Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Flower Patch" - Ash - Magical Boy Angst Genre

"ranboo but not" - Ran - Apocalypse Genre

"Literal Hell-Spawn" - Menace - Fantasy/Creepy Kid Genre

"Shrak" - Shark - Comedy/Sci-fi Genre

"Subgenre God" - Sting - Fairy Tale Genre

"jempy, not jesus" - Jempy - Comedy Horror Genre

"Sleepy Plant Child" - Toma - Fairytale Genre

"plainest flavor" - Vanilla - Cozy Genre

"Leaf soup" - teaxe - Lgbtq+ fantasy genre

"hrapoons ma beloved" - Dispy - Fantasy Genre

"arson's #1 fan" - Toast - Historical Fiction Genre

"Para-Normal (Not)" - Para - Paranormal Genre

"wyvernidol" - Quilters - Fantasy (School) Idol Genre

"ginger, eldritch horror edition" - Omi - Lovecraftian Genre

"Tosle" - RoseFire - Dystopia/Fucked up utopia

"Owl" - Owl - Mystery

"This universe is a social construct" - Dargob - Thriller & Suspense Genre

"I am A.R.S.O.N" - Arson - Dark fantasy/reincarnation

"Asexual Felinid" - Mitz - Modern short story

"background characters who want revenge" - ghost - gothic

"Literally Satan" - Mason - Myths

"no hatsune miku challenge" - nightmare / ink - action/adventure

"behead me i dare you" - stite - slice-of-life with weird background elements

"aas (derogatory)" - sad - young adult fantasy

"TheComicalOverlord" - comic - grimdark fantasy

"Gold" - Silver - slipstream (sci-fi, fantasy, lit. fiction)

"Teremi" - Mika - psychological horror

"Ranboo but maybe" - Boo - Apocolypse

"mel :D" - Mel - romance fantasy

"spoons" - spoon - crime

Chapter Text

Flower Patch: Alright, who tf stole Batman?

Subgenre God: Excuse me???

Flower Patch: Who the fuck stole Batman???

Wait, do you not know about Batman?

Subgenre God: No???

Arson's #1 Fan: Flower owns a pink stuffed bunny named Batman.

Flower Patch: Yeah, and I can't find it!

Tosle: Where the fuck is Batman?? IF ONE OF YOU TOOK IT, I WILL BE HANGING YOUR SKIN ABOVE THE FIREPLACE!

@Owl OWL, DID YOU TAKE FLOWER'S COMFORT ITEM!?!?

Owl: idk. my room is entirely stuffies, I could've.

Flower Patch: Rose, no, Owl didn't take it. i already looked in her room.

Owl: wait, what-

You looked in my room?

Flower Patch: Don't worry, I didn't look through anything. I just looked around quickly, didn't see it, and left.

plainest flavor: Did you check the couch?

Flower Patch: Why the fuck would it be on the couch???

plainest flavor: You were sitting there watching SVTFOE while regressed yesterday. Forgot to take it with you when you went to bed.

Flower Patch: oh- thank you :D

plainest flavor: No problem, Flower.

Flower Patch: now that that's over-

Tosle: Flower, don't.

Flower Patch: Would ya'll like to hear about this guy I know?

His name is Purpled, and he's very Pog

Tosle: Damnit, Flower. I love you, but please stop it with Purpled.

Flower Patch: But Purpled is so cool! I wish he existed in this universe. I bet he'd be awesome! Maybe he'd be a skater boy or something.

Skaters are cool. I wanna learn how to ride a skateboard, they're cool!

I am A.R.S.O.N: sooooooooo are we still hanging someone's skin over fire or???

Tosle: well.. no cuz y'know no-one did anything

Shrak: i heard fire

Tosle: we could start a fire

I am A.R.S.O.N: LETS GOOOOOIIIOOO

Literal Hell-Spawn: Fuck yeah, I have everything ready

Tosle: why didn't you bring me?? wtf??

Literal Hell-Spawn: Bitch, I already had the stuff

Shrak: hes always ready and you know that rose

Tosle: menace always does what he wants...not fair…

Literal Hell-Spawn: That is because I am superior. You knew that already

I am A.R.S.O.N: ANYGAYS… fire?

plainest flavor: please don't...I beg

Sleepy Plant Child: sorry but why is the sky black? Isn't it like 3pm???

