Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The parachute retracted. Webbed feet hit the ground with a slight off balance. Perry the Platypus clutched his side. A warm red coated his thick fur. The monotreme took a haggard step forward before collapsing onto the cold, wet pavement. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

  After Heinz began to settle down a little more, Perry started receiving more special missions. Most of the time, he was able to thwart whatever criminal Monobrow sent him to and be home in time for dinner. Today, he wasn't so lucky.

  Perry laid in the empty suburban street. He could feel his consciousness slipping away. The platypus wanted nothing more than to be at home with his kids. His kids. Perry placed a paw on his locket. It's late. No doubt all three of them are in bed right now.

  With a wince, the monotreme tapped the emergency button on his watch. He didn't bother to stop the tears from streaming down his face. He wanted to go home.

  It'll take O.W.C.A. at least another ten minutes to arrive at his location. The world grew more out of focus. There was a high chance he wouldn't last another five.

 The adrenaline had fully worn off leaving a fiery pain in his chest. The platypus’s torso heaved with every breath. The hand holding the locket slumped back to his side, hitting a sticky puddle of warmth on the concrete. Blood, probably, but he couldn't care less at the moment. All he could think about was the kids.

  It was tragic really. He was going to die alone without his family ever getting to know this side of him. He'll never get to tell them how much he loved them. At least, it was better to be painted in their minds as the loveable, yet mindless, pet than the secret agent who lied to them all these years.

  He needed to live. He needed to see his kids, but he was so tired. His eyelids were heavy. Maybe he could see his kids after a quick nap. No, that was the delusion. He needs to stay awake. Unfortunately, he was just too tired.

Perry the Platypus took one final, haggard breath.

Chapter Text

This was not Perry.

  Ferb wasn't sure who it was, but it was not their Perry. Sure, he looked the same, even had the same mannerisms which flooded his mind with questions.

  For a while Ferb has known things that he shouldn't. Seen things he shouldn't have. He knew he did not build the lair below the house. He also knew that, if he did, he wouldn't have made everything platypus sized.

  At first, Ferb was upset, angry even. The thought of his family just being a cover story stung more than he'd care to admit. After a few days, he came to realize the opposite was true. Perry loved the Flynn-Fletchers. Although he was still a little hurt that Perry never told them, Ferb knew he had his reasons.

  Now Ferb was staring at the platypus eating breakfast in his kitchen.

  Something happened to Perry, that was certain. Something bad if they were replacing him with a stand-in. At least, for the moment, there was still hope. Why would they have a stand-in if he's dead? 

  Or, he supposed, maybe this organization that Perry worked for might not even have the decency to tell his family that their beloved pet died. Instead, favoring to use them as a cover for as long as they can.

  Ferb glanced over at Perry 2.0 who was curled up next to Phineas on the couch. Part of him wanted to demand information. Find out what happened to their Perry. He couldn't do that.

  If Ferb interrogated the platypus, Perry 2.0 would report him to whoever his boss was. Even if he didn't report Ferb, there were still cameras and microphones all over the house. If Ferb was caught, Perry would never be able to return home.

  So Ferb continued to pretend. Pretend that his family was normal. Pretend that this platypus was still the pet they grew up with.

  The day slipped into the regular routine. Phineas thinks of a project, their friends come over to help build, Perry (or whoever he is) sneaks off to complete an assignment, the project of the day disappears, everyone goes inside to eat pie.

  Ferb watched as Perry 2.0 walked into the living room on all fours. Phineas turned around to see what Ferb was looking at.

 “Oh, there you are, Perry!” The platypus let out a noise.

~~~~~~~~~~~

  The evening continued on like normal. The other kids left. The Flynn-Fletchers ate dinner and talked about their day. Ferb was in charge of dishes.

  The boy grabbed a sponge and got to work. About halfway through dishes, Perry 2.0 waddled into the kitchen towards his water dish.

  The platypus seemed nervous. His drinking was almost robotic, like he was trying too hard to keep up appearances. Ferb almost felt bad for the little guy. Imitating Perry to the people who cared most about him was no easy task.

  Ferb set down the plate he was working on and took off his rubber gloves. Kneeling down, he gave Perry 2.0 a gentle scratch on the head. The platypus let out a quiet, yet audible, sigh of relief. Ferb gently stroked the platypus's back, brushing off any fur he shed. Seemingly more content, the platypus walked back into the living room.

  Ferb glanced down and the fur on the kitchen tile. It was the same vibrant teal as Perry, in fact, it might even be the exact same. Ferb glanced around before grabbing a dust pan.

  Trying to keep up appearances, Ferb dumped the fur into a plastic bag while trying to make it look like he dumped it in the trash. After slipping the sample into his pocket, the boy went back to cleaning dishes like nothing happened.

  When he finished, Ferb calmly walked into the living room. Phineas was sitting on the couch with Perry 2.0 watching a movie. As soon as he sat down, the platypus scooted over and leaned against him.

  Perhaps, when Perry is back, they could arrange a place in their home for Perry 2.0, or at least give him his own name. The boy let the platypus stay curled up by his side while he and Phineas finished the movie.

~~~~~~~~~

  Francis Monogram paced back and forth in his office. The door swished open. Monogram snapped his gaze to his unpaid intern. 

  “Status on Agent P?” Carl's Head sank.

  “Not good, sir. The med team did what they could, but they weren't able to save him.” Monogram sighed.

  “Contact the Nursery.”

  “Sir? Are you sure?”

  “Unfortunately, Carl, it's our only option.”

~~~~~~~

  It was the middle of the night when Ferb Fletcher ran the samples. He managed to find a coat with Perry's fur on it that hasn't been worn since winter, when Perry was definitely Perry. The computer screen lit up the darkened room as the progress bar encroached on one hundred percent.

  Sleep tugged at Ferb’s eyes while he waited for the last four percent to process. The chime from the computer startled him.

 It was a complete match. Perry 2.0’s fur was genetically identical to Perry's. They were twins, or, more likely, clones.

 Ferb stared out the window.

Where are you, Perry?

Chapter Text

There was something wrong with Perry.

  Phineas wasn't exactly sure what got into his pet, but he seemed like a completely different platypus.

  It was hard to explain. As far as he could tell, Perry acted the same as before. He's a platypus. They don't do much to begin with, but he followed the same pattern he always did. Wake up, help Phineas and his brother get ready, eat breakfast, disappear for a bit and return sometime in the afternoon.

  Despite the apparent normalcy, something felt different. Perry seemed distant. His movements were stiffer, his eating was slower, and when Phineas would pet him, he didn't lean into the touch as much as he normally did.

  Phineas thought Perry was just having an off day, but then another day passed with the same story. The boy stirred his cereal in thought. Maybe they could make something to cheer the platypus up!

  “Hey Ferb! I know what we're gonna do today!”

  Phineas waited until after breakfast and Perry's usual disappearance to fill everyone in on his plan. They were going to make a clubhouse filled with all of Perry's favorite things! Each room could have a different theme! They could have food, platypult, and a room full of toys that Perry would like!

  The morning passed by like a montage as the kids finished up their building. Phineas jogged into the kitchen to check the time. Perry should be getting back soon!

  A timer went off on the stove. Buford turned off the burner and dumped the shrimp into a bowl. The boys walked outside to join everyone in the platypus shaped clubhouse.

  On the outside, it looked pretty simple, but Ferb used some British technology to make it a lot bigger on the inside! Phineas led Bufford to the dining room where he already put Perry's dessert.

  Now they just had to wait and hope that nothing made their clubhouse vanish before Perry came back!

