Archive of Our Own ^beta

"Drowning is the second leading cause of death in children aged 1 to 14. Contrary to popular belief, it rarely involves screaming, struggling or making noise like you see in the movies. A child drowns silently. It can happen in seconds, in complete silence, in front of unsuspecting adults."

…

Why?

…

It was supposed to be a good day.

The summer sun was hotter than ever that day. It seemed like it was trying to melt the entire small town known as Faraway.

A group of six friends were excited to spend a day together, free of all worries and problems. They had planned a picnic at their favorite place, which only they knew about. Their secret hangout spot.

Mari and Hero, the oldest and most responsible, made sure the four youngest were fully prepared for the picnic and that they had forgotten nothing. After all, today was a perfect day for swimming, which is what they were planning to do. Which meant remembering to pack a change of clothes, plenty of food (they were always tired and hungry after swimming), and a lot of other stuff.

Even the go to the park itself was grueling, as Kel and Aubrey were always arguing and teasing each other, and Sunny stopped every time he saw a cat (and Basil with him, respectively) to pet her.

But Mari wasn't annoyed by this, on the contrary. She loved her friends so much, as well as every little thing they did, that she couldn't stay mad at them for a second. But of course, they didn't need to know that. Especially Aubrey and Kel, who almost pushed each other into the roadway. Thank God, there weren't that many cars, especially on a weekend, so the roads were empty.

"Aubrey, Kel, calm down, or we're not going anywhere!" Mari said sternly, frowning. Both kids immediately fell silent, stopping their argument that had started anew, and looked at Mari with puppy dog ​​eyes.

"Sorry, Mari-" They started in unison, both looking at each other with angry eyes for a second. "We won't do this again, even though it's Aubrey's fault..."

"Even though it's Kel's fault..."

"Hey! It's your fault, not mine!"

"No, you started pushing first!" Mari didn't know whether to laugh or cry, considering they'd only managed to hold on for a few seconds without fighting. Hero, next to her, groaned in turn and began to separate them again.

Mari turned her gaze to Sunny, who was silently watching the now familiar scene with a neutral expression. To strangers, he might have seemed emotionless, but Mari could see the spark of amusement and mischief in his eyes. She couldn't help but smile.

Next to him, Basil was looking at Aubrey and Kel with a little worry. He was the one who could rival Marie in terms of worrying about others. Always worried about others getting hurt, always worried about everyone, but especially Sunny. Right now, he was holding his hand.

Probably to keep him from going and adding fuel to the fire. It had happened before, so his worry was well founded.

"-Aubrey, Kel, stop..." Hero groaned, helplessly looking to Marie for support and help.

Going up to the two children, she pulled both of their ears, one ear in each hand.

"Ow ow ow, Mari, stop-"

"Ouch, Mari, that hurt-"

They whined, trying to fight back, while Mari looked at them with a frown on her face. "It's time for you two learned to coexist peacefully!" She looked at them with a stern gaze, finally letting them go after a few seconds.

"We get it, Mari, I'm sorry..."

"Yeah, I'm sorry, we won't do it again..."

She sighed, knowing that it would happen again in a few minutes. Not that she minded anyway.

…

By the time they started swimming, the evening was slowly approaching. The colorful sunset was slowly painting the sky. Before that, they had spent a pleasant time having a picnic and playing various games like tag, hide and seek, making flower crowns...

Sunny left his own near Mari when he went to take a dip in the water. He wasn't going to go all the way in for fear of drowning, but he could stay closer to the shore with Basil, who couldn't swim like him.

Aubrey decided to swim a little further, closer to the middle of the lake. Sometimes he wished he could swim, so he could have fun with his friends like that…

"Hey, Sunny, Aubrey, watch out!" He flinched at Kel's shout. It was the only warning they had before Kel bombed off the statue. A strange statue, as if it was watching them.

Perhaps it had once held some important meaning, but time had made the engravings illegible. He liked to think that there had once been something wise written there. Perhaps the will of an ancient god, or the advice of an old monk…

It didn't matter, anyway. It wasn't like any of them were trying to decipher the inscriptions on some ancient statue. Right now, it was just being used as a springboard for Kel and Hero anyway.

