Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Buck hated the Instagram algorithm.

What was the point of putting the posts all out of order?  It was so stupid.  Geoff was so stupid.  He hadn’t talked to the guy since their high school graduation eight years ago.  What was he doing out here liking Buck’s Instagram post from a month ago.

He resisted throwing his phone over the side of his loft and to the hard floor below— but just barely.  He told himself that he still needed it even if no one had called or texted him in nearly two weeks. Not even Maddie.  Not since…

He buried his head under the pillows.  He hadn’t wanted to file the lawsuit but Bobby had forced his hand.  Hey just wanted to go home… why didn’t they want him to come home?

Because you’re exhausting.

His phone buzzed with another notification.  It was probably just stupid Geoff liking another Instagram post, but he rolled over to pick it up off the floor anyway, on the very slim chance that it was important.  

He felt his heart crack in half again as he was greeted with the smiling giggling face of Christopher feeding a giraffe at the zoo.  It was his most recent post (from almost a month ago, seriously,  Geoff, what are you doing?)

It had been nearly two weeks after the tsunami.  Buck had still been covered in bruises (not that many of them had faded anymore—) and about to claw his own skin off when Eddie dragged him and Chris out of the house to get rid of the restless anxiety that was consuming the both of them.  They’d decided on the zoo (something inland this time—) and it had been the most fun Buck had had since before the truck bombing— the morning of the tsunami didn’t count.

He closed out of Instagram and went searching for the notification.

If it was that stupid later asking him to reconsider the settlement again he really was going to throw his phone off the loft.

Instead her was startled to see the name of the absolute last person he expected— twice.   There were two messages,  one from two hours ago while he’d still been sleeping and he wasn’t sure how he missed it when he first picked up his phone.  The second was from a few minutes ago while he was still cursing out Geoff from senior year Home Economics.

Ali Martin:  I’m in LA for the weekend and I need to talk to you.  Can you give me a call?

Ali Martin:  Call me as soon as you can.  Please.

He didn’t even get the chance to hit the call button, because as soon as he read the message his phone started ringing.  Ali’s playful smirk smiled up at him and he found him answering even though the last time they talked she’d walked out the door without even a glance back.

“Hello?”

Wow— he sounded rough.  His voice was all gravelly and thick from the all the crying and sleeping he’d been doing.  It was nearly midnight and he’d barely been out of bed since he collapsed into it yesterday after coming home from the grocery store near the station.  

“Buck?  Uh… Evan Buckley?”

That wasn’t Ali.

“Uhm, that’s me,” Buck said. “Who’s this?”

“I’m Kate, Ali’s sister.”

He vaguely remembered something about a sister.   Ali hadn’t actually been around a whole lot until the truck bombing and then everything was a bit hazy from the heavy duty pain meds he’d been on and before he even had the cast off, she was gone.

“Uhm, hi,” Buck paused.   “Where’s Ali?  Is she okay?”

“She’s a little preoccupied at the moment, which is why I’m calling,” Kate said.  Her tone was strict if not a little harsh.  She didn’t sound like Ali at all.  “Can you come over to Cedars Sinai?”

He was already kicking the blankets off himself.  “What’s going on?”

“Ali wants to tell you herself,” Kate answered.  “They’re still prepping for surgery so if you hurry you should be able to get over here before she goes under.”

“Surgery?” He didn’t even bother changing out of his lounge clothes, just throwing non a hoodie as h tried not to fall down the stairs.  He slid on a pair of slides over his socked feet and grabbed his wallet and keys off the island as he threw open the door.  “I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

Buck made it to the hospital in twelve minutes.

He was pretty sure his Jeep was taking up three parking spots, and he wasn’t entirely sure he’d turned off his headlights but he’d worry about that later.  He slapped a visitor sticker over his heart as he hurried out of the elevator to the room Kate had texted him.

Standing in the hallway outside the room was a woman who looked remarkably like Ali— just a little older with longer hair and a pair of glasses on her nose— talking to a nurse.  

“Kate?” Buck asked as he rolled to a stop.

Kate turned towards him and while she may have looked like her sister, she didn’t have the same smile lines that Ali did.  Pursing her lips at him, he couldn’t help but feel like he was being judged as he bounced on his feet anxiously.

“Is this the father?” The nurse asked, turning to him.

The what—

“Yes,” Kate answered.

“Great, if you want to join me Mr—?”

“Buck, uh… Evan Bu-Buckley,” he answered trying not to choke on his tongue.  

“Ali is being taken in for an emergency C-section, she wanted to wait for you to arrive but we really couldn’t put it off any longer.  She is currently in the operating suite being prepped.  If you want to be there, I can take you down to get scrubbed in.”

“C-section, what—” Buck shook his head before he started nodding vigorously, tripping after the nurse as she took off down the hall.  “Yes, yes I want to be there— I just.  I really don’t know what’s happening right now.”

“I’m sorry Mr. Buckley, I can’t tell you much more than what I already have,” the nurse looked apologetic as she brought him to a locker room.  “I only have authorization to talk to Miss Martin about her sister’s health.  However, Ali has asked that you be present for the birth if you’re able to.”

Buck found himself nodding wildly again. He still had no idea what was going on and he was feeling a little dazed, but C-section meant baby— and Ali having a C-section meant that this baby could very well be his.  It sounded like Ali thought it was and she had always been honest with him, even if sometimes he wished she hadn’t been.

A short few minutes later he found himself in surgical scrubs and being led into an operating room by the nurse who’d brought him down.

“Buck.”

He focused on Ali’s pale face.  Her eyes were glazed and she looked tired but happy to see him— which was kind of nice. No one had been very happy to see him recently.

“Hey Ali,” he said softly, dropping a hand down on her forehead gently.  “How are you?”

“Tired,” she huffed.  “Kind of spacey… you’re twinkly.”

He let out a surprised laugh.  “Twinkly huh?”

“Sparkly— like Edward.” Her eyes were wide as he stroked a thumb across her forehead softly.

“They got you on the good stuff huh?”

“Ohhh yeah,” Ali grinned.  The smile slid off her face a moment later.  “I… I was going to tell you.  That’s why I came…back— back to LA.  To tell you.  I swear, Buck, I—”

“Hey—hey, it’s okay,”  he said, leaning closer, trying to calm her down.  He smiled, but he wasn’t sure she could tell behind the mask.  “It’s gonna be okay.”

A tear leaked out of one of her pretty brown eyes and he caught it with his thumb and wiped it away.  “It’s too early,” she whispered.

“It’s okay.  They’re a little fighter right?” He assured her.  “We’ve survived a lot, they’ll survive this.  It’s genetic.”

Ali smiled at him again, her eyes still watery.  “I’m glad you’re here, Buck.”

“It’s a girl!”

Buck turned towards the doctors on the other side of the little curtain separating Buck and Ali from the surgery.  She was quite possibly the smallest baby he’d ever seen and he’d seen his fair share of premature babies on the job. She was still covered in amniotic fluid and whatever else came with being brought into this world.

She wasn’t wailing like other babies did, but she was making some kind of stuttering crying noise that made him hopeful.  He barely got to see her before they were rushing her off with her own team of doctors and nurses.

He turned back down towards Ali, who smiled up at him tiredly.

“It’s a girl,” he echoed, grinning back down at her.

It was several hours before he saw Ali again.   He was standing outside of the NICU nursery looking through the window at his daughter.  She was hooked up to more wires and tubes then he ever had been in his own hospital stints.  

There was no denying that this tiny baby belonged to him.  Under the ventilator strapped to her little face there was an unmistakable birthmark over her left eye.  It was likely impossible, a one in a billion chance, he’d look up the real odds later— her little heart shaped birthmark wasn’t as big nor as dark as his own was, but it was a birthmark… his birthmark.

“Buck?”

The hallway was quiet and he’d heard Kate coming, but he hadn’t wanted to tear his eyes away from his daughter.  

He glanced at her before looking back to the window.  

“Ali’s a little more awake now.  She wants to talk to you,” Kate said, barely glancing at the baby before she turned around and began walking back towards the way she’d come.

Buck placed his hand soon the glass of the window, gazing down at his little girl.  “I’ll be back soon okay?  I’m not gonna leave you alone.” He tapped his fingers against the glass idly for a minute before he sighed and turned to follow Kate.

It was nearly seven AM by the time he was walking into Ali’s room and he was already aching to get back to the NICU.

“Did I really say you were sparkly?” Ali asked the second he stepped through the door.  She still looked exhausted but she was sitting up and seemed a little more coherent.  Kate was sitting next to her, still frowning.

“Like Edward,” he laughed tiredly.

“Oh god,” she said, covering her eyes.  “Can you just forget I ever said that?”

“I don’t know.  Can you forget the time I compared you to the Cookie Monster when I was still high on morphine?”

Ali giggled.  “Good point.”

If possible Kate frowned even more.

“When I was still in the hospital a few months ago after my leg, all I wanted was a chocolate chip cookie from the bakery by my firehouse, but Ali here, refused to get it for me,” Buck explained, sitting on the opposite side of the bed facing the both of them.  “I accused her of eating them all like the Cookie Monster.”

“For one thing it was one in the morning,” Ali defended.  “And for another you weren’t allowed to have something like that yet.”

“Yeah, yeah, we all know the truth, Cookie Monster,” Buck grinned and they both broke into exhausted giggles.  There was something just… easy about being with Ali, even after all these months.

Kate didn’t seem to find the story as funny as they did, which was her loss.

They sat in silence for a moment,  neither of them too sure where to start.

“When did—”

“Buck—”

They both spoke at the same time and laughed tiredly with an apology.

“You go ahead,” Buck urged.

Ali nodded, looking down and taking a deep breath as she twisted the blanket over her legs between her fingers.

“So, as you may have noticed… I had a baby,” she started, glancing up at him.  “Your baby.”

“I noticed,” Buck nodded. 

“You said she was a girl right? I didn’t imagine that either?  They were never able to figure out her sex— little thing always had her legs crossed.”

“Cutest little girl I’ve ever seen,” Buck smiled, resisting the urge to stick his tongue out at Kate when she scoffed quietly.  He pulled out his phone to show Ali the one picture he had been able to take of her. 

“She has your birthmark,” Ali said quietly, studying the picture.  “She’s so tiny.”

“The nurse was telling me that she’s measuring at about 31 weeks?  They weren’t sure how far along you were.” He said, taking back his phone.

“There wasn’t a lot of time to talk between going to the ER and being taken back for the C-section,” Ali sighed.  “I thought I was just sore from the five hour plane flight, it hasn’t been a very comfortable few months.”

“What happened?”

“You know I went back home to the East Coast after we broke up,” she started and he nodded.  “I found out I was pregnant in June and there hadn’t been anyone else since you.  At that point I was almost three months along.  I had just started my new job and I was working on so many projects, I thought I was just overworked and exhausted when I passed out and went to the doctor.”

“We were always careful though,” Buck said, trying to think of a time they had slipped up and he just couldn’t.  He always made sure they were careful.

“I said the same thing.  The doctor told me that sometimes even with every precaution taken it can still happen, and it did.” Ali shrugged.

“Why didn’t you tell me when you knew?” Buck asked.

“I knew you were still recovering and I didn’t want to stress you out more.  Besides… we never talked about it.”

“About what?”

“About having kids,” Ali sighed.  “I… Buck, I never wanted to have kids.  You know I don’t hate kids or anything, kids are great— they’re just not for me.  With my work schedule and the amount that I travel I wouldn’t be able to bring up any child with the kind of care and attention they deserve.  Children deserve parents who put them first and want them more than anything.  

“I was thinking of going the adoption route, but then I remembered how much you loved kids.  You always talked about Christopher and the kids you met on the job and I knew that you would love her.”

He stayed silent, waiting for her to finish.

“We got back to LA this morning and I was going to talk to you and tell you about her, give you some time too decide what you wanted.  She wasn’t supposed to be born until December.  There was supposed to be more time.” Ali grimaced.  “This hasn’t been an easy pregnancy, but the doctor thought I’d be okay coming out here to talk to you.  Guess she got a little excited at the idea of meeting her dad sooner than later.”

Buck glanced down at the picture of the baby— his baby.  He was itching to get back to her, but he needed to finish hearing Ali out.

“I’m willing to sign full custody over to you,” Ali said.  “Once I leave the hospital, I’m not coming back.  She needs someone who wants her more than anything, and I know you already want her.  I can see it on your face.”

Buck nodded, his vision getting a little blurry.

“I do,” he let out a watery chuckle, scrubbing at his eyes with the back of his hand.  “God, Ali— I already love her so much.”

“I know you do, Buck,” Ali said kindly, reaching over to take his hand.  She squeezed it tightly.  “I know she’ll be safe and loved and she’ll never want for anything with you.  I couldn’t hope for anything better for her.  You’ll give her a good life.”

“So this is it?” Buck asked tearfully, squeezing her hand back, careful of her IV, he curled his fingers around hers gently.  “Once you leave, you’re gone for good?”

Ali nodded.

He squeezed her fingers one more time before dropping her hand and standing up.  “I should get back to her.” He leaned over and kissed Ali on the forehead.  “I’m glad you called me, Ali.  Thank you.”

This time he walked out the door without looking back.

Buck named her Minerva Hope Buckley. 

He was gonna call her Minnie and try not to think about how Minerva was the Roman name for Athena.

Minnie was five days old and he still hadn’t told anyone about her.  Not even Maddie.  He didn’t know what to say.

“Hey guys, I know you all hate my guts right now, but I have a baby girl that I already love more than life itself and I’m terrified I’m gonna mess this up like I mess up everything else—”

Yeah, he didn’t think that would go over well.

Ali had been discharged from the hospital yesterday.  She’d only come to visit Minnie once the whole time she was there, smiling softly at her and brushing a hand over her head.  She told him that she thought the name was fitting and that she knew he was going to be a great dad and then she she was gone.

It was a nice sentiment he guessed, but it still wasn’t enough to make her stay.  It was for the best he decided as he walked into the hospital atrium wiping at his face with his sleeve as he tried to stem the flow of tears.  

Minnie had just had one of far too many blood draws in her first five days of life, and she had let out short breathless cries as they punctured her tiny little heel near a still healing puncture that had left her in pain and shattering what was left of his heart into tiny pieces.  He’d been shaking by the time he’d been able to calm her little hitching breaths a few agonizing minutes later, and one of the nurses— he wasn’t sure who— had led him out and convinced him to take a few minutes to breathe and calm himself down.

It was still early in the evening but the sun was falling low in the sky with the winter months approaching.  The atrium was quiet and dim with just the last few rays of golden daylight breaking through.  He just needed a minute to gather himself and then he could go back to the NICU and apologize to Minnie for not being able to keep it together—

—and then because the universe thought it was just so funny to mess with him right now— he walked right into a brick wall. 

The impact reverberated through his chest as he bounced off hard enough that he was for sure going to have at least three new bruises decorating his chest and arms next time he changed.  He stumbled back and nearly tripped over his own feet, arms flying out to catch himself— except he didn’t have to… because the brick wall caught him. 

Brick walls weren’t supposed to do that.  

He blinked wildly a few times, trying to clear his eyes as he scrubbed his sleeve over his face futilely trying to wipe his face clean.  

Looking down at him with no small amount of concern was the most beautifully handsome man he’d ever seen.  

It took him a very long minute to get his brain back into his skull and straighten back up with an embarrassed cough, clearing his throat.  He felt like he was on fire and he knew with no doubt that his face and neck had gone a splotchy red around the assorted bruises that were coming and going (though not as quick as he hoped with these stupid blood thinners).

“Uhm… so-sorry about that,” he scratched awkwardly at the back of his neck.  “I- I didn’t— sorry.”

“Are you okay?” The brick wall asked with kind and concerned blue eyes that went so deep Buck wanted to jump in and hide away from the world for a while. 

“Uh no… No I’m not,” Buck said like an absolute psychopath.  You don’t just tell a handsome stranger the truth, you were supposed to just grin and bear it— which… that sounded a lot like his mother.  He grimaced.  He wasn’t sure what was worse right now, hearing his mother’s old harpings or being one split hair away from from sobbing hysterically on this guy.

The handsome brick wall still had a careful hand around his arm, holding him steady as if he were going to fall over at any second, which he honestly might… he was pretty sure he hadn’t slept more than an hour here and there over the last five days.  

The man raised an eyebrow at him. “How about we sit down for a minute?”  He asked, carefully leading Buck over to a nearby bench.  

Buck took a moment to really look at the guy.  He was about his height (maybe an inch or so taller) with broad shoulders (broader than Buck’s had been even before he lost all the weight and muscle mass after the bombing).  A light green plaid shirt hugged those shoulders tightly but hung loose and unbuttoned over a Henley where he could a bit of a “Visitor” sticker over his heart.

“I— It’s okay.  I-I really shouldn’t be holding you up,” Buck stuttered nervously.  “Yo-you probably have something better to do—”

The man let out a short low laugh and his face shuttered for a moment.  “Trust me, I really do not have anything better to do right now.” The kind smile returned to his face.  “You look like maybe you could use a friend.”

A friend.

Buck hadn’t been a very good friend lately seeing how he sued all of them— well, the department, but they’d been caught in the crossfire.  He missed his friends.  A lot.  Especially right now, when he so desperately needed them. 

He really could use a friend right now.

“I… yeah… I guess I could use a friend right now,” he sighed.

“Tommy Kinard,” The kind brick wall said holding his hand out.  

“Ev— Evan Buckley,” Buck replied, taking his hand a shaking it.  It was warm and worn with tough callouses but it felt… safe.

“Nice to meet you, Evan,” Tommy nodded, and for the first time in years hearing his own name didn’t make him feel like a stranger.

“Even if I wasn’t paying attention and nearly took you out?” He laughed thickly.

Tommy shrugged, his smile crinkling the corners of his eyes.  “What are friends for?  And honestly, if anyone was about to be taken out I’d say it was going to be you.”  Tommy gave him a pointed look.

And listen, Buck knew he looked rough okay?  He was still recovering from the bombing and the embolism and the tsunami, and now he’d barely slept twenty hours collectively in the last week— his bruises had bruises and then some.  He’s pretty sure the bags under his eyes have gone so deep he could crawl into them and use them for sleeping bags—

“Yeah… you’re not… you’re not wrong,” he sighed heavily, looking down at his clasped hands in his lap.  “I haven’t been sleeping very much this week.  My, uh, my daughter is five days old and she’s been in the NICU this entire time.  I… I haven’t even gotten to hold her yet, she’s just so tiny—” He sniffled and held his hands up to show Tommy how big she was. “But she’s also just so perfect even under all the wires and… and everything—

“Her mo— my ex… she, uh, I didn’t…” He sighed and twisted his fingers back together in his lap.  “I didn’t know about her until right before she was born.  My ex and I broke up months ago and she came back to LA to tell me, but I guess it was a rough pregnancy and she went into labor super early.  She had a C-section and I was able to be there even though I had no idea what was happening— she just told me to come to the hospital and suddenly there was a baby being born— my baby—”  Now that he’d started he wasn’t sure he could stop, but Tommy’s face was encouraging at the very least.  

“She was only 31 one weeks along so they took her to the NICU right away and she’s stable now but she’s still so tiny—” He fished his phone out of his pocket and showed Tommy the picture he’d taken of her earlier that day.  She was wearing the smallest beanie he’d ever seen and it was still too big for her head, but it was pink and warm and matched the tiny little pink socks on her feet.  His hand which was just about the half the size of her had been curled around her head in the incubator.

Tommy leaned over to look at the picture.  “She’s adorable,” he smiled.  “And she’s got your same birthmark.”  He pointed out with a glance up at his own port-wine stained birthmark.  

“Yeah,” Buck sniffled.  “It’s just me and her against the world right now.” His heart ached as he echoed the same words from Maddie when he was a child (— it’s just me and you, Evan, Buckleys against the world—).  “And I can’t… I can’t just leave her alone here.  I went home for a few hours the day she was born to get some clothes and it felt like I was about to lose my leg all over again—”

Tommy’s eyebrows shot up high on his forehead as he blinked at him.  “Have you left the hospital since then, Evan?”  He asked.

Buck shook his head.  “Uh, no…” He scratched at his nose sheepishly.  “I kind of left my headlights on in my rush to get here and so my Jeep died in the parking lot—”

“That’s you?” Tommy asked.  “I’ve walked by your car every day this week.”

Good to know his Jeep was still in the parking lot and hadn’t been towed away yet.

“Yep that… that would be me,” Buck laughed, his cheeks feeling hot.   He scrubbed his absolutely destroyed hoodie sleeve over his face in embarrassment.  

“You need a break,” Tommy said, kindly.

He shook his head.  “No… I don’t get to take breaks.” He watched Tommy frown, but before he could refute him, he continued.  “I’m a dad now, I have to be there for her.” In the way no one else had ever been there for him before and he’d be damned if he ever let Minnie down.  “I just, I can’t leave her, I don’t think I’d be able to live with myself if I did.”

“Evan,” Tommy said, his tone serious but still far too kind.  “I can tell how much you love your daughter, and you are already a far better father than some.” His face shuttered for a moment before he continued on.  “Taking a break to take care of yourself… so you can take care of her?  You’re not leaving her alone.  She deserves you at your best, don’t you think?”

“I…” Buck blinked.  He hadn’t thought of it like that.

“Just think about it,” Tommy smiled.  “In the meantime, how about we go get some coffee?  I know the hospital stuff is awful, but we can make do for now.”

Buck laughed.  “Honestly I don’t even notice how bad it is anymore but it does the job.”

Tommy shook his head as he stood up.  “We have got to up your standards.”

“Mr. Buckley?”

Buck turned to see the tiny nurse that had been one of Minnie’s primary carers during the nights for the last week.

He smiled tiredly.  “I thought I told you to call me Buck.”

“Sorry— Buck, I just need to check on Miss Minnie here,” she smiled back.  Her name was Marian and he’d idly noticed that she was pretty the other night, but he wasn’t fishing for a date and the silicone ring on her left hand and pregnant belly said she wasn’t either.  She’d been nice to talk to though.

He found his thoughts drifting back to Tommy who had also been nice to talk to, and nice to look at with his kind blue eyes and crinkly smile.  Talking to him almost made him feel like a person again.

He took a step back and sat heavily in the large armchair next to her incubator to let Marian do her job.  She made quick work of checking her vitals and recording them in the chart before turning off the bili lights and turning towards him.

“All her vitals are stable and her O2 stats look good for the night and it looks like all her blood work is looking good from earlier.   They’ll likely draw some more tomorrow for a follow up since her bilirubin was a little low.” Hence the lights. 

He sighed, he knew it was necessary, he just wished that it wasn’t so traumatic for the both of them.  

“How are you doing?”

He blinked up at her with bleary eyes.  “What?”

“How are you doing?” She repeated with a pointed look.  It was about three in the morning and he was the only parent in the nursery.  He was pretty sure the nurses all thought he was crazy.  Most of the other parents went home at reasonable hours— they had their significant others or other children to go home to.  There had been a parent or two that stayed late, but none of them stayed as long as he had.  

It was like he told Tommy, down in the atrium.  He didn’t want to leave Minnie alone.  He couldn’t leave her alone.  He had known loneliness before.  Loneliness was cold empty hallways and unanswered phone calls.  Long nights shivering in Maddie’s old Jeep after eating a cold can of ravioli.  The reverberation of a door closing time and time again as everyone walked away.  

It was an echoing silence in the aisles of the grocery store as he was left behind again.

He was all Minnie had right now and he would chew off his own leg before he ever let her feel alone.

“Have you left at all since I last saw you?” Marian’s last shift had been two nights ago. 

He shook his head, eyes focused on Minnie as she raised a little fist in the air to stretch.  “Not reason to go home.”

He saw Marian shift out of the corner of his eyes before she was suddenly right next to him, looking him right in the eye.

“There is a very good reason to go home,” she said gently.  “You need to sleep, Buck.”

He thought about the deafening silence of the loft.  It would only amplify the nightmares that seemed to play behind his eyes on rotation every night.  Truck, tsunami, grocery store.  At least here he couldn’t fall into a deep enough sleep for his mind to eat him alive.  

He thought about Tommy telling him to take care of himself so he could take care of Minnie.  It was nice to have them care, even if they barely knew him.  

“I get more sleep here than I ever would at my apartment,” Buck told her.

She huffed and rolled her eyes.  “Well that’s not extremely concerning or anything.”

“Sorry?” He said with a tired grin.

“Come with me.”

“What?”

She waved her hand and started walking away.  “Come with me, I said.”

He stood and glanced back at Minnie, gnawing on his cheek.

“She’ll be okay, Buck, I promise,” Marian said, her eyes were far too understanding and nearly the same shade of blue reminding him of Tommy’s.  “You’re not leaving her and I’m coming right back to stay with her.”

Good to know his face still gave away his every thought.

He tapped his fingers against the top of the incubator lightly.  “I’ll be back soon, sweetheart.  I love you.” He said quietly before following Marian out of the NICU.  He felt like he was moving through syrup and he couldn’t tell if it was from how tired he was or from how much he didn’t want to leave.  He followed her through a door and down a short hallway to what looked like the nurses break room.  It wasn’t anything fancy, just a small kitchenette with two tables, a TV and an old couch.  

