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Chapter Text

"I just think Chris could use another person in his life," Eddie's mom was saying.

With his phone propped between his ear and his shoulder, Eddie rolled his eyes and continued folding his laundry. Ever since Chris had come back from being in Texas with his parents, Eddie's mom had been way more invested in their lives, calling every other day to 'check in' and make sure they were doing okay – which was code for telling him a hundred and one ways he should change his life.

He had an inkling she wasn't pleased that Chris had chosen to return to him.

"It's good for kids to have two parents," she went on. "If ever you're busy or something, he needs someone else he can go to – and you've made it very clear you don't want him coming to us anymore."

"He has someone else he can go to," Eddie said automatically, Buck's smiling face flashing into his mind.

"Your friend Buck doesn't count," she said dismissively, and Eddie felt his hackles rising defensively. "I'm talking about a partner, Eddie. Someone who will commit to being with you and Christopher for the rest of your lives."

"Buck is committed," Eddie said before he could think about what he was saying. "He's not going anywhere."

There was a pause on the other end of the line.

"When you say committed…" she asked hesitantly, voice trailing off.

Don't do it, don't do it, don't do– "I mean Buck and I are together. We're dating. We're happy and if you have a problem with that you can keep it to yourself, because I love him. In fact, I'm planning to propose."

Fuck.

Of all the things that could've come out of his mouth, why did it have to be that?

"Wow," his mom said, and he dropped the shirt he was failing to fold so he could grab hold of his phone – and squeeze it just a little to vent his frustration. "Were you ever planning on telling us about this?"

Blood roared in his ears and he closed his eyes, taking a moment just to breathe and calm himself down. Getting angry would not help this situation. In fact, it would definitely make it worse.

"Eddie?"

"Yes," he said, opening his eyes again and forcing his grip on the phone to relax. He wasn't about to admit that he'd panicked and lied, so he may as well double down. "I was going to tell you. It's just… new."

"It's new?" she asked, somehow making those two works sound scathing in his ear. "If it's new why are you already thinking about proposing?"

"Because we've known each other for years," he said, feeling his temper rise despite how hard he fought to keep it down. "Buck is my best friend and the best thing that's ever happened to me. Now that we're…" He stumbled slightly, the lie bitter on his tongue from how badly he wished it were true. "Now that we're together, why wait?"

"Hm."

"'Hm' what?"

"Don't take that tone with me."

Eddie rolled his eyes and bit his lip to keep from spitting back, 'Don't take that tone with me.'

"Maybe we just need to get to know him better," his mom went on. "Why don't you both come visit next weekend? I remember you saying you're not working and it would be good to see Christopher again, too."

"It's our only free weekend for the next four months!" Eddie protested.

"Exactly. If we don't do it now we won't see you for ages."

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Eddie mentally counted to ten. His mom kept talking, taking his silence for acquiescence and already making plans for the entire weekend. It was infuriating, but he didn't know how to make her stop without causing a massive argument which he really didn't want to deal with right now.

"So let us know once you've spoken to Buck and booked your flights," she finished.

"I'll talk to him," Eddie conceded with a sigh.

Sounding rather pleased with herself, his mom cheerfully said goodbye.

Ending the call and dropping his phone onto his pile of half-folded laundry, Eddie scrubbed both hands over his face and let out a groan of frustration. How the hell had he gotten himself into this mess?

-

The next day, Eddie and Buck were in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner when he finally got up the courage to broach the subject.

"I have… an odd request," Eddie said casually.

Judging by the way Buck immediately stopped washing up and turned to face him with a frown, the words hadn't come out quite as casually as he'd hoped.

"What's up?" Buck asked cautiously, resting his gloved hands on the edge of the sink.

Resisting the urge to wipe his sweaty palms on his pants, Eddie slipped his hands into his pockets and fixed his eyes on a fridge magnet before asking, "Would you mind coming with me to visit my parents next weekend?"

"Of course," Buck said easily.

"And could you pretend to be my boyfriend while we're there?"

Silence. Reluctantly, Eddie dragged his eyes over to Buck's face and took in his stunned expression.

"It's…" He cleared his throat before explaining. "My mom called yesterday and she was going on and on about how Chris should have someone else in his life, another parent. And I just got so sick of it so I … I told her that you were. His parent."

Buck continued to stare at him.

"Cause I mean, you practically are anyway," Eddie said, looking away again because he couldn't stand the intensity of those blue eyes. "His parent, I mean. You're always here for us and I know you love him like he's your own. So I just figured that–"

"I do."

"What?"

"I do love him like he's my own," Buck said, his eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"I know you do," Eddie said with a soft smile. Then… "Are you crying?"

"No." Buck sniffed loudly and turned back to the sink, blinking rapidly as he started washing dishes again.

They were silent for a few moments, no sound but the gentle clatter of dishes in the sink.

"Okay, well…" Eddie tried to remember what he'd been saying. "Right. So I just figured that I could make her shut up by saying we were together. Only then she insisted that we both come visit so they can get to know you better, which is her way of saying 'grill you', so I'll totally understand if you don't wanna do it. I just… didn't think. It was out of my mouth before I knew what I was saying."

"I'll do it," Buck said, and Eddie blinked in surprise. "Absolutely. Whatever you need."

Eddie's heart thudded anxiously in his chest. He hadn't really expected Buck to say no, but he was now also realising that he hadn't actually prepared himself for Buck to say yes.

Buck saying yes meant that they would be going to visit his parents together next weekend. It meant that Buck was probably going to call him pet names and hold his hand in order to sell it, and Eddie was quite probably going to have a heart attack.

Because he was completely, one hundred percent, head over heels in love with him.

"So," Buck said as he kept washing. "How long have we been dating?"

Eddie's heart leapt into his throat and he had to gulp it back down.

"Um… since… Chris came back?" he heard himself say.

"Okay." Buck was nodding. "And is Chris– Wait, will Chris be coming? Is he gonna be in on it?"

With a shock, Eddie realised he hadn't even thought about what he would tell Chris; he'd been too busy freaking out about how to ask Buck. But since Chris was coming with them – his mother might actually kill him if he showed up without him – and there was no way Eddie could lie to him, he would have to be in on it.

"Uh… I'll talk to him," Eddie said, giving his head a small shake to try and clear his thoughts. "I'm not lying to him about it, though."

"Good," Buck murmured.

Eddie took a deep breath and then let it out slowly, feeling his heart racing beneath his skin. This was really happening. He could barely believe that after years of pining after Buck, one tiny slip up on the phone to his mother had sent him careening into a torturous fake dating scenario that he was equally excited and terrified for.

Buck cleared his throat and Eddie looked up.

"Do you think…" Buck kept his eyes on the bowl he was scrubbing, his shoulders hunched slightly. "Will we need to kiss?"

If Eddie thought his heart was racing before, now it was competing for first place in the hummingbird olympics.

"I… No." It was his turn to clear his throat. "I can't imagine my parents asking to see that."

"Right, no, of course not," Buck said with a strained chuckle.

Eddie stared at his back, wishing he could read his mind to find out what he was thinking. Had he brought it up because he was afraid Eddie would ask to kiss him? Or perhaps… had he brought it up because he wanted to?

"Although…" he said very slowly, barely believing he was about to say these words. "If we did, it might piss them off even more."

Buck's hands froze in the sink and Eddie mentally cursed himself. Why couldn't he have kept his mouth shut?

But before he could spiral too far, Buck looked over his shoulder at him and asked, "Is that what you want, though? To piss them off?"

Trying not to stare too obviously at Buck's lips, Eddie shrugged. "I don't know what I want," he admitted.

Grimacing sympathetically, Buck eased his gloves off and left them on the sink before walking over.

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to," he said softly, pressing a warm hand to Eddie's arm. "If you do, I'm with you one hundred percent, but if you'd rather call them back and just tell them to go fuck themselves? I'm with you on that, too."

Huffing a laugh, Eddie dropped his gaze to where Buck was holding him. This simple touch, soft yet firm, grounded him in a way he hadn't even realised he'd needed – he hadn't known he was untethered until he was secure.

"I'm serious," Buck said, tilting his head to catch Eddie's gaze again. "You are an amazing father. You don't have to pretend to be in a relationship just because your mom thinks you need one. Chris already has everything he needs, whether she can see that or not."

Swallowing stiffly, Eddie squashed the desire to lean forward and press their lips together.

"Thank you," he said instead.

"You just let me know what you decide, okay?" Buck smiled and slid his hand down Eddie's arm until he reached his hand, giving a gentle squeeze. "And if you decide you want me to come with you to Texas and pretend to be your boyfriend for the weekend? I'd be honoured."

I want you to be my boyfriend for real, Eddie thought to himself.

But if Buck had wanted to be his boyfriend, he would've said something by now, so Eddie kept those words inside and simply said thank you once more.

Chapter Text

The week passed quickly. Once Eddie had confirmed that he wanted to go ahead with the lie, Buck seemed to make it his mission to ease his fears and become a pillar of stability. He assured Eddie that everything would go smoothly – "we won't even have to act that differently, cause we're already so close and did you know we've been mistaken for a couple before?" – and showed no hesitance whatsoever when discussing how they would answer any questions that came up.

Telling Chris had gone well, too. He hadn't even blinked when Eddie told him he and Buck would be pretending to be a couple, and when Chris realised he might need to lie to his grandparents he had simply asked for the details so he could get it right – "when did you start dating? Has Buck moved in yet?"

By the time they arrived in Texas, Eddie actually found himself feeling relatively calm. Yes, he was in love with Buck, and pretending to be his boyfriend while knowing he would never actually have him was going to be torture, but Buck was also his best friend in the whole world and made him feel settled just by meeting his gaze.

Buck had his back. They were gonna be okay.

And also…

"You go first," Eddie said, nudging Chris ahead of them as they walked up to the front door.

Chris was quite a useful distraction when it came to his parents.

Buck caught his eye and grinned, then reached out and took his hand. "It's gonna be fine," he whispered as Chris knocked.

As the door swung open and he heard his parents exclaim excitedly before enveloping Chris in a big hug, Eddie's eyes lingered on Buck's face. Buck's grin widened into a full smile under his gaze, and when Buck gave his hand a gentle squeeze, Eddie squeezed back.

"Eddie," his mom said once she finally let go of Chris. "So good to see you were able to find the time to come and see us. Too bad you couldn't get in any earlier, though. You've barely made it in time for lunch."

Was it just him, or was she being passive aggressive?

"Mrs Diaz," Buck quickly cut in before Eddie could say something he might regret. "It's so good to see you again."

"Mr Buckley," she said with a stiff smile.

"It's just Buck," Eddie snapped.

"Please, come in," his dad said, waving a welcoming hand and stepping back to make room.

Eddie tried to calm his racing heart as they all made their way inside. Buck kept hold of his hand, a lifeline in a stormy sea, and followed as they were directed to the guest room so that they could put their bags down. Eddie's parents took Chris further down the hall to his old room, showing Chris how it was 'exactly as he'd left it' and giving Eddie and Buck a moment alone.

Closing the door for a bit more privacy, Buck then faced Eddie with quiet concern.

"You okay?" he asked, his thumb rubbing the back of Eddie's hand which he still hadn't let go.

Eddie nodded, though he was still silently fuming about his mom. Everything she said got right under his skin and made him want to lash out, and he could already tell from the way she'd looked at Buck that she didn't approve of their relationship. Whether that was because he was a man or just because of who he was, Eddie didn't know.

"It's gonna be okay," Buck said softly, his thumb still smoothing across Eddie's skin.

