She nodded. “You’re right,” she conceded, but Chris sensed that she was still apprehensive about bothering Pelia, not wanting to worry anybody.

“I’m really concerned. You said it yourself that this shouldn’t have happened. And if you’re being honest you don’t really know much about what to expect from your body now. So you couldn’t even tell if this was normal or not.” He came closer and took her hand before he added more quietly. “Una, you are the most valuable thing I have, you and our baby.”

She gently squeezed his hand and stroked over it with her thumb before she smiled fondly and a bit sadly. “I love you, Chris.”

“Come here.” Chris stepped closer to Archer and carefully put his hands on her hips, intent not to squish her, then he helped Una down. She stood a bit unsteadily at first, holding herself at the animal’s bridle but the moment passed. She kept the blanket however.

At that moment the door opened. Pelia looked a bit sleepy, hair disheveled and still in her nightgown, but her drowsiness disappeared when she saw the couple in front of her door. 

“You’re early,” she greeted them.

“I collapsed at the lake,” Una said to her. “And Chris is worried about me.”

Pelia eyed the two people in front of her and then ushered them into her hut, closing the door behind them. She made Una sit on the bed she kept for patients and offered a chair to Chris. Then she started rummaging among her brews and herbs.

“Why are you up so early? And at the lake nonetheless? It’s getting cold!” she wanted to know.

“I told Una the same thing,” Chris inserted himself into the conversation.

“I can handle the cold,” Una told both of them, a bit defiantly. “I understand that you are worried, Chris, especially with what’s at stake, but I’m not going to break. I’m not that fragile.”

“Nobody said you were, child,” Pelia tried to calm her, “but the fact of the matter is that you did have a moment of weakness. It’s probably nothing, but it’s better to check.”

Chris watched Una, the way she sat on the bed and held herself, always straight and regal, even with her visible bump. Her lower lip was trembling slightly. And yet she stubbornly tried to downplay what had happened.

She was scared. Scared for the baby and scared that something was wrong with her. And she tried to deflect that anxiety by being so insistent.

But she had also agreed to let herself be examined by Pelia, despite her weak protests, so she was not being unreasonable.

Pelia took a ladle and put some brew from her cauldron into a wooden bowl. Then she handed the steaming bowl to Una.

“Drink this.”

“What is it?” Una asked, sniffing at the contents of what she was holding in her hand. Some of the smell wafted over to Chris and he didn’t find it unpleasant. It smelt earthy and strong and like herbs.

“This is just some herbal brew. It will warm you up and it is good for your health. And then you will tell me what happened.”

Una nodded and blew at the steaming liquid to cool it down somewhat before she tentatively put the bowl to her lips and carefully and testily started sipping it. “It’s not bad,” she conceded then and Pelia smiled.

“It will do you some good. So, now, out with it, child.”

“I wanted to show Chris some… ritual in the lake,” Una said after having sipped some more of the brew. “It’s an Illyrian thing.”

“Is this the one where you stand naked in the lake and become one with nature?” Pelia asked and Chris stared.

“You… know it?” Una asked incredulously and Pelia just laughed silently. “As I said, child, you’re not the first Illyrian I’ve met and this thing seems pretty big.”

“Then I don’t think I have to tell you more,” Una said quietly, almost sadly. Pelia took her hand but before she could say something more Chris interjected.

“Do you know more? About Illyrian rituals and stories and songs? Anything to help Una get more of her culture back?”

He heard Una inhale, maybe because she never had thought about asking Pelia about issues relating to her origins, but it just had seemed natural to ask.

“One thing at a time, Captain,” Pelia told him. “Now, tell me what exactly you did when you performed the ritual,” she addressed Una again.

Una sipped again from the bowl and then she relayed to Pelia everything she had done. In contrast to Chris she didn’t have to explain the ritual’s meaning to Pelia, so she focussed more on the act of performing it, what she had done and how she had done it and the words she had chosen while Pelia listened intently and nodded along.

“Does any of this help in any way, shape or form?” Una asked after she had ended.

“Yes. You gave too much of yourself and that drained you,” Pelia said finally. “Your strength is now divided between you and the life inside you so things that were easy for you before aren’t any longer.”

“I know that,” Una said immediately. “I feel it all the time.”

“Yes, but Jo’Ikanhayna is different again, to celebrate life you have to give life, to become a part of it. You gave more than you had. You gave everything.”

She gently patted Una’s thigh. “But don’t worry. If you get enough rest, a bit of love and some warmth, you should recover.”

Relief flooded Chris. It had only been overexertion. There was nothing wrong with Una and the baby. They could go home and they could start their day together now.

“I told you it was nothing,” Una said with some force and Chris smiled. 

“Better safe than sorry,” he whispered fondly at her and Una sighed. “I hate it when you’re right.” Then she turned to Pelia. “Sorry for having woken you for this.”

“I’m with the Captain here,” Pelia told Una. “Better safe than sorry. Now go home and get some rest.”

“How about some hot steamy bath?” Chris asked Una when he helped her climb down from Archer. “Pelia said you need some warmth and comfort and I know how much you enjoy baths.”

Una gently placed a hand on Chris’ shoulder. “That sounds lovely, actually. But please don’t go into too much trouble because of me.”

“If it’s a labor I do out of love for you it’s no trouble,” Chris assured her, pecking her on the mouth. “Let me just take care of Archer first.”

“I love you, Chris,” Una said softly after him and he waved his hand at her, acknowledging that he heard her.

Una opened the back door of her shop and returned to their little flat. She had had some empty rooms on the first floor of the house and it had made more sense for Chris to move into her home as she was already living close to her place of work, whereas he had to walk to the stables in any case. 

When she returned she opened the windows first to let in some fresh air, then she sat down on the bed to breathe, wistfully stroking her belly.

She’d had the child inside her now for the equivalent of three Earth months, but she had no idea how long she was supposed to carry it. Even Pelia didn’t know. She had said that gestation of Illyrian children varied between five and ten months, depending on the colony. And Una was carrying a hybrid.

“I hope you will be healthy and happy,” she told the child inside her. “And you will do better than your mother.”

She had worried Chris again when she had only wanted to show him something important to her. And the only way to deal with the fact that she was scared to death of having harmed the baby in the process had been to put on fake bravado. But he had seen right through her – he knew her by now – and Una didn’t know whether that relieved her or frightened her.

She had been better at keeping secrets. And it was hard to let go of the inner feeling that some things had to remain secret still.

“I love you,” she continued talking to the baby, stroking it some more. “I don’t think I’ve ever loved something as much as I love you.”

Had she done the right thing showing Chris Jo’Ikanhayna ? She hadn’t told him that it was usually only for Illyrian eyes. But somehow it was good to know that Pelia also knew of it, so Una wasn’t the first to break tradition.

She heard Chris coming up the stairs and felt some tension leave. His presence did that to her. He calmed her, made her feel welcome, gave her a place in life. He removed his boots and then sought her out.

“Thank you, Una,” he said when he entered the bedroom.

“For what?” she asked, confused.

“For letting me see something so personal and beautiful. It was amazing, even better than when I watched you from afar.” He closed the distance between them and knelt in front of her, kissing her belly. “And it made me understand you better. Your losses, your sacrifices.” He looked up to Una and she bowed down so that she could kiss him, deeply.

“Thanks for going with me, Chris,” she told him quietly. “Thanks for taking care of me. Thanks for insisting on seeing Pelia. You were again looking out for me.”

“Una, you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, even if it took me too long to recognize it. I will do anything to make you comfortable because I know you’ll do the same for me. Right now your pregnancy means that you are vulnerable and not at the height of your strength, but there will be a time when it’s me who is feeble and then it will be you who will move heaven and earth for me.”

He took her hand and kissed it gently.

“I would have stayed with you after your accident, Chris. I wouldn’t have left your side and nobody could have made me. I don’t know if I would have disclosed my feelings for you then, but it’s beside the point.”

“Una…” His voice wavered. “I don’t deserve you.” He closed his eyes and put his head in her lap while she played with his hair.

“You deserve me as much as I deserve you,” she whispered. And then she decided to lighten the mood. “Didn’t you promise me a bath?”

Chris almost jumped up. “Indeed I did!” he said immediately.

They had a washing trough in one of the adjacent rooms that served as a bathroom now. And they had even managed to get some running water into the house, although it had to be pumped. Most of the time Una contended with washing herself in cold water, but just now she really craved the hot bath Chris had proposed.

“I’ll set up the kettle!” she told him while he went to the waterpump and started pushing it down.

“Una!” he called over to her, shaking her head. “I said I’ll do this for you. You have done enough today.”

“But it’s nothing!” Una protested. The fire was already burning, she just had to fan it a bit. As long as the kettle was empty she could easily carry it over to Chris so he could fill it and hook it over the iron bar over the fire. And while the first load of water was heated he could already fill a second kettle until the trough was full enough for a complete bath.

It was a lot more cumbersome than on the Enterprise , where almost magically warm water came out of the water faucets. And maybe, in the future, they would revamp Jhuntey’s plumbing system in a way that would make that possible again. But that required such long-term planning and there were so many other things they needed to take care of first, that this was one of those ideas that were on the backburner for later.

At least Spock was experimenting with metal alloys and had been able to recreate some of the more refined materials needed for more sophisticated technology. Everything taken from the planet itself was not affected by the nebula, so maybe, they could eventually build at least a beacon to inform Starfleet of their whereabouts, although technological progress was slow and quality-of-life improvements were of greater importance.

Una stroked her swollen belly again. What place would her child have on this planet? Would it really bring prosperity? Would it be able to thrive in this society?

And then she couldn’t help but wonder what place her child would have taken in Federation society. A human-Illyrian hybrid whose mother had raised such a stink, had decided to no longer live in hiding. Her pregnancy would have been another scandal, especially with a father as renowned as Chris.

The Illyrian slut who had seduced an upstanding Starfleet captain.

The Illyrian slut who had tainted the bloodline of this upstanding Starfleet captain.

The Illyrian slut who didn’t know where her place was.

But she wouldn’t have fallen pregnant then, would have spared Chris the indignity. Here, it didn’t matter. The Aeynlarr didn’t care about her species, probably didn’t even see a difference between her and the human crewmembers. And the Enterprise survivors respected her for who she was.

Here her child had all the opportunities in the world to grow up without prejudice, or, to be more precise, not with singled-out prejudice. Here it was a member of a group of aliens. But the Aeynlarr had been nothing but friendly and generous so far.

A sudden bout of nausea gripped her and she ran to the latrine, emptying the contents of her stomach. The nausea had gotten better over the last weeks, but the events of the day had probably stressed her so much that it had returned. After a bit more heaving and coughing she wrapped her arms around her upper body.

And moments later she felt Chris’ comforting presence next to her.

“Are you alright?” he asked quietly, concerned.

Una nodded. “Yes, I just… it was a taxing day.”

Chris handed her a wet cloth to wipe her face with and Una took it, wiped the sweat away and then the corners of her mouth, to remove the sour taste. She trembled.

“I’m sorry, Chris,” she said sadly. She had worried him again.

“God, Una,” Chris whispered, hugging her close. “You did nothing wrong, hear me? Nothing. Please don’t apologize.”

Una snuggled in his embrace, seeking out his warmth and softness. “I want to be a good mother to our baby. And not one who worries you all the time.”

Softly he kissed the top of her head. “You will be an amazing and strong mother. The best mother, I know it.”

He bowed down to kiss her swollen belly, placing his lips on the fabric of her shirt. Then he got up.

“Maybe there is a more comfortable place for this conversation? The first batch of water is heated and I just put on the second kettle.” He reached for Una’s hand to pull her up and she took it, landing in his arms again.

“I love you, Una Chin-Riley,” he told her, feeling that she needed the reassurance and support. “And you’re doing great.”

Gently, Chris led her back to the bedroom and Una was grateful for his presence. While she could walk alone, she felt a bit unsteady now. So it was reassuring to know that he hovered nearby. He made her sit on the bed and wrapped her in the blanket while he continued heating the water for the bath.

When this was finally done, he called Una over. She was pleasantly overwhelmed by the warm steaminess of the bathroom. The air smelled amazing, the fragrance of flowers wafting through the steam, although she didn’t recognize them. It was certainly none of the flowers she knew, but probably a local one that Chris bought from one of the Aeynlarr traders that now regularly seemed to come through his outpost.

“This is heavenly,” she sighed and he grinned proudly.

“Glad you like it, love. It will get even better when you step in.”

Una looked at him. “Will you join me?”

“Do you want me to?” There was a hint of expectation on his face and when she nodded the relief was palpable. He really tried to be mindful of her needs but at the same time he couldn’t and didn’t want to hide how much he enjoyed being close to her and touching her.

The feeling was mutual, but there were times when Una was afraid that he would get tired of her, that he would finally see her for who she was and then turn away in disgust, like she had seen it happen so often in her colony when fellow Illyrians were found out.

It was irrational. Chris already knew. Chris had very deliberately chosen her. And in each interaction he showed her his love, even in disagreements. Especially in disagreements.

It was simply too good to be true. And if there was one thing Una Chin-Riley had learned on her way to the stars it was that if things finally were looking up, she would be severely punished for her moments of happiness. And so she had become wary – enjoying happiness when she could, but always fearing that it would be torn away from her.

Chris stepped over to her and placed his hands on her shirt. “May I?” he asked gently. And Una nodded again. He so loved undressing her, caressing her in the process, like a child unwrapping a gift for the first time.

It was no longer the first time and they knew their bodies intimately now. But he had retained that giddiness. Una allowed herself a small smile when his hands touched the rim of her shirt, starting to unbutton it. He always did that with such great care, gently and very consciously, dipping in for a kiss from time to time and then kissing the trail of her naked skin he had just freed from her clothing.

Eventually they were both naked and then Chris climbed into the tub first, holding his hand out for Una who stepped in after him. Together they sank down into the heavenly warm water, Chris behind Una, making her lean her back against him, resting her head on his shoulder, giving his hands ample opportunities to caress her body.

But for now he simply held her close in the water, kissing her neck and her face from time to time.

Una closed her eyes, inhaling the flowery scent, listening to the splashing of the water and Chris’ even breathing, feeling his strong protective arms around her. She’d had to fend for herself for so long that it was incredibly freeing that somebody else now fought for her.

“You comfy?” Chris mumbled, while he nuzzled her neck.

Una turned her head so she could kiss him and their lips met. “Yes, Chris.”

This intimate gentleness, the love and the touches was all she needed and Chris was still so very much infatuated with her, he couldn’t keep his hands off her. After decades of friendship his love still felt new and fresh.

Chris took a sponge from outside the bathtub and dipped it into the water. Then he gently started rinsing Una’s body, massaging her sore muscles. When he came to her sensitive breasts he took specific care not to hurt her, and yet she could sense his enjoyment because he lingered there when he didn’t have to.

Una let out a contented sigh.

“My beautiful Una,” he hummed, while letting the sponge glide over her body, almost rediscovering. “My soon-to-be wife. Expectant mother of my child. I love you.” He kissed her hair. “I love you.” He kissed her cheek. “I love you.” He turned her head to kiss her mouth.

Una melted in his kiss, the fluttering in her stomach as intense as when they had kissed the first time. How did Chris know what she needed right now?

“I love you too, Christopher Pike,” she told him, took his hand and put it on her belly. “And here is your proof.” He let the hand rest on her bump while his other continued washing and massaging her.

“What about your hair?” he asked eventually. “Do you want me to wash and braid it?”

Una was usually responsible for her haircare but Chris had offered more than once to brush or braid her hair, obviously drawn to it. She had always declined, not wanting to cause too much trouble and feeling strangely protective of her hair. But in this moment she could accept Chris’ offer of love for what it was.

“Yes, please,” she said quietly and was certain that he smiled at her answer.

“Can you soak it a bit?” he asked her gently and in reply Una held her breath and let herself be submerged by the warm and fragrant water. For a short moment she was weightless, floating in space, in a warm and comforting space that embraced her, held her, kept her safe.

And then she emerged again, wet hair clinging to her face and she let herself fall back onto Chris’ strong chest. His kind hands brushed the wet hair out of her face and put it over her back before he reached out for some kind of bottle and rubbed the contents onto her scalp. His fingertips massaged the top of her head, stimulating her and she sighed. This was surprisingly good. Maybe she should let Chris do that for her more often if he really wanted to do this.

His soapy hands wandered down from her scalp, lathering the rest of her long hair too, and when she was fully soaped he let it rest for a moment. The shampoo smelt great, too, different than the one Una usually used and she couldn’t get rid of the feeling that he had bought both, shampoo and bathing salts with the express intent to spoil her.

He had succeeded.

After a while he reached down again to gather a pitcher full of warm water that he carefully emptied over her head, washing out the suds and massaging her hair a bit more until it was clean. Then he collected it and gathered all of it over her shoulder, letting his mouth descend on her exposed neck, nuzzling and kissing her.

Una closed her eyes and started to drift off, secured in Chris’ embrace and was only awoken again when the water cooled.

That was when Chris helped her out of the tub and rubbed her dry in a towel, bringing her her sleeping gown. “Please don’t go to work today,” he told her. “You need to rest.”

Una looked at Chris and was prepared to argue, but eventually she nodded. She had been stubborn once today and had ended up with the contents of her stomach emptied. He was right. It was her shop and she could afford to have it closed one day, focusing on her and the baby’s health. She had to accept that her body reacted differently now and that Chris was so mindful of that.

He made her sit down on a stool in the warm bathroom and started brushing and combing her hair, combing the water out of it and taking care that it was neat and tidy. “I will braid it later,” he promised. “First I will get you to bed.”

Una couldn’t help but smile at that, because this time this sentence was so domestic and so decidedly unsexual.

Their relationship was about both  but it was reassuring that Chris knew when the time was for what.

When Una eventually snuggled under the blankets, warm, clean and loved, she had to concede that this was exactly what she had needed. Chris had seen it.

Chris knew her.

She tried not to be afraid anymore.

Chapter Text

Chapter 10 - A Death by a Thousand Pinpricks

In the needle went. Up and down, up and down, pinning two layers of fabric together in neat, concise stitches. Transforming puzzle pieces into a piece of clothing. The dress was Una’s secret. A secret hidden in plain sight in her workshop, her room full of fabric and finished and unfinished dresses. But this one was hers. She took her time with it, cherished each moment she would work on it, and poured all her love and devotion into it.

She even sewed it by hand when she had managed to put together a manual sewing machine not too long ago, with the help of La’An and Erica.

Sewing the different parts together until they became a single unity was so liberating.

And in a way the dress resembled her relationship with Chris.

From hurt and silence something else had grown.

They had lost each other and found each other again in the midst of shared grief, both of them afraid to lose the other and then doing exactly that.

The different pieces of the dress were like the broken promises, the hurt, the half-truths. But with careful stitches, love, patience and dedication the parts had become a whole again, strengthened at the seams.

Wistfully Una stroked her belly. The visible proof that they were stronger together than apart. All it had taken was love and patience, mutual understanding.

Was it wrong to find happiness and purpose again after tragedy? To be prepared to use this chance to settle down with Chris and have this baby?

The pain and the loss of her life among the stars were a constant presence in her mind, but the pain dulled with each day, not vanishing, just changing. That part of her life was irrevocably over. And she could either accept that or fight the inevitable.

She had chosen the former and Chris had started to tentatively come around, too.

And now she was working on another tangible reminder that their lives were intertwined.

Her wedding dress.

Aeynlarr rites were not much different than other marriage rites throughout the Federation – a bond between two loving partners.

Vows exchanged. A communion of friends and family. A celebration of love and life. It felt right to do at least part of them the Aeynlarr way, now that they were living in their society, although Chris had insisted on incorporating Illyrian rites as well.

Like the bride making her dress herself, without the groom seeing it before the wedding day.

Una would put her heart and soul into this. It didn’t matter that she was tired and exhausted. This was worth every late hour and every stitch she made. Worth every time she stung herself with the needle and sucked the blood from her finger, when she lost concentration out of exhaustion.

Ever since that adventure to the lake she felt her strength draining, each day harder than the one before, each day feeling weaker.

Slowly she worked. As best as she could, fighting her constant fatigue and listlessness. Things that had been easy before were now straining, her body aching, nausea her constant companion. It was hard to say if those were the usual symptoms of an Illyrian pregnancy, but they certainly were of a human one. During her regular checkups Pelia noted Una’s energy drain and tried to countermand it with brews of hers, but they never kept and it got worse. But since there was no use in letting herself go, Una accepted these changes in herself and did what she could, sewing dresses and working on her dress in her spare time. Especially as she knew that feeling like this would not be forever and the reward would be holding Chris’ child.

She was five months in now; she could do another four months.

And before her child saw the light of the world, Chris and her would become husband and wife, officiated by Elder Baudy, as he was the one person with the most jurisdictive power in the district, even though both she and Chris felt uncomfortable around him.

The doorbell rang and Una glanced up from her work. It was dark outside, not the usual time for a customer. Maybe Chris was finished earlier and wanted to pick her up.

But it wasn’t Chris, it was the Elder.

Una swallowed. She had never met him alone before, always in company of others and she felt a slight unease at having him to meet him in her dark shop, vulnerable and without backup.

Commander Una Chin-Riley wouldn’t have been afraid of him. But right now everything was so exhausting that Una was glad if she could simply be Una the seamstress and Una the mother. Maybe the Commander would come back after having given birth. For now she had to accept that she was not the woman she used to be, even though it was unsettling from time to time.

For a moment Una contemplated telling him that her opening hours were over. But he held too much power over them for her to dare getting on his bad side.

“It is an honor, Elder,” she greeted him instead, putting her dress away.

“I see you are still working, Star Queen,” he addressed her, curiously walking around in her shop, stopping at mannequins, lifting the sleeves of some dresses and other clothes. “Your work is impeccable.” He turned around and faced her. “It is quite astounding, really.”

“Only practice and time,” Una said, apprehensive of what the Elder wanted from her. 

“It is very close to magic, Star Queen, and I cannot help but wonder if you practice witchcraft.”

“I don’t,” Una said flatly. Although she was reminded of Clarke’s Third Law which stated that any technology sufficiently advanced was indistinguishable from magic. And maybe that had been true once, when they still had command over the Enterprise , but here, using local resources and combining them with their existent technological knowledge meant that there was nothing even close to resembling magic in what they did. They had managed to devise a few things that surpassed the Aeynlarr technological levels, but the difference was negligible – although Spock and his science team were still hard working on making technological progress.

“It is a dangerous thing to be accused of,” the Elder continued, coming closer. “And it would be a shame if you and your King turned out to be impostors in the end.”

Una looked down on her swollen belly. “I’m carrying the child your people’s prophecy demands and the seasons haven’t turned yet. I will have the child before that.”

“Yes, about that…” He came closer, facing her and Una had the sudden urge to retreat, to protect her baby. “Why did it take so long to get that thing in your belly?”

“It is of no importance,” Una said defiantly, glaring at him. “I’m having it.”

“Good,” Baudy said, stroking his carefully maintained beard. “I had already been prepared to execute all of you. And that would have been a waste, especially in your case. You have a pretty face.”

Defiantly Una took up her work again, averting her gaze. She was beyond irritated by that interaction and tried to remove herself as far as possible before she did something she regretted. The work gave her something to hold on to, something to keep her unease at bay. Men like Baudy didn’t frighten her – she had met enough like them during her time in Starfleet. But she was no longer an officer of Starfleet, backed by the power of a mighty ship and its crew and the power Baudy had over their little community was not to be taken lightly.

“So I’ve been told,” Una said noncommittally. By Chris and by Pelia and others before. But never had it sounded like such a threat.

Baudy walked around the store some more, sampling her work. “Tell me about the dress you are currently working on, Star Queen.” 

Una closed her eyes. Sewing that dress was an intimate gesture of love between Chris and her and even he was not supposed to see it before the time had come.

“It’s something from my culture,” she eventually said evenly. It wasn’t a lie, but she had no interest in divulging further information for Baudy to take and turn back on her. 

“Your culture? Ah yes, your culture among the stars, because this is where you’re from.” He said it with a hint of disbelief, but Una saw no merit in arguing the point with him. She knew her origins. It didn’t matter if he knew or believed them, too.

She looked down at her dress, continuing with her stitches until she felt Baudy’s presence behind her.

“You know that the prophecy only mentions that the child has to survive for it to be fulfilled.”

Una pricked herself so hard that her finger started to bleed, her red blood seeping into the fabric of her dress.

“Why are you telling me this?” she asked tonelessly.

“Because I don’t like competition. For a long time I was certain that you would never bear fruit, solving the problem for me before it started. But then you suddenly did.” Baudy put his hands on Una’s shoulders, digging into her flesh, pressing on her collarbone. It hurt. But she didn’t react to it in any way, shape or form. “And that makes you a menace.”

His hand wandered from her shoulder to Una’s neck, grabbing her jaw from below. “And I don’t like any threats to my position.”

Una remained as calm as she could muster, fighting her inner panic and the dread.

“Captain Pike and I have no intention of usurping any power of yours. We only want to live peacefully in this village, not interfering in any affairs of the Aeynlarr.”

“Even if I believed you, it would not matter. Because as soon as your child is born, all eyes will be upon you. Do you really think that the Golden King and his Dark Queen from the prophecy could live peacefully in a village after their offspring is born?”

“If that is what we wish?” 

“Liar. You want the attention. You need it. I can see it in the way you make your dresses. I see it in the way you hold yourself. You are used to having all eyes on you.”

How wrong he was. All her life Una had tried to avoid unnecessary attention, and she had done so by deflecting it. If she did impeccable work nobody questioned if she was socially awkward. If she always appeared stern and overprepared while on duty nobody questioned an occasional slip up.

Baudy grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him. His grip hurt Una and she did her best not to wince. 

“Let me go!” Una put her hands on his, trying to remove herself from his touch, but he held her very tightly and she was afraid to use her remaining strength on him. She had only so little left and she didn’t know what was going to happen if she angered the de-facto governor of their village. She and her people were still at his mercy, at least as long as the prophecy wasn’t fulfilled.

Eventually he let her go and walked behind her, putting his nose in her hair and his hands on her chest. 

Then he inhaled. “You smell so good.” One hand wandered lower, and stopped on her heart, pressing onto her ribs so hard that Una herself could feel her heartbeat because of his touch. It was elevated from the spike of adrenaline and it was very hard to suppress her fight and flight reflex.

“You are so alive… it would be a shame if I had to change that.”

Commander Una Chin-Riley would have smacked the hand away and wiped the floor with this bastard. Una the seamstress didn’t dare do it because she was worried about the consequences for her baby, Chris, and the rest of the refugees. Elder Baudy was a very powerful man who could make their life miserable in all kinds of ways if she offended him. She no longer wielded the authority of a First Officer – she was a subject now, beheld by different laws.

“What do you want from me?” she finally asked. 

“I want the power you promise. I won’t lose my position to outsiders, regardless of what the prophecy says. You are intruders, disrupting our way of life and I won't stand for it.”

“I hold no power and I want no power,” Una reiterated. She put her hand on Baudy’s, gently pushing it away from her chest.

“It is of no consequence what you want,” he hissed. “You are part of the Aeynlarr story now. But I want my part as well and that’s why I want your child. If I have the Star Queen’s offspring, people will look up to me!”

Una stiffened. “I will never part with my child.” Doing so would not only break her heart it would most likely kill the little one as she was the only person able to nurse the baby.

“And I wouldn’t make you. I’m not heartless. You are free to choose me as your husband and we raise your child together,” Baudy crooned.

“I have already chosen a man. He’s even mentioned in your prophecy.”

“Your King is weak. He works in the muck and it took him over a season to sire your child,” Baudy spat. “The prophecy doesn’t speak of his survival or even of a continued relationship. His role is over.”

Una clenched the fabric, not caring that even more blood seeped into it, clawing her hand until it cramped. She swallowed.

“You want me to… leave my partner for you?” she repeated, trying to process what she had just heard.

In reply Baudy’s hand returned to Una’s chest, wandering lower, cupping her swollen and sensitive breast. Only Chris was allowed to touch her there, because he was gentle and mindful.

“You're hurting me,” she said sternly. “Please take your hand away.”

“Either you leave him or I will have him removed for good and take you. It is your choice.” His hand crept under her blouse, stroking her skin, circling her nipple and Una looked away in disgust, nausea gripping her. “But I will either have your child or have you and your child, do you understand?” he whispered in her ear. “Don’t even think of disobeying me if you care about this village and your people.”

“What about our wedding? You promised to officiate it!” Una felt so desperate to appeal to Baudy’s morals, but it was the last argument she had.

“There will be a wedding, alright. Just not between you and him.” Una ground her teeth. She should have known.

“I can’t just leave Captain Pike!” she interjected weakly. It would break Chris’ heart and Una wasn’t even sure if she could pull it off so convincingly that it wasn’t obvious that she was coerced.

“You can,” Baudy whispered, pinching her nipple. Una bit her lower lip, suppressing a whimper or any kind of noise that would give him a rise. “But if you can’t, I will get rid of him for you. Do you understand that?”

Una nodded, too numb to do more. She had understood. But how could she comply?

“And don’t even think of telling anybody about this little talk we had. You would regret it,” he added with a menacing undertone.

Una continued nodding, her mind still reeling to process all this. 

“I give you seven skyturns for this,” Baudy added. And then he withdrew his hand from Una’s blouse and left the shop, the bell ringing again as he left, reverberating in Una’s ears.

From now on, she would wince each time she heard it.

Una stared after him. She had seen the way he looked at her, but she had hoped that it had been pure lust and not malice. He had visited her shop from time to time, but often she’d had customers. And always she had found his gaze unsettling.

Now she knew why.

She regarded her half-finished wedding dress. And suddenly it didn’t bring her joy anymore. It had been too good to be true, she had known it. And now her wedding was another thing she had been looking forward to that she could add to her pile of broken dreams.

Una felt the sudden urge to destroy the dress, to tear it apart. It would never serve its intended purpose and she certainly wouldn’t wear it for Baudy. But she had poured her heart and soul and blood into this. It was her dress for her wedding with Chris, the only man she wanted and needed.

How could she leave him when he was her everything?

For a few precious months she had had it all. Chris by her side, his unconditional love for her shining through every interaction. Chris’ child in her belly. And she had learned to find joy in her new life, looking forward to starting her family, despite her guilt.

And now – she would have nothing. She would lose Chris and she would lose her baby.

She would lose everything that made her life worth living.

And she couldn’t even tell Chris of Baudy’s visit without serious repercussions. 

It would break him. It would break her. It would endanger the crew.

Suddenly Una felt dizzy and weak, drained, as if her strength had been sucked out of her. The dress fell to the floor as she broke down.

A gentle kiss on her neck startled Una awake. 

The touch on her shoulder made her jerk, an automatic reaction to the unwanted visitor, but when she saw the concern and love in Chris’ face she realized that she was safe now.

For a small moment she wanted to object to him seeing the wedding dress until everything came back and she couldn’t.

It didn’t matter if he saw her dress. Nothing mattered anymore.

“I missed you at home,” Chris whispered. 

“I’m sorry,” Una whispered back. Everything was so hard, so tiring. She should have stopped sooner, and gone home. Then she wouldn’t have been groped and threatened in her own shop.

Gently, Chris put a blanket over her. “Don’t,” he said. “You did nothing wrong.”

It had become a pattern that Una apologized whenever she made Chris worry and him telling her she did nothing wrong. Maybe one day she could see what he saw but she hated worrying him so much. She needed to be more careful.

“How are you today?” he asked. Every day he left early for the stables, doing his work, so they often didn’t have time to talk. 

“It’s okay,” Una lied.

“Look at me.” A gentle and warm hand on her face made her turn her head towards him. And Una almost shied away, Baudy’s hand still burning on her skin. She wished she had more energy left to be a better liar, because Chris didn’t believe her. “You’re pale. Are you in pain?”

Una nodded. She was, physically and mentally. While she had to keep the threats a secret she wanted no more lying about her condition. The throbbing had started after Baudy’s visit.  Not to mention a broken heart hurt, too.

“How bad?”

“I’ve had worse. It’s more like a constant, underlying thing.” 

Chris frowned and sighed. “Is that a normal symptom?”

“I don’t know. I’m not exactly an expert on Illyrian pregnancies, much less on human-Illyrian ones,” Una muttered.

“You’re on your way to becoming one,” Chris tried to lighten the mood, but she could see that he was still tense. She must look horrible.

He knelt down in front of her, taking her hands, his face close to hers. Una leaned forward, her lips brushing his.

“It breaks me seeing you suffer,” he said quietly.

Una averted her gaze, Baudy’s words fresh on her mind, the whole encounter had shook her to the core. But she still had time and she just couldn’t bring herself to tell Chris that she was forced to leave him. Not now. Maybe… maybe she could come up with a different solution in seven skyturns.

And so she went a completely different route, pretending that nothing had changed and nothing would change:

“It’s only for a while, Chris.” She took his hand and moved it on her slightly swollen belly. “And I want this. For us. This is worth a little pain and discomfort.”

It hurt.

She had always been prepared to give her life for Chris. But she was not prepared for him to die because of her. And yet she dreaded that Baudy would kill him anyway as soon as he had her. How could she minimize the damage she was about to cause?

“Una, I wish I could do something for you.”

“You are doing enough.”

“Then let’s go home.”

“Yes, Chris, let’s.”

Home. For how long?

The next morning Una was too weak to leave her bed, too weak for anything.

Her limbs hurt and she felt hot and sore.

Chris next to her nuzzled her awake and then hissed when he took his hand away as if he had burned himself.

“Oh, my God, Una! You’re burning up inside!”

Una moaned in reply, even speaking was a chore.

Chris put the back of his hand on her forehead again and quickly pulled it away.

“Una, talk to me!” He sounded urgent and frantic.

“Don’t… don’t take my baby…” It felt like the right thing to say, but Una didn’t really know why, her tongue dry and glued to the back of her mouth.

“Una, it’s me, Chris! I won’t take your baby. I mean, I want to hold and love it from time to time, but what are you talking about?!”

Weakly Una stretched out her hand for Chris to hold. “Chris…” she managed.

Chris squeezed her hot and dry hand and then vanished before he returned with a mug full of cold water.

“Here, drink this,” he told Una, squatting down at the edge of the bed and handing the mug to Una. She tried to grab and hold it, but was too weak and the water spilled a little.

She could see the pain and the worry in his face, open like a book, and she closed her eyes in order not to see how much she’d hurt him again.

“Una!” She heard him put the mug on the bedside table and then he nudged her. “I will sit you up, okay?”

“Okay.”

Gently Chris propped her up against the bedrame, the pillow supporting her. And then he put the mug to her mouth, gently tilting it so she could drink without getting too much at once.

The water felt good in her dry mouth and her dry throat and she greedily drank it until the mug was empty.

Then Chris put it away again.

“Una, tell me, what’s wrong?”

“Everything so hard…” she slurred.

“I’ll get Pelia!”

The last thing she remembered was Chris’ startled cry before the blackness took her.

“She collapsed,” Chris told Pelia, when he led her into the bedroom, hoping to get Una the help they needed.

The other woman went over to Una, checked her pulse and breathing before she sighed and shook her head.

“Commander, can you hear me?”

“Yes,” Una replied weakly, before stretching out her arm. Pelia gesticulated with her head for Chris to join them and so he did. He took a chair and held Una’s hand. It felt unnaturally warm, almost feverish. But it didn’t glow as Chris would have expected from Una’s immune system by now.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Pelia asked.

“Everything so hard,” Una repeated, the words clearly straining her. She had her eyes closed. “Feel so weak.”

“She was like this when I wanted to wake her this morning,” Chris added, while gently stroking Una’s hot hand. There was now a growing feeling of unease that he couldn’t shake. That something was very very wrong. She had gradually become weaker in the last days, but this was in no way comparable to the day before.

Pelia took another look at Una, touched her forehead for fever, pushed her blouse upward to check on the baby.