“You are going to take a nap,” Marian said, pointing at the couch.  There was a pillow and a blanket folded up on one of the arms.

“Is this allowed?”  He asked.

“Probably not,” Marian answered.  “But this break room is really only used by the NICU nurses and we all decided that you need sleep.  Carol was saying that she was getting tired just looking at you.” She looked at him expectantly and the look reminded him of Maddie back when they were kids and she told him to do something but he was being a brat.

Buck sat on the couch.

“You need to get some real sleep Buck, before you end up in the hospital too.” She said flipping off the light but leaving the TV running quietly in the corner.  “We’ll come wake you up in three hours.” Buck opened his mouth. “And you are literally fifteen seconds away from the nursery if anything happens.” He closed his mouth.  “Minnie will be okay for a few hours.  She needs you to stay on two feet.”

If only she knew— staying on two feet wasn’t Buck’s strong suit lately.

“Get some sleep,” she said, tossing another blanket at his head.  

He was out before the door swung shut.

Tommy sighed tiredly as he stood in line at the little coffee shop down the street from Cedars Sinai.  He wasn’t even planning on going today, but then the hospital had called him to tell him that they were taking his dad off the sedation since his vitals had been holding steady after the initial heart attack and following crash during surgery.  He figured he might as well go check on him since Donny was working and if he was awake then he could finally get this over with and get his dad to sign Power of Attorney over to literally anyone else but them.

Either that or hopefully he’d just… roll over and die.  As terrible as it was to say, the man had long outlived his usefulness to this world— if he’d ever had any in the first place.  He’d outlived everyone good in his life to get the last word over them and it seems like he was trying to do the same to Tommy and Donny as well. 

But Thomas Kinard Sr. underestimated just how much of a stubborn spiteful bastard Tommy could be and he wasn’t going to let the old man get the last word over him either.  He knew Donny didn’t care at this point, as long as they never had to deal with him again, he’d be happy.  

He reached the front of the line on the tail end of the morning rush and ordered his usual— iced flat white with almond milk and a bear claw.  The barista asked if he wanted anything else and right as he went to say no his voice died in his throat.  

Evan the adorably sweet dad in very desperate need of a break came to the forefront of his mind like a brick to the face.   Even after everything Tommy tried to get the other man to go home and get some sleep in his own bed Evan refused to leave his daughter behind.  

Evan had been a better father in the first five days of his daughter’s life than Tommy’s dad had been in the entire 34 years of his and Donny’s lives.

The man hadn’t had real coffee in days. 

Tommy needed to do something about it.

“Sir?” The barista questioned looking a little annoyed.

“Uh, sorry about that…” he scanned the menu, he had no idea what to get, but considering Evan couldn’t even taste the god awful hospital coffee anymore he could probably get just about anything and it’d be a safe bet.  Evan was sweet… he’d probably like something sweet to drink too.  

“Can I get an iced caramel macchiato…” he glanced at the pastry case.  “And a blueberry muffin.”

He was already parked at the hospital and it was a nice day outside as he walked back down the road.  He searched the hospital directory outside the elevator and saw that there were two different NICUs?  He grimaced and pushed the button for the first one and hoped for the best.  

He had to be crazy for this— what if Evan thought he was following him?

No… It could just be the one good gesture and nothing more, he’d just give Evan the coffee and muffin and then go and visit the decrepit husk in the cardiology unit and be on his way.  Hopefully Evan would look back on this one day and just remember a kind gesture during a rough time…

“Hi there, can I help you?” There was a lady receptionist about his age and a very tiny nurse behind the front desk as he stepped off the elevator feeling out of place.  

“Uh yeah… I’m, uh, looking for Evan Buckley?” He asked.  This was crazy, he didn’t even know if Evan was going to be there (except he did because Evan’s Jeep had still been sitting dead in the parking lot).  Hopefully he didn’t have to do this all over again in the other NICU—  “I know his daughter is in the NICU right now and I—”

“Oh, Buck!” The tiny nurse stood up with a big grin on her face even as she nearly toppled over from her pregnant belly that was nearly bigger than she was.  “Grab a visitor sticker and come with me!”  She pushed a button behind the desk and disappeared.  The doors to the left of him opened with the nurse reappearing on the other side.  

Tommy followed her down a hallway and around the corner.  Buck?  He mouthed to himself.  His name was Evan Buckley so it made sense he guessed.  It didn’t really match the Evan he’d met in the atrium last night though.

“It’s nice for Buck and Minnie to have a visitor,” the nurse said.  “They haven’t had any since she was born.  This has been really hard on him and I wish he wouldn’t run himself into the ground like he is.”  She stopped at a wall of windows showing a large room with an assortment of incubators and bassinets and nearly right in the center Tommy could see Evan sitting in an armchair.  His hair looked damp and curlier than last night and he was wearing a different hoodie.  He was leaning towards an incubator with a soft smile on his tired face.  

“Visiting hours are about to start and we usually ask visitors to be mindful of their time in the nursery, but you can stay as long as you want if you manage to get him to go home and sleep in an actual bed.”  The nurse grinned with a glint in her eye that made Tommy laugh. 

“Oh I’m working on it, trust me,” Tommy said.

“Fantastic!” She said and she looked like she genuinely meant it.  “I’ll go let Buck know you’re here.”

She walked into the nursery and washed her hands in the sinks against the wall between the doors before heading over to Evan.  Tommy couldn’t hear what she was saying through the glass but a moment later Evan’s head was whipping towards his direction.  His eyes were large and surprised.  

Tommy raised the bag with the blueberry muffin in it and gave him a little two finger wave with a sheepish smile.  

A moment later Evan was walking out of the nursery. “T-Tommy… what are you doing here?”

“Figured you might still be here and brought you something a little better than the hospital coffee,” he said holding the tray and the bag out to him.  “I didn’t know how you took it but considering you’re fine with the hospital Joe I thought that most choices would be safe.”

Evan looked down at the coffee cup and pastry bag and back up at him his eyes still wide and disbelieving.  “You didn’t have to do this.” He said.

“I know, but I wanted to,” Tommy shrugged.  

Evan popped the cup out of the tray holder and took a careful sip, his eyes lighting up as he took another.  “This is so good.”

“It’s from a little cafe down the road if you ever need a minute to step out,” Tommy told him.  “Within walking distance quick in and out if you avoid the morning rush—”

“Thank you, Tommy.” Evan said.  “I— I really appreciate this.”

“What are friends for?” Tommy said.  Evan’s face cracked into a careful smile and Tommy would swear that it was like looking right at the sun.  

It became a habit of theirs over the next few days.  

The morning coffee dates. 

Tommy’s dad still hadn’t woken up and in fact had been getting worse, to the point where even Donny had come to visit him. 

 Tommy poked his head into the room and saw his brother sitting there staring at the decrepit form of their father.  Honestly Tommy had seen corpses that looked better, but that’s what you get after a lifetime of being a cruel bastard with a shriveled heart.

“Hey,” he said stepping inside for a minute.  He wasn’t going to stay long, Evan and Minnie were expecting him over in the NICU.  

It’d been nice having something to look forward to coming to the hospital instead of the weathered husk that had once been his father, maybe… back in the day, before he learned how to talk back at the age of three. 

Seeing the love in Evan’s eyes every time he so much as thought about his tiny little daughter was enough to restore even Tommy’s hope in humanity. 

“Hey,” Donny said, looking over his shoulder to greet him.  His eyes lit up when he saw the coffees.  “Oh thanks—”

“Ayy— hands off, that’s not for you,” Tommy said pulling the tray out of his reach.  

Donny frowned at him in confusion.  

“I, uh, I have a friend here whose daughter is in the NICU,” he explained.

Donny blinked at him.  “Since when did Sal and Gina have another kid?”

Tommy made a face.  “I have more friends than just Sal.”

“No you don’t,” Donny said faster than he could shoot his gun, which was saying something.  

Tommy frowned at him.  

“Sure you could,” Donny said, with a raised eyebrow that felt far too pointed. “But you don’t.”

Tommy resisted the urge to stick his tongue out at him.  “Whatever, I just came by to say hi, not get lectured for my social skills.  I gotta get this to Evan, call me if he dies—”

“Oh his name is Evan—”

“Bye Donovan!” Tommy called over his shoulder, wishing he could slam the hospital door.  

He grumbled to himself all the way to the NICU feeling storm clouds hanging over his head until Evan looked up at him as he walked into the nursery.  Minnie was clutching his little finger with tiny fingers that didn’t even circle Evan’s pinky.  He smiled wide and raised Minnie’s little arm with his pinky in a makeshift wave and just like that the sun was breaking through the clouds.

“He what—” Donny hissed over the phone.

“He fucking woke up!” Tommy growled out, watching from the hallway as the doctor was talking to their father.  

“He was five inches from death how did he—”

“Cause he’s a cockroach—”

“Tommy,” Donny said sounding serious, he was using his stupid SWAT Team Leader voice on him.  “Are you okay? Do you need me to come by?  Did he say anything to you?”

Of course the asshole had said something to him, Thomas Kinard Sr always had to get the last word in even if he had to come back from the dead to do it.  He was still shaking in anger, even when the man could barely speak he was putting his energy into tearing Tommy down, just like he always did.  

“No— I… You finish your shift and come by if you want to.” Tommy said glancing back at his father for a moment before walking away down the hall.  “I’m going to take a walk and then probably head home.  If you want to, you can meet me here tomorrow before my shift.  The old bastard will probably still be alive, we can talk about taking us off his POA then.”

“Alright.  Take care of yourself brother.  I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Bye Donny.”

He hung up the phone and slid it into the pocket as he got on the elevator, pushed a button— he wasn’t sure which one— and leaned back against the wall, suddenly feeling ten years older.  

A unique skill of his father’s— making one feel ten years older and fifteen years younger at the same time.

The elevator dinged and the doors slid open.  Tommy ran a hand down his face and stepped out to continue his walk just to have his vision assaulted by the bright colors and shapes of the pediatric wing.  

He must have hit the button out of habit.  

He shouldn’t be up here.  

“Hi Tommy!” Kaya, the lady who usually manned the front desk during the day, greeted him.  “You here to see Evan and Minnie?”

“I—” His voice died in his throat and he ended up nodding.  

He shouldn’t be up here… but he knew that just seeing Evan and Minnie would make him feel better.  Maybe he could just look into the NICU nursery and see that they were okay before he continued on his way.  

He thanked Kaya and continued down the hall.

He would just quick— in and out— Evan never had to know he was there.

“Tommy?”

He tensed like a startled cat and looked up to see Evan standing at the vending machine with a Twix bar in his hand.

“Hey, you okay?”  Evan asked, tilting his head in that stupidly adorable way of his and looking at him in concern.  

Tommy knew he shouldn’t have come up here, he’d already been up for their morning coffee date and he knew Evan wasn’t expecting to see him again today.  He didn’t know why he came up here— Evan had enough to worry about, he didn’t need Tommy bitching about his asshole father rising from the dead at the last second.  

“Tommy…?” Evan asked again, walking towards him.  

Even just hearing Evan’s exhaustion softened voice was enough to clear away the cuts his father’s raspy had left over his mind.

“Yes— no…” Tommy sighed.  “Sorry, I’m okay, I was just coming to check on you and Minnie.”

Evan’s eyes went bright as he walked over to the nursery’s wall of windows.  There was a nurse that Tommy wasn’t familiar with changing Minnie’s diaper.  “She’s been having a great day since you left earlier.  The jaundice is way better today and her eyes are way less yellow than they were yesterday.”

“That’s great, Evan,” Tommy said, and he genuinely meant it.  He was always happy to hear how Minnie was doing.  

Evan rambled on for a few more minutes and Tommy let the sound of Minnie’s next milestones wash over him as Evan munched on his candy bar.

“Are you gonna tell me what’s wrong now?” Evan asked a few minutes later.

Tommy blinked at him.  “What?”

“Come on Tommy,” Evan rolled his eyes.  “You have literally let me cry on you— snot and all— I think it’s well past my time to listen to your woes.”

Tommy snorted.  He couldn’t help it, Evan somehow even while barely knowing him, knew how to make him smile.  

His smile faded.  

“My dad woke up earlier today.”

Evan blinked at him curiously.  “And I take it that’s not a good thing?”

Tommy eyed the bruises lining Evan’s arms that he still hadn’t asked about even if they worried him every day he saw a new one.  It made him think of long faded childhood memories and the bruises that his mother used to hide underneath long sleeved blouses and sweaters.

“No… it’s not.” He sighed.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Evan asked, his eyes earnest.

Tommy barked out a disbelieving laugh.   Evan was something else, he was already here doing his best to be the most amazing father Tommy had ever met with no outside support that he’d seen since knowing him.  All while clearly struggling with something else that Tommy didn’t know about yet… and here he was asking Tommy if he needed help.

“You’re something else you know that?” Tommy smiled at him.  

“Uhh… I’ve been told that before but I’m not entirely sure it was meant as a good thing,” Evan laughed awkwardly looking away.  

Shit—

“It’s a good thing,” Tommy promised him.  “I swear I meant it as a good thing.” 

“Oh, well in that case,” Evan bounced back with a grin, though his eyes still looked uncertain.  

If Tommy ever found out who made Evan second guess himself like that—

“You sure I can’t do anything to help?”

Tommy smiled and patted Evan gently on the shoulder.  “You’re sweet, Evan, but all I need is for you to keep being the best dad you can be for Minnie.”  Tommy said with a nod towards the nursery.

“Oh well that’s easy—” Evan grinned, before it softened into a more serious look.  “Really though, if there’s anything I can do to help—”

Tommy laughed lightly there was no winning this.  “If there is anything you can do to help, I will let you know.”

“Good,” Evan smiled.  “What are friends for?”

Later as he was walking out of the hospital and the sun was starting to go down he called his brother again.  

“Tommy? Everything okay?” Donny asked, answering the phone after only half a ring.

“Donny,” he said seriously.  “I think I’m in love.”

“Uh… what?”

It was a little after seven in the morning and the hospital was starting to wake up a bit, even though he’d been awake for hours at this point.  He’d been tired enough to fall into a deep enough sleep in the armchair and dreamed of the tsunami, only instead of Christopher slipping out of reach it had been Minnie.  

He hadn’t fallen back asleep after that, even if he desperately needed it.  It was getting to the point that he might honestly consider taking Tommy up on his offer to crash in his spare room for a few hours.  

Speaking of Tommy, he’d be disappointed to know that Buck had been desperate enough to get a cup of the hospital coffee instead of waiting the extra ten minutes for him to bring a coffee and a blueberry muffin just like he’d been doing every morning for nearly the last whole week.  

He took a sip of the coffee— if you could even call it that, it was a little closer to sludge than coffee— and shivered sticking his tongue out like the air would get rid of the awful aftertaste.  Maybe he could have waited for Tommy to show up with the good stuff from down the street.  

His phone vibrated once in his pocket as it often did with the occasional email or reminder— but then it kept vibrating.

He startled and nearly dropped the coffee cup at the vibration, no one called him this early… no one called him at all really… especially right now.  He glanced through the window to check on Minnie who was contentedly napping under the bill lights.  

And then he saw who was calling and really did drop the cup.

“Shit—” he muttered, waving his hands around as he tried to figure out what to do.  He had to answer the phone, but he couldn’t just leave a puddle of coffee sludge outside of the NICU, and—

“Hello?” He answered, shaking coffee off his hand.  The main hallway door opened and he let out a pleased hum in the back of his throat as a janitor cart rolled off.

“Buck?”

“Bobby?” 

It was one thing to see Bobby’s name appear on the screen, it was another thing entirely to actually hear the man for the first time in nearly three weeks.

He scrambled over to steal a few paper towels from the bewildered janitor.

“Is everything okay?” He asked kneeling down on the floor to mop up the sludge.  He winced as his bad knee twinged in disagreement.

“What?” Bobby sounded confused.

Now Buck was really confused.  Why was Bobby calling?

“Is everything okay?” He repeated, tapping his pinky against the phone— a new nervous habit of his.  “You just… haven’t called in a while.  I don’t know why else you would be calling.”

“Oh…” Bobby said and Buck could just see the look on his face.  “Yes. Everything is okay.”

“Okay…?”

“I was wondering if… well— we’re doing a team building thing tonight.  I was just calling to see if you’d come? I wanted to talk to you about some things.

His eyes went wide and he turned to look at Minnie through the window.  “Oh, uh… I— I won’t be able to tonight.”

The main hallway door opened again and this time Tommy stepped through with the coffee and the pastries just like he had every morning since that first.  

“Oh,” Buck had to be imagining it, but Bobby sounded disappointed.  Tommy looked concerned as he stopped in front of him.  “Well then, would it be alright if I stopped by today?”

Buck chewed on his lip.  “Uhm… what time?”

“About four?”

“It won’t take long will it?” He asked, thinking everything over in his head.  Tommy had jumped his Jeep for him several days ago and taken it home with him to give it a once over and to keep it from getting towed, so getting back to the loft wouldn’t be an issue.  It would give him a chance to freshen up and change out the clothes he had with him.  He’d be right back and Minnie was likely to sleep through it all.

“No, it shouldn’t take very long.”

There was gross coffee sludge soaking through the knee of his jeans while Tommy helped him to his feet with a wince as he heard his joints crack.   Minnie yawned and stretched in her incubator.  There was a PA call echoing down the hall.  He kind of felt like he was in another dimension right now.  Was he really on the phone with Bobby right now? After everything?

“Buck?”

Yes he was.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll… I’ll see you at four, Bobby.”

“See you then.” 

Buck clicked the end button and blinked at his phone as the screen went dark.  

“Everything okay?”  Tommy asked carefully, his hand was still curled around Buck’s elbow and the pastry bag was now balanced on the cup tray with the coffee.  Buck grabbed the bag that he knew would have a blueberry muffin and half eaten bear claw in it— and sure enough.  He grabbed the muffin.  

“I, uh…. Rain-check on that?” He asked.  “I’m not entirely sure yet.”

Buck was just pulling on a shirt after investigating the bruises that were appearing on his body at random from every little time he bumped into something— including his initial run in with Tommy, the blood thinners painting his skin in vibrant purples and reds— when there was a knock at the door.

He looked at himself in the mirror and made a face.  His hair was still wet, curling all over the place and the darkest bruises had taken semi-permanent residence under his eyes, his skin was paler than normal and still a blotchy red from the shower.  He hadn’t shaved in about four days after a sad attempt to do it in the hospital bathroom.  Marian and Carol had nearly sent him to the ER before he finally stopped bleeding.  It hadn’t even been that bad, it just wouldn’t stop.

An actual shower in his actual bathroom instead of a sad little wash in the hospital sink helped him look and feel a little more human though.  Maybe those nurses and Tommy were onto something— it wouldn’t stop him from spending every available moment with Minnie that he could, but maybe he would finally take Tommy up on his offer to crash at his place only five minutes down the road from hospital.

There was another knock on the door and he cursed, rushing down the stairs to get it.  At least the loft was clean—   he’d started manically cleaning up when he got home two hours ago and realized Minnie would need somewhere clean to come home to.  Which made him realize he had absolutely nothing for her and he’d gotten distracted searching the internet for the best and safest baby brands and he’d started making lists of things he needed.  That then led to the next realization that he was going to have to move.

He liked the loft well enough, but it was absolutely not place to raise a baby who would turn into a little girl that would want her own room and space away from her dad— that and the stairs had been bad enough with his leg, and he’d already had several terrible visions of a toddler Minnie going up and down them when he wasn’t looking.

So he got the loft mostly clean, panicked about things he needed to get, started looking up places for rent on Zillow and then rushed into the shower about fifteen minutes before Bobby was supposed to show up.

He flung the door open before Bobby could get annoyed and knock for a third time.  

“Bobby,” he breathed out like he still couldn’t believe the man was here… and honestly he was still wondering if this wasn’t some kind of exhaustion based hallucination.

“Hey Buck,” Bobby said with a tight smile.

They both stared at each other for a moment before Buck stepped to the side and opened the door a little wider.  “Uh, come— come on in.”

He closed the door. Behind Bobby and clasped his hands together wringing them until they started turning red.  He looked up at Bobby who was watching him, a look in his eyes that Buck couldn’t really read.

“So you wanted to talk?”

Bobby sighed and nodded, dropping a folder down on the island.  “Reinstatement papers.  I need you to sign them— all of them, including the waivers.”

Buck’s whirring mind came too a stop like a record scratch.

“What?”

“I talked to Chief Alonzo yesterday,” Bobby said, flipping open the folder.  “You dropped the suit and after some conversations with the union it’s been decided that we were in the wrong.  I’d— We’d like it if you would consider coming back.”

“You want me back?”  Buck gaped.  “But… why?”

Bobby looked down and shuffled through the papers. “Buck… I never wanted you to leave.  I just—”

“You just didn’t want me when I wasn’t my best,” Buck huffed, walking past him to start the  coffee maker.  

“No— Buck, that’s not it either.  I just…” Bobby sighed.  “Would you take a look at the forms? And think about it?”

Buck stopped rummaging through the cabinets for his travel mug.  He was more than just a firefighter now.  He was Minnie’s dad, and he loved being her dad so much already… however, it didn’t change how much he wanted to be back out there with the 118.  If anything, it only amplified how much he wanted them back— they would all absolutely adore Minnie.

He leaned against the counter and sighed.

He wanted to go back so bad, but he couldn’t leave Minnie alone while she was still in the hospital.

The coffeemaker beeped at him and he moved over to mess with it.  

“I’ll take a look at the papers, Bobby,” he glanced back at him and still couldn’t read the look in Bobby’s eyes.  “I want to come back more than anything, Bobby… but I can’t… I—” His phone buzzed and he glanced down to see an email about a sale on baby clothes for one of the websites he’d been looking at earlier.  He needed too see Minnie, he’d been gone too long.  “I gotta go, Bobby.  I’ll look at the papers though.”

“Okay, Buck, that’s all I can ask,” Bobby said, his brow furrowed.  “Are you okay?”

He pursed his lips, he wanted to tell him about Minnie— it was soon the tip of his tongue, but he didn’t know how he’d react.  And while he didn’t think he would, he didn’t want Bobby to retract his offer.

“I’m okay.” Buck smiled ruefully.   “I’ll call you when I’m done with the papers.”

“Alright,” Bobby nodded.  “I'll see you soon?  Call me if you need anything.”

Buck was back in the hospital before the sun was down.  Liam, Minnie’s usual daytime nurse, narrowed his eyes at him as he strolled back into the nursery.  Buck shot him a smile and he really must have looked better than when he’d left because the other man didn’t snark at him this time. 

The last few hours of the day shift went by quietly as Buck flipped through the folder Bobby left.  There were so many waivers covering just about everything under the sun, but it was honestly better than he thought it would be— still… maybe he’d ask Tommy what he thought. He knew the other man was also a firefighter.  Buck hadn’t told him that he also was, just that he wasn’t working at the moment and recovering from an accident.  He didn’t really know what the LAFD thought of him as a whole right now, and he didn’t want Tommy to be the one to tell him if it was bad.

He decided that he’d wait until after Tommy showed up with their morning coffee.  Then he could call Bobby to come pick up the forms and meet Minnie. He’d most likely end up signing them all anyway because he really was going to start needing the money soon— and shit… he was going to have to add Minnie to his insurance. He had no idea how to do that— maybe Maddie would… he needs to call Maddie anyway, she would be over the moon to know that she was an aunt to other cutest little girl there ever was.

He cupped a hand around Minnie’s head as she snuffled, her tiny little fingers wrapping around the tip of his pinky had him smiling so hard his face hurt.  

“How are we doing tonight?” Marian asked leaning over the incubator to wave at Minnie.

“Good, I think,” Buck paused for a moment.  “I went home for a few hours but Liam told me that it was a good day.” 

“Buck, that’s great,” Marian smiled at him.  “Did Tommy finally convince you to take a real nap?”

Buck laughed and felt his face heat up a little.  “No, he didn’t.  But I took a shower and I think I got my job back.”

“Sounds like there’s a story there.”

“A long painful story,” he said ruefully.  “Which, hopefully, is coming to an end soon.”

The night continued on peacefully as the nurses flitted around to the several babies in the nursery.  Minnie wasn’t the worst off in here, but she wasn’t about to leave any time soon either.

It was nearing midnight, not long after Marian and Carol tried their nightly routine of trying to get him home for some real sleep.  They all knew it was pointless conversation at this point, but Buck wasn’t about to tell them that the silence off his loft would swallow him whole if the nightmares didn’t try to bury him first.  He was going to get far more rest bundled up in his hoodie and sweats settled on the armchair with Minnie in his sights than he ever would in his empty loft.

He was sitting next to other crib, one hand in the incubator, Minnie still holding tight to the tip of his pinky while the other scrolled through Zillow listings on his phone for two bedroom apartments close to the station (and maybe even some near what he thought was Tommy’s neighborhood).  None of them were quite as sleek or nice as his modern loft in the high rise near downtown, but they were a bit more fitting for him as a new dad and little Minnie.  

