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Chapter Text

Evan Buckley was not wanted past the age of three years old. From the time it was medically safe, he was poked and prodded by doctors for three years straight. When he was four years old he stopped crying for his father and his mother, and instead cried for his big brother and his big sister. At least they cared. Something his parents never did.

Maddie Buckley was seven years old when her baby brother Evan was born. In the beginning, she didn’t understand how her parents could have another baby while her big brother was so sick and in the hospital. She didn’t like Evan being around. And then her big brother started to get better, and she stopped hating Evan. When she was ten years old, she understood what was happening, she realized why her parents had Evan and it made her sick to her stomach. It broke her heart when little baby Evan, with his tiny red birthmark stopped crying for her mother and father, and started to cry for her and her big brother, even his small toddler mind, he knew who would actually come running when he cried.

Daniel Buckley was seven years old when he was diagnosed with juvenile leukemia. And then he was nine years old when his baby brother Evan was born. From the start, he understood why Evan was born. It disgusted him that his parents would have a baby just to use them for parts. He remembered vividly how Evan would cry when doctors got near him, how he would always be covered in sterile white bandages after another procedure, how he would be so tired all the time, not have the energy to play, mirroring himself the way a small infant never should.. Daniel was twelve when he was officially cancer free. Thirteen when Evan made the switch to calling for him and Maddie when he was scared. From then on, Daniel Buckley made a promise that he would get his baby brother out of here. His baby brother, his sunshine. His Evan.

~~~~~

The sun was hidden behind the clouds, but that didn’t stop Evan. He ran out to the garage and pulled out Danny’s old bike to try and ride it. His parents were at work, Maddie was inside doing homework, and Danny was…well, he couldn’t remember where Danny was, he was pretty sure he was playing a video game. He had told Maddie and Daniel that he was gonna ride a bike, and they said he could, as long as one of them could see him from their spot in the house. Evan thought that was pretty fair, so here he was. He got onto the bike and tried to ride it, key word try. Dannys old bike didn’t have training wheels, which was hard, but he had to learn so he could ride his bike with Maddie and Danny! So he kept trying.

And trying.

And trying. In all honesty, he wasn’t making much progress, he kept stumbling or nearly falling over. He was getting extremely frustrated, to the point where he was almost in tears. He stomped his foot into the asphalt and decided that he was gonna try one more time. He jumped onto the bike and started pedaling and…He did it! He was riding the bike! He cheered as he rode in the street. “Yes!!” He cried out, riding past the front of the house. Evan glanced over to see if Daniel or Maddie were watching him.

Big mistake.

As soon as he turned his head, he lost control of the bike and crashed it into the curb. He hit the asphalt hard, feeling the rough, black tarmac scrape through his jeans, ripping at the knees, turning the skin into a mangled, bloody mess. His arms didn’t spare much better, gaining the same red, bloody scrapes along with his chin. At first, he just sat there in a state of shock, then everything registered and he let out a loud cry. “DANIEL!” He cried, hot, salty tears spilling down his face, mixing with the dirt and blood. As if on cue, the front door slammed open and Daniel came running down the front steps.

“Evan! Evan, what happened!?” Daniels voice was laced with worry, his eyes wild until they settled on his baby brothers scraped up and crying form. “Oh Ev, come here, I got you.” Daniel crouched down and picked Evan up, holding him close. “Okay sunshine, I got you, I’ll have Mads come get the bike while I clean you up okay? Can you tell me how this happened?” He carried him into the house, rubbing his back in a soothing motion.

“I-I was riding the-the bike.” Buck hiccuped, “a-and I loo-looked to see if-if you or Maddie was watch-watching me. Th-then the bi-bike curved and I cra-crashed.” He explained through broken and hiccuped sobs. He rubbed at his eyes and hissed when the salty tears came into contact with the open wounds on his hands.

“Okay, okay Ev, it’s okay. I’m gonna have Mads come and help clean your wounds okay? Maddie!!!” Daniel yelled as he carried Evan to the downstairs bathroom. “Grab the first-aid kit and get down here please!”

The loud sound of feet pounding upstairs and a door slamming shut could be heard before she ran down the stairs to Evan and Daniel, looking slightly disheveled with the first aid kit in her hands. “What happened?!” She asked frantically.

“Ev was riding my old bike outside and crashed, he accidentally scraped up his knees, arms, hands and his chin.” Daniel relayed while Evan whimpered, he tried to rub away some of his tears, which did nothing except cause him more pain when the salty tears made contact with his wounds. Maddie frowned and took in the state of her baby brother.

“Oh Ev…okay buddy, let’s get you cleaned up and then I’ll give you some ice cream, how does that sound?” Maddie said softly and turned the sink on.

“O-okay Mads.” Evan sniffled and looked up at Daniel for reassurance, who just nodded and helped Maddie clean his wounds. It was a painful process and took around twenty minutes. Evan would whimper or try to pull away every time the disinfectant wipes were swiped over his wounds. Daniel would be quick to shush him and Maddie would mumble an apology as she bandaged each wound up.

Maddie was half way done with the last bandage when the front door was all but slammed open. Her mother and fathers frantic calls filled the house before they reached the bathroom.