It was so crude and unsophisticated. How Chris wished for Enterprise’s medical facilities. For a tricorder or a scanner, or anything else that went beyond hearsay and guesswork.

But Pelia was the best chance they had for a medical professional. Her knowledge surpassed the knowledge of the locals by far and she had centuries of experience.

Una groaned when Pelia put her hand on her belly, feeling for the baby within.

Chris had the urge to get up, to help, but he didn’t know how and so he continued to hold Una’s hand. He hadn’t known that she was in so much pain.

He didn’t want to interfere with Pelia’s work. The way her facial muscles contracted, something wasn’t as it was supposed to be. Una hadn’t had an easy pregnancy so far, although she never complained. But Chris had eyes, he had seen the tiredness in her eyes, in her movement, he had seen the small strains and how she had gradually lost her energy until she had almost become listless and apathetic.

But whenever he tried to say something, Una had reassured him, had told him that everything was alright, that this was normal.

And that she still wanted this.

There were days when Chris couldn’t believe his luck, that what had started as something he dreaded and felt forced to do had grown naturally into a fresh start for both of them. But in recent days, the dread had returned, because Chris hadn’t accounted for the toll that having his child would have on Una.

Maybe they both hadn’t. The only thing he knew was that it had gotten worse ever since Una had broken down into the lake.

After Pelia had finished her examination she walked over to the fireside in the adjoining room and set up a kettle, putting water and ingredients into it and started boiling them. After a while she poured the liquid she had created into a mug. She returned with it and gave it to Una.

“Drink it, it will do you good,” she told her. Una nodded and tried to sit up. She managed with Pelia’s and Chris’ help and Chris held the mug to her again, helping her to slowly drain the steaming liquid, being careful not to burn her in the process.

“Thank you,” she croaked.

“Don’t thank me, child. It’s the least I can do.”

After Una had finished, Chris handed the mug back to Pelia and then Una slid back onto the bed. Minutes later she fell asleep.

With her pale face and her dark hair that pooled below her Chris felt eerily reminded of the fairy tale of Snow White. There, too, a dark-haired beauty lay completely still.

The only problem with Snow White was that when she lay like that she was…

“Can I talk to you?” Pelia said quietly, putting a hand on Chris’ shoulder.

“Sure,” he said absented-mindely, still finding it hard to pull his eyes from the sleeping Una.

He let go of her hand and gently put it on her stomach, above her pregnant belly.

“Is she in a lot of pain?” he asked.

But Pelia didn’t answer. She moved out of the bedroom, into the adjoining room and sat down at the wooden table with several chairs. 

Chris hesitated, but then he chose another chair opposite of her. The eerie feeling returned. He felt a pressure on his stomach that indicated that something bad was about to happen.

“I made a mistake,” Pelia said.

Chris frowned. He thought back to all the interactions he and Pelia had had during their involuntary stay on this planet. And he couldn’t think back to one mistake that woman had made. She had done her best to become their go-to medical advisor and despite her limited resources her counsel had been sound.

“How so?” he asked her after a while.

“I overlooked something. And I wasn’t diligent in my follow-up examinations.”

“But…” The feeling of dread returned, grew stronger, became overwhelming.

Pelia avoided Chris’ gaze which was thoroughly atypical of her. He gripped the table.

“I can see that something is not as it’s supposed to be,” he said. “Please tell me what it is.”

“She’s dying, Captain.”

Chris whirled around, looking at the still form lying on the bed. He could see her even breathing, indicating that Una was still alive.

And so many things shot through his mind. Una was strong. Una was healthy. Una was life personified. Una was a constant presence in his life.

Una was dying.

All of these things taken away. Her smile. Her laugh. Her radiance.

“No,” he mouthed. “How?” It was impossible. Una was Illyrian, modified to be stronger, more resilient, maybe the one officer of his former crew with the sturdiest constitution.

How was Una dying?!

“I should have seen it,” Pelia said sadly. “But it came so gradually that it was easy to overlook, that I forgot what a pregnancy would mean for her.”

“What does it mean for her?!”

“Her baby is only half-Illyrian.”

“But there have been other instances of human-Illyrian pregnancies, there must have been!” Chris interjected. In Una’s colony Illyrians hid among humans, so surely there were other couples with mixed babies? But then again those Illyrians lived their life in hiding. Even if they had children with humans the medical data would either be non-existant or secret.

“It doesn’t matter,” Pelia sighed. “With Starfleet’s medical technology we could easily solve the issues, but we don’t have that here now. It looks like the Commander’s immune system has shut down. She must have run an infection undiscovered for quite some time, because of no visible immune responses.”

“Why would her immune system shut down? To keep the pregnancy?” Chris asked, trying to make sense of it all.

“Exactly. Her immune system is trained to attack any foreign DNA, which is usually of great advantage. But now a baby with foreign DNA is growing inside her and her body doesn’t know how to handle that.”

“And so it decided to suppress all immune responses in order for the pregnancy to continue?” All of this was so unreal. Una had seemed so happy, finally at peace, and Chris had already dreamed of their new family and what they would do. And now none of that would happen?

“Yes. The infection inside her has weakened her extensively, draining her strength for weeks, unnoticed by anyone. But she doesn’t have unlimited strength to give and when she runs out this exertion will kill her. It’s remarkable that she hasn’t succumbed yet. She’s really very resilient. But it won’t save her this time.”

“I refuse to stand by idly and watch her die,” Chris hissed. “There has to be a way, some way to save her.”

Pelia shook her head and sighed. “Only one,” Pelia sighed. “But you’re not going to like it.”

“Tell me!” If there was a way to save Una Chris had to know it.

“Her immune system should return to normal if we interrupt her pregnancy. Then it can fight the pathogens inside her.” Pelia looked at Una in the other room and Chris could tell how much it pained her telling him that.

Everyone had rejoiced when he and Una had announced that she was with child – not only because of the prophecy, but because they had been genuinely happy for both of them. A wish come true.

Una wanted this child. And Chris wanted it, too. And the rest of the crew needed it: their lives depended on it.

If Una didn’t fulfill the prophecy everyone’s lives would be void. And if Una fulfilled the prophecy, her life would be void.

Tears filled his eyes. She and her body wanted this child so much that she was killing herself for it.

“Could we… induce her earlier than her due date? Then there is a chance that the baby survives and we could save them both?” he asked after a moment of silence.

“It’s risky. It could also mean losing both,” Pelia explained. 

“But right now her death is certain, right?” Chris asked. “If nothing happens this infection will kill her. Whereas if we induced her earlier there is at least a chance of survival for mother and child.” He was grasping at straws. 

Pelia sighed. “I don’t know, I really don’t know. It would be easier if I had a medical scanner but then we wouldn’t be having this discussion. If I induce her now the baby will die for certain, it’s too soon. And I cannot really determine when it is safe to do so as Illyrian pregnancies vary so much in length. The Commander could be on the shorter side, or on the longer. And she doesn’t even know herself.”

Chris shook his head. His whole world had been crashed for a second time and he didn’t know how much more he could take.

Losing Una after losing most of his crew was unimaginable.

Not Una.

It would destroy him.

“I cannot risk the lives of the others over Una’s life,” he said tonelessly. “The pregnancy needs to continue as long as possible.”

Gently Pelia put her hand on his shoulder. “I concur even though I know you don’t want to hear this. Especially because…” She swallowed.

“Because what?”

“Because if she loses this baby there will be no second chance anytime soon and definitely not in the deadline you have. A second pregnancy would have the same issues again, except she is already in a weakened state. She would probably not even come this far.” Pelia looked through the door to the sleeping Una and Chris felt a lump in his throat.

“How long?” Chris asked.

“I wish I could say. Her condition has massively deteriorated over night, which makes any further development unpredictable. She could remain stable for some time or quickly deteriorate further.”

“I found her asleep in her workshop yesterday and brought her home. But she wasn’t like this before,” Chris offered.

“Did something unexpected happen to her?” Pelia thought aloud.

Chris shook his head. “Not to my knowledge. I only know that this morning she pleaded with me not to take her baby.”

“Interesting.” Pelia stroked her chin. “Maybe we should ask her if she has rested a bit. But to answer your question,she might hold out another four weeks, but that is the longest I can give her with the way things are now.”

“If she dies, the baby dies, too, right?”

“Not necessarily, depending on the progress of gestation.”

“So, to sum it up: the prospects are bleak, but if I am to care for the lives of my crew I will have to let Una suffer and probably die?”

“Yes, Captain,” Pelia replied quietly. “And while I usually think that Commander Chin-Riley is strong I don’t know if her strength will be enough this time.”

“I will talk to her, ask her what she wants,” Chris said after a while. Una was still in a capacity to make decisions – command decisions and medical decisions pertaining herself. He couldn’t easily override her when she still had a say. And he didn’t want to. 

“A good idea.” Pelia patted Chris’ back. “I will gather a few of my things and come back. I can at least ease her pain for now.”

Chris nodded without reply.

Una was dying.

When Pelia had left he returned to the bed and sat down, looking at the woman he loved. He didn’t dare take her hand lest he wake her, but he couldn’t take his eyes away from her. 

Only yesterday everything had seemed normal, and although she had been pale and exhausted Chris had never thought in a million years that these were symptoms of her impending death.

The darkness pressed on his stomach and took his breath away, the feeling of dread overtaking his whole being.

Losing Una was unthinkable. It couldn’t be.

Tears started to form in his eyes and he let them, let them blur his vision, let them silently roll down his cheeks.

Pelia hadn’t said it aloud, but the truth was that he was killing Una. It was his DNA that had made her shut down. He had added the poison to the mix that made her suffer.

Ever since they had crashed here Chris had hurt Una, abused her, bred her, and now he was responsible for killing her. And for some reason, for some strange reason Una had never once complained. She had taken it.

Her love for him had been a priceless gift. It was stronger than the mistreatment she had suffered at his hands. And Chris didn’t even know if that made it better or worse. 

He almost wished that at least once she would have gotten angry with him, instead she had just accepted everything he had thrown at her and then had still been willing to love him with all her heart. She had given him so much.

He sank on his knees in front of her bed.

“Forgive me,” he whispered. “Oh God, Una, forgive me.”

“Forgive you for what?” came her weak voice.

And Chris started sobbing uncontrollably.

Chapter Text

Part 3 - Crashing

Chapter 11 - Looming Specters

Each time Una’s chest rose with another breath, Chris felt relief. She was still there, still with him. Her heart still beat. He could talk to her, she could listen, he could hold her and together they could prepare themselves to say goodbye.

He didn’t want to say goodbye to her. Not so soon.

“Glow!” he whispered. “Glow, Una!” But she didn’t glow. She didn’t magically get better.

She didn’t anything.

After he had broken down next to their bed Una had stroked his face and told him she couldn’t forgive him for anything because there was nothing to forgive. And she had kissed him with her hot lips and all he could think of was how much he loved her.

He hadn’t told her then and she hadn’t asked. 

The heaviness of unsaid words once again hung between them.

How could Chris tell Una that she was dying? She deserved the truth, deserved to make informed decisions about herself and the baby. But how could he possibly tell her?

He waited in his chair next to the bed until Una opened her eyes again, her complexion pale. And when he took her hand it was hot and feverish.

“Una…” He swallowed. “Do you remember our promise? No secrets?”

She nodded almost imperceptibly and it seemed for a short moment that a shadow appeared on her face.

“Una…” This must have been the hardest thing he had ever had to tell somebody. He looked between his feet, his heart breaking, like if he spoke the words aloud he would break the spell and make them real.

“Chris…” Her voice was weak, almost inaudible, but she was there, listening. “If it’s about my health… I know.”

“You know?”

“Yes. I’m dying, aren’t I?”

Of course she knew. She lived in that body, she had experienced its daily deterioration. Una gently squeezed Chris’ hand. His face fell and he squeezed her hand back, wanted to hold it forever, be tethered to her forever, to have the reassurance that she was alive, and stayed alive.

“I think I heard Pelia earlier. But I wasn’t sure if it wasn’t a dream. And then… I saw you crying.”

Chris stared and blinked. “You heard her? I thought you were asleep!” 

It was not so much that he feared that Una overheard things she wasn’t supposed to know, but more that he was worried about her lack of rest. She had a right to know her medical diagnoses. 

“I guess I did,” Una whispered. “I have a light sleep and good hearing.”

That didn’t surprise Chris, Una had always been superior. Which was why it was so hard to grasp that her strength turned into weakness now.

“That you have,” he answered her inanely. He started stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. He swallowed and then he very gently relayed what Pelia had told him about Una’s condition.

With each sentence the shadow over her face grew bigger and when he had ended she looked away, burying her head in the pillow. Chris saw her convulse as if she sobbed, but it was silent and she shed no tears.

And then, she let out a blood-curdling wail, long and drawn out and heartbreaking until she lay completely still, shaking.

“Una,” he said softly, putting his other hand on hers, helplessly. How could he console her? How could he make anything better for her? “Una, please…” He couldn’t even tell her to stop.

Without thinking, Chris slipped out of his clothes and slid into the bed next to her, spooning her, wrapping her arms around her, holding her close, hugging her tight, giving her the only form of protection he had to give.

“I’m cursed,” Una wept. “I’m cursed, I’m cursed, I’m cursed…”

“Una, no…” Chris held her even tighter, feeling her destructive heat.

“Why do you love me, Chris?” Her whole body trembled and tears flowed freely now. Chris could see them glistening on her cheeks.

Chris placed gentle kisses on her neck and then tried to kiss the tears away. “You’re wonderful. Competent. Smart. Beautiful. Strong. Brave. What’s not to love?”

“The Illyrian in me. It has only caused hurt.” She sniffed. “I want to be human.” And quieter: “I want to be normal.”

Gently Chris stroked her hair. “Una, you are everything I’ve ever wanted.”

But she was right, her being Illyrian had made everything harder for them. But not for the reason Una thought. She was not being inadequate, she was not useless, she was not less than.

It wasn’t Una’s fault that they had arrested her. It wasn’t Una’s fault that she didn’t know a lot about her reproductive system. And it wasn’t Una’s fault that she was dying now.

It was the fault of a bigoted society who couldn’t recognize perfection when it stood before them. And who had forced Una to always live below her full potential.

“I wouldn’t want you any other way,” he added. “You are perfect.”

"I cannot even survive giving you a child. My body is useless," she sobbed.

“Una, hey… Una…” Chris tried to calm her. “Turn around.”

“No.”

“Please, Una.”

Slowly Una did what Chris asked and he helped her; it exhausted her, but he could better hold her like this. He felt helpless and powerless against a cruel fate, unable to protect Una in a way he always wanted to, but he could hold her, show her his love.

She burrowed her head in the bend of his shoulder, still crying, and with gentle fingers he dabbed her tears away.

And so he just held her, crying herself, already grieving her. He couldn’t imagine a life without her, not when she had been such a constant companion for such a long time.

Not when he had just found his love for her.

She was the light in his life. She was his stars. She made him complete.

How dark would his existence be when her radiance diminished.

He stroked her hair.

“I love you, Una. I love you, Una. I love you, Una,” he whispered, adding his tears to hers.

And together they cried, mourning a future that, for a brief moment, had had a chance -- however fleeting and ephemeral, like a whisp of smoke.

Chris had gotten a taste of what it would be like to settle down with his Una, to love her with all his heart, every day, had the prospect of a wedding dangled before him and the prospect of a child with her – glimpses into a life that he actually wanted after having accepted that he would never again be Captain Pike.

But the wind had blown the smoke away. 

“Chris, what will happen to my baby?” Una asked after they had spent some time in silence. 

“Pelia says that it has a chance of survival even if you don’t make it,” Chris answered truthfully, trying to at least take the worry about the baby away. He inhaled. That was only half of the truth and Una deserved the other half as well. “But she also says that if we interrupt your pregnancy your immune system will probably regenerate and kill your infection.”

“At which point could this be done without endangering the baby?” Una asked immediately.

“We don’t know,” Chris sighed, kissing her on her forehead.

“Then this is not a viable option. I need to carry it to term, or the closest to term I can manage.” Una’s voice might have been weak but Chris heard the determination. She had made her decision. 

Una Chin-Riley would give her life for her crew, one last sacrifice, leaving Chris alone with a motherless child. And she didn’t even question that this is how it was going to be.

She wasn’t afraid of her death. She was only distressed that she would break his heart by leaving him behind, always thinking of others and never of herself.

“Una…” Chris muttered. “I can’t ask that of you. I can’t ask that you kill yourself for us.”

“You don’t have to. Because it’s the only thing left to do.” She closed her eyes, and even though talking exhausted her Chris knew she had to get this out. “What will happen if we interrupt the pregnancy and the baby dies? I would have to live with the knowledge that I made a selfish decision that killed everyone. Or we both die. I need to choose the one option that ensures that the baby lives – otherwise everything we both did since stranding here was in vain. Can you understand that?”

Yes, Chris could understand that. But he hated it nevertheless.

He nodded and hugged Una closer. Smelling her hair, feeling her heat and her breath.

“You are so incredibly brave. And you deserve none of what is happening to you,” he told her.

“This is no longer about me or you,” Una whispered. “And probably it never was. We just tempted fate for a while longer.”

Chris swallowed. Suddenly he felt a cold chill run through him despite the heat Una was radiating. He had cheated his fate by crashing with his ship, but had he done so by dooming Una in the process? Was she the one being sacrificed on the altar of destiny instead of him? He would burn a thousand times if it meant that Una would survive. But he didn’t have that choice anymore. It was now Una’s to make and she had chosen.

Pelia had turned out to be so helpful. She assisted Chris with Una’s care, providing mostly medical assistance while Chris gave Una all the love he had to give. With Pelia’s help Chris could bring Una to the lavatory and clean her afterwards, he could even bathe her. Pelia had started cooking brews that strengthened Una, helped her relax and eased her pain, but Chris didn’t have illusions that those were any more than temporary measures, band-aids to prolong the inevitable.

One evening, when Una was asleep, Chris sat down with Pelia, cooking her food while they talked in subdued voices. The food preparation was now his task, but for Una he prepared different dishes, ones she could easily digest and that didn’t tax her further. Pelia had a mug of herbal brew in front of her.

“Could it be the Silent Death?” Chris asked after a while, pondering the question that had rummaged in his mind for quite some time.

Pelia blew on her brew. “Spock and I conducted some experiments as to the nature of this mysterious illness. But we haven’t come up with a definite conclusion, just theories.”

“So it could be possible?”

Pelia inhaled and then exhaled. “Yes.”

Chris sat down. “No…” He put his face into his hands on the table. “No, no, no, no…”

“The Commander is not showing any of the symptoms the Aeynlarr showed before dying,” Pelia tried to argue, but even she didn’t sound convinced.

“But she is Illyrian, not Aeynlarr, and her immune system is not working at all,” Chris immediately said, driving a hand through his hair. “So maybe the Aeynlarr symptoms were the result of an immune response.” He had spent a lot of time thinking about this.

Pelia nodded when he said that and took another sip out of her steaming mug. “The only way to find that out would be to watch and observe Aeynlarr patients,” she pointed out. “And we can be glad that the illness seems to have vanished from this town.”

“Except it hasn’t if Una has it,” Chris almost spat.

“Yes, you’re right,” Pelia replied calmly. “But remarkably, none of the Aeynlarr inhabitants have caught it this time. Fortunately the rest of us are protected by our vaccines.” Another sip of tea. It seemed Pelia had also given this a lot of thought, which was why she weighed her answers so carefully.

“So, what are your theories, Pelia? What have you and Spock come up with?” Chris leaned over the table.

“We couldn’t observe the spreading of the illness first hand, so we had to go by the reports of the locals. We took samples from the water and the soil that Spock is still analyzing – as you know, things go a bit slower here. Our current theory is that the illness was spread by a pathogen in the drinking water that for some reason must have vanished. Maybe it's a seasonal thing, or something that was thrown into the water that eventually diluted. The point is while the illness was never transmissive, many people died. If our water theory holds true we need to find the cause and perhaps we can prevent further outbreaks.”

“The lake…” Chris muttered, defeated. “Una started to break down after the ritual in the lake. Is it possible she caught something there?”

“It would certainly support the theory that something in the water causes this illness,” Pelia agreed after some thought.

The irony was not lost on Chris that a ritual about life and death made Una sick and dying while she created life inside her. If that really was the cause of her illness. But the timeframe fit.

“Damn!” Chris had to restrain himself from hitting his fist on the table. “I insisted on going with her. I should have stopped her. But I wanted to learn something about her culture, give her something to relate to.”

Pelia gently shook her head so that her curls bobbed, putting a gentle hand on Chris’.

“Her immune system has shut down. It is almost impossible to avoid an infection that way, especially in this case when nobody knew that she was having this problem. She would have gotten something else instead.”

“But maybe not something so serious…” Chris insisted.

Pelia again shook her head. “You don’t understand. Without a functioning immune system any infection is deadly.”

“But maybe not as aggressive as this one. Maybe another infection would have attacked her so slowly that she could have given birth first…” Chris didn’t even know what he was arguing at this point, as it didn’t matter.

Una couldn’t be saved that way. And she had clearly stated that she didn’t want the pregnancy interrupted.

“There is no use debating unused chances,” Pelia said sadly. “We have to deal with this reality.”

“I refuse that,” Chris hissed. “I refuse to sit by idly and watch her die.”

“Captain,” Pelia said very softly. “There comes a time when we have to accept the inevitable. Believe me, I’ve experienced this more often than I can count. It is hard, it will never stop being hard. But I can tell you that there is nothing more we can do for her except make her as comfortable as possible.”

“No…” Chris whispered. 

“The bargaining stage of grief…” Pelia muttered.

“Spare me that,” Chris snapped. “I have grieved enough. I won’t grieve Una. I won’t stand on her grave looking at her headstone knowing that I killed her.”

“You aren’t killing her, Captain,” Pelia had lost her typical air of superiority and snark. “You and the Commander didn’t have a great range of choices, and at every step of the way, Commander Chin-Riley chose her fate. She wanted this baby, and she still does. Don’t infantilize her by invalidating her agency.”

“Would she have chosen this pregnancy if she had known the consequences?” Chris asked quietly. Pelia had a point and he could see that Una had a mind of her own, always had – which was why he loved her so much. But in this instance he couldn’t let it go.

“You have to ask her that, Captain,” Pelia replied softly. “Although I think I know the answer.”

“I think I know it, too,” Chris conceded. “But it’s hard to accept. She’s always put others before herself.”

“Maybe. But she also chose to let herself be loved by you. I think in the grand scheme of things the Commander has always known what she was doing and then did it. And she was never careless about it.”

Chris had always thought that Una would outlive him by decades, even before he had known her secret. She just had that air around her, that air of strength and vitality, but also of caution. Una was never the type to run into risks headlong. She was not afraid of taking them, but she painstakingly considered every option before she acted. And then she usually did the right thing.

Una had all the makings to grow very old.

And yet she lay in her bed, pallor in her face, weakened and vulnerable, losing an inner battle. And grudgingly Chris had to accept that even her current situation was the result of a decision that Una had very deliberately made. Like all the other times.

Even without her special condition any pregnancy in a surrounding such as this was risky. Una had known this. And she still had consented and wanted this. Not only for the crew, but also for Chris and herself.

“You’re right,” he told Pelia. And then he left the table. For a moment he needed a breath of fresh air and time to think.

A small ladder in the attic led to the roof of the house. It was actually there to better clean the chimney, but when one was paying attention it was totally possible to just sit on the roof for a while. Chris had discovered the hiding spot several days ago when he needed space but didn’t want to leave the house in case Una needed him.

And so he climbed onto the tiles, careful not to slip, and sat down, holding himself fast on the chimney and overlooking Jhuntey: 'their' village -- the former plague village.

They really had come a long way since having settled there. Jhuntey had again started to flourish, the agriculture revived and the trades being occupied by members of his crew. With the help of the library they had been able to improve existing structures or build new ones, like Una’s sewing machine.

And there was potential in the village to do so much more.

But the future hinged on the fragility of one Illyrian life and whether Una would manage to birth a living child while she was wasting away.

She had the resolve and the grit. And the most disciplined will he had ever seen in a person.

If someone could manage this it would be Una Chin-Riley.

But she was not invincible. She was mortal like the rest. And she was dying.

Chris picked up a few pebbles that had found their ways onto the tiles and started throwing them from the roof. He took care not to hit anybody but the street was not very busy. He tried how far he could throw them, but they mostly served as an outlet for his anger and feeling of powerlessness.

“ I love you, ” Una had said to him. She had told him first, putting a feeling into words that had existed for years. “ I love you, idiot ,” she had repeated the first time they had made love.

Another pebble flew.

“ I want your baby, Chris. ” She had given him herself this evening, laid her soul bare.

Another pebble flew.

Una sitting in their bed, her belly glowing. She had been so happy, so excited about her conception. Chris wondered now if that had indeed been her immune system shutting down that evening.

Another pebble flew.

Una in the lake, singing, the most otherworldly experience. Una collapsing into the water.

Another pebble flew.

“ She’s dying, Captain. ”

And Chris started screaming. Screaming at the injustice of a cruel universe that took away his ship and crew and now the one person who shared his soul. Screaming at a cruel prophecy that had threatened him and Una and all the rest. Screaming at a prophecy received in the Klingon monastery of Boreth that he would burn but the rest would live.

He screamed until he had no voice left.

And then he sat on the roof, hoarse, looking over the horizon of their little world, framed by the forest and the river and the mountains, and behind those mountains another range of mountains where their ancient home lay, the place where Una’s death had begun.

The skeleton of the Enterprise . Dead, abandoned, decaying. Nothing of that ship’s might and power had been able to save them. And without their technology they were like children, lost in the dark and in constant danger, having to discover how the world functioned anew.

But these discoveries always came at a cost. And Una was paying the price for a whole set of people.

But when thinking about the Enterprise something suddenly occurred to Chris. It was a long shot and maybe it would fail. But it was better than sitting by idly and watching Una die. He threw his last pebble and climbed back indoors.

“How are you, child?” Pelia had taken on the nightwatch this time so the Captain could rest. He was still outside cooling his head, so she sat down by the bed to keep the Commander company.

“So tired…”

“You can sleep, child, get rest…” Gently Pelia stroked Una’s forehead and took a wet cloth to dab the cold sweat away.

“Can rest when I’m dead…” Una snarked, but it had lost its bite.

“Don’t be so glum. You’re still here with us,” Pelia said more lightheartedly than she felt, trying to keep the tone the Commander had set.

The other woman closed her eyes and blew out her breath. “Yes…” She gathered her strength. “And I have to watch Chris suffer on my behalf.”

“Nonsense, child. He suffers solely on his behalf. You deal with yourself, he deals with himself,” Pelia said, continuing to wipe the Commander’s face. She sighed.

“Don’t want to hurt him again… Hurt him enough.” It was obvious how much talking weakened the Commander. But it was also obvious how much she needed to go on. And so Pelia let her.

“Child, stop blaming yourself for what happened,” she said softly. In a way it was heartbreaking how these two fools blamed themselves for each other’s misery when it was the fault of neither. The problem was that this guilt stopped them from spending time together when the Commander’s time was running out.

The Commander reached out with her hand and Pelia took it.

“Pelia,... need to tell you something,” she croaked, squeezing Pelia’s hand. “Promise not to tell Chris.”

Pelia considered for a moment and then nodded. If the secret was grave enough she could decide later whether to break her promise and ask Una’s forgiveness. For now, she felt it important to hear what the Commander had to say. She had an inkling that it was related to her breakdown the other day.

“Promise,” Pelia said solemnly and squeezed the hand some more

Una closed her eyes again and she was shivering. Not from the cold, as she was tightly packed in warm blankets, but more from whatever was bothering her.

“Elder Baudy wants to take my baby,” the Commander said after a while and tears glistened in her eyes. “He threatened me… in my workshop… and if I don’t comply he will kill Chris.” The tears now rolled down the Commander’s cheeks. “Don’t know what to do…”

“Oh, child,” Pelia said soothingly, stroking over the Commander’s dark hair.

That explained everything. This was the missing link as to what made the Commander’s health deteriorate so quickly. It also explained why she was so weak, no longer able to withstand further attacks on her health and sanity. What a nightmare.

Pelia had a thousand questions as to the Elder’s motivations, but the way the Commander behaved answered most of them. That he had his eyes on her wasn’t exactly a secret, so he probably had not only laid claim to the child – although the Commander’s health was an escape from that fate.

“Wanted me to leave Chris…” Una added after a while, shivering and shaking. “Can’t tell him… Would break his heart.”

Usually Pelia would now say that they would find a solution, but the truth was that just now she had none. Who would protect the innocent baby when the mother had died and the father was pushed aside or even killed? Could Una’s child even survive without the Commander there to nurse it?

“You must tell him,” Pelia urged. “This is important.”

The Commander turned her head away, burying it in her pillow. “No.”

“You must , child. What will happen after you are no longer there? The Captain will be completely blindsided if the Elder lays claim on the child. He will be grieving you and then he has to part with the one thing he has left from you. It’s cruel to keep him in the dark about this.” Pelia understood the Commander’s pain all too well. The other woman would take on all the suffering if it meant sparing others the same fate. Even on her deathbed she tried to keep it all in, suffer in silence, to ease the burden of others.

“I can’t .” This one was almost a wail.

Pelia wanted to ask why that was so, but suddenly realized she knew the answer. “He blackmailed you.”

“Yes.” This one was almost inaudible. “Said he’d harm Chris if I told him.”

“And how would he know that you told him? The Aeynlarr aren’t telepaths, child.”

The Commander was now crying openly. And even though she didn’t have the strength to go on, Pelia thought she understood.

“If you warned the Captain and he brought himself to safety you are scared the Elder will retaliate against the village.”

The Commander nodded.

“And we cannot evacuate over 150 people.”

The Commander nodded again.

“But if you told the Captain just for him to know? To prepare him, help him make his decision?” Pelia said after a while.

It seemed this solution hadn’t occurred to the Commander and she paused. “I’ll… think about it.”

Something had changed in Chris when he returned to the bedroom. Una could sense it in his movements and in his stride.

He seemed… more energetic, more accepting of the situation.

He exchanged a glance with Pelia, and then she nodded, leaving the couple alone.

“Hey, Una,” he said softly. 

“Hey, Chris,” she replied in kind. Seeing him hurt. It hurt because she couldn’t spare him the suffering of losing her. It hurt because her time with him was limited. “I love you,” she added quietly. “Please never forget that.”

He shook his head. “I will never forget anything about you. I will never forget how you saved my life and my dignity on countless occasions. I will never forget how you loved me for even longer. I will never forget your smile and your eyes and everything that is so wonderful about you, Una. I will never forget.”

He bowed down and kissed Una’s forehead and she closed her eyes to enjoy his warmth and his touch, Pelia’s words coming back to her. But before she could start to speak, Chris knelt in front of her bed. He reached out for her hand and kissed her wrist and then her palm before putting it on his heart.

“Una?” He swallowed. “Una I have to leave you for a few days.”

No.

Una stiffened. “Why?” she simply asked.

“Because I can’t watch you die.”

Una suddenly felt very alone and lost, coldness creeping into her heart. “And so… you’re leaving so you don’t have to see it?” She had always feared that Chris would eventually leave, his love too good to be true. Maybe this time was as good as any before it got ugly.

“Oh my God, no! No, Una!” He squeezed her hand so hard that it hurt, but Una let him, grateful for the touch, even if it might be the last she ever got from him. “No… I want to find a cure for you.”

“There’s no cure anywhere on this planet for being Illyrian,” she said very quietly and swallowed.

“Una, your species is not a sickness.”

Again the tears stung behind Una’s eyes. How could she make Chris understand what it meant to live in hiding because your true self frightened people so much that they resorted to violence? How she had tried to shed everything pertaining to her culture in order to start a new life and still missed it dearly? How she felt lost and forlorn without being able to say why? How her simple biology had turned against her every step of the way ever since they had come here. Her species was, in fact, a sickness. An incurable one.

“But it’s causing one,” she said instead, too exhausted to argue the point.

“Maybe. But I know a place where I might find something that could help you,” he said, and there was a certain excitement in his voice.

“Where?” Una couldn’t believe that this place existed.

“ Enterprise’s sickbay,” Chris said immediately, almost proud.

“It’s destroyed.”

“Maybe, but maybe some hyposprays survived, some chemicals. Maybe we can find something worthwhile there, Spock and I, if we only look closely.” He wasn’t deterred by anything Una had to say, but she had learned her lesson. There was no hope. All Chris would find would be broken vials and broken dreams. Hopes again shattered as the chemicals he intended to find. He was only drawing out the inevitable, denying reality instead of coming to terms with it.

“You’re grasping at straws.” He had to accept that it wouldn't happen. There was no miracle to save her.

“Maybe. But I need to tell myself that I have done all I can to save you. Una, I wanted to grow old with you. I still want that.” His voice got quieter. “And I sort of can’t do that if you die on me. I love you too much for this.”

“Please, Chris…” Una couldn’t let go of his hand now. Because if she did he would vanish from her life forever. She would never see him again. She would die alone. And that was not even all. If Chris went away how would Elder Baudy react to his absence, losing his bargaining chip? He had to assume that Una had broken the agreement and then retaliate against the village instead. “Don’t go…”

He stared at her. “Una, what are you saying? Don’t you want to live?”

Una swallowed. “I want to live.” More than anything, not even for herself, but because she wanted to be a good mother, wanted to be there for Chris and the others and not hurt them by leaving when they needed her. She also had wanted to grow old with Chris. But it wasn’t meant to be.

“But…?” He looked at her intently and for a short moment Una contemplated telling him about the blackmail. But the moment fled and she kept silent.

“I’m scared…” she whispered instead. Scared to die alone. 

“I know, Una, me too,” he whispered instead. “That’s why I have to go. Please understand that I do it for you.”

No, she thought, you do it for you. But she didn’t say that. She wanted him to have this bit of hope for a bit longer. “I know,” she simply muttered instead.

Chris’ lips touched hers and they felt strangely cool, probably because she was burning up inside. She opened her mouth for him, to let him have this, have her maybe for the last time, although she lacked the strength for the kind of passionate kiss she would have liked to have given him. The one that made her stomach churn and twist and knot. But it felt nice to have Chris’ lips on hers and his tongue in her mouth, tasting her. His hand touched the back of her head, tangled in her hair and pulled her closer.

And he held her for a long while before he released the kiss.

They looked at each other, wordlessly. There was a longing and a loss in his eyes and both were aimed at her. Una wished so much that she could give him what he needed, but she couldn’t any more. If she birthed a living child she had done everything in her power. She hoped she had the strength for at least that, even though she had no influence over what would happen with her child after her death.

“I don’t think I have ever loved someone in my life as much as I have loved you, Una,” Chris broke the spell eventually. “Can you believe that?”

“Yes,” Una said quietly. And she could. She still didn’t want him to go, but she understood why he did it. “I love you, too. Take care.”

He got up and stroked her head and hair, lovingly and tenderly. “I ask of you one thing: Wait for me. Don’t leave us before I come back. Can you do that?”

“Yes,” Una said, when she had meant to say was: I don’t know.

And then Chris turned away to pack, leaving her again alone in the darkness.

Packing was quick. The Enterprise was only a ride of several days away, much closer from Jhuntey than from Zhelyen, a stroke of irony. If Spock and Chris made haste they could be back in less than two weeks. According to Pelia it was more than likely that Una had that much time left.

It was worth a shot, it was the only shot.

Chris relied on his survival training when packing – rations and food, provisions and a bit of medicine and bandages. Spare clothes, a sleeping bag and blankets. That was quickly done.

He didn’t notice Pelia immediately as she stood in the doorframe and watched him intently, arms crossed.

“It is a fool’s errand,” she told him. Chris had expected a bit of a mocking undertone, but she seemed surprisingly solemn.

