Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Buck was lounging on the couch when a text from Maddie popped up on his phone.

Hey, do you have a second to talk?

“Hey, Eds, Maddie asked if we could call, I have to get up for a sec.” Eddie only hummed and snuggled closer. Buck chuckled, then leaned down to press a kiss to Eddie’s forehead. “Don’t worry, I’ll be right back.”

Carefully extracting himself from the tangle of limbs trapping him – much to the chagrin of Eddie who had been using him as his personal pillow – Buck got up and walked into his and Eddie’s bedroom. His and Eddie’s. Even after moving in with Eddie and Chris two months prior, Buck still got butterflies at the thought of living with his favorite boys. Getting to wake up every morning curled against Eddie’s chest; making breakfast with Chris every Saturday, teaching him the recipes he’d learned from Bobby; coming home at the end of a long shift to a house full of love rather than an empty apartment. Smiling, Buck sat on the edge of the bed and called his sister.

“Hey, Maddie, what’s up?”

“Hey, Buck,” Maddie’s voice had a heaviness to it, even through the phone’s tiny speaker, which had Buck sitting up a little straighter, “Sorry to call this late.”

“No worries, I have time. Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, nothing’s wrong,” Maddie assured him quickly, but there was still something off about her tone. “It’s just that, ah…”

Buck stood up and began pacing the length of the bedroom. “Just what? You’re, uh, you’re kinda freaking me out here a bit, Mads.”

“You’re right, you’re right, sorry,” Maddie took a deep breath. “Mom and Dad just called to say they’re visiting next week and we’re supposed to have dinner with them and Chimney on Friday at 5 o’clock.”

Buck froze. Their parents were coming here? Why? They hadn’t bothered to show up when his leg got crushed by a fire truck or when he got trapped in a tsunami or when he had a pulmonary embolism or any of the other times his life had been at risk. They didn’t even show up when Doug kidnapped and nearly killed Maddie. So why now? What did they want?

“Buck?”

Buck leaned against the wall next to him and scrubbed his face with his free hand. “Yeah, yeah, I’m still here.”

“I’m sorry to spring this on you, I can tell them you’re not free or figure something else out.”

Buck could hear the exhaustion coloring her words, could picture her sitting on the couch in her living room, fiddling with the chain of the necklace Chimney had bought her when they got back together. He sighed. “No, it’s fine, I’ll be there. United front. Always.”

“United front,” Maddie repeated, clearly relieved. “Thanks, Evan. I love you.”

“I love you too.” Buck paused, weighing his words carefully before speaking. “Did they… Did they say why they were coming?”

Maddie snorted. “That would require an actual conversation. Mom called an hour ago, asked if Chimney and I were still together, told me they were coming up and that your presence was expected at my place for dinner on Friday, then hung up.”

“Sounds like Mom,” Buck muttered under his breath. “Do you need any help with dinner or anything?”

“If you want to bring dessert that would be great.”

“Yeah, sounds good. Oh, I’m gonna bring Eddie, too.”

“Yeah, of course, I figured you would.” Maddie hesitated. “Do Mom and Dad know or…”

“Yeah, I told them. Do I know if they’re homophobic or just expressing the usual level of interest in my life? No idea. Like you said, that would require us actually having a conversation longer than three sentences.”

Maddie hummed in agreement. “Hey, the second they say something across the line, they’re gone, ok?”

Buck nodded gratefully before remembering that Maddie couldn’t actually see him. “Thank you, I appreciate it, Maddie. Same to you.” Buck rolled his eyes at his bedroom wall. “Just as long as they keep the jibes aimed at me and not my boyfriend.”

“Hear hear.” Maddie chuckled. “I’ll talk to Chimney and let him know so that we’re all on the same page. Thanks again, Buck.”

“Anytime, Mads. Ok, I gotta go, but thanks for the heads up. We still on for coffee Wednesday?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you then. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Buck hung up the phone and threw it onto the bed before pressing the palms of his hands to his eyes. One five-minute conversation and he was thirteen years old again, sitting alone at the kitchen table with a singular sad cookie he had bought at the school cafeteria because his parents had scheduled a night out for the two of them on his birthday. No cake; no presents; no sign that they even knew their son had made it through another year on Earth. Even Maddie hadn’t called, instead sending him a text explaining that Doug had a whole day planned for them so she wouldn’t have time, but that she hoped he had “a super day!”

“Babe?” Eddie’s voice broke through the static in his mind. “You good?”

Buck closed his eyes and took a deep breath, resting his head back against the wall. One second passed, two, then Buck let the air in his lungs out in a woosh. “Yeah, I’ll be right there.” Buck allowed himself three more seconds of silence before he pushed himself off of the wall and walked to the living room.

When Eddie heard Buck’s soft footsteps he shifted to look at Buck, concern creasing his brow at the exhaustion stooping Buck’s figure. Eddie stared for a second before wordlessly opening his arms. Buck’s shoulders loosened almost imperceptibly as he walked over to the couch and practically threw himself into Eddie’s arms. Buck’s head lay on Eddie’s stomach, arms wrapped around his waist, legs tangled together. Eddie just held him, using his right hand to card his fingers gently through Buck’s hair while his left rested on the small of Buck’s back.

They were quiet for a few minutes before Buck spoke up woodenly. “My parents are coming to visit. Next week.”

Eddie’s hand froze for a moment on Buck’s scalp before resuming its soothing motions. “What? Why?” A beat. “Are you ok?”

Buck sighed for what felt like the twentieth time in the past hour. “No idea. That’s what Maddie was calling about. Apparently they called her out of the blue, invited themselves over for dinner – and demanded I be there too without bothering to check if I had plans because of course whatever I have going on isn’t important – then hung up.”

“They sound exactly like you’ve described them.”

“Yeah,” Buck huffed humorlessly, “they are nothing if not consistent, I’ll give them that.”

“Do you have to go?” Eddie asked.

“Yeah. For Maddie if nothing else.” Buck sat up, swinging his legs so that they were sprawled over Eddie’s lap, and leaned back against the arm of the couch. “Besides, it’ll be worse if I don’t go. They won’t care if I am there, but they will definitely care if I’m not.” He grimaced, staring intently at a spot on the wall a couple of feet to Eddie’s right.

“Well, I’m coming with you.” Eddie hesitated when Buck’s gaze snapped to him. “I mean, if you want. Do you want me to come with you? To dinner.”

Buck smiled for the first time since he heard his parents were visiting. “I already told Maddie you’d be there.”

Eddie’s gaze softened. “Ok. I’ll ask Hen and Karen if the boys can have a playdate Saturday evening. I’m assuming you’ll want to see Chris that night, but we can ask for a sleepover if you want some time. Either works for me, and you know Chris will be psyched either way.”

“Playdate,” Buck said immediately. Eddie chuckled and nodded, but stayed silent, knowing Buck had more to say. “I don’t want him anywhere near my parents. God, I don’t even think they know he exists.” Buck laughed humorlessly.

Eddie nodded then paused, considering his words. “Do you want them to know about him?”

“I don’t even know. I feel like they should because he’s the best kid in the world, and I never want him to think I’m ashamed of him, but at the same time…” He pressed the palms of his hands into his forehead. “I don’t know if they deserve to know.”

“Oh, cariño,” Eddie started, his voice full of love and pain. “I wish that I had an answer for you that would make everything ok. But all I can say is that you have no obligation to tell your parents about Chris if you don’t want to, and he would never – I would never – think that you’re ashamed of him.” Eddie’s hand cupped Buck’s cheek, tilting his face towards him. “Whatever you decide, I am 100% behind, because there is not a doubt in my mind that you will put Chris first.”

“I think…” Buck said slowly, reaching up to cover Eddie’s hand with his own, “I don’t want to lie, but I also don’t want to bring it up unless it comes up in conversation.”

Eddie nodded. “Ok, that sounds like a plan.

Buck opened his mouth to say something else, but before he could speak, Chris’ voice rang out from the hallway. “Dad, Bucky! I finished cleaning my room, can we watch a movie now?”

“Later,” Buck told Eddie before raising his voice so Chris could hear him. “Sure thing, Superman, what do you want to watch?”

Chris appeared in the doorway, walked over to the couch, and plopped himself on top of Eddie and Buck’s legs. “The Incredibles!”

Eddie laughed, lifting Chris up and adjusting their positions to make more room. “You got it, bud.”

“Babe, that’s the third sweater you’ve tried on in the past five minutes.”

“I know, I know,” Buck groaned. “Will you just pick one for me?”

Eddie didn’t even bother to look up from his phone as he texted Hen to let her know they were leaving soon. “The dark green one. It goes well with your eyes.”

A slight blush crept up Buck’s cheeks as he smiled. “Sir yes sir.” Eddie rolled his eyes but wasn’t quite able to stop his lips from twitching. Pulling the sweater over his head, Buck smoothed out the wrinkles before walking over to the edge of the bed where Eddie was sitting. “Are you sure you’re good to come tonight? I know you said you wanted to, but I totally get if you want to back out, I know I don’t want to spend the next two hours with my mother going over every one of my numerous flaws in excruciating detail.”

“Hey, don’t say that,” Eddie said immediately, putting his phone down and grabbing Buck’s hands. “Your parents are the ones with an issue, not you. And of course I’m going to dinner. I want to be there for you. Are you sure you want to do this? I know you want to be there for Maddie, but… I just– I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Buck turned his head to press a kiss to Eddie’s palm. “I know. Just like you know that I have to go anyway.”

“Yeah,” Eddie smiled, but it was sadder than usual, “I know. It’s one of the numerous reasons I love you. And I am happy to go over those in excruciating detail with you anytime,” Eddie reached up and brushed his thumb across Buck’s cheekbone. “Alright, c’mon. I’ll go start the car, can you grab Chris?”

“Always.”

Ten minutes later, they were on their way to Hen and Karen’s. A classic rock station played softly in the background. Buck was mostly quiet on the ride over, letting Chris and Eddie drive the conversation.

“Bucky, what’s wrong? You love this song, you always sing along when it comes on!”

Buck looked over at Chris, a little surprised. “Uh, I just…” Buck shot a panicked glance over at Eddie, who nodded encouragingly. “I’m a little nervous about dinner tonight, I guess.”