“Her vitals are looking great, Buck,” Marian said with a big smile as she input the information into Minnie’s chart.  “She’s gained a few more ounces and centimeters ahead of schedule.  I think in the next day or two you might even be able to hold her.”

“Really?”

“If everything keeps going the way it is you should have her in your arms by the end of the week.”

Minnie let go of his pinky and he pulled his hand away for a moment to push his hoodie off his head.

“I’ve been—”

Piercing alarms cut through the peaceful nursery as Minnie’s monitors lit up like a Christmas tree, flashing all sorts of warnings and alerts that he didn’t understand.  Buck’s heart shot up into his throat as Marian jumped into action along with Carol and two other nurses who’d appeared out of thin air, surrounding the crib.

“What’s—”

“She’s seizing, Hayley page Dr. Kahan—” Marian said, and Buck’s brain stopped working at her words.  His heart stopped beating a second later when Carol stepped to the side and all he could see was Minnie’s little hand shaking.

She had been holding on so steadily all night and he pulled away for one minute—

He wasn’t sure his lungs were working either— was his body shutting down?  He didn’t have time for this— Minnie didn’t have time for— something roared in his ears that sounded frighteningly similar to when the tsunami had slammed into him and for a moment he thought he was caught back there… drowning… reaching for Chris…

“Buck!”

He gasped as he was slammed back into his body.

The roaring in his ears died down until he realized it was his heart thundering away in his chest, which was heaving as he tried to draw in another strangled breath.  His blurry vision came back into focus next and he found the concerned face of Carol, the charge nurse who’d been working in the NICU for thirty something years, staring back at him.

“It’s okay, Buck, it’s over.  The seizure lasted for twenty-four seconds okay?”

Buck looked beyond Carol, eyes going painfully wide when he saw that Minnie’s crib wasn’t there.

“Where—“

“They’re taking her down to get an MRI, alright? Marian’s with her, we’ll figure this out okay?”

“I— I… I—” He stammered.  What was even trying to say?

Carol shoved a styrofoam cup of ice water into his hand and told him to drink.  He did so mechanically, he splashed some out onto his shirt from shaky hands— which of course made him flinch even harder, splashing half the cup over his hands.

It felt like a vice was squeezed around his rib cage.  A vice— or a few million tons of water crashing down on him.  His shirt was wet, his hands felt wet, why— where was Christopher? Where was—

A ringing noise echoed near his ear for an outgoing call.  Who was he calling? When did he stumble his way out to the hall—

He pulled his phone away from his ear to see that he’d dialed Eddie.  When did he do that? Eddie would know where Christopher was at least.

The phone rang and rang and rang and he silently begged for him to pick up.  Things were supposed to be better right? Bobby said he could come back.  Buck was going to apologize.  He was going to tell them all about Minnie.

“This is Eddie, sorry I missed your—”

He hung up before going to the second most used number in his phone.

Maddie.

Maddie said she wouldn’t leave him alone again, had promised she wouldn’t leave him—

Alone alone alone alone—

He couldn’t be alone anymore—

“Hi, you’ve reached Maddie Buckley, I—”

He almost dropped his phone as he fumbled to hang up.  Why weren’t they answering?  Did he really mess up that bad?

Tommy would answer.  He didn’t know how badly Buck had fucked everything up, Tommy thought he was a good dad—

He didn’t have Tommy’s number. 

He didn’t know what to do— Bobby would know what to do.

He pressed the call button before he could second guess himself.

“Come on— comeoncomeoncomeon—”

He held his breath as the ringing stopped and he waited for the inevitable “This is Bobby Nash—”

“Hello?”

He tried to hold it together.  He really honestly did, but the second he heard Bobby’s gruff greeting he couldn’t help it and he started sobbing.

Loud heaving cries that had been building up for months that he hadn’t allowed himself to give in to.  Sure he’d cried a lot since the bombing and everything that happened since then— who wouldn’t?— but those had been silent tears known only to himself.  Or the quiet sniffles from the night he’d run into Tommy.  

This was different.  This was full body, dehydrating sobs straight from his soul.  He didn’t think he’d ever cried this hard before.

“Buck?!” Bobby’s alarmed voice broke through the shuddering cries.  God, he was so tired, he wanted to curl up in a ball and hide away from the world.  But Minnie needed him, needed him to be strong. “Buck! Where are you? Are you hurt? What’s happening?”

“B—Bob— Bobby,” he gasped, trying and failing to get it together.  Carol had to think he was absolutely insane at this point.

“Buck, talk to me, please.  What’s going on? Where are you?”

It took him another minute of listening to Bobby’s frantic questions before he could quiet the cries down into hitching breaths enough to speak. “I… I’m at Cedars Sinai.”

He’s pretty sure he could hear the screaming halt in Bobby’s brain from here.  The man was probably jumping to all the wrong conclusions. He’d just told Buck he could come back to work today and now he was telling he was in the hospital again.  He was probably regretting handing Buck that folder but fr the first time in a month that was the least of his worries.

“I—I… Can— ca-can you come?  I ne-eed someone here with— I can’t— god, Bobby, I can’t do this alone anymore,” he choked out.  He wasn’t sure how long Minnie had been gone for the MRI, but now that he was pulling himself out of the panic attack he was going crazy waiting for her to come back.

“We’re coming, Buck.  You hear me? We’re coming, you’re not alone.” Bobby said, the muffled slam of a door came before Bobby’s voice sounded more echo-ey through the speaker.  He must have been crying on the phone longer than he thought if Bobby was already in the car.

“Buck?”

Buck turned to see Carol holding out a box of tissues to him.  His heart jumped back into his throat.  “Bobby, I gotta go—”

“No— Buck don’t—”

Buck ended the call and turned his undivided attention onto Carol.  His phone immediately started vibrating in his hand but he ignored it.  “Is she…?”

“She’s okay right now.  She hasn’t had anymore seizures,” Carol assured him, pulling a tissue out and handing it to him.  He took it, not bothering to wipe his face yet.   “It’ll be a few hours before we get her blood results back, but they’re starting the MRI now and the on-call neurologist will take a look at the scans within the hour.” Carol handed him the tissue box.  “Marian will bring her back as soon as the MRI is done and you can see her.  Do you need me to get you anything?”

“N—no, Carol, I’m fine.  Thanks.” He let out a shuddery breath and looked down at his phone.

Two more missed calls from Bobby and one from Athena.  His phone started to buzz again with another call from Bobby but he ignored it.  If he started talking again in the next thirty seconds he was going to break down again.  He typed out a quick message to both of them to let them know what floor the NICU was on before collapsing into the chair next to the vending machine where he usually drank his morning coffee with Tommy.

Thunder cracked and rumbled down the halls.  He hadn’t even realized it was storming.  It had been pleasantly sunny and nice when he’d gotten back to the hospital early.  Lightning flashed through the windows and another loud crack of thunder sounded making his already overly sensitive skin crawl.

Letting out another shuddering breath, he leaned his head back against the wall, his legs stretched out in front of him.  The big arm chairs in the nursery were much more comfortable, but he didn’t want to be in there without Minnie.  He wanted to see the moment she was back here.

Thunder rumbled again.

At least this chair would keep him from falling asleep—

A gentle hand brushed against his cheek and he startled, eyes flying open as his phone went clattering to the floor.  His heart raced as he looked up into the concerned faces of Bobby and Athena.  They were both damp from the rain and looked tired but alert.  He’d woken them up at midnight, while they were likely still mad at him, but they were here.  He could feel himself tearing up again.

“Buckaroo, what are you doing up here?” Athena asked softly, cupping her warm hand around his wet cheek.

“Buck?” Marian called and he nearly snapped his neck with how fast he turned to see her leading Minnie’s crib back into the nursery.  

“Marian,” he scrambled to his feet, swaying so badly that Bobby’s hand wrapped around his elbow to hold him steady.

“They’re waiting for the doctor on call to go over the scans, but the techs were feeling optimistic about what they were seeing.  We’ll be monitoring her very closely but she’s stable and there have been no more seizures.” Her eyes darted to Bobby and Athena standing behind him.  “Still just you in the nursery outside of visiting hours, but your visitors are more than welcome too see her through the window.”

Buck nodded his head vigorously, his eyes following Marian as she entered the nursery and walked directly to Minnie’s incubator to check on her.  

“Buck?” Bobby asked, wrapping an arm around his shoulder, his hand still holding firm on his elbow.  Athena grabbed a hold of his hand between both of hers and it was just now that he realized how bad he was shaking.  Even his teeth were chattering— he wasn’t going into shock was he?  He didn’t have time for that— not with Bobby standing right there and especially not when Minnie needed him.  “Who…?”

Buck watched as Marian looked up at him with a smile before she moved on to another one of her babies.  

“Uhm— my… my daughter,” Buck answered, eyes focused on Minnie’s incubator.  She was stretching one little arm into the air, like she was waving at him and letting him know she was okay even if she did just shave about ten years off his life.  He heard Bobby and Athena gasp as they both froze.

“Daughter?” Bobby asked.

He nodded.

“About a… a week and a half ago, Ali let me know she was back in town and that she wanted to talk.  A couple hours later she was calling me to come to the hospital— found out she was in labor two months too soon and there was nothing they could do to stop it. They had to deliver her by C-section cause of the stress on her heart and for Ali’s health.” He explained, taking a deep breath.  

“Ali was here to tell me about her.  She was gonna put her up for adoption but wanted to talk to me first.  I said I’d take her.  How could I not?” He paused and Athena’s hand started rubbing up and down his arm comfortingly.  “I loved her the moment I saw her.”

He patted his pockets for his phone before Bobby slid it into his hand— not shaking as badly as before but still not steady.  The last few dozen pictures were of his daughter.  He pulled up one that Tommy had taken for him a couple days ago.

Minnie was laying in her incubator, with her tiny breathing tube taped to her face, tiny sage green beanie with pink and white flowers and matching mittens and socks.  In between all the wires and tubes, Buck had her cradled between his hands— the closest he could get to holding her right now— gazing down at her with more love than he’d ever loved anything.  She was so tiny, if he could really hold her she would have fit almost entirely in one of his hands.  He flipped the phone around to show Bobby and Athena.

Bobby sucked in a breath as he took the phone and Athena cooed as she crowded in to look over his shoulder.

“Oh, Buck, she has your birthmark,” Athena said, looking up at him with what might be a proud smile.

Buck nodded with watery eyes.

“What’s here name?” Bobby asked, his eyes still on the picture.

“Minerva,” he answered, blushing as Athena’s eyes widened, clearly catching the reference. “Minerva Hope Buckley… we’ve been calling her Minnie.” He scratched the back of his head and glanced at Athena sheepishly.  “I wanted to give her all the strength I could and you’re one of the strongest,  bravest women I know.  I hope you don’t mind.”

He suddenly found himself wrapped up in Athena’s arms.  She didn’t hug very often and had only ever hugged him once or twice but when she did she put her entire body, heart, and soul into it. 

“Of course I don’t mind.” She pulled back, hand cupping Buck’s face again.  “I think it’s a beautiful name.” She plucked the. Phone out of. Bobby’s hand despite his squawk of protest. “A beautiful name for a beautiful baby girl.” She cooed.

“The nurse said something about seizures,” Bobby said.  “What happened?”

“We, uh… we don’t know yet.  She hasn’t had one before this,” Buck said, swallowing thickly.  Bobby’s arm tightened around his shoulders.  “It was quiet and all the… the nurses were telling me how well she’s been d-doing and… and how good of a day it was.  Marian was even talking about how I might be able to her hold her s-soon.  I… I let go— just for one sec-second.” Buck could feel his eyes sting as the tears clogged his throat and nose.  “I— I pulled away for just a second and… and suddenly everything was loud and I-I-I— could see her little hand sh-shaking—” He sniffed trying to reign in the tears, but they were already cascading down his cheeks.

“She—she had ju-ust been h-holding no… so— so tightly,” he sobbed.  “And I le-le-let go—”

He was shaking again and his bad knee buckled under him.  Bobby caught him and led him back to the chair he’d been in when they arrived.  He cried as Bobby and Athena held his shaking frame tightly between them.

They were the only thing holding him together.   

He hadn’t realized just how much he’d missed them until now. 

“Buck when was the last time you slept?”  Bobby asked once he’d quieted back down again.

He sniffled.  “Uhm… I…” He managed to get in a small nap earlier today while Tommy had been sitting with them, before he’d gone back to the loft to see Bobby.  “I think I got like two hours or something earlier today—” It definitely hadn’t been all at the same time, but it was something.

“You need to get some real sleep.  In an actual bed,” Bobby said sternly.  

“I… I can’t go back to my loft, Bobby—” Buck said, looking at him.  His eyes were probably bloodshot all to hell and back, they felt scratchy and dry and he was very much seeing two Bobby’s in front of him right now.  He shook his head and dropped it down into his hands as a wave of dizziness crashed over him.  “It’s… I—”

“You’re coming home with us,” Athena stated in that tone of hers that said ‘boy don’t you even think about talking back.’ “The kids are at Michael’s tonight. So you can sleep in as long as you need and when you wake up Bobby will make you some brunch.”

“I can’t—”

“Yes you can.” Bobby nodded firmly, dropping a hand back down to Buck’s elbow and squeezing tightly.  “Buck, I know we’ve had a rough few weeks, you and I.  But I am still here for you.  I am always here for you, no matter what kid.”

Buck looked back up at Bobby.  He couldn’t see any lie in his face.  Bobby’s betrayal had cut deep and there was still a lot they needed to talk about, but deep down he knew that Bobby wouldn’t turn him away.  Even if sometimes he couldn’t believe it he’d shown time and again that he wasn’t like his parents. 

“I don’t want to leave her here alone,” Buck said.  He never wanted Minnie to feel as hopeless and alone as he had throughout his life.

“She’s not alone, baby,” Athena said, patting his knee.  “She’s got all of us now.”

“Uhm…” He coughed trying to clear his throat.  “You two are kind of… the only ones who know about her right now…” Other than Tommy, but that was different.  Tommy was different.

Bobby’s eyes widened.  “Maddie doesn’t know?”

“I, uh, haven’t really… talked to Maddie in a few weeks. She’s been really busy and with—  with everything going on… We kind of had a fight a few weeks ago so I haven’t heard from her either.” He explained with a frown.  “I actually tried to call her before you, but she didn’t answer… neither did Eddie.  I don’t blame them, I just… I really needed someone here with me.   So thanks,  you know… for being here.” 

“Of course, honey,” Athena said, running a hand through his hair.  He leaned into thee touch and was so, so glad that he’d actually washed his hair today.

“I just— Ali left.  She signed over all her rights to me and just left.  She only saw her once before she was gone,” Buck said.  He wasn’t mad at her or anything.  Ali was right, kids needed parents who wanted them, he was just still trying to make sense of it.  He loved. Minnie the second he saw her and knew he’d spend everyday making sure she knew it.  He was going to do everything his parents never had.

“Buck, you are going to be the best dad.  You already are,” Bobby said, and instantly his eyes filled with tears again.  “That little girl is always going to know you love her.”

“I do,” he sniffed. “God— I love her so much and it’s only been like, a week and a half.” He laughed wetly, wiping at his face with the sleeve of his hoodie.

“When’s her birthday?” Athena asked.

“October 14,” he answered.  He let out another quiet laugh.  “She was born at 1:18 AM.”

“Sounds like the universe is trying to say something,” Athena said, looking at Bobby intently.  Bobby averted his eyes. But nodded with a quiet hum.

“Mr. Buckley?”

He looked up to see two women in white coats standing in front of them.  One of them he knew— one of the night shift NICU doctors— Dr. Kahan.  He didn’t recognize the other.

“Dr. Kahan, is Minnie—?”

“Minnie is just fine, Mr. Buckley,” Dr. Kahan assured him.  “Do you want to have this conversation privately?”

“Oh no, it’s fine.   I’d just tell Bobby and Athena everything afterwards,” There was no way he was going to be able to hear this without them.

Dr. Kahan nodded.  “Mr.  Buckley, this is Dr. Woolridge.  She is the on-call neurologist who is reviewing your daughter’s case.”

Pleasantries could wait, Buck needed to know what was going on with his kid.

Dr. Woolridge seemed to realize this.   She nodded and flipped open a file she was holding and pulled out the MRI scan.  “I just finished reviewing Minerva’s scans and everything came back clear.  There are not brain bleeds, blood clots, or tumors, your daughter’s seizure was not caused by any brain damage related to her premature birth, nor did it cause any.  For such a young preemie she has a remarkably healthy and developed brain.”

“Thank you,” his voice cracked.  He was going to start crying again and he wasn’t sure if he had any tears left, but it was either start crying or pass out.  

“Of course,” Dr. Woolridge said.  “We’ll be monitoring for any more seizures and I’ll get you some recommendations to some neurologists for when she’s discharged.  You’ll want her monitored for the next few years as a precaution, but for now her scans are showing that the seizure was not neurological.”

Buck dropped his head back into his hands.  Thank god.  He breathed heavily through his nose while Bobby squeezed the back of his neck.

“Her lab results should be finished by the morning,” Dr. Kahan said.  “Depending on the time either I or Dr. Bryne will be here to review those with you.” 

Buck nodded, still not lifting his head out of his hands. 

He thinks he may have heard Athena thank the doctor, but he wasn’t entirely sure as the adrenaline was starting to crash and his heart was starting to beat at a normal pace again.

It was nearly three AM by the time they convinced him to leave the hospital.  Only after Marian had promised to keep a close eye on her for the rest of the night (which was her job,  sure, but it did make him feel better) and he made sure that they all had his, Bobby, and Athena’s numbers just in case anything else happened.  

Athena drove them home in Bobby’s car, the satellite radio quietly played 80s music that he vaguely recognized and rain tapped on the windows the thunder and lightning having long since passed them over.  Buck found he could barely keep his eyes open by the time they made it to the house.  Athena went in ahead to get the guest room ready while Bobby tried to wrestle him off the couch where he’d nose dived into the cushions the minute they made it that far.

“Real bed, Buck,” he said firmly, pulling one of Buck’s arms over his shoulders and lifting him back to his feet.  “Don’t make me carry you.  It’ll be uncomfortable for both of us.”

Buck snorted and tried to will his feet forward to the guest room where they’d finally let him  crash into the bed.  Bobby helped him pull off his tennis shoes but he refused to be parted from his phone, clutching it in his hand.  Bobby and Athena relented and pulled the blanket over the top of him.  

He was out before they even turned off the light. 

Buck had no idea where he was.  He’d lost track of the broken street signs and demolished landmarks hours ago.  All he knew was that he needed to find Minnie.

Minnie?

No, that wasn’t— he needed to find Christopher.

Right?

He whipped around wildly, the sun had set hours ago,  around the time he’d gotten lost in the debris.  Lightning cracked across the sky and the thunder rolled right after, that wasn’t right—

Where was Minnie?

He had just been holding onto her and—

Where—

Thunder cracked loudly over head like an explosion—

He gasped, flying upwards, hand clutching at his heart as if that could possibly slow the racing beats.  He was breathing. Heavy and fast as he tried to get his bearings and calm himself down.  He wasn’t in Santa Monica.

He wasn’t stuck under the truck—

His eyes darted back and forth across the room.  He was in the guest room at Bobby and Athena’s house, the room that had been jokingly labeled as his by May and Harry after all the nights he’d spent recovering from a grueling physical therapy day.

Athena had even laid his favorite blankets across the bed.

His fingers twisted the blankets as he tried to take a deep breath and hold it in for a few seconds before letting it go.  

His phone buzzed and he dug through the blankets searching for it.  He found it and cursed when he saw it was almost dead.  He was also a little more surprised to see that it was a little after ten in the morning.  The room was a bit darker. Than it should have been and once he could hear over the sound of his blood rushing in his ears he realized that the rain was still coming down.  Thunder rolled overhead with a low grumble, opposite of the nearly heart stopping crack it had been moments before.

He looked at the time and realized he’d slept a solid six hours and had only woken up from one nightmare.  That had to be some kind of record for him in the last several months.  He dragged himself out of bed and to his backpack sitting on the dresser— Bobby or Athena must have grabbed it for him because he sure didn’t.  He’s not even quite sure how they got home.

He grabbed his phone charger, toothbrush and paste, meds and after a short detour too the bathroom found himself shuffling out to the kitchen where he could smell bacon cooking.

He was just about to reach the kitchen when Bobby came around the corner and nearly mowed him down, yes wide as he grabbed his shoulders and awkwardly danced around him to keep him on his feet.

“Whoa! Sorry kid,” Bobby said, brushing non-existent dust off Buck’s shoulder.   “I was coming to wake you up.  We promised to have you back to the hospital by noon.”

That was nice.   Buck absolutely did not remember that, but it was nice.

“Uh— thanks,” his throat was scratchy and he coughed trying to clear it.

“Come on and have breakfast,” Bobby said with a firm pat on the back, pushing him towards the table.

Buck is pretty sure his eyes about bugged out of his head.  The table was absolutely covered in food.  Bacon, pancakes, waffles, fruit, cream, hash browns, sausage, eggs, cinnamon rolls and probably something like three dozen muffins— if it was a breakfast food it was probably on this table.

“I thought you said the kids were gone today?”

“They are,” Bobby said sheepishly.  “I just wanted you to have some options.  You look like you haven’t been eating.”

“I haven’t really,” Buck said a little too honestly.   Looks like he wasn’t awake enough for a proper filter, but other than the breakfast Tommy brought along with the coffees and the occasional sandwich he would just forget to feed himself.  “Uh, I mean—”

“Buck,” Bobby put a hand up to stop him.  “It’s okay.  I understand.”

“Do you?”  Buck snarked, and again— he really needed to wake up a bit more and have some coffee or something, otherwise. B lobby might actually fire him for real for real this time.

Bobby sighed and sat down next to him.  “I deserved that.”

Buck stayed silent but poured himself some orange juice.

“Buck. I’m sorry.”

His eyes went wide and he nearly choked on his orange juice.  He sputtered and. Put the glass back down before he could drop it.

“What?”

“I’m sorry,” Bobby repeated.  He was serious, Buck could see it in his face— was this what it felt like to have your dad apologize?  No one had ever apologized to him… let alone his dad… for anything.

“I’m sorry that you felt like I was against you.  I’m sorry that you felt backed into a corner with no other way out.  I am so sorry.  I never wanted to make you feel like I wasn’t watching out for you.” Bobby sighed.  “I thought I was protecting you and my own pride got in the way of remembering that.”

“Did Athena chew you out?” Buck asked, a half smile crawling across his face.

“Oh you better believe it,” Bobby chuckled.  He dropped a hand down to Buck’s arm on the table and squeezed his wrist.  “But I’m not apologizing because Athena told me to.  I’m apologizing because you deserve an apology.”

“I’m sorry too, Bobby,” Buck sighed, fingers tapping along the side of the orange juice glass.  He glanced up at him.  “I never meant for it to get as far as it did.  I was just trying to show everyone that I was serious— that I… I really didn’t think he’d throw everything in your faces like that.”

“As upsetting as the entire thing was, you weren’t wrong,” Bobby said.  “I do treat you differently.  I don’t mean to.  I didn’t plan on it… but you mean a lot more to me than I was willing to admit.”

Buck’s eyes were going a little blurry.

“I was scared, Buck,” Bobby continued.  “I’ve been scared since I saw you under that truck.  I hadn’t been that scared in a long time— I didn’t think I’d ever be that scared again and then you collapsed on me and threw up blood.  You were trying so hard to come back… I was scared that history would repeat itself.  I didn’t want you to end up like me, Buck.”

“Bobby—”

“I couldn’t lose you too.”

He sniffed.  “Why didn’t you just talk to me?”

“Like I said, I was scared.  I didn’t want—” Bobby sighed and rubbed at the bridge of his nose.  “At the time the thought of you working yourself to death scared me more than the thought that you’d be angry with me.  I could handle it if you were mad and alive.  But then…”

“I overreacted,” he said.  “Like I always do.”

“No— well, yeah, no one is going to argue that your next logical step being that lawyer was a great one,” Bobby chuckled.  “But you’re right, I should have just talked to you.  We’ve missed you the last few months at the station, and this last month… Well let’s just say we’re all better when you’re around.”

“So… you really do what me back?” Buck asked, hesitantly glancing up at Bobby.

Bobby moved to grab his shoulders tightly, turning Buck to face him.  “Buck, I never wanted you to leave,” he said seriously with small shake.  “I always wanted to you back.  I will always take you back, no matter what happens.  I want to be there for you I want to be there for you you.  I will be there for you, if you let me.”

Buck couldn’t prevent the tear that streamed down his cheek, he didn’t even think he had more tears to cry but it looked like he was wrong.  Bobby had been everything Buck wished his parents had been, even with their rough patches Bobby had been there for him, through everything the last few years had thrown at him.   Bobby and the 118 had been the one constant thing in his life, and the thought of having them torn away had destroyed him.

To know that Bobby still wanted him after everything… was everything.

He threw his arms around Bobby who let out a startled grunt as Buck nearly fell. Out of his chair to hug the man.  He easily caught him in a hug that was just as tight.

