Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There’s a moment. Right before Chim gets the cure. Right before any type of relief sets in.

Buck thinks about everything.

He thinks about what he did today mostly. And what he didn’t do. And yeah there is a lot he didn’t do, but what can you do.

There’s only so much time in a day.

He wonders if he called Maddie at all and said he loved her.

Wonders if he hugged everyone enough.

Regrets not calling Tommy to apologize. Not getting back together but to actually apologize for what he said.

He didn’t call Eddie that day.

He knows that.

The minute the explosion happened, he cursed himself.

The one morning he doesn’t do it. The one time he truly needed to do it. And he didn’t even look at the contact.

Then there is relief. Buck yelled at some people. Threats of being arrested not stopping him.

Then there is panic. Bobby stays behind and for a moment he thinks the guy is gonna close the door. But it doesn’t happen.

Bobby follows Buck out of that damn building.

Buck gets to see someone take that rat away from Chim.

Gets to see Athena hug her husband. Karen runs off to find Hen. And Ravi stays close to Buck.

Buck feels relief. But he’s also mad.

So many things could have happened.

Chim could have died.

Bobby too.

Hen almost did.

And Ravi.

And Buck was just an idiot on the outside.

They take Chim away to clear him. Ravi goes home to whoever he has.

Karen follows Hen to the hospital.

Athena and Bobby take Buck home.

His empty home.

He gets home and he still feels relief. But now he’s scared.

It’s too quiet. He’s alone.

It gives him a panic attack.

So he does what he should’ve done this morning.

He calls Eddie.

Chapter Text

Buck wakes up to a dead phone.

He wakes up alone again.

He doesn't move to plug it in, doesn't move to start his day. He lays on the couch, in his living room, and tries to breath.

He told Eddie, the other man knows. Knows the events of the night before. Knows what could have been lost. Knows how close it really was.

Buck went to sleep listening to Eddie say it's ok. Eddie got to listen to Buck's cries. And now Buck is once again, like always, alone.

He doesn't know how long he slept, but he still feels tired.

The realization of yesterday actually happening gets him up and running to a charger. Stares at him phone and begs it to get to one percent so he can make sure the others are ok.

He's calling Maddie the second it turns back on, not even checking the notifications. Feels tears building up as she answers, feels relief. Because there is a laugh. And if Chim didn't make it, she wouldn't be laughing. They are ok. So Buck breathes a bit.

He calls Bobby next.

The man answers with a simple hello.

The tears fall with that.

Bobby is ok. Which means Athena is ok as well. Bobby wouldn't answer if she wasn't.

They talk for a few moments. Bobby tells him to stay home for the day. Everyone else is and they truly need it. Be near your people.

Buck looks around his empty place.

His people have their own people.

He agrees to it anyway.

Bobby tells him again to please just stay home.

Buck promises he will.

He calls Hen next.

Can hear Denny in the background laughing, thinks he can hear Mara as well.

He's starting to shake.

She makes a joke about a lazy day. Offers a spot for him.

He says he just wants to stay home. But thanks her anyway.

He knows she's smiling, and offers it again if he changes his mind. Says the door will never be closed for him.

He hangs up and forgets to breath.

They are ok.

They are all ok.

He shouldn't be feeling this. They walked out. They are all alive. He needs to be happy. Why can't he be happy?

He breaks a cabinet door.

Smashes it against the counter when it finally breaks off the hinges.

Keeps smashing it until it's nothing. Until there is nothing in his hands.

He wants to scream.

Where is his laughter?

Why can't he make any jokes?

Where are his people?

They walked out of the building. They lived to tell a horrible story. Yet here he is, panicking over nothing.

He hears the front door open and close.

He doesn't bother moving, or even attempting to clean up the mess.

"Hey Buck"

There's his person.

There is his one.

Buck doesn't know why, but here he is.

"Hey Eds. What brings you back to LA?"

Chapter Text

The phone call scared Eddie enough to book a ticket to LA. He originally gave himself four days. For himself, for everyone at the 118, for Chris so Eddie could say without any type of hesitation that everyone was ok, and for Buck.

He stayed for two weeks.

The flight has been changed two times, and right now he's considering changing it for a third time.

Then he gets an email, for a job at the fire station in El Paso.

He doesn't tell Buck, but he does tell Hen and Karen.

They of course ask him when he is planning on telling Buck.

He quickly sees how little help they will be.

"He has to know you are leaving right? Like he is the person driving you tomorrow?" Karen asks as she gets him a cup of coffee. Eddie nods. "Yes he knows I'm leaving. Just doesn't know about the job offer"

Hen gives him a look. "Job offer? Not new job?" She smirks, "Have you not said yes to it yet?"

Karen gives him the cup and he takes a sip right away to avoid answering that. They both give him a look.

"Don't look at me like that. Ok I haven't said yes because it's a-I just haven't decided. And I haven't told him yet because he doesn't talk to me about anything relating to El Paso unless Chris is involved and it's still barely" Eddie says.