“Oh,” Chris gave an adorable pout. “But why? Isn’t it just your parents?”

“Um, yeah, bud, it is dinner with my parents, but, uh,” Eddie reached over to take Buck’s hand in his own, “we don’t get along really well, not like you and your dad do, so it can be kinda hard to see them.”

“Well maybe I can come with you too!” Chris said brightly. “I can give you a hug whenever you and your mom and dad fight so that you’ll feel better!”

“That is so kind of you, Chris,” Eddie cut in when Buck squeezed his hand, “but remember you’re hanging out with Denny tonight! In fact, we should be there in just a minute.”

“Oh yeah! Well, maybe I can come next time?”

“We’ll see, kiddo.”

Buck swallowed past the lump in his throat. God, he loved this kid. “You’re a really great kid, Chris, you know that?”

Chris laughed. “You and Dad tell me that all the time, Buck!”

Eddie laughed as he pulled the car into Hen and Karen’s driveway. “That’s because it’s always true. Alright, we’ll pick you up around 7:30. You ready?”

“Yes, Dad.”

“Good boy.” Eddie grabbed the tupperware of cookies Buck had stressed baked as a thank you while Buck helped Chris get out of the car and handed him his crutches; together, they walked up to the Wilson’s door and knocked.

Karen opened the door a couple seconds later. “Denny, Chris is here!”

“Be right there!” came the faint, shouted reply.

“Hey, Chris, how are you!” Hen said as she rounded the corner.

“Hi, Hen!” Chris said, greeting both Hen and Karen with a hug. “I’m doing good, how are you?”

“Oh, pretty good, thank you for asking! Dinner’s in about half an hour, that sound good?”

“Yeah!”

“Alright,” Eddie said. “Have fun, bud, call if you need anything.”

Chris had just opened his mouth to reply when Denny came barrelling down the hallway. “Chris! C’mon, you have to come see this new lego set I got! Hi, Buck! Hi, Eddie! Bye, Buck! Bye, Eddie!” With that, Denny and Chris started off towards Denny’s room, Denny telling Chris about the new Lego Ninjago mech they were going to build.

“Bye, Dad! Bye, Buck!” They got a few more steps before Chris paused and turned back around to throw himself into Buck’s arms. “Love you, Bucky. Remember, just keep swimming.” He squeezed tight, smacking a wet kiss to Buck’s cheek, before racing off after Denny. A ‘love you too, Dad!’ was shouted over his shoulder before he reached Denny’s side and they began talking about the pros and cons of Kai’s Elemental Fire Mech versus Cole’s Titan Dragon Mech.

As soon as the boys were out of sight, Hen turned towards Buck, concern etched into her features. “You guys heading to dinner, now?”

“Yeah,” Buck replied, more subdued than usual although one last Chris hug for the night had helped to perk him up. “Can’t wait.”

Karen hummed in response. “Well, I’d tell you to have fun, but I have a feeling that’s not in the cards.”

Eddie slipped his arm around Buck’s waist, their bodies slotting together like they were molded from the same block of clay. “Buck’s got this.” Buck shot him a grateful smile before turning back to Hen and Karen.

“Yeah, well, we’ll see. We should get going, though. Don’t want to leave Maddie and Chim to fend for themselves for too long.”

“Yeah, sounds good.” Eddie said, pressing a kiss to Buck’s cheek. “Hen, Karen, thank you so much for watching Chris tonight, we really appreciate it. We’ll text you when we’re on our way here.”

“Of course, glad we can help,” came Karen’s immediate reply.

“Yeah, anytime,” Hen echoed. “Good luck tonight. And Buck… just remember that family’s more than blood, ok? We’ve got your back. Always.” Hen pulled Buck into a tight hug. “Love you, Buckaroo.”

“Thanks, Hen, love you too.”

Buck and Eddie finished saying their goodbyes then left, driving over to Chimney and Maddie’s apartment for dinner. They didn’t talk much in the car, instead opting to put the radio on, hands threaded together and resting on the center console. Eddie pulled into one of the reserved parking spaces and turned the car off. They sat in silence for a minute before Eddie squeezed Buck’s hand lightly.

“You ready?”

“No.” Buck exhaled. “Let’s go.”

Buck got out of the car, careful not to drop the cranberry almond bundt cake he had made using Bobby’s recipe – the one that was passed down from his great-grandmother and was only ever given to family. Buck had almost cried when Bobby had given him the recipe last Christmas along with all the ingredients he’d need to make it. The first time Buck had made it was with Bobby at the firehouse. When they finished Bobby had hugged him and told him that he’d always wanted to teach his son how to make that recipe; Buck actually had cried at that.

Eddie and Buck made their way past the front desk, Buck white-knuckling the cake stand, Eddie’s hand settled comfortably on the small of Buck’s back. Reaching Maddie’s door, Buck released the death grip on his cake to knock. Seconds later, Maddie opened the door with an audible sigh of relief.

“Thank god you’re here,” she said, pulling Buck and Eddie into her apartment and closing the door behind them.

“That bad?” Buck asked with a weak smile as he and Eddie took off their shoes and coats.

“If I have to hear one more underhanded comment about how I have to give them a grandchild before I get too old, I’m gonna lose it.”

Eddie wrinkled his nose. “Seriously?”

“Welcome to the family,” Maddie said with a sarcastic pair of jazz hands and a smile that looked more like a grimace. She sighed. “Sorry, just…long night. I am glad you’re here though, both of you. Can I get you guys anything to drink? Water? Beer? Wine?”

“Tequila?” Buck asked hopefully.

Maddie smiled. “Let’s at least get through the charcuterie board first.”

Buck smiled. “Fair enough. Where should I put the cake?”

“Right in the kitchen is fine. Oh…Mom also brought a dessert by the way.” Maddie said, rolling her eyes. “I’m sorry, I told her it was covered but… you know Mom.”

“Sounds about right. It’s not your fault, don’t worry about it.”

Eddie smirked. “Yours will be better anyway, babe.”

“Alright,” Maddie said as their laughter died down, “we’ve delayed the inevitable as long as possible. I don’t want to leave Chim to fend for himself any longer.” Maddie turned to lead the way into the living room before turning suddenly. “Also, I know it’s stupid but call Chim Howard tonight? Our parents hate nicknames,” Maddie explained to Eddie.

“Fine,” Buck said woodenly, following his sister into the living room and pasting on a smile that anyone who actually knew him would have easily identified as fake. “Hey Mom, hey Dad.”

“Evan, we were wondering when you were going to show up,” Phillip Buckley said, standing and giving Buck a perfunctory handshake. He was wearing a starched blue plaid button-down and tan jacket with black slacks. His shoes were still on despite the fact that he had been here for at least twenty minutes. In short, Phillip was as stiff and cold as Buck remembered.

“Ha, yeah, traffic was bad…”

Margaret Buckley stood next to her husband wearing a white turtleneck and dull purple blazer. Her shoes, shiny and with a buckle on the front, also remained on. “Evan, look at you, you’re really getting bigger, aren’t you,” she said, gingerly pulling Buck in for a hug and patting him on the back a few times.

“Mom!” Maddie said, annoyance and exasperation coloring her words.

“What?” Margaret said innocently. “There’s no need to be so sensitive, I was just making an observation.”

Eddie stood there with a bit of a dumbstruck look on his face. Buck understood; it was one thing to be told that his parents communicated solely through little digs and underhanded comments, but quite another to witness it in person. Eddie had his own bad experiences with his parents, but Helena and Ramon were a different flavor of awful.

“It’s fine. How was your flight, Mom?”

“Oh fine, fine.”

Buck cleared his throat. “Mom, Dad, this is Eddie, my boyfriend.”

“Well, it’s nice to meet you. I’m impressed that Evan has managed to hold onto you this long, given his track record,” Phillip said with a laugh, reaching to grasp Eddie’s hand. Eddie’s jaw dropped but before he could say anything, Margaret interjected.

“Yes, what was the last one’s name, Evan? Amy?”

“Abby,” Buck said through clenched teeth.

“Yeah, well, I’m not going anywhere anytime soon,” Eddie said with a forced chuckle, grabbing one of Buck’s hands with his own.

There was a pause where everyone seemed to be waiting for another person to fill the silence. It was Eddie who finally broke it.

“So, Buck tells me you live in Pennsylvania? Have you lived there your whole life?”

“Buck?” Phillip asked, completely ignoring Eddie’s question.

Buck cleared his throat. “My nickname. It’s what everyone calls me these days.”

“Ahh, I see.” Phillip said, his gaze cold and aloof. There was another long pause before Chimney valiantly tried to restart the conversation with limited success.

The next thirty minutes were filled with painful small talk (“I’ve been a dispatcher for almost two years now, I don’t really see myself returning to nursing”), awkward silences (“Yeah, I’ve ‘gotten over’ the issue with my leg”), and meaningful glances when Margaret and Phillip weren’t looking (“Hershey to LA is such a long flight, I don’t know why you both moved so far away”).

After the third time Margaret hinted that she wanted to be a grandmother, Maddie decided she’d waited long enough. “You know, I think it’s about time for dinner!” she said, her voice falsely bright. “Bu-” She glanced at their parents, “Evan, will you come help me grab the food?”

Buck rose to his feet and followed Maddie in what could generously be called a fast walk. The second they both got to the kitchen, Maddie turned towards Buck, worry etched on her face. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t ask before calling you Evan in front of them. I just… I just panicked but that’s not fair to you, I’m really sorry.”

Buck's eyebrows shot up in surprise before he pulled Maddie into a tight hug. “Hey, hey, it’s ok. Seriously, it is not a big deal.” Buck pulled away. “I actually would prefer Buck tonight; I appreciate you asking, Mads.”

“Ok, I can do that,” Maddie smiled, “Sorry, again, it’s just… God, it hasn’t even been an hour and I feel like I’m ten years old again.”

Buck sighed. “Yeah, tell me about it. United front though, right?” He held out his hand and Maddie hooked their pinky fingers together with a smile.

“Always.”

“Speaking of united fronts, though, we should get back to our boys.”

“Yeah, I suppose we should,” Maddie grabbed the pan of lasagna from the counter, pausing in the doorway to look back over her shoulder at her little brother. “Hey, I’m proud of you, by the way.” Buck smiled at her, soft and a little sad. “Now, c’mon, grab that salad. If we’re lucky they’ll be out of here in less than an hour.”