Para-Normal (Not):... what do you mean?

plainest flavor: OH MY GOD...why do you ALWAYS do this?

Tosle:.....oops

Shrak: what do you mean oops… we aren't even halfway done

plainest flavor: HALFWAY?! I CAN SEE THE FIRE ITS TURNING THE SKY BLACK WITH ALL THE SMOK

I am A.R.S.O.N: smok

Tosle: smok

Shrak: smok

Literal Hell-Spawn: ...smok

Para-Normal (Not): what did you do?

Tosle: relieved some stress.. using a fire sauna...do you want to join?

Para-Normal (Not): please just get home

Tosle: yes mom right mom

Shrak: why do you listen to her so quickly

Tosle: I DO NOT

I am A.R.S.O.N: yes you do

Literal Hell-Spawn: yes you do

Shrak: see

Tosle: I'll take the top bunk you ass

Shrak: I'll eat you

plainest flavor: ARE YOU VACK YET?

Flower Patch: why are 4 of you covered in soot?

Literal Hell-Spawn: guess :)

Flower Patch: nvm

Tosle: don't scare him menace

Literal Hell-Spawn: You're no fun

Tosle: And you're scaring flower... don't

Literal Hell-Spawn: Yeah Yeah.

Chapter Text

leaf soup: ok so update i kidnapped a person

shrak: wtf

Subgenre God: did you adopt them

leaf soup: in my defense they were dripping ink everywhere and i don’t think that’s a normal thing in this world

shrak: so you found a person dripping ink and promptly kidnapped them

leaf soup: we don’t have an action/adventure genre

Tolse: how do you even know that

leaf soup: magic?

Tolse: is that within the lines of your genre?

shrak: um i went to the pool and there’s a giant portal to some chaos dimension in the middle of it

Subgenre God: just wait for the house to reset

shrak: i found it yesterday

Tolse: weird

shrak: there are now demons coming out of the portal

Literal Hell-Spawn: rude

 i’m not even close to you

shrak: no like actual demons

 look

shrak has uploaded wtfplsgettheseout.jpg

shrak: i just wanted to swim

I am A.R.S.O.N.: burn it

Literal Hell-Spawn: lure the demons out and drown the demons in gasoline

hrapoons ma beloved: stand over the portal and bark at it

arson’s #1 fan: drown the demons in poison

Para-normal: i want to ask if you people are ok but i know the answer is that none of you are

throw a tarp over it and weight it down with something

shrak: what about the demons

Literally Satan: free target practice

leaf soup: sounds good

Arson grinned as they ran to the window. Looking out, sure enough, there was a horde of demons in the backyard. She rubbed her hands together. Even if there was currently a portal in the middle of sharks pool, at least there was some fun to be brought to the table.

Rushing downstairs, she ran into most of the other inhabitants of the house. “Whoever eliminates the most demons gets the last dumpling container” yelled Tea, who was sitting on the couch with the new member of the genre household, a hybrid.

Arson smiled, this was going to be fun, he thought; and plus, the last piece of actually decent food in the house was up for grabs.

Begrudgingly, Ghost agreed to be the person to open the door to the backyard. Immediately, everybody rushed outside, bludgeoning any unfortunate demons who happened to be standing in their way. That’s one for me, she thought, rushing onwards towards the impending battle.

~ 𝔗𝔦𝔪𝔢𝔰𝔨𝔦𝔭 𝔟𝔯𝔬𝔲𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔱𝔬 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔟𝔶: 𝔭𝔩𝔬𝔱 𝔥𝔬𝔩𝔢𝔰 ~

After getting the new hybrid settled, making sure the portal in the pool was fully covered, and double-checking all the demons were completely gone; Tea decided to try to make something edible so that the house didn’t get blacklisted by any of the other restaurants in the area that do delivery.

Shaking their head, Tea sighed. Last time, the group kidnapped the original delivery person, later, when another employee was sent down to find out what was taking so long, they ended up getting kidnapped as well; And then, to top it all off, when the police came to investigate, they had been kidnapped as well.

Now the entire house was blacklisted from the only pizza place with actually good pizza.