The last two weeks have been rough. And in the beginning, Eddie understood. They all almost died, Chim was closer then most but still, it was to much of a close call for all of their liking and it was fair for all of them to crash right after. So for the first four days, Eddie stood back but still offered help. And most of them took it, not right away but ended up accepting.

Buck took longer, but still accepted it.

They had their moments but in the end, a fight helped. A very small and simple one. But it got Buck to talk abut what he feared from that day.

It's why Eddie canceled his flight the first time. The fight to fresh and they weren't quite at the ok stage of it so he decided to give them more time for it. Chris showed no signs of disagreeing and Buck made it clear that the door will never close on him, telling him that still in the end, it's Eddie's house.

The extra days helped, and Buck booked some more sessions with his therapists and to everyone's surprise took three days off. The others were quick to follow, which resulted in three days of everyone just being with one another.

It helped but it didn't fix the other problems.

Well problem.

Eddie still had to leave. And Buck was ignoring that.

It's the one thing they haven't talked about. So the only solution was to hold off on leaving until the very last moment. Which is now.

"You know him, he can think of anything and can have a conversation about anything for hours and sometimes it's easy to get distracted from it" Eddie smiles.

The women laugh at him.

"Does this mean you might be you know-not wanting to leave?" Karen asks. Eddie lets out a groan. "Look I miss LA. I miss you guys and just working at the 118. And I really miss Buck but El Paso is home now. I can't disrupt Chris' life any more. He isn't showing any signs of wanting to leave so he must love it there"

Hen gives him a look. "It wouldn't be disrupting anything Eddie. Have you even asked him?"

Eddie shakes his head. "What do I say? I just got him to start living with me again, me even suggesting it could set him off you know. Could be the final straw for him"

They both tell him he wouldn't know unless he tries. They both tell him that El Paso clearly doesn't make him happy.

They also bring up how he put Buck is a separate thing for things he misses. They bring up once again how he is only scared to talk about this with Buck.

They tell him that he stayed for as long as he did for Buck.

"We have said goodbye to you three times now. Then you go back to Buck and suddenly we have to prepare for another. You know you are allowed to tell us you don't want to go, we won't judge you for it" Hen says.

Eddie doesn't say it.

He doesn't want to say it to them. If he has to say anything about that, he wants to say it all to Buck for the first time.

So instead, he says goodbye to them again. Hugs them tight and tells them that they should visit, that he'll come back to visit as well.

They wish him luck, but give him a smile that says they don't believe a damn word he is saying.

They don't say goodbye.

Eddie goes back to the house, his home. What he wishes was his home. And he sees Buck putting away groceries. Wishes this is what he could always see, what he could always come home to.

He still doesn't change his flight.

He doesn't tell Buck that his new flight will be next week, because there is no new flight. He is leaving tomorrow morning, and he will most likely be accepting the job.

Like he said, El Paso is home now.

"You don't have to take me tomorrow, if you don't want to" Eddie says.

They are both in the kitchen, Buck put away the last item, doesn't turn to look at Eddie though. Not right away. When he does, he smiles and brings up something different. "Bobby sent me a new recipe, thought I could make it for dinner. Try something new"

"Buck"

"How was Hen and Karen? I need to call them. Need to plan a dinner for everyone you know. Maybe if this dinner works out I can let others try it" He still ignores him.

"Buck come on-" " Sorry I know I'm just making you a taste tester but can't risk poisoning everyone you know" he laughs. He walks past Eddie towards the living room. Eddie turns towards him, and just says it, "I got a job offer for that station in El Paso"

Buck stops moving.

"They emailed me two days ago. Said I need to go in by ten tomorrow for a meeting. Right when I land I need to head straight there and decide if I want the job"

It's quiet for a moment.

"Two days?" Buck asks. Eddie nods. "Telling me right before you leave. That seems fair" Buck laughs.

"Don't do that"

Buck asks what.

Stares at him and says what.

Has the guts to look Eddie in the eyes and pretend to be confused as to why he would do this.

"You know why" Eddie says. Buck just shrugs.

"Because I make everything about me? Because I'm just this sad guy you all have to walk around because you think I'll break so easy" Buck says.

All from past fights. All coming back to bite Eddie in the ass.

"Because you were to scared to say anything" He adds. Eddie shakes his head. "Because you didn't talk about it or let me bring it up. Any time I try you bring up something else and ignore me. The only time you listen to me about it is if I tell you I booked a new flight for a different day. I'm sorry I wasn't able to tell you the minute I got the email but I felt like you wouldn't be happy or let me get the words out"

"Well congrats. You'll be great. Nothing to worry about" Buck says. Eddie shakes his head. "All you have to say?"

Buck lets out a forced laugh, "I'm so sorry forgive me. Let me try again" he pretends to clear his throat and gives a fake smile, "I'm so happy for you Eddie! I mean absolutely, you deserve this. I've never been so happy, even though this means you really are gone and leaving me" he drops the smile the second he is done talking. Eddie thinks he feels his heart break a little. "Happy now?" Buck asks.

"You think I want you to be happy I'm leaving again. You think I like this?" Eddie asks.

Buck shrugs.