Buck and Maddie emerged from the kitchen to find Margaret regaling Eddie and Chimney with a story about Maddie when she was a kid.

“And then she chased the goose down to the water, yelling at it to ‘leave her alone!’” Phillip laughed. “She was such a spitfire when she was a kid.” He looked over at Maddie, setting the pasta on the dining room table. “Any idea when you’ll have a spitfire of your own?” He asked teasingly.

Maddie’s laugh was strained. “We’ll see, Dad.”

“Of course, of course. Well, kids are a lot of work, but I’m sure you lot will find that out soon enough.”

Buck looked over at Eddie to find him already gazing in his direction. Jaw set, Buck met Eddie’s gaze and nodded, communicating silently just like they did on a call.

“Well, Buck and I already have an idea.” Eddie said with an easy laugh. “Our son, Christopher, is nine, and he’s the best.”

“Oh, Evan, I don’t think you ever told us that Eddie has a son,” Margaret said, her voice slightly reproachful. “Are you…involved with him at all?”

“Sorry?” Buck said, anger bleeding through the unaffected facade he’d been wearing all night.

“Do you know him at all? I don’t know how recently Eddie let you meet him.” Buck’s face did an odd little spasm at her words.

“Buck is amazing with Chris,” Eddie interjected, a hint of a challenge in his voice. “He was meant to be a dad.”

Buck’s eyes snapped to Eddie’s and he smiled, the first real smile Eddie had seen since they’d arrived.

“Hmm,” Margaret sniffed, before abruptly changing the topic. “Maddie, that smells wonderful, we should eat before it gets cold.”

“Yeah, of course,” Maddie replied stiffly, her eyes trained on Buck. “Oh, I forgot a serving spoon for the lasagna, Buck could you go grab it?” Buck flashed her a grateful smile and went into the kitchen. “Oh, and Eddie there’s another bottle of wine on the counter if you could get that too.”

“Sure thing,” Eddie chuckled, although the amusement in his gaze at Maddie’s fairly obvious play was tempered by concern for Buck.

Eddie followed Buck into the kitchen and found him leaning against the fridge with his eyes closed, breathing deeply. Eddie leaned next to him, pressed their shoulders together, and waited for Buck to speak. By the fact that it only took five seconds for Buck to break, Eddie knew he was seriously pissed; usually it took at least a few minutes for him to open up when something was bugging him.

“God, I was so fucking worried about telling my parents about Chris and for what. My dad didn’t say a goddamn thing and my mom asks if you’ve even ‘allowed’ me to see him. The whole conversation lasted maybe thirty seconds” Buck turned and buried his face in the crook of Eddie’s neck. “She didn’t even ask to meet him. Not–” he added hastily, “that I even want them to, but it’s the principle of the thing.”

“I know, baby,” Eddie said softly, carding his fingers through Buck’s curls. “But if they can’t even imagine how great you are with him, then they don’t deserve to know. You mean the world to that kid, Buck, to both of us, and none of their assumptions will ever change that.”

“I love you,” Buck drew back and pressed a soft kiss to Eddie’s lips. “Ok, I’m ready. We’re almost home free, right?”

“Right,” Eddie confirmed. “But first!” He paused, shoving his hand deep into his jacket pocket and withdrawing a small flask.

“Tequila?” Buck asked hopefully.

“Tequila.”

Buck laughed and grabbed the flask, twisting off the cap to take a healthy swig. “Just what I needed,” he winked, handing the container back to Eddie who took a gulp of his own before stowing it safely back in his pocket.

Buck and Eddie reentered the dining room – Buck in much higher spirits, Maddie noted satisfactorily – and sat down to eat. Dinner took another thirty minutes, Chimney and Eddie carrying the conversation. Finally, everyone had finished; Maddie kept glancing at the clock mounted on the wall, waiting for an appropriate amount of time to pass before she offered dessert. Right as Maddie was about to suggest they start dessert, Margaret excused herself to get another glass of water from the kitchen.

“Maddie, dear, what is this?”

“What’s what, Mom?”

“This,” Margaret repeated as she emerged from the kitchen holding Buck’s bundt cake. “I already brought dessert. My homemade apple pie, you used to love it when you were a kid!”

Buck scoffed. “That was me. But you only made it once, after I broke my wrist when I was twelve, remember? Besides, Maddie’s allergic to apples.” There was a short pause. “And I made it. It's a cranberry almond bundt cake. Bobby – my captain – gave me the recipe.” Buck rambled on hoping to diffuse the awkward tension that had settled over the room. “Uh, did you know the bundt pan was actually invented in Minnesota in 1950? It wasn’t until 1966 that they became popular though. Minnesota is, uh, where Bobby’s initially from…” Buck trailed off, withering slightly under the blank look Margaret was giving him.

“Well, I guess now we have two desserts,” Phillip said, “and you can never have too much dessert, right? I’m sure both will be great.” Maddie and Buck exchanged a confused glance; their dad never supported them over their mother. “And I’m very excited for the pie, Margaret, you know how much I love family recipes.” No one missed the slight stress Phillip put on the word “family.” Maddie flashed Buck a bitter smile: there it was.

“Mine is a family recipe too,” Buck said shortly. He blinked, clearly surprised by his reaction. Maybe he’d taken a larger gulp of tequila than he thought. Eddie’s hand landed on Buck’s knee, squeezing slightly.

“Don’t be silly, Evan, this captain is just your boss,” Margaret cut in dismissively.

Chimney’s gave a false laugh. “Actually, the 118 is a family in its own right. There’s a special bond that comes with being a firefighter, especially at a house lucky enough to have a captain like Bobby. The family you choose and all that, right?”

“Oh, I couldn’t agree more,” Eddie added with a sharp smile. “It reminds me of the kind of family I found when I was serving in the army, but there’s something special about the 118.”

Maddie glanced quickly between her parents and Buck, whose face looked torn between annoyance at their parents’ comments and adoration for the way Chim and Eddie had risen to his defense. Phillip opened his mouth but Maddie cut him off before he could get a word in. “Well, Mom, why don’t you set Buck’s bundt cake down and I’ll go grab your pie. It’s about time for dessert anyway.” Maddie got up without waiting for a response, brushing her hand lightly over Buck’s shoulders as she walked by.

When she got back, Margaret picked up a serving spoon and asked Maddie which dessert she wanted. Without missing a beat, Maddie looked straight at her mother and requested the bundt cake. Only Phillip and Margaret had the pie.

Later, Buck would think that this was the moment of no return.

By the middle of dessert, Eddie and Chimney had run out of conversation starters and had resorted to regaling the Buckleys with stories from calls they had taken at work.

“Howard,” Margaret started suddenly, interrupting Chimney’s story of a wedding they had been to last week where the five-foot-tall cake had fallen onto the groom’s mother, “I have to admit that we came here for a reason.” She paused, but Chimney only stared at her in confusion. “Recently, I was going through my old jewelry and found the diamond from my mother’s old engagement ring. It’s quite beautiful, very classy. Now, I know that you and Maddie aren’t quite ready to have children yet, but I wanted to know if you’d like this family heirloom” – Buck scoffed softly – “for when you’re ready for the next step.”

Chim’s eyes widened slightly. “Oh, um, that’s very kind of you, but I think Maddie is the one you should ask about that. She’d be the one wearing the ring and all.” He laughed awkwardly.

Margaret’s eye twitched slightly before she laughed in a high, soft voice. “You’re so sweet, aren’t you? Maddie, I’m so glad you picked a good one this time around.”

“Mom!” Buck said.

“What? It was a compliment, Evan.”

“Oh, was it?”

“Don’t ruin this moment for your sister,” Margaret scolded; Buck’s hands curled into fists, but he looked resolutely away. “Maddie, what do you think, would you like the ring?”

Caught like a deer in the headlights, Maddie glanced between Chimney, her mother, and her brother. “Um, I’m not sure, Mom, I would definitely have to see it first, but thank you for thinking of me…”

“Oh, ok. I’ll show you a picture, then. I just don’t know what I would do with it if you don’t want it.”

“You don’t know what you’d do with it?” Buck said, a look of incredulous hurt on his face. “You have another kid.”

“It’s a diamond.”

“Plenty of men work diamonds into engagement or wedding rings.”

“Even so, it’s not like you have any prospects, Evan,” Margaret sniffed, hands folded neatly on top of the table next to her nearly full glass of wine.

That was Buck’s final straw. Comments from the whole evening, from his entire life, flashed in his mind. Every single time his parents made him feel like a disappointment; inadequate; unloved; too much; a burden. And Buck took it, first because he believed he deserved it, then, after the 118, because it was easier to just ignore it. But now? Now he wasn’t just fighting for himself, he was fighting for Eddie, and if there was one thing Buck knew without a shadow of a doubt, it was that he would always fight for the man he loved.

“Eddie, my literal boyfriend, is right there,” Buck practically snarled, pushing his chair out with a loud scrape and jumping to his feet. “I don’t give a shit what you say about me, but you do not get to belittle someone I care about just because you don’t approve of us being together.”

“That is not what I meant! All I’m saying is that...” She trailed off.

“All you’re saying is what, Mom? Please keep telling me why I’m such a fucking disappointment.”

“Do not speak to your mother that way,” Phillip finally chimed in. “Besides, we have a pair of gay neighbors who are very nice. Why do you always assume the worst in us, Evan? We have no issue with you being gay.”

“I’m bisexual, actually,” Buck stopped in his tracks. “Wait, you don’t care that Eddie and I are… What the fuck is your problem then? What am I doing wrong?” His voice broke. “Why am I never good enough for you?”

Phillip sat as still as a statue. “You must know that you never made it easy, even when you were a kid,” he said after a long pause before shifting his gaze to fall on Maddie. “Neither of you.”

The tears pooling in Maddie’s eyes threatened to spill over. “We were supposed to? We were kids.”

“Evan, I don’t know what you expect us to do!” Margaret looked near tears.

“Love me anyway.”

For a few seconds, no one spoke.

“You never make it easy.”

Buck’s mouth opened as if he were going to say something else, but no sound came out. A tear traced its way down his cheek.

“Get the fuck out.”

All heads turned to Eddie.

“Pardon me?” Phillip said.