~~~~~~~~~

  It was another twenty minutes or so before Phineas heard a familiar chatter behind him.

  “Oh, there you are, Perry! Just in time to!” The platypus chattered again. Phineas led him to the entrance of their clubhouse.

  “We noticed you seemed to be feeling a little down lately, so we wanted to cheer you up!” The bill of the platypus house opened revealing the top of a slide.

  The kids all slid down followed by Perry. The slide led down to a room full of trampolines for Perry and the kids to jump on. Perry has always loved jumping on trampolines ever since the Flynn-Fletchers bought the boys one for Christmas the first year they had Perry.

  Phineas looked over at his pet who was currently by the Fireside Girls. He couldn't quite tell how the platypus was feeling. Maybe they should move on to the next room.

  The kids walked through the different rooms with toys, music, and water for Perry to swim in. Perry seemed to enjoy them, but he did seem to make more odd choices than usual.

  When they were in the room full of toys, Perry picked a stuffed animal over his favorite toy. Maybe he was just in the mood for something different. 

  In the music room, Perry seemed to respond more positively to the classical CD Baljeet brought over the music the boys usually played.

  Finally, they arrived at the dining room for the plate of shrimp and dessert fit for a platypus. Ferb placed the plate in front of the monotreme.

 “Bon Appetit.”

 Phineas watched as Perry slowly took a bite of the shrimp. The platypus's face scrunched in disgust before quickly returning to a neutral expression. Something was definitely wrong.

  Perry loves shrimp. It's his favorite food. The shrimp wasn't bad. Buford was a decent cook, and they would've smelled if the shrimp had expired.

  Phineas felt his blood run cold as he watched the platypus force feed himself shrimp.

Who’s this? And where's Perry?

~~~~~~~~~~

  A doctor washed her arms and hands in the scrub area. She turned to the assistant that wasn't helping her put scrubs on.

 “Retrieve PL-03 and prep it for surgery.”

Chapter Text

Her brothers’ pet seemed off.

  Candace knew she wasn't as close with Perry as her brothers were. In fact, most of the time, the smell of the thing repulsed her. She did have to admit there were moments where she felt connected to Perry, like he was her pet too.

  She remembered nights when she had nightmares or when her mind was racing, and Perry would slip into her room. Those nights, instead of sleeping with the boys like Perry normally did, he would curl up next to Candace on her bed.

  Currently, Candace was sitting in her watching Duckie Momo, as one does. Perry was sitting close to the TV, absolutely entranced by the show.

  Candace has watched Duckie Momo plenty of times. It was her favorite show after all. She's definitely watched it while Perry was in the room, but the platypus has never seemed this interested.

  Perry's eyes were pointing in opposite directions, so Candace wasn't sure what all he could actually see, but the pet seemed glued to the screen.

  “Do you like the show?” The platypus flinched. Candace snickered.

  “Come here you meat brick. If you sit too close you're gonna fry your eyes out!”

  Even though his expression didn't really change, Candace felt like the platypus might be concerned that that would actually happen. The monotreme quickly made his way to the couch.

  Candace glanced over at Perry. It was odd seeing him so focused on the screen. Perry never cared this much about Duckie Momo before?

~~~~~~

  The day continued without much thought. Candace watched her brothers work on building their platypus clubhouse for Perry. Normally, she'd be rushing to call her mom to bust them, but today she felt like it might be a good thing for Perry.

  Phineas claimed that Perry seemed to be feeling out of it. Knowing how close her brother was to that platypus, he was probably right. 

  Perry returned in the early afternoon. Candace joined the younger children while her brothers gave them the tour of the clubhouse. 

  Their build was spectacular as always. Candace followed them through rooms with trampolines, petting contraptions, and platypus habitats. When they reached the final room, Candace watched her brothers feed Perry some shrimp.

  Phineas’s expression shifted. The color drained from his face. Something was seriously wrong with Perry. Maybe…that wasn't Perry at all.

~~~~~~

   After dinner, Candace made up her mind. Making sure Perry was still in the living room with her parents, the girl walked over to Phineas and Ferb’s room.

  She gave the door three quick knocks before opening the door.

 “Hey have you guys noticed anything off-” 

  Surprisingly, Ferb was the one who smacked his hand over her mouth. The boy pressed a finger to his own lips. Phineas arched a brow.

 “Ferb?” Ferb shot him a glance which seemed to mean ‘Not here.’ Removing his hand from Candace's mouth, the Brit motioned for his siblings to follow him.

 “Candace, did you forget about Stacy's party today?”

 “What? Stacy doesn't have a-” Ferb shot her a look, “OHHHH, right! I totally forgot! We need to get going!”

  The kids clambered down the stairs to the living room.

 “Hey, Mom? Ferb just reminded me about the party at Stacy's that we were invited to!”

 “Oh! Well, it's going to be dark soon. Let me grab my keys, and I'll drive you over!”

  The kids waited for Linda before piling in the car. The drive to Stacy's was quiet. Their mother was seemingly oblivious to the tension in the vehicle. Candace sighed as she watched the houses pass by in colored blurs.

  After Linda dropped them off, the kids walked up to the front door. The doorknob rattled, and Candace's best friend opened the door.

  “Hi Stacy! We're here for your party!” Stacy arched her brow. Candace shot her a nervous smile. Her eyes shifted from Candace to Ferb. Suddenly, her demeanor shifted and a smile spread across her face.

 “Of course! You guys are the first ones here! Come in!”

  The Flynn-Fletchers walked into the house. Stacy looked around outside before closing the door. Ferb spoke up,

“We need to talk about Perry.”

Chapter Text

His nemesis had changed.

  Heinz wasn't sure what exactly was going on, but something was definitely off. Yesterday, Perry the Platypus seemed to be a slight bit slower at escaping his trap. 

  Today, the scientist was bored. He needed to find something fun and truly evil to work on. Pulling out his sketchbook, the doctor flipped through the pages of unmade designs. The Rubber Duckinator, hmmm, nah. The Horninator HOW DID THAT GET IN THERE? and why was it bright pink? Definitely a pass. Ah ha! His eyes fell upon the page. Time to get to work!