“What happened?!” came their mothers shrill voice. “We saw the bike out front, crashed into the curb and there was blood! Who got hurt, was it you Danny?” She reached out to cup his face but he swatted her hands away.

“No mom, it wasn’t me or Maddie, it was Evan, he was trying to ride my old bike and he crashed into the curb. He got scraped up real bad, but Maddie and I are taking care of it.

“Oh Evan.” came their dads voice. And for a split second, Evan was filled with hope, was his dad actually worried about him? But that was crushed almost immediately. “How could you be so wreckless??” his voice was laced with disapproval and annoyance. “We thought your brother was hurt!”

“I-I’m sorry dad- I-I’ll do better next time, I-I promise.” Evan spoke in such a defeated tone. He was so foolish for thinking that his dad would truly care about him.

“Yes, you will.” Their father then walked away from the bathroom. Their mother just shook her head and scoffed.

Daniel Buckley never wanted to hit his mother or father harder. He glanced at his baby brother, so sweet and innocent, looking like a kicked puppy, treated like the scum on the bottom of their parents shoes. He scowled and opened his mouth to say something before Evan cut him off. “Thanks Danny, thanks Mads…” He mumbled.

“I’m gonna go get you some ice cream okay Ev?” Maddie finished up with his wounds.

“N-no.” Evan shook his head. “I-I don’t want it anymore.” He hopped down from the bathroom counter and made his way to the stairs. Daniel didn’t go after him, but once he heard the soft sound of a door closing, he looked at Maddie.

“They have to stop this Maddie, this isn’t okay, the way they treat him- god it makes me sick to my stomach sometimes, like how can you sit there and treat your own kid like that…”

“We- we have to get him out of here, as soon as we can both support ourselves, we gotta get him the hell out of here! He can’t stay with them.”

“Don’t worry, I have a plan on getting Evan out of here, he just has to hold on.” Daniel frowned and gave his sister a squeeze. “I’m gonna clean this all up, can you keep an eye on him or something? Just in case he needs one of us.”

“You don’t have to ask, I’ll be upstairs.” Maddie gave Daniel one last look of assurance before she made her way upstairs to her room, listening for Evan.

Daniel grumbled as he cleaned up the bathroom. Once he was done he went to the living room and turned the TV off. His enjoyment for playing a video game now gone. He went outside and grabbed his old bike to put it back in the garage. As soon as the bike was put away, he ran his hand through his curls, dirty blonde curls that matched Evans if they were lighter. He sighed and went inside to see if Evan had come back downstairs, he hadn’t. Daniel absolutely hated his parents, they always treated Evan like he was barely worth a second glance! But that wasn’t true, he knew that, so did Maddie. It pulled at his heart strings to see the way his baby brother, his sunshine, was being treated.

Up until dinner, when the sun was going down, to hide away for the night to let the moon do her job, Evan didn’t leave his room. He stayed holed up, locked away. As if he were stuck there. It wasn’t right. Their mother, Margaret, called everyone down for dinner, they were having salmon with potatoes and asparagus, all three items were all something that Evan didn’t like. But Evan learned a long time ago that complaining got him nowhere, that he was better off picking at his food and barely eating. He sat down at his usual spot, far away from his parents, with Daniel across from him and Maddie to his left. He slowly picked at his food while his parents spoke with one another and to his siblings, not once did they talk to him, or even say anything. It was like Evan was invisible, it made his heart ache, even at five years old, he knew he wasn’t wanted. He just pushed through dinner, picking at his plate until his father excused everyone from the table. He didn’t miss the glances Danny or Maddie shot his way, but he ignored them anyway and went back upstairs to his bedroom, where he could retreat and not feel like he was in the way.

A five year old should never have such a mindset, it’s damaging to how they processed everything else. But that didn’t matter to Margaret and Philip Buckley. He quietly changed into his spider man pajamas and crawled into bed. He grabbed his favorite stuffed animal, a stuffed cow he named Chip. Daniel had bought the stuffed cow for him as a gift for his first day of Kindergarden. He slept with the cow everynight, it made the stubborn tightness in his chest go away. He listened to the sounds of his parents miling about downstairs and coming up the stairs to their rooms. He listened as his brother and sister did the same. He stared up at the glow in the dark stars that Maddie put up for him and the tightness returned. He hated this, he wished his parents loved him. He wished his parents loved him the way they loved Daniel and Maddie.

“Knock knock.” The soft voice of Daniel filled Evans' dark room. He walked into the room and sat down at the foot of Evans bed. He ran a hand through his hair and kissed his head. “I love you Ev, don’t listen to mom and dad. Me and Mads will always be here okay?”

“Promise…?” Evan asked hesitantly.

“Promise.” Daniel assured, holding his pinky out. Evan easily linked his with Daniels. The promise being locked. “Good night Ev, sleep well.” He stood up.

“Night Danny…” Evan mumbled. And then Daniel left. Leaving Evan alone in his room.

The house was then delved into silence, everyone going to bed. Nothing but quiet, the house still, not a cry in the air.

Evan Alexander Buckley was not made to be loved, he was made for parts. He served his purpose and was rewarded by being tossed aside.

Daniel Gavin Buckley was made to love his baby brother and his little sister. He will continue to fufil this until his death.

Madeline Bree Buckley was made to love her siblings, she will continue this until she is brutally ripped away by a man who does not deserve her.

The Buckley Siblings will continue to love each other fiercely until they no longer can. Everyone knows you can’t break a Buckley promise.