“You heard me. Get. The fuck. Out. You have no right to speak to either of them that way. I have never met two people easier to love than Buck and Maddie. You don’t deserve to be their parents. You don’t deserve to know them period. And I’m not going to sit here as you continue to bully and berate your children.”

“You have no right, young man,” Margaret seethed. “This is a family matter. You don’t even live here.”

“Yeah, well I do,” Chimney stood up and pointed to the door. “Now listen to him, and get out. And don’t bother showing up for lunch tomorrow. ”

Margaret and Phillip exchanged terse glances before they both stood up and walked to the door. Margaret opened the door and turned back around making eye contact with Eddie. “One day, he’s going to let you down. He always does.” She turned towards Chimney and opened her mouth before snapping it shut, scoffing, and leaving without another word.

Phillip shook his head in disgust. “I can count on this kind of behavior from Evan, but you, Maddie? I expect both of you to apologize to your Mother for your actions tonight. Don’t expect to hear from us until you do.” With that, he followed Margaret into the hall, not even stopping to spare a backward glance.

And Buck, Eddie’s Buck, who was always full of facts and stories and laughter, stood there at a loss for words. His mouth was open a sliver, breathing slightly labored, and his nose was flared in the way it always did whenever Buck was trying not to cry. The worst part of the whole image, though, was his eyes.

Eddie could spend hours looking at Buck's eyes. They were a gorgeous blue, ridges and canyons of darker hues adding texture to the lighter base. And more than the beauty they held, Buck had some of the most expressive eyes Eddie had ever seen, every emotion he was feeling painted onto his face with precise brushstrokes.

When he was happy, they crinkled at the edges, birthmark scrunching adorably. When he was sad, his eyebrows would draw together, dark smudges under his eyes betraying his exhaustion. Best of all, though, was his expression whenever Chris or Bobby or Maddie or anyone in their little family simply walked into a room: Buck's face lit up like it was an involuntary reflex. He would grin from ear to ear and then look at you like there was nothing else in the world he needed to be happy in that moment other than your mere presence.

But right now? Now, they were completely shuttered, empty of…everything.

Eddie and Chimney shared a concerned, shocked glance before rushing off to their respective partners.

“Buck, baby, I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry” Eddie whispered into Buck’s ear, arms wrapped tightly around Buck. “You’re so good, baby, you’re so damn good. Loving you is the easiest thing I have ever done, it’s not your fault. ” Eddie kept up a steady stream of reassurances until he felt Buck’s arms wrap around his waist and squeeze.

“I- I can’t do this. I want to go home. Please,” Buck said, voice trembling and eyes still oddly blank. Buck pulled away from Eddie’s embrace, walking dreamlike over to where Chim was holding Maddie at the dining room table. Maddie looked up at him as he approached. “Mads, I have to go, I can’t–. I– I’m sorry.”

Maddie got up and hugged Buck fiercely, speaking in a low voice meant only for him. “Never apologize to me for that. Never, Ev. Just promise to call tomorrow.”

“Always.”

Maddie and Buck clung to each other for a few more seconds before breaking apart. Maddie glanced over her shoulder at Chimney, an unspoken plea in her gaze; he immediately came to stand beside her, hand resting on the small of her back.

“Buck, I–. You’re my brother, ok?” Chim said roughly. “You’re my family, and nothing your parents say will ever change that. I’m proud to call you my family.” Buck nodded and pulled Chimney into a tight hug.

“Take care of her.”

“Always.”

Buck pulled back and then just stood there as if unsure what to do next. Eddie finished something up on his phone, slipped it into his pocket, then came up next to Buck and grabbed his hand. “I’ll text when we get home,” Eddie said, pulling Chimney into a one-armed hug, refusing to let go of Buck’s hand. Chimney locked eyes with Eddie and nodded; an unspoken agreement to update each other later passed between them. “C’mon, cariño,” Eddie murmured to Buck as he gently tugged him towards the door. As they exited the apartment and Eddie closed the door behind him, he heard Maddie succumb to tears.

Buck clung tightly to Eddie’s hand as Eddie led them down to the car and helped Buck in. They drove home in relative silence, music turned low. Eddie held Buck’s hand over the dashboard, glancing over in concern every minute or two. But all Buck did was stare straight ahead.

“Buck, baby,” Eddie whispered as they pulled into their driveway. “C’mon, we’re home.” Buck blinked then mechanically unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car. Eddie gently took his hand and walked inside, Buck trailing a few steps behind him.

“Here, sit down, I’ll be right back,” Eddie said, gesturing to the couch before going into the kitchen. He came back a minute later with a glass of water and set it on the table in front of Buck. “Do you want to talk?”

“What’s there to talk about?” Buck let out a sharp, broken laugh that Eddie had never heard from him before. “They just confirmed what we all already knew.”

“Buck…” Eddie started, but Buck kept going, words flowing out of him like poison.

“All my life, I was never fucking good enough. No matter what I did. No matter how hard I tried. It’s like I didn’t exist. Like I never even existed. All I do is let people down. My own mother said that I always let people down. That I’m gonna let you down,” His voice cracked. “Why am I so hard to love? Why am I never good enough? I just want to be good enough.” Buck cried, finally breaking down as the weight of his entire life crashed down on him.

“Oh, baby, it’s ok, you’re ok,” Eddie pulled Buck towards him, and Buck buried his face in the crook of Eddie’s neck. “You’re so good, you’re so good. It is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. You are so easy to love. I love you so much, so, so much. Buck, it is not your fault.”

Buck looked up from under his tear-stained eyelashes, and Eddie's heart would've broken at the fractured hurt he saw in them if he wasn't so grateful that the dead look in his eyes had finally gone away. “Then why does it feel like it is?”

Eddie clutched him tighter to his chest. “Because your parents suck,” Buck let out a surprised huff. “And because you care. You care so much and it’s not fair that your parents never took the time to see that. But that’s on them, ok? Not on you. It is not your fault that they cannot see how truly wonderful you are. It is not your fault, baby, it is not your fault.”

Eddie kept whispering reassurances in Buck’s ear while Buck cried. After a few minutes, Buck spoke again, his voice hollow.

“Did you know that this is the first time they’ve seen me since I left home? They didn’t even ask how I am.” Buck clenched his fist, hot anger burning him from the inside out. “God, it’s like I always hope that they won’t let me down. Fuck, it’s so stupid!”

“Hey, it’s not stupid to hope your parents will love you. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. You deserve so much more than them.”

“And I know that I had it so much better than other people.” Buck continued like he hadn’t heard Eddie. “It’s not like they ever laid a hand on me or– or anything like that. They paid for my sports and clothes and food. The only thing they didn’t do was pay attention to me. Look at me. I just– I just…”

“Hey, don’t do that. Emotional care is just as important as physical needs. I would know,” Eddie smiled sardonically before turning serious again. “Having your physical needs taken care of does not mean they were good parents. Buck, they– they were neglectful parents, Buck. And yeah, maybe some people had it ‘worse,’ but that does not mean you aren’t allowed to be upset and acknowledge that you didn’t have it good either. Shitty childhoods are not a competition.”

“Yeah,” Buck whispered, eyes shut and brow furrowed. The anger that had been so quick to burn just a minute ago had faded and a pit in his stomach had opened up to take its place. “I know. I just don’t want to feel like this anymore. I thought they had run out of ways to hurt me.”

Eddie sighed heavily. “I know, sweetheart. I know.”

A few more minutes passed. Eddie gently carded his fingers through Buck’s curls. “So, do you think Maddie’s gonna take the diamond?” Eddie’s eyes snapped to Buck, slightly worried until he saw the ghost of a smile on Buck’s face. “Or have her prospects been revoked now that Chim kicked them out of the house?”

“Well, she did ‘choose a good one’ this time, so we’ll see.”

“God, I can’t believe she said that. ‘Chose a good one.’ I do wonder what it looked like though,” Buck mused, his voice bitter. “Not that she was ever going to show it to me.”

“I don’t want a single fucking thing from them anyway.” Eddie spat, surprising Buck with his fervour. “When we get married” – Buck’s head snapped up – “Yes, when,” Eddie said, gripping Buck's hands harder with his own. “We’re gonna pick rings that we both love, together, and they’ll be even more special for it.”

Buck let out a watery laugh. “Edmundo Diaz, you did not just propose to me while I’m crying about my parents essentially telling me that I am unlovable.”

“That wasn’t a proposal, it was a promise,” Eddie replied, ignoring the second half of Buck’s comment. “When I propose, you’ll know. You, Evan Buckley, are the love of my life, the breath in my lungs, and are worth every single second of my time. I will spend the rest of my life proving that to you.”

“I love you so much.” Buck paused, the first genuine smile since they left that disastrous dinner lighting up his face. “We should bring Chris with us to pick out rings. You know how much he loves that sort of thing.”

Eddie smiled; he thought he couldn’t fall any more in love with this man, but he was wrong. Even after one of the most difficult nights of his life, Buck always put Chris first. “Yeah, yeah, I think he would like that too.” Eddie paused then squeezed Buck’s hand. “I love you, Evan.”

Buck smiled. Somehow, when Eddie called him ‘Evan’ he didn’t mind. Maybe it was because when he said it, it was not frigid detachment etched into every syllable, but pure, simple love.

“I love you too. And Chris is–,” Buck stopped, eyes lighting up with fear. “Chris. Fuck, we’re gonna be late to get Chris. Dammit, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry. We can go right now, I can get the keys and– I’m so sorry, Eddie, I promise I didn’t mean to forget, I just–”

“Hey, hey, it’s ok,” Eddie cut Buck off, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on Buck’s hand. “I texted Hen before we left Chim and Maddie’s place and asked if she could drive Chris home a little later than planned. She said it was no problem; they should be here in about twenty minutes.”

Buck sighed, sinking further into Eddie’s arms. “Have I told you lately how much I love you?”

Eddie smiled. “I’ll never say no to hearing it again.”

“I love you.”

“Love you too.”

For the next fifteen minutes, Buck and Eddie simply cuddled on the couch, finding solace in each other’s company. Buck’s head rested on Eddie’s chest, listening to his heartbeat thud rhythmically while Eddie’s hand cradled Buck’s neck, drawing patterns on the back of his skull.