Tea decided that it should probably ask Jempy to write in a new pizza place for us, although, if they are too lazy to, we might need to get Omi involved.

For now, however, 23 ‘people’ were surviving on week-old takeout. Dispy had ended up winning the last dumpling box from the demon-killing competition, with 61 demons killed.

Unfortunately, the lawn was left in a ragtag state, with marks left behind from the myriad of different weapons used during the fight, but most prominently, the dents left by Dispy’s mildly haphazard harpoon firing. Since the demon's bodies had evaporated once they had been killed, there were now a bunch of other things lying on the lawn. Sting would end up cleaning it all up, if the house didn’t end up resetting from the damage it took, that is.

Almost no-one was awake enough to get the groceries they needed and the people who were would probably get banned from any grocery store they set foot in an instant, if they weren’t already.

Well, Tea decided it was time to find the last of the groceries and try to make something that was edible enough to eat. Or at least feed to the others.

Xe stopped mulling in xyr thoughts and walked over to the fridge.

And it opened the door…

Oh well isn’t this just great-

Tea pulled out their phone, opened messages, and started to type.

leaf soup: there is a portal in the fridge

This universe is a social construct: ok so no dinner?

leaf soup: well there is lukewarm yogurt in the side door but it doesn’t look that safe to eat

Literal Hell-Spawn: five dollars for you to jump in the portal

***-***-****: id advise you to not

Literal Hell-Spawn: why

***-***-****: it's very hard to get out

 also lemme change my name

***-***-**** has changed their name to behead me i dare you

behead me i dare you: but i’ll get rid of the demon portal if you drink the yogurt

nah i kid

and it's gone lol

shrak: can confirm was standing next to portal to make sure the demons don’t destroy any more of the property value

Sleepy Plant Child: we had property value?

leaf soup: how did you even get here without anyone seeing

behead me i dare you: the portal was me

Subgenre God: wait you weren’t poofed in

behead me i dare you: i was checking out the reality shifts because there was some weird shit going on

Subgenre God: wait you can travel reality

Literal Hell-Spawn: kinda lame ngl

behead me i dare you: anyways ignoering the previous comment, i now know why there were weird signals from this place

yall shouldn’t be here, your neighbors shouldn’t be here and i am currently stuck here

Tolse: just teleport out with your portals or whatever

behead me i dare you: dreamxd is literally camping in all the portals

Tolse: why would he care about another person leaving

behead me i dare you: dreamxd hates my entrie race and would probably launch me into a black hole if i tried to get out

behead me i dare you: anyways you’re gonna need a new fridge

I am A.R.S.O.N: welp time to sacrifice a pedestrian

behead me i dare you: wait wtf

I am A.R.S.O.N.: do you have a problem with human sacrifice

behead me i dare you: nah i invented mayan sacrifice in one timeline

Tolse: wait what

behead me i dare you: my question is how many of yall are there

leaf soup: 23 minus you and the new axolotl hybrid

behead me i dare you: yeah now i see why dreamxd is camping on the portals

anyways i wasn’t kidding when i said you needed a new fridge

so i’m going back to sleep and if anyone wakes me up they’re going to find that the hunger games would not be fun in person

Subgenre God: o k

Chapter Text

Subgenre God: i wish shush was spelled shuhs
Because shuhs backwards is shuhs

Tosle:Wtf sting? are you okay..

Subgenre God: yes yes ofc ofc

Shrak: like….Bob?
"

Subgenre God: yes just like that

plainest flavor: confusion

Tosle: better not ask….it's like 3 AM

Subgenre God:.....your awake too

Tosle: me and shark are talking bleh

Shrak: yeah... talking about normal stuff

I am A.R.S.O.N: rose is probably teaching him how to flirt..

Tosle: yep

Shrak: you couldn't have just… yknow not expose me

Tosle: bruh helping you flirt is like telling sting to spell right

Subgenre God: MY FEELINGS???

hrapoons ma beloved: plaindromes

Subgenre God: huh-

plainest flavor: HEH?

Flower Patch: plaindromes? whats that

Para-Normal (not): It’s when a word spelled frontwards and backwards the same.

Also I’m pretty sure it’s palindrome not plaindrome

I am A.R.S.O.N: the fuck did she come from

Tosle: para is always lurking

Sleepy Plant Child: I wonder if there's a fear of palindrome

Flower Patch: probably not?"