After a long moment of pretending he wasn’t still crying, he pulled back and scrubbed a hand over his eyes to dry his face.  Bobby looked like he wasn’t doing much better but neither off them commented as the man passed him a plate of the gooiest cinnamon rolls he’d ever seen.

The silence while they ate wasn’t awkward like Buck thought it might be, but comfortable.  He felt more settled than he had in months.  He downed another glass of orange juice.

“Bobby?”

“Hmm?”

“If…. If anything like this ever happens again… will you just talk to me?  I… I can’t lose you either,” Buck said, his heart pounding in his chest.  His parents barely acknowledged him, let alone talked to him like Bobby did, which was maybe another reason why the whole thing hurt so much.

Bobby looked up at him, face serious as he nodded.  “Of course.  As long as you talk to me too?”

Buck smiled and nodded back.  It didn’t fix everything but it felt like a good start.

He took anther bite of a cinnamon roll and glanced around the kitchen and living room.

“So where’s Athena?”

“She went to go pick up the kids, but considering she doesn’t need to pick them up until six tonight I think she’s out shopping for Minnie.”

“She’s going to spoil my daughter isn’t she?”

Tommy was late.

He was never late to morning coffee with Evan and Minnie, he always made sure of it.  But he’d had to cover someone’s shift last night and with the storm there had been a few more accidents than usual, especially this morning as he tried to drive carefully through rush hour traffic. 

He unzipped his damp jacket and put the visitors sticker over his heart on his t-shirt heading towards the NICU instead of cardiology units as he usually did first thing in the morning these days.  He hadn’t stopped for coffee since he was already running so late he didn’t want Evan to worry and figured that maybe he could get his lunch order and go pick them up something for lunch instead.  

Kaya recognized him with a smile and buzzed him in without even asking who he was here to see.  He nodded and thanked her as he rushed by finally slowing down as he reached the NICU nursery windows where he— stopped.

The chair next to Minnie’s crib was empty.  He could see little Minnie in her incubator, kicking her feet up— she was wearing yellow socks today— as Liam leaned over the crib with a smile on his face as he recorded her vitals.  

But no Evan.

Was he in the bathroom?  Evan’s bag wasn’t next to the chair, nor was that obnoxiously bright green water bottle of his on the table.  

Liam looked up and saw him through the window, waving at him with a smile.

Tommy waved back— if Liam didn’t look worried then what did he have to worry about.  Maybe Evan actually went home for a few hours?  That didn’t seem like him though.  Tommy knew he lived near downtown and the absolute hellscape that was Los Angeles roadways between his apartment and the hospital was what usually kept him from going home.  Though he thought that it might also have something to do with the nightmares that Evan would quietly jerk awake from when they were sitting together and he dozed off. 

Evan had never said it was that, but Tommy recognized the look.  He wasn’t entirely sure of what Evan had gone through recently but he had a sinking suspicion that it had to do with the way he hid that limp of his and didn’t like to go down certain corridors when they would go on walks around the hospital.  

So he didn’t think Evan had gone home.  Tommy still hadn’t been able to get him to crash at his place and he literally lived down the street.  They could run here if they really needed to.

“Hey Tommy,” Liam greeted as he came out of the nursery.  “I didn’t know if we’d be seeing you this morning.  Buck’s not here right now, but you’re on the list of approved visitors, so  you’re welcome to stay.  You probably heard that Minnie had a rough night—”

Tommy’s eyes widened.  Minnie had a rough night and Evan wasn’t here?

Something had to be wrong.

“Marian said his dad came to get him and took him home to get some sleep in an actual bed.”  Liam looked thrilled and Tommy would have been thrilled right along with him but—

Evan’s dad???

Evan had told him that it was just him and Minnie right now. 

Who the hell was in here pretending to be Evan’s dad?

Did he need to call Donny?

He was just about to pull out his phone when Liam looked over his shoulder for a second as the doors opened behind him, just for his eyes to go wide and shoot back over his shoulder.

“Holy shi— I almost didn’t recognize you there,” the nurse said.  “You almost look alive, Buck.”

Tommy whipped around his eyes wide as his shoulders slumped in relief to see Evan.  He actually did look somewhat better than he had been, his hair was fluffy with curls and shiny, his face looked less gaunt, his eyes less sunken, and his skin didn’t have that gray-ish tinge that had been lingering around the edges.  

There were still dark bags under his eyes, and those concerning bruises were peaking out from under his shirt, but nothing new.  He was wearing a fresh pair of clothes and an LAFD hoodie that hung off his shoulders that made him blink in surprise, until he saw who Evan had walked in with—

“Captain Nash?” Tommy gaped.  Captain Nash was Evan’s dad?  He didn’t even know Nash had kids— 

“Tommy?” Captain Nash blinked, looking just as surprised to see him. 

Evan glanced between the two of them.  “Do you, uh, do you two know each other?”

“Tommy used to work at the 118,” Captain Nash said.  

Evan’s eyes went wide in recognition.  “Ohh, you’re that Tommy.  Hen and Chim talk about you sometimes— you flew that water tanker over Doheny Park!” He grinned.  

His cheeks heated a tiny bit at the bright smile that had taken over Evan’s face.  “Uh, yeah… that was me.” 

“That was incredible!” Evan gushed, the tray of coffees tipped a little dangerously in his hands and Tommy reached up to steady it.  

“It wasn’t a big deal,” he shrugged.  “I was just trying to help out an old friend.”

“Oh— I, uh, we got you some coffee,” Evan said pulling one of the cups out of the tray.  “I… I don’t actually know how you take it, so sorry if it’s awful.”

“Can’t be any worse than the hospital stuff,” Tommy said popping the lid off and taking a sip. 

It was straight up black coffee.

“Mmm, so not like that,” he said with a slight laugh, he’d go get some creamer and sugar from one of the coffee stations to try and save it later.

“Well maybe I can get your number and you can text me the right order?” Evan asked.

Tommy should get an Oscar for how good he was at keeping a straight face.  Especially with how adorably earnest Evan looked.  

“Yeah I can… I can do that,” Tommy took another sip of the coffee and tried not to die on the inside.  

“Gr-great! Uh, that’s good, I- I mean,” Evan stammered, further endearing him into Tommy’s heart.  “I, uh, I tried to call you last night and r-realized I didn’t have it.”

“Did something happen?” He asked with a frown, remembering that Minnie had a rough night.

“She, uh, Minnie had a seizure.” 

Tommy’s eyes went wide.  “Evan— I’m so sorry, is she okay?”

He nodded.  “Yeah, they’re still trying to figure out why, but her MRI came back clear of any neurological cause.”

“That’s good.”

“It’s something,” Evan sighed, he looked up through the window and Tommy followed his gaze to see a doctor standing next to Minnie’s crib talking with Liam.  “Oh— there’s Dr. Bryne.  I’m gonna—” He pointed towards the nursery and Tommy took the coffee tray from him.  “Don’t… don’t go anywhere, I’ll be right back.”

He watched Evan duck in through the doors and wash up before heading over to Minnie to talk to the doctor.  He turned back towards Captain Nash to see the man studying him with an unreadable look on his face, and suddenly he felt like was back in the captain’s office at the 118 coming out to the man on accident right after he told him that his transfer had been approved.

And just like then, Captain Nash’s expression broke into a kind smile.  “It’s nice to see you, Tommy.  How’s Harbor treating you?”

“G-Good,” he answered.  “It’s been really good being back in the skies again.”

“Glad to hear it,” Captain Nash nodded.  His head turned towards the nursery window where they could see Evan’s shoulders slump in relief as Liam grinned big and clapped him on the shoulder.  “That looks promising.”

“Yeah it does,” Tommy agreed.

“I didn’t know you knew, Buck,” Captain Nash said turning back towards him.  

“We, uh, we ran into each other about a week ago in the atrium,” he explained.  “My dad’s been in the cardiology unit the last couple weeks so I’ve been coming every few days.”  He didn’t add how he’d been coming by every day since meeting Evan and Minnie, and how half the time he didn’t even go see his dad before he left.  “We got to talking and I’d like to think we’re friends.”

“I’d say you are,” Captain Nash nodded.  “Buck was telling me about you on the way over here.  I didn’t realize he was talking about you of course, but he was telling me about how supportive you’ve been the last few days.  He was a little upset that he didn’t know your coffee order.” He chuckled and Tommy laughed with him glancing down at the offending order.  “But thank you— for being there for him, when I couldn’t be.”

Tommy blinked up at him in surprise.  

Before he could say anything else, Evan came gliding out of the nursery with a bright smile on his face, his eyes slightly red rimmed.

“She’s going to be okay,” he breathed out, sitting heavily in the chairs next to the vending machine.  Tommy walked over and handed him the cup that said ‘Buck’ on the side.

“Did the figure out what caused the seizure?” Captain Nash asked.

Evan took a sip of his drink and nodded.  “An electrolyte imbalance caused by some minor dehydration.  Basically her kidneys’ enzymes were a little higher than they should have been from being dehydrated and that caused the imbalance which caused the seizure.”

“How could that happen with how closely she’s monitored?” Tommy asked.

“She’s growing faster than they thought she would,” Evan smiled.  “They’re giving her some additional fluids to bring the enzymes down and help her kidneys out but they’re going to start bottle feeding her as soon as everything balances back out.”

Evan’s smile wavered a little.  “She’s gonna be okay.” He said like he was still trying to convince himself of the fact.  

“Of course she’s going to be okay,” Bobby said, settling a hand on the back of Evan’s neck.  “She’s a Buckley.”

Evan snorted.  “Well she certainly has the Buckley flair for drama.”

Bobby let out a laugh and Tommy felt a little lost.  He was just happy to hear that they were both okay.

In a ironic turn of events, Tommy looked exhausted and frazzled while Buck actually felt like he could see straight for the first time in a several weeks so after exchanging phone numbers and promising to keep him updated he sent Tommy home for some rest.  He knew how crazy storm shifts could be and it made his heart warm and fluttery that Tommy thought to come see him and Minnie before he even made it home.

“Hey there, baby girl,” he sighed, finally settling into place at the side of the crib, his nerves calming at the sight of his daughter.  He stroked a firm but gentle finger down her cheek and she snuffled, turning her face towards him and latching onto the tip of his pink with her tiny hand like she was holding him in place.  He couldn’t wait to hold her for the first time, he’d likely never want to let go of her ever again.  “I missed you.”

“You gonna tell Maddie about her?”  Bobby asked, sitting in the visitors chair that Tommy usually occupied.

“Of course I’m gonna tell Maddie about her,” he said.  “I want to tell everyone about her… I just… don’t know how.” He sighed. “After everything with that stupid lawyer, does anyone even want to talk to me?  Maddie and Eddie didn’t answer their phones last night and I don’t blame them.  I wouldn’t want to answer a call from me either.”

Tommy probably only talked to him because he didn’t know what he’d done.

“I can’t speak for Eddie, but Chim was saying that Maddie was having a hard time with something recently,” Bobby said.

Buck whipped his head around to look at Bobby.  “Did Chim—”

Bobby shook his head.  “He didn’t say what was going on, just that he was trying to figure out how too help her.  Sounds like she might need you just as much as you need her.”

He looked away and back towards Minnie.

“Maybe they had a good reason for not answering, maybe they didn’t,” Bobby said.  “But you’re only going to hurt yourself coming up with all the potential reasons why they didn’t.  Give her a call, Buck.”

He watched Minnie sleep for a minute more.  He already knew how much Maddie would love her, he just needed to get over himself.  “Can you sit with her? I’ll be right back.”

Bobby nodded excitedly and quickly switched places with Buck, leaning forward and talking to her softly.  “Hey there sweet girl—” the rest was lost to the noise of the hallway outside the nursery as he stepped through the sliding doors.  The sounds of the busy hospital in the daytime didn’t… calm his nerves per se, but it was much better than the stark silence and echoing thunder from the night before. 

He pulled up Maddie’s contact in his phone again and stared at it for what felt like ten minutes (but was probably just one) before he took a deep steadying breath and pushed the call button.

The phone rang three times and he was about to lose his nerve and go back to Bobby in disgrace when the ringing paused and his breath hitched.

“Buck?”

She sounded as bone deep exhausted as he felt.

“H-hey Maddie… long time no see,” he said before he smacked his hand to his face.  That was not what he wanted to lead with.

It at least got Maddie to laugh wearily.

“How are you?”

“Tired,” Maddie sighed.

“Me too,” he chuckled, dragging his hand down his face.  “Anything new happening?”

Maddie was quiet for a few moments and Buck panicked internally, worried he’d messed up already before she finally answered. “No, I’ve just been really busy with work.  How are you doing? I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you too,” his heart squeezed.  “And I’m good, well at least as good as I can be considering—”

“Are you okay?” Maddie jumped in.  “Chim said you’d dropped the suit against the city and department… I wish its was you that had told me, but I get that you didn’t want to talk to me… I’m sorry about that.  I didn’t mean what I said, I know how much being a firefighter means to you.”

Wow, they really were two peas in a pod— self deprecating and drowning in guilt.  

“I’m okay.  And I’m sorry too,” Buck said.  “I just… I felt like I was being left behind by everyone… again.”

Maddie sighed. “I know—  well, I know that now.  At the time I was just so mad that you weren’t taking care of yourself, but you were and I just didn’t understand that at the time.  I hope you can forgive me.”

“Wha— Maddie of course I forgive you… As long as you can forgive me?” Buck asked.

“There’s nothing to forgive.”

She might change her mind about that in a minute, he thought.

“What?”

Oh shit— he’d said that out loud— so maybe he wasn’t totally recovered from the sleep deprivation.

“Buck, what’s going on?” Maddie sounded worried and now he felt bad.

“Okay, so don’t freak out— but I’ve been at Cedars Sinai—”

“Cedars Si— Buck! You just said you were okay!  Is that why—”

“Maddie, I promise you I’m alright,”  Buck said trying to stem her worry.  “I’m really tired, but I have a good reason— I just… I need you to come to the hospital.  You might believe it more if you’re here in person.”

It took another couple of minutes but Buck managed two calm her down and tell her what floor he was on before he hung up and walked back into the nursery.  Bobby was standing next to the incubator humming quietly, one hand cradling Minnie’s head while she held. Onto a finger on his other hand.   They both looked content.  Buck felt content as he sat down in the armchair to scroll through reviews on baby monitors.

Maddie was at the hospital in thirty minutes, which was pretty impressive considering it was the start of rush hour traffic.   She was exiting the elevator just as Bobby as leaving and she looked a little surprised to see him even though she didn’t say so.  

Bobby hugged him good bye and told him he’d stop by tomorrow with lunch before going in for his shift to put his paperwork in… he ended up signing everything, once he was reinstated he could start getting paid for his paternity leave of absence.

“Buck why are we—” Maddie started to ask, looking around at the bright colored hallways  of the pediatric wing.  He grabbed a sticker from Kaya at the front desk for her and pulled her along with him too the nursery.   He saw her eyeball the plastic bracelet around his wrist as they washed up but she didn’t comment as he rambled on about the cinnamon rolls Bobby had made that morning.

She didn’t say anything as Buck led her through the NICU nursery to Minnie’s crib.

She still didn’t say anything as. She looked down at her niece for the first time, her eyebrows going up and and up on her forehead while her mouth dropped open, her chin quivering a bit.  Her eyes darted around Minnie’s crib, taking everything in, before coming to rest on the angel kiss birthmark on her brow that was a dead giveaway for who she belonged to.  She slowly raised a shaking hand and rested it gently on the side of the incubator. 

Minnie blinked open her pretty sapphire eyes looking up at Maddie with a coo.  Maddie cooed back before looking up at Buck with teary eyes.

“Her name’s Minnie— well actually it’s Minerva Hope Buckley— but I’ve been calling her Minnie,”  he explained softly.  He placed his hand into the incubator and Minnie latched onto the tip of his pinky like she normally did, squeezing as tight as her little fingers could.

“She’s already got the pinky promise down,” he joked and suddenly he found himself engulfed in a tight hug.  He looped his free hand around Maddie’s back and hugged her back just as tight.  He may have been a foot taller but Maddie’s hugs had a way of making him feel like her was a little kid again— back when her hugs were the only safety and love that he knew.

“Oh Evan,” she whispered, running a hand down his cheek.  She gave him a small pat before pulling back.  “Tell me everything.”

So he did.

He told her about Ali’s text and her rude sister’s phone call, the C-section and the chaotic haze that calmed upon meeting Minnie for the first time.  How he left Ali this time but somehow she still seemed too leave him again.  

He told her about meeting Tommy and how their morning coffee dates were some of the only comforts he’d had the last few weeks.

She teared up when he told her about the seizure and his desperate phone call to anyone— that Bobby was the only one to pick up and how things finally seemed to be looking up for him.

They sat side by side talking for hours about everything they’d missed out on, taking turns holding Minnie’s hand or cradling her head.  He didn’t even realize how long they’d been there until Marian appeared at his elbow.  

“I tried to keep them off your case as long as I could, but visiting hours ended over an hour ago,” she said apologetically.

Buck blinked up at her, he hadn’t even noticed she’d arrived,  let alone that Liam and the rest of the day shift had left.  “Marian— hey, this is my sister Maddie.”

Marian nodded,  having heard him talk about her before.  “Nice to meet you, Aunt Maddie.” Maddie smiled and offered her a small wave.

“Marian is Minnie’s usual nighttime nurse,” Buck explained.  

“Miss Minnie is an easy baby,  her dad on the other hand,” Marian rolled her eyes towards him with a laugh that Maddie joined in on.

“Oh don’t I know it,” Maddie grinned while Buck sputtered at the both of them with instant regret.

“Dr. Kahan wants to talk to you when you have a moment, Buck.” Marian said, turning towards Minnie’s chart.   

Maddie took that as her cue to get up but Buck put a hand out for a minute more.   “Uh, Marian, is there anyway I can add Maddie as an emergency contact for Minnie?  I’d like it if Maddie could be here on nights I can’t when II start working again.” He didn’t know how long the paternity leave would last and it would be nice to know if it was an option.  He looked at Maddie.  “If that’s okay with you?”

“Of course, Evan,” Maddie nodded.

“Yes! You can talk to Jana at the nurses station and get her added to Minnie’s contact information.  You can add anyone if it means. You’ll go home and sleep every once in a while.”

“That sounds fake, but nice try,” Buck laughed.  “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

“Don’t I know it,” Marian said.  “Your boyfriend has been trying to convince you to go home for weeks, just for your dad to practically carry you out of here last night.”

Buck’s breath hitched.  He knew from Liam that the nurses thought Bobby was his dad… but did they really think Tommy was his boyfriend?  He felt his face flash hot.

Maddie squeezed his pinky with a teasing smirk,  which honestly only made his face flame hotter.

Buck wasn’t too surprised when a few days later Bobby texted him during his shift.  He snorted and Tommy raised an eyebrow at him from where he was sitting next to him.

Captain Dad:  Hen’s going to text you.  She saw the picture of you holding Minnie.  Sorry. I didn’t mean to tell her.

Buck:  it’s okay. they’re all gonna find out eventually

Captain Dad: I also announced that you were going to be out for another few weeks now that your paternity leave has been approved.

Captain Dad:   Athena and I were going to look at that apartment down on Concordia that Tommy found tonight.  I’ll FaceTime you if it’s a good one.

Buck smiled and showed Tommy the texts who read them with a pleased hum.  Tommy had been helping him hunt for a new place while Bobby and Athena had been viewing them for him.  They hadn’t approved of any yet, but he wasn’t worried yet.  He spent most of his time still at the hospital with Minnie, and every few nights he’d go sleep in Tommy’s guest room— he’d finally given in and had been pleasantly surprised to find that it really was only about five minutes away from the hospital.  

(He could probably run the distance faster if he really wanted to, and maybe it’d be good for him to start working out again.)

All his stuff had been moved into storage and the guest room at Tommy’s over the last couple of days— courtesy of a moving crew that Michael knew.   When he told his apartment complex he was moving they’d given him until the end of the month to get out before they started charging him an outrageous month-to-month fee, and with Halloween in two days he needed to get out fast.

Minnie snuffled and burrowed in closer to his chest and his heart nearly burst out of his rib cage with how much he loved her.  She was much bigger than she’d been as a newborn, but she still fit almost entirely under the one hand holding her securely to him.  

His phone buzzed a few times indicating a chain of incoming messages.  It took him a minute, but eventually he managed to pull his eyes off Minnie long enough to look down at the screen to see a few messages from Hen.

Hen:   Hey Buck—   I didn’t mean to snoop, but you know how Bobby is with his phone.

Hen:   I hope you don’t mind.

Hen:  I’m sorry I haven’t been around when you needed me.  Can we talk?

Buck:  it’s okay, i get it

Hen:  It’s not, but I’m going to try and make it okay

Buck: thanks

Buck: do you wanna come meet her?  Athena’s coming to visit tomorrow, you could come with

Hen:  I would love to met Baby Buck

Buck: she would love to meet Aunt Hen

Buck sent the message and bit his lip before he could really give himself a chance to overthink it.  

“Don’t do that,” Tommy said giving him a look and pointing at his own lip.  He still hadn’t told him about the ladder truck but he had told him about the blood thinners a few days ago and why he currently bruised if someone even looked at him too hard and now Tommy had made it his personal mission or something to keep any new bruises or cuts from appearing.

He released his lip from his teeth.

Minnie stretched and made a little squeaking noise that about had him melting into the floor and from the look in Tommy’s eyes he was no better.

“You wanna meet Auntie Hen tomorrow?” Buck smiled down at her, rubbing his thumb along the back of her head.

“Hen’s coming by?” Tommy asked.

“Yeah she’ll be here with Athena in the morning if you wanna say hi,” Buck answered.  His phone buzzed in his hand.

Hen loved “she would love to meet Aunt Hen”

Buck was almost more nervous for Hen to meet Minnie than he’d been for Maddie to meet her.  He knew he had no reason to be— it was Hen for crying out loud.  But he couldn’t stop the nasty voice in the back of his mind that sounded a lot like his mother.

She knew every little mistake he’d made in the last three years.  She’s not going to think he’s ready for this.  He couldn’t keep a hold of Chris or Minnie long enough to keep them safe—

He shook his head.

Maybe he wasn’t ready for this, and maybe he couldn’t keep a hold of Chris in the tsunami, or stave off Minnie’s seizure, but that would never stop him from coming back and holding on even tighter.

Something his own parents never did.

“Oh, Buckaroo, look at you,” Hen cooed, looking down at him and Minnie sitting in the armchair.  Athena was standing next to her with a warm knowing smile on her face. 

Hen crouched down near his elbow so she was looking up into Minnie’s sleeping face.  She gasped quietly looking between Minnie and him with wide eyes behind her glasses.

“Oh, Buck, she’s beautiful,” Hen said, giving his bicep a tight squeeze.  

Buck thought so too, even though Minnie definitely looked more like a squishy potato right at that moment, she was starting to come into her features more and more as the days went by.  His birthmark and eyes, Ali’s nose— she was taking all the best qualities the gene pool gave her and making them her own.

“What’s her name?” Hen asked quietly.  “Athena wouldn’t tell me.”

Buck looked up at Athena’s smug smile. 

“Minerva Hope,” Buck answered.  “I uh… named her after Athena.  The Roman version.”

Hen huffed out a laugh and looked up at Athena who looked way too pleased.

“Only the best for our little Miss Minnie,” Athena cooed, giving her a little wave.

“Well I think it’s perfect,” Hen climbed back to her feet and settled into the chair next to Buck that was Tommy’s usual spot.  Athena’s phone started to ring so she excused herself out to the hallway to answer it.

Minnie rubbed her tiny nose into his sternum with a soft grumble and he looked down at her.  All the nervousness had melted away the second he saw Hen, but now he didn’t know what to say.  He hadn’t realized just how much he missed her, she’d been there through everything since the very beginning— somehow “I’m sorry” didn’t feel like enough. 

“Hen—”

“Boy, if you’re about to apologize I don’t want to hear it.”

Buck blinked, his mouth frozen open as he stared at her before he shut it with an audible click.

Hen sighed and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees and lacing her fingers together.  “I know you’re sorry about the lawsuit and as sucky as your ambulance chasing lawyer was— I never blamed you for it, Buck.  I actually agreed with you.” She sighed again.  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that though.  I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you like I know you would have been.  Things have been difficult lately but I never should have pushed you away like I did.  Not when I knew better.”

Hen was the only person since leaving home that he’d told the whole truth about his parents to.  Back in his probie days when he’d been trying his hardest to impress everyone and fit in, he’d had one too many drinks and when it had been just the two of them left he’d practically spilled his guts to her.  (Almost literally too, but he’d made it to the bathroom before the tequila came back up.)  Hen knew things about him and his parents that not even Maddie did.

“It’s—”

“If you say it’s okay one more time I’m gonna smack you the second you put your baby down,” Hen narrowed her eyes at him holding a finger up in his face.  “It was not okay.  None of it was.  Everyone made mistakes the last couple of months, no one is at fault just as much as everyone is.”