“Hen will be here soon, do you want to go to the bedroom? I can tell Chris you went to bed early if you’re not up for bedtime routine tonight.”

“No, it’s ok, I want to. Thank you for asking, but I want to do this.”

“Ok,” Eddie said simply, shifting so that they were both sitting up and taking Buck’s hand in his own, squeezing gently.

Hen pulled into the driveway a few minutes later and walked up to the front door, an excited Christopher by her side.

“Dad! Bucky!” Chris shouted. “We had so much fun! Denny and I built legos and we watched Phineas and Ferb! I want to be an inventor like them one day.”

“That sounds awesome, Chris! I’m glad you had a good time. Were you good for Hen and Karen?” Eddie asked.

“He was a delight, as always,” Hen said with a laugh.

“Can we have Denny over soon?” Chris pleaded, the end of his sentence punctuated by a huge yawn.

“Of course, bud,” Buck spoke up, “but I think we should get ready for bed first. You got home late! Bye, Hen, thank you.” Buck gave Hen a hug, the latter squeezing a little harder than she usually would. “Alright, Superman, let's go brush teeth.” Buck and Chris headed off towards the bathroom, Christopher regaling Buck with stories of what he and Denny did.

Hen watched them go, concern creasing her brow. “I take it dinner didn’t go well?” She asked in a low voice.

“Understatement of the century. It was, uh, it was pretty bad.”

“Let me know if I can do anything to help.”

“You watching Chris tonight was already a huge help. Thank you so much for driving him home.”

“Anytime, Eddie, we’re family,” Hen paused. “How are you doing?”

Eddie smiled at her gratefully. “I’m ok. I just hate seeing him in pain. He deserves so much better than them.”

Hen nodded sadly. “Oh, I texted Chim before Chris and I left; he said Maddie was doing better. Thought you might want to know.”

“Yeah, thanks, I appreciate it. I texted him when we got back, but haven’t looked to see his response since then. I’ll make sure to text him back before we go to sleep.”

“Is there anything else you need tonight?” Eddie shook his head. “I’m gonna head home to Karen and Denny then. Text if you need anything, ok?” Hen paused again, considering him. “Do you want a hug?”

Eddie let out a tired laugh. “From you? Always.” Hen pulled him into a tight hug, Eddie mumbling his thanks into her shoulder. After a few seconds, he stepped back. “Thanks again for everything, Hen, we really appreciate it.”

“Always. Alright, love you, Eddie. See you on Monday?”

“See you on Monday,” he confirmed. “Love you too.”

After Hen left, Eddie took a moment to lean against the wall and collect himself. He was so glad that he was able to be there for Buck when he needed support, but it had been a long night. He was looking forward to going to bed, wrapping Buck in his arms, and sleeping until Chris came and woke them up for their traditional Saturday breakfast. Eddie breathed out deeply and pushed himself off the wall, heading for Chris’ room.

“Why are you sad, Buck? Did you fight a lot with your mom and dad? Is that why Hen drove me home?” Eddie froze, lingering just outside the doorway, allowing Buck and Chris some privacy while being close enough to step in if needed.

Eddie heard Buck exhale heavily. “Yeah, Chris, I did fight with my mom and dad. But don’t worry, I’m ok. I had your dad with me the whole time.”

“Why were you fighting?”

Eddie could picture Buck biting his lip as he thought about how to explain to a nine-year-old what had happened tonight. The pause went on for just long enough that Eddie was about to enter and help him out when Buck responded. “We were fighting because I was trying to explain to them why some of their actions hurt me, but they weren’t really listening.”

“But that’s not right. You and Dad always tell me that talking about what’s bothering us helps fix problems. Why weren’t they listening to you?”

Eddie smiled slightly at Chris’ innocence before walking into the room. Buck glanced up at him and Eddie smiled reassuringly; Chris hadn’t noticed him yet.

“I’m not really sure, kiddo. Sometimes you don’t know why other people respond the way they do, and you have to accept that you can’t always control how someone else acts.”

“That’s right,” Eddie said, coming to stand beside Buck. “What matters is how you react.”

Chris nodded slowly. “Like how in Phineas and Ferb, Candice keeps trying to tell on her brothers to their mom, but they don’t let that stop them from having fun inventing things?”

“Exactly, Chris. That was a really good comparison. Our kid is pretty smart, huh?” Eddie said, looking over at Buck.

“Yeah,” Buck said, eyes shiny. “Yeah, he is.”

“Alright, good night, Chris. Sleep well.” Eddie leaned over and pressed a kiss to Chris’ forehead.

“Night, Dad! Night, Bucky!” Chris replied brightly albeit sleepily. “Oh, can we make blueberry pancakes tomorrow?”

“My favorite,” Buck said smiling, leaning down to tuck Chris in. “Love you, kid. Sleep well.”

“Love you too.”

Flipping off the light, Eddie and Buck stepped out into the hallway. Buck grabbed Eddie’s hand and pulled him into a tight hug. “I love you,” he whispered, “so much.”

“I love you too,” they stayed like that for a minute or two before Eddie gently pulled back. “C’mon, let’s get you to bed.”

“Yeah, ok.”

They brushed their teeth then went into the bedroom to change, Buck going immediately to the closet and grabbing Eddie’s LAFD sweatshirt, his favorite comfort hoodie.

“How are you feeling?” Eddie asked, sitting down on the bed after changing into a pair of old sweatpants and a thin t-shirt.

“I don’t know. Better, I think? I just wish that I could change them,” Buck sighed and leaned back against the closet. “But I don’t think that’s ever going to happen.” Eddie didn’t say anything, giving Buck time to collect his thoughts. “When I was younger, I used to dream about what it would be like if my parents were, you know, good parents. They would have gone to all of my football games; planned birthday parties; tucked me in at night when I was little. Tell me they loved me. The only time they even acknowledged my existence was when I got hurt.

“And yeah, Maddie did all that stuff for me, and I’m so grateful to her for it, but that wasn’t her job. She’s my sister, and she basically raised me herself. All I wanted was for my parents to care. And I guess I always held out hope that one day they would. That one day, I would find something I was so good at that they would have to be proud of me. That they would look at me and see me, really see me. But that’s never going to happen, is it? I’m a firefighter, I’m in a healthy, stable relationship with the love of my life, and I’m happy, but that’s not enough. No matter what I do, I will never be enough for them.

“And–” Buck’s voice cracked; tears welled in his eyes. “And that’s not fair. I deserve so much more than them. But they’re never going to see that, and I am so, so tired of trying to convince them that I am worth it. I can’t do it anymore, Eds. I can’t keep feeling like I’m broken. I can’t–” Buck started to cry in earnest now, walking over to the bed and letting Eddie pull him into his arms.

“I know, baby, I know,” Eddie whispered, his lips brushing against the shell of Buck’s ear. “I’m so proud of you. You are so good, you are worth it, you are worth everything. I love you so much.”

Eddie kept up a steady stream of reassurances until Buck’s breath began to even out. Sitting up, Eddie maneuvered both of them under the covers, refusing to let Buck go while he rearranged them. Eventually, they got into a more comfortable position for sleep: Eddie on his back with Buck’s head resting over his heart. Buck’s hand curled loosely into the material of Eddie’s t-shirt, while Eddie’s arms were draped over Buck’s back.

“I love you, Eddie,” Buck mumbled, voice slightly hoarse from crying. “I love you so much. Thank you for being there for me tonight. I don’t– I don’t think I could have done this without you.”

“I love you too, cariño. I will always be here for you.”

“I know, Eds. I know.”

Chapter Text

Buck was so thankful he had had the foresight to ask for that weekend off. Dinner last night was…hard. Really fucking hard. It had taken Buck hours to fall asleep last night even with Eddie’s arms wrapped around him, holding him tightly. When he woke up in the morning, he was still safe in the cocoon of Eddie’s embrace. It must be early if he’s still asleep, Buck thought tiredly; years in the army and having a young kid ensured that Eddie was always up around 5:30am, but Buck usually roused at the much more reasonable hour of 6:30am.

Glancing at the clock on his nightstand, eyes gummy from sleep and crying, Buck saw it was around 5am. Gently extracting him from Eddie’s arms, Buck got up and went into the kitchen to make some coffee. Usually Eddie was the one to make the coffee and bring it to Buck right before his alarm went off, preferring to let Buck wake up to the smell of his favorite dark roast and Eddie’s hand carding through his hair rather than the sharp trill of his alarm, but Buck needed a moment alone this morning. Needed to get lost in familiar motions and his love for his partner.

As he carefully measured out the ground coffee and put it in the machine – sprinkling a little cinnamon on top just the way Eddie liked it – Buck felt the weight of the previous night crash over him, suffocating in its intensity.

Even in the worst-case scenarios he came up with in his head the week leading up to dinner, Buck didn’t ever seriously consider that he would be disowned. That his parents, the people who were supposed to represent one of the most important relationships in his life, could do that to him. And even if they had cut him off, Buck never thought they would do it to Maddie.

Buck felt a wave of hot guilt claw its way up his throat. He knows, he swears he knows, that it’s not his fault, that Maddie would never choose them over him in the first place, but standing in an empty kitchen at 5am in the morning, it’s really hard to remind himself of that. A few tears slip unbidden down his cheeks. It’s not your fault, Buck thinks, repeating it over and over in his head, a ceaseless mantra, hoping that if he thinks it enough his heart will eventually catch up with his head.

Sitting down at his designated spot at their kitchen table, Buck tapped his fingers on the table.

Why wasn’t he good enough for them? What did he ever do wrong? How could they look at him, from the moment he was old enough to talk and decide he wasn’t worth it? He couldn’t ever imagine feeling like Chris deserved anything less than the whole world, and he hadn’t even met him until he was seven.

They had told him he never made it easy to love him. His mother had looked at Eddie and told him that he, Buck, would one day let him down. That he always let everyone down eventually. Who says that about their own son? How could they look at him and only see his mistakes and shortcomings? The shortcomings they had given him, grown like weeds in the cracks of his soul, watered by the tears that had come every time his parents forgot about a sports game or looked through him when he was sitting five feet away. Eventually, he had stopped crying, out of tears to shed, but the weeds had taken root in his heart, poisoning him, killing him slowly, until he had found the 118.

