Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It’s cold. A shiver dances in the wind whipping around Buck. Like invisible fingers brushing gently along his cheek. Trying to comfort him, maybe. It’s a nice thought, anyway. Having the wind care.

Rain falls at a steady pace, the sky weeping long after Eddie’s taillights have disappeared. Never has Buck felt such solidarity with the weather.

He stands alone, waiting with futile longing. Deep in his heart Buck knows Eddie isn’t going to turn around. Eddie won’t be coming back. His best friend is gone. Driving to Texas with a good chunk of Buck’s heart shoved into the back of the dusty U-Haul. Buck’s left with just enough fragmented pieces to be able to feel the absence echo inside the emptiness within his chest.

Crushed. That’s what this feeling is. Unrelenting pressure pressing down in the form of the word ‘gone.’ It pulverizes the remnants of Buck’s soul relentlessly. Like a wrecking ball. Or a battering ram. Maybe a grenade.

That would be poetic. Ironic, really. How their friendship started is the same way their friendship ends.

Christopher and Eddie weren’t coming back. The family that Buck had chosen, that he had built, left him behind. The place that Buck cherished left in ruins. An empty house that used to feel like home. Another tomb for him to haunt. Just like when Abby left him. People don’t just leave him. They run. Maybe it’s fair. Maybe its Buck’s fault for not expecting it.

The world of ‘before’ is over. Buck can’t continue standing in the street wishing for a better outcome. No. Buck has to build something new. At least he didn’t have to start over from scratch. It isn’t like the night he ran away from Hershey. He still has people to hold onto. Bobby, Maddie, Chimney and Hen. Maybe they’ll help him hold himself together until he can do it on his own.

The wind kicks up. Gusting occasionally, sending thick droplets spiraling. A particularly large raindrop slaps Buck’s cheek, startling him out of the haze in his head. The sun hangs low in the sky and Buck finds himself soaked through and shivering. He blinks again and realizes there’s music playing. His phone. Buck liberates the device from his pocket and sees his sister’s smiling face brightening up the screen.

“Hey, Mads.” Buck greets her call. Pressing the phone against his ear. His voice sounds rough, like he spent the afternoon gargling rocks and salt water. Clearing his throat, Buck holds back a despondent sigh and tries for a smile. “What’s up?” He doesn’t want to ruin her day because his was shitty.

“Just checking in on you.” Maddie’s voice is filled with warm sympathy. Like a hug. The smile he struggled to paint on cracks, flakes and crumbles. So much for pretending. Maddie has always been able to see right through him with her big sister magic.

“He left me.” Buck chokes on the words, fresh tears mingling with the rain. “He’s gone.”

“I know.” Maddie tells him softly. “Why don’t you come over? We can watch trashy reality TV, and you can drink enough wine for the both of us.” She pauses, waiting for him to reply. When he doesn’t, she sighs. “I don’t think you should be alone right now, little brother.”

“Yeah.” Buck ducks his head, chin to chest. Rain runs like a river off the tip of his nose. Dripping from the soggy curls on his head. “You’re probably right.” If left alone he’d probably stand out in the street for the rest of the night. Longing for what he can’t have. It would be better not to be alone. It would be better to be in a place that feels like home, even if he’ll never truly belong there.

“I’ll open the bottle now. It’ll be ready when you get here.” Maddie promises, then hesitates slightly. “Unless you need your very pregnant sister to come get you?” The offer is presented in a teasing way, but Buck hears the sincerity masked in her voice. She’d come and get him if he asked her.

“You’re only a little bit pregnant.” Buck teases back. Maddie and Chimney haven’t officially announced her pregnancy. It’s still early and Maddie isn’t showing yet. “But, no, I’m not going to make you drive in the rain to come get me.” He blows out a breath and runs his hand over his face. “If I leave now, I’ll be there in about thirty minutes.”

“I’ll hold you to it.” Maddie says lightly. “Any longer and I might have to send out a search party.”

“Jee’s a little too young to drive.” Buck smiles, imagining his niece behind the wheel of Maddie’s car. She’s growing up so fast, but thankfully they won’t have to worry about her being able to drive for a long, long time.

“Jee’s actually at a play date with Mara.” Maddie lets him know. Buck tries not to be too disappointed. Seeing his niece always makes him feel better. “But Jee and Chimney should be home by the time you get here.”

“Well, I guess I better get going.” Buck manages another smile, feeling something close to joy bloom in his chest at the thought of seeing Jee.

Maddie bubbles with laughter. “It would be a crime to keep her waiting. Although she’s probably going to ask you to bake her cookies.”

“Then I hope you have the ingredients. If Jee wants to bake cookies, we’re going to bake cookies.” Buck manages a real smile. “See you soon, Mads. And thanks for looking out for me.”

“Always, little brother.” Maddie tells him.

He ends the call and slowly makes his way over to his Jeep. The smile he managed sliding from his face. Eddie’s house is dark. Utterly lifeless. Soon Buck will move his things in, but the lifelessness—Buck isn’t sure his stuff will fix that. He isn’t sure anything will fix what’s been lost.

But that is a problem for future Buck. Tonight’s Buck is going to go be with his sister, drink her wine and spend time with his favorite niece. And probably Chimney, too.

And maybe, for a little while, he won’t feel like the world is ending.

__

The Han house is dark when Buck pulls up, he’s still upset enough that he doesn’t think much about it. Not until he walks through the front door and hears a gun go off. The sound of it is deafening. Like crashing thunder. He falls back as the impact of the bullet slams into his left shoulder, knocking him against the wall. At first, he’s stunned. Eyes staring at the man holding the gun. Taking in his tall stature and his leather jacket.

Pain erupts through his arm. A cry tearing itself from his lips.

Buck’s right hand moves before his brain can process that he’s been shot, pressing against the river of red pouring from the holes in his left shoulder. One through the front, the exit wound in the back. The pain slithers through him like venom. Buck’s knees give out, back sliding down the wall leaving a trail of blood in his wake.

The pain is thick, stealing the breath from his lungs, or maybe his breath leaves him when the wave of panic hits. Because he’s been shot. Maddie is—

The tall figure looms over him, dark mask covering the majority of the person’s face. His dark blue eyes are intense as he glares down at Buck. “Who the hell are you?” He demands in a deep, angry voice. The sound of it both so incredibly loud and oddly distant. Like Buck is hearing someone scream underwater. Or through glass. He must fade out for a second, he comes to with a ragged scream, the tip of the gun presses into the hand Buck has clasped around the wound. “Are you her husband?” The voice bellows.

“N-no.” Buck chokes out between panting breaths. “Br-brother. I’m h-her little brother.” He turns his head, searching desperately for any sign of his sister. “M-Maddie!” He calls out just before fresh pain rings through his head.

Then—darkness.

__

When Buck wakes later, it’s because of the pulsing pain emanating from his shoulder and bouncing around in his head. It takes him a moment to remember what happened. Eyelids peeling open. He finds himself tied to a chair with a mixture of thick silver tape and scratchy rope.

He glances at his shoulder. The holes the bullet left him with have been generously taped up with a rag stuffed into the wounds. The once white cloth dyed red with his blood. The pressure is painful, but also a good thing. He hasn’t bled out. Whoever the man who shot him is, they don’t want him dead. At least not yet.

Across from him, Maddie is tied to her own high backed dinning room chair—though notably less rope and tape was used. Maybe she could wiggle free. Maybe if she were awake. He checks her over, vision slightly blurry from the blood loss and the hit he took to the head. She doesn’t seem to be injured at all. Which is good. So good. The relief is short lived, however, since they are in serious trouble.

“M-Maddie.” Buck croaks out his sister’s name. “Mads-Maddie! Please.” His voice grows stronger, but his sister’s eyes remain stubbornly closed. Reluctantly, Buck tears his gaze away from his sister to glance around the space they are in. It looks like a dining room, judging by the amount of dust and cobwebs, the house was abandoned a long, long time ago.

Instead of a light bulb, a flashlight has been taped to the light fixture above them. A clever creation dreamed up by their captor. The eerie yellow beam of light adds to the feeling of being trapped in a nightmare. It’s the only light source. All the windows are covered by untold layers of newspaper.

It’s impossible to tell how long it’s been. If it’s still nighttime or if the sun broke the dawn.

Buck strains his ears, trying to listen for the sounds of the city—of people. He’s afraid to call out and accidentally draw the attention of the man who shot him. All he hears is silence. Until a car door shuts somewhere beyond the walls of the decrepit house. Loud like a gunshot shattering the quiet. Loud enough that Buck’s entire body jumps with fear, reigniting the flames of agony in his shoulder and in his head.

A door opens somewhere out of sight as Buck shivers in pain. A figure enters the room, pausing when it notices Buck. “Ah, you’re awake. I was worried I might have hit you too hard.”

Buck shifts his gaze from the masked stranger to refocus on Maddie. “Please.” The plea slips from his lips like a prayer.

“Begging? Already?” The stranger scoffs. Dropping a bag near the entrance of the dining room. It rattles when it hits the wooden floor with a soft thud.

“No.” Buck licks his dry lips and forces himself to look at their kidnapper. “N-no.”

“No?”

“N-not me.” Buck clears his throat and blinks hard, hoping to clear his vision. “I-I’m not begging for me.”

The man straightens his back and glances down at Buck with curiosity brightening his dark blue eyes. “Interesting.” He walks over to Maddie’s helpless form and brushes her hair away from her face. “She is something special, isn’t she? I saw her at the grocery store. Followed her home. I thought I was seeing a ghost. There are so many ghosts, you know.”

Buck didn’t know.

“She’s not a ghost.”

The man’s head snaps in Buck’s direction. “I know that.” He growls, shadowy eyes intense with sudden anger. “I’m not an idiot.”

“I-I didn’t say you were.” Buck breathes out with wide eyes. Quickly realizing that antagonizing the crazy guy who kidnapped him and Maddie is not the best approach. His head throbs in time with his heartbeat. “I’m s-sorry. I didn’t m-mean anything by it.”

The man heaves a few deep breaths before he nods, eyes switching from deadly to almost fond. “I forgive you.” He declares. His attention shifts back to Maddie again, but he keeps his hands to himself. “She looks so much like the others. It wasn’t planned, but I had to take her.”

Others. There had been others. This wasn’t a kidnapping. This guy was a serial killer.

“Please.” Buck whispers desperately. “You-you don’t have to hurt her.”

“I have to hurt someone.” The man shrugs, turning his back on Buck as he returns to his abandoned bag. He reaches into it and pulls out a large kitchen knife. Buck’s heart sinks into the pit of dread in his stomach. He’s running out of time. Maddie is running out of time.

“Hurt me.” Buck implores as the man turns back to him. The knife held loosely in his hand. Buck swallows thickly. “Do-do what you want to m-me. Just, please. Let her go.”

“Her life is worth more than yours?”

“Yes.” There’s no hesitation. No question in Buck’s voice.

The kidnapper steps to stand behind Maddie. His hands reach around her, the blade of the knife dangerously close to her vulnerable throat. The killer’s fingers brush against her exposed neck as he gently pulls her hair out of her face. Maddie’s head tips back against the high back of her chair. A soft sigh escapes her lips, her eyes squeezing tighter before her face relaxes back into sleep.

The killer must have drugged her. It’s the only thing that makes sense. That must be why she is still unconscious.

Buck’s heart flips painfully in his chest. All he wants is to leap free from his chair and pull that guy away from his sister. But he can’t. He’s helpless. All he can do is hope he can convince the guy to let her go and pray that Maddie stays asleep.

“Convince me.” The man offers as the blade of the knife rests at the base of Maddie’s throat.

“W-what?” Buck’s voice breaks.

“Convince me to spare her life.” The man repeats, voice a bit sharper. Impatient. Unstable. A ticking time bomb waiting to detonate.

“She’s my big sister. She-she’s always looked out for me. Always.” Except for the three times she left him behind. Now wasn’t the time to think of that though. Buck shakes his head, clearing the thought from it.

“She’s my sister, but she’s more than that. She raised me. Our parents—she did what they should have done. She didn’t have a childhood because she was busy looking after me. But she still turned out so, so kind. She married a monster when she was younger, but she escaped and found the love of her life. A good man. The best man. She has a daughter. A beautiful little girl whose smile is pure joy. M-Maddie, she’s pregnant. Her daughter deserves to meet her sibling. To have a happy, normal family. Her husband, God, losing her will crush him. Please.”

“Pregnant.” The killer curls the word with his tongue in a tone of disgust. He releases Maddie and steps away from her, moving closer to Buck. “Fine.” The man says stopping before Buck, blocking the view of his sister. Buck tries not to panic. The killer plays absentmindedly with the knife in his hands. “You’ve given a reasonable argument of why she should live. Now, tell me, why should you die?”

For a second, Buck is thrown back out onto the street in front of Eddie’s house. Eddie’s former house. The house Buck is supposed to rent. To live in. The rain is falling and he’s alone. Always alone. Always left behind.

“I should already be dead.” Buck lets the words spill out of his heart. All the pain he’s kept locked away breaking free. “I-I wouldn’t have even been born if my b-brother didn’t have juvenile leukemia. I was made to save him. Designed especially for him. Spare parts, you know? And I couldn’t even do that right. It didn’t work and he died anyway, and my parents have always hated me for it. They may not have said the words out loud, but I know they blamed me. The way they’ve treated me my whole life says it all. Like I am this unlovable disappointment.” Things were better, sort of, but this guy didn’t need to know that. “The universe has had it out for me since day one. I-I nearly died a dozen times as a kid. Reckless. Then I got crushed by a ladder truck.”

“Bullshit.” The guy snarls, stalking forward his knife slashing dangerously through the air. “Stop lying!”

“I-I’m not lying. It’s true! It’s Google-able information!” Buck cries out, stopping the man in his tracks. “A bomber was gunning for my boss and got me instead. I nearly lost my leg. That’s not all—I survived the tsunami, a pulmonary embolism. I got struck by lightning!”

“No, you’re lying. I’ll kill you both for lying to me.” The killer points the tip of the knife beneath Buck’s chin. “Slowly. I’ll tear you apart piece by piece and make your sister watch.”

“I promise you, I’m not lying.” Buck doesn’t flinch as he stares into the man’s eyes. He can’t risk blinking. “I have scars! My right hand, that’s where the lightning struck. There’s raised white lines—like webbing. And my leg is all scarred up from all the surgeries to fix it. I have them on my chest too, from both the lightning and the embolism. I’m not lying!”

The killer storms behind Buck. For a moment, nothing happens. Buck half expects the knife to reach around and slice his throat. Then, surprisingly gentle fingers brush across the web like scars on Buck’s hand. There’s a soft noise, a small gasp of delight. “Beautiful.” The killer says with reverence that twists wrongly in Buck’s stomach.

“You’d be doing the universe a favor by killing me.” Buck urgently continues as the man walks back to stand before him. “My sister is the only person who’ll mourn me for more than a week.” That is a lie. It leaves a bitter taste on his tongue. He knows Bobby will be heartbroken if-when he dies. He knows it. Chimney and Hen too, maybe not to the same degree, but they’d feel it. At least, he thinks they’d feel it.

Resolutely, Buck refuses to think about how Eddie would react. Let alone Christopher.

Then again, they had already left Buck behind. They were going to forget about him eventually.

“Do whatever you want to me. I won’t fight you—or I can, if you want me to. If that’s what you want, I’ll fight you just enough, but I won’t win. You can have complete control over me. I’ll do whatever you ask. Just, please, don’t kill my sister.”

“Complete control.” The man savors the words. “You’ll do anything I say?”

“Anything.” Buck repeats, not breaking eye contact with the masked man. “Anything you want, please.”

The man leans back, circling Maddie again. “Okay, I’ll humor you for a moment. Let’s pretend I’ll accept this deal. What exactly do you suggest I do with your sister?”

“Set her free. You don’t have to do anything.” Buck doesn’t miss a beat. “She’s strong—she’ll find her way home. She hasn’t seen your face. She doesn’t know who you are or even that you have me. Just let her go. Take me somewhere else. Cut her free and leave her here and I’ll go with you.”

The stranger hums and tips his head back and forth in consideration. “No.”

“No?” Hope dies in Buck’s chest as he sags against his restraints.

“Well, maybe.” The man is painfully casual as Buck’s heart leaps into his throat.

“I’ll do whatever you want, just, please.” Buck sobs out the last word, eyes burning with unshed tears.

“A vow.” The man leans uncomfortably close to Buck. The knife brushes against his neck, lightly scratching across the top layer of Buck’s skin. The man’s cold blue eyes hold Buck’s full attention. “That’s what I require. Sell me your allegiance.”

Buck stares back at the killer, unable to fully process what is being asked of him. He sees a flash of anger dance in the stranger’s gaze. He's impatient. Unpredictable. Fear pours into Buck's chest as he realizes he might not get a second chance at this. He has to make this count. “I vow to give you complete control over the remainder of my life. My body is yours to destroy—so long as you let my sister live and return safely to her family.”

His kidnapper visibly shivers in delight, his free hand reaching out, fingers brushing across Buck’s cheek before gliding up and wrapping themselves up in his curls. Buck’s head is yanked back violently, his neck on display. The tip of the knife held in his kidnapper’s other hand hovers in front of Buck’s right eye. Buck waits for it to plunge forward. Into his eyeball and then his brain. It lingers there for a terrifying moment before the blade drifts back down, glancing threateningly over vulnerable skin before it rests at the base of Buck’s neck.

“I accept your offer.” The man says when Buck doesn’t pull away or break eye contact. “On a trial basis. If you can obey my instructions, your sister will live. Nod if you understand.”

Without hesitation, without blinking, Buck nods his head ever so slightly. He ignores the sting as the tip of the knife slices into his skin. Blood tickles, dripping from the shallow nick and pooling down into the hollow of his throat. It barely registers under the brewing fear. He has one chance to save his sister. Buck can’t screw this up.

“From here on out, you will not speak unless given explicit permission.” The man tells him as the knife is pulled away from Buck’s neck. “Nod if you understand.” Buck nods. “Good. Now, to give you further incentive to follow instructions.” He pulls back, walking back over to the bag that had produced the knife.

“I’m going to make a vow to you.” He sets the knife down on the ground and reaches into the bag, pulling out a revolver and a handful of bullets. He rolls the cylinder out, casually slipping bullets into each slot of the chamber, maintaining eye contact with Buck as he speaks. “If you disobey me—if you don’t do exactly what I tell you to do, I will shoot you and take your sister somewhere no one will find her. There, I will break her to the point where she will agree to take her own life to make the pain end. When she’s dead, I’ll find her husband and her daughter and repeat the process with them and anyone else who ever had the misfortune of being loved by you.”

With a flick of his wrist, the cylinder clicks back into place. The gun is fully loaded. Waiting. The killer pauses, tilting his head as he locks eyes with Buck. “Nod if you understand.”

Buck nods, his entire body trembling. He can’t let anything happen to his sister, let alone Chimney or Jee. He can’t screw this up. He can do this. Whatever is necessary. He’ll do it. There is no other option.

“Good.” The killer says picking the knife up off the ground and uses it to cut through the rope and tape binding Buck to the chair. Buck doesn’t dare move. He waits silently for instructions. “Good.” The killer repeats and holds out the knife, offering Buck the handle. Fear spikes and again, Buck waits for verbal permission. A smile lights in the killer’s eyes, hidden behind the mask. “Good. Take the knife and cut your sister free. If you do anything else, I will consider it you breaking your vow.”

Gingerly Buck takes the knife, his hands vibrating with his growing anxiety. A flash of rebellion rings through his head. A thought, brief and dangerous, that he might be able to attack the killer before the killer can react. The risk is too great. The thought of his sister being tortured and then Chimney and Jee being in danger—Buck can’t risk it. On shaky legs Buck stands and moves to Maddie’s side. Gently, carefully he cuts through the rope and tape. Once his sister is free from her bindings, he looks to the killer for further direction.

“Set the knife on the ground.”

Buck leans over and places the knife on the ground beside him. His head rushes, the world tilting ever so slightly. He rises back to a standing position and tries not to appear as dizzy as he feels.

“Gather your sister in your arms.” The killer says. “We’re going for a drive.”

Without hesitation, Buck gathers up his sister’s limp body. She moans a little as he lifts her into a bridal style hold. Her weight strains the wound in his shoulder. The pain is jarring. Pulsing through his shoulder, down his arm and up his neck into his chest and head. His ears buzz with his racing heartbeat and Buck clenches his jaw to keep from making a sound. He’s not allowed to talk anymore. He can’t risk making a sound and ruining his chance to save Maddie.

It hurts.

It burns.

Blood gushes down the front of his shirt, soaking the makeshift bandage.

He focuses on the killer’s gleaming eyes. “Step in front of me, I’ll direct you out of the house. There is a car in the driveway. It is unlocked. You and your sister will sit on the passenger side of the backseat. Your hands will be within my sight at all times.” He tips his head to the side. “Nod if you understand.”

Buck nods. The pain is incredible. Somehow, he manages to step forward. The back of his neck tingling at the feeling of the muzzle of the gun pressed into the small of his back. Time blurs. He finds himself cradling Maddie in the back seat of a Sedan.

It’s still nighttime, Buck notes. Though he has no idea how long he had been unconscious for. He thinks it’s the same night. Maybe only a handful of hours since they were taken from the house. Maddie hasn’t woken up. It worries him, but he’s also grateful. As long as she sleeps he can keep her safe. If she wakes up, the killer might never let her go.

Buck’s eyes fixed on the gun trained on the two of them. The killer uses one hand to drive them away from the abandoned house and back into the city. They don’t go far. It’s maybe a ten minute drive. He pulls over and puts the car in park under the glow of a streetlight. The killer doesn’t shut off the engine.

“Now, you’re going to step out of the car and place your sister on the grass under that tree.” The killer indicates the tree with his hand, keeping the gun low and steady—out of sight if there happens to be anyone passing by. “Once she is settled, come back to the window, I’ll have something else for you to give her.”

Fear spikes again, it must show on his face because the killer chuckles. “Nothing bad, I promise.”

Promises from this man will always be considered something bad.

Buck nods mutely and, with permission, he carries Maddie out of the car and lays her with the utmost care among the dry grass underneath the tree. His knee pops as he stands. Stiffly he returns to the car and the killer hands him a folded slip of paper. “Stick that in her pocket. I’m sure she’ll want to know what kind of sacrifice you’ve made for her. When you are done, return to the car and sit in back like before. Rest your hands on the headrest of the seat in front of you and lower your head.”

With another nod, Buck can’t help but think how he doesn’t want his sister to know any of this. He wants her to be safe. Her life to be easy and happy. But, most of all, he wants her to live. This is part of the deal. Obedience until the bitter end.

Silently Buck walks back to his slumbering sister and kneels gracelessly at her side. His head is dizzy again. The loss of blood and pain is getting to him. With uncoordinated fingers, he slips the note in Maddie’s pocket. Gently he brushes loose strands of her hair out of her face. It takes all of his strength and determination to stand and turn away from her for the last time.

Buck slides carefully into the back seat. Shutting the door and placing his hands on the headrest of the seat in front of him. Silently he lowers his head, waiting for whatever happens next.

“Lift your left hand off the headrest and swallow these.” Is the command. Buck holds out the palm of his left hand and three white pills are deposited by the killer. For the first time Buck hesitates. Lips part, mind begging to ask the question—what are these? But, quickly enough, Buck realizes it doesn’t matter. He won’t be alive long enough to worry about any lingering effects from unknown drugs. He throws the pills into the back of his throat, struggling to swallow them dry.

“Good.” Comes the sick praise. “Place your hand back on the headrest.” Buck does. The man sets the gun aside and produces a pair of silver handcuffs, expertly wrapping them around each of Buck’s wrists and through the headrest. The drugs are fast acting, whatever they are. The edges around Buck’s vision quickly turning to static like fuzz. It’s harder to keep his eyelids open. Blinking becomes a struggle as his head leans forward, resting his forehead against the back of the seat in front of him.

“Good.” He hears the sharp smile in the killer’s voice. A hand pets Buck’s head gently, fingertips scratching through his curls. “Oh, my dear little Brother. You and I are going to have so much fun together.”

The hand withdrawals and Buck feels the car start to pull forward. Driving away from Maddie as his world fades to dark.

Chapter Text

“Maddie’s going to kill me for being late.” Chimney says as he fastens his sleeping daughter into her car seat. Jee barely stirs. She and Mara had an incredible time together. Chimney had an incredible time with his best friend too. Nights like these meant the world to Chimney. He just wishes that he had paid more attention to the time. Maddie was definitely going to kill him.

It was important that Jee had some stability in her life. Things she can count on. A consistent bedtime was really the least they could do. Chimney and Maddie strive to keep up some semblance of a routine. It was a challenge given the unpredictable nature of their jobs, but for the most part they persevered.

Except for nights like these, when Chimney let time slip away through his careless fingers.

“I doubt she’s had time to notice.” Hen huffs in amusement as she watches her best friend struggle with the straps for the car seat. The two of them had gotten a little too invested in Hot Shots. They’d been binge watching the series after their run in with the lead actor. And Chimney’s ten seconds of semi-fame. He still can’t believe he had gotten to play a character in an episode. Sure, the show was over-dramatic and flawed, but that moment was still a bazaar dream come true.

It felt like Chimney’s deep love for movies and pop culture had led up to that one brilliant opportunity. It was surreal and amazing.

Watching Hot Shots had become something of a guilty pleasure. Something Chimney and Hen would never admit to watching among the rest of the 118.

Originally they started watching the show to make fun of it. Pausing after each of Brad’s scenes and asking each other ridiculous hypothetical questions. Like, how many takes it took to get the shot? How many rants Brad had gone on? What were the rants about? What snacks craft services had fixed that day? If Brad had thrown something at someone. What object he had thrown? Which actors were secretly in love with one another? What Bobby was doing during the filming of the scene?

Obviously they also tended to pick apart the accuracy and realism of each episode. Even with Bobby’s help, the firefighting aspects of the show were wildly unbelievable. A wild ride, sure, but also painfully mismanaged when it came down to actual protocols. The show was a great example of ‘what not to do’ that Chimney wondered if it could be made into educational videos for the fire academy at some point.

Then, sometime in the middle of season two, Chimney and Hen had stopped making fun of the show. Almost against their will they had become emotionally invested in the characters. Even Brad’s character. Somehow, against all odds, they had gotten sucked in.

Chimney was pretty sure that if Buck ever found out they were watching the show unironically, neither of them would ever live it down.

Which is why Chimney and Hen keep these watch nights top secret. Not even Maddie knew. Mostly because Chimney didn’t trust his wife not to tell her little brother.

Hen and Chimney were just two best friends who occasionally liked to get together and gossip. That was their cover. To be fair they still did a decent amount of gossiping too. Then they’d watch one or two episodes of the show while their kids played their hearts out.

Tonight they’d gotten pulled into the drama of a two-part season finale thriller and had lost track of time.

“You think Maddie hasn’t had time to notice?” Chimney shoots Hen an incredulous look. “It’s Maddie, she’s definitely noticed that it’s nighttime and her daughter isn’t home.”

“Unless she’s distracted by her distraught little brother.” Hen says pointedly. Her face twisted in that unimpressed expression she gets when she thinks Chimney should know something.

“Huh? What’s going on with Buck?” Because, yeah, the guy was bummed Eddie was leaving, but it wasn’t like that was happening today.

Hen frowns, pinning Chimney with a ‘you should know this’ expression. “Eddie left for El Paso today.”

“That was today?” Chimney asks a little too loudly. Jee stirs but thankfully doesn’t wake. Carefully, Chimney extracts himself from the backseat of his car and closes the door gently. “That was today?” He repeats only a tiny bit quieter.

“Yep.” Hen nods, pressing her lips together in disappointment.

“Damn.” Chimney leans back against the side of his car. “Poor Buck.”

“Poor Maddie.” Hen adds. “Sad Buck is a heartbreaking experience. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Although, I have a feeling we’re all going to be experiencing the fall out of Eddie leaving for the foreseeable future. Not that I blame Buck for being sad. Eddie being gone is going to suck. Just, for Buck it’s going to suck on an entirely different level.”

“She’s going to kill me.” Chimney repeats his statement from earlier. Dread settles in his chest. “I need to get going. She probably needed backup, like, hours ago. I’m in so much trouble.”

“Good luck.” Hen smiles and waves as Chimney hurries around to the driver’s side door and slides behind the wheel.

Chimney knows better than to drive recklessly. He’d learned that lesson the hard way long before he met Maddie. A piece of re-bar through the forehead was enough to make anyone drive like a granny. On top of that over cautiousness, Chimney tends to get even worse when Jee is in the car with him. It drove Maddie crazy. Enough that she usually insisted on driving them places so that they make it to their destinations on time.

But Maddie isn’t here to drive him and Jee home now. She’s stuck with her mopey little brother who is probably drinking all their wine.

Dutifully Chimney abides by the speed limit, though he maybe goes through a yellow light that he maybe would have normally stopped at. Guilt eats at him for doing it, his eyes slide to his slumbering daughter framed in the rear-view mirror. He never wants to do anything that might put his family in danger. Refocusing on the road, Chimney vows to stop at all yellow lights in the future.

Shaving off a few minutes on a drive really isn’t worth the guilt he feels. Or the potential danger.

The house is dark by the time Chimney pulls into the driveway. Buck’s Jeep is still parked on the street, so Chimney knows they have a guest for the night. A sigh escapes from his lungs as he sits back in the driver’s seat. Poor Buck. Chimney knows that his brother-in-law is suffering. Despite the slight dalliance in sabotage, Buck actually took Eddie’s plans on moving to El Paso rather well. Given the amount of abandonment issues Buck harbors, Chimney would have expected a full-blown breakdown. Maybe an ill-thought-out kidnapping.

Instead, Buck owned his mistakes, apologized despite Eddie’s ire, and offered to upend his own life to make Eddie’s leaving easier. Buck giving up his loft to move into his best friend’s house was a gesture of epic proportions. It was admirable. It was also a truly terrible idea. Chimney was having some serious flashbacks from the time Abby left Buck to travel abroad. Buck had lived in her apartment for months like a loyal dog waiting for their dead owner to come home.

It wouldn’t be like that this time. Chimney wasn’t going to let it happen. He’d be there for Buck like he should have been the first time around. He’ll make things easier. Get Buck out of his head and out of the house. Buck wouldn’t be alone this go around. He had a family with Chimney, Maddie and Jee.

Chimney would make sure that Buck wasn’t forgotten.

It helped that Eddie was nothing like Abby. Eddie needs Buck as much as Buck needs Eddie. They had a powerful partnership. Something that was unspoken and real. They were Buck and Eddie. It was a surprise when either of them did something without the other. Eddie moving to El Paso had been a startling twist. Chimney had sort of been in denial. Half thinking it would never actually happen. Not that he didn’t understand. Eddie had to go where his son was. Chimney would travel across the universe if he needed to in order to be with Jee.

Unable to put off going inside any longer, Chimney collects his sleeping daughter from her car seat. He fumbles with the keys, juggling Jee in one arm as he tries to find the house key in the dark. He really needed to fix the motion light on the side of the house. Maybe he could talk Buck into doing it. The guy was freakishly tall—that kind of thing came in handy when fixing things. And Buck was a fixer at heart. A fixer who likely burned through Maddie’s expensive wine collection to drown his sorrows.

Replacing a light bulb is really the least Buck could do in return.

Chimney struggles to get the house key into the lock of the front door—only for the door to swing at the lightest pressure. His heart skips a little as the door reveals the darkness inside his home.

“O-kay.” Chimney draws out the whispered word as he steps over the threshold. The first thing he notices is that the couch is empty—no Buck sprawled out with his too long limbs. There’s a chance he might be in the future baby’s room, which used to be the guest room, but it’s doubtful that the Buckley siblings had bothered getting out the blow-up mattress.

It was also a bit early for the siblings to be asleep. Even if Buck had gotten drunk on wine, Maddie would be waiting up for Chimney and Jee to come home. If only just to scold Chimney for keeping her daughter up so late.

On the island in the kitchen Chimney spots an opened bottle of wine. An empty wine glass stands next to it. Waiting. Unused.

A wave of wrongness sweeps down Chimney’s spine.

Something isn’t right. Something is very wrong. Where is his wife?

Chimney turns to shut the front door and stops in his tracks. His eyes blinking in the dark at the splotches on the wall in the entranceway. What had gotten on the wall? It’s too high up for it to be Jee’s unsolicited wall art—and Chimney would have noticed it earlier when they left for Hen’s place.

Numb, heart unsure, Chimney switches the lights on. In his arms, Jee protests the sudden brightness, burying her face in his shoulder as she makes an unhappy noise. Chimney’s heart drops, eyes and attention fixed on the red stains on his wall. A smear of dark blood tracking downward to where droplets of rusty brown are drying on the floor.

“Oh God.” Chimney breathes.

Jee squirms in his arm when his hold becomes too tight. “Daddy, where’s mommy?” His daughter asks sleepily, drawing Chimney out of his spiraling panic.

“Uh, Jee—we’re, uh,” Chimney looks around again, hoping that the light will reveal something—someone. Maddie. Where is she? Where was the love of his life? He looks at his daughter and slowly backs out of the house, the potential crime scene.

Oh, God. His house is a crime scene.

Why else would there be blood on the wall? Why else would the door be left open? Maddie would never leave it unlocked, let alone open like that. Buck wouldn’t either. They both knew better.

An invisible hand pierces through his chest and takes a firm hold of his heart.

“Daddy, where’s mommy?” Jee asks again, this time on the brink of tears. She’s picked up on his panic. She knows something is terribly wrong. Chimney’s eyes burn in retaliation. Or maybe solidarity. He sets his daughter back in the car as she bursts into loud tears. He tries to soothe her, yanking his phone free from his back pocket.

“It’s okay sweetie.” He lies. Blood on the wall is not an ‘it’s okay’ scenario, but his daughter doesn’t need to know that. “I’m going to find Mommy, I promise.” He calls Maddie first, on the off chance there was some sort of horrible accident, and she had forgotten to call him on the way to the hospital.

No answer.

Next he calls Buck.

No answer.

Without hesitation, he calls Athena.

“It’s a little late to get a call from you, Chimney.” Athena answers after the third ring. Her voice light with laughter, as if someone had just told her a joke. Chimney has no idea if she’s on or off duty. Either way, he knows she’ll know what to do.

“Maddie’s gone.” Chimney rushes, stepping away from his still crying daughter. “We got back to the house—there’s blood on the wall, Athena. I-I don’t know where she is. Buck’s Jeep is here, but he’s not. He’s gone too.”

“Slow down, Chimney.” Athena stops the flow of words tumbling from his mouth. All traces of humor have been stolen from her voice. “Slow down, start from the beginning.”

“I don’t know what happened.” Chimney sniffles. “I left Hen’s place late. Maddie was at home. Eddie left today, so Hen guessed that Buck would make his way over to our house. His Jeep is parked on the street—but Buck isn’t in the house and neither is Maddie. I went to open the door, and it was already open. Unlocked and not all the way shut. Maddie wouldn’t do that, Athena. She always locks the doors.”

“What about the blood?” Athena presses, keeping Chimney from spiraling off track about how responsible his wife is. Which is fair. Chimney could give hour-long seminars on the virtues of his partner.

“I saw it when I turned to shut the door. Blood smeared down the wall. It started pretty high up.” He swallows. “Like, Buck-high.”

“Did you try calling them?” Athena asks, voice tight with professional control.

“Yes. Right before I called you. Neither of them answered.” Chimney closes his eyes tightly. “Tell me I’m overreacting—I just—Athena. I don’t know what to do. Tell me what to do.”

“Bobby and I are on our way. Did you touch anything?” Athena asks. There’s noise in the background, the sound of two car doors closing. A soft beep before an engine starts.

“Maybe the front door, but nothing else.” Chimney feels his heart jump into his throat. “So, this is bad. Right? This is really, really bad?”

“It’s not good.” Athena answers honestly. “There is a chance that there is some simple explanation, but until we find that simple explanation, we shouldn’t contaminate the potential crime scene. Where are you now?”

“Outside with Jee in the car.” Chimney looks back into the car and sees his daughter is still crying. “Jee’s scared.”

“Okay, comfort her—we’re on our way, Chimney.” Athena promises. “We’ll be there soon.”

“Okay.” Chimney inhales sharply. “O-okay. Thank you.”

“We’ll figure out what happened, Chimney.” Athena promises and ends the call.

Chimney takes a second to gather up the broken bits of composer into something less scary for his baby girl. He paints a weak smile on his face and ducks back into the car. “Hey Jee.”

“Where’s mommy?” Jee demands, her cheeks soggy with tears.

“I don’t know, yet.” Chimney answers her honestly. “But I called Athena and Bobby, and they are going to help look for her, okay?”

Jee makes a face, like she’s considering her options, and nods. “Okay.”

It takes thirty minutes for Athena and Bobby to arrive and park behind Buck’s abandoned Jeep. Chimney has called both Buck and Maddie a dozen times each with no response. The panic brewing in his chest has gone sickly numb. The relief he feels when Athena climbs out of Bobby’s truck nearly sends Chimney to his knees.

“Still nothing.” He tells her, holding up his phone.

“Stay here.” Athena commands both men as she slips on a pair of latex gloves and enters the house. Enters the crime scene.

“Bobby.” Chimney breathes, panic surging once more. “I don’t know what to do.”

“We’ll find them.” Bobby says, though his eyes are lit with his own fear. Buck is like a son to the fire captain. It was this unspoken thing between them. When Buck is in danger it hits different with Bobby. It’s personal on a parental level.

Hopefully this was nothing. An overreaction on Chimney’s side of things. There could be a perfectly reasonable explanation why the door was left open, and blood got on the wall.

Chimney just couldn’t think of anything other than complete catastrophe.

Athena reemerges from the house and Chimney’s heart sinks. He sees the grim look on her face, and he knows he hasn’t overreacted at all.

“I found a bullet lodged in the wall.” She announces. “I’ve called it in.”

Bobby sucks in a breath and Chimney falls back against his car in despair.

“We don’t know what happened.” Athena tries to comfort them. “There are no bodies.” She adds. “Right now, they are just missing. Both of their cars are here, and I found Maddie’s cell phone sitting on the counter by the sink. It doesn’t look good, but there still could be a reasonable explanation.”

“One of them was shot.” Chimney snaps.

“Maybe.” Athena hesitates. “But we don’t know that for sure. Is there someone who could take Jee for the night?” Athena asks softly.

“Hen? Maybe?” Chimney pulls out his phone, his vision blurry with tears.

“Here, I’ll call her.” Bobby offers. Chimney nods numbly, thankful that he doesn’t have to try and explain again. His wife is gone. His brother-in-law missing.

It was going to be a hell of a long night.

Hen comes and picks up Jee. She has questions, but no one has answers for her. Defeated, she leaves, taking the quiet child with her. She asks to be kept informed of any new developments. Maddie and Buck are part of her family too.

Crime scene techs and additional police officers show up and start processing everything. Chimney doesn’t process a thing. Without his daughter, wife or brother-in-law he feels a lot like he’s crumbling into unsalvageable pieces.

“I was late.” He tells Bobby as they stand on the edge of the controlled chaos. A detective arrives on scene and walks with purpose towards Athena. They seem to know each other. He looks vaguely familiar, but Chimney really isn’t in the state of mind to place a name with the face. “If I had gotten here sooner—”

“Then you and Jee might have been hurt or worse.” Bobby points out. The thought of Jee getting hurt nearly stops Chimney’s heart.

“I don’t know how to do this.” He tells Bobby. “What if we can’t find her—them?”

“We’ll find them, Chimney.” Bobby promises. “Maddie and Buck are clever. Don’t write them off just yet.”

Bobby has a point. Both of the Buckley siblings have survived a shocking number of dangerous situations. If they were taken, it wouldn’t be the first time either of them has been in such an uncertain predicament. Maddie with her crazy ex-husband Doug and the hostage situation at the dispatch center and Buck with Freddie the not so friendly Bomber and then also those two prisoners who hijacked the ambulance during the prison riot a few years back.

“At some point their luck is going to run out.” Chimney mumbles under his breath.

“Howard Han?” The detective approaches them, a grim-faced Athena at his side. “I’m detective Rick Romero. I’ll be the one looking into the disappearance of your wife and brother-in-law. If you don’t mind, I’d like to have you come down to the station and answer some questions.”

“I can tell you what happened right now.” Chimney frowns.

Athena sighs. “It needs to be an official statement.”

Shock hits Chimney like a slap to the face.

“You think I did something to them?” Anger bubbles up from under the numb desperation. “My wife and brother-in-law are missing and you’re going to waste time suspecting me? I wasn’t even here—I was with my daughter and Hen. I have witnesses—not that I should need them.”

“They want to rule you out quickly.” Athena steps closer, hand resting on his arm, grounding him. “We are still looking for Maddie and Buck. There’s a BOLO with their descriptions being sent out to every cop on and off patrol. This is just part of the process.”

Chimney lets the heat of anger deflate in his chest. Shoulders sagging as the fight bleeds out of him. “Okay. Okay fine.” Chimney looks at Detective Romero in miffed surrender. “Are you going to handcuff me, or—”

“No. There’s no need for that.” The detective shakes his head. “Like Athena said, this is just part of procedure. You have a strong alibi with witnesses. We’ll get this over as quickly and painlessly as possible.”

“Okay.” Chimney repeats again.

“I’ll drive him to the station.” Athena offers and then looks at Bobby. “Well, Bobby will drive us to the station.”

“I’ll follow you there.” Rick pulls on a tight smile before heading to his unmarked police car.

“Come on, Chim.” Bobby says and places a comforting hand on the younger man’s shoulder, leading him away from the house. Chimney lets himself be taken away. The blood on the wall flashes through his head as he thinks about his family. About his wife. Was Maddie okay? Was she hurt and wondering where he was? Wondering what was taking him so long to find her?

Did it make him an awful person to hope that the blood wasn’t Maddie’s? Would Buck forgive him if he ever found out?

Actually, Chimney had little doubt that Buck would be fully on board with Chimney’s thought train. The kid had zero sense of self-preservation. Which only made Chimney feel more guilty. The blood was up high—too high for it to have been Maddie’s, right? It had to have been Buck’s blood.

Time blurs again and Chimney finds himself sitting across from Detective Romero in an interrogation room. The detective has Chimney go through the day from the moment he left the house that afternoon to walking into the nightmare he was currently living.

“Tell me about your relationship with your brother-in-law.” Romero asks as they start wrapping things up.

“Buck? He’s—” Chimney takes a breath, his mind flashing through the years he’s known the kid. From the reckless probationary firefighter to someone Chimney thought of as a younger brother. The beginning was rocky at best. The middle maybe was a little rough too. Dating Maddie had brought them closer. Buck had never discouraged their relationship. He promoted it. Cheering them on.

Buck had trusted Chimney with Maddie’s heart. And how had Chimney repaid Buck? He kept the Buckley family secret from Buck and then, when Maddie left, punched him in the face for doing the exact same thing—trying to abide by Maddie’s lofty wishes. God, he could be so mean to the kid sometimes, and Buck never resented him for it. Buck forgave and forgave and—

“Buck’s family.” Chimney says, meeting the detective’s gaze. “He is my brother. He was my brother before I even met Maddie.”

“Okay.” Romero says, gaze softening. “Can you think of anyone that might hold a grudge against your wife or her brother?”

“No one.” Chimney says quickly. Then after his hasty declaration he lets himself think about it. Did Doug have any family? Maddie refused to talk about her dead husband, and it wasn’t like Chimney ever wanted to press the subject. Doug was a minefield of pain and Chimney aimed only to avoid the destruction brought by his memory. Could there someone out there that harbored vengeful anger over Maddie’s heroic act of self-defense? Chimney didn’t know.

As for Buck, Chimney’s brother-in-law was a people-pleaser with a heart of gold, but he was also more than capable of pissing people off. “Chase Mackey.” Chimney says. “But it’s been years since they dealt with each other.”

“Who is Chase Mackey?” Detective Romero asks.

“The scum bag of a lawyer Buck hired to sue the city. Buck turned down a lot of money because he only wanted his job back.” He remembered overhearing Buck talking to Maddie about how the ambulance chaser had turned against him, jacking up the bill for his services as a retaliation for missing out on such a big payday. “Buck had to ask their parents for a loan to pay Mackey’s service fee. It was a substantial amount.”

Athena’s eyes widened at the news. It occurs to Chimney that no one really checked in with Buck around that time. The night of Eddie’s going away dinner Buck asked Eddie not to run his credit score—had the kid ever recovered financially? His medical bills over the years…

“But your brother-in-law paid the money?” Romero asks.

“Yeah, as far as I know.”

“Was he in debt with his parents?” Romero looks down at his notes.

“Margret and Phillip Buckley aren’t the best parents, but they wouldn’t kidnap their children over money.” Chimney says with some confidence. After all, he and Maddie had also gotten a loan from them in order to buy their house. Phillip had been nothing but understanding as they’ve been slowly paying them back. “No, if Maddie’s parents were hard up on money I would have heard about it. I also borrowed money from them.” He takes a breath, realizing how that sounded. “Maddie and I did. Together. They’ve never said anything about paying them back. Of course we are paying them back, but they haven’t been pushy about it or anything.”

“We’ll check into it, just in case.” The detective says, writing down the Buckley’s names and the contact details provided by Chimney, who feels all kinds of awkward about it. “We won’t mention you, they won’t think any less of you, I promise.”

“Thanks.” Chimney sighs, feeling the growing anxiety about pissing off his in-laws die. Of course, leaving their children to be kidnapped and potentially die by the hands of some unknown individual likely won’t win him any favors.

Oh, God.

Romero’s phone rings and Chimney leans over the table, head in hands as he spirals. He tries to think of anyone else that might want to hurt his family, but he’s already grasping at straws. Eddie might have a better idea. Eddie—shit. The guy was on his way to Texas with no clue that his best friend might be—

Chimney’s heart trips in his chest as he looks up at Athena, but her eyes are focused on Romero.

“We’ll head that way now.” The detective says into his phone and hangs up. “They think they found Maddie.” He announces, stealing Chimney’s breath. He surges with his hope, jumping to his feet too fast. His head buzzes with a rush that nearly sends him in a nosedive. He hits the table with his hip, managing to catch his balance with his hands as he regains his equilibrium.

“I-is she hurt?” Chimney asks the second his head clears. He grips the table, unable to look at the detective until he hears the words.

“She’s unharmed but it appears she has been drugged.” Romero relays. “A woman was out walking her dog and found her unconscious on the side of the road.”

She’s unharmed. Chimney holds onto that. It echoes in his head like a mantra. Or a prayer. Blindly he follows after Athena and Romero, not processing anything else said. Maddie’s alive. What had she endured? What had happened? His focus is singular. He needs to get to his wife.

The doctor meets them at the ER entrance.

“We have her in a private room.” The woman informs them. Chimney doesn’t retain her name. “We believe chloroform was used on her, but we’re waiting on the toxicology report to come back to confirm. She has some marks on her wrists and ankles that suggest she was tied with coarse rope at some point. The marks are minor and should disappear within the next day or so. There is no evidence of any other assault.”

Relief washes over him. She’s unharmed. “Can I see her?”

“She’s still unconscious.” The doctor warns. “But she could wake up at any time. I’m sure seeing your face will help her feel safe.”

“Wait.” Chimney blinks, stomach turning sharply. He’d been so focused on Maddie being found that he’d completely forgotten about—

“Buck? Did they find him? Is he here too?” Chimney looks from the doctor to Detective Romero for answers.

“No.” Romero says with a slight wince of regret. “Maddie was found on the side of the road. Placed underneath a tree. A good Samaritan called it in. There was no sign of Buck, but we have units combing the area in case he was left somewhere else or wandered off.”

“Oh God.” Chimney exhales, running his hands through his hair. The first thing Maddie will want to know is where Buck is. “What am I supposed to tell her?”

“Focus on being there for Maddie.” Bobby says, resting a comforting hand on Chim’s shoulder. “We got her back. We aren’t going to stop looking for Buck. Tell her that. Who knows? Maybe we’ll find Buck before she wakes up.”

There are thousands of questions spinning in Chimney’s head, but he accepts that Bobby’s logic is sound. He can only focus on one thing at a time. His wife has been found. She’s safe and seemingly unharmed.

For now, that had to be enough.

Chapter Text

Maddie drifts.

She dreams of shadows and voices. One as familiar as her own. One terrifyingly strange. The voices bleed around her. Sound weaving in and out of reality. Echoing. Pleading. Dealing. None of it makes sense. The words aren’t always clear. Sentences not always complete. Snippets. Snapshots. The words float in the waves crashing around her—over her. Dragging her down, under. Darkness as deep and as powerful as the ocean.

“My sister…”

“Why should you die…?”

“…should have never been born…”

“Beautiful.”

“I’ll do anything…”

“Vow.”

“Anything.”

Maddie wakes to the sound of whispers. New voices. Different. Familiar. Safe. Close by. They are clearer. Not shrouded in darkness and confusion. Well, maybe a little confusion remains.

Time feels solid.

Real.

Her body feels unnaturally heavy. Weighed down by an invisible pressure. Exhaustion holds her tightly, beckoning her back to blissful slumber.

There is an urgency, though. A fleeting thought she’s unable to pin down. A worry without a name.

She had been…where had she been? At home. Hadn’t she? She’d been…washing the dishes…then…

Then…

“Maddie?” Chimney appears in her line of sight. When had she opened her eyes? Her husband’s gaze is filled with frantic concern. Something is wrong. The energy of the room shifts from heavy to something more alarming. Something happened…is she in a hospital? She looks around as her husband holds her hand up to his lips, kissing the top of her knuckles reverently.