"How are you so calm?" Eddie asked, the words slipping out before he could stop them. "Didn't you see the way she looked at you? And she called you 'Mr Buckley' – what the hell? She knows your name is Buck."

"It's fine," Buck said with a shrug. As Eddie opened his mouth to protest, he quickly went on. "It is! Look, I'm here for you, alright? You need me to be calm, so I'm calm."

"Buck, you don't have to–"

"I want to," Buck interrupted him. "I know how much parents can suck, okay? If me being here gets them off your back for a bit, even if it's just because they're busy criticising me, then it's worth it."

"That bothers me more," Eddie said. "The fact that they don't like you, that they don't think you're good enough for whatever reason."

"Then why are we doing this?" Buck asked innocently. "Why did you ask me to pretend to be your partner instead of someone else they'd approve of?"

They didn't even approve of Shannon, Eddie thought bitterly. Was there anyone in the world that his parents would think was good enough to be a parent to Christopher?

Regardless, he hadn't chosen Buck over anyone else, because there was no one else. If it wasn't Buck, it wasn't anyone. He'd had enough of dating other people and trying to make them fit the Buck-shaped hole in his chest – or the one left behind by Shannon. It didn't work and just left everyone feeling worse.

Eddie found himself staring at Buck's pink birthmark, which was such a beautiful contrast to his blue eyes, and felt his fingers twitch as he thought about reaching up to touch it. His chest ached with want, desperate to get as close to Buck as he could. They didn't even need to kiss – he would be content if he could just climb into Buck's chest and curl up there where he would be safe.

"Hey," Buck said softly. "Come back."

"I'm right here," Eddie said.

Reaching up, Buck cupped the side of his face with his free hand so that the tips of his fingers rested against Eddie's temple. He tapped a finger against Eddie's head lightly as he said, "In here. Stay with me, okay?"

Exhaling heavily, Eddie closed his eyes and leaned forward to rest their foreheads together.

"I don't deserve you," he whispered.

Buck's fingers tightened around his, but before he could object–

Knock. "Are you two coming for lunch?"

Eddie jerked back – stopped only by Buck's grip still on his hand – as the door swung open and his mother looked in at them.

Even though they hadn't been doing anything wrong, Eddie felt his face burn with shame.

"Sorry, just one more minute without Chris? Then we'll be right out, I promise," Buck said, flashing a lazy smile.

Helena pursed her lips but nodded, closing the door again, and Eddie only let out a sigh of relief when he heard her footsteps fade down the hallway.

"Breathe," Buck said, resting a hand on Eddie's shoulder. "Do you want me to tell them you're not feeling well?"

"No," Eddie said, shaking his head. "I'm not leaving you to deal with them on your own."

"I've dealt with worse," Buck said with a wry grin. "Trust me."

"We'll deal with them together," Eddie said firmly, reaching up to cover Buck's hand with his own. "And speaking of which, we should probably get back out there before they start planning my funeral."

"It's not too late to say 'fuck 'em' and go home," Buck whispered conspiratorially.

Chuckling, Eddie opened the door and led Buck out by the hand.

His parents and Chris were already at the table with food piled onto their plates. Eddie's mom caught his eye as they approached and raised an eyebrow reproachfully. His dad, however, just smiled and gestured for them to take their seats.

"Christopher was just telling us about how you two got together," Ramón said.

Eddie froze with one hand on the back of his chair. Christopher was telling them what now?

"Yeah," Chris said, smiling up at Eddie innocently. "I told them about how you had your first kiss in the kitchen after thanking Buck about a hundred times for being there for you while I was gone. Remember how embarrassed you both were when I walked in on you two?" He laughed and turned back to his food.

Eddie wasn't sure he was breathing. He'd heard 'first kiss' and now that was the only thing he could think of – him and Buck kissing.

"I'm just surprised you weren't more careful about who might walk in on you," his mom said, and he snapped back to the present instantly.

"Excuse me?"

"Well, after it went so badly the last time I would've thought you'd learned your lesson," she said with a shrug.

Still standing, Eddie gaped at her in disbelief. Was she seriously comparing Chris walking in on his and Buck's first kiss to when Chris had walked in on him having a breakdown with Kim?

"Would you sit?" Helena asked with a flippant wave of her hand.

Dropping himself into his chair roughly, he then dragged it harshly across the floor to get closer to the table. His mom sighed disappointedly.

"Sorry, let me get this straight," Eddie said as he began sloppily loading food onto his plate. "Are you saying I should've shielded Chris from seeing me kiss Buck?"

"For the first time, maybe," she said with a frown. "I'm sure it must have been a shock–"

"What's shocking is how long it's taken for them to get here," Chris muttered under his breath.

"So you think it's wrong?" Eddie asked, glaring at her and feeling his blood boiling in his veins. He hadn't even registered Chris speaking. "You think Buck and I shouldn't even be in a relationship, is that it?"

"Your mother doesn't mean–"

"Well you've never been interested in men before, Eddie!" Helena exclaimed, throwing her hands up helplessly. "What am I supposed to think? You and Buck spend so much time together, is it really healthy? Do you even know if this is what you really want?"

Eddie felt bile rise in the back of his throat.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Buck asked.

"Watch your language, please," Helena said, turning sharp eyes on him and reaching a hand towards Chris.

"He's got a point," Chris said, and she flinched back. "Do you really have a problem with them being together?"

"I never said I had a problem with them being together," she said hurriedly, reaching forward again to rest a hand on one of Chris's. "I'm just concerned, that's all. Your father's been dealing with a lot lately and I wanna make sure he's not making the wrong decisions."

"Buck is not a wrong decision," Eddie said firmly, finally finding his voice again. He felt Buck's eyes on him and spared a brief moment to glance over – Buck's face was red with righteous anger, his eyes soft with concern. "He's the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Beneath the table, Buck put a hand on his thigh and Eddie felt the contact steady him.

"And for your information," he continued, looking back over at his mother. "I have always been attracted to men. I just never… It's never come up before."

Silence. Eddie could hear nothing but his heartbeat thumping in his ears.

After a few tense moments, Ramón cleared his throat and then said, "If you ever felt… like you couldn't tell us…"

Eddie looked over at his father and was surprised to see genuine remorse in his eyes. Ramón gave him a sad smile, and after a brief hesitation Eddie returned it.

"I couldn't even admit it to myself, at first," Eddie murmured. He kept his gaze on his dad, trying to pretend his mother wasn't in the room. "But it's always been there. I just ignored it for so long because it didn't seem relevant."

"It's incredible the things we can hide from ourselves when we are stubborn enough," his dad replied thoughtfully.

"Tell me about it," Buck mumbled, his fingers twitching against Eddie's thigh.

Turning to look at him, Eddie tried to convey an apology with his eyes. He should've told Buck he was… not straight long before leading him into this mess. He should've told him that he had a complicated relationship with his own sexuality and didn't even understand it all himself. There were so many things he should have told him.

Buck just smiled back at him.

"Well," Helena said, eyes on her plate as she pushed some of her food around with a fork. "I'm sorry if I upset you, Eddie. It was just surprising to hear about you two, that's all."

"No offense," Chris started to say around a mouthful of food right before swallowing it. "But if Dad and Buck being a thing is surprising to you, you clearly haven't been spending enough time with him."

Eddie pinched his lips together to keep from smiling even as his insides squirmed uncomfortably at Chris's insinuation that they were obvious. This was fake, after all. He and Buck weren't actually a couple.

He fought the urge to glance at Buck to see his reaction.

"I would if he'd let me," Helena said, looking up to catch Eddie's gaze again. "But you're always pulling away from me. What do I have to do to get you to let me in?"

Eddie trapped his tongue between his teeth to keep from saying something he'd regret. Why did she always have to word things like it was his fault?

"You know," Buck said, removing his hand from Eddie's thigh so that he could take his hand on top of the table instead – a public display of support that practically had Eddie swooning. "Bobby once told me that instead of trying to pull someone out of their mess, you should step inside with them instead. And it made me realise that that's the most important thing you can do for someone, you know? Just be there."

Eddie stared at the side of Buck's face, captivated and amazed by how he always knew exactly the right thing to say. Buck was underappreciated, that was for sure. Who else could so quickly and easily divert the trajectory of a conversation without making it seem like they were deliberately trying to avoid something?

Turning to catch his eye, Buck smiled and laced their fingers together.

Marry me, Eddie thought.

The room fell silent.

Chapter Text

Buck was gaping at him, his beautiful blue eyes round and his lips parted in surprise.

Heart pounding in his throat, Eddie asked, "Did I say that out loud?"

"Yes," Buck whispered.

"Shit." Eddie tried to pull his hand back, but Buck wouldn't let go.

"No!" Buck said firmly. "I'm saying yes, Eddie. Yes, I will marry you."

Eddie couldn't breathe. All he could see was Buck's love-filled eyes staring into his, and all he could feel were Buck's warm fingers entwined with his.

Buck had said yes. Buck wanted to marry him.

"Really?" Eddie asked, just to be sure.

"Yes," Buck repeated. "If you mean it."

"I do," Eddie breathed.

A bright smile stretched across Buck's face.

Barely aware of what he was doing, Eddie began leaning towards him, closing the distance between them as his eyes flickered down to Buck's plump lips. He felt Buck's breath on his face; his eyelids fluttered shut.

"Ahem."

Flinching back, Eddie looked guiltily at his mother's disapproving stare. Beside her, Christopher was beaming.

And suddenly it all came crashing back down on him – this was pretend. Buck wasn't actually saying yes to marrying him, he probably just thought this was part of the ruse. He was just going along with it because he was selfless and wonderful and didn't want Eddie to make a fool of himself in front of his family.

"Congratulations," Ramón said, a bemused smile on his face. "It looks like we have a wedding to plan."

"Congratulations Dad and Buck!" Chris sang, grinning so wide that his eyes were squinted shut.

"Yes," Helena said with a smile of her own. "Congratulations. Although I certainly wasn't picturing this when you told me you were planning to propose."

The handle of Eddie's fork was digging into the palm of his hand from gripping it so hard.

"You…?" Buck began, then switched to, "Eddie, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he said automatically, pasting a smile onto his face and squeezing all of his feelings into the smallest ball he could manage – then shoving that ball in a box. "I just wasn't expecting this to happen today. Like this. So suddenly."

"Do you at least have a ring this time?" his mom asked.

"Helena," his dad chided, but it was too late – Eddie was already thinking about Shannon.

"I'm gonna marry her," Eddie said, fists clenched by his sides.

"Do you even have a ring?" his mother asked, hands fisted in her hair.

"I'll get one."

"I don't need a ring," Buck murmured.

"I have one," Eddie lied, turning to look at Buck. "I just didn't bring it. I was gonna propose properly, you know? Not…" He let out a self-deprecating laugh. "Not like this."

"And yet this is how it's happened," Helena sighed.

"Oh, Eddie. How could you let this happen?"

"Sorry," Buck said, roughly pushing his chair back to stand. "Can we have a minute? Eddie? Can I talk to you?"

"Sure," Eddie said, ignoring the frantic beating of his heart as he also pushed back his chair to stand.

"At this rate your food is going to be cold before you eat it," Helena pointed out.

"We won't be long," Buck promised.

"Leave them," Ramón said to his wife as Eddie followed Buck out of the room. "They're in love."

–

Eddie couldn't breathe. As he was led into the guest room and guided over to the bed, he gripped Buck's arm tightly and fought for air. He knew he was panicking and needed to calm down, but he couldn't seem to get his thoughts to settle. They spun, frantic and vociferous, and he was only barely aware of Buck murmuring something beside him.