Para-normal (not): there is actually...it's aibohphobia…

Sleepy Plant Child:... wait a min

Leaf soup: that's literally a palindrome...wha-

Tosle: does anyone know more?

wyvren idol: "Never odd or even" is a plaindrome sentence

Subgenre God: neve ro ddo reven

how-

wyvren idol: well...if you just change the letter here and there

Leaf soup: saippuakivikauppias

I am A.R.S.O.N: yoyo

Tosle: tea...what?

Arson...that's not-

I am A.R.S.O.N: oh wait…

plainest flavor: CAN YALL JUST GO TO SLEEP?

Para-normal (not): lol..go to sleep everyone

This universe is a social construct: on the other hand, spoonerism is when you switch the first letters of two words
Example… par cark

Sleepy Plant Child: Good morning dargob :D

This universe is a social construct: good morning Toma!

I am A.R.S.O.N: our new code for "lighting a fire" is going to be "fighting a liar"

Shrak: well...is that spoonerism?

I am A.R.S.O.N: just roll with it

Shrak: ok-

------------------------------
(morning ùwú)
------------------------------

Subgenre God: Goodmorninggg

Flower Patch: good morning!!

Sleepy Plant Child: Goodmorning everyone :D

Tosle: shark our fish tank is gonna be called tish fank now

Shrak: pog…

Subgenre God: who's ordering breakfast???

plainest flavor: no take out for breakfast

Subgenre God: we can't use the fridge stite is still asleep

Tosle: how is mitz making milkshakes already?????

Asexual Felinid: don't question me or my milkshake

I am A.R.S.O.N: welp...what about silk mhake

Subgenre God: sounds like a cloth blended into a cake batter

Tosle: wha-

Owl: that's just cursed-

Subgenre God: Rose please help me into the fridge

Tosle: no fucking way fuck off

Subgenre God: I JSUT WANT TO AET BRAEKFAST TOSE

Tosle: TOSE?!?

behead me i dare you: lol toes

I am A.R.S.O.N: BAHAHAHA TOES

Tosle: WHAT?! STING WROTE TOSE NOT TOES

I am A.R.S.O.N: sure toes

Tosle: STOP IM OKAY WITH TOSE NOT TOES

behead me i dare you: nahhhh you're toes now

Shrak: lmao toes

Subgenre God: ASDFGHJK...TOES

I am A.R.S.O.N: toesfire

This universe is a social construct: I was gonna say arsontoes but that sounds like a shipname

I am A.R.S.O.N: NO-

Tosle: I- wha- no-

Wilbur enthusiast: aren't they like siblings?

Leaf soup: "like" siblings

This universe is a social construct: incest has been created

Tosle: WHAT

ranboo but not: why did I come back to incest-

Sleepy Plant Child: what?

Tosle: please look away sob

behead me i dare you: it's incest Thursday today

Flower Patch: wha-

Shrak: rose I expected better

Tosle: WAHT DO YOY MEAN BETER?

I am A.R.S.O.N: toes calm yourself

Leaf soup: what is even happening

Wilbur enthusiast: is Para okay?

Tosle: why? What happened?

Wilbur enthusiast: she's just standing there...with her wings wrapped around herself?

Tosle: I'm coming down..gimme a sec

ranboo but not: I'm coming too

Leaf soup: para are you okay?

Para-Normal (not): don't say the s word

behead me i dare you: s word?

This universe is a social construct: spoonerism?

Para-Normal (not): yeah,,,,sp**n...just no

Leaf soup: ok para we won't..tell us if you need anything

Subgenre God: tose, stop staring at para's wings and make breakfast with us

Tosle: I'm not staring at para's wings

behead me i dare you: and I don't have a black hole as a pancreas

I am A.R.S.O.N: what..

Sleepy Plant Child: para just captured Rose

Subgenre God: what do yo- wait the fu-..rose?

Tosle: uhhh para just wrapped me with her wings...what do?!??

Para-Normal (not): just stay for a sec

Tosle: um ok…am I allowed to touch them?