What could have happened? Had she fallen? Had there been an accident? A fire? Was the baby okay? Or was it something else? She had been waiting for something, hadn’t she? No, not something. Someone. Who? Who had it been? Chimney?

“Chim?” She croaks, instantly mortified at how awful her voice sounds. Rough. Damaged. In her head she can hear both the ghost of her ex-husband and echo of her disapproving mother scolding her for how unladylike she sounded. Maddie closes her eyes, trying to clear her throat as quietly as she can manage.

“Water?” Chimney asks. Maddie opens her eyes and parts her lips to say ‘yes’ only to realize the question hadn’t been directed to her, but to someone else in the room. Hen. Hen is here? What was going on? A cup of water magically appears in front of her and Maddie sips at the cool liquid. Hen says something soft to Chimney and leaves the room.

Maddie missed it. She didn’t hear the words.

“Where?”

Panic burns brightly on Chimney’s face. Like a spotlight on a prisoner trying to escape. Or headlights catching an innocent deer off guard. “Where?” Her husband echoes breathlessly, urging her to continue.

Maddie’s own heart starts to pick up speed. Chimney is freaking out. Should she be freaking out? What was happening? Where was Jee?

“Where’d Hen go?” Maddie finishes brokenly, not sure if she should cry.

“She stepped out to give us a moment alone.” The way Chimney is acting makes her think that she’s going to cry. It’s inevitable. Something has happened. Something terrible. What was it?

Why can’t she remember?

“Jee?” Maddie breathes the name of her daughter. “Is it Jee? Is Jee hurt?”

Chimney’s eyes go wide and he seems to come to the realization that he’s scaring her. “Jee’s fine, Maddie. She’s with Karen right now. She’s safe. Jee and Mara were thrilled to have a sleepover. I promise.”

‘Vow.’ She flinches. The voice from her dream cruelly whispers in her ear.

“The baby?” Maddie rasps, her free hand ghosting across her belly. Was that what was wrong? Had she lost it?

“The baby is fine.” Chimney reassures, kissing the back of her hand again. “The doctor checked you over while you w-were asleep.”

“Asleep?” She echoes. Something about the way he spoke the word is wrong. Like he is trying very hard not to say something else. What the hell had happened? She needs to know. She needs answers.

Chimney closes his eyes, a tear escaping out of the corner of his right before he can stop it. Maddie watches the salty droplet crawl down the side of her husband’s cheek and drip off his chin.

“What’s wrong?” The unknown might actually kill her. Her heart galloping at a dangerous pace in her chest. “Tell me. Please.”

“Athena—Hen went to go get Athena.” Chimney tells her just as the door opens and Athena, Bobby and Hen walk in.

“I don’t understand.” Maddie sobs now. Just one sharp hiccup. Terror taking a firm hold of her body. “Howie, what’s happening?”

Chimney stays silent as Athena steps forward. Her eyes look cautious and sympathetic. Distant. Cool, but not quite cold. She’s in police sergeant mode. Maddie blinks and realizes the older woman isn’t in uniform, but her badge is clipped prominently on her belt. She’s on the clock—but she hadn’t expected to be. Something had happened. Something bad. Why can’t she remember?

What the hell had happened?

“Maddie, can you tell me the last thing you remember?” Athena asks gravely.

“I was doing the dishes.” Maddie answers in a small voice. She had been waiting for something. Someone. Killing time. Chimney had been—with Hen? At a play date with Jee and Mara. Maddie had started doing the dishes. She’d taken off her wedding ring. Maddie glances at her hand and notes the wedding band is absent. “I-I don’t remember finishing.”

“Do you remember anything else?” Athena probes.

Voices. Maddie doesn’t say it out loud. Mostly because she doesn’t like what the voices had been saying. That hadn’t been real, though. It wasn’t something that had actually happened. That had been a dream. A horrible dream. A nightmare.

“Tell me what happened!” Maddie shouts suddenly. “Why are you all—please, what happened?” Then it strikes her. Eyes widening as she sucks in a quick breath. “Where’s Evan? Where’s Buck?” Her brother would be here. If something is wrong, he would be here. He had—hadn’t he texted her? No, she had called him. He was supposed to…where was her brother?

A look is passed between Athena and Chimney. Then a nod. Permission.

Maddie turns to her husband as twin tears track down his cheeks. “Maddie, last night you were kidnapped.”

“What? No.” Maddie frowns and shakes her head. Wouldn’t she remember that? She would have remembered that! Yet she’s in a hospital and she has no memory of how she got there. She was…taken? What did they…

“We believe that Buck was also taken.” Athena continues when Chimney struggles to find the words.

“What?” Maddie breaks, ripping her hand from Chimney as she covers her lips with her trembling fingers. “What?” She repeats before she smoothers a wet gasp.

This isn’t happening. This isn’t real.

Maybe this is the dream. The nightmare. She looks at each of their faces. Everything is so painfully clear. No dreamlike fog. No shifting reality. Just a hospital room filled with people she trusts.

Her brother is missing.

“You were drugged.” Athena continues. “We had hoped you might remember something…but we knew that there was a possibility you wouldn’t be able to. The drug you were given causes short term memory issues.”

“Buck was taken with me?” Maddie says before she sobs again. She tries to hold herself together. Tries to keep from breaking. Chimney sits next to her, gathering her in his arms. She’s numb to his offered comfort. “But you found me, why didn’t you find him?”

She knows they haven’t found him. She knows because they would have said it if they had. If Buck was safe—they would have told her.

Which means he isn’t safe. Her brother isn’t safe.

“You were found unconscious. Left by the roadside. A woman walking her dog found you and called 911. We found this note slipped into your pocket.” Athena explains turning her phone so that Maddie could see the photograph of the small strip of paper.

‘Little brother traded his soul for your life.’

A sudden sound rings painfully in her ears. High pitched. Panic induced. Athena pulls the phone back, her lips moving silently, eyes breaking the professional barrier she built.

“Breathe, Maddie.” Chimney’s voice cut through the chaos in her mind. Even though she couldn’t see it any longer, the words burn into her heart.

Traded his soul.

‘Vow.’ A voice so low. Almost a growl.

‘Anything. I’ll do anything.’ Her baby brother, pleaded.

The voices.

She clasps her hands over her ears, but she can still hear them. The voices. Echoing. Spinning. Blending together.

‘You’ll do anything I say?’

‘Anything.’

“No, no, no—please.” Maddie sobs as she comes back to herself. Hen and Bobby have stepped out. Only Athena and Chimney remain. “No!” She looks up at Athena, begging. “He—he has my brother.”

“You remembered something?” Athena’s eyes flash with urgency. “It was a man who took you? Was it just the one man? Do you remember anyone else? Anything else? Anything about his appearance? Where he took you? Anything at all, Maddie, anything might help us find Buck.”

‘Anything.’

“I-I only heard his voice.” Maddie cries. Tears flooding down her pale face. “He was talking t-to Evan. Evan—Buck, he begged the man not to kill me. He was going to. He was going to kill me. Buck convinced him not to. Buck said—he said he’d do anything. Oh, Athena—that monster is going to destroy my brother. Please. No. P-please.”

Athena sweeps forward, taking Maddie’s hand in hers as she promises. “I’m going to bring Buck home, Maddie. I promise you. I will find him.”

“Please, please,” Maddie continues to cry, turning hide her face against Chimney’s chest. He holds her tighter as she sobs harder. “Please. Oh, please—why did he do this? Why? Why did Buck do that? I don’t understand.”

“Buck loves you.” Chimney’s voice cracks under the weight of his words. The truth. “He loves you so much, Maddie.”

“Tell me I didn’t just lose another brother.” Maddie clings to Chimney with all her might. “Tell me, please? Chimney, promise me. Please, you have to promise me.”

“I-I can’t.” Chimney holds her close. “I’m sorry Maddie, I can’t promise anything. But, I will promise you that Buck is going to do everything he can to come home to us.”

Maddie cries. She cries and she cries until her body gives out and she finally falls asleep.

__Bobby__

Bobby stands just outside of Maddie’s room, listening to her cry uncontrollably as Chimney tries in vain to comfort her. Her cries slow, becoming whimpers before her body is pulled under again. The sedatives in her system aren’t letting her go. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe the next time she wakes up Buck will be safe again.

There’s an absence of words in his own mind. Words that would help Bobby make sense of what’s happening. His head is spinning. Worry blooming in his heart with sharp thorns. He feels helpless. His fragile control slips. The careful calm Bobby as cultivated over the years cracks and fractures. Emotions threaten to spill out. Bobby wants to give in. To get loud and demanding. But his people need him to be strong. A pillar of quiet strength. The strength and perseverance they cling to is on the verge of failing. Buck is missing. Gone. In the hands of someone who has clear morality issues. His kid is in danger and Bobby doesn’t know how to save him.

Hope. Bobby clings to it. Desperately. They still have hope. Hope is not lost.

They’d been able to find Maddie. The kidnapper had let her go. Or, more accurately, left her behind. Maybe he’d let Buck go too. Sooner rather than later. Maybe Buck wasn’t too badly injured. Maybe it would all work out. There was still time. Buck had bought them time.

‘Traded his soul.’

Buck had done whatever had been necessary in order to keep his sister safe. Bobby was proud of the kid. That would never be in question. Yet. Selfishly Bobby wishes that Buck had figured out a way to free himself too. What Buck had offered, what he had traded, was irreplaceable. The thing is, Bobby isn’t so sure that Buck realized that. Bobby wasn’t sure if Buck knew how important he is.

“What can we do?” Hen asks.

There isn’t much they can do. Not really. They don’t have enough information. There are no leads. No pointing arrows or neon signs to follow.

Bobby wishes he could turn back time. Eddie had left earlier that day. That loss had led Buck to seek comfort with his sister. Bobby could have offered to help them with the final packing. Maybe if he had been there, Buck wouldn’t have gone to Maddie’s house, and he would still be—but Maddie wouldn’t. Changing Buck’s fate would mean changing Maddie’s fate. Losing Maddie—Buck wouldn’t have survived that. They would have lost Buck either way.

“He’s alive.” Bobby refuses to believe otherwise. Besides that, though, Bobby would have felt it. That kind of loss. Bobby would know. When his children died in that fire he hadn’t known, but at the time he’d been self medicating. His head and heart had been so very unclear. Clouded with his own misery. His life had been a horrible mess. He hadn’t known. He hadn’t felt the loss of his children then because he couldn’t.

Bobby’s head is clear now. He would know if Buck was—

He’d know.

Bobby is stone cold sober. He is in tune with the world around him. Awake. Aware. Bobby would feel it.

He’d know if Buck was dead, damn it.

“But what do we do, Bobby?” Hen asks again, desperation singing in her words. None of them want to stand around and do nothing. Firefighters run towards danger. They dig through the rubble. They put out the fires. They save people. They should be out saving Buck.

“We—we don’t give up.” Bobby answers her, looking her in the eyes. “We don’t give up hope. Buck is strong. He’s clever. The note didn’t say he was taking Maddie’s place.”

“It said that Buck traded his soul.” Hen shakes her head, uncertain. “What else could that mean?”

“Maybe he has something else planned for Buck.” Bobby knows that thought isn’t exactly a comfort. Buck being in the hands of a mentally disturbed individual is terrifying, but at least he’d be alive. As long as he is alive there will be hope.

“Bobby.” Hen shakes her head.

“No.” Bobby stops her. “No. He’s alive. We just have to find him.”

“That’s what I plan on doing.” Athena joins them. In the room Maddie is still asleep. Chimney cuddles her close, holding her like a cherished treasure. Athena clears her throat, drawing Bobby’s attention back to her. “While I’ve officially been taken off the case, Detective Romero is unofficially letting me stay involved. I’ll let you know what we find.” His wife promises him.

“No, I’m coming with you.” Bobby insists, fear spreading through his nerves like static.

“You can’t.” Athena says, not without sympathy. “You aren’t a police officer. You aren’t a detective. You need to stay out of this.”

“How can you say that?” Bobby demands, breaking the calm exterior he relies so heavily upon. His wife blinks at him, not really surprised, but still taken aback. “He’s my kid, Athena. I can’t just wait around.”

“You can and you will.” Athena reaches out, cupping his face in her hands. “I need you to stay safe. We don’t know anything about this psychopath. All we know is that he is armed and dangerous. I can’t focus on finding Buck if I think you might be in danger.”

“I can’t just do nothing.” Bobby’s voice breaks.

“You won’t be doing nothing.” Athena assures him. “You’ll be looking after Buck’s family. Your family. That isn’t a small thing.”

Buck would want them to be safe. Bobby glances back towards Chimney and Maddie.

“Okay.” Bobby exhales, eyelids slipping closed in a quick prayer. “Keep us updated?”

“Always.” Athena promises, pulling him into a tight but quick hug. She releases him, glancing at Hen briefly before joining Detective Romero who waits for her just down the hall.

“Hey, can one of you sit with Maddie?” Chimney asks quietly from the doorway of Maddie.

“Of course.” Hen nods, “Where are you going?” She asks, confusion clear in her voice.

“Not far. I just—someone needs to call Eddie.” Chimney’s voice gets thick.

“Shouldn’t we wait?” Hen says, still uncertain. “We don’t know anything yet.”

“We know Buck is in trouble.” Chimney visibly tenses. “We know that Buck would want Eddie to know.”

“Would he?” Hen pushes. “Would Buck really want his best friend to be worried about him when Eddie is on his way to see his son for the first time in ages?”

Chimney hesitates and Bobby considers her words. “We could hold off.” Bobby suggests. “Just until we have a little more information. Athena will keep us up to date on what they learn—”

“No.” Chimney shakes his head, his voice sharp. “I-I can’t do that to Eddie. I can’t keep him in the dark. Eddie would want to know. Any of us would want to know. I didn’t know.” He sucks in a breath. “I was with Hen and I was so happy and I didn’t know. I wish I had known.”

“Chim.” Hen’s voice breaks. She parts her lips but no sound forms. No words of encouragement, or artfully woven sentences to lift the burden of guilt from his shoulders. Because there is nothing she can say. Nothing can fix this.

How Chim feels—Bobby feels it too. Saddled with the desire to fix the unfairness of it all. Stuck replaying the day, trying to pick out one moment that could have prevented this—but there’s no change Bobby could have made that would have spared both of the Buckley siblings.

“Okay, Chim.” Bobby relents, because he agrees. He would want to know if he was in Eddie’s place.

Hen sighs, slipping into Maddie’s room without another word. Bobby follows after her, leaving Chimney alone in the hallway. Maddie sleeps on. Hen glances at her phone, it vibrates with notifications.

“Is that Karen?” Bobby asks.

“She wants to know when I’m coming home.” Hen winces. “I kind of abandoned her with three kids.”

“You can go.” Bobby says. “I’ll stay with Maddie—and Chim.”

“Cap, I can’t just leave.” Hen shakes her head. “Not with Buck still missing.”

“I promise I’ll call you if there are any changes.” Bobby vows, placing his hands on her shoulder. “I promise. You should go home, help Karen with the kids. Maddie and Chimney will both appreciate knowing that Jee is safe with you.”

“I’ll be back as soon as I can be.” Hen promises. “If Maddie is discharged—”

“I promise, Hen—I’ll keep you apprised of every single change.”

“Thank you.” Hen sighs, casting one last look towards the slumbering Maddie. “I—tell them I’m only a call away.”

__Maddie__

Awareness returns faster than before. There’s a hollow feeling in her chest. Numb, like someone surgically removed part of her soul while she slept. Really, that isn’t far from the truth. Her brother is gone. Buck was gone. Missing. She slept through the whole thing. Maybe if she had been awake—

Maddie stares up at the ceiling of her hospital room. She feels cold without Chimney’s strong arms around her. Vaguely she wonders where her husband went.

“Hi, Maddie.” Bobby’s voice draws her attention. “Do you need anything? Water?”

“Chimney?” Maddie whispers brokenly.

“He had to make a phone call.” Bobby tells her calmly. The man is always so calm. So soothing. But Maddie can see the tension in his shoulders. He’s afraid for Buck, too. “Athena and Detective Romero are out looking for Buck. Hen went home to help Karen with the kids. They should be waking up soon.”

“I don’t know how to do this.” Maddie confesses as fresh tears fall.

Bobby’s lips do something complicated before settling in a frown. “I don’t think any of us know how to do this. If that makes you feel any better.”

“It doesn’t.” Maddie sobs. When her cries subside she glances at Bobby again. “Has anyone told Eddie?”

“That’s the call Chimney is making.” Bobby sighs. “Hen and I suggested we wait—at least until he gets to El Paso. But Chimney insisted. Eddie has a right to know. I just hate the thought of Eddie driving with the weight of everything. He probably isn’t even halfway to Texas.”

“He should know.” Maddie sighs. “Buck would want him to know.”

“Yeah. That’s what Chimney said.” Bobby says with a sad smile.

__Eddie__

The drive had been going so well. The rain broke off nearly the second he reached the city limits. It felt like a sign. Like he was escaping something. Crawling out from under the dark cloud he’d been existing in since Christopher left. Like he was heading towards something good. A bright future with forgiveness and hope.

Then he’d made the mistake of calling Christopher to let him know he was on his way. His son didn’t answer. It wasn’t exactly unexpected, given the last conversation they had—but it still hurt.

Christopher hadn’t reacted well to Eddie’s grand plan of moving to El Paso. He had been angry. Furious might actually be too light of a word to describe it.

Over the last six months, Eddie had gotten a handful of words from his son. Short video calls filled with looks of pure disdain that ended far to quickly. When Eddie had told Chris about his plan to move to El Paso, Christopher had broken the silence. He ranted. At the end of his verbal rampage Chris had called Eddie the ‘worst dad ever’ and told him bluntly that he hated him.

It had been crushing, to say the least. Eddie had sat and listened and waited for his turn to speak, to explain, but that movement never came. When Christopher was finished thoroughly berating Eddie, he hung up. Eddie had felt completely eviscerated.

He hadn’t told Buck about that call.

Buck, his best friend with a string of abandonment issues that could circle the world twice over. Buck, who instead of getting angry when he stumbled across Eddie’s ill-advised plan, had helped Eddie find the perfect house to rent. Buck who had supported Eddie even when it was probably tearing out his heart.

Eddie wasn’t blind. He wasn’t stupid. He knew that he was killing his best friend, but it was all going to be worth it. Because Eddie couldn’t miss another second of his son’s life.

It would be worth it.

It had to be.

The sun was shining. Traffic was light.

Eddie was on his way to El Paso. A fresh start. A new chapter.

Leaving Buck in his rear view mirror, Eddie had called Christopher. His son’s refusal to answer the phone hurt, but Eddie brushed off the sudden stirring of doubt. Christopher would warm up to Eddie once they were standing in the same room together. It would take time and hard work, but at least they’d be in the same state. Minutes away instead of a half a day.

It would all be worth it when he saw his son.

“Eddie, are you still there?” Chimney’s voice pulls Eddie out of his spiraling thoughts. Away from the visions of Buck’s crumbling face in the side mirror of his truck. The smile he had so bravely painted on melting away with the rain.

“Y-yeah.” Eddie chokes on the word.

“We weren’t sure if we should call you.” Chimney continues. “I decided that Buck would want you to know.”

Buck. Buck is gone. Kidnapped.

It doesn’t feel real.

“Do—are there any leads?” Eddie rubs a hand down his face. His insides completely numb. He’s at a truck stop in the middle of the desert. He’d just stopped for gas when Chimney’s picture had lit up his phone. He’d only been driving for eight hours. He’d only been gone for…

“Athena was officially kicked off the case.” Chimney huffs out a breath. “Unofficially she’s keeping us all updated. There aren’t any leads—at least, not yet.”

“I don’t understand.” There were a lot of things Eddie didn’t understand. “Why was Buck taken?”

“I told you,” Chimney snaps, then sucks in a breath. “Sorry. I-it’s been a long night. From what we can tell, Buck walked in on Maddie being kidnapped. Something must have happened, there was blood at the scene. Maddie wasn’t injured, so we think it might belong to Buck.”

“But he’s alive.” It isn’t a question. It’s a fact. The sun is still in the fucking sky—Evan Buckley is alive. If he were dead, the world would have ended. The moon would have crashed into the Earth. It would have been life altering. Loud.

Buck’s death wouldn’t go unnoticed. Eddie would have felt it.

“We think so.” Chimney says cautiously. “Maddie’s memory is pretty choppy from the sedative she was given. She remembers hearing voices. Buck’s and someone else. Buck bargained for her life.”

“What did Buck say?” Eddie asks because his a masochist at heart. He needs to hear it. He needs to know what stupid things his best friend said to convince a potential killer to let his sister go. His sister—the original victim.

“Her memory is pretty messed up, Eddie.” Chimney sighs. “But she remembers Buck begging the guy to let her go. Whatever Buck said must have worked. Maddie was let go. I-I owe him everything.” Eddie hears Chimney take a shaky breath. “The detective found a note slipped in Maddie’s pocket. A parting gift, I guess. It-it said…”

“What did it say?” Eddie demands impatiently.

“’Little Brother traded his soul for your life.’”

Idiot. Hadn’t Eddie gotten through to him? After the sniper. After the shooting—Buck had understood. Hadn’t he? Eddie had convinced him. He was sure of it. Buck knew. Buck finally had realized he wasn’t expendable.

Cold washes over Eddie. His eyes slide shut.

Maybe Buck had known, back then. But then Eddie had gone and left him behind. Again. Was that all it took? For Buck to give up? To offer himself to take his sister’s place? Because that’s what Chimney is suggesting. The note. The fucking note.

“The note said ‘traded his soul’ not ‘his life’ so we’re hopeful.” Chimney tells him.

“What the fuck is that even supposed to mean, Chim?”

“It means we have time to find him.” Chimney says with conviction. “Look, Eddie, I promise we’ll let you know the second we have new information. I’ve got to go, Maddie’s awake. I don’t want to leave her for too long.”

“Chim.” Eddie can’t exactly stop him. He’s hours away in the middle of the desert. Alone. Alone while his best friend is out there somewhere, possibly fighting for his life.

“We’re doing everything we can.” Chimney promises.

“I know.” Eddie breathes. “Thank you, for calling me.”

“Of course, man.” Chimney sighs and offers a quick goodbye before the call ends.

Eddie is alone. It hits him like a punch to the gut. He left his best friend behind to crawl back to El Paso to be with his kid—his kid who hates him.

Was it worth it?

Anger flares up within Eddie, making his head spin. He turns, punching the side of his truck. He doesn’t feel the pain of his knuckles splitting. He’s still angry. It burns within him. The need to lash out. To fight back. But there’s nothing he can fight. No one he can pin the blame on other than himself. He’s alone.

Buck is alone.

Eddie looks back at his phone and makes a call. It rings once, then the second ring is cut off prematurely. Christopher had rejected the call. Rejected him. Again.

Eddie had driven away from his best friend—Eddie had driven his best friend into the hands of a potential serial killer—and his son rejected his call.

This was all for Christopher.

Was it worth it? Was Buck’s life…

With a growl Eddie scrolls through his contact until he finds his father. His dad picks up on the second ring.

“Mijo—”

“I need to speak to my son.” Eddie cuts his father off. “Please.” He tacks on as an after thought.

“Eddie, what’s wrong?” There’s concern in his father’s voice. Surprise, even. Between his two parents his father has at least been trying. Where his mother gaslights him and manipulates, his father listens and consoles. While his mother was furious that Eddie had the audacity to move closer to his son, his father had been supportive.

“I need to talk to him.” Eddie repeats, a little more desperate. “Please.” He adds again, more genuine.

“Okay.” His father says. “Christopher, your father needs you.”

There’s a snarky response, the phone’s speaker doesn’t quite pick up—Eddie ignores it.

“What?” Christopher asks sharply over the line.

Anger boils around Eddie’s heart, smothering it. “I accept responsibility for my actions. I hurt you—I know. I’ve apologized and I’ve done my best to give you the space you needed. I-I gave you space and you shut me out of your life. I offered to leave the life that I built—the life that I love—so that we can be together again, and that made you mad.” Eddie takes a deep breath, his entire body trembling in anger. “What do you want from me, Christopher?”

“D-dad—”

“What more do you want me to do? What can I do to fix this? Is it even possible? Can I fix this? Or did I destroy everything?” Eddie feels the rage give way to a new emotion—grief. Because it feels like he already has the answer. His son doesn’t need to utter a single word. Eddie had destroyed everything. Everything. “Give me something to go on, Chris—because I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what to do.”

Does he continue? Does he drive all the way to El Paso to be with the son who hates him? A son who will never forgive him? Or does he turn around and help search for the man he helped destroyed? Buck ran to Maddie because he was upset that Eddie had left. Eddie had abandoned his best friend. Buck was in the hands of a killer because of Eddie.

Not just because of him. But because of Chris too.

“You ran away from me and I tried to follow you. I wanted to be with you and you hated me for it. You hate me.” Eddie says cruelly. “Nothing I do is right. Nothing I do will ever make you happy. Everything is destroyed now. Why wouldn’t you let me fix it? Maybe it can’t be fixed. Maybe you never wanted it to be. Is that what you hoped for, Chris? For me to give up? Fine. I give up.”

He hears Christopher talking. Frantic. High-pitched words. Asking something, but not answering. There is no answer. No clear path. No forgiveness.

“Mijo, what’s going on?” His father’s concerned voice calls to him.

“I destroyed e-everything.” Eddie mutters and ends the call.

Standing in the middle of nowhere, Eddie has to make a choice. No one can make the decision for him. This is on him. This is his burden.

If he continues to drive to El Paso, will he be able to live with himself knowing that he left his best friend in his hour of need? Could he live with himself if he drove away and did nothing?

Buck wouldn’t have given it a second thought. Eddie knows that in his heart. If someone was in trouble, Buck would drop everything to help.

When Eddie had left LA he believed he could fix things with Christopher and that distance was the problem…

Distance, as it turns out, isn’t the real problem. The problem is believing that he deserved forgiveness.

Now Eddie knows.

Forgiveness was never an option.

Chapter Text

Pain. Confusion. Blurry nothingness mixed with darkness and silence. Nothing really makes sense. He hears sounds sometimes. What might be someone talking. When the agony burns brightest he feels fingers gliding through his hair. He wonders if the gentle touch belongs to Maddie, but he can never keep his eyes open long enough to see who it is.

Dreams plague him between the failed attempts of wakefulness. Nightmares made from twisted memories. The worst moments of his life playing on repeat.

Maddie leaving with Doug for Boston overlays with Eddie leaving for Texas. He’s twisted in chains. Bolted to the ground. He can’t follow after or go with them. They never asked. They never wanted him. He was a weight they were freeing themselves of.

Gone. Gone. Gone. Everything is gone.

Except for him. Buck remains. Sad and lonely and forced to pick up the pieces.

He builds his life up from the ashes again and again—like a phoenix. How much longer can he continue the cycle? Of finding happiness only to have it run from him. No matter how fast he chases after it, he’s always left behind. Always alone. Never anyone’s first choice.

Never important enough to stay for.

Never good enough to keep.

At best, he’s a placeholder. Usable for a little while. An okay substitute until someone finds the real thing.

A safe place for Maddie when she needed somewhere to go—no longer necessary once she fell in love with Chimney. A sort-of-son stand-in for Bobby until he had two step children of his own. A sad replacement for Daniel when it came to his parents. A regret that haunts them. A regret better forgotten.

He was never anyone’s long term investment. Just ships passing in the night—or whatever. Buck’s head hurts. It’s fuzzy and he’s in pain. He can’t think. He can’t breathe.

He can’t open his eyes.

The narrative shifts. He’s on a different street. Eddie stands in front of him. He’s not leaving. What’s happening? This is different. This is—

Eddie is mid-sentence when the bullet strikes through his body and lodges into Buck.

Wait. That’s not what happened. That’s not—

They both collapse, falling into a growing pool of blood that ignites into scorching flames. Buck screams. Screams for Eddie to wake up when his partner’s eyes fall closed. Screams in agony. The pain in his shoulder crippling. He’s helpless. He can’t do a damned thing. This time Buck can’t save either of them. He’s not strong enough. He can’t get up. Can’t carry Eddie to safety. He’s useless. Worthless.

He lies there, watching Eddie fade away. Watching the man he loves draw his last breath.

The dream plays on repeat. Ending when Buck takes his last, struggling breath and starting back up again at the moment when the bullet hits Eddie. The jerk of his body. The hot spray of his blood across Buck’s face. The taste of red on Buck’s tongue. The way Eddie looked so surprised as he falls. The pain igniting in Buck’s own arm. Falling. Falling. Falling.

Buck can’t save him. Buck can’t move.

At some point his subconscious gets tired of torturing Buck with that particular scene, it moves on to add a roaring wave of water and a seven-year-old Christopher crying out for Buck while he’s pinned under the ladder truck. He struggles to get up. To move. He needs to get to Christopher. Needs to outrun the water. He can do it. He can suck it up. Ignore the pain. He can run on a ruined leg. He can do it. He just needs to get up.

But Buck can’t. He cries and screams and feels fire burn straight through him.

“Shut up!” A voice cuts through Buck’s cries. Something smothers Buck, a monster made of shadows and malice claws at Buck’s nose and mouth with painful fingers. Buck struggles against the hold. Weak and pathetic. Buck tries and fails to push the force away. It’s a losing game. Fighting. It’s so much easier to give in.

Darkness. Pure this time. Inky and forever.

Until.

Cold.

Blue flames of ice surround him. His skin is made of snow.

Buck remembers being lost in a blizzard once. Back in Hershey. His kid-self had gone looking for something. Searching for adventure. Or buried treasure. Entertainment. Something to fill the void of loneliness.

Maddie had been staying with friends that weekend. A birthday party sleepover. A three day long event. Little Evan Buckley had been left to his own devices. His parents had never been good at watching him. They hadn’t even realized he’d left the house.

He’d been fixated on books about explorers. Grand adventures. His favorite was Treasure Island. Maddie had read it to him. He’d been enraptured. So, when Maddie was gone, Buck decided to do some exploring of his own. There was no one to go with him. Besides Maddie, there was no one to entertain his childish ideas. No neighborhood kids his own age to play with. He hadn’t had many friends, even at school. He was good for a laugh and not much else.

So he left. All by himself. Brave—like a real explorer. Or a pirate. He hadn’t been able to make up his mind. He wanted to make a discovery. Go somewhere he’d never gone before. He headed into the thick woods near his neighborhood. Deeper than he’d ever gone before. The only thing he found was isolation. And hunger. He’d quickly gone through his snacks.

Then the storm hit. Spiraling, heavy white snow poured down from the sky. It had disoriented him. God, he had been seven years old. Lost in the woods with no one searching for him. No one had even realized he was gone.

No one was looking for him. He’d known that even then. Still, somehow, he had been able to save himself. Even at seven, Buck hadn’t known how to give up. He showed up at his house well after nightfall, half frozen and terrified. The front door of his house had been locked. He needed to knock to be let in. His father had scolded him for being out after dark while his mother ran a warm bath.

They never looked for him. They hadn’t even realized he was gone.

He could have died.

So cold and alone.

Like now.

Buck’s eyelids blink open, weak and heavy. His eyes are met with more darkness. There is enough cotton taking up space in his brain that Buck lays on the cold, hard floor in the still, starless night without resistance.

What had happened?

Where is he?

The last thing he remembered was…

Taillights.

And rain.

He’d been cold. Soaked through. Left behind.

Again.

Eddie is gone. Forever this time. Heading to El Paso to start over with Christopher. Buck had stood there in the street for a while. It had been raining, hadn’t it? Is that why he’s so cold? Buck’s body trembles as more feeling slowly bleeds through the fluff in his head.

It hurts.

His shoulder, his neck. What happened? Had he been hit by something? A car, maybe? He’d been in the street…

No.

Maddie.

Buck jerks forward, a gasp crackling in his throat. “Maddie.” His attempt to shout her name gets cut off by electrifying pain. It shorts out his brain. Tingling agony buzzing through his body and burning around his neck.

When it stops, Buck is curled on his side. The dull pain in his shoulder intensifies—he’d landed on it. His trembling hands snake upwards, feeling the strap of pressure wrapped tightly around his neck. A collar of some sort. His fingers blindly explore the bulk of it. Feeling a strip of metal with prong like fangs digging into the vulnerable skin of his throat.

A shock collar. The realization sends a shiver through him. A cruel tool used to silence dogs. And Buck, apparently.

Brightness floods the room and Buck tries to turn, raising an arm to block the yellow glow of artificial light. He blinks, eyes watering in an attempt to soothe his burning retinas.

“Ah.” A shadowy figure appears just outside—are those bars? A jail cell, maybe? Where is he? What’s happening? Panic floods his body as he tries to see more than burning light and blurry blobs. Buck blinks, lips moving with no sound. He can’t speak. Not just because he knows he’ll receive another nasty shock if he tries. His voice seems to have disappeared.

The shadowy figure’s head tips to the side. “I see you are finally awake. I thought perhaps you were trying to leave me.”

That voice.

Vows. They’d made vows to one another. Promises that meant life or death. Buck winces, fingers still tugging at the tightness of the collar. There was no freeing himself from it. His numb fingers brushing against a padlock fastened in the strap. Most of the collar is made of metal, but the adjustment strap is leather. Strong leather. Stronger than Buck is currently. Without something sharp, there’s no way Buck is getting the thing off.

The vow. Buck shivers as his hands finally drop away from the collar. A vow of silence. A vow of obedience.

Control. Buck wasn’t in control here.

The killer—he was supposed to take Buck’s life. This isn’t right. This isn’t what he’d agreed to.

“It’s good that you didn’t die.” The voice continues. Spilling through Buck’s head in an almost hypnotic cadence. Buck blinks, eyes tearing up from the abuse. The salty globs help clear his vision clears slightly. Where is he? A jail cell? A bird cage? “I put all that effort into keeping you alive. Look at the home I built for you? What a waste it would have been if you had never woken up.”

Buck swallows thickly. More things come into focus. There is a flat mat corner of his cell that he assumes is his new ‘bed.’ And a empty bucket that probably will have some unpleasant uses later. The cell itself takes up a corner of what might be a basement. Two wooden walls and two walls of iron bars. He looks up, seeing the bars are bolted securely to the ceiling. There’s a door, metal and locked.

“Do you like it? I designed it myself.” The man says. Buck blinks up at him, kneeling on the cold concrete ground. The man is tall. Dark hair, kind of like Eddie’s but far more greasy. The dark beard he’s sporting is carefully trimmed. Neat and tight. His eyes icy blue.

“I convinced the guy at the store that I was building a bigger cage for my new dog. Perhaps when you earn my trust, I’ll let you live upstairs with me, but for now, I think you’ll be happy here.”

Confusion bleeds across Buck’s face. What was the killer talking about? Trust? Why was he still alive?

“Did you forget your vow already, Little Brother?”

Silence. No talking. Buck fears he’s breathing too loudly. Barely staving off panic.

Complete control.

Instead of killing him, did the killer plan on turning him into some sort of pet? A dog? Briefly Buck thinks of Hen. Would she find his situation slightly amusing? She’s been calling him a golden retriever since he was a probie.

No. Buck thinks numbly as he looks up at his captor. He doesn’t think Hen would find this amusing at all.

“You pledged the remainder of your life to me.” The man says. “I own your soul. Your mind. Your everything.”

That answers that. Buck feels a chill fall over his skin. He looks down at himself for the first time. He’s wearing boxers and nothing else. Well, not quite. There is the shock collar, and an impressive amount of gauze wrapped around his shoulder.

He’d been shot. That’s explains the pain. It had hurt worse before, though.

“That gave us some trouble.” The killer speaks again, following Buck’s line of vision. “The bullet went straight through you, which is probably for the best. I sewed it up myself, but the damned thing got infected. Had to douse it with alcohol a couple times a day and hope you were strong enough to handle it. Couldn’t exactly take you to the hospital, now, could I? But look at you now. You survived, Little Brother. I hoped you would.”

Wait. How long has it been? Buck looks up at the man, his captor.

“Oh, were you expecting to be rescued?” The man asks, softly, like he doesn’t want to hurt Buck’s feelings. “No one knows where you are, Little Brother.”

Buck really wishes this guy would stop calling him that. Little brother—that’s what Maddie calls him, sometimes. Fondly. Lovingly. Buck isn’t this guy’s brother. He isn’t his pet, either. Not that Buck has much choice in the matter.

“No one is looking for you.”

No, that’s not right. Buck shakes his head in denial.

“Oh, you don’t believe me? Here. See for yourself.” The man tosses something into the cell. A newspaper. “A missing firefighter would be any reporter's dream. I should know. I like to follow the news when I take someone. It's always fascinating to see how long it takes for my victim’s loved ones to notice they’re missing. How long it takes until they stop looking. Until hope runs dry. I was surprised how little of an effort your family made, looking for you. But don’t take my word for it. Take a look for yourself. This is today’s paper.”

With shaking fingers Buck opens up the newspaper and focuses first on the date. Seven days. It’s been seven days since the day Eddie left. Since the day Buck had walked in on his sister’s kidnapping. Since he’d begged and bargained to save Maddie’s life. Since Buck condemned himself to…

The guy isn’t lying. There are no articles talking about a missing firefighter. No pleas for someone to contact a phone number or email address with information regarding his disappearance. No missing person's report. Nothing. There isn’t even a lot of exciting news to fill the paper with. Nothing that would have bumped such a story. The main story is about some sort of business merger. Then another big story about a movie being filmed downtown. Nothing that would take the place of a kidnapped first responder.

This doesn’t prove anything, though. There are other methods his family could use to search for him. Athena would be looking into it. She wouldn’t stop until he was found. Bobby would probably be right there with her. A dream team. The two of them won’t stop until he’s home. Until he’s safe.

“Oh, my sweet Little Brother.” The man’s voice goes gentle. His blue eyes filled with sick sympathy. “I know you want to believe in your family. But have a look at the truth.” He drops another bundle in front of Buck. Glossy photos. Buck reaches out for the stack. His hands are shaking.

“You were in no condition to keep me entertained these last few days.” The killer says casually. “I decided to check in on your sister. That was part of our deal. Making sure she got home safely. I downloaded the data on your phone before I destroyed it. It’s amazing what you can learn on the internet. It told me everything that I needed to know about you. And about those you hold dear.”

The killer had access to his family. Because of him. All of them were in danger. His phone—all that information. Everything that could be used against him. All of the pictures Buck kept of those he loved. Their addresses. Everything. Buck’s heart sinks into despair. If the killer wanted to, he could kill everyone that Buck loves.

“I had to ensure that dear Maddie truly did get home safely to her husband. You were right. That niece of yours is a ball of sunshine. Absolutely adorable. I’m sure you’ll be relieved to know that your family was frantic. They did search for you, at least for a day or two. They put in a good effort—not that they got very far. Now look at them.”

Buck stares down at the pictures. Maddie and Chim at the park with Jee. All three are smiling and happy. They look so carefree. Maddie doesn’t seem shaken at all. It isn’t just one picture, but several. Image after image of his family perfectly content without him.

He sees Athena and Bobby out on what looks like a date. Their anniversary was coming up. Bobby had gotten them reservations at a restaurant in Hollywood. They look unbothered. Unburdened. Clinking their glasses together with twin looks of content devotion. It’s a nice restaurant. Fancy. Bobby had been excited about the menu. Buck had been the only one interested enough to listen as Bobby raved about it at work.

There are a few more photographs of the 118 at work. Various calls over what seems to be a few days. Hen smiles at something Chimney said as they load up a patient into the ambulance. Bobby standing tall as he gives orders. Nothing seems amiss. It’s all so painfully normal.

They’re at work. They are working.

It was true.

No one was looking for him.

Buck shakes his head, fresh tears threatening to spill from his eyes. He brings a shaky hand up to cover his mouth, physically trying to hold back a sob.

“This is your reality.” The man tells him firmly.

It can’t be. There has to be some explanation…Buck’s heart stutters to a stop as he grips the pictures a bit tighter. The man had taken these pictures. He had stalked his family while they had been unaware. They were in danger and had no clue.

Buck looks up again.

“Do you believe me yet?” The man asks, tipping his head again. His eyes are cold, but calculated.

Slowly, Buck nods and sets the pictures aside, pretending that he’s too hurt to look at them. It’s not hard to pretend, really. Maybe his family doesn’t realize his missing? No. Maddie had been drugged and taken from her home. The killer had left her with that note. Buck hadn’t read it. Maybe it said something to make them believe he was safe. Just gone. Or, maybe…

“Good.” The man’s praise pulls Buck out of his spiral. “I’m sure you are curious about who I am. For now, you can call me Brother. Not out loud, obviously.” The man chuckles, gesturing to his own neck, as if he made a perfectly normal joke. As if laughing at the fact that Buck can’t speak isn’t unnecessarily cruel. “Perhaps one day you’ll prove yourself worthy of my real name. Perhaps one day you’ll earn a name of your own.”

Buck frowns at that, because he has a name, thanks. And it’s not Little Brother.

“The person you were before is dead.” Brother snarls and pulls out a small remote control device. Buck’s eyes widen, even with his head fuzzy and confused, he can guess what the remote triggers. “Whatever name you were given isn’t yours anymore. Do you understand?”

Buck nods rapidly, though he loathes it. The threat to his family and friends is still very real. Even without the remote, Buck fears what might happen to them if he accidentally sets Brother off. The killer had already threatened Maddie, Chimney and Jee. Their lives were not a risk Buck is willing to take. Now he knows about Bobby, Athena and Hen. Everyone he loves is in danger—and they don’t even know it. Only Buck can protect them.

For now his plan is simple. Stay silent. Follow along. Win Brother’s trust. Get free. Subdue him somehow. Run like hell.

“Now. I suppose you are probably thirsty.” Brother says with a sharp toothed smile. Buck’s throat is terribly dry. He must have been given water, if it’s been seven days, though he isn’t sure how. He glances at his arms and spots signs of needle marks. Hopefully it was an IV hooked up to saline and not something more nefarious. Although the fact that he hasn’t woken up since his initial kidnapping gives him little hope in that regard. Hopefully whatever drugs used had simply been sedatives.

At least Buck has learned a few things about his captor.

Brother can build things. He can lie. He can stalk a police officer without being noticed or caught. And he seems to have some medical knowledge—who the hell is this guy in real life? Then again, you can learn how to do just about anything on the internet.

Buck swallows thickly, wincing at the dryness of his throat. He hadn’t really noticed before. Now that it’s been pointed out, it feels almost unbearable. He is thirsty. So very thirsty.

“I can give you water.” Brother holds up a water bottle and shakes it slightly, like shaking a treat bag to entice a dog into doing a trick. Buck ignores the sick feeling turning in his stomach. “But first, you have to beg me for it.”

How? Buck thinks as he stares longingly at the bottle of water. He can’t use his voice. After a short consideration, Buck folds his hands together and aims his best puppy dog eyes at Brother. The man scoffs, amused but also unimpressed.

“Not like that.” Brother shakes his head. “With your voice.”

Buck untangles his fingers and points at the collar around his neck.

“I am aware.” Brother’s voice takes a sharper edge, his eyes narrowing. He thinks that Buck is being defiant. “I am also aware that you made a vow to me. You told me that you’d do anything I asked. Anything.”

“Please.” The word slips from Buck’s lips and triggers the collar. The shock burns through him, making him cry out and trigger it again, and again until his shouts of pain become silent. His jaw tightly clenched to keep the noise within him. In the end he’s left trembling. Curled in on himself.

“You can do better than that.” Brother tells him. Taunting. “Convince me to give this to you. You did such a good job with your sister. I know you have it in you.”

Buck doesn’t have much of a choice. His limbs twitching. The level on the collar must be set at a high level. It burns. His neck is raw both inside and out. He has to try again. He knows he does, but it hurts so bad.

“Ple-please.” Buck grits out, trying to speak through the pain. He grabs the bars of his cage to hold himself upright as his body jerks from the electric current running through him. “Plea-please, p-pl-ease.”

“Please what?” Brother grins wildly as Buck writhes from the pain.

“W-water.” Buck thrashes, body trembling from shocks and after shocks. The pain is all encompassing. Every nerve sizzling from the torture. “P-pl-ease, B-Brother. Pl-ease?”

“Good.”

The word brings instant relief. Buck had succeeded. He collapses forward, breathing heavily as he presses his forehead into the cold bars. He pants, out of breath. His lungs feel like they are burning inside of his chest. His throat—God, his throat is a symphony of pain. But Brother is pleased. The torture is over. He did good.

“Take it.” Brother speaks again when Buck’s muscles stop twitching. Slowly Buck looks up and sees the bottle of water has been placed in front of him on his side of the bars. Buck licks his dry lips and glances upwards, double checking to make sure he has permission. “Go on, Little Brother. Drink up.”

Not needing to be told twice, Buck picks up the bottle of water and starts to chug the cool liquid inside. The cap had already been removed, but Buck is too relieved to consider why it might be missing. He’s halfway through the water when he starts to feel fuzzy again. Spiny. Like he’s dancing instead of kneeling on hard concrete.

“Are you okay, there, Little Brother?” His captor asks him. Echoing. Distant. “You should drink more of the water.”

More water. Yes. Buck should drink more water. Water was essential for survival. You can only survive about four or five days without food or water. How long has he been here? He clumsily lifts the bottle back to his lips and tips it back. The cool liquid spills across his fat tongue and down the slide of his throat. Why does his tongue feel so thick? Did he bite it when he was being struck by lightning? No, not struck by lightning. That happened before. Before, before.

Before.

What’s happening now?

“Your sister doesn’t love you.”

“No.” Buck denies and the lightning strikes him, wrapping around his neck. He cries and the pain intensifies.

“She never loved you. She doesn’t miss you.”

“M-Maddie.” Buck whispers, but it’s loud enough to trigger the device. Lightning cracks through him again.

“Your friends don’t miss you.”

No. Buck mouths the denial, unable to make a sound. The pain comes anyway. He screams and the pain strikes him down until he’s curled on the floor.

“They never cared about you.” Agony burns through him. He hadn’t spoken. Why is there pain? Is it because the words are true? Is the pain caused by his heart breaking? Nothing makes sense. Or maybe it does make sense and Buck doesn’t want to believe it. Or he’s too stupid to understand.

“Your sister abandoned you.” Buck shakes his head. Pain. “She never trusted you.” His fist strikes the ground. Pain. “They never trusted you. They only tolerated your existence. Your own parents loathed you. You’re all alone in this world. You were meant to be alone. They are happy you are gone.”

Every time he tries to deny what the voice tells him, pain echoes through his body. The agony only stops when he stops trying to fight the words. The words are true. Not fighting the truth brings peace. One the pain stops, things start to feel detached. The voice is his anchor. The calm among the storm.

Slowly the voice fades away. Swallowed by the unending darkness.

That’s when the nightmare truly begins.

Maddie appears, her angelic face scrunched in disappointment. “Look at what you’ve done to yourself.” His sister says, arms crossing over her chest. “I expect you think we’re going to save you again. I’m tired of looking after you. I’m tired, Evan.”

“M-Maddie.” Buck manages only to cry out in agony. Electricity burns through him. Sparking under his skin and leaving him writhing. He’s so tired. This can’t go on. He can’t go on like this.

“Pathetic.” Eddie’s voice calls from somewhere in the shadows. “Suck it up. Why do you always have to be so exhausting?”

“Left.” Pain shoots through Buck. Eddie left. He left. He left. “You left.”

“I should have left a long time ago. You’re an anchor, Buck. You drag everyone down with you.” Eddie’s voice laughs. “Why on earth did I think I could trust my son with you? You lost him in a tsunami.”

“No.” Buck cries out as his body shakes and burns.

“You’re a liability.” Bobby says. His voice calm. His natural kindness dripping off cruel words. “You always have been. I should have never taken you back after I fired you. I tried to rectify my mistake. I tried to get rid of you after the bombing. It would have been easier if you had just stayed away. Instead you forced your way back. You hurt me to do it. You hurt everyone. You always hurt people. You hold us too tightly. Afraid to let us go. To set us free from your burden. All we want is to be free of you. I have to admit, I was disappointed when you survived the tsunami. It would have been so much better if you had simply drowned.”

Something fractures in Buck’s chest. It might be his heart. The pain is unparalleled.

“Bobby.” Buck whimpers as the pain flares again.

“You’re reckless.” Chimney mocks. “It was only a matter of time before you got one of us killed. We are better off with out you. Should have done more than punched you in the eye, Buckaroo. Should have ended it right then and there.”

Yes. Buck thinks, unable to protest. It would have been better that way. If Chimney had killed him then he wouldn’t be here. He wouldn’t be suffering now.

His family surrounds him. Buck tries to reach out to them, but his fingers go straight through them. They disappear and reappear. Berating him as he silently screams, hands clutched to his ears.

Nothing can block it out. Not even the pain lancing through his veins.

Nothing will end it. Except for oblivion. In desperation, Buck hits his head against the floor. The vibration of it setting off the collar. Buck repeats the process again and again. Why won’t it end?

“Pathetic.” Eddie whispers in his ear. “Trying to run from your problems again?”

Buck wants to argue, once again writhing on the floor as he tries to speak again.

Eddie is right anyway. Buck is pathetic. Everyone leaves him. He’s alone in the dark. The dark splits, becoming shadows that shrink down and swarm him in the form of spiders. He feels their legs crawling over his skin. He scratches his arms, swatting and clawing as he screams again. Electricity shoots through him, tightening its hold around his neck.

“You’re so stupid.” Hen’s voice comes from the dark. “How did you even make it through the academy? You stumble through life with that sappy smile. Are you too stupid to realize you’re a failure? No matter where you go, you’ll never truly belong. We tolerated you.”