He was hyperventilating. He needed to slow his breathing. He couldn't–

–keep this up forev–

–I have to stop this–

–I don't even have a ri–

–can't get out of this mess–

–What do I do? How do I–

–I've trapped him–

–mom will never let me live this d–

–it's doomed to fail I've messed everything up–

–why did he say yes? Why did he–

–they can't know. I can't let them know that this is–

–how could I let this ha–

–why did he–

Silence.

Eddie's thoughts were banished, sent skittering into the shadows of his mind, as warm lips pressed against his and a steady hand held the back of his head. He sank into it, his entire body relaxing and his lips parting slightly as he lifted a hand to Buck's shoulder.

Then Buck – for it was Buck who had kissed him – slowly eased back and Eddie blinked his eyes open, at last taking a deep and satisfying breath.

"Sorry," Buck whispered, his blue eyes all that Eddie could see. "I… I tried to do Jell-O Body with you, but uh… I don't think you could hear me."

Eddie wet his lips with his tongue, a shiver running down his spine as he realised he could taste Buck – he tasted like coffee and pasta sauce.

"No," he murmured. "I couldn't."

Straightening up, Buck let his hand slip free from the back of Eddie's head, and Eddie's hands fell from Buck's shoulder and arm.

"Is it okay? That I…?" Buck trailed off, but Eddie heard the unspoken words – kissed you?

"Yes," he said, nodding as he clenched his hands into fists in his lap. "It was good. I- I mean… I needed it. Because I… I was… you know."

"I know," Buck said with a comforting smile, moving to sit on the bed beside him. "I read somewhere once that holding your breath can stop a panic attack, especially if you're hyperventilating, 'cause hyperventilating causes an imbalance in your oxygen and CO₂ levels and without enough CO₂ you can end up feeling lightheaded and getting tingling in your fingers and… Sorry. You probably know all this already."

Buck shook his head and looked away, embarrassed.

With the hint of a smile on his face, Eddie reached for Buck's hand and laced their fingers together.

"I did already know," he confessed as Buck looked over at him after glancing briefly at their joined hands. "But I like hearing you talk."

"Careful," Buck said with a teasing smile. "Or you'll never get me to shut up."

"That wouldn't be so bad," Eddie replied, even as his gaze dipped to Buck's lips involuntarily – he could think of one way to make him shut up.

For a moment they just sat there, holding hands and staring at each other, but then–

"Eddie," Buck said softly. "Your mom is a bitch."

The words were so unexpected that Eddie let out a startled laugh. Buck smiled shyly, dipping his head so that he was looking up through his eyelashes in a way that made Eddie want to kiss him – even more than he already did.

"She's not that bad," Eddie said, though he wasn't sure why he was defending her.

"She's pretty bad," Buck said, raising his eyebrows. "I had to keep telling myself not to flick pasta in her face."

Eddie chuckled again and squeezed Buck's hand, marvelling at how easily Buck could bring him from a panic attack – because that's what it had been, and it was okay to admit that – to feeling safe and laughing in only a few minutes. They were still in a mess that he had no idea how to get out of, but Buck didn't seem angry. Buck had kissed him.

They were gonna be alright.

Still…

"I'm sorry," Eddie sighed.

"For what?" Buck asked with a frown. "You didn't make her say those things."

"No, I meant… for getting us into this mess," Eddie explained, gesturing weakly at the room with his free hand. "This whole…" He trailed off, unable to bring himself to say the words 'fake dating'.

"No," Buck said immediately, shaking his head. "Don't apologise for that. Not to me. I said yes, didn't I?"

Slitting his eyes across at him, Eddie said, "Yeah, you did."

Why did you? he wanted to ask, but the words caught in his throat and remained there.

"Besides, it's only one weekend," Buck added, tapping the back of Eddie's hand. "So, what do you wanna do?"

"What do you mean?" Eddie asked.

"Well, I know when we were planning for this I kept saying we wouldn't have to act that differently to how we normally do…" Buck hesitated, biting his lower lip before continuing. "But there's a bit of a difference between pretending to be boyfriends and pretending to be engaged. And personally I don't mind at all, like I said I'm with you one hundred percent! Whatever you need. But I don't want you to be uncomfortable, and… you did just have a panic attack…"

"Not because of you," Eddie said quickly. "It was–"

"Your mom?"

"Yeah."

"I thought so," Buck admitted. With a sigh, he added, "Man, she really gets under my skin."

"You and me both," Eddie said with a dry laugh.

Staring down at where their hands were joined, Eddie found his thoughts drifting as he absent-mindedly rubbed his thumb in circles. Buck's hand was warm and safe and a little bit damp, and it was the most wonderful thing in the world.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Buck asked hesitantly, and Eddie looked up. "About what caused the panic attack?"

If anyone else had asked, Eddie would have said no. But this was Buck.

"It was… her comment about the ring," Eddie said, then rolled his eyes and gave a half shrug. "At least, I think it was. It's hard to know for sure. I just… I'm sick of feeling like nothing I ever do is good enough."

"You are good enough," Buck said firmly. "And Chris thinks so too, remember?"

A smile tugged at Eddie's lips as he instantly recalled the conversation he'd had with Chris when he returned from Texas. He'd been anxious and apprehensive – they hadn't spoken properly in months – but Chris had barrelled straight towards him and wrapped him in a hug.

"I'm sorry," Chris said, the words muffled against Eddie's shirt. "I was mad but I shouldn't have taken it out on you. And I wanted to come back sooner but Grandma said to give you more time."

Unable to speak at first, Eddie just clung to Chris like the lifeline he was as tears rolled down his cheeks. When he finally did find his voice he said, "You don't have to be sorry, Chris. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I keep messing up. You deserve so much more than I can give you–"

"Dad," Chris interrupted, pulling back so he could look up into his face. "I just need you. That's enough."

Drawing himself out of the memory, Eddie squeezed Buck's hand to ground himself and then said, "I just want my mom to think… that I've done something right."

"I thought you wanted to piss her off," Buck said softly.

With a sad smile, Eddie said, "I want both."

Buck sighed sympathetically.

"Okay. So… what do you wanna do now?" he asked. "I mean, we could go out there and say that I changed my mind, but–"

"No," Eddie said quickly, fear wrapping cold fingers around his heart. "Please, I… She'd just use it as another thing I've done wrong."

"Relax," Buck murmured, running the fingers of his free hand up and down Eddie's arm in slow, soothing movements. Eddie's head pitched towards him and Bucked shifted closer so that he could press their foreheads together, steadying him. "So you wanna keep going? Pretend we're engaged now?"

Did he want to pretend to be engaged to the love of his life?

"Yes," he said. For as long as humanly possible.

"Then let's do it," Buck said, sitting back slowly and smiling at him. He stopped tracing lines on Eddie's skin but left his hand there, a comforting weight. "But you should probably tell me what you're comfortable with so I don't go too far."

Eddie raised an eyebrow. "How far are you thinking of going, Buck?"

Pink tinged Buck's cheeks. "Not that far! Just… if the situation called for it, could I kiss you?"

"Again, you mean?" Eddie teased, because he couldn't help himself. Buck looked so beautiful when he was embarrassed.

"Yes," Buck said, smiling shyly and gently squeezing Eddie's arm. "Again."

Well, if Buck was willing to kiss him to help sell the ruse, Eddie wasn't going to say no. Besides, if this was the closest he was ever gonna get to knowing what it would be like to be with Buck, he was damn well gonna take advantage of it.

"You can kiss me," he said, then added, "I've heard you could use the practice."

Buck smacked him playfully on the shoulder.

"I'm gonna take that to mean you're feeling well enough to get back out there," he said, standing up and pulling Eddie to his feet as well.

In for a penny, in for a pound…

"Speaking of practice… do you think we should?" Eddie asked.

Buck immediately stopped reaching for the door handle and turned his piercing blue eyes on Eddie.

"Just. So it doesn't look forced," Eddie added.

That was weird, wasn't it? He should've kept his mouth shut.

"Good idea," Buck said.

Oh.

Chapter Text

They were still holding hands. As Buck stepped away from the door, Eddie found his gaze drawn to his perfect pink lips. He could still feel the ghost of them from when Buck had brought him out of his panic attack, and soon he would feel them again – properly.

"I haven't kissed anyone in a while," he murmured, suddenly afraid that Buck might hate it. Buck had kissed so many people in his life – what if Eddie was horrible in comparison?

"It's easy," Buck said with a reassuring smile, then reached up with his free hand to slide his fingers into Eddie's hair. "Is this okay?"

Eddie had to fight the urge to close his eyes and sink into it.

"Yes," he said.

"Great. Just relax," Buck instructed softly. He let go of Eddie's hand so he could slip his arm around Eddie's waist instead, tugging him close, while the fingers of his other hand gently stroked through Eddie's hair. "Close your eyes."

With a quiet sigh, Eddie did as he was told. Shivers of anticipation ran up and down his spine and he wondered what he should do with his hands – they were currently just hovering awkwardly by his sides. Should he hold Buck's waist? His hips? His shoulders?

"I'm going to kiss you now," Buck whispered; Eddie shivered. "And then we'll see if you still think I need practice."

Eddie swore he felt the air between them move right before Buck's lips met his. He gasped silently, lips parting, and suddenly they were kissing – and it was the most natural thing in the world.

His hands came to rest on Buck's hips and he tilted his head just slightly for a better angle. They moved together, completely in sync just like every other aspect of their lives, and Eddie didn't have to worry about making a fool of himself. It was as if their mouths had been made to fit together and they knew exactly what to do.

This was, without a doubt, the best kiss he had ever had in his life.

Buck's hand slid further back in his hair, supporting Eddie's head as he deepened the kiss and slipped his tongue into the mix; Eddie eagerly met it with his own, a blissful sigh passing between them. It was warm and soft and hot and Eddie could barely believe it was happening. He needed more; he needed for this to never end.

Without thinking, he shoved Buck backwards until he hit the door–

"Ow!" Buck exclaimed, their mouths disconnecting and his hand vanishing from Eddie's hair as he reached behind him.

"Are you okay?" Eddie asked, eyes quickly skimming his body to determine where the pain was.

"I hit the door handle," Buck said.

Their eyes met. For a moment neither of them moved, but then Buck's lips twitched and they both started laughing.

"Sorry," Eddie choked out, trying to muffle his laughs even as Buck tipped his head back against the door and laughed with abandon. "I didn't mean to…" Snort. "Is your back okay?"

"It's fine," Buck said, pressing a hand to Eddie's chest. "At least now we know it's not gonna look forced."

"I think if my parents saw us kiss like that they might have a heart attack," Eddie said, grinning as Buck wiped tears from his eyes. "You sure you're okay?"

"Yes," Buck said, looping his arms around Eddie's neck. "You're a great kisser, by the way."

Pleasure bloomed in Eddie's chest at the compliment.

"You're not so bad yourself," he said.

"I happen to know I'm an amazing kisser," Buck said with a wink, then leaned in again to prove his point.

Eddie could taste his smile. He sucked Buck's bottom lip into his mouth and ran his tongue along it, one hand trailing up Buck's chest before coming to rest on his neck. His thumb caressed Buck's jaw and a thrill went through him as Buck groaned.

This might not be real in terms of feelings on Buck's part, but that didn't stop it from still being incredible. And despite the ache in Eddie's chest, he couldn't bring himself to regret a single decision that had brought him to this moment.