"Kel! You're an idiot! You could have warned me sooner!" Aubrey screamed as Kel landed in the water. There was a loud splash, the spray went everywhere, even reaching Basil and Sunny. Although, of course, Aubrey got the worst of it, since she was closest to where Kel had jumped. So to speak, she was in the kill zone.

"O-Oh... They're probably going to be jumping around like this all evening..." Basil muttered worriedly before turning to him. "Hey, Sunny, do you mind if I go to Mari's? I don't want any water getting in my hair or my crown by accident..." Basil pouted slightly. "I wasn't really planning on getting my head wet today..."

Sunny nodded, giving a thumbs up, which made his friend smile.

After Basil got out of the water and went back to Mari, now wrapped in a towel, he was left all alone by the shore. Aubrey and Kel were still in the middle of the lake. Kel was trying to splash Aubrey as much as he could, and she was squealing at him.

"Kel, leave Aubrey alone! And come on, we don't have all day, it's already evening!" A light laugh rang out as Hero smirked and called Kel over, distracting him from Aubrey.

"Coming!" Kel shouted, splashing water one last time towards Aubrey and swimming towards the statue.

Aubrey floated up to him, her hair half wet, as was her face, which was now completely displeased. "Kel is such a jerk..." She muttered, pouting. Sunny couldn't help but agree with her.

"Although, it was a little funny..." Sunny chuckled slightly, feigning innocence, when Aubrey gave him a meanish stare. But that meanish stare quickly turned into a wicked one, when she swung her arms around, splashing him with water.

He spat slightly as the water hit his face (a moment of panic flooded his mind when he couldn't breathe, but it quickly passed), and Aubrey giggled. His cheeks turned slightly red from embarrassment, but he kept his cool and retaliated, swinging his arms around as well. It dealt critical damage! Aubrey tripped and fell, submerging herself in the water for a second before surfacing.

"That's it! I'm going to Mari!" She tried to look angry, but she had a big smile on her face. Sunny watched her go. He was definitely alone now. Kel and Hero were busy jumping into the water, Aubrey was excitedly telling Mari and Basil something. Mari had her back turned to him.

He began to rock slowly in place. The water was only waist-deep, so he wasn't as scared as if it had been shoulder-deep. He had tried to learn to swim once before at the beach from Kel's lessons, but he ended up swallowing water and promising himself never to swim again... Almost never.

Kel's call interrupted his thoughts.

"Hey, Sunny, come join us! Join the cool kids! We'll jump together!" Hmm… It sounded pretty fun, but… He was a little scared. What if he swallowed water again? It wasn’t a very pleasant experience really…

"Yeah, Sunny, come join us. It’s fun here, trust me. " Hero smiled confidently, beckoning him over. It calmed Sunny down a little, though he was still a little worried. But at the same time, it all seemed so fun and cool…

…Well, if anything happens, Kel and Hero will help him, right? They won’t leave him in trouble.

After a few more seconds of thinking, Sunny climbed up the bank and ran to the statue.

“Yay, Sunny, get on! You get first jump, no turn!” Kel shouted happily, helping him up. His eyes widened in admiration. No turn? It was like a VIP pass. This was cool.

As soon as he was stable enough, Kel let go of him, and he looked down at the moving water.

…Maybe that was a mistake. The surface of the lake suddenly began to move away from him. Too late, he remembered that he was afraid of heights… Maybe it was not too late to leave…?

"Come on, Sunny, don’t be afraid! " No, he couldn’t… He tried to calm his racing heart, but it didn’t help much when his ears were starting to ring.

His legs felt like jelly, shaking like a newborn fawn's. They felt like they might give out at any moment. He tried to take a deep breath to steady his breathing.

"Kel, I..." He turned his head to look over his shoulder at Kel.

Kel stood a little further away, not paying attention when said something excitedly to Hero.

He felt something crawling on his shoulder.

He looked down a little, and-

A spider. On his shoulder. A black, nasty spider.

A damn old statue, covered in webs in places. Of course there would be spiders.

Suddenly all his previous worries lost their meaning, his legs gave out, and he threw himself into the lake, not caring about the consequences.

A splash, and water filled his nose. Instinctively, he tried to take a breath, but water filled his mouth too. He can't breathe. Every time he tries, he just chokes harder.