"I don't. I want nothing more then to stay here, to come back home and be with you. With everyone" he adds that last part because he sees Buck go wide eyed at the beginning part. "I hate how far I am. Hate that I'm not a couple minute drive from you if you need something. I hate that I have to get on a plane to come to you. I hated every second of it. I hate that I have to go. I wish Chris came with me because it could be so easy to just stay"

He's shaking. He wants it though. He wants his home again. He wants LA. Wants the 118. Wants Buck. Wants it all to be right in front of him again. Wants to be be able to never have to say goodbye again.

Wants what he knows he can't have.

"I was terrified that something was gonna happen when I was on my way to you. I hated that it took so long to get on a plane. I hate this." Eddie says.

Buck nods. "Then what do we do?" he asks. "Eds you don't want to go but in the end it's Chris. You have to. I can't- it hurts to listen to you talk about going. Each time I had to prepare myself to say goodbye only for you to give me more time. I- I want so badly to feel happy for you but I can't lie. I don't want you to go"

Eddie doesn't say anything. What can be said? They both hate this, both of them are hurt from this. Nothing can change it.

"I wish it could be different. I'm sorry it can't" Eddie says.

"I love you" Buck says at the same time.

Eddie doesn't feel shock. It's no surprise. There is no panic, no worry.

It's the most normal thing he has ever heard.

"I'm sorry I have to say it like this" Buck says. Eddie shakes his head. "I love you too"

There's no surprise on his face either. Buck looks sad but still normal.

This isn't news to either one of them.

It's quiet for a moment. Eddie walks closer and hugs Buck.

"I'll take you tomorrow. Of course I'll take you. Can't trust anyone else to do it right" Buck whispers as he holds onto Eddie. The other man laughs. "How can someone drive me to the airport wrong?"

Buck chuckles, "So many ways"

Eddie whispers another I love you. Buck whispers one right back.

They both sleep on the couch. They don't let go of each other until they have to.

They say goodbye to each other at the airport and say I love you again.

"Call me when you land?"

Eddie says of course.

"Call me for anything"

Buck says of course.

Eddie goes back to El Paso, once again.

Buck is left at the airport, once again.

It's still different.

Chapter Text

Eddie doesn't take the job.

He just goes straight to his parents house when he lands. He emails an apology and thanks them for the offer, but he doesn't take the job. He decided on it before he stepped on the plane.

It wasn't his place, it would never be his place.

He would just have to deal with being an uber driver. For a while at least.

Chris hugs him when he sees him. Asks about everyone in LA, about Buck. Eddie answers it all.

"I love you"

He doesn't tell Chris that. He isn't able to not think about it, but he doesn't say anything about it.

"I love you too"

That isn't brought up either.

Eddie doesn't take Chris back to the house right away, his parents offer dinner and he accepts.

His mother finds him sitting on the front porch, texting Buck.

She sits next to him and smiles.

"He ok?" She asks. Eddie nods and turns off his phone. "You don't have to stop talking to him because I'm here Eddie. I don't mind"

He doesn't say anything to that. Just sets his phone down and feels his eyes start to burn. She makes a noise and wraps an arm around him. "They are ok. No one was hurt that badly and they all made it out. You got to see that honey. You held them, listened to them. You got to see them be as ok as they could be in that moment. If might not feel like enough right now but it has to count for something" She whispers to him.

If he was crying for that, it would have helped. Would have weirded him out a bit more, he still has to tell himself that his mother is capable of being supportive and helpful and that she is trying. Still it's weird to have her on his side for anything. Even with something that involves death.

He says thank you anyway, even though it's not the problem. He accepts it, not like she can read his mind anyway.

"Someone spoke with me today, An old friend. She saw what you did to your house, how well you fixed it up" she says, still holding him, "And she just fell in love with it. Begged for your number and wanted to see if you would be willing to sell. I didn't know what your opinion would be of course so I gave her your number"

Eddie looks at his mom.

"Where would I live? And Chris?" Eddie asks, he lets out a small laugh after. She laughs as well. "I have actually been looking. And I found a couple beautiful places that are a much better fit for you two. They just made sense for you"

He nods. "I don't think I'm up for moving again mom. I just moved"

She shrugs. "Your Tia agrees. And your father pointed, and I do agree with him, but he thinks that it would be better to have Chris closer to a school and the ones we found are close. Now he would be the new kid again but it's Chris, he can make friends like nothing"

New kid?

"Mom what are you talking about?"

She gives him a smile, and her eyes start to water. "I wanted this for a long time Eddie. You here, with Chris and us. Have you so close that you would both end up getting tired of us. And I've loved these few months. Hate the reason why it happened but still, I loved having my boys. But you didn't come here for you or for us. You came here to be with your son and honey you have him. You have had him for a while now and I've been waiting for you to tell me your leaving again and honestly I thought I would be upset and would fight you on it but you aren't happy here"

"I am happy. I love-" "Don't lie to your mother Eddie. I know you aren't happy and it's ok. So I'm telling you that for once, not for me or your father and not for Chris. But for you. So you can make yourself happy and be able to enjoy life and not live in worry because of how far away you are from your friends"

Eddie would have stayed in LA if he could. He would have never booked that first flight home if he didn't need to. If Chris went with him, he would have found a million reasons to stay.