She’s right. He is stupid. He never finished college. He ruins everything. He loses everyone he cares about. They either leave him or the die.

“You couldn’t even save Daniel.” Maddie’s voice returns, angrier than Buck has ever heard her. She almost sounds more like their mother. “You were born to do one thing and you couldn’t even do that right. He was my real brother—you were just a sad replacement. A broken toy.”

A broken toy.

“No.” Pain shoots through him with every denial. It’s real. It’s true. He’s a failure. He fails. Constantly. It’s all he’s good at. Letting people down. He’s stupid. He lost everything. Maddie hates him. She’d be better off if he was gone. Gone. Away from her. Away from everyone. He’s cursed. A curse. Everyone he ever loved left him.

It’s better that he’s trapped here. Away from them. They’re safer without him.

Safer.

His bad luck. Always has been. Bad luck Buck. The people he loved most were always getting hurt around him. Maddie. Eddie. Bobby. Chimney. Hen. Athena. All of them. They all had a common factor. Buck. Bad luck Buck. Chimney had said that once. He’d been joking at the time, but now?

It was true. The truest truth.

Buck is poison. A sickness that spreads and kills all the good in the world.

They are better off if he stays in his cage. Away from them. Away from everyone who matters.

Forgotten.

It’s better if he remains forgotten.

Chapter Text

Seven days. It had been seven days since Buck had been taken. Seven days since Eddie had abandoned his plans to reunite with Christopher. Seven days since he returned to LA to help find Buck. Seven days with nothing to show for their efforts. Buck was out there. Alone. Injured and at the mercy of a psychopath for roughly one hundred and sixty-eight hours.

And counting.

The first forty-eight hours had been hectic to say the least. By the time Eddie had made it back to LA, Maddie had been discharged from the hospital. Chimney couldn’t take her home. Her home was a crime scene. Eddie had quickly offered up his house as a base camp of sorts. It was the most practical option. Bobby and Athena’s apartment was too small and Hen’s house had been designated as a safe haven for the children, to keep them separate from the panic.

Maddie and Chimney organized a search grid, not that they had much to go on. Athena was off with Detective Rick Romero, using police resources to try and find Buck. She had offered them short updates, nothing that really helped them. Eddie couldn’t just sit around and do nothing and neither could Bobby. So they drove. Once they finished searching the areas Chimney and Maddie suggested, they continued to drive aimlessly and without success. Eyes peeled for anything unusual. Anything miraculous that might lead them to Buck. None of them had wanted to stop. None of them had wanted to give in to the impending doom.

Buck was still missing. Still out there. He was alive. He had to be.

Life didn’t stop. Not in the way Eddie thought it might. After the marathon of the first forty-eight hours everything came to a screeching halt. Eddie and Bobby were running on fumes. The amount of coffee they’d consumed to stay awake was admittedly unhealthy. Athena had bullied them both into sleeping. Reminding them that Buck would feel all kinds of guilt knowing that they weren’t taking care of themselves.

Eddie had feebly pointed out that Buck wouldn’t have stopped looking if their roles were reversed. That didn’t change the fact that Athena was correct. Buck would drown in guilt it if anything bad happened to one of them while they were searching for him.

The next night Athena dragged Bobby to their anniversary dinner. Everything was at a standstill. There was nothing new to go on. No leads to follow. Bobby promised her thirty minutes at the restaurant and in return Athena filled him in on what they’d learned about Buck’s kidnapper.

What she shared hadn’t been good news. Romero and Athena had linked Maddie and Buck’s kidnapping to a string of murders that stretched across the entire state of California. Murdered women who were found dismembered weeks after they went missing. Women who looked almost identical to Maddie.

Since the murders happened in different cities and there were months, sometimes years between the killings, no one had connected the cases. There were five women that fit the profile Romero was building. Five, but the number might grow.

They all had already guessed that Maddie was the original target. They still had no idea why the killer spared her life and decided to take Buck.

The possibilities haunted Eddie.

Bobby had done some juggling. He managed to find replacements for the first shift after Buck was taken, but not the second. It wasn’t like they had anywhere else to look. There were no new clues. No leads. Buck was gone. Vanished without a trace. The scariest thought for Eddie was not knowing if Buck was even in LA anymore.

The killer probably had a home somewhere. Somewhere away from where he killed. It was likely how he stayed under the radar for so long.

There was no way to know. Not for sure. Not without more information.

Left with no other choice, they went back to work. Because even though Buck was in danger the world didn’t stop turning. Time didn’t stop. The sun still rose every morning and set every night. They all still had responsibilities. Children that needed attention.

Eddie hated it. He hated his first shift back at the firehouse. Everything had felt wrong without Buck at his side. Bobby had reinstated him without any push back. Ravi, who had been set up to take Eddie’s place on A-shift filled in for Buck. Nothing felt right. Now that it was over, Eddie dreaded having to do it all again. And again. Without Buck.

Seven Days. How many more would pass before they found Buck?

The air in the locker room was stuffy with the weight of pent-up emotions. Anxiety. Fear. Anger. Guilt. It all hung around them like a toxic cloud.

“How is Maddie doing?” Hen asks, breaking the oppressive silence that had fallen over the three of them as they changed. Eddie glances at Chimney, his eyes drifting to the purple bruises under the other man’s eyes. Chimney hasn’t been the same since the kidnapping. There’s no more manic chewing of gum. No more jokes or witty remarks. He’s been distant the whole shift.

They all have been, really.

Each of them are haunted. Shadows of their former selves. Broken. Missing a vital piece that made them work properly.

It’s hard to pretend that everything is okay when it isn’t. Everything is so far from okay. The firehouse doesn’t feel the same without Buck. Maybe things would be different if they knew were Buck was. If they had an idea if he was—

It’s the not knowing. The guessing. The nightmares that filled the empty spaces around them. The dark questions no one wanted to speak out loud. What was Buck going through? Was he still alive? Was he suffering?

Were they ever going to see him again?

“She’s been sleeping better since we’ve moved into the loft.” Chimney answers with a deep sigh, fingers fumbling as he buttons up his shirt. He looks exhausted.

Them moving into Buck’s loft was more out of necessity than anything else. Even though it had been released back to them, Maddie couldn’t stand being in her own house. Remembering what happened there. Or, the lack of memory of what happened. It was unfathomable. Maddie had been doing something simple. Washing the dishes. Killing time. Waiting for her brother to come over. Then, without warning, her entire world changed.

Of course she wouldn’t feel safe there. Of course she’d stare at the blood stains and the bullet hole in her wall and be reminded that her brother is missing.

Missing—not dead.

Eddie refuses to believe otherwise. He’ll refuse to entertain the idea that Buck is anything other than okay until he has tangible proof otherwise. Bobby kept reminding them—Buck is clever. He is a survivor. He’s already survived so much.

It was good, Maddie and Chimney moving into the loft.

Technically Buck had broken his lease, but Chimney had managed to talk the owner of the building into letting them take it over. Buck had already paid the fees for breaking the lease early and the owner hadn’t put the apartment back on the market, so there was no money being lost by letting them stay. It helped that the owner had liked Buck.

Everyone liked Buck. It was as easy as breathing.

“That’s good.” Hen says as she gently closes her locker. “How is Jee taking the move?”

“She doesn’t understand.” Chimney sighs and sits down on the bench, head cradled in his hands. “She keeps asking where Uncle Buck is. We’ve told her he’s lost and we’re looking for him, but she doesn’t know why he can’t come home and bake cookies with her. It breaks Maddie’s heart every time she asks.”

“It’ll get easier.” Hen says, trying to be optimistic.

“When she realizes that he isn’t coming back?” Eddie snaps, shutting his locker with a little more force than necessary. “Or, when she forgets him entirely?”

Hen stares at him, hurt flashing in her eyes. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

“I know.” Eddie’s anger shrivels up as fast as it bloomed. “Sorry. I-I don’t know why I said that.”

“I know it’s hard on you, Eddie.” Hen says tightly. “It’s hard on all of us. We all love him.”

Not like I do, Eddie thinks darkly, but nods in agreement anyway. “Sorry.” He repeats, wishing he could stop hurting the people he loves. He’s been apologizing a lot lately. But then again, Eddie needs the practice. His entire life is one big apology.

“Are you ready to go?” Bobby calls from the door, breaking through the tension with his calm presence. Bobby and Hen are the reason the rest of them haven’t completely crumbled under the weight of grief. Eddie glances towards the older man and nods. He grabs his bag and leaves Hen and Chimney behind with a mumbled goodbye.

As Eddie trails after Bobby, he wonders what Buck might have to say about the state of his found family. He’d probably be happy that Chimney and Maddie moved into his loft. He’d want them to feel safe after everything they’ve been through. Buck would probably be pissed at Eddie over what happened with Christopher. He’d also be upset that Eddie had snapped at Hen. She hadn’t deserved it.

Hen had been there for all of them. A pillar of strength and encouragement. Hope. She’d tried to get them to believe that it would be over quickly those first two days. Her hope has been cracking a little bit more the longer Buck is missing. Left to endure the whims of a psychopath. It’s only a matter of time before Hen’s hope gives out. Her optimism will fall apart and then she’ll be left in the wreckage with the rest of them.

Selfishly, Eddie hopes she holds out. That she stays strong. He needs her to be strong.

Eddie opens the passenger side door of Bobby’s truck and slips in as Bobby climbs into the driver’s seat. Any time they can manage, they go out looking for Buck. Eddie’s best friend was out there. Waiting for them to find him. Bobby and Eddie weren’t going to give up. They weren’t going to stop looking.

For whatever reason, the killer had decided he wanted to take Buck alive.

Eddie clung to that truth like a child does a teddy bear. Buck wasn’t taken because he fit this guy's sick desires. That meant that Buck was taken for another purpose.

The note left with Maddie was another clue. ‘Little Brother traded his soul for your life.’

Traded his soul. Not his life.

Buck was alive. Eddie felt that revelation down to the marrow in his bones. Maybe he was being delusional, but he wasn’t going to give up hope until there was a body in front of him.

Bobby feels the same. Or he’s worried that Eddie will go off and get himself into trouble if he isn’t supervised. Regardless, this is how they spend their free time now. Searching for the man who means so much to them both.

“Have you spoken to Christopher yet?” Bobby asks as they turn onto the street where Maddie was found.

Eddie feels his anger simmer at the question. Bobby means well. He does. Eddie knows Bobby is only trying to look out for him. To help him. “No.” He grinds out, careful not to let his tongue run away with the anger he’s suppressing.

After Eddie had gotten back to LA, after Athena had dragged Bobby to their anniversary dinner, Bobby asked Eddie what his plans were. If Eddie planned to stay. What he planned to do about Texas. Eddie had eventually told him about the disastrous phone call.

The thing is, Christopher has called Eddie repeatedly since that night. That first day, when Eddie sped back to LA, Christopher had called him no less than twenty times. His father had called too. Leaving increasingly worried voice messages. Eddie ignored it all. He shoved his emotions down to the deepest depths he could manage, choosing instead to focused on something he could solve—finding his best friend.

Unfortunately, that hadn’t exactly worked out for him.

“He keeps calling.” Eddie confesses as Bobby pulls the truck over. “I’m scared if I talk to him I’ll just make it worse.”

“Does he know what happened?” Bobby asks carefully, likely knowing by the tone of Eddie’s voice that he’s walking on very delicate eggshells. “With Buck?”

“I talked to my dad.” Eddie sighs, running a trembling hand through his already disheveled hair. “A few days ago. After he sent my aunt to make sure I was still alive.” Eddie rolls his eyes upward. “She was pissed. Apparently, everyone was rather upset at my sudden,” he stops short, realizing what he was about to say. Sudden disappearance. His stomach rolls uncomfortably, and Eddie stumbles out of the truck and gags. He has nothing in his stomach to throw up, but it’s a near thing.

Behind him he hears Bobby climb out of the truck and join him. The older man isn’t judging him. One glance tells Eddie that Bobby’s only goal is to be supportive.

“I’m a shit dad.” Eddie laughs humorlessly. “I’ve terrorized my son. I keep traumatizing him in new, horrible ways. No wonder he can’t stand me.”

“He’s been calling you.” Bobby points out. “He doesn’t hate you, Eddie. He’s a kid. A kid who loves you.”

“He ran all the way to Texas to get away from me. After everything I’ve done? He should hate me.” Eddie mutters. Probably too softly for Bobby to hear him. “Buck—I came back to find Buck and I can’t even do that right. Seven days, Bobby. Seven.”

“Well,” Bobby sighs. “You haven’t found him, that’s true. But neither have I. Or Athena.”

“He’s my best friend—he’s Christopher’s—” Eddie shakes his head. “How am I supposed to talk to Christopher when this is my fault?”

“How is this your fault?” Bobby frowns.

“I’m the reason Buck was upset. I left.” Eddie sucks in a breath as he struggles to remain in control of his rapidly destabilizing emotions. “He went to Maddie’s to drink wine because I left him. Chimney told me she had the bottle sitting out for him and everything.”

Bobby falls quiet for a moment before he steps forward, placing a comforting hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “What would have happened if he hadn’t gone over to Maddie’s that night?”

“What?” Eddie frowns. The question pulling the rug out from the reality he built in his head. He plays the story out in his head again, but this time Buck isn’t there. Buck doesn’t walk into his sister’s house. Maddie is still there. Maddie is still taken. This time, however, there is no one there to plead for her life. The killer takes her, kills her, and leaves devastation in the wake of his cruelty.

Buck—he would have been destroyed. Maddie was his sister, but also the one person who gave a shit about him when they were growing up. Losing her would have sent Buck on a downward spiral that Eddie isn’t sure that his best friend would have recover from.

And Chimney. Losing his wife and unborn child?

Jee would have lost her mother and sibling all in one, horrible night. The remaining adults in her life would have been shattered, shadows of their former selves. Maybe eventually they would have been able to find some semblance of normal for Jee, but she would always know that was the night her happy childhood ended.

“I know it’s hard.” Bobby continues when Eddie doesn’t answer him. “Believe me, I know. I’ve been running through ‘what if’ scenarios in my head, too. No matter what I change, Maddie still dies. And we still lose Buck. Maybe not in the same way—but we both know Buck and Chimney both would have been destroyed.” Bobby takes a deep breath. “I’d do anything for that kid. Anything to bring him home safely. Buck, wherever he is, gave us a chance to save him. We just have to find him. Maybe it won’t happen tonight, but we will eventually get a lead. We’re going to find him, Eddie. Buck is going to hold on with all he has. Don’t give up on him.”

“I’m not giving up on him.” Eddie promises. Then his heart sinks. “But maybe I’m also not ready to talk to Chris.”

Bobby nods quietly. “What advice do you think Buck would give you, if he was here and knew what happened between the two of you?” Bobby asks. Another hypothetical question. Eddie hates them. He hates them even more because he knows exactly what Buck would tell him.

“He’d want me to talk to Chris. If not over the phone, then maybe through a text.” Eddie droops, feeling worn from exhaustion. They’ve been running themselves into the ground. Physically and emotionally. Texting Christopher seems like such a massive, impossible thing. What words could he even offer? What words could he give his son?

Guilt eats at Eddie’s soul. Guilt for what happened with Kim. Guilt for not fighting harder to bring Christopher back to LA. Guilt for leaving Buck. Guilt for snapping at his son. For telling Christopher that he was giving up. The fight was brutal. In his head the words he said were unforgivable. He’d lost it. Completely. His head was so sure that Christopher would be better off without him.

“You don’t have to do it now.” Bobby squeezes Eddie’s shoulder gently. “Just think about it. Take things one step at a time.”

“I’ll try.” Eddie agrees, but just the thought of texting his son turns his stomach. Eddie doesn’t deserve forgiveness.

“That’s a good start.” Bobby releases Eddie’s shoulder and shoves his hands in his pockets as he glances around. “Now, lets go see what we can find.”

__

Chimney gets home—to Buck’s loft—a little later than planned. It’s always weird. Pulling into Buck’s assigned spot. Walking into the building knowing that Buck isn’t going to be there. When Chimney opens the door he can’t help but feel the ghost of his brother-in-law in the kitchen. It’s not even that he believes Buck is dead. He doesn’t. Chim wouldn’t dare let such a dangerous thought free in the universe. Buck is alive—yet Chimney feels his spirit everywhere.

The lack of Buck’s physical presence is everywhere. Like a black hole sucking away all the light. All that remains is anxiety and fear. It looms over Maddie like a dark cloud.

He finds his wife curled up on her brother’s bed. Jee quietly reading in the corner of what was Buck’s bedroom. Thankfully away from the loft’s edge.

“I brought you some Thai food.” Chimney offers as a greeting.

Maddie uncurls, but doesn’t seem overly enthusiastic about food. Though she hasn’t been overly enthusiastic about anything since Buck was taken. Since she was taken and unceremoniously returned. Like a mislabeled package.

Maddie hasn’t been the same.

Not that Chimney blames her.

She had been ripped away from her own home, her brother offered himself up for the slaughter and Maddie only has vague memories of the entire, horrible ordeal. Maddie had essentially slept through a living nightmare. She blames herself, even though she’s blameless.

The worst part is not knowing what’s happening to Buck. It’s like a weeping wound that shows no signs of healing. They keep picking at it. Tearing it open. Making it worse.

The only thing that can solve their problems is Buck coming home. Safe and sound. But a happy outcome seems less likely the longer Buck is missing. Despite everything, Chimney wasn’t about to give up on his brother. Buck had been through hell before and stubborned his way through it. He’d survived a lot of unbelievable shit.

Buck would survive this too.

“Maddie.” Chimney exhales her name and sits next to her on the bed. “How are you holding up?”

“I’m not.” Maddie admits. “I keep thinking about him being all alone.”

“Yeah. Me too.” Chimney sighs. “But he’s strong. He’s probably working out a way to save himself.”

“It’s been a week. A whole week.” Maddie starts to cry. Jee pokes her head up on the other side of the bed. Peeking up at them with wide eyes. Maddie covers her face and sobs. “What if he’s gone? What if—”

“He’s not.” Chimney promises boldly. It’s a dangerous thing to promise. Chimney knows that Buck was injured. Likely shot. Maybe it was a graze—the bullet had been found at the crime scene. It’s possible the injury wasn’t serious. But Buck had been shot. GSWs were tricky to treat in a hospital. If it had gotten infected—well, it wasn’t like the asshole who took Buck was going to get him the help he needed.

Chimney shakes his head and banishes the thought. He holds Maddie close, letting her sink into his side and cry on his shoulder. He feels helpless. Unable to save his brother-in-law, unable to comfort his wife. All he can do is his best. Not that it feels remotely good enough.

“Let’s go out to eat.” Maddie says when she calmed down. “Or to the park. Jee—she should get some fresh air.”

“We could go to the pier.” Chimney nods. “We could watch the sunset on the beach.”

“Okay.” Maddie sniffles. “Buck wouldn’t want us to be sad.”

“He wouldn’t.” Chimney agrees, kissing her forehead. “He hates it when anyone is sad.”

“He’s a fixer.” Maddie nods, wiping away errant tears. “Jee, do you want to go watch the sunset?”

“Will Uncle Buck be there?” Jee asks with a bright, hopeful smile.

The tentative liveliness Maddie had assembled for her daughter melts from her face.

“N-not today.” Chimney answers when Maddie crawls off the bed and locks herself in the upstairs bathroom. Chimney glances at the closed door. His heart breaks.

“Is Uncle Bucky okay?” Jee asks, climbing her way into Chimney’s lap. Chimney holds his daughter close and sniffles back his own emotion. “I miss him lots.” Jee adds when Chimney tries to speak, but fails.

“I miss him lots, too.” Chimney tells her gently, hiding his own tears by tucking her against his chest. “But Uncle Buck loves us very much and I’m sure wherever he is, he misses us just as much as we miss him.”

“When’s he coming home?” Jee looks up at Chimney with lethally sad eyes. Chimney brushes away the tear tracks on his face and shrugs a shoulder.

“I—I don’t know.” Chimney wishes he had the answer. He wishes he could give that answer to Maddie, and Eddie and Bobby and Hen. He wishes he knew. He wishes he could magically stumble across his wayward brother-in-law. He wants this all to be over. He wants more than anything for Buck to somehow manage to escape unscathed. He wishes a lot of things.

“Is Uncle Buck dead?” Jee asks quietly.

“W-why would you—?”

“I heard Mommy talking to someone on the phone. Pretty Thena, I think. Mommy got really sad and asked if Uncle Buck was dead. Then she cried lots.” Jee sighs. “I don’t want Uncle Buck to be dead.”

To be honest, Chimney wasn’t sure that his daughter understood what death was. But she had seen how sad they all were and likely understood that death was bad. God, Chimney wanted to shield Jee from all of this. He wanted his little girl to be happy and not have to worry about losing those she loves.

“I—I don’t want him to be dead, either.” Chimney sighs and pulls her close again. “But right now he isn’t dead. He’s just lost. I know he’s doing everything he can to come back home, Jee. We just have to hope that he comes home soon, okay? Stay positive.”

“He’ll come home and then he’ll bake cookies with me.” Jee says with a bright smile.

“Yeah. Exactly.” Chimney smiles despite his tears and tickles his daughter’s side. “Just keep thinking positive thoughts, Jee. Don’t trouble, trouble.”

Jee giggles. “I don’t know what that means!” She tells him with a toothy grin that reminds him so much of Buck.

“It means that hope is the best medicine to fight off sadness.” Chimney picks her up and sets her down on the ground. “Now, let’s get ready for our trip to the pier. We need to help your Mommy feel better. So, maybe, just for a little while, we shouldn’t mention Uncle Buck, okay?”

“Because it makes Mommy sad?” Jee’s smile vanishes. Her face scrunching up in concern.

“A little, yeah.” Chimney curses the situation, curses Buck for making them all worry. “She misses him lots.” At the same time, Chimney is unendingly grateful for Buck. Buck is the reason Maddie is still alive. Chimney hates it—but he loves Buck for it all the same.

“Okay.” Jee sighs. “I’ll try to remember.”

“I know you will.” Chimney kisses her forehead.

__

The pier is lively. People mill around, flitting from various game booths to colorful rides. The rebuild after the tsunami is impressive. Everything is shiny and new. A person would never guess that a disaster happened here. Well, if not for the memorial wall. Chimney remembers that day. He remembers the catastrophic loss of life.

He remembers finding Buck among the survivors.

Foolishly, Chimney wonders if perhaps he’ll spot Buck among the crowd tonight. If they’ll randomly stumble across him, like they had that terrible day.

“Howie?” Maddie calls. She and Jee hadn’t immediately noticed that Chimney had stopped walking. They turn back, smiles on their faces. It would be the perfect moment, if there wasn’t the weight of loss. Of guilt. Here they were alive and free while Buck…

“Sorry.” Chimney smiles and skips to join them. Maddie grins back, each of them taking their daughter’s hands and swinging her between them as they head to the beach. “Hey, why don’t I get us some ice cream?” He asks Jee who giggles and happily agrees. “Go find us a good spot to watch the sunset, okay?”

“Okay.” Maddie smiles and steals a kiss before they part ways.

Chimney watches them teeter down the steps and out onto the sand of the beach. He knows that Maddie is putting on a brave face for Jee. Chimney needs to step up his game and follow her lead. God, his wife was so strong. So beautiful.

“You have such a beautiful family.” A voice comments from behind him. Chimney frowns and turns to the man who spoke. He’s tall, dressed in a dark leather jacket with an expensive looking SLR camera hanging from a strap around his neck. The man’s blue eyes are stormy and the knowing smirk playing on his lips twists Chimney’s stomach into an uncomfortable bow.

Its rare for Chimney to feel uneasy when meeting someone. Usually he sees the best in humanity. It’s a fatal flaw, really. It’s why he fell for Doug’s act. When his wife’s ex-husband pretended to be his friend in order to get close to Maddie.

“Thanks.” Chimney says and glances back towards Maddie and Jee, making sure they are safe still safe. They are. He spots Maddie spreading a colorful blanket over the sand with his daughter’s clumsy help. Of course they are fine. Part of him knows he’s being irrational. And yet…

He glances at the man again, nods and steps away. He promised his family ice cream and he wasn’t about to let them down.

“It’s a nice night.” The man continues, trailing after Chimney as he heads towards the ice cream vendor.

“It is.” Chimney feels the tension in his shoulders tighten to near painful levels. “I hope you enjoy your night.” Chimney adds, hoping the stranger will take the more direct hint and leave him alone.

“Oh, are you getting ice cream? That sounds like a splendid idea.” The man crowds uncomfortably close behind Chimney as he moves to stand in line.

“Do you mind giving me some space?” Chimney turns, the uneasiness of the situation reaching a boiling point. “I don’t know you.”

“I’m just trying to being friendly.” The guy claims and throws up his hands in a slow of surrender. The man is taller than Chimney. Practically looming over him. There’s a strange sparkle of humor in the stranger’s cold eyes. As if there’s some kind of joke Chimney doesn’t understand.

“Maybe go be friendly to someone else.” Chimney suggests as kindly as he can given how off this interaction feels.

“Oh.” The man’s grin doubles in size. “I guess I can do that. If that’s what you really want.”

Chimney blinks, unease settling in his chest. “Yeah, that’s what I want.”

“I’ll go do that then.” The guy smirks. “See you around.”

The anxiety doesn’t ease up even as the man strolls away. The whole interaction felt wrong. Worry pokes Chimney in the heart. He turns and rushes towards the beach. He doesn’t stop until he sees Maddie and Jee. The man had headed in the opposite direction of the beach, but an unexplainable fear settles in Chimney’s heart. He stumbles out to join them, barely able to paint over the alarm on his face with something more Jee-friendly.

Maddie turns and sees his empty hands. “No ice cream?”

“No.” Chimney exhales and then offers a shaky smile. “Sorry.”

“That’s okay, Howie.” Maddie tips her head and pats the space next to her. “We can get some on our way home.”

“Home. Right.” Chimney swallows and collapses next to her. He tries to be subtle as he glances over his shoulder, checking across the beach for any signs of his unwanted friend.

“Chim?” Maddie takes his hand and he nearly jumps out of his skin. He turns to her, face turning from fear to sheepishness. “What’s going on?” Maddie asks, a soft smile smeared on her lips.

“Just,” Chimney sighs and pulls Jee close to him with a more genuine smile. His daughter beams up at him happily, thankfully unaware of the tension. “Some strange guy gave me the creeps. It’s nothing. He’s gone.”

“Are you sure?” Maddie looks at the boardwalk behind them, as if she could pick the man who disturbed him out of the crowd. Actually, knowing Maddie she probably could.

“Yeah.” Chimney shakes his head and pulls Maddie close. “I’m just being paranoid. It’s fine. Let’s just enjoy our night.”

“If you’re sure.” Maddie doesn’t seem fully convinced, but her eyes are tired. She struggles to smile and Chimney wraps his arms protectively around her.

“I am.” Chimney tells her confidently. “We’re safe.”

Maddie hums as she curls up against him, melting into his hold. Their eyes turn out towards the water and the setting sun.

__

Athena looks at the boards. The photographs of dump sites and dismembered bodies. It’s truly chilling. The profile for the killer is weak at best. They have nothing but a trail of dead women to follow.

Buck is in the hands of this monster.

Part of Athena believes Buck might already be gone. Everything the profilers have said about the killer indicates that he is cruel. The bodies tell stories of unspeakable horror. Of women being kept alive to extend the torture. Calculated. The killer knows what he’s doing. He’s perfected killing—like it’s some sort of twisted art form.

He’s also intelligent. Everything their killer has done up until now is proof of that. He doesn’t kill more than twice a year. He doesn’t take women from the same city. Everything is thought out. Planned. Everything.

Except something changed when Buck walked in on Maddie’s kidnapping. His motives changed. For some terrifying reason, he let Maddie go.

“A new challenge.” The profiler suggested. She’s young, but smart. She knows her stuff. Athena believes her theory to be right.

Buck is a challenge. The kid was always surprising Athena. He had a knack for thinking outside the box. A knack for twisting his way out of the most hopeless of situations.

“Hold on, Buckaroo.” Athena mutters under her breath as she stares at Buck’s picture pinned to the board.

“You should head home.” Romero suggests as he sips at a cup of coffee that’s probably long gone cold. “You shouldn’t be in here, anyway.”

“I can’t give up on him.”

“No one is saying you give up.” Romero promises. “I’m happy for any help you can offer, but we’ve been at a stand still in the case for days now. No new information. No new leads. Right now we’re grasping at straws. Hoping some new information will drop in our laps.”

“This case can’t go cold.” Athena tells him. Pleads with him, really. Not that he has any control over what they do or do not find. They’d already found more than any other detective had managed to put together. And yet they are left wanting more. Needing more.

“Is there a chance that Maddie Han has remembered anything new?” Romero asks carefully.

“She would have called you the second she had.” Athena sighs. “Her memories of that night are shaky at best.”

“Then we don’t have anything.” Romero sighs. “There’s a strong possibility he’s already moved on to another city. Maybe back to wherever he permanently lives.”

“What if this is where he lives?” Athena asks and points at the map. “It makes sense. All of his kills circle around LA. We’re at the center.”

“Mm,” Romero eyes the map with a small nod. “It’s a possibility. Unfortunately there’s no way to know for sure. He has your guy. That’s all we know right now. We don’t know what he plans to do with a male victim. So far there’s been no body found. That’s a good sign, but the odds of us finding Buckley alive at this point—”

“Are slim.” Athena finishes for him. “But Buck is a survivor.”

“I hope you’re right.” Romero sighs. “Go home, Athena. Get some rest.”

She leaves. Her shifted ended over an hour ago. Athena knows that her home will be empty. Bobby and Eddie are out searching again. They’ll look for hours even though there’s no real chance at them finding anything. They don’t know what to look for any more than Romero and his task force.

But actively searching is keeping her husband sane.

For the most part.

Buck is like a son to Bobby. Athena longs to give her husband the hope he desires. Every night she comes home with nothing to offer she feels him pulling further away from her. The fights are getting worse. Her heart aches. She wishes she could take the pain from him.

Losing another child might destroy him completely. Along with their hope for happiness.

The parents of missing children rarely stay together. It’s so rare for them to survive such a devastating loss. Buck might not be Bobby’s by blood, but he’s Bobby’s son in all the ways that matter.

And whether or not Bobby says it out loud, Athena knows that Bobby is losing faith in her ability to find him.

Maybe she’s losing faith in herself, too.

“Hold on, Buck. We’re not giving up on you.” Athena whispers like a prayer, hoping somehow, he’ll hear her.

Chapter Text

Buck gradually returns to a state of awareness. A soft, warm glow floods his brain as he opens his eyes. Like liquid sunlight. It grants him serenity. Safety.

Never in his life has he slept so soundly. His head is so quiet. Not bursting with chaotic thoughts and memories. There isn’t any background noise. No looping songs playing like a personal radio in the back of his mind. No sparks of ideas that jump down invisible rabbit holes, vying for his attention.

Buck wonders if normal brains are this calm. Even his inner monologue is set at a slow pace instead of its usual top speed. His thoughts sticky like honey.

As odd as it is, Buck feels completely at ease. Loose limbed and content.

Lost in the happy, sated fog, Buck struggles to recall where he is. He blinks as time and space distort. The room reshapes as Buck’s eyes adjust to being open. The fluffy cotton like clouds don’t fully clear from his head, but Buck recognizes where he is instantaneously. He is safe here. Loved. Protected.

This is home.

Eddie’s bedroom is bathed in golden light. It gleams off of his partner’s tan skin as he sleeps soundly next to Buck. His naked chest rises and falls to a steady, hypnotic beat. Buck soaks in the sight of Eddie’s softened features. He looks younger when he sleeps. Less burdened. All the tension absent from his body. He’s at peace. Free from the weight of all the responsibilities he faces daily. Free from all of the pressure he takes upon his own shoulders.

Buck loves him.

He’s known it for a while. He just never thought Eddie would feel the same. The risk of saying something and ruining their friendship seemed too great.

All that time wasted.

This moment is perfect. Well, nearly perfect. Distantly Buck wonders why Eddie’s bed is so hard—he always imagined it would be softer. Like a hug of warmth and security. He doesn’t mind though, he’s happy to be laying there next to his best friend. His crush.

Crushed.

Buck frowns, a thought skips across his absent mind, too fast for him to catch it. Like a firefly in the dark. There one moment, bright as a firework, and then gone the next. Fleeting, but it had seemed important. It is important, isn’t it?

The frown on his face fades as the warmth in his brain pulses again. Drawing him back under the blanket of tranquility. Slowing everything back down. He doesn’t need to worry. Eddie is here by his side. Everything is okay.

Why ruin such a beautiful moment?

“Good morning.” Eddie’s low rumble of a voice draws Buck’s attention further away from the odd thought. The vague memory. Buck is more than happy to leave it behind and focus on what is right in front of him. Eddie. Sleepy eyed with floppy hair sticking up in various directions. God, he’s adorable like this.

“Morning.” Buck doesn’t feel himself say the words, but he hears his voice in his mind. Eddie reaches out, taking Buck’s hand in his and resting them both on Buck’s bare chest. “I missed you.” Buck’s voice rings though the space. Funny. He hadn’t opened his mouth.

He also isn’t sure why he would have missed Eddie. Eddie is right there. Beside him.

“I came back for you.” Eddie says, but his smile flickers and then turns into a scowl. “But you weren’t there.”

“W-what?” Buck tries to say, but the sound gets caught in his throat. A hiss of air is the best he can do. Something slitters around his neck—choking him. Buck blinks, trying to sit up. His head spins. Unbound by the laws of gravity. It feels off. Wrong. He feels sick. Stomach twisting with nausea and vertigo.

“Where did you go, Buck?” Eddie’s voice demands as his body splits apart, bleeds and turns into darkness. The swirling ink lashes out, spiraling around Buck’s hand, lunging upwards to pierce through his left shoulder like a shadowy knife. Buck opens his mouth to scream, but no sound comes out. Instead he gasps and jerks forward.

The world is dark. He’s not in Eddie’s house. There is no sunshine. No morning glow. He isn’t safe. Eddie isn’t there. Eddie is gone. Panting Buck stares into the darkness. He remembers. Slow, but steady. The pieces slot together in his messy head. He was taken. Kidnapped.

Eddie hadn’t come back. Of course he hadn’t. He was with Christopher—where he belonged. Buck shakes his head. He regrets the motion almost immediately. The world wobbles wildly and he’s left feeling ill.

And really—how pathetic is Buck that he’s dreaming of his unrequited crush while stuck in a serial killer’s basement? How hopeless is he?

Still, it was nice to see Eddie. Even if it had only been a dream.

Echoes of the voices of the 118 still ring in the back of his head. Whispering in the dark room around him. Buck feels the sting of the words. It was a bad trip. Brother fueled the fire, guiding his malleable mind to dredge up his worst fears. Buck knew that. He did.

And yet it still hurt.

It was all in his head and it still hurts.

It felt so real.

With a sigh Buck feels his way around his cage to find a solid wall to lean against. The cold of the wood seeps into his exposed skin. He shivers, but feels a bit more awake.

He has no idea how long it’s been. It could have been days since he last was awake. He’d lost seven days the last time he’d fallen asleep. Or maybe he only lost a few hours this time. Buck has no way of knowing.

The darkness is still around him. Lonely. Above him, occasionally he hears foot steps. Creaking floors and other muffled sounds followed by long stretches of silence. Each sound sends him into a state of panic that ebbs when the silence returns.

During one of the stretches of silence, Buck lets his mind wander. He wonders if anyone told Eddie what happened. Of course, he also wonders if his family understands that he’s missing. Those pictures Brother took—the proof was undeniable. No one was frantically searching for him. Not anymore, anyway. Brother did say they looked for him.

Then they had given up.

The sick feeling in his stomach returns. Or maybe Buck is hungry. He hasn’t eaten since…however long. At least seven days ago. Likely more. Buck has gone without food for days before. Back when he’d been a nomad traveling across the country, he’d skip meals choosing instead to save the money for fuel for his Jeep. Buck knows what it feels like to be hungry long enough that the hunger pains stop. To feel hollowed out. Empty.

Still, it’s been a while since he’s had to endure it. He’d forgotten how much it sucks.

Buck turns his brain away from food. Back to another torturous topic. Back to his family. They had looked for him, but then for some reason they had stopped. Someone must have thought that he was okay. That he’d left on his own free will. It wasn’t exactly outside the realm of possibility. The Buckley siblings were known to run when things got tough.

Maybe there had been something in the note Brother had left that encouraged them to think that. Maybe Brother had made it seem that Buck was the one who drugged Maddie and left her on the side of the road.

Buck technically had left Maddie on the side of the road. It had been Buck who had carried her. Who had laid her out with such care. It had been Buck’s hands that had slipped the note into her pocket. If they checked it for prints, it was possible they had come to that conclusion.

Which meant that they thought that Buck had snapped, or something.

He could go around in circles forever wondering what that blasted note said. With a sigh, Buck lets it go and shifts his thoughts back to Eddie.

Had anyone told Eddie that Buck was missing? Did they feel the need too? Probably not. Eddie had been on his way to start a new life—Buck free. Honestly Buck hopes that they hadn’t burdened Eddie with the news. Eddie deserved a clean break. No distractions. Buck hoped his best friend was in El Paso rekindling his relationship with Christopher.

Eddie deserved to be happy.

All of this might be worth it if his family was happy.

If those pictures were anything to go by…

Light floods the room and Buck raises his hands, covering his eyes. He’s blind, but he can hear the stairs creak as Brother walks down them. The collar around his neck feels tighter. Buck realizes half-heartedly it’s because of the growing panic.

It was safer in the darkness. It was safer alone.

“You’re awake.” Brother’s voice booms through the silence of the room. “Good.”

Buck turns his face downward, trying to reclaim control over his breathing. He takes in a breath, deep and slow. The panic doesn’t really recede, but it does become slightly less overwhelming. Enough so that he thinks he hides it well enough.

“Bowing before your master.” Buck can hear the grin in Brother’s voice. “Good. Very good, indeed.”

Weakly Buck opens his eyes, blinking away the burn from the light. He tips his head back. Staring at the man who has complete control over him.

“Your wound needs tending.” Brother tells him. Now that Buck can somewhat see, he notices the first aid kit Brother has brought. He shivers. Between his bad leg aching and his shoulder—pain is his existence now. Pain, fear, hunger—emptiness.

Not that he has a choice. He’s a puppet. A play thing. One that’s more fun alive than dead.

“Don’t look so alarmed.” Brother smirks. “I’ve gotten pretty good at changing your bandages. I kept you alive this long. I won’t let you go without a fight. Now, remember your vow to me. And remember my vow to you.” He reaches into his pocket and extracts a silver key. Buck watches him open the door, but his mind goes back to the night everything started.

The night Buck traded his life for Maddie.

The threat Brother made.

Any thought of trying to run is quickly banished. Brother knows where his family lives. He knows their faces. Their names. Everything.

Freedom isn’t worth the threat against them.

It doesn’t matter that they don’t love Buck the way he loves them. He will do whatever it takes to keep them alive. To keep them safe.

And the killer knows that.

Hopelessness settles in his chest as Brother motions him out of the cage. There’s a chair in the center of the room. Buck is directed there. He walks on unsteady legs. Head spinning. His body feels wrong. Feather light and hollow. Buck sits as instructed, muscles tense as Brother’s fingers wrap themselves briefly in Buck’s hair.

“You could use a shower.” Brother comments lightly as his fingers slip down to the back of Buck’s neck, resting just above the collar. Gently Brother massages the muscles at the base of Buck’s skull. “Maybe if you behave I’ll help you wash your hair. I bet you’d like that.”

The killer’s fingers drift down to the bandages around Buck’s shoulder. Slowly he unwraps the wound. The gauze sticks to the stitches, pulling painfully thanks to dry blood and other fluids. Buck gags a little, but doesn’t look at the injury. He isn’t sure he could stomach it between the dizziness and nausea. It would be too much.

“Breathe, Little Brother.” His captor says gently. “It’ll be over soon.”

He isn’t rough. Buck expects him to be cruel. His touches are soft. Clinical, but also kind. Of course, Buck might be confused. His brain is too full. Heavy. Thoughts thick. Slow to form. Dripping. Messy. Everything feels far away. Distant. But also too close—crushing.

After cleaning the wound and applying some kind of ointment, Brother wraps Buck’s left shoulder in fresh bandages.

“There you are.” Brother smiles, looking down at Buck with an odd fondness. “Good as new.”

Buck stares up at the man, expecting the worst. Expecting Brother to demand a thank you. That doesn’t happen. Instead, Brother helps Buck back up to his feet. Supporting him with a strong arm around Buck’s waist when Buck’s knees struggle to hold his weight. Brother helps him back to his cell, but doesn’t step inside the bars. Giving Buck space as he staggers to the other side, sliding down against the solid wooden wall.

“Good.” Brother praises him as Buck kneels. The killer locks the door to his cage and returns to the first aid kit. He takes a pack of Tylenol and holds it between the bars. “Here. It’ll help with the pain.”

The offer feels like a trap, but Buck notes that the package is sealed. Gingerly he reaches out and accepts the packet from Brother who smiles. “I’ll get you some water.” He promises, turning back to pack up the first aid kit. Once he’s done he heads up the stairs without a backwards glance.

Water. Of course. The water will be drugged and then the torture will begin again.

Brother returns, bottle of water in hand. He waits patiently for Buck to take it, holding it out between the bars. “It’ll make you feel better.” He promises. “Let me take care of you.”

With trembling fingers, Buck obeys.

“Good.” Brother praises. “Take the medicine. Get some rest.” The man smiles one last time before leaving Buck. The lights go with him. Turned off by a switch that must exist at the top of the stairs. Buck hesitates, rolling the bottle in his hands indecisively. Eventually his thirst wins out. He cracks the bottle open, feeling some hope at the fact that the bottle was still sealed. He drinks the water slowly, wanting it to last as long as he can. Almost as an after thought he tears open the packet of Tylenol and swallows the pills down.

The darkness moves around him, but not like it had when he drank the drug laced water. It moves like shadows tend to do when a person stares into the darkness for too long without blinking. The water Brother gave him this time was pure. Unaltered. Untainted.

Buck feels grateful. And guilty for feeling grateful. He shouldn’t feel anything but hate for his captor. But the man had been gentle with him. He had helped clean and redress his wound—

Wounds he had caused.

Time has no meaning in the dark. Buck falls asleep at one point, jerking awake after suffering new nightmares. Voices of his loved ones saying hurtful things. Echoes of the past. None of it is a lie. Buck lived it. He lived through a lot of things.

He’d let it all go, though. The hurt. None of that should matter now. Bobby didn’t think he was a liability. Buck knew that. He knew that Bobby loved him and trusted him. He knew that Athena didn’t think he was abusing his power. God, he had won her over a long time ago. Their first interactions shouldn’t matter anymore. And Maddie—she’d left him before, sure, but he had faith that she wouldn’t leave him now.

Chimney’s punch was born out of anger, fear and sleep deprivation. While they’d never really talked it out, Buck had forgiven him almost immediately after it happened. They were good. Chimney hadn’t hurt him since. They were brothers.

Brother.

Buck’s stomach turns a little at the new connection to the word. Brother doesn’t come to visit Buck. There’s no telling how long it’s been, but the time leaves Buck feeling empty. Lonely. Aching for someone to be there with him.

He’s never done well alone. His whole life he feared it. Dying alone. Being alone.

The light flickers on and Buck hates how his heart jumps. He can’t be excited to see Brother—Brother is the reason he’s trapped here.

And yet…

“I brought you something.” Brother tells Buck as Buck blinks away the tears brought by the sudden blast of light. “Here.”

When Buck can see his eyes land on a candy bar being gifted to him.

“I thought you might like a treat.” Brother says gently. Soothingly. Buck hesitates, but crawls forward and takes the offering. He doesn’t want to be ungrateful, so he nods his thanks before crawling back to the safety of his wall. Out of reach.

“Good.” Brother smiles. “I hope you enjoy that.” The man adds. Brother watches as Buck’s shaking fingers struggle to open the wrapper. He can’t do it. He’s too uncoordinated. “Here, I’ll help you.” Brother offers, holding his hand palm up for Buck to return the candy bar to him. Buck freezes, hugging the candy bar to his chest. Afraid that if he hands it back over, he won’t get it back.

“Trust me, Little Brother.” Brother implores. “I only want to help you.”

There’s little hope that he can fight what Brother wants. Buck is somewhat surprised the remote control to his collar hasn’t made an appearance. Not wanting to push his luck, Buck hands the candy bar back over. He lowers his eyes, fully expecting to watch Brother do something cruel. Like eat the chocolate in front of him, or smash it under the heel of his boot. Or spit on it and hand it back.

The sound of crinkling foil fills the space. Buck looks up when it stops. Brother doesn’t touch the chocolate inside the wrapper. Instead he holds the now open wrapper, chocolate and all, back to Buck. His dark blue eyes are a bit lighter. Softer. Kind. It—feels like a trap.

“Go on.” Brother encourages Buck, waving the chocolate a little. “Take it.”

Trembling, Buck takes the offering. It feels weird to simply take the chocolate without offering something in return. He nods and tries to smile. Brother grins back. “You’re welcome. While you eat that I was hoping to sit with you a while. I’m sure you’ve been lonely.”

Buck stares at Brother, uncertain. Because yes, he doesn’t want to be alone, but he doesn’t want to risk accidentally angering Brother.

“Here.” Brother produces another bottle of water. Buck looks at it as it’s offered to him. Carefully he takes the offering. Water is important. He needs to keep his strength up if he—

Buck examines the bottle’s lid and notes that it’s already been opened. Drugged. Buck’s heart sinks.

“Go ahead.” Brother encourages. “It’ll make you feel better.”

He doesn’t want to suffer, but maybe suffering is what he agreed to. Buck takes comfort in knowing that Maddie is safe. That she’s with Chimney and Jee. They are safe. As long as he keeps Brother happy. If that means drinking drugged water, Buck will do it.

He opens the bottle and takes a sip. He bites into the candy bar next.

“Good.” Brother praises. The word sings in Buck’s blood. Good. He’s being good. Buck wants to be so good for Brother. His mind feels the pull of the drugs. It sinks into his blood stream. He can feel it.

“I’m going to tell you a story while you eat.” Brother says pulling the chair from the center of the room a bit closer to Buck’s cage. “Go on, eat.”

Buck takes a small bite of the chocolate and Brother smiles.

“Good.” Brother coos.

Buck smiles. Happiness blooming in his chest. He made Brother happy. He can be good. So good.

“Once upon a time, there were two brothers.” Brother begins. Buck’s mind feels fuzzy. Brother’s calm voice almost hypnotic. “The world they lived in was filled with beauty and wonder. Nothing was more precious than their bond. They followed a code. A brotherly promise. They made vows to one another. A promise to always look out for each other.”

Eddie’s face dances on the edge of Buck’s vision. He finishes off the candy bar. Except Eddie isn’t like a brother to Buck. But once upon a time they had promised to have one another’s backs.

Brother’s face replaces Eddie’s. Vows spoken. Buck sips at his water feeling his mind soften. Becoming pliable.

“The brothers lived happily together in this world. They went on many adventures. But then something terrible happened.” Brother’s voice shifts slightly. “Beautiful creatures were sent to tempt them. To pull them apart and destroy their sacred bond.”

Buck sees the scene Brother is painting in his head. He takes another sip of the water as he watches the story unfold. Enthralled. Enraptured. He can see it as clear as day.

“The creatures were temptations.” Brother continues. “And one day, the older brother fell under one of the creatures spell. The wicked creature promised him many things, but in the end, betrayed him. Stealing his heart.”

In his mind’s eye Buck sees the creature take the form of a woman. She reaches into the elder brother’s chest and rips out his still beating heart. The woman looks a lot like Maddie.

“She devoured his heart.”

Maddie eats the heart and Buck feels fear fall over him. Settling across his bare skin. He trembles. The bottle of water slips from his hands as he reaches out towards the images he sees. Maddie vanishes, leaving only the older brother’s lifeless body.

“The younger brother defeated the creature, but the damage was done.” Brother’s voice sounds so sad. “But don’t look so worried, Little Brother. This story has a happy ending.”

How? The elder brother is without his heart. The younger brother cradles the lifeless body of his brother and weeps over him.

Now he’s alone. All alone. The bond broken.

No one can live without a heart.

“The younger brother had heard stories of a magical well.” Brother continues. “A well with mystical water that could bring the dead back to life—but there was a cost.”

A cost? But it would be worth the cost. Buck understood sacrifice. He understood making a trade to save the person who matters most.

“The younger brother was left with the task with ripping out the hearts of all the creatures that looked like the one who killed his brother.”

Something feels wrong. Dread sings in his head. Humming down through his body with soft vibrations. It triggers a chill that runs through Buck’s body.

“The younger brother knew that he was incapable of fulfilling such a dark quota. His soul too pure for such a grueling task. So he made a heroic sacrifice. He cut his own heart and gave it to his elder brother. Knowing that the elder would be strong enough to do what was necessary. The younger brother trusted his older brother to save him.”

Buck frowns.

“The creatures saw the threat the brothers caused and cast another spell. Sending them across time and space. Different universes, reviving them to live many different lifetimes. Leaving them to fight in order to find one another. The older brother is the only one who remembers—I am the only one who remembers.”

What? No. Buck shakes his head. It’s just a story. A story.

“You’ve lost your heart, Little Brother. But I’ve found you. Together we are going to kill the creatures that haunt us.” Brother says, suddenly standing at the bars of Buck’s cage. “Little Brother. We’re going to win.”

He flickers and the lights go out. Buck calls out and pain shoots through him.