“Maybe,” he huffed, looking for other items to put into his bag. “But it’s Una’s only chance.” This time he had no energy for discussions with Pelia.

“No,” Pelia said, not moving. “ You are her only chance. Your strength and your support is what keeps her going.”

“And this is what I’m giving her!” he panted while stuffing the blanket into his bag. It was woolen and Una had made it a while back. It smelled a bit like her and he needed a tangible reminder of her. “I can’t just idly sit by while she wastes away.”

“And so you run off, hiding from reality, while she needs you the most here?”

Chris stopped his packing and stared.

“What do you want me to do? Accept her death? Just like that? She means too much to me for that. I need to be able to look in the mirror and tell myself I did everything I could for her. She saved my life so often. Now I need to save hers.” He looked away and added more quietly: “Especially since I’m responsible for her suffering.”

Pelia just shook her head at that, but she didn’t say anything more. And it was good, because for Chris the discussion was over.

Strangely enough, Pelia didn’t leave, however. She continued leaning on the doorframe watching him. Chris tried to ignore her judgemental gaze and when he finished throwing everything worthwhile in his bag he faced her again.

“I have an order for you, Commander,” he addressed her, using his best Captain’s voice. It was an unusual feeling. He hadn’t used it for such a long time. But while he understood why Pelia disapproved of his choice to leave he needed her cooperation. He needed her to listen.

“Oh?” The way Pelia raised her eyebrows indicated not only surprise but also irritation that he was resorting back to rank. She probably never had much use for authority so she thrived better in the environment of this planet - on the other hand she had joined Starfleet and climbed up the ranks.

But what he had to say was important enough for him to formulate it as an order, even though he was certain that Pelia would have followed it out of her own volition. It was more about him than about her.

“While I’m away I want you to do your damndest that Commander Chin-Riley stays alive. Even if it means inducing her when you deem it safe to do so for mother and child.” He hoped that wouldn’t override Una’s medical consent then, especially because Pelia probably would talk to her beforehand about such a procedure. 

Pelia stared for a moment and then a tentative smile appeared on her lips. “Acknowledged, Captain.” 

They both shared the same goal and Chris felt it necessary to achieve some sort of rapport with Pelia before he left - because he left the most valuable thing he had in her care.

Pelia stepped forward and patted Chris on his upper arm, the ice broken.

“I still think you’re foolish, but I wish I’m wrong. Safe travels, Captain!”

“Thank you Pelia.”

Chris was again a man on a mission.

And the mission was Una’s life.

Chapter Text

Chapter 12 - A Fool on a Knight’s Errand

Returning to the Valley of Storms after everything that had happened felt strange. As if coming home and returning to a place of sadness at the same time. Too many memories were connected to this place.

The death and the burial of those who didn’t make it.

Una’s and his tentative embrace in the tent on their first night.

The attempt to establish a community.

The library.

The horrible thunderstorm that had destroyed everything.

Una in the mud. Una needing his help.

Just as she did now.

There was not one second of the trip that Chris didn’t think of her and prayed to whichever deity was listening that she would survive until his return.

Spock hadn’t hesitated in joining Chris when he had come and asked. He had packed his things and a few bottles in case they needed to transport chemicals and had been ready to go.

“While your desire to return to the crash site is driven by emotion, I find it logical that you would try everything in your power to save Commander Chin-Riley’s life,” he had said.

And Chris had almost smiled at that. It was nice not to be called a fool.

But there was still this nagging feeling at the back of his head that admonished him for leaving Una behind in the time of her greatest need. Was he actually a coward who couldn’t face her death? A fool as Pelia had called him?

I’m scared .

Una was never scared. Admitting this must have cost her so much already. He saw her lying in her bed, pale and strangely fragile, her hand reaching out for him, trying to connect to him, and again he had turned away.

Why did his love for her hurt her so? How could it be that they caused each other such despair even though they loved  one another with all their heart, with such a burning passion as Chris had never loved before? Why could his love for Una not be a happy thing? She loved him back, equally all-consuming, and had allowed him entry into several layers of herself that she had kept secret before, her body and her mind.

But she also chose to let herself be loved by you.

It must not have been easy for Una, who had secrecy ingrained into her whole self, to open up so completely.

But she had done it for him.

And like a candle burning from two ends, she had been bright and beautiful, but her time in the light much too short. She had consumed herself in her effort to give herself to him.

Poor Una.

But was Chris any better? 

He so wanted to do what was right. By Una, by his crew, even by the Aeynlarr, but the things that were demanded of him were contradicting at best, sometimes even mutually exclusive. He had tried to walk that fine line between pragmatism and despair – Una had walked it with him until she had stumbled and fallen. And now he was on the way back to his old ship, in search for answers, the circle closing, back to beginning, back to square one.

The wreck of the Enterprise was exactly as Chris remembered it and had seemingly withstood the harsh weather.

More remarkable were the stone towers they had passed on the path to the ship. Those hadn’t been there before. They weren’t erected in the valley itself because of the unpredictable weather, but it looked as if the Aeynlarr had lost no time to frame the fallen starship architecturally. 

“These structures are recent,” Spock remarked when they passed the first one.

“Indeed,” Chris agreed. “They look like watchtowers.”

“It stands to reason that they are meant to deter looters from the Enterprise ,” Spock speculated. “But they don’t look very threatening.”

Chris squinted but the buildings didn’t seem occupied. Still… they didn’t sit right with him. 

“Should we make our presence known to whoever is manning these towers?” Spock then asked after they passed the next set of them.

Chris hesitated. He didn’t want to lose time. “If the opportunity arises. But we won’t seek them out specifically. These towers seem abandoned anyway.” 

“Understood.” Spock didn’t let on if he approved or not, but Chris felt it ridiculous to ask for permission to enter the ship he once captained. And so they continued on their path.

The ship was indeed a tomb. And Chris hadn’t been prepared for any of it. They had found an entry at the side where the bulkhead was torn off and shattered and had made their way inside the corridors. They had brought torches and it was eerie to return to their former home, technologically far behind what the Enterprise was capable of. But the worst part was the decayed corpses strewn around on the floor. After almost a year they had skeletonized completely, leaving nameless skulls and bones in dirty Starfleet uniforms, forever anonymous. Chris knelt down at each corpse they found, thanking them for their service and promising that he hadn’t forgotten them, even though he could no longer identify the officer lying there without DNA samples. 

Still, it felt important to say his goodbyes. At the next cross section of the corridor they finally found a sign with the deck number. And just as Chris and Spock had anticipated it was number 5. They had found the right entry for the right deck even though the ship was twisted and bent and broken.

Chris feared in what condition they would find sickbay. It was clear that large parts of it were smashed and unusable, but he still hoped that amidst all the debris would be something worthwhile to use. He hoped that if he saw it, or if Spock saw it that they knew what it would be. Maybe an antibiotic, or a vaccine, although the question was how useful those could be as they both relied on a functioning immune system. But it was still better than not trying anything and losing Una without a fight.

The brave Commander Una Chin-Riley, who wouldn’t have died in action, but was felled by an infection in childbirth.

On the way to the corridors to sickbay Chris stopped in front of a familiar door. It led to his  quarters and had lost its bright red coloring in the darkness. He hesitated for a moment if he should enter his former home, but then he turned away. There was no use in seeing the remnants of an old life long gone, smashed and shattered. He did, however, stop at another door, several meters down the corridor.

“Commander Una Chin-Riley” said the neat little quadratic sign next to the door next to a set of numbers.

Almost reverently Chris put his hand on the metal separating the corridor from the room beyond. Una’s quarters had never been inaccessible to him – he had spent many evenings there, drinking with her, talking, reminiscing, even laughing. But at the end of the evening the doors had closed behind him and he had gone to his own bed where he had fallen asleep alone.

He often had wished for a body to warm him in these nights, to give him company, but all his romances had ended ill-fated eventually. Especially after Boreth this desire had become stronger, the fear of time running out growing.

And still the walls had separated him and Una and he hadn’t even known it then.

It was only in hindsight that it was obvious why none of those other flings had lasted: those women hadn’t been Una, they had only been an attempt to fill the place she already had had in his heart. Of course these relationships had been destined to fail.

Una had always been the one he had wanted and needed, the only one who had known about Boreth and hadn’t turned tail.

Chris wondered if he ever would have figured it out without the crash. At least he had figured it out, he told himself.

He nodded to Spock, pointing at Una's doors. “Let’s open them.”

Spock cocked his head in puzzlement. “Captain? May I remind you that this is not sickbay?”

“I’m aware, but I still want to go in,” Chris repeated the order, hoping that with Spock’s added strength that would be sufficient to get the doors far enough apart that they could enter Una’s former quarters. Spock nodded once and opened the hatch for the manual release. Together the two men pried the doors open.

Una’s quarters were dark and abandoned, everything dirty and coated in a thick layer of dust. The windows were so dirty that almost no outside light fell into the room, but a bit was there. Tentatively Chris entered, realizing that a lot was still as she had left it when she had gone to duty that day. Her bed was made, even though the fabric of the blankets was dirty now. And her possessions were strewn around, shook by the force of the crash. The bed pillows were scattered on the floor.

It occurred to Chris that she had never again entered this room afterwards, not even to get personal items out, and it was hard to fight back the tears.

“Una…” he whispered into the stale air. “Why can’t you think of yourself for once?”

“Because egoism is illogical most of the time,” Spock said from behind Chris and it was only then that he realized that the young Vulcan must have watched and listened.

“But sometimes egoism is needed for self-preservation. And then it’s okay to think about oneself before focusing on others.”

“While that might be the case, I don’t see its validity in the life of Commander Chin-Riley. As part of a community like Starfleet her tendencies to look out for others mean that others also look out for her, making the aspect of self-preservation moot.”

“She’s dying, Spock. I’d say that is the total opposite of self-preservation.”

Chris started walking around the room, his boots leaving prints in the dust. 

“A valid point. I would still argue, however, that the Commander didn’t have much choice in this particular matter, so it’s not that she chose self-sacrifice.”

“And this is where you’re wrong. She chose this. She wants this baby regardless of the prophecy.”

“So do you, sir.”

“But I’m not the one carrying it. And my health is not affected by it.”

Spock paused a bit.

“Allow me to disagree. Your health is affected by it. While it may be true that Commander Chin-Riley feels the more direct effects of her difficult pregnancy that may end terminally, the fact that you seem to be utterly devoted to her indicates that you are also detrimentally affected.”

Before Chris could answer with a contradiction, Spock continued. “In fact, our presence here indicates that you are very much affected by the Commander’s situation.”

“I don’t know if that is comparable,” Chris said. “And it feels a bit insulting to Una to do so.”

“It was not my intention to insult Commander Chin-Riley or to minimize her current situation. I merely wanted to point out that your health is, contrary to your claims, also affected.”

Chris harumphed. Spock meant well, but he didn’t feel inclined to continue the discussion at this point. And so he just said: “I understand what you mean.”

Spock remained standing near the door while Chris continued exploring the quarters, conjuring a past when things were not as bleak as they were now. If Spock wondered what Chris was doing he didn’t let on. 

It felt important to take in the surroundings because it was probably the last time Chris would ever be here. And for a short moment he contemplated burying Una there when she succumbed to her condition. But then he shook his head.

He was here to stop that from happening. Una wouldn’t succumb. And he would think about her burial when the time had come.

When Chris walked along Una’s shelves he realized that most of her decorative items were fragile and thus smashed during the crash. But something stood out. 

Something Chris had almost forgotten.

He knelt down wiping glass shards away.

There were two photographs. One showed a little girl with her family, presumably young Una with her parents. The other showed him and Una smiling into the camera, both of them in their older uniforms, Una still sporting curly hair.

She was so insanely beautiful. Always had been, still was, although he had to admit that he had liked her better in recent years. She had reached that sort of perfect maturity that was hard to describe, but when everything was at the right place.

“When was that picture taken?” Spock asked, obviously having come closer without Chris noticing.

“It’s classified,” Chris chuckled and Spock raised an eyebrow. But the magic moment was over, the time of reverie had passed.

Chris stuffed the two pictures into his bag, as souvenirs to bring home for Una, and then he nodded. “Let’s go to sickbay.”

Pelia had known many bedridden patients during her long life. And she had always assumed that Commander Chin-Riley would belong to the sort who had a problem with weakness and illness, the sort who would become bossy and be in a bad mood because they couldn’t deal with the fact that they had to rely on others.

But that hadn’t happened. 

Instead the Commander had been very patient and acquiescent from the beginning, and that hadn’t changed with the Captain’s departure. She didn’t ask for much and was content with whatever Pelia would be able to give her. 

But one thing was peculiar even though Pelia didn’t quite know what to make of it. She had expected that the Commander’s health would take another dip with the Captain’s absence, but so far it had remained stable on a low level.

Pelia hoped that it would stay like that for as long as possible, long enough that mother and child had a chance.

But seeing how weak the Commander had become reminded Pelia that even the most robust of them could be felled easily by the most unexpected things. She never would have predicted that Commander Chin-Riley would succumb to an infection caused by pregnancy. And if somebody had told Pelia a year ago that this was how the Commander would end up, she probably wouldn’t have laughed – the universe was too strange for that – but she would have found the notion highly unlikely. Back then she probably would have thought it necessary that the haughty Number One should be taken down a peg or two, and back then the other woman probably would have deserved a lesson in humbleness.

But she had gotten it tenfold. And learned from it. And what remained was a woman who still took her duty seriously but who wasn’t afraid to ask for help when she needed it. This planet had peeled the Number One slowly away, leaving a brave and vulnerable Una behind.

And this woman didn’t deserve anything bad coming her way. She deserved to live and raise her children and to make the Captain as happy as he made her.

She often thought about the Captain’s order, and about when it would become safe to induce the Commander or not. The Commander was now nearing her sixth month of pregnancy, her belly had grown considerably, and Pelia wished she could say how long this pregnancy was supposed to last.

Pelia only knew that by now she would greatly miss the Commander when she inevitably succumbed. She had grown to like the prickly woman and felt strangely protective of her now.

Pelia sat down next to the bed and tried to entertain her as best as she could, giving her something to drink or one of her brews at regular intervals. “How are you today?” she greeted the Commander.

“Could be better…,” Una quipped weakly. Somewhere between a layer of sickness and pain still lay that sassy woman. Pelia found that reassuring.

“I would like to tell you that it’s going to be better soon, but…,” she sighed.

“It’s okay. I know you’re doing your best,” the Commander said and tried to sit up. Pelia helped her. It was good if she moved from time to time, even if it was only for a bit.

“You’re doing great, considering,” she tried to reassure the Commander and smiled. And then there was the hint of a smile back.

“Not sure if that reassures me coming from you,” Una groaned and Pelia laughed softly.

“It shouldn’t. But I’m afraid you have to contend with me until the Captain returns.”

“Miss him.”

“I’d be surprised if you didn’t miss him.”

“That idiot.”

Pelia sighed. “Can’t really contradict here, however he loves you dearly.”

“Love him, too…”

The tragedy of Christopher Pike and Una Chin-Riley was that they loved each other so much that they ended up hurting each other when they only meant to do what they thought was best for the other. Their little communications breakdown didn’t help, and it was almost ironic how they had been so open and comfortable around each other for years without realizing how the other felt. And now that they had realized it and started the adventure of a committed relationship it was doomed to be short-lived.

“I know, child,” Pelia replied softly. The Commander’s love for the Captain was tearing her apart.

“Pelia, did I do… the right thing?”

Her question was so trusting, so vulnerable, so exposed that Pelia blinked in surprise. Commander Una Chin-Riley would never have asked that. She reached out her hand for the Commander to take and she did, putting a hot hand into Pelia’s.

“In what regard?” Pelia asked. “You did a lot of very right and very brave things. And I’ve known very few women who would have been as brave as you.” She gently stroked over the back of the Commander’s hand, feeling her tiny hairs on her burning skin.

The Commander looked down.

“I didn’t tell him…,” she mumbled. “About Baudy. I couldn’t.”

So the Captain had gone away in blissful ignorance that his committed life partner and mother of his unborn child had been groped and threatened, that his life was in peril, and that his child was in danger of being taken away. If the Commander survived. If she didn’t… the child probably wouldn’t either. But at least she would have born it. That had to suffice for the prophecy then. Or it didn’t. But at least nobody could accuse the Commander of a lack of trying.

“You did the right thing,” Pelia thus said reassuringly. She wasn't completely convinced, but the prospect of being left behind in this state, by the one person who had given her strength, was enough that it was understandable that the Commander hadn't said a thing. Pelia just hoped that it wouldn’t make things harder in the future.

“Thank you,” the Commander said with a small smile and squeezed Pelia’s hand.

And it had been worth a little lie just for that. For giving her hope and peace of mind. 

Because there was no use telling a dying woman that she had made a mistake, upsetting her, causing her to spiral and deteriorate. It was better to keep her stable for as long as possible. 

Keeping her alive as the Captain had ordered.

The afternoon progressed and Pelia did her best to keep the Commander company. She couldn’t replace the Captain, couldn’t give the Commander what she actually needed – love and hugs and closeness – but at least she made sure that the Commander wasn’t alone. 

Pelia brought the Commander nourishments, entertained her with stories from her long life, and when evening fell and the other woman had fallen asleep, twisting in restless dreams, Pelia stared out of the window.

Jhuntey had a different look in darkness. There was light coming from the numerous windows, lighting up the night, but at the same time things were kept hidden, and so it came as a bit of a surprise when somebody banged on the door.

Pelia whirled around to see that the Commander was not awoken by the noise and was glad for that. She needed the rest.

Tentatively Pelia walked down the stairs to open the door, apprehensive of who could be knocking in the middle of the night. The Captain wouldn’t knock. He would storm upstairs in that impetuousness of his, not wasting another second of separation and, regardless of success or not, he would hug the Commander or kiss her or show her his love in ways that wouldn’t hurt her.

Any of the Commander’s friends would come in the morning or afternoon, as that La’An girl had done several times, bringing her friend, the former pilot Erica Ortegas.

As the Commander had been that La’An girl’s mentor and confidante, and maybe a bit of a mother-figure, it was heartbreaking to watch how brave she tried to appear while tearing apart inside, the fear of losing her friend an overwhelming cloud over her head. And still she tried her best to cheer the Commander up with gossip from the village or old tales from their time together, and Pelia couldn’t help but be amused that gossip was that one universal constant in the universe that could both bring societies together and sow dissent.

But if the visitor wasn’t likely to be a friendly face there was trouble brewing.

Pelia was prepared for trouble. She was trouble. And when she opened the door she was not surprised to see the hooded figure standing there.

“Elder Baudy, what an unexpected pleasure,” she said sweetly. “To what do I owe the honor of your visit?”

“Don’t play coy with me, healer. I’m here for the Star Queen!” Elder Baudy hissed, trying to gain entrance to the house, but Pelia moved herself strategically so he couldn’t move past her.

“Why is that?” she asked innocently.

“It is none of your business. We had an agreement. I need to speak to her.” The tone of his voice was commanding, not used to resistance – then again,  Pelia had a bit of practice in resisting men like this.

She put her hands on her hips, trying to appear larger and more threatening, a tactic she had used since time immemorial, though not always with success.

“Whatever your business is with her, it has to wait, probably indefinitely.” Her voice was strong and as commanding as his. She wouldn’t suffer him in this house. Not on her watch.

“Move aside!” Baudy made another attempt to enter but Pelia countered it with a fluid movement, appearing casual.

“I’ll spell it out for you, then,” she spat. “Your ‘Star Queen’ is dying, the pregnancy is killing her. So as I said, whatever you want with her has to wait. She is in no condition to talk to you, go with you, or whatever else you are planning to do to her. And if you don’t believe me, ask yourself why I, the village healer, am opening her door and not herself?” She moved a step forward, intimidating him so much that he inadvertently stepped back. Good.

“You’re lying!” The weak retort of weak men who couldn’t handle the truth.

“Believe me, for the first time in my life I would rather be lying, but I’m not. It’s the truth,” she told him. “And thus I cannot let you see her. In her current condition she cannot be unnecessarily upset!”

“If you’re speaking the truth, I need to see her. Or I will get my soldiers to solve this problem once and for all.” Of course, the threat of violence when all else failed.

Pelia sighed. “I don’t know what you want from her,” she lied, “but whatever it is, I am certain you will have a hard time getting it if she lies in her grave. So either you let me do my job, as I’m doing everything I can for her on the off chance she may survive, or you go upstairs, disturb her rest and distress her so much that she dies for sure. Your choice.” She kept standing and stared him down.

Baudy cleared his throat. “Very well, have it your way. But I want to see her the moment she becomes responsive, do you understand?”

“Yes,” Pelia lied. “Of course.”

Baudy turned around and walked down the set of stairs in front of the house. When he had reached street level he faced Pelia once again. “Where is the Star King? My soldiers reported that he has left the village!”

“Indeed he has,” Pelia confirmed, seeing no use in lying this time. “He went to get medicine for the woman he loves. And just so you know: I told him it was a stupid idea.”

Normally she wouldn’t have aired her dirty laundry about her opinion of the Captain, but Baudy certainly had his suspicions about the Captain’s disappearance. She hoped that her own misgivings would add credibility to his whereabouts.

“I need to see him as soon as he gets back!” With that, Baudy vanished into the night and Pelia retreated into the house again, holding vigil and hoping for the impossible.

Chris had often wondered how his friend Joseph had found his end, but back then they had to declare sickbay a no-go-area. Not only because of the dead, but also because of dangerous chemicals that got inevitably spilt. Most of them must have dissipated by now, but still, the room was barely recognizable. It had suffered a cave-in, cutting off Joseph's office, and the biobeds were broken and smashed.

Chris waved his torch around to get his bearings. And froze.

Those two skeletons were easily recognizable - one wearing the remnants of a white uniform and the other a blue one, the skull still showing black hair. They lay huddled together partly buried by the debris that had smashed this room.

The white skeleton’s skull had a hole, the blue skeleton’s spine was snapped.

Carefully, almost reverently Chris walked up to them and knelt down.

“Joseph, my old friend. I’m so sorry I couldn’t do more for you. I wish I could have given you a better burial, but maybe you are exactly where you belong. In your sickbay.”

He didn’t dare touch the skeleton, it had found its final resting place. “But I need you, Joseph. Una is very sick. She might very well die and I need your insight and your expertise to help her.” Chris wondered how much of their current misery would have happened if Joseph was still around. It was not that Pelia was a bad healer, she was surprisingly good at it Still, Una had taken too much time seeking her out because of trust issues. But it couldn’t be changed, Chris' oldest friend would never get up again and help them.

And neither would Christine Chapel. It was comforting in a way that those two rested together – they had been good friends – but what Chris didn’t expect was Spock kneeling down next to Christine’s skeleton. He closed his eyes and mumbled a few words that were too quiet for Chris to properly understand. And then he tried not to listen in; Spock needed his privacy, too, and obviously he had cared more for the late nurse than Chris knew. He spoke to Joseph one last time. “We need some stuff from your medicine cabinet for Una. And I really hope there is still some left.”

Of course the skeleton didn’t answer, but Chris imagined Joseph smiling good-naturedly and telling him that he would concoct something. Chris knew that Joseph would do anything he could for Una. He had practiced several unorthodox healing methods when he was still alive and this knowledge was now severely lacking.

Then Chris got up and let his torch run over sickbay, searching the room for anything worthwhile. Spock finished his quiet moment with Christine Chapel, mumbling something that sounded like a blessing, and then joined Chris.

“If I recall correctly the Doctor kept his medical components in that closet over there,” Spock said and pointed to one of the adjoining rooms. Chris winced. It would have been a more hopeful lead if that room hadn't been partly affected by the cave-in, too.

“You’re right, that’s where he kept them.”

Spock moved towards the doorframe, holding his torch and shedding some light into the adjacent room.

Chris joined him and gulped. The room looked like a battlefield. Broken vials, smashed boxes, toppled-over shelves, all caused by what must have been a cascade reaction when the hull had given in, putting pressure on the room, warping the walls, destroying the closets and the shelves.

There was not one medical component left to use.

“No,” Chris whispered.

It’s a fool’s errand. Pelia’s voice echoed in his head and he put his hands over his temples, trying to keep her voice out. She had not been subtle in her reproach and Chris knew that she hadn’t agreed with him leaving Una behind.

But he had hoped – maybe against all hope, but he had – that he would find something, anything useful. Perhaps he had held onto the superstition that Joseph’s spirit would guard the magical cure for Una, only to again be reminded that there was no magic on this planet and no kind deity who had mercy on him.

Una and him had been forced on a thorny path every step of the way, tortured by guilt, by grief, by each other, by worry and now by death. There was not one thing that he and Una didn’t have to suffer. But all the time he had been of the impression that he wouldn’t be alone. That was about to change.

“No.” Chris put his forehead on the doorframe, resisting the urge to smash it. “Please, Spock, tell me that I’m overlooking something?”

“I regret to inform you that there is indeed nothing salvageable here for the Commander. Our trip, though of emotional value, did not turn out to be successful in regard to the issue of Commander Chin-Riley’s health.”

“No!” Chris screamed, slamming his hand on the wall. “No, no no no!” He slammed his hand repeatedly until it started to hurt, a thrumming constant pain.

“Captain, you are injuring yourself,” Spock said helplessly.

“Una can’t die! Not Una, goddammit, not Una!” Chris ignored the remark, ignored the pain in his hand and continued his futile attack against the metal of the bulkhead.

“Captain…”

Eventually Chris got tired of his outburst and sank to his knees, his hands burying his face, shaking.

“Captain, if I may be so bold. It is illogical to spend any more time here when Commander Chin-Riley has only so little left. It would be more pertinent to leave this place and return to her posthaste.”

Chris wasn’t prepared for the men with the spears when he and Spock emerged from the darkness.

Not only the darkness of the ship but also the darkness of death and loss, as if they had crawled back from Hades itself. And in the end Pelia had been right – he had only found broken vials and spoiled chemicals, nothing of use to transform into a cure for Una. 

He had been foolish.

The mission had been a failure. He didn’t regret trying it, but he regretted that it had taken him away from Una for so long. At least he had hoped she would appreciate the pictures from her quarters as a gentle reminder of her former life and their unbreakable bond.

It took a bit to get their eyes used to the light of day again and so Chris didn’t immediately see the group of soldiers waiting for them.

“Trespassers!” the man who poked the spear into Chris hissed. “You defiled the Carnary of the Star People.”

Chris lifted his hands and saw Spock do the same. “I am the Captain of the Star People and the Golden King of your prophecy.” To this day he hated this title, refused it, but if it got him out of this bind he would gladly take possession of it at least once.

The man squinted and Chris squinted back. These were roughly five Aeynlarr soldiers. They were clad in the same leathery uniforms and carried the same weapon. There was no discernible leader, just foot soldiers. The spear got pushed a bit further into Chris’ chest and it started to hurt. He resisted the urge, however, to remove the spear, in order not to provoke this man further.

“Maybe it would have been wise to make our intentions known,” Spock quietly mumbled. And maybe it would have been indeed, but those structures they passed had been abandoned and Chris hadn’t been prepared to lose time by running around searching for those who manned them. And now he paid the price for this decision.

“Too late now,” Chris mumbled back, before he faced the soldier again.

“You are not of the Aeynlarr, you look nothing like us,” the man admitted after eying up Chris and Spock thoroughly. “You must be foreign. So you might indeed be of the Star People as you claim.” Chris felt some relief wash over him. At least the man believed him. He hoped that this dispute could be solved in no time.

“As I said, I used to commandeer this large ship that lies here, that you call a Carnary now. The dead people inside are my people and if you check their remains against the way I look you will find that many of them are of the same species as I and that I’m not lying.”

“It’s of no concern who you are,” the soldier said calmly. “My orders are to arrest anyone who disturbs the sleep of the dead. And the orders come from the Exalted Vashkane herself.”

“I know her,” Chris said. “She was the one who declared me the ‘Golden King’ and sent me and my people to Jhuntey.”

“It might be that you are who you say, but I have my orders. Please come with us peacefully.”

“No,” Chris called. “You can’t do that!” The last thing he needed now was a soldier who was too loyal.

“Please don’t make this any harder than it has to be. We will escort you and your companion into the garrison. There you can speak to General Hasksar. He will determine what will happen to you,” the man said calmly. But all outward calm was betrayed by the weapons directed at Chris and Spock.

“Please, I’m on an urgent mission,” Chris tried again. “My wife, your Dark Queen, is dying. I need to return to her.” 

“I feel for your plight, but my orders are my orders. Maybe Hasksar will decide differently. For now I ask you to please cooperate.”

And Chris had no choice but to do just that. And so Spock and him were escorted down the mountains, away from the Enterprise , away from Una, toward an uncertain future.

Chapter Text

Chapter 13 - The Woman in the Snow

The garrison was roughly six hours away from the wreck by foot, away from the Valley of Storms but close enough to keep watch of it. But with each step they were moving into the wrong direction.

At first Chris had lamented, contradicted, tried to appeal to the soldiers’ sense of decency, but a jab with the spear and a slap to his face had taught him better, and it had been Spock’s gentle head-shake that had convinced him to save his strength for the encounter that was yet to come.

The garrison was a stony building with watchtowers on its four corners; sturdy, but quickly built and it wasn’t finished. The wooden palisade around him was still under construction in addition to  several other buildings, but inside the stony walls Chris recognized a stable with cashoon and several huts that probably housed a pantry and a kitchen to keep this garrison alive. It looked pretty much how he imagined it to be, and if the situation hadn’t been so dire he would have found some merit in the discovery that military buildings followed similar blueprints throughout the galaxy.

But right now he only had the wish to go home to his Una, and just thinking about her and her suffering tore and twisted his heart.

Fool.

Pelia had been right – of course she had been.

He should have listened.

He should have listened when Una had told him not to go – no, when she had pleaded.

And this time, there would be no forgiveness when he came too late. There would only be the silence of the grave and no opportunity to make it right ever again.

The soldiers brought Chris and Spock into a chamber on the first floor that was most likely occupied by this garrison’s commandant, General Hasksar.

The room was sparsely furnished, with one wooden desk and one chair, a window to look out, and maps on the walls and the desk. There were no chairs for Chris and Spock and the soldiers guarding them until a middle-aged man emerged from the door at the other end of the room, most likely his private quarters.

He looked like a military man who had seen his share of action, slightly older than Chris himself, but still healthy and strong, his gray hair tied together in an elaborate braid, his armor shining and adorned with decorations the other soldiers lacked.

He looked strict, but not cruel, alert but not mean, the type of man who could easily serve in Starfleet, and when he saw Chris and Spock his eyes widened.

“These strangers are not of these lands,” he addressed the two guards.

“No, General, we caught them trespassing in the Carnary of the Star People and apprehended them posthaste.”

“Indeed,” Hasksar mused and stroked his carefully maintained beard. Then he addressed Chris and Spock. “Who are you, strangers?”

Chris swallowed down his annoyance. “My name is Christopher Pike and this is my science officer Mister Spock. We are those Star People you speak of. I am the former captain of the vessel that is now the tomb for my fallen people, and your leader, the Exalted Vashkane, holds the firm belief that I am the Golden King of your prophecy.” Chris felt that he had dropped enough important names to make his case by now.

“Hmmm,” Hasksar hummed, eyeing both newcomers suspiciously. “You speak the truth that you are not of the Aeynlarr and I am inclined to believe that you speak the truth in these other matters, too, but it is of no import. You were caught entering the Carnary, do you deny this?”

“No,” Chris said, as the point was moot. “I didn’t know it was forbidden. As I already told your soldiers, I’m on a very important mission. My wife, your ‘Star Queen’ is dying.” Technically they weren’t married, but the point was sort of moot. In his mind and heart they already were, although he feared it would never happen now. “I tried to look for a cure for her. I need to get back to her before it is too late.”

Hasksar frowned. “Did you take objects from the Carnary?”

“No,” Chris said immediately. “We found the sickbay smashed and no cures left.” He saw no need mentioning the pictures from Una’s quarters.

“I see.” Hasksar started pacing. “You know a lot about our affairs and about the Prophecy of the Golden King and his Dark Queen. But it is of no importance what I think or don’t think. My orders come from the Exalted Vashkane herself and only she can pardon you.”

“But…” Chris objected.

“I feel your plight, stranger, but I can only offer you this. I will send a scout to the Coveted Halls to report on your situation. If you are who you claim you are then I am sure the Exalted Vashkane will release you immediately. Until then I am afraid I have to keep you in custody for the breaking of our laws.”

“Please, you can’t do that. Una, she’s dying. If you keep me here I won’t be able to return to her when she needs me the most!” Chris pleaded. “Let me return afterwards to receive my punishment, but let me go to her, please!”

Hasksar gently shook his head. “Sending scouts is the best I can offer you.”

“We will take that offer,” Spock inserted himself into the conversation, “and thank you for your efforts.”

Chris stared at his science officer and at the general. “No, Spock, you can’t just accept that. That is unacceptable.”

“Please, Captain, you are only making matters worse.”

“Of course I’m making matters worse. You can’t keep me here! I already cooperated by coming here with you but I can’t stay! I will return, but I can’t stay. I need to get to Una.”

And suddenly Chris whirled around, pushing one of the guards to the side, attempting to escape. The man was startled at first, but the attempt was short-lived, when two other soldiers posted outside the door quickly apprehended Chris.

He struggled with them, trying to tear himself away, but the fight was over in minutes, when they subdued him with their weapons and restrained him, throwing him over the general’s table.

“No!” he screamed. “No, Una!” But eventually they had overpowered him so much that he had no strength left to resist.

It was over. 

“How is she?” La’An looked at the delirious woman in front of her and sighed. It was so frustrating to be powerless against the battle that Una’s body fought against herself. Sweat had formed on her forehead and glistened in the firelight of Pelia’s hut. She was thrashing wildly under her blanket, sometimes screaming for the Captain and then falling silent again.

Pelia had insisted on moving Una into her hut where she had better control over everything. Especially since the Captain hadn’t returned and it was way past his self-imposed deadline.

In her head La’An had done the math several times. Both the Captain and Spock had taken cashoons and the Enterprise was visible from the mountain range here. So for all intents and purposes, even taking unexpected events into account and even if they took their sweet time they should have returned at least two weeks ago, if not sooner.

The wind howled against the stony walls and rattled the closed blinds. Winter had truly come. And with winter the darkness, the cold and the snow. On an environmentally controlled starship these things weren’t a problem. In a village like Jhuntey it was.

Pelia had thrown wood into her oven but still the coldness crept through the cracks. But it didn’t touch Una, she was burning up inside.

Pelia stepped next to La’An and both looked at Una. Her pregnancy had advanced considerably and she was close to her seventh month, but each day, something was taken away from her.

“She clings to life almost as stubbornly as I,” Pelia remarked. “She is very tough. She surprises me every day.”

“Will it be enough?” La’An asked. It hurt her to see her friend and mentor in so much pain.

“I don’t know. She has shown remarkable strength so far, more than I anticipated, but she is reaching the end of her personal rope.” Pelia shook her head. 

La’An reached out and took Una’s hand that hung limply by her side. It felt dry and hot.

“Hey, Chief,” she whispered, smiling sadly. “I don’t know if you can hear me, but we are all rooting for you.” She didn’t get a reply.

Pelia fetched a stool and put it next to Una’s bed for La’An to sit down. While La’An continued holding her friend’s hand she looked at the older woman. 

“We’re organizing a search party for him,” she said, voice firm. “We’ve waited long enough. The First Officer is in no condition to make informed decisions and we need him back.”

Pelia stepped to La’An and put a hand on her shoulder. “Each day she cries out for him. It’s heartbreaking.”

“I should have come sooner,” La’An muttered contritely, “she needs me.”

“Oh child, what she needs you cannot give her.”

“Would it be safe for her and the child if you made her give birth now?” La’An mused, the possibility of an interrupted pregnancy always hovering around the crew as a possibility to protect mother and child. But of course Una would have discussed it with Pelia, made her wishes clear. She had always prepared for every contingency.