But he didn't.

He went back to El Paso. Said no to a job that would give him at least a bit of happiness, and settled for just being an uber driver, and having to plan more visits to LA.

"Now I found some places in LA, I know Buck took over your lease, and I know you would feel to bad kicking him out so maybe you could just find a new one. And your father and I would help of course but only if you need it and want it. And it's not to far from your station and maybe a two minute drive to your old place so he isn't far either."

Eddie just stares at his mom.

"They are nice. A lot nicer then the place you have now. You really need to let her just take it from you. Honestly you should have just stayed with us instead of getting a new place, would have made it all so much easier." She laughs.

His mom is pushing for him to go back to LA.

Pushing for him to go back home.

"Chris would have to come with me. You know that right?" he asks. She nods. "Well of course. I think he got over all that and if he hasn't well then that's up to you two to talk about it. When you get home of course. Privacy would be best"

She's not fighting to take Chris.

She's not telling Eddie he will only drag him down.

What is happening?

"How do I even know he wants this?"

"He told me. When you canceled your flight that second time I believe. He said he wished he didn't have school and could have gone with you. Said it would have been easier to ask you if you both could of just stayed when you were there. Home"

He thought the same thing.

Eddie doesn't really know what to do.

So he says yes.

Says he'll tell the lady she can have the house.

Says he will stay here until Chris is done with school for the year.

But says no to looking at the houses. He isn't worried about that.

"I love you"

"I love you too"

He's not worried about that at all.

His phone goes off again, he knows it's a text from Buck.

"You better tell him or I'm getting his number from Chris to tell him myself. And you aren't allowed to get married without me knowing or being there somehow."

He goes pale.

"Mom"

She shakes her head. "I love you Eddie. And I'm sorry that for a while it seemed like that wasn't true. Having Chris here helped me realize that. Having you back really made me see it all. So I'm sorry. And I love you. No matter what"

His head hurts. This conversation is changing to much. She keeps saying things only to say something entirely different one second later. But he nods anyway. And says I love you too.

She stands up and smiles at him. "Hurry up and tell Buck so you can tell your son. And don't bother waiting for a text. I already told her yes" and she walks off.

Eddie is alone.

His phone goes off again.

He doesn't look at the texts, just calls Buck.

"Hey everything ok?" Buck asks.

"I miss you" Eddie says. It takes a second, but he can hear Buck cough, say excuse me and does what Eddie thinks is walking. Until finally he says it back. "I miss you too."

Eddie smiles.

"How would you feel about two new roommates?"

"I love you" Buck says instead of an answer.

Eddie thinks it's a yes anyway.

Chapter Text

It takes longer then Eddie likes to plan the move back. But having his parents help is nice this time, it makes things go faster. Chris was already almost done with school, and the house was already bought so Eddie doesn't have that much to worry about. His parents already offering for both of them to stay until they are able to go back to LA.

So they do that.

Eddie counts the days, has to always look at the calendar that shows when Chris' last day of school is marked, and two days after the day they move back home.

His mother marked that as well. A bunch of hearts and one frowny face, she laughed as she drew it.

Each day there is a phone call. It always last a minute longer then it should. They always end up just staring at one another without saying a thing. And at some point Chris shows up and talks to Buck more, Eddie feels happy to just watch and listen. They still don't tell him. Not yet. They want to be in the same state first. Want to make sure they can see look at each other in person and still want this. They both know they will, but Eddie also wants the comfort of being in LA to share this news so they both agreed to wait.

The calls still end in I love you. And his mother still smiles and laughs to herself when Eddie's phone goes off. During one phone call, she had even taken the phone to another room, only to bring it back with a proud smile and a blushing Buck. Eddie still doesn't know what the conversation was, but Buck tells him it's ok. That his mom just loves him and wants to make sure he is loved in the best way.

Eddie tells him he is. Buck blushes again.

His mother just says he is a good guy. Makes a joke about hearing wedding bells and walks off. His dad is no help. Just laughs and jokes about hoping they get an invitation in time.

Eddie almost has a breaking point. The way he misses Buck gets to be to much and he almost just says fuck it. Not that he would leave Chris in El Paso, but he really tries to forget all the cons of taking him now.

His mother and Buck tell him to calm the hell down and to wait. He only has four more days by the time he hits the breaking point.

He hates how they team up, but it helps and he agrees.

He jokes to Buck about him losing calls until he gets back. Buck laughs at him and calls bullshit.

It was a correct thing to do, Eddie still calls. Always calls first.

The day before Chris' last day of school, he sits his son down and explains what home would be like once they get back. Leaving out the dating Buck, but still brings up the other man.

