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Summary:

Xisuma: I'm fine, he's just a kid
Xisuma: I can handle this

 

Xisuma walked into a cactus whilst trying to escape Purpled

 

Iskall85: FAMOUS LAST WORDS

[a Hermit!Purpled chatfic]

Notes:

Takes place right after Purpled killed Charlie. He was about to leave the server when something-something glitch mechanic error that no-one-cares-how-it-actually-happened thingy and congrats, you got yourself a Hermit!Purpled :]

(The previous timeline before the edited version: takes place right after Quackity blew up Purpled's UFO but I decided to change it just because <3)

made just for fun <3

Chapter 1: what would u do when theres a child right in front of u

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Purpled joined the game

 

<Purpled> what kind of bedwars map is this

<Docm77> ?

<Renthedog> HUH

<GeminiTay> what?

<Grian> OH?

<Stressmonster101> :0

<VintageBeef> new guy?

<GoodTimeWithScar> new member! :D

<Tango> WHO

<Docm77> X, who is that? Did you invite them?

<Xisuma> uhhh… I don’t know? I’d tell you guys beforehand if I did invite someone. We only invited two new Hermits this season and they’re Pearl and Gem

<ZombieCleo> that doesn’t sound good

<Tango> kinda sus even

<Xisuma> I’m gonna check spawn real quick

<Welsknight> Do you need backup in case something goes south? I happen to be near spawn

<Grian> I wanna go too!

<Xisuma> Nah I’ll be okay, keep an eye out though

<Grian> aw ;(

<Stressmonster101> be careful! I hope that person is nice

<Xisuma> I will 

<BdoubleO100> I’ll go back to building then!!

<GoodTimeWithScar> Me too, hope it goes well!

<Keralis1> Purpled is an interesting name! It sounds neat! And creative too

<PearlescentMoon> they just added -d in purple though?

<Keralis1> okay Pearl Scent Moon

<PearlescentMoon> it’s pearlescent-moon >:(

<joehillssays> no no that's smart

<joehillssays> literally no one is stopping them from turning a random noun into a regular verb/past tense

<joehillssays> I wonder how their thought process went

<ZombieCleo> you just find everything interesting don't you

<Renthedog> heya dudes is someone missing a wolf?

<ZombieCleo> nope

<VintageBeef> not me

<GeminiTay> No, why?

<Renthedog> found a lil wolfie near Doc’s cursed chunk, he’s chilling right on the edge of it!

<Renthedog> he's so friendly!

<Docm77> Oh I saw it earlier

<Docm77> I assumed it was yours so I left it there

<Renthedog> it’s not mine! But it got a collar and everything so it’s definitely someone else’s

<Stressmonster101> doggy! Just take care of it until the owner comes, Ren :D

<Renthedog> on it :D

<Xisuma> I'm at spawn! I can see him from here

<Docm77> be very careful

<Xisuma> I’ll try

<Xisuma> he looks about 15?

<Xisuma> I'll talk to him, brb



Xisuma hit the ground too hard whilst trying to escape Purpled



<Docm77> XISUMA?

<Iskall85> OMEGALUL

<GoodTimeWithScar> WOAH WHAT’S GOING ON

<Renthedog> THE NEW GUY IS FERAL!!

<Stressmonster101> D:

<Welsknight> I'M ON MY WAY X

<Xisuma> NONONO you don't have to! I think he got scared bc of my skin

<Xisuma> I'm an Axolotl this season, remember?

<ZombieCleo> i told you that skin is unsettling

<Tango> why is he scared of water kittens?? theyre the cutest little crechers ever :((

<impulseSV> yea besides the fact that theyre murderous water predators

<Xisuma> It's strange. I don't think he's scared of axolotls. He looks more confused than anything

<Welsknight> Has he not seen an axolotl before?

<Xisuma> Perhaps?

<ZombieCleo> well that's weird. Axolotls have been around for a while

<Welsknight> let me ask this again, do you need help X?

<Xisuma> I'm fine, he's just a kid

<Xisuma> I can handle this



Xisuma walked into a cactus whilst trying to escape Purpled



<Iskall85> FAMOUS LAST WORDS

<Stressmonster101> oh dear

<iJevin> LOOOOOOOOOL

<cubfan135> x are you really ok?

<Tango> WHO DIES FROM A CACTUS HAHAHHAHAH

<Xisuma> please

<Xisuma> dont ask 

<Iskall85> LMAOOAOAOASDFKL

<MumboJumbo> Grian just fell from his chair from laughing too hard, what is happening here??

<falsesymmetry> Apparently a stranger joined, we don't know if it's a mistake or not but he's proven to be hostile.