Para-Normal (not): sure

This universe is a social construct: I'm not forgetting the incest toes

Tosle: STOP WHY

Shrak: AFAHJAGSHA

plainest flavor: what now oh my god

Shrak: THERR JS SOMONE IN TGE FIAH TANK

Tosle: huh?

Shrak: I DINT KNOW WHO THIS IS

behead me i dare you: wait I kinda wanna see this

jempy, not jesus: no worries...I am here as well

Leaf soup: wfwhahsgsh

ginger, eldritch horror edition: why do you do this?

Subgenre God: WHO??

jempy, not jesus: gods... obviously

Chapter Text

behead me i dare you: let’s start a youtube channel

Literally Satan: wtf

Subgenre God: where the hell did that come from

Subgenre God: and plus aren’t you a reality whatever its called how do you even know about the internet

behead me i dare you: i’m a reality-hopper

behead me i dare you: i’ve been to universes where vr and real life are impossible to tell apart i’m not from the 1600s

hrapoons my beloved: a youtube channel will be fun

Para-normal (Not): sure idc

hrapoons ma beloved: YES

Arson looked up from her phone, “Where the hell are we gonna get equipment for this”, they yelled down the hallway, towards Dispy, who was sitting on the elongated part of the couch. “Amazon” Dispy yelled back, “I already ordered a mic because there will probably be a lot of background noise”. “Apparently Stite also has a camera stand”, Dispy stated, “They said not to question the spiders that sometimes appear in the footage”.

That camera isn’t haunted at all, Arson thought. Well, half of the house's occupants are monsters of a sort, he decided.

After getting the camera set up, the group, Stite, Dispy and Arson moved to the porch. “What’re we doing here” asked Dispy with a bewildered expression. “We’re doing a house tour for the first video” explained Stite.

“Aren’t those dangerous” inquired Arson, “They help robbers break into houses or something”. Dispy snorted “The house occupants or the house itself would forcibly eject them”. Arson nodded, “Plus the house and the town is hidden from the rest of the world”

Stite handed Arson a camera, “Ignore the spiders on the film, they go away after more than two people view the footage”, they stated calmly. Arson sighed, this camera is heavier than she thought it would be. “Oh yeah there’s a stand on that”, Stite snatched the camera away, fiddling with the base of it.

A base with wheels popped out of the camera, as if out of nowhere. Oh goodhe thought, at least i don’t have to drag it around either. “If the camera rattles, whack it on the side a couple times” Stite told Arson, “It asserts dominance over the spiders”.

~𝓣𝓲𝓶𝓮𝓼𝓴𝓲𝓹 𝓫𝓻𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱𝓽 𝓽𝓸 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓫𝔂: 𝓫𝓪𝓭 𝓹𝓪𝓬𝓲𝓷𝓰~

“Ok so i think i have the camera steady” said Arson as they turned the camera to the right, confident in the spiders being subdued.

“Hey I’m Stite and we’re catching up with the chaos” said Stite. Dispy chimed in,“today we’re going to be doing a house tour for the first video because why not”. Stite was leaning against the front wall of the house next to Dispy, while Arson filmed them with the camera and held the mic.

Stite walked over to the edge of the porch as Dispy followed them. Stite waved their hand in the general direction of the tower,”that's where Tea and Para live”, they said. “This is also where the pool is”
Pointing towards the backyard, Dispy remarked “that’s where Dargob and Toma live”. As Stite and Dispy walked towards the backyard, Dispy pointed at the pool when they passed it. “That’s the pool, which is next to the greenhouse tower”

Arson panned the camera up, showing the entire tower as it glittered under the sunlight. He swerved the camera back towards Stite and Dispy both of which were sitting at the outdoors tables, neither of which were sitting upright. “Now let’s go inside,” Stite said, walking towards the door to the kitchen, DIspy quickly following them.

“Here’s the kitchen, it's mostly fireproof” Dispy stated while Arson panned the camera around the room, with Rose and Toast eating at the table. “That’s Rose and Toast”, Stite noted. “That’s the main dining table and where they’re eating is the island”

Walking down the hallway, they pointed out “that way is Mitz’s room and that’s the bathroom, there’s not much to see in either room”. Heading towards the door that they had not addressed yet, “This is Ash’s room”. Stite stopped one last time before the stairs. “Cut” Stite stated and Arson stopped rolling.