Chapter Text

The neglect that Evan Alexander Buckley was forced to endure never improved, never changed, it stayed the same, slowly, getting worse. He would join sports teams, clubs, do his best in all his classes, join every extracurricular, hoping, praying to a god he never really believed in, that his parents would give him the same attention they gave his siblings. Through elementary school, to middle school, to his early years of high school. He tried, he pushed.

It wasn’t enough, it never was.

When Daniel got into the Pennsylvania State Police Academy, much to their parents discretion, they had a huge celebration. Margaret and Philip had a fund set up for Daniel that he could use for housing and schooling. Evan was eight when Daniel graduated high school. They spent the whole summer together. Evan’s ninth birthday was over that summer and Daniel did his damndest to spoil the hell out of Evan before he moved out to an apartment closer to the Academy. Don’t get Daniel wrong, he loved his baby brother, but his parents tended to hover excessively, and there was only so much that he could take before he needed to get out.

He swore to Evan that he would come back to visit every weekend, to tell him stories of the Police Academy.

That lasted all of two months. Daniel came every weekend to come and visit him and Maddie. And then that dwindled to every other weekend. Then to once a month. And then to once every other month. Then the visits stopped all together. That’s when Maddie would start to drive to Daniels place. Occasionally she would bring Evan. Not everytime.

Evan might be young, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew that the bond Maddie and Daniel had was stronger. A tug in his chest told him he’d never belong. A whisper in the back of his mind told him that he would never be worth what his siblings were worth.

That was the first time he ever spiraled, distancing himself from even Maddie. Every time Daniel’s name was uttered his chest grew tight. The effect was similar to them uttering the name of a dead person. And maybe in some twisted fucked up universe Daniel was dead.

He continued his sports and a year later Daniel graduated from the Police Academy, they had a huge celebration, a party. Evan was quiet the entire party, keeping to himself. No one noticed his silence, not this time. Something uncomfortable settled in his stomach. He went to his room and curled up on his bed. No one checked on him, not this time. He wasn’t five this time.

Maddie started seeing this guy her senior year, Doug Kendal. Evan didn’t like him, not one bit. He was so controlling and rude to Maddie. But, as Maddie explained to Evan hundreds of times, he was her ticket out of here for med school. And once that familiar time of graduation rolled around, Maddie was given a fund for schooling and housing, then she was gone with stupid Doug to Boston before the summer even started.
It was safe to assume that Evan’s eleventh birthday was horrible. His parents didn’t say anything. Daniel was on shift at the police station and it was complete radio silence from Maddie. So he spent the day outside, avoiding his parents, which proved to be easy, they never paid attention to him anyway.

This was how it was, for years. Until he was sixteen, he was a sophomore in highschool, and he was at a football game, playing in it. And he actually had someone rooting for him, two someones! Both Maddie and Daniel had made time in their busy schedules to come and see him play! He was ecstatic, for the first time in a very long time, someone was at his sporting events to cheer him on.

Evan played hard, making sure every pass counted, his siblings were here!! He needed to be the best! He had to, he had to win so they- CRACK!

Evans' world went dark after that. Something hit his head, hard, maybe another person? Something, something, something. His arm hurt horrifically, maybe it was broken? Oh god, he couldn’t have a broken arm!

“-an! EVAN!” Came the panicked voices of his siblings, he couldn’t tell who it was, maybe both of them. He didn’t know, his head hurt, it felt like someone was repeatedly pounding into his head with a hammer. Then there were hands on him, he forced his eyes open and the blurry, concerned face of Daniel came into view.

“D’nny…” Evan slurred, his head lolling to the side. He groaned and tried to push himself up. That quickly proved to be a horrific idea when a stabbing pain shot up into his arm. He cried out and almost blacked out from the pain.

“Don’t even think about it Ev, stay down. You hit your head pretty hard and you broke your arm. Try not to move okay? Your coach called an ambulance. Me and Maddie aren’t going anywhere okay? We’re gonna ride with you and try to call mom and dad.” Daniel sighed and gently took the helmet off of Evan's head so he could run a hand through Evan’s sweaty, unruly curls. Maddie crouched down next to them.

“Oh Evan, we were so worried!” Maddie cried, “we ran off the bleachers as soon as you went down, I think Daniel ran into a few people.” A smile laced her tone. Sirens filled the air, red and blue lights filling the night sky.

“H’y M’ds.” Evan gave her a weak smile, his eyes all hazy. He squeezed his eyes shut at the loud sound of the sirens.

“They’re here Ev, you with me?” Daniel asked as the paramedics arrived, he glanced up at them. “Sixteen year old male, possible concussion and broken arm, he’s slurring his words as well.” He reports to the paramedic.

“Alright, we’ll take it from here alright?” The paramedic got a C-colar placed around Evans neck.

“W-well, can one of us ride with him?” Maddie asked.

“What’s your relationship with the patient?” He asks as they move Evan onto a backboard and ready to lift him onto a gurney.

“We’re his older sister and brother.” Maddie supplies, Daniel moved to stand up.

“Only one of you will be able to ride with him, we don’t have room for you both.” They get Evan onto the gurney and wheel him to the ambulance.

“Maddie, you go with him, I’ll drive the jeep to the hospital.” Daniel pushes Maddie to the ambulamce and rushes to the jeep.