The pain aches through his abused muscles, but Buck continues to call out. He doesn’t want to be alone in the darkness. He doesn’t want to be alone. He needs his brother. Brother. He needs Brother. Please.

He’ll be good.

So good.

Come back. Please. Come back.

__

Darkness unending. Unrelenting. Buck rocks in it, hands grasp over his ears. The drugs lingered in his system, but his head feels clearer now. His muscles ache from the electricity. He’d called out for Brother despite the consequences.

Loneliness sinks into his heart. He doesn’t want to live alone in the dark. He doesn’t want to live like this. He can’t fight. There’s nothing to fight. Brother has complete control. Control over his life. Over who dies. Buck is helpless.

And lonely. So very lonely.

The sound of creaking wood above him haunts him. He wants so badly for Brother to come down to see him. To take away the darkness.

The creaking stops and Buck feels empty. So empty. He’s gone. Brother left him. He left him alone in the darkness. Buck feels tears drip down his face and he longs for his Brother to return.

No—no. He shoves his palms into his eyes. He shouldn’t want Brother’s company. Brother kills. He hurts. He’s evil.

He wanted to kill Maddie.

But he hadn’t. Brother had given Buck the chance to save her.

Thinking hurts. Thinking brings suffering. Buck doesn’t want to do it anymore. He wants to sleep. There’s nothing to fight. He can’t fight.

So he gives in.

__

Light wakes him. His heart leaps. Brother has returned. Buck scoots forward, blinking the burn from his eyes. He grips the bars and watches Brother descend from the stairs.

“Good morning, Little Brother.”

Two buckets hang from Brother’s hands. Both full of water.

“I thought you might appreciate a bath.” Brother says, setting the buckets down. “And I’ll change your bandages again.” He adds, slipping the strap of his first aid kit and setting it down. “You trust me, right? You’ll let me help you?”

Buck nods.

“Good.” Brother praises and Buck feels his heart flutter a little in his chest.

“I’ll open your cage and you will come and sit in the chair again. Just like before.” Brother instructs. Buck nods and watches Brother reach into his pocket and pull out the silver key.

In the far reaches of Buck’s mind he thinks he could escape. He could try and tackle Brother. Subdue him.

Then he tries to stand. He can’t. His legs refuse to cooperate. Buck frowns, trying to lift himself upwards. He can’t. He’s so weak.

“That’s okay, Little Brother.” Brother looks upon him with pity. “You don’t have to stand. Come here and I’ll help you.”

Buck’s face burns with humiliation as he crawls forward on his hands and knees. Brother’s hands wrap around his waist, heaving up onto rubbery legs. Buck trembles, limping along with Brother’s support. Brother gently guides him onto the chair and Buck heaves for breath. Exhausted.

“Just relax, Little Brother.” Brother pets his hair and Buck leans into the touch. “Good.”

Warmth spread through Buck’s body and he sighs in contentment. He’ll fight later. He’ll feel better when he’s clean. He’s not giving up. He’s not—but how can he hope to get free if he can barely stand?

Brother dips a cloth into one of the buckets of water and picks up Buck’s arm gently. With great care Brother runs the damp cloth over his skin. Buck shivers. Not just because the water is ice cold, but because the touch feels so good. He hates how much he loves it. How much he craves it. He’s been alone in the dark for so long.

Soap is added to the cloth and all the dirt and grime is washed away. Brother washes Buck’s arms, legs, back and chest. Next he lathers up Buck’s hair, massaging his scalp with his thick fingers. It feels so nice. Blissful.

But he shouldn’t feel so relaxed. Buck’s eyes snap open and his muscles stiffen with unease.

How long has he been here? How long? His friends haven’t saved him yet. Maybe they really aren’t looking for him. Maybe Brother is—no.

The fingers in his hair shift, gripping sensitive strands painfully.

“Relax, Little Brother.”

No. Buck glares back up at the man. He’s free. He needs to try and escape. He needs to at least try and fight back. What the hell is he doing? His eyes drift from Brother’s watchful gaze to look over at the staircase. If he can make it to the stairs—if he could just climb to his feet and run—

“Don’t do anything foolish, Little Brother.”

Foolish. The fight drains out of Buck as he lowers his eyes. Fighting in his current condition would be foolish. Trying to run when he can’t even stand unassisted would be foolish. It would only bring more pain and destruction. The grip in his hair loosens.

“Good.”

Buck flinches at the word. What the hell is wrong with him? Had he fallen under some sort of spell? Had he really forgotten why he’s stuck here? Why he’s trapped? What this man did. What he does?

Brother shoves him out of the chair. Buck grunts as he hits the ground. The sound loud enough that it triggers the collar. His body stiffens at the current shocking his system. The bucket of water is emptied over him. Another shock burns through his body when he gasps. The water makes the charge worse. Burning his neck both inside and out.

“Back to your cage.” Brother snarls. The toe of his boot nudging Buck. Trembling, he gets up onto his knees. He wants to stand, but he can’t. Humiliation fills him as he crawls. The concrete scraping his knees as he scoots forward, retreating to the one place he’ll be safe. His cage.

He just has to hold on. Gain Brother’s trust and get his strength back. Eventually he’ll be able to stand again. Eventually Brother will trust him enough to feed him more than a candy bar.

Buck can do this.

If he can avoid the drugs—

At least then his head will be clear.

Not that he can avoid the drugs. He needs the water. He has to drink water. If he wants to survive this. If he wants to fight back.

And he does. He does want to fight back. Buck wants to go home.

He glares up at Brother.

“Ah, there’s that spark.” Brother sighs, disappointed. Buck freezes. He doesn’t want to disappoint Brother. No-no. He does. He doesn’t want this man to get the satisfaction of breaking him. But damn things look pretty fucking bleak. “I thought for a moment we were at an understanding. That you were ready.”

Buck looks away.

“Perhaps if I leave you in the dark a little while longer, you’ll learn to appreciate me.”

Buck looks up. Eyes wide. More darkness? No. No. He can’t be alone in the dark.

“I would have loved to stay with you, Little Brother—but that defiance hurts me.”

Good. Buck screams back in his head. His lips form a silent snarl. His entire body vibrates with simmering anger.

“I’ll return when you are ready to obey me.” Brother says and Buck flings himself at the bars, gripping them as he watches Brother leave. The light goes with him and Buck feels his lungs seize up with fear. Darkness. Dark. Inky black.

Endless.

How long will be last? He isn’t sure he’s strong enough.

Maddie. God. He’d do anything for his sister. For Chimney. For Jee. He can do this. Can’t he? He can live through a little bit of darkness.

But.

How long can he survive like this? How long until his mind breaks and he loses himself?

Athena. Bobby.

What if they don’t find him in time? He knows they are looking for him. They have to be looking for him. It’s that thread of hope that he clings to. He has to hold on.

Buck stares numbly into the darkness. Slowly releasing his hold on the bars that keep him locked away. He shuffles until his back hits the wall.

Maybe it’s better if he’s alone.

Without Brother to spin words in his head. To give him laced drinks and whisper believable lies.

They are looking for him.

Buck hopes they are looking. That they’ll find him.

Because if they don’t find him soon there might not be anything left to save.

Chapter Text

The moments spent alone in his house are the worst. At work, Eddie is surrounded by people who can distract him. People who feel the same immense loss that he does.

Maybe not in the exact the same way.

Still, time was easier at work. Where he could be among his team and get lost in tasks. At work he can lose himself in other people’s problems. Fixing things that could be fixed.

At home, Eddie can’t escape his circling thoughts. Thoughts that sing in his head like a torturous siren. Reminding him of his failures. Reminding him of what he has destroyed. The decisions he’s made that lead him here.

He had lost his son.

He had lost Buck.

His phone rings and Eddie feels his shoulders rise up to his ears. A quick glance at his phone reveals his son’s name and grinning picture displayed on the screen.

Eddie could be brave. He could answer the call and try to explain himself. Spill all of his sorrows and apologies. Cut open his heart and explain. Maybe Christopher would listen this time—but he knows, deep in his heart, that he doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t deserve Christopher’s forgiveness. Or his worry. Or anything.

Not yet.

Maybe forgiveness isn’t the reason Christopher keeps calling. Maybe he wants answers. Where is Buck? Why hadn’t Eddie found him yet? Answers Eddie can’t possibly give his son. No matter how much he wishes he could. He doesn’t know where to begin.

One thing is true, though. Eddie Diaz is a coward.

That knowledge is branded into his soul.

He was a coward when he had dodged Buck’s feelings about his choice to move to El Paso. He was a coward when he couldn’t find the right words to convey that it wasn’t easy leaving LA. Leaving Buck. He was a coward for not realizing why leaving Buck had been so hard. He was a coward for not examining his feelings close enough. For not figuring it out before…

He was a coward.

Plain and simple. No excuses.

He’d yelled at Christopher. Blamed him for something that was Eddie’s own damn fault. There was no coming back from that. Christopher was better off in Texas. Better off without Eddie’s terrible influence over his life. Christopher would give up, eventually. Eddie had. The calls would stop.

Honestly Eddie isn’t sure what was going to hurt more. Watching his son futilely reaching out or the silence that would follow when Christopher realizes Eddie isn’t worth it.

Eddie’s best hope at rebuilding his life is finding Buck. Buck is the fixer. Buck can make everything okay again.

Not that Buck will be in any condition to help Eddie. No, this time Eddie is going to need to be strong for Buck.

Buck. His best friend is in the hands of a psychopath. A person who kidnaps people. Who kills. Buck, who is so earnest and loyal. Who would sacrifice himself without a second thought or hesitation. Who did sacrifice himself. Buck chose this. He accepted it.

“Idiot.” Eddie stops pacing and collapses onto his couch, head in hands. “How many times do I have to fucking say it? You are not expendable.”

Buck can’t hear him. God, Eddie wishes he could. Maybe if he’d said it more. Maybe if he showed Buck—but Eddie had been caught up in his own life. His own mistakes. Eddie hadn’t been showing Buck how absolutely priceless he is. Not lately, anyway.

The breakup with Tommy had hit Buck hard and Eddie had given him space. Buck had been going through it and Eddie hadn’t had his back. Not the way he should have. Not in the way Buck had deserved.

And then Eddie had up and abandoned Buck. Like the shit best friend that Eddie is.

“Please don’t leave me.” Eddie begs. “Not like this, Buck. Please.”

His doorbell rings and Eddie has half a mind to ignore it. He isn’t expecting anyone. Bobby had an AA meeting he desperately needed, and Chimney spent every moment outside of work with Maddie. Hen—it could be Hen.

Slowly he gets to his feet as the bell rings two more times in rapid, impatient succession.

“Keep your pants on.” Eddie grumbles as he stalks to the door and flings it open. Hen stands on his porch. Her eyes going from concern to annoyance in a flash.

“You didn’t answer your phone.” Hen says shortly.

“I-I didn’t notice you called?” Eddie frowns. He glances back at his phone that he’d been studiously trying to ignore for the last—it had been an hour since Christopher’s last call. Damn, he’d lost time again. That had been happening more and more often the long Buck was missing. Eddie would zone out, lost in dark thoughts.

“No, you didn’t. I called you and I texted you. Several times. You have to text me back, Eddie. You have to answer when I call you. Please.” Her annoyance shifts to fear and Eddie winces in understanding. “You can’t just—vanish, okay? If I text you I need you to answer me.”

“I’m sorry. I was just—” Avoiding his son’s calls.

Hen pushes into his house without invitation. Eddie doesn’t call her on it, instead choosing to shut the door behind her. He isn’t exactly in the best head space for company. He isn’t exactly in the right head space to be alone, either.

Still, he was raised to be a gentleman. He’d managed to become something close enough.

“Do you want something to drink?” Eddie asks, scratching awkwardly at the back of his neck as he leads her into the kitchen.

“Sure. Water is fine.” Hen sighs and takes a seat at his kitchen table. Eddie gets them both a glass and sits across from her. “I’m a little surprised.” Hen admits after a minute of semi-uncomfortable silence. “I kind of thought you might be out looking.” For Buck. She doesn’t say the last two words out loud, but Eddie hears them clearly enough.

“Bobby had a meeting this morning. He’s been having a hard time—obviously.” Eddie shrugs. The longer Buck stays missing, the more likely Bobby might slip up. Looking to numb the fear they all feel with dangerous vices. Athena spends half of her time watching after her husband and the rest looking for Buck. “We made a deal that we’d only look for Buck together. No one goes out alone.”

It was an incredibly hard promise to keep.

“That’s probably for the best.” Hen agrees. She sighs and looks down into the glass of water cupped between her hands. “That makes me feel better, anyway. Knowing you two aren’t by yourselves. I didn’t know that you guys made that promise. I thought—I just really don’t know what I’ll do if anyone else goes missing.”

“I get it.” Eddie nods. “I’m sorry, Hen. I should have paid closer attention to my phone. I should have called you back. I’ve just been…” he can’t seem to finish the sentence. The truth bitter on his tongue.

“Avoiding Christopher?” Hen says for him.

“Yeah.” Eddie sighs, running his fingers roughly through his already disheveled hair. “I’m a shitty father.”

“You aren’t.” Hen says with sympathy. “You’re hurt. He’s hurt. Everyone is hurt but Eddie, that doesn’t mean you stop trying.”

“I can’t talk to him—not yet.” Eddie shakes his head. “I need something good to tell him.”

“You want to wait until we find Buck.” Hen nods slowly in understanding. “I understand that. I just—that might not happen any time soon. Buck’s been missing over a week now. I talked to Athena—they don’t have any leads.”

“I know. My plan is horrendously flawed. In my defense I came up with it the night I got back.” He’d left the gas station and driven back to LA without stopping. His mind had been chaotic at best. Frantic. It’s a small miracle he hadn’t crashed his truck. As soon as he got back he’d gone to Bobby’s. Not long after he’d gotten there is when they went searching for the first time. He’d promised himself then that he’d find Buck and then call Christopher.

Except, he hadn’t found Buck. God, he wished he had. Then this nightmare would be over. Buck would be home and maybe Chris—

“Bobby says I should reach out to Chris.” Eddie admits quietly. Well, Bobby suggested that Buck would want that. Or something. Eddie had tried not to think about that conversation since. “I just—what do I even say, Hen? I yelled at him. I’ve never yelled at him like that before.”

“You were upset. Chris is smart. He’ll understand if you explain it to him.”

“I just want to be able to tell him something good.” Eddie sucks in a sharp breath and looks up at the light fixture above the table. “I can’t talk to him yet. I can’t.”

“Okay, Eddie. I understand.” Hen presses her lips together. “What if I talked to him for you?”

“What?” Eddie looks at her in confusion, heart fluttering in his chest with wild anxiety.

“I could call him, put him on speaker phone. I could tell him what’s going on. I could explain that you need time.”

“You’d really do that for me?” It always rocked Eddie’s mind when Buck offered to do similar things. He forgets sometimes that Hen is family. That he has people that want to help him. Isn’t that one of Eddie’s biggest flaw? Other than the obvious anger issues. He has a terrible time asking for help.

“He’s obviously upset.” Hen rationalizes easily. “He deserves to know what’s going on.”

“He hates me. I’m sure he hates me.” Eddie covers his lips with his hands. “I don’t know what that’ll do to me. To know for sure that I can’t fix this. I’m not sure I’ll survive, Hen.”

“Christopher might think he hates you, but I know he doesn’t. Not really.” Hen reaches out, placing her hand over Eddie’s closed fist. He drops his other hand from his face and nods, eyes closed in acceptance.

“Okay. I—thank you.” Eddie hesitates and opens his eyes. “What are you going to tell him?”

“The truth. That you love him, but you aren’t ready to talk to him yet. I’ll let him know that it isn’t because you’re angry with him. It’s because you feel guilty about what happened and you need to work through some things.”

“And—and Buck? Are you going to explain?”

“How much does he know?” Hen asks worriedly.

“I’m not sure.” Eddie admits. “I told my dad something—I honestly don’t remember much of the conversation. I’m not sure if what I said made much sense. I—I was a little drunk at the time.”

“Oh, Eddie.”

“I keep screwing things up.” Eddie’s voice breaks.

“Let me help you.” Hen pats his hand gently. “I can at least explain things to him. And if you need to leave the room, that’s okay.”

“Okay, let’s do it.” Eddie agrees, voice strained as he watches Hen pull out her phone and dial his son’s number.

Christopher answers on the first ring.

“Hen?”

A whimper breaks from the back of Eddie’s throat and he covers his mouth with both hands to keep the sound from escaping.

“Hey, Christopher.” Hen says, eyes flicking from the phone to Eddie with worry. “How are you doing?”

“My Dad won’t answer my calls.” Christopher’s voice wavers. He doesn’t sound angry. He sounds upset. “Is he okay? We got into this awful fight and—”

“Your dad is okay physically.” Hen says carefully.

“What does that mean?” Christopher’s voice turns sharp—angry. God, his kid is growing up so fast. He’s also in very real in danger of becoming just as volatile as his father. Eddie doesn’t want that. Eddie doesn’t want his sweet, innocent son to suffer from the same Diaz anger.

“He’s dealing with a lot of really tough emotions right now, Christopher. And he feels really bad—the last time you talked—”

“He said some really awful things.” Christopher’s voice shifts again, watery and high-pitched. “Abuelo told me someone had died and that’s why dad changed his mind about moving to Texas. But Dad told me he gave up. He gave up on me. It was because something happened to Buck, isn’t it? Buck’s d-dead?”

“Oh, Chris.” Hen looks to Eddie, searching for help. Eddie opens his mouth, but he can’t find his voice. He wants to speak. He wants to explain things for Christopher—but his voice isn’t there. He feels a rush of panic reach up from his chest, fingers of fear wrapping around his throat and squeezing. He shakes his head, eyes wide as he stares at Hen.

She takes the lead. “Buck is missing—he isn’t dead. He was taken by someone. Athena and the police are doing everything they can. We just haven’t found him yet. Your Dad has been searching for Buck every day. He wants you to know that he loves you very, very much. Your Dad wants to talk to you, he does, but he feels like he can’t. Not until he finds Buck. He feels responsible for everything that happened.”

“But what if Dad can’t find Buck?” Christopher demands, openly crying. “What if Buck is dead and I lose them both? I don’t want to lose Dad too, Hen. I messed everything up—I’m so—”

Eddie stands, striding into the living room to escape the crushing weight. The living room isn’t far enough away. He flees the house, stumbling onto his porch and sitting on the steps, the door closed behind him. He lets the salty tears fall. Only two. He isn’t allowed any more than two. He swipes them away angrily. His heart clenched in unbearable pressure.

Eventually the door opens behind him and Hen joins him on the front step of his house.

“He loves you.” Hen tells him kindly. “I told him an abbreviated version of what happened. I let him know that you love him and that you just need time. He said he is not going to stop calling and that he hopes that you’ll answer. He’s not going to give up on you, Eddie.”

“I’m the worst parent.” Eddie chokes out the words.

“Every parent feels that way at some point.” Hen reassures him. “Christopher loves you.”

“He thought Buck was dead.” Eddie says, voice painfully strained.

“He wasn’t sure.” Hen reaches out, settling her hand on his shoulder. Eddie doesn’t deserve the comfort, but he takes it anyway. “Ramon wasn’t sure either. Apparently you were really upset when you called Ramon and didn’t make much sense.”

“I told you I was drunk.” Eddie huffs humorlessly. “I’m such a coward.”

“You’re not a coward, Eddie. You’re just hurting.”

“What if Buck is dead?” Eddie asks, swallowing down the panic the question brings.

“Come on, it’s Buck.” Hen rubs Eddie’s back gently. “He’s going to survive this. He doesn’t give up. We can’t give up on him.”

“I think I’m in love with him.” Eddie admits before he can stop the words from dripping off his tongue.

“In love with—” Hen freezes, eyes wide with surprise. “You think you’re in love with Buck?”

“Yeah.” Eddie closes his eyes. “Except, I don’t think—I know. I didn’t know before, Hen. All this time—that’s what I’ve been feeling. I didn’t know. I wish I had. I love him. I love him and he might never know.”

“Hey—it’ll be okay.” Hen hugs him.

“It really isn’t.” Eddie exhales shakily. “He’s out there, probably being hurt by a psychopath, and he thinks I left him. That I’m not coming back. That might be the last thing he’ll ever know. That I left him.”

“You’ll be there for him when we get him back.” Hen promises. As if it’s that simple. That they’ll find Buck, unscathed after all this time. “Why don’t we go out looking for him together?” Hen suggests. “Bobby can’t get mad—you won’t be alone.” Hen offers a watery smile. “I’d like to look for Buck too.”

“Okay.” Eddie agrees. Looking for Buck is the only thing that feels right. “Thanks Hen. For everything.”

“Any time.”

__

“Her nightmares are getting worse.” Chimney is telling Hen as Eddie joins them in the loft. The shift had been slow so far. Buck’s absence echoes through the firehouse. The longer he is gone, the more the odds of finding him go down. That weighs on Eddie. He could be out there looking—but he’s at work.

“Has Athena learned anything new?” Eddie asks, directing his question to Bobby.

“She stopped talking to me about the case.” Bobby admits, his normal calm frayed with simmering anger. “I’m not sure if that means they haven’t figured out anything new or she’s trying to keep me from getting more involved. She’s not happy that we’re driving around the areas the killer has been.”

“The guy is clearly dangerous.” Hen points out reasonably. “Athena doesn’t want to risk your safety.”

“Yeah, the guy is dangerous and he has Buck.” Eddie practically snarls.

“I’m on Buck’s side, Eddie. Stop acting like I’m not.” Hen snaps back. They glare at each other, but the glare fades. Because Eddie knows he’s taking his frustration out on the wrong person. Hen had gone out looking with him a few times when Bobby attended AA meetings. He knows she wants to find Buck as much as the rest of them.

“Sorry. I know. I’m not angry at you, I’m sorry. I’m just—frustrated.” Eddie grumbles and looks at the empty coffee mug he grabbed. He sets up the coffee machine and watches the bitter liquid pool into the mug.

“We’re all worried.” Hen sighs. “I wish there was more we could do.”

“I believe we’re doing the best we can with the information we have.” Bobby sighs.

The alarm sounds before Eddie can argue. Because they could be doing more. Eddie just isn’t sure what that ‘more’ is. They hurry to the engines.

They are sent to an apartment fire.

“Someone must have disabled their smoke detector.” One of the residents say as they arrive on scene. “I wouldn’t have even known there was a fire if it wasn’t for the smoke.” She coughs as Hen slips an oxygen mask over her face.

“Edna is still in there!” Someone’s cries turn into hacking coughs. Chimney heads to the victim, helping her to the back of the ambulance to be checked over. “She’s a sweet little old lady. She lives alone—you have to find her.”

“Buck, Eddie—” Bobby freezes, face crumbling as he realizes what he said. He recovers faster than Eddie expects. “Ravi—Ravi you’re with Eddie.”

“Copy that, Cap.” Ravi says, bumping Eddie’s shoulder to jar him out of his own shock. “You good?” Ravi asks, staring Eddie in the eyes.

“Yeah.” Eddie swallows thickly. “Let’s go get Edna.”

They get the apartment number and head in. Knocking on doors as they go. There are still a few people who haven’t evacuated on Edna’s floor.

“LAFD!” Eddie shouts as he pounds on Edna’s door. He and Ravi pause for a moment, listening for a response. One comes—just not from Edna’s apartment. A young voice calls a bit further down the hallway. Eddie glances through the thick smoke and then looks back at Ravi. “Keep trying to get her attention. If she doesn’t respond knock down the door.”

“Where are you going?” Ravi asks and then shakes his head. “Never mind. Should I wait for you?”

“No. As soon as you get her, evacuate.” Eddie turns and heads down the hallway. “LAFD, call out!” He belows, banging on the next door down. The voice calls out again, further away. Softer. Coughing. He hears them coughing.

“H-help me!” The voice sounds closer the further away from Ravi Eddie gets. There. The last door.

“Can you open the door?” Eddie calls out.

“I can’t!” The voice calls out.

“Okay, step away from the door, I’m going to knock it in.” Eddie instructs the voice. It sounds like a young girl.

The building groans and Eddie glances at the ceiling. It’s on fire. The place is going up fast and they are running out of time.

“118, evacuate now, the roof is destabilizing.” Bobby’s voice calls over the radio.

Eddie breaks down the door. The space is filled with smoke. A little girl stares up at him in shock.

“Where are your parents?” Eddie asks, scanning the apartment quickly.

“Daddy left to go get milk.” The little girl says and coughs into her elbow. “Mommy is at work.” She can’t be older than six. She’s all alone.

“Come on, I’m going to get you out of here.” Eddie promises, kneeling down so he isn’t towering over the girl.

“I’m scared.” She cries, clutching a stuffed rabbit in a death hug.

“Diaz, evacuate now!” Bobby’s voice shouts over the radio.

“What’s your name, sweetie?” Eddie asks, ignoring his boss. He can’t just grab the girl and run. She’s already terrified. Buck was so good with kids. This little girl would have already flung herself in Buck’s arms.

“Isabel.”

“Really? That’s my Abuela’s name.” Eddie smiles, though he knows the smile is hidden by his mask.

“What’s an Abuela?” The girl asks curiously.

“It means grandmother in Spanish.” Eddie tells her lightly. “My name is Eddie—will you let me take you outside? It isn’t safe here. Your dad will be worried.”

“Okay.” Isabel nods and wraps her one arm around Eddie’s neck when he picks her up. Her stuffed rabbit is clutched tightly in her other arm. Eddie starts to head out of the building. The walls are in flames now. The girl whimpers, coughing lightly into Eddie’s shoulder. The roof groans again. Dangerous and loud. The wood above him is warping badly.

“Eddie, get the hell out of there!” Bobby yells over the radio. Eddie doesn’t waste time responding. He dashes forward, clutching the girl close. The ceiling above collapses just as they reach the stairway. Another second and they might not have made it. The girl is coughing again. Eddie takes off his oxygen mask and slips it over her face.

“There you go.” Eddie smiles at the little girl.

It’s something Buck would do. Reckless and against regulations, but it feels right. Eddie can handle the five minutes of smoke filled air as they race down the stairs and out of the building. The girl had already been inhaling too much of the poisonous smoke.

They brake out of the emergency exit as the building groans again. There’s another crash from somewhere above them. Another support beam giving way.

“Eddie!” Hen spots him and rushes over. “You didn’t answer!” She glares at him while extracting the little girl from his arms.

“Sorry, had my hands full.” Eddie grins. Hen does not grin back. She shakes her head and carries the little girl towards the ambulance.

“Eddie—glad you made it out okay.” Bobby joins him. “Any injuries?”

Another groan fills the air. The building is a lost cause. All because someone disabled their smoke detector. What a waste. Eddie hopes everyone got out.

“Nah, I’m okay.”

“You took your mask off.” Bobby isn’t thrilled, but he glances at the small girl and seems to understand.

“She needed it more. It was just for a few minutes.” He promises Bobby who looks skeptical but pats his shoulder. “Good work out there. Go get checked out by Chim, just for my peace of mind.”

“Copy that, Cap.” Eddie smiles and heads over to the ambulance to check on the status of the girl and have Chimney check him over.

“How is Isabel doing?” Eddie asks Hen, who shoots a glare at him. She gives him a short answer and Eddie takes the hint.

Chimney shoots a confused look at Hen, but quickly stands down when the glare turns to him. “Uh, she’s good. Hen’s the best, right kiddo?”

“Eddie is the best. He saved me and Mr. Fluff.” Isabel says shyly. “But I like Hen too.” She adds nervously as she looks up at Hen. Hen’s eyes soften as they turn back to the girl.

“I’m happy you and Mr. Fluff are safe.” Hen tells the girl.

__

“You seem upset.” Eddie starts awkwardly. Hen is so rarely genuinely upset with him. With anyone, really. She gets frustrated, sure, but never angry. Never livid.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Hen breaks, slamming her locker shut. They’re alone. Chimney is still showering and Ravi had picked up an extra shift. Eddie thought maybe Ravi was missing B-shift. A-shift was probably a bit of a downer.

And they were notoriously considered cursed. Eddie was starting to believe the rumors.

“I was thinking I couldn’t just leave a kid to die.” Eddie snaps back.

“You took off your mask.” Hen pokes him in the chest.

“She needed oxygen more than I did.” Eddie shakes his head. “It was only for five minutes. Probably less. I run fast.”

“You were reckless.” Hen shouts. “God, what you did was the same idiotic stunt that Buck would try and pull off.”

Eddie’s eyes darken at that. “Yeah, well, it’s not like he’s around right now to fill the quota.”

“There is no quota.” Hen’s voice goes quiet. “Eddie—I can’t tell Buck that you died being reckless. When we get him back—he won’t survive that. He won’t survive you getting killed because he wasn’t here to watch your back. He won’t forgive us for letting that happen.”

There’s a meanness inside of Eddie that wants to point out that they may never find Buck. That Buck may not even be alive. But he sees the genuine devastation in Hen’s eyes. Her fear—he can practically taste it in the air.

Eddie doesn’t want to be mean. Life has been mean enough to them all.

“That—that’s not what happened. I couldn’t leave her, Hen.”

“Why did it take you so long?” Hen asks. “You shouldn’t have taken that long. Ravi said you should have been right behind him.”

“She was scared.” Eddie runs his hands through his hair. “I wasn’t going to make her day more frightening by grabbing her and running without at least trying to calm her down first. Besides, it all worked out. I wasn’t being reckless on purpose. I was—I was doing my job.”

“I can’t lose anyone else, Eddie. Please don’t make me lose anyone else.”

“I’m sorry, Hen.” Eddie opens his arms and Hen collapses into them as she cries. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Please, just, please think before you act.”

“I’ll do my best.” Eddie promises. He spies Bobby through the glass door, watching them. Eddie winces and holds up his hand. He can’t leave yet—not until Hen is ready to let him go. That’s okay. Buck would understand. Buck wouldn’t want Eddie to abandon Hen. Not like Eddie abandoned Buck.

__

Bobby and Eddie walk around for hours. Long after the moon replaces the sun in the sky. Searching for clues that they and the police may have missed the first dozen or so times they visited the area. There’s nothing to find. No hints as to where Buck may have gone.

As they reach Bobby’s truck again, Bobby’s phone rings.

“It’s Athena.” Bobby sighs and answers the call, pressing his phone to his ear. “Hey—”

Bobby stops, listening as Athena interrupts him. Eddie watches Bobby carefully, trying to judge if Athena is simply upset that they are out wandering around in an area where a killer had been, or if she’s offering up new information.

“We’ll be there in a half hour.” Bobby says and ends the call. “They may have a lead.”

Eddie’s heart jumps into overdrive as he and Bobby descend upon the truck. “Did she say what it is?”

“Not really. Just that she’d explain more when we got to the station.”

Except when they arrive at the police station, Athena is not thrilled to see them. She storms up to them, grabbing Bobby by the arm and pulling him back towards the entrance.

“I told you to go home.” Athena snarls in quiet rage.

“You said that something happened, what did you find?”

Athena sighs. “It’s not safe for you two to continue to poke your nose in this.”

“Why?” Eddie frowns. “What changed?”

“It was never safe.” Athena points out. “But,” she sighs and looks from Eddie to her husband. “Another woman has gone missing. She fits the victim profile. Nothing is confirmed, but we believe whoever took Buck kidnapped her.”

“What does that mean?” Bobby asks.

“Does—is—does that mean that Buck is—?” Eddie can barely get the words out, his throat suddenly swollen with fear.

“We haven’t found a body.” Athena sighs, the anger she showed draining from her face. “Until we find him, we’re going to stay positive.”

“But, if this guy took another woman.” Bobby whispers in quiet fear.

Eddie’s heart feels the weight of his words. “What if he kills her in front of him.”

“Would—he wouldn’t make Buck. No one is that cruel.” Bobby looks at Athena and Eddie’s heart drops straight out of his chest. Flopping pathetically on the floor.

“Buck.” Eddie shakes his head. The idea of Buck witnessing something so horrible. So life-changing. So awful.

“Buck is stronger than we give him credit for.” Athena tells them. “But if he does witness a murder—he’s not going to react well. He might piss the killer off. If he’s been compliant until now—this might tip the killer over the edge.”

“So, Buck might be killed.” Bobby goes pale, swaying on his feet. Athena and Eddie lower him into the nearest chair.

“Don’t give up on that boy just yet.” Athena kneels before Bobby, her hands cupping his face. “Buck is clever. He’s not going to give up.”

“But—if he watches that woman die…” Bobby shakes his head, tears shinning in his eyes. “What’s that going to do to him?”

Watching someone die. Eddie falls in the seat next to Bobby and holds his head in his hands. Bobby’s right, something like that has the potential of breaking Buck beyond fixing. They’d all seen death before. Death from self inflicted wounds. Death from car crashes and fires. Crush injuries, drowning. The aftermath of violence. Death that’s meaningless. But never death that’s brutal and on purpose. Never death that’s is put on display.

Buck hates slasher films. He can’t stomach them.

“Where was she taken from?” Bobby asks.

“I can’t tell you that.” Athena takes in a deep breath. “I can’t let you or Eddie continue searching like you have. It isn’t safe. Buck wouldn’t want you to put yourselves in danger.”

“Buck wouldn’t want us to give up.” Eddie growls back. “I can’t abandon him again.”

“You aren’t.” Athena promises. “You’re letting the police do our job.”

“We aren’t going to stop.” Bobby tells Athena. “Either you can help us, or you can accept that you can’t stop us from trying. I’m not abandoning him either. He’s—you know what he means to me.”

“I know.” Athena sighs. “I know. But, please Bobby. Trust me to find him.”

“We’re not going to stop.” Eddie doubles down.

“Where was she taken?” Bobby asks, voice stone.

“I’m not going to tell you that.” Athena response, just as firm.

“Fine.” Bobby launches to his feet and sweeps out of the station. Eddie stares after him.

“You need to find him.” Eddie begs her. “Please.”

“We’re doing our best.” Athena promises. “Just, please, look after yourselves. If you won’t listen to me, please be careful.”

Eddie looks at her a second longer before abandoning her to chase after Bobby. He finds the older man leaning against his truck in the parking lot. Head drooping down, chin resting against his chest as his hands shoved deep in his pockets.

“I’m not going to stop looking.” Bobby tells Eddie.

“Neither am I.” Eddie feels his heart twist in his chest. “If I’m not looking with you, I’ll go by myself.”

“I feel so helpless.” Bobby confesses. “I keep praying for a sign. A little divine intervention.”

“If we could figure out where the last victim was taken from, we might be able to expand our search grid.” Eddie glances back towards the station. They already tend to wander. Not sure where to go. Not sure what street might give them the clue they're desperately looking for.

“I hate to say it.” Bobby takes a deep breath and lets it go slowly. “But if—when they find her body—that might be a better place for us to look. There has to be a pattern. A place he’s favoring. A place he hangs around.”

“I hope we find him before that woman dies.” Eddie closes his eyes and leans against the truck next to Bobby. “I’m not sure what that’s going to do to him.”

“We’ll help him through it. Whatever happens.” Bobby clears his throat. “Let’s get back out there.”

Chapter Text

Thirsty. Buck lays half curled on the ground. His throat is bone dry. Painful. Scratchy. His stomach is empty. The candy bar long forgotten memory. Buck has gone without food before. When he was a kid, sometimes his parents would forget to feed him. That had always been Maddie’s responsibility. Then she was gone and little Evan Buckley had been on his own. Forced to fend for himself. It hadn’t always worked out. Then when he was traveling sometimes he didn’t have enough money to spend on food. He’d go days without eating. Calming the hunger pains with water.

He doesn’t even have water to fill his stomach.

Buck’s lips are dry. Cracked like the sun baked ground of a desert. He stares numbly into the dark void surrounding him. What if Brother never comes back? What if Buck dies? Left alone in the shadows of a forgotten basement. Slowly wasting away. His body devouring itself in a futile attempt to survive.

Would he turn to dust before someone found him?

Buck’s stomach has long stopped growling. He isn’t even hungry anymore. Food is a distant memory. A mirage. If he wants to torture himself he could think of Bobby. Bobby would never let him go hungry. If Bobby found Buck, he’d take him back to the tiny apartment he shared with Athena. Bobby would cook up all of Buck’s favorite dishes and stuff him full.

Buck thinks that Bobby would be sad if he learned that Buck had starved to death. Food was Bobby’s love language.

With some effort Buck forces his mind to drift away from the memory of Bobby’s lasagna. His baked mac and cheese. His calm presence and gentle smile. God, Buck misses Bobby. Failure sings in his blood. Buck should have fought harder. He should have done more. The door of his cage had been open. Not once, but twice. Buck could have at least tried to escape.

What if Buck never got another chance? He should have at least tried. He may not have gotten far—but at least he would have tried.

But if he had risked it he might have sealed Maddie’s fate. And Chimney. And Jee.

The threat to his family still hangs over his head. Like a waiting noose. Or the sharp blade of a guillotine. If he displeases Brother his family will pay the ultimate price. But if Buck stays…

What if Brother doesn’t come back? The fear circles back around. Again and again. This is Buck’s living hell. Being alone. Dying alone. This is when he’s at his weakest. When he is separated from those he loved. He isn’t meant to be by himself. He has never handled loneliness well. This is the worst kind of torture. Solitary confinement. Abandoned in the dark with only his cruel thoughts to keep him company.

What if he was always meant to be alone? Maybe he should be used to it by now. Maybe he should give in. Into the darkness. Fighting is so hard. Thinking is hard. It would be so easy to give in. To let himself disappear.

He slips under. Falling asleep. He knows because the next time he opens his eyes the lights are on. Brother stands at the bars of his cell staring down at him. Buck doesn’t move. He stays curled on his side. Too weak and too tired to move.

“You look pale, Little Brother.”

Buck closes his eyes. Wishing that he could disappear. Vanish from existence.

There’s a sound and then a hand rests on his shoulder. Buck flinches weakly. His eyelids flutter, but he can’t get his eyes open.

Brother has never come inside his cage before. At least not while Buck was awake.

“Shh, it’s okay.” Brother soothes, gripping Buck’s shoulder carefully. Brother’s other hand brushes across Buck’s forehead. Buck leans into the touch. He hates himself for it.

“No fever. Not a high one, anyway.” He tuts and Buck holds his breath in anticipation for something bad to happen. “Perhaps it’s time for you to eat something a bit more substantial. You’re looking a little thin.”

Buck opens his eyes at that. Food would keep him alive longer. Maybe long enough for his family to find him. God, Buck wants to see his family in more than just photographs. He wants to hold them. Touch them. He wants them to be real again. Not just cruel figments of his drugged imagination.

“Ah, there you are, Little Brother.” Brother smiles. “Food, is that the way to your heart? You did enjoy that candy bar, didn’t you? I want to help you. I want to make the pain go away. I want to make you feel good.”

Please. Buck thinks. Please, help me.

Buck will be good. He can try harder. He can be so good. Please.

“But you disappointed me the last time we talked.” Brother continues, withdrawing his touch. Buck feels shame rise up within him. He feels colder without Brother’s touch. Lost. Untethered.

“I treated you with brotherly love and you threw it back in my face.”

There’s no lie there. Brother had been kind. So kind. He had offered to take care of Buck and Buck had been so ungrateful. Selfish. Hateful.

“So I’ll have to make you earn it. It’s time for your real training to begin.” He sighs and sets a bottle of water next to Buck’s head. “Don’t worry, Little Brother. You’ll understand soon enough. You’ll understand why they have to die. I’ll help you understand.”

Sick realization washes over Buck. If Buck could, he’d protest. Loudly. He’d tell Brother that there was nothing he could do that would make Buck believe that those poor women deserved death. No one deserved such an end. No one. Death is already cruel but murder is unforgivable.

If Buck had his voice, maybe he could convince Brother not to kill anymore. Maybe Buck could end all of this.

If only he could talk. If only he wasn’t useless. Helpless.

“Drink up, brother.” The killer pats Buck’s shoulder and stands. “Save your strength. I’ll return soon. We’ll take the heart of a creature together. Just like in the story. We’ll be one step closer to returning your heart to its rightful place.”

No. No please.

Brother leaves the cell, locking the door on his way out. Buck watches him with tired eyes. Brother disappears up the stairs and takes the light with him. Darkness floods the world around him, returning Buck into the inky void.

Buck wishes Brother would die. Maybe there would be a car crash. Or some other spontaneous tragedy. Maybe Brother would never make it to his destination—or make it home. Or maybe Buck would die before he got back. Maybe if Buck didn’t drink the water his body would finally give out.

Anything to stop the torture.

Except, what would happen if Buck died? Would that anger Brother? Would death break their deal? Their vows?

It isn’t a risk that Buck is willing to take. For a moment he closes his eyes. Resisting. One last time. Then he reaches deep within his soul and pushes himself into a seated position. Supported mostly by the wall behind him he stares into the void of darkness. His lungs heave with the effort. Weak. He’s so weak.

The water will help. It’ll keep him alive. It’ll help him think clearer.

If it isn’t tainted.

Buck reaches out, arm heavy and uncoordinated. He manages to find and grasp the bottle of water. Weakly Buck twists the cap off. The click of the seal snapping dancing across the expanse of the room. Relief hits Buck like a punch in the gut. That doesn’t necessarily mean the water hasn’t been tampered with, but it seems less likely. Brother knew by now that Buck had no choice but to drink what he was given.

He feels lightheaded as he lifts the bottle to his lips and tips the cool liquid into the dryness of his mouth. Soothing. Wet. The water spills across his tongue and down his throat. He coughs, inhaling at the wrong time.

It takes a moment to regain his breath, to stop coughing. Then he drinks again. And again until the water is gone.

The bottle of water isn’t enough.

But Brother had promised him food.

In his mind he pictures Bobby cooking. The kitchen changes around the man who has been a father to him. One minute Bobby stands in the 118 station’s kitchen. Then he turns to the stove and it switches to Bobby and Athena’s old house. The one that had burned down. Bobby moves to a cutting board and things shift again, he’s in Buck’s loft—not that it’s Buck’s loft anymore. The kitchen keeps changing, but Bobby remains steadfast. Still Bobby. Strong, talented and caring.

God, Buck misses him.

Space and time bends again. Not because of any drugs, but from hunger and exhaustion. Buck can’t continue like this. He doesn’t want to. Not that he has a choice. Not unless something happened to Brother.

What if Brother doesn’t return? Buck starts to wonder if perhaps Brother did get in some kind of horrific accident. As he drifts off, back to sleep, Buck thinks that maybe that would be okay.
__

The next time Buck wakes he hears the sounds of someone struggling. He cracks open his eyes, still dry from dehydration. The bottle of water had barely touched it. The muffled sound of distress calls to his inner firefighter. He blinks, trying to clear his head. The dryness of his eyeballs make blinking a challenge. His eyes burn with tears. The salty drops sort of clear his vision.

The lights are on. He pushes himself up and leans back against the wall. He isn’t alone. Neither is Brother.

There’s a woman tied to the chair in the center of the room. The one Buck had sat in. The one positioned over the drain on the floor.

Maddie? Fear spikes through Buck as he shoots forward, limbs uncoordinated enough that he crashes against the ground once before he reaches the bars and presses his face through them. He looks at the girl and lets the panic rush over him.

No. He realizes slowly as he takes in her scared face. She stares back at him. Eyes wide and chest heaving. It isn’t his sister. The stranger does look remarkably close, though. The same hair, the same facial shape. She’s small like Maddie. Small and vulnerable and in so much trouble.

“Good.” Brother praises when he looks over at Buck. “You’re awake. We can get started.”

Started? Heavy dread fills the emptiness inside Buck as he grips the bars of his cage.

“I don’t expect you to participate this time.” Brother says to Buck as he brushes the hair away from the terrified woman’s face. She shrinks away from the killer. Cringing from his touch. She looks so much like Maddie. Same soulful eyes. They are blue, though, unlike Maddie’s deep brown.

Whoever this woman is, Buck is terrified for her.

“Since I didn’t get to finish your sister, I had to find another to replace her. It’s been longer than I would have liked, but you’ve kept me entertained, Little Brother. Now it’s time to show you the family business.” He chuckles, as if what he said was an inside joke.

Buck’s stomach turns as he watches the man arrange various tools and knives on a small folding card table near the panicking woman. She screams. Her eyes fixed on Buck. There’s a gag in her mouth, muffling her words. He can understand her well enough. “Please! Help me!” She begs.

As weak as he is, Buck knows he can’t get free of the cage. But he can’t help but try. Pulling at the bars, trying to bend them apart to get to her. Brother turns and catches his feeble attempt. Its not like Buck can hide it. There’s no way for Buck to hide.

“Are you trying to escape?” Brother asks, looming over Buck with a terrible, disappointed look washing over his previously excited expression. “We made a deal, remember? You made a vow to me.”

Buck inhales sharply and nods, tears gathering behind his eyes. He bows his head in submission. Yes. They made vows. Promises. He knows. He’ll never forget their promises. The threat to his family.

But.

“I’m killing her so I don’t have to kill your sister.” Brother says slowly, as if explaining something complex to a small child. “You should be grateful.” He pauses and tips his head in consideration. “Unless you’ve decided that your sister isn’t worth protecting. I know exactly where she is tonight. I followed them to the park. Such a beautiful family. But if she’s not worth protecting…”

Fear fills Buck from head to toe. He shakes his head furiously. No, no—Maddie is still worth protecting. She’s worth everything. He grips the bars that keep him trapped. Buck is helpless. He can’t protect the stranger that looks like his sister.

“You still insist on protecting a woman who has abandoned you?” Brother scoffs, the sound nearly drowned out by the woman’s renewed screams. “Fine.” Brother growls. “Then be grateful for this woman. For her sacrifice.”

She screams. Tears streaming down her face as she trembles. Her mascara runs black in the river of her tears. Inky darkness bleeding from her eyes. She looks otherworldly. She looks so frightened.

Something shatters inside of Buck as he stares at the woman, still pleading and trying to wriggle free of the ropes binding her to the chair. Her efforts are in vain. Nothing she does will change her fate. She’s at the mercy of a killer.

“Say ‘Thank You.’” Brother demands, drawing back Buck’s attention.

Buck opens his lips and mouths the words, but no sound comes forth. Just squeaky air. Not even enough sound to trigger the collar. The woman who looks like his sister whimpers and watches him tearfully. Her lips tremble around the cloth shoved between her teeth.

“Is that the best you can do?” Brother’s eyes grow dangerous. “Should I consider this the end of our deal, or is there something you would like to say to me?”

“Thank you!” Buck tries again, louder and desperate but no sound breaks free. Desperation builds along with panic and fear. Maddie needs him to speak. He has to speak. It feels like a storm, spinning inside of him, threatening to explode. He tries again. “Thank you!” He screams it this time. The sound bursting from his chest followed quickly by lacing pain.

The woman isn’t screaming anymore. When the shocks recede, Buck looks up and sees her soulful blue eyes wide with terror. For a moment she becomes Maddie. Between heartbeats she morphs back into the stranger. Guilt stabs through Buck’s heart. There’s nothing he can do to save her. Nothing he can do to save himself. But he can endure this hell, he can do it because at least it’ll save his sister.

At least Maddie will survive.

“Good.” Brother praises him. Buck hates how relieved he feels. He hates everything about this. Brother then turns back to the woman who watches him in horror. “Now. Shall we begin?”

Please, Buck thinks as he looks from Brother to the distressed woman. Please don’t make me watch this.

“We’ll start slowly. We don’t want her to die too quickly.” He grabs her chin, tipping her head up so their eyes meet. The woman sobs behind the gag staring up into the face of a monster. A monster that releases her only to plunge the knife into her neck and slice viciously. Blood sprays over Brother’s face, staining his smile red.

It was so unexpected. So sudden and brutal.

A gurgling sound replaces the woman’s whimpers.

“Oops.” Brother shrugs. “I guess I couldn’t wait.”

Blood spills downward, soaking the woman’s clothes. Her struggles grow weaker as she makes an awful sound. Choking on her own blood.

Somehow the silence that follows is worse. After she dies.

Buck stares. He feels detached. Pulled from his body. Floating. Like this isn’t real. Because this can’t be real. Maybe it’s another hallucination. A nightmare.

This can’t be real.

“It really has been too long.” Brother breaks the stillness. He heaves a euphoric sigh. “I had to wait much longer than expected.” He huffs and releases his hold on the corpse, letting her head droop as her blood pools on the floor beneath her. “So much for training. I’ll have to get another one.” He looks at Buck and Buck stumbles back from the bars. “Oh?” Brother frowns. Unaware or uncaring of the blood on his face. “Did that frighten you, Little Brother?”

Buck feels the wall strike his back. There’s no where for him to run. No where for him to hide.

“Don’t worry, she may be dead, but I can still show you how I usually do it.” He glances at the dead woman and sighs. “The silence is nice. Don’t misunderstand me. Holding their fate in your hands is power. Feeling their struggles weaken is something indescribable. When they finally give out. It’s truly addicting.” Brother looks back at Buck and smiles wickedly. There’s blood staining his teeth. He looks wild. Murderous. He’s a monster. “You’ll understand soon. When you have your first taste. When you cut out your first heart.”

Oh God. Buck shudders. This is what Brother wants? This is the price for his sister’s life? Becoming a monster? A killer? Buck feels his stomach twist, but there’s nothing but water to throw up. He scrambles for the bucket in the corner of his cell. Heaving dryly into it. Electricity strikes through him. He chokes and writhes helplessly.

“Now, now—don’t get sick over this.” Brother tuts mockingly. “We haven’t even begun to dissect her.”

Buck heaves again. The sound of it triggers the collar and his world goes dark momentarily.

