Chapter Text
If anyone were to ask Buck what he was afraid of he would probably say nothing. Nothing rational at least. He had been through the unimaginable and then some, so what was left that could possibly phase him? He’d been punched, and crushed, and almost drowned at one point so he would be lying if he said he was afraid of anything.
Ok well maybe there was one thing. Or two if we’re going to get technical and bring up his fear of ending up alone. But his main fear, his irrational fear that makes him want to scream every time he has to interact with one of them for a call, was elevators.
He couldn’t decide what he hated more. Being trapped in a small enclosed space with terrible music playing that made his skin crawl. Or the mere thought of slowly falling to his death with a random group of strangers that he definitely did not to spent his last moments with. Using them on a call was one thing. That was his job- he signed up to help people and if an elevator was what it took to save a life he would use the elevator every single time. But off the clock Buck would never be caught dead in an elevator.
Buck’s goal was to keep his fear to himself for as long as he could, and not to toot his own horn but he was pretty good at keeping stuff hidden. A little too good if you asked anyone who cared about, and if you were to ask Eddie he would say that he needs to stop keeping shit to himself and start asking for help when he needs it. He thought he’d be able to take his elevator fear to the grave, and given how many times he’s almost died he’s made it pretty close. But of course Eddie figured it out, because he knows Buck better than he knows himself sometimes. Since becoming best friends with Buck, Eddie has been able to pick up on every subtle shift in Buck’s demeanor without even trying. He can read his body language as easily as he could read a book. He understands why Buck reacts the way he does, and what’s he’s thinking in any given moment. He knows him, and if Eddie used his brain for once when he was around Buck instead of letting his auto pilot take over he would probably realize that he was in love with him. But of course Eddie would rather focus on Buck’s feelings than his own.
The first time Eddie noticed that Buck might have a fear in elevators was when the Hollywood Reservoir dam broke. The whole ride up Buck was rocking back and forth on his feet while fidgeting with his hands. He looked distant, almost like his mind was somewhere else entirely. Eddie chalked it up to adrenaline since the damage around them had been so severe. But he couldn’t stop himself from staring at him. Seeing Buck feel uneasy made him feel uneasy. Buck had been through so much shit that Eddie had begun to consider that maybe one of Buck’s ex’s cursed him. But as soon as they stepped off the elevator Buck was back to his regular demeanor. All of his nerves were settled once he began to work. Eddie was gonna write it off as a fluke, everyone gets nervous so even if Buck has been to hell and back he’s bound to get nervous too. That’s what he told himself. But when he watches every move that Buck makes like a hawk it’s hard for him to not pick up on the little things.
Around Christmas a year later they were called to help a young woman who had fell on-top of the elevator at work. That’s when Eddie noticed the change in Buck’s behavior again. His breathing was shallow, his hands shaking slightly. This time he didn’t have the option of stepping out of the elevator and into the scene- the scene was the elevator. They ended up helping the woman but Buck felt like he was dying the whole time and Eddie could tell. Now Eddie knew that it wasn’t a one time thing.
At the end of their shift that night everyone else was showering getting ready to leave except for the two of them. They both sat around the dinner table and talked about what new project Chris was doing in school.
The conversation hit a lull and Eddie took his opportunity, “Hey can I ask you something?”
Bucks eyes softened, “Yeah of course, anything.”
“It’s a dumb question. Maybe I-“
Buck politely cut him off, “I’m sure it’s not dumb Eddie. Just ask.”
Eddie fidgeted with his hands, “So are you… Are you afraid of elevators by any chance?”
Buck could feel his cheeks heating up. His heart was already beating out of his chest-though that happened pretty frequently whenever he was around Eddie.
“What? No,” His heart stuttered in his chest as he scrambled desperately for a viable cover-up, “What makes you say that?”
Eddie saw the flush across Buck’s cheeks. He knew Buck was lying. Hell Buck knew that Eddie knew that he was lying.
“You know it’s ok if you are right? Everyone is afraid of something Buck.”
Buck shook his head, “I’m not afraid of elevators Eddie. We use elevators all the time on calls.”
Eddie’s eyes softened, “I know that Buck. I’m just saying if you were afraid of elevators I could help you out whenever we’re on calls. You know distract you from the fear so it doesn’t get too bad?”
“Thank you Eddie. I appreciate it I really do but I’m fine.” He could feel his heart in his throat. Buck quickly got up from the table eager to end the conversation. He knew Eddie wouldn’t shame him for it, but he was embarrassed.
Eddie called out to him before Buck was too far away, “I’m sorry Buck I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
“You didn’t. Don’t worry.” Eddie didn’t mean to offend Buck in any way but it was clear that he had. So he knew he had to make it up to him.