~~~~~

Daniel rushes into Evan's hospital room, relief flooding him when he sees Evan, more awake and coherent. “Hey Ev, how ya feeling sunshine?” The childhood nickname slipping easily from his lips.

“Ugh, like a two hundred-thirty pound linebacker pummeling me into the ground and then breaking my arm.” Evan grinned.

“Ah, so your shitty humor’s back, you’re fine then.” Daniel teased and looked at Maddie. “What’s the diagnosis?”

“Ah, mild concussion and a broken radius and ulna, they’re gonna take him back for surgery soon.” Maddie hummed.

“But don’t they need-” Daniel spoke up, but Maddie cut him off with a shake of her head. Before Daniel could question anything, a doctor came in.

“Alright, we’re gonna take Evan back to the operating room, I have to ask you both to go sit in the waiting room alright?” The doctor smiled, a nurse came to wheel Evan back. Maddie nodded and looked over at Evan.

“Alright Ev, Daniel and I will be here once you wake up okay?” Maddie kissed his head.

“Yeah, yeah, okay, love you guys too.” Evans' cheeks were slightly flushed, the color on his cheeks only got darker when Daniel did the same thing. As if he could be embarrassed in front of a group of doctors.

Once Evan had gotten wheeled back, Maddie dragged Daniel out to the waiting room. “Okay, I know you have questions and stuff, I did too, honestly, I still do…”

“Okay, so, tell me, because I thought Evan would need Mom and Dad’s consent so he could have surgery, cause we aren’t his legal guardians. We shouldn’t be able to authorize this.” Daniel frowned.