~~~~~~

  An hour or so later, Heinz had a fully functioning inator to show Perry the Platypus! As if on cue, the front door exploded into pieces.

 “PERRY THE PLATYPUS! I thought you KNEW BETTER than to break down the door! I LEAVE IT UNLOCKED FOR YOU! Even if it wasn't, I GAVE YOU A KEY!” 

  His nemesis shrank back and guilt. He was also sweating…milk? Heinz didn't know he could do that.

  Heinz shook himself out of his thoughts. Right! The inator! Heinz pressed a button on his remote, trapping Perry the Platypus in a platypus sized container.

  “You owe me for that door by the way! Anyways, I suppose you're wondering what I've been up to today!” Heinz directed the attention to the sheet-covered machine.

 “BEHOLD! THE BEDINATOR!!! You see, back in 

Gimmelshtump, I was forced to work as a lawn gnome day and night. Everytime I started to fall asleep, my father would yell at me! I wanted nothing more than to sleep in a nice, cozy bed. With this inator, I can summon beds, covering the WHOLE TRISTATE AREA IN SNUGGLY BLANKETS!!! I even saved money by making the frames out of galvanized square steel!”

  Heinz pressed the buttons to fire up the machine.

 “Now watch, in HORROR! As I fill my brother Roger's house with beds!” Heinz moved to push the button, but then he paused. Usually Perry the Platypus would be tackling him by now. Glancing over at his nemesis, the evil scientist saw the platypus still struggling to pick the lock on the cage.

  That's weird. Perry the Platypus never takes this long to pick a lock. Usually, if he waits this long it's more of a courtesy thing. The monotreme seemed to actually be struggling. The lock wasn't any different than normal?

  Heinz scrunched his brows and approached the cage.

 “Here Perry the Platypus. I have a doctor's appointment later today, so we should, uh, probably wrap this up soon.” Heinz pressed the button releasing the platypus. Perry, in turn, immediately tackled the scientist.

  The two started brawling, knocking into the machine causing it to fire who knows where. With one final throw, Heinz was on the ground. Perry the Platypus flipped in the air, pressing the self-destruct button on his way down.

  The machine exploded in a cloud of smoke. He ran to the edge of his balcony.

 “CURSE YOU PERRY THE PLATYPUS!!!”

~~~~~~~~

  While Norm cleaned up the mess from the inator, Heinz got to thinking. Something seemed off about Perry the Platypus. The broken door, the lack of skill. What happened to Perry the Platypus? 

What did OWCA do to his nemesis?

~~~~~~~

“Ah, there you are, my child.”

  A platypus blinked, trying to get the sleep out of his eyes. A kind smile greeted him.

“Welcome back, Agent P.”

Chapter Text

Perry woke up.

  Honestly, he was mildly surprised. When he woke up, instead of being greeted by heavenly light, or whatever the afterlife was supposed to look like, he opened his eyes to see dingy fluorescent lights.

  He wasn't in the normal medical wing, or even the OWCA ICU. This was somewhere else. His gaze snapped to the person in the room.

  “Welcome back, Agent P.” 

  Perry looked frantically around the room. It looked like a standard long-term stay room, but this was definitely not the one at OWCA HQ. There was no TV, no windows to view the street, and those fluorescent lights were fucking annoying.

  “Ah yes, I suppose you're wondering where you are. My name is Doctor Mary Delahunty. I am the head scientist of the Nursery.”

  Perry's eyes widened. There were a few things OWCA agents were never supposed to question, their orders, their targets, and where they came from.

  Perry knew he wasn't a normal platypus. A normal platypus wouldn't be capable of the same level of mental and physical skills required to be an agent. Regular platypuses (or platypi, both are considered acceptable) “don't do much” especially in comparison to a platypus like Perry.

  Perry wasn't sure how much of a platypus he actually was. A normal platypus couldn't move his neck the way he can, switching between ‘agent’ and ‘pet’. A normal platypus doesn't have opposable thumbs that can shift to a ‘normal platypus’ position if he so chooses. He wasn't an animal, not really. He was a weapon.

  The Nursery was a rumor spread among OWCA agents. No one knew for certain what it was, nor were they allowed to ask. One of the agents had heard a higher-up mention the Nursery. Whispers and speculation circulated HQ that day. Perry made sure none of the humans caught wind of that. Agents who asked questions had a habit of being relocated.

  Realizing he had been spacing out, Perry turned his attention back to the doctor. Dr. Delahunty had a borderline mad look to her. A pair of goggles kept long, curly hair out of her face. A couple strands of gray stuck out by her ears.

 “I'm sure you have questions, and knowing your superiors, I'm sure you weren't allowed to get answers, but I think we should go over post-op instructions first.”

  Perry listened as the doctor went over his medications, feeding instructions, and limitations for the duration of his recovery. Thankfully, with his semi-accelerated healing, he should be back to normal after a few days. Well, normal enough he can see his boys. He won't be going after Heinz anytime soon though.

  The platypus sighed and went to clutch his locket. It was a habit he picked up whenever he was nervous. The locket wasn't there.

  In a panic the monotreme looked around the room. Where was all his stuff. The doctor’s brow lifted in realization.

 “Ah, yes, right. Your possessions are safe Agent P. Due to your extended period of time out of commission, OWCA sent in a stand-in to impersonate you until you are well enough to return to your host family.”

 A stand-in? Perry wasn't aware of any other platypus agents. Although, it wouldn't surprise him if OWCA had a replacement for him hidden somewhere.

 A nurse(?) brought in a tray of food. Doctor Delahunty stood up and prepared to leave.

 “Well, Agent P, I should let you rest. Perhaps maybe when you're better I can give you a tour!” The next part was probably supposed to be to herself, but Perry couldn't help but overhear.

 “It's not often one of my children comes to visit.”

~~~~~~

  Nurses came in to check on him periodically until what Perry would assume was bedtime. Once the final nurse left to let him sleep, Perry glanced down at his bandaged side.

  Agents weren't supposed to cry. Showing emotion was seen as a weakness. Perry knew this, but that didn't stop the tears from flowing.

  He wanted his kids. He wanted to play platypus baseball with Phineas and Ferb. He wanted to let Candace put silly bows in his fur. He was being selfish. He shouldn't have let himself get this close.

  Curling in on himself, the platypus wiped tears and snot off his face. Crying won't make healing faster. At least, that's what he was taught. With a final sniff, the platypus began to calm down.

  The blinking lights from the various monitors threatened to keep him awake, but to be honest, Perry was tired. The agent felt himself start to nod off until he fell into a restless sleep.