"He took over the lease and he hasn't had the best luck finding a new place, so he might be staying with us for a while. Possibly a long while" Eddie explains. And if he thinks about the fact that after they tell Chris about their hopefully relationship, Buck can stop pretending to look for other places and they can just all live together. Well he again doesn't mention that part. Chris nods. "It's cool. Wouldn't be fair to kick him out right away. He did something nice for you"

"You like him? Buck right? Like you think he is a good guy?" Eddie asks. He knows the answer, but he has more reasons to ask now. Chris laughs. "Yeah dad. I think I like him. He's a good guy. Saved my life and yours more times then we should consider normal but he's always there for us. Plus him living with us means he gets to cook. Not you" The teen laughs. Eddie rolls his eyes and nods. "Whatever. I'm glad you like him though. I'm kind of hoping we get to keep him around for a while"

Eddie for a moment thinks about just saying it. Telling Chris about it all. But it wouldn't be fair to Buck. He wants to be there for it. Wants to be there for in case the teen has any questions or concerns. So he doesn't.

Chris gives him a look. "Yeah me too"

Eddie doesn't like how that sounds.

But he doesn't say anything.

He leaves his son alone for the night, and tells him how proud he is for completing the school year. Tells him how excited he is to see who he becomes during the next. Chris doesn't say anything.

Eddie also has a panic attack that same night.

His mother helps him. Even offers to call Buck.

"It would only make him panic if he knew. It's about all this" Eddie says. "You don't want to leave?"

Eddie shakes his head. He wants to. Loves El Paso in his own way, but LA is home. He tells her all that. She nods. "Then why panic?"

"Me and Buck. What if Chris doesn't want us to be together. What if he doesn't approve?"

Helena shrugs. "It's a possibility. Hate saying it but it could happen. But Eddie you have to understand that since he was seven years old, he has only know this guy as dad's best friend and his best friend. Chris has a lot of love towards this man and he knows you do as well. It might be weird in the beginning because to Chris, he might have never guessed that this could happen. As far as he knows, you only like women"

Eddie nods. "I don't want to upset him"

She grabs his hand. "Honey, you won't know until you try. And from what I heard about Buck, he will make sure you guys figure whatever you need out. Don't be scared of nothing. You just have to do it"

Eddie packs the rest of his and Chris' things on the teens last day. A Friday.

He leaves early that next day.

The second he parks the car in front of his house, he feels alive. Feels free.

He texts his parents that they made it. Helena sends hearts and to give Buck a hug for her.

Chris beats Eddie to Buck. But he lets them have this.

Buck tells Chris all he has planned for them. A zoo trip is needed, doesn't matter how old the teen is. All the new food places they have to try that Buck has waited for them. Not even looking inside. And how he already planned to help Chris redecorate his room anyway he wanted.

Eddie and Buck didn't hug until everything was out of the truck and U-Haul. And when Chris wasn't right next to them. Just so happens to be in the kitchen.

"God I missed you" Buck says. Eddie laughs and holds on tight. Thinking about all the ways this could go wrong if he lets go. "I missed you too. But I'm home" he smiles. Buck nods and rubs Eddie's back. "You both are"

Suddenly Eddie's feet aren't on the ground. Suddenly he is being held up and spinning. Buck is laughing and keeps repeating home.

"Our home" Eddie whispers.

Buck stops. Sets Eddie down slowly.

"Ours?" Buck asks. Eddie nods.

Eddie would have kissed him. Would have pulled him right in. Thinks Buck would have kissed him as well. Might have beaten him to it really.

"Dad!" Chris yells.

They both back up. Both stare at the teen.

Chris looks mad.

"Chris. Hey" Buck says, looks at Eddie. Giving him all the control.

"You two?" Chris asks.

Eddie nods. Takes a deep breath. " We were going to tell you. I promise. We had a plan for today. To sit you down and explain it all."

"Chris nothing has happened yet ok. We just got happy to see one another but we were going to head right to you. And we were gonna let you ask questions and share your concerns if you had any" Buck adds. Eddie nods.

Chris just stares at them.

"Do you? Have any questions, concerns or anything you need to say? Don't worry about anything ok. Just say what your thinking" Eddie says.

"When? When did this start?"

"It hasn't started. Nothing is happening yet. We wanted to wait until we got home and we could talk to you."

"When did you plan then?"

Eddie starts to panic. "After I got back from my visit. When-"

"Any questions and concerns, don't need to worry right?' Chris interrupts. The older men nod. "Good I don't have any though"

Eddie feels relief.

"Cause this isn't happening. I'm saying no to all of this"

Eddie feels panic again. "Chris-"

"No. No. NO!" The teen yells. "None of this. It can't happen. Not with me here at least".

Buck doesn't grab Eddie.

Eddie doesn't reach for Buck.

Chris just stares at both of them. Silently telling them to try him and see what happens.

"Chris please-" Buck tries but Chris just yells again.

"No. I don't want this. So it's either this doesn't happen or I leave and you can do whatever you want"

Eddie thinks he's not breathing.

"If you think I'm gonna choose between you or my son. Your gonna lose every time

Eddie had told Buck that. When he was getting ready to move to El Paso. After losing his son that first time.

He wasn't gonna survive doing all that again.

Buck beats him to it though.

"Doesn't happen then"

Eddie starts to cry, tries to wipe the tears before they could be seen but it's a losing battle.

Chris still looks upset.

"Good" and he walks away. They both hear the bedroom door slam shut.

Buck doesn't reach for Eddie.

Eddie doesn't dare try either.