“Don’t… don’t take my baby,” Una moaned. “Don’t… take…”

“Hey, chief. Nobody’s going to take your baby,” La’An said softly. “We are all looking forward to meeting the little one.”

But Una couldn’t hear her. She was trapped in her own nightmare. Gently La’An stroked Una’s hand. It was so hard to reconcile her tough and alert mentor with the woman in front of her. But at the same time, it was a brutal reminder that they were all vulnerable, now even more that they lacked Enterprise ’s medical facilities. This planet had taught everyone humility.

Knowing her friend for as long as La’An did, it hit especially hard that it was a pregnancy of all things that had managed to reduce such a resilient and strong-willed woman as Una into a delirious mess. In all the hours they had spent together, talking about their goals and the future, Una hadn’t mentioned even once a wish to have children. But then again she had never mentioned her deep and unwavering love for the Captain – and then there was the not so small point of keeping her whole damn species hidden. Una had obviously managed to shroud herself in secrets while she had been present and attentive to the needs of others so much that they rarely inquired about her.

“I still can’t get used to seeing her pregnant, I still see her on the bridge,” La’An mused. Una with a swollen belly was a bit irreconcilable with the First Officer who kept ship and crew in top shape, strict and aloof.

“She was a good bridge officer, but this role in her life is over,” Pelia said matter-of-factly.

“That almost sounds like you are going to say that her life is over,” La’An hissed.

“I can’t see the future, but right now that is a real possibility. But at least her old life is over.”

“Don’t… take my baby. Please,” Una whimpered. Tears were streaming out of her eyes.

Helplessly La’An stared at Pelia. “When did that start?”

“On the day the Captain was supposed to return from his expedition she started to slip. I had her brought here, but she was already no longer coherent. Since then I couldn’t talk to her. I just try to keep her alive, giving her food and drink and let her rest.”

“Don’t you have some medicine?” La’An wanted to know. “Something that will help her?”

“At this point I have to be careful what to give her because every substance also has an effect on the baby. So I mostly keep her nourished and as sedated as possible.” Pelia sighed. “I’m at my wit’s end. I cannot help her any more. I don’t even know if the Captain could help her now if he returned with that magical medicine.”

“It doesn’t matter. Erica and I are moving out tomorrow to find him. At least to find out what has become of him. And even if it is only…” La’An exhaled slowly. “So we make sure that he can see her for one last time.”

“They love each other so very much, that I sometimes think that this is the only reason the Commander is still breathing. She’s holding on, clinging to her life because she’s waiting for him.”

“But she’s losing the battle,” La’An muttered.

“Yes,” Pelia said softly. “She is. If nothing happens it will be a matter of days now. She has held out longer than I had anticipated, but there is not much left.”

“I refuse to believe that.” Stubbornly La’An squeezed Una’s hand. “She’s always come up on top. She can’t die, she just can’t.” 

“Oh, child,” Pelia sighed. “Death doesn’t care whether we welcome it or don’t. It chooses the time and there is nothing you can do but accept it.”

“Hey, chief,” La’An turned to her delirious friend again, gently stroking her hand. “Please don’t leave me alone. We all need you and your beautiful baby.” The lump in her throat got bigger and she swallowed.

“Pelia?”

“Yes?”

“I’m afraid that they died. We should have heard something from the Captain and Spock by now. Erica and I already covered a bit of the road that they must have taken, but there were no traces whatsoever.”

“You haven’t seen a body yet. That means they also might be still alive,” Pelia pointed out, but it sounded hollow.

“Chris!” Una cried from her bed, the tears from her eyes mixing with her sweat. “Chris, don’t leave me alone!”

La’An swallowed. Una had always been independent and self-reliant. That was one of the traits La’An had always admired so much from her, one of the things she had learned from Una. If she were of clear mind, she would be able to deal with the loss and the pain, but then again…

…So much had already been taken from Una, maybe more than from any of the other survivors. There was only so much a person could bear.

“We will find him for you,” La’An repeated her promise, taking a cloth and wiping her friend’s face. Una was really pale, even paler than that one time she had been hit by shrapnel and almost bled to death. “And you don’t die before we do.”

The only answer she got were small cries.

“Is she in pain?” La’An asked Pelia.

“Yes.”

“Can you help her with that?”

“Only so much. Her soul is crying out and I have nothing against that.”

La’An sighed and shook her head, wishing there was something, anything she could do for Una in this moment. She remembered something Pelia had told her a few days back when they had talked about Una’s situation. “What about the Captain’s orders?”

“I’m still not comfortable inducing her. She is so weak,” Pelia replied, and the pained regret in her voice was obvious. “I probably missed the perfect opportunity, but time is running out.”

“But why didn’t you induce her earlier then?” La’An asked. She knew the answer to that question, it wasn’t hard. But she was trying  to find loopholes, things they had overlooked, anything to ensure Una’s survival, although she knew that Pelia was working very hard on that problem and that she wasn’t stupid.

Pelia didn’t seem to mind the question. On the contrary, the other woman recognized as it was intended, a way to pick her brain, to maybe find a solution they both had overlooked just by talking about it.

“Because it wasn’t medically safe to do so and the Commander knows this. The earlier she gives birth the more likely it is that the little one will not survive because it is still underdeveloped. And the timeframe for Illyrian pregnancies is different and hard to determine with any outside frame of reference. Ironically enough the Commander herself is the least familiar with her own body functions.”

La’An nodded along. It tracked with anything she knew about her friend as well, but unfortunately, while genetic engineering was no unfamiliar topic for her, she had nothing productive to add about the nature of Illyrian reproduction.

“Alright, so we have a potential preemie on our hands if we induced her now,” La’An summed up Pelia’s argument.

“Yes, but that is only half of the problem. The other half is the one that really worries me and I haven’t found a good solution for it yet. The baby will be born in the next few days because she cannot hold on much longer anyway. But if we lose her, the baby, even if born healthy and to term, doesn’t have a good chance of survival because without the Commander we have no means to feed it. And that will lead to a whole set of other problems as you surely know,” Pelia said, with sadness in her voice.

“So, you’re saying the baby might be mature enough to survive, if she gave birth now, but with our medical facilities thoroughly destroyed and only a handful of medkits still around we don’t have the means to care for a preemie or produce formula?”

“Yes.”

La’An started thinking. Pelia’s concerns were valid and she probably hadn’t thought further ahead because every day was a new challenge where she was fully occupied just with keeping Una alive. At least it had been successful so far.

“So will you induce her or not?” she asked. With all the information she had, La’An came to the conclusion that this would still guarantee the best outcome. Una herself had made sure of that by having given the baby one more month when nobody had anticipated that. There was a reason La'An admired her so much.

“I think I will,” Pelia replied after a moment of contemplation. “A few days won’t matter much and she has already come so far. I need to prepare a few things but we could start tomorrow morning.”

“Can I be there?” It was hard to ask the question, as La’An found the whole topic still uncomfortable, but she owed it to the woman who had more or less adopted her, especially with the Captain missing.

“I can use any help I can get, you can also bring your friend Erica.”

La’An smiled at that, at least a bit.  “Thank you.”

“Although that means, your search for the Captain has to be postponed, if you’re following through with this,” Pelia added and La’An shook her head.

“This is more important.” It felt good, to finally do something. 

“No!” Una screamed. “Don’t take my baby, don’t take my baby!”

La’An turned to look at the older woman. “It seems that some of what we are saying is getting through to her.”

“Yes, but only if it pertains to her nightmares. There are currently two things the Commander fears more than anything: the loss of the Captain and the loss of her baby. It is no coincidence that she broke down when he went missing. And as she has lost him she holds on to the baby as long as she can, even if it means her own death.”

La’An still hoped against all hope that Una would make it, she had come farther than anyone had thought. But even then, they should at least make sure that the baby had a chance. 

“If the baby really comes out as premature, couldn’t we build some sort of incubator? You used to be an engineer, can’t you rig something together?”

Pelia looked at La’An, a strange expression on her face and so La’An continued her case.

“You’re not the only crew member left with a knack for technology. Una managed to build herself a sewing machine.”

Pelia thought for a little moment. “There are several problems with this, the most notable one being electricity. Right now I can’t see how we could get a stable supply of energy for this, especially in the timeframe of several days. We should have started building weeks ago. And I don’t even want to start on the whole Prime Directive thing…”

“Come on, Pelia, since when are you a stickler for the rules? That’s usually my department. And we already threw the Prime Directive out of the window when we crashed here, inevitably changing this culture’s fate forever. It’s even worse, the Captain and Una are trying to become some sort of religious figures and Starfleet would roast them alive if they ever got their hands on them. That ship has sailed so far, so we could at least use it to our advantage.”

“There is truth in what you’re saying,” Pelia admitted and she smiled. “It’s good to see you’ve learned that rules aren’t absolute. There is probably some merit in trying to build an incubator, or at least something similar to it with the resources we have. It will not be as advanced as what we had on the Enterprise , but it can keep the baby warm and we can take care that it will breathe correctly. However…”

“All of this will be a moot point if we don’t solve the food problem, right?” La’An said after a while, thinking of other possible solutions.

Pelia nodded. “Yes. Even if we manage to pull the Commander through she will be extensively weakened from the whole ordeal and thus not be able to feed her child in the capacity necessary for the baby to survive.”

La’An stroked over Una’s damp forehead and the other woman calmed her thrashing. She was so goddamn hot, but it was no mere feverish heat. “We need you,” La’An whispered.

Pelia squeezed her hand on La’An’s shoulder. “We?” came the gentle question.

“I need her. The Captain needs her. Our whole community needs her. She ties us all together. We would have given up and despaired if she hadn’t taken care of crew cohesion again and again. It was thanks to her tenacity that we are thriving now, her sense of duty. Nobody has sacrificed as much for our existence here as her.”

“It’s good that you can recognize this, regardless of what happens,” Pelia muttered. She turned around and walked over to her kettle, adding a few more ingredients to the brew.

La’An followed her, thinking, contemplating.

“Pelia, just theoretically, could someone else be a wet nurse for the baby?”

“It’s half-Illyrian, but also half-human. I’m confident that the human crewmembers could provide in that regard, but it’s no use. We have no recent mothers. Everyone has staved off procreation until that whole prophecy thing is settled. Believe me, I gave them the herbs.”

Another thing, looking like a vegetable was added into the cauldron. La’An swallowed. The idea was outlandish and she felt a bout of nausea thinking about it, but personal feelings had long stopped playing a role.

“And if… we could make someone a wet nurse? Do you have something for that? To stimulate lactation even without birth?”

Pelia stopped and stared at La’An. “Interesting. It is possible for women to breastfeed even if they haven’t given milk. They usually need hormonal treatment for that, but there were cases where having a baby latch on repeatedly would eventually start off the milk flow.”

“So… could you do this?” La’An insisted. “Because if you could… I’d volunteer.” She looked away, her face burning.

Pelia stopped adding ingredients to the kettle and gently took La’An’s arm, pulling her to the table, indicating for her to sit down.

“If we do this, it’s going to be a big deal. And it will have consequences.”

“There will be consequences either way,” La’An said. “I’d just prefer the ones where nobody else is dying.”

“As I said before, death cannot be cheated. But it can be bargained with.” Pelia clapped her hands and got a notebook, obviously one from the library. “Let’s see what we can come up with.”

Darkness had settled over the Healer’s hut. La’An had long since left, taking the notebook with her that Pelia had given her, with blueprints and technological data, hidden under her cloak. She would try to make sense of it later with her technologically inclined friends, trying to build that damn thing with whatever means that planet gave them. And she would discuss her other offer with Erica, because at the end of the day the most important thing was trying to save Una.

The hut was quiet, both remaining inhabitants seemingly asleep, the only sound the wind howling around the walls and the breathing of two sleeping persons. 

But one person was no longer sleeping, she was waiting. Waiting for an opportunity.

It was so hard to move when everything hurt, when the body itself didn’t want to obey, but Una knew what was at stake.

They wanted to take her baby. They had taken Chris and now they were coming for her.

She couldn’t let that happen. And so, when everything was dark, she slipped out of her bed. She had to get away, get out. She couldn’t let them take the baby, even if it was the last thing she ever did.

With all the strength she could muster, everything her body still had to give, she walked to the door, opened it and ran out into the snowy night.

The woman ran, as fast as she could, although she didn’t know where to. She only knew she had to get away.

Away.

Deeper into the forest where they would never find her, aside the paths, just through the snow.

It didn’t take long for the cold to cut her hands and her face. She wasn’t clothed for this kind of weather. But like a machine she set one foot before the next, having only one goal.

Away.

Protect the child.

Don’t let them get her.

It didn’t matter in which direction she went, it only mattered that she kept moving, her breath a visible cloud before her in the icy cold air.

She felt the exhaustion in every bone of her body, but instinct drove her on, instinct and fear and protectiveness.

While she ran, her hands found her swollen belly and the precious life inside. It needed protection, her protection because nobody else was going to protect it.

Her breath came out ragged now, every step a greater chore than the step before, but the fear drove her deeper and deeper into the forest. Away from Jhuntey and the settlement. Away from the people waiting for her to take and kill her baby. 

Away.

The snow was the only light source in the darkness, the forest eerily quieted, twigs catching her clothes while she ran or snapping in her face.

She stumbled and fell, but got up again and continued running, blood pulsating in her ear, her heart bursting in her chest.

And then her body had used up all the reserves it had had, nothing more to give.

Almost silently she fell into the snow when her legs gave out.

She didn’t get up again.

She simply remained lying.

A dark figure surrounded by whiteness, dark hair pooling around her head like an inverted halo.

And the snow fell silently on the lifeless woman in the forest.

The hunting party had been a bad idea, Khawaj mused as he rode his cashoon deeper into the forest. But the Elder had ordered one, had declared his desire for fresh meat and so Khawaj and his men had set out at the first sign of daybreak, because they wanted to return home early and warm their hands and feet at the large fireplaces in the kitchen or servant’s quarters instead of wading through this horribly cold snow. But at least while riding it was the cashoon’s hoofs that beat down upon the cold, and those beasts were pretty sturdy.

“We found a trail,” Wasah called out, waving frantically for Khawaj to come closer. Khawaj rode his cashoon as close as close to the tracks as possible before he nimbly dismounted the animal.

The track was strange, not from any animal Khawaj would have expected in the forest. The footprints in the snow were rather large, as if they were from an Aeynlarr or from one of those strangers that now lived among them. But who would be so foolish to go into the forest alone this time of the year?

“Let’s follow the track!” Khawaj called out and his men agreed. It was the first one they had found after hours of searching and whatever they would find would at least show that they had done their duty. 

As the trees grew thicker it got harder and harder to navigate the cashoon through the thicket. And so Khawaj dismounted a second time and tied the animal to one of the trees. The rest of the party did the same. 

They continued to follow the strange trail in the snow, spears and bows ready for their quarry.

The early morning sun gave the whole forest a magical lighting, specks of its rays reflecting on the wet and snowy leaves, painting the snow almost orange. But it also illuminated the track before them and whoever or whatever they were pursuing couldn’t be far away because the tracks had slowly shifted, indicating exhaustion of their prey.

Jemel and Olif, the two scouts, were now slightly ahead of Khawaj, and he  shook his head lightly. They wanted to show off their youth and vitality while he slowly felt age creeping into his bones. This was no weather to be outside in at all.

And then the two younglings vanished behind the trees, prepared to find their prey first. Khawaj sighed and walked faster. In a way they were right. The quicker they got this over with the quicker he could return to the warmth of the manor.

And then suddenly he heard them scream.

“Huntmaster, come here!” The screams were frantic, as if it was necessary to react quickly, and he started running as much as the snow allowed it. Hopefully they weren’t in danger, those fools.

And then he saw what they saw.

In the clearing, in the snow, lay a dark figure and it was certainly not an animal. Khawaj came closer and then he gasped.

That was one of the star people! He recognized the woman. She worked as a seamstress now and she was heavily with child. It was the ‘Dark-Haired Queen’ from the prophecy! Or at least they believed she was.

“Is she dead?” Olif called and Khawaj bowed down, put his hand on her neck. She was cold, so very cold.

It took a while, but Khawaj discovered a faint pulse. “Not yet, but she will die if we leave her here,” he calmly replied. “And so will her baby.”

“What shall we do?” Jemel called.

And then Khawaj made a decision. The hunt would be called off. 

“We take her with us. She needs help and I don’t want to be responsible for her death,” he ordered.

He bowed down and carefully picked the woman up. She was pale and her skin had taken on a bluish tint, but she was still breathing. Remarkable.

When he scooped her up in his arms, she hung limply, but still, even in her helplessness, Khawaj could recognize her extraordinary beauty. She really was a queen.

The Elder would then decide what to do with her when they brought her before him. 

“Can you help me?” Khawaj ordered the men from his party. Because she was so tall and with child she was rather heavy and Khawaj knew that he couldn’t carry her to his cashoon alone.

Olif and Jemel immediately came forward while Wasah eyed them skeptically.

“We should leave her here, those star people only bring back luck,” he growled. “She chose this for herself.”

“How would you know?” Khawaj countered, irritated. “I won’t leave a vulnerable woman out in the cold to die. The Elder shall decide what will be done with her, not you!”

“As you wish, but I won’t have anything to do with it.” Wasah said, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“Then pay attention that we aren’t attacked,” Khawaj growled while he and the boys carried the injured woman back to his cashoon and out of the forest.

Chapter Text

Chapter 14 - The Labor of Love

“What do you mean, gone?!” La’An couldn’t contain her panic. They had returned in the morning, as promised, to help with the birth. But when Pelia had opened the door for her and Erica she looked slightly shaken.

Pelia led the women into the hut and showed them the empty bed. “She must have sleepwalked or otherwise gotten out while I slept,” she said. “There are tracks leading into the forest and I followed them, but it looks as if she was taken by a party of several people and cashoons. The direction of the tracks and size of the party makes it very possible that she was taken to Elder Baudy’s manor.”

“She’s in mortal danger! We know that the Elder doesn’t really approve of our presence here and he wouldn’t know the first thing about how to treat her! We need to find her!” La’An clenched her fists and started pacing. Pelia made a strange face at her comment, making La’An wonder what the other woman knew that she didn’t.

“If we don’t get her back, we might all be in mortal danger,” Erica added. “Right now, it looks pretty bleak prophecy-wise.”

“Oh, ever the optimist,” Pelia said.

“I’m sorry, but right now we have to face the reality that we’ve lost all three of them – the Captain, Una and the baby. That doesn’t look like ‘bringing forth an offspring that will grow to bring prosperity and wealth,’” Erica added with a sassy undertone and La’An sighed. It was true.

“Technically speaking, the prophecy doesn’t mention anything about the Captain and Una surviving,” La’An pointed out. “So our crew is safe as long as the baby survives.”

“Very reassuring after everything you told me about the baby’s potential health issues,” Erica snapped. “Isn’t that why we’re here? Why you have volunteered to become a wet nurse?”

La’An winced. She had discussed the gist of her talk with Pelia with Erica as soon as she had gotten home. And Erica had hugged her tight and promised that she would take on the role as a nurse, knowing how much La’An had struggled with that, but respecting that she would have done it nevertheless.

“Don’t get me wrong,” La’An replied, deflecting and convincing herself at the same time. “We need to get Una back and we will get her back. But as the former Chief of Security it is good to know that we can really focus on Una and the baby for now.”

“Then let’s start!” Erica insisted. “Any minute we spend here discussing, is a minute she is in danger.”

Pelia ushered them to the table, obviously to discuss a plan, but then all three of them startled at the loud bang on the door. They looked at each other. Pelia made a gesture with her head that the other women should hide while she slowly walked across the room.

She waited a short moment until La’An and Ortegas had hid behind curtains before she opened the door.

La’An couldn’t really see what was going on from her vantage point, however, she heard heavy male-sounding footsteps. Somebody was stomping their feet to knock off the snow from their boots before entering and then walking on the wooden floor.

“Good morning, sir,” Pelia said, very friendly and a tad too sweetly. “How can this humble healer be of service to you?

“You are needed at the Residence, woman,” a scruff male voice said. “I am ordered to bring you there.”

“What an honor to be called on by the esteemed Elder,” Pelia continued in a syrupy voice. “Has he fallen ill?”

“No,” the man growled, “but he has a ‘guest’ who is in need of your services.”

Una! 

La’An ground her teeth. Guest?! Una was most likely a prisoner, but in such a condition that she was of no use to the Elder.

“I see,” La’An heard Pelia say. “Well, would you be so kind as to wait outside while I pack my things? I want to keep some of my secrets.”

“What? Yes, of course, of course,” the man stammered and was ushered out of the door that closed shortly behind him.

“Come out!” Pelia whispered and seconds later La’An and Erica emerged.

“This is our chance to get her back,” La’An whispered immediately.

“Let’s do it!” Erica agreed a tad too loudly and was immediately shushed.

“Maybe,” Pelia wondered. “At least it’s a chance for me to look around and find out more about the overall layout of the Residence. But your job is to build that incubator. We might need it soon.”

“Understood,” both women said in unison. 

“Oh, and if you have come to an agreement, one of you, or both of you should start drinking this.” Pelia procured a bottle from one of the shelves. “This brew here should help you produce prolactin. And before you ask, I made it for a different purpose, but it should suit you just fine.”

La’An refrained from asking what exactly the ‘different purpose’ was, grateful that Pelia had something like this on hand and took the bottle, watching the green liquid inside with morbid curiosity. She exchanged a glance with Erica who smiled nervously and shrugged. “Here goes nothing,” Erica quipped.

And then Pelia quickly threw a few things in her bag and looked around one last time, checking if she had forgotten something. When she seemed content she nodded to her two guests and went outside to go with the stranger.

La’An and Erica stayed back, silent until they felt that nobody was in front of the hut anymore.

“Lets get to work!” La’An said with a fake cheer. With the help of other crewmembers it should be possible to build the damn incubator, they just had to start.

But it seemed that searching for the Captain was now on the back burner while Pelia was out fighting for Una’s life one more time.

Khawaj looked at the woman and knew that she was suffering. It was not only her body that was in pain, but her soul was clearly shattered as well.

She was tied to a chair, her head sunken down upon her chest, and she was barely conscious. Khawaj found it unnecessarily cruel to treat her like this. Her dark hair had fallen over her face, obscuring it, and she whimpered.

“Can we not untie her and lay her in a bed?” he asked the man next to him.

“This was the order,” Wasah said with a bit of glee. His disdain for the star people was obvious – so obvious that he couldn’t even consider a bit of decency for a hurt and pregnant woman. “She will die anyway, so what does it matter?”

Wasah walked over to the woman and grabbed her hair, pushing her head up. Her face was pale and she was sweating, even though she had lain in the snow. Again, even in the state she was in, Khawaj could not help but notice her extraordinary beauty. He wondered how she looked when she was healthy, and it saddened him that her fate here and now would most likely be death. He felt that he hadn’t rescued her for that.

She groaned at the touch, her eyes far away. Wasah let her go and her head fell down again.

The door opened and the Elder entered the room, wearing his heavy robes.

“I expected meat and you brought me this,” he admonished Khawaj and Wasah.

“Apologies, esteemed Elder,” Wasah said immediately and bowed deeply.

But the Elder just laughed. “You have no idea how much of a favor you did me. This is the meat I’ve been craving for so long, and finally I can have a little talk with her.”

“I’m afraid, she is not really in any kind of condition to talk right now, Elder,” Khawaj said carefully. “She’s dying.”

“She’s probably just pretending. I know that the cunning of those star people knows no bounds. They want to make us believe that they are the saviors from the prophecy, but I’ve seen their falsehood. They are mortal. They are the betrayers and we should reject them.”

The Elder walked over to the woman and touched her swollen belly. She let out a small pained cry.

“She took much too long to finally bear fruit.” Then he grabbed her jaw and forced her to look at him, though her gaze was distant and hazy. “I would have put that child in her belly immediately.”

He tightened his grip on her face and Khawaj saw her wince.

“Where is your king?”

The leader of the star people had disappeared one moonturn ago and nobody knew where he went.

A moan was the only reply. 

“Answer me,” the Elder hissed.

“Chris…” the woman whimpered. “Chris, don’t let them kill my baby.”

A slap landed in her face and turned it to the other side. She offered no resistance. Dark blood began oozing out of one of her nostrils.

“Elder,” Khawaj started. “I don’t think…”

“Where is your ‘ Captain ?’” the Elder screamed. “Answer me!”

“Don’t… don’t kill my baby…” she sobbed.

“Stop lying to me, I know that you understand me,” the Elder growled. He grabbed her shoulders and shook her. Again, she offered no resistance, her head weakly bobbing with the movements of her body.

“She doesn’t,” Khawaj said. “She’s too far gone. And if you continue treating her like this you won’t get any information out of her.”

The Elder whirled around, fixing his gaze on Khawaj, and for the first time Khawaj saw the burning hate in the Elder’s eyes. He hated this woman. And at the same time he wanted this woman.

“You’re a fool to believe her lies!” he hissed and turned around again, arm raised to slap her again.

“Stop! You will kill her!” Khawaj shouted and stopped the Elder’s arm. He didn’t know what prompted him to go against the will of the most powerful man in the province, if it was compassion with the strange woman or the realization that nobody deserved to be abused. “You want information out of her,” he defended his decision against the Elder’s burning wrath. “But you won’t get it, if she is dead.”

Before the Elder could admonish Khawaj for his defiance the woman suddenly screamed. And when Khawaj directed his attention back to her he saw a large pool of liquid under the chair that got bigger.

It seemed that her body had finally given out, helping itself in the only way it had left. 

She was giving birth.

“You know why you are here, healer?” Elder Baudy personally greeted Pelia the moment she arrived at the residence with the servant that brought her here.

“I assume you have a pregnant woman in dire need of help,” Pelia said, shouldering her satchel the moment she stepped out of the carriage.

“Who told you?” the Elder said, narrowing his eyes, but Pelia simply shrugged.

“Nobody. It’s a simple matter of deduction. Where is she?”

“Come!” Baudy led Pelia through some corridors while she paid attention to the layout of the building. The Residence was a bigger house than all the other houses in Jhuntey, but it was no labyrinth. The path was straightforward and the security was negligible if pitched against somebody of La’An’s caliber. 

Getting the Commander out wouldn’t be a problem if they really wanted to. Dealing with the political fallout of doing so however could prove dangerous. They were still strangers in a strange land and significantly outnumbered against a whole planet full of Aeynlarr. That could change if they could finally get official acknowledgement of the fulfillment of the prophecy, but Baudy would do anything in his power to prevent that from happening. And Pelia would do anything in her power to thwart his plans in that regard.

But in order to do that and to get the Commander out, Una had to survive first and the fact that Pelia was even called didn’t bode well. On the other hand, Pelia was the one person who knew most about Una Chin-Riley’s health, so at least she had a chance to actively help instead of either accepting or attempting to thwart the fact that Baudy was tormenting her to death.

“Why is she here?” Pelia asked while they were walking.

“My men found her in the forest and brought her here,” Baudy said curtly and Pelia nodded. That fit with the tracks they had found.

“And what exactly is it that you need me to do?” 

“Her waters breached,” Baudy said. “She is in the process of having her child.”

That… was not completely unexpected but still dire news. The incubator wouldn’t be finished before a couple of days, and for a moment Pelia was afraid that neither mother nor child would survive until then.

At this point Una was barely six months pregnant. Human children born at this stage usually survived with adequate medical care; this baby, however, was half Illyrian, its birth time within the margin of healthy Illyrian pregnancies. Pelia could only hope that both mother and child’s more robust organism would help them in what lay before them. 

Remarkably, and quite unexpectedly, the Commander had kept herself alive up to this point against all probability. Perhaps by a bare thread, but she had. Maybe this birth was what was supposed to happen now, her body doing the only right thing left.

And Pelia had every intention that the Commander would live. The Commander’s positive influence on crew morale was undeniable. When she had finally conceived the reactions from various crewmembers had been joyous and hopeful, the sympathy she and the Captain had received overwhelming. Una Chin-Riley had the unique talent of holding the crew together on a basic level. First by being a mother figure and now by becoming a real mother.

Her death would be devastating – and it would doom them all.

Baudy stopped in front of a room with an ornate door.

“She’s in here,” he said.

Pelia simply nodded. She could ask questions later, right now she had two lives to save.

“I need hot water and lots of cloth,” she told Baudy. “And we need privacy. If I need anything more I will tell you. But for now I don’t want anybody else in the room, is that understood?”

Pelia shared the Commander’s secret about the Elder’s blackmail and Pelia herself had now seen the way the Elder had when he talked about the Commander. The lust in his eyes had been unmistakable, because it was the same everywhere. Only over her dead body would this man be in the same room when the Commander was so vulnerable and at her lowest.

“I want to watch,” he told Pelia. “I need to see that you’re not conducting witchcraft.” There was it again, that glint in his eye.

Pelia closed her eyes and inhaled. She had met these types again and again and they were usually dangerous but predictable. On any good day the Commander would mop the floor with the likes of Baudy. But she hadn’t had a good day in months. And now it was up to her friends to stand up for her.

Pelia went on a limb with what she said next. “You want her alive,” she told Baudy sternly. “Otherwise you wouldn’t have called me and she would already be dead. Whatever your business is with her, she needs to survive the birth first. And that is not even a given. So any distraction, anything that makes her feel insecure is a risk.”

Baudy frowned, but Pelia didn’t give him a chance to say anything before continuing.

“We can stand here and discuss this or you can let me do my work. I don’t think you want to bed a corpse,” she snapped, conveniently leaving the part out where they would get the Commander out of this hell before Baudy had any chance of touching her.

Baudy stared at Pelia, frowning and decidedly unhappy, and for a moment Pelia feared that her ruse wouldn’t work, that his desire for the Commander was stronger than any reason. But then he relented.

“No funny business,” he told her warily and then opened the door for her. “I will have the things you requested brought up. And I will have this door closely watched.”

“Understood.” It wasn’t ideal, but it was what Pelia needed right now. She would figure out the rest when it came to.

Cautiously Pelia stepped into the dark room, and after her eyes adjusted to the darkness she gasped in horror.

There was a figure slumped on a chair and under the chair there was a pool of clear fluid that was in the process of drying. The figure was whimpering and moaning in pain.

Pelia swallowed her outrage at this barbaric treatment of a helpless pregnant woman for the moment. She needed to assess the situation first, approaching the woman on the chair.

“Commander?” she said softly. “Commander Chin-Riley?”

For the last days the Commander had been so beside herself that no conversation had been possible. But still Pelia felt it necessary to try to establish communication.

“Pelia?” came the weak answer. Pelia breathed in relief. It seemed that the pain of her contractions had pulled the Commander back into reality.

Pelia came closer and saw that they had tied the Commander’s hands behind the chair. She bowed down to loosen the ties and then inspected her patient. There were bruises in her face and on her wrists, but that seemed to be the extent of the mistreatment, even though it was already too much. A bit of blood seeped out of the Commander’s nose.

As soon as her hands were free, the Commander grabbed Pelia’s arm.

“I’m afraid,” she whispered.

“Of course you are afraid, child,” Pelia said gently. 

Under normal circumstances Una Chin-Riley would never admit to being afraid even if she was scared to death. She would put on a stony face and brace whatever befell her. But in this particular situation, she had no willpower left to put on a brave face for the sake of others.

She was about to give birth, one of the scariest and most beautiful things in a woman’s life if she chose it. But without the Federation’s medical technology, the whole process was infinitely more dangerous. That alone would be enough to frighten most women, but in addition, the Commander had had a really rough pregnancy, had almost died, and had now to give birth without the Captain – after being manhandled by a man who had lusted after her for months. Under the circumstances it was remarkable how well the Commander was holding up.

“Where is Chris?” she asked and Pelia sighed. 

“How much do you remember?”

“It’s dark… and cold…”

At that moment the door opened and two servants brought several buckets of hot water and clean clothes. Pelia nodded her thanks and shooed them out of the room again. Then she picked up one cloth and dipped it into the water before she gently cleaned the Commander’s face.

“It’s going to be alright, child,” she said soothingly while wiping the blood and the sweat and the tears away. “You are incredibly brave.”

“Chris… where is Chris?” The Commander’s voice wavered and Pelia gently put her arms around the younger woman.

In Pelia’s long life she had seen a lot of things. She had seen people live, people love, people die. She had seen families started and families ended, she had been present at most events that would later be written in the history books as remarkable. 

But one thing she knew for certain: she would always remember Una Chin-Riley’s unconditional love for the Captain. It was a love that had gotten stronger with time, had survived for years and blossomed in the aftermath of catastrophe to create something beautiful, something new.

The Commander knew that all of that would also bring her pain and endanger her life, but she had accepted it, because she loved the Captain and the crew so very much.

“He’s not here,” Pelia whispered. “We both have to do this alone, I’m afraid.”

“Chris…” The Commander dug her hands into Pelia’s back and then tears were collecting in her eyes.

“I know, child. If he could, he would be here with you. But be brave for him.”

“Yes…”

“Can you walk?” Pelia needed Una to get away from that horrid chair. The room had a bed, but that was also not ideal, however, the mattress could be useful.

“Yes…”

“Then in a moment I’ll need you to hold on.”

A pained whimper was the reply and Pelia knew that it was unnecessary to ask whether the Commander was in pain right now. She was; her contractions had started.

Pelia walked over to the bed and pulled the mattress out. Then she laid it on the floor next to the chair.

If possible, the Commander should give birth kneeling, gravity assisting her in her arduous endeavor. Pelia opened the other woman’s dress so she could see her distended belly. Gently she put a hand on it, trying to feel whether the baby had turned already. Because if it hadn’t they had the next set of problems on their hands.

The moment she touched the Commander’s belly Una screamed in pain and Pelia took her hand away. At least it seemed that the position of the baby wouldn’t cause any problems. They had enough already.

“Alright, breathe child, breathe,” she said. And more quietly, “And don’t die on me.”

This pregnancy had been a continuation of the catastrophe starting with their crash-landing – the complications adding up and compounding each other. Each time when things were looking up just a bit, the next disaster had already been waiting, worse than the one before, a downward spiral, ultimately leading them to being here in this room, together without that fool of a Captain who was so deeply in love with his partner that he had to run off in order to save her life, ending up in some kind of stupid trouble most likely.

“Chris…” the Commander whimpered and Pelia bit her upper lip. It was heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time how much the Commander still cared for that fool but Pelia knew that if he ever fell under her gaze again she would have a few choice words for him, provided he hadn’t learned his lesson by then. That was the confounding thing about that man: he was so goddamn good , wanted to do everything so goddamn right that he usually learned from his mistakes, making sure not to repeat them. 

That was actually quite a mature behavior for a human. But just right now Pelia had a desolate woman on her hands who needed this fool so goddamn much and he wasn’t there. Pelia just hoped he hadn’t gotten himself killed.

The next few hours were going to be hard.

The baby was so tiny and vulnerable, but it was breathing and screaming. Pelia wiped the blood and mucus from the little girl before she handed her to her exhausted mother, surprised to see that little thing glowing faintly. Usually children developed their immune system over time, but it seemed that this little human-Illyrian hybrid had gotten a bit of a head start.

The Commander had lost consciousness several times through the ordeal and more than once Pelia had feared that she would lose her patient. But in the end, after several strenuous hours, Una’s iron will had prevailed and she had managed to hold on, to push out the little bundle of life that Pelia now cuddled and cleaned before she cut the umbilical cord. 

Una was crying from exhaustion and pain and stress, the tears running freely down her face. Sometimes she sobbed.

“Your baby lives, you did great,” Pelia said encouragingly, leaving out the part where the little one was not quite out of the woods yet.

But something didn’t add up. The Commander’s belly should have lost a bit more of its girth than it had.

Pelia knelt down to check for the afterbirth, that was most likely causing this but when she did she saw something unexpected. 

Her heart stopped for a second.