Buck cracks a tired smile at her.   “I missed you, Hen.”

Hen held the finger up for another moment before she lowered it and smiled back at him.  “I missed you too.”

Athena came back a few minutes later with Tommy on her heels, holding a tray of coffees which had become so regular and familiar that Buck was pretty sure the nurses were keeping track of it in the break room.  

“Tommy!” Hen blinked and smiled, interrupting her outrage over his current living situation.  “What are you doing here?”

“Visiting this cutie here,” Tommy said with a nod down at Minnie.  Buck felt his face heat up, even though he knew Tommy was talking about Minnie.  

“I literally ran into Tommy a few weeks ago,” Buck told Hen. “And to make up for it, we worked out a deal where he brings me coffee for some reason.”

Tommy chuckled.  “It got me out of dealing with my dad as much so I’d bring you all the coffee in the world for that alone.”

Buck really needed to get his face under control.

Tommy turned to Hen.  “I heard you talking about Evan’s last apartment complex.”

Buck rolled his eyes, here they go, Tommy was even more upset about the whole situation than he was.  

“You already found me a new place,” Buck huffed.  “And it’s Bobby and Athena approved.”

The place on Concordia had been nice enough for Bobby to FaceTime him last night.  It had passed all of Tommy, Bobby, and Athena’s requirements and safety tests and while a little on the higher end of his budget it wasn’t outrageous.  He was going with Bobby later today to sign the lease and get the keys.  

Hen paused in her outrage but her look at Tommy said she wasn’t done yet.  “Do you have anything for a baby?  Especially one this tiny?”

Buck deflated a bit.  “No.  I have a list of what brands I want from all the research I’ve done.  I just haven’t had time to get anything.” He handed his phone to Hen so that she and Athena could inspect said list.  They were both moms, they would know the best things to get.  

The two ladies scrolled through the wish list he’d put together on Amazon nodding and humming.   

“I know I can just order most of it online, but… I’d rather see it in person first.” It freaked him out a little for some reason, not being able to see things for his baby in person.  “I trust your opinion though, if you tell me it’s okay I can order it.” 

Hen tapped at the screen and a second later her phone dinged. 

“I just sent a link to myself so Athena and I can go do some shopping,” Hen smiled, handing the phone back to him.  

“Wha—” Buck gaped back up at her.

“Everything on there looked great except I have some opinions about that stroller.”

Tommy frowned.  “What’s wrong with the stroller?” He’d been the one to pick it out after a recommendation from his friend who had kids.

“Nothing’s really… wrong with it per se,” Hen said.  “You’re just gonna hate yourself if you you get that thing.”

Athena nodded in agreement.  “You don’t know anger until you try to fold up a big stroller after a week of sleepless nights.”

Understanding dawned across Tommy’s face. 

Chapter Text

Tommy wasn’t sure how he was going to feel about sharing his house with Evan.  At first he was relieved when Evan finally took him up on the offer to stay in his guest room a day after Minnie’s seizure— which had then turned into stress cleaning his entire house, even the parts that Evan most likely would never see—

But he’d been needing to clean those vents out for a while anyway.  

Sharing his space wasn’t a new concept.  He and Donny had shared a room until they were seventeen and from there he’d practically gone straight into the army where privacy was a luxury afforded to very, very few.  After several years in the blazing hot deserts he’d wound up on Donny’s couch for a few weeks before he found a small apartment he could afford on his probie salary.  The walls had been thin and privacy was again an illusion between there and the bunk room at the station.

It wasn’t until he finally bought this house that he’d truly had a space he could call his own.  It wasn’t often that people stayed over— Donny when him and Val would fight, Sal when he drank a little too much and stayed a little too late, his cousin Greg a couple times when he’d come to Los Angeles on business. 

And he wasn’t really one to bring people he wasn’t serious with home either.  

Which is probably why Donny was looking at him like his eyes were going to bug out of his skull as he viciously scrubbed under the kitchen sink.

“You did what—”

“Do I really need to repeat myself again?” Tommy grouched.  “I don’t know why you’re so surprised.”

He knew exactly why Donny was so surprised.  

Hell— he was still a little surprised himself.  He had never so easily offered up his space to someone else like he had with Evan.  But just like everything else had gone with Evan, sharing his home with him wasn’t a chore in the slightest, in fact he was even a little excited to do so.  Which of course was probably why Donny was so worried about him.  He’d never fallen for anyone as fast (or as hard) as he had Evan.  It’d been barely two weeks and he was already falling all over himself to help the guy out.  

“Tommy…” Donny started slowly.  “What is this?”

He looked up over his shoulder to see his brother holding a tiny pastel pink onesie covered in daydream like patterns of rainbows and clouds.  It looked so small when he held it up like that and Tommy knew that it would still be too big for Minnie right now.  

There was no way to talk himself out of this one.  

“Looks like a pink baby onesie,” Tommy said raising an eyebrow at him.  

“Tommy.” Donny stated, looking concerned. 

“Don’t give me that look,” he said, standing up and washing his hands off.  “I just saw it when I stopped at the store on my way home after my shift yesterday.”  And really, that was exactly what happened.  He needed a new pack of socks to keep in his locker at Harbor and on his way across Target from the groceries to the clothes he’d had to walk through the baby clothes section— and if he stopped and looked around for a second he figured ‘why not?’ He knew a baby and he knew that Evan was trying to get as much of everything that he could for when he moved into his new apartment.

“You’re buying the guy baby clothes,” Donny said with a frown.

“Actually I’m buying his baby, baby clothes,” he retorted snatching the onesie out of his hands.  “I’m just helping a friend out.”

Donny scoffed.  “You— Tommy, my gay brother… are buying this guy’s baby— who you haven’t shut up about either of them in days— a onesie covered in rainbows.”

Tommy just stared at him.  

“How did you stay in the closet for as long as you did?”

“Oh fuck off—” Tommy groaned, shoving Donny to the side as he picked up the Target bag that also had a matching pink bow and a small gift bag to put it in off his kitchen counter so that his brother couldn’t keep snooping.  

“I’m just trying to look out for you, Tom,” Donny said.  

“I know you are,” Tommy sighed, looking down at the onesie and imagining Minnie in it while Evan held her.  He’d seen it clear as day the second he saw it and that was why he’d just bought it on a whim.  “But you know I can take care of myself right? I’m a grown man and everything— I’m even older than you.”

Donny rolled his eyes at him.  “Whatever.”

“Really though, I know you’re just watching out for me— but I’ll be okay Donny.”

Evan is practically vibrating he’s bouncing so much by the time Tommy makes it back with their coffee, pastries, and breakfast sandwiches.

“What’s going on?”

Evan turned to him with an excited grin that lit up his entire face.  “They’re letting me hold her today!”

Tommy blinked and a smile grew across his own face, so wide that his cheeks were going to hurt if he didn’t get it under control, Evan’s smile and excitement were just so contagious.  “Evan! That’s great!”

“I’m so excited!” He grinned as Liam walked back into the main nursery with Marian at his side.  They both also had big smiles on their faces, they all knew how much Evan had been wanting this. 

Looks like breakfast was going to have to wait.  

“Aren’t you supposed to be off by now?” Tommy asked Marian as Liam walked with Evan over to the Minnie’s incubator.  He didn’t get to see her as often as the daytime nurses but he remembered her from that first time he’d come to visit Evan and Minnie.  Evan had also told him Marian was his favorite of Minnie’s nurses which had in turn endeared her to Tommy as well.  

“You’re kidding yourself if you think I’m going to miss this,” Marian grinned.  “I’ve been waiting for this as long as Buck has.  It won’t hurt to stick around an extra hour.”

Tommy smiled back at her as they turned their attention back to Evan and Liam.

“Okay Buck, go ahead and sit down in the chair and I’ll get Minnie ready to hand over.  You know how to hold a baby right?” Liam asked.

“Oh yeah,” Evan said, nodding vigorously.  “I’ve held plenty of babies on the job, even helped deliver a few.”

“Right the big strong firefighter,” Liam said with a teasing smile.  “Now take off your shirt.”

Tommy’s heart skipped a beat for an entirely different reason than normal when Evan pulled his t-shirt off over his head.  

The bruises that lined his arms were spread all across his chest and shoulders, varying age of colors from a dark bloody purple to mottled yellow and green.  

Why were there so many?

He bit his lip as Marian and Liam worked together to get Minnie situated in Evan’s arms.  Little Minnie snuffled and burrowed in closer to Evan’s chest as Marian pulled the blanket up higher on her back.  

Evan’s breath hitched and Tommy studiously ignored the way his eyes watered as she settled in peacefully, as if she could already tell that she was in the safest place in the world that she could.  

Tommy wasn’t doing much better himself but if he teared up then he knew he’d be in real trouble.  So instead he let his heart thunder away in his chest like he wasn’t already in trouble and watched as Evan ran a gentle finger down Minnie’s nose.  She sniffled and scrunched her nose in the same adorable way her dad did.  

His eyes glanced over the trail of bruises up and down Evan’s arms and across his chest.  It was more than a little concerning and he hated that he was about to ask, especially now as Evan carefully cradled the back of his daughter’s head.  He needed to know— not only for his own sanity but to ensure that Evan and Minnie would be okay.

“Evan…” Tommy finally said once his heart had returned to his ribcage.   “You… you don’t have to tell me— but,” he swallowed.  It shouldn’t be this difficult.  “Can I ask about the bruises?”

Evan blinked at him and glanced down at himself, his thumb still carefully caressing the back of Minnie’s head.

“Oh!” He said.  “I actually sort of forgot about them.  I know they’re pretty ugly.”

Tommy made a face.  “That’s not what I meant.  Are you okay?”

“As okay as someone on a hefty dose of Warfarin can be,” Evan shrugged.  “I’m normally not this clumsy, but the lack of sleep has kind of been going to my head.”

Warfarin… blood thinners.  

Evan was on blood thinners.

Tommy blinked. 

Evan blinked back and then his mouth twisted into a small smile.  “Tommy… were you worried about me?”

Tommy let out a sheepish chuckle, as the tension left his shoulders, relieved to know that it wasn’t something more nefarious like what hid in the dusty corners of his childhood memories.  “Of course I was.  What are friends for?”

They said that to each other at least once a day, but for some reason this time Evan’s smile slid off his face and he looked back down at Minnie sadly.  

“Yeah,” he sighed, and before Tommy could really say anything else he watched him eye the small pastel pink gift bag sitting next to the bag of breakfast that Tommy had set no the little tray table to the side.  “What’s that you got there?” He asked with a not so subtle raise of his eyebrow.   

“A gift.”

“Really?” Evan laughed lightly.  “I wouldn’t have ever guessed that.”

Tommy leaned over to grab it off the table.  

Evan’s eyes darted between the bag and Minnie resting peacefully against him. There was no way he was going to put her down anytime soon— if he ever did again— but Tommy could see that he was itching to know what was in it.

“Want me to open it for you?”

“Would you?” Evan asked, eyes bright.

Tommy chuckled and nodded as he pulled the one sheet of shiny tissue paper that had fit into the small bag.  “I… just saw it the other day when I was at the store, and thought—  well you’re still trying to get everything for her and I figured I’d help you out.” He explained as he pulled out the soft pink rainbow onesie.  “I hope that’s alright. I still have the receipt if you don’t like it—”

“Tommy,” Evan said, his eyes wide and delighted.  He reached out with the hand that wasn’t clutching Minnie protectively.  “I love it!”

He handed the onesie over to Evan who looked down running his fingers over the soft fabric.  He gently laid it across Minnie’s back—  he’d been right, it was still too big for her but she’d quickly grow into it, Tommy swore that she was bigger every time he saw her even if it was in the same day.  

“It’s perfect!” Evan grinned, looking up at him.  “She’s going to look so cute in it.  Isn’t that right sweetheart?”

Minnie snuffled.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Evan laughed, putting the onesie back down so that he could lay his hand across her back again.

“Pretty sure she can make a potato sack look cute,” Tommy smiled.  “Must be good genes.”

Evan’s face flushed even as he smiled and nodded his agreement as he looked back down at his sleeping daughter with all the love in the world.  The bruises still looked bad under the harsh hospital lights, but Tommy could finally relax.  He wanted Evan and Minnie to be safe… and if he wasn’t careful it was going to turn into a need.

Eddie:  Hey—  I’m sorry.  Can you call me when you get a minute?

Buck blinked down at the text message that lit up his phone, squinting as the brightness on his phone went way too high for the middle of the night.  It was nearly 3 AM and he was sitting in Tommy’s quiet backyard, surprisingly secluded for being in the middle of LA, but the neighborhood was older and the trees were taller muting the sounds of the busy city life in the distance.  

He’d been sitting out here for the last hour almost, his skin still prickling with the need to just go to the hospital and check on Minnie, after the nightmare he’d had— tonight’s special had been some kind of hellish remix of being trapped under the truck as water filled the street around him, steadily raising around him and through it all he could hear Minnie crying all around him.  

Eddie hadn’t talked to him in weeks.  Why now?  In the middle of the night?  He was probably on shift… was he okay? Had something happened? Was Christopher okay?

He hit the call button and raised the phone to his ear.

“Buck?” Eddie answered halfway through the first ring.  “Are you okay?”

Buck blinked and his nose wrinkled in confusion.  “Am I okay? Are you okay?  You’re the one texting me in the middle of the night when you haven’t talked to me in weeks.”

“You’re the one answering the phone in the middle of the night,”  Eddie sniped back, before he let out an exasperated sounding sigh.   His tone was uncomfortably familiar and Buck could just picture his expression— eyes closed, squeezing the bridge of his nose as he shook his head.

“Yeah, well, I don’t get a lot sleep nowadays,” he sighed, running a hand down his face.  “What do you want, Eddie?”

“I… I just wanted to see if you were okay.”  Eddie said slowly and he blinked again.   He hadn’t been expecting that after weeks of radio silence.  The last time they’d spoken Eddie had been yelling at him in the middle of that grocery store.  “Bobby told us you were coming back, and then a few days later said you were back on leave for another six weeks.  Did something happen?”

Buck laughed tiredly and slumped back into the patio lounge chair.  “You could say that…”

Eddie… Eddie would understand right?  Eddie was his best friend.  Eddie was a dad, he had Chris.  He’d—

You’re exhausting.  

He’d…

Was Eddie still his best friend?  

What are friends for?

“Evan?”

Buck turned to look over his shoulder and saw Tommy standing at the back door, looking concerned.  He must have just gotten home.  

“Eddie, I gotta go…” He sighed and Tommy came to sit next to him in the other patio chair.  “Listen, Bobby’s coming by in the morning when your shift is over.  If you can.. or want to… What don’t you come with him?”

“I— Buck…”

“Bye, Eddie… I—” Did Eddie even want to see him?  Talking to him on the phone was one thing, but standing face to face was another thing entirely.   “I’ll see you later.  Maybe— I hope.”

He ended the call and looked at Tommy who was watching him carefully.   

“Are you okay?”

“One of the days I’ll be able to say I’m okay and it won’t be a lie,” Buck said with a tired smile that slowly slid off his face as he tried to remember the last time he’d truly been okay.  “Right?”  His voice cracked and his eyes stung.

He was so tired of crying.  He’d cried so much in the last six months he didn’t know how he still had tears left in him.  

Tommy blinked at him, his eyes widening so fast in alarm that it made Buck laugh— which quickly turned into tears that he couldn’t stop.  He honestly couldn’t tell if he was laughing or crying as he bent over himself in hysterics trying to get a grip.

He felt Tommy sit next to him, a line of heat against his side in the cold night… the autumn nights were getting colder by the day and it was then that he realized it was Halloween. His breathing slowed and Tommy settled a careful hand on his back.  

Well it was well into the morning of November 1st now, but that was probably why Tommy had gotten home so late.  Halloween shifts were pretty much the worst of the year.  

“You don’t have to tell me…” Tommy said, his warm hand drifting up and down his spine carefully.  “But it seems like you’ve got a lot more going on then just Minnie being in the NICU.”

Buck choked out a watery laugh.  “You have no idea.”

“You can talk to me if you need to— you don’t have to— but I hope you know that you have the option.”

Buck looked up at Tommy.  He was genuine.  Just like he always was… Buck still couldn’t believe he was real some days. 

“You already do so much for me and I—”

“Evan,” Tommy said gently.  “I’m not doing any of this expecting anything in return.  I like helping you and Minnie.  I like having you here.  I like being your friend.”

“You don’t even know me—”

“I know enough to know that you are a good dad and that you love your daughter more than anything.  I know that you’re smart and funny.  I know that you are awful at guessing coffee orders—” Buck let out a sheepish laugh at that one.  “I know that you are doing your best.”

Tommy’s hand slid up to his shoulder, giving him a comforting squeeze a lot like Bobby did.   “You’ve been a good friend to me even if you don’t realize it.”

Buck let out a shuddery breath.  “I don’t know about that.”

“Evan,” Tommy said sounding exasperated— but his tone was… different then when everyone else got tired of him.   Tommy still sounded fond, if not a little concerned and when he looked back at him that’s all he could see in his eyes…. concern.

None of the anger that had been in Eddie’s eyes in the grocery store, or the disappointment in Maddie’s when he told her that firefighting was his life, or the steel in Bobby’s when he’d told Buck that he was the one keeping him away… Or the coldness in his parents whenever he did… well… anything.

Tommy’s eyes were warm and open and softened around the edges with the worried concern that painted his features.

“That was, uh, my be— my friend Eddie,” he sighed, still wondering if he could even call Eddie that.  He’d already made up with Bobby and Hen and Chimney had never really seemed that mad at him, but Eddie had taken the lawsuit hard.  He didn’t know if Eddie would still want him as a friend after that… “He called to check in I guess… we haven’t spoken in a while.”

“Okay…” 

“That— It’s my fault really… when I sued LAFD and—”

“You what?” Tommy asked, his eyes going wide again.

Buck winced, he’d told Tommy he was a firefighter at the 118 after the first time Bobby came to meet Minnie but he hadn’t told him everything… and definitely not this. “Uh, yeah, that was… something I did recently.”  

Tommy blinked at him.  

Buck sighed.  “I’ll understand if you want me to… to leave, or if don’t consider me a friend after this—”

“That is not what I said at all,” Tommy said.  “But I think it would help if you started at the beginning and help me understand a little.”

Buck chewed on the inside of his cheek, trying to find the words.  He hadn’t actually… told anyone about the ladder truck.  Everyone he knew had been there and Maddie had handled the phone call to their parents.  

“Re-Remember all those package bombs back in April?  And… and the ladder truck that got bombed?”  He asked.

Tommy nodded slowly.   “I do…”

“I… I, uh…” He swallowed, loudly.  This was a lot harder to say than he thought it would be.  “I was the firefighter… who was trapped under the truck.”

Tommy’s mouth dropped open.   

“Ye-yeah,” Buck smiled weakly feeling sick to his stomach.  “Surprise it’s trauma.”  He waved his fingers a little.  

“I would certainly say so, Evan—” 

“Well the doctors did a good job on my leg,” Buck said quickly, cutting Tommy off.  If he didn’t get this out now he likely never would.  “And after a lot of rehab and physical therapy I was back at my re-certification by the end of August, and I passed and everything was supposed to be okay again… but then I had a pulmonary embolism—” Tommy made a strained noise in the back of his throat, and his hand went tight on his shoulder.  “Yeah it wasn’t pretty… apparently I threw up blood all over Bobby and Athena’s backyard.”

The hand on his shoulder tightened a little more and if Tommy wasn’t careful Buck was going to end up with another bruise.  

“So they put me on blood thinners—” Tommy’s eyes sparked in realization as he scanned over Buck’s arms even though they were hidden beneath the sleeves of his hoodie.  “They put me on blood thinners, and cleared me to go back to work.  Only they— LAFD… and Bobby— wouldn’t let me go back to work.”

“Oh Sal would have had a field day with this.” Tommy said and Buck wondered who Sal was.   “I’m surprised I haven’t heard him bitching about it already—”

“That’s cause the Chiefs kept it wrapped up pretty tight… I, uh,  I didn’t go to the union or anything… I got a private lawyer—”  Buck said quietly.  “Let’s just say that didn’t go over very well, even after I dropped the suit no one would talk to me.  My sister and I got into a fight, Eddie yelled at me in a grocery store—”

“He what?” Tommy asked sounding absolutely baffled.  

“Yeah… No one was very happy with me, but then two days later Minnie was born and well…” Buck looked up at Tommy who still had his arm wrapped around his shoulders.  “It was about more than just trying to get back to work, yeah firefighting is my life and the only thing I’ve ever actually been good for—” Tommy made a noise at that but Buck plowed on, hoping he would understand.   He sighed.  “It was never about the money, I just wanted to go home.  The 118 is… they’re my family.  I just… I was just trying to get back to them.”

Buck scrubbed  his eyes dry with the sleeve of his hoodie.  “And now I have Minnie and I just want the best for her, and the best I know is the 118…. I know it’s stupid—” 

“Evan it is not stupid.  Of course you want the best for your daughter.  Of course you wanted to go back—” Tommy said firmly.  “What was stupid was them not letting you go back to work after you’d been cleared.  And it was stupid that they couldn’t see that.  If you’re half as good to them as you are to me—” Tommy cleared his throat and sat up straight, Buck missed the warmth as he sat back.  “Well then, I think it was stupid of them to let you go.”

“You’re too nice to me,” he said, ducking his head and hoping that Tommy couldn’t see his red face in the dim light of the porch.

Tommy scoffed.  “I am not a nice guy, Evan.  Just ask Howie, I’m sure he’ll give you all the horrid details of my time at the 118.”  His smile turned a little sad (and now that he knew that his Tommy was the 118 Tommy that Chimney had admired, he remembered the stories Hen and Chim had told him of their old captain and what they’d all done to survive him.)  “I’m not nice, but I am trying to be better.”

The sun had already gone down by the time Tommy heard Bobby’s truck pull into the driveway.  Evan had convinced Tommy to sleep in after the late night shift, which Tommy was thankful for since he was exhausted, but he was a little concerned that Evan hadn’t fallen back asleep after their late night talk in the backyard.  He’d looked as tired as Tommy had felt while he’d convinced him to stay home and get some sleep.  

At this point Tommy knew better than to suggest that Evan try to do the same, but he’d been appeased when Evan told him he’d been walking to the hospital to get in some exercise and that Bobby would be bringing him back when Maddie arrived to sit with Minnie for the night.  

Honestly it was progress— the Evan that Tommy had met hadn’t left the hospital in nearly a week and honestly could have been mistaken zombie when he’d run into him.  This Evan at least looked alive and had been sleeping in a bed four nights out of the week.  He still didn’t like leaving Minnie alone for very long, but having his sister stay at the hospital some of the nights he didn’t was helping him sleep for longer.  

Though Tommy still heard him moving around the house in the middle of the night almost every night that he was home, he could only imagine the kinds of dreams that terrorized Evan so soon after the ladder truck bombing.  He himself was many several years away from an active war zone but the sounds of artillery rounds firing and the explosions of IEDs had never left him.  

He muted the game he was watching as he heard Evan’s key in the lock and looked over his shoulder to see Evan come in with a kid with curly hair and glasses about waist high attached to his side, a pair of bright red crutches in Evan’s spare hand that wasn’t wrapped around the kid’s shoulders.  

Evan’s eyes were rimmed red and Tommy frowned and sat up straighter. 

“Hey Evan,” he said slowly as alarm bells went off in his head. Captain Nash (“—call me Bobby, Tommy, please—”) and another man walked in behind Evan and the kid, carrying some pizza boxes.  “Everything okay?”

“Ye-yeah, we’re good… I’m sorry I meant to call you but my phone died and I forgot my charger.” Evan sighed, looking exhausted.  Tommy really didn’t think he slept at all after their talk last night.  “Uhm, I… I hope it’s okay but this is Eddie and Christopher.  We brought pizza if you haven’t eaten dinner yet.”

Ohh, this is who Evan was on the phone with last night when he got home.  His friend that he hadn’t talked to in weeks, who had yelled at him in the middle of a grocery store.  It looks like he’d taken Evan up on his offer to come meet Minnie with Bobby.  

“Yeah that’s alright,” Tommy nodded.  It was the right move when the stressed line of Evan’s shoulders relaxed and he helped move the kid onto the other side of the couch, before sitting himself down between the two of them.  

“Chris here is one of the coolest kids I know,” Evan grinned, ruffling the kids curls.  “I think you’ll like Tommy, Chris, he pilots helicopters for the fire department.”

“No way!” Chris exclaimed leaning around Evan to look at him.  The sparkle in his eyes reminded him a lot of the one that Evan’s eyes held.  

Tommy smiled back at him and the two of them got to talking about helicopters while Evan went to grab some plates and napkins from the kitchen and Bobby set the pizza boxes down on his coffee table.  

“Lakers game?” Eddie asked looking at the TV when Chris stopped talking long enough to take a bite of pizza.  

“Mhmm,” Tommy hummed, taking his own bite of pizza and thanking Evan for the plate he handed him as he sat back down on the couch.  Bobby was sitting in the recliner while Eddie was perched on the arm of the couch next to Chris.  