When they parted again to catch their breath, Eddie leaned their foreheads together and focused on the heartbeat in Buck's neck that he could feel pulsing rapidly beneath his fingers. It was comforting to know he wasn't the only one with a racing heart, even though they each had different reasons for it.

"Are you ready to admit it, yet?" Buck asked, a smirk in his voice.

"Admit what?" Eddie asked, leaning back so he could look at him properly.

"That I'm an amazing kisser."

"Shut up," Eddie said with a chuckle, beginning to extricate himself from Buck's arms.

Buck let him go but kept smirking, watching as Eddie straightened his clothes unnecessarily. His gaze was like sunlight, warming Eddie and making it impossible for him to hide. He just hoped Buck couldn't tell how badly he wanted to pull him in for another kiss – and never let go.

"So," Buck said as Eddie ran a hand through his hair to tidy it. "Should we get back out there?"

"Yeah." Eddie sighed. "I'm honestly surprised my mom hasn't come looking for us, yet."

"Well then." Buck held out a hand.

Eddie started to reach for it, but stopped at the last minute and turned away.

"One sec," he said, eyes scanning the room.

"What is it?" Buck asked, but Eddie ignored him as he moved over to his suitcase and rummaged around until finding what he was after.

Coming back over to Buck, Eddie held up a zip tie and gave a hesitant smile.

"May I?" he asked, gesturing at Buck's left hand.

With a confused frown on his face, Buck held it out. Carefully, and trying not to think too much about the way his heart ached with want, Eddie took Buck's hand and wrapped the zip tie around his ring finger before gently pulling it tight.

"Since I don't have a real one," Eddie whispered.

Buck stared at the makeshift ring silently for a moment, and Eddie saw his throat move in a swallow. Something complicated crossed his face; Eddie wondered if he was thinking about what it would be like to have a proper ring one day and be marrying someone for real, someone he actually wanted to be with, instead of stuck here playing pretend.

Realising he was still holding his hand, Eddie cleared his throat and stepped back.

"You're awfully romantic, you know that?" Buck said, looking up.

With a reticent smile, Eddie murmured, "Don't tell anyone."

–

Back in the dining room, Eddie began to lift Buck's hand to show off the zip tie ring when his eyes caught on the empty place settings in front of them.

"Mom? Where's our food?"

"I wasn't sure when you'd be back," Helena said without meeting his eyes. "I put it in some containers in the fridge."

Eddie focused on the feel of Buck's hand in his to keep from getting angry.

"We weren't gone that long," he protested, even though he had no real idea how long they'd been in the guest room. At first he'd been panicking, so he wasn't thinking at all, and then… Well. Then he'd been kissing Buck.

Wow.

"You were gone long enough," his mom said, finally looking up at him with a pinched expression.

"What does that even mean?" he asked.

"Eddie," his dad said. "Why don't you just go reheat the food for the both of you? You must be hungry."

"Yeah, we are," Eddie said, glaring at his mom before letting go of Buck's hand and taking a step towards the kitchen.

"Oh, Eddie, sit down," Helena said with a weary sigh as she got up from the table. "I'll reheat your food for you."

Buck's hand gently touched his arm as he watched his mom disappear into the kitchen. For a moment he just stood there, complicated emotions swirling in his chest, but then he leaned into Buck and allowed him to guide him into his chair.

"You good?" Buck whispered once they were seated.

Eddie nodded but didn't speak.

Clearing his throat, Ramón folded his hands on top of the table and turned his attention to Buck.

"Christopher was telling us about how you all went to the park together last week," he said. "Apparently you take him out quite frequently."

"Yeah," Buck said with a smile, resting his hand on Eddie's thigh – the touch sent jolts of electricity through him.

"I haven't even told you the best part, yet!" Chris said with a grin.

Eddie forced himself to focus on his son in order to stop thinking about how hot Buck's hand was. Chris looked happy and bright as he described their day at the park, waving his hands now and then to accentuate his words, and Eddie was glad the boy didn't seem that bothered by the tension between Eddie and his mother.

"And then when we were sitting down for our picnic – and this is the best bit I was telling you about– " Chris said with an excited laugh. "–Buck started feeding Dad strawberries."

"Chris," Eddie chastised gently, before immediately freezing and going over the words again in his head. That… was exactly what had happened, actually.

"What? He did!" Chris replied with an innocent shrug before turning back to his abuelo. "Dad said he was already full from the cupcakes Buck had made, but Buck had these chocolate covered strawberries too and wouldn't take no for an answer. Dad ended up with chocolate all over his face because he kept trying to dodge!"

Eddie felt his cheeks warm as he remembered Buck straddling him and trying to force a strawberry into his mouth. He'd eventually given in and eaten the damn thing – and yes, it was delicious and worth it – but he'd put up a damn good fight for a solid thirty seconds.

It hadn't felt inappropriately intimate at the time, but now that he knew his son had been watching Eddie couldn't help feeling abashed.

"You all certainly seem happy together," Ramón said, smiling at the three of them.

"We are," Buck said.

Returning from the kitchen, Helena dropped their plates in front of them before retaking her seat. Eddie looked down at the steaming food and felt guilt swoop through him as he suddenly didn't feel hungry anymore. He'd have to force some down anyway to avoid offending his mom further; she was bound to take it personally if he refused to eat any now.

Then Buck's fingers twitched against his thigh and he forgot all about the food.

"So, Buck," Helena said while Eddie tried to keep his leg as still as possible. "How are your parents?"

Shrugging, Buck said, "Good," around a mouthful of food that he'd already shovelled into his mouth. Pausing to swallow, he then continued, "I mean I– I assume they are. We don't actually talk that much."

"Oh? How come?"

"We're just not that close, I guess," Buck explained. "I think the most recent time I saw them was at the hospital."

"You're quite accident prone, aren't you?" she asked thoughtfully, though the words came out more as a statement than a question.

"Oh, no, I… I don't think…" Buck trailed off and bit his lip, his fingers digging into Eddie's thigh. "I mean… maybe a bit, I guess."

Coming out of his stupor, Eddie looked from his mother to Buck and then grabbed Buck's hand, gently peeling his fingers from Eddie's thigh before linking their fingers together. Buck looked at him, slightly startled, then relaxed his grip and gave a small smile.

"It must be difficult for your parents," Helena said. "Having to see you getting injured all the time."

"He's not injured all the time," Eddie said, turning to his mom. "And even when he is, his parents don't always show up. He doesn't owe them anything."

"I don't know about that," Helena said. "They're his parents after all."

"Do you think Chris owes me anything?" Eddie snapped.

"That's different," she said immediately. "Christopher is special–"

"So is Buck."

His mother pursed her lips as she stared at him across the table. Eddie met her gaze, refusing to back down, and kept a firm hold of Buck's hand to help ground him.

"I never said he wasn't," she said at last. "Why are you always trying to make me the bad guy?"

"I'm not. You're doing that just fine on your own," Eddie said.

Quickly clearing his throat, Buck interrupted before things could get more heated. "I don't think kids should owe their parents anything. They didn't ask to be born."

"Exactly," Eddie said approvingly, tearing his eyes from his mom so he could look at Buck.

"If I ever have kids of my own," Buck continued, looking over at Chris fondly. "I just hope I'll be able to give them what they need. I feel almost like… I'd owe them. For bringing joy to my life and teaching me things about myself that I never knew before."

"You're so welcome, Buck," Chris said with a smug grin.

"Yeah, yeah, don't let it go to your head," Buck said with a roll of his eyes.

Eddie wanted to say something, to show his support for Buck and unite against his mother, but he found himself just staring at the man instead. Buck had just said the sweetest, most wonderful things about having kids.

If only Eddie was a woman. He would give Buck as many babies as he wanted.

–the fuck did I just think?

"You… feel that way about Christopher?" Helena asked, and Eddie quickly pushed away the mental image of Buck holding a baby so he could focus.

"I think Chris is the most amazing kid I've ever met," Buck said with such a genuine smile that Eddie couldn't help it – he was picturing him with a baby again.

Then Buck turned that smile on him and Eddie felt himself melt into the chair. He wanted to kiss him; he was desperate for it. And then he thought… Everyone thinks we're engaged. And we practiced for this.

Opening his mouth, Eddie said the words that had been trying to burst free from him for over a year.

"I love you, Buck."

And then he leaned in and kissed him.

Chapter Text

He had thought that kissing Buck in front of his parents and his son would be awkward, or that he would be hyper-aware of his mouth and what it looked like and whether it was too wet or too dry or any other number of worries his brain could quite easily provide for him.

But kissing Buck in front of his family was just this: Their hands held between them, soft lips pressing together gently and naturally, and then Buck's bright eyes staring into his.

"Ugh, see what I have to live with?" Chris exclaimed with a dramatic roll of his eyes, causing Eddie to lean back with a smile.

"So it does bother you?" Helena asked. "Have they been too–"

"I was joking," Chris deadpanned, swivelling his head to fix her with a stare that Eddie had a feeling he'd gotten from him.

Helena fell silent and shot Eddie a disapproving glance, but he was too proud of Chris to be bothered by it and just kept smiling, squeezing Buck's hand and riding the high of having kissed him again.

The rest of the afternoon passed without incident. His mom didn't make any more comments, he managed to eat his food, and once the table was cleared he and his dad took Chris outside to play a bit of backyard baseball. He hadn't wanted to leave Buck at first, who insisted on helping Helena clean up in the kitchen, but Buck had just kissed his cheek and promised him it would be fine.

And it was.

Afternoon turned into evening and before Eddie knew it, he was saying goodnight to Chris and then heading to the guest room to turn in. It had been a long day, but he'd made it. Now he could shut himself away in his room with Buck and have some peace and quiet before having to deal with his parents again tomorrow.

He had just put his hand on the door handle when his dad entered the hallway and intercepted him.

"Eddie, may I speak with you for a moment?" he asked.

Eddie nodded and slowly crossed his arms over his chest.

"I just wanted to let you know that your mother has invited your sisters over tomorrow," Ramón said, shifting on his feet. "She wanted it to be a surprise, but I thought you would prefer some warning."

"Oh." Eddie blinked, pleasantly surprised by his father's consideration. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Ramón said with a nod, rubbing his chin. "They should be arriving around eleven o'clock."

"Thank you," Eddie repeated sincerely.

With a thin smile, Ramón left.

Letting himself into the bedroom, Eddie closed the door behind him and leaned against it with a sigh. In front of him, Buck was pulling off his shirt to reveal miles of pale skin and rippling muscles – Eddie stared hungrily, forgetting to breathe as his eyes traced the contours of Buck's back.

Then Buck turned and saw him.

"Hey," he said with a warm smile, lifting one hand to scratch the back of his neck while holding his shirt in the other. For a moment Eddie thought he looked uneasy, but then he blinked and it was gone. "Chris is in bed?"

"Yeah," Eddie said, pushing away from the door and forcing himself to look away from his best friend's bare chest. "He's pretty tired. I wouldn't be surprised if he's asleep already."

"I saw you guys through the kitchen window earlier," Buck said as he tucked his shirt into his bag. "He's crazy good with that bat!"

Eddie smiled to himself as he thought back to watching Chris hit the baseball again and again in the backyard that afternoon. He'd clearly been having a lot of fun, a huge grin on his face even though Eddie and Ramón had only been doing gentle throws, and he'd only missed a few shots the entire time.

"He's constantly surprising me," Eddie admitted as he rummaged through his suitcase for his pajamas. "And teaching me things. Same as you, apparently."

Buck grinned as Eddie shot him a glance.

"I meant every word I said," Buck said earnestly. "Chris is the best kid in the world."