“Such a softy.” Brother huffs when Buck regains consciousness. “You’ll have to get over that. I’ll think of something to help you. Exposure. That’s what you require. Now, enough of the dramatics. I need you to watch this.”

Buck closes his eyes and dares to shake his head. He can barely breathe. He can barely think. He can’t do this. This isn’t what he agreed to. He agreed to die.

“Are you refusing?” Brother asks coldly. “You know what that implies.”

Buck sobs loudly, sending another spark of electricity coursing through him.

“Stop defying me!” Brother bellows. Buck looks up at him. The man is something out of a horror film. Covered in blood, face screwed up in psychotic rage. “You agreed to this! You gave me complete control! You promised. You made a vow!” The remote appears in Brother’s hand and he presses down on the button. Agony burns through Buck as his body shakes from the electricity pouring into him. There’s no reprieve. Endless, burning pain fills his body, incinerating his bones until darkness claims him.

“Perhaps I was a bit rash.” A voice drifts through the darkness sometime later. “It was a lot to expect of you, I realize that now.” A cool cloth runs across his forehead. A gentle touch. Buck’s breath catches in his lungs and he leans towards comfort. “Forgive me, Little Brother. I’ll help you learn. You’ll understand. I promise.”

Buck can’t open his eyes. He can’t do much of anything. His body is useless. A puppet with broken strings.

“We’ll get through this, you and I.” Brother’s voice continues to drone on as unconsciousness swallows him back up.

__

The next time Buck wakes he’s alone in the dark. The memories play in his head like a living nightmare. He can still picture the woman. Pleading to him. Begging him to save her. He watches the knife slice across her throat over and over again. His soul feels like it has been drenched in her blood.

He drowns in it.

Silent tears fall from his eyes as he huddles on the ground, curling in on himself the best he can. He’s alone and its dark. He’s alone and he has no idea if the corpse is still sitting in the chair in front of his cage. If her lifeless eyes are watching him with accusations unspoken.

The ghosts of her pleas echo in Buck’s head. Resounding. Forever.

Maybe it’s better to be alone. In the darkness. Unaware of the horror the light brings. He wants to stay there. Forever. Alone with her voice. Her screams that linger.

He deserves it. He deserves to be haunted by her memory. By the last moments of her life.

He couldn’t save her. He hadn’t even tried. Not really. Not enough. He’d sat there and watched willingly. All for his sister’s sake. For Maddie. For Chimney. For Jee.

Buck had sacrificed his soul.

Eventually he must fall back asleep. Buck wakes to the sound his cell door opening.

“Get up. It’s time you do something useful.” Any softness that had been in Brother’s voice is gone. Buck blinks up at him, then slides his eyes over to the chair. The woman is gone, but the bloody mess is still there. A bucket of water and a stack of neatly folded rags wait next to the rusty colored stains. Buck looks up at Brother searchingly. “You’re going to clean it up.”

Getting rid of the evidence. Making Buck complicit in the crime. Tampering with a crime scene. It’s hard to tell what Brother’s thought process is. Maybe he only wants Buck to get a taste of the carnage. The feel of blood on his hands.

Buck gets as far as his knees, but knows he’s too shaky to try and stand. Too weak. Brother huffs impatiently and motions for Buck to leave the cell. There’s no hope of escape now. No reason to even glance towards the staircase.

Buck is never going to leave this place. Not alive anyway. Escape is a ship that has long since sailed off without him. Or maybe it sank. Destroyed by Buck’s carelessness. Freedom isn’t possible now. He knows it. He knows it by the weight of the collar around his neck. He knows it because of how shaky and weak his body feels. He can’t stand up, let alone try and run. Even if he could, he wouldn’t get far.

Even if he tried, he’d be sealing the fate of his family.

It’s hopeless.

But Buck can’t give up completely. He has to play the part he cast himself in. Not for himself. Never for himself. He has to do it for Maddie. Buck has to at least try to make Brother happy. He crawls out of the cell, feeling sick as he reaches the drying pool of blood. The drain in the center of the room did little to capture it all.

“Go on.” Brother encourages, lightly kicking the bucket of water with the toe of his boot. “You missed the real fun.” Brother chatters happily as Buck dips one of the rags into the bucket of cold water. He starts to scrub. Trying to pretend he’s in the back of the ambulance at work. That his is a puddle of blood from a victim who made it to the hospital. Who lived, despite the bits of themselves they left behind.

“Dismembering a body is an art form that I’ve perfected over the years.” Brother brags. “You’ll see. Next time. I promise I won’t lose control again. I’ll find another one and I’ll show you how to really drag out the process. If you take things slow you can keep them alive for days. I promise, next time I’ll do it right for you.” Brother rests his hand on Buck’s shoulder. The shoulder coated in bandages. There’s a dull ache of pain under Brother’s unrelenting grip. The pain from the bullet wound is hard to tell apart from the rest of the pain living in Buck’s abused muscles.

Buck freezes under Brother’s touch—terror filling his veins. He shakes. Buck’s whole body trembling.

“I’ll show you the beauty of it.” Brother continues. His fingers moving up to lightly scratch against Buck’s scalp. Unbothered by Buck’s fear. “I promise you’ll understand. We’re in this together. You and I. We’re family now.”

Buck clenches his jaw, swallowing thickly as he starts to scrub away the blood again. He needs this task to be finished. He needs to retreat back into his cage. Out of this monster’s reach. The bars aren’t to keep him trapped anymore—they are meant to keep him safe. Keep him separate from Brother.

Although, Brother has been getting more comfortable about stepping into Buck’s cell.

No where is safe.

As he scrubs at the blood, as Brother continues to talk about how he finds the women he kills. Buck’s attention wanders. Going in and out. Hearing, but not always listening.

“I take care in choosing them.” Brother tells Buck proudly. “I watch them for weeks, waiting for the perfect time to strike. I like to take them when they are alone. Comfortable. Unprepared. It’s fun when they don’t see it coming.”

Had he watched Maddie for that long? No. A vague memory resurfaces. A fragment of conversation from the night this nightmare began. He’d seen Maddie at the grocery store. It had been impulsive.

‘There are so many ghosts, you know.’

The woman Brother had killed had looked so much like Maddie. Or, more likely, they looked like whoever Brother thought he was killing.

Was it an old girlfriend? A relative? Who was the ghost that started the bloodshed? What had happened to that poor soul?

Or was she still alive? Spared while other women took her place?

The story Brother had told Buck had been bullshit. Buck was still aware enough to know that. Without the drugs fumbling with his mind. After witnessing the murder everything feels different.

It didn’t really matter who the original woman was. What crime Brother thought she committed that led to all of this pain. No one deserved what Brother was doing. There was no rationalizing it. Buck wouldn’t be able to use that knowledge, anyway. He can’t speak. He can’t try and convince the killer to stop killing.

Buck let’s his mind drift again. He thinks about his time training with the Navy Seals. He remembers the training. He went through and survived Hell Week. This is something he trained for. Surviving. Surviving long enough to be rescued. He just needed to hold on.

But, was his team coming for him? It had been so long. He’d been trapped here with a monster while they went to fancy restaurants and took their children to parks. Buck was left alone in the dark while they were together. They worked to save lives, while Buck was forced to watch one be taken.

He shoves those doubts away. They were looking for him. They were going to find him. He was going to get out of here. He just needed to make sure he was still alive for them to save. And if he could save anyone else? He’d do his damn best to get them out alive.

“Good.” Brother’s praise cuts through the dissociative state Buck falls into. The monster’s hand resting on top of Buck’s head again. Brother’s fingers gently message his scalp and Buck hates the way he instinctively leans into the touch. He’s always craved touch. It’s his weakness.

Like a good dog, Buck leans against his master’s leg and lets the man pet him.

The blood is mostly cleaned up. Probably as good as it’ll get without bleach. “Back to your room.” Brother withdraws his hand and kicks at Buck’s side lightly to encourage him to move. Buck abandons the rag and the bucket and crawls back into the relative safety behind the bars.

“Good.” Brother praises him again and Buck hates how it brings relief. “I brought you something.”

Buck looks up at him through his eyelashes, fearful of whatever ‘gift’ Brother is going to offer.

“Curious?” Brother tips his head. “Well, I won’t leave you in suspense.” He grins and reaches into a pocket inside of his leather jacket and pulls out new photographs. “I had some time to kill while you were asleep.” He holds his hand through the bars, offering Buck the pictures. “Here, take them.”

Again, Buck reaches out automatically, too fearful not to obey. He takes the photographs in his hand, but doesn’t immediately look at them.

“Go on, Little Brother.” The killer says with a crooked smile. “Take a look. See how your family is thriving without you.”

Hurt laces through Buck as he looks down at the images. There are three. Maddie and Jee on a beach at sunset. Maddie’s face is lit up on dying beams of golden light. She looks unburdened. Happy. Softer than he’s seen her in a long while. Like she’s been freed. Untethered from his dead-weight. Freedom looks good on her. Jee shines up at her, mid giggle. Buck can almost hear the sweet sound of her laugh…

The second image is of Chimney. The lighting is similar, probably taken at the same time. He’s staring off into the light. A fond look on his face. Buck imagines that he’s looking at his family. Together. Whole. Complete. Buck never truly belonged there. They loved him—he was sure they had loved him. Or was it all an act?

Buck tended to see what he wanted to see when it comes to the people he loves. He clings. Like a leech, sucking all the good—all the joy for his own. Until they eventually cut him out and cast him aside.

It would have been better if he’d died in the tsunami. Maybe that’s what brought them to the pier. Remembering that fateful day when the water had nearly taken Buck.

The last image is the three of them. All smiling as the sun sinks down, kissing the horizon. The perfect family. Not an ounce of grief to be seen.

“Now.” Brother speaks as he stands before Buck’s cage. “I’ve come up with a way to help your squeamishness.” He chuckles, as if he’s said something funny. “It’ll take a bit for me to set everything up. Here.” He sets an unopened bottle of water on Buck’s side of the bars. “Drink up. You’ll need to rehydrate after throwing up like you did.”

Buck looks at the bottle, noticing that the cap’s seal has been broken. He doesn’t have much choice, though. Even if the water is drugged, Brother has a point. He needs water. There’s another moment of hesitation before he twists off the cap and raises the bottle to his dry lips. His hands shake, muscles still twitching from the shock he had received earlier. Both literally and figuratively.

That poor woman. He hadn’t saved her. Useless. He’d sat there. He’d watched her die so suddenly. So pointlessly. He’d cleaned her blood from the ground—the red still stains his hands. Rusty flakes caked in the beds of his fingernails.

Absentmindedly, Buck drinks the laced water slowly. Letting the cool liquid pour into his empty stomach. It hurts a little. Burning down his raw throat.

Perhaps its because he’s so empty that the effects of the drug hit him harder. He blinks, feeling the room constrict and stretch abnormally. He leans back against the wall, letting it hold him up as Brother sets up a television on the other side of the bars.

“There you go.” Brother’s voice echoes in his head as the screen turns on. “I created a highlight real for you. Some of my favorite slasher moves mixed in with some videos I found on the dark web. It’ll last for a few hours. Don’t fall asleep, Little Brother. This is for your own good.”

Buck blinks up at him, then his eyes flick towards the screen. He sees a woman struggling and turns away. Electricity shoots through him. Burning his nerve endings. He opens his mouth to scream, but no sound escapes.

The pain fades as quick as it came.

“Watch the screen.” Brother’s voice commands.

Buck hesitates, only for a second, gathering strength to raise his eyes. He watches a shadowy figure wielding a handsaw. Trembling, he watches the gore unfold.

“There you go. Soak it all in.” Brother’s voice echoes. “This excites you, doesn’t it? Watching how helpless they are. It makes you feel alive.”

Buck shudders and shakes his head. Another bought of electric shock sings through his veins.

“You like it.” Brother corrects him. “It gives you a feeling of power. Nod. Let me know how much you appreciate my gifts.”

Licking at his dry lips, Buck obeys. He nods, though he feels sick to do so. Nothing about what he’s watching is pleasurable. It twists his stomach and makes him feel wrong. But the world is getting so fuzzy. Confusing. The voice is soothing. Brother’s voice. The calm in the storm. The lighthouse beckoning him to safety. If he listens to the voice, the pain will stop. If he watches the screen, things will get better. He’ll get better. He’ll understand what it feels like to be powerful. To hold someone’s life in his hands.

He’ll understand—if he obeys.

It’ll be easier on him if he just gives in.

No one is coming to save him. They would have found him by now. It’s just like that snow storm when he was a kid. Except this time he doesn’t have the strength to find his way home. No one is looking for him. No one.

Even if they were searching, even if they did find him…

There’s nothing left to save. Broken pieces. Too fragmented and damaged to glue back together. His soul tainted. Stained in red with someone else’s blood. The blood of the woman he watched die.

He lets the snow settle on his skin. The cold seeping deep into his body. Corrupting his heart.

His mind goes fuzzy and he fixes his eyes on the screen on the other side of the bars.

“Good.” Brother’s voice echoes as Buck’s world is filled with blood and gore.

This is his world now.

This is the price to keep his family safe.

Chapter Text

It’s early. Not early enough for Bobby to call Eddie. Not early enough for them to go out and search for Buck. That would come later. After their shift.

If it were feasible, Bobby would take more time off. He’d be out there searching for his son day and night until he was found. But there were people who counted on Bobby to show up. He had a whole firehouse full of people who needed him to be a leader. Still, if he could—

Bobby had spent the morning with Athena. Alone time with his wife was rare. Between their jobs, the kids, and all of their other responsibilities it was difficult to carve out time spent together as husband and wife. Under normal circumstances Bobby would have treasured the breakfast they’d shared. He would have reveled in the fact that he had been given a second chance at love.

And he did love Athena. She was his partner. His best friend.

That morning had been cold. Conversation had been hesitant. They were two people walking through a minefield, both desperate to keep the other from blowing up.

Athena loves him. Bobby knows that. It is an unwavering fact. That powerful love she has for him is the core reason for why she is so angry. She wants him to be safe. But Bobby needs his kid to be safe. He trusts that Athena and the police department are doing what they can, but Bobby can’t stop looking.

When they find Buck, Bobby wants to be able to look his kid in the eye and tell him that he never gave up. That he never stopped looking.

The firehouse is quiet. Bobby had an hour before the shift change. An hour before he had to shed the anxiety and sadness that plagued him and somehow manage to play the part of brave and fearless. Bobby had an hour to figure out how to lead his people. How to be a captain—not a father whose son was still missing.

Historically it wasn’t uncommon for Bobby to arrive early for a shift. Back when he first moved to LA he sometimes arrived two hours before his shift was scheduled. Bobby had claimed at the time that he’d been worried about getting lost or stuck in traffic. Being early was simply what a good leader did. Lead by example and all that. Really he had been early because the job was all he had left.

The habit had started long before Buck’s probationary year. Buck had been quick to notice Bobby’s unofficial start time and quickly decided to mirror his captain. Buck had been eager to learn. Bright eyed and bushy tailed. Sometimes Buck would spend that extra time asking Bobby questions. Sometimes Buck would volunteer to help Bobby fix breakfast for the rest of the team. Sometimes they’d simply be together. Quietly sharing the same space.

Unintentionally Buck had chipped away at Bobby’s hardened heart. Making him feel again. Opening Bobby up to new possibilities. To deeper friendships with Chimney and Hen. To new love with Athena. To life. Bobby wouldn’t trade that time, those precious memories for anything.

Since the kidnapping, Bobby finds his time spent before shift torturous. Yearning for Buck to bound up the stairs of the loft and share some bazaar topic he’d fixated on. Something about anteaters or tide pools. No, it would be something stranger. Something curious that Bobby would pretend to be uninterested in but secretly find fascinating.

It’s early. C shift is out on a call and Bobby expects to see a skeleton crew left behind. He doesn’t expect to see a stranger loitering just beyond the bay doors. Tall with dark hair and a dark leather jacket. An expensive looking SLR camera hanging around his neck.

Immediately Bobby’s mind decides the stranger must be a reporter. Someone sniffing around for a story. Something in the back of Bobby’s mind screams that he’s wrong. That this is different. Somehow worse.

It’s far fetched at best that it is a reporter. The police have taken great care in keeping the possibility of a serial killer out of the press. Everything tied to the potential serial killer had been kept under wraps—including Buck and Maddie’s kidnapping. Athena had told him it was an effort to prevent mass hysteria.

Bobby remembered how hectic and fearful the city had been during the serial bombings. He remembers how the panic had run the LAFD and the LAPD ragged. Bobby had always wondered what it might have been like if there hadn’t been so many false alarms. What if they had managed to find Freddie sooner? Would Buck have been spared all that pain?

Preventing fear from spreading now seemed like a double edged sword. Yes, it protected Maddie from the circus of the media. Yes, it kept the LAPD and LAFD from being spread too thin. Yes, it gave the police department time to search for Buck. Though, at the same time, it also prevented more people from looking for Buck. All it took was one person. One tip and maybe Buck would be home. Safe.

If the stranger was a reporter, it didn’t bode well for secrecy. It didn’t bode well for Buck, either. Bobby wasn’t a fool. He knew that if the press got their claws in the story, it was very likely whoever had Buck would panic. Right now, the working theory was Buck was being kept alive—if the killer got spooked that very well could change.

“Excuse me.” Bobby calls out, approaching the stranger with authority and caution. “Can I help you with something?”

The man turns, eyes sparking with recognition when he spots Bobby. The familiarly feels off. Bobby studies the man’s face carefully. No memory surfaces. Bobby has no clue who this man is. Perhaps he simply recognized Bobby as one of the captains of the house. Or perhaps Bobby simply doesn’t remember when they first met. Bobby meets plenty of people, it was impossible to remember all of their faces.

“Good morning,” the man greets Bobby with a happy smile. “This place is very impressive. I’ve always admired firefighters. I was actually hoping to get a tour of the firehouse, if possible.”

“We don’t offer tours. This is a working fire station. Our job is to save lives.” Bobby says calmly, though some of his annoyance seeps into his tone. How dare this stranger come into his house uninvited? And for a tour of all things? “This place isn’t a tourist attraction.”

“Oh.” The man doesn’t look offended. He doesn’t look anything other than curious. “I’m not a tourist. I heard there was an job opening at this fire station.”

“What?” Bobby frowns as his heart sinks. Was this man a reporter? Had he heard about Buck’s disappearance?

“I was looking to apply.” The man explains slowly. “Isn’t there a spot open?”

“No.” Bobby says firmly. Maybe this man wasn’t a reporter after all. Anger replaces the shock. Had the Chief put out a notice? Announcing that Buck’s spot needed to be filled? No. The Chief would have talked to Bobby about making that decision. The last time they talked the Chief had agreed to let Ravi temporarily fill Buck’s spot and Eddie return to the 118. They had already shuffled things around when Eddie left for Texas. Alonzo had expressed to Bobby how much he hoped that Buck would be found soon. He’d promised Bobby that Buck would have a spot when he was ready to return.

The Chief would have called Bobby before opening up a position.

That didn’t mean that rumors hadn’t started. Buck’s absence wasn’t a quiet thing. Other firehouses talked. The other shifts talked.

It wasn’t too outlandish to think that those rumors had caused this stranger to pop in unannounced. Still, it sat wrong with Bobby. Mostly because it was Buck.

Buck was irreplaceable.

“Really?” The stranger hums, drawing Bobby out of his thoughts. “Huh. I must have gotten it wrong.”

“You must have.” Bobby levels a hardened look at the man. “If you are interested in firefighting there are proper ways to go about applying for the fire academy. Coming into a firehouse like this is highly inappropriate. I suggest you leave.” Bobby knows he’s being a little unfair. It isn’t actually that abnormal for people not to realize they need to apply at the fire academy. Still, whoever this stranger is feels off. Wrong. Like they might be a danger to his people.

Plus there still is a chance this man is a reporter. Whoever he is, Bobby wants him gone.

Bobby has half a mind to call his wife. Though he knows that Athena is plenty busy. Too busy to deal with an overeager stranger and her husband’s sudden paranoia.

“Of course.” The man smiles brightly. The sight of it sparks more annoyance within Bobby. “I should have done more research. I’ll get out of your way.”

Bobby nods and watches the man turn and walk away. He waits until he’s sure the man isn’t going to linger outside of his station before he makes his way to his office. Once inside Bobby finally exhales, locking the door. He glances at the various pictures he has mounted on his wall. Pictures of the 118—his family. He fixes his eyes on his favorite photograph, one featuring himself and Buck. In the image they are both dressed in their uniforms. Their arms are draped around each other’s shoulders, smiles lighting up their faces.

“Come on, kid.” Bobby whispers. “It’s time to come home.”

But the Buck in the photograph doesn’t respond. He keeps smiling. Endlessly.
__

The day is perfect. The sun isn’t too high yet. The temperature isn’t hateful. There is a soft breeze and the park isn’t crowded. And yet Hen can’t seem to fully relax. She can’t fully let herself enjoy the moment.

It isn’t fair to her family.

“You’re thinking about him again.” Karen says, not accusingly, but spoken as an observation.

“I can’t stop worrying about him.” Hen admits. “Athena thinks whoever took Buck also kidnapped another woman.”

Karen sets her phone aside, giving Hen her full attention. “What?”

“Yeah.” Hen inhales deeply, eyes still fixed on her kids playing. Mara and Denny smiling. Chasing each other around the play equipment. Untouched by the knowledge that Buck might be…

They hadn’t told the kids. It seemed wrong too. They weren’t overly close to Buck. Mara tends to be shy around everyone, but she had started to open up to Buck. Partially due to Jee’s influence. The three of them had baked cookies together a few times. Hen doesn’t want to taint those memories with bad news.

That and Hen had hoped that Buck would be found by now.

Hope was getting harder and harder to hold onto.

“What does that mean?” Karen asks when Hen doesn’t continue. “Does-does Athena think Buck is—”

“They’re only speculating at this point.” Hen sighs, peeling her eyes away from her children to lock eyes with her wife. “But I’ve been thinking about it. Trying to come up with a reason. The first is obvious. He took another woman because he wasn’t able to kill Maddie. He needed to scratch the itch, because Buck is still alive.”

“If Buck is still alive—do you think he is being held with the woman? That they are together?” Karen asks softly.

“I hope not.” Hen closes her eyes, trying very hard not to imagine it. Buck. Vibrant, loud, fun-loving—compassionate and caring Buck having to witness something so brutal. Buck, who hates watching movies with gore or horror. Buck. Her sweet, kind little brother.

“Me too.” Karen offers, voice cracking. “Buck—he’s such a nice guy.”

“He is.” Hen agrees. She inhales and lets the breath out slow. “So, that’s an option. Another option is that Athena is wrong, and the woman was taken by some other psychopath. Less likely, because Athena is almost never wrong. The third option is that Buck is—well.”

“I’ve been thinking about the note the killer left with Maddie.” Karen says thoughtfully. “Little brother traded his soul for your life.” She echoes the words. Memorized. Hen isn’t surprised. She has them memorized too. The only clue they have of what Buck’s fate was—is. “Maddie remembers Buck pleading for her life. Promising that man things. Control. What if Buck—what if that man is making him some kind of apprentice?”

“What?” Hen frowns at her wife.

“What if that’s why he took Buck. Because he thought that Buck would—I don’t know.” She shakes her head, as if regretting saying the words out loud.

“No.” Hen says sharply. “Buck wouldn’t hurt anyone. He—he wouldn’t hurt a soul.”

“I know that.” Karen says calmly. “I know that—but maybe the killer doesn’t know that.”

Hen’s heart races at the thought. It is a painful pace. Unforgiving—much like her wife’s suggestion.

“Lets change the subject.” Hen shakes her head, unwilling and unable to consider that her sweet, goofy little brother might be in danger of becoming a murderer’s apprentice. “Mara asked if we’d let her take piano lessons.”

“Really?” Karen latches onto the new subject with a bright smile. “I’ll start asking around if anyone knows a good teacher. We’ll need to get a piano.”

“I think my mom might know someone willing to sell us one for cheap.” Hen nods with a smile of her own. Happy to distance herself from dark thoughts, if only for the moment. “She always knows someone.” Hen grins.

“And we love her for it.” Karen smiles and glances up as Denny and Mara rush over to them.

“Are we going to go get something to eat soon?” Denny asks, bouncing on his toes excitedly.

“We can go now if you two are ready, help me gather our stuff.” Karen says, her eyes falling off to the side of the playground, lips turning downward. Hen follows her wife’s gaze and spots what Karen had. A man standing under a tree. Watching them. Camera in hand. Hen narrows her eyes and glances at her wife. They silently make an agreement. Hen will go check it out while Karen takes care of the kids.

Hen strides purposefully towards the man, who suddenly is very interested in the workings of his camera.

“Can I help you?” Hen asks pointedly, standing a healthy distance away from the potential threat. The man is tall, wearing a leather jacket that seems out of place in the warm LA afternoon.

“No, I’m fine.” The man says with a smile as he raises his dark blue eyes to meet hers. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t meaning to stare at your family or make you uncomfortable in any way. You are all just so beautiful together.” He jostles the camera a little. “Force of habit. Looking for beautiful things. I didn’t mean to be rude.”

“Are you here with your kid?” Hen asks, glancing around at the children still playing around the park. There were several kids utilizing the swings, another group playing soccer and a tiny boy going down the red twisty slide.

“Oh no, I don’t have a child.” The man says, raising all sorts of red flags in Hen’s head. Her eyes snap back to him, sharp and assessing. He reads the sudden change and visibly panics. “No, no. I’m sorry. I’m not—uh, I have a little brother, you see. I was scoping out places to bring him to, when he’s feeling better. I like taking pictures for him. To give him something to look forward too. He’s been sick. Confined indoors.”

The tension in Hen’s chest eases slightly at the sincerity of the strangers words. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.”

The stranger laughs awkwardly, scratching at the back of his neck. “I look forward to the day when he is ready to play freely again.” The man’s eyes sparkle as he smiles, but something still feels off. Maybe that’s just Hen being paranoid. “I’ll head out, though. I’m sorry if I made you or your family uncomfortable. That wasn’t my intension.”

“No harm done.” Hen says, satisfied that the man was going to leave. And, because she has a big heart, Hen can’t but add. “I hope your brother feels better soon.”

“Thank you. So do I.” The man says and then turns to retreat back towards the parking lot.

Eventually Hen loses sight of the man in the leather jacket, but the unease in her chest doesn’t relax. Exhaling, she returns to her family. Karen catching her eyes. She shakes her head and shrugs. The threat is gone. They are going home. It’ll be fine.

__

“Hey, how’s your first shift back?” Josh asks as he joins Maddie in the break room.

“Better than sitting around my little brother’s loft.” Maddie mutters, staring despondently into the depths of her coffee mug. Silence follows her words and she shrinks in on herself a little. “Sorry. That was rude.” She doesn’t risk looking up at her friend. “I-I just needed to focus on something else. At least here I can help fix other people’s problems. At least here I don’t feel completely useless.”

“No one blames you for being on edge.” Josh sits next to her, but keeps a polite distance. People have been doing that lately. Even Chimney on occasion. Maddie can’t exactly blame them. She’s been jumpy. The nightmares have been getting worse. Her mind trying to fill in the blanks of her kidnapping. Her release. Her brother’s sacrifice.

The voices spin around in her head when things get quiet.

‘You’ll do anything I say?’

‘Anything.’

“Maybe they should blame me.” Maddie sighs. “I’m sorry. I’m not the best company.”

“Hey, you can always talk to me.” Josh reaches out and places his hand over hers. Finally she looks up at him. Josh smiles. “You don’t have to be gentle or pleasant. I’m your friend, Maddie. And I care about you. Your troubles are my trouble. My drama is your drama. That’s how friendship works.”

“Thanks Josh.” Maddie feels her strength crack, a tear slipping from the corner of her eye. She brushes it away with her other hand, not dislodging the hand Josh is holding. “I just wish there was something I could do to help Buck. But, since I can’t help him, I want to spend my time helping other people. I promise, I can do this.”

“I never said you couldn’t.” Josh squeezes her hand gently. “I’m on your side, Maddie.”

“I know.” Maddie nods and holds his worried gaze. “I know. I’m sorry, Josh.”

“Don’t you dare apologize.” Josh tips his head and studies her. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

That was a lie, but she has a feeling Josh wouldn’t understand. Even if she could find it within her ability to try and explain. The guilt she feels. Buck was—

“I should get back out there.” Maddie manages a weak smile, a flickering thing. Like a dying flame. “Thanks Josh.”

“Any time, Maddie.” Josh smiles again, but doesn’t try and stop her from leaving. Maddie is grateful. She is. She knows she isn’t showing it very well. She spots Sue watching her as she returns to her station. Everyone was worried about her. Maddie hates it. They shouldn’t worry for her. She’s safe. She’s free.

Buck isn’t.

If her friends want to be worried about someone, they should be worried about her little brother. Lost and alone. In the hands of a killer.

Silently, she sits at her station and slips on her headset and clicks her station back to active. She takes a deep, calming breath. “911, what is your emergency?” She answers the next call.

“I-I think she’s going to jump.” A voice comes over the line. Maddie is thrown back in the darkness of her mind. That voice. It-it sounded like the voice in her dream. The voice of the man who—

But that was impossible. A cruel trick of her mind.

“W-where are you—what is your location?” Maddie chokes out. Professional. She needs to be professional. Her voice is shaky. Each word has to escape around the sudden lump in her throat.

The man gives her the location and Maddie sends the 118 without a second thought. They are the closest firehouse. She directs them towards the cliffs. Towards the voice from her nightmares.

“Can you tell me what you are seeing?” Maddie asks when the caller doesn’t immediately offer the information. The call drops. “Hello?” Maddie blinks and then redials the number. No answer. She tries to look up the information on the caller and finds it’s a prepaid phone.

Static fills her mind.

“Maddie?” Sue places her hand on Maddie’s shoulder and she jumps out of her skin. “Sweetie, you’re crying.”

Was she? Maddie reaches up, her fingertips touching her wet cheeks. She sobs. That voice—it had sounded so much like—

“I’ll take over the call for you, Maddie.” Sue promises. “Go take another break.”

Soundlessly Maddie nods, more tears falling. Josh appears at her side, taking her elbow and guiding her back into the break room.

“What happened?” Josh asks as Maddie starts to pace.

“The voice. That call I just took—It sounded—” Maddie clasps her hands over her mouth as a sob breaks from her chest. “It sounded just like the man who-who took Evan.”

She shatters and Josh wraps her up in his arms. She doesn’t fight him. Maddie presses her face into his shoulder as she sobs. “I just wanted to do something useful. I wanted to help people and I can’t even do that without hearing his voice. He’s haunting me and—and Buck. He has my little brother.”

“We’re going to find him, Maddie.” Josh rubs her back gently as he holds her. “Buck is one of the most stubborn guy I’ve ever met. He’s going to make it out of this alive somehow. I just know it.”

__

“Where are we headed?” Eddie asks from beside Ravi as the fire engine speeds through the city.

“We got a call about a possible jumper.” Bobby says. “Someone spotted what they thought was a woman on a cliff near a hiking trail and called 911. The call dropped and the number isn’t in service. It might be a prank call. Or a misunderstanding.”

“Let’s hope for a misunderstanding.” Eddie sighs and holds onto his seat as the engine leaves the paved road and starts down a dirt one coated in potholes. The truck breaks out onto the lookout point. No person in sight.

“Alright, grab the climbing gear.” Bobby tells them as he climbs out of the truck to get a look over the edge of the cliff. Down below he can see what looks like a body. Its hard to tell from the distance and with the brush obscuring the view. “Damn.” He keys his radio, letting dispatch know what they found.

“Ravi, you work the winch, Eddie—we’ll go down together.”

“You Cap?” Eddie frowns.

Bobby stiffens and levels his subordinate with a look. “Yes, me. Got a problem with that, Firefighter Diaz?”

“No sir.” Eddie response quickly, turning to busy himself with stepping into his harness. Bobby watches for a second before retrieving the second harness and getting strapped in. Honestly, he normally would have Ravi go down with Eddie. The young firefighter could use the experience. But something about this particular situation feels off to Bobby. He needs to figure out why.

They make their way down, safely, slowly. The closer they get to the base of the cliff, the more dread floods inside his soul. “Eddie.” He warns as they get close enough for him to see the body. Because it is a body—just in pieces. Dismembered. “Hold your position.” Bobby tells Eddie who stares wordlessly down at the carnage.

“Hen, call Athena.” Bobby grimaces. “It wasn’t a jumper. This is a crime scene.” He looks at Eddie and motions him back up the cliff face.

__

Bobby feels like he’s trapped in a free fall, even though his feet are planted on solid ground. He has to pretend to be calm, even though there is a storm of emotion raging inside of his heart. There are a growing number of unanswered questions spinning in his head.

Then he spots his wife and his heart drops.

“Was it the missing woman?” Eddie asks the second Athena steps up to join them. It’s been hours. The place is crawling with crime scene investigators and police officers documenting the scene. They remained on scene more or less to assist whenever necessary. None of them wanted to leave without Eddie’s question being answered.

“It appears so.” Athena looks vaguely sick. “We managed to locate the victim’s h-head.”

“But there were no other bodies?” Bobby asks, feeling as sick as his wife looks. He has to know. He has to know if Buck was among the gore at the bottom of the cliff.

“No.” Athena lifts the weight threatening to crush him. Her eyes focused on Bobby as she speaks. Reassuring and firm. “There was no sign of any other victims.” She reaches out, touching his arm gently. “Buck is still out there somewhere.”

“Okay.” Bobby chokes out.

“You all are free to go.” Athena tells them. “We’ve got everything handled here.”

Bobby hesitates, but nods. “Okay.” He nods and looks at his crew. “Let’s head back to the station. Pack things up.” His team hesitates, but head back towards the vehicles and start packing up the gear. Bobby glances back at Athena who has a sympathetic look waiting for him.

“He’s still alive.” Athena says. “I feel it in my heart. He’s out there. We’ll find him.”

“But what will be left of him?” Bobby asks. “This woman—she was most likely taken by the same killer. What did Buck see? Did that monster kill that woman in front of him?”

Athena pales. “Let’s not think of worst case scenarios.”

“Worst case would be finding him at the bottom of the next cliff.” Bobby sighs. “I’ll see you later?”

“I’ll give you a full update tonight.” Athena promises but snatches his arm when he goes to walk back to the fire engine. “Bobby. Don’t go out tonight.”

“What?” Bobby blinks back at her.

“Don’t go out tonight with Eddie.” She visibly swallows. “Please. It’s not safe.”

“Buck isn’t safe.” Bobby snaps, cracks in his natural calm. “Don’t ask me to stop looking. We talked about this. I can’t stop.”

“I—I won’t stop looking.” Athena promises. “But you—you need to stop. You and Eddie. I—I don’t want to find either of you at the bottom of the next cliff.”

“You can’t ask me to stop.” Bobby shakes his head. “No. Athena. No.”

“Bobby, please—”

“No.” Bobby glares down at her. “I can’t. Athena—no.” He turns, leaving her behind.

__

The crew is quiet when they arrive back at the station. Splitting off to complete various tasks. Later, much later, Bobby finds them gathered in the kitchen. Eddie glares down into a mug of coffee. Chimney pretends to be engaged with something on his phone. The screen dark—lifeless. His eyes unfocused and distant. Hen stares at an open book in her hands, but the pages never turn. Each are lost in thought.

“Is anyone hungry?” Bobby asks quietly. He hasn’t cooked anything in a while. Since Buck went missing, actually. Now he could use the distraction.

“How can we be hungry?” Eddie snaps.

“Eddie.” Hen sets her book aside. Giving up the pretense that she’d ever been reading.

“No—Eddie’s right.” Chimney tosses his phone towards the couch behind him. “How can we eat when we have no idea if Buck has eaten?”

Bobby’s heart twists ruthlessly. “You’re right.” He says when he finds his voice again. “We don’t know if Buck has eaten. But I know Buck would want to make sure we’re taken care of.”

“He is a fixer.” Hen says thoughtfully. Fond and brokenhearted. Reluctantly she meets Bobby’s steady gaze. “Maybe we could eat something light.”

“Did he watch it happen?” Chimney asks them, refusing to let the subject drop. “That body belonged to the woman his kidnapper took. Come on—we’re all thinking it. We’re all wondering the same thing. What if he was forced to watch? What does that mean for Buck?”

“We don’t know anything for sure.” Bobby’s stomach turns. “We can’t even prove the woman is connected to Buck’s disappearance. Right now all we have are speculations and theories.”

“Traded his soul.” Hen quotes. “Not his life. Karen—she thinks that maybe the killer was looking for an apprentice.”

“Jokes on him then.” Eddie growls. “Buck’s not going to hurt anyone.”

“Not willingly.” Hen agrees. “But the Buck I know would go to great lengths to keep the people he loves safe.”

“You think he’d do something-something like that—because of us? Because we’re somehow in danger?” Chimney frowns. “Maddie is terrified that the killer is going to come back for her. For Jee. For me. Are you saying that you think that Buck is-is the only reason he’s not?”

“I don’t know.” Hen admits. “I wish I had answers. I wish I knew that Buck was somewhere safe. That he didn’t witness something horrific. That he might be forced to—I don’t want to believe that’s happening. I’m just—I’m just saying—”

“It’s a possibility.” Bobby finishes for her.

“He wouldn’t do it.” Eddie insists. Then his face falls. “Buck wouldn’t survive something like that. He wouldn’t survive hurting someone else. Someone innocent.”

That much Bobby can agree with. The kid is such an earnest soul. A fixer—like Hen said. Saving people is his favorite thing. Helping people is what he lives for. Taking a life? Watching one being taken and not being able to stop it? Something like that might shatter the man they know.

“He wouldn’t do it.” Eddie repeats. Desperate. Needing them to agree with him.

“He wouldn’t.” Bobby agrees quietly. “He wouldn’t hurt anyone if he could help it.”

“He wouldn’t hurt anyone, Eddie.” Hen agrees.

“Of course, he wouldn’t, Eddie.” Chimney agrees. “He won’t hurt someone else.” If he has a choice, is left unspoken.

Eddie looks mostly appeased. He huffs, finishing his coffee with a large gulp. He sets the empty cup in the sink and looks at Bobby. “Alright. Let’s eat.”

Bobby makes a meal for them.

No one ends up eating it.

__

Chimney still feels pretty numb by the time he arrives back at Buck’s loft. He doesn’t immediately head up to the apartment. Instead he stares up at the building and thinks of his brother-in-law. He thinks back, like has been lately, remembering when Buck was still a probie. The reckless kid Chimney was sure would get someone killed.

God, that felt like a lifetime ago. Buck had grown up without them noticing. They didn’t give him enough credit. Buck made their lives better. Without Buck, Chimney would never have met Maddie. His daughter would have never been born. How different would all of their lives be without Buck shinning in their orbit? If he’d been assigned to a different firehouse, or if Bobby never gave him a second chance. If he hadn’t cheated death as many times as he had. What would the world look like?

“Come on, Buck.” Chimney closes his eyes. “You’ve gotten pretty good at dodging death. Don’t go quitting on us now.”

There’s no answer. No indication that Buck got his message. Guilt twists in Chimney’s stomach as he releases his death grip on the steering wheel. With a sigh Chimney leaves his car parked in its normal spot and heads up to see his family. It still feels eerie to Chimney, walking into Buck’s loft and not finding him. Maddie still refuses to return to their home. It’s no longer a crime scene—at least, not in the eyes of the law. It’s been processed. Theoretically they could go home.

But it doesn’t feel safe. Even for Chimney. He isn’t fighting Maddie on it.

The idea of sleeping in the house where his wife was taken? Where his brother-in-law was shot. Where a serial killer hunted his family. A killer that was still out there. Roaming free. Hurting people. Hurting Buck.

He reaches Buck’s door—Chimney’s temporary door—and lets himself inside. The apartment is quiet. The lights dim. Upstairs Jee is already asleep, he can hear the soft hum of the noise machine running. In the living room Maddie sits staring at the dark screen of the television.

“Nothing good on?” Chimney asks as he joins her, gathering up her legs and settling them across his lap gently as he sits next to her.

“I-I’m not really in the mood to watch anything.” Maddie admits with a sad smile that quickly fades. “I’m sorry. I know I’m making your life miserable. You barely sleep when you’re here because of my nightmares.”

“Maddie—you were kidnapped and your brother—Buck he—you have every right to be upset. To have nightmares. I don’t mind staying up all night if I can make things easier for you.” And he really didn’t mind. He’d lose any amount of sleep necessary if it meant that Maddie felt the slightest bit safer. “And I can sleep at the firehouse. I don’t care about sleep. I just want to be here for you. I want to—I want to make things better for you. I feel so helpless, Maddie. I should have been there.”

“Oh, Chim.” Maddie pulls her legs back and moves to curl next to him on the couch. “I’m so glad you weren’t there.”

“How can you say that?” Chimney shakes his head. Part of him knows that he should stop talking. That he shouldn’t let his guilt slip free. Because damn it all if he wasn’t guilty. He’d been late. He’d lost track of time and his family had been in danger. “If I had been there maybe I could have saved you both.”

“Or maybe we’d all be dead. Or Jee could have been hurt.” Maddie whispers. “I don’t like it. Of course I don’t. I hate the fact that Buck—that he did what he did. For me. I don’t deserve it. But, I am alive because of him. I don’t want to waste the time he’s given me. I don’t want to make our lives miserable. I just—I don’t know what to do Howie.”

“Hey, you don’t have to do anything.” Chimney holds her tightly. “We don’t have to have all the answers.”

“I just can’t stop thinking about what he might be going through.” Maddie’s breath stutters and falls into a sob. “It’s all my fault.”

“It isn’t. Buck wouldn’t want you to think that way.” Chimney promises. “He wouldn’t want to live our lives in regret. He’d want us to find a way to be happy.”

“I know.” Maddie sniffles again, resting her head on his shoulder. “I’m trying.”

“Hey.” Chimney draws her eyes up to his. “Buck’s still alive. He’s still out there somewhere. I can feel it. Athena is on the hunt. She’s going to find him. We just need to have faith. If anyone can survive this, it’s Buck.”

Chimney holds her close again and desperately hopes that Buck doesn’t turn him into a liar.

Chapter Text

When Buck comes down from the drugs Brother laced the water with, he’s an exhausted, sweaty mess. He lays in the darkness. Unmoving. His head is still stuffed with the horrors he witnessed. Everything blends together. A twisted, confused reality. How many women has he witnessed being butchered? Had it only been the one? It takes time to work through what was real.

Only one. One life.

One life snuffed out was already too much for his soul to carry. It holds him down under a crushing weight. A prison in his mind to go along with the prison holding his body.

One life. Gone. Wasted.

How many more would he see? How many other women would be murdered in front of him. How much blood will stain his hands?

Brother said this was the beginning of Buck’s training. When will he require Buck to participate?

What will Buck do? Could he hurt someone else? Someone who didn’t do a thing to deserve it? The thought overwhelms him. His stomach twists, but it’s empty. There’s nothing left for it to expel.

He tries to lock the memories down. Pulling the images that were burned into his retinas and banishing them to the far reaches of his mind. Shoving them into the same crowded box as his other traumas. The bombing. The sudden blast of heat and weightlessness and pain. The tsunami, the crushing hold of water. Being pulled under, looking up to see the surface and being unable to claw his way above the power of the wave. Christopher missing. Searching endlessly through the wake of destruction.

The shooting.

The lightning strike.

All the horrors he’s endured.

Everything that he has tried so hard to forget. To untangle himself from.

Every moment he felt helpless. Helpless to free himself from the crushing weight of the ladder truck. Helpless to keep Christopher safe. Helplessly watching Eddie bleed out in front of him. Helplessly looking up at the sky, knowing that something bad was about to happen and not being able to do a thing to stop it.

Each memory is crushing by themselves. Together? Buck can’t breathe. It’s too much.

The woman soaked in red joins the rest of the memories. The blood she spilled with her dying breath. The blood that Buck scrubbed away with his own hands.

It takes time. It takes a toll. But when Buck thinks he’s finally fit everything into the box and sealed it, he can breathe a little easier. If he concentrates, Buck hopes he can keep his sanity. The control is shaky. Maybe if he thinks about something else. Fills his mind with other things…

Focus.

Thirsty. He’s so thirsty.

Buck licks at his dry lips pointlessly. His tongue feels like scratchy wool. His body is a dried, empty husk. He knows he’s lost a serious amount of weight. How much longer until he wastes away completely? His body yearns for food. Skeletal. In desperate need of sustenance. He’s beyond hungry. It’s to the point where he doesn’t really feel the pain. His stomach doesn’t growl. It echoes with emptiness.

The world around him is dark. Cold. He thinks the television that had been playing the gore has been removed. There’s no glow from the screen. No light of any kind. Buck honestly doesn’t remember that happening. He must have happened when he fell asleep. Or maybe when his mind had gone blank. At some point he stared at the screen and didn’t see a thing. His mind was a void, a black hole where light and sound stopped existing.

The images he’d been exposed to flare upwards, swarming his mind.

No.

Buck flinches, eyelids clenched closed.

He breathes through the rising panic and shoves the images down.

No matter how hard he tries to push the blood filled visions away, they keep rising up from the dark corners of Buck’s mind. Attacking him. Robbing him of peace.

He feels alone, hollow and guilty. The horrific clips he had been forced to watch seem like a distant memory. Something hazy thanks to the drugs. He had disassociated through a lot of it. The drugs messed with his mind, but it was like his eyes refused to see what was being shown to him. The woman he witnessed Brother murder, however, is still crystal clear. Her tearful blue eyes. Her screams. Her bright red blood. The way her body went limp and her eyes frosted over with death.

She had looked so much like Maddie. But then, that was the point, right? His sister was Brother’s ‘type.’ A mirror image of the creatures from the past. The ghost that haunted the brothers. Who stole hearts.

No. That was a lie. Buck shakes his head a little to clear it. That story was made up. Brother is demented—nothing else. There is no justification to killing innocent women. There’s no magical well.

He reaches up, pressing his hand against his bare chest. Under his skin and bones he feels the flutter of his heartbeat. He hears the rush of blood pumping through his veins in his ears. He’s alive.

No one has stolen his heart.

Why is his head so confused? He should know the truth. He knows the truth.

God, he can’t think about that. Buck tries again to shove the memories down. The images slip through, though. Popping and flashing in his head. Like fireworks. Powerful and dangerous. Loud. So loud.

Stop.

Please.

The woman had been so terrified, and Buck had been helpless to do anything for her. Forced to watch as the light went out of her eyes and her blood pooled at her feet. Pouring out of her like a fountain from the fatal wound inflicted on her neck. The frozen shock on her delicate face. The gurgling sound of death.

Stop.

This is his life now. His reality. Shouldn’t he get used to it? Shouldn’t he stop fighting? Let the images in. Accept them. Learn from them. Wouldn’t it be easier? Just give in. Just listen to Brother. Brother will know what to do.

No.

Buck tries to banish the thoughts, but they echo in his head. Listen to Brother. Trust Brother. Brother is right. They deserve to die.

No. No. No.

Buck screams and the electricity consumes him. He passes out. Grateful for the reprieve, even if it doesn’t last nearly as long as he wanted. Eternity.

He wants to die. He can’t do this.

When he regains consciousness, Buck fights the images swirling in his head. The image of the strange woman. Her final moments. He pushes them down, but they slip through his fingers. Like phantoms. Her ghost stayed to haunt him. To keep him company until his dying day. He can’t free himself from her hold. Not fully. Not well enough.

He turns his face into the hard, unforgiving ground. Gritting his teeth in effort not to scream again. Buck closes his eyes despite the darkness. Trying again and again to erase the images from his brain. But he can’t. Maybe its time to stop trying. He doesn't deserve to be able to forget. He hadn’t been able to save her. Can’t save himself. Maybe this is some kind of cosmic payback. A punishment.

Those were her final moments. She deserves to be remembered.

That woman had a family. She has people out there. Family that will wonder what happened to her. Her death was so pointless. She hadn’t deserved to die. Scared and alone. A salty tear drips down his nose. Followed by another and another. Buck is so dehydrated he isn’t sure how it’s possible that he’s able to produce tears. Maybe he’s crying blood.

Maybe he is becoming a creature of darkness. A monster. Otherworldly. A shadow of his former self.

How much longer until he loses the rest of his soul?

He can’t do this. He can’t live like this. Why is he still fighting? What is there left to fight for?

He cries silently in the dark. Unable to make enough sound to trigger the collar. His hands tremble weakly as he clasps them over his face. He holds them there until he falls back into a troubled sleep.

__

“Wake up, Little Brother.”

He blinks his eyes open, startling as he looks up and sees Brother standing on the other side of the bars. There’s a bright smile on the man’s face.

“I brought you gifts.” Brother continues as Buck dutifully sits up. “To celebrate our first kill together.”

Nausea rolls in Buck’s gut as Brother speaks. Their kill. Brother says it like Buck was a happy participant.

Buck shudders. Firmly keeping his eyes lowered, not wanting to anger Brother. The celebration could shift to torture at any point. The man is volatile on a good day. And Buck can’t handle any more pain. He just wants it to be over. He’ll be good for Brother. He’ll obey. He doesn’t want to suffer anymore.

A plate and a glass are set on Buck’s side of the bars. “A feast—your reward for helping me yesterday. As promised.”

Had it only been a day? Buck licks at his dry lips again and eyes the glass of milk. He wonders if it’s laced with more drugs. There’s no way to tell. The sandwich is a surprise. Thick bread stacked with mouthwatering fillings. Fresh lettuce, ripe tomato slices, cheese and deli cut meat. Along with the sandwich are fries, still warm and salted to perfection.