Oh, God. He's going to die, isn't he? He's going to die drowning in the lake because of the spider. Oh, no.

All his limbs are tense, he's trying to somehow move them to float, but all he can do is flounder. Without even noticing, he's only sinking deeper into the lake.

He tries to float again, but it's no use. His hands are sliding through the water, finding no purchase, and the more he flounders, the deeper he sinks.

His eyes are stinging from the water, and he thinks he would cry right now if he weren't underwater. His lungs are burning, his nose is burning, his eyes are burning, and his clothes are like a stone, weighing him down.

He belatedly remembers that he can't swim at all. He's so stupid. Why did he even listen to Kel and Hero… It hurt, it hurt so much. It hurt so much more than that time he swallowed water.

He's so useless… He can't even save his own life… He… He feels helpless…

…

No... He can't give up... How much time has passed? Hero and Kel have noticed, haven't they? They... They will save him. Yes. Everything will be okay... He believed in it. As long as his friends are around, everything will be okay.

He closes his eyes... Relaxes his muscles... And waits for brothers to save him...

...

He thinks he hears someone laughing, and shouts, but maybe the water has gotten into his ears and ruined his hearing, making him hear things that aren't there.

…

Kel laughed loudly, clutching his stomach. "AHAHA- Ahaha, S-Sunny was so- AHAHAHA- funny jump- Ahahaha!" The boy could barely get the words out, choking with laughter. Aubrey snorted in disapproval, immediately starting to yell at him.

"Kel, shut up, that was not funny at all! You should be supporting Sunny, not making fun of him!" Mari smiled slightly. The atmosphere was peaceful and happy. Basil was sitting next to her, helping to put the disposable plates with food on them. The sun was almost setting and it was time to wrap up if they wanted to get home on time.

Aubrey was supposed to help put out the food too, but she ran off to, in her words, "teach Kel not to laugh at Sunny", which in her language meant beating him with Mr. Plantegg, whom she carried around with her everywhere (and today was no exception).

(Aubrey. She was looking at him. She saw him. Why didn't she notice?)

Mari wasn't really paying attention to what was going on around her. Basil had distracted her by telling her about the new flowers that were about to bloom. They were white and red carnations, apparently. The boy was quite excited, so Mari made sure she was paying full attention to his story.

At one point, she heard Kel calling her brother to jump off the statue and tensed up, but when heard Hero's voice, relaxed. Sunny was in good hands. She was sure of it, so didn't worry.

It was such a nice, peaceful evening... It was nice to just sit on a blanket with her friends, enjoying the last rays of the setting sun. What could be better than that? Taking a deep breath, she gazed lazily around the perimeter.

Hero glanced nervously at the lake from the shore, as if he was trying to spot something, but at the same time he looked conflicted and unsure.

As soon as he caught her eye, Mari smirked and winked, causing him to blush. She couldn't help but giggle. It was so easy to tease him. Luckily, his worry was gone now, as he focused on separating Aubrey and Kel.

(She should have known better. Hero was looking at the surface of the water for a reason. He wasn't sure if Sunny had surfaced or not. What if he just didn't see it?

...

She had distracted him.)

"Mari..." Mari hummed questioningly, turning to Basil. "Everything is ready." She blinked in surprise, looking down at the blanket. ...Hmm, really. How did he get everything done so quickly? "You just turned away and stared at Hero for a few minutes, Mari..."

Oh, no, she knew that tone of voice for sure. She didn't even have to look up to see the small, yet teasing smirk on the boy's face. Her ears turned red as she was caught. But she resolutely ignored it, ruffling Basil's hair.

"You're doing such a good job, Basil!" She cooed, ignoring his indignant whining. Finally? she stopped, but not before he had a furry explosion on his head. Good. That would teach him not to tease her. "The food's ready, guys! Come here!" She called out as Basil tried to smooth down his loose strands.

Kel was the first to arrive, dripping wet from jumping off the makeshift ramp into the lake. Aubrey was behind him, a towel draped over her shoulders, looking ecstatic after "beating" Kel (which hadn't really affected him at all, it just made him more playful).

Hero was walking behind them, a small smile on his lips, his ears still red. Apparently, her flirting had lasted a long time, which pleased Mari.