<Xisuma> He’s really not! It was just an accident



Xisuma was slain by Purpled



<Stressmonster101> D:

<Docm77> That one doesn’t look like an accident.

<Welsknight> I’m coming over

<GoodTimeWithScar> Be safe!

<Xisuma> He was punching me with a STICK

<Xisuma> I can take care of this.

<hypnotizd> yea and he killed you with it

<Xisuma> Yes, but it’s a stick! 

<hypnotizd> AND YOU DIED FROM IT X

<iJevin> i know this is terrible but why is this funny

<Etho> i feel the same way kinda

<PearlescentMoon> It's so weird seeing you lose your cool like this, X!

<VintageBeef> he's always been a dork, really

<PearlescentMoon> X said this Purpled guy is around 15 right? Why is he alone and how did he end up here?

<GoodTimeWithScar> That’s what we’re gonna find out!

<Etho> the guy doesn’t sound too cooperative though

<Xisuma> REN

<Renthedog> YEAH DUDE?

<Xisuma> you found a dog right

<Renthedog> yes???

<Xisuma> bring it to spawn

<Xisuma> hurry he kept hitting me with a stick

<Xisuma> HE CRAFTSED AN ACXE



Xisuma was slain by a zombie whilst fighting Purpled



<Renthedog> I’LL GO AS FAST AS I CAN

<falsesymmetry> Screw this, I’m flying there too

<Xisuma> No don’t crowd him

<falsesymmetry> X you died like 4 times to this kid

<Xisuma> He’s just looking for his dog! No need to make it a big deal

<ZombieCleo> “no need to make it a big deal” yeah right u already did it yourself by dying 4 times to a stranger

<Xisuma> seriously it’s okay

<Welsknight> I think we got it covered now, I’m here with X

<joehillssays> did Ren make it there too?

<Renthedog> YEA

<Renthedog> im here with the dog dudwrsfosgiewgjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj

<Docm77> What?

<Renthedog> THE DUDE HIT ME WITH AN AXE

<Renthedog> I JSUT ARRIVED WITH THE DOG MAN

<Welsknight> the dog is probably his then? 

<joehillssays> sounds like it

<Renthedog> IM ON 2 HEARTS

<Docm77> you brought food with you right ren?

<Renthedog> YES DOC

<Keralis1> I didn’t know axe hurts you that much!

<Renthedog> the dude crit me twice in a row then ran away, I couldn’t even touch him!!

<falsesymmetry> We have a skilled fighter here.

<Xisuma> hush False don't even think about it

<Xisuma> He’s on top of the tree a few blocks away from from us

<Xisuma> he got the dog with him too now

<Welsknight> he crafted a bow uh oh

<Purpled> HOW DID THAT GUY NOT DIE AFTER 3 LIVES

<joehillssays> he talks again!

<joehillssays> nice

<GeminiTay> I thought you lost your coms or something!

<Welsknight> what do you mean by 3 lives?

<Purpled> they came back to me and their skin is NOT gray at all

<Purpled> he’s supposed to be a ghost at this point

<Welsknight> And what do you mean by that?

<Purpled> My last server limits our lives to three respawns

<Purpled> Once u lost it, that’s it, game over

<Purpled> ur gone

<Tango> Isn’t that just the game grian suggested for our camping trip on another server a few months ago lol??

<Grian> oh you’re right!

<Grian> It’s like hardcore but different

<Purpled> no no u dont understand

<Purpled> our admin will literally delete our existence

<Purpled> some people could come back as a ghost but the rest just went straight to hell

<Purpled> at least that’s what i understand from observing

<Grian> Your admin didn’t even tell you about it??

<Purpled> idk no one fucking told me anything

<Purpled> I found out about it like 4-5 months later when people started dying left and right and tried my best to get good armor

<Stressmonster101> what kind of admin would allow such a thing? why did they make up that rule…

<Purpled> oh you have NOT met the guy

<Purpled> honestly im kind of lucky that im not on the receiving end of his bullshit

<Stressmonster101> ;;;

<Xisuma> ….Well, good news for you, then.

<Xisuma> Building is a hassle and we injure ourselves a lot because of it so we have unlimited respawns here. None of those 3 respawns business. I can’t imagine someone would limit them

<Purpled> i

<Purpled> prove it

<Renthedog> haven’t you killed him like 4 times already??????

<Purpled> shut up

<Purpled> prove it to me again

<Xisuma> You have a bow and arrow with you, right?

<falsesymmetry> XISUMA NO



Xisuma was shot by Purpled



<Stressmonster101> Oh dear God

<Renthedog> ZERO HESITATION

<joehillssays> woah

<GoodTimeWithScar> I’m glad you guys are close to spawn…. Going back and forth is nightmarish

<cubfan135> definitely, you of all people should know

<Etho> ok i like this kid

<VintageBeef> he literally killed x

<VintageBeef> what are you saying

<Etho> but it’s funny though

<Purpled> holy shit u came back

<Purpled> UR STILL ALIVE

<Xisuma> yes i am still alive

<Xisuma> You believe me now?