So how could they look at him and call him a disappointment when he was exactly what they made him to be. How could they call him a disappointment after all the work he put in to be more than what they made him to be.

The coffee machine beeped, interrupting his thoughts. Buck shook his head before he stood up and methodically finished making the coffee: Get two mugs down from the cupboard, one themed like the solar system and another covered with various types of animals (Chris’ two main interests at the moment); a splash of half&half for Eddie, a generous helping of vanilla creamer for him; pour in the coffee; stir with a spoon. By the time he finished making both mugs, he was feeling marginally calmer.

Buck grabbed the mugs and walked back into the bedroom. Eddie was just starting to stir, hair mussed from sleep. Buck watched him stretch, heart melting at Eddie’s frown when he felt the empty space beside him. Setting the coffee mugs down on the bedside table, Buck sat down and ran his fingers through Eddie’s hair. Bleary eyes met his own.

“Hey, babe,” Eddie said, fingers grasping the front of Buck’s t-shirt and pulling him down; Buck smiled and let himself be drawn into the warmth of Eddie’s arms. “You’re up early. How are you feeling?”

“Could be better.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No. Or, not right now, at least.” Buck amended.

“Ok.” Eddie said simply, scratching gentle patterns onto Buck’s back with his fingernails.

They cuddled for a while before Buck shifted in Eddie’s arms, mumbling into Eddie’s chest. “Your coffee’s gonna get cold.”

Eddie laughed into Buck’s curls before letting Buck go and sitting up. Reaching over Buck, Eddie grabbed the solar system mug and handed Buck the animal-themed one. Buck smiled – he had never told Eddie which mug was which.

Taking a sip, Eddie sighed contentedly. “It’s perfect. I was thinking we do a movie day today? Maybe go to the park or something this afternoon?”

“Sounds perfect.” Buck replied with a teasing smile. They finished their coffee and just lounged around in bed for another hour or so before they heard Christopher coming down the hall.

“Dad, Bucky, pancakes!”

Smiling at each other, Buck and Eddie got up and began their Saturday morning ritual of family breakfast. Eddie set the kitchen table and prepared the toppings (syrup, butter, and whipped cream obviously) and OJ while Buck and Chris worked on the pancake batter. Chris regaled them with stories from school and the gossip going on in his third grade class (surprisingly way more than you would think) as he placed the blueberries in little smiley faces and constellation patterns in the cooking batter.

After breakfast, they settled in on the couch, Buck sandwiched between Chris and Eddie, and started a marathon of all the best Disney movies: Ratatouille, Brother Bear, Inside Out, Big Hero Six. When Chris got bored of sitting still he worked on legos and colored, proudly showing Buck and Eddie pictures of the three of them doing various activities while Joy and Sadness raced through long-term memory. Around noon, Buck excused himself to check in with Maddie like he promised he would last night.

She picked up on the second ring. “Buck. How are you?”

“Peachy. You?”

“Peachy,” Maddie replied, the ghost of a smile in her voice. “Seriously, though, are you ok?”

Buck sighed. “I will be. Eddie, Chris, and I have been doing a movie marathon, and we’re going to go on a walk later. I just…I don’t really want to think about it right now. Eddie and I talked last night and I’m in an ok place, I promise. How are you doing? I’m–” Buck bit his lip, anxiety pooling in the pit of his stomach. “I’m so sorry, Mads. I didn’t want you to get caught in the middle of this. I didn’t want you to get hurt.”

“It’s not your fault, Buck.”

“I know,” Buck said quickly. “But that doesn’t change the fact that you were included in the ‘don’t call’ order.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Maddie’s voice was strong and certain. “I mean, it does, but that doesn’t change the fact that we both deserve better than them. I don’t blame you, Buck. Honestly, I wish I was strong enough to cut them off years ago. I wish I was strong enough to protect you more.”

Buck felt tears prick his eyes. “No, you are strong, Maddie. You are the reason I am who I am today, not Mom and Dad, you. Mads, you protected me my entire life. I just wish that I knew why you had too, you know? I just – Why are they like this? Why are we not enough?”

“I–” Maddie’s voice wavered for the first time since she picked up the phone.

Buck frowned. “Mads? You ok?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” Maddie said quickly, unable to completely erase the tremble in her tone. “Look, are you free for breakfast tomorrow? Come over around 10?”

“Umm, yeah, I can make that work.” Buck’s voice was laced with uncertainty.

“Ok, good,” Maddie said. “Look, I have to go, but thank you for checking in. Call if–” Maddie’s voice caught. “Call if you need me ok?”

“Yeah, sounds good. Are you sure you’re ok?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I’ll see you tomorrow, ok? I love you.”

Buck barely had time to say it back before Maddie had disconnected the call. Frowning, he walked back to the living room. Seeing Buck’s expression, Eddie met his frown with a concerned look of his own.

“Everything ok, babe?”

“Yeah,” Buck said, glancing at where Christopher was absorbed in building legos on the floor. “Yeah, it’s fine. Maddie was acting a little weird, but I don’t really know what normal is supposed to look like right now.” Eddie hummed in agreement. “I’m meeting her for coffee tomorrow though; I’ll be able to get a better read on her in person. Not all of us are kicka– kickbutt 9-1-1 dispatchers used to figuring things out on the phone.”

Chris looked up, an impish grin on his face. “Bucky!” he said with an exaggerated gasp. “Were you about to say a bad word?”

Buck put a hand to his heart. “Christopher Diaz, how dare you accuse me of such a thing, I would never!”

Eddie exchanged an overly serious look with Christopher. “I don’t know, Buck, sounded like that might have been a bad word to me. I think you should make some of your famous chocolate chip cookies as a punishment, what do you think, Chris?”

“That,” Chris nodded sagely, “sounds like a just sentence.”

“Betrayed by my own family. I will do what I must, but only if you promise to help!” Buck said, bending down ruffle Chris’ hair. “Where did you learn that phrase though, bud?”

“Athena!”

“Of course you did,” Eddie chuckled. “How about we go outside after cookies to get some fresh air?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Buck replied, leaning over to kiss Eddie (“Gross!” Chris giggled) before heading into the kitchen to bake and clear his name. Forty-five minutes later, the cookies were coming out of the oven to cool. Ten minutes after that, Chris was sneaking a third cookie from behind Eddie’s back while Buck distracted him (Eddie totally knew). An hour after the cookie thief incident, they got back from the park and Chris went to go play in his room while Buck and Eddie cuddled on the couch.

“Thank you,” Buck mumbled. Eddie had his arms wrapped around Buck’s middle, face squished against his chest, while Buck carded his hand through Eddie’s hair; it was one of their favorite cuddle positions, and one they often came back to if either of them had had a rough day.

“What for?” Eddie asked quietly.

“For making this day not suck as much as I thought it would.”

“Always.”

Buck was halfway asleep when his phone started buzzing. Grumbling, he shifted to pull it out of his pocket where Bobby’s photo ID (a picture of the older man laughing while giving Buck a piggyback ride) was lighting up the screen.

“Oh, one sec, Babe, Bobby’s calling, I’m gonna answer real quick.”

Eddie nodded his assent against Buck’s chest.

“Hey, Cap, what’s up?” Buck asked, slightly worried that Bobby was going to ask him to cover a shift tomorrow or something.

“Hey, kid, just calling to check in and see how you’re doing. Athena and I were going to come over for dinner tonight to keep you company. I have a new recipe for a radish salad and chicken marbella that I wanted to try out with my favorite sous chef.”

It took a second for Bobby’s words to register. Smiling, Buck blinked back the sudden moisture in his eyes. This is what he’s wanted his entire life. Parents who knew he had a bad day and came over just to make him feel better. Parents who didn’t have to be asked to be there for their kid. Buck and Bobby had never really talked about their relationship and how it was different from Bobby’s relationship with the rest of the 118, but everyone knew.

It was an open secret that Buck thought of Bobby as more of a dad to him than Phillip ever was. Buck was pretty sure Bobby felt the same way but he had no idea how to ask. And even if he could figure out how, Buck wouldn’t be able to bear it if Bobby didn’t feel the same. To be rejected by his biological parents was one thing, to be rejected by Bobby? The man who had tied his tie for his first date with Abby; the man who gave him a second chance – hell, dozens of second chances – when no one else would; the man who had driven him to the endless gauntlets of PT appointments after his leg had been crushed. Buck knew he would not, could not, survive that.

“Buck?” Bobby said, a note of hesitancy in his voice. “We can do that another night if tonight isn’t a good time…”

“No!” Buck said thickly. “No, tonight is great. That, um, that sounds really nice. Thanks, Bobby.”

“Anytime, kid. I’ll see you around six?”

“See you around six,” Buck confirmed before hanging up the phone. “Hey, babe, Bobby and Athena are going to come over for dinner tonight. That ok?”

“Of course,” Eddie said, laughing a bit that Buck bothered asking after already confirming with Bobby. “What delicious meal are the two best chefs in the 118 whipping up this evening?”

“A chicken dish with olives and plums called Chicken Marbella and a radish and dill side salad. Bobby found it in an old recipe book and says he wants to try it out with me,” Buck preened.

“Sounds delicious. I think Chris has the most advanced palate out of all of the ten year olds I know, thanks to you and Bobby,” Eddie laughed.

“Never too early to appreciate the glory of food, Eds.”

Eddie scoffed. “I may not be as good in the kitchen as you, but I am Mexican, Cariño. Appreciating good food comes with the territory.”

Buck laughed and pressed a kiss to the crown of Eddie’s head. “Fair enough”

“Did you tell him about last night?”

Buck sighed and held Eddie a little tighter. “Not really. He knew that we were going over to Maddie and Chim’s place for dinner and all the…stuff that brings up, but I haven't gotten the chance to tell him what happened. Only that it didn’t go well. It’s just that telling him would kind of make it real, you know?” Eddie hummed and grabbed one of Buck’s hands with his own. “And I know it’s real and that it happened and I’ve been thinking about what it means and all that. But he wasn’t there. And–” Buck paused, voice catching before continuing on in almost a whisper, “And I’m afraid that once he knows, once everyone knows, that all anyone sees when they look at me is something broken.”