~~~~~~~

  Perry woke up the next morning to a nurse bringing him breakfast and his morning medication. The sound of boots hitting the tile in the hallway caught Perry's attention.

  Dr. Delahunty swung in the door with an awfully cheery air about her.

 “Good morning, Agent P! How's my favorite patient?” 

 Perry made a motion signaling that he was doing alright.

 “Up for a walk?” Perry tilted his head.

~~~~~~~

  Perry the Platypus found himself sitting in a wheelchair being pushed by Dr. Delahunty. They passed by several empty rooms that looked like the one Perry was staying in before reaching a lobby of sorts.

  In the lobby was a person sitting at a desk, probably guarding the entrance to the hallway Delahunty seemed to be taking him to.

 After Delahunty gave a slight nod, the desk person pressed a button, allowing the doors to open. The doctor wheeled Perry in. The door shut behind them.

 “Now, normally agents aren't allowed in this area after deployment. However, given your elite status, I think we can make an exception. There are still, however, rooms we will not be going in. You understand.”

  Delahunty took them to the door outside the first room, one that Perry was very familiar with. Children, well agents in training, sat in the rows of desks behind Professor Pumpernickel, Perry's trainer. Every OWCA agent that was born into OWCA remembers Professor Pumpernickel.

  Pumpernickel taught the agents skills like how to use gadgets, how to strategize, and also how to read and write.

 “You may recognize this room from your basic training!”

  Perry scoped the room through the window. It's been a long time since he was last here. He met some of his agent friends here. This class wasn't too different from the one that they sent new recruits (like Heinz the one time) who weren't raised here to. 

  The professor turned his eyes over to the door before running up and opening it.

  “Agent P! How wonderful it is to see you! Look how much you've grown!” The man pushed the bridge of his circle-shaped glasses up his nose. Pumpernickel ushered them into the front of the classroom.

  “Class, meet Agent P, one of OWCA’s finest.”

  The animals looked up at Perry starstrucked. Perry gave them an awkward wave.

  “You know, Agent P used to be in the same place you are now. With a little training, you too could be a top agent!”

  A mouse in the front row raised their hand. Pumpernickel nodded for them to ask their question.

 Why is he wearing that? They signed, pointing at the bandages wrapped around Perry.

 “Well, being an agent can sometimes be a dangerous job. Even our top agents, like Agent P, might not come out unscathed.”

  Perry nodded. The two of them said their goodbyes, and Delahunty wheeled Perry out of the room.

  The next couple of rooms were ones that Perry remembered well. One was the classroom where they'd learn different forms of sign language. The other was one Perry wished he could block out of his memory.

  In order to be an agent, you had to be conditioned to rough conditions and environments. An agent had to withstand rough weather, interrogation, and torture. The platypus shuddered at the thought.

  Agents who weren't born into OWCA were lucky. They usually found themselves with easy missions and very little conditioning. Those born into OWCA were the ones stopping evil scientists, terrorists, and other powerful figures.

 “Agent P! Come back for a little bit of conditioning?” Sargent Scoblink was exactly how he remembered him being. Gruff, tall, bulky were all characteristics used to describe the sarge. He was nowhere near as scary as some of the villains that Perry has faced, but the memories from back in his training days were hard to escape.

 “Unfortunately, Gerald, I'm gonna have to cut you short. Agent P is in no condition to endure unnecessary conditioning.” The Sargent huffed before turning back to his classroom.

 “I swear she cares about those stupid animals more than actual humans,” he muttered under his breath. Perry and Delahunty moved on.

  At the end of the hallway was another set of doors. Delahunty paused at the doorway, not attempting to open it.

 “Down this hallway is where I work! We're not going to go in there, but it's nothing special!” Perry heard the sound of a heavy cart rolling down a hallway on the other side of the door. What was back there? Was that where OWCA agents were taken to be modified? 

He needed answers, and this is the best chance any agent has ever had to get them.

~~~~~~

  On the way back to his room, Delahunty asked him something,

 “Do you know why they sent you here?” Perry shook his head.

 “I'm the last resort to save agents like you.”

  Agents like Perry. Many agents have died before in the line of duty. Of those, plenty had died in the medical wing. Although they weren't given the time to mourn, many of the agents had their own ways of expressing their grief. Newcomers often found flowers or trinkets on their desk, but they usually assumed it was the office celebrating their anniversary at OWCA.

  Agents weren't allowed to question things, like why all the agents are animals. Except, that question had an easy answer that nobody really wanted to dwell on.

Animals are more expendable.