"Yaaay, finally some food, I'm staaarrrviiiing!" Kel grabbed a sandwich from one of the plates, immediately starting to chew on it.

"Kel, you need to wait for everyone!" Aubrey sat down next to him, slapping him on the back of the head.

"Ouch! Aubrey, what was that for?!" Kel pouted slightly.

"Kel, don't talk with your mouth full." Hero intervened, sitting down next to Mari on the blanket and getting another towel, throwing it over Kel's head and getting one for himself as well. It was a good thing they had enough for everyone.

Mari looked around. Not once, she noted to herself that today was a particularly peaceful atmosphere. Everyone was there, Hero, Aubrey, Kel (who was trying hard to stop Aubrey from eating her sandwich), Basil. Only...

"Where's Sunny?" She looked around, slightly surprised, but couldn't find him with her eyes. Hadn't he heard her?

Where was he?

Mari saw a flicker of nervousness on Hero's face as he began to look around as well. Aubrey and Kel ignored her words, busy with another argument. But Basil turned to them.

"Didn't he jump into the lake from the statue with you and Kel...?" He turned to Hero, who only frowned in response, his eyes nervously sliding to the lake.

"I... I remember him jumping, but I got distracted at the time- I thought he'd come out, but... But I didn't hear any splashes yet and..." With each word he spoke, horror crept into his voice, and his eyes widened slightly in realization. "I... I tried to find him with my eyes in the lake.. But I didn't see him there..."

Mari doesn't hear anything else, because she suddenly jumps up from her place and, stumbling, runs to the pier. As she runs, she takes off her shoes and throws them somewhere to the side. That wasn't the main thing now.

The main thing was that Sunny was drowning. How long had he been in the water?

(How long had he been there? Why had no one noticed?)

She jumps into the water, barely having time to prepare. A second - and the water is already enveloping her, but she doesn't waste time and opens her eyes, darting her gaze here and there in an attempt to find him, but she doesn't see. Where is he?

The water, as luck would have it, burns her eyes, but she ignores the burning. She can hardly see anything in the darkness of the water anyway...

She runs out of air and surfaces to see Kel and Aubrey standing by the lake, both scared and worried. Hero is standing nearby, as if he's ready to rush in if needed. For a second, Mari thinks his eyes are filled with guilt.

Basil is still on the picnic blanket, clutching the fabric in his hands, tears in his eyes. They're all scared. Mari wastes no time, gulping down oxygen for a few seconds before diving again.

She dives further, not knowing how deep he's already gone. What if he's already at the bottom? No, that can't be, he hasn't been there that long.

She looks both ways, peering into the darkness, but he's nowhere to be found. She can't find him. The thought almost makes Mari sob, but she holds back her mouth shut.

She has to surface again, this time she is not sure if she is crying or if it is just water running down her face. It is not minutes but seconds that count, and Mari dives again.

And finally, when she is beginning to lose hope, she sees a glimmer of white in the depths. Sunny's T-shirt. Without thinking, she practically throws herself deeper, waving her arms in an attempt to grab him. It may have been a stupid tactic, but she was panicking.

Finally, she managed to grab his hand. A limp, lifeless hand. He was not struggling. Was he unconscious? Or already...

Trying not to think about it, Mari grabbed her brother by the armpits and pulled him up. As luck would she have, the unconscious body felt like a heavy, unbearable weight in her arms.

No, no, please, not now...

She was too weak. Where had all the adrenaline gone? Why did all her strength disappear now?

She was running out of air, but she didn't dare let go. Not now. Not when she could finally find him, grab him.

A splash. Someone was swimming toward her, a flash of blue, grabbing Sunny and starting to swim up, Mari behind them, helping as best she could.

A few seconds later, they were out. Hero was breathing heavily, as was Mari. They were both coughing, but Mari immediately grabbed Sunny and swam to shore, sobbing. Water was dripping from her hair, her face, sometimes getting into her mouth, but Mari ignored it.

Hero was out of the water faster and helped her get Sunny. Kel helped her out. They laid Sunny on the grass, Aubrey stood nearby and sobbed, and Basil was shaking like a leaf in the wind.

