Archive of Our Own ^beta

September 11, 2001
Los Angeles
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“Before your next show in New York, we need to get you a bodyguard”

Harry looked up from his phone, his grey/turquoise/magenta/black/red/yellow/orange eyes widening in shock. “Well, hello, how are you today?” His manager didn’t crack at his attempt at a joke, still staring at him blankly.

“Now that you’ve been hit in the head with a brick by a- creature…? Definitely not a human. Anyways, we cannot take any chances with your safety.” Sirius said firmly, not taking any nonsense from the ravenette. Harry’s brows furrowed in anger. “What?”, he barked in disbelief. “I don’t need someone to follow me around everywhere! I can take care of myself just fine.” He crossed his arms and pouted like a child. “Harry, your fame is growing each and every day, and there are a lot of people out there who could hurt you. We can’t risk your life because you’re a ‘big boy’ now.” Harry rolled his eyes at the statement, still not wanting to give in. “This is not your choice, Ha-” his sentence was interrupted by a shrill shriek from a stage manager.

“OH MY GOD THEY HIT THE SECOND TOWER!” One of Harry's assistants in the other room shouted, pointing at the television, where multiple people were crowded near. Harry and Sirius got up and ran to the Television, pushing through the jumbles of people. On the screen there was a panicked news reporter, face noticeably pale while reporting the news of the terrorist attack in a shaky voice. It cut back to the screen showing the wreckage of the tower, and Harry’s eyes widened in shock. “Bloody hell…” Harry whispered, not taking his eyes off the screen. Right then, Deku walks into the room, looking dreadful.

Harry looked shaken up and confused, not processing the meaning behind Deku’s statement. “Mr. Potter, we cannot leave. The airports, t-they’ve shut down. We have no choice but to stay here for a while.” Harry and Sirius exchanged glances before looking back towards the frazzled assistant. Just as Harry opened his mouth to speak, a tall, muscular, sculpted, 6 '6, did I mention tall, sexy, attractive, fit, blond, vertically blessed man in a suit with a FAT ass walked into the room. “Uh, hi, I-I know the show is now cancelled, and you don’t need my services, but I am now stuck here with nowhere to go.” He looked like his tough and mighty facade was crackling down, his posture slumping and his eyes looking weary. Harry felt his heart hammering against his chest as he looked into the nyquil blue eyes of the perfectly sculpted man in front of him. He stuttered for a moment, not entirely sure of what to say to his new bodyguard. “Maybe having a bodyguard won’t be so bad afterall” he mumbled under his breath.

The blond man’s eyebrow raised in confusion. “Sorry?” He asked. “I- uh-” Harry hesitated, feeling his face heat up as he tried to conjure up the perfect response. “I-if you need to, y-you can stay in here with me…?” His stuttering mess of a response harboring a suspicious look from Sirius and his assistant. The man's shoulders became less tense in relief, as he mustered up a small smile. “Thank you, I appreciate your kindness.” The man held out his hand. “I never properly introduced myself. My name is Draco. I will be your bodyguard, but I assume you already know that.” His voice sounded cold as he spoke, sending a shiver down Harry’s spine. Harry’s cheeks dusted with pink as the blond man spoke. “I’m Harry. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Draco.” he reached out his hand to shake Harry's, the feeling of Draco’s warm hand enveloping his making him feel butterflies in his stomach. Draco gave his hand a firm shake, his grip strong. Harry wondered if Draco could grab his hair with such force- okay, enough of those dangerous thoughts. Sirius’ eyes narrowed as he eyed the two boys. “Right, we’re going to leave you both be.” He gave Draco a jerk nod in his direction as a greeting before he walked out. Deku snapped his eyes away from Draco and Harry, and trailed out of the room behind Sirius.