  If an agent like Perry was sent to the Nursery, that could only mean one thing. He was good enough to be saved.

~~~~~~

  Perry spent the rest of the day in his room. A nurse came by to drop him off some dinner. While she was placing Perry's tray on his table, Perry took the chance to snatch her keycard.

It was time to learn what the Nursery was really about.

Chapter Text

That monotreme hasn't answered her texts in almost THREE DAYS! 

  Now, don't get her wrong. Stacy understands that Perry doesn't always have the opportunity to safely message her and that his line of work doesn't exactly have a set schedule, but usually he'd at least say something by now!

  Stacy knows Perry's not missing. Candace would've called her if he was. She messaged the platypus to confirm whether or not they were gonna try that new froyo place downtown, but he hasn't answered! They were supposed to be getting froyo today!!!

  With a huff of aggravation, the teenager put her phone back in her pocket. Maybe he was compromised, or at risk. Stacy knew that their meetups would be dropped the second there was a threat of relocation.

  It was after dinner, and with no response from Perry, Stacy decided to stay home. The teen sat down on the floor to pick out a DVD. The doorbell rang.

  That was weird. Stacy wasn't expecting anyone. She walked up to the front door and looked out the peep-hole. Candace and her brothers? What are they doing here?

  Stacy opened the door, about to make a comment, but Candace spoke up first.

 “Hi, Stacy! We're here for your party!” Party? Candace gave her a nervous smile. She glanced over at Ferb who was giving her a pointed look that seemed to mean ‘Just go with it'. Stacy smiled and welcomed them in.

  The teen scoped the area before shutting the door. Surprisingly, Ferb was the first person to speak up.

 “We need to talk about Perry.”

 “Perry? What about him?” Stacy tried to hide her nerves as best she could. Ferb stared at her intently with a notepad in hand.

Is it safe to talk here?

  Stacy nodded. Candace and Phineas wore matching looks of confusion.

 “Let's go to my room so we can have a little more privacy.”

  The three Flynn-Fletchers followed her into her bedroom. Stacy took a seat on her desk chair. Candace sat on the bed while the boys took spots on her rug.

 “So… why did we come to Stacy's to talk about Perry?” Candace asked. 

 “Because it's not safe to talk about him at the house,” Ferb stated matter-of-factly. Stacy's eyes widened. Did he know?

 “Not safe? It's our house!”

 “Yes, but if we have any hope that our Perry is still out there, we must be careful how we speak of him unless we never want to see him again.”

 “Wait, what do you mean our Perry? Isn't Perry at the house?”

 “That's not Perry,” Phineas spoke up. There was a dark look on his face.

 “Wait, so let me get this straight, Perry has been replaced?” Ferb nodded. “THAT'S WHY THAT EGG-LAYING TURD NEVER ANSWERED ME!” 

  All three of the Flynn-Fletchers snapped their gaze to her.

 “What do you mean replaced?” Candace's brain caught up to speed.

 “What do you mean texting?” Phineas spoke at an equally loud volume.

 “Ah, so I was right,” Ferb's voice was just as quiet as normal. Stacy turned to Ferb.

 “You knew that I knew?”

 “Well, not for certain, but you're also not a great liar.”

 “I'm sorry, back up! So, just to recap: our Perry has been replaced, there's something about him that only Stacy and Ferb know, and somehow our platypus is capable of texting?” Candace looked mostly shocked. Phineas was silent.

 “Yep. And: before you get mad, the only reason I didn't tell you was because if the secret was out, Perry would be relocated which means you'd never see him again.”

  “Wait, so I'm confused. What secret is Perry hiding?”

  “Perry's a secret agent,” Ferb answered this time.

 “And a damn good one at that! He's stopped terrorists and evil scientists and saved the world so many times!” Stacy added. Angry tears started to trickle down Phineas’s face.

 “Were we just a cover to him? Did he ever actually see us as family? Did he ever really love us?!” Ferb set a hand on his brother's shoulder.

 “Sorry, I'm just, I don't know. It's a lot to process. Wait, Ferb, you knew? And you didn't tell us either?”

 “If I told you, Perry's organization would have come and taken him away. Neither us nor Perry would've liked that.”

 “But we could've kept it secret! We could just pretend we didn't know!” This time Ferb turned Phineas to face him.

 “Phineas, they have cameras and microphones all over our house. Every word you say is monitored and recorded. Stacy doesn't have a pet, so it's safe to talk here.”

 “Wait, so is every pet in the city a secret agent?”

 “Wait, they can hear everything I say?” Candace was not doubt thinking of all the embarrassing things she's said about Jeremy. Her eyes widened in horror.

 “DO THEY WATCH US PEE?” Stacy sighed.

 “Not every pet is a secret agent, but there's definitely a lot of them in Danville. I'm not sure where exactly in the house has mics or cameras, but Perry did assure me the bathrooms were safe.” Ferb spoke up again,

 “The bedrooms have mics. The main rooms like the living room and kitchen have cameras as well. Outside the house also has several cameras.” Ferb picked at the fuzz on the carpet.

 “Perry told me once that the outdoor cameras are for your safety whereas the indoor ones are to make sure that Perry is obeying his orders.”

 “What kind of place does Perry work at? I mean, for good guys they don't sound very good,” Candace pointed out.

 “Honestly that's a point I've brought up to Perry before. The problem is, he can't leave, not really. Even people like his boss are bound under the rules that the board makes. If they found out that any of you knew about Perry, the board would have him sent away which would devastate him.”

 “Wait, so how are you able to know?”

 “Well, I found out when he and his nemesis crashed into my living room. Long story short, he gave me a pamphlet about how my memory would be erased or he'd have to be relocated, but I argued since I wasn't a part of his host family the rules don't apply to me. Wait, Ferb, how long have you known?”

 “Since you and Candace were with the Bettys.”

 “THAT LONG?” A light bulb turned on in Phineas’s head.

 “Wait, so that secret agent lair we went into was actually Perry's?” Ferb nodded.

 “Wait Perry has a lair?”

 “Yes it's…it's right below our house. Wow, I'm surprised we didn't find an access point when we dug up the backyard today.” Ferb nodded. Wait a minute.

 “So if Perry's been replaced what does that mean?” This time it was Stacy's turn to ask a question.

 “I hope that it may mean he's either on a long term mission, or he's in the process of recovering from something. I thought that if he died, the agency would have the decency to tell us. Although, if what you say is true, I'm not sure that they would.” Silence swept over the room. Stacy hoped that wasn't true. Wait, maybe she can find out.

 “Wait! Maybe I can message Pinky and see if he knows anything!”

 “Pinky? You mean Isabella's dog?!” 

 “Yeah! A while after I found out about Perry, he introduced us! Let me message him now!”

S: Hey Pinky! I was wondering if you've heard anything from Perry recently? He hasn't answered me in days

  Stacy watched the chat bubbles signal that Pinky was typing.

Pi: Something's going on. P was taken to the medic. I heard rumors that he was sent to a special facility. I saw P at his house the next day, but there's no way that's him. I think the agency sent in a stand-in.

S: What would a stand-in mean?

Pi: Hopefully it means that he's just recovering. It was bad. They weren't sure if they would be able to be saved. If he died, the agency would have been alerted.

 “So, good news is he's probably not dead. Bad news is that Pinky has no idea where they've taken him.”

  The relief was palpable.

 “So, I guess we could just wait it out until Perry gets back?”

 “I mean, I guess? If you guys wanted to talk to Perry after he comes back I could arrange a meeting at my house.” 

 “I'm still curious about who's impersonating Perry. Like? What happens to him after our Perry comes back?”

 “I mean, he'll probably just get reassigned. This was just a job the agency gave him, right?” Ferb looked mildly nauseous. He looked up from where he was picking the carpet.

 “There's something you all should know.”

Chapter Text

  “There's something you should know. When I first noticed Perry was replaced, I took some samples of his fur out of curiosity. His DNA is a 100% match which means either Perry has a twin or this is a clone.” Candace opened her mouth.

 “If…if this Perry that’s at our house is a clone, what happens to him after Perry is back?”

 “Even if he is a clone, he’s clearly his own person…well platypus. He has his own tastes and preferences that are different from Perry’s. Perry’s boss would recognize that…right?” Phineas turned towards Stacy. Stacy tapped her chin in thought.

 “I’m sure Monobrow would recognize that, or at the very least Karl would, but it’s not up to them. I think they have to follow whatever the higher-ups want.”

  The room grew silent again. They needed a plan.

~~~~~~~

  Perry the Platypus waited for the shifts to change before leaping out of bed. He winced. His side wasn’t fully healed yet. Looking around the room, he checked for cameras and mics before climbing up to the vent in his room, which was comically large like he was in a cartoon or a spy movie. Grabbing a box of rubber gloves and some of the medical tools on the wall, Perry got to work.