“That’s what I said, but apparently, he had gone through and changed his medical power of atorney, and before you say anything, apparently mom and dad were okay with this? Or aware somehow. I just…Daniel he changed it to us because he doesn’t trust mom or dad, we need to talk to them and Evan about this. It’s not okay…Mom and Dad weren’t at Evans' game, and when I called them to tell them Ev was in the hospital they brushed me off! I just…God, I hate this, why don’t they care about him?” Maddie looked at Daniel, she was near tears. Daniel quickly moved to hug her.

“Jesus, that- god, we need to talk to mom and dad, I didn’t know it had gotten so bad…” Daniel sighed. “Do you think we could take over custody of Ev? Somehow I mean? Or…I don’t know, maybe I could start having him live at my apartment or something. I just…I don’t want him alone anymore.” He stressed, running a hand through his hair. “I can maybe take it up with my sargent, make a case for him.”

“I don’t know, maybe? Would the case even make it anywhere?” Maddie looked at him.

“Well, I’d make sure they’d listen to me. I’ll make sure it happens.” Daniel hugged his sister. "I'm gonna get him out, if it's the last thing I do."

The scent of the sterile hospital filled the nostils of the older Buckleys. Daniel Gavin Buckley made a promise when he was thirteen years old. He intended to fufill that promise. He was going to get his baby brother, his sunshine brother, out of this hell hole and make sure that he knew how loved and appreciated he was.

Chapter Text

The custody battle, if you could even call it that, was over and done with by the time Evan’s fall break rolled around. Daniel had taken two weeks off at the police station, he used this time to help move all of Evan’s things into his apartment and get him adjusted. He had about three weeks with the cast and then two months of physical therapy for Evan, it was a lot to try and adjust to, but Maddie had been able to help him with his new schedule and with Evan.

The only issue? Evan, his demenor and everything, it was like he was a scared little kid, quiet, not happy and ranting about something he had learned. However Daniel wasn’t sure when the last time he had seen Evan like that. He wanted to do something, but he didn’t know what. He had noticed that Evan spent most of his time in his room or he comes out to eat with Daniel, occasionally they’ll watch a movie, but that’s about it.

Thankfully, it all came to light the night before Daniel went back to work. They were eating dinner, some pizza since Daniel wasn’t in the mood to cook that night when Evan spoke up. “Danny…uhm…you didn’t have to do this. I would’ve been fine if you had left me with mom and dad…”

“What? Evan, no, you changed your MPA to me and Maddie, if we- if something happens to you and we can’t get you and you die or something because our parents are too stupid, then I-” Daniel shook his head and forced back a swell of tears. “You’re my baby brother, and you will always be my top priority.” He stood up and kissed the top of his head. “And taking you in? That’s the best decision I have ever made.”

“I-I just don’t want to be a burden.” Evans' voice was shaky as he spoke, fighting back his own swell of tears.

“You could never be a burden to me, Ev. You’re my sunshine.” Daniel hugged him tightly, mindful of his still broken arm. The hug caused the break, Evan started sobbing into Daniel’s chest. Loud, hiccupping, gut-wrenching sobs that left his lips, echoing loudly into the room. Daniel pulls him closer, if it were even possible, as he rubs his back, trying to console him. “Breathe Ev, you need to breathe, you’re okay.” He spoke in a low, gentle tone, pressing gentle kisses into Evan’s unruly curls. Evan gave a jerky nod, trying to calm down and take in air so he wouldn’t end up hyperventilating.

After ten minutes of efforts, Evan’s panicky breaths filled with salty, hot tears, turned to deep, soft breaths, even if it did hitch every once in a while and his tears turned to slightly dry and sticky on his cheeks. Daniel ran a hand through Evan’s curls before he spoke up, “Let’s watch a movie, yeah? I bought that strawberry cheesecake ice cream you like.” He kissed his head and slowly disentangled himself from the hug he had trapped Evan in.

“Y-yeah, okay.” Evan nodded, he wiped away at his face and got out of the hug. He stood up from the chair once Daniel let go and walked to the living room to sit on the couch, pulling his knees up to his chest. Daniel came back over with two huge bowls filled with strawberry cheesecake ice cream.

“Alright, what do you wanna watch, Sunshine?” Daniel asked as he handed a bowl to Evan so he could rifle through his DVD collection. “I have…Iron Man, we can watch Jurassic Park, I know you love that one.”

“Can we watch Jurassic Park, Danny?” He asked, his voice slightly timid and afraid to ask.