Buck hasn’t been fed an actual meal the entire time he’s been here. The candy bar he’d been given hardly counts. He can’t remember the last—no, that’s not true. He does remember the last thing he ate. The last meal before he traded his freedom away.

Eddie had ordered pizza. A treat for helping him pack up the U-Haul. It didn’t feel like much of a treat then. Somehow he’d managed to choke down two slices.

Eating doesn’t feel much like a celebration now, either.

Buck has been without food for so long, he isn’t even sure he can bring himself to eat, but he knows he needs to try. If he doesn’t eat, Brother might think he’s being difficult.

He can’t let Brother down. If he let’s Brother down, Brother might leave him alone in the dark again. Alone with his thoughts. Alone with the ghosts.

There are so many ghosts, you know.

Brother’s words come back to him. Mocking.

Oddly enough the statement resonates with him now. He understands it. There are so many ghosts.

“Go on, dig in.” Brother encourages when Buck doesn’t immediately start devouring the offering. Needing no further prodding, Buck reaches out a trembling hand and picks up half of the sandwich. He takes a tentative bite. He hates that it tastes good. He hates that he starts to eat with more gusto. Practically inhaling the first half of the sandwich in only a few bites. He stares at the glass of milk longingly, but fears it is laced with something. Then, halfway through the second half of the sandwich, he realizes it could be laced too.

With nothing left to lose, he drinks the glass of milk. Then he starts on the fries. Savoring them until the last one disappears.

Once there’s nothing left to eat, he carefully sets the empty glass and plate on the other side of the bars.

“I have something else for you.” Brother announces and reaches into his leather jacket to pull out new photographs. Buck’s heart sinks, but takes the images that are handed to him without hesitation. He keeps his eyes on Brother before gathering enough strength to look down at the pictures. There are five photographs this time. The first three are Hen, Karen and the kids at a park. They look happy. Carefree and alive. A flood of homesickness fills Buck as he traces over Hen’s smiling face.

He misses her. He misses Hen’s kindness. Her advice. Her love. Her humor. He misses her hugs and her warm sympathy and understanding. God, he wishes he could see her again. Talk to her. She would tell him how to get out of here. She would have a brilliant idea, he knows it.

But what would she say if she knew what he had done? If she knew what he might do in the future? She’d hate him. Hen would want nothing to do with him. She’d be disappointed. She’d think he was weak.

He is weak.

She doesn’t miss him. Buck annoyed her so often. Now she doesn’t have to put up with him. She’s better off without him.

The next is a picture taken within the 118 firehouse. It startles Buck. Dread pools in his stomach along side the food he had eaten. The sick feeling lingers as he glances up at Brother.

“I wanted to see where you worked.” Brother says in a sly, smug way. “I had a pleasant chat with your Captain. Captain Nash.”

The gloom inside of him expands dangerously. Fear claws at his insides with the fury of a frightened bear as Buck stares up at Brother. The idea of Bobby talking to such a monster. Of breathing the same air as Brother—it felt wrong. Dangerous.

“He’s already looking for a replacement to fill your spot.” Brother tells Buck calmly “He told me I looked like I’d make a fine firefighter. He kindly suggested that I should visit the fire academy. Wouldn’t that be something? Me joining your crew? Becoming their friend. Replacing you? All the while you’ll be here. Helping me kill.”

Buck shivers at the thought. He isn’t sure he would be able to survive that. Knowing that his family was in constant danger. Though, they are already in constant danger. Brother used Buck’s phone to figure out who is important to him. Because of Buck, Brother knew exactly where they all lived. Brother was stalking them. Photographing them. They’re already in danger. Buck put them in danger. All because he made a deal that he didn’t understand.

It would have been better if he had died.

“Now, now, don’t look so sad.” Brother says. “There’s one more picture.”

Buck looks down at the picture of the firehouse and with trembling fingers shuffles it to the back of the stack. He freezes as he looks upon the next image and then his heart leaps into his throat.

Eddie.

But Eddie was in Texas. In El Paso with Christopher. But no, here he is. Photographed in brilliant color. Smiling in amusement as he says something to Chimney. Alive. In LA.

What did that mean? H-had Eddie come back for him? To find him?

Was Christopher home too?

“You're smiling. Why? What is it about that photo?” Brother’s voice loses every ounce of amusement. Ice drips from Brother’s tongue, the licking its way down Buck’s spine. “Who is he to you?”

Buck doesn’t look up at Brother, his heart filling with a wellspring of hope. The dying ember it had been bursting into a bright flames.

Eddie came back. He came back.

They were looking for him. They had to be. That has to be why Eddie had come back to LA. Obviously they still had to go to work. They still had lives to lead—but they hadn’t given up on Buck. They hadn’t forgotten him. Everything Brother had told him was a lie. His family loved him. They missed him. They were looking for him.

They had to be. Because Eddie wouldn’t have come back if he didn’t care.

“Give me that photograph.” Brother demands. Buck flinches back at the harshness in the killer’s voice. He grips the pictures tighter, pulling them close to his chest protectively. “Don’t test me.” Brother warns, hand reaching through the bars.

The thing is, Buck knows he doesn’t have a choice. One way or another he would lose the picture of Eddie. He holds onto it like a lifeline until Brother reaches towards his pocket. The remote. Buck clings to the photograph a second longer before offering it up. Hating himself to do it. The image of Eddie is snatched away.

“Whoever this man is, he doesn’t see you like I do.” Brother snarls shaking the picture in front of the bars. Too far away for Buck to take back.

Thank God Eddie doesn’t see him like Brother does.

“He’s your past. Your past is dead. You are dead to him.” Brother jabs the photo at him. “Look at him smiling! He doesn’t miss you! Seeing a photograph of him shouldn’t make you smile!”

Had Buck been smiling? He hadn’t realized. But Brother doesn’t know. He doesn’t understand. Eddie might be smiling in the photograph—but Eddie came back. Eddie came back to LA. That had to mean something. Buck needs it to mean something.

“No. You need to understand, Little Brother, I’m the only person that cares about you. Not this man.” He reaches into his pocket and Buck flinches back from the bars, fully expecting to see him grab the remote. Instead, he reveals a golden zippo lighter. Brother lights the corner of the photograph on fire, the flame burning through the image of Eddie’s face. Buck’s heart pounds in his chest as he watches Eddie curl under the orange heat and disappear into charcoal and ash.

Buck hopes it isn’t the last time he sees Eddie’s face, but he suspects it might be. Because the look on Brother’s face is terrifying.

“You need to learn a lesson.” Brother says dropping the flaming remains of the photograph onto the ground. “A few days alone in the dark might remind you that I’m the only one that loves you. I’m the only one who matters. Me. Remember that!”

Brother storms up the stairs leading to the main floor. The room goes dark seconds before the door slams. Buck shrinks back until his back strikes the wall. Heart thundering loudly in his ears. The darkness around him is endless. Infinite. Forever. He’s going to die in this basement. In the dark. Alone.

Maybe it’ll be better that way. Maybe he should let the darkness have him.

But Eddie is in LA. He’s looking for Buck.

Then the collar triggers. Somewhere in the house above Brother presses down on the remote. Buck’s body seizes, teeth clenching together as the electricity tightens every muscle in his body. He gasps when he’s released from the pain. There is only a moment or two of reprieve before the pain returns. Striking again and again. The electricity burns through him until the hope from seeing Eddie’s picture is carved from his heart.

Until Buck’s only dream is that his next breath will be his last.
__

“Please wake up.”

The voice echoes through the fog in his head. His body is numb. Cold. Still trembling in anticipation of the next round of pain. The pain doesn’t return, but the voice does.

“Please.”

Buck cracks his eyes open. His vision is blurry and the room swims even though he’s not moving.

“There you go!” The voice cheers quietly. “Come on, you can do it.”

The voice sounds so hopeful. So encouraging. So much like Maddie. A memory flashes in his mind. He was twelve and had gotten a concussion from doing something dumb. Maddie had been trying to keep him awake. Their parents hadn’t been home, and she had driven him to the hospital.

If he could still cry, he would. But he’s been kept in the dark for so long. Alone. It must not have been a week because he’s still alive. The hours seemed endless and the darkness infinite.

It isn’t dark now. The light burns Buck’s unprotected eyes. After days of darkness, the dim glow of the single light bulb illuminating the room is too much.

He isn’t alone.

The dreaded chair is occupied by a young woman. Younger than Maddie and the last victim. She’s youthful. Eyes scrunched up in a look that was so reminiscent of his sister it hurts his heart.

She was going to die.

A sob nearly breaks free from his chest, but he’s incapable of making sound. His voice had long given out during his time in the void. His throat is a raw mess, inside and out. It was so tempting just to give in to the lingering exhaustion. To fall back into oblivion. Maybe he won’t wake up this time. Maybe he’ll be free.

“Please! Don’t go back to sleep.”

But he can’t leave her here with Brother. Alone. Knowing what is going to happen. He inhales deeply, forcing his eyes open wider as he pulls his shaking bones into a slumped, but seated position. Buck’s head spins dangerously. He manages to crawl forward, leaning his heavily against the bars that separate them.

“Hi.” The girl tearfully greets him as he looks up at her. “I’m Vivian.”

Hi, Buck mouths back to her silently.

“I’d say it’s nice to meet you, but.” She glances around the room and shrugs before her hazel eyes fix back upon him. “The circumstances kind of suck.”

God, Buck thinks. She can’t be more than eighteen.

“You can’t talk?” She asks when he doesn’t respond. He raises a shaky hand to his collar and her eyes widen in understanding. “A shock collar, right? Like—for dogs?”

Buck manages a nod, wincing at the imagery. He’s in a cage. He has a collar. God, he is a dog. Learning to obey his master. A pet. A plaything. No longer human.

“Sorry. Okay. So, yes or no questions only. Got it.” Vivian inhales sharply. “Do you know where we are?”

No.

“Okay. Is-is he going to hurt me?”

A tear he didn’t think he was capable of producing breaks free from the corner of his left eye. He nods, head resting weakly against the bars as his eyes slip closed. He hears her make a distressed noise, but she’s rather composed for someone in their situation.

“Okay.” The Vivian says after regaining careful control over her fear. “Okay. Well, okay. Whatever happens—it isn’t your fault, okay?”

Buck’s eyes snap open and his gaze finds her. He shakes his head in protest. Because it is his fault.

“No, no.” The Vivian shakes her head, speaking quietly. “Look—obviously you’ve been here a while. You-you’ve done this before. Whatever happened, whatever will happen? Totally not your fault. But, if-if you get free, though? Could you do me a favor? Could you find my mom? Cynthia Sparks?” Two tears escaped from her eyes, rolling down her face unchecked. “It’s just, we got in a fight, and I went for a run and then that guy showed up and I-I really need my mom to know that I love her, and that I’ll go to whatever college she wants me to—if I make it out of here alive. And if I don’t? Tell her I-I-I’m sorry. And it’s not her fault. Or your fault.”

But it is.

“Hey, no.” Vivian shakes her head and smiles. It’s watery, but so kind. So brave. It makes Buck’s heart hurt. “We’re in this together, okay? We aren’t to blame. That man is.”

That he can agree with. Buck nods.

“You’ll find my mom?” Vivian asks again, eyes pleading.

Buck nods. More confident this time. If he survives, he can do that for Vivian. He can find her mother and deliver her daughter’s message. It’s the least he can do.

“Good.” Vivian says and Buck’s brain shorts out. He comes too sometime later, Vivian softly talking, trying to catch his attention. He’s at the back of his cage, shaking. “Are you back with me?” The girl asks worriedly. “I-I-I’m so sorry. I-I don’t know what I did?”

Buck inhales sharply and shakes his head, unable to explain. Even if he could talk—that hasn’t happened before. Though, the longer he’s here the more likely he’s going to lose his mind.

“Okay. You’re okay. Well-not exactly okay, okay, but, well, you know.” Vivian stammers and Buck pulls himself forward, returning to the bars so he can sit as close to her as he can. “Oh, do you know any sign language? Could you spell your name?”

A thrill of excitement tingles through Buck and he nods. His fingers are still shaking a little, mostly from the jolts of electricity, but he manages to form the appropriate letters to finger spell his name.

“B. U. C. K. Buck? Your name is Buck?”

He nods, sagging against the bars.

“Nice to meet you, Buck. Or, as nice as it can be.” She glances upwards as the floorboards above them start to creak. Buck winces, shrinking away from the sound. “Is that’s him?” Buck nods needlessly. She already knows the answer to the question. She’s just filling the silence with her voice. Buck understands the impulse better than most.

“Okay. If he’s going to kill me, what are you here for?” Vivian asks hurriedly. They’re running out of time.

Buck frowns, not sure how to explain his situation in a simple way. He doesn’t have time to try and figure out how to mime or sign, ‘He was going to kill my sister, and I changed his mind.’

Instead, he simplifies it. Apprentice. He finger-spells it and she follows along until she says the word out loud.

“Apprentice?” Vivian’s voice goes sharp. Eyes narrowed. “Willingly?”

Buck shakes his head. Hell no. She nods, but Buck can see her mind turning over the new information. Spinning it around. Maybe trying to come up with some kind of plan. He doesn’t know. He hopes she can think of a way to save herself. She shouldn’t have to die here. This shouldn’t be the end of her story. He wants her to be free. To be able to see her mom again. Her life shouldn’t end in this place.

Maybe Buck could make another deal? Maybe he could beg? It would probably piss Brother off, but Buck will not survive watching another woman die so brutally.

He can’t do it. He can’t be what Brother wants.

Buck hopes Maddie will forgive him.

The door at the top of the stairs opens. Buck jumps at the sound, eyes flickering behind Vivian. Watching as Brother’s shoes come into view, then his pants and finally the rest of him. He smiles when he sees both of his captives are awake.

“Ah, I see you’ve met.” Brother says sweeping passed Vivian’s chair without sparing her a glance. “What do you think of our next victim?” Brother grins proudly. “She just appeared in front of me while I was driving home. Like a sign. It was a lot like when I met your sister, actually. Walking around looking just like Cecilia. Taunting me.”

Cecilia? That’s a new name. Maybe the girl who inspired his killings. An ex-lover? His mother? Who knew. Buck certainly didn’t want to. He only wants to save Vivian.

If only he had his voice. He feels so helpless without it. Helpless and pathetic. Weak. Buck only wants to save the young, vibrant girl whose only crime is looking like someone named Cecilia. Whatever happens to him afterwards is fine—just as long as she survives.

Buck clasps his hands in front of him, shifting to sit on his knees. Begging. Silently. Earnestly. Brother stares down at him. The cruel man’s face going blank as he observes Buck. Behind him, Vivian is silent. Watching with fear-stained eyes.

“You want something.” Brother says coolly, stepping closer to the bars that separate them. “You want to help me.”

What? No. Buck is so shocked he doesn’t shake his head. His eyes just widen with surprise.

“My thoughts exactly.” Brother gives him a wicked grin. “It’s time for you to have your first taste of blood.”

A rush of cold drips down from the top of Bucks head, down the back of his neck. The chill of it slithers down the length of his spine. He feels numb. This isn’t real. This can’t be happening. He can’t do this.

He can’t do this.

“Yes. This will be perfect.” Brother grins manically. “No-don’t look discouraged. There’s nothing like the first drops of spilled blood. The rush you’ll feel. It’ll hook you. Then you’ll understand. You won’t want to stop.”

It would be so easy just to agree. To do what Brother wants. This was the vow he made. This was the deal he struck.

Maddie’s life depended on Buck’s compliance.

Buck shakes his head. No. No. He can’t. He won’t.

His sister would understand, wouldn’t she? She would understand that he couldn’t do this. He couldn’t hurt Vivian.

“No?” Brother’s excitement evaporates. Replaced quickly with disappointment. Fear prickles like static up the back of Buck’s neck. The disappointment morphs into a scowl. “No? This woman wouldn’t afford you the same hesitation.” He says, jabbing a finger in Vivian’s direction. “She doesn’t care what happens to you. Why would you care what happens to her?”

Buck shifts on his knees, moving forward. Hands folded again, pleading. ‘Please.’ He mouths silently. Don’t make me do this.

“She would hurt you in an instant. She would cut you apart if it meant saving her own life.” Brother bellows angrily. Behind Brother Buck sees Vivian’s face shifts from horror to something more like determination.

Buck shakes his head. No, Vivian wouldn’t turn on him. She wouldn’t hurt him, and he doesn’t want to hurt her. They were in this together. She said they were in this together.

“I’ll prove it to you. Then you’ll understand why they deserve this.”

No one deserves this! The words ring in Buck’s head as if he shouted them out loud. But he can’t speak. He couldn’t even if he tried.

Brother turns to Vivian, squaring his shoulders as he stalks towards her. “I’ll spare your life if you agree to stab him.”

To her credit, Vivian doesn’t immediately respond. Her eyes turn from Brother to look at Buck. There’s a flash of regret. Maybe a silent, fleeting apology. And Buck understands. His heart breaks under the force of her betrayal—but he understands. She needs to see her mother again. She needs to apologize. She has a life and a future waiting for her. And hurting Buck is the only way to get back to it. With Brother’s back still turned on Buck, he nods his consent.

“I’ll do it.” Vivian agrees. Voice clear and strong as she looks back up at Brother. “I’ll do it.”

“See?” Brother whirls around to face Buck. “See how easily she betrayed you? Will you hurt her now?”

Yes, Vivian had decided to betray him. Part of him, the part that Brother had been conditioning, wanted to give in. She betrayed him first—this was his chance to pay her back. This was his chance to hurt her before she could hurt him.

But he couldn’t do it. He’d lost so much of himself already. He couldn’t do this.

He just hopes that Maddie will understand. He hopes that the others will protect his family. Eddie and Athena will protect them.

“Well?” Brother snarls.

Buck looks away, ashamed that it took so long for him to choose. He shakes his head and Brother lets out a roar of frustration.

“Why are you so weak?” Brother shouts. “Why do you love them more than you love me?”

“He is weak.” Vivian shouts, pulling Brother’s attention back to her. Buck stares, horrified. Is she insane? Or desperate.

Brother grips his hands into fists as he gives her his full attention. He’s holding himself back, Buck realizes. Brother is stopping himself from killing her too quickly.

Vivian is playing with fire.

“You don’t know a thing about him.” Brother growls in warning.

“I know he won’t listen to you.” Vivian says in a sweet, hushed voice. She looks up at Brother from underneath her eyelashes. Youthful. Innocent. “I know that you’ve done so much for him, and he refuses to appreciate it. You deserve better.”

“I do.” Brother’s anger drains from his body. He takes a step closer to the vulnerable girl, as if mesmerized by her. “I do deserve better.”

“You deserve a student who will listen to you.” Vivian continues. “Someone who wants to learn.”

“And you want to learn from me?” Brother scoffs, he takes a step back.

“I’ll do whatever you want.” Vivian tells Brother, echoes the same words that brought Buck here. Brother stops his retreat and looks at her. There’s no way she could know that, though. Unless she’s somehow working with Brother. Is this a test? Had Buck failed? Vivian continues. “You brought him here to be your apprentice? Right? I can be that for you. I can be better than he ever would have been.”

Brother lets out a shaky breath. He flexes his fingers. His hands. He’s considering it. Buck’s heart starts to race as Brother moves. Pacing back and forth between them, fingers clawing through his hair.

Brother is considering her offer. Vivian has a chance.

“I’m a fast learner.” Vivian continues to sell herself. “I like getting my hands dirty. I prefer it, actually. I wanted to go to school to be a surgeon. I like the idea of cutting open human flesh. It fascinates me.”

“No. You look too much like her.” Brother shakes his head angrily. Torn between his two options. Buck sincerely hopes Vivian wins.

“You can cut my hair—I’ll dye it whatever color you want.” Vivian offers. “Red? Black? Blue? Anything you want. You can choose.”

“You’d do that for me?” Brother stops so abruptly, Buck’s head spins. Brother’s focus is pinned on the girl in the chair. Vivian looks so earnest. So sincere.

“I’d do anything for you.” Vivian promises sweetly.

“Anything?” Brother repeats, sounding enraptured. Hypnotized.

“Anything.” Vivian repeats gently.

Total control.

Brother storms from the room, sprinting up the stairs. The lights stay on. He’ll return shortly. They don’t have a lot of time.

“I’m sorry.” Vivian whispers to Buck brokenly. “I’m so sorry.”

Even though this is the best outcome, Buck can’t help but feel betrayed. He looks away from her.

Before Vivian can offer any other kind of condolence, or an explanation, Brother storms back down the steps, carving knife clutched in his hand. Honestly, Buck doesn’t need an explanation. He understands. He’ll happily sacrifice himself so she can live. He will. And yet…

“You look so much like her.” Brother hesitates.

“Cut my hair. Use the knife.” Vivian offers easily. “As short as you want. Cut it all off. I don’t mind.”

“You’d let me?” Brother says in such a curious voice. Almost childlike.

“Yes. I trust you.” Vivian smiles. God, that smile.

Brother steps behind Vivian, gathering her hair towards the back of her neck. Vivian’s hazel eyes meet Buck’s alarmed gaze. Because Brother stood just like that behind the other woman when he killed her. Vivian’s eyes flash in fear, seeing Buck’s reaction, but Brother doesn’t kill her. He does butcher her hair. The severed locks fall to the ground. Like plucked feathers. For a moment Vivian’s brave face crumbles. She closes her eyes, and the bravado is back as Brother steps back in front of her, evaluating the haircut with critical eyes.

“How do I look?” Vivian asks, tipping her chin up. Her hair, once long and beautiful, is cut in uneven, jagged lengths no longer than the base of her neck. It’s a hatched job.

“Beautiful.” Brother whispers, his fingertips reaching out, pulling on a strand of brown carelessly. Vivian doesn’t flinch. The part of Buck that isn’t numb cheers her on. She’s a survivor. She can make it out of here alive. She can do this.

Buck’s only regret is not giving Vivian Maddie’s name. Having her go to his sister once he’s gone with his final goodbye. One last, ‘I love you.’

Of course, Vivian might be meeting Maddie soon enough. If Brother decides to make good on all of his threats. Buck had broken their deal, after all.

Brother cuts Vivian free and pulls her to stand. He reaches out again, seemingly fascinated with her hair. He turns unlocking Buck’s cage. His face twisting into disappointed rage as he looks upon his failed apprentice. “Sit in the chair.” The key in Brother’s hand is replaced by the remote for the collar. Buck knows he doesn’t have much of a choice.

Shaking, he pulls himself up on wobbly knees. If this is the last time he stands, he’ll do it. He isn’t going to crawl to his death. The adrenaline alone keeps him upright as he staggers out of his cage and drops into the chair. Brother doesn’t bother tying him up. He’s too weak to try and fight and the remote will guarantee Buck’s cooperation. Even as he’s cut to pieces.

It’s better this way, Buck reminds himself as Brother hands Vivian the knife. The girl takes it, testing the weight of it in her palm as she looks down at Buck. After a moment of silent deliberation, Vivian looks up at Brother. The picture of youthful innocence. “Where do you want me to start?”

Brother’s smile is all teeth. He moves forward, bending a little to point between two of Buck’s ribs. “Here—”

Vivian raises the knife and plunges it into the junction between Brother’s head and shoulder. Hot blood sprays across her face, but Brother doesn’t immediately go down. He turns to lung at her. To strike back. To subdue her. But as he turns, she lashes out with her knee, ramming it hard into his groin. Brother collapses and Vivian reaches out for Buck, clumsily hauling him up from the chair.

“Come on.” She rushes, pulling him along with her. Doing her best to balance his unsteady legs. “We have to go.”

And they do. Together. Somehow, she helps him up the stairs. Vivian slips under his arm, steading him when he starts to run out of energy. Buck is terrified he’ll crush her. Even with all the weight he’s lost, she’s so tiny compared to him.

They limp their way through the cluttered house and find the front door. Fresh air spills over Buck as they stumble into the yard. His eyes widen, lungs heaving from the exertion. It’s just after sunset. The sky still adorned in oranges and pinks. The view is breathtaking. The city glows in the distance below them, framed in trees and swirling clouds.

Out of reach. Buck feels the panic within him rise up like hands to choke him. He stumbles, falling to his knees despite Vivian’s best effort to keep him upright. He can barely breathe. His lungs won’t work. There’s no way he’ll make it down the mountain. Not without slowing her down. They didn’t stop to check if Brother was dead. He could still be alive. He could catch them both.

Buck knows the killer has a gun. The proof aching in his shoulder.

“Come on.” Vivian pleads, trying to help him up. His legs won’t cooperate, knees too weak to hold his weight.

On his hands and knees Buck shakes his head and looks up at Vivian. ‘Run.’ He mouths to her. Tears spill down her pale, blood speckled cheeks.

“No, I can’t leave you now! I told you. We’re in this together.”

Even if he could get up, Buck knows he won’t make it far. He’s basically naked. Clothed in only his boxers. His feet are bare, and his body is weak. She’s young. She has running shoes on and proper clothing. She has a chance. Buck shakes his head again, even though it makes the world spin sickeningly. He signs the word ‘help’ and mouths ‘run’ over and over again.

“Okay. Okay.” Vivian hugs him, sobbing. “I’ll go get help. Please. Just please be okay until I get back!”

Buck nods mutely and gently pushes her towards the tree line. Vivian stumbles back a few steps, giving him one last regret filled look. She turns. He watches as she sprints towards freedom, vanishing in the fading light.

Once she’s out of sight Buck looks upwards, soaking in the darkening sky. For a moment he feels at peace. Maybe he’ll be able to go home after all. Maybe…

Lightning cuts through his body. He topples over as his body thrashes against the current. When it’s over, Buck opens his eyes and Brother looms over him, knife still embedded in his neck, but terrifyingly still alive. Brother reaches up, gripping the handle of the knife and yanks it free. Blood gushes, but not enough to be lethal. Somehow Vivian had managed to miss his vital arteries. Brother still needs to stop the blood flow, not that he seems to be in a rush to do so.

“I tried to teach you.” Brother snarls down at Buck, ramming his foot into Buck’s unprotected side. “I tried to show you! They can’t be trusted. She left you behind. Left us behind. And you’re going to pay for it, Little Brother.” Brother reaches down and grabs Buck’s ankle. Slowly Brother drags him back towards the house.

As Buck’s body scrapes across the rough ground, his eyes look upwards, drinking in the sight of the sky one last time before he’s pulled back down into the depths of hell.

Chapter Text

It’s been days. Three to be exact. Three days since Maddie heard her kidnapper’s voice. Time doesn’t feel real. It flows like a river. Sometimes fast and sometimes slow. Sometimes a mixture of both.

Maddie drifts. Unable to stop. Unable to swim back. It carries her unendingly forward.

Three days and it still feels like she’s holding her breath. Waiting for the next call to be a nightmare. At first she had strongly believed she had finally gone insane. There was no real way for her to remember the killer’s voice. She had been drugged when she’d been taken. She’d been unconscious when she’d been found. Her memories of that time were shrouded in uncertainty. There had been no way to know if what she heard was real or if she’d made it up.

At least, not until the killer called 911.

She’d recognized the voice. She knew it was him. The truth of it settle on her soul like an inescapable weight. A tight, unyielding hug of anxiety.

Had she ever truly been freed?

Maddie wasn’t being held captive in a physical sense. She didn’t have rope or chains holding her down. She wasn’t locked away in some hidden room. She could go wherever she pleased and be with the people she loved—well, most of them.

Freedom had been handed back to Maddie, yet she was still being held captive by fear. Her kidnapper could be anywhere he pleased. Lurking in every shadow. Waiting to strike when she least expected it. When her guard was down. It was only just a matter of time.

Would the torment ever truly be over?

Did she even deserve peace? When her brother was suffering in her place?

No.

Then the call happened. The voice pointing them in the direction of his latest victim.

It was a staggering reminder of what could have been. If things had played out differently, it would have been Maddie found in pieces at the bottom of that cliff. The only reason she isn’t dead was because of Buck.

Her little brother who was still unaccounted for. Possibly dead. Possibly alive.

Detective Romero questioned Maddie about the caller. About the voice. The irony was not lost on Maddie, or anyone else. Out of everyone working at dispatch that day, she had been the one to answer that call. She had returned to her station just in time to take it. Like fate, or destiny.

There was no way for the killer to have planned it.

All throughout the questioning, Maddie wondered if the killer had recognized her voice. Did he even know what her voice sounded like? When he had taken her, she hadn’t had a chance to scream. She hadn’t even known he was in the house until it was too late.

Detective Romero collected the recordings of the call for evidence. He was thrilled to finally have a break in the case. They had the voice of Buck’s kidnapper. They knew he was still in the area—or at least that he had been.

The call itself was a dead end. It was made on a prepaid burner phone purchased with cash at a gas station with broken security cameras. The cashier hadn’t been able to remember anything remarkable about the man who purchased the phone. Just that he was tall, white, and maybe he had blue eyes. The description was shaky at best since the kid was high during questioning. He was probably high when he sold the phone too.

Even with the new information, they weren’t any closer to finding Buck.

The media finally caught wind of the murders. Some reporter had dug deep, linking the murder of the woman found dismembered at the bottom of the cliff to others all over California. Thankfully Maddie’s own experience with the killer stayed out of the reports, along with her name. Buck hadn’t been mentioned either. Small mercies.

The local news stations were warning women who fit the killer’s profile to be vigilant.

Which meant an uptick in alarmist phone calls.

Despite being offered more time off, Maddie had gone back to work the day after the call. Waiting around her brother’s loft was just as torturous as waiting to hear the killer’s voice on the other end of a dispatch call. At least at work she was being useful. Helping people the way that Buck would have wanted her to.

She sat and took call after call, expecting to her his voice again, but it only existed in her dreams, nightmares and memories.

Three days later and the voice hasn’t returned.

“911, what is your emergency?” Maddie asks after taking a sip of water. She holds her breath, waiting for the caller to speak. Wondering if this time she won’t be so lucky. Wondering if this time he’ll be on the other end of the call.

“Hello, yes. I-It’s my daughter, oh God, she’s missing.” A woman’s distraught voice fills Maddie’s ears. Maddie exhales quietly with relief. She feels guilty for it. The woman on the other end of the call is clearly worried about her daughter.

“May I have her name?” Maddie asks as her fingers fly over the keyboard, taking down notes.

“Vivian Sparks. She’s seventeen years old. I’m Cynthia Sparks, her mother. Her father died a few years ago. She’s all I have, please.”

A teenager on the cusp of adulthood. A possible runaway situation. Unfortunately calls like this were common.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Maddie asks. “When was the last time you saw her?”

“A few hours ago.” The woman says, sounding reluctant. Likely thinking Maddie would write it off as a non-emergency. In most cases it would be. “We got into this huge fight and she-she went for a run to clear her head. But she always comes back. I swear I wouldn’t be calling if I thought—I-I just have this awful feeling something happened to her. She should have been back by now. She would have come back if she could.”

“Okay, I’m sending an officer to you.” Maddie promises, choosing Athena. She knows that Athena won’t brush off the woman’s concerns. Hopefully they can track down the daughter quickly. It was very likely that the daughter simply needed space after the fight.

“Thank you.” Cynthia exhales. “I-I just don’t know what I’ll do if anything happens to her. And Vivi looks so much like that woman who was murdered.”

“The woman—” Maddie’s eyes widen, unable to finish her question.

“The one that was found at the bottom of that cliff.” Cynthia sobs. “I just-I should have gone after Vivi. I shouldn’t have let her run off like that. I’ve been so scared for her, and then I let her walk out the door. Why did I let her walk away? I should have stopped her.”

“I’m sure your daughter knows that you love her. Stay on the line for me, okay? I’m going to update the officer I’m sending to you.” Maddie tries to console her while she changes the priority level of the call to urgent and uses her second line to call Athena directly.

“Maddie,” Athena answers the call. “I see the priority of the call changed.”

“I have a possible missing person that fits the victim profile of our serial killer.” Maddie tells Athena, after muting her call with Cynthia.

“I’ll contact Detective Romero and have him meet me there.” Athena says, voice clipped and professional.

“I’m on the phone with her mother. I’ll stay on the line until you get there.” She switches the call back to Cynthia who is openly crying. “Help is on the way, Cynthia. We’re going to do everything we can to find Vivian.”

“Thank you. I don’t know what I’ll do if something were to happen to her. Please. Please find her.”

“We’re going to do everything we can.” Maddie says, voice even and calm despite her racing heart. “I promise.”

__

Athena’s heart sinks when Cynthia shows her a picture of her missing daughter. It’s eerie how similar she looks to the other victims. To Maddie. Vivian is the youngest taken by the serial killer. The most youthful. So young. Not even eighteen.

“We fought over what college she should go to.” Cynthia says, drawing Athena out of her thoughts. “I wanted her to stay close. She’s all I have. Please, you have to find her. I’ll let her go to whatever college she wants—it was such a silly fight.”

“I understand. I was pretty particular over which college my daughter wanted to go to as well.” Athena smiles. “And then she decided not to go to college at all. At least, not at first. I was so angry with her. But she knew what she wanted to do, and in the end we worked everything out. I’m sure you’ll work things out with Vivian.”

“You think we’ll find her?” Cynthia sniffles, dabbing the corner of her eyes with a balled-up tissue.

“We’re going to do everything in our power to find your daughter.” Athena vows. “Do you know what path your daughter normally runs on?”

“Yes. I can show you.”

“Did she have her phone with her?” Athena asks. Detective Romero hasn’t arrived yet, but she knows he’s on his way. She also knows he got caught up in a meeting and it might be another hour until he joins them. There was no reason to wait that long to start looking for the missing girl. “Did you share your locations with one another? Could we track her that way?”

“She took her phone, of course. But she hasn’t answered any of my calls.” Cynthia shakes her head. “I don’t think we share our locations? I’m not good with phones. I’m not sure. But you can check if you want.” Cynthia unlocks her phone and hands it over to Athena. “Can we find her that way?”

“It doesn’t look like it.” Athena is careful to keep the disappointment from her voice as she hands Cynthia back her phone. “But we’ll follow the path she normally takes. Maybe we’ll find something that’ll give us a lead.” Or perhaps they’ll find Vivian. There is still a good chance that this was all coincidental. The best case scenario was that Vivian decided to take her time coming home. If they found that girl dragging her feet and ignoring her mother’s calls, Athena will be thrilled to bits.

Twenty minutes later, Cynthia spots her daughter’s phone abandoned under a bush. The screen is cracked, but the device is still operational. Athena has Cynthia unlock the phone and they get their first real break in the case.

“You raised a smart girl.” Athena praises Cynthia as she sees the last few videos and pictures on her camera roll. “She took a picture of the Sedan that was following her. I have a partial plate number—and look, she’s captured him. That’s our guy.”

“We’re going to find her?” Cynthia asks, eyes filling with fresh tears and hope.

“She’s given us our best chance.” Athena confirms.

__

It’s dark. Nighttime, maybe? There’s only the dimmest of light. Gray shadows with fuzzy, blurred edges. Chimney stands in the center of the room. Or what he thinks is the center of the room. There must be a window, but he can’t see it. He can’t move. When did he get there? How? The last thing he remembers falling asleep at the firehouse—

“Chimney.”

Buck. The invisible force keeping Chimney statue still evaporates and Chimney whirls around. In a beam of strange, gray light, Buck sits tied to a chair.

“Why haven’t you found me?” The desolation in Buck’s voice claws at Chimney’s insides.

“Buck.” Chimney has to force the name off of his tongue. Why is it so hard to talk? Why can’t he move? He’s feet are frozen to the floor. An invisible force wrapped around his ankles.

“Why didn’t you look for me?” Buck asks. Shadowy hands reach forward from the darkness, wrapping around Buck’s body. His shoulders, chest, sides. They drift over him, hold him, gripping him tight. So many shadowy hands. Chimney wants to move forward. Wants to pull Buck away—get him somewhere safe. He can’t even lift his arms from his side.

“Why didn’t you save me?” Buck asks, starting to hyperventilate as a pair of shadowy hands cups his face, stroking his cheek. Another wraps around Buck’s vulnerable throat.

“Buck.” Chimney manages to say again, a little louder. A little stronger. He can’t move. He can’t save his brother-in-law.

“Why?” Buck chokes out one last time before he’s yanked into the darkness. Chimney screams, jolting forward.

“Chimney!” Hen’s worried face fills Chimney’s vision. It’s light—daytime streaming through the window in the bunkroom. Chimney heaves in breath after breath as he soaks in the waking world. A dream. It had been—a nightmare. A nightmare. He covers his face with his hands and sobs.

“Oh, Chim.” Hen repeats his name softly, her hand resting on his shoulder as he cries.

“Sorry.” Chimney bites out the moment he’s able to do something other than cry.

“Don’t apologize.” Hen’s voice is soft as she rubs his back gently. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.” Chimney admits, sniffling loudly and avoiding her watchful eyes. “Maddie’s nightmares have been getting worse. Since we-we found that woman’s body. I guess they’ve decided to make me their next victim.”

“You were screaming.” Hen says quietly. “Chim—”

“He was tied to a chair in this dark room.” Chimney explains. “There were these shadowy hands crawling all over him. I couldn’t move. Couldn’t do a thing to help him. He kept asking me why.”

“Why what?” Hen asks.

“Just, why?” Chimney exhales loudly and looks into his best friend’s eyes. “Why haven’t we found him yet, why was I late? I could give you a whole list, Hen. Take your pick.”

“Chim, you know Buck of all people would never blame you.”

“Yeah, well. Maybe he should.” Chimney huffs, then rolls his eyes. “He doesn’t hold grudges long enough. It isn’t healthy.”

Hen has the audacity to chuckle. “You think it would be healthy if he held onto his anger? Let it fester inside of him? Come on, Chim.”

“I just need someone to hate me.” Chimney admits. “The way I hate myself.”

“Chimney—”

“I just feel so guilty.” Chimney admits, closing his eyes tightly as he leans against Hen. “I know, people have already told me that there was nothing I could have done. That me and Jee being there might have ended with all four of us dead. But I can’t help but feel I could have changed the outcome somehow.”

“You know, I’ve had this exact conversation with Buck before.” Hen says quietly. “About you. Actually, I’ve had it twice with him about you.”

“Me? What—when? Why?” Chimney frowns, wracking his brain for a reason Buck would feel guilty about him being injured.

“The first time was when you were stabbed, and Maddie was taken by Doug.” Hen sighs, glancing at Buck’s preferred bunk, just a few beds down from the one they are sitting on. “It was after the fact. You were recovering and Maddie as safe. We went back to work, and he started having nightmares. What if scenarios. I don’t think anyone else knew. I woke up when he gasped awake one night and followed him out into the kitchen.

“What? But he found me.” Chimney shakes his head. “He’s the reason I’m still alive.”

“I know that, and you know that.” Hen smiles patiently. “But he kept thinking, ‘what if I was there ten minutes earlier? Could I have stopped it?’ He thought maybe he could have saved you both so much pain.”

“Or he could have gotten himself killed.” Chimney frowns. “Doug was—” He shakes his head and then groans dramatically. “Okay, I get it. He shouldn’t feel bad, and I shouldn’t feel bad.”

“I didn’t say it was easy.” Hen holds her hands up in defense.

“Yeah.” Chimney pouts. “Okay. I’ll try. Wait—what was the second time about?”

Hen hesitates and pulls her lips into a tight line before answering. “When you went to find Maddie, after she left.”

“But I wasn’t hurt—?” Chimney frowns.

“Not physically.” Hen nods. “But when you left, you were so angry at him. He thought that he had ruined your friendship. He thought you’d never forgive him. That he’d lost his family. Worse, actually. He thought he didn’t deserve your forgiveness. He felt so guilty not telling you Maddie’s secret, but he’d promised her. It tore him up inside.”

“We talked about it when Maddie and I got back.” Chimney swallows thickly. That hadn’t been his finest moment. “Maybe we didn’t talk about it enough. I felt pretty bad about it—after the fact. Not enough to sit down with him and really hash it out. I let him apologize and I apologized. Then that was that.”

Hen nods and Chimney sighs, rubbing his face with his hands.

“Really, he was only trying to abide by Maddie’s wishes—and he was pretty quick to forgive me when I kept the big Buckley family secret from him. I know it was shitty. I can’t believe I punched him. I was just so tired—”

“I’m sorry, what?” Hen frowns as she holds up her hand and interrupts him.

“I-I hit him.” Chimney frowns. “Wait, you didn’t know?”

“Wait, he did have a black eye right after you left. He said he broke up a fight at the gym.” Hen bites her lower lip. “Chimney.”

Of course Buck would cover for him. Why did that aggravate Chimney?

“I apologized! A little late, but I did.” Chimney knows his defense is weak. “I regretted it—not really at the time, but eventually. Like, after I found Maddie. He’s actually how I found Maddie, so. I know I screwed up, but Buck forgave me.”

“Well, if Buck can forgive you for all that then trust me when I say he’ll forgive you for narrowly escaping a potentially deadly confrontation with a serial killer.” Hen sighs. “Look, Buck loves you. You are his brother, not just by law. You were his brother long before you ever met Maddie.” She sighs again, this time with a shake of her head. “You know he tried to transfer out of the 118 while you were gone, right? He thought you wouldn’t want to work with him anymore.”

“Wait, what?” Chimney gapes at her. “I didn’t know—he loves the 118.”

“I know. And he didn’t want to ruin it for the rest of us when you came back. Because he believed whole-heartedly that you were coming back. He wanted you to have the 118. He didn’t believe you’d forgive him.” Hen rolls her eyes. “The point is, Buck loves you. Even if-if he doesn’t make it home this time. That isn’t going to change. Literally nothing could change his love for you. Or us.”

“I just feel so helpless.” Chimney admits quietly. “I wish there was more I could do.”

“You’re taking care of Maddie and Jee. That’s literally what Buck would want.” Hen points out, patting her best friend on the shoulder.

“I—”

“No!” Bobby’s booming voice cuts Chimney off. The two friends share a look before rushing out of the bunkroom and into the loft. Athena and Bobby stand toe to toe, both red-faced. “We are not going to stop searching for him. I’m not going to stop. You cannot ask me to stop, Athena.”

“Didn’t you hear me? Another girl was taken.” Athena keeps her voice steady and low. “The killer is escalating at a terrifying rate. The other kills we’ve linked to him were taken months and years apart—he’s destabilizing. Dangerous. Let me do my job. Please.”

“Don’t ask me to stop looking, Athena. I can’t.”

“At least take some sort of protection.” Athena’s voice breaks.

“Eddie will be with me.”

“Eddie isn’t a weapon.” Athena snaps back.

“He has a silver star.” Hen offers unhelpfully, earning a glare tossed in her direction.

“I heard he was pretty good at the whole cage fighting thing.” Chimney adds, trying to take the heat off his best friend.

Eddie steps up next to Chimney and frowns at them. “I don’t think you’re helping.” He points out quietly. And yeah, mentioning the illegal street fighting in front of Athena while she’s in uniform probably wasn’t the brightest thing to do.

“I’ll figure something out.” Bobby takes in a deep breath and places his hands on Athena’s shoulders gently. “I love you, Athena, but I can’t stop looking for Buck. You know what he means to me.”

“I know.” Athena wraps him in a tight hug. “But please remember what you mean to me.”

“We’ll be okay.” Bobby holds her, but refuses to budge. Chimney can’t blame him. If Chimney didn’t have Maddie and Jee to watch out for, he’d be out there with them. Like Hen said, Buck would want to make sure that his sister and niece were safe.

“I need to get back out there.” Athena sighs, untangling herself from her husband’s hold and leaves without another word.

“Another girl was taken?” Hen asks Bobby, who nods somberly. Neither Chimney or Hen push for more information. If there were more to share, Bobby or Eddie would fill them in. It’s hard. Knowing that Buck is out there, at the mercy of a killer and not being able to do a damned thing about it.

Athena was right, Chimney thinks. The killer, whoever he is, is escalating at an alarming rate. The question is, what does that mean for Buck?

The rest of their shift is rather uneventful, leaving each of them to stew in their thoughts. To wonder what might be happening with Buck. Or if he was even still alive.

At one point Chimney spies Bobby raiding their storage closet. He comes out with two wooden baseball bats they had from a time when the firehouse used to participate in a baseball charity. Weapons. Not exactly something that would stop a bullet—but at least they’d have something. Bobby slips them into the bed of his truck at the end of shift.

No one says goodbye, that night. Each of the 118 lost in thought as they go their separate ways after the end of their shift. Hen and Chimney head home, while Bobby and Eddie go out to search for Buck.

Something feels different though. Both frantic and strangled. Like they’re running out of time.

Chimney doesn’t linger in the parking lot like he tends to do when he gets to the loft. He hurries into the building and up the elevator. Something like instinct has his heart racing by the time he slips his key in the lock.

Maddie is waiting for him. Her face red and swollen and stretched in a look of utter devastation.

“What happened?” Chimney asks, dropping his keys on the floor in his hurry to wrap her up in his arms.

“He’s g-gone!” She sobs, shattering in his grasp.

“They found his body?” Shock hits Chimney first. Like static, it fills his head and spread through his body. Buck was gone? How could it be real? How could hope be so easily taken back?

“No.” Maddie cries and confusion sweeps through Chimney, fighting the cold dread.

“What?” Chimney pulls back, looking into his wife’s distraught eyes. “Then I don’t understand. What happened?”

“I got home and I felt it. Like something carved a hole in my chest. Chim.” Maddie sobs as Chimney leads her over to the couch. At the top of the stairs, expecting to see Jee watching them. Instead, he spots her in the living room, sitting with noise canceling headphones, reading a book quietly in Buck’s favorite chair. Thankfully completely oblivious to Maddie’s breakdown. “This horrible dread hit me—like a wave. I just knew—something happened to my little brother, Chim. Something bad. I think he’s dead, Howie. I think my baby brother is dead.”

Chimney curls up on the couch with her, holding her close as she cries. He doesn’t want to discredit her feeling. He doesn’t want to add fuel to the fire, either. All he can do is hold her and hope that she’s wrong.

That Buck isn’t dead.
__

“I wish they would tell us where the women were taken from.” Eddie comments as they drive up a curving path between foothills. “We could expand our search grid.”

“Athena is keeping everything close to chest.” Bobby sighs. “They all are.” There’s a whole task force trying to hunt down the killer and find Buck. It doesn’t seem like enough. Nothing will be enough until Buck is found.

Because they will find him.

Eddie’s phone lights up. Bobby glances over just in time to see Eddie reject Christopher’s call.

“Still avoiding him?” Bobby frowns. They hadn’t talked about Christopher for a while. Since Eddie said he would consider texting Christopher. Something tells Bobby that Eddie hasn’t done that.

“Hen talked to him for me, but I can’t—Bobby, look out!”

Bobby instinctively slams on the breaks as his head whips forward. A girl stumbles in the middle of their lane. She turns, eyes wide as she watches the vehicle speed towards her. The truck careens to a stop inches from hitting her. For a moment everything stops. The scent of burnt rubber fills Bobby’s nose. Thank God his truck has good breaks.

He almost hit a civilian. Bobby’s heart pounds angrily in his chest.

They stare at one another through the windshield. The girl is young. Maybe a runaway—possibly a drug addict. Appearance disheveled—is that blood splatter?

Heaving a few deep breaths into his lungs, Bobby throws the truck in park and climbs out to check on the girl. He hears Eddie doing the same.

“P-please!” The girl cries, taking an unsteady step backwards when they step out onto the street. She’s visibly shaking. Eyes flashing with alarm. “You have to h-help me.”

She has a splash of blood across her face. The dried, rusty red a sharp contrast to the ghostly pallor of her skin. Her hair looks like it might have been recently cut by a toddler. Butchered unevenly. Her hazel eyes are wild with terror.

Bobby does a quick check for possible weapons and finds none. She’s wearing running clothes. Purple shorts and a black t-shirt. Her running shoes match her clothes. Or they might have before she ran through the woods. Now the purple is caked in dust.

The trembling grows visibly worse by the second. Bobby spots various cuts and bruises littering her arms and legs. Nothing alarming. Nothing overly serious. She’d taken quite the beating from tree branches and underbrush.

She takes another step back from them, head swinging from Bobby to Eddie, as if she’s unsure which one of them is the greatest threat.

“We’re firefighters.” Bobby tells her with a professional amount of calm. Which is an impressive feat given how incredibly not calm he feels. He points to the sticker on the windshield of his truck and then to the specialized license plate that identifies him as a fire captain.

The girl’s eyes read one, then the other. Bobby sees the moment she accepts his words as fact. Her defenses fall and she sways dangerously, nearly collapsing. Eddie moves forward instinctively to catch her, easing her down to the road with care.

“Can you tell us what happened?” Eddie asks as he takes her wrist, monitoring her pulse. “Are you injured?”

As he speaks Eddie’s eyes search for any serious injuries. After a dazed moment, the girl shakes her head. She moves her hands, reaching up to tangle her fingers in her hair as she catches her breath. The movement reveals dark bruises coiling around her thin wrists.

She was restrained. So, not a drug addict. This is something different. The information hits Bobby straight in the chest. He locks eyes with Eddie. He’s noticed the bruises and come to the same conclusion. This girl wasn’t running from a mountain lion. She wasn’t running for the fun of it. Someone was chasing her. She escaped something.

The question is: What did she escape?

“He-he’s crazy! I was running and he-he took me. I-I stabbed him.” Hazel eyes widen again. Flashing in fear. She holds up her hands and begins to talk with them. Animatedly. Seemingly unaware of how badly she’s shaking. “It was totally in self-defense, I s-swear! And-and then we tried to escape, but Buck was too h-heavy, and he told me to r-run. I-I didn’t want to leave him, but he told me to get h-help.”