Straightening up, Eddie gazed at him with love in his eyes. He couldn't help it; when Buck said things like that it just made Eddie want to lavish him with thanks and appreciation and devotion. Buck was the only one who seemed to see Chris exactly the same way Eddie did: brilliant and brave and full of potential. How could he not love him for that?

"I can't wait to see what he does when he grows up," Buck added, and Eddie's smile widened.

"Me neither."

"Whatever he does, it's gonna be amazing."

Resisting the urge to pull Buck into his arms and kiss him senseless, Eddie gestured at the ensuite door and changed the subject.

"You good if I get changed in here real quick?"

"Go for it."

Once Eddie was in his pajamas the two of them finished getting ready for bed in comfortable silence. Eddie was proud of himself for managing to behave normally as they fell into their rhythm of partnership, stepping around each other in an almost dance and always seeming to know what the other was going to do before they did it. When at last it came time to slip under the covers, they only needed a brief shared glance to agree on which sides they would each take.

Lying down on Buck's right, Eddie let out a content sigh and allowed his body to sink into the mattress. Buck shuffled around a bit as he searched for a comfortable position, before finally coming to rest on his back in an identical pose to Eddie, their arms pressed together reassuringly.

Eddie wanted to grab Buck's hand, but was afraid that doing so would reveal too much.

"One day down, one to go," Buck said, turning to look at him with those bright blue eyes that always seemed to sparkle. Then, before Eddie had a chance to do any more than smile back at him, Buck's fingers curled around his and they were holding hands.

Eddie felt a fire spread through his chest.

"I couldn't have done it without you," he murmured.

"Good thing you'll always have me, then."

Tracing Buck's face with his eyes and taking note of the way the shadows fell, Eddie squeezed his hand in silent thanks. Some days he could barely believe that he was lucky enough to have Buck as a best friend, and today was one of them. The man that lay beside him was beautiful and selfless and genuine – and he chose to spend the majority of his time with Eddie!

"What are you thinking about?" Buck asked softly.

"You," Eddie said truthfully, then blushed. "I mean… Tomorrow's going to be interesting. Apparently my mom's invited my sisters over."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. My dad told me."

"Do you think they'll like me?"

"Obviously. Everyone likes you."

Buck snorted.

"What? It's true. You're chronically likeable."

"You make it sound like an illness."

"Maybe it is," Eddie teased. "Evan Buckley-itis."

"Shut up."

Make me, Eddie almost said, but tucked the words back down just in time.

"Anyway," Buck said, tugging Eddie's hand onto his chest and absent-mindedly drawing circles on his palm. "I don't think your mom likes me very much."

Lulled by Buck's movements, Eddie closed his eyes and said, "My mom doesn't like anyone. She doesn't count."

"She's your mom. She kind of counts."

"Barely."

"I'll remind you of that next time you're stressing about her opinion."

Eddie groaned quietly, realising he'd played himself.

"I get it, though," Buck said after chuckling. "I feel the same way about my parents. Like, nothing they say or think about me should matter, but it still does."

"Yeah," Eddie sighed. "Tell me about it."

Neither of them spoke for a few minutes and Eddie felt himself beginning to drift off, unbelievably relaxed. He imagined tilting his head towards Buck, brushing their noses together lightly, and then pressing a soft kiss to his lips. He imagined Buck kissing him back, and then pulling him into his arms so that he could fall asleep while being cradled.

"Eddie?" Buck whispered.

"Mm?"

"Thank you for choosing me."

It took a moment for Eddie to rise back up to the surface of consciousness. Once he had, he blinked his eyes open and looked over at Buck curiously.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean… You said you wanted your mom to think you'd done something right. And you chose me for that, so… I'm honoured. That you think I'm good enough."

Frowning, Eddie curled his fingers around Buck's to make him stop his distracting motions.

"Buck," he said, shifting so that he could prop himself up on an elbow. "Of course you're good enough."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. Definitely." He stared into Buck's eyes, wishing he could press the belief directly into the folds of his brain. "You're the most amazing person I've ever met. There's literally no one else in the world I'd want here beside me."

Buck swallowed, his gaze dipping bashfully.

Then there were fingertips on Eddie's jaw and Buck was pushing himself up, closing the distance between them until Eddie could feel the heat of his mouth on his own. Eddie closed his eyes, allowing himself one… two… three seconds before turning his face away to break the kiss. Buck tried to chase him, so he put a hand on his chest and shook his head.

"It's getting late," he muttered, though he had no idea what time it was. "We should get some sleep."

He wanted to surrender, to let Buck kiss him for as long as he wanted. In the darkness of night, anything felt possible.

But it wasn't. Buck wasn't interested in him that way. He was just being an amazing friend, selfless as always, using physical affection to express his gratitude because he must have picked up on the way that it constantly made Eddie relax.

It didn't mean anything. He was just being Buck.

Eddie stared up at the ceiling as Buck sighed and rolled back onto his side of the bed. It was colder now that they weren't pressed up against each other, but Eddie refused to initiate contact again first. He took advantage of Buck's friendship too much already.

"Goodnight, then," Buck murmured.

"Goodnight."

Eddie lay awake for a long time, staring up through the darkness and trying to make himself fall asleep.

Chapter Text

Eddie woke to find himself securely wrapped in a warm embrace. Buck's left arm was draped over his side, the palm of his hand pressed to Eddie's chest, while his right arm snaked beneath Eddie's neck before curving across to rest on his shoulder. It felt like the most amazing dream ever, but far more solid than any dream he'd had in a long time, and Eddie found himself lazily trailing his fingers along the skin of Buck's arm.

He could feel Buck breathing behind him, chest rising and falling rhythmically and puffs of air tickling the back of his neck. Without thinking, Eddie began pressing kisses to Buck's right arm wherever he could reach and laced their fingers together, enjoying the warmth of the moment.

He wanted to stay like this forever.

Unfortunately, Eddie rarely ever got what he wanted.

With a soft whine, Buck tightened his grip on Eddie as he began to wake up. Eddie stiffened, alarms screaming in his mind to inform him that this was not a dream and he had in fact just been kissing his best friend's arm in real life. His heart raced in terror as he held himself still, trying to work out what to do. Had Buck noticed? Was Buck frowning? Was he grossed out?

Eddie's questions were answered as Buck pulled himself free from their tangled position.

"Sorry," Buck murmured, and Eddie almost laughed. 'Sorry?' Why was he sorry? 'Sorry for putting my arm in front of your face and leaving you with no choice but to kiss it?' "Are you awake?"

Oh. He thought Eddie was asleep.

Keeping as still as possible, Eddie shut his eyes and focused on slowing his heartbeat. He felt cold without Buck's arms around him anymore, but pushed the thought aside and instead made sure to breathe evenly in and out. If Buck thought he was asleep, he was gonna lean into that belief.

"Eddie?"

In…

Hold.

And out.

In…

The bed shifted as Buck got up. Eddie felt a sudden tickle in his throat, begging him to clear it or cough or something, and he fought adamantly to ignore it.

"I'm gonna jump in the shower," Buck murmured.

Eddie was holding his breath. He didn't know when he'd started, but he was holding his breath and listening keenly as Buck stepped softly around the room. Buck was taking forever – what the hell was he doing? Eddie was going to die. He needed to breathe but he had to wait until Buck was in the bathroom or Buck would hear him inhale like a man who'd just almost been strangled to death and he'd realise that he'd been awake the whole time and that could not happen.

The floor creaked on Eddie's side of the bed; Eddie could feel his face getting hotter and hotter and his throat getting more and more aggravated.

A year later – and no, he wasn't exaggerating thank you very much – the bathroom door opened and closed and Eddie was finally able to breathe again. Rolling onto his back, he stared up at the ceiling and breathed heavily as he heard the shower turn on. He pictured Buck pulling off his clothes, stepping under the spray, tipping his head back…

Scrubbing a hand over his face, Eddie let out a quiet groan and then coughed violently to clear the tickle in his throat. Serves me right, he thought to himself miserably, for picturing Buck in the shower.

Draping an arm over his face, he closed his eyes and tried to calm his racing heart. What a way to wake up…

He wasn't aware that he'd dozed off again until he was roughly dragged to consciousness by a loud banging on the door. He jolted upright, blinking his eyes blearily, and turned to see Buck stepping out of the bathroom with hair still damp from his shower.

"Breakfast is going cold, boys!" Eddie's mom called out, and he groaned before flopping back down onto his pillow.

"Just a minute," he called, closing his eyes.

"It's almost nine thirty, Edmundo."

"I said just a minute!"

Her footsteps receded and Eddie covered his face with his hands. Just great. Another day with his parents. At least he, Buck and Chris were going back to LA tonight, so he only had to endure another… seven hours with them.

He groaned at the thought. Seven hours sounded way too long.

"Morning," Buck said, coming over and perching on the edge of the bed. He smiled as Eddie peeked at him from between his fingers. "Ready for another day?"

Eddie groaned again and closed his fingers.

Chuckling, Buck patted his leg through the covers.

"Don't worry, you're not going through this alone."

"I don't want to go through this at all," Eddie retorted.

"I know. But how about this? You go jump in the shower and I'll head out there and distract your mom from however long it takes you to get ready. Wash your hair… take your time… Before you know it it's ten o'clock!"

"There is no way I can take a half hour shower," Eddie said, dropping his hands from his face. "What the hell would I even do with all that time? Just stand there?"

"You've never done a shower performance?" Buck asked, tilting his head.

"A what?"

"Shower performance. You know, when you belt out a song like you're on stage for a hundred people and you have to give it your all? Dance moves included."

"You want me to pretend I'm on a stage in front of a hundred people while naked in the shower?" Eddie asked, raising an eyebrow. "And you want me to dance? With bare feet on wet slippery tiles?"

Laughing, Buck rested his hand on Eddie's leg again and shook his head. "Not your feet, just arm movements and stuff. You know, pretending to hold a microphone? Doing the wave?"

Eddie stared at him blankly. (And did not think about the hand on his leg and how it was warm and tingly and he wanted to grab it and pull Buck down onto the bed with him.)

"I'll show you one day," Buck said, squeezing his leg and then standing up. "Now go shower while I deal with your mom and save you some food."

As Buck left the room, Eddie tried not to think about the two of them taking off their clothes, getting into the shower, and soaping each other up.

It didn't go so well.

–

When Eddie entered the kitchen a short while later – he'd stalled in the shower for as long as he could, but only made it ten minutes before getting out – he was met with Buck immediately walking over to greet him.

"Morning," Buck said, leaning in and pressing a kiss to his lips that made his heart do a somersault. "How was your shower?"

"Fine," Eddie said, allowing himself to smile as their hands found each other instinctively. His fingers bumped something and he looked down curiously, lips parting in surprise as he realised Buck was still wearing the makeshift zip tie ring.

"You didn't think I'd take it off, did you?" Buck whispered.

Eddie didn't know what he'd thought.

"Good of you to finally join us," Helena said before he could find his voice, carrying some plates over from the table to stack them in the dishwasher. "If this is how you run things at home I'm extremely glad I woke Christopher up when I did. Otherwise he might've spent all morning in bed, too."

Considering that it wasn't even ten o'clock yet, that felt extremely unfair.

"It's the weekend," Eddie objected, looking over at where Chris was sitting at the breakfast table beside Ramón, head bent over his Switch. At Eddie's glance, Ramón gave a helpless shrug over the top of his newspaper.

"Yes, and you're here to visit your family!" Helena continued. "Not to spend the whole time in bed."