"I think-I'm gonna go to Maddie's. Just for tonight. Let him-let him-"

Buck shakes his head and almost moves over towards him, Eddie thinks that he was going to try and kiss him. Buck shakes his head again and leaves with a soft goodbye.

Another door slams shut.

Eddie stands in his kitchen. Alone. Heartbroken and crying.

What's new?

Chapter Text

Eddie wakes and hopes all of yesterday was a dream. That he hasn't left yet. That Chris hasn't found out and he won't react badly.

He wakes up knowing it was real, and that he is fucked.

He doesn't cry right away. Doesn't focus on the heartbreak, thinks it's not time yet. Holds onto hope that Chris would change his mind. That it would be ok and Eddie could have this.

He goes to the kitchen and knows he is asking for too much. It's empty and sad and there isn't breakfast. Isn't filled with Buck's laughter or Chris begging to help.

It's quiet and empty.

He sees his phone, still in the same spot as yesterday. There are no missed calls or texts from Buck.

There is a missed call from his mom.

He calls her right away.

"Eddie?"

"Is everything ok? I didn't have my phone and-" "Chris called me and asked to come back to El Paso"

Eddie feels his heart stop. Thinks this is it. That he will officially be the man who loses his son. Chris will tell everyone how much of a deadbeat he is. He won't be invited to Chris' high school graduation, or college or a wedding. Eddie has finally lost.

He doesn't think anything he does will fix it this time.

"I told him no, so be prepared for more attitude" His mother laughs. "What?"

"Me and your father did something dumb last time. We never would have let you just run from your problems like we did Chris and it took to long for you two to talk to each other and get through it. We aren't making that mistake again. So I told him no"

"Ok"

His mother lets out a sign. "So he didn't take it well. I'm sorry honey" she says, Eddie shrugs to no one. "I honestly thought it would be ok. That I would get a call about a wedding right after telling him. I didn't think-" she stops.

Didn't think any of this would happen.

"Yeah" he says. He wipes his face. "Mom he was so angry. He- he has never been angry at Buck before. And Buck-he-he left mom"

Eddie lets out a sob.

"He left" he says again.

"I'm so sorry honey" Helena says. And it's weird to know how much she means it. "Look he is not coming back. That is already decided. But I can talk to him, and help but I don't think I'm the one to change his mind. None of us can. It's up to him. All we can do is talk to him and get an understanding of why it's a no"

"I love him. God do I love him. But-"

It doesn't need to be said. Everyone already knows.

Eddie will love Buck, with pretty much everything. But Chris will have more. Eddie will pick his son over anything.

"Just talk to him. Give him time maybe. I don't think it's a forever no thing. Just possibly a no for now. I love you hon. Give my love to Buck as well"

She hangs up and Eddie doesn't stop crying.

Eddie hears the front door open and close again. Buck slowly makes his way into the kitchen. He stays far enough away from Eddie.

"Morning" Eddie whispers. He just gets a nod in return. "Maddie ok?"

"Don't Eds. We both know-just don't"

Eddie nods. "My mom just called. Chris tried to get her to take him back to El Paso"

Buck gives him a blank stare. "Oh"

"She said no. He's staying here. Because she said no. I just got him back and he already tried running away from me again. Dad of the fucking year"

"How were we suppose to know. I assumed-" "So did I. Got us no where"

Buck nods, and takes a deep breath. All Eddie can notice is the red eyes. He wants so badly to walk over to Buck to hold him, wants to beg Buck to do the same. But he copies the nod as well. His heart stops once again when he hears Chris' crutches coming from the hallway. The teen makes it to the kitchen and stares at the adults. "Morning" he says.

Eddie and Buck repeat the same thing back.

"Thought you left?" Chris asks Buck. The other man just says Maddie's. The teen nods and looks at his dad. It is very obvious that Eddie has been crying. And he really doesn't have the energy to hide it so he accepts the look. "Dad-"

Eddie waits, and thinks this might be the start of a conversation.

It's not.

"Is he gonna leave again?" Chris nods towards Buck. "Chris-" "Cause I would like to be told this time, so I'm prepared to hear another door slam" Chris interrupts. He gives Buck a dirty look. Buck doesn't say anything. "What were you guys talking before I walked in?"

"Nothing" Buck says.

"Bullshit" The teen mutters. "Language" Eddie says. "It is. All of this is bullshit. I'm not stupid. You are just lying to me, all you can do is just lie to me" Chris yells.

"Hey calm down. You don't need to talk to your dad like that. He hasn't been lying to you" Buck tries. He really does. But Chris is a little bit more upset then Eddie thought. "Why are you talking to me about that? You aren't my dad. You aren't my anything. You're just some guy who showed up and never left!" Chris yells.

Buck freezes.

"Chris!" Eddie yells. The teen rolls his eyes and walks off.

"You need to apologize now!" Eddie stops him. Then teen doesn't, just stares at both of them. " What's the point, he's just gonna leave again"

Chris walks to his room and a door slams.