“Buck?” Bobby breathes out the name like a prayer. There’s a high pitched ringing in his ears. Buck. She just said his kid’s name. He hadn’t imagined it, had he? She said ‘Buck.’ How many other Buck’s were there in the world? How many were being held against their will in LA? It couldn’t be a large number. The number had to be one. One Buck. His Buck. His kid.

“Yes!” Vivian nods, hands still moving with her voice. “He-he was being held there, too. He needs help.” She looks a little stunned. No, she’s in shock. Deathly pale and breathing way too hard. Trembling. Shaking. She needs an ambulance.

“You’re the girl who was taken this morning.” Eddie realizes. He looks her over with fresh eyes. “She does sort of look like Maddie. I mean the hair and the eyes are different, obviously.”

The girl drops her hands into her lap and tilts her head in confusion. “Who’s Maddie?”

“You said you left Buck. Where did you leave him?” Bobby ignores the girl’s question as Eddie helps her up and leads her towards the truck.

“There’s a cabin a-a few miles or so up in the w-woods.” The girl points up the side of the foothills. “We m-made it outside. He c-could barely w-walk. I’m so s-sorry. I didn’t want to l-leave him.”

“You got help, that’s what matters.” Bobby tells her. “Can you call 911? We’re going to go get Buck. Lock the truck, okay? Don’t open the door for anyone who isn’t the police.”

“That guy I s-stabbed might not be d-dead.” The girl says brokenly. “W-we didn’t s-stop to check. We just got out of t-there.” The adrenalin that had gotten her this far is crashing hard. She sags against the seat, struggling to stay upright. Bobby hates to leave her—but Buck is somewhere up that hill.

“We’ll handle it.” Eddie promises and hands her his cell phone. “Call 911, okay? Tell them that firefighter Eddie Diaz and fire captain Robert Nash went to go get Buck. Tell them everything.”

Bobby moves to the back of his truck to grab the two baseball bats he’d pulled from the storage closet at the 118. He’d taken them because they were the only ‘weapons’ available—he never thought he’d actually use them.

It was one less thing for Athena to be angry about. Because Bobby knew she was going to be plenty angry with him. He calls her—because not calling her would be worse. She answers after two painfully long rings. “Bobby—”

“We know where Buck is.” Bobby tells her as he hands the second bat to Eddie as they start running up the hill. “We’re going to get him now. The latest victim is in my truck. She’s calling 911. She’s in shock, but mostly unharmed.”

“Bobby Nash, don’t you dare run off and do something stupid. Wait for me.”

“I love you, but I can’t wait.” Bobby says and hangs up on his wife. The phone slips into his pants pocket and they pick up speed.

“She’s going to be pissed.” Eddie comments as he ducks under a low hanging branch.

“Oh, I am well aware.” Bobby agrees, jumping over a fallen log.

They make good time, both coated in sweat when they reach what appears to be a yard of some sort. A small cabin sitting in the clearing. There’s no sign of Buck, but the door of the cabin is ajar.

“Buck wouldn’t have gone back inside.” Eddie comments quietly as the hover among the trees. Each taking a moment to catch their breath.

“Look,” Bobby points. “Drag marks. And that looks like blood.”

“The girl was right. The killer isn’t dead.” Eddie grips the bat a little tighter. “I’m going in.”

Bobby reaches a hand out to stop him. “We go together. Take it slow, stay quiet. We have the element of surprise—we can’t lose it.” Bobby instructs Eddie who nods grimly. He was a solider once upon a time. He’s also Buck’s best friend. It isn’t like Bobby doesn’t understand the need to rush in, guns—well, bats blazing.

The sound of Bobby’s heartbeat is nearly deafening. His breathing still labored from the run. His legs are numb and skin flushed with heat. He can’t stop yet. Not until he finds Buck. Not until his kid is safe.

Vivian said he was alive.

Buck is alive. He has to be.

It felt like it took too long to sprint up the hill. To get here.

What if Buck’s status had changed? What if Buck—what if they were too late?

Every step is a conscious effort not to barrel through the front door and scream Buck’s name. They move quickly, but with controlled steps. Nothing too heavy, nothing too loud. Nothing that will sound an alarm to listening ears.

Bobby enters the house first. His eyes scan the hallway. Distantly he hears the sound of someone shouting. Muffled words of raw anger. The sound is coming from below. Underneath them.

A basement.

The voice is distorted thanks to the wood that separates them. Bobby can tell it doesn’t belong to Buck. Buck rarely yells—he never rages. Not like the strange, distant voice is doing now.

They creep forward. Swiftly. Silently. Underneath Bobby’s boot a floorboard creaks in protest. In warning. It’s loud. Bobby winces. His heart lodges in his throat. The frantic pulsing of his blood nearly choking him. He pauses, glancing back at Eddie. The yelling doesn’t stop—the killer hadn’t heard, or is too enraged to notice.

The further they move into the house, the more Bobby wants to throw caution to the wind. He needs to get to Buck now.

A sound catches Bobby’s attention. Something hard striking flesh. In his mind he images Buck curled on the ground as his tormentor kicks out at him. Viciously. Repeatedly. What Bobby wouldn’t give to be able to jump through space and time. To instantly appear at Buck’s side.

They have one shot at this—he can’t act rashly.

Buck’s survival depends on it.

“There.” Eddie whispers, pointing to a door leading down into the basement level. The yelling is louder now. There’s a crackling in the air that sounds like electricity. Another sound—the groaning of muffled agony. Eddie bolts forward before Bobby can catch him.

Surprise is overrated anyway.

They thunder down the steps. Although they are moving faster, time seems to have slowed. With crystal clarity Bobby sees the man responsible for his kid’s pain. He’s tall. That’s really the one thing that Bobby assess before the man turns. Without a thought Bobby reacts. As the man turns his eyes widen a fraction. Realization. Realization that comes a second too late. Bobby’s bat meets the side of the man’s head.

The killer collapses to the side. Stunned. Knocked straight off his feet. He hits the ground so hard he bounces. Bobby’s rage fuels the next two swings. One more hit to the head followed by another aimed at his middle. Three strikes doesn’t seem like enough, so Bobby strikes him two more times. Once along his back when he curls inward and another against his knee. There’s a crack. Either the bat broke or a bone did—Bobby doesn’t stop to check which one it was.

Only when the man stops moving does Bobby turn.

Eddie kneels on the ground next to a body. A broken man dressed in dirty boxers and bruises.

Buck.

Time speeds up. It’s disorienting for a moment. Bobby’s vision still wrapped in red haze as he sees Buck for the first time in nearly a month.

God.

Bobby falls to his knees numbly at Buck’s other side. Soaking in the damage. Buck’s eyes are closed. Not tightly. Loose. Relaxed. As if he were simply asleep. Such a thought might be believable if not for the shaking. Buck’s thin body twitches involuntarily. Spasms that wrack his too light frame.

“Electrocution.” Eddie exhales loudly as he continues to assess Buck’s condition. Bobby’s eyes fixed on the collar wrapped around the kid’s throat. Angry electrical burns and bruises mar Buck’s entire neck. Dark purple blobs are already forming on his chest and back from the beating he’d received. Buck looks so frail, emaciated. Pale.

Bobby can see the outline of his ribs through nearly translucent skin.

There are no injuries that require immediate attention. He has a few shallow cuts on his back from where he’d been dragged, but most have already stopped oozing red. Buck is breathing, though broken and stuttered. His heart is beating, albeit fast and a little unsteady. Bobby grabs Buck’s limp wrist, taking a small comfort in the faint but rapid thrumming of his beating heart.

Buck is alive. He’s alive. Alive.

Eddie growls and looks towards the killer still sprawled on the floor where Bobby had left him. He moves, with some reluctance, beginning to render aid. Clamping his hand over the gushing wound in the man’s neck.

“What are you doing?” Bobby asks when he finds his voice.

“This monster isn’t going to die before Buck gets justice.” Eddie says gritting his teeth. “Tell me if Buck’s breathing changes.”

“Okay.” Bobby nods, eyes fixed on Buck. He examines the collar, seeing the silver padlock securing it in place. He winces, wishing Buck would open his eyes. The muscle twitching subsides a bit more with each passing moment. Bobby checks over his bones—nothing appears to be broken. His shoulder his heavily bandaged, but the bandages are dirty and stained with old blood.

That’s where Buck had been shot, Bobby realizes. His first instinct is to unwrap the bandages and take a look at the wound, but he hesitates. He doesn’t want to risk exposing the wound until they’re in a more sterile environment.

Bobby makes the mistake of glancing around the room. He spots the barred off section—had Buck been kept in there? Like an animal? Like a dog?

“Police!” Someone shouts above them.

“This is Captain Nash of the 118, we’re in the basement!” Bobby shouts back, not moving from Buck’s side. “The killer is subdued. We need and RA unit!”

“Copy.” Someone shouts and Bobby can hear the faint beep of a radio and some chatter. The police still come in armed and ready, taking in the scene before slipping their guns into their holsters. “We have an ambulance in route.”

“Bobby Nash, you are in so much trouble.” Athena hisses as she joins them. Her eyes flicker to Eddie and the killer before finding Buck and Bobby. She kneels at Buck’s other side, face twisted in anguish as she looks over the kid’s prone body. “Is he?”

“He’s alive. He was already unconscious by the time we got to him.” Bobby winces as he watches her reach out and runs a careful finger over the torture device around his neck. “We think it’s a shock collar.” Bobby tells her. “He’s showing signs of electrocution. Those are electrical burns on his neck.”

“My God.” Athena breathes.

“Ambulances are here.” A voice calls from overhead and paramedics flood the basement. It’s not ideal. They need to preserve the crime scene as best they can. Bobby is pulled back and physically stopped when he goes to follow Buck out.

“I need to ride with him.” Bobby tells his wife who shakes her head and glares.

“You can’t go with him.” Athena tells him coldly. “You’re going to be detained for questioning.”

“What?” Eddie asks, appearing at Bobby’s shoulder. His hands stained in red.

“You two are the only witnesses to what happened here. The only ones currently conscious, anyway. You need to be questioned." Athena’s eyes narrow into a fiery glare. “If you had waited—”

“If we had waited Buck would be dead right now.” Bobby snaps but regrets it instantly. He backs down, shoving his anger back into the far reaches of his mind. He can’t afford to lose control. Not now. Not when he was the one who bashed the killer’s head in. “Fine. That’s—fine. But you have to go with Buck. Please. I’ll do whatever Detective Romero needs, but you can’t leave Buck alone.”

“Please, Athena.” Eddie adds, voice strained. Bobby knows that he desperately wants to go with Buck too.

“I’ll go with Buck. I’ll call the team. You both need to answer all of Detective Romero’s questions. Do not rush it. I’ll see you both at the hospital after you are released.” She leaves them in the custody of the other officers, rushing up the staircase after Buck.

“Alright, gentlemen.” Detective Romero says as he joins them. “Let’s go over what happened.”

Chapter Text

The cabin reeked of death. It wasn’t so much a scent. It was more a thick heaviness that lingered in the air. Suffocating. Athena pauses just outside of the front door and takes a moment to breathe in the crisp pine laced air. God, Buck had been trapped in that house for weeks.

He was free now. Athena clings to that truth as she scans the yard. She spots Buck being loaded into the back of one of the ambulances. The second one is already pulling away. It held Buck’s tormentor. She glares after it as she strides towards Buck.

“Let’s move!” One of the paramedics announces and the back hatch of the ambulance begins to close.

“Hold on,” Athena calls and rushes the last few steps. She flashes her badge when the paramedic looks like they might argue. “This young man is under my protection.” Athena says, giving no room for argument.

The paramedic allows Athena to climb in and motions for her to sit out of the way while they work.

Buck is still unconscious. He is pale and thin. Bobby was right to be worried. Buck’s also still. Deathly still. If it wasn’t for the heart monitor—Athena might mistake him for a corpse.

Words are thrown around. Starvation. Dehydration. The paramedics get an IV line started in the ambulance and monitor his vitals on the drive to the nearest hospital. They coordinate it so that Buck isn’t taken to the same hospital as his kidnapper.

The ER is ready for them when they arrive. Athena stays out of the way, but makes it known that she isn’t leaving Buck’s side. The doctors and nursing staff don’t fight her on it. Whether that’s because of her badge or the ‘don’t test me’ scowl etched into her features remains unclear. Regardless, Athena gets what she wants.

They cut the collar off. The damage to his neck is extensive. Nasty burns and vibrant bruises wrap around the fragile skin. There’s no part of his throat that is unscathed. The skin painted in violent purples and raw reds.

One of the nurses unwraps his shoulder. The bullet wound is awful. Jagged black stitches and puffy, red skin. Its half healed, half infected. It’ll need to be cleaned out and restitched. One of the doctors mentions that the infection could have been worse, given how long ago he had been shot. Buck is lucky.

Lucky.

It was getting increasingly difficult to look at Buck’s life and consider him lucky. Maybe that was Athena’s natural pessimism rearing its ugly head. Buck had survived so much. More than most. More than any one man should. In that sense he was truly lucky, but the amount of awful things he had been made to endure? That’s unlucky at best.

The ER nurses draw blood and hook Buck up to countless machines to monitor his vitals. Athena glances at the stats, but she doesn’t know enough to understand if they are good or bad. Someone mentions that they are worried about his lungs and his heart. His oxygen levels are too low and his heart rate too high. It reminds Athena of the lightning strike.

Then again, he had been electrocuted.

“He was struck by lightning.” Athena hears herself saying. “A few years back.”

One of the doctors’ startles at the information. “We’ll pull his file.” He promises and lists out the various tests and scans he wants performed on Buck to the other medical personal. Athena listens numbly, but her eyes are fixed on Buck’s slack face.

The poor boy doesn’t even know he’s been rescued.

“We need to take him for scans.” A nurse intercepts Athena, stopping her from following as they wheel him from the examination room.

“He’s under my protection.” Athena states firmly. Flashing her badge.

“I understand that.” The nurse says, not unkindly, but equally as insistent as Athena. “But we can’t have non-hospital personnel where we’re taking him. We’ll bring him back here once the tests are done.” The nurse’s stern look shifts like she can see the panic in Athena’s eyes. “He’s safe here. I promise.”

Reluctantly, Athena nods and takes a step back. She has several phone calls to make. Her husband and Eddie are the only other people capable of making the calls, and they are currently detained. Likely for the next several hours. Still, staying by Buck’s side feels more important than calling his closest friends and family.

Though Athena knows she’s being selfish.

Maddie, Chimney, and Hen all deserve to know that Buck is alive.

__

“Beautiful!” Chimney cheers as he watches his daughter shows off her newest watercolor creation with pride. “Do you want another sheet of paper? We’ll have to get this one framed. You’re going to be famous artist one day if you keep this up! My little Picasso!”

“Daddy, you’re silly!” Jee giggles as she sets the paper aside, happily watching as Chimney tears a fresh page of watercolor paper for her to paint on. They graduated from crayons, mostly because they ran out of them, and Maddie had found a watercolor set that Buck had stowed away in the back of a closet. Neither of them could be sure why Buck had it, but Chimney suspected it was a gift that he planned on giving Jee for her next birthday.

The thought catches, lodging in his throat in the form of swelling emotions. Chimney has to swallow it down. Maddie firmly believes that Buck is dead. She cried herself to sleep.

Jee had picked up on her parents distress and asked Chimney what was happening.

“Mommy’s feeling sad.” Chimney had answered.

“Are you feeling sad too?” Jee asks worriedly.

“Yeah. I’m feeling sad too.” Chimney had admitted. “But you know what will make me feel better? Some quality time with the best daughter in the world.”

Jee had smiled up at him brightly, happy to be of service.

That had been hours ago and Jee showed no sign of wanting to go to sleep.

Selfishly, Chimney was happy for the distraction. Focusing on Jee kept him from dwelling on the fact that his brother-in-law might very well be dead. Maybe that made him a bad dad. Allowing his daughter to stay up late because he wanted company. Besides, even though it was nearly one in the morning, Jee showed no signs of being tired. She was having fun. There was no reason for Chimney to stop her. Not tonight, anyway. Not when her world may irreparably change soon.

If Maddie was right, they were going to have to introduce Jee to death far sooner than desired. The desired time being never.

His phone’s screen lights up. Athena’s name is written across the screen as it vibrates softly. Alarm bells ring in Chimney’s head as he picks up the device, staring at it like it might detonate and destroy his world.

If Athena was calling this late it couldn’t be good news.

Maddie had been so insistent. So sure that her brother was no longer among the living. Chimney hadn’t wanted to believe it, but—

“Hello?” He answers, stepping away from Jee and her art supplies scattered across Buck’s kitchen table. He moves into the darkened living room. Grateful for the noise machine up in the loft. If he keeps his voice quiet enough, Maddie won’t know. Not until she has to know.

“Chimney.” Athena’s voice breaks. “I know it’s late.”

“Is he dead?” Chimney interrupts her, wanting to skip the pleasantries and get to the point. “That’s why you’re calling, right? To tell us? You found him? His-his b-body. You found—”

“We did find him.” Athena confirms, gently interrupting him. “He’s alive, Chimney.”

The world stops, but not in the way that Chimney expected. His breath catches in his lungs, and he can’t speak. He stares at his daughter, happily dipping her paintbrush into the glass of water and then rolling it in purple paint. She plops the tinted bristles onto the paper and smears it with flourish.

“What?” Chimney whispers when his ears stop ringing. Athena had still been talking, but he hadn’t heard a word.

“He’s alive, Chimney. Buck is alive.” She reassures him, not at all angry that Chimney is making her repeat herself. “Bobby and Eddie stumbled across the girl who had been kidnapped this morning. I don’t know the full story yet, but somehow she managed to escape. She ran out in front of the truck while they were out searching.”

“Is-is this a dream?” Chimney frowns, because it seems like a dream. Like an impossibility. Bobby and Eddie had gone out so many times. They had searched the same areas over and over again without any luck. How, on the day that Maddie decided her brother had died, could they finally get lucky?

“This is real, Chimney.” Athena promises. “I’m at the hospital now. I’ve seen him with my own eyes. He’s in rough shape, but he’s breathing on his own. They took him back for scans. I think they’re worried about—well, probably a lot of things, but he’s alive.”

“Alive?” Chimney echoes, less of a question and more of a statement now. “Sorry, it’s just—if I’m going to wake Maddie up and tell her that Buck is alive, I really need to know that this is without a doubt happening. That this is in fact real.”

“I promise you, Chimney. It’s real.” Athena sucks in a deep breath. “I wish I’d thought to take a picture.”

“I-I believe you. I want to believe you. I believe you.” Chimney shakes his head, clearing it. “I need—I’ll get Maddie up and call the Lee’s and see if they can take Jee. We’ll be there as soon as we can be. Is—was he awake?”

“No.” He hears the frown in her voice. “I don’t know the full story yet, but as soon as I have more information, I’ll call you both. He’s been unconscious since the rescue. We believe he may have been electrocuted by a shock collar pretty severely before Bobby and Eddie showed up.”

Electrocuted.

Chimney is tossed back in time. Staring up at Buck as he dangles from the line after being struck by lightning. Then time flashes forward, just a little bit, and Chimney is standing outside of Buck’s ICU room. Confessing to Maddie that it should have been him. That Buck had stopped him and gone up the ladder in his place.

“He’s alive.” Chimney breathes slowly. That’s what he can focus on. Not his brother-in-law being electrocuted—again.

“I have to call Hen and let her know.” Athena tells Chimney. “Get here when you can.” She gives him the hospital information and ends the call. Chimney stands stunned for a moment longer.

“Daddy, what’s wrong?” Jee asks, appearing at his side. She tugs on the hem of his shirt, pulling him out of his head. He looks down at her and feels something shift inside of him. The fear and uncertainty breaks away and he dares to feel relief.

Buck is alive.

With a grin Chimney scoops his daughter up in his arms and spins with her in a tight circle. Jee giggles, cuddling close to him when they come to a stop.

“Nothing’s wrong.” Chimney tells her, booping her gently on the nose with his finger. His chest swells with hope he long thought had died. “I have the best news! That was Pretty Athena on the phone.” He chooses to use his daughter’s nickname for Athena. “Guess what she told me?”

“What?” Jee’s eyes grow big with wonder.

“She found Uncle Buck.”

“Uncle Buck?” Jee squeals with excitement. “He’s not lost no more?”

“He’s found.” Chimney feels a sudden prickle of tears at the corners of his eyes. He hugs Jee to hide them. Sniffling sharply to draw them back under control. When he’s certain he isn’t going to burst into tears and completely scar his daughter for life, he pulls back and resumes smiling. “Let’s go wake up Mommy and tell her the good news, okay?”

“Okay!” Jee grins. “Will Uncle Buck be able to bake cookies with me soon?”

“As soon as he’s feeling better.” Chimney promises, knowing that Buck would never willingly pass up an opportunity to spend quality time with his niece. Especially after the unknown terror he’d just gone through. “It might be a while still, but I know he’s going to be so excited to see you.”

“I’m excited to see him.” Jee whispers, suddenly teary eyed. “I missed him lots.”

“Oh, baby girl, I know he missed you lots too.” Chimney tells her, hugging her close as he carries her up the stairs into the loft. He switches off the noise machine and deposits Jee on the bed next to Maddie. His wife stirs and frowns as her daughter wraps her in a hug.

“What’s happening?” Maddie asks, voice wrecked from crying herself out earlier. “Chimney?”

“He’s alive, Maddie.” Chimney starts with the good news. “They found Buck.” Maddie’s eyes narrow as she absorbs the information. Or, tries too. Chimney knows it’s going to take some time for her to believe. He clears his throat and continues. “Athena just called me, he’s at the hospital. We need to go.” Maddie frowns and starts to shake her head, likely in denial. He understands the feeling. “It’s real, Maddie. This isn’t a dream. He’s alive. Buck is alive.”

“No.” Maddie shakes her head. “He’s d—” she glances at her watching daughter and cuts herself off. “No. He can’t be. I know what I felt.”

“I promise, Maddie. This is real. Athena is with him now.” Chimney smiles encouragingly. “Get dressed, we’re going to go see him. It’ll feel real when we have him in our sight. I’m going to call the Lees, and we’ll drop Jee off on the way.”

“But I wanna see Uncle Buck!” Jee pouts.

“And you will.” Chimney nods, kissing her on the forehead. “But we’re going to have to wait a really, really long time and hospitals are super-duper boring. You’ll have way more fun with the Lees.”

“Okay.” Jee agrees reluctantly. She’s waited in the ‘boring’ hospital before on several other occasions. “But you’ll tell Uncle Buck I love him?”

“I’ll tell him you love him to the moon and back.” Chimney assures her. He glances at Maddie, who is oddly silent during the exchange. She’s stunned, which is fair. She’s been on an emotional roller coaster ever since she was kidnapped. He can’t blame her for being confused or apprehensive. Chimney reaches out, cupping his wife’s cheek in his hand. “Hey, it’s good news. Buck’s home.”

She nods, but the fear doesn’t ebb from her eyes. Instead of fighting, Maddie crawls out of bed and starts gathering clothes to change herself and Jee into. Chimney does the same. He switches his pajama pants out for a pair of jeans and snagging a pair of socks that might actually belong to Buck.

He looks at his phone, wondering if Athena has spread the news to the rest of the 118. He opens up the group text and gives an ETA on when he thinks they’ll make it to the hospital. Then he takes a moment to breathe.

Buck is alive.

After fearing the worst for so long, it’s the best news he could have asked for.

__

Hen knows she’s dreaming. It happens to her a lot. Especially when her dreams get weird. This is weird. Buck stuck in a cage hanging over shark infested waters is weird. Especially when the sharks were made from lime Jello and the cage looks like it’s made out of licorice. Hen knows for a fact that Buck hates licorice. It seems unnecessarily cruel of her mind to cage him in something he doesn’t like.

He would like the sharks, though.

“Aren’t you going to save me?” Buck asks her, sounding completely exasperated. Hen can’t speak. She can’t move.

Hen knows it’s a dream. “It’s a dream.” Her voice echoes around her.

“Maybe for you.” Buck yells. The bottom of his licorice cage opens. He yelps as he falls the short distance into the water. Vanishing under a wave. There’s a frenzy of motion. Green Jello sharks thrash until they turn blood red. Buck is gone.

“Hen—wake up.”

There’s music playing and Hen feels a hand on her shoulder, shaking her. This is a dream, though. She shouldn’t feel a hand on her shoulder in a dream. Her eyes open, revealing her bedroom. Still dark. Still nighttime. She groans and the music continues to play. Why is it so loud?

“Babe, your phone—” Karen grumbles, shaking Hen again to wake her.

“Jello sharks.” Hen mutters. “Where—did they go?”

“Huh?” Karen sits up on her elbow. “Babe, answer your phone.”

“Right. Sorry.” Hen mumbles, her arm moving uncoordinated to snatch her phone off the dresser next to her. “Hello?” She answers, slowly extracting herself from the bed to let Karen fall back asleep. Karen gently grabs the back of her shirt, giving her permission to stay. If someone is calling in the middle of the night, there’s probably a good reason.

“Hen—we found Buck.” Athena’s voices rings in her ears.

“What?” Hen shakes her head in an attempt to wake herself up. Because she couldn’t have heard what she just heard. Or—is this really happening? “You-you found Buck?”

“He’s alive.” Athena tells her. “They took him back for scans—but I’m with him at the hospital. I already called Chimney—he and Maddie are on their way.”

“Buck’s alive?” Hen repeats, stuck on those two words.

“Yes.”

“What’s his condition?” Hen asks, glancing at Karen and then fumbling to put the phone call on speaker so her wife can hear.

“That’s tricky to explain.” Athena blows out a deep breath. “They threw around a lot of terms and I was a little distracted. He’s severely dehydrated. He was obviously starved—he’s lost so much weight.” Her voice trails off. “The GSW from the night he was taken must have been taken care of at some point, but it still got infected. It isn’t a bad infection, but they’ll have to go in and clean it up. His neck—there was a shock collar. He has electrical burns and some pretty significant bruising.”

“A shock collar?” Karen echoes with the same horror growing inside of Hen.

“Oh, Buck.” Hen breathes. That was only the surface level of his trauma. The part they could see. He’d been missing for so long. In the hands of a serial killer. A witness to unspeakable horror. “Is—was he awake? Did you get to talk with him?”

“No.” Athena sighs. “I’ve been waiting for them to bring him back for a while now, so he may have regained consciousness.” Her tone is hopeful. “But he was unconscious when he was found.”

“Hen’s on her way now.” Karen tells Athena, taking the phone from her hand gently. Hen takes the hint and climbs out of bed to start getting dressed. “I’ll stay with the kids. Do Maddie and Chim need somewhere to drop off Jee?”

“I believe they were taking her to the Lees for the night.” Athena tells them.

“I bet Maddie is so relieved.” Karen meets Hen’s eyes.

“I didn’t get to talk with her, but I’m sure she is.” Athena agrees and gives Hen the name of the hospital. “I’ll see you when you get here.”

“Thanks, ‘Thena.” Hen calls out as the line disconnects.

“Let me know the second there’s an update?” Karen asks as she follows Hen out of the room.

“Of course.” Hen wraps Karen in a hug before climbing into her car. She hesitates for a moment. “This doesn’t seem real.” Though Hen knows she isn’t dreaming. This is too real to be a dream. Nothing is made of candy. Everything is painfully solid.

“I’m glad it is real.” Karen smiles. “I’m so glad.”

“Me too.” Hen agrees with a broken sob. “I have to go.”

“Go. Text me everything!” Karen smiles, stepping back form the car.

“I will. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

__

After calling Hen, Athena frowns at her phone. Two phone calls. Only two. It didn’t feel like enough. It felt like she should be calling so many more people. Buck was alive. After him being missing for so long, it felt like there should be more people to share the good news with.

Eddie and Bobby already knew. Ravi, Athena considers. She would call him except she doesn’t have his number. Buck’s parents, Athena dismisses them as soon the idea of calling them crosses her mind. They were indifferent when Detective Romero had originally contacted them to inform them of the situation with their children.

Those two didn’t deserve Maddie and Buck. It always astounded Athena how well the Buckley siblings turned out. They had every opportunity to become cold and bitter—but they were both so open and caring. They’d raised each other to be that way.

“Sergeant Grant?” A nurse calls from the doorway of the room they promised to bring Buck back to. The woman is out of breath, her hair coming loose from the tight bun she had twisted it into. She had been running.

“Yes?” Fear spikes within Athena. “Is Buck—”

“Mr. Buckley woke up, he is in distress.” The nurse says, voice steady despite how fast she’s breathing.

“Take me to him.” Athena moves, following after the nurse. The rush as fast as they safely can down the hall and up a short stairwell. They must have been taking X-rays when Buck woke. One nurse kneels at the center of the room, talking softly to Buck, who has wedged himself into the far corner of the room. There’s a small trail of blood. Buck had ripped out his IV. His face hidden behind his long legs he’s hugging to his chest.

Athena frowns as she takes in the sight before her.

“We don’t want to sedate him if we can avoid it.” The nurse who fetched Athena explains. “Can you help calm him down?”

With a nod, Athena steps forward. She stays three strides away from Buck, not wanting to crowd him and sits down on the floor in front of him. She motions for the nurse to give them space, and the woman happily does so. She hands Athena a bundle consisting of a folded blanket and a pair of scrubs that look like they might fit Buck.

“Hey there, Buckaroo.” Athena calls out softly. The muscles in Buck’s shoulders flinch and tremble at the sound of her voice. Not exactly the reaction she was hoping for. Then again, all of this had to be terribly overwhelming. Buck had been unconscious during the rescue. The last thing Buck remembered was being tortured by his captor.

Alone.

Waking up in a brightly lit room with strangers and machines hovering over him had to be disorienting. Dreamlike. Or nightmarish.

“Baby, can you look at me?” Athena softens her voice to a level she usually reserves for her own children. Buck is one of hers. Bobby had all but adopted him. Truth be told, even if Bobby hadn’t unofficially taken Buck in, Athena would still have considered him family. There was something about both of the Buckley siblings. Something that inspired a desire in others to want to take care of them. To fill a role that had long been vacant.

Athena would be honored if Buck considered her his honorary mother.

Right now, she’d settle for Buck meeting her gaze.

Buck shudders, his fingernails clawing into the skin of his arms. Biting into his paper-thin skin.

“There’s no rush.” Athena changes tactics. Careful to keep her voice soft. Buck had been through something unimaginable. Literally. No one knew exactly what kind of hell he’d lived through. But, judging by the marks on his body, it been truly awful. She wasn’t going to rush him. If he wasn’t ready to look up, they could wait. He wasn’t in any immediate danger.

At least, she didn’t think that he was.

The nurses and the doctor haven’t left. They hang back just outside of the room, letting Athena take the lead. While they look worried, they don’t seem frantic. Buck could take his time. He deserved the chance to make his own choices. Something that is extra important after being in captivity for nearly three weeks.

“I’ve got to say, Buck, you are a sight for sore eyes.” Athena tells him quietly. She sees a slight tilt of his head. He’s listening. “We’ve all been worried sick about you. Especially Maddie.” His grip on his arm tightens again. His nails break through his skin, but Athena gets a flash of blue peeking out from behind his knees. His gaze doesn’t rise up far enough to meet hers. Buck’s eyes are distant. Unfocused. He’s choosing to peek out of his hiding spot. He’s looking in her general direction.

Hesitantly, Athena takes it as a good sign. She pushes onward. “Maddie is going to be so, so happy to see you. I know I am happy—and Bobby and Eddie were as well. They were the ones who found you. They got you out of that dreadful place.”

Buck ducks down again and Athena frowns, sitting back on her heels. Talking about his captivity is off the table. Which is more than fair. Talking about the rescue didn’t seem to work overly well, either. She does notice that his fingers have relaxed their hold. The trembling is a bit more pronounced, though. Whether that is from fear, cold, or pain is anyone’s guess. Buck is still only clad in the dirty pair of boxers he was wearing when he was rescued.

“Everyone will feel better once they see you.” Athena winces, realizes that it might sound like she’s trying to guilt him into cooperating. “Whenever you’re ready, of course.”

Too much pressure, Athena decides and changes tactics again. “May is thinking about changing her major again. She decided she wants to try architecture like her father. This from the girl who finds drawing stick figures a challenge.” Athena chuckles lightly. “I suppose most of the drawings are done digitally now anyway. I know she’ll be great at it.”

The tension in Buck’s shoulders releases a little bit more. Athena worries about the shivering. He’s cold. He has to be. It’s always too cold in hospitals.

“Buck, would it be alright if I brought you a blanket? You look cold, baby.”

Buck peeks his head up again, this time Athena gets to see a bit more of his face. His expression looks skeptical. As if he isn’t sure if she’s trying to trick him.

Or maybe he isn’t sure if this is real. Which is fair.

“You don’t have to be cold, buckaroo.” Athena says lightly. “I have something better to wear too. A pair of scrubs—though the pants might not be long enough for those legs of yours.” She smiles and he frowns, biting his lower lip in thought. The expression in his eyes doesn’t seem like consideration. It’s confusion.

Like he’s waking up.

They lock their eyes for the first time and Buck’s already pale face goes ghostly. He’d looked up before, but never directly at her. Not like now. There’s a soft sound. A sharp inhale of breath. Surprise? Shock? Fear? Athena isn’t sure.

“Hey there, Buckaroo.” Athena smiles encouragingly. “Can I move a little closer?”

Buck’s eyes widen a bit in what might be fear. It’s not something Athena hoped for, but any reaction is probably better than nothing. His eyes dart from her to the people hovering in the doorway behind her. The grip on his arms turns bruising again.

“Hey, it’s alright. They’re going to stay over there. No one is going to hurt you, Buck.” Blue eyes find hers again and his visibly shudders, the trembling growing more pronounced as his eyes fill with tears. Lord, all she wants to do is wrap the poor boy in her arms and never let go. She wants to shield him from the horrors he’s already endured.

She also desperately wants to protect him from any future horrors.

“Buck, would it be alright if I brought you a blanket?” Athena asks again, fairly certain that the first attempt hadn’t quite gotten through. His breathing picks up again, rapid draws of short breaths—panic. “Or we can stay like this. That’s fine. Whatever you want, baby, I promise. We’ll go at your speed.”

Buck stares at her, uncertainty filling his eyes as his grip on his arms loosens. He exhales and it’s like the fight goes out of him. He tips his head back against the wall and watches her.

“Bobby refused to talk about the designs for the new kitchen.” Athena switches tactics again. “He wanted to wait until we got you back, so you can help him decide on things. Your researching skills are far superior to his own and he trusts you more than our contractor.” Surprise lights the exhaustion on Buck’s face. “Bobby never gave up hope that we’d find you. He went out every day looking for you. Then by some miracle he found you. Now you’re safe.”

Buck shakes his head at that, eyes closing and head tipping forward again. A tear slips down his pale cheek.

“You are free, Buck.” Athena presses down on the promise. “That man isn’t going to hurt you anymore.”

He shakes his head again, his head swinging forward and resting against his knees again. Athena’s heart sinks at the sight. He doesn’t believe this is real.

“Please, Buck.” Athena draws his eyes again. “Can I sit next to you?”

His forehead furrows a little, then he nods. The slightest of movements. He watches as she moves forward. She doesn’t stand, not wanting to loom over him. She stops in front of him. Just an arm’s length away from him. “Hi, Buck.” Athena smiles as he raises his head to look at her more directly.

Buck’s eyes search her face for a moment. He unwraps one of his arms and hesitantly reaches out to her. His hand shakes, pausing just inches away from her shoulder. As if he’s afraid she’ll disappear if he touches her.

“I’m here, Buck.” Athena promises. “You can touch me—I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going to disappear. I promise.”

Slowly his fingers press against her shoulder. His lips part in surprise, eyes wide. He sucks in a breath and looks from where his hand rests lightly on her shoulder to her eyes.

“See? I’m real, baby.”

‘Real,’ he mouths back to her silently.

“Yes.” Athena gently reaches up and takes his hand in her own. “Real.” She presses his hand over her heart so he can feel her heartbeat. He looks mesmerized by every interaction. “I have a blanket here for you. Will you lean forward a little bit? I’ll wrap it around you. You’re freezing.” Which is an understatement. His hand feels like ice.

Buck hesitates for a moment, but obeys her, leaning forward. Athena unfolds the blanket and with careful movements settles it around his shoulders, rubbing his arms a little like she does with her children.

“Can I sit with you?” Athena asks. Again, Buck hesitates but gives another nod. Athena moves next to him, opening her arms to him. He hesitates, only for a moment, then leans into her gratefully. Buck settles into her embrace, taking a deep, shuddering breath. Then he breaks. Silently crying as she holds him. “I’ve got you, baby.” Athena tells him as she tries to surround him with every drop of comfort possible. “You’re safe now.”

__

Buck cries himself out, eventually Athena helps him back to the hospital bed. Not once does she let him go, which seems to solidify this as reality to Buck. He still looks up at her in wonder. Whatever scans they had set up are put on hold. Or maybe they had gotten what they needed before Buck had woken up. Athena doesn’t ask.

They wheel Buck back to his assigned room, and a nurse pushes a chair close to his bedside so that Athena can sit with him. He drifts back to sleep not long after they arrive back at the room. She never lets go of his hand. Athena doesn’t want to risk him waking up, even slightly, and thinking she abandoned him.

He’s been abandoned by too many people before. Athena Grant-Nash will not be added to that list.

Warm blankets are brought and tucked around Buck’s still shaking figure. He’s lost so much weight. Had that man even fed Buck? It’s doubtful by the looks of Buck’s emaciated frame.

As Buck sleeps, Athena lets her mind drift back to the basement they pulled him out of. To the cage that took up a corner of the large space. To the mat he was given to sleep on. She’d seen the drain at the center of the room. She’d seen the rusty red stains from the blood of the serial killer’s victims.

Buck had witnessed at least one life taken. Athena was sure of that now. She had hoped that he’d been spared such a horrific thing. There was no doubt in Athena’s mind that seeing such an unfathomable thing could break a person. Even a person as strong as Buck.

Even if it hadn’t shattered him fully at the time it happened, that crack wasn’t going to go away. If left uncared for, it might grow.

Buck’s body was in bad shape, but his soul was also in terrible danger. Athena couldn’t bear the thought of Buck shattering beyond repair. He’d need help. So much more help than she or anyone else in their family might be able to give.

Therapy was such a sensitive topic with Buck. She’d suggested it after the tsunami and Buck had stammered out a sad attempt at a joke and avoided her for two straight weeks. When she finally managed to corner him, Buck reluctantly explained that the one time he’d tried therapy, his therapist had slept with him. He’d framed it to be his fault, but Athena knew better. It was rape, plain and simple. Buck had been raped.

Athena had looked into the woman, fully intending to make her pay. Dr. Heather Wells died in the same tsunami Buck had been caught up in. Drowned in her car. Karma was a nasty bitch.

Of course, Athena hated to attribute the tsunami or any disaster to karma. Lots of innocent people got caught up in that wave. Innocent people like Buck and Christopher Diaz.

Athena knew that Buck had done virtual therapy for a while. Perhaps he’d be willing to revisit that again. She’d find the best therapist to handle Buck’s trauma. They’d get him through this. Somehow.

Chapter Text

Detective Romero separates Bobby from Eddie when they are brought to the police station. It’s not unexpected. There are protocols in place to ensure that the law is upheld. Bobby didn’t expect any special treatment. Nor did he want it. Following the rules doesn’t just protect the investigation, but it also protects Bobby and Eddie. It’s not like they have anything to hide. They stopped a killer. All they have to do is tell the truth and things will be fine.

It’s the waiting that kills Bobby. Sitting alone in an interrogation room. Time drags forward. Slow and irritating. An itch he can’t scratch. Tormenting him without an end in sight. He wants to get this over with. He needs to be at Buck’s side. He can’t rush this, but God he wishes he could.

Miraculously Bobby had managed to save Buck only to be separated from him again. Logically he knows that Buck is at the hospital. He knows that Athena is with him. Yet the inability to be there is enough to throw Bobby into a state of uncontrolled panic. It shakes his core. Writhing under his otherwise calm surface. He can’t afford to break down. To crack.

Losing control isn’t going to help the situation. He can’t afford to appear unstable. What he had done had been necessary. He saved a life. He had saved Buck. No one could fault him for that.

That was his kid.

Composure. Bobby closes his eyes and forces himself to breathe steadily. He clings to the unraveling edges of his natural poise. His hands clasped tightly in front of him. Tight enough to bruise.

Buck is free. He’s safe and currently being cared for by professionals. Healers. Buck was being guarded by Athena.

Bobby would pay any price necessary to keep his kid safe. He can handle waiting. He can sit and endure. He can wait and be gracious. He’s not being arrested. This is temporary. He’s only being detained for questioning. Once the questioning is finished, Bobby will be free to leave.

Buck was alive. He was a survivor. Bobby never doubted the kid would fight.

Carefully Bobby relaxes his hands, resting them lightly on the table in front of him. He opens his eyes and stares back at his reflection in the mirrored window, letting his mind drift back to the moment they found Buck.

There is a certain amount of shock left over from the events that had taken place. It almost felt like an out of body experience. Like he had watched someone else swing the bat. The wrongness of it lingers under his serene exterior, trying to undo him from within.

He replays the memories in his mind. Flashing, fragmented moments skip behind his eyes in a continuous loop. The girl running out in front of his truck. Grabbing the bats from the bed of his truck. Calling Athena. Hanging up on Athena. The first glimpse of the cabin. His first glance at the basement. The horror they had stumbled into.

Like a deadly phantom, fear grips Bobby’s heart as the memory of the monster standing over his kid resurfaces. Buck had been hurt. Dying. In mortal danger. Righteous anger had flowed through Bobby’s veins when he had weaponized the bat held in his hands.

He had lost control. Just for a moment. Just long enough to unleash justice upon the man who had tormented his son.

There is a small part of Bobby that acknowledges he should feel guilt. He is a firefighter. A savior. He had dedicated nearly his entire life to protecting people. His hands were meant to help, not hurt.

Yet it felt right to swing the bat. It felt good when it connected against the monster’s skull.

He wishes he had done more damage.

Bobby wanted to take the monster’s life.

The killer deserved to suffer for what he had done to Buck. For what he had done to those innocent women. The amount of death and destruction wrought by that one evil man—ending his existence would have been justified.

Vengeance was poison. Bobby knows that. It leads to a never-ending cycle of devastation. Pain that brings pain that leads to more pain. It’s unending. Infinite.

Bobby has seen it. He’s experienced it. And yet he can’t let his anger go.

Detective Romero walks into the room. He offers Bobby coffee, and they go over everything again. And again. And again. Every time Bobby thinks the interview might end, it seems to start over.

The coffee is gone. So is Bobby’s patience.

“Is there news?” Bobby interrupts Romero’s never-ending questions. “About Buck? Have you spoken with Athena? Has she told you anything about his condition?”

Rick’s neutral professionalism morphs into sympathy. “I’ve been informed that Buckley is stable.”

“Has he woken up?” Bobby’s memories rewind again. In his mind he sees Buck’s battered body, twitching muscles, bruised skin. Buck was painfully thin. Weighing less than he had when he started his probationary year. Starvation is tricky to treat. A long, tedious process of recovery. Buck would need to be placed on a meal plan. Knowing Buck, he’ll want to work on regaining his strength. He lost muscle mass. He lost everything.

“The last I heard, he had not yet regained consciousness.” Rick answers. “We’re almost done here. I know you want to get to the hospital as soon as possible. I get it. I don’t want to keep you any longer than necessary.”

“I don’t regret what we did.” Bobby says honestly. Turning his wedding band mindlessly as he speaks. “The girl told us there was an imminent threat to the other victim.” Buck. “And she was right. That man would have killed Buck if we hadn’t gotten there when we did. That man wouldn’t have stopped until Buck was dead.”

“I agree with you.” Romero nods. “And I think, if it comes down to it, a jury will also understand and agree with your actions. You stopped a suspected murderer from taking the life of another victim.”

It would take twelve very unstable individuals not to see that Erick Smith was a threat that needed to be neutralized.

Bobby nods, back stiff from sitting in the unforgiving metal chair. He doesn’t fight against the discomfort. Maybe the pain he feels is his penance for the pain he’d inflected. Bobby would gladly accept it if it somehow cleansed his soul.

He hasn’t asked about Erick’s condition. He’s afraid to. If the man dies, Bobby might have to defend himself in court. If the murderer lives, Erick could try and bring criminal charges against Bobby and Eddie for their actions. They technically had broken into the killer’s home and attacked him. It was possible that they could face charges of breaking and entering, felonious assault or even attempted murder.

Though, if Erick were to survive, he would likely be in over his head with his own felony charges. Hopefully he won’t have time to accuse Bobby of attempted murder.

God willing.

“Alright, I think we’re done here. At least for now.” Romero says after looking over his notes one last time. “Let’s get you to the hospital.”

“Thank you.” Bobby breathes and stands, ignoring the flare of pain shooting up and down his spine. There’s no time for discomfort. They have to get to the hospital. Bobby needs to see Buck. This will all be worth it the moment he sees his kid. The pain. The time wasted answering the same questions over and over again. None of that will matter.

They collect Eddie from one of the other interrogation rooms. Eddie looks as spent as Bobby feels. Neither of them complain. Neither of them speak. They waste no time piling into Rick Romero’s unmarked police vehicle. The quiet is oppressive but also preferred. There isn’t much to say. Bobby is fairly sure neither of his companions would like to hear how good it felt to bash the killer’s head in. Or how much he wants the chance to do it again.

Well, Eddie might.

Rick doesn’t drop them off. He parks the car in the visitor lot and walks in with them. The detective likely wants to check on the status of Buck and the other victim.

Bobby winces, feeling slightly guilty for forgetting to ask about the girl. She had been terrified. They’d locked her in his truck and abandoned her to get to Buck. He assumes she was taken care of. Romero mentioned he had spoken to her briefly.

Bobby owes that girl everything. She not only managed to save herself, but Buck as well.

Hen spots them the second they enter the waiting room. Her eyes go wide as she rushes towards them, gathering them both up into a spontaneous group hug. “Where have you two been? We’ve been trying to get a hold of you.” She pulls back to look at them both.

“We were a little,” Bobby glances at Rick who smirks knowingly. “Detained.”

Hen glances at the detective and then back to Bobby. “What did you do?”

“They orchestrated the heroic rescue of firefighter Buckley.” Romero supplies and then claps Bobby on the shoulder. “I’m going to go see if I can get an update for everyone.”

“You were there? You saw him?” Chimney materializes at Hen’s side. Maddie hovers behind them. She’s pale, pulling at the sleeves of her cardigan nervously. Bobby can’t imagine what she’s going through. The relief she feels must be overwhelming.

Buck is alive. Buck is home.

Everything else can be worked out later.

“Yeah, we were lucky.” Eddie answers when Bobby doesn’t speak. “We stumbled across the girl who was kidnapped earlier today. She ran out in front of the truck.”

“It was—” An answer to prayers. Divine intervention. Nothing short of a miracle. They had been driving in the right spot at the right time. Bobby clears his throat. “She told us where to go.”

“And Buck?” Hen breathes. “How was he?”

“It,” Bobby struggles to put Buck’s condition into words. “It isn’t good.” To put it simply. “But I think with time he’ll be okay.” Time and support. “He’s going to need all of us. All of our help.”

“I couldn’t have said it better myself.” A short woman in a white coat says as she joins their circle. “Sergeant Grant warned me there would be a group of you.” The doctor smiles kindly. “I’m Doctor Whitmore, I’ve been assigned to Mr. Buckley’s case. Which one of you is Robert Nash?”

Bobby blinks in surprise but holds out his hand to her. “I am Robert Nash. Call me Bobby.” He shakes her hand, and she smiles warmly.

“Mr. Buckley has you listed as his medical proxy.” Dr. Whitmore explained. “If you would please come with me, I’d like to discuss his condition and treatment with you.”

“Anything you need to say to me can be shared with them.” Bobby says quickly, only slightly surprised at the news. He has been Buck’s emergency contact since his probationary year—when Buck didn’t have anyone else to put down. Maddie had taken his place briefly when she decided to stay in LA, but after she ran off to Boston, Buck had switched everything back to Bobby.

Judging by the devastating look on Maddie’s face, she hadn’t known that.

Dr. Whitmore’s smile falters slightly. “Are you certain?”

“Anything you tell me I’ll be sharing with them. We’re his family.” Bobby says, although hesitantly. Was there sensitive information? Most serial killers were motivated by sexual depravity—but Erick’s victims had not been sexually assaulted.

What if—

“Okay.” Dr. Whitmore nods. “That’s perfectly fine, I understand the desire to streamline the information. There’s a long list of injuries, but I’ll start with the most concerning. The GSW to his shoulder was through and through. Other than some muscle damage and the mild infection, it was healing okay. The scar tissue is somewhat problematic. We’ll need to go in and correct some things and restitch the wound. Once it heals properly, he’ll need physical therapy to regain full motion, but I don’t foresee any lasting damage.”

Bobby nods, knowing that Buck will be relieved. Bobby had been worried about possible nerve damage.

“His throat has significant damage from the shock collar, both internally and externally. He has electrical burns and significant bruising around his throat. His vocal cords show signs of significant damage and swelling, both from the jolts of electricity and from chronic overuse.”

Screaming. Bobby closes his eyes. That’s what she means by chronic overuse. Buck had screamed as he was electrocuted, and the combination had caused the damage.

“Shock collar?” Chimney repeats as Hen gasps in horror. The doctor winces. Perhaps realizing that not everyone in the group had been given the harsher details.

“Yes.” Dr. Whitmore nods.

“Oh, God.” Hen chokes out. Bobby wraps his arms around her, offering her what little comfort he could provide. He’d seen it with his own eyes. He knew how devastating that sliver of information was.