  Using the metal from some random tool, Perry uncrewed the cover of the vent. Once it was removed, Perry blew on the gloves which caused the powder to fill the air by the vent to check for lasers. Perry cracked the tip off the otoscope to be used as a light. When the coast was deemed clear, the platypus hopped into the vent and began crawling towards the direction of the lobby.

  Navigating the vents without a map was annoying, but eventually Perry spotted the lobby. Maybe he could travel in the vents until at least the hallway he was trying to get to. No doubt OWCA has cameras in the halls. Honestly, it was a miracle there were none in the vents, but he supposed agents don’t usually come here and sneak around. The platypus continued down the vents, using the box of gloves to check for lasers.

It took him another twenty minutes or so to find what he was looking for.

~~~~~~~

 “What if we ask Perry when he gets back to vouch for Perry 2. Perry 2 could ‘happened to be found’ by us and adopted and given a real name?”

 “Perry would totally go along with that, but Monobrow might have issues with the board.”

 “What if we convince the board that they did their job? When in reality they didn't?”

 “That might be tricky since they could see that you have a second platypus conveniently right after Perry's return. I could contact Pinky and ask who's in charge of watching the cameras and whether or not they'll snitch?”

 “Good idea!”

~~~~~~

  Perry looked down from the air duct. He seemed to be above some sort of lab. On the lab bench, various tools including microscopes, micropipettes, and super tiny syringes were strung about. Massive fridges stood on the opposite wall from Perry. This looks like some type of microbiology lab.

  Continuing through the duct, Perry found himself wandering across the hall. The vent stopped short. That was weird. There were now corners to turn or something leading outside. It was just a dead end.

  Perry backed up to see the hallway. There was definitely a door there. The platypus sighed. If he was caught, he could be killed, or worse: get relocated. This was his only chance to get answers.

  The agent checked for guards before kicking out the vent cover. The metal clattered to the ground. He had to be quick. Perry pulled out the key card and tapped the scanner by the door. The light on the reader turned green.

Perry didn't know what to expect when he walked through that door, but this wasn't it.

~~~~~~~

  After a few hours of planning, the Flynn-Fletchers were taken home. The boys pretty much went straight to bed. Ferb looked over at his brother. It appears he couldn't sleep well either.

  Ferb tapped Phineas’s shoulder.

 Are you okay? Phineas watched his hands, recognizing it as BSL. When Ferb first moved to America, Phineas started learning his form of sign language as fast as he could because he wanted to make his new brother more comfortable. Candace also tried, but she was a lot less fluent.

 Not really. It hurts. It hurts that he never told us. It sort of hurts that you didn't tell us. I know he had his reasons, but part of me still feels like he didn't trust us. Phineas signed back. Ferb nodded.

 I felt that way too at first, but I know Perry loves us and would tell us if he could. Phineas plopped his head back down on his pillow.

 “Goodnight, Ferb.”

 “Goodnight, Phineas.”

  The door creaked open followed by Perry 2.0. The platypus walked over to Ferb's bed and curled up next to him.

  Ferb wrapped his arm around the monotreme. He doesn't blame him for Perry's disappearance. This platypus does not deserve whatever OWCA had in store for him.

~~~~~~

  There were… so many of them. 

  Rows of giant tubes filled the warehouse sized room. Each chamber was filled with liquid with something floating inside. Perry approached the closest row of tubes. An aardvark. Agent A. Perry turned towards the other tubes in the row. All aardvarks.

  Perry walked out of the row to look at the rest of the room. Each row was marked with a letter of the alphabet, multiple rows having the same letter. Perry sprinted down the aisle I, I, I, J. The pain flared up in his side. L, L, M. Almost there. O, O, O, O, P.

  P, Panda. Peter. Next row. Perry went through row-by-row until he found the one he was looking for. P, Platypus. Perry's blood ran cold.

~~~~~~

  He didn't have a name, at least none that he remembered. Well, he was referred to as Agent P, Perry, and Perry the Platypus, but those were not him.

  To be honest, he doesn't remember anything past basic training. It's like he went to sleep as a child and woke up a fully grown adult.

  Now, he was impersonating an agent, wearing his personal belongings, and labeled with a black band he did not earn. If he was a full agent now, why did he never have a graduation?

  The platypus sighed. There was also the mystery of who this ‘S’ person (or animal) was that keeps messaging Perry's phone. He probably should have answered, kept up appearances and all that, but the stress of playing pretend in front of this platypus's family was hard enough.

  One thing was clear to him, his family loved their pet. The boys made an entire clubhouse filled with things the other agent enjoyed. Agent P was lucky to have them.

A part of him revelled in having a family. It was nice to pretend, at least for a little while.

~~~~~~~ Proceed with Caution

The first tube was empty. PL-02. Why was it empty?

  Was…was he a clone? What happened to the original? Perry's breathing grew quick. He felt himself shaking, on the verge of collapse. Looking over at the next tube, PL-03, was probably not a great decision.

  A platypus was in the vat of liquid. Well, what remained of a platypus. The mammal floated more like a dead body than the clones in stasis. There were no breathing apparatus or vital monitors.

  The skin on its torso was split in half, revealing a ribcage with only one lung and no heart. Perry wasn't an expert on anatomy, but it looked like some other organs were missing on the left side. The small intestine was floating freely, taking up more space than the platypus.

  Perry's mind was racing trying answer the question:

What happened?

 “I thought I might find you here.” Perry whipped his head around to see Dr. Delahunty. He couldn't bring himself to move. His head was pounding. Was he even breathing anymore? He needed to remember his training.

5 things he sees: floor, Delahunty, glowing tube, equipment in the corner, cart.

Four things he can feel: the cold tile, the light pressure from his bandage, his fur from where he was clutching it, the slight chill on his bill from the cold lab.

Three things he can hear: the soft beeps from the tubes, Delahunty trying to tell him something, his heart beating.

Wait, Delahunty was speaking. She was also really close to him.

 “My child! There you are! Are you alright?”

  Perry blinked. The doctor stood up again.

 “You see, this is why I don't normally take you and your siblings back here. You had quite a nasty shock it seems.”

 Perry dared to glance at PL-03 before turning back to her.

 “Ah, yes, that. I never wanted that to happen. Agent P do you know why you were sent here?” Perry shook his head.

 “When OWCA found you, you were almost dead. Your left lung and heart were pierced, and your left kidney also experienced significant damage. You died in the medical wing, so they sent you to me as a last resort since,” she gestures at the chamber, “I had all the parts to fix you on such short notice. I never wanted this to happen to one of you. You're all so dear to me, but desperate times called for desperate measures.” 

  Why do you keep calling me your child? Perry signed. Delahunty stared off at a corner of the room.

 “I used to be an intern at a zoo. I specialized in animal conservation which is where I gained the skills to play around a little bit. OWCA found me and recruited me to develop new agents using animals.