“Nice— I’m more of a Golden State fan myself,” Eddie commented.  

“They’re doing good this year so far,” Tommy nodded and turned the sound back on the TV though he kept the volume low.  

“They’re the ones that are… projected to go to the finals or the championship or something? Is there a Super Bowl for basketball?”  Evan asked.

“That’s the Championship,” Tommy nodded with a smile. 

Eddie blinked in surprise and Bobby looked at them curiously.  

“You hate basketball, Buck, how—” Eddie looked astonished.  Which Tommy could understand, he’d been just as surprised to find out that Evan honestly just did not know anything about sports, except for a little bit of football from when he’d played in high school and a semester in college he’d told him once. 

“Tommy’s been teaching me a bit,” Evan answered, grabbing another piece of pepperoni.  “He’s explained all the teams and how the stats work while we’re sitting with Minnie some mornings and we’ve been playing a bit in the driveway.”

Eddie’s face twisted with confusion.  “Is that alright with your leg?” He asked.

Evan nodded.  “It’s not super rigorous or anything, and it’s a good exercise to help keep my stamina up.”  

It was something they’d started up just a few days ago to get some of the nervous energy out that was keeping him up during his first full night away from Minnie, and already Tommy had seen an improvement in him.

Eddie turned his scrutinizing gaze onto him.  “You must be some kind of miracle worker, man.  Chim and I have never gotten Buck to come to any of our pick up games.”

They talked about basketball and how the Lakers game was going until they were finished eating and Evan moved to gather up the plates and garbage— just to be pushed back into his spot by Bobby who roped Eddie into cleaning up with him instead.  

Evan looked like he wanted to argue but was interrupted by a large yawn that left him looking sheepish as he agreed. 

He dozed off barely a moment later, with Chris leaning comfortably into his side which nearly pushed Evan into him as his head fell so close to his shoulder he could feel Evan’s breath on his neck.  He could feel heat crawling up his neck but he was not about to embarrass himself in front of his old Captain or Eddie.  

Chris eagerly agreed when Tommy asked him if he wanted one of the specialty old fashioned root beers he kept stocked in the fridge for Sal’s girls as a special treat.  

Tommy stopped by the hall closet to grab Evan a blanket since he forgot to leave some out when he’d tidied the house earlier.  

“So what’s the deal with this Tommy guy?”

Tommy stopped just outside the kitchen entry.  

“What do you mean?” Bobby asked.  Dishes clinked in the dishwasher as it was loaded.  

“When… How did Buck meet him?  Don’t you think it’s a little weird that Buck’s staying in his house?”  Eddie replied. 

There was a pause, a few more dishes clinked before it was closed and started.  Tommy knew he shouldn’t be listening to this.  He’d long since learned that nothing good ever came from eavesdropping— but it was his house, damnit.  And if Eddie wanted to talk about him in his own house, then he had a right to listen.  

“Tommy is the one who finally got Buck to leave the hospital willingly after Minnie had the seizure.  They met about two weeks ago and he’s been helping Buck stay afloat when the rest of us had no clue just how badly he was still drowning.”  

Eddie huffed and Tommy frowned.  

“Why didn’t he just call?”

“He did call, the night of the seizure.  You didn’t pick up,” Bobby said firmly.

“What and Tommy did?”

“Buck didn’t even have Tommy’s phone number at that point, but Tommy was there first thing that morning—”  That wasn’t necessarily true, Tommy had been so late that day, but Eddie didn’t need to know that.  “—Tommy has continuously shown up for Buck even when he didn’t have to.  He’s been good for Buck and Minnie, someone that they’ve been able to rely on when Buck couldn’t rely on us.”

Eddie was silent.  

“We all have a lot to apologize and make up for,” Bobby continued.  “Everything about that lawsuit got out of hand, but when Buck had no one he had Tommy.” 

“But what—”

“Eddie, Tommy was at the 118 when I got there.  I worked with him for about a year before he transferred.  He’s saved my life— he’s actually even saved yours.” Bobby said sternly and Tommy could remember the look in his eyes from that tone, borderline scolding but empathetic at the same time.  He’d only ever known Bobby to be able to do that.  “It’s just the kind of person he is, to help anyone who needs it and in the process Buck got a true friend, is that so bad?”

“What do you mean he saved my life?” Eddie asked after a thoughtful moment and Tommy would actually like to know when that happened too.  “I’d never met him before tonight?”

“Remember the gas explosion at that house in Doheny Park?  When we had that dispatch blackout.”

Eddie must have nodded or shook his head, but Tommy remembered it.  Howie had called him about a house fire where there was no water available to fight it and there had been a firefighter in trouble.  He’d gone out for drinks a few days later with Howie in thanks (and had been shocked to learn that he’d been stabbed— but that was for another day.)

“Tommy was the one on that water tanker.  He saved yours and that boy’s life with that water drop,” Bobby explained.  

Huh.  

“Tommy’s good people, Eddie,” Bobby said with finality.  

Tommy blinked.  Obviously he knew that Bobby liked him, he’d had several one-on-one meetings with the man when he’d been his captain and he’d given him nothing but a glowing review for his transfer to Harbor… but it was still… it was nice to hear the approval.

Tommy gave it another few seconds before he walked into the kitchen, blanket in hand as he went to the fridge.  “Evan’s passed out on the couch.  We should probably get him to bed soon, but I did promise Chris a special root beer—” He handed the glass bottle to Eddie.  “I keep them around for my friends kids.  You have a good kid, Diaz.” 

Eddie looked a little startled, but managed a smile as he took the root beer.  “Yeah, he’s one of the best.  I should probably get him home too, we’re getting up early to help with the move.” 

“Great!” Tommy said with maybe a little too much forced enthusiasm.  He toned it back down.  “My friend is coming over to help move some of Evan’s stuff from here over to the apartment, so we’ll see you then.”

Eddie hummed staring at the bottle, both hands clasped around it, he looked back up at him and with a tight smile.  “We’ll see you tomorrow then.” He nodded once more towards Bobby before he left and they could hear him talking quietly in the other room.  

“Don’t let him get to you too hard, Tommy.” Bobby said suddenly.  

“Uhh, what?” Tommy looked at him with wide eyes, feeling embarrassed at being caught.

“Eddie’s been through a lot lately,” Bobby sighed.  “We all have… but he and Buck have been close for nearly a year and the last few months have been especially difficult for the both of them.  They have some things to figure out, but they’ll get there sooner or later.”

Hopefully sooner than later— Evan definitely didn’t need the stress of a jealous best friend right now.  And Tommy wasn’t about to back down either.

Sal was Sal Deluca, Tommy’s best friend and the captain of the 122.  

And he had actually already been well informed and bitching about Evan’s situation, this was just the first time Tommy had actually seen him in person in a few weeks

“Why didn’t you say your Evan was Evan fuckin’ Buckley of the 118?” Sal said punching him in the arm.

“Hey! Ow— and yeah…” Tommy frowned and rubbed at his arm.  “Why do you say it like that?”

“Because LAFD has fucked him over about five ways to Sunday,” Sal said.  “It’s a freakin’ miracle he decided to drop his multi-million dollar lawsuit against the department.   He could be living the high life in Beverly Hills and. You’re. Telling me me he’s been surfing your couch for the last few weeks?’

“First off, you watch way too much reality TV if you think Beverly Hills is the goal,” Tommy started.  “Second of all, what do you mean multi-million—”

“I mean some of us could have been lookin for new jobs if he hadn’t been all noble and dropped the suit.”

Suddenly Tommy remembered what Evan had said barely two nights ago.  I didn’t want the money.  I just wanted to go home.

Evan was a better man than Tommy had initially thought, and he’d already thought pretty highly of him in the first place.  

“They gave him his job back the other day—”

“They damn well should have.”

“—but he said he had to sign something like two dozen waivers.”

“He what—”

Sal stopped as Evan walked back into the kitchen, black LAFD duffel hung over his shoulder and the onesie that Tommy had bought for Minnie held carefully between his hands.  Sal turned towards him and pointed.

“You need to send me every damn waiver they had you sign,” he said.

Evan blinked at him a little startled, eyes darting towards Tommy and back to Sal.  “Uh… okay.”  

“Good man, Buckley,” Sal said, patting in him on the shoulder.

Evan had seemed to be a little in awe of him when they first met that morning and Tommy was doing his best not to get jealous, which of course Sal thought was absolutely hilarious which is probably why his hand was lingering on Evan’s shoulder.  He was also probably going to tell Donny which meant that Tommy was really never going to know peace again.  

“I feel bad, not being there too help,” Evan sighed as Tommy handed him his coffee in a travel mug since he wouldn’t be able to bring it to him at the hospital.  

Tommy pursed his lips and gave him a look.  

“Don’t worry about it, Evan, really,” Tommy said, clapping a hand down on his opposite shoulder with a smile.  Sal took the hint and stepped away, his hands raised behind Evan’s back as he snickered at Tommy.  Tommy ignored him and continued.  “Minnie needs her dad today, let the rest of us take care of this.”

Evan let out another small sigh, but nodded.  “Thanks Tommy, you really don’t have to do this—” He was saying as they walked out to the Jeep.

Tommy huffed but rolled his eyes fondly.  “I know I don’t have to, but I want to—”

“Just let the man help you out,” Sal said packing one of Evan’s boxes into the flatbed of the truck.  “Please if for no one else then do it for me— I can’t deal with the sad eyes he gets mopes.”

Tommy spluttered. “I do not—”

“I have photographic evidence.”

Tommy shut up.

Evan laughed.  “Alright, I’ll do it for you, Sal.”

“You have the gratitude of both my wife and I,” Sal said.  “Get my number from Tommy and  let me know what you like to eat and we’ll whip something up for ya.”

Evan blinked, clearly startled again, and Tommy hated that the slightest bit of kindness seemed to throw him off so completely that he needed a second to reboot.  

“You better agree, Evan,” Tommy warned him teasingly.  “He’s Italian, you won’t know peace until you let the Deluca’s feed you.”  Tommy would know, the same thing happened to him.

“Oh… uh… that actually, that would be great,” Evan said and Tommy’s own brain nearly needed a reboot from the sheer surprise of Evan agreeing.  “I bet Bobby would appreciate the break from cooking for me all the time.”

There it was.

Tommy sighed heavily and Sal looked confused.  “We’ll work on it.  Let me know if you need anything and I’ll swing by the hospital alright?”

They said their goodbyes and Tommy promised Sal that he would give Evan his number and that he would make sure Evan would actually get back to him before they climbed into his truck and drove in the opposite direction.

Evan’s new place wasn’t all that far away from Tommy’s own house.  He’d seen the “apartments ready for rent” sign when he’d been driving to Harbor a few days ago and had immediately looked up the complex when he’d gotten a chance.  It was a newer secured building, clean and updated, and in a good area (since Tommy already knew the neighborhood).  It ticked off every one of Evan, Bobby, and Athena, (and his—) conditions.

Hen pulled up and parked next to them while they were getting out.  Her car was packed, it was a miracle that Denny fit in behind her.  Sal snorted when she opened the back and a box of diapers fell out.

“Sal,” Hen grinned at him.  “Long time no see— I hear you finally made captain.”

“Yup about a year ago,” Sal nodded, looping an arm over Hen’s shoulders and giving her a quick side hug.  “The old captain decided he wanted a desk job and he helped me get ready for it.”

“That’s great.  Still at the 122?”  

“Mhmm,” He leaned down and grabbed the box of diapers.  “My lead paramedic is about to go out on maternity leave if you ever decide you need a change of scenery.”

“That’s kind of you, but I’m still pretty happy where I’m at.” Hen smiled.  

“Is this all the stuff you got from Evan’s Amazon list?” Tommy asked peering into car.  

“Only about half of it,” Hen said, brushing her hands together.  “Athena and Bobby have most of the furniture, though the dresser was on back order and won’t get here until next week sometime.”

“It’s all pink,” Denny said, nose scrunched as he finally made it out of the car.

“And what’s wrong with pink?” Sal asked raising an eye at him.  Tommy bit back a laugh.  Becoming a dad of two bubbly little girls that loved all things pink had certainly helped him grow up— the Sal he’d met all those years ago probably would have agreed with the kid.  

Denny’s eyes went wide as he looked up at Sal.  

“Now, Denny, we talked about this.  There’s nothing wrong with pink,” Hen admonished, pulling a backpack out and handing it to him.  “Grab something to take up.”

Sal blinked in recognition.  “You’re kiddin’ me, there’s no way that is Denny,” he gaped,  pointing at the child.

“I told you, Hen, you needed to send us Christmas cards,” Tommy joked.  Honestly he couldn’t believe the kid in front of them was Denny either.  It’d been about three years since he’d last seen him.  Even with the pictures Hen had shown him when she’d come too visit Minnie at the hospital he couldn’t believe that the nine year old in front of him was once the excitable kindergartner they’d given a spin in the ambulance.

A few minutes later, arms loaded with baby items from Hen’s car found all of them walking into an apartment on the second floor.  The front door opened into a kitchen with an island and not much room for a table with the living room beyond and a door that led to the balcony where Tommy could see Chris and another kid sitting in some camp chairs.  

It was a nice space, bright and light a lot like Evan himself, but a cozy place to bring home a newborn.  

Howie was standing in a sea of boxes that covered the living room and kitchen where he was steadily opening the boxes with a box cutter so that they could be easily unpacked.  

“Sal! Tommy!” He exclaimed with a happy smile.  “Welcome to the party!”

Maddie appeared in a doorway to their left, squealing excitedly when she saw all the pink  boxes that they were holding, snatching a basket of onesies out of Sal’s hands before they’d even stepped fully into the apartment.  

Once he was actually in the apartment he could see the room behind her was a laundry room where she was busy sorting out baby clothes.  Down a small hall to the right he could see Bobby and another man putting together a bed frame in the master bedroom.

“Bobby said you’d be helping out,” Howie said walking over to them with a grin.  “It’s good to see you. We still on for drinks in a few weeks?” 

“You bet,” Sal grinned.  “It’s your turn to pay, Han, don’t think I forgot.” 

Howie scowled good naturedly and went to help them unload the truck and the rest of Hen’s car. 

“I can’t believe you found out about Baby Buck before I did,” Howie said, on the way down to the cars, popping his gum as he grouched. 

“To be fair, there was a pretty good reason I found out about her before any of you,” Tommy said with a raise of his eyebrow.  He was trying to keep the judgment off his face but it was hard.  

“Yeah, you’re right about that,” Howie sighed.  “We’re working on it.  I’m glad he met you though.”

When they got back up to the apartment, Athena roped him and Sal into putting the crib together in the nursery while her and her daughter ran to get lunch for everyone.   

Between the two of them they made quick work of that and the changing table, they were both the same brand that Sal had used for his girls and he said that he was pretty sure the instructions were seared into his memory after Gina had more than one hormonal breakdown over it when it came in they come in the wrong color twice.

The rest of the afternoon went much the same and with about four different lists from Evan each attached to a different colored clipboard, and all the help from the 118 and their families they made quick work of getting Evan’s apartment into a somewhat livable state by the evening.  

It was about seven PM when he heard a key in the lock.  He was the last one in the apartment finishing some of the laundry that Maddie had been working her way through and was in the middle of unpacking a few more boxes and breaking others down for recycling when Evan walked in.  

He didn’t even seem to notice him at first.  His shoulders were damp and his hair was dripping water from the rumbling sky overhead and he seemed to have a far away look in his eyes even as he stared at his phone.  

“Hey Evan.”

He startled and looked up from his phone with a bit of a wild look in his eye.  Tommy frowned.  

“Are you alright?” He asked, taking a step closer.  “Is Minnie alright?”

“Wha— Mi-Minnie?” Evan blinked before shaking his head and dropping his phone onto the island in front of him.  His hands hovered over it, shaking.  The door open behind him was left wide open and the key was still in the lock. “She… She’s fine.  Minnie is o— she’s okay.” 

Tommy moved to get the key and close the door, locking it behind him.  “That’s good… Are you okay?”  He asked carefully coming up next to him and putting the keys on the counter next to his phone.  

“I—”

“Do you need some water?”

“No!”

Tommy’s eyes went wide at the vehement tone.  “Alright, that’s okay, but let me know if you change your mind.  I’m going to go get you a towel, okay?”

When he returned a moment later, Evan was still standing where he left him, hands still shaking, and hair still dripping water into his face, teeth now chattering harshly.  Tommy didn’t ask him if he was okay again, instead he gently dropped the towel around his shoulders and coaxed him towards the couch to sit.  He talked softly all the while careful not to startle him, he knew the look of someone who wasn’t all the way there.  He didn’t know how Evan got through the episodes, so he didn’t want to do anything to make it worse.  

Drying off his hair and the water in his face seemed to help along with the quiet story he was telling about the last time he went to Vegas with Donny and Sal for a guys trip.  He wasn’t even sure what all he was saying, he just needed something to stop the silence echoing through the apartment only interrupted by the occasional roll of thunder.  

Slowly the far away look in Evan’s eyes went away and recognition blinked back into his eyes, thunder rolled and he flinched a bit, but he seemed to stick around this time.   

“Uh… sorry—”

“You don’t have to apologize for that, Evan,” Tommy said kindly.  Donny had said it enough to him over the years until he finally started to believe it.  “You don’t even have to tell me what happened, but I would like to be able to help you out if it happens again.  Are you seeing anyone?”

“Uhm… I kind of saw someone for a weeks before th-the lawsuit happened, with Chris to help, but—”

Tommy blinked and tilted his head. Why was he…?

“—I meant to set something up on my own but kept putting it off and then Minnie was born and… I should probably figure something out, I don’t want that to happen when I’m alone with her.”  Evan sighed and looked down at his hands, wringing them together until they were bright red and likely to be dotted with bruises the next morning.

“Is there anything I can do to help that?”  Tommy asked.  His own episodes had gotten better over the years, but he still didn’t like unexpected loud noises or the feel and taste of dust on the wind.  

“The, uh, the towel helped a lot,” Evan said picking at the corner of it.  “And so did the talking.  I… I don’t really like loud noises much at all right now and… and I’m okay in the shower for the most part but I don’t like getting wet or having water on my face.”

“Okay…” That seemed like an odd combination, but talking quietly and having a towel on hand wasn’t difficult to do.

Evan seemed to notice the confusion on his face though and he let out another sigh.  “Remember how… how I told you that they wouldn’t let me go back to work… after the bombing?”

Tommy nodded, he remembered, and then he’d listened to Sal go on about it for another twenty minutes when he’d driven him back to his house to get his car earlier.  

“Well, there was a… short… time where I quit, before the lawsuit because… because I was m-mad and I didn’t know wh-what to do.”  His teeth were still chattering, but it had slowed greatly.  “And on…one day… Labor Day, Ch-Chris’ home nurse was out of town and Eddie brought him over to m-me for the day.”

Tommy felt his lungs freeze up, Labor Day was the tsunami— there was no way…

“S-so I… I took him to the pier,” Evan barked out a laugh that had no humor to it.  

“The pier?” Tommy breathed out.  “You were on the pier?”

Evan chewed at his lip and Tommy couldn’t bring himself to tell him to stop right now, as frozen in place as he was.  “Yup— right out on the very end…”

“Oh my god— Evan… How are you both still alive?” Tommy asked.  It really had been just one thing after another for him the last few months.  

“I have… no idea.” He shrugged, wringing his hands together.  “I’ve been asking myself that a lot lately… but then I look at Minnie and I… I think that maybe I kept getting saved for her.  I was meant to be her dad and the universe made sure it happened even though sometimes felt like it was trying its hardest to do the opposite.”

“I really… I was barely keeping my head above water—” He snorted and his face screwed up like he was trying not to laugh or cry. “No pun intended, but I was barely holding on until Minnie and suddenly everything… well, everything wasn’t magically okay, but for the first time it felt like it might be.  It’s like I was born to be her dad and I… I need her just as much as she needs me.”

Tommy sat in companionable silence next to him thinking about how it was a miracle that Evan was even sitting next to him.   

“Well I for one am glad that you’re here to be her dad.”

Evan smiled shyly and looked down quickly.  “Thanks for listening to all my problems all the time… one of these days I’ll get to help you with something.”  He said nudging Tommy’s shoulder with his own.  

“One of these days I’ll convince you that you don’t actually need to.”

Evan huffed.  “I know that… you’re a good friend, Tommy.” He said with a smile that sent Tommy’s heart into a downwards tailspin.

“Well, what are friends for?” Tommy grinned. 

He was warm and comfortable and didn’t want to move— at least until he heard the snickering.  Did Donny come over and not tell him? Why was he laughing? 

Was that bacon?

Tommy cracked an eye open and raised his head slightly.  

That wasn’t Donny.  

Howie was leaning over him, and only years of waking up to this exact thing kept him from jumping in surprise— that and he was pretty sure he had a weighted blanket on him.

A warm weighted blanket.

That was… moving?

Hair brushed against his throat and the underside of his jaw and he glanced down to see Evan sprawled out over his chest, somehow curled up in between him and the back of the couch with legs were intertwined with his yet still somehow hanging over the edge.  

“You boys comfortable?” Howie grinned with a loud pop of his gum.

“Whas—it?” Evan mumbled sleepily, head popping off his shoulder.  

“What time is it?” Tommy asked a little more awake than Evan.

“About nine in the morning morning,” Evan’s sister, Maddie, answered from the kitchen and sounding far too cheery for the morning.  “Minnie had a good night, she’ll be happy to know her dad did too.”

Tommy blinked.

Evan spluttered and pushed himself upright, chucking a throw pillow out blindly towards her.  It didn’t come anywhere close to her, instead smacking Howie right in the face.

He squawked but Evan ignored him and looked at his sister.   “How are you so perky right now?  I thought you were at the hospital all night.”

“Been working a lot of night shifts recently,” Maddie replied, taking a sip of coffee from one of Evan’s mugs.

Just how long had they been here?  Normally Tommy was a light sleeper and even just the house settling woke him up some nights.  

Maddie put the mug back down and grimaced, waving her hand in a ‘so-so’ motion.  “Well… kind of.”

“Kind of?” Evan’s nose scrunched in confusion as he finally disentangled himself from Tommy.  Tommy sat up with him, massaging the base of his skull where is neck was a little stiff from sleeping on Evan’s couch all night.  He didn’t even remember falling asleep, one minute they were talking and the next Howie was leaning over him grinning like a psycho.

“I… kind of got suspended?” Maddie said tuning back to the stove where she flipped what looked like a pancake.  

“Seems like a Buckley family trait,” Howie said jokingly nudging Evan’s shoulder, though his own looked tight as he watched Maddie in the kitchen.  

“Hey— I didn’t ‘kind of’ get suspended,” Evan argued.  “I ‘kind of’ got fired.  There’s a difference.”

“You what?” Tommy blinked at him, mouth dropping open.  It was too early for this.  

“Uhh… I’ll tell you about that later,” Evan waved him off looking back at his sister.  “What happened Maddie?”

Howie mouthed the word ‘later’ to him from behind his hand even though Evan wasn’t looking at him.  

Maddie sighed and turned the burners on the stove down.  “A woman filed a complaint against me.  She said I was stalking her.  Which I think is kind of an exaggeration but—”

“But it’s true?” Evan asked wide eyed.

“This woman called 9-1-1 several times, and Maddie thought she was in trouble… she just wanted to help her,” Howie defended.  Suddenly Tommy remembered how and why Howie had been stabbed earlier that year.

Maddie shrugged.  “Well she didn’t  want my help and now I’m back in therapy mandated by Sue.”

Evan frowned.  “If it’s too much to—”

Maddie cut him off with a look that only a big sister could give— Tommy didn’t have a big sister but that’s what he imagined The Look might look like.

“Helping you with Minnie has been no trouble at all, Evan,” she assured him with a smile.  “If anything I think she’s been helping me more than the other way around.  Now go get ready— we’ve already got breakfast going so you can get over to see Minnie.” 

“Oh, thanks guys you didn’t have to do that,” Evan said.  At least it wasn’t just him that Evan had problems accepting help from.  

“Honestly it’s the very least we can do,” Howie said.  “And we— I miss having you around.”

Evan looked surprised for reasons that were still unfathomable to Tommy.  “Oh.  I… I really miss you too, Chim.  Uh… if you want to come over I bet Minnie would love to meet her Uncle Chim.”

Howie smiled.  “I’d like that.  Maddie and I have plans today, but I’ll swing by tomorrow if that works for you.  Baby Buck needs to meet her favorite uncle.”

Evan let out a laugh.  “How can you be her favorite if she hasn’t met you yet?”

“Just watch I’ll be her favorite by the end of the day.”

“I’m sure you will, Chim,” Evan grinned with a sidelong glance towards Tommy like they were sharing a secret.  Tommy didn’t exactly know what that was, but he grinned back.

After breakfast with Howie and Maddie they drove together to the hospital, it was a beautiful autumn day with not cloud in the sky, but somehow Evan’s smile was still brighter than the sun.

Liam was standing at Minnie’s crib once they’d scrubbed up and headed in to see her.  He was leaning over the incubator with a smile, making little faces at her and playing peek-a-boo with his tablet.  Minnie was still too young to truly smile but she was making those soft cooing noises she always did, kicking her legs into the air.  