“Of course.” Daniel grinned and got the Jurassic Park DVD into his DVD player and started the movie. He got back onto the couch and pulled Evan closer so he could just hold him. Together, they ate their ice cream and watched Jurassic Park, Evan pressed against Daniels side, where he knew he was safe.

~~~~~~~~

Once they had fully adjusted to each other's presence, properly. Their routine eventually turned into something like this: Daniel would take Evan to school in the morning, or he would get a ride from a friend, Evan would go to practice, games. Then Evan got his liscense, both his motorcycle and basic. Daniel surprised him with a motorcycle, and Evan started driving that as long as he wore his helmet and stayed safe on the roads. Something about aggressive car accidents where the motorcycleist didn’t make it home that night. Evan agreed to be careful. And he was careful, he was as careful as he could be, he had a helmet and everything!!!

So when Evan was driving down a suburban neighborhood the summer after he graduated, only to be met with a black SUV to slam into him. He could confidently say that this was NOT his fault. Especially with the cameras near these peoples houses.

He hit the pavement hard once the bike was struck. He landed hard on his arm and slid down the road on his stomach and chest, effectively getting roadrash and a few bruised ribs. Thankfully he didn’t have a broken arm, but he wwas covered in a multitude of other scrapes and bruises. But the only thing going though his mind was, ‘Danny’s gonna fucking kill me.’

It was just his luck that he was right in Daniel’s jurisdiction too. He looked up from where a paramedic was putting his arm into a sling and looking at how badly his stomach and chest were looking when a frantic, “EVAN!” Was heard through the crowd of witnesses and first responders. Evan flinched and looked up to see Daniel, in his uniform, sprinting towards the ambulance.

“Danny! I’m fine, I wore my helmet, no concussion, not even any broken bones. I’m fine.” Evan was quick to explain his injuries, reasuing his brother that he wasn’t going to die.

“He’s correct Buckley, your baby brother was very lucky, we’re gonna take him to the hospital, the guy in the SUV was drunk, so he should have all charges pressed against him. But I’m a paramedic, I don’t know shit about what you do in these kinds of situatuon.” The paramedic grins. “Alright mini-Buckley, onto the gurney so we can haul your ass off to the hospital, see ya Daniel.”

“Yeah, Yeah, see you Donato.” Daniel kissed Evan’s head, “I’ll see you at the hospital, I’ll get your statement okay?”

“Yeah yeah, see you soon Danny.” Evan smiled and laid back in the gurney. The ambulance doors slammed shut and it drove off.

Little would Daniel know, this would be the domino that pushes everything into Evan to develop him into a kick ass firefighter.

Chapter Text

After Evan had crashed his motorcycle, Daniel had given him his Jeep, claiming that he needed to get a new car anyway. So here Evan was, a new set of keys, a shiny-ish car, and a new found piece of freedom. He was pacing in the apartment, he was set to start at the community college in a few weeks. But he had submitted his withdrawal, he felt bad, but school wasn’t for him, he needed to get out, he needed to get out like Daniel and Maddie had.

So he packed up three bags full of clothes, personal belongings, some of his important documents and the most recent picture he has with his siblings. He picked up a piece of paper and wrote a quick note, something so his siblings wouldn’t panic, but also to make sure they didn’t try and follow him.

Dear Daniel, and Maddie, don’t come after me, I withdrew from school and I’m getting the hell out of here and figure out where I belong. You guys did your best, and this is not your fault. But I need to figure out what I want. I can’t do that here, I feel trapped. I feel trapped in this fucked up town and I need to leave. You guys did everything for me, raised me, made me feel loved the way I needed. Maybe I’ll come back, maybe I won’t. I will stay in touch. Take care of each other and please, please do not follow me. I need to do this alone. I love you guys so much.
-Evan

And maybe there were some tears that had spilled onto the paper, smudging some of the ink. He rubbed away more hot tears and left the note on the kitchen table. He grabbed his bags and shoved his jeep keys in his pocket. He couldn’t back out, so he ran out and locked the door. He locked the door and left the key on the mat. He ran down the halls and into the parking garage. He pulled open the trunk and threw his bags in. Daniel wouldn’t be home for a few hours, Evan would be long gone by then. He hadn’t seen Maddie in a month. It was fine.