Oh no!

She grabbed the Commander’s hand and cleared her throat.

“There’s… there’s going to be another one.”

Una let her head sink onto her chest and let out a wail, her matted hair covering her face. She really had reached the end of her rope.

“No, no…” she cried, collapsing into the mattress. “I can’t… I can’t anymore.”

Gently Pelia felt along the Commander’s belly, trying to determine the position of the second baby. And then she exhaled. At least that too had the right position. It would have been so immensely cruel if a last-minute complication on an unexpected twin would have spelt certain death for mother and remaining child.

“I know that you already did a lot today, but this one is going to be easier. It will be over soon and you will be the mother of two beautiful children.” That was a bit of a lie. Not Pelia’s first on that day, but so far her lies had helped to calm the Commander down somewhat. She would fess up later.

“Chris…” came the exhausted whimper, the tears streaming more freely now. The Commander’s absolute desperation was painful to watch. Pelia didn’t know how many breaking points the other woman had reached on this day and the days before and sailed right through them. Any other woman wouldn’t be here now.

“He loves you so much, child, and if he could he would be here with you. Please, be strong for him one more time. You are almost done.”

“Make it stop… please,” Una sobbed. “No more…”

“It will be over soon and then you can rest and recover,” Pelia soothed.

But before she could assist in the birth of the second baby there was the issue of the first one. Somebody had to hold it during the delivery of the second and it could neither be Pelia nor the Commander.

Pelia hugged the little thing close while she ran out of the doors, calling for help. She hated begging these people for support who had treated the Commander so abysmally and she feared for the worst, but there weren’t many options left.

The two servants who had brought the clothes and the water heard her call. They were gruff and bearded men, but one of them had a cruel streak around his eyes. Pelia chose the other one.

“I need your help,” she told him curtly while she dismissed the other man. “What is your name?”

“Khawaj, healer. I found the Star Queen in the forest.”

“She needs your help, Khawaj, if she needs to survive. She is having not one but two babies and I need another person to assist.”

“Two children? She really is blessed!” Khawaj said in awe and Pelia smiled wryly. “Not at the moment, and not at all if you don’t help me.”

“What will you have me do?”

Before Pelia went back into the room she drew the man in a corner. “What is Elder Baudy’s plan for Commander Chin-Riley now that he has her here?” she whispered. “Answer me honestly, young man.” Pelia had an inkling that Baudy would never let the Commander leave again, claiming the children and taking them away from her. But she wanted to hear it first-hand.

People often attested to her a frightening presence if she was angry, and maybe she had just enough of that mysterious air around her that she could, indeed, be scary. Just right now Pelia hoped that she was scary enough. 

The servant swallowed, averting his gaze and thereby confirming all of Pelia’s suspicions. 

“I… I don’t know,” Khawaj stammered. “But I know it’s not good,” he added quickly. “I think… I think he wanted to take her baby and then have her for himself. She truly is beautiful.”

But then the Commander’s weakened state would have killed her before Baudy could have had his way with her. Which was both lucky and unlucky at the same time. It had made him call on Pelia and had given Pelia an opportunity to be at his Residence. Now Baudy would only harm the Commander and her babies over Pelia’s dead body.

It seemed that Khawaj didn’t exactly agree with the Elder’s intentions and so Pelia decided to work with that. She handed him the Commander’s newborn. 

“Hold the little one and keep her safe and warm while I help the Commander deliver the other one.”

Khawaj seemed to be a little overwhelmed with his task, but handing him the baby did something to affect him and Pelia knew that she could trust him. He held the fragile little thing very carefully and helped to keep it warm.

Then Pelia hurried over to the Commander and knelt beside her. Her legs had given out and she lay on the mattress face down, sobbing.

Gently Pelia stroked Una’s hair away and again washed her face with a clean cloth.

“Chris!” Una screamed, her whole body shaking and convulsing.

“Do it for him, girl,” Pelia said softly. “Be strong for him. Live for him. You want to show him your beautiful babies when he comes back, don’t you?”

“He’s not coming back, he’s dead!”  It was an almost suffocated sob. And just like that, Una had given up. She had held on for so long, had gathered her last remaining strength to bring one baby into the world. And now she had none left for the second.

“You don’t know that,” Pelia said gently.

“Please, please let me die,” Una whimpered. She had collapsed onto the mattress. “It’s enough…”

She had fulfilled the prophecy. She had birthed the baby. The crew would be safe. 

Had it been her sense of duty that had kept her going?

“Healer…?” Khawaj said quietly. He still held on to that tiny living bundle. “Would it help… if she held her baby?”

Pelia looked from the desperate woman in front of her to the man with the child. The Commander was now wailing incoherently. An icy hand gripped Pelia’s throat. 

During all the time she had feared for Una’s life the other woman had held on, through sheer will, luck, or discipline Pelia didn’t know. What mattered was that Una had clung to life as if there was no tomorrow. She had clung to life so long that it had sufficed to birth one living child. But whatever had kept Una going had vanished. In its stead there was now desperation and emptiness. 

And this time, Pelia was certain, Una would not recover if she let herself go. If she slipped further, she would indeed die, her abused body no longer able to go on if it lacked the will, her indomitable heart finally broken.

The Commander needed a reason to live.

Pelia nodded to Khawaj. If the Commander died, the child would most likely not survive, too.

“Then live for your beautiful babies. They need their mother.” Pelia came closer and wrapped her arms under Una’s, pulling her up, careful not to press her belly. “Live for the crew of the Enterprise then, who need their Number One.” And then she came closer, pushing the Commander’s matted hair out of her face, wiping her tears away. “And I need you, Commander. Who else is going to tell me my work is sloppy?”

Una let out a blood-curdling scream, ground her teeth and fell forward on her arms.

Pelia checked on the remaining baby. She could see its head. Una could do it, if she just found her will again.

“You’re strong, child. Just push and breathe. You came so far and I’m here. We do it together.”

And somehow, Una pushed. She had taken her last strength and pushed. And screamed. And pushed. And screamed. And Pelia waited for that little head to appear so she could take over and assist.

And then… it was done.

Una Chin-Riley had birthed two babies.

Her body gave out and she fell on the mattress again, face forward and utterly and completely spent.

Pelia took care of the umbilical cord and wiped the second baby before she handed it to Khawaj, noticing this baby’s faint glow as well.

Then she knelt next to the brave mother and gently pulled her arm.

“Can you turn around?”

“No…”

“I’ll help you…”

“Leave me alone,” the Commander sobbed.

“Lie on your back, you need your children now!” Pelia ordered, and somehow that order struck something. The Commander stirred and with Pelia’s help she lay on her back. That was when Pelia went over to Khawaj for the little twins - a boy and a girl - and placed them on the other woman’s chest.

She was still crying freely, but as soon as Pelia put the tiny things on her naked skin she uncovered her swollen breasts. It was probably more instinct than rational thought at this time, but it was exactly the right thing to do. And then the Commander held her children closely, while they tried to latch on, one on each side.

She still cried while they nursed, but silently now and Pelia couldn’t help but wonder at how much of a mother the other woman already was. It was a shame that the Captain wasn’t here to witness that miracle that had almost cost his partner her life. 

Khawaj was standing there, awkwardly shifting from one foot to the other.

“Nobody ever told me, Healer,” he said.

“First time witnessing a birth?” Pelia asked with compassion.

“N-no, I saw my lifemate bringing our children into the world. But I never knew that the star people are so strong.”

“Yes,” Pelia said softly, “this woman is very strong. I don’t know if I know a stronger woman than her right now.” 

In that moment, the Commander started to glow, first as faintly as the babies, but then brighter and brighter. With the babies out of her body her immune system could finally do its job, ridding her of an infection that she had fought for weeks now, and while that happened Pelia had more time to study the babies a bit more. Both of them were tiny, but not as tiny as she had expected from preemies. It seemed that their Illyrian side had let them mature a bit quicker, and with relief Pelia noticed that this would give them a greater likelihood for survival.

“What is happening?” Khawaj asked in awe. “This is beautiful.”

“She is healing,” Pelia explained in as simple words as possible. “She possesses unique healing powers she couldn’t use while she was carrying the children and that had made her very sick. Now she can finally take care of herself.” It was unexpected that this happened so quickly after birth, but Pelia was glad that it happened at all, hoping that the worst was over now for the Commander.

She had fought with death and she had won, against impossible odds.

It was a goddamn miracle that all three were alive, mother and children. And when Pelia looked at the small things, her eyes widened.

She gasped.

A miracle indeed. An unseen miracle that had kept its protective hand over the poor Commander, giving her just enough strength to stay alive, because anything more couldn’t be expected from an immune system as tiny and weak as that of two babies.

The twin! The second baby had saved her life. While both babies carried the markers of the Commander’s advanced immune system, it was the combined strength of both that provided enough protection for their mother to survive when they had finally developed enough that their immune systems could kick in and take over. That had kept the Commander on a low, but stable level, enough that she could endure.

Remarkable.

She had been a very lucky woman.

Her glow subsided and Pelia noticed that her head had fallen to the side.  For a brief moment she panicked that the Commander had died. But then she saw the soft rising and falling of the woman’s chest. 

She just no longer possessed the strength to keep her eyes open, but even asleep she held her children who were drinking from her undeterred. Hopefully she could produce enough milk in that weakened state.

Pelia kept an eye on mother and children to step in if she lost her grip on them and to scoop them up when they were finished nursing.

“Do you have clothes for them?” she asked Khawaj. While the Commander most likely had made a few baby clothes, those lay in her shop and couldn’t be retrieved now. And those little ones needed warmth and protection.

The man jerked when Pelia addressed him because she had taken him out of his reverie of watching the sleeping Commander.

"She is the most beautiful mother I've ever seen," he muttered, before his look of awe turned to something more unsettled. "I can understand why the Elder wants her."

“The Elder will not get her,” Pelia muttered. “Only over my dead body.” After everything this man had said Pelia felt safe divulging these secrets to him, hoping that her honesty would make him help her.

Khawaj shifted nervously and swallowed. “She… she was crying for the King was she not?”

“Yes.”

“She loves him very much, doesn’t she? I could hear it in the way she pleaded.”

“Very much, yes,” Pelia agreed. “Whereas the Elder has abused her and made her ill in the first place. He almost cost her her life. And he has no business with her. She belongs to the father of her children.”

“I agree with you. It would not be right to deny her the man she has chosen. I wouldn’t want to leave my lifemate, either.” He looked down, obviously disliking the notion. “I don’t understand why the Elder is so cruel with this woman. He wasn’t like this before.”

“She represents something he doesn’t understand: Change. And because he is afraid of change, afraid to lose his power, he lashes out. Fearful men often resort to cruelty when they feel their power dwindling, even if they only imagine it.”

“You don’t think his power would have been taken away when the Star Queen fulfills the prophecy?” Khawaj wondered.

Pelia shook her head. “I know Captain Pike and I know Commander Chin-Riley and the last thing they want is power over the Aeynlarr. From the beginning they only ever wanted to live here in peace for the remainder of their lives. The prophecy was forced on them, but they chose to adhere to local customs out of respect and because they want to keep the rest of us alive. But I’m very certain that if Elder Baudy had approached them there would have been an opportunity for him to retain his power or to have worked with them. But he never tried. He lashed out because he was afraid and now he has destroyed much more.”

“What do you mean by that?”

Pelia sighed. “Now Commander Chin-Riley must find a way to claim the prophecy for herself if she wants to live, must take the power the Elder holds, because if she doesn’t he will persecute her for the rest of his life. But I also fear that his intrigues have severely damaged the relationship between the Captain and the Commander.”

Khawaj stepped forward and gently stroked that sleeping woman’s forehead, obviously feeling the need to touch the stuff of legends.

Pelia couldn’t hide a small smile. They weren’t completely done, there was still the matter of the afterbirth, but after having witnessed that glowing spectacle she was now increasingly sure that the Commander would survive and be able to take care of her babies herself. But now she mostly needed rest.

Pelia knelt down next to the Commander and stroked her hair. “You did well, child. You did the right thing. And now I’m sure you will continue doing the right thing.”

The little girl had finished nursing and Pelia picked her up while Khawaj took one of the clothes from the chest he had brought earlier. Pelia burped the little thing, watching as her brother still drank and then she wrapped her into the piece of fabric. It wasn’t perfect, but it was the best she could do for now. Then she rocked the baby and hummed a soft tune, stroking her.

“The Elder said to call him as soon as the child is born,” Khawaj interrupted the silence. “But I will not disturb her sleep now. I have seen her struggle. This was a harder fight than on any battlefield.”

“It’s good that you can see this,” Pelia said. “Can you maybe get us new clothes for her? Her dress is completely ruined.”

“I will see what I can do.” Khawaj bowed and hurried out of the room and Pelia smiled again. She had tried to give him an out from this awkward situation, leaving her alone with the Commander and her children.

“You probably have no idea how much of a feat you have achieved today,” Pelia told the sleeping woman. 

She scoffed a bit. “I used to think you were insufferable with your haughty ideals and your impossible standards. I thought you believed yourself better than the rest of us, but I was wrong and I should have seen it sooner. You were just scared and used to mistreatment so much that you hid your vulnerability under a veneer of arrogance.” Pelia stroked over the sleeping woman’s hair, scooping up the little boy who was now also finished nursing. “But you’re quite alright. In fact you’re more than alright.” Pelia cleared her throat. “It pains me to say, but I like you.” And then she smiled again. “And I probably wouldn’t tell you all this if you weren’t asleep.” With her free hand she tried to burp the baby boy too, while keeping an eye on the little girl. “I’m really curious what she will name you two. You are both adorable,” Pelia addressed the babies. When the boy was finished burping, Pelia cradled both of them in her arms and bopped them a bit to calm them, kissing their heads.

“Thank you,” she whispered to the Commander. “Thank you for trusting me enough to let me help you.” With the babies in her lap Pelia couldn’t stroke the other woman’s hair again, but having interacted with her for some time now, she realized that what the Commander needed right now was not a friend. In the Captain’s absence she needed a mother. 

When Una woke up she felt strangely empty and utterly exhausted. Her whole body ached and felt sore, as if somebody had torn her apart in the middle. Her breasts hurt too, swollen and achy and tears were streaming down her cheeks. She just couldn’t help herself, the urge to cry was so overwhelming. She couldn’t even say why that was, just that she felt that inner void calling her.

Slowly the memories returned and Una cried even more. She didn’t have one baby, she had birthed twins. And that would make everything even more complicated.  And nobody would have guessed, least of all her. But how could they without scanners and Tricorders? The babies had hidden in her belly and not even Pelia was such an expert in Illyrian pregnancies to know what was normal and what was not.

Una gasped, the onset of panic building in her stomach. 

“Hey, child, it’s okay,” a soothing voice in the darkness said.

“P-pelia?” Una sniffed, recognizing it immediately. Pelia’s voice had kept her alive and sane during the most horrifying experience of her life.

A gentle hand dabbed Una’s eyes with a piece of cloth and it felt cold and pleasant after all that heat when she had burned up inside. But that was gone now, too.

“Yes, child?”

“Where are my babies?” 

“Don’t worry, they are right now in my lap, you need a bit of recovery before you can take care of them.” Now that Pelia mentioned it Una could hear soft noises coming from the sleeping infants, tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Pelia, what is wrong with me?” Una sobbed. 

“Nothing, child.” Una saw a silhouette move in the darkness and then felt Pelia sit down on the bed and a moment later she had her arms outstretched and pulled Una in a firm and gentle hug, stroking her back and letting her cry. “Your hormones are all over the place now that you are a mother of two beautiful children. Your body needs some time to adjust, to prepare you for caring for them, and to heal. There is a lot going on inside you and your illness hasn’t helped.”

Una felt herself clawing into Pelia’s embrace, those horrible images from the last hours replaying in her head, the pain, the exhaustion, the dread. She whimpered.

“It’s alright, child. Don’t feel ashamed. You were so strong, it was incredible.”

“Chris wasn’t there,” Una managed with a tear-choked voice. “He doesn’t know…”

“No, child, he doesn’t. But now that you fulfilled the prophecy and will live to tell the tale we will finally be able to set out and find him.”

At that Una sobbed, her body convulsing and she realized that she felt so torn apart just thinking about Chris.

“I miss him so much,” she told Pelia who just held her. But that was only half of the truth. There was something else, another emotion that Una felt for the first time. She couldn’t tell whether this feeling had been there before and she just didn’t notice or whether it was something new, something that emerged now that her body was recovering and her mind had lost its single focus. There was a hurt inside her, a deep and searing pain that Chris had not come back. That he had left her behind to die, missing the birth of his children. And Una realized that this pain did something to her feelings for him, although she couldn’t tell what that was. 

She had loved Chris for so long, had sacrificed so much, and he had run away on a wild goose chase when she had needed him the most. But she also hadn’t stopped him, had kept the Elder’s blackmail a secret. If she had really pleaded with him he probably would have stayed, but she hadn’t done that. Blaming him now seemed a bit unfair.

Una scared herself with these thoughts and so she burrowed her face into Pelia’s blonde curls, shivering and sobbing.

“Of course you miss that damn fool, child. But that shouldn’t stop you from giving him a piece of your mind.”

Una paused at that. How did Pelia know? She sniffed.

“I’d like that.”

“You should.” 

The thought felt empowering for a moment, but then the emptiness returned and Una felt so alone, so forlorn. She needed Chris. He had hurt her, but she needed him. Losing him would mean raising his kids alone and being reminded every day that their father had perished.

“Why is this so hard?” Una sobbed. “I only want to live in peace and raise these babies with him and now he’s gone.” She had no interest in politics or prophecies. She had been content to remain Una the seamstress and become Una the mother and wife, two roles she hadn’t played in her life yet and thus she had been excited for both of them. But now she felt she was becoming Una the single parent and Una the widow. And even though she felt the disappointment about his departure there was the nagging fear that Chris had died.

“Child,” Pelia said softly, and the way she stroked Una’s hair reminded her how Chris had held and caressed her and that hurt even more. But still, it felt good to be comforted. “It’s hard because you love him with all your heart. There was a time when I would have thought you had no weakness, but this is it. Your love for him is your greatest weakness and your greatest strength. It gives you more power than you think, but it can hurt you like nothing else can and that’s what makes it so hard.”

“What will I do if he’s dead?”

“Before you haven’t seen his corpse he’s alive, child.”

Pelias’s words sounded hollow, a helpless consolation against overwhelming evidence to the contrary and Una cried some more, cried until there were no tears left and her body just shook. But slowly she recovered, letting go of the hug.

“If he isn’t dead, why hasn’t he come back?” Una argued, when she finally had the capacity for that again. 

While one part of her was hoping he was still alive another part couldn’t help but feel betrayed if he indeed lived. Because then he really needed a good reason for not returning, regardless of the fact that it was already enough that he had left in the first place.

“We will know when we find him,” came the soft reply and Una nodded. And then more memories flooded back.

“Where are we?”

“We are still at the Residence, but don’t worry, I will get you out before that creep gets his grubby hands on you. That’s the Captain’s prerogative – provided you still want to let him.”

Una remembered making love to Chris and how attentive and sweet he had been and how good he had felt inside her and her heart fluttered. Below the hurt there was still her unwavering love for him, it was almost paradoxical.

“Yes,” she whispered. “I think I want to.” Pelia let out a small laugh at that and Una paused. It surprised her that she told Pelia so freely about her desires. And then she realized that she didn’t view the other woman as an annoying crewmate any longer. She had become a friend. Una swallowed. “Thank you, Pelia. You saved my life.”

“All in a day’s work. I’m glad you’re still with us.”

“No,” Una said more firmly now. “That’s not what I mean.”

“Oh?” Pelia sounded a bit surprised.

“Without you, Chris and I would probably still be stuck in our self-imposed limbo, too proud and too scared to talk to each other. And if we had figured it out by ourselves eventually we still would have lost valuable time. You pushed us in the right direction, gently but firmly. And then you stayed at my side when I fell ill. It is only thanks to you that I have two healthy children, fulfilling the prophecy and hopefully ensuring that the crew can live in peace now.” Una paused and inhaled. “I… was wrong about you, Pelia.” That was harder to say than she thought, but it needed to be said.

“Happens to the best of us. And you certainly belong to the best of us, Number One!” Pelia chuckled.

“Number One…” Una mused. “I haven’t heard that in a long time. I fear that woman is gone.”

“No,” Pelia said, patting Una’s shoulder. “That woman is back in full force. She is a bit stricken, but she is recovering fast.”

“But…” It seemed so long ago that Una had commandeered a starship, had made battle plans, fought with enemies, discussed crew rotations with Chris. A lifetime ago. Now she was… boring. An artisan, a mother, maybe a wife, an explorer no longer. She didn’t mind, in fact, after some getting used to, she even liked that kind of life. But she couldn’t see where ‘Number One’ fit into that. She wasn’t better than the rest, she was not even their superior any longer.

“You looked death in the eye and clung to life,” Pelia explained. “You fought that creep with all you had while still ensuring everybody else’s safety. You never hesitated to have this child with the Captain, even before knowing how much he loves you. You just accepted that this was your duty. All these things are not self-evident. It takes a certain kind of woman to make these decisions, stick to them and have the strength to see them through. If that doesn’t make you ‘Number One’ I don’t know what does.”

Una pondered that for a moment and then sniffed again. From a woman like Pelia that was probably the biggest compliment she could get. It was strange, but in a way Una had always cared what the other woman had thought about her, even back on the Enterprise . And it had irked her to no end, that this feeling apparently hadn’t been mutual. Pelia didn’t care much for anybody’s opinion, she always did what she felt was right, and annoyingly had mostly been right with her unorthodox methods.

But now, Una could see that her initial assessment had been so off the target, it was almost humorous. Pelia had her own set of values and they aligned a lot with Una’s own, however she had ditched appearances a long time ago, which was ironic in a way, because she, like Una, had to hide her species for a very long time. It was only in recent times that Lanthanites could reveal themselves and live as Federation citizens – Illyrians never had that privilege. But by that time, Pelia already had seen more than Una could ever imagine and that, of course, colored her perception of the world around her. That she now considered Una a friend was a reward in itself.

“Can I… can I have my babies now?” Una asked after a moment of silence, realizing how much she already missed those fragile little things. 

Pelia shuffled in the darkness and seconds later she could sense Pelia holding one of them and handing it to her. The little one slept tight and it felt warm and soft in Una’s hand. Someone had wrapped the baby in fabric so it wasn’t cold.

Una felt a lump in her throat when she took the baby from Pelia, pressing it on her chest, in awe about its fragility and wondering how it was so alive and loving it so dearly.

“Will they be alright?” she asked tentatively.

“Yes, they will. They are healthy and not even premature for Illyrian standards. You were very lucky.”

Una stroked over the little bundle, feeling it breathe, and swallowed. Pelia was right. So much could have gone wrong, neither could have survived. But all three of them had.

“I guess I was…”

“In fact, those two most likely saved your life,” Pelia went on. Una pressed the baby closer, enjoying it on her skin.

“How so?”

And then Pelia relayed her theory about two little immune systems compensating for her broken one and Una felt like  crying again. It was so precious. She kissed the little sleeping head.

“I can’t believe it,” she mused. “I’m a mother now.” She snorted. “Parenthood had never been strongly featured as part of my life plans, but here we are.” Holding that tiny being close was so rewarding that Una knew she wouldn’t trade it for anything else.

“That’s life for you, full of surprises,” Pelia chuckled. “Right now, you’re holding your boy. You have a boy and a girl.”

Una looked down on her son even though he was hard to make out in the darkness and thought back to the evening that had sealed her fate, the evening when she decided to show Chris her ritual that had made her so ill. She had joked about the prospect of having twins.

Two little Unas who grow up to be as graceful and unique as their mother. I would love them even more.

And now it was a girl and a boy. But she was sure that Chris would adore them, if he only knew. She kissed that tiny head again.

“Joseph Christopher,” she mumbled, tracing that little body with gentle fingers.

“Is that your name for him?” Pelia asked and Una swallowed. “Yes, I think it is.”

“Have you never discussed names with him?”

“Oh, plenty. Chris was so inventive and talking about our children and our future was one of his favorite topics.” Una smiled wistfully. “He was so excited about becoming a father, he even had started constructing wooden toys and a cradle. I’m sure he’d love these. Joseph was pretty high on our list for a boy. It just felt right. And now that I’m not sure what has become of him… I want…” Una looked down, unable to go on.

Pelia stroked her upper arm. “It’s alright, child, you are allowed to grieve him. But I still retain that he is not lost for you. Just lost in his own ways. Spock is with him, too.”

Una nodded, but Pelia probably couldn’t see. She sighed. “Can I have my daughter, too?”

“Of course.” And seconds later Una cradled both of her children in her lap. They were feather light and so warm and peaceful and with her fingers she caressed both of them, vowing to defend them with her life.

Her breasts felt heavy with milk already, but would it suffice? “Pelia, do you think I have enough to feed them?”

“Don’t worry about that, child. Your friend La’An and her lover have come up with a solution for that. And you will need them both.”

Una processed this. She still didn’t quite understand what Pelia meant, but she let it stand. “How so?”

Pelia chuckled again. “Child, you’re still recovering, but I already see the brave and strong woman that you actually are reappearing. And the first thing you will do after I have gotten you out of here is take three fast cashoons and ride for the capital to get that prophecy validated.”

Una blinked. That made sense. She had never planned that far after she had fallen ill, too preoccupied with survival and then childbirth. “Yes, of course! Once Vashkane acknowledges the prophecy as fulfilled Baudy loses his power over me and thus over the rest of us.”

“I knew you’d understand,” Pelia laughed. “And when you are recognized as the ‘Dark Queen’ from the prophecy you have a lot more resources at your disposal to look for the Captain.”

“And I’m going to need La’An and Erica for that trip, as helpers and guards!” It was invigorating, talking about action again, planning and strategizing. Like preparing for a mission, an adventure. Una was still not back to her old strength and she very likely wouldn’t be for some time.But it didn’t matter. She was no longer a helpless prisoner of her body and Elder Baudy. She could do things again, make a difference.

And she would.

Chapter Text

Part 4 - Coming together

Chapter 15 - And Deliver us from Darkness

The passage of days went with the same steady flow of linear time, yet Spock observed a change in the Captain's demeanor with each passing day.

At first the Captain had tried to fight their current situation, had tried to negotiate for an early release, but that proved unfruitful as long as the messenger hadn’t returned. 

And after a certain time the Captain had simply given up, like a puppet whose strings had been cut.

The precise day for the change of demeanor was when it had become obvious that they wouldn’t return in time to save Commander Chin-Riley’s life, according to Pelia’s prediction.

From then on, the Captain’s mind had deteriorated. It was… unsettling.

Although, admittedly, Spock himself found the Commander’s death unfortunate too. She had been an inspirational force in his life, had welcomed him to the Enterprise, had offered guidance whenever needed and had played a huge part in the crew’s survival on this strange planet. He had found her strength and dedication remarkable, especially when it became obvious what she had to sacrifice in order to ensure the crew’s continued survival.

It had seemed fortuitous that she and the Captain could eventually find solace in each other’s company, especially since Spock had admired their unique dedication ever since he had had the fortune to witness it.

To see them finally embrace their feelings for each other to conceive a child they both wanted was unexpected but not unwelcome. Spock had felt a certain satisfaction for them, especially since he had lost both T’Pring and Christine Chapel – two women he did, indeed, care for. While he hoped that T’Pring, now unreachable forever, would thrive and find contentment elsewhere, Christine had been claimed by an uncaring fate.

To see the Captain now lose his mind in grief over the Commander made Spock distinctly uncomfortable.

The Captain would often sit on his bench and stare into nothingness. Or he would take out his notebook and scribble the name “Una” over the pages, again and again and again. Or he would take the picture he had retrieved from her quarters and stare at it, tracing her features with his thumb.

“I murdered her, Spock,” he said one day, out of the blue.

“I do not concur, Captain. ‘Murdering’ implies ill intent and the premeditated act of taking another sentient’s life. Neither is the case for Commander Chin-Riley.”

“She’s dead and I killed her.” The Captain put his head into his hands. “I made her get pregnant.”

“There is a flaw in your logic, Captain,” Spock tried again. “While it is true that you are the father of the Commander’s child, she chose to pursue this course of action with you knowing full well that there were risks involved.”

“Dammit Spock!” the Captain snapped. “She’s dead isn’t she? I should have never done this with her. No, to her. I killed her. I killed her. I treated her like dirt and then I killed her. And then I left her alone in her final hours.”

Spock watched helplessly as the Captain started sobbing, unable to say something assistive that could show him the error in his thinking.

And so he remained silent, prepared to discuss the Captain’s thought process another day. But from then on out it was a downward spiral, exacerbated by the fact that the Commander’s death also meant the failing of the prophecy, as she had most likely died before giving birth or gave birth to a premature baby with low survival chances. At least, that was the Captain’s assumption, whereas Spock tried to argue that without any sort of data on the matter and the fact that he and the Captain both were still alive, there was reasonable cause for the assumption that the Commander’s sacrifice had not been in vain.

The Captain, however, could not be convinced.

On another day, when Spock took a glance at the Captain’s notebook, he spied a rough sketch of the commander’s face, frantically put to paper. It was crude and hasty, adorned by different iterations of her name, but it was recognizably her from the way it was drawn.

And thus, when the Captain was asleep, Spock took the notebook and added his own drawing of the Commander as she appeared before his inner eye – in her yellow uniform with her dark hair hanging over her shoulder. He chose a moment in time when she laughed, and carefully transferred her features on paper as faithfully to original form as he possibly could. When he was satisfied that the Commander’s likeness was recognizable Spock carefully returned the notebook to the Captain, hoping that seeing her face again would bring him some kind of closure before he went to sleep himself.

It took the Captain some time before he returned to the notebook the next day, after Spock had convinced him to take his breakfast – a task that became increasingly difficult. But when he finally discovered the drawing it did not have the desired effect.

The Captain paled and shook visibly when he opened the book and then he cast it in the corner.

“What did you do?” he hissed at Spock.

“It occurred to me that you were trying to recreate Commander Chin-Riley’s face. I wanted to assist you in that endeavor to help you process your grief,” Spock explained.

“She’s staring at me,” the Captain whispered. “I see her eyes staring at me.”

“The drawing is indeed facing the viewer,” Spock said, “but it has no personality. It is just an approximation.”

“She looks into my soul,” the Captain insisted. “Telling me I killed her!” He threw himself on the bed and curled up sobbing. “I abandoned her.”

And for that, Spock had no good answers left.

“Where is the Star Queen!” Elder Baudy screamed as he almost kicked down the door to Pelia’s hut before she opened it.

Pelia was startled by the vehemence of it, although she was not the least bit surprised that this was happening now.

She had gambled and her gamble had already paid off. She had willingly taken the risk of incurring his wrath, knowing that greater things were at stake.  

And now she was paying the price.

She had angered the Elder of the Province. 

It was not the first time Pelia had gotten into conflict with authorities, and this time, like each of the others, she had a good reason for it. It would probably also not be the last time, but there came a point when it simply didn’t do to accept mistreatment. Even little acts of disobedience could make a small impact in the long run – like pretending that Commander Chin-Riley was in need of medical aftercare that Pelia could only provide in her hut, and then sending the Commander on her merry way and out of harm’s reach. It was a risk Pelia had willingly taken because it would hopefully save them all.

It was more surprising that the Elder had fallen for it, but his lust for the Commander had obviously blinded him.

With another kick the door was open.

Pelia didn’t even try to hide.

“She is not here,” she said levelly, facing this angry man. There were good reasons to fear Elder Baudy. But Pelia was not afraid.

“Where is she?!” he yelled again. “You promised me she would be delivered to me as soon as she had recovered from her birth.”

“She escaped,” Pelia said and shrugged. In a more general sense that was true. Pelia had actively helped and supported that escape, but still. “And you might have noticed that she is taller and stronger than me, I had no chance to stop her.”

“Liar,” the Elder growled and made one step towards Pelia. She didn’t flinch.

“What did you want me to do? Forcefully keep her?” she asked innocently.

“You have deceived me from the beginning! You had no intention of delivering the Queen to me. But she is mine and I will have her.”

“Good luck with that!” Pelia snorted and a moment later the Elder’s hand landed on her face as he slapped her. He was so weak that he could only resort to violence, Pelia thought.

It was pathetic. It was not her first beating and she definitely had had worse. Being questioned by the Spanish Inquisition was one of those memories that never went away. In comparison to that, a slap in the face by some overweight politician was almost nothing.

Pelia didn’t resist. She could have, but she saw no reason to engage in a pointless fight with the elder. He slapped her again and Pelia’s head rang. And then he let loose on her, punching her and beating her until she went to the floor. He screamed, but it was incoherent and Pelia could only think that the storm was raging around a tree, but the rage was pointless. He could beat her up if he wanted to, but it didn’t change the fact that he hadn’t gotten the Commander.

He had lost.

In the end they had taken two fast cashoons. 

Una never had found the time to learn to ride them, even though Chris had insisted that she did. But then her pregnancy happened and both of them had agreed that it was more important to keep the baby safe for the time being, having enough time afterwards to learn. 

And so she sat in front of La’An who steered the large animal while Erica had taken the second one close by. The twins slept in a large wrap that Una had slung tightly around her shoulder, facing each other and being strangely calmed by the steady movement of the beast they were riding on – they definitely had that from Chris. 

Una could hold herself on the saddle and La’An stabilized her from the back. It was not ideal, but it was the best Una could manage not even one week after birth.

The ride would be long and arduous. There were better things than spending the days on the road with two newborns, an achy and sore body, the constant bleeding and the cramps. But there was no real alternative that Una saw. She had to ride down to Zhelyen in person to prove that she had birthed these children, her changed body the evidence they needed. And only with proof, with that cursed prophecy out of the way, could she start concentrating on her future. The only questions that remained was whether Chris would play a role in that future. Thinking of him hurt, but as much as Una tried her thoughts kept returning to him again and again.

At least the twins slept a lot and weren’t very fussy. And so Una held them tight and tried to focus on the scenery around her.

She hadn’t left Jhuntey in the last months after settling there. The exception had been the one foray with Chris where they had watched the sunset and finally found the strength to admit the truth to each other, having been too preoccupied with the prophecy and all that it entailed before. It was strange.

Una had always been an explorer. Seeing the stars always meant discovering new things, advancing into corners of the galaxy previously unknown and meeting new species. She had thoroughly enjoyed all of that, and it had made her forget for a time that she had been pretty lonely among a sea of friends, but unable to connect to them on a deeper level. There had always been the underlying fear that her secret would be exposed and her life as she knew it would suddenly come to an end.

But that hadn’t happened. Her secret was exposed and the life as she had known it had suddenly ended. But the two things had no connection; they had happened independently. And now she was finally free to pursue interpersonal relationships on a level she never had been able to on the Enterprise . Loving Chris had been a new adventure, having his children another one. And now she would leave the village that had kept her for so long and travel again.

Jhuntey was located in a valley and the road leading to Zhelyen followed the movement of the valley and the river flowing down from the mountains. Beside the road was a large forest that covered the distance up to the mountain range, and while Una rode with La’An she had ample time to look around and take in the planet that was now her home. Everything was covered with snow, winter finally having come. And here, safe and warm, draped in woolen blankets, the cold was not so bad. The children kept Una warm and Una kept the children warm in turn. The cold however bit her face and she was sure her cheeks were turning red. She hoped it would be better when they traveled southward to the fork of the river.

Snow had almost killed her, so seeing it covering so much of her surroundings, brought back unpleasant memories. To distract herself and the babies, Una started singing a soft song, the fragment of a memory of her mother singing it to her. Her mother that she had long since left behind. She didn’t even know if she was still alive. And it was of no importance. She would never see her again – the only things left to Una were memories and songs. She could never tell her that she was a mother herself now. But then Una wondered if her parents, or her family, really would have approved of the choice of having a child.