Eddie turns to look at Buck, and the man is just silently crying. Eddie walks over to him and grabs his hands. "Hey, he's mad at me ok. He doesn't mean it. He's still upset about last night and I'm gonna make sure he says sorry"

Buck nods and just keeps muttering ok. Eddie rests his forehead on Buck's shoulder, keeps a tight grip on the other mans hands. Knowing he needs to let go soon, but thinks it'll be ok to just have this for a moment. "I'm so sorry Buck"

Sorry for leaving.

Sorry for giving him hope on something.

Sorry for the broken promises.

Sorry for Chris being so upset and not be angry at the teen.

Sorry for picking Chris, because there really is no other option.

It's all in there. All the things that can't be said but they both know.

Buck makes Eddie let him go, and pushes him away. "Just give me a minute ok. I'm not leaving. I'm not going anywhere. But-"

"You need a minute" Eddie whispers. Buck nods. "I-I'm sorry too"

Eddie shrugs. "I love you" he whispers. Buck smiles and cries. "I love you too"

Eddie almost didn't hear it. They say nothing else. Buck goes out back and has his minute.

The day has barely started, and Eddie already begs for it to be done.

Chapter Text

Eddie got everything and nothing at the same time.

His son was home, they shared the same roof once again. It didn't feel like his heart was constantly being stabbed.

But it still felt the same as before, the same as the final moments his son spent at the house before he ran to El Paso, away from Eddie. Doors being slammed shut, being told to just go away. Conversations lasting only seconds, barely even a full sentence.

He has his job back. The one he loves, the one that makes mornings easier. The one that makes him understand that this is it, this is what he is suppose to be doing. Where he needs to be. He loves it. He missed it. Hated the thought of going anywhere else. Because other places didn't have his people.

Didn't have Bobby who somehow understood him so easily because he understands, and doesn't judge.

Didn't have Hen or Chim that make laughing a nonstop thing.

Other places also didn't have Buck.

The man who made smiling an everyday habit. Who had stories and facts to keep you sitting for so long and not caring because the face he makes when he tells them is the best thing.

Other places didn't have the first man Eddie ever fell in love with.

The 118 also apparently didn't have the man he loved because no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't find the guy.

"Diaz!"

Still had Chim.

"Hey. Didn't do anything yet so why am I being yelled at?" Eddie says. He doesn't add that he also barely just walked into the locker room. But Chim most likely noticed Eddie looking around for Buck. "You know what you did" the other man says.

Eddie shrugs. "Moved back?"

"Buck! This is about Buck" Chim says. "I didn't do Buck"

The other man has to fake gag for a second. "I hate you. Yes I know you didn't do Buck. That's the problem"

Eddie gives him a look.

"You know what I mean" Chim says.

"I can promise you I have no clue what is happening right now" Eddie says. "But I think you should tell me"

"Why is Buck at my house? Why did you come back and make it seem like everything was gonna happen. I was told things were gonna happen" Chim screams. Eddie looks around, and yeah their other coworkers are staring. "Ok maybe keep it down a bit. What the hell are you talking about?" Eddie asks.

"Buck. Is on my couch. He shouldn't be on my couch. Shouldn't be making me breakfast or doing my laundry"

"You love his food" Eddie says, "Wait he's doing your laundry?"

"Yes and I don't really know how I should feel about it but back to you" Chim points at Eddie. "Why isn't he doing all that with you?"

"Chim-"

"No. I was there Eddie. From the start. The very beginning, when he first looked at you and yeah I hadn't known him for very long but he never looked at someone that way before and I have never seen him so scared and hopeful. And I was there after, having to see the eyes and listen to the flirting and knowing you two didn't know you were flirting or making heart eyes. And I threw up a lot because of it and lost a lot of money because I had to much faith in you two to get your heads out of your asses"

Eddie smiles when he hears it, heart feeling full knowing that others could see how much Buck loves him. Happy they could see how easy it was for him to fall for Buck as well. "He was only there for a few days. He came back to mine at some point" Eddie tries.

Chim doesn't like it apparently. "But he still comes over and looks like a kicked puppy. Stop kicking him!"

"I haven't been kicking him. And why are you just blaming me?"

"Because all I get from him is everything is fine and how it should be. Which is bullshit. If it really was how it should be you two would be gross and kissing all the time with us constantly teasing the crap out of you. I want to tease and joke you bastard" Chim points at him.

How it should be

Chris said no. They didn't get to have this.

Buck says it's how it should be.

It hurts to agree with it. Hurts that it's so easy for Buck to say it, and for him.

"Just drop it man. He's not lying" Eddie says. He sets his stuff down and hopes he can just get ready for work.

It doesn't happen.

"I'm not dropping this. He's sad and I know you are too. So tell me the truth. Why isn't it happening?"

Eddie shrugs.

"Eddie I'm not stupid. I have eyes and I was there for every big call and every close call. I have seen both of you fight to get back to one another's side and seen you both fall apart because for a moment-" He stops. "For a moment no one thought you would make it. Either of you. I have seen every other relationship end and each time I knew it was getting closer. Your looks lasted longer and maybe you didn't accept it at the time but you still knew something was there. I was there after your phone call. You still in El Paso but just him knowing you were coming home and that he could have this. It saved him. Maybe saved you. That doesn't just go away. So why is nothing happening"

Eddie stays silent.