“Hey Liam,” Evan greeted easily.

“Hey Bu— whoa, Buck,  I don’t know what you’ve done but you look great,” Liam said with a surprised laugh. “The bags under your eyes are almost gone.”

Tommy snorted and Evan rolled his eyes.  

“That’s a lie, but thanks,” he laughed.  

They were both right though.  Evan still had the circles under his eyes but they were considerably lighter than they had been that first day Tommy met him.  

“I have been sleeping a bit better, thanks to this guy here,” Evan added, jerking his thumb over at him before he moved to quietly greet Minnie, sliding a hand into the incubator to run that thumb over her forehead.

“Ahh,” Liam nodded with a knowing look and a smile towards Tommy.  He felt his face heat up and rubbed a hand over his jaw, glancing away from him.  

“Do you want to hold her?” Liam asked, looking back at Evan.

“Yeah,” he nodded, as he always did.  Minnie would be lucky if Evan ever put her down again once she was out of the incubator.  “Uhm, I was wondering though, if Tommy could hold her first today?”

Tommy whipped his head back around, eyes wide.  “What?”

“Yeah, that shouldn’t be a problem.” Liam nodded, turning towards him.  “Do you want to take your shirt off and get settled in the chair there?”

Tommy didn’t think his eyes could get any bigger as he looked between Evan and Liam.  “What?” He asked again.  

Evan grinned at him, tilting his head in that adorably annoying way of his. “You’ve seen me with her enough times that you should know the drill by now.”

He certainly had seen Evan without his shirt on, but this was not the time for that.  He shrugged off his flannel over shirt. 

“Evan are you sure?”  Tommy asked, glancing between him and Minnie who was being lifted out of the crib by Liam. 

“As sure as I could ever be,” Evan’s grin softened. “Tommy, I trust you… probably more than I should at this point.  But you’ve done so much for me… for both of us.  And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank you for that.”

“You don’t have to thank me for any of it, Evan,” Tommy said softly.  “I already told you that.”

“This is very heart warming and I love holding Miss Minnie here, but she’s going to freak if one of you doesn’t take her soon,” Liam said.  

Evan smiled encouragingly and nodded at him, so he pulled off his Henley and sat down.  

Liam gently deposited Minnie into his arms, situating her head against his collarbone, careful of all the tubes and wires she was still connected to (though there were far less than that first day he’d seen her).  He then laid a warm blanket over her and Tommy curled his hand over her back, holding her steady.  

Minnie snuffled and blinked her eyes up at him blearily.  He smiled down at her.  “Well hello there— you’re just a perfect little princess aren’t you?”

She huffed and made a tiny squeaking noise as she snuggled in closer to his shoulder.  He’d held babies before but there was something different about holding Minnie.  His heart felt like it was about to burst.  He looked up at Evan who was an obviously putting his phone back into his pocket, but was smiling at him happily as he sat in the chair Tommy normally did.  

He watched as Evan ran the back of his knuckle across the little splotchy heart over her left eyebrow and smiled at her softly.  It just felt… right.  

“Tommy!” Buck grinned happily raising a hand to wave the other man down.  Tommy had said that his father was being released from the hospital and moved to a more long term care type of facility in the next day or so and that he probably wouldn’t have time to stop by the NICU that day.  

Which… had only disappointed Buck a tiny bit… at least that’s what he told himself.  He tried not think too hard about how much he missed the other man on days he wasn’t able to stop by now that he was back to his full time shifts.  Which was maybe why he was going on a totally normal walk near the cardiology hall.

Tommy turned with a raised eyebrow, as he lowered his phone and ended whatever call he’d taken.  Buck blinked and slowed down to a steady walk.

“You’re not Tommy—” Buck said.  This must be Donny— Jesus, when Tommy said he had an identical twin he wasn’t expecting the guy to look exactly like him.  Which he definitely should have, but it was still a bit of a shock— but the closer he looked the more he could see the minute differences between the two brothers.  His hair was a bit shorter on top with a closer buzz on the sides, the lines around his face were different, his nose was a little crooked from what was likely a long healed broken nose.  Even the way he held himself was different than Tommy.  

“You must be Evan,” Donny said, with a smile that looked so familiar yet nothing like Tommy’s at the same time.  “My brother cannot shut up about you— or your daughter.”

“O-oh… really?” He stammered, chuckling awkwardly as he crossed his arms over his chest.  “So-sorry about that.”

Donny’s eye’s darted down to his arms the same way Tommy’s did when he had his sleeves rolled up, the bruises still looked pretty bad but they weren’t as sore as they had been since he’d been able to actually get some regular sleep.  Donny looked back up at him and blinked.

“What?” He asked, looking at Buck incredulously.  

Buck cocked his head to the side, blinking in confusion.

“What are you apologizing for?”

“Oh… he, uh, he’s been helping me out a lot and I know that there— there’s a lot going on with your dad and everything and I-I—” It was hard to explain.  He didn’t think he could ever pay Tommy back for what he’s done for him the last few weeks.  “He’s spent a lot of time and—”

Donny let out a short laugh.  “Evan, I should be thanking you for what you’ve done for Tommy the last few weeks.”

“Well I haven’t really—”

“Trust me, Evan, you have,” Donny said before he sighed.  “We didn’t… have the best dad when we were growing up and spending so much time stuck in the hospital with him was really wearing on Tommy.  Meeting you and your daughter gave him a reason to smile while he was here.  You’ve been a good friend to him.”

Buck felt his cheeks warm as he smiled.  “Well he… he’s been an even better friend to me.”

“That’s Tommy for you,” Donny said.  “But thank you, for giving him something to look forward to.  Hell— yesterday was the first birthday we’ve had in years that didn’t revolve around something our father did.”

Buck’s eyes widened.  Birthday?

“Wait— yesterday was Tommy’s birthday?” Buck gaped.  Tommy had sat with him and Minnie for two hours yesterday before he’d come over to his apartment for another hour and a half to help him put together the dresser and hang the mirror in Minnie’s nursery.

“It was mine too—”

“Why didn’t he say anything!?” Buck stressed, throwing his hands out in front of him.  “I didn’t even say happy birthday!”

“Well—”

“I could have at least bought him coffee yesterday morning!” Buck rubbed his hand over his mouth as he thought over everything Tommy said yesterday that might have indicated it was the man’s birthday.  It was his birthday and he still was helping Buck out all day yesterday.  “He— why wouldn’t he tell me that—” He breathing quickened a bit at the thought that he’d been a bad friend to Tommy after all the man had done to be a good friend to him and he didn’t even know it was his birthday.

“Whoa there,” Donny put a steadying hand on his shoulder in the same way that Tommy often did, it didn’t feel quite the same but it was still calming.  His eyes were wide.  “I’m gonna need you to calm down before Tommy gets here and thinks this is my fault.  He’d kill me if I upset you.”

Buck let out a quick, quiet laugh.  “No he wouldn’t.”

“Oh trust me, you don’t know my brother quite like I do.” Donny chuckled back, patting his shoulder lightly before dropping his hand back down to his side.

“But if you really want to do something…” Donny started.  “Cake.”

“Huh?”

“Get Tommy a cake— any flavor honestly but he especially loves lemon— doesn’t even have to be big, just a a cupcake for something.  You get Tommy any kind of cake and he’ll probably love you forever.”

Buck felt his heart skip a beat at the thought.  

“Uh— o-okay.  I can do that…” Buck chewed on his lip as he tried to remember if there were any bakeries nearby he could get a lemon cake from when he thought of the perfect one.  “Thanks… Donny right?”

Donny smiled at him.  “You can call me that.”  He glanced down at his phone as it buzzed in his hand and sighed, squeezing at the bridge of his nose like he was trying to stave off a headache.  “Looks like Tommy’s gonna be a minute.”

“Do you, uhm, do you want to…” He wrung his hands together.  “I have to get back to the nursery but do you want to come wait for Tommy with me?”  A totally normal request right?  Everyone loved babies— well maybe not everyone, but it was hard not to smile around Minnie, and Donny looked like he could use a smile.  (And if it got Tommy to come visit then that was just an added bonus—)

Donny glanced over his shoulder and back down at his phone again before shoving it in his pocket. “Sure why not, if you’re okay with it… I wouldn’t mind seeing this baby that’s got my brother falling all over himself for.”

It was nearing the end of the day by the time Tommy finally got to the hospital, having spent most of his afternoon talking with the coordinators at the assisted living home they were looking at for their father.  Donny had had to work for most of the day and Tommy had assured him that he could handle the paperwork, which he could, but that didn’t change the fact that the whole thing had been exhausting.  

He was really hoping he could just hop over to the nurses station and talk to them about their dad’s discharge tomorrow without even seeing the man, and maybe after if he still had time he could stop by and see Evan and Minnie.

He stepped into the elevator and looked down at his phone to see a missed message from Donny from about an hour before.  

Donny:  I’m in the nursery with your boy and baby.  I can see why you like them so much.

And… he what—

He quickly pressed the button for the NICU.   How did—

He looked down at his phone again.  There had been a few updates from Donny throughout the afternoon on how their dad was (an asshole as usual), how awful the hospital coffee was (he’d told Donny before about the cafe down the street where he usually got his and Evan’s drinks), something about how Val was mad at him for spending more time at the hospital lately (and honestly she could just get over it—).  

The last message had been the one about the nursery and Evan and Minnie, which likely meant he was still there.  

He stepped off the elevator as the doors opened.

“Oh wow,” Kaya said instead of her usual greeting, her eyes.  “I accidentally called your brother by your name earlier.  I didn’t know you were—”

“Yeah we get that a lot,” Tommy chuckled as he signed in and took a visitor sticker from her.  “Is he still back there?” 

“Should be,” Kaya nodded.  “He was with Buck and I haven’t seen him come back out yet.”

Tommy thanked her as she pressed the button to open the ward doors for him.  The way to the nursery was even more familiar than the path to his dad’s room and there was a much better end than the other too.  

He looked through the windows as he walked by and immediately pinpointed Donny sitting next to Evan who was holding his daughter and smiling easily while he talked to his brother.   He scrubbed up and greeted the nurses who were getting ready to change over their shifts to the night time crowd.  

Evan smile lit up his face when he saw Tommy— just to immediately slide off and turn into a scowl.  Donny snorted a quiet laugh next to him.  Tommy just felt confused as he slowed too a stop.  

“Everything okay here?” 

“No,” Evan pouted.  Minnie scrunched her nose like she was in agreement with her father.  “Why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday yesterday?  Why did I have to find out from your brother?”

“Uhh…” Tommy said while Donny grinned like an asshole.  

Evan’s pout softened.  “I would have done something for you instead of having you help me out all day.”

“I don’t think he minded that, Evan,” Donny said before Tommy even had a chance to open his mouth.  

“Do you wanna hold her?” Evan asked, looking up at him, seemingly over the pouting rather quickly.  “Since you didn’t really get a chance to yesterday.

“I’d love to,” he said, already unbuttoning the nicer collared shirt he’d been wearing that day and ignoring Donny’s wide eyed look all the while.  

They played a quick game of musical chairs that was well familiar to them by now and Evan handed Minnie over with no fuss at all.  She immediately curled in towards him with a soft huff.

Donny was watching him carefully but Tommy shrugged him off, there was absolutely no way of talking himself out of this one.  He knew he was screwed a this point.  

“Evan’s been telling me he’s a firefighter at your old house,” Donny said, while Evan chugged down half of his obnoxiously green water bottle.  

“We barely missed each other by like two weeks,” Evan added putting his water back down.  “Kind of wild when you think about how I ran into you.  Maybe it’s like we were always supposed to meet.”  Evan said with a laugh.

“I’d say so,” Donny said with a knowing look in Tommy’s direction. 

Later when they were walking out of the hospital after telling Evan and Minnie goodnight and talking to their father’s nurses, Donny slung an arm over his shoulders.  

“You know I was worried about you and how fast things were going with this Evan kid, but I don’t think I need to anymore.”

Tommy raised an eyebrow at him, because there’s no way that Donny was just going to suddenly be okay with all of it.   

“Because you are actually both insane,” Donny answered.  “Also that kid of his is pretty cute.” He added sounding wistful.

“I’m sure Evan wouldn’t mind if you went to visit, he enjoys the company,” Tommy said, he knew how much his brother liked kids.  Whenever they’d talked about their futures when they were young and dumb and pretending that the rest of the world didn’t exist into the late hours of the night, Donny’s had always included a kid or two.  

It had started as a way to spite their father, being something he never could be, but as the years had passed it had turned into a true want of his.  Donny would be a good dad if he ever got the chance to be one.  

Donny hummed, and Tommy could see the longing in his eyes.   “That… That would be nice actually.” 

He hoped that Donny got the chance to be a dad one of these days.

The next time Tommy saw Minnie there was a stuffed Dalmatian sitting next to her crib and he let out a loud snort even while his ears and the back of his neck heated when he saw the card underneath it that read “From: Uncle Donny.”  

“Did one of you assholes break a mirror before you left the 118 or something?” Howie asked in lieu of greeting when he met him and Sal at the bar that they normally got together at.  The times that the three of them and Hen were able to meet up were growing far and few in-between, which maybe they should try to put in more of an effort to keep up with each other.

Tommy raised an eyebrow at him and Sal set his bottle down on the table in front of him.  

“Wouldn’t that mean that the bad luck would follow one of us?” Sal asked.

“I don’t know how curses work man but something has been happening the last few years since you two left and who knows maybe you did do something— you were pretty pissed when you got suspended Deluca,” Howie said taking a swig of the beer they’d gotten him. He stared at it.  “I’m gonna need something stronger than this.”

“Absolutely, one hundred percent cursed the place on my way out,” Sal deadpanned.  “Are you seriously blaming us for the crazy shit that goes on at your house?”

“I need something to blame!  I just had a crow follow me around for like two weeks.  This last week has been straight from hell so I will believe pretty much anything right now.”

Oh, he was very serious.  The last time Howie got crazy superstitious on them like this Hen damn near suffocated him with a pillow in the bunk room.  They were all a little wary of things like the “q-word” as first responders, but Howie often took it to the next level.  

Tommy frowned.  “Evan told me earlier that they think Minnie might have pneumonia.” He’d damn near broke his heart, when he’d called him in tears this morning as he was getting off his shift to let him know that their attempt at taking Minnie off the supplemental oxygen did not go as well as they hoped.  “Did something else happen?”

“Did something else— oh boy did it,” Howie downed half the bottle in one go before he launched into the story of the last several days for the 118 and close associates.

The week had started strong when Bobby’s wife, Sergeant Grant, was dragged back into the murder investigation of her fiancé from the 90s that absolutely none of them knew about, not even Hen.  She’d then been suspended for going AWOL for solving the case of her murdered fiancé. She’d since been a constant fixture in their station kitchen during their shifts— at least until a few days later when Hen crashed an ambulance, killing a teenage girl, due to some kind of mechanical malfunction that sent her spiraling and put her on indefinite leave for the time being.

Then Howie told them about the lady who filed the complaint on Evan’s sister a few days ago ended up calling Maddie in a panic and Maddie had to stab the woman’s abusive husband to save his life— so now his girlfriend was in the middle of a big PTSD episode, which wasn’t helping his own PTSD episode and he’d been having nightmares for days about when he’d been stabbed.

Also apparently Diaz got caught at some underground fight club and had nearly killed a man due to the unprocessed grief of losing his wife earlier that year.  Which… Tommy had thoughts about that, but it wasn’t the time or place to get into it. 

And then of course everything that Evan had been through that year from nearly losing his leg and then his life and then his life again with the tsunami and the lawsuit and his surprise daughter that had been in the NICU for the entirety of her little life. 

Basically every one at the 118 was getting mandatory therapy for the time being, and for good reason.

“What the fuck.” Sal said when Howie took a break to drink the whiskey they’d gotten at some point during his rant and Tommy blinked in agreement.  What the fuck.  

His phone started buzzing in his pocket and he fished it out— usually only Donny or Sal called him this late, but Evan had changed that in the last few weeks after Tommy told him he could call any time.  

He smiled when he saw it was Evan calling and he slid out of the booth and away from the table for some privacy.  And then he remembered how late it was and that Minnie might have pneumonia and the smile turned into a frown as he answered quickly.

“Evan?  Hey, is everything okay?”

“Tommy,” Evan said, his voice hoarse.  He sounded like he’d been crying again, but he didn’t sound sad.

“What is it? Is Minnie okay?”

“Yes.  We-well no, but yes— she’s okay right now,” Evan sounded frazzled but relieved.  “It’s not pneumonia.”

“Oh that’s good,” Tommy breathed out in relief.  There was a tension in his shoulders that immediately went slack at the news.  “That’s really good, Evan.  Did they figure out what happened then?”

“Yeah,” And now Evan sounded tired again.  They’d been doing so well at getting him to sleep and eat on a regular basis, it was hard enough trying to convince him to take care of himself the first time— “She’s got something called BPD— bronchopulmonary dysplasia, which isn’t great either but they said it happens sometimes in premies that have been on oxygen for as long as her.  The pulmonologist said it looks like they caught it pretty early so there’s not a whole lot of scarring to her lungs yet and they referred us to another specialist for when she is discharged.” Evan explained.

“They’ll be able to tell us more about how it’ll affect her life when she’s closer to a year old.  She’ll be on oxygen for a while longer and additional breathing treatments for a few months, and she’ll probably have asthma for the rest of her life, but she’s okay.”

It honestly sounded like it could be much worse than it was, and Tommy sighed again still feeling that unexpected relief deep in his chest. 

“It’ll be okay,” he told Evan.  “You’re okay.  Minnie will be okay.  Everything will turn out good, Evan.”

“Look at you being all optimistic,” Evan teased.  “What would Donny say if he heard you?”  

He’d probably say something about how Evan was changing him for the better.

Evan let out a shuddery breath.  “Ugh it’s like ten at night, why are you letting me complain to you—  you’re probably in the middle of something or—”

“It’s alright, Evan,” he chuckled.  “I’m glad you called.  I was worried about her too.”

“I know you were… that’s why I wanted to let you know.”

“I appreciate it, really.”

“Thanks Tommy,” Evan said softly.

“No need to thank me, Evan,” he said back just as quiet.  “Are you going home tonight?”

“No… maybe— I don’t know,” Evan answered with a weary laugh.  “God, I’m so tired— but… I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight anyway if I can’t see her.”

“You’re always more than welcome to come crash at my place if you want, I started my four off tonight so I’ll be home,” Tommy told him.  His place was only marginally closer to the hospital than Evan’s was and he was learning that Evan slept better if he could hear someone else around.  

“That… I might do that, that sounds good actually.  I’ll think about it?”

“I’ll call you tomorrow and see how you’re feeling, sound good?” Tommy asked, turning back towards the table he could see Sal and Howie staring at him intently.  Howie was watching him curiously while Sal was making kissy faces at him.  He rolled his eyes at him and flipped him off, but his tone stayed kind for Evan.  “And maybe try and get some rest in the meantime?”

“Yeah… sounds good.  I’ll try,” Evan yawned.  He sounded dead tired and Tommy really hoped that Evan would just come over if just to catch up on some much needed sleep.  “Thanks Tommy, have a good night.”

He wished Evan a goodnight in return and hung up was he walked back to the table.  It was oddly quiet as he slid back into the booth next to Sal already looking up bronchopulmonary dysplasia on his phone as he went.  

“How’s Baby Buck?” Howie asked in a that casual tone of his that was not actually casual at all.

“She’s doing better,” he answered anyway, setting his phone face down on the table.  “She doesn’t have pneumonia which is a relief.”

“That is a relief,” Howie agreed looking honestly relieved and Tommy remembered that he was also Evan’s friend and that they pretty much family with how serious he was with Evan’s sister— which meant Minnie was his niece, of course he’d be relieved to hear she was okay.

“Pneumonia is nasty stuff, Mia had it last year and we had to take her to the ER twice,” Sal shook his head.  “Did they figure out what was going on?”

“Bronchopumonary dysplasia,” he answered.  “Sounds like it happens in premies as young as Minnie but they caught it before it could really cause any terrible damage.  She’ll still need the oxygen for a few months and some additional breathing treatments but they think she’ll be okay.  The pulmonologist will be able to tell us more when she’s closer to a year old.”

“Us, huh?” Sal asked with an eyebrow waggle.  

Tommy rolled his eyes again and shoved him away, Sal was gonna tell Donny and then he’d never hear the end of his little slip-up (even if Evan was the one to say it first.)

Howie squinted his eyes at him.  

Tommy took a drink.  

“You’re a good guy, Tommy, and you’re a lot better than the last guy Buck went out with.”

Tommy choked and coughed so hard his drink nearly came back up through his nose.  Sal slapped his hand against his back a few times. 

“What?” Tommy croaked, blinking at him with watery eyes.

“Before his last two girlfriends Buck… well… let’s just say he dated around— a lot.” Howie said.  “Before Snake Lady and Fire Engine Lady, there was Darts Guy from the bar and Whiskey Girl, he basically followed a guy back to LA from when he was living in Peru I think,” he chuckled and looked up like he was remembering some kind of inside joke.  “He’s always been a bit of a free spirit… he taught the rest of us to be more open and honest with ourselves and others.”

“He seems to have that effect,” Tommy blinked… Evan was bisexual? That… well it didn’t necessarily change anything, but maybe it meant that he was actually reading Evan’s reactions correctly and that it wasn’t just wishful thinking.  

“You really have names for all his exes?” Sal asked.  

“Exes might be a stretch—” Howie chewed on his lip.  “Hen and I were trying to keep his stories straight so… we kind of just nicknamed everyone to remember who they were. Only his last two exes made it out of the nickname phase.”

Their conversation soon shifted away from Evan to Tommy’s dad, and how they finally got him to remove Donny and him as POA even if it was a fight, and Sal’s family and how his girls both had a dance recital coming up next month in time for Christmas.  They finished off the night with the customary “we need to get together more often” planning something for another month or two when Hen was feeling up to it.  

And later when Donny picked him up from the bar (after he drank far more than he planned) with a shit eating grin and a “so I hear you might actually have a chance, though I could have told you that— you are both insane,” Tommy just groaned and swore to kill Sal the next time he saw him.

Despite the setback with Minnie’s BPD diagnosis and whatever was going on with the 118 the rest of the week continued well enough.  He’d had to work two full shifts, with very little time in between in order to trade and get his normal Thanksgiving shift off.  Bobby had invited him over and when Evan mentioned that it’d be nice to see everyone all together again Tommy had agreed to go.  

Minnie was getting bigger and stronger every day even with the BPD setback and they were all hoping that she’d be home in time for the holidays.  Which also meant that Evan was getting a little crazy in trying to make sure that the apartment was ready for Minnie to come home.  Which also meant that he wasn’t remembering to eat as Bobby told him, even though he had long since become accustomed to Evan’s eating habits (or lack thereof) when he was focused on something.

Evan was practically vibrating when he arrived to his apartment, moving like a hurricane around the kitchen and the living room as he bounced around.  Broken down pieces of bottles were scattered across the counter tops in varying stages of drying and being put back together, there was a disassembled bassinet in the living room and the couch was covered in various tiny outfits.

“What’s going on here?” Tommy asked with a smile, dropping the bag of food on a clear space on the island.  He hadn’t seen Evan or Minnie in three days because of his shifts and he had missed that frenetic Buckley energy. 

“She’s coming home!” Evan exclaimed, his face shining brightly as he dried off his hands and spun around to look at him.  “She passed the car seat test this morning.  Dr. Bryne told me today that she’d be home in time for Thanksgiving!”

Tommy’s smile grew big.  “That’s great!”

“I have so much to do!” Evan fretted, eyes darting around the mess on the counter and the disaster in the living room.  It wasn’t too bad, but after living with Evan even for just a few days, Tommy knew he liked to keep things neat especially with Minnie on her way home in the next three days.  

“Maddie’s got a night shift tonight and I need to head back to the hospital, but I still gotta put together the bassinet, and the air filter just got here today— the Jeep is a mess and there’s boxes—”

“Evan,” Tommy raised his hands to try and settle him.  Evan fell silent and stared back at him with wide eyes.  “Take a breath.”

Evan sucked in a breath, held it in for a few seconds, and after Tommy nodded, slowly breathed back out.

“Better?”

Evan nodded with a wry smile.  “Yeah, thanks.”

“Good,” Tommy took a step back to the island and went for the bag of food.  “It’s nothing special like what Bobby makes, but I know you like Valentino’s a few streets over so I got us some sandwiches for dinner.”

Evan’s eyes lit up at the sight of the warm meatball sub that Tommy handed to him.

“Yes, thank you—” He was cut off by his own stomach growling and Tommy raised an eyebrow at him as he pulled out his own hot pastrami sandwich.  “I, uh, I may have forgotten to eat earlier today.”

Tommy rolled his eyes (with a fond expression that he just knew Donny and Sal would gag at—) as he settled down at the island next to Evan and pulled out a couple of sodas for them as well.