"Coffee?" Buck asked before Eddie could argue further.

Eddie allowed himself to be distracted, turning his gaze onto Buck as the man let go of his hand so he could make him a cup. Buck's hair was all natural and curly from his shower and Eddie longed to run his fingers through it, so after a brief hesitation he stepped closer and gave in to the urge.

Leaning into Eddie's hand, Buck hummed softly – and something possessive stirred in Eddie's chest.

"Here," Buck said a few moments later, turning to hand him a mug. "Just the way you like it."

Reluctantly removing his hand from Buck's hair, Eddie took the mug and blew gently before taking a sip. Buck watched him, smirking when Eddie's eyelids fluttered slightly in pleasure. Coffee made by Buck always tasted better than coffee he made himself, but he'd assumed Buck added a secret ingredient he wasn't aware of.

He was starting to think the secret ingredient was the man himself.

"What would you like for breakfast?" Buck asked. "I already ate the leftover toast, but I was thinking I could whip you up some eggs or something? And there's probably more bread around here somewhere if you do want toast as well."

"Sounds good," Eddie said with a smile, then caught sight of his mom's disapproving glance from where she stood by the sink and sighed quietly to himself.

"Wait, Buck's cooking?" Chris piped up, lifting his head from the game he'd been playing. "Can I have some?"

"You've already eaten," Helena said quickly.

"Yeah, I'm not making you anything," Buck called over to the boy with a laugh. "I saw the wreckage from your breakfast before it got cleared away. You had a whole feast already! Besides, I'm not even doing anything fancy. Just a couple eggs, some toast – Mrs Diaz, you don't mind if I help myself, do you?" Buck gestured at the fridge.

"No, of course not," Helena said with a tight smile as she closed the dishwasher and pressed Start. "But you're going to have to wash whatever you use by hand once you're done."

Eddie took a step forward, knuckles going white around his coffee mug, but Buck quickly put a hand on his arm to stop him. At Eddie's glare, Buck smiled and gave his arm a squeeze.

"It's fine," Buck told him, then turned to Helena and said, "Not a problem at all. I actually find washing by hand to be soothing."

Having another sip of coffee, Eddie watched smugly as his mom pursed her lips before leaving the kitchen. Clearly she'd been trying to start something – she'd made eye contact when turning on the dishwasher – but Buck had seen through it and refused to be baited. Eddie was so in love with him.

As Buck moved around the kitchen, putting bread in the toaster and cracking some eggs into a frying pan, Eddie leaned against a bench with his coffee and watched. It was a sight he'd seen so many times over the years as Buck frequently cooked breakfast for him and Chris, but something about seeing him right now… knowing what his mouth tasted like…

Eddie drank some more coffee and tried not to set anything on fire with his face.

"Here you go," Buck said a few minutes later, loading the eggs and toast onto a plate and holding it out with a smile; it was all cooked to perfection according to Eddie's preferences. "Breakfast is served."

"Thank you," Eddie said with a smile of his own. Taking the plate and holding it to the side, he bravely leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Buck's mouth – he figured he may as well while he still had the chance. "You're the best," he murmured.

Blushing and looking slightly uncomfortable, Buck ducked his head. Eddie's chest tightened and he briefly wondered if he'd overstepped, but then Buck looked up at him through his eyelashes and put a hand on his waist, fingers curling in and tugging him close.

"I love you, Eddie," he said, and kissed him.

Eddie almost dropped the plate he was holding.

For a moment, he'd thought… The way that Buck had said it, with those beautiful blue eyes looking shyly into his… He'd thought maybe…

Buck stepped back, smiling, and lifted a hand to support Eddie holding his breakfast plate.

"You good?" he asked, dipping his chin in the direction of the food.

"Yeah," Eddie said stiffly, then cleared his throat before repeating, "Yeah. Yes. I'm good."

Chuckling, Buck lowered his hand and gestured towards the breakfast table. "You should eat before your food goes cold."

Then he turned and began tidying the kitchen – way more of it than he'd even used – and Eddie was left to make his own way to the table and sit down. Thankfully he didn't trip on his way over, but as he sat down he did have to deal with both his son and his father looking at him with some suspiciously knowing glances.

And if his breakfast tasted better than anything he'd ever had before in his life, who would know except him?

Chapter Text

After eating his breakfast and watching Buck deep-clean the kitchen – okay, he didn't actually do a deep-clean but that was only because Eddie managed to stop him after he'd already cleaned out the toaster – Eddie found himself sitting on the couch beside Buck, the two of them versing Chris at a game of 'Guess Who?'.

In all honesty, Eddie wasn't paying a lot of attention to the game, which might've had something to do with why they weren't getting very far and Chris had a huge grin on his face that suggested imminent victory. But Eddie was finding it difficult to concentrate, what with Buck's thigh plastered against his and the way his tongue kept poking out between his lips in concentration.

"It's Herman!" Chris suddenly declared confidently, and Buck groaned in exaggerated despair, throwing himself back against the couch dramatically. Chris devolved into giggles.

"You're so good at this game!" Buck complained, then elbowed Eddie in the side. "And you were no help at all."

"I think Dad was too busy looking at you," Chris managed to say through his laughter.

"No I wasn't," Eddie denied immediately, then caved with a smile and admitted, "I mean… Maybe a little. It's just that your concentration face is adorable."

"You think my face is adorable?" Buck asked with a grin, leaning towards him and batting his eyelashes.

"Yes," Eddie said, reaching out to pinch his chin. "Adorable and distracting. You know you're meant to distract the opposite team, not your own, right?"

"I don't think my face works on Chris the same way it works on you."

Before Eddie could reply, the doorbell rang.

"Ah! I wonder who that could be!" Helena said as she stood up and went to answer it.

Letting go of Buck's face, Eddie glanced over at his dad and they shared a secret smile. He was extremely grateful for the warning he'd been given that his sisters were coming over, as it had allowed him to mentally prepare to deal with more people before they got here.

"Eddie!" Adriana squealed, reaching him first and throwing her arms around his neck as he stood to greet her. "Mom just told us you're engaged!"

"Of course she did," he said with a sigh.

"I didn't mean to, it just slipped out," Helena said as she walked over with Sophia. "It's just so exciting, isn't it?"

"And you must be Buck!" Adriana squealed, letting go of Eddie to pull Buck into a hug next. "Oh, you're great at hugs! You can stay."

"Phew," Buck said, grinning at Eddie over her shoulder.

"Let him breathe, would you?" Eddie said, tugging on her arm until she let go and stepped back.

"Sorry, sorry, I got excited," she said with a laugh, glancing down and smirking as Eddie grabbed Buck's hand possessively. "Ugh, you two are so cute! I just can't believe you're finally together."

"Finally?" Buck asked, shooting Eddie an amused glance. Eddie tried to smile back; his heart was pounding in his chest.

"Yes, finally! And you," Adriana went on, gently punching Eddie on the shoulder. "You promised me you'd tell me if you ever got the guts to tell him how you felt!"

"What?" Buck asked.

"Or did he ask you out?" Adriana asked, completely ignoring the death glare Eddie was giving her. "Is that how it happened?"

"Wait," Buck said softly, and Eddie could feel his eyes boring into the side of his face. "You actually have feelings for me?"

"Of course he has feelings for you," Adriana said with a confused chuckle as she looked between the two of them. "You're engaged, aren't you?"

Silence.

Eddie tried to swallow, but his mouth was dry.

"Did you… not know?" Adriana asked softly.

"Oh my god," Eddie's mom said, eyes flicking back and forth between them. "Was this whole thing a sham? Have you been lying to us this entire weekend – ever since the phone call when you first told me?"

"No," Eddie said lamely, his voice cracking on the word. "Obviously I… We…" Risking a glance to the side, his heart shattered into pieces as he caught sight of Buck's horrified expression. "I'm sorry," he choked out. "I'm so sorry I didn't tell you."

Buck started to shake his head–

"So it was?" Helena interrupted sharply, yanking Eddie to face her – his hand slipped free of Buck's as she did so. "This whole thing was fake? You asked your friend to come here and pretend to be your boyfriend for… for what possible purpose? A practical joke?"

"No, not a joke," Eddie asserted, feeling heat creep up the back of his neck.

"Then why?" she demanded. "What possible reason could you have for lying to our faces about this?"

"Because you wouldn't stop going on and on about Chris needing someone else in his life!" Eddie shouted, letting all of his pent up anger from the weekend – no, from his life – burst out of him as he met her gaze. "And then when I told you he had Buck you said he didn't count! And I didn't… I didn't mean to lie, but it was the only way I could think to get you to see just how important he is to me.

"Because no matter what, Buck is always going to be in my life. Whether or not we're an actual couple doesn't matter because we're best friends and he means the world to me, and I know he loves Chris like he's his own. So you need to stop trying to tell me how to live or who to let into Christopher's life because he's my son and it's my choice and I know that Buck is the best possible person for him! Which is exactly why I named him in my will as Christopher's legal guardian if I die."

"You did what?" Helena shrieked. "Please tell me you're joking."

"No, still not a joke," Eddie said firmly, and he felt strangely steady as he stared her down. "I put him in my will four years ago."

Helena looked like she was going to explode.

"Four years ago?" she hissed. "You barely knew him four years ago."

"Four years ago he was already my best friend and the person I trusted most in the entire world," Eddie retorted. "And every single day since then he's just proved again and again that I made the right choice."

Swallowing nervously, he looked over at Buck to see his expression. Buck was staring at him in awe, blue eyes wide in surprise. He looked like he was trying to speak, but no words were coming out.

"We're getting off topic," Eddie's mom seethed, and he looked back at her reluctantly. "I can't believe you lied to us. And you made Christopher lie, too!"

"Maybe I wouldn't have had to if you'd stop trying to micromanage every bit of my life!" Eddie snarled.

"Well maybe if you'd listen to me once in a while and stop making bad decisions, I wouldn't be constantly worrying about Christopher's safety!" she shot back.

"His safety?" Eddie barked. "You don't think he's safe with me?"

"I don't think that's what she meant–" Ramón started to say.

"No," Helena spoke over him. "I don't."

"Mom!" Adriana snapped as Ramón said, "Helena!"

The room fell silent. Eddie's chest heaved as he glared at his mother.

"Christopher is not your son," he said after a few careful breaths. "And neither am I. Not anymore."

Helena scoffed. "What the hell does that mean?"

"It means we're leaving."

Ignoring the stunned faces surrounding him, Eddie pushed past his family and headed straight for the spare room to start getting his things together.

He was done with all of this. He was done trying to please his parents when nothing he ever did was good enough. He was done letting his mom make him feel bad for doing the best he could. He was done with this whole stupid, fucking mess that called themselves a family.

"You can't just leave," his mom said from the doorway, and he almost tore his suitcase in half at the sound of her voice. "I won't let you."

"Try and stop me," he snarled.

"Eddie–"

"That's far enough."

Looking over his shoulder, Eddie saw Buck's large frame blocking the doorway.

"Excuse me? How dare you try to keep me out of a room in my own house?"

"I'm doing this for your own good," Buck said. "Are you sure you wanna be within arm's reach of him right now?"

"Get out of my way."

"Helena, calm down–"

"Could you grab my toothbrush?" Buck called over his shoulder. "I left it in the bathroom."

Eddie tried to block the others out as he did up his suitcase and then started gathering up Buck's things as well. He got everything that had been in the bathroom, zipped it into the toiletries bag, and closed Buck's suitcase as well.

When he finally turned back to the door, Buck used his bulk to force Helena and Ramón back so Eddie had space to exit.