She runs up and feels her brother, realizing with horror that he is not breathing. His chest isn't moving. A pulse? What about a pulse? She can't feel a pulse. Is he dead?

"Basil, ambulance!" She screams. The boy jumps up, startled, and runs for the exit. She shakes Sunny, trying to do anything. She tries to make him vomit, but nothing works.

Mari feels like she's about to have a full-blown meltdown when Hero starts performing CPR. He and Mari had both taken first aid classes, but from what Mari had learned, she was nowhere near prepared to handle a crisis.

"H-He's not breathing! H-Hero!" She's choking on tears, sobbing loudly, sitting on the grass next to the two boys. She's shaking from her soaking wet clothes, but honestly, she doesn't care. "Hero! P-Please do something!" She begs. She restrains herself from grabbing his sleeve and sobbing into his shoulder.

"I- I'm trying..." Hero sobs, takes a deep breath to calm himself, and tries again. Massages. CPR.

One second. Two. Three. Ten. Fifteen.

"Why won't he wake up?!" She hears Aubrey's hysterical screams, and she can't help but agree. Why won't he wake up?

Twenty. Thirty. A minute.

Kel starts crying too. Mari feels numb. Hero starts to tire, it can be told by his movements slowing down, but after a second, he seems to remember what's happening and is filled with energy again.

"Sunny.. Come on, please.. Wake up.." Marie swallows her tears. "Go back to big sister. S-She's waiting for you... P-Please wake up.. Sunny..." She repeats his name over and over, like it's a prayer. A miracle is about to happen.

But the miracle doesn't happen. A few minutes pass, Hero's hands go numb, but he doesn't stop what he's doing, and Sunny still doesn't wake up.

The ambulance sirens can be heard. Mari grabs Sunny's hand, tries to find a pulse again. Maybe she was looking for it in the wrong way. She doesn't find it. She tries again. Fails again.

Hero tries one last time, and then his arms drop, lying limply like dead weight at the sides of his body. She's about to yell at him to continue, but darkness suddenly appears at the edge of her vision as realization hits her.

He's dead. Sunny is dead. Her little brother is dead.

She scoops him up and hugs him, holding him to her chest. She cries through her tears. "I'm so sorry, please forgive me, I couldn't save you, my little brother. M-My sunshine."

The paramedics snatch the dead body from her arms, and she can't do anything but wrap her arms around herself and stare at where she was holding Sunny a second ago.

Only now does she notice that her bad knee hurts. A lot.

She's not crying anymore. Or maybe she is. She doesn't know. Her face is numb, and she can barely feel anything. She couldn't hear anything. Just a ringing in her ears.

There were muffled sobs and cries in the background, children's voices mixed with teenagers. She wasn't listening.

Is this really the end?

…

Mari is only dimly aware of what is happening, if she is aware at all. She feels numb, her limbs feel like lead, and she can barely lift them. And she doesn't really want to.

All she wants now is to see Sunny. Where is he? Why isn't her little brother here? She needs to be with him. It's dark, Sunny shouldn't be out on the streets alone at night, it's dangerous.

She tries to get up to go find him, but her legs don't obey her and give out. She falls to her knees, hitting hands and knees on the pavement. She doesn't care. She doesn't feel pain. She wants Sunny. Sunny.

Someone is pulling her up and throwing the blanket back over her shoulders. She doesn't remember when it appeared. She's not cold. She wants Sunny.

She hears someone saying something and sees a flash of blue in front of her, but she can't listen. Everything felt like it was underwater, and when Mari thought about it, her head started spinning. Water. Was it underwater?

She had to save Sunny. Her little brother was somewhere here.

She tried to stand up again, but this time someone's arms grabbed her and sat her down on the bench again. She tried to open her mouth to say something, but she choked, the water was filling her lungs, she couldn't breathe, she needed Sunny, he was in danger. She needed to make sure he could save him.

"-ri!- B-he- Y- suf-" She heard some fragments, but with the dizziness it was hard to make out anything. She clawed at her chest, trying to get air, but every breath filled her lungs with more water.

She couldn't be distracted. She had to save Sunny. He had to be close, right? He couldn't be far away. He couldn't. He couldn't.

Sunny.

Hero. She saw his face in front of her. His lips are moving, which is funny because he's not making a sound. Mari is underwater again. Her eyes are getting heavy. Is she losing consciousness?