“Buck, you’re not broken. You are the strongest person I know. And that is in spite of your parents, ok? Bobby is not going to think you’re broken, baby, I promise”

“I know,” Buck groaned. “I know he won’t and that I’m just spiraling and that it’s insulting to think he would ever do that but– Fuck, I don’t even know. I know that what happened last night needed to happen or whatever, but I just wish I didn’t feel this way. One second I’m fine and the next I’m crying and I just want to not care. They never have, so why should I, right?”

Eddie sat up, keeping Buck’s hand clasped in his own. “Ok, lot to unpack there. First off, it is not insulting to Bobby to be worried about his reaction; yes, he would never react like that but anxiety over how your father figure – don’t argue, we all know it’s true – will react to last night is valid even if not necessarily rational.

“Second, as you and Frank love to remind me, healing is not linear. It’s ok to feel ok sometimes and not ok other times. Honestly, I’d be concerned if you felt one-hundred percent right now.

“Third, they may have not cared, Buck, but you do and as much as that might suck right now, that’s a good thing. You caring is never a bad thing.”

Buck nodded, eyes moist. “I love you, Eds.”

Eddie smiled and leaned in, pressing a chaste kiss against Buck’s lips. “Love you too. Always.”

At promptly 5:59pm Buck heard a knock on their front door. “I got it!” Buck shouted as he walked to the door and opened it. “Bobby, Athena! Thank you for coming over.”

“Anytime, Buckaroo,” Athena said, cupping his cheek with her right hand, the left holding a bottle of wine.

Bobby walked in behind her, arms laden with bags of groceries. “Hey, Buck,” Bobby said with a warm smile. “Give me a hand with the groceries?”

“Yeah, of course.”

As Buck grabbed some of the bags from Bobby, Eddie came into the hallway. “Hey, Bobby, ‘Thena. How are you?” he asked, nodding to Bobby and giving Athena a hug.

“Oh, can’t complain,” Athena replied. “May has some exams coming up that she’s stressed about and it’s driving Harry up the wall – she keeps yelling at him to be quiet while he’s gaming, but he insists that yelling ‘improves his aim.’ They’re with Michael this weekend, though, so we’re getting a brief respite from…all that.” Athena’s mouth twisted into a wry smile at Eddie’s bemused laugh. “Oh just you wait, Eddie, Christopher is almost twelve, you’ll be coming to us with similar stories soon enough.”

“Nah,” Buck cut in easily. “Our Christopher would never. The kid's idea of a fun day is playing with legos, going to the park, then staying up late watching movies. But we’re happy to have Harry over for a playdate to give May – and you both – some peace and quiet if you’d like.”

“We’ll talk to Harry, but that sounds like a great idea.” Bobby said. “Don’t expect any sympathy from me when you show up on our doorstep in a year or so wondering how Christopher became a moody teenager overnight though.”

“Ahh, perfect timing,” Eddie said as Chris came around the corner. “Come say hi, bud.”

“Hey, Mr. Bobby, Hi Miss Athena!”

“Hi, baby,” Athena smiled, wrapping Chris in a hug.

“Hey, kiddo, how’s it going?” Bobby asked.

“Pretty good!” Chris chirped. “We had a science fair last week and Buck helped me make a potato battery! It worked, but I want to go even bigger next year. After all, this is middle school,” he finished with a serious nod.

“Oh, very cool! I can’t wait to see what you come up with next year. If it involves any sort of kitchen appliance you know who to go to though, right?” Bobby leaned down and winked at Chris.

“The best chef at the 118,” Chris chirped, eying Buck mischievously before turning towards Bobby and shouting, “you!”

Bobby laughed at Buck’s squawk of indignation. “Good boy. Alright, Buck, you ready to help me in the kitchen?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming,” Buck replied, his groaning undercut by the wide grin on his face.

“Dinner should be ready in about an hour, you three,” Bobby said to Athena, Eddie, and Chris. “We’ll call you when it’s ready.”

“I’m gonna go play in my room,” Chris stated before turning on his crutches and marching away. “I promised Denny I’d get this lego sword finished by the next time we hang out!”

“Sounds good, baby,” Athena said before turning to Eddie. “What do you say to a drink in the backyard while those two work?”

“You know I’d never say no to that,” Eddie replied with a lopsided grin, leading Athena to the back porch.

Smiling after their partners, Bobby and Buck walked into the kitchen and started laying out the necessary ingredients for dinner. As they set up, Bobby talked Buck through the recipe. They had cooked together enough by now that Bobby didn’t bother assigning tasks to the younger man; both of them knew without speaking that Bobby would prep the marinade for the chicken while Buck would handle the vegetables. They worked in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, only speaking to clarify a step in the recipe or check in on the other’s progress. As they cooked, Bobby could see some of the tension drain out of Buck’s shoulders.

“So,” Bobby began tentatively, “how was dinner last night?”

The steady, dull thump of a knife on a cutting board slowed for a second before resuming, the thuds slightly louder and faster.

Buck laughed bitterly. “How do you think?”

Bobby merely looked at him, head slightly cocked as if to say cut the shit, kid.

“It– It was– I,” Buck grunted in frustration before falling silent. Again, Bobby merely waited for Buck to speak. He’d learned over the years of being Buck’s captain, that he was kind of like a shaken soda bottle: all of his emotions would rage inside of him until he couldn’t contain it anymore and they burst outward, sometimes hurting himself and others in the process. He’d gotten much better over the years with the help of therapy and the 118, but his parents always seemed to open some deep wound within him that had never fully healed.

Finally Buck took a breath, looked up at Bobby and, his voice pitched low with a barely disguised tremble, recounted the events of the evening. He almost made it through the entire story without letting a tear escape his eyes, but his voice broke when he spoke of his parent’s parting words. “They said that Maddie and I shouldn’t expect to hear from them until we apologize for our behavior and… And my mother told Eddie that one day I would let him down. That– that that's what I always do. Let people down.

“So, yeah,” Buck finished lamely.

Bobby stood in silence for a moment, closing the ziploc bag that contained the chicken and the marinade before setting it off to the side. “They’re wrong. You are so much more than what they think, kid. You are a great man, a great firefighter. I am so sorry they make you feel less than that.”

“I… thanks, Bobby.”

Bobby nodded, serious and thoughtful. “Have you thought about what you want to do going forward?”

“I…I don’t think I can give them any more chances,” Buck nearly whispers. “It just never works.”

“Sometimes relationships can’t be saved,” Bobby replied quietly. “Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to just let go. No matter how hard that might be.”

Buck resumed his methodical chopping of vegetables and let the silence linger for a minute or two before speaking again. “Did I ever tell you about the time I tried to get Maddie a set of coup glasses for her wedding?”

“No, I don’t think so,” Bobby said, rolling smoothly with the change in subject.

“I was probably sixteen or so. She and Doug had been seeing each other for a few years at that point and I wanted to get her a real gift for her wedding. Something nice. I had this part-time job at a bike store to keep me out of the house so I had enough money for an actual gift. Coupe glasses weren’t on her registry, but I knew she wanted some.

“I saved up and eventually had enough to go to the antique glassware store in town and buy her a set. I honestly couldn’t even tell you what they looked like, but I remember being so proud of getting her an adult gift for her wedding. So I took them home and when my parents saw me bringing in a huge cardboard box they seemed to remember that I existed and asked me what I was doing.

“I told them, hoping they would be… I don’t know, happy? Proud of me for once? But my mom just said ‘that wasn’t on the registry’ before walking away. My parents didn’t even go to the wedding. They abandoned Maddie, the only kid they li–” Bucked huffed humorlessly. “The second she made a choice they didn’t like.

Buck paused, transferring the chopped vegetables to a salad bowl and grabbing the ingredients for the tzatziki-esque dressing. Bobby waited patiently.

“We had a ‘family’ dinner a few days before the wedding, and during dessert my Mom said she and Dad had a surprise for Maddie. Dad goes and gets this wrapped box and hands it to her, saying that no matter what choices she makes, she’ll always be their little girl and they’ll always be waiting for her to come home, which isn’t a fucked up thing to say at all.

“She unwraps the gift and it’s a set of crystal coupe glasses. Our grandmother’s old set. Been in the family for generations. She loved them. I threw my gift away. She never knew I had gotten her a set first.

“Whenever my parents pulled something like that, Maddie was the one who stood up for me. The one who protected me. But she didn’t know, and I didn’t say anything.

“Anyway,” Buck said, glossing over his pain, “Maddie and I were having a sibling night and we were talking and she brought up the coupe glasses and even now, a decade later, I didn’t fucking say anything. She mentioned how things like that – giving her a family heirloom then skipping her damn wedding day – made her feel. She told me ‘I know mom loves me but I don’t think she likes me,’ – which is such bullshit by the way – and to be honest I’m not sure if she remembers telling me that in the first place; we were a bottle and a half of wine deep.

“But the best part is I know my mom doesn’t like me or love me. Nothing I did…” Buck rubbed his eyes roughly, head angled towards the floor. “Nothing was…” he trailed off again, voice shaking with a quiet fury. “Sorry, it’s the onions.”

Bobby stepped forward and gently pulled Buck into a hug. “We haven’t started chopping the onions yet, kid.”

Buck buried his face into Bobby’s shoulder. “I know,” he whispered before his shoulders began shaking with quiet sobs.

Bobby ran a soothing hand up and down Buck’s back, just like he used to do when Robert Jr. or Brooke had been upset. He muttered soothing reassurances into Buck’s ear and held him tightly. Buck’s breathing evened out after a few minutes and he pulled back from Bobby’s embrace bashfully.

“Sorry, I didn’t–” Buck started, but Bobby interrupted him.

“No apologies needed, Buck.”

“Thanks.”

“Of course.” Bobby gazed at the younger man, concern furrowing his brow. “I can only imagine the whirlwind going through your head right now, but I need you to know that you are not alone. You are valued and loved. There are many times in my life that I have needed to hear those words but I didn’t, so I want you to hear them now: you are valued; you are loved; you are not alone.

“You have me and Athena and Maddie and Eddie and the rest of the 118 behind you. Plus, Eddie seems about ready to let Chimney loose on your folks, and you know Chim is a cannon waiting to be loosed.”

Buck chuckled, blinking the wetness back from his eyes. “Yeah, I know.”

“Good,” Bobby clapped Buck on the shoulder. “Now get to chopping those onions.”