Don’t push your luck.

Leaving had been controversial. Living in hiding even more. And although Una had tried to stay in contact through irregular letters delivered anonymously through proxy networks, she had always felt that she had to defend herself for her choices. Which was interesting because it had been her parents’ decision to denounce their heritage in the first place. Denying herself had been part of Una’s upbringing and incredibly hard to unlearn. She still struggled with it. But seeing those two innocent babies in her arms made her realize that she had to step up now for their sake and not repeat the same mistakes her parents had made. She sighed, focusing on the road ahead, the wind tugging on a few strands of her hair that had freed themselves from under her woolen hat.

Chris’ work with the cashoons had one perk. He had been elemental in reviving that outpost in Juntey, making it a trading hub again. And that meant that the overall infrastructure had been improved along the way. The road was mostly paved, with patches of gravel in between. The snow had melted away due to frequent travelers which meant that they left no traces. La’An also looked from time to time to make sure of that because she was rightly paranoid that their small group would be pursued as soon as Baudy realized what had happened. And so she would try to bring as many kilometers between them and the village as possible.

It was nice not to be in charge for a change, to just sit there and make sure that her babies were taken care of, even though Una would have preferred her home, her bed and the rest that came with it.

She contented herself with the knowledge that she could rest soon.

Their pursuers almost caught up with them the second day on the road. And as soon as Una saw them approaching she was certain that it was impossible to outrun them. They were not burdened down by a postpartum woman and infants which meant that La’An’s cashoon couldn’t go as fast.

La’An tensed behind Una and she could sense that the other woman’s mind was running wild. How could they get out of this situation? They were sitting ducks and their pursuers outnumbered them.

Una was convinced that La’An was able to fight some of them. And Una herself could take on a few others - it would probably be a large setback to her recovery but her survival was on the line.

“Chief?” La’An asked tersely and Una understood. As the highest ranking officer and the person that needed to be protected it was up to her to decide what was to happen now.

Una closed her eyes, aware of the weight of her babies on her chest. Those were her responsibility now and she did well not to decide impulsively, endangering herself in the process.

“Your orders, chief!” La’An repeated urgently and for a moment Una had a flashback when Chris had been frozen on the bridge just like she currently was. When all options were horrible it was hard to decide which one to take. Eventually Chris had made the right choice, though. If she was making the right one remained to be seen.

“Stop the cashoon and turn it around, we’re facing them,” Una commanded. She was so sick of cowering and running away and being too weak to fight back. That was not her, that was not her personality.

“But…” Erica started. And she was right. What Una just ordered could be suicide. Three women, one of them handicapped, were no match for six armed men, even though both La’An and Erica carried hunting equipment for the road. Una had opted out this time, as much as that was hard to swallow. Those days were over for her.

“That’s an order!” Una interrupted harshly and hoped to have made the right choice. But then again – was it even a choice? A confrontation was inevitable and if it had to happen she’d rather have it on her own terms.

La’An halted the animal and turned it around so they were now facing their pursuers that approached quickly.

Fear gripped Una. Fear of losing her babies after everything. After everything Pelia and her friends had done to give her a chance. Fear of losing Chris forever when she was forced to live with a man who despised her and who needed to subjugate her in order to get a hold of his contradictory feelings. But if submitting to him meant sparing the lives of the crew she would do it. If not she would fight to the death.

Una closed her eyes again and regulated her breath. She had had her period of happiness with Chris when he had doted on her, his utter and unconditional love for her visible in every interaction. And she had already known back then that this happiness would not last, that she was destined to lose him. Such had always been her fate.

Prepare for impact!

“Halt! In the name of the Elder!” the leader of the group screamed. They were armed with spears and bows, more hunters than soldiers, although there was no doubt that they could hold their own in a fight. Una thought she recognized that man. In a hazy memory it was as if he had been present at the birth of her children.

He had soft eyes.

Una gripped the handle of her saddle for stability and faced them.

“Why are you pursuing us?” she asked.  Her voice sounded firmer than she felt but that was the first rule of being in the command team of a starship – ooze confidence even if you don’t feel it. Ironically enough the twins were so tuned in to their mother already that they caught on the slight change in Una’s demeanor. Joseph started stirring and she stroked the little infant in order to calm him.

“You escaped the Elder’s custody and are reneging the agreement you had with him. He wants you back,” the leader of the pursuers said. But the words sounded as if he was reciting something he had learned, not something he really believed.

“I was never his to begin with,” Una argued. “I am and always have been my own person. I’m no bargaining chip and neither are my children.” That was only half true. Una was painfully aware that without the prophecy those children wouldn’t even exist. The prophecy had taken control of her and their life. But still, even within that framework she and Chris had managed to retain their personalities and their choices, finding ways to make it work and create small bubbles of happiness.

“But you had an agreement with the Elder that you are now going back on,” another man said.

“If you call blackmail and violence an agreement, then yes, I had one, but coming with him has never been my choice.” Una protectively put her hands on her babies, showing her defiance. “I won’t go back willingly so you have to force me. And that means killing me.”

“Our orders are to bring you in alive,” the leader said weakly.

“The hell they are. I’m not coming with you. The only way the Elder is getting me back is as a bloody corpse. Do you understand that? And if you kill me, you will also kill my children. They won’t survive without me. Is that what you want? To kill a mother and two innocent children? To kill the Dark Queen of your prophecy?” She hated that prophecy and hated claiming a part in it, because it went so starkly against the ethics of the Prime Directive. But it was important to these people and maybe gained her an advantage.

Una straightened her spine to make herself taller. She wasn’t finished. “Do you really want to risk ruining the prophecy just because your Elder is a cruel man? Attacking innocents to fulfill his thirst for power?”

The men started murmuring among themselves and Una could see that she had sown the seed of discord among them. While two of them retained that they had to follow orders others seemed to find merit in Una’s words.

“I also want to remind you that my people did a lot for your village. We rebuilt it, we improved it, we found peace and friends among you. Is this how you repay us by stopping me from fulfilling my destiny? A destiny that the Aeynlarr have pushed on me?”

She was now really angry. Months of hurt and anxiety and worry had to go somewhere.

“I got pregnant for you and your prophecy. I suffered during my whole painful pregnancy and I almost died – because you people believe I am someone I’m not. I ground my teeth and took it, accepted the pain, the loneliness and even my looming death because it was expected of me. And now you want to punish me for obeying your laws and integrating into your society?!”

Una was screaming now.

“I am done being an outcast! I’m done being punished for who I am and where I come from! I’m done pretending to be someone I’m not! Leave me alone, I paid my debts to your society! I lost my partner in the process! I’m done giving more! Do you hear me?! I’m done! I’m done! I’m done !”

She grabbed the hem of her shirt, tearing it open and baring her breasts.

“Come on! Take me you cowards! Kill me!”

The men had gotten more timid with every word Una screamed and when she bared her upper body some looked away in shame, except for their leader. He had a very strange expression on his face. He almost looked… satisfied.

Nobody moved.

Una took a breath, forming a small cloud in front of her mouth.

“Khawaj…” one the man started, but the leader silenced him with a gesture of his hand.

Khawaj… yes, that man had been present at the birth of the children. And even then he had let compassion win over his duty to the Elder – an olive branch between two peoples who weren’t so different after all.

“You are the Dark Queen,” Khawaj said with reverence. “You are brave and fierce and beautiful. And not only were you blessed with one, but with two offspring. Taking you back would not be right. It would be a disregard to all the things we have learned about the prophecy. You need to make it your own.”

He ushered his cashoon forward and rode closer to Una, talking in a hushed tone. “I’ve already seen what you are capable of. You don’t belong to the Elder. You are not his.”

“Why did you follow me then?” Una asked in surprise. “If that’s what you really think?”

“The men needed to see as well. They needed to understand that tampering with fate, and ignorance about what is foretold will bring misery and pain.”

Una opened her mouth to ask another question but the wailing of her babies stopped any kind of meaningful exchange right in its tracks. Her screaming and agitation had awoken them – the distress in her voice enough to upset them.

She looked at Khawaj and Khawaj looked at her and then he turned his cashoon around and made his men follow him. They rode back the way they had come from and no other word was necessary. And so Una covered herself up and tried her best to calm her crying children.

There were not many instances in Una’s life when she had felt like a piece of meat, ready for inspection, her individuality and personhood reduced to her bodily functions, but this planet and its inhabitants had a way of doing that to her.

There was her first contact with the Exalted Vashkane, the sorry breeding ritual with Chris, and not to mention Elder Baudy’s blackmail. In each instance she had lost the autonomy over her body and its function because other people had a vested interest in her reproductive abilities. There were also the humiliating talks with Pelia where she had to lay everything bare and the constant anxiety of being insufficient and less than. Chris and eventually Pelia had turned out to be allies, helping Una navigate the uncertainties of her new role, but Chris had left and Pelia wasn’t there.

And now Una stood again in Vashkane’s throne room ready for scrutiny. She felt dirty, tired and sore, the days on the road taking their toll on her and her clothes were so torn and used that she desperately needed new ones. Another repetition of history – the last time she had been in this palace had spelled the end of her dirty uniform. Now again, she needed to change her attire.

La’An held Joseph in her arms and Erica held the little girl while Vashkane circled Una like a hawk.

“You are here to claim the prophecy was fulfilled, Star Queen?”

“Yes, Exalted One,” Una said softly.

“And you claim these infants as yours?”

“Yes, Exalted One.”

Vashkane moved over to the babies and looked at them while Una kept standing, feeling strangely forlorn. Even though she had brought two friends at this moment she felt utterly alone, separated from the group.

The whole atmosphere was tense and for a moment she panicked that Vashkane would deny the validity of Una’s claims, would send her away and call her a liar. Una felt her heart beating in her ears and tried to ease her nervousness by standing straighter and putting her arms at parade rest. That had usually worked when on the Enterprise , but to her dismay Una found that it didn’t now – it was too long since she had stood on the bridge of a starship. She swallowed. It was eerily quiet in the room. When Vashkane had received them the last time there had been more people present. Now it was only her and her two advisors.

Vashkane stroked softly over the sleeping heads, letting her gaze glide observantly over the faces of the three women from the Enterprise . 

She returned to Una.

“Take off your shirt.”

“Yes, Exalted One.”

Una obeyed by slipping out of her blouse, holding it in front of her. Her breasts were covered by a linen band that was already soaked from her leaking nipples.

Vashkane hooked a bony finger under the band and pulled it down and it took everything from Una not to look away. It was humiliating as she was inspected like a prize cow. What great udders she had! And how fertile she had been, of the best stock!

Una’s swollen and milky breasts sprang free out of confinement and Vashkane cupped one of them from below, her long and bony fingers digging into Una’s sensitive flesh. It hurt and the hand was unpleasantly cold making Una want to flinch away. Instead she took a sharp breath, her gaze unwavering.

With her other hand Vashkane extended a finger and softly stroked over Una’s breast, scooping up some of Una’s milk from her nipple.

Then she put the finger into her mouth and tasted it while Una did her best to remain calm while bile rose in her throat and unshed tears stung in her eyes. She felt so utterly humiliated.

“You have changed,” Vashkane finally said, letting go of Una’s breast. Una immediately covered herself up by holding her blouse in front of her. “Your body has changed. It is the body of a mother and shows the marks of childbirth. You carry with you two children who look like you. Your claim to have fulfilled the prophecy is valid. You are, indeed, the Dark Queen of Prophecy.” She turned to her advisors. “Let it be known that the Dark Queen has brought forth an offspring before the seasons have turned. The Star People are ushering in a new era of prosperity and wealth!”

Una was cold and tired and she clung to her blouse, digging her fingers into it until they cramped. She didn’t feel like a queen at all and even though this proclamation was what she and Chris had relentlessly worked for for months, there was no relief when Una heard it. The reality that her struggles were over didn’t set in immediately. Instead there was an emptiness inside her. She felt utterly and completely spent, even standing here cost her more energy than she had.

What use was in all of that without Chris?

Vashkane returned to Una and bowed before her. Then she took off her headpiece and offered it to her. Una froze. As did Vashkane’s two advisors, Hyathem and Jasnero, if Una remembered correctly.

“I can’t,” Una said and stepped back, almost stumbling.

Who was she that she should take the crown of an alien dignitary and usurp her power? She was just an Illyrian far from home standing half-naked in an alien throne room. The blouse in Una’s hand stopped her from taking the headpiece.

Vashkane looked at her, puzzled and confused. “You are the Dark Queen of prophecy and you need to take your rightful place.”

“Yes,” Una said, trying to gain confidence. “But this is not my rightful place, Exalted One. Ruling your people is your rightful place, not mine. I’m not a ruler.”

“I don’t understand. You were a skilled ruler to your people. Reports from Jhuntey told of your prosperity. You and your leadership have transformed that village into a hub of trade, brought it back from the dead and remade it in your image. You possess leadership.”

“Yes,” Una said again. “I possess leadership. But being a leader is different than being a ruler. It is not my destiny to rule the Aeynlarr – and not my place. On my starship I did have authority over my crew, but I didn’t rule over them, I tried to treat them as equals. These women here, who were under my command, are also my friends.”

La’An stepped forward, bowing. “She speaks the truth, Exalted One. We are her friends.”

“Unheard of!” Hyathem shouted.

“How can you decline the highest of honors?” Jasnero jeered.

Una started shivering. She hugged herself tight and pressed the blouse on her upper body. The fact that she was so cold to the bone told her that she had a long way to go towards a full recovery. She was still so weak and exhausted.

She inhaled, the wish to retreat and be done with all of this overwhelming.

“Your prophecy has inflicted more pain on me than you could ever imagine,” she said in a flat tone. “So it would be easy for me to take the crown, become your Queen, as repayment for all the things this pregnancy put me through. But the Aeynlarr need a Queen who is wise and just and knows her people. And that person is not me.”

Vashkane took her headpiece back and after some consideration she put it back on her head.

“You surprise me, Star Queen and you shame me,” she said with reverence. “If it is not the crown you wish, what do you wish for then?”

Una bit her lower lip, the tears again stinging at the back of her eyes. She blinked them away.

“I wish to return to Juntey and raise my children in peace. I wish for our community to grow and to contribute to Aeynlarr society and I wish for our peoples to become friends,” she eventually said.

Vashkane cocked her head. “Tell me, Star Queen, which role your King shall play in this?”

Una swallowed. She had pushed the thought away, but now that the matter of the prophecy was resolved, the matter of Chris remained. The dark hole in her heart.

“I don’t know,” she muttered. 

“I could not fail but observe that he did not join you.”

“Yes, Exalted One.” Una’s voice was suddenly very small. She really needed rest and this topic was an open, festering wound.

“I have reason to believe that your king is held prisoner in one of our strongholds near the Carnary,” Vashkane said. “A messenger was sent here a moonturn ago by General Hasksar. He had a letter with him stating that my soldiers captured two men claiming to be star people. The letter was asking for my orders about what should be done with them.”

Una let out a small cry, putting her hands with her blouse in front of her mouth. She pressed the fabric into her teeth and bit down, to stifle a more emotional reaction.

Chris was alive?! Chris was a prisoner?! She suddenly felt very dizzy and nauseous, her brain having a hard time processing this information.

Chris hadn’t come back because Vashkane had not set him free?! 

“Why didn’t you send immediately for their release?” Una asked, voice trembling. If that messenger indeed had been there for more than a week, why was he already back on his way? Why would Vashkane let Spock and Chris rot?! That was cruel.

“Because of you, Star Queen. As I was informed of the events of your village I knew that you would eventually be on your way here.”

If Vashkane knew of things that transpired in Jhuntey, most likely knew of Una’s pregnancy and her health issues, why had she felt the need to put Una on the spot and paw her breasts? Was it one last degradation? Or was it ritualistic, to convince her advisors of the truth of Una’s claim?

But Una felt too tired to ask any of this. It wouldn’t change a thing now and it was over. Now it was more important to get Chris back.

“What does that have to do with me?” she asked thus.

Vashkane smiled and this time it looked almost… fond? 

“I gathered that this would be a matter you would like to take into your own hands. I am sure that you would like to free your King yourself.”

Una just nodded numbly. She would have preferred if Chris had been returned to her earlier instead of playing political games with him and she would have preferred not traveling to get him, but it was what it was.

Vashkane must have picked up on the cue that Una was nearing the end of her strength.

“Before you leave, you will find rest and food here, you need it. After you have strengthened yourself I will provide you and your friends with caravans so you and the children don’t need to experience the hardship of the road. The messenger will accompany you with my decree to set your King free.”

“Thank you,” Una said quietly. “You are very generous.”

“No, Star Queen, you are generous. Your humility shows me that the prophecy was right about you. No Aeynlarr would have declined the chance to rule. We can learn from you.”

The Royal Suite hadn’t changed at all. But Una found that she had changed a lot when she entered these rooms again.

The Aeynlarr had added small cribs next to the bed for her babies but apart from that everything looked the same.

Una let herself fall onto the bed and groaned. Everything hurt and she just needed sleep.

Erica and La’An followed close by with the children.

“You did great, chief,” La’An said and sat on the bed. So did Erica and soon the three women faced each other cross-legged.

“I don’t know,” Una said. “I just… I just want it to be over with. Once and for all.”

“At least we know that the Captain is alive,” Erica offered. “Doesn’t that relieve you?”

“Yes,” Una said, but the emptiness didn’t go away. For weeks she had waited for any lifesign from Chris, had hoped and prayed and held out. But now it felt… meaningless. Too little too late. She knew that it wasn’t his fault that he’d been imprisoned. But right now her emotions were all over the place. She was so overwhelmed that she had no mental capacity left to process everything that had happened on this day.

“Doesn’t sound like it,” La’An mentioned, but Una just sighed. 

“It doesn’t matter.” Una deflected. “Let’s put the little ones to bed and get some rest ourselves.”

“They have been great,” Erica said. “They were so calm and good.”

“Amazing,” La’An agreed. “They seem to take after their mother.”

Wordlessly Una outstretched her arms for La’An to give her Joseph and then she held and stroked the little boy before latching him onto her breast.

Erica did the same for the small girl and together they fed the twins, connected by shared grief but also shared hope. These babies weren’t only Una’s babies. They were the Enterprise’ s babies and everybody would pitch in to raise them. It was a nice community they had forged from the ashes, and maybe the children were exactly what they needed to finally heal and move forward – a living reminder of the future and that they had one.

Una winced a bit when Joseph sucked too hard, but soon he had found his rhythm and so she shared this intimate moment with Erica who had decided to step up and offer her body to take some of the pressure from Una.

True friendship.

When the children were fed, changed, and finally asleep, Una still lay awake, staring at the ceiling.

Her body was depleted but her mind couldn’t find rest. Not in this room where Chris and her had stayed the last time. Where they had bred, unable to overcome their mental barriers. But even then, she had taken what she could from these encounters. His warmth, his strength, his gentleness. It hurt being here without him, having claimed the prophecy without him. And now, in the darkness of the room that held so many memories, after mentally and physically exhausting days on the road after weeks of fear and dread, Una missed him even more. She would have needed his strength and his support and got nothing. Nothing but pain and leaking breasts and loneliness.

She sobbed uncontrollably.

All the days were the same – a contraction of space and time to the confines of a prison cell. Waking up on the hard bunk, getting fed a gray sludge of some sort of porridge for breakfast, waiting for lunch – some hard bread and some dried fruit – and for dinner the gray sludge again. The gray sludge structured the day. It started with gray sludge and it ended with gray sludge and in between were gray walls and gray days of nothingness.

One day, when the sludge arrived, Chris refused to eat it, pushing his bowl aside.

He had killed Una, what use was there in going on living with her blood on his hands.

“Captain, you need nourishment,” he heard Spock say after Chris also refused the rest of this abysmal food for the day.

“Yes,” Chris said flatly. But he didn’t take it. He just lay on his bunk, turned his back to Spock, and tried to drift off into either another dreamless sleep or a nightmare in which Una haunted him – either by being treacherously healthy and loving, or in which he saw her corpse in many different shapes and forms. But her haunting was the punishment he deserved for ignorance and tone-deafness.

On the second day Spock put his bowl next to Chris.

“Captain, I urge you to reconsider this. Something is not adding up. It is illogical to keep us here if the Commander…”

“Don’t mention her name!” Chris snapped. “Don’t mention her at all.” He didn’t deserve to talk about her – he’d lost the right to it.

“Captain, we should have been informed by now if something had gone amiss,” Spock tried again and this time, to his credit, he managed without mentioning Una. “And appropriate action would have been taken,” he added.

“No,” Chris mumbled. “News doesn’t travel fast. The messenger they sent hasn’t even returned.”

“Indeed,” Spock remarked. “Most unusual.”

That comment baited Chris. “How so?” he asked wearily.

“He should have returned long ago. Either something happened to him on the road or other events kept him back.”

“Take a guess,” Chris snorted, kicking his feed around.

“I disagree. A failure to fulfill the prophecy would have reached us most likely already. Us being alive proves…”

“Stop it!” Chris snapped. “It’s over.”

He wanted to lie down on the bunk again, pull the blanket around himself and disengage from everything but the squeaking noise of a door hinge made Chris reconsider. Somebody was entering the cell.

“See, they’re getting us now for the…” he wanted to add, but then it was no Aeynlarr guard entering the cell. 

It was a ghost.

Chris stared, mouth agape and eyes wide open, and for a moment he even forgot to breathe.

“Commander,” Spock said evenly. “It is very reassuring to see you alive and healthy. The Captain and I…”

“You’re dead!” Chris screamed, his hands clawing into his cheeks. “You’re dead! Oh God, you’re dead!”

“No, Chris,” Una declared. “I’m alive, no thanks to you. I’ve come to get you out of here.”

But the only thing Chris registered was that Spock saw Una too, she was no ghost. He fell down on his knees, his arms covering his head and he started shaking, nausea from having not eaten for so long added to the shock of seeing her again.

He screamed.

It was not the reunion Una had envisioned when she had entered the cell. On her way to the fort she had spent hours imagining how her reunion with Chris would go down. 

But in none of the scenerios did she expect a mental breakdown. And suddenly admonishing him for leaving her didn’t seem so appealing anymore. They needed to talk this over, they had to, if their relationship had any chance of surviving, but while Una had lived through her personal hell, so had Chris.

It was a hell of his own making, but it was a hell nevertheless. And it showed her again, just how unconditionally he loved her, how much she meant to him and how much he regretted having left her. That, if nothing else, gave her hope that what they had would be salvageable.

Una, the Dark Queen of prophecy, a reborn religious figure, had been sent to deliver Chris from darkness.

“I cannot reiterate how relieved I am to see you in such good health, Commander,” Spock interrupted her train of thoughts. She had taken the babies and sat down outside in the sun while contemplating how everything was supposed to continue. Spock joined her and sat down next to her on the bench.

“It’s good to see you, too, Spock.” She paused for a moment. “And thank you for going with him.”

“It is much to my dismay that I failed to reach the Captain in the end. Your arrival is most fortunate.” Spock held something in his hand. Chris’ notebook.

“Still thank you. You were there for him as a friend and I’m sure he will recognize this eventually.” The babies were fast asleep and La’An and Erica took a tour of the fort. General Hasksar had written the release papers, but it seemed they needed a bit more time until they were ready to leave. Even though Una had insisted on sleeping in the caravan, the soldiers had prepared guest quarters for the Dark Queen that she could use as long as she needed them. Eventually she had acquiesced, glad to sleep in a room again for a change.

They had given Chris a room adjoining hers and he was recovering there, finally out of his cell. Una had expected Spock to be with him, but he had sought her out now.

“He will require a bit of time to recover from his feelings of guilt and the shock of seeing you again, but I am certain that the Captain will see the truth for what it is. And then he will be “over the moon” as is the human expression.”

“I hope so,” Una said quietly. “I… I didn’t expect such a visceral reaction, and now I’m worried for him and his sanity.”

“Don’t be,” Spock said. “I am aware that this must sound difficult to believe, especially when taking into consideration that he had such a hard time dealing with his guilt. However…”

Spock took the notebook in his lap and handed it to Una. She took it wordlessly, unsure whether she should open it or not. It felt like a breach of Chris’ privacy.

“Open it,” Spock said almost encouragingly. “I am sure you will find your answers there.”

Una sat on the bed, her dress buttoned open as she nursed, cradling the two infants and softly humming a song that Chris vaguely recognized. 

His two infants.

He was a father of twins. Of healthy twins with a healthy mother.

Una was life. She had faced death and had defeated it against all odds. She was unique.

He watched her, mesmerized by the overall serenity of the scene. He had needed a bit of time to come back to his senses, but he could no longer hide. Una was more important than anything else.

She looked so extraordinarily beautiful in the dress Vashkane had given her and the golden threads in her hair, and the way she handled those two babies and lovingly cared for them only added to her miraculous allure. As if she had done this her whole life.

Chris felt a lump in his throat.

He had pictured Una as a mother more often than he could count, even when they were still serving together on the Enterprise . Una just had this maternal air around her and seeing her breastfeed her two babies was better than anything he had ever imagined. Especially because the twins were also his children. Una nursed his children.

But at the same time the scene was so private, so intimate that he felt like an intruder, especially after what he had done to her.

But he would not make the same mistake twice. This time he would talk to Una, figure out her wants and needs. And listen to her.

He cleared his throat.

That was when she first acknowledged his presence. She turned her head and nodded for him to sit down on the bed next to her.

“This is amazing,” he said helplessly. “You are amazing, they are amazing.” He was fumbling, but he felt so overwhelmed with love for these three people on the bed. A family. His family.

Una just looked at him but she didn’t say a word. And so Chris sat down next to her, letting his legs dangle and blew out air.

“I’m glad that you’re okay,” he dumbly said after a period of silence. And then he closed his eyes, cursing himself for his insufficiency.

“Me too,” Una said cryptically and Chris didn’t know if she meant herself or him. But he didn’t dare to ask.

She turned her attention to the suckling infants again that had firmly latched on her breasts, stroking them and humming her song.

Chris listened for a while and tried to add his voice after he thought he had understood the melody. Una let him. She didn’t interrupt him, but she also didn’t praise him for his efforts. He had expected to get at least one snarky comment from her for this. 

Chris wished he could touch her or hold one of the babies, but right now they were busy with their mother and he wouldn’t disturb them. He would ask when they were finished drinking, having yet to hold his own children months after their birth.

“I love you, Una,” he said again after a while. “And I love our babies. I can’t believe the miracle that you are still here.” That was probably the understatement of the century. His heart burst with joy that Una was alive and whatever she wanted from him going forward, she would have it. And even if she sent him away he would gladly do as she asked, because she lived, she lived, she lived .

“I love you, too, Chris,” she replied quietly. “But right now everything is a bit much and I…” She stopped when one of the babies fuzzed, and she kissed it and calmed it down again.

“I really dropped the ball this time, didn’t I?” Contritely he looked at the floor. “Leaving you alone to die and then to give birth. When you needed me the most.”

Una inhaled and even that was beautiful. She was not of this world, now even more that she was a mother. That added to her beauty in a way that was unimaginable.

“I’m not angry with you, Chris. I understand what you tried to do and I didn’t stop you from doing it. You can’t read my mind. But when I screamed for you you weren’t there and that… hurt.”

“Una…” he started softly. “I cannot change the past. And if I had known then what I know now I would never have left you. Just know that I did it out of love for you, however misguided that was.”

“Please don’t justify yourself.” Una sounded so sad and defeated, resigned. And it was his fault. This time he had really managed to wound her after all the things she had forgiven him.

“I’m just so deeply sorry that you had to go through all of this without my support. I was supposed to be your partner and I failed you.”

He was unsure if it was okay to touch Una when all he wanted to do was hug her and kiss her and never let her go, but he had proven to be unreliable for her and he didn’t know how much worth his touch still had to her.

“Yes, Chris, yes you have. And I’m struggling with that.” She sighed. “I love you. I really do. But you hurt me. I know you didn’t mean to, I know your absence was well intentioned, but sometimes the road to hell is paved with good intentions.”

Chris blew out another breath. He had to suppress his instinct to either contritely beg for forgiveness or leave, both of which would ultimately be about him.

“Una…”

“Shortly after you left I lost coherence. I was a screaming, rambling mess and I cried out for you. My heart broke because you didn’t come. I felt so alone, so abandoned. And then… I ended up in Baudy’s house.”

Chris opened his mouth to say something. That creep of all people?! And how did that happen anyway. But he let Una speak.

“I was forced to give birth in an unfamiliar environment in the house of a man who… didn’t have good intentions.” She closed her eyes and Chris saw her trembling. One of the babies started to whimper and he held out his hand to take it if Una let him. “And after I had barely managed to birth the first baby, Pelia told me I was going to have twins…”

“Twins…” Chris repeated, still in awe. Una picked up on Chris’ cue and gently placed the whimpering infant in Chris’ care. He found the little thing so incredibly fragile and precious and loved it instantly. Carefully he put the baby on his shoulder and gently patted it until it had burped, leaving a milky stain on his shirt. He didn’t care. Instead he stroked its tiny back some more, impressed how warm the little infant was.

“That’s Dorothy Neera Christine,” Una said softly. “You have a son and a daughter.”

Dorothy, like his late mother. Chris felt humbled and sad at the same time that Una would do this, honoring him even after everything, putting the name of her oldest friend second.

“Nice to meet you, Dorothy Neera Christine,” Chris said to the girl in his arms, nuzzling his face into her. When she was finished burping he cradled her in his hand, slightly bobbing her up and down, looking into two curious eyes, blue of course. “She’s beautiful, Una. Just like her mother.”

That elicited a small smile in Una, but it was a sad smile. And then she concentrated on the little boy again who was still drinking from her breast.

Chris swallowed. Everything Una had told him about the circumstances of his children’s birth had hit him hard. She had suffered until the last minute, pain in body and soul. And he had caused it – on more than one level.

“Una, it’s okay to be angry with me. In fact, I want you to be.”

“Chris… I know I’m being unfair to you, rationally speaking,” she mumbled, but Chris shook his head.

“I have done so many unforgivable things to you and each time you accepted that treatment. You used to be angrier at me, giving me a piece of your mind when I deserved it. But you haven’t since we've been stranded here and I’m worried. I’m worried that if we don’t hash it out then you will grow resentful.” He paused before he continued. “It’s not about me. I accept whatever you want from me in the future. I just don’t want you to suffer from unresolved issues.”

“Yes, Chris, I used to be angrier. But I don’t have the energy anymore to be angry.”

“I’ve noticed,” Chris said. “And that worries me. Because it means you’re starting to grow indifferent. And that is the death of any relationship.”

Una looked at him and he could see that her blue eyes weren’t as he remembered them. She had seen things, lived through them, experienced the worst pain. And he had wanted to be a good partner, but hadn’t been. He only wished he could make that pain go away, make her laugh again, in the role of either as his friend or as his wife. It didn’t matter what place he would have in her life, he only wanted her happy.

“I’m not indifferent about you. I have a lot of feelings about you,” she said after a while. 

“I’m sure you have. I just don’t want you to bottle in the negative ones where they fester until they consume you. I have disappointed you. And I think we both need to process what that means for us before we can move forward.”

Una remained still for a little while longer, just focusing on the baby in her arms and her face turned stony.

Chris knew that expression by now. Una wore it when she was processing her emotions, trying to sort through them. Because she had had to hide them for such a long period of time, showing them openly was still hard for her on occasion. But Chris had spent enough time around her by now to be able to read her. 

He had learned that this face meant that she needed distance and he was willing to provide it. And so he just showered his little daughter with love, kissing her, rocking her and being happy that she was a healthy child. He already knew that he would love her with all he had, just like he would love his son and love Una, even if the latter decided that the two of them wouldn’t work as a couple anymore.

When he looked at Una again he saw the tears running down her cheeks. He swallowed, a heavy feeling on his chest. Una crying always hit him hard, but probably the hardest just now. He had never wanted to make her sad, never wanted to be the cause for her spilling tears. And yet he had a penchant to manage just that.

He loved her. But that didn’t stop him from hurting her, in fact, the root cause of their mutual pain seemed to be that they loved each other so much.

But there was another reason.

Chris closed his eyes and exhaled. Pelia had been right to call him a fool.

He had always hurt Una when he hadn’t stopped and listened, when he thought he knew better and then stopped communicating with her.

And they had always been at their best when they did communicate.

Her tears reminded him that he had again thought he knew best. And while he would have loved to comfort her he feared that she would reject him this time if he reached out to her.

“You were such an idiot, Chris…” she sniffed, voice very small. “But the thing is… if you hadn’t been you’d probably be dead by now.”

Chris stared at Una, Dorothy very close to him.

“Because you would have killed me yourself?” he dared to ask, trying to make the situation lighter than it was. And because he had no idea what Una meant.

She glared at him, obviously not amused by his comment. “I would have deserved it,” he added, sheepishly.

Una blinked a few times and eventually the tears stopped coming. After a while she could talk again.

“Chris, I know you mean well, but I can’t deal with your contrition just now. There is something you need to know.”

The boy had finished feeding and his tiny hand was exploring Una’s skin. She was momentarily distracted by it and so was Chris. She had changed. The birth had changed her. She was rounder, more mature, if that was possible, but she now carried another pain, another trauma that hadn’t been there before.

But she had barely escaped death, it was a miracle how well she was holding herself together.

She looked down, pretended to play with the baby boy, but Chris knew she was stalling. Whatever she had to say had to be really heavy.

What the hell was going on?

“Chris, I kept another secret from you,” she admitted eventually, voice very quiet and subdued. He could tell how hard it was for her to say that and the room started spinning. 

Chris felt confused. He had thought the conversation would be about his mistakes, how he had hurt Una and how to move forward as parents who had a duty to their children. But again, everything was different.

Once again Una was countering his guilt with a guilt of her own.

Why did they do this to each other all the time?

Chris pressed Dorothy closer, stroked the baby, felt her warmth and looked at the woman he loved more than his own life. He could see that whatever she had to tell him was like a thorn in her flesh that she had carried around for so long that it had festered inside her, a constant, throbbing pain that she had tried to hide. Just like her species.

Una had lived in pain for too long.

He wished that she would no longer have to do that, that she could finally find the peace to be happy and not have to suffer from illnesses or anxiety or guilt. And he wished that he could support her in any capacity she wanted him to, make her smile, make her happy, take the stress from her and just love her, in whatever form she allowed it.

He smiled encouragingly. “Una, I love you. And whatever it is you’re going to tell me will not diminish my love for you in the slightest.”

Una nodded, the tears still glistening on her cheeks even though she had stopped crying.

“I know, Chris. I know.” She looked down again, collected herself and then she faced him.

“You’re not going to like this, Chris, but if I don’t tell you it will stand forever between us.”

Tentatively Chris dared to outstretch his free hand towards Una, encouraged by her remark that showed him that there seemed to be hope for them yet. At the same time he felt his heart accelerating at her words, anxiety rising. What secret was so dark that it would make her act like this? He was starting to get worried.

Una brushed his hand with her fingertips and Chris felt relief that she hadn’t completely spurned his offer to reconnect.

“The night I broke down… I had a visitor in my shop,” Una said slowly.

Chris frowned and instinctively he said: “Elder Baudy.”

“Yes.”

That man had behaved strangely around Una for months. Chris had always feared that he would grow bolder, but not only had he trusted in Una’s ability to fight for herself he had gravely underestimated the danger that he posed.

“Oh God, Una, what did he do to you?” The urge to hug her, to hug his children was overwhelming. He couldn’t take the memories away, but he wanted to protect his little family the best he could. But then again, he had been absent when it mattered.

“He blackmailed and threatened me,” Una said flatly, touching her chest with her hand, stroking the baby boy in the process.

Chris clenched one of his hands to a fist, waiting for her to continue.

“He told me that he saw us and our ‘child’ as a threat to his position. And so he told me that he wanted the child for himself, to profit from the prophecy. And he gave me the choice to leave you and be with him, or to hand the baby over to him.”