He was fine. This was okay. His eyes filled with hot tears again. It hurt, the need to flee. In the back of his mind he still felt like a burden against Daniel. He knew this would make Daniel's life easier too. He slammed the trunk shut and got in the driver's seat. He bit back a cry and started up the car, driving away from Daniel's apartment, from Maddie, from his shitty parents and this shitty town.

He had made it four hours and past the New Jersey border by the time he got the first phone call from Daniel. He was at a gas station so he decided to answer. “Hello?”

“Evan? Sunshine, where are you?” Daniel asked, a mix of relief and concern sounding throughout his voice. “Are you okay? Why did you leave?”

“Did you not read the note? I need to figure myself out. I just got to New Jersey, I’m probably gonna keep driving through the night, see where I end up. I’m gonna grab some food, I’ll keep you updated as much as I can. You and Maddie. I’ll do my best. But…Danny I-I needed to do this. I had to get out..” Evan’s voice cracked and broke ever so slightly at the very end of his sentence.

“I- Damnit Evan, if you weren’t an adult I would’ve personally sent the entire police station after you.” Daniel sounded like he was about to cry.

“I’m gonna be okay, if things don’t go well, I swear to you, I will call you or make my way back to you. But I need to do this, tell Maddie I’m okay, if she asks.” Evan takes a shaky breath. “I love you guys, but I need to go.”

“I know Sunshine, we love you too, so so much. Try to stay out of trouble, if you don’t check in at least once a week I will get into contact with whichever state police department you’re in and personally make sure there is a warrant out for you. And I know you don’t want that.” There was a small hint of a smile in Daniel’s words.

“You’re right, that sounds absolutely horrible, I promise that I will check in. Maybe I’ll even send you and Mad’s a postcard or two.” Evan sighed, feeling so much lighter.

“And hey, if you find a place to truly settle down, tell me, I can get a transfer set up wherever you go.” Daniel never wanted to be far from his baby brother. He knew that even this arrangement was going to destroy him a little. But he was going to stay strong, for his brothers sake.

“Yeah, okay.” Evan breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that once he found his place in the world, he wasn’t going to want to be away from his brother. “And bring Maddie with you, I don’t trust Doug.” He frowned, even if Danny couldn’t see him, he knew he would be able to hear this disdain he had for the man.

“Don’t worry Ev, I will. But, I guess I should let you go, I need to call Maddie, let her know where you’ve ended up, make sure she doesn’t panic.” Daniel let out a shaky breath, “I love you, so so much. Promise me you’ll stay safe and check in.”

“I pinkie promise you.” Evan giggled and took in a breath. “I love you more Danny, you’re the best big brother ever. And…I’m gonna be something, I just…gotta figure it out, y’know?” He smiled a little and hung up before Daniel could respond. He shoved his phone in his back pocket and got into his car, some shitty gas station snacks in his passenger seat along with an energy drink. He cracked it open with a hiss and took a sip, feeling the effects of it washing over him. He knew that it was going to be a long night, hell, a long few weeks, maybe even a long few months or years. But if that meant he was going to find his place in the world, then Evan knew he would be able to handle it.

Because Evan Alexander Buckley was going to be something, and he doesn’t know it now. But he is going to be one of the best LAFD firefighters the department has ever seen. He just has to get there first.

Chapter Text

Evan traveled, from Pennysilvania to Georgia, to Florida, he went everywhere inside the country and went outside of it. He was searching, looking, unable to find his calling. Of course, he kept in contact with Danny, how could he not? His big brother was everything to him. Maddie was a different story, he stopped hearing from her two years into his travels, and he was twenty four now. It had been three, almost four years of pure radio silence from Maddie, even with Daniel still talking to her back in Hershey. He hadn’t heard much from her, but Daniel had given him the hospital she worked at so he sent postcards to her mailroom, hopefully she was gettinng them, but he had no idea if she was or not.

He had finally made it, finally found it, and it was something to make him someone. Evan Buckley, Buck now, there were too many Evans in his class, had graduated from the top of his class, breaking records and setting new ones. He had been hand picked by a man named Robert ‘Bobby’ Nash, straight out of the fire academy. He starts at the 118 on a bright Sunday morning, but before he walks into the station, he made a call, he hadn’t told his brother yet. He hadn’t been sure if this is what he was going to do, but it was, and he needed to tell Danny, let him know he found it.