Her vision is going dark.

A second. Two.

She opens her eyes and inhales sharply, but she can't. Something is holding her throat, blocking her airway. Will she die? No. She couldn't. She had to save Sunny. Sunny was the only thing that mattered right now.

A hand flies to her throat, her nails scraping against it as she tries to breathe. She doesn't want to lose consciousness again. Her vision is fading. Someone pulls her hand away from her throat.

A second. Two. Three.

She opens her eyes again. She's tired. Her limbs are heavy, and her dress feels like a bunch of rocks tied to it. What's happening? Where is she?

She's underwater. She has to save Sunny. He's dying. She's useless.

"Mari!" She jerks, gasping for air in fear, then chokes on her own spit. Or is that water in her lungs? Oh God, did she swallow water? Will she choke?

She feels sick. She feels so sick. Her head hurts, her chest hurts, she feels sick and sleepy, but she has to save Sunny. Where is he? She looks around, her head is heavy. She can barely keep it up.

A flash of white. He's here. Why is he covered with that white sheet? Is he scared? Sunny always covered his head with the blanket when he was afraid. Mari has to calm him down.

Where are they loading him? She has to save him. She can't leave him.

With the last of her strength, Marie pushes the man next to her away and stands up, takes a few shaking, hurried steps, but stumbles again and falls. She tries to stand up again.

He's so close. She can see his hand sticking out from under the white sheet. It's pale. Very pale. It's even a little blue. Why? He must be cold. He's too pale.

Mari can keep him warm. She just has to get closer. She can. Just a few steps.

Someone grabs her. No- no no no, she can't go now. She fights. They won't let her go. No.

"S-Su-" She chokes. "Sunny-" The blanket falls from her shoulders, but she doesn't care. Where is Sunny? She can't see him. Why-

No.

Sunny is moving away. Someone is taking him away.

No no no no no no NO NO NO NO NO-

"SUNNY!" She screams at the top of her lungs, water running down her cheeks, water in her lungs, water everywhere. She can't save him. She has to. Sunny.

The water is filling everything. She fights, but she feels like she's going to pass out. Her eyes are getting heavy, but she forces herself to keep them open. Sunny is moving away. No. She has to watch.

Sunny must be so scared. Poor thing. She should be able to comfort him. She's his big sister. His protector.

She can't see him. She blinks, turns her head, but she can't see. She's being pulled into someone's chest and now she can't see anything at all.

She's terrified. Is she dead? No, she can't. Sunny needs her. He's scared. She has to save him.

Her mouth opens and this time it's not a gurgle, but a heavy wheeze. Where is he? Where is she?

The blanket is back on her shoulders. Or is it the weight of the water? The weight of responsibility? The weight of realization?

Realization of what?

"Mari... I-I'm so sorry..."

No. No. Someone is lying to her. It can't be. Mari is so close. She just has to reach out. Reach out, and she can save him. She-

She can't see him. Instead, she sees the outline of an ambulance's lights. The silhouettes of someone nearby.

The realization hits her like a hammer to the skull. Sunny is dead. He was covered with a white sheet because he was dead.

And it was her fault. He didn't make it in time. She wasn't paying attention. She was distracted. She-

She screwed up.

She lost her little brother.

She lost her sun.

She-

...

Mari took a deep breath and with the next exhale, she let out the most heartbreaking scream of her life. She didn't even know she could scream like that.

The one holding her to his chest flinched, but she didn't stop.

She screamed.

And screamed.

And screamed more, more, and more.

She screamed until her throat was torn apart by pain. She wanted to keep screaming, she didn't care if she coughed up blood.

She lost her little brother.

Unfortunately, her body doesn't agree, and she starts coughing. Hard. It feels like she's coughing up her lungs.

Good. She deserves it.

She failed. She couldn't.

Terrible older sister.

…

She spent several days in this state. Numb. She would come to her senses, then her gaze would become unfocused and glassy again.

She always whispered Sunny's name. She kept waiting for him to crawl into her bed after another nightmare. She would hug him, calm him down, sing him a lullaby, like in childhood.

And then she would wake up in a cold bed. Opposite her, an empty bed. Left in the same state it had been in before. Before his death.