“Una, that’s horrible!” Chris gasped.

“He told me he would kill you if I didn’t obey. And that I was not to tell you.”

“Una…” Chris mumbled, dumbstruck. All the time she had carried that burden and hadn’t shared it with him. And he had nothing worthwhile to say.

“I so feared for your life. And I didn’t know what to do… I was so desperate and lonely.”

“Una was that… I’m so sorry that happened to you.” No wonder she collapsed that day. She had nothing more left to give.

“I wanted to tell you, Chris. Pelia convinced me to tell you. But then you came and said your goodbyes and the moment was over. I let you go. It was better that way.”

Chris closed his eyes, the tears now stinging behind his eyelids as well.

Would he have chosen differently if Una had told him? Probably. But she was right. It probably would have cost him his life, because there was no way that Baudy would have let him live if he had gotten his grubby hands on Una and the children. He would have abused her for his own personal entertainment. And Una would have complied out of fear for the babies and retaliation, and would have sold herself a second time.

Chris had no illusions that their journey had started with Una selling herself to him. They just had been so lucky that they both had felt so strongly about each other and had been able to turn that horror into something productive.

But then Chris had left and the blackmail had stopped working. 

“Leaving you really did save my life,” he whispered in awe. 

“Yes,” Una muttered. “And I’m glad that it did.”

And for a while they sat together, separated still by mountains of hurt, but connected by the wonderful children they both held, connected by Una’s fingertips, delicately touching his hand, connected by mutual reassurances of love.

“The boy you’re holding, Una, what’s his name?” Chris asked after a while, and then he added shyly: “We haven’t been properly introduced yet.”

Una looked up while her hands occupied the baby. “His name is Joseph.” She paused for a moment. “Joseph Christopher.”

“Joseph Christopher,” Chris repeated in awe. “You named him after me.”

Gently he stretched out the other hand to stroke his tiny head. “Hello Joseph, glad to meet you.” He smiled, first at the baby and then at Una. “You humble me,” he said earnestly, stroking her hand with his finger.

“At the time I didn’t know if you were still alive. You were missing and gone. I needed… I needed something that tethered the children to you.”

Little Dorothy started to explore him with her tiny hand and he marveled as he let her, carefully kissing her. “I can’t wait to get to know them better,” Chris said softly. 

“You will soon realize that they both already have distinct personalities,” Una informed him.

“I can believe that ,” Chris chuckled. “And both are as headstrong as you.”

At that Una smiled. It was the pained smile she reserved for his worst jokes, but it was a smile. It was a start. Again they sat in silence for a while longer, each of them occupied with the baby in their arms. 

“What will happen now?” Chris asked after a while.

“Now we go home,” Una said.

Their relationship had found a tentative equilibrium again, an equilibrium that Chris didn’t dare disturb. Una held the reins now and he followed.

He was now foremost the father of two children and assisted her in any capacity, learning quickly how to take care of them, holding them, soothing them, changing their diapers, burping them, and it was so easy because he loved them so very much. They brought him so much joy just for existing and he felt that they grew and learned so quickly. And Una had been right – they indeed had distinct personalities. Little Dorothy was easier to irritate than Joseph who was calmer, but Dorothy was then easier to calm once agitated, both already showing signs of their temperament.

And often, when the babies weren’t asleep he would talk to them, sing to them, be the clown for them. The only thing he couldn’t yet do was to take care of their nourishment. That was Una’s job. And Erica’s as he found out with some surprise, again admiring these women’s tenacity and resourcefulness.

But each time Una nursed them he was glad to sit by her side and watch and he never got enough of that sight, of seeing Una, so full of life, give that life to her children.

It made him feel warm inside.

They shared the caravan despite the distance Una still needed from him, because it just made sense to do so. They would awake together when the children cried for them and they soothed them together before falling asleep again.

But then one night Chris awoke not to the cry of his babies, but to a feeling of warmth, and when he opened his eyes he found Una wrapped around him. She had hooked one leg over his hip and her sleeping face was incredibly close to his. 

Chris swallowed, overcome with emotion and unsure how to proceed. His hands ached to touch her and pull her close, to fall asleep in her embrace, smelling and tasting her.

And his heart beat so loudly it drummed in his ears. It would have been easy, Una was just within his reach, but he didn’t dare it before she signaled him that it was okay to touch her.

He missed her. But he understood her. And he was sure that this was not a permanent situation. They would sort it out, they always had. And until then he would love her as best as he could and support her even better.

And enjoy watching her sleep, her chest rising, her mouth slightly parted and her hair so adorably tousled. And with his eyes he traced the contours of her perfect face, her lush lips and the roundness of her jaw, her straight nose, remembering how it had felt under his fingertips and the feel of her under his tongue when he explored her.

At least he had those memories of having her and they were so valuable.

Chris swallowed again and that was when Una opened her eyes, looking straight into his.

Panic shot through Chris and he got very hot, fearing that Una would think that he had unilaterally initiated this intimate embrace and that she would jerk away.

But that didn’t happen. Instead she curved her mouth to a small smile and a warm hand touched his cheek.

He released a breath he didn’t know he was holding, closed his eyes and his hand cupped hers. She always had such nimble, elegant fingers and with his fingertips he felt the intricacies of her hand, her knuckles, her soft skin while not breaking eye contact with her.

“Hey,” he whispered, careful not to wake the twins.

“Hey,” Una whispered back.

Chris had a hard time not grinning like a stupid idiot. This exchange, consisting of only one word rather devoid of meaning, held more feeling than all the discussions about childcare they’d had. It showed him that Una still cared, still wanted him, and there was nothing in the whole universe that could make him happier. Instead he lay very still, letting Una come to him, letting her decide what she wanted from him and how.

“You’re such an idiot,” she whispered, but it was affectionate.

“Yes,” Chris replied immediately and without hesitation. And he was. He had managed to make this wonderful woman sad, this wonderful woman who so wanted him.

“But I love you,” she went on and her smile got bigger, but there was also still some residual sadness. Chris vowed to take that away forever.

He swallowed again and blushed, carefully weighing his answer, careful not to make the whole thing about him again. “I love you, too,” he eventually whispered, meaning every word of it, maybe more than ever, if that was possible.

Una inched closer and burrowed her face between his neck and shoulder, her hair touching his jaw and tentatively he put his hand on her back, stroking it while he kissed the top of her head.

She still smelled like he remembered her, but there was now the added scent of milk, too and he closed his eyes. 

The night they first made love came back to him, when her scent had exited him so much. It still did, but even thinking of sex with her was inappropriate when all she wanted from him right now was security and comfort. But smelling her had made him realize just how much he wanted her, not only sexually, but as a person he could wake up next to every morning and grow old with, always smelling her next to him.

He wanted her so, so much.

“I love you,” he repeated and Una simply hummed, in the process of dozing off again, and while she fell back to sleep, Chris held her in his arms and burst from happiness that this was happening, that he hadn’t lost her and that she still loved him enough to seek closeness and touch from him.

The following night it was easier for Una to find his embrace. Chris didn’t seek her out, but he was delighted to find her in his arms again, subconsciously drawn to him on a most basic level. He enjoyed holding her close, cherishing the beautiful mother of his children.

And the night after it didn’t happen subconsciously. After they had taken care of the babies and went to bed themselves she nestled herself into his arms, sighing contentedly. Chris pulled her close and hugged her tight, delighting in the touch of her skin on his body. And then she looked at him intently, her eyes glistening in the darkness and unafraid to meet his gaze. Instinctively Chris placed a small peck on her forehead which caused her to smile again. She paused for a moment and then she inched herself a bit more towards him and her lips met his.

The first kiss after their time apart was shy and almost chaste. Chris had definitely shared other kisses with Una, but if it was slowness she needed and craved he would provide that. He returned the kiss in kind, soft, almost brushing over her lips, rediscovering her. And she still felt the same to him, familiar but exciting. Chris' heart fluttered, the kiss being the promise of so much more – not only an added layer of intimacy but the promise of wounds closing and a possible future together.

“Do you still want me?” he eventually dared to ask her, quietly and a bit shyly. “After everything?”

“Yes, Chris. After everything. We both need healing, but we won’t ever get it apart. Despite everything, I fundamentally believe we are good for each other.”

“There was a time when I couldn’t believe that at all,” Chris admitted. “Where I feared that we drove each other to mutual despair and destruction.”

“Because at one time this was true,” Una said quietly. “But not anymore. You are such an integral part of my life, now even more after the children are here, that I cannot shut you out.”

“So…” Chris gulped. “You only want me back for the children’s sake?”

“No,” Una whispered. “I want you back for my sake.” She rolled herself on top of him and he hugged her so tight – his arms hooked under hers so his palms rested on her shoulder blades – that he could feel under the fabric of her nightgown. Strength and vulnerability was Una, and like her body she was hard and soft at the same time. She rested her head on his chest and hummed softly. Chris wished she would say something sassy now, having loved those little jabs of hers so goddamn much. He pursed his lips to kiss her hair and with his hand he combed through it, letting the strands run through her fingers. When she didn’t say more Chris decided to take things into his own hands.

“Because I’m such a good pillow?” he joked.

Una lifted her head and her eyes met his. She smiled. It was a slight smile, he could do better, but it was a start. And then she moved forward to kiss him again, this time with more need. And he let her have it, his mouth opened willingly for her and he surrendered to her, surrendered to the best feeling in the universe: to be kissed by Una Chin-Riley.

She took her sweet time, exploring his mouth, letting her tongue play with his and then she sucked a bit longer on his lower lip before she released him, breath hot and sensual on his skin.

“No.” She cocked her head and looked at him as if he were a scientific curiosity.

“No?!” he asked with mock indignation. 

“No,” she reiterated. “That’s not why I want you back, although you have your perks in that regard.”

“Thanks,” he smirked and pecked her nose. Oh God, she was wonderful.

“I want you back because…” She averted her gaze and swallowed and Chris stared in disbelief. It almost never happened that Una was struggling for words, too shy to say them.

“Una,” Chris said softly. “I have no words to tell you how much I love you and how perfect you are.” His mouth sought her soft cheek and he kissed her very gently.

When she returned her gaze tears were glistening in her eyes. Carefully Chris lifted his hand up to wipe them away with a finger.

Una took his hand the next time he did it and she placed soft kisses on it. “I want you back…” she started. “... because you make me complete. Because there is nobody else I want as the father for our children and because I love you so much Chris.” She explored his fingers with her mouth, sucking on them. “And I don’t want to live another day without you because I’m holding a grudge.”

“I wouldn’t call it ‘holding a grudge’ if you were still angry at me for the way I betrayed you.” Chris swallowed, both because Una sucking his fingers was so exquisite and because he still felt immensely guilty. “But believe me… missing the birth of these wonderful children is my greatest regret. I wish I could have done more for you.” He picked up her arm and kissed her wrist, feeling her pulse and life that shot through her veins.

Una had been on her deathbed but he wasn’t holding a corpse and she was no illusion. She was as real as a woman could be.

Una pulled his fingers out of her mouth. “The birth is only the beginning and I had Pelia at my side. She knew what was important and pulled me through. In hindsight I don’t know how helpful you could have been, especially with Baudy looming in the background. But Chris? The real work starts now. Waking up at night. Feeding them, changing them, loving them. They need an involved father and if you are true to your word this is much more important. I need an involved father. I need a partner.” 

Chris shifted a bit so Una lay nestled in his arms and he could stroke over her back and her hair. “I would like to apply for the job opening. I’m a hard worker with almost no sick days.” He winked and added in a secretive voice. “And I’m a decent lover.”

“Sounds good.” Una smiled, and this time it was a broad smile. “But I forgot one thing: I also still need a husband. Are you up for that task?”

Warmth flooded Chris’ belly. “Whenever and wherever you want to have me, Una Chin-Riley.”

Una put a hand on his cheek to make him look at her. “The Exalted Vashkane wants to perform the ceremony for us.”

Chris frowned. “Isn’t she in Jhuntey anyway?”

“Yes,” Una admitted. “She told me that if I felt the need to make my bond with the Golden King official she would gladly officiate when she sent me to get you.”

“That sly woman,” Chris muttered. “I don’t like her, but she’s a shrewd politician. And sometimes I think she knows us better than we know ourselves.”

Una kissed Chris again. “Maybe. But then we now have the rest of our lives to rectify that.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 16 - A Bond for Eternity

A wedding between two figures of legend was not a small feat, Una thought. She was still overwhelmed by the amount of guests that would attend the ritual of union between she and Chris. The whole village had a vested interest in partaking, not only the former Enterprise crew, but also the Aeynlarr from the surrounding settlements.

And all that attention made Una uncomfortable. She was still not used to having all eyes on her, because she had learned in her past that that would inevitably spell bad news. If Una had had a little more choice in that matter she would have opted for a very small, intimate ceremony, probably only with Chris, the babies and an officiant.

But as a celebrity that choice had been made for her.

She hadn’t seen Chris since the morning, as he wasn't allowed to see her dress. Also he said something about procuring a wedding gift for her. She was in the final steps of preparation, the babies nursing at her breasts.

She was nervous and excited at the same time.

La’An was in the process of doing Una’s hair for her. Not because Una wasn’t able to do it herself, but because she had her hands full and because La’An wanted to be involved in Una’s wedding preparations as a friend. Erica sat nearby, prepared to take the twins off Una when she was finished and care for them during the ceremony and after. But until then she held a little flask in her hand. Una had a suspicion of what it was, but she didn’t want to spoil the surprise for her friend.

Pelia, in the next room, added some finishing touches to Una’s wedding dress. Una had to change it again to account for her lack of swollen belly, but Pelia had insisted that there were a few more details necessary. And even though Una had first felt some reluctance, eventually she had decided to trust Pelia not to ruin it.

That woman had more experience with everything than the three of them combined. And she had not only saved Una’s life, but also played an integral part in the way Chris and hers relationship had developed.

For now she concentrated on the feeling of being pulled – the babies pulling at her nipples and La’An pulling her hair.

It felt strange, like a manifestation of all her responsibilities that were tugging at her from all different directions. And even though the day was supposed to be about her, Una wished for it to be over already. Then she would be married to Chris and the two of them would share the night together, alone, without the babies.

But Una also understood that the remaining survivors needed the big wedding ceremony as a celebration of life and love and a prosperous future. They had lived in fear and uncertainty for so long and needed an outlet now - embodied by Una and Chris and their healthy children. The symbolism was not lost on Una - she and Chris as the former command team had always been the people the other could turn to and look up to. This hadn’t changed with the prophecy and its fulfilment. The whole ordeal had just added another layer, represented by the twins.

Una needed to perform for them one more time, to be a mother figure for them. She would smile and be pretty and maybe even enjoy the day, but the only thing she really wanted from her wedding was to finally have hers and Chris’ lives officially bonded together.

And just now Una realized that she really yearned for just that: going home with Chris, only him and her and their children and living her life with him. She didn’t want attention, she didn’t want a big festival, at this point she only wanted peace and quiet.

And she realized something else – it was the flat above her workshop and not her quarters on the Enterprise that she associated with coming home.

Was it that home was wherever Chris went or did she finally accept that her future lay in Jhuntey, her time as a Starfleet officer becoming a distant memory?

At least she had her friends with her and even gained new ones in the process, like Pelia. Having had her by her side throughout the whole ordeal had helped Una immensely. It had been unexpected but not unwelcome. And even now these three women represented Una’s closest friends so it was good to have them with her for the final preparations.

“I think I’m done, chief!” La’An called Una out of her reverie. “I’m a bit rusty,” she added sheepishly.

“And here I thought I could demand your services as a hairdresser from now on,” Erica joked which earned her a death glare from La’An.

“Just wait until you, me and your hair are alone. And don’t forget that I own knives. A lot of them.”

“Just the tools for a proper haircut,” Erica laughed and Una chuckled, too. This friendly banter was exactly what she needed. It was unpretentious and honest. She winced when Joseph sucked a bit too hard as he was wont to do, obviously stirred by the joking. But it was still better to feed the babies now. They needed their rhythm and could then sleep throughout the ceremony. Also it emptied her breasts for some time. She had a feeling that Chris would show an interest in them when they were alone.

The thought felt strangely exciting to Una but also overwhelming. Chris hadn’t seen her changed body ever since their reunion and she suddenly worried that he would be put off by it. And so it almost felt like a lie to be dolled up as a bride, like putting on a facade to hide who she really was.

Pelia entered the room, probably drawn in by the friendly back-and-forth and smiled. But when she saw Una her face changed from amusement to worry. She sat down next to her.

“You alright, child?”

Una shook her head and swallowed. Tears stung behind her eyes, but this time she wouldn’t be weak. This time she wouldn’t cry. She had cried enough. But she couldn’t speak either as long as she fought back the tears.

But Pelia understood and patted Una’s thigh. She couldn’t hug her with the children nursing, but the touch was already reassuring.

“I see,” Pelia said softly and squeezed Una’s thigh. “I understand. I know how exhausted you are – mentally and physically. You had to hold it together for so many people and all that time you had no time to just stop, take a breath and listen to your needs.”

Una nodded. And when she found her voice she muttered: “Chris does when I don’t.”

“He has learned his lesson now and he will be a good partner and father, I am sure. But that doesn’t change the fact that you still had to suffer the brunt of this prophecy through no fault of his own. It’s just something that happens to us women. But that means that you were much more stressed by the whole ordeal simply by facts of biology. Don’t dismiss it so easily, child.”

Una kissed her children’s heads and nodded.

“And now that you’re a mother you’re again neglecting your needs to be responsible for others. But you still have a right to be yourself. You need to be yourself and to have your needs met. I know that the Captain will treat you right and that he will look out for you, but I want to tell you that it’s valid that you’re feeling like this.”

“I feel so ungrateful,” Una sighed. “Everything is well. I managed to pull it off, the crew is no longer in danger, I have two healthy babies and I have Chris back and now he and I will finally be joined.”

“These are all things to be grateful for,” Pelia agreed. “And it’s good that you’re not losing that focus. But on your journey you suffered several layers of trauma. Even half of it would have broken another person.”

Pelia smiled and very gently she bowed forward and brushed Una’s cheek with her index finger. “I’m going to tell you something, child. If you decide from here on out to screw the whole ceremony and elope with the Captain you have every right to do so. And I know that he would follow you as long as it means that you are happy and content. You have given so much of yourself already to the traditions of this planet and the crew that everybody would understand if you just politely stepped down from all that.”

“I know,” Una said very quietly. “But I’ve come so far. I can’t quit now.”

“The sunk cost fallacy,” Pelia laughed softly. “Child, just because you invested time and energy in this wedding in that way doesn’t mean you have to do it like this if your heart's not in it. It is your wedding, not anybody else’s. This day should be about you. ”

“It is about me. But at the same time it isn’t. An Illyrian girl in hiding has lots of time to fantasize about her wedding – even if she never expects one to happen.” Una shifted a bit when she realized that Dorothy had stopped drinking. She had latched on properly but it seemed that she was full now. Una waited a moment longer then she carefully handed Pelia the baby to burp her while Una still held on to Joseph. That one had more of an appetite. “And I spent a lot of time imagining what it would be like getting married to Chris. The fantasies varied… but I always imagined a big party with many guests and me looking stunning for him. So… the thing is: I want this. Just not now. If I balk now I will regret it for the rest of my life.”

“So you’re suffering through it now for the memories later?” Pelia asked, gently putting Dorothy over her shoulder and patting the baby’s back.

Una nodded. “A few things deviate from my fantasy of course. I’ve never thought I’d already have children with him and I always imagined it to be a Federation wedding, but the rest is almost exactly as I thought it would be.”

“Then maybe you’re just having a case of stage-fright right now,” Pelia muttered.

“No,” Una said immediately. “I have no second thoughts. I want to marry Chris. I’ve never been so sure of anything in my whole life.”

Joseph was getting finished as well and Una’s nipple slipped from his little mouth. Una was almost relieved because he was getting a bit rough with her from time to time. At least she would get some reprieve for a night when Erica and La’An were taking the twins.

“I have an ointment for that,” Pelia said when she was looking at Una’s sore breast while the latter cuddled Joseph and burped him, too.

“I should have known you would,” Una said.

“I think my tinctures and brews and ointments regarding reproduction will be in high demand after tonight, but don’t worry, child. You’ll always get your first fill.”

“How reassuring,” Una quipped, slowly feeling better through her talk with Pelia.

“You don’t have to suffer pain and soreness, child. So I put some of that into your wedding gift.”

Una cocked her head. “This would have sufficed as a gift.”

“I’m sure it would, but, as the day is supposed to be about you and not your children, I found it inappropriate to reduce you to your role as a caregiver and just give you a gift for that. I hope that you like what I got you instead – you can find a sneak peek when you look at your dress.”

“Now you make me curious.”

“Good!” Pelia grinned and that was the cue for La’An and Erica to join the conversation again. “If you want you can give us Joseph for the time being, chief, so we can continue.”

“I guess it’s time for the dress now!” Erica said and beamed, eying Pelia. In that moment Una knew that the both of them had a pretty good idea what Pelia had done for the dress.

“I hope you didn’t ruin it!” she told Pelia in that strict Commander tone she had used so often on her.

“See for yourself,” Pelia replied with that annoying confidence of hers. It was justified, most of the time, as Una had to learn.

Una handed Joseph to La’An and started to clean herself and cover up. Erica handed her a fresh breastband that was made specifically for nursing with a thicker layer of fabric. The fabric also was softer and gentle on Una’s sore breasts. She would have taken care of creating one herself if she hadn’t fallen ill.

“Where did you get this?” she asked Erica.

“I made it together with Pelia. It turns out it is a lifesaver and you could profit from that as well.”

Una fastened the band around her breasts and was now ready to wear her wedding dress.

“Thank you,” she told Erica and Pelia. “It’s really useful.”

“We have more,” Erica said proudly, “because you need to wash them so often.”

“Good to know.” Una got up.

She had bathed and washed her hair before they had started making her pretty and it was somehow endearing how her friends flocked around her to help her become a bride, even though none of them was particularly girly. That didn’t stop them, however, to do their best to make Una as pretty as they could.

And so she followed her friends in the adjacent room where Pelia had worked on the dress. The moment Una laid eyes on it she gasped in surprise. She put her hands over her mouth.

“You didn’t!” she breathed and trembled. “Oh God Pelia, you didn’t.”

Pelia put a gentle hand on Una’s upper arm. “I did, child. You deserve that.”

“But how did you…” Una started, still almost in shock at seeing something that by all intents and purposes shouldn’t exist.

Pelia had transformed the dress into a traditional Illyrian wedding dress by adding the classic embroideries, symbols of health, life, and bonding. They were evenly distributed over the upper fabric layer of the skirt, intricate characters interwoven with pictures of birds and flowers.

“It’s beautiful,” Una sobbed, moved by the love and dedication Pelia had put into the dress.

Erica cleared her throat. “You might not be aware but you’re a really pretty lady yourself. So the dress really just enhanced what’s already there.”

“And just this once you deserve to go all out. If you have all eyes on you anyway, I want you to shine and not to hide. You don’t need to hide at all,” Pelia added jovially and patted Una’s shoulder. “Go ahead, try it!”

“Yes,” Erica agreed. “Try it, so we can finally start your nails.”

“My nails?” Una asked.

“Come one chief, your painted nails were the stuff of legends,” La’An teased. “We had bets on your mood depending on your choice of nail polish.”

Una glared at her, but that didn’t hold long before she chuckled. “Good,” she simply said. The truth was that there was not really any rhyme or reason to Una’s nail patterns. She just simply loved to have a bit of artistic freedom in an environment where her looks were heavily regulated. And it depended a lot on her workload. But she found it amusing that her fellow officers not only had taken notice of Una’s fingernails but actively tried to find meaning in them.

And now she finally knew for sure what Erica’s flask was for.

Nervously Chris kneaded the bundle in his hand, the sweat soaking the fabric around it. 

His wedding gift. 

Una didn’t know what he had chosen for her and while he waited for the ceremony to start his thoughts oscillated between certainty that she would love this gift and fear she would be hurt by it. That and the matching pendants had been his task to procure. And even though he had been so sure of them when he had started, now that the moment approached he was worried that his gifts wouldn’t suffice, would be unworthy of Una.

At least Vashkane had helped him with his wedding attire – it wouldn’t have done to let Una make his clothes as well, as they were both not allowed to see each other before the ceremony.

They had talked about it. They had discussed it late into the evening in their little flat.

Chris knew his vows.

But it was only now that reality settled in. He was about to marry his Number One. Officiated by the ruler of the Aeynlarr, the Exalted Vashkane herself after that sorry business with Elder Baudy.

Chris closed his eyes and inhaled. He didn’t want to think of Elder Baudy on a day like this. He would be their problem afterwards.

“Captain, you seem tense!” Spock was dressed similarly as Chris, in black trousers and black, adorned boots. He wore a white, frilly shirt and above it a blue tailcoat where Chris’ was golden, embroidered with flowers and symbols that vaguely resembled the Starfleet Delta. The circlet in Chris’ hair felt strange, but Vashkane had insisted that he looked at least a bit regal regardless of whether he wanted to be king or not. In the end Chris had relented – it was better not to push matters.

Spring was slowly coming and they had chosen a grove, not too far away from the village for their wedding. It was spacious enough to hold all the remaining Enterprise survivors and the Aeynlarr who had wanted to join in the festivity, and with Vashkane’s help it had been possible to organize enough food and drinks for everyone, the benches already standing.

Some of his former crew had volunteered to provide the music so the celebration afterward was secured. But first he had to actually get through the ceremony. And he wondered if Una was as nervous as he was. She always seemed so calm and collected.

“I am,” Chris told Spock, playing some more with the bundle. “What gave it away?”

“You are fidgeting and overcompensating your posture. May I inquire why this is the case? Did you not wish for a union with Commander Chin-Riley?”

Chris sighed. Spock could be infuriatingly correct and wrong at the same time. “I want to marry her, yes. I am just very nervous about the ceremony. Too many people.”

“I see. You would prefer privacy with the Commander.”

“Indeed,” Chris said, quoting Spock’s famous catchphrase. The Vulcan bowed slowly in understanding. But the point was moot. Everything had been organized. They only needed to start the ceremony now.

And when they did, Chris was blown away.

Una was beautiful.

That was the simple truth. It was an objective truth that not only Chris saw. Everybody saw it, even Elder Baudy had seen it.

But when she approached the grove in her wedding dress Chris had a hard time trying not to gape. There were no words to describe just how breathtakingly, stunningly beautiful she was.

This dress, the one she had made with so much love and care, clung to her body and accentuated her female form, while at the same time made her look elegant and regal. It had golden accents mixed with blue, a bodice with golden threads and lacy sleeves keeping her shoulders free, her hair was done in that updo she’d sometimes worn on the Enterprise . 

When she looked at him from across the grove, almost shyly, Chris nodded encouragingly. It felt good to know that even Una, this extraordinary, strong and badass woman felt nervous on this day. So it wasn’t just Chris.

In the middle of the grove, in a floral pavilion Vaskhane waited for them, also regal but different than Una. She looked as if she owned the whole grove; Una looked as if she wanted to be alone with him.

She had brought her friends and La’An and Erica were holding the babies who were surprisingly quiet, as if they knew the significance of the events that were about to unfold. Pelia had hooked her arm under Una’s, almost protectively, and Chris felt grateful that the two women not only had reconciled, but that Una had found a motherly figure in Pelia, someone she could turn to for all the things he had no answer for.

And when the music started, Chris’ feet moved of their own volition. Spock had chosen the music. He claimed it was a blend of traditional Earth and Aeynlarr music and Chris thought he could hear a familiar melody that was in counterpoint to an unfamiliar one, both melodies completing each other by remaining distinct. The blending of cultures. And when Chris had asked why Spock hadn’t incorporated Illyrian music the sad answer had been because there was none available and neither Una nor Pelia had known enough about Illyrian music to add a melody. While Una had at least some memory of a few songs such as the Jo’Ikanhayna none of them had fit the occasion, and even though Chris would have accepted any kind of melody as long as it represented her, Una hadn’t wanted that. And Chris understood – for him every melody was strange and enticing, but for her they had meaning . Using just any melody because it was available would have felt strange for her, like using a nursery rhyme for a funeral.

But it was sad nevertheless – Chris had wanted that for her so much, and again her heritage had become an afterthought, lost to memory and time.

But when Chris saw the embroidered patterns on Una’s skirt that hadn’t been there before, he was suddenly certain that those were Illyrian, meaning they still had found a way of adding Una’s species into the blending of cultures, their lives and their love.

They met in front of the pavilion, each of them holding the packages with their gifts. Una briefly looked him in the eye before she averted her gaze, her face obscured by a veil. Chris had the urge to reach out, to make her look at him, to reassure her that there was no reason to be afraid or nervous. But he was trembling, his heart beating too loud and his hands were sweating.

He felt an all-encompassing love for this woman who had suffered so much for his sake and was still willing to join her life with his.

Who had made herself look so absolutely stunning for him on this day.

“God, you’re beautiful,” it escaped him, breaking the ceremony because they weren’t allowed to talk before the joining. Una fidgeted at that but finally looked at him and smiled shyly. The urge to reach out, push the veil away and stroke her cheek was overwhelming, but before Chris could do that, the murmuring subsided and it was clear that the ritual was about to begin.

“See you on the other side,” he whispered. And Una’s smile grew a bit.

“The joining of two hearts is the most noble thing in life, because it shows strength and unity in the face of adversity. When we are lost and forlorn alone, we are strong together, and even stronger in the union with a heart that beats with ours,” Vashkane began. “And today we have gathered to celebrate the joining of the Golden King of Legend and his Dark Queen who have faced many trials and fought together side by side, trusting each other implicitly and yet never joined their lives, even though they have joined everything else. And it is my distinct honor to not only be present on this historical day but also to bless this union of hearts.”

There was a pause before Chris stepped forward. He inhaled, but suddenly the nervousness was gone. There was only certainty now. He handed Una her pendant so she could adorn it to him. As a symbol of their union he had chosen the Starfleet Delta, now broken in two halves, put together when they matched their pendants, because Starfleet in itself was a symbol of unity.

And their common sense of wonder, their curiosity and their love of exploration had brought them together and had joined their lives long before they had shared their first kiss. Starfleet had already married them.

She gasped when she held it, but it was a gasp of surprise and acknowledgement, not shock. She approved of his choice.

Chris had taken the liberty of creating his vow with a mixture of Aeynlarr traditions, human traditions and what else he felt important. And so he started. He stepped forward and adorned Una’s bare neck with the pendant. It stood out on her bare skin and would rest easily in the valley between her breasts. He kept the half of the delta in his hand, warming it to his touch while he started.

“Una Chin-Riley, you have been my beacon in the darkness for more than twenty-five years. You guided me when I was lost, you loved me when I couldn’t, you forgave me when I didn’t. Your presence brightens my day and your absence darkens my nights. You give me warmth, safety and structure. My life has become richer with you in it. And I want you to spend the rest of your days with me. The rainy days as the sunny days, the sick days and the healthy days. Will you create the future with me?”

“Yes, Chris, I will create the future with you,” came the immediate reply and Chris released the pendant for it to fall into place.

Now Una took the pendant Chris had given her and put it around his neck, also holding the Delta while she recited her vow.

“Christopher Pike, you have treated me with gentleness and understanding when others turned away in disgust. You have stood watch over me when I struggled, you have caught me when I fell and you have seen me when I was invisible. You have held my heart in your hands for twenty-five years and took good care of it. You complete my life in ways nobody else can. And I want to grow old with you and see the seasons pass. I want to be with you throughout calm and turbulent times, in times of need and times of wealth. Will you go on that adventure with me?”

“Yes, Una, I will join you on this adventure,” Chris said with conviction and felt the pendant hit his skin when Una let it go.

It was now time to hand Una the package, the gift he had prepared, and she in turn gave him the package she had prepared for him. These gifts were supposed to hold meaning.

When Una unwrapped the bundle Chris held his breath. He hoped he had chosen correctly. And then she looked at him.

“My old uniform!” she breathed. “I thought it was gone forever.”

“I know you wanted to discard it,” Chris said, “but I couldn’t do that. I knew that it held meaning for you, but I didn’t know what. So I picked it up and had it cleaned, holding onto it until I knew what to do with it. That day is today.”

“Thank you Chris,” Una smiled. “It means a lot. I hope you’ll say the same thing about your gift.”

Curiously Chris started unwrapping the hard bundle Una had given him and then he stared in disbelief. “My recipe book! I thought I lost it in the thunderstorm! But you retrieved it for me a second time.”

“When I came for you I had another look around our former camp. I was so sure that it wasn’t lost, but at the time it wasn’t important. I found it in one of the abandoned crates as if it had waited for you all this time.”

“It’s amazing and thoughtful, thank you so much!” Chris muttered heartfelt. “I accept your gift.”

“Before all these witnesses and with the power vested in me, I hereby declare the Golden King and his Dark Queen joined, until one of them must leave the mortal plane!” Vashkane announced.

And with a beating heart Chris removed Una’s veil to finally touch her. He framed her cheeks with his hands and dipped down to kiss her with all the love he had to give, drowning out the cheer around them.

They finally were husband and wife.

“We’re alone now,” Una said quietly, looking onto the floor.

“Yes,” Chris said and his hands searched for hers. The hubbub of their celebration had died down leaving both of them in this strange room.

Pelia had insisted on a marriage suite and she and their other friends had spent days preparing the room on the upper floor of the tavern. They had not only decorated it with lots of flowers and garlands, they even had constructed custom-made furniture and had it brought up onto the room. 

The bed was a canopy bed and the four bedposts were not only intricately carved, they had the Delta of Starfleet worked into them, hidden behind many leaves. The fabric of the canopy was transparent and very soft and yellow like both his and Una’s former uniform.

The mattress and the bedsheets were fresh and new and clean and of much better quality than what he and Una had at home and it was obvious that they would take this furniture with them and replace their old things with these wonderful gifts of friendship and love. And devotion.

The chest had his and Una’s names carved into it as well as an image of the Enterprise . But it was strange. Seeing these things, these reminders of a past long gone didn’t hurt any longer. In fact Chris could see them as a part of his life that was necessary and beautiful and these pieces of furniture reminded him of what he had been but also showed him who he had been.

And now he had become something else. The husband of Una Chin-Riley. It was still so surreal that it had finally happened, that they had exchanged their vows, officiated by Vashkane in person, the Golden King and his Dark Queen joined in parenthood and marriage.

And Una was so ethereal, so otherworldly and so glorious in her wedding attire. It was the first time Chris had seen that dress she had worked on for months and it had fit her so well, showed who she was while accentuating her beauty and her gorgeous body and it was such a goddamn compliment that Una had gone through all these lengths to look like this for him. For the first time in ages her hair had been braided, interwoven with golden threads that made her shine even more and her fingernails had been intricately painted, too, for the first time in ages. In a way she looked a bit like Commander Chin-Riley, so regal, so commanding, but not quite. She had become different, too, her motherhood had changed her. But no matter how she looked, she was perfect to him.

“For the first time in ages it’s just us…” Una went on. La’An and Erica had volunteered to take care of the twins for this night, claiming that both Chris and Una needed that time and space for themselves.

“Do you… regret it?” Chris asked tentatively. That made her look up, look him in the eye.

“Marrying you?”

“Yeah.” Now it was his turn to look down, hide his hands behind his back. Una was so strangely wistful and melancholic when he had hoped she would be over the moon.

“No,” she said immediately, touching his face, making him look at her, stroking his jaw. “No!” she emphasized again. “Chris, you have no idea how often I’ve fantasized about marrying you. About dressing up for you in a way that would make your eyes light up when you see me…” She smiled and got a faraway look. “But you sort of cheated me out of the last one…”

Chris gasped. He would never…! “How come?” he asked and Una laughed softly. 

“Your eyes light up every time you see me regardless of how I dress.”