He holds the phone up to his ear, nervous energy coursing through his veins. Daniel picks up at the second ring because of course he does. “Daniel.” Buck breathed.

“Ev! Hey, how are you? Where are you right now?”

“I, uh, I’m in LA right now…I- Danny I found it.”

“You did?” The smile was evident in those two words.

“Yeah, yeah I did, I start my first shift as…as a Los Angeles Firefighter today.” The profession sounds unreal as he lets it leave his lips.

“A firefighter? In LA? Holy shit, you- Sunshine you made it. God- I am so, so unbelievably proud of you.” Daniel grins. “I guess this is a good time to mention that I put in my transfer requests to be a cop in LA. Oh, and remember Donato? The paramedic who patched you up when you crashed your bike?”

“Wait- Danny you’re moving to LA?” Buck's voice sounded so relieved, he wouldn’t have to be here alone for too long. “Wait, you mean Lucy?”

“Yep, anyway, she’s coming out with me, transferring to the 118 I think.”

“That’s the station I work at! Shit- Danny, I gotta go, my shift starts soon.”

“Okay Ev, I love you so much.”

“It’s uh…It’s Buck now, I go by Buck.”

“Oh do you now?” There was a hint of a teasing tone in his words, “Okay Buck, I can work with that.”

“Oh shut up.” Buck retorts, but even then, the tightness in his chest lessened slightly. “I gotta go okay.” He let out a little breath.

“Yeah, okay, I’ll talk to you later, okay? I love you, Sunshine.”

“I love you too Danny.” Buck hangs up and shoves his phone in his pocket. He takes a deep breath and makes his way into the firehouse. He lets out a breath, taking in the bright red fire engines and ambulances. He spots the stairs and hikes his duffle bag higher up on his shoulder and makes his way up the stairs to a table where four firefighters are sitting. “Uhm, hi I’m Evan Buckley…I’m looking for Captain Nash for the one-eightteen.” He asked hesitantly.

“Are you Captain Nash?” An older firefighter asks, he continues to ask the other firefighters the same question, making Buck nervous that he somehow got to the wrong station.

“I- uhm…uh..” Buck makes a nervous sound. The older firefighter grins.

“Have a seat Evan.” The man, who Buck now assumes is Captain Nash. Buck lets out a relieved sound and sits down in an open chair.

“It’s- it’s Buck, everyone calls me Buck.” He says softly.

“Welcome to the one-eightteen then, Buck.” Bobby pulls the chair out for Buck to sit. Buck nods and puts his duffle bag down and sits down at the table with the other firefighters he would soon become well acquainted with. He truly saw a future with all these firefighters he was sitting with, that he would build connections with them, grow to be involved with each of them like they were his own family. Even if he had a really screwed up sense of family from how his childhood was.

A few hours went by and Buck had gotten as well adjusted to everything at the station when Captain Nash had called him into his office.

“You called me in, Captain Nash?” Buck asked tentatively as he sat down in the chair in front of the man's desk.

“Hey, just call me Bobby, but yes, I did, I wanted to go over some of your paperwork.” Bobby pulled out Bucks file. “So, as you know, I did hand pick you from the academy. You have a lot of experience from a handful of different jobs, being a bartender, a construction worker, trying out for the SEALS, being a ranch hand, the list goes on and it’s quite impressive, I take it you floated around a lot before you settled in LA.

“Uh…yeah…is that going to be an issue Cap- er, Bobby?” Buck looked at him, he was slightly anxious.

“No, no, that's not an issue at all. I just wanted to go over a different part of your paperwork. You left the emergency contact spot open. That’s a small issue, is there anyone I can put down, a sibling, a loved one, maybe a parent?”

“Oh…uh…no I-I dont really have anyone to put down…” Buck fidgeted a little.

“How about I put myself down, just in case something happens to you on the job, god forbid.” Bobby writes his number down before Buck even gets the chance to respond.

“I- You don’t have to do that Bobby.”

“Kid, you’re basically here in LA all alone, you need someone to lean on and I’ll be that for you. You deserve to have someone show up.” Bobby smiles at him.

“I- Okay…Tha-thank you.” Buck feels a lump in his throat as he speaks.

“Of course Buck, now that I’ve got this taken care of, you can go back with the team.”

Buck nods and leaves the office, tears welling in his eyes. The safety from Bobby, a man he had only met a few hours ago, was rivaling the safety that Daniel and Maddie had given him. He didn’t really know what to do with that.

Eventually, he would get around to calling Daniel, and hopefully reaching Maddie, but for now, he would enjoy burrowing himself into this family.