Harry let out a sigh of relief. Finally, he could relax!! He instantly removed his shoes and plopped down on the bed, smashing buttons on the TV remote while flipping through the few channels that the hotel had to offer. Draco side eyed him, though it wasn’t visible through his dark tinted glasses. “Now what in Merlin’s name are you doin?” He asked, “A new channel isn’t going to suddenly appear if you just keep hitting the buttons. Bloody hell, you’re going to break the remote!” He snatched it from the ravenette, and Harry’s jaw slacked. “Don’t just snatch the remote from me you hairy bum!” he protested, hitting the larger man with one of the stiff hotel pillows. “That’ll teach you to not take what’s not yours!” he exclaimed while beating Draco with the pillow. “Well actually, it belongs to the hotel.” Draco remarked with a sly smirk. Harry pouted at him like a bratty child, which he basically was at this point. Just as Harry went to open his mouth to speak, Eddie Munson from the Emmy winning Netflix original series “Stranger Things” written and directed by the Duffer brothers burst into the hotel room. “WHAT'S UP MY MAMMALS!!!” he exclaimed while freakily wiggling his tongue at the men. Just then, Steve Harrington from the same show leaped into the room from the window like a proper Superman, and dived into Eddie’s open mouth. “Wow, pretty cozy in here Eds” Steve remarked with amazement. Harry’s mouth opened in shock, not believing what he was seeing. “Wow, that’s pretty gnarly.” He said without thinking. “DID SOMEONE SAY GNARLY?” A group of girls said somewhere else in the room. He turned around to see where the noise was coming, and his eyes widened more than physically possible. “KATSEYE!?” He yelped in shock. “AS IN THE GIRL GROUP BASED IN LOS ANGELES COMPOSED OF SIX MEMBERS; DANIELA, LARA, MANON, MEGAN, SOPHIE AND YOONCHAE???” He could NOT believe his eyes, it was almost as if he saw 10 million fireflies light up the world as he fell asleep.

As the 4 men stared in shock at the girls doing their whole dance routine, Steve suddenly took off his blue jeans and did a backflip before aggressively humping Eddie’s leg like a desperate dog in only his ice cream scoop patterned women’s thong. As his movements became rougher and quicker, sparks started to fly from Eddie’s leg. Before they even knew it, his leg caught ablaze. Eddie screamed in agony as the fire burned and melted his flesh. KATSEYE stopped dancing abruptly and watched in absolute horror. Harry started to freak out as he looked around the room for something to set out the fire. He ultimately decided to use one of the pillows and started hitting Eddie’s leg aimlessly, trying to put out the fire in his panicked state. Draco was on the sidelines talking to a 9-1-1 operator, whose name was apparently Maddie. After hitting Eddie’s leg for what felt like forever, the fire was finally put out. Steve was on the floor crying his eyes out to Dustin while they were playing D&D. Then, Eddie wobbles as he hits the back of Steve’s head. “I’m not dead, you dipshit.” Steve snapped his head around in a full 180 rotation, and Harry winced as he heard a loud crack come from his neck. His eyes sparkled with glee, and he jumped back onto Eddie like a feral raccoon. Just as Steve started licking Eddie’s head like it was some delicious moon beam ice cream, 2 firefighters who looked like they had just had ravenous gay sex with eachother bursted through the door. “Hey, we heard there was somebody whose leg was on fire?” One of the men who had a thick mustache, and an even thicker ass asked. Draco nodded, pointing to Eddie. “Yeah right there.” The men bent down to examine his leg, but the other man with the curly, dirty blonde hair, and a bruise (?) near his eye, stood back up to talk to Steve. “Hey, sir, we’re gonna need you to come down.” Steve looked at the man and started foaming at the mouth. He then launched onto him and started to attack him, clawing at his face like a deranged woodland creature. The man shrieked in horror, trying to pry Steve off of him, but Steve persisted. “GET OFF MY MAN YOU HAIRY ASSHOLE CREATURE!!” the mustache man screamed.
“Uh, actually, my name is Harry.” Harry remarked. “Actually, mine is,” Just then, the popular British singer and actor who first gained fame from being in the band One Direction, Harry Style, walked through the wall like the Kool Aid man. “SO SHUT THE FUCK UP HARRY SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU NASTY BRITISH BITCH” he screamed loudly while brutally beating Harry Potter unconscious with a watermelon from his hit song Watermelon Sugar. Soon after, all the other members of One Direction, including the ghost of Liam Payne, all gathered together to do the Just Dance choreography to their hit song What Makes You Beautiful as the chaos around them unfurled. “Ooh, the watermelon actually makes me want a hotdog real bad.” Harry said to Draco. Then, the infamous Actor, Jennifer Coolege burst up through the floor and started floating mid air. “Did someone say hotdog??” She then pointed to Steve. “Oo, you look the Fourth of July, it makes me want a hotdog real bad.” The man with the blonde hair was being brutally attacked by a man in women’s underwear, while Eddie screamed in pain over his burn mark from the same man in the underwear. Harry and Draco exchanged looks as they both shared one singular thought as KATSEYE twerked their hearts out behind them.

“What the hell led to all of this…?”

The End