They pulled out their phone.
behead me i dare you: rose and toast why the heck were you in the shooting

arson’s #1 fan: just edit it out

Tolse: plus half the time you’re in the fridge the entire day and no one can get food from it

behead me i dare you: touche

Stite looked back up from their phone.

They sighed, “Let’s reshoot the kitchen”. Arson groaned but moved the camera back towards the kitchen, “Why not just leave it in so we can introduce people faster”. Stite stopped, “Sure, why not”

Stite walked back to the hallway, “The carpet stains are tomato sauce, I swear” as Arson cackled, while tilting the camera downwards. To see the dried bloodstains from a couple nights ago, “Yeah, for TOS’s sake that’s strawberry jam”. Dispy laughed, “Mhm let’s not get demonetized on the first video”

I am A.R.S.O.N.: who forgot to clean up the bloodstains

18 people are online

Tolse: not it

leaf soup: not it

Asexual Felinid: not it

Owl: not it

background characters that want revenge: not it

shrak: not it

Subgenre God: not it

Flower Patch: not it

Literal Hell-Spawn: not it

Sleepy Plant Child: not it

arson’s #1 fan: not it

aas(derogatory): not it

Ranboo but maybe: not it

Literally Satan: not it

Para-normal(Not): not it

Ranboo but not: not it

plainest flavor: not it

wyvernidol: not it

16 people are offline

behead me i dare you: literally all of you came online just to say that you didn’t do it

aas(derogatory): yes

aas(derogatory) is offline

behead me i dare you: i’m not going to launch you into a portal filled with starving cannibals i just wanna know why you didn’t kill the person in a less conspicuous spot

Literal Hell-Spawn: but that’s hard

behead me i dare you: literally just murder them in the basement so the blood isn’t in the middle of the carpet dry cleaning carpets sucks

Literal Hell-Spawn: no

Literal Hell-Spawn is offline

Stite sighed, wondering if anyone would keep the bloodstains out of the upstairs carpets. The dry-cleaners were starting to get a little suspicious, since someone brought in the carpets saying that they spilled jam or sauce on them every other day.

Someone needs to come up with a better excuse, they thought, or we’ll blow the entire budget on buying new carpets. “Hey”, inquired Arson, snapping Stite out of their trance, “Are we gonna keep filming or wrap it up for the day?”. “Finish the first floor and then wrap up for today” Stite replied, feeling exhausted from not sleeping for three days.

~Small Time Skip Brought To You By: Nothing. Literally Nothing.~

“And that’s where most of the vases in the house get yeeted” Dispy finished, signaling towards the window. Arson leaned the camera outside of it, sure enough there was a mound of shards, materials ranging from fine porcelain from other worlds to Crayola Air-Dry Clay.

“That’s why most of the decor in this house is highly flame resistant and near unbreakable” Stite explained while trying to hold in their laughter. “The one time we learned from past mistakes” Arson noted, cackling a little under her breath.
“That’s the first floor, I guess” Stite said “See you tomorrow or in a couple seconds because of the magic of editing”. Arson stopped rolling the camera, passing it to Stite while Dispy flopped down onto a chair. Stite hit it a few times, the camera legs folding back into the bottom of the camera on the third whack.

“There” they stated, “I think I’ll edit the footage once the filming is completely done”, Dispy agreed, “I’m tired, plus I need to wash my harpoons hooks”. Dispy winced,remembering the goo on the hooks, “EVen if the demons evaporate, their icky blood decidedly doesn’t”.

“I need to pry some carrots out of the fringes of my mansion” Stite acknowledged, “The food you gremlins had in the fridge transferred over to my mansion”. Arson whipped his head to the side to face them, “Wait it did?”.

They groaned, recalling laying down only to find chunks of overripe fruit on the bed, “Yes unfortunately”. “Does that usually happen?”, Arson questioned Stite, “No it’s probably the space-time continuum having an aneurysm over how none of you are supposed to be here”

“It isn’t as bad as the time when I tried to bring the entire multiverse to one spot, subsequently giving the STC a stroke and heart attack at the same time.” they considered, not noticing Arson’s eyes nearly bulge out of their head. (Key word: t r i e d)

“Anyways I’m going to clean the rotten carrots out of the light-giving trees of yonder’s past and then sleep” Stite told Arson, “I’ll be back to record in the morning”. They walked towards the fridge, opened the door and just sort of fell into it.