<Xisuma> Care to explain your situation, and how you ended up here?

<Stressmonster101> Wait, is he still on the tree? Near the swamp biome?

<Welsknight> Yes, he refused to talk to us so as you can see, we use comms instead. Not practical but it’s something since he kept shooting arrows when I tried to fly there

<Purpled> okay so about that flying thing

<Purpled> how the fuck

<Purpled> and i just wanna say the first red flag was the giant egg i spawned in

<Purpled> the egg itself isn’t red and doesn’t have nasty vines all over it but still weird

<Grian> If it makes you feel any better, the only other egg here is the ender dragon egg and we use it for a game of tag!

<Purpled> WHAYDT

<Purpled> WHAT

<Purpled> ENDER DRAGON???????

<Purpled> better question, HOW AND WHY

<Grian> wait now that i think of it

<Grian> it’s kinda bizarre that we’re doing this actually

<Purpled> YEAH EXACTLY

<PearlescentMoon> wonder what momma dragon thinks about her egg being tossed around

<Purpled> WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SERVER

<joehillssays> we call it Hermitcraft, just a good ol little server 

<Purpled> what the fuck

<Purpled> what the fuck

<BdoubleO100> WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE

<Purpled> what the shit

<BdoubleO100> SAME THING!!

<Docm77> So how did you end up here?

<falsesymmetry> Or is this an infiltration?

<Docm77> Your fate shall be decided depending on your answer.

<Renthedog> chill out ??

<Docm77> he's killed X multiple times and almost killed you and Wels!

<falsesymmetry> Exactly what he said

<Welsknight> If it makes you feel better, I'm alright

<cubfan135> Please calm down you two, you're almost twice his age

<Docm77> HEY

<falsesymmetry> Doc? Maybe, but I’m not

<falsesymmetry> so answer us!

<Purpled> well I don’t fucking know?? I already decided to leave the server and stay at Hypixel but then this happened when I tried to use the server portal

<Purpled> this pink headass told me that it’s impossible or sumthn bc this server right here is coded to be inaccessible to unwanted guests and it’s far away from everything else

<Xisuma> first off, it’s Xisuma. Second of all, do I need to wash your mouth with soap?

<iJevin> he’s a kid man let him live

<xBCrafted> i mean he did die 5 times today by the same kid you're referring

<GeminiTay> Hypixel? Why would you stay in a mostly death game based server?

<PearlescentMoon> I don’t even know they allowed people to stay over there :0

<Purpled> yeah that’s the thing

<Purpled> they don’t

<Purpled> so i just need to be a permanent Bedwars player or work for a Skyblock base for them to let me stay

<Purpled> or start being a merc again since i dont really have anywhere else to go

<Purpled> but frankly that one is way too troublesome when I have Dogchamp with me

<Purpled> o

<Grian> HUH

<Purpled> shit

<Purpled> i said too much

<Purpled> I hereby declare ur all blind

<Docm77> Who the hell allowed this toddler to be an assassin

<Purpled> IM SEVENTEEN

<iJevin> literally the same thing

<Purpled> IT’S NOT

<Purpled> and im just a mercenary, not an assassin though i do freelance work from time to time 

<iskall85> SKJFHSDKF

<iskall85> mercenary huh 

<Purpled> it’s not a big deal, everyone knows im doing it and has no problems with it

<BdoubleO100> who in the heck just joined this server

<falsesymmetry> Someone dangerous

<Purpled> LOL

<Purpled> Listen, there’s no reason for me to be violent to any one of you since I only work under someone's orders. It’d be a waste of my energy to go after u

<falsesymmetry> then why did you kill Xisuma?

<Purpled> his helmet is so fucking weird

<ZombieCleo> I TOLD YOU THAT SKIN IS FREAKY

<joehillssays> cleo shhhh

<Purpled> and I lost my dog, ofc i freaked out

<Purpled> he’s my pride and joy

<falsesymmetry> So you won’t hurt anyone anymore?

<Purpled> If it’s the rules here, then sure, I won’t. though knowing that im feared when no one had ever acknowledged my existence is pretty new

<Xisuma> Purpled….

<Purpled> what

<Xisuma> you probably guessed it already but I’m the admin of this server

<Purpled> wouldn’t have noticed lol u suck at fighting

<Xisuma> in my defense I’m rusty.

<Purpled> lol sure u are

<Xisuma> Anyways, since I have to look through this portal problem, why don’t you spend the night at my base? It’s getting late and I don’t want you to sleep in the woods.