  It took years of perfecting until one day, I found success. Agent W, I, uh, don't know what they named her. They don't really tell me these things, but I called her Genesis, since she was the beginning. 

  Of course as soon as she was old enough to eat on her own, and all the tests were passed, she was sent away from me. The same went for all my children for a while.

  Your series was different. When I made you, I made six others like you, so you could have siblings, stand-ins if needed, and, I guess, organ donors.”

  Why don't you just release everyone? It would double OWCA’s workforce. It's not like we get paid.

 “I would, but OWCA wouldn't let me. I see now it was probably for situations like this. Your genetically modified parts are hard to come by, and if they sent you here it means you aren't expendable.”

  What if you made a way to make replacements, but not at the expense of another one of us?

 “You might be onto something. I'll have to look into that. In the meantime, I believe it is time for bed. If the board finds out I let you in here, it'll cost both our heads!” The pair started walking.

 You didn't let me in here?

 “Of course I did! Why did you think there was no security in the vents?”

~~~~~~~

  Perry slipped back into his bed. This place was dangerous. He was not leaving without every animal trapped in there. He just hoped that the civil route worked.

Chapter Text

  A cold room, filled with tubes. A severely disfigured body. He couldn't tell the face. The kids were blissfully unaware, walking into the aisle. They look into the glass. He gazes at them from the other side. It was his face. His kids screamed.

~~~~~~~

  Perry jolted into a sitting position. His breathing was quick, but slowing down as he took in his surroundings. It was a dream.

  Today was the day. Today, he was finally healed enough to go home. The nurses came in to do some final check-ups. Now it was just the discharge paperwork.

  While he was waiting for them to come back, Delahunty knocked on his door. Her curls were wild, and the bags under her eyes seemed to be larger than normal. Did she sleep at all last night?

 “So, I was thinking about your idea and realized I do have the equipment I would need to make that happen! Last night, I successfully grew a kidney that matched Genesis’s! All I have to do is propose it to the higher-ups, and then my children will be safe!”

  Despite her very mad scientist demeanor, Perry did have to admit there was some good in her. If the higher-ups approve her plan, the rest of the animals could be released. Granted, they'd still have to serve OWCA, but it was definitely better than sitting in stasis waiting to be harvested. They'd actually get some chance at life. Delahunty tapped her chin.

 “Oh there's so much I could do! I should try a heart next! Thank you, Agent P!”

  The platypus pointed at himself before tapping the middle and index fingers of both his hands together twice. My name is Perry.

 “Well then, Perry, let's get you home.”

~~~~~~~

  Once the paperwork was filled out, Perry was sent to a secure location to switch with the stand-in that apparently took his place. The platypus shifted nervously, waiting for his double to arrive.

  Was his double the one who lived in the empty tube? If so, he doesn't really want him going back there, even if Delahunty might not do anything. He needed a plan, but right now he was too nervous to think of one.

  The door swished open revealing a platypus identical to him. The agent walked up to him and took his hat off, placing it in Perry's paws. Next, the platypus took off the locket. Perry's eyes softened when he opened it to see Phineas and Ferb’s pictures.

  They really love you, ya know? You're lucky to have them. Perry nodded.

  Thank you for watching them for me. Perry put the locket back on his neck. Rooting through his hat, Perry pulled out his phone. 10 missed messages from Stacy. Oh right, the yogurt place! The most recent one was from earlier that morning.

S: Perry! Heard you were getting discharged today. Meet at my place. Bring Perry 2.0.

  Perry arched a brow before looking back up at his stand-in. 

  Before you leave, there is apparently someone who'd like to meet you.

  The two monotremes left for Stacy's.

~~~~~

  Perry led his double (brother?) to the house. There wasn't a car in the driveway which meant Stacy's mom wasn't home. Once they got to the door, Perry knocked it in a specific rhythm that Stacy came up with. He's pretty sure it's a song from one of her favorite bands.

  The door opened, and Stacy ushered them inside. The other platypus arched a brow. Looking over at Perry, he began to sign.

  Isn't that a friend of your host family? Perry nodded.

  Long story. Don't tell OWCA. She's been good at keeping the secret.

  Wait? Aren't we supposed to report everything to OWCA? If they find out they might relocate you!

  We've been careful. Plus, Monogram has already shown that I'm something OWCA doesn't want to lose.

 “Yeah so about that and the whole secret keeping. You might want to sit down for this.” Perry's eyes widened, but he complied and sat on the couch.

  “Two days ago, the Flynn-Fletchers showed up here because it wasn't safe to talk at your house. All three of them apparently noticed that you weren't the same platypus, and Ferb has known about your job for a while now. And, well, I'll let them explain it. They're in my room right now.”

  Perry looked over at his double before hopping off the couch.

Lead the way.

~~~~~

  Phineas couldn't stop fidgeting. Today was the day when the charade ended. Stacy got a message from Pinky about Perry being discharged which meant it was time for Perry to know the truth.

  A part of him still couldn't believe it. Perry was a secret agent. He lied to them, but he did it to protect his family. Phineas picked at his nail. Stacy poked her head in the door.

 “Hey, guys, they're here,” she said before opening the door fully. Behind her were two platypuses, both standing on their hind legs. One of them was wearing a fedora and looked especially nervous.

  Ferb placed a hand on Phineas’s shoulder which released the tension he didn't realize he had. The one in the fedora stepped forward. It was Perry.

  Before Phineas’s brain could catch up, he reached and pulled the platypus into an embrace. Tears fell freely from his eyes. Once he was over the initial shock, Perry returned the hug.

 “I was so scared that we lost you!” Perry let out a weak krkrkrkr. The two separated, and Perry rubbed his arm sheepishly before signing.

  I'm sorry I lied to you. I never wanted to. He used BSL so the boys, and to some extent Candace, could understand him. The teen gave him a weak smile.

 “We know. I think I can speak for everyone when I say we'd rather never find out then have you taken away from us.” Perry smiled.

 “Well, now that you've reunited, we have some things we gotta discuss,” Stacy said. Ferb nodded. The teen continued, 

 “Since you, as in Perry, are back, OWCA, no doubt, is gonna reassign you, as in do you have a name?” Perry's clone looked up at her and shook his head.

 “Do you have something you'd like to be called?” The platypus shrugged.

 “Well, we can figure something out! Anyways, we wanted to make sure that OWCA wouldn't do anything fishy since he's, well you're both genetically identical.” The monotremes wore matching shocked expressions. Not-Perry started to back away, grasping his head. The platypus chattered hysterically. Perry approached him, placing a hand on his shoulder like Ferb has done so many times for Phineas.

  The two seemed to be having a conversation in a language only they could understand. After a while, they seemed to calm down. Perry turned back towards the group.

  When I was injured they took me to a place called the Nursery. It's where all the agents are created. Phineas took note of the fact he signed ‘created’ and not ‘born’. For each agent, there are six siblings created at the same time. He's not my clone, more like my twin.

 “So what happens now that your twin's assignment is done?”

 He'll probably be returned to the nursery for a little while. I'm working on changing that. I wish there was a more immediate solution for him though. Ferb spoke up,

 “Well, actually, that's part of why we asked you both to be here.” Perry's twin perked up.

 “We figured something like that or worse might happen, so we made a plan!” Phineas beamed, “We thought maybe there was a way you could convince your boss to take your twin under your wing for training or something, and maybe we could play it off like you make it so we happen to ‘find’ him and take him in!”

  Perry looked as if he was mulling it over. Perry looked back at the group of people. I'll try my best.