I will never get used to that, Arson shuddered, one would think that they’re a god.

Opening her phone and clicking on the group chat icon, fittingly named Actual Hell on the homescreen, he began to type

I am A.R.S.O.N.: we’re done shooting the first floor

Asexual Felind: itty-bitty problem

I am A.R.S.O.N.: what

Asexual Felind: there is a giant hole in the staircase and the house isn’t fixing it

leaf soup: okay who did it

aas(derogatory): whoops?

Para-normal(Not): i was expecting someone else

aas(derogatory): in my defense at least the spell didn’t go haywire

shrak: that’s not really a defense

aas(derogatory): BETRAYAL BY MY OWN SPOUSE

arson’s #1 fan: sucks to suck lmao

Tolse: Arson and i would never do such a thing right arson

Tolse: Arson?

Subgenre God is online

Subgenre God: ooh burn

Subgenre God is offline

Tolse: come back here yOU LITTLE SHIT

leaf soup: and sting’s dead

Literal Hell-Spawn: L

aas(derogatory): L

plainest flavor: L

background characters that want revenge: L

Sub-genre God: stfu

Subgenre God: bihefcbaiejf892ub93g29veonoe103cbaejnd330whiabdawjk

leaf soup: yup definitely dead

aas(derogatory): funeral?

Subgenre God: this is toes i took sting’s phone

Literal Hell-Spawn: funeral

Subgenre God: its sting i took my phone ba38019hf8b3192bwehdaejhf138ryb391

leaf soup: sting did not in fact get her phone back

Subgenre God: they did not

Subgenre God sent insultmeanddie.jpg

Subgenre God: fire or water

I am A/R.S.O.N.: fire

Subgenre God: its sting again

aas(derogatory): how the heck did you get out

Tolse: SHE BIT ME

leaf soup: this is getting annoying it was funny the first time

Tolse: boo

leaf soup: rose you're on fridge duty apologize to sting, sting apologize for biting rose

Tolse: wait what

Subgenre God: she attacked me first

leaf soup: apologize

Tolse: but sting insulted my honor

Subgenre God: i was just stating facts

leaf soup: did you not here me the first time

Tolse: fine i‘m sorry for trying to sacrifice you

Subgenre God: and i’m sorry biting you-

Subgenre God: wait what

Tolse: ummmmm

Tolse has deleted one message

Literal Hell-Spawn: did i hear sacrifice

plainest flavor: what

aas(derogatory): i look away for 2 minutes

leaf soup: rose you’re on fridge duty for 2 weeks you know to only sacrifice pedestrians

Tolse: BOOO

Subgenre God: sucks to suck

leaf soup: sting you have to clean the rest of the demon gunk off the lawn

Subgenre God: that’ll be easy-

leaf soup: without magic

Subgenre God: FUCK

Subgenre God: THAT’LL TAKE DAYS

leaf soup: exactly the point

hrapoons ma beloved: can confirm

hrapoons ma beloved: my poor harpoons

plainest flavor: lmao

Subgenre God: i hate everything

behead me i dare you is online

behead me i dare you: sucks to suck you little shit my phone was blowing up and the trees weren’t too happy

Subgenre God: is it attack sting day

Tolse: i wish

Literally Satan: wtf

Literally Satan: i wake up to whatever this is

leaf soup: read up

Literally Satan: i give up i’m going back to sleep

Chapter Text

Owl: we are out of food

Para-Normal (Not): i guess we are all going on a shopping trip

Plainest Flavor: il go

Tosle: i will come along

Shrak: i need new lighters

Wyvernidol: can i come

Para-Normal(not) : sjure

I am A.R.S.O.N: sjure

This universe is a social construct : i will send you the list of groceries we do need

hrapoons ma beloved : also double blendable stuff as mitz will blend a lot

asexual felinid: Preferrably oranges, chocolate bars, caramel, and vanilla. Also I need a lot of milk.

hrapoons ma beloved: I thought I just bought a pallet of milk wtf--

Literally Satan: How she stomaches all the milk? I do not know. How she buys it all? I don't know either.