“Sous-chef Buckley reporting for duty,” Buck smiled before squaring his shoulders, seeming to come to a decision. “Well, actually…I was thinking um– When Eddie and I were talking last night, he said that ‘ when we get married’ we’d pick out a ring together.” Bobby nodded, smiling slightly although unsure where Buck was going with this. “And it got me thinking about the ceremony and what I might want that to look like one day. Specifically walking down the aisle and being given away.

“And I know that that has really sexist, misogynistic roots and everything, but I like the idea of having someone I love and–” Buck’s voice caught, “and who loves me walking with me as I take that next step. So… I was hoping that maybe you would do it? Walk me down the aisle, I mean. One day. In the future.” Buck bit his lip and felt his ears and cheeks heating up as he looked at Bobby waiting for his response.

Bobby pulled Buck into another bone-crushing hug. “Of course I will. I would be honored to walk you down the aisle when that day comes, Buck.”

Grinning, the pair split apart and settled back into the familiar rhythm of cooking with a loved one.

Eddie led Athena to the backyard where he and Buck had spent the last few weeks turning into a suitable place to hang out after Buck had complained that they needed to get some more sun. Eddie had replied that they were firefighters and worked outside for most of the day, but dutifully wrote “IKEA Trip - Saturday” on their shared calendar. Mostly because he loved Buck, but he couldn’t deny that Buck’s idea sparked a fantasy of them and Christopher curled up together under the night sky, roasting smores and laughing. So, true to his word, that weekend they spent an ungodly amount of money and time exploring the unending labyrinth that was IKEA.

Two deep-teal outdoor loveseats and matching sunflower yellow chairs with plush cushions faced each other, set on top of a paved stone pavilion. A fire pit with a wide brim perfect for warming up chocolate for smores was set in the middle of the seats, end tables strategically placed between the furniture for drinks and food. A small bar cart Eddie had brought out earlier stood at the ready, three wine glasses sitting atop it, a bottle of wine sitting in a little ice bucket. Lanterns hung from long poles, casting a warm glow over the set-up.

“I’m impressed, Eddie. If I didn’t know any better I’d be worried you’re coming after the title of Official 118 BBQ Yard!” Athena said wryly, her teasing smile taking all the heat from her comment.

Eddie laughed. “You know Buck when he gets an idea. Thank you, though, I love how it turned out.”

“I must say I love the colors. Buck?”

Eddie laughed again and nodded. “Definitely not me. Red wine, right?”

Athena flashed him a smile more befitting a conspirator than a police sergeant. “Exclusively.”

Grabbing the bottle of wine he’d set out earlier, Eddie gave both himself and Athena generous pours. Handing it to her, they clinked glasses before going to sit down.

And here was the tricky part. When Buck asked if Athena and Bobby could come over for dinner, he knew that Bobby and Eddie were going to have A Talk. Which meant it would just be him and Athena for at least thirty minutes. Eddie wanted to have his own Talk with Athena, but he had no idea how to bring it up. Sure, he and Athena knew each other well and got along, but when Eddie needed advice he usually went to Bobby. It was typically just easier since they worked together and they had an unspoken tradition of sharing a cup of coffee together on their 24 hour shifts since they were always the first ones awake in the “morning.”

And not only was Bobby not really an option right now because he was with Buck, but Eddie wanted Athena’s advice in particular: she had supported Bobby through horrible things and he had supported her in turn. Eddie knew how to be there for Buck, he had had his back since day one, but this…disaster with Buck’s parents? Eddie was stumbling in the dark. Helena and Ramon were far from perfect – frankly they could sometimes be absolute nightmares – but at the end of the day, Eddie knew that they cared about him and Christopher.

But Margaret and Phillip Buckley? There was something broken in them that Eddie didn’t think would ever be fixed. He didn’t know what happened to them, but he knew how it affected their children and for that, Eddie knew he would never be able to forgive them.

Athena though? She was an individual, wife, a mother, and a police sergeant but somehow made balancing all of it look like a piece of cake. She was kind and wise and dependable. Honestly, she felt more like a mom than his own did sometimes. Maybe she wouldn’t know what to do, but she could certainly help him figure it out. So he’d have to find a way to bring the topic around to the drama of the past few days somehow.

“So, how is Buck? I take it dinner didn’t go well.”

Eddie startled, realizing he’d gotten so wrapped up in how to bring up Buck to Athena that he’d been staring off into the distance for at least two or three minutes. Maybe more like five. Well, at least he didn’t have to figure out how to bring the topic of the recent Buckley family drama up. If there was one thing he could count on, it was that Athena had a knack for seeing when something was off with the people she cared about and would immediately be there to help.

“Let’s just say I’m glad you and Bobby are here,” Eddie huffed humorlessly before launching into an explanation of what had happened at dinner. All the anger at Buck’s parents, the fear of seeing Buck so empty, the sense of helplessness poured out of him like pus being drained from a wound. “I just…on the drive home and even when we were home, I have never seen him that… empty. Not even when his leg…

“And now I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to help other than just be there for him and tell him how much he is loved. And,” Eddie almost whispered, “it’s just so hard to see him in pain. I want to be there for him, I will be there for him, but it’s so hard watching the man fight against the knowledge that his parents don’t want him. That maybe they never have.”

Athena leaned back and sipped her wine, the red liquid sloshing against the sides of the glass. She took a minute to collect her thoughts before setting the drink on the table next to her.

“I know this might not be what you want to hear, but sometimes just being there is all you can do. You and I, more than most people, know exactly what it is like to see a loved one in pain and be able to do absolutely nothing about it. We can be there, we can provide advice, a shoulder to cry on, a partner to laugh through the pain with. But we can’t fix the issue. You can’t change Buck’s parents just like I can’t change the fact that Bobby lost his first family. All we can do is be there and know that, even if it doesn’t feel like it, being there can make all the difference in the world.

“And, Eddie, you never, ever, feel bad for acknowledging how much it is to carry. How hard it can be to be that person that someone is relying on as their world shatters around them. That acknowledgement has nothing to do with your love and commitment to Buck.”

“How do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Just, I don’t know, always know what to say. What to do.”

“Oh, baby, I don’t. Now I am a very smart woman–” Eddie smiled and nodded; he could add diffusing tension to the list of things Athena is good at – “but I don’t always know what to do. I just know my people. And you do too. You know exactly what will help Buck feel better because I can guarantee you’ve already been doing it: listening to him and feeling with him and being there for him. That is what Buck wants, what he needs.

And, Eddie, if there is one thing I know about you, it is that you show up for the people you love. You show up for Buck.”

Eddie nodded, surprised to find moisture in his eyes. “Yeah–” Eddie cleared his throat, “Yeah. Thank you, Athena.”

“Anytime you want to talk, you know where to find me.” Athena reached out and placed a hand on Eddie’s knee. “Whether or not Bobby and Buck have actually talked about this, Buck is our family. But so are you. Not just because you and Buck are partners, but because you are Eddie Diaz, a member of the 118 and a damn good man.”

Eddie grabbed Athena’s hand in his own and squeezed. He felt the moisture in his eyes begin to spill over. He didn’t speak, but he knew without a shadow of a doubt that Athena could feel his gratitude and love for her.

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Athena spoke. “So…you yelled at Buck’s parents? I wish I could have been there to see it. What did they look like when you kicked them out?”

Eddie’s grin was knife sharp as he and Athena began bashing Buck’s parents before moving naturally on to other topics like Athena’s work, what various members of the 118 were up to, and (for some reason, Eddie really isn’t sure how they got on the topic) whether or not carrying his silver star on him could get him out of a small instance of law-breaking.

Just as Athena was gearing up to deliver an impassioned defense of why it absolutely would not so long as she was around, Buck poked his head out of the door.

“Dinner’s just about ready, Eddie!”

“Babe, you can’t not include the other people present just so you can make that stupid rhyme.”

“Nah, you love it. Can I get your glass, ‘thena?”

“I’m all right, Buckaroo, thank you.” Athena smiled wryly as she got up and headed inside, empty wine glass in hand.

Bobby and Buck had done a fantastic job with dinner. Slices of steaming chicken, dripping with juices, were laid out in a brightly colored turkish casserole dish; succulent braised plums and dark green olives were strewn on and about the meat. Next to the entree, lay a blue ceramic bowl filled with sliced red radishes, cool cucumbers, and dill. Bobby’s homemade sourdough sat in a bread basket next to a butter dish.

Eddie and Athena arrived from outside and immediately started praising the hard work of the chefs. Chris came in from his room moments later, taking his customary seat at the head of the table. Bobby sat immediately to Chris’ left while Buck mirrored him, taking Chris’ righthand side; Eddie and Athena sat next to their respective spouses, though Eddie somehow managed to refill Athena’s glass before she could do it herself.

Buck beamed as he served everyone a portion of chicken. Once the salad had been passed around and drinks poured, Bobby cleared his throat, smiling at everyone seated around him.

“A toast!” Bobby raised his glass. “To the family we’ve made.”

Everyone raised their glasses in kind, Chris’ high pitched “cheers” soaring over the adults’ lower voices. Buck and Eddie locked eyes, and when Eddie smiled, Buck felt a sense of blissful calm film his heart.

Buck raised his glass again once Chris’ giggles had trailed off. “I just want to say thank you to all of you. I read about this thing with Redwood trees the other day: forest fires actually help the tree grow stronger because their bark is resistant to flames, but the weeds are killed. You all are my bark.” Buck paused, making eye contact with each one of them before locking eyes with Bobby. “To the family we’ve made.”

The rest of the night was filled with laughter, banter, and s’mores. Athena and Bobby said goodnight and promised to see them soon. Buck carried Chris to bed and tucked him in while Eddie got out two beers.

Meeting at the couch, Buck enveloped Eddie in a hug, kissing his temple.

“I love you.”

“Enough to let me pick the movie?”

“Nope! Next up on my list from Chim is the 1987 Dune movie. Apparently it’s a sci-fi classic.”

Eddie grunted his assent before falling onto the couch and pulling Buck on top of him. Laughing, Buck shifted until his butt was on the couch but legs were tossed over Eddie’s lap. And if Buck fell asleep thirty minutes in yet Eddie kept the movie going just to watch the even rise and fall of his chest as he slept, well then no one had to know but Eddie.