But in the hallway he hesitated, his heart fluttering in panic as he realised he didn't know where Chris was. He wasn't in the hall here with the rest of the family. Did he think Eddie was making another mistake? Would he opt to stay here again, splitting up their family and giving his mom infinite ammunition against him? Would he–?

Chris's bedroom door opened and the boy emerged, dragging his packed suitcase behind him. He met Eddie's gaze and gave a small but firm nod.

Eddie could've cried, he loved him so much.

"Oh, no. No, no, no," Helena said quickly, turning to block Chris from continuing down the hall. She grabbed his arm. "You're not going anywhere."

As Eddie opened his mouth to yell at her, Chris calmly turned his head and said, "Let go of me, please."

She dropped his arm as if it had burned her, staring in shock as he then sidled past and made his way to Eddie's side, where Buck silently took his suitcase.

"Dad said we're leaving," Chris said. "So we're leaving."

Eddie resisted the urge to pull his phone out of his pocket and snap a photo of his mom's face right now. Instead, he tried to burn it into his brain for later.

"You're making a mistake," she said, her bottom lip trembling. "Christopher, don't go. Your father isn't thinking clearly."

"Actually, I am," Eddie said, knuckles white from gripping his and Buck's suitcase handles. "I should have cut you out of my life as soon as Chris came back home, but I kept telling myself you only did what you did because you thought it was for the best. I told myself you were also doing it for me, not just Chris. But you never were, were you?"

"Of course I was! You needed time to figure things out–"

"No," Eddie spoke over her calmly. "You've only ever been interested in Chris. And I'll talk to him about it before making any firm decisions, because I actually care about my son and his opinions, but if I have my way you're never going to speak to him ever again."

Turning, Eddie ushered Chris and Buck towards the front door.

"No!" Helena screamed, trying to surge forward again but being held back by Ramón. "No, you can't do this! You can't take him away! Let go of me!"

"That's our Uber," Buck murmured as they stepped outside to see a car pulling up.

Eddie didn't have time to wonder how they had an Uber already, he just thanked God and Buck for it and then took their suitcases over and began loading them in the trunk; he could hear his mom continuing to wail from inside.

"If they leave now we'll never see him again!" she cried. "Don't let him take Christopher! Ramón, tell him! Tell him not to take my baby!"

Eddie's face burned with anger and grief as he slammed the trunk of the car. It was one thing to believe that his mother didn't care for him as much as she cared for Christopher, but to have that truth spelled out right in front of him? In front of Buck and Chris and his sisters, too?

He couldn't help but wonder what the Uber driver was thinking. Did they think Eddie was taking away the woman's child? Would they go home later and talk about their day at work, and how they'd had to sit and do nothing as a family was ripped apart? Would Eddie be painted as the bad guy, like he always was?

"Eddie?"

Buck was there, holding the door open so Eddie could climb in after Chris. Buck, who had just found out that Eddie really did have feelings for him and must have a thousand and one questions about it but was, as always, putting Eddie first.

"Thank you," Eddie muttered as he took his seat without making eye contact. He couldn't bring himself to look at Buck right now. He didn't deserve him.

"I've got your back," Buck promised quietly before closing the door for him and then getting into the front passenger seat.

"Where to?" asked the driver.

"The airport, please," Buck answered.

As the car pulled away from the curb, a small hand slipped into Eddie's and squeezed. Eddie looked across at Chris, afraid of what he might see, but Chris just smiled reassuringly.

“We’re gonna be okay,” he promised.

Eddie clung to him.

Chapter Text

Once they reached the airport, Eddie turned his mind to the problem of flights. They were here way too early for the flight he'd booked, and he couldn't bear the thought of just sitting here for hours waiting, so he left Buck and Chris with the luggage and went to talk to someone about getting them on an earlier one.

There was only one earlier flight available. It was leaving soon and would mean they couldn't all sit together on the plane, but Eddie took it anyway.

"I couldn't get us all together," he explained as he came back over to them with their new boarding passes. "I got two seats next to each other and one by itself."

"That'll be mine," Buck said, snatching the pass for the single seat before Eddie could protest.

"And we won't have time to eat beforehand," Eddie continued. "So we're gonna have to get food on the plane."

"Lunch in the sky!" Chris said with a grin, and Eddie couldn't help but smile back.

Before he knew it they were on the plane doing up their seatbelts. He had an aisle seat, and when he looked up after getting himself comfortable he felt his stomach do a somersault – Buck was five rows ahead of them, also on the aisle. As if he'd felt Eddie's eyes on the back of his head, he turned around and met his gaze.

Eddie looked away sharply, clenching his hands into fists. How was he going to survive the next two hours with Buck directly in his line of sight?

"Hey, Dad?"

Glad for the distraction, Eddie turned to Chris and gave him a weak smile.

"Yeah?"

"Did you mean it?" Chris asked softly. "When you said you didn't want me to see Grandma ever again?"

Heart sinking in his chest, Eddie hesitated before nodding slowly. He glanced briefly at the elderly woman on the other side of Chris, but she was looking out the window and wasn't paying any attention to them.

"I did," he admitted, meeting Chris's gaze. "But I also meant what I said about talking to you first. Just because I don't want to see her ever again doesn't mean I'm going to force you not to, especially if you do want to stay in contact with her, okay? This is an open conversation between us and I promise I'll listen to you and what you want."

"I'm not sure what I want," Chris said, frowning down at his lap.

"That's okay, too," Eddie said. "You don't have to make a decision right now."

"I hated the way she talked to you this weekend." Chris lifted his eyes. "What she said was wrong. She made it sound like you're a bad father but you're not. You know that, right?"

Eddie's breath caught in his throat and he took a moment to clear it before answering.

"I'm… trying to believe that."

"It's true," Chris insisted. "I think you're a great father. You've made mistakes, but… that just makes you human. And you always make things right afterwards."

With another weak smile, Eddie patted Chris's arm appreciatively. "Thanks, kid."

"I'm not a kid anymore," Chris groaned.

"You'll always be my kid," Eddie said with a grin. "Just be glad I'm not pinching your cheek."

Rolling his eyes, Chris pulled out his Switch and started playing a game.

Still smiling, Eddie settled back in his seat contentedly.

The smile slowly slipped off his face as his eyes drifted over to Buck. No longer turned around in his seat, Buck was facing forward, but even just seeing the back of his head brought a sharp pain to Eddie's chest.

He'd been trying not to think about it ever since he left his parent's house, but with a two and a half hour flight ahead of them and nothing to distract him, Eddie couldn't escape the thoughts which now crowded into his mind:

Buck knew the truth. Adriana had made that stupid comment – not that he could blame her when he was the one who'd been lying – and Buck had instantly put the pieces together. Eddie could still see his face clearly in his mind from when he'd turned to apologise and Buck had been staring at him with horror in his eyes.

Of course he was horrified. He'd just found out that his best friend, whom he'd been touching and kissing all weekend, had genuine feelings for him. Instead of being a harmless bit of make-believe to get Eddie's parents off his back, now it was real. Now it was something they had to deal with, instead of just a bit of fun between friends for one weekend.

Closing his eyes, Eddie leaned his head back against his headrest. He knew he needed to apologise properly for not telling Buck the truth from the start and for then taking advantage of him, but the thought of having that conversation filled him with dread.

He was terrified that he would lose Buck, even though he knew that was irrational. Buck had shown no signs of being angry with him, despite having every right, and had simply continued to be a steady presence beside him.

In some ways that was worse. He didn't deserve Buck's loyal friendship, and it only served to make him love him even more.

Opening his eyes, Eddie found himself looking straight at Buck – and Buck was looking back. He'd turned around in his seat again, which Eddie imagined had to be uncomfortable, and as Eddie looked at him Buck smiled. He opened his mouth and moved a hand – to undo his seatbelt? To grab something? – but suddenly a flight attendant was walking down the aisle to make sure everything was in order, and Buck was asked to sit back in his seat properly.

Eddie swallowed down a combination of relief and disappointment. Whatever Buck had been about to do, he wasn't ready to deal with it yet.

The flight passed without incident. At one point Buck got out of his seat and walked over to them, causing a mild flare of panic as Eddie imagined him wanting to air everything out right here and now, but all he did was give Eddie a book he'd had in his carry-on.

"I've already read this one," he'd said as he passed it over. "And I wasn't sure if you had anything to occupy yourself with."

It was a mystery novel, and it saved him from hours of boredom and spiralling because it gave him something else to focus on.

Once they made it to the ground, Eddie almost believed everything was going to be okay. But as they were getting into the Uber which would take them home, he and Buck both reached for the same suitcase and ended up tangling their fingers together. As Eddie quickly pulled his hand back, his eyes caught on Buck's fingers – specifically the ring finger of his left hand.

The zip tie ring that Eddie had given him was gone.

Which made sense, of course. They had no reason to pretend to be engaged anymore.

But it still stung.

–

"Do you guys feel like pizza or Chinese for dinner?" Buck asked as they dragged their suitcases inside.

"Chinese," Chris said, then shook his head. "No, pizza. No, wait! Chinese." Turning big round eyes towards Buck, he fluttered his eyelashes and asked, "Pizza and Chinese?"

Buck chuckled and messed a hand through his hair. "You got it, kiddo."

"Ugh," Chris groaned, ducking away from him to go flop on the couch. "I'm not a kid."

"You're barely a teenager," Buck retorted. "That counts as still being a kid!"

"I'm fourteen."

Eddie headed down the hall away from their bickering, taking his suitcase straight to his room to start unpacking. He felt like he was running out of time, every second bringing him closer and closer to the inevitable conversation with Buck about his feelings. He felt sick.

Pulling crumpled clothes out of his suitcase, he began neatly folding them into a pile on his bed.

"Hey, do you want dumplings?"

Flinching, Eddie spun around to see Buck leaning into the room, one hand on the doorframe.

"Sorry!" Buck apologised quickly. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just figured I'd place the order for delivery now so then we can just relax for the rest of the evening."

Relax, sure.

"Order whatever," Eddie said, turning back to his suitcase to hide his burning face and trembling hands. "I don't care."

There was silence for a moment, and then the soft sound of a door snicking shut. Eddie's hands clenched into fists around the shirt he was holding; he just knew Buck was on this side of the door. He was out of time. This was happening now.

"Eddie?"

He told himself to turn around but he couldn't make his feet move. He just stared at the bed, knuckles turning white.

"I'll order the food later," Buck murmured. "Can we talk?"

"Do I have a choice?" Eddie bit out.

A hand touched his shoulder.

"You're going to want to hear what I have to say."

Slowly, Eddie forced himself to turn around. Buck was smiling at him, soft and sweet and oh-so-painful. Because Eddie already knew what he was going to say, and he didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to hear Buck tell him that nothing had to change because they would always be best friends and it was okay that Eddie had feelings for him. He didn't want to hear Buck say he was flattered, or that he forgave him for what had happened on the weekend.

He didn't wanna hear it.

"Eddie–"

"Stop." Eddie reached up to pull Buck's hand off his shoulder. "I really, really don't want to hear it."

He clenched his teeth and tried not to be affected by the hurt confusion on Buck's face.

"Yes you do," Buck said.

"No. I don't."

"Yes, you do!"

"No," he repeated firmly. "I don't."

"Yes you do! Eddie, would you just lis–"

Pushing past him, Eddie made for the door, thinking that if he could just get out of this enclosed space maybe he could escape before Buck got the words out. Maybe he could find Chris and use him as a shield. This conversation didn't have to be inevitable – not if he just kept on running. But he hadn't even reached the door when Buck grabbed him and swung him back around.