Para-Normal (Not): we are at the store

the plainest flavor: shark stay away from the gasoline

shrak: no

aas (deregatory): this isn't gonna end well

Para-normal(not): my children shall run free

wyvernidol: shark has 30 boxes of mayo

shrak: i bought 30 boxes of mayo

tosle: i got 5 packages of each berry

plainest flavor: SHARK DROP THE GASOLINE

Literal Hell-Spawn: shark buy the gasoline

Literally Satan: I will personally make a 10-second bonfire with all that gasoline if you buy it all. I will allow a jerrycan of it, but I will not tolerate 8 jerrycans of gasoline.

Asexual Felinid: Trust me, he can make an entire building burn to the ground in 5 seconds if he wanted to. 8 Jerrycans in 10 seconds? no problem for him.

shrak: ok fine just the mayo

Para-normal(not): i got the mandatory stuff in a cart

I am A.R.S.O.N: thank you

arson's #1 fan: thank you

wyvernidol: i got some oreos

shrak: ooh cool knives HDAFDADFA

wyvernidol: vanilla just grabbed shark

Leaf soup: is she ok?

flower: yeah

tosle: no but sharks playing dead to mess with her

shrak: SNITCH

tosle: theres a 4 foot wine glass

PLainest flavor: NO

Tosle: to late

Para-normal(not): got rose a new lighter

Owl: favorite child

tosle: IM NOT

jempy, not jesus: yes

Sleepy Plant Child: yes

shrak: toma do you want a cherry tree

Sleepy Plant Child: yes please

PLainst flavor: everyones in the car we are coming back

wyvernidol: we forgot para

tosle: TURN AROUND

Literally Satan: Don't worry I got it

Para-normal(not): holy sm

tosle: how did Para get home so fast

Literally Satan: Enderman™

Asexual Felinid: I will explain later

~~timeskip brought to you by eldritch-powered sushi grills~~

Literally Satan: According to my scanners, the pool is now 9.37% milk.

"Ranboo but maybe": that is a lot of milk... a lot of wasted milk...

Asexual Felinid: Undo that crime and I will not explain that quote from earlier

Literally Satan: MITZ IT WASN'T ME GOD FUCKING DAMNIT I WILL BUY YOU MORE IF YOU SHUT UP ABOUT IT

Asexual Felinid: Nah, It's that batch of milk or I do lore dump :3

jempy, not jesus: Oh no mitz has too much power--

hrapoons ma beloved: the fuck, how can she do a lore dump about someone else

This universe is a social construct: Oh god i am not ready for this

Literally Satan: SHIT

NOW THE POOL IS 20.6663% MILK

Asexual Felinid: :3

Literally Satan: NO

This universe is a social construct: NO

hrapoons ma beloved: NO

behead me i dare you: someone pop some popcorn

Asexual Felinid: Too late to pop popcorn.

Mason is a hybrid with many eldritch-like abilities, he once got enderman abilities from a freaky researcher and couldn't remove the genetic abilities, so instead of hiding it he abused it in fights and shit and now he's like 40% enderman 40% demon 15% changeling and 5% human and elf or some shit. The ability is more than just "teleporting from point a to point b" or "moving ultra fast" it's actually pausing time and most of his lesser kind usually just move their soul while time is stopped and reform their body around it. He's able to use the same method but carry several people with him. Most people don't remember when it happens but several people have and he always remembers, so explaining is rather difficult when activating teleporting is a stupidly foreign concept to most minds, he just does it by instinct which is why he's able to abuse it in battles against xaehfnrdigggggggggto

Owl: Mason just phased through several floors in drop-kicking position

Asexual Felinid: I would like to remind you all saying that name will result in all of our deaths.

The universe is a social construct: mitz??? how did you do a lore dump????

Literally Satan: Mitz is my little sister. she's followed me through practically all my life, she knows the abuse I can handle, and I know the knowledge she has.

Literally Satan: hey mitz, have you tried apple juice?

behead me I dare you: OH GOD MITZ IS TRYING TO JUBERUIFHREIOFHREIOFHRO

Asexual Felinid: As a time traveller, I knew she'd get addicted to apple juice next. Mitz is now in Stite's fridge stealing his entire apple supply for apple juice.

Have fun with more 4am blending.