Chris had to laugh at that. “I’m glad you noticed.” But then he got solemn again. “But today, you look absolutely stunning. I cannot take my eyes off you. In fact, seeing you like this makes me want to cry because I cannot believe that I’m blessed with you.” He turned his head a bit so he could kiss Una’s hand.

Very tenderly he reached out to grab her waist and pull her closer, making her face him. “I want to cry because there was a time when I thought this day would never come, that I had lost both you and the life you were carrying. I grieved you, Una, and I cursed myself for causing you so much suffering.”

Una leaned forward and brushed his lips with hers. “It’s over, Chris, we made it. We pulled through and prevailed against all odds.”

Tentatively Chris explored Una’s lips that she offered him, sucking on her lower lip and cherishing the warmth and life she radiated.

“I got to take you home and keep you. And we already have two wonderful children. You’re such a blessing Una. You’re good for me. And I promise to be good for you.”

That was when Una kissed him for real, wrapping her arms around his neck to pull him close and really enjoy what he had to offer. It felt like kissing her for the first time, and in a way that was what it was because he was kissing her the first time as his wife. His hands on her waist were exactly where they belonged.

He wanted her so much. After everything that had happened he wanted her even more. Between the kisses Una whispered: “I meant every word of that vow, Chris. Every single one.”

“Una,” he moaned, wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer to his chest. She was now wearing that wedding chain he had made for her around her neck, visibly showing that she was married now. Hers dangled around his neck, a matching piece with matching pendants, forming unity together.

“I should have married you sooner,” he muttered. “I should have married you on the Enterprise , I should have been your husband during the trial.”

Una leaned her head back so he could glide down with his mouth, baring her neck for him, a sign of total trust and an invitation he couldn’t resist. He found the spot between her shoulder and the dip of her collarbone that he could observe affected her when he kissed and licked her there.

“N-no, Chris,” she managed, trembling under his touch. “We might have been married in spirit but it would only have caused unnecessary problems back then.”

That made him stop and he let her go, looking at her, a sudden irrational fear gripping him. “Would you even have considered becoming my wife if we were still serving in Starfleet?”

Una swallowed. “Probably not.” When she saw the face he must have made she fled in his arms. “If I had allowed you to see the truth of my feelings I would gladly have shared your bed. I would have tried to become a beacon of strength you could lean on, but I wouldn’t have done anything that would have endangered your career. Marrying me would have been something like that, having children with me even more. I don’t think a society that had a hard time granting me asylum would have welcomed me birthing little ‘moddie’ babies.”

Chris simply held her, stroked her back and kissed her hair and had to acknowledge that Una was right. He wrapped his arms tighter around her. “I love you Chris,” she mumbled. “I love being your wife and I love being the mother of your children. But the truth is, living under Federation jurisdiction would have made that hard for both of us.”

Chris continued caressing Una’s face with his mouth. “Having found you must be the best thing this cursed planet has done for us. Even if it almost killed you.”

“I took the risk. I would take it again, because everything that came after was worth it.”

Now it was Chris’ turn to swallow. “My amazing wife.”

Una stroked his jaw with the back of her hand and dipped in for another kiss. “My brave husband.”

And now Chris asked the question he should have asked much sooner, that was probably even more important than when he exchanged the vows with her and asked her to spend the rest of his life with him.

“Are you happy, Una?” In a way he was afraid of the answer, because every pause, every hesitation before her answer would tell him more than she would like him to know.

But her response was immediate. She threw herself in another kiss with him and breathed: “Yes! Oh, God, yes!”

Relieved, Chris kissed her back, taking in her face, elated to see her smile again. She seemed to think for a moment and then said very earnestly. “I think this is the first time in years that I’m really, unconditionally happy, that I don’t have some lingering fear or worry in the back of my mind.”

Hearing that hurt, but she just shook her head, snorting.

“I guess, I had just learned to live with constant worry so much that it faded into the background. Back in Starfleet there was the constant fear of being found out, of being careful, never knowing when I might accidentally expose myself. I walked on eggshells. And then, even when I was no longer hiding, everything happened to me like I feared it would. I was on trial and exposed for everyone to see and the intention was to punish me.”

“I just wished I would have known your secret sooner, so I could have been someone you could have been open with,” Chris muttered.

“No. I didn’t want to burden you with that and it would have skewed your command decisions. It was my problem, my problem alone.”

“Hey.” Chris took her chin, very softly by putting his fingers under it. “I hope you understand that I’m here now to support you and that you will never again be alone with anything else.” He winced, well aware that he had aptly proved her point just two months ago, leaving her alone in her biggest hour of need. And that still stung. He almost expected Una to comment on that, calling him out for a lie but she replied with another soft kiss, kissing the corners of his mouth before she captured his mouth with hers, her desire so open. Chris let her kiss him, she deserved it, deserved to be reminded that he was there never to leave, and when she released him he looked at her.

Her cheeks were flushed and her hairdo had started to disentangle a little, and it made her even more desirable. He swallowed, feeling the need to address this issue again if she didn’t.

“I know that I already proved myself a liar when it really counted, but I…” 

Una interrupted him with a kiss. This one was passionate, channeling all her want for him, making Chris gasp for air.

“It’s in the past,” Una said quietly. “Not to be changed. What matters is what happens going forward. And I trust you that you will keep your word.” She grabbed his hand and put it on her heart. “Because if I didn’t I wouldn’t have become your wife.”

Chris opened his mouth but Una shushed him with a gentle finger on his lips. “In all the years I’ve known you, you were always gentle and considerate towards me and you’ve never wanted to hurt me. In fact, you went to great lengths to ensure not to hurt me. You made a wrong decision with limited knowledge. But that decision spared your life so now you’re here for me to enjoy.” She kissed him again and Chris’ heart leapt.

Una was so goddamn mature in her deliberations, so reflective and right. And knowing that she wouldn’t hold his mistake against her was liberating not only for him but also for her.

“Enjoy me?” he asked playfully and Una smiled. “Oh yes. I’m going to enjoy you tonight.”

Chris blushed and swallowed. “Can we… can we even do that?”

“Do what?” Una asked with feigned innocence, wanting to torture him a little.

Chris cleared his throat. “Make love.” His blush deepened. “Me inside you.”

At that Una laughed. But it was good-natured, she wasn’t mocking him. “What makes you think we can’t?”

That was a bit of a safer territory. “Because you’re still healing from your birth and I don’t want to hurt you.” He inhaled. “And because I don’t want to cause another pregnancy when the last one had been such a close call. I want to keep you safe and not sacrifice you for a short-lived bit of fun.”

“Oh, Chris!” Una smiled sadly, obviously moved. She wrapped her arms around his neck and put her forehead on his. “I had a talk with Pelia,” she whispered conspiratorially. “I’m three and a half months postpartum now and I’ve healed well.” That was good and reassuring to know. Her body was changed forever, but at least she had gotten back on her feet. “As for the other thing - remember that for me to fall pregnant I really have to want children? But just to be safe Pelia gave me some of her famous brew. You can relax.”

“Does… does she also have a brew for men?” Chris asked. He had been so preoccupied with childcare, reconciling with Una and the preparations for the wedding that sex hadn’t ranked very high on his priority list. It was just now that it occurred to him that his desire for her hadn’t vanished. It had simmered in the background, invisible but present. He only knew from the first time seeing her nursing that her milk-heavy breasts stirred something primal in him.

“You need to ask her,” Una said good-naturedly, enjoying to see him squirm at the thought of discussing his sex life with Pelia but he chuckled. His sex life was probably the least private aspect of their whole relationship from the moment they had devoted themselves to fulfilling the prophecy. But Una didn’t torture him for long. She tousled his hair before she whispered in his ear. “But for tonight we are safe and you can have me any way you see fit.” And then she winked.

Chris chuckled again. It was so good to have that sassy side of her back, the teasing and the playfulness. “Hot married sex?” he asked, pretending not to understand.

“Hot married sex,” Una repeated and grinned devilishly. “Everyone expects us to do it so we might as well.”

A wedding night with infants was indeed a logistical challenge, but their friends had pooled their resources together to give Chris and Una this night alone, putting Una on birth control on top. It was really obvious what that meant.

Chris had to laugh. The whole situation was so absurd. For months everyone had more or less participated in his and Una’s sex life and it had been common knowledge that they had fucked daily. The prophecy and their exposed status as the command team had drawn all eyes on them. And tonight everyone again knew that they would make love. But this would be the last time forever that this private issue became a public one.

“I’m of half a mind not to do it out of spite, but the goddamn problem is that you’re so hot and I want you so much,” Chris joked. “And the best part is that I get to keep you now.” 

Having gotten Una’s express invitation and consent was liberating and relieving at the same time. It meant that she really had overcome the worst and that she, too, still wanted him. Chris would have spent the wedding night differently in a heartbeat if he had only the shadow of a doubt that Una hadn’t been ready for any sort of sexual activity, health-wise or mentally. But now that she had signaled him that she was not only ready but also willing Chris knew that they wouldn’t leave this room before he had had his way with her. He grinned stupidly. He was such a lucky guy. 

“How much?” Una breathed, rubbing her body on his.

Chris put his hand in her hair and found the pins that held her updo in place. He pulled them out letting her braids fall over her shoulder. And then he started opening the braids, painstakingly slow and patiently. “Very much,” he muttered while he concentrated on her hair.

He wanted to take his time, to savor her, like a rare and precious delicacy because she deserved the best treatment that he could give her, relishing her soft breathing, the steady ebb and flow of her chest.

She watched him playing with her hair and her eyes got very dark. At the same time the ebb and flow got a bit more irregular as if she was trying to hide her excitement.

“Una?” Chris muttered while still preoccupied with her braids.

“Yes?”

“Your breasts drive me crazy every time you feed the babies and I really would love to touch and play with them. But I don’t want to hurt you.”

Una put her hands on his. “I know how much you love them. You’ve always been drawn to them. I want to be honest with you: they are sore and sensitive and I have no idea how I will react to your touch. But I would like to try it out with you.” She smiled encouragingly and Chris smiled back, feeling the hotness behind his cheeks rushing through his belly and to his loins.

When he was done with her hair Una pulled him towards the bed and together they sank onto the soft mattress, kissing each other passionately, rolling around and tousling the sheets and blankets. Suddenly Chris found himself on top of Una, pinning her down. She looked at him intensely and then she bared her neck for him.

Una was not submissive, never had been, and Chris wouldn’t want her that way. But that little act showed so much trust in him. He was married to the hottest woman on the planet and she trusted him unconditionally.

“I love you, Una,” he said, overcome with emotion, still in disbelief that things had turned out so well when they had looked so bleak. He had already grieved her, had prepared to let go, and now he was about to make love to her, feel her, taste her, experience her in the full knowledge that this woman had already birthed him two children. There was no greater commitment than what Una had given him. She hadn’t given up on him and she still wanted him. There were no words for the depth of Chris’ feelings for her.

“Show me,” she said with a smirk and Chris could have jumped for joy at that expression. She was finding her sassiness again and he was looking forward to every snarky comment she would make. He had fallen in love with these pointed and clever comments so long ago. 

“Glad to have you back,” he said, trailing her face with the back of his hand before dipping down for another kiss. She let out a contented sigh when their lips touched and Chris dipped down a bit lower to take her mouth in full. Una had put her arms above her head and Chris put his hands on her wrists to pin her down while he kissed her.

Una was strong enough to free herself from his grip if she chose to, but she didn’t.

But for tonight we are safe and you can have me any way you see fit.

An immense testament of unconditional trust and feeling safe with him, because Una knew with conviction that he would never do something that hurt her or that she wouldn’t enjoy. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, panting.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Una returned the question with a look of confusion, cocking her head slightly.

“Because I’m feeling a bit dominant right now,” he said sheepishly. “And I promised to myself that I would make this night unforgettable for you. I wanted to spoil you rotten.” He took his hands from her wrists but Una grabbed them immediately and pulled them back.

“You are spoiling me rotten,” she reassured him. “This is exactly what I need right now.”

“Okay.” Chris nodded. “Okay, I got this. If it gets uncomfortable for you, tell me, do you hear me?”

“Yes,” Una said and smiled. “But right now I’m very comfortable. The most comfortable I’ve been in months.” She wriggled a bit and wetted her lips.

Chris sunk down on her again, on her neck, kissing it and enjoying it that she let him. And then he put his hands on the laces of her wedding dress.

Una’s current dresses allowed for easy access to her breasts as she was still nursing but her wedding dress was intricately laced. When Una had made it she had assumed that she would still be pregnant when they married and it had taken a few alterations for the dress to fit her now. 

She had made these changes herself, but she had not changed the overall layout. And that meant that Chris had a great package to unwrap.

“Your dress is absolutely wonderful,” he muttered while he took her in again, lying on her back, her hair spread out on the pillow, looking up at him. “Thank you so much for this gift.”

“It wasn’t a gift,” Una said. “It was a promise.”

Chris stroked the side of her face, thumbing over her cheeks. “Would you consider wearing it again?”

“Do you like it so much?” Una asked and Chris nodded. “It encompasses everything I love about you. It’s an amazing piece of craft. You are very talented and creative.” He chuckled. “And to be fair… you never struck me as the creative type per se.”

“I have many hidden talents,” Una commented and winked and Chris had the urge to take her again in a kiss that she gladly reciprocated.

When they separated he dared putting his hands on her breasts over the dress. Una had said they were sensitive but she had also allowed him to touch them and they felt so firm. They even looked a bit bigger than he remembered.

Carefully he let his fingers caress them, feeling the soft fabric of the dress. Una let out a whimper and Chris immediately retreated. “I’m sorry… I didn’t want to cause you pain.”

“No,” Una said firmly, taking his hands and putting them back. “It didn’t hurt, it was just an unusual sensation. I need to get used to it, but I think I might like it.”

“Really?” Chris looked at her intently. “Don’t lie for my sake.”

“I’m not, I promise.”

There was nothing in Una’s expression that indicated that she would and so Chris returned to her dress. As the shoulders were free already he only had to unlace the bodice to get to the treasure he was seeking.

He straddled her, kneeling on her hip and with dedication he started unlacing her bodice. First he untied the golden strands and then he methodically pulled them out through the lugs all the while Una watched him and tried her best to keep her breathing steady. But from time to time her breath hitched, indicating her excitement.

“You did that on purpose!” Chris laughed while he was busy.

“Did what?” Una asked innocently.

“Make this dress so hard to open. You want me to work for it.”

“Maybe,” Una said enigmatically and smirked. “But to be fair, I wanted a dress that… blended Aeynlarr fashion with a few Illyrian influences, as far as I could remember them. And I wanted to be beautiful for you.”

“You are beautiful to me. Amazing. Just… I have no words,” Chris stammered. And then he kissed Una again before he continued with his puzzle work. He bit his lower lip while he got back to work, sticking his tongue out in concentration.

“You look adorable like this,” Una quipped after a while and Chris made a point of exaggerating this facial expression for her before they both burst into laughter.

That was almost better than sex, Chris thought for a moment. To have that levity back, that shared sense of humor and the reassurance that Una was still laughing at his silliness. His beautiful, perfect Una.

“My wife…” Chris mused, trailing her face with his fingers and finding the spots again that made her elicit little gasps. “I can’t believe it that you are finally my wife.” He smiled to himself. “My wife,” he repeated. “My wife, my wife, my wife.”

“Took us long enough, didn’t it?” Una put her hands on his and looked up at him with pure adoration. “My husband.”

“Everything about this is great,” Chris added giddily. “Falling asleep next to you, waking up next to you and always knowing that you chose this. That you consciously chose to live with me.”

“I would choose this any time.”

“I know,” Chris whispered. “That’s why I’m so goddamn happy.” He had finally managed to pull the laces out of the bodice and carefully set them on the night table. And then he slowly opened Una’s dress by sliding his hands under the fabric. As it had her shoulder free it glided easily away under his hand, leaving him with her linen breastband.

With two fingers Chris gingerly stroked the fabric, noticing the wet stains on it and he smiled. Una’s breasts were so heavy with milk that they were overflowing. And that aroused him immensely. She had nursed the babies before the ceremony and afterwards they had been given over to Erica and La’An, but her breasts didn’t know that. They had produced the milk that was needed for the evening feed.

“Are you in pain right now?” Chris gently asked. “Your breasts feel pretty plump.”

“It’s a bit uncomfortable,” Una admitted. “But right now it’s still okay.”

“Shall I…” Chris blushed. “Shall I ease your burden a bit?”

“You want to drink from me?”

“Only if it’s not hurting you and won’t be taken away from the children,” he clarified. “I just want to ease your pain so you can enjoy this evening even more.”

“I talked to Pelia about this,” Una said and smiled. “Because I expected that this question would come up between us.”

“Oh,” Chris muttered, eyes wide. Of course Una would have done this. She knew her body and she knew him. “When I get no relief they will start to hurt so your… help is quite welcome in that regard. Also, don’t worry about taking away from the babies - my body will produce more.”

“But is that something you would … like?” he asked sheepishly. 

Una chuckled. “Why do you think I asked?” She looked at him. “The only thing is, as I said before, I can’t tell you how this will feel for me now until we’ve tried it.”

“I will be slow and gentle,” Chris promised. “And the moment it hurts or is not pleasant for you, you tell me and I stop, okay?”

“Okay.”

And so Chris returned to her breastband and looked for a way to open it. Eventually Una helped him and they cast the thing aside together, their hands meeting and their mouths very close.

Una’s breasts had changed. Her nipples were bigger and darker as were her areolas. While Chris had already taken glances at them while she took them out for her nursing sessions he now had time to study them in more detail. “Remarkable,” he breathed. “Beautiful.” He bowed down to cover them with small kisses. “You’re even more beautiful now,” he muttered in between the kisses, not caring that he must have told Una that a dozen times by now.

Her breasts felt firmer under his touch too and he understood what Una meant when she said that they felt uncomfortable at times.

Gently his mouth explored her left breast while his hand softly stroked her right one. He was taking care to do nothing that hurt Una, using featherlight touches. 

She hummed under his touch, encouraging him to continue. And then he dared to use his tongue to lick over her darkened and leaking nipple, tasting the sweet substance.

Una took a sharp breath at that and Chris immediately stopped to check in with her.

“Does it hurt?”

She put her hand over his and held it in place. “A bit, because they’re so sore. But please continue. I like it anyway.”

Chris checked her face again and nodded. “I will suck on them a bit now, okay? Taking the pressure off a bit.”

“Please.”

And then Chris did exactly that by closing his lips around Una’s enlarged nipple. He flicked his tongue over it and when Una hissed her approval he very deliberately started sucking. It didn’t take long for the milk to come and it tasted creamy and sweet.

“Chris,” Una panted and wrapped her arms around Chris' shoulders to press him close. “Oh God, Chris, that is so good, please don’t stop, please…” 

Chris took the encouragement to suck a bit harder if Una enjoyed it so much and it didn’t take long for her to stiffen and sigh before letting herself fall back on the bed again, panting. Chris looked at her in disbelief.

“Did you just…?”

“Yes…” she breathed.

“That has never happened before,” he observed.

“No.” She gently stroked his face with the back of her hand. “I guess that answers the question whether I like it or not.” A smile graced her lips.

Very carefully Chris caressed the breast he had just sucked on and it felt softer now. “Does it feel lighter now?” he asked Una.

She nodded. “For now it does.”

“That leaves your other breast.” He smirked before his gaze softened. “If you can take it.”

Una cocked her head. “Are you kidding me? That was amazing!”

Chris eagerly pecked her mouth and dipped down to give her other breast the same treatment as the first. This time he didn’t stop when she hissed and whimpered, knowing that she would articulate her discomfort more clearly and accepted the noises as signs of her enjoyment.

Una squirmed under him and he steadied her a bit by putting his hands on her upper arms, her gasps close to his ear. Sucking her now that she was nursing now was definitely a different experience for him, too. Her breasts not only looked different, they felt different under his tongue. And he liked the taste of her milk.

He also drank some from her other breast, to make it lighter and to take off the pressure but even though she bucked with pleasure he didn’t bring her over the edge a second time. Chris regretted that a bit, but he consoled himself with the knowledge that he had given her good feelings in any case.

And then he looked at Una again, who lay on the bed, half-clothed in her wonderful wedding dress, her glorious chest on full display and completely at his mercy.

She looked up at him and her eyes told him everything he needed to know. They shone with happiness and love.

“Thank you,” he told her and took her hand to stroke over its back. “Thank you for having me. For having my children. For being my wife. For letting me see you like this.”

Una sat up so that she could levelly look him in the eyes. She put her other hand over his, sandwiching it in a way. “No, thank you. Thank you for giving me direction and purpose when I was straying from the path. I often thought that I needed to atone for my sins, for all the wrongs I committed, for the lie I’ve lived. But you showed me that I was redeemable. That there is even happiness for me.”

Chris inched forward to hug her and he didn’t care that he crumpled her dress in the process. They would wash and iron it another time.

“Don’t say that, Una,” he said softly. “The word ‘redeemable’ implies that you committed some sort of unforgivable crime when all you wanted was to pursue your dreams against insurmountable odds.” He kissed her gently and she kissed him back as gently. “I only know very few people who are as fundamentally ‘good’ as you. You have a very strong sense of justice and you hold yourself to the same standards you ask of others. That is the opposite of ‘irredeemable’. You are a role model to a lot of people.” Chris kissed her again. “You deserve happiness like everyone else. And I’m here to provide it for you as long as you want me to.”

Una cocked her head and smirked. “Are you sure you are fully aware of what you signed up for?”

“Fully,” Chris nodded with played earnestness.

“I can be pretty demanding.”

“Even better.” He grinned and kissed Una again, letting his mouth hover over her face and then over her neck before settling in the valley between her breasts while he traced her collarbone with his fingers. “Being near you makes me inexplicably happy and I cannot tell you how much I enjoy your presence, your voice and the way you feel under my hands,” he told her with a muffled voice.

Una let him have this and hugged his face closer, pressing him onto her chest so he could sense her heartbeat, the steady thumping of the strongest heart Chris knew. This heart had stubbornly refused to stop beating and now it beat for him. Reverently he put his hand on the spot on Una’s ribcage, feeling for her steady heartbeat, proving to himself that she was alive and real. And that he wouldn’t wake up the next morning in an empty bed and the realization that everything had been a dream.

With gentle force he pushed Una back into the sheets and she allowed herself to fall, trusting him so much that he wouldn’t hurt her. And when she lay there Chris had a hard time deciding which part of her body he should pay attention to next.

With his flat hand he pressed down on her chest and then glided lower to her belly, over her hips and finally he rested on her mons. She was still covered by fabric but under the cover of her dress hid her phenomenal body.

Then he bowed forward with both hands and placed them under her on her back. He gently let them trail over her backside and under her thighs and when he had had her like this he pulled her closer. The rustling of the fabric and Una’s excited breathing were the only sounds and they encouraged Chris to continue. Carefully he moved her skirt up so that he could have her legs on both sides of him, still holding her thighs in place so that her pelvis was at the same height as his hip. He steadied her and then smiled when Una hooked her legs around him, holding herself in place. With one hand he held her and with the other he roamed under her skirt, feeling her now again flat belly before he finally let it rest above her damp panty.

His gaze locked with Una’s and he cleared his throat.

“I want to see you naked,” he confessed and Una bit her lower lip.

“I’ve changed,” she said quietly and a bit self-consciously.

Chris hooked his thumb into her panty. “I know. And you’re still amazingly beautiful.”

“But you haven’t seen…” Una started.

“I don’t have to see you to know it. Every change your body underwent was to give me Dorothy and Joseph. How can I not love the visible marks of the greatest gift you could have given me?”

Chris gently put her back on the mattress again and then he crawled forward to place his finger under her chin to make her look at him. “You are beautiful as you are, carrying the marks of a warrior. And I love everything about you - every mole, every scar, every one of your wrinkles. So please Una, never feel self-conscious in my presence, okay?”

Una grabbed his wrist and nodded. “Okay, Chris.” She smiled. And Chris kissed her, realizing once again that under her bravado Una was very vulnerable. Her strength and her competence sometimes made him forget just how frightened and hurt she could be. And while she seemed to know his demons, he slowly understood hers. And vowed to drive them off.

He started sliding her dress further down her body and it went easily as it was already open on the shoulders. Una assisted him by lifting herself up and eventually he had managed to free her from it. She was now lying on the bed clad only in her panties.

Her belly indeed had marks that hadn’t been there before but those little scars were a testament of bravery and resilience and not, as Una had feared, blemishes. And even if they were, Chris wasn’t so shallow that he would find fault with her for a change that he had not only caused but had wholeheartedly supported.

He dipped down and placed tender kisses on her belly, cherishing and honoring each stretch mark, letting his tongue run over them and play with her belly button. Una’s belly was soft again and she had recovered well.

“Chris…” she whimpered after a while and he stopped and looked up.

Her eyes were closed and her arms were over her head and she had given herself so freely to him.

But for tonight we are safe and you can have me any way you see fit.

Chris grinned. And very gently he guided his mouth upwards so that he could suck a bit more on her full breasts, tasting her some more.

“Una,” he started, not getting tired of using her name again and again. “Your body is perfection. There is nothing wrong with it. I’m only glad that you’ve healed so well and that you’re not in pain. Because that is the most important thing: that you are healthy and well.”

Una smiled and her smile spread when his words reached her. “It’s stupid,” she admitted. “I have this irrational fear that you will see me for what I truly am and then abandon me. I know it’s irrational – you’ve never given me cause for this and now even less that we are married.”

“But I did leave you…” Chris pointed out and realized while saying it that he had inadvertently triggered Una’s darkest fear back then, even though he had neither intended nor anticipated that. However,  Una had finally found the courage to share this fear with him, meaning she believed in this relationship as much as he did.

“Yes,” she said quietly. “But you came back.”

“In a manner of speaking,” Chris uttered ruefully. “You had to come after me.”

“It still doesn’t change the fact that you didn’t leave because you were having enough of me. You left because you couldn’t have enough of me. I’ll take that, you know?”

“Then I’ll take that, too,” Chris agreed. With his mouth he trailed southward again, exploring Una’s belly and belly button once more before he settled even lower. He remembered how much she loved him pleasuring her with his mouthi and as much as she had told him that he could do with her as he pleased that night, the only thing he really wanted and craved was making sure that she felt comfortable in her body and enjoyed herself. He rid her of her last piece of clothing before returning to his ministrations. As soon as his mouth had reached her damp curls she opened her legs for him with a sigh. It was an almost automatic movement and he grinned.

It felt reassuring that he had that sort of power over her.

And then he dove in, his tongue already knowing what to do. Her clit was easy to find and gently he latched on, sucking on it and gently biting down on it.

Una above him was digging her hands into the sheet and she made small needy noises. In response Chris let his tongue run once through her silky folds, mapping them and feeling each idiosyncrasy of hers that made her so unique. 

She was already so wet and him giving her the pleasure she deserved would make her even wetter, more ready if they finally joined their bodies.

Soon Chris found his rhythm and Una met him by involuntary thrusts of her hips. She was starting to thrash under him, the noises getting louder. And so he dipped his tongue inside her.

She readily gave way to him and a broken cry escaped her throat, the rocking of her hips growing in intensity.

“Chris…” she begged, but even though she didn’t say more, Chris knew exactly what she was asking of him and so he returned his stimulations to her sensitive clit, slowly and steadily working her until she tensed, preparing for her onsetting orgasm.

In that moment he released her, knowing that she had to ride it out on her own and if he continued he would overstimulate her and make it uncomfortable. But the great thing was that he could, now  sit up and watch Una squirm and thrash in orgasmic bliss, her body covered by a thin film of perspiration.

He let her have that and waited for her to come down from her high. When she looked at him through lidded eyes he grinned like a schoolboy. She propped herself up on her elbow.

“What’s so funny?” she asked.

“Nothing,” Chris said honestly. “I’m just so immensely happy to be your husband.”

Una grinned, too. “It’s really easy to make you happy.”

“If you are involved, then yes. I worship the ground on which you walk.”

“Don’t overdo it, mister!” Una giggled.

“Don’t tell me what to do! I’m the Captain!” Chris teased.

“That never stopped me before,” Una retorted. And they both laughed at that.

Eventually Chris crawled over Una so that his face was hovering over hers and he nuzzled her nose with his, his mouth centimeters away from hers.

“I’m cherishing the prospect of treating you like this more often.”

“May I remind you, that we are parents now, my horny boy scout?”

Chris laughed again. “I haven’t forgotten. But the good thing about you being my wife is that you will stay with me in the foreseeable future. And the twins won’t always be babies. Besides, I’m sure we have many willing babysitters. It takes a village and so on…”

Una gave him a gentle peck on the mouth. “I see you have this planned out.”

“Every last detail,” Chris replied, pecking her back after each word. “What kind of lousy husband would I be if I didn’t keep my amazing wife happy?”

“The kind I never would have married,” Una retorted and used the opportunity to mess with his hair a bit. “I have standards.”

“I don’t think there is a greater compliment than you telling me that,” Chris muttered, moved by Una’s words.

“Good,” she smiled. She reached out again and this time she demanded another languid kiss, another connection of their mouths, another exploration, breath hot and exciting on his skin, and when they finally separated, Una’s eyes were very dark.

“It’s time, Chris,” she added with a breathy voice and very gently she reached out for his penis. Chris was already hard from the extensive foreplay and the unimaginably hot images of Una in the throes of pleasure. But feeling her warm and gentle hands on his most sensitive body part was on another level. He inhaled through his teeth because he had to get used to it again.

Una had never been shy about touching him, much less shy than he was, because she knew him so goddamn well. But they hadn’t made love for almost half a year now, so everything felt fresh and new and exciting. And even though Una had made her wants and needs clear already Chris still felt insecure about penetrative sex.He was so afraid of hurting her or losing her again.

He put his hands on hers and swallowed. “Is this really safe?” 

“Yes, Chris. It’s really safe. And I want it.”

“Una.” He looked down. How could he tell her that he was still struggling with the fact that she nearly died of a pregnancy that he caused. Back then she had also told him that she wanted it. And then he had seen her wither before his eyes.

Una sat up. And her gentle hands moved to his face making him look at her. “I want it. I’m not afraid. And you shouldn’t be either.”

“I almost lost you once,” he mumbled. “I don’t want to lose you again.”

“I know,” Una said softly. “But you won’t this time. I promise.”

And suddenly Chris had to think of Pelia with her unconventional wisdom. 

Don’t infantilize her by invalidating her agency.

He had sworn to listen to Una and to her wants and needs. And she wasn’t reckless. In fact, he didn’t know anyone with such a distinct sense of responsibility as Una. She was a mother now. And she wouldn’t endanger her life for one night of fun with him, as much as she wanted that.

And so he did what he should have done from the beginning. He trusted Una.

“Okay,” Chris said and removed his clothes as quickly as possible. Then he returned to the bed and gently held Una to kiss her again. While doing so he made her lie down in the sheets again with some gentle force.

She didn’t resist. As soon as she lay down she opened her legs for him, a silent invitation, but heartbreaking and wonderful at the same time. And Chris followed her, let himself fall into her arms and into her lap.

And very slowly, relishing every second of it, he let himself be guided inside her by her nimble hands.

Una was as tight and welcoming as he remembered her and he groaned. “This feels amazing,” he told her and watched as she smiled, almost relieved. And then he realized that she probably felt worried that she had lost some of that tightness after the birth. But she hadn’t. Gently Chris stroked her face. “You are amazing.”

His thumb trailed the sides of her face, her unruly hair to the side and he kissed her again, feeling so welcome in her arms. 

The realization in the tavern that Una was home for him had changed Chris’ whole life and his complete outlook on his future. It had put all the puzzle pieces back into place where they belonged.

And now he would build a future with the one person it was worth building with. And just as she received him, because she wanted to receive him, Chris realized again how thoroughly he enjoyed spending time with Una. She was witty, she was funny and she was playful. Their banter could be superficial and they could philosophize the night away. Una was an even match for him intellectually – if she didn’t vastly surpass him – and yet they complemented each other. 

He offered her stability, love and care, something that had been painfully absent for large parts of her life. She offered him love and steadfast loyalty and two amazing children.

And they both offered each other intimate knowledge about the other’s strength and weaknesses, and Chris swore to himself that until the day he died he would do his damndest to protect Una from her weaknesses. And to tell her daily how much he loved her.

He was indeed coming home. And he intended to stay there.

“Are you okay?” Una asked after a while and Chris smiled. “Yes. I was just thinking about you.”

“Oh?”

“Does that surprise you?”

Una pretended to think and then she smiled. “I don’t know. You’re buried deep inside me and you’re holding me tight. It’s very possible that other things occupy your mind.”

“Possible but not likely.” Chris paused for a second and then he added quickly. “I was just thinking to myself how great it is to spend my life with you.”

“And how great is it?” she teased him.

Chris nuzzled her nose with his. “Very great.”

Slowly Chris started moving in her, to intensify the feeling of connectedness and to give Una the valuable feedback that she was very much wanted and loved. He needed to feel her, he needed to taste and smell her. His wonderful, amazing, glorious, beautiful wife.

She matched his rhythm, almost anticipated it and it worked because they were so in sync. And while he made love to Una like this, Chris realized how much he had missed this tender intimacy with her.

He would never have demanded it but now that Una was the one who had initiated it he could relish in it with a clear conscience.

She wanted that.

She wanted him.

And he wanted her.

And he had her.

He was the luckiest guy in the universe.

And these feelings and thoughts were so overwhelmingly pleasant and exciting that Chris had no choice but to give himself over to them.

His climax washed over him almost unexpectedly and Una followed him shortly after. He kissed her throughout it and even after it and she was so warm and soft and delicious.

They stayed connected for some more time before Chris eventually nestled next to Una, covering them with the blanket and outlining her body with featherlight touches.

“I’ve missed this,” Una said after a while, cupping his face and playing with his hair. “This was exactly what I needed.”

“Then I’m glad to have given you this.”

“You already gave me more than you know.”

“You, too,” Chris muttered and it was heartfelt.

They spooned against each other and slowly fell asleep in their marriage bed among talks about their future and past. And with a sense of safety – they were both secure in each others’ arms.

Chris awoke to a pleasant feeling of warmth and arousal and when he opened his eyes he found Una spooned next to him, her hand between his legs and stroking him into hardness.

“Una!” he gasped. In all their time together he had never experienced her as so straightforward and demanding, but the dedication and love with which she caressed him was so good that he didn’t wish her to stop.

"Shhh," she whispered and put a finger on his mouth, let it trail south over his chin and neck, over his carotid and rested it on his heart, her hot mouth soon on his, kissing him greedily. Chris replied in kind, surprised, but excited by the way Una treated him right now. And then she straddled him, her hair tousled and unruly and her white skin visible in the darkness. She had something wild around her, something feral.

“Okay?” she asked with a guttural voice and when Chris nodded she let herself sink down on him and he was back inside her and it was still as amazing as all the other times.

“Oh God, Una!” he moaned, feeling her hotness all around him. And then frantic hands on his chest, playing with his hair as she started to ride him, urgently, almost wanton.

And in that moment it occurred to Chris that Una had held back.

All the times they had made love she had held back. First it had been these futile breeding exercises that had been so unsatisfying and painful. Then, in the spirit of getting pregnant, Una had let him be gentle with her. And it had been good and enjoyable for her, but it had always been the same. And then she was pregnant and again, the focus hadn’t been entirely her, but on not losing the pregnancy so they had been careful and gentle again. But now, she finally could let loose and be herself in her own body.

And the truth was that obviously a part of herself had a wilder side. A harder side. But even though her movements were frantic, they didn’t have the desperate urgency of their early breeding sessions. This time Chris felt with every fiber of his being how much Una loved him that she finally had the courage to show him a side of her that she had been afraid to show the entire time.

“Yes,” Chris encouraged her, putting his hands on her hips to hold her in place and pull her down. “Don’t hold back anymore!”