<Purpled> pfffft it's nothing new

<Purpled> and i thought i’ve proved that im more than capable to take care of myself by killing you repeatedly

<Xisuma> to be fair you used a stick to whack me the entire time

<Purpled> because I didn’t have my items with me!!!

<Xisuma> my point exactly

<Xisuma> you need an actual place to stay for at least tonight or till i figure out what’s wrong with your teleportation

<Xisuma> now come down from that tree and we’ll go to my base

<Purpled> .

<Purpled> make me

<Xisuma> sigh

<Xisuma> quick guys what do teenagers like these days

<ZombieCleo> SERIOUSLY?

<Xisuma> just do it

<Renthedog> The Beatles?

<Stressmonster101> cookie monster! :D

<falsesymmetry> tamagotchis?

<iJevin> FREEZY FREAKIES

<GeminiTay> what in the world are those

<Docm77> heavy metal

<GoodTimeWithScar> ABBA? Queens?

<hypnotizd> pacman

<cubfan135> Slinkies

<PearlescentMoon> what year is this????

<MumboJumbo> You guys are hopeless

<Iskall85> I don’t see YOU suggesting anything

<MumboJumbo> nintendo switch maybe

<Grian> wow

<MumboJumbo> ?? do you not know about it?

<MumboJumbo> You’re not that much older than me, come on

<Grian> idk maybe you’re way older

<MumboJumbo> DONT SAY THAT

<MumboJumbo> XB you're the youngest, you must've known something

<xBCrafted> who said that

<MumboJumbo> the internet

<xBCrafted> ah yes Internet the only reliable news source and definitely more trustworthy than asking the person himself

<MumboJumbo> ..... Then how old are you 

<xBCrafted> classified

<MumboJumbo> please not this again

<MumboJumbo> anyways I think games is a good way to persuade him?

<PearlescentMoon> true! Video games are the most obvious one!

<MumboJumbo> I... don’t have games on me but I’ve handcrafted a rubik's cube once, it's in my e-chest

<Purpled> oh i like rubik’s cubes

<MumboJumbo> I’ll give it to you right now!

<Purpled> ur not srsly gonna offer just that are you

<Purpled> how cheap do you think i am

<Etho> im sorry x but this is too funny to read

<Etho> You’re on your own

<Xisuma> sigh

<Xisuma> Can you tell us what you want then?

<Purpled> i wanna have ur base for myself

<Xisuma> Sorry, but I don’t think I can allow that.

<Xisuma> You understand why

<Purpled> fuck

<Purpled> uh

<Purpled> cannnnnn u build a house for Dogchamp then

<Xisuma> ah

<Xisuma> Of course :)

<Xisuma> I’ll build the doghouse however you want

<Purpled> use diamond blocks only

<Xisuma> I have more than enough diamond blocks for that actually

<Purpled> wait what the fuck

<Purpled> u for real???

<VintageBeef> are you seriously flexing on a kid X

<Xisuma> If that’d make him listen to me then I’ll do whatever it takes

<Purpled> sdkfjhsdkjf im jk 

<Purpled> just build him a wooden house

<Xisuma> Noted. Will you follow me now? Will you go down from that tree?

<Purpled> tch

<Purpled> sure I'll listen

<Purpled> for now

<Xisuma> It’s settled then.

<xBCrafted> that was a wild ride!

<ImpulseSV> the biggest victim here is Xisuma, hope he's feeling ok

<Stressmonster101> Yeah, will you guys be okay?

<Xisuma> Go on your merry way, everyone, Wels and I can handle the rest.

<Renthedog> x just shooed me away :’(

<Docm77> just go home ren, it’s late anyway

<Renthedog> on my way, dude!

<Xisuma> I suggest everyone keep an eye out for any anomalies that’s happening around you and report them to me.

<Xisuma> and I'd appreciate it if you'll give me info or clues about this teleportation incident

<Keralis1> this might be the beginning of something really big!

<falsesymmetry> Dear GOD no 

<joehillssays> what kind of terrifying gremlin has walked upon this cursed land

<BdoubleO100> what a little rascal he is!

<Zedaph> Hello! Did I miss anything? My communicator was going wild!

<Tango> WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN

<Zedaph> just chillin

<ImpulseSV> you've missed so much

<TinFoilChef> So

<TinFoilChef> Is anyone gonna explain why X has adopted a little assassin

<Xisuma> tfc no

Notes:

I figured for a server that has infinite respawns, the Hermits don’t really fear death but dying is still a painful process, though it’s not more than a minor inconvenience to them ...which kinda makes them a lil more fucked up than the Dream SMP bunch bc they don't get actual consequences for killing someone sksdjfkl