~~~~~~

  After chatting and swapping stories, Linda came to pick the kids up. Perry waved goodbye to his twin. Switching to all-fours the platypus followed the kid to the car.

  Perry's twin was going back to OWCA for now. Perry will talk to Monobrow tonight. It might take some cartoon level logic to make this work.

  For the first night in four days, Perry was home with his kids.

Chapter Text

  Perry was gonna kill those bastards. (Not really, but he was definitely angry at them.) Monogram approved his request to take his twin under his wing, but the board said no.

  Perry groaned and put his face in his hands. Hopefully, Delahunty’s meeting with the board will go well tomorrow, so the Nursery occupants can be released.

  With nothing else to do but wait, Perry decided to go back upstairs to see his kids. The monotreme exited his lair and switched to all fours.

  The Flynn-Fletchers were eating dinner in the kitchen. Phineas looked over at him from the table.

 “Oh, there you are, Perry!”

  Perry chattered before curling up on the floor next to the boys. The family finished dinner, and the boys ran upstairs.

  So did they say yes? Phineas signed enthusiastically once they got to the bedroom. Perry shook his head.

  The doctor from the Nursery has her meeting tomorrow. If that doesn't work, I'll take care of it. Ferb knit his brows in concern.

 Stay safe. Don't get caught.

  The platypus gave him a curt nod. He wasn't about to tell the children how dangerous that mission would be. Delahunty better know what she's doing.

~~~~~~

  Mary paced back and forth in the lobby. Today was her meeting with the board. The same board that hired her back when she was an undergrad. Looking at her own graying curls, they must be ancient by now.

 “They're ready for you.” Delahunty took a deep breath before walking into the conference room.

 “Esteemed members of the board, I am here today to discuss a new technology that I developed which might change the course of this agency!

  Did you know that the Nursery requires the same amount of power as the entire city of Danville to run? The stasis chambers we use take a lot of energy to operate.

  What if there was a way to eliminate the need to keep the extra agents in the Nursery? I present to you,” she clicks to the next slide of her presentation, “the Biological Replication Device! With this device, I can successfully reproduce any agent's organs, bones, or anything that might be required without having to harvest from one of their siblings.”

  Delahunty went on to explain the testing, data, and logistics to the board. Finally, it was time to talk about the agents.

 “Now, you might be wondering what we should do with the agents that are in stasis. You might be thinking that we should just get rid of them, but I would like to propose a different route. If the agents are distributed and deployed, think of how much more ground that OWCA could cover! All the agents have had basic training, so it would be a waste of time and resources if we got rid of them. I implore you to consider this option. Thank you for your time.”

  Delahunty was led out to the lobby to wait while the board made their decision. She just hoped they would make the right one.

~~~~~

  Perry walked in circles around Phineas and Ferb’s room, not even bothering to stay on all fours. All three of his kids were with him waiting for any word from Delahunty. 

  The platypus clutched his phone, constantly checking for notifications. A chime. Perry quickly pressed the home button.

This Friday, Buy One Get One at BAM! Books A Million!

  The platypus chucked his phone. He'll have to remember that sale for later though, there was a book Candace had been wanting to read. Another chime. 

Delahunty: Perry, it worked.

  The platypus could barely contain his excitement as he went to show his kids the message. Phineas’s hands flapped in excitement. Ferb gave a smile. Candace went to text Stacy the good news, well in a way that OWCA wouldn't be alerted by.

Delahunty: Now we just need a place for several hundred agents to sleep before they receive their assignments.

  Perry looked up at the kids. Does anyone know a place the agents can stay?

  Ferb signed back. Well, the clubhouse did mysteriously fill up with beds recently.

  And so it was decided. Perry told OWCA about the clubhouse which was due to ‘mysteriously vanish’ the next day (to be taken to a secure location). Assignments were in the works, and Monogram managed to pull some strings.

  A few days later, the kids found a platypus in front of their house in a cardboard box.

Chapter Text

 “George!”

 “Steven!”

 “Oh, oh, what about Momo!” The platypus grimaced.

 “Nah, Candace, he needs something cool like Paul.”

 “Paul is not a cool name!”

 “It is! Our delivery driver is named Paul, and he's cool!” Perry snickered at Candace and Phineas’s bickering.

 “What if we name you something powerful like the Great Earl Duke of Unlawfully Owned Land, Earl for short.” His twin chattered something that would most accurately translate to: What the fuck, no.

 “What if we named you Bill?” This time it was Ferb who spoke up.

  The platypus, Bill, made a much happier noise.

 “I like that!” Phineas said before signing. Plus it'll fit on your agent ID more easily. Bill nodded. Perry smiled. The moment was interrupted by a beep on his watch. Perry smiled sheepishly at his family.

  It's alright. Go get them Agents P and B! Phineas signed. Perry gave his kids a salute before him and Bill ran down to the lair.

~~~~~~

  Heinz put the finishing touches on his inator. Perry the Platypus should be here any minute! The evil scientist was giddy with excitement. Hopefully, his nemesis was feeling better! As if on cue, like every time his nemesis enters, the door opens. Perry the Platypus walked in with another platypus in a fedora with a yellow stripe.

 “Ahhhhh Perry the Platypus! And who do we have here? Are you training another platypus?”

 This is Bill. He's my apprentice.

“Hello there, Bill the Platypus! My name is Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz, but my friends call me… actually that doesn't matter,” Heinz pressed two buttons, trapping both of the monotremes, “BEHOLD! The Plantinator! You see back in Gimmelshtump…”

And so, dear readers, the day continued on like normal. 

 “Hey, who are you talking to?” 

Dr. Doofenshmirtz’s plan was thwarted by Perry and Bill.

 “What do you mean? Why does the camera keep panning ou- HEY WAIT! CURSE YOU PERRY AND BILL THE PLATYPUSES!!!”

And the agents returned home to their family.

The End.

“Hey wait, isn't there normally end credits?”