She would get out of bed and ignore the bathroom, because the sight of water made her feel sick and throws into a fever. Her ears would immediately ring, her vision would darken. She felt like this was her punishment. For not being able to save him.

Mechanically, she would make breakfast for four and set out plates, spoons, forks, cups. Also 4. Mom comes in and gently leads her away from the stove, turns off the gas and leads her into the living room. She doesn't look into her glassy eyes, but sits down on the sofa and hugs her, stroking the dirty hair of her only daughter.

Her only remaining child.

Mari withdraws into herself. Regrets not hugging him more than she already did. Regrets not appreciating every moment. Regrets not saying more. Regrets preferring playing the piano, studying, anything, but not playing with him or just spending time with him.

Regret is now a permanent guest in her heart.

She dreams of him begging her to spend time with him. Before she can agree, he wakes up.

Sometimes she feels especially bad. She cries and asks her parents where he is, when he will be back. Her father leaves the kitchen, leaving his glasses on the table, wiping away tears.

Sometimes she feels good. Sometimes she sees Sunny. He's lying on the couch, playing his video game again, his tongue hanging out in concentration. She touches him - and he disappears. She feels bad again.

She's learned not to touch him at this point. She just sits down next to him and looks, looks, looks. He always lies in the same position, does the same thing, but it's enough for her to just look at him.

Everything is just as she remembers - peaceful, carefree, just like a child. Just as she dreams now has always dreamed.

Somewhere deep in her heart, she understands that it shouldn't be like this.

Then her mother finds her. Staring at one point on the empty couch, with a dreamy smile on her lips and glassy eyes. She doesn't say anything - because she understands it herself. Ignorance is bliss. She just stands quietly next to him. After the first hysteria, she immediately understood that sitting next to him was a bad idea. The illusion will dissipate.

Just standing there, drinking in her grief. No more tears – her eyes are dry, dull, and there are eternal tracks of salt water on her cheeks. They are permanent guests there now.

…

Sometimes a blue spot comes. Sits next to her, comforts her in an embrace. But these embraces are still not the same. Not like Sunny's. Mari longs for them, not for a pathetic fake.

After the thirtieth question about where he is, her throat goes dry. No one answers. And there won't be an answer. The funeral hasn't even happened yet.

She drinks water through a straw. There is no other way. Panic. She immediately remembers the lake. How she swims in the water, looking for him, how the water is everywhere, how she waits for the water to come out of his mouth, but this time it is not there.

Her knee hurts, a throbbing pain that has been haunting her for several days, and her mother often gives her massages. It seems that this is the only thing that comforts her in this state. Caring for the only child left. Who is alive.

Mari is not against it. But she is not for it either. She doesn't care.

While her mother is giving her another compress, her gaze catches on a white dress hanging on a hanger.

(She was so happy wearing the white, light dress that day. Perfect for the unbearably hot day.

"Wow, sis, you're so pretty..." He muttered, watching the hem of the dress flutter.

"Oh, Sunny, you're embarrassing me!" She giggled and ruffled his hair.

She couldn't look at that dress now.)

Water was now associated with something bad. With danger. With loss.

Normal people don't cry when they see water. Mari is not a normal person. She is a grieving sister.

…

The TV hums in the background as Mari slowly strokes Mewo. She curled up in her lap shortly after Sunny had dispersed. She must have sensed her pain and come to comfort her.

It's a shame that all these consolations were in vain. Because the pain will be with her forever.

She's alive. But she's not living. This isn't life.

It would be better if she died instead of him.

"-an accident took the life of an 11-year-old boy-" Mari stares at the TV. "-a lake-" A well-groomed woman on the screen says something in a professional voice. "-drowned-" Mari knows that the channels are currently showing the news. "-condolences-"

Mom grabs the remote and turns off the news. There's a lifeless look on her face, as if she hasn't slept for days. And she hasn't.

She hands Mari a closed bottle - the sight of water in a glass made her throw up in the toilet for the last time - with a straw, already a habit.

She doesn't thank her. She has no strength. Why waste it if there's no point in living anymore? If her only sun has gone out?

Scientists say that the Sun will go out in 5 billion years.

They lied.

Because Mari's Sun went out only recently.