He helped Evan clean up the kitchen and put all the bottles back together and away once they finished eating.  Then they moved on to the living room looking between the ten different outfits that Evan had laid out.  

“They were all so cute, I couldn’t choose,” he said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.

Tommy’s eyes zeroed in on the pink long sleeved onesie with little clouds and rainbows patterned all over it.  He reached down and carefully picked it up.  It was still as soft as the clouds that dotted across the fabric.  It was so small but it still would probably drown Minnie— all of these outfits would but he knew they were the smallest that Evan had.

“I might be a little biased if I chose this one,” Tommy smiled holding it out to Evan.  

“I thought you might choose that one,” Evan chuckled, reaching out to take it, holding it carefully as if Minnie were already in it.  “But it’s one of my favorites too.”

There was a light pink headband bow in a pile of other bows and hats to the side that matched the onesie perfectly and Tommy reached out to grab it.  It would look massive on Minnie’s head but Evan nodded in agreement and took the bow and onesie to go pack away.  Tommy picked up the rest of the clothes and bows scattered across the couch and coffee table back to Minnie’s room to put away.  He hung up the two little dresses and folded the onesies away into the dresser.  

Maddie had originally put everything away on move in day after washing it all, but Tommy had watched Evan manically pull everything out a few nights ago to rearrange it all.  He had a very specific system that he’d explained as he went about his organizing.  He’d even had a clipboard. 

Most of it had gone completely over his head (mostly because he couldn’t stop thinking about how adorable Evan was—) but he had paid enough attention to know where things went.

Between the two of them they quickly had the rest of the apartment cleaned up in about thirty minutes— the bassinet put together, the air filter running in Evan’s bedroom next to said bassinet.  The Jeep had only taken about another ten minutes to clean out (it wasn’t messy at all but he knew Evan would stress about it otherwise) and between the two of them they got the car seat installed into the back with minimal swearing.

“I think everything looks good for the little lady to come home,” Tommy said as he gave the car seat one more glance over to triply make sure everything was secured.  

Evan looked a little less wild eyed than her had when Tommy had arrived and as soon as he got the door to the Jeep closed Evan was hauling him in for a tight hug.

“Thanks Tommy… for everything.” Evan muttered into his shoulder, his breath brushing against his neck in a way that sent a barely restrained shiver down his spine.

“Of course, Evan,” Tommy wrapped his arms around his back just as tight.   “What are friends for?”

Minnie came home on November 20th, after just over a month in the NICU. 

Tommy was practically buzzing as he straightened the couch cushions for the fourth time.  Bobby was no better than him, moving around the kitchen fidgeting with everything as he went and put the finishing touches on dinner.  

The front door opened just before Tommy could vacuum the rug for a third time.  He moved to hold it open for them as Evan shouldered in carrying the car seat in one hand and a backpack of portable oxygen in the other and slung over his back.  Maddie trailed in right after, with the rest of the equipment for Minnie’s breathing treatments and oxygen to set up in Evan’s room where she would be sleeping for the next few months.  

Tommy took it from her and went to put it all in Evan’s room, he’d help him set it all up later.  When he came back Evan was sitting on the couch, with Maddie and Bobby on either side of him staring into the car seat. 

Minnie was blinking up at them with those clear blue eyes of hers that matched Evan’s almost perfectly.  She glanced over at him and even though he was probably nothing more than faceless blob to her at this age, he couldn’t help but smile at her brightly.  Evan unbuckled the seat belts and underneath she was wearing the tiny little rainbow onesie he’d gotten for her and picked out the other night.  

He reached out with a finger and Minnie’s tiny hand curled around the tip of his pointer finger.  She held on tight and his heart nearly melted out of his eyes.  

He’d been right about that bow though, it was cute but it was nearly the same size as Minnie’s head.  

“Who wants to hold her?” Evan asked cheerily, settling her gently in his arms.  Tommy helped him make sure that the oxygen tubes were all straightened out before he set the car seat on the floor.  

“I do!” Maddie exclaimed immediately.  “Give her to me!”

“Alright, alright,” Evan laughed and handed his daughter over to his sister.  

“Oh my sweet girl,” Maddie said as Minnie latched her fingers around Maddie’s pinky.  Maddie let out a quiet sniffle and Tommy moved to see if Bobby needed help with anything in the kitchen to give the Buckley siblings a minute.  

They all took turns holding her and Tommy even got to feed her when it was his turn, sitting in the armchair and watching Minnie drink down the bottle contentedly while he listened to the other three talk about their Thanksgiving plans tomorrow and the precautions they were taking for Minnie.  So far Tommy’s only job was to pick up Evan and Minnie and get them to Bobby and Athena’s safely.  

He’d tried to convince Bobby to tell him something to bring but all he kept getting was “you’re already bring something special” and “I thought I told you to call me Bobby, Tommy.”  He was just trying to make his grandma proud with polite etiquette.  

But fine— At least… it wasn’t like Bobby hadn’t told him what to bring.  He’d been the one to ask Tommy to bring Evan and Minnie over when he invited him to dinner.  And if someone were to ask him… he did think that Evan and Minnie were pretty special.  

Eventually the night came to an end when Maddie was the first to call it, stating that she had a banana cream pie to finish and get in the fridge to set if they wanted it to be ready for their Thanksgiving lunch the next day.  She kissed Evan on the top of his head and blew a kiss to Minnie as she walked by them to the door.  

Bobby stayed longer to hold Minnie for a little longer.  Tommy saw his eyes get a little watery as he gently bounced her but instead minded his business and helped Evan get Minnie’s oxygen ready for the night.  

It wasn’t long before Bobby was bringing a fussy Minnie into Buck and Tommy left to retrieve a bottle having long since been taught by Evan and Liam and all the other NICU nurses how to make one.  

Bobby came out into the main room, grabbing a glass that had been left on the coffee table, and bringing it over to the dishwasher.  They worked side by side tidying the kitchen while Tommy waited for the bottle to warm up.  The only sound in the quiet apartment other than the occasional clinking of the dishes against the rack were that of Evan talking softly in the other room, telling Minnie about everyone she was going to meet at dinner tomorrow.

“Tommy?”

“Yeah?” Tommy turned towards Bobby as the man shut the dishwasher and started it.  The bottle warmer beeped and Tommy pulled the bottle out to test it against his wrist, smiling in satisfaction when it was a good temperature.

“You’re good people.  Take care of them,” Bobby said, with a wry smile.

Tommy blinked at his old captain.  “Th-thank you… and of course I will, Cap— Bobby, I mean.  I will.”

“I know you will.  See you tomorrow,” Bobby said, pulling his jacket on and clapping Tommy on the shoulder before he was walking out the door leaving Tommy wondering if he was being as obvious as Donny and Sal always told him he was.  

He let the thought linger in the back of his mind as he went back to Evan’s room.  Evan looked up at him with a soft but bright smile, no longer the shadow of a man that Tommy had met that day just over a month ago.  His smile reached his eyes as he thanked Tommy and brought it down to Minnie’s lips.  She latched on instantly and began eating as if they didn’t just feed her a couple hours ago.  

It could have been the light from the lamp that Evan had left on, basking the room in a warm comfortable glow— but when Evan turned that soft smile up on him, his heart stuttered in his chest.

This was either going to be the greatest love of his life or the greatest heartbreak.

“You going to be okay on your own tonight?” Tommy asked quietly, not wanting to disturb the peace around them.  

“Yeah. I think so… She was a pretty good sleeper in the NICU, so I’m hoping she stays that way.”  Evan stroked his pinky down Minnie’s tiny little nose, making her scrunch her face up, even as the sucking slowed and she began to doze.  “Besides, if I need any help I know you’re just a few minutes away.” Evan smiled at him.  

“Of course,” Tommy nodded, trying to calm the rabid raccoon in his chest that was his heart trying to escape.  “All you have to do is call.” 

Evan’s nose scrunched just like Minnie’s as he let out a yawn and raised her up onto his shoulder to burp her.  

“What are friends for?” Evan grinned cheekily and it had to be a trick of the light— the way that Evan’s cheeks and ears were turning red.  

“What are friends for?” Tommy grinned back, heart still thundering away in his ears.  “I’m gonna go make a couple bottles to put in the fridge for you and then I’ll lock up, okay?”

“Don’t go just yet—” Evan said, pausing as Minnie let out the tiniest burp.  “I have something for you.”

Tommy looked at him curiously, what could Evan possibly have for him?  “Alright, but let me go make those bottles still?”

“Yeah, just give me a minute and I’ll be right out.”

Tommy returned to the kitchen and a just a few moments later Evan was right there behind him, setting the backpack with Minnie’s portable oxygen on the island before handing the baby to him.  

Minnie sighed, completely unbothered and content as she turned her little face towards him and nosed closer.

Evan pointed him towards a stool on the other side of the island, where they usually sat to eat dinner since the apartment wasn’t big enough for a table.

“Close your eyes!”

Tommy raised an eyebrow at him before he obliged and closed his eyes, peeking one open when Minnie fussed a little, looking down to check on her.  He bounced her lightly and she settled barely a second later and he closed it again before Evan could turn around.  

“Okay you can open now— I’m not gonna embarrass all three of us by singing happy birthday, but…” Evan said and Tommy opened his eyes to see Evan smiling and looking up at him with hopeful eyes holding out a frosted yellow bundt cake to him with two candles for ’35’.  “Happy birthday, Tommy.  I— It’s lemon… Donny said this was your favorite, and now that I think about it I really hope he wasn’t just messing with me… I would have made it but I’ve been a little busy—” He glanced down at Minnie with that loving sparkle in his eye.  

“Ev—Evan,” Tommy breathed out in disbelief.  “I— Well first of all that does sound like something Donny would do, but lemon really is my favorite.  I just… I— You didn’t have to do this.”

“Of course I did,” Evan said simply.  “You’ve done so much for me and Minnie that it was  the least I could do.  Now do you want a piece of this or do you want to take it home?”

Minnie nuzzled in closer to his chest, huffing softly before she settled again, content in his arms.  His eyes blurred a little, this was… 

“Yeah I’d like some right now.” Tommy said.  He wasn’t ready to leave yet, not with the way Evan instantly lit up the room like the sun and Minnie slept peacefully in his arms.  He was getting dangerously close to the point of no return.  He didn’t ever want to leave them.

Tommy sat next to Evan at the island still holding Minnie carefully after turning Evan down when he asked if he wanted to give her back.  He wasn’t ready to hand her back just yet, as he took a bite and savored the bright flavor of the cake that burst across his tongue.  

“This is so good.  Where did you get this?” He asked.  It was probably the best damn cake he’d ever had.  The closest thing he’d had to his grandmother’s since she’d died.  

“It’s this little local bakery over by the 118, opened sometime last year,” Evan said shoveling in a piece of cake that was bigger than the fork it was on.  “It’s called Sugar & Spice & Everything Iced.  Cute huh?  It’s my favorite, they have the best stuff.  I was going to go in early tomorrow and see if they had any extra cakes or something leftover like they did last year.  You have to order the pies, but someone—” He wiggled a finger at Minnie.  “Had to be a little turkey and develop a breathing disorder, so the less people around her better until she’s old enough to get her vaccines.”

He sighed.  “Chim and Hen are gonna double check that everyone is healthy tomorrow before we get there— which maybe I’m being a bit of a helicopter parent but…”

“But nothing,” Tommy said, after another bite.  He pointed the fork at Evan.  “You’re a good dad, Evan, there’s nothing wrong with taking precautions when Minnie is still this small and fragile.”

“Fragile but tough, huh?” Evan said, leaning in watch Minnie’s sleeping face, with a gentle smile.  “The toughest little princess there is.”  He said it lovingly like he didn’t just call her a little turkey five seconds ago. 

Later after he’d bid Evan and Minnie goodnight and climbed into his truck, carefully setting what was left of the lemon cake down on the seat next to him, he couldn’t help but think back to Evan’s bashful smile as presented the cake to him while Minnie snuffled sleepily in his arms and nestled in closer.

And maybe… just maybe— this really would end up being the greatest love of his life.

Tommy was back to Evan’s apartment after making a quick stop.  It was a little more than out of his way considering Evan only lived about five minutes away from him, but it was well worth it to see the way his eyes lit up when he saw the box in his hands after opening the door.  

“You went to the—!” Evan grinned, leaning over to look into the clear screen of one of the festive Sugar & Spice & Everything Iced bakery boxes he had.  Minnie was cradled carefully in his arms happily drinking down a bottle.  

“It was the only two things they really had left,” Tommy said closing the door behind himself and walking to the fridge.  “I didn’t get there until right before they were closing for the day so I hope it’s okay.”

He’d managed to snag a pumpkin cheesecake and a dozen pumpkin chocolate chip cookies with cream cheese frosting and they both looked as delicious as the lemon bundt cake from thee night before.  

“It’s perfect!” Evan smiled.  Minnie finished off the bottle and Evan put it down, lifting her up to his shoulder to burp her.  She was still the tiniest baby he’d ever met, Evan’s hands cradled her carefully as he gently burped her.  Even as tiny as she was Tommy could already see the difference from when he first met her at six days old.  

He’d met Evan and Minnie just over a month ago and he couldn’t believe how intertwined into his life they already were— no wonder Donny and Sal thought he was a little crazy.  But he honestly couldn’t imagine going about his days without them already.  And okay— maybe he was a little crazy, but who could blame him? Anyone would have been done for seeing Evan hold his daughter carefully like she was the most precious thing in the world.  

Even as precious as she was it didn’t change the fact that she was just a month old and she spit up all over the back of Evan’s shirt.  Evan took it gracefully as he laughed and handed Minnie to Tommy so that he could go change his shirt.  

Tommy took Minnie and her portable oxygen backpack over to the couch to sit.  She cooed up at him blinking those big blue eyes up at him and ran a gentle finger over the little heart shaped birthmark just over her eyebrow and down her nose causing her face to scrunch up.  He laughed quietly and pulled his finger away to let her grip it instead, her tiny little fingers barely wrapping around the digit. 

“Hen’s gonna let us know when we can head over and hopefully Bobby won’t be all the way done cooking so I can at least help with something.” Evan said, coming out of his room in a nice maroon sweater.  “We should get this one dressed though and Aunt Maddie’s already picked out her outfit.” Evan cooed down at her, warming Tommy’s heart at the sight.

They didn’t have to wait long before Hen called them and let them know that everyone was healthy and they had the all clear to come on over.  The drive to Bobby and Athena’s didn’t take super long even with the holiday traffic and Tommy was surprised to see that they really didn’t live all that far away from them.  

Maddie excitedly claimed her niece as soon as they walked through the door, showing off the cute outfit she’d gotten for Minnie once they got her jacket off.  She was wearing a little footie onesie with leaf and pumpkin patterns, across the front it said “Auntie’s favorite cutie pie” in curly cue font.  On top of her head sat another large colorful bow, it looked like a flower with the way the red, orange, and yellow tulle fluffed up.

Karen snapped a picture of the two of them before snapping another one of Evan and Tommy and moving on to everyone else.

With Maddie hoarding Minnie and Evan in the kitchen helping Bobby with the rest of dinner, Tommy found himself in the backyard chatting with Howie and holding some kind of cranberry juice and sprite concoction after turning down a beer since he was the driver.  He would have been fine by the end of dinner and the one drink wouldn’t have done much to affect him at all, but he’d rather not mess with it all with Evan and Minnie in his truck.  

It was always nice to catch up with Howie and it was even nicer that the last time he saw him had been just a couple of days ago. 

“Something about those Buckley’s huh?” Howie said and Tommy raised an eyebrow at him.

“Am I that obvious?” He asked. 

“Only as obvious as I am,” Howie replied, looking through the window towards where Maddie was bouncing Minnie lightly and talking to Hen and Karen, looking as happy as Tommy had ever seen her in the short time that he’d known her.  He could practically see the hearts forming in Howie’s eyes, just like they did every time he looked at Maddie.

“Oh, so everyone knows then,” Tommy grinned.  

Howie laughed along with him before they both took a drink and settled into a companionable silence for a few minutes.  Tommy had missed him, they’d both grown so much in the last few years.  

“Thanks man,” Howie said.

“What for?”

“For being there for Buck when the rest of us weren’t.”  He looked at Tommy seriously.  “You ever tell him this and I’ll make sure they never find your body, but I love that guy in there like a brother— for the first time since Kevin he made me feel like I could have a family again. Even before he introduced me to Maddie, he was my brother, and hopefully one day he really will be.”

Howie sighed and then he looked at Tommy with a crooked smile.  “Buck is happier than I’ve ever seen him, especially after everything he’s been through this year, and while that is in large part due to Minnie.  I think we should be thanking you as well.”

“I didn’t really—”

“You always sell yourself short, Tommy.” Howie rolled his eyes.  “But you really shouldn’t.  You’re allowed to be happy too, man.  Took me longer than I care to admit to figure that one out for myself.”  He glanced back towards Maddie and Tommy found his eyes seeking out Evan who was now taking Minnie back from his sister with that sunshine smile on his face.  “It’s not such a bad thing to be happy.”

Tommy could drink to that, just in time for Bobby to call them all to the table for dinner.

It’d been a couple of years since Tommy had been to a big family Thanksgiving.  The last one had been with the Delucas, and he meant all of the Delucas.  Sal’s family had all flown out from the east coast for the week to visit and he had invited Tommy and Donny over as well.  The two of them had spent most of the time looking at each and wondering if this is what family was supposed to be— even when their grandparents had been alive their dad had one brother and their mom was an only child.  They didn’t have that big or happy family that they showed in the movies. 

Sal had always treated them like family though, even when his large boisterous, jovial family had nearly started a food fight after one of the kids got a little too excited for the sweet potatoes (… maybe especially then since Tommy still believes it was Sal who’d thrown a ball of mashed potatoes at the back of his head…)

Thanksgiving dinner with the 118 reminded him a bit of that last big family holiday he’d had with them, minus the food fight, and minus the sheer volume the Delucas had.  Didn’t make them any less happy to all be back together, including their new addition. 

Dinner was amazing and the turkey was probably the best Tommy had ever had in his life.  Bobby had been preparing the massive twenty-five pound bird for three days as Athena let them know in detail because the buck it was marinating in took up half the space in their fridge.  As annoyed as she was, they all decided it was worth it.  Tommy had never had a juicy turkey before, and he was pretty sure it was borderline witchcraft or something. 

Along with the turkey Bobby had also made homemade stuffing (an old family recipe he told them) and candied yams.  Athena made a creamy Brussel sprout side that even had all the kids asking for more.  Hen and Karen made thee mashed potatoes and gravy and gouda mac and cheese that he was probably going to dream about.  

That wasn’t all of it, there had been so much food and Bobby had given him plenty of leftovers to take to Donny who was working— green bean casserole, three different kinds of salads, buttered sweet corn and bacon, cornbread, scones, rolls, and cranberry sauce were all passed around the table many times.  Even after they were stuffed there would be leftovers in their fridges for days.

And then there were the pies.  There were about half a dozen— apple, pecan, cherry, chocolate, Eddie had gotten a large pumpkin pie from Costco that was gone almost as soon as they were all out, along with Maddie’s homemade banana cream pie that Tommy’s pretty sure he ate half of it by himself.   The pumpkin cheesecake that Tommy had grabbed from Sugar & Spice & Everything Iced was also a big hit, even if Eddie scowled when Evan excitedly told them all where Tommy had gotten it.  Everything topped with Bobby’s homemade whipped cream had them all ready to pass out by the time they were finished eating.  

He’d even put in the work for it all, passing Minnie back and forth between himself and Evan so that they could both eat before the food got too cold— all while ignoring Howie’s knowing smirk and Hen’s curious eyebrow.  Everyone else had asked if they could help out, but somehow she always found her way back to Evan and Tommy.

When Evan smiled at him from where he was feeding Minnie her bottle and Tommy was helping to pack up the leftovers— Tommy didn’t hesitate to smile back, his heart feeling like it was about grow wings and fly away.  

That feeling continued through the rest of the day and well into the evening after he’d dropped Evan and Minnie back off at home with a promise to see them in a few days after his next shift. It even stayed until well after the sun had gone down and Tommy was walking into SWAT HQ with a bag full of leftovers that Donny eagerly grabbed out of his hands before he even sat down across from him.  

“Donny, I’m serious this time… I think I might be in love,” he said, running a hand down his face and staring at the ceiling from where he was sprawled across one of the chairs scattered through the somewhat deserted bullpen.  

“No shit Sherlock,” Donny said, taking a bite out of the sandwich he’d built of Thanksgiving leftovers.  His eyes widened.  “Holy shit this is so good—”

“My old captain and Evan’s current captain made most of it with Evan’s help, I guess he’s been giving him cooking lessons for the last few years.”

“Tommy,” Donny pointed at him.  “I say this with all the love in the world.  You need to lock this shit down.”  He took another bite of his sandwich, which was somehow comprised between four dinner rolls and held together with cranberry sauce and a dream.

Tommy raised an eyebrow at him.  “You just want the food.”

“Absolutely I do,” Donny nodded honestly.  “But I’m serious, I’ve never seen you happier than you are after you’ve been with Evan and Minnie.  You deserve it Tommy, really, after all these years of keeping everyone else happy why not choose your own happiness first once?”

Tommy eyed him and wondered if he’d somehow schemed with Howie before he got there, but Donny seemed genuine.  

And they were right, why not choose happiness for once?   Especially when it was happiness with Evan and Minnie.

The Sunday following Thanksgiving was going to be a quiet one.   He was going to spend the day over at Evan’s apartment to eat Thanksgiving leftovers and introduce Evan to some Christmas movies that Tommy was honestly appalled that he’d never seen let alone even heard of.  

Donny was still sprawled across his couch in his pajamas, flipping through movies on Netflix, having spent the night after another fight with Val.  

“You fine to hang out?” Tommy asked, sitting down next to him to pull on his boots.

“Yeah— I’ve got to head in to work around three,” Donny said checking his watch even thought it was only about eight in the morning.  “I’ll get out of your hair soon enough.”

“You’re always welcome here, Donny, you know that.” Tommy huffed, slapping him on the back.  

“Yeah yeah, I know, go see your boyfriend,” Donny shouldered him off with a roll of his eyes.

He’d just finished lacing his boots when his phone start to ring, lighting up with a selfie that Evan had taken of himself holding Minnie in the little rainbow onesie Tommy had gotten for her.  He smiled and answered the phone, bringing it up to his ear.

“Hey Evan!” Tommy grinned, rolling his eyes when Donny started blowing kisses at him.  He grabbed his jacket off the hook and flipped his brother off.  “I was just about to call you, I’m leaving my place—”

Something shattered and Evan started cursing, sounding far away from the phone.  “Oh fuck, shit— what do I do—” There was a loud continuous thumping noise and over all the chaos he could hear Minnie wailing in the background.   

The smile slid off his face and Donny was on his feet in the next second.

“Evan! What’s wrong? What happened?” Tommy asked frantically and suddenly Donny was throwing the door open next to him, pulling the keys out of his hand and heading for the truck.

He was barely in the truck before Donny was throwing into reverse, nearly taking out the mailbox as he pulled out of the driveway.  His phone connected to the truck and suddenly Evan’s voice was crackling over the speakers.

“What are they doing here?”  He muttered, sounding a little closer to his phone this time.   “How— oh, sweetheart, it’s okay.”  Minnie kept crying and the thumping slowed down just for muffled shouting to fill in the space.  

“Evan! Who is there?” Tommy shouted, hoping that he would hear him this time.  

“Tommy?” Evan said sounding surprised and relieved and scared all at once.  

“I’m here, Evan— Me and Donny are coming, we’re just right down the street, sweetheart,” Tommy said.  “We’re almost there.”

“Evan can you tell us who’s there and what they’re doing?”  Donny asked in that straight forward SWAT Team Lead way of his.  It was then that Tommy noticed he had his badge hanging around his neck and his back up weapon holstered and clipped to the waistband of his pajama pants.  Instead of being annoyed like he always was when Donny used that voice on him he couldn’t help but feel relieved at the calming authority in his brother’s tone.

“My parents!  I don’t know why they’re here or how they found me—” Evan exclaimed, sounding like he was about to start crying along with Minnie.  “I don’t know wh— ow, fuck—”

Donny barely stopped at the stop sign near Evan’s apartment, glancing both ways just long enough to make sure no one was around before he floored it to the complex— Tommy would be forever grateful that Evan had chosen the apartment he’d found so close to his house.

“What happened?” He demanded. “Evan—”

“Shit— I, uh, I c-cut my hand and now it won’t stop bl-bleeding,” Evan stuttered nervously.  “I think it’s pretty deep, but I don’t want to take the rag off to look.  Oh sweetie, I’m sorry, it’s okay, it’s gonna be okay—”  Evan’s voice was strained and Minnie wasn’t any calmer as he tried to comfort her.  

“Tommy— I… I need help.”  His voice cracked and Tommy was sure his heart cracked along with it.  

“We’re almost there, Evan,” Tommy said as Donny haphazardly parked the truck in what was definitely an illegal no parking zone.  He couldn’t care less as he tumbled out of the truck and ran for Evan’s apartment with his brother right on his heels.