"Is it your fault? His? Who do I blame?"

Eddie takes a deep breath. "You can't blame anyone Chim. We both-it was decided that it can't happen"

Chim almost yells. Eddie can see it. He's upset and sad for his friends. Eddie can understand. He would feel bad as well, if somehow the roles were reversed.

"Why?"

"Chris" Eddie whispers.

Chim doesn't react. Or he just hides it.

"Chris said no, so it's a no" Eddie says, and god does he wish to be somewhere else.

Chapter Text

He shouldn't be doing this. He knows that. But he hates this.

Hates not being able to talk to him. Hates how much he avoids him. Hates how hurt he looks anytime they are close to one another.

So, he calls out of work. Doesn't give a good reason, but Bobby understands anyway. Knows Buck has been spending his time going back and forth between Eddie's place and Maddie's. It's quite simple for Bobby to figure out what exactly he would be doing.

He spends most of the morning panicking, and then spends his last two hours alone pacing the living room.

Carla and Chris walk through the front door, and the teen just gives him the dirtiest look. Buck figures he deserves that, so he doesn't say anything about it. Carla just smiles. "Well, I think I'll go spend my new free time at home. You boys have fun"

She walks out, and Buck starts to worry about this.

"Shouldn't you be at work?" Chris asks.

"Day off. Felt needed" He answers. The teen shrugs. "Than why are you here?"

Again fair.

"Thought me and you could hang out. Play games, help you with homework. Talk?" The last part comes out as a question. It was also the wrong thing to say because right after it comes out the teen rolls his eyes and walks off towards his room. "Chris!"

"Go away!"

The door slams.

Ok, Buck needs to come up with a better plan.

Needs to do this. Needs this to work out.

Wants to do this for Eddie.

It takes two hours, but Chris does end up coming back out. All the teen says is dinner.

Buck orders a pizza.

They wait in silence. Until his phone goes off.

Eddie is texting him. Asking where he is.

"Sucks you have to tell him this is going so poorly" Chris says. "What?"

"Dad is texting you right? Asking how this is going, if I have given my ok" Chris says. "Or are you lying to him too?"

"He doesn't know I'm doing this" Buck says, "And what do you mean lying?"

Chris doesn't say anything. Just stares at him, Buck thinks he might not believe him. And that's fair, after all this.

The pizza shows up, and they eat in silence. Eddie keeps texting. Buck doesn't know what to say. So he keeps getting rid of the notifications.

Buck cleans up dinner. Chris stays at the table.

He's still there when Buck is done, the older man sits down across from him. And waits.

"Dad doesn't know?"

Buck nods.

"Where does he think you are? Thought you had work with him?"

Buck shrugs. "Thought this was a place I needed to be more. Called out. Bobby understood."

"If you think you need to be here why do you keep leaving?"

And again, that's fair.

"I didn't think you wanted me here" Buck says. Chris scoffs. "I said don't date my dad, not leave me"

"But I guess that means the same thing to you" the teen adds.

"Excuse me?"

"Never mind" Chris stands up.

Buck stops him. "No you can explain what you mean by that"

Chris rolls his eyes. "What does it matter? You failed at this. I'm not saying yes to you two dating. So just leave me alone"

"That's not why I'm here-" "Of course it's why your here. You want to date my dad and as long as I say no, he will always tell you no. We both know that. This is all just you trying to get me to say yes so you can get what you really want. And once you fail you'll just leave again" Chris takes a deep breath. "You'll leave me again"

Fuck

"Chris-" "I get that you love him more and all that but I thought I was still someone that was important to you. I've heard you tell people and you just left so easily"

"I left because I picked you kid" Buck says. "I left because the minute you said no it was no. Not because your dad was choosing no. But because we both decided that if you didn't want us to be together, we wouldn't. Your dad loves you more then he loves me and buddy you have to know I love you more"

Chris shrugs.

" I should not have left. I just-" Buck stops, "I was so scared of making a mistake by being here . I didn't think that I could make one while leaving. I'm sorry. I really am sorry" Buck says.

Chris nods.

"I still won't say yes"

Buck laughs. "I know. That's not why I did this"

"Then why?"

"I missed you. Missing hanging out with you and your dad. Hated seeing you mad at him. And the thought of you wanting to leave again. I can't go through that again. And I know your dad can't either, I don't want him to. But I want you happy here. And I know it might be a minute and we have to earn some trust back. But I did this to tell you that I love you and that nothing is going to happen. Nothing." Buck says.

"Nothing?"

"I can't imagine me or your dad being happy in a relationship if your not one hundred percent ok with it. So I'm ok with us just being like how we were, before all this. It's still a family to me"

Chris nods. "I want to go to my room. Is that ok?"

Buck nods. "Yeah bud. I'll come say goodnight in a while. If that's ok?"

"Sure" and the teen walks off. He doesn't slam his door this time.

His phone goes off again. Still Eddie.

He doesn't know if he can count this whole thing as a full on success. But thinks it could be a good start.

Hopefully.