Embarrassed and miserable and angry, Eddie opened his mouth to yell at him–

–and found he couldn't speak.

Buck was kissing him.

Buck was kissing him, and Eddie's mind went blank. Nothing existed but the two of them here in this moment, clinging to each other and kissing like they were starving for each other. And Eddie was starving for him – he'd been trying not to think about the fact that they'd had their last kiss without him realising it was the last; trying to ignore the sadness welling inside him at the thought that he would never again get to have the perfect intimacy they'd shared over the weekend.

But here they were, kissing once more, and as thoughts slowly filtered back into his mind Eddie realised this was only almost everything he wanted.

Pushing firmly against Buck's chest, Eddie broke the kiss that he never wanted to end. He caught a glimpse of Buck's face – eyes bright, cheeks red, lips plump and wet – before looking away.

"No," he whispered.

"Eddie," Buck sighed.

"I can't…" Eddie closed his eyes, because Buck was trying to meet them. "I can't do friends with benefits. Please."

"Eddie, Eddie, Eddie," Buck chanted, cupping his face in his hands and refusing to be pushed away. "Eddie, look at me. I love you. I'm in love with you. That's what I've been trying to tell you this whole time. I love you."

Eddie's eyes snapped open.

"What?" he whispered.

Smoothing his thumbs across Eddie's cheeks, Buck smiled brightly. "I love you, idiot. I don't want friends with benefits, either. I wanna marry you."

Eddie felt the floor shift, and Buck murmured a 'whoa' before guiding him over to sit on the edge of the bed.

"You okay?"

He had to be dreaming. Surely.

"But… you were horrified," Eddie mumbled.

"What? When?"

"When Adriana… When you found out… I looked at you and you were horrified."

"Oh! No!" Buck said quickly, crouching in front of him and holding his hands. "I wasn't horrified about that. I was horrified at myself! I… I felt so bad for letting the words slip out. If it wasn't for me we could've made it through the whole weekend with no issues. I'm so sorry."

Eddie's head was spinning.

"You… love me?"

Buck squeezed his hands, smiling again. "Desperately."

Everything that had happened that weekend began to morph in his mind. He thought of Buck holding his hand at every possible opportunity; of Buck saying yes when he'd accidentally blurted out 'marry me'; of Buck looking after him and agreeing to practice kissing in the privacy of their room; then later when they'd been in bed, talking softly, and Buck had kissed him…

And this morning, when Buck had cooked him breakfast and then told him he loved him.

All of it miraculously, unbelievably, beautifully real.

With a sob, Eddie flung his arms around Buck and clung to him.

Chapter Text

They ended up on the floor, Eddie sitting on Buck's lap with his face tucked in against his neck and his tears running down to soak the man's shirt. He'd tried to stop his crying at first, embarrassed and ashamed by the intensity of his emotions, but Buck had just wrapped him in his arms and told him it was alright.

"Let it out," he'd said, one hand rubbing soothing circles into Eddie's back. "It's okay to cry. I should know – I'm crying too."

It was the perfect thing to say; Eddie could never think Buck was shameful for crying.

When the tears finally slowed and he was able to speak, Eddie pulled back just far enough to look at Buck and ask, "You really love me?"

Buck smiled and brushed their noses together. "More than I ever thought it was possible to love anyone."

Eddie felt lighter than he had in years.

"I love you too," he whispered, wiping a tear from his cheek before hooking his hands behind Buck's neck. "Just… in case you didn't know."

"I did actually figure that out," Buck teased lightly. "You were kind of obvious."

"No I wasn't," Eddie denied with a smile. "Was I?"

"Eddie, you asked me to be your fake boyfriend and suggested we practice kissing, then got so into it I thought we'd never make it back out for lunch," Buck said with a laugh.

Eddie ducked his head shyly, still grinning.

"But I knew even before that," Buck admitted softly, and Eddie looked back up curiously. "See, I was pretty sure you meant it when we were having lunch with your parents and you suddenly asked me to marry you."

"I did," Eddie said before he could lose his nerve. "I did mean it."

Beaming, Buck said, "I was hoping you'd say that, because uh…"

Shifting, he reached a hand to his back pocket. It was a bit of a squeeze since Eddie was still sitting on his lap, but he managed to fish something out and then held it up in the space between them.

It was the makeshift zip tie ring Eddie had given him the day before – the same one he'd thought Buck had taken off and thrown away carelessly when he noticed it wasn't on his finger anymore.

Eddie couldn't breathe.

"Edmundo Diaz," Buck said softly, the name rolling off his tongue like melted butter. "I meant it too, and I am so in love with you. Will you please marry me?"

With a sniff to keep back the tears threatening to spill over again, Eddie managed to say, "You know I will," before sealing their lips together in a kiss.

It didn't last long – they couldn't stop smiling.

"Give me your hand," Buck said, and Eddie felt his heart skip a beat as he looked down and watched Buck slide the zip tie onto his ring finger. "Would you look at that? A perfect fit."

"I love you," Eddie said, lifting his eyes to Buck's gorgeous blue ones. "I… I just love you so much."

Buck laced their fingers together, then drew Eddie's hand to his mouth so he could softly kiss his knuckles. "I love you too."

Eyes dipping to Buck's lips, Eddie swallowed thickly. With a smile, Buck kissed his knuckles again, then a third time.

"Come here," Eddie urged, standing and pulling Buck to his feet as well.

"Where are we going?" Buck asked.

Instead of answering, Eddie turned and carelessly pushed his suitcase onto the floor. Then he dragged Buck down onto the bed, wrapping around him like an octopus and hiding his face in his neck.

"I'm never letting go of you ever again," he mumbled against Buck's skin.

"We can't stay like this forever," Buck chuckled, fastening his arms firmly around Eddie's back.

"Yes we can."

"We'll get hungry."

"All I wanna eat is you," Eddie said. Buck snorted and Eddie tried to burrow deeper, his face hot. "I can't believe I said that. Please pretend I didn't say that."

"You're adorable."

Eddie groaned. "Is that why you love me?"

"It's one of the reasons, yeah."

Lifting his head, he asked, "Tell me the rest?"

"I dunno," Buck teased with a smile. "We could be here a while."

"So?" Eddie smirked, tightening his grip to emphasise his next words. "I already told you I'm never letting go of you ever again."

Leaning in, Buck was about to kiss him when there was a knock on the door.

"Dad? Buck?"

They both groaned and begrudgingly rolled apart. Eddie forced himself up, having to pull himself free from one of Buck's hands which was stubbornly holding on, then crossed to the door and opened it.

Chris was standing there, one hand held in front of his eyes.

"What are you doing?" Eddie asked with a confused chuckle.

"Is it safe?" the boy asked.

"Safe from what?"

"From… you know. You two came in here and closed the door. Are you clothed?"

"Are we–?" Eddie spluttered, and behind him Buck started giggling into a pillow. "Of course we're clothed!"

Grinning cheekily, Chris lowered his hand.

"Just checking," he said innocently.

Eddie looked over his shoulder at Buck, shaking his head in disbelief.

"He's your son," Buck said with a shrug.

"Yeah, but he gets this from you," Eddie retorted, jerking a finger in Chris's direction.

Buck beamed, not at all apologetic for his influence.

"Anyway," Chris said, and Eddie turned back to him. "I just wanted to come check on you. But you look happy, so does that mean you and Buck are properly together now?"

Eddie went red with embarrassment and a little bit of apprehension. Would Chris be okay with this? Involuntarily, he glanced down at the zip tie now fastened around his own finger and bit his lip to keep the smile down, tucking his hand behind his back – but Chris had already seen it.

"You are?" the boy exclaimed, eyes lighting up with what could only be interpreted as joy. He reached out to yank Eddie's hand from hiding, grinning down at the bit of plastic on the ring finger. "A zip tie? That's so corny. But it's for real this time, right? You're not pretending anymore?"

"It's for real," Eddie confirmed. Before he could ask if Chris was okay with it, Eddie found himself wrapped in a crushingly tight hug – which, he supposed, did answer his question.

"Hang on! If Chris is handing out hugs, I want in," Buck said, and Eddie heard him jump off the bed before suddenly he was hugging Eddie from behind.

Eddie laughed, carefree and joyful, sandwiched between his two favourite people in the world.

–

The rest of the evening passed in a comfortable haze. They had pizza and Chinese for dinner, as Buck had promised Chris, and chattered away amiably about anything and everything that came to mind. Then they had hazelnut ice cream for dessert and put a movie on, cozying up on the couch together.

Eddie had suggested that Chris sit in the middle, but Chris had stubbornly taken the far left side and refused to move, claiming he didn't want to be stuck between their 'lovey-dovey googly eyes' the whole time. So, blushing like mad, Eddie found himself pressed up against Buck for the rest of the night.

And Chris was right. Though Eddie definitely wouldn't have used the same words to describe it, he and Buck couldn't keep themselves from constantly glancing across at each other and smiling throughout the movie. And just like so many other times that weekend, their hands soon found each other and slid together comfortably.

Once the movie was over and the credits were rolling across the screen, Chris let out a big yawn.

"I'm gonna go to bed," he said, pushing himself up off the couch. "Don't stay up too late, you two. And try to remember the walls are thin."

Eddie felt his face burn all over again and wondered just when he'd ended up with such a cheeky teenage son.

"Don’t make me ground you," he teased, trying to recover some dignity.

Chris laughed as he headed down the hall to his room.

Then it was just the two of them.

Turning to Buck, Eddie smiled and gently squeezed his hand. Buck smiled back at him, eyes soft and warm.

"I love you," Buck whispered, and liquid gold spread through Eddie's veins.

"I love you too," he replied.

Pure happiness lit up Buck’s face and Eddie couldn’t resist leaning forward to capture his lips in a kiss. He felt laughter building in his chest and fought to squash it down, not wanting to ruin the moment. He just couldn't believe he was allowed to do this now. Buck loved him and they were engaged and life was a mess, but they had each other.

Eddie could take on the whole world as long as he had Buck by his side.

When they parted again they were both smiling, and Buck lifted a hand to cup the side of Eddie's face.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked.

"How lucky I am to have you," Eddie answered honestly. "And… the fact that you're my fiancé now."

Buck squeezed his hand excitedly and said, "Fiancé? Wow. I like the sound of that."

"Yeah?"

"Mhm. I really, really do."

They kissed again, and Eddie found himself being gently guided down onto his back. His fiancé settled on his thighs, firm hands on his waist.

"I'm gonna have to get you a proper ring," his fiancé mumbled against his lips.

"Oh?" Eddie pulled back and tilted his head with a smile. "I asked you first. Maybe I should get you one."

"Do it," his fiancé said, fingers drawing circles on his hips. "We could go together and pick them out."

"Okay," Eddie agreed easily.

His fiancé kissed him again, and Eddie felt a tear of happiness escape the corner of his eye to trail down into his hairline.

"I love you," his fiancé whispered solemnly, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "I love you." A kiss to his nose. "I love you." His tear-track was kissed away and he felt himself smiling. "I love you." His forehead was kissed. "I love you." His lips.

"Buck," Eddie said, pushing him back just far enough to meet his gaze. He paused, taking a moment just to stare into his fiancé's beautiful blue eyes, then said, "I'm going to love you until my very last breath, and then I'm going to defy death and keep on loving you for eternity."

"You're so fucking romantic," Buck whispered, then tugged him up off the couch and began dragging him down the hall.

They stumbled and laughed their way to the bedroom, almost falling over at one point, and it was perfect.