“There are some superficial cuts and contusions consistent with being dragged. Mostly affecting the expanse of his back. There are also some deep bruising in his back and chest we believe was caused by blunt force trauma. He has a few bruised bones, but nothing that won’t heal with time.”

Dr. Whitmore glances down at her notes and takes a deep breath. “While it’s not a physical wound, the thing that I am most concerned about is the level of starvation he’s endured.”

“Starvation?” Hen sobs. Maddie makes a wounded sound in the back of her throat.

“Yes. We will need to set him up with a strict dietary plan to follow. I’ve already requested a consultation from a nutritionist. Mr. Buckley should make a full recovery, but it will take time and care.” Dr. Whitmore smiles, trying to keep things positive despite the severity of the situation. Bobby knows how bad it is. He’d seen Buck’s spine protruding from paper thin skin. He’d seen his ribs…

“We did blood work when he first arrived to check for any drugs that he may have been given during his confinement.” The doctor continues. “The toxicology report came back clean, which is good news.”

Bobby heaved a sigh of relief at that. He’d been worried that the monster that held Buck might have tried to get him addicted to something. Then again, he had other means to control Buck. The horrible collar and controlling his food and water.

God, the things Buck must have gone through.

“For now, we’d like to avoid overwhelming Mr. Buckley.” Dr. Whitmore continues. “He’s already shown signs of stress and anxiety, and we’d like to keep him as calm as possible. We would like at least one of you to be in the room at all times, if possible. Simply to remind him that he’s safe and offer extra support as he settles. We also want to ensure that he gets rest, so I’ve put a strict limit on how many visitors are allowed in the room. Two to begin with. We can reevaluate the restriction as he heals and becomes more acclimated to his surroundings. Sergeant Grant is still sitting with him, so one of you can go back and join them when you are ready.”

She turns to Bobby again. “Mr. Buckley was awake for a little while, but he is sleeping at the moment.” The doctor pauses, eyes sympathetic. “Given the severity of his condition and the likely psychological trauma Mr. Buckley has endured, I am granting you full control over Mr. Buckley’s medical care. I do not believe he is in any condition to be making decisions regarding his health at this time.”

“Is that really necessary?” Hen asks.

Dr. Whitmore nods. “I believe it is. This might be temporary, at least until he can pass an evaluation, but I believe it is in his best interest. We want to make his recovery as stress free as we possibly can. Especially after everything he has been through.”

“I guess that makes sense.” Chimney chews on his bottom look, but glances at Bobby. “You’ve got his best interest at heart, anyway, Cap.”

Bobby nods, feeling the weight of responsibility settle upon his shoulders. He’d do anything for Buck. Anything.

“Do any of you have any questions?” Dr. Whitmore asks.

They shake their heads. Likely still processing the information. Questions would come later. Once they’ve all had a chance to visit Buck and see him with their own eyes.

“Alright, once you’ve decided who will sit with him first, let the receptionist at the desk know. She’ll call a nurse to escort you.” Dr. Whitmore smiles and heads off to check on her other patients.

“Maddie should go.” Chimney says immediately.

“I agree.” Hen nods, sniffling a little. Her eyes wide and wet with tears.

“No.” Maddie’s voice is quiet, and yet somehow as loud and as jarring as a gunshot.

They all turn towards her in astonishment.

“Maddie!” Chimney blurts out her name. “Of course, you’re going first! Buck is going to want to see that you’re okay.”

“I want to go home.” Maddie locks eyes with her husband. Her expression empty. The lack of emotion worries Bobby. Dread fills his heart as he glances towards Eddie and then Hen, both appearing equally confused at Maddie’s reaction.

“You can’t just leave.” Chimney continues, trying and failing to calm himself down. “Buck—”

“Fine. I’ll get an Uber.” Maddie interrupts him, abruptly turning and flees from the hospital waiting room.

Bobby stares after her. They all do. There has to be a reason why Maddie reacted the way she did, but for the life of him, Bobby can’t understand. She said no. She passed up an opportunity to see her brother. The same brother who sacrificed everything to keep her safe.

Bobby can’t fathom it.

“Go after her.” Hen gently shoves a still shocked Chimney. “She’s upset and she needs you. She’ll come around but you have to go after her.”

“O-okay. Yeah.” Chimney stumbles forward, taking a few unsteady steps in the direction Maddie had gone. He glances back, eyes consumed by heartbreak and loss. “Tell Buck that we love him. We’ll be back—as soon as Maddie’s feeling better.”

“Of course, Chim.” Hen promises and he hurries after Maddie.

Bobby lowers himself into one of the waiting room chairs. Feeling a bit numb. It had been a long day, and it wasn’t about to end any time soon. Buck was safe. He clung to that fact. Buck was going to be okay. With time, love and care.

“Eddie should go.” Hen says when no one else speaks. “Eddie should go see Buck.” She clarifies needlessly.

“Me?” Eddie startles, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. He looks like he’s bracing for an impact. Another blow.

“Buck would want to see you.” Bobby agrees. His heart yearns to see Buck with his own eyes, but he can see how close Eddie is to breaking apart.

“He’d want to see you too.” Eddie argues back to Bobby.

“You can send Athena out to switch with me. When she’s ready.” Bobby offers. “Then Hen can have a turn. We’ll start a rotation.”

“Okay.” Eddie glances towards the receptionist sitting at the desk nervously.

“Go on, Eddie.” Bobby encourages. “Buck will be happy to see you.”

Not as happy as he would have been to see his sister. Buck would want to see Maddie. He sacrificed his life for her. He’s going to want to know that she’s okay. Not from someone telling him, but from seeing her with his own eyes.

A rush of irrational anger burns in Bobby’s blood. Maddie should be by her brother’s side. Why had she run? Her eyes—Bobby had seen the fear. He just couldn’t understand it.

“Are you sure?” Eddie hesitates.

“Yes, Eddie.” Hen wraps him up in a quick hug. “Go.” She adds, with a gentle push in the direction of the desk.

Eddie leaves them, disappearing down a hallway once a nurse appears to guide him.

Bobby glances at the clock hanging on the wall. Counting the minutes until he gets his turn.

__

“Maddie—Maddie, wait!” Chimney calls after his wife. Her legs are short. How is she so fast? Maddie isn’t even running, but she is speed-walking like she’s aiming for first place. He finally catches up to her, reaching for her elbow only for her to flinch away from his grasp. “Hey—it’s just me!” Chimney jumps back, giving her space as she collapses against the wall beside her.

Maddie breaks. Her face going from frighteningly blank to shattered beyond repair. Tears gather in her eyes and Chimney fights the urge to gather his wife in his arms. She doesn’t want to be touched. Her muscles are visibly tight as she wearily watches him through her fingers. As if he is some sort of danger to her.

And damn if that doesn’t hurt.

“I-I’m going home.” Maddie’s voice is firm even as she starts to tremble. Even as the tears start to fall. She’s steadfast. Nothing is going to change her mind. Whatever is going on in her head, she needs to escape.

Chimney sighs. He thinks of Buck laying in a bed somewhere in the hospital. Of the horrors his brother-in-law had gone through. He knows Buck will want to see Maddie.

But Chimney also knows that Buck wouldn’t want to force Maddie to do anything she isn’t ready for.

“I’ll drive you.” Chimney says quietly and holds his hand out to Maddie. For a moment Maddie simply stares at the offering. Then she snatches his hand, clinging to it like a lifeline. “Let’s go.” He adds when she stands frozen. With a gentle tug, they walk together towards the parking lot.
__

Eddie’s palms are sweating. The last time he’d been this nervous was the day Christopher had been born. Back then Eddie had paced the length of the waiting room waiting for the chance to hold his son. He’d been terrified that he was going to screw everything up. Screw his kid up. Screw up his life. Fourteen years later and he’s done just that. Eddie had fucked up royally. Not just with Christopher, but with Buck too. The last thing Eddie wants is to accidentally hurt either of them again.

Buck was alive. It was the best case scenario. Buck was alive. There was still a chance that Eddie could get the life he wanted. A happy ending. With Buck. With Christopher.

Eddie had been given a second chance to try and build something new with Buck. Well, maybe not new, but something deeper. Not right away, obviously. Buck—Eddie knows he won’t be in any sort of place for something as asinine as romantic feelings. Possibly unrequited asinine romantic feelings.

Now wasn’t the time for declarations of love. Not that Eddie didn’t feel how he felt. He did love Buck. Now was the time to show Buck that he was loved. To be there for him in any way that Buck would allow. Eddie needed to support Buck. He could make the asinine romantic declaration when Buck had a chance to recover. When the timing was better.

Because they had time.

Buck was alive.

Eddie couldn’t be a coward anymore.

Eddie needed to be strong.

He couldn’t waver. Or hide.

Absentmindedly Eddie rubs the palms of his hands on his thighs as he walks towards Buck’s room. The lump of uncertainty lodged in his throat makes it harder for him to breathe. His chest feels tight. Given his sordid history with panic attacks, he is reasonably concerned he might dissolve into a hyperventilating mess if he isn’t careful.

The room number comes into view, and Eddie stops walking.

He can’t go in there like this. Buck doesn’t need a disheveled, panicking mess. Buck needs his best friend.

“Pull yourself together.” Eddie grumbles to himself. Clenching and unclenching his hands hanging at his sides.

Buck is in that room. Buck, who has been through all kinds of hell. When Eddie walked into that room, he needs to be ready. He can’t be weak. He needs to show Buck that he’s safe. Eddie needs to support Buck in any way he can. There can’t be any hesitation. Any confusion. Buck deserves the best.

Eddie takes a moment to prepare himself. He’d seen Buck. He knows it’s bad. The bruises and burns around his throat had been nothing short of horrific. That collar. Eddie closes his eyes, trying to banish the image from his mind.

His feet start moving before he consciously makes the choice to continue. He needs to see Buck. He can’t wait another minute.

Athena’s steady voice reaches him before he reaches the door. She speaks in hushed tones that make it impossible for Eddie to make out the words she’s saying. It sounds conversational enough that Eddie guesses Buck is awake. Hope leaps upwards within him, getting hopelessly tangled in the guilt and fear.

Buck is awake.

Eddie hovers in the doorway. Buck is curled on his right side, facing away from the door and towards Athena. She glances up, eyes tensing and then softening when she recognizes Eddie. She’s in protection mode. Assessing threats. Eddie isn’t one.

“Looks like you have a visitor.” Athena’s eyes drop back down to Buck’s face. One of his hands is wrapped up in both of hers. Instead of turning to look at Eddie, Buck shrinks in on himself, clinging a little tighter to Athena’s hand. “Shh, it’s okay.” Athena shifts a bit closer to Buck, giving him her undivided attention. “I think you’ll like this visitor.” She promises with a warm smile. “Why don’t you have a look?”

Still tense, Buck takes a few deep breaths before he half turns and peeks over his shoulder at Eddie. His red-rimmed blue eyes flare wide when the recognition hits.

“Hey, Buck.” Eddie greets, butterflies flap dizzily in his stomach.

Buck stares. His expression shifts from frightened to blank. Maybe that’s not the right word for it. Uncertain? Maybe. But in an apathetic way. Eddie isn’t sure what to make of it. The look seems wrong on Buck’s face. Buck, who is so genuine and open. Who feels loudly. Who wears his heart on his sleeve.

Athena squeezes Buck’s hand gently and he startles, turning back to look at her. Like he’d forgotten she was there. “Shh, you’re okay.” She promises Buck before glancing at Eddie. “He’s having trouble believing what he’s seeing.” She explains. “Maybe you should come a bit closer.”

Eddie moves, perhaps a little too quickly. Buck flinches, trembling as if Eddie is a monster instead of his best friend. Eddie feels like a monster.

“Athena.” Eddie hesitates, not wanting to make the situation worse.

Buck hasn’t said a word. Hasn’t made a noise.

“It’s okay, Buckaroo.” Athena doesn’t fully relinquish her hold on Buck’s hand but raises her second hand up to brush her fingers gently through Buck’s grease matted hair. “It’s just Eddie.”

Buck bites at his lower lip anxiously but glances at Eddie again. The fearful vibrations die down a bit, and Eddie slowly pulls a chair over next to Athena’s. The last thing Buck needs is to have people standing over him.

“Hold out your hand.” Athena suggests. Both Buck and Eddie look to her to see who she’s giving the suggestion too. Her eyes are on Eddie. That makes sense. Letting Buck make the choice to reach out and bridge the distance between them. Eddie holds out his hand, resting it on the edge of Buck’s bed. Palm facing upwards. His hands are no longer sweating—thank God. Buck stares at it, like he thinks Eddie might suddenly lash out and hurt him. Something painful settles in Eddie’s stomach as he waits.

Buck looks at Eddie’s hand, then glances back up at Athena, as if asking for permission. Another thrum of agony echoes through Eddie’s chest. Like his heart got tangled in a sea of thorny vines. God, Buck isn’t supposed to look so broken. So utterly lost.

“Hey,” Eddie says before Athena can find her voice. Buck’s blue eyes blink back at him. “I’m here.” Eddie promises. “I’m not going anywhere.” Not until they kick him out. Not until they make him leave. “Bobby and I have been looking everywhere for you.” Eddie has to choke down his emotion, but it still stains his voice. “Sorry it took so damn long.”

Buck glances at Athena again and she smiles. “See? I told you. They were searching for you this whole time. As I was. They just managed to find you first.”

Eddie watches Buck slowly accept the information, his lips parting without sound. He glances at Eddie’s hand again. Skeptical. Eddie isn’t sure why. Slowly Buck reaches out with his free hand. Timid, as if he thinks that Eddie might pull back his hand and say ‘psych,’ and vanish into thin air.

It feels like an eternity waiting for Buck’s fingers to finally brush across Eddie’s dry palm. There’s a spark when it happens. Buck’s fingertips brushing across his skin. Eddie feels warmth. Like Buck was bringing him back to life. The effect on Buck seemed to be something similar. There’s a sharp inhale of breath. Surprise lighting up Buck’s face as they tangle their hands together. Clinging to each other like their lives depend on it.

“I’m here.” Eddie whispers it like a promise, leaning closer. “I’m not going anywhere, Buck. I’m not leaving you again.” Buck’s eyes grow shinny. He doesn’t speak. He doesn’t try to. Eddie glances at the damage to Buck’s throat. The burns and the bruises.

He’d give anything to hear the sound of Buck’s voice. But he isn’t going to push him.

“Buck,” Athena draws back his attention, carefully adjusting his hold on her hand so that there isn’t any pressure on the IV taped there. “I bet you have a whole lot of people in the lobby who want to see you. The nurses don’t want to overwhelm you, so you can only have two visitors at a time. Would you like to see someone else?”

There’s another flash of panic before Buck pulls his bottom lip back between his teeth. He holds both of their hands a little tighter, as if afraid they will disappear if he lets them go. It’s concerning, but Eddie doesn’t know why. Why is Buck finding it hard to believe that they are real?

“I’m sure Maddie would love to see you.” Athena gently applies pressure.

“Uh,” Eddie feels his heart drop. He winces, finding himself the center of attention. “Bobby—I think Bobby would love to see you.” How can he explain what happened with Maddie? How she left? It would only cause more damage to Buck. Buck, who has been through far too much already.

Athena doesn’t question Eddie’s swift change. “Bobby has been a wreck without you.” Athena agrees easily. “It would put his mind at ease to sit with you for a while.” Buck looks up at her, but his brow furrowed with consideration. His eyes fixed on their joined hands. After a moment’s hesitation he gently withdraws his hand from Athena’s, giving her silent permission to go. Eddie can tell it breaks his heart to do it.

“Hey,” Eddie says, pulling Buck’s attention back to him. Trying to distract him. Buck stares at his own hand, now empty without Athena’s. He fixates on it. Athena hesitates, not getting up from her chair just yet. There’s a look of uncertainty on her face. Like she’s not quite ready to leave her pseudo stepson just yet. Which is so fair. Eddie isn’t sure he would be able to leave, either. “Hey,” Eddie coaxes gently. He’s rewarded with Buck’s blue eyes rising to meet his own. “Athena can stay if you want her too. Bobby won’t mind waiting a little longer.”

Buck frowns, glancing back and forth between them before he starts abusing his lower lip again. Eventually Buck shakes his head and looks up at Eddie and mouths Bobby’s name. There’s no sound, but Eddie’s heart fills with warmth. Buck is still in there.

“Okay, good.” Eddie says and looks at Athena just as Buck yanks his hand free from Eddie’s grasp. The motion is jarring, erasing any other thought from Eddie’s head. He snaps his gaze back to Buck as his best friend starts to unravel before his eyes.

Tired blue eyes go wide, wild with unspoken terror. Sightless. Like he’s no longer in the room with them. Like he’s trapped somewhere else. Somewhere haunting. Buck struggles to breathe, clawing at his neck—he’s hyperventilating. Eddie feels his own panic rise. Buck takes quick, unsuccessful breaths that do nothing to fill his lungs. A machine starts screaming, adding to the growing frenzy.

“Buck.” Eddie bites out as his own throat closes up. Athena reaches out to comfort Buck, only for Buck to flinch back violently. No touching. Touching went from something necessary in order for him to believe in their presence, to feared. Eddie doesn’t understand how things shifted so fast. What had happened? What had he done wrong?

A nurse rushes into the room. The heart monitor Buck is hooked up to is still crying.

“You two need to step out.” The nurse says after taking one look at Buck.

Eddie switches his attention back to his best friend just as things shift. It’s as if Buck withdraws entirely from his own body. His harsh breathing stops. His eyes go terrifyingly blank. The tension in his body cuts loose. He goes boneless. Arms falling limp at his sides.

A hand wraps around Eddie’s elbow, and he violently pulls away from the hold. The nurse had tried to grab him. Her eyes narrow at Eddie, but she doesn’t reach for him again. “You have to leave.” The nurse tells him.

“I can’t leave him like this!” Eddie shouts back—which isn’t the brightest idea. Shouting in a room with a man clearly having a traumatic reaction isn’t the best way to fix things.

“Eddie Diaz, do not yell at that poor nurse for doing her job!” Athena hisses, voice firm but quiet.

Cold splashes over Eddie’s anger, erupting it into steam. He exhales and shrinks back from the nurse. “Sorry.” He begs her forgiveness as he casts a pained glance at Buck. There’s no reaction. Buck stares blankly up at the ceiling. Something is wrong. Terribly wrong. It’s Eddie’s fault. “I’m-I’m sorry.”

He turns and flees. He hears Athena following after him, but she doesn’t stop him until they reach the end of the hallway.

“Eddie.” Athena touches his arm, and he flinches away from her. Too wound up to be touched by anyone. “Eddie.” She repeats his name, softer. Their eyes meet and Eddie glances behind her, back down the hall to where doctors and nurses flood into Buck’s room. “Hey, look at me.” Athena coaches gently. Eddie does, feeling lost in a sea of emotions he can’t even begin to identify. “Whatever happened wasn’t your fault.”

“It feels like my fault.” Eddie tries to hold himself together. He’s shaking like he might break apart. It feels like something vital has been ripped from him.

“We have no idea what that poor boy has gone through.” Athena is quick to remind him. “I know it’s the last thing we want to do, but we’re going to make mistakes. We can’t get hung up on what we can’t control. We need to learn from our mistakes and move forward. Can you do that?”

“Yes.” Eddie chokes on the reply. He’s willing to do anything for Buck.

“Okay, let’s go talk to the others.” Athena pats his shoulder gently and turns, walking a few paces down the hall.

Eddie doesn’t follow. His feet remain cemented to the linoleum floor. “I just don’t understand.” He whispers. Athena stops and turns back to him as he looks up at her. “What did I do wrong?” His voice is small, even to his own ears.

Athena sighs and returns to Eddie’s side. “Baby, we are going to figure it out.” She reaches out to him, resting her palm on his cheek. Eddie doesn’t pull away from her. He leans into the comfort she’s providing. “We’re going to do everything we can for Buck. We aren’t abandoning him, Eddie. We’re regrouping.”

“Okay.” Eddie sniffles sharply, blinking back tears.

“Okay.” Athena nods and gently takes his hand in hers. “Come on.”

Chapter Text

Bobby and Hen stand when they see Eddie and Athena enter the waiting room. Worry painted on their faces. They’ve realized that no one is sitting with Buck. They also likely realize that meant something went wrong. That Buck wasn’t okay.

Eddie let’s Athena take the lead. The police sergeant dutifully relays everything that happened to the others. They all look about as devastated as Eddie feels.

“So, what do we do now?” Hen asks numbly.

Athena sighs, her eyes glancing in the direction of Buck’s room ever so often. “Dr. Whitmore will come out and talk to us. Once she has something to tell us. Then we’ll go from there.”

“What do you think triggered him?” Hen asks, eyes wet with fresh tears. Her arms wrapped around her body in a self-hug.

“I-I don’t know.” Eddie admits, voice coming out low and staticky. He can’t remember what happened very well. What he had said and done was washed away as Buck started to drown in panic. Eddie takes a deep breath and thinks back. “He let us know that he wanted to see Bobby—”

“Eddie had turned to me.” Athena adds slowly as she thinks back. “You said something—but nothing that should have caused such a reaction.”

“What did Eddie say?” Bobby frowns. “Was it about me? Maybe Buck saw me during the rescue. Maybe he saw me swing the baseball bat. Maybe that was triggering? Oh God, is he scared of me?”

“No, baby. Buck genuinely wanted to see you.” Athena assures her husband firmly. “Eddie said ‘okay, good.’ Those were the words.” She pauses, likely replaying the incident over again in her mind. Eventually she shakes her head. “Until we learn more about what he went through it might not make sense to us.”

“It wasn’t me?” Bobby looks shaken. Pale. His voice smaller than Eddie had ever heard it before.

“No, Bobby, it wasn’t you.” Athena promises, drawing him into her arms.

“Poor Buck.” Hen sums everything up glumly.

“For now, let’s ban the words ‘okay’ and ‘good.’ Just until we know what they might mean to him.” Athena suggests.

“I’ll let Chimney know.” Hen says as they all nod their agreements. Silence fills the waiting room as they wait for an update from the doctor. She walked into the room an hour later. Her face grim.

“Is he alright?” Eddie asks in his most quiet and calm voice. He forces himself to stay where he’s standing, even though he wants nothing more than to rush forward. He doesn’t want to risk frightening anymore hospital employees. Guilt eats at him over how he had shouted at the nurse earlier. Hopefully he’ll see her again, so he can apologize properly.

“Mr. Buckley is stable.” Dr. Whitmore says cautiously. “However, he seems to have fallen into a rather deep dissociative state.”

“He hasn’t snapped out of it yet?” Eddie scratches at his skin, feeling it crawl with the news. He remembers how Buck had stopped. His best friend had gone from a frantic, panicked state to boneless within the span of a heartbeat. His blue eyes vacant and staring into a world Eddie couldn’t reach.

“Right now, Mr. Buckley is asleep. Hopefully when he wakes up next, he’ll be more aware.” The doctor glances at each of them in turn. She ends up focusing on Bobby as she continues. “I believe this is a trauma response. He’s been through so much. Something must have triggered a memory and in order to protect himself, he retreated into his own mind. This isn’t overly unusual, according to our Psych consult. There is a chance he may ‘snap out of it’ soon, or it may take a few days. All we can do is wait and see. I recommend one of you stay with him. Talk to him. Remind him that it’s safe to come out again.”

“We can sit with him again?” Athena asks. Eddie is a little surprised she didn’t force her way back to the room, flashing her badge and making demands. Seeing Buck shut down like that must have hit hard. Eddie knows he still feels dazed.

“Yes. I urge you to avoid overwhelming him. One or two visitors at a time.” Dr. Whitmore glances at each member of the group. “Feel free to talk around him. Keep your voice soft and upbeat. Remind him that he’s safe.”

Athena sighs. “I need to check in with Detective Romero.” She doesn’t look overly thrilled with the idea of being separated from Buck, but she’s also been there for Buck since he was pulled out of the basement. She locks eyes with her husband. “You keep me updated.”

“Always.” Bobby responds, stealing a quick kiss before she heads off.

“Rock, paper, scissors?” Hen suggests, glancing at Bobby and then Eddie.

“I already got to see him.” Eddie reluctantly bows out. “I’ll hang out until one of you need a break.” As much as he wants to be there for Buck, he can’t stop replaying how fast Buck had shut down. Because of something he had said. And yes, Eddie knows that he couldn’t have predicted it. He knows that the next few days, few months are going to be a learning curve, but he can’t help but feel guilty. Misplaced guilt, sure, but guilty none the less.

Buck was his best friend. More than that—Buck was his partner.

“Eddie.” Hen says his name softly, but it still startles him out of his thoughts. Her hand on his shoulder. “Go see him.”

“No, you and Bobby haven’t had a chance—”

“You need to see him.” Hen smiles softly. “I can wait. Besides, I need to call Chimney and update him on everything. Even though Maddie left, I’m sure she’ll want to know what’s going on.”

“I can’t.” Eddie admits.

“Eddie, what happened wasn’t your fault.” Bobby reminds him.

“I know—but I still can’t. Not now.” Eddie swallows thickly and glances down at his phone. “Besides. I have a call to make.” A call that he can’t put off any longer.

“Okay.” Hen offers him a look of understanding. “Could you maybe call Chimney too? Let him know what’s going on?”

“Sure.” Eddie is grateful for the extra task. Talking to Chimney will be significantly easier than talking to his own son.

“It’s going to be alright.” Hen adds before she and Bobby head off down the hallway.

“God, I hope so.” Eddie mutters and then heads towards the courtyard. The space is virtually empty when he arrives. There’s a young girl manning the outdoor coffee cart. She looks bored, flipping through a magazine as she waits for the next wave of patients and hospital staff come. Two interns sit huddled together over what might be salads.

Eddie is stalling.

He knows he’s stalling. He promised himself he wouldn’t be a coward anymore and here he is—absolutely terrified. Terrified that he’s going to say the wrong thing to Christopher. Terrified that he’ll make things worse than they already are.

It was good news. Buck was alive. It was the best news. Yet, Eddie couldn’t help but hesitate. Had he waited too long? How would Christopher react? Would he even answer Eddie’s call? An impending doom feeling settles heavy in his soul. A cold dread that he has no hope of shaking off.

Eddie’s heart beats painfully in the tight confines of his chest. There’s too much nervous energy within him. Eddie walks to the shadowed corner of the courtyard to make the calls. Pacing. Unable to sit down at one of the nearby tables. Unable to relax.

Eddie calls Chimney first. It’s arguably the easier of the two calls. He is aware that he’s stalling as he taps on Chimney’s contact. Buck’s brother-in-law answers on the second ring and Eddie dutifully fills him in on everything he and Maddie missed.

“Damn, Buck really can’t catch a break.” Chimney exhales over the line once Eddie finishes recapping everything that Chimney and Maddie missed.

Speaking of Maddie.

“How’s Maddie?” Eddie asks, barely able to keep the edge of hostility out of his tone. He knows it’s not quite fair. Maddie had also been through a horrific trauma. She’d been taken from her own home. Her brother had sacrificed himself for her. Everything bad happened while she was unconscious. Eddie—couldn’t imagine what she was feeling. Still, Buck was back. Buck needed her. Buck needed them all.

“Maddie—she didn’t want to talk about it. She locked herself in the bathroom when we got back to the loft.” Chimney answers, voice quiet and strained. As if he’s afraid that he might be overheard, or his words might upset Maddie further. “She didn’t tell me anything. I’ve never seen her like this before, Eddie. She was so upset. I couldn’t push her. I honestly don’t know what happened.”

“She was overwhelmed.” Eddie offers. It’s the only thing that makes sense to him. He had been standing there with her, listening to the long list of things Buck had suffered. They didn’t even know the gory details yet, only the end result from the torture.

Dios, what had Buck gone through? They didn’t even know the full story yet. They’ve barely scratched the surface.

The irrational anger at Maddie melts slightly. Buck had gone through everything for her. Eddie’s own guilt was crushing, he can’t imagine what she’s going through. It might feel like Eddie’s fault that Buck was taken, but for Maddie…

“Maybe.” Chimney agrees after a long pause. “I wish I knew how to help her.”

“Just be there.” Eddie offers. It’s cliché advice, but it still rings true. Maddie needed someone to pull her out of her downward spiral. “Is Jee home?”

“No, she’s still with the Lees.” Chimney sighs again. “I was hoping Maddie would change her mind about seeing Buck. That seems unlikely at this point. She won’t talk to me.”

“Give her time.” Eddie glances around the courtyard. There still aren’t many people around. A few doctors sit at one table. A woman is silently crying into her coffee cup at another table. Somehow the space still feels crowded. Eddie knows that his conversation with Chimney is winding down. He knows what’s going to happen next.

Or rather, he doesn’t know what will happen when he calls Christopher and he’s petrified.

“Yeah.” Chimney huffs. “I’m trying.”

“Okay, I gave you a pep talk.” Eddie groans and turns to face a flowerbed. “Now I need you to give me one.”

“What?”

“I’m about to call Christopher.” Eddie explains weakly.

“Shit.” Chimney says in a way that tells Eddie he’s wincing in sympathy. “Shit.” Chimney repeats, drawing out the word dryly.

“Yeah.” Eddie nods in agreement. “So. Any words of wisdom?”

“Don’t fuck up.” Chimney deadpans before laughing dryly.

“Thanks, man.” Eddie rolls his eyes. “You should give seminars and write books using all of your super helpful words.”

“Mm, I’ll definitely consider being a pep talk guru if ever find myself needing an alternative career path.” Chimney snipes back. Both men revel in the lighthearted moment. There’s a short pause before Chimney shifts the conversation back to the realm of gravity. “But seriously, Christopher has been calling you every day. Just—think before you speak. Maybe plan something before you make the call.”

“I’ll try.” Eddie bites on his tongue and kicks at the ground with the rubber toe of his shoe. “I should stop stalling.”

“Yeah, you should.” Chimney agrees with a quiet hum. “Good luck, Eddie.”

“Thanks, man.” Eddie ends the call and watches the screen of his phone until it goes dark. He taps the device against his palm nervously and starts to pace.

Words spin in his head, but nothing sounds right. Nothing sounded good enough. What could he even say to make up for everything he’s done? There are no words to express how sorry he is. He should start with an apology. But what should he apologize for first? The whole debacle with Kim? Or when Eddie decided to move to El Paso without taking the time to talk to Chris about it? Or maybe how he lost Buck. Or when he had verbally given up on trying to earn Christopher’s forgiveness? Then there was the whole issue with ignoring Chirstopher’s phone calls.

Dios, he really was a truly terrible dad. If there was an award for worst father of the year, Eddie would be the winner. No contest.

The phone lights up in his hand. Christopher’s name and smiling face beam up at him. Eddie’s heart flips in his chest. Slowly he draws in a deep breath and accepts the call with a quick swipe of a shaky thumb. The world dims slightly as he presses the phone to his ear. His breathing turns from something measured to something erratic as panic surges within him. He can’t speak—every thought inside of his head screams in pure chaos.

“Dad?” Christopher’s voice silences the noise.

Eddie’s breath hitches in his chest. His lips part as he tries to say his son’s name. The sound comes out as a wretched sob.

“Dad.” Christopher repeats, voice breaking. “Is it Buck? Is he—Dad, is he dead?”

“He’s alive.” Eddie manages to rasp. “He’s alive. I—Bobby and I found him. We rescued him, Chris. I’m at the hospital.”

“Can I talk to him?” Chris asks, voice trembling.

“I-I’m not with him right now.” Eddie winces. “There’s some d-damage to his throat. He might not be able to talk for a while.”

Silence fills the space between them. There’s so much that Eddie wants to say. So much that he needs to say. But his tongue is tied, and his brain shorts out. On the other end of the line, Christopher is quiet.

Then after what feels like an eternity Eddie hears his son inhale sharply. “Okay.” Christopher declares and then he ends the call.

Shock blooms from the vines of fear spreading through Eddie’s chest. Chris was gone. The call ended. His son hadn’t wanted to talk to him after all. He had only wanted to know that Buck was alive.

Which was fair. It was fair. Of course, Christopher didn’t want to talk to his good for nothing father. His cruel, evil father. A father that did nothing but hurt the people around him. Of course, Christopher still hated him. Still wanted to shut him out.

It was what Eddie deserves.

“Sir, are you okay?” A voice asks and Eddie glances up at a nurse standing in front of him. Where had she come from?

“Uh, yeah.” No. Eddie’s face twists a little with confusion. Wondering what he had done to draw attention to himself. He had been talking to Christopher. Sort of. Whispering, not yelling.

“You’re crying.” The woman points out and Eddie reaches up, his fingertips feeling the wet streams on his cheek.

“Oh.” Eddie pulls his hand back and looks at the remnants of salty tears he had brushed away. “Sorry.” He apologizes quickly. Shame jumps up into his throat.

“Oh, no. There’s nothing to apologize for.” The nurse assures him and holds out a napkin for him as an offering. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I will be.” There isn’t much choice. He takes the napkin and wipes away the evidence. He has to be strong. For his best friend. For Buck. He may have destroyed any chance of mending his relationship with Christopher, but Buck still needs him.

All was not lost. At least not yet, anyway.

__

Athena stands at the doorway to Vivian Sparks’ room as Rick finishes taking her statement. The girl still has splatters of dried blood dotting her face. Her hair is too short to be pulled back properly, but she’d done her best to try. At her side, Cynthia Sparks clutches her daughter’s hand, dapping at her damp eyes with a wadded-up ball of tissues.

“I tried to help him run, but he couldn’t make it.” Vivian’s voice breaks for the first time since Athena joined them. “He fell and then signed ‘help’ and ‘run’ over and over again until I left him.” The girl takes a shaky breath. “I promised I’d come back for him, and I didn’t.”

“You promised to get help, which is exactly what you did.” Rick reassures her gently. “Those men you flagged down were out looking for Buck. They had been out searching almost every day since Buck was taken. You saved his life.”

Vivian breaks down into sobs, held together by her mother’s arms.

“Thank you for giving me your statement.” Rick tells the young girl. “We have the man who kidnapped you in custody. I promise you and Buckley will get the justice you deserve.”

“Thank you.” Cynthia says when Vivian is too lost in tears to respond.

“My pleasure.” Rick nods and turns. He doesn’t seem surprised to see Athena. He likely clocked her the second she started loitering in the doorway. They step further down the hall together. “You just heard the end?”

“I owe that girl everything.” Athena says with a nod. “She saved both of their lives.”

“Buckley played a big part in their escape too.” Rick clears his throat. “I went back to the scene a little while ago. Erick kept a journal.”

Athena’s stomach twists, wondering how much of Buck’s torture was documented.

“I haven’t been able to dive into it, but I did skim through it. Erick was trying to brainwash Buckley.” Rick pauses, which speaks louder than his words. Rick isn’t one to mince words or hesitate. He speaks plainly. “He was attempting to manipulate the kid into becoming his apprentice. Buckley’s strength, even whittled down like it was, remained steadfast. He refused to hurt that girl, despite whatever horrible punishment he knew he’d face with his defiance. Buckley and Vivian worked together—they got each other out.”

“I’m not going to like what’s in that journal, am I?” Athena asks.

“No.” Rick sighs. “No sane person would.”

“Lord, help us.” Athena feels her eyes burn as she looks down the hallway, trying to reign in her emotions.

“There’s more.” Rick adds.

“More?” Athena frowns. “More journals?”

“Not that we’ve found, but we’ve barely scratched the surface of what was in the cabin. We found photographs in Buckley’s cell.” Rick explains, taking out his phone and passing it to Athena. She stares at the screen and the sick feeling in her stomach grows. Each photograph is of the 118 family living out their lives. Smiling—laughing. Happy looking.

The killer had stalked them. Taking pictures that depicted a lie and flaunting them in Buck’s face. She can only imagine what cruel things the man said to her pseudo stepson. Trying to convince Buck that his family didn’t miss him. That they didn’t love him. That they weren’t looking for him.

Her eyes fix on the picture of her and Bobby sitting in that awful restaurant in Hollywood. Well, maybe that wasn’t fair to the restaurant. It was the memory of dragging her husband out when neither of them had been in the mood to celebrate. It had been their anniversary. She regretted forcing Bobby to go out—but her husband had been wasting away. Forgetting to eat. Not taking care of himself. Athena thought it would be good for Bobby to take a break.

Athena remembers the exact moment depicted in the picture. They had both agreed that the night had been a mistake. Athena had thanked Bobby for lasting as long as he had and Bobby thanked her for loving him. They toasted to Buck. The smiles had been fleeting before they had requested the check, ending the night early.

There aren’t words that adequately describe how angry the image makes her. Knowing that such a painful moment had been used against Buck. Frame in a way that made it look like they were happy, when the truth is they were miserable.

“He stalked us.” Athena exhales and looks up at Rick.

“It appears so.” Rick nods. “He used some tool he bought online to download the data on Buckley’s phone before he destroyed it.” They had found the remnants of Buck’s phone a day after he’d been taken. They had followed the tracking data to an abandoned house. Along with the smashed device, they found rope and dried blood. It was likely the place where Buck negotiated his sister’s release. “He had all of your contact information. All of your addresses. All the pictures Buck had of you. He knew exactly who to target. Who was important to Buck.”

Athena’s heart drops. “And he used us against Buck.”

“Yes.” Rick agrees gravely.

She scrolls through the images, each one making the sick feeling in her gut grow. Then she notices something. There are no pictures of Eddie. Then again, all of the pictures feature them smiling. Eddie’s smile had disappeared with Buck. Capturing Eddie looking happy would have been a challenge for anyone.

“There’s something else I learned from the journal.” Rick tells her when she hands his phone back. “It appears he drugged Buckley, repeatedly.”

“The doctor said his blood tests came back clean.” Athena frowns.

“LSD burns through the system quickly. Within twenty-four hours it is untraceable.” Rick explains. “The effects can be lasting, though. He might have trouble figuring out what is real and what isn’t.”

“Oh, God.” Athena sucks in a breath, realizing now why Buck had needed to physically touch her to believe she was with him. She’s grateful for the information, it’ll help them all support Buck during his recovery. That poor boy. “Thank you. For letting me know. Is—is there anything else?”

“I’m sure there will be.” Rick admits quietly. “I’ll let you know if there are any other new developments.”

“Thank you.” Athena says again.

“Take care of Buckley.” Rick requests. “I’ll make sure that monster never touches him again.”

Athena resists the urge to thank her friend again. Instead, they shake hands, as if they’d made some sort of deal and go their separate ways.
__

Buck is still sleeping when Bobby and Hen enter the room. They linger in the doorway, neither of them wanting to move to quickly and risk startling Buck.

The first thing Bobby focuses on is the bruising on his neck. It’s nothing short of horrific. Deep purples that almost look black against his unmarred, paper white skin. His skin looks stretched over his bones. Buck’s weight loss is heavy on Bobby’s mind as he moves a chair closer to his bedside and sits.

“Should we hold his hand?” Hen asks quietly as she takes up the space on his other side.

“Athena said he had a hard time believing they were there without touch.” Bobby sighs and reaches out slowly before gathering Buck’s limp hand in his own. “If he wakes up and pulls away, we should let him, but—I honestly don’t know what’s right or what’s wrong in this situation.”

“None of us do.” Hen agrees as she gently takes Buck’s other hand in her own. “Once he’s feeling better, you’ll have to make him all of his favorite foods.”

“We’ll have to follow the nutritionists lead, but that’s the plan.” Bobby manages a small smile. “I’m just glad I’ll have the chance to cook for him again. And cook with him, when he’s feeling up to it.”

“He’ll love that.” Hen grins. They fall into an awkward stretch of silence that Hen eventually fills with stories of the mischief her kids have been getting into. Bobby catches on to what she’s doing. She’s trying to keep up steady chatter so that when Buck does wake up, he’ll feel safe.

“I look over and Mara has sucked every bit of blue syrup from the snow cone—her lips were so blue I thought she was having trouble breathing.” Hen laughs lightly, using her free hand to wipe away tears. “She asked if they could give her more of the blue stuff and the guy running the stand told her she could have a few pumps free of charge, but only if she actually ate the ice.”

“Did she?” Bobby asks, smiling at the innocence.

“Yes.” Hen nods. “She told me afterwards that snow cones tasted better with the ice.”

“I can’t believe she’d never had a snow cone before.” Bobby shakes his head thoughtfully. “It was a staple in my childhood. I would get one at the skating rink with my partner after practice. The cherry flavor was my favorite.”

“They were a staple in my childhood too.” Hen agrees. “We bought a little snow cone machine for the house. Denny and Mara have made some truly horrific flavor combinations. I even caught Denny eating a snow cone with siracha once.”

“I don’t want to know why he thought that would be a good idea.” Bobby shakes his head, then sobers the second he sees Buck’s eyelids flutter. His heart leaps into his throat and he sits forward. Buck’s fingers twitch a little as he starts to regain consciousness.

“Hey there, Buckaroo.” Hen greets him softly as Buck’s blue eyes find hers.

“Hey, kid.” Bobby manages to choke out. Buck turns from gazing at Hen to look at Bobby. He mouths Bobby’s name as tears shine in his eyes. The grip around Bobby’s fingers tightens slightly. It’s likely as tight as Buck could currently manage. “It’s so—” he stops just short of accidently saying the word ‘good.’ “So wonderful to see you.” Bobby finishes, words watery with his emotions.

Bobby. Buck mouths his name again.

“I’m here, kid. I’m not going anywhere.” Bobby promised. “Eddie and I searched for you every day.”

“You’re safe, Buck.” Hen promises, recapturing Buck’s attention briefly. He looks overwhelmed, tears breaking free and running down his pale, gaunt face. “I’m going to let the doctor know you’re awake, o—if that’s alright?”

A slightly confused look sparks on Buck’s face, but he nods and watches as Hen uses the call button to summon a nurse. Buck’s eyes drift back to Bobby. His silence is unnerving, but not unexpected. Not with the obvious damage done to his throat and no doubt the psychological effects of having worn the collar for so long.

Still, Bobby wishes he could hear the sound of Buck’s voice.

Maddie. Buck mouths his sister’s name, wincing from the effort. Maybe he was trying to speak audibly and failed to produce sound. Bobby couldn’t be sure.

“She’s—fine.” Bobby tells him, stumbling to avoid saying good or okay. “She’s at home—I know she wants to be here.” But I don’t know why she isn’t. Bobby can’t explain it. The only person that could explain her absence is Maddie herself. “She was here earlier, but—”

“She needed rest.” Hen provides with a soft smile. “She’s growing your niece or nephew, after all.”

Thank God for Hen and her quick thinking. Buck actually smiles at the mention of the baby. It’s a small, hesitant smile, but a smile none-the-less.

“We’ve all missed you.” Hen continues, “But everyone is doing much better now that you are home. The whole team has been waiting around to see you. Athena and Eddie were in here a while ago.”

Buck nods slightly, his eyes glazing over a little in memory. Thankfully he doesn’t slip back into a catatonic state. He nods and flinches a little when the nurse comes into the room. Hen talks with him, and Bobby distracts Buck with reassuring words.

“The nurse is going to get the doctor.” Hen pats Buck’s arm gently. “Are you in any pain?”

A frown graces Buck’s pale lips as he considers the question. When Buck shakes his head, he avoids their eyes. He’s lying. Buck has never been the best liar. Not when he’s lying to the people he cares about, anyway.

“That’s—alright.” Hen winces as she struggles not to say one of the forbidden words. “If you are in pain, let us know. We don’t want you to hurt.”

Buck’s eyes fill with a fresh round of tears. The blue turning almost aquamarine in color.

“Hello, Mr. Buckley.” The doctor greets as she walks into the room, his chart in hands. Bobby doesn’t look away from Buck. He watches his kid shrink into himself as he gazes at the woman shyly. The doctor is friendly as she lists off Buck’s injuries. The more she talks, the more glassy Buck’s eyes look. “We’re going to take care of you, Mr. Buckley. Can you tell me if you are in any pain?”

Buck shakes his head, despite it being an obvious lie.

The doctor’s gaze falls upon Bobby and cold realization slides down Bobby’s spine. This isn’t Buck’s choice anymore. It’s Bobby’s.

There’s no way that Bobby can force drugs upon Buck—not after his choice had been so brutally ripped away from him for so long. Bobby could, however, try and sway him. Try and convince him that he’ll be safe. Protected.

“Buck.” Bobby takes a deep breath, waiting for the moment Buck’s blue eyes lock with his. “Do you trust me?”

Buck’s lips part and move silently. ‘Yes.’ There’s a flash of hurt there. Like Buck isn’t sure why Bobby is questioning his trust. Of course, Buck trusts Bobby.

“Do you not want pain medication because of something that happened during your captivity?” Bobby asks bluntly. Maybe he shouldn’t. Maybe he should have taken the time to consider the right words. Softer words.

Shame burns on Buck’s cheeks, and he briefly looks away. He nods and Bobby’s heart breaks. The toxicology report had come back clean, but there were drugs that could metabolize fairly quickly. There was also the possibility Buck had been drugged earlier on in his captivity.

Buck had been shot. He had primitive surgery performed on his shoulder. Had Buck been awake during that? Had he been given anything for the pain? Had it been enough or too much? Bobby closes his eyes to the thoughts that threaten to send him into an unhelpful spiral. The answers would come later—or never. That was up to Buck—up to Athena and Rick to uncover.

“I know you’re scared.” Bobby tells Buck, drawing the younger man’s attention. “But we’re going to protect you. We’re going to keep you safe. Your body can’t heal properly if it’s in constant pain. You know that. You don’t have to be afraid. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

“None of us will.” Hen adds with conviction.

“Someone will always be with you.” Bobby continues as Buck visibly struggles to decide. “We’re going to protect you, Buck. Trust us.”

“Please?” Hen pleads. “None of us want to see you in pain.”

“We’ll be here every step of the way.” Bobby promises.

The moment Buck gives in is obvious. He visibly breaks. Silently he nods towards the doctor, then he turns and curls towards Bobby. His body shakes as he mutely sobs as a storm of emotions erupts within him. Bobby immediately feels guilty, but the doctor nods with approval and writes something on Buck’s chart.

“We’ll get you relief soon, Mr. Buckley.” She promises and leaves the room.

Buck’s body trembles with each sob. No sound escapes his lips. Whether that’s because Buck is incapable of making sound or it was learned through trauma doesn’t matter. It’s deeply unnerving to watch. Bobby’s own throat hurts in sympathy. Bobby gathers as much of Buck as possible into his arms.

A nurse enters the room. Hen whispers something to her. Bobby glances at them and sees that Hen’s face is damp with tears. The nurse nods and quietly moves to Bobby’s side of the bed. Injecting the pain medication into Buck’s IV without a word. Buck flinches, actively hiding his face against Bobby.

“Shh, it’ll be better soon.” Bobby promises. “You’ll feel better, kid. I’ve got you.”

The nurse leaves after writing something on Buck’s chart. After a few agonizing minutes, Buck’s body starts to grow still. His eyelids growing heavy. Both Bobby and Hen whisper encouraging words to him. Then, finally, Buck falls asleep.

__

“Maddie, would you please talk to me?” Chimney calls through the bathroom door. He’d tried giving her space at first, but that hadn’t worked. Pushing her doesn’t seem to be working very well either—but at least it made him feel somewhat productive.

What Chimney really wanted was to be at the hospital with the rest of the 118 family. Buck needed them. All of them. He’d gone through something unspeakable. Chimney’s brother-in-law had already survived a record number of horrific experiences. Chimney knew from experience how it felt to dance with death and somehow survive. He knew how hard it was to adjust. How hard he had depended on those around him to make life feel normal again.

He can’t leave Maddie. Not now. Not when she was so upset. He just doesn’t know how to help her.

“Please,” Chimney begs. “Can you at least let me know you’re okay? I need proof of life, Maddie. You’re scaring me.” She’d tried to take her life before. What if…

The door cracks open and he gets a glimpse of his teary-eyed wife before she closes the door.

Wordless. Without explanation.

It was the proof he’d asked for. She was alive. She was unharmed, at least physically. Chimney still had no idea what was going on in her head.

“I don’t know how to help you.” Chimney tells the door, hoping that Maddie is listening on the other side. There’s no answer. No indication that she even wanted him there. Maybe he should go back to the hospital. He’d be less useless there. Or maybe not. Maybe his presence was helping Maddie.

He wishes he had a clear answer on what to do. But life was rarely ever black and white.

“Alright, Maddie. I’m not going anywhere.” Chimney’s chest tightens as he steps back from the door. Maddie doesn’t respond. He doesn’t expect her too. “I’ll be here whenever you’re ready.” Chimney adds and then decides standing around isn’t going to make him feel any better. It isn’t going to help Maddie either.

Chimney has never been a stress cleaner. That is something both of the Buckley siblings have in common, though. They actively have to do something when they feel stressed. Buck’s baking obsession also seemed to help in that regard. Chimney doesn’t want to risk burning down Buck’s loft, so he settles on reorganizing the pantry.

__

“He’s been watching us?” Eddie swallows down his unease as he sits across from Athena. It’s been nearly four hours since Bobby and Hen went back to sit with Buck. Athena and Eddie have been taking turns making sure their group remains caffeinated. Buck had been sleeping for the most part. Rest is probably the best thing for him.

Eddie hadn’t been back to see Buck since he accidently triggered the panic attack. The guilt he already feels is so immense. So crushing. Eddie isn’t sure how much more he can take.

Not that he’s going to give up. He needs to be there for Buck. The fear of making it worse is too great. Buck needs steady, calm people by his side. Like Hen, Athena and Bobby. Bobby is so good with him. So gentle. Buck hasn’t let the older man go. Not even in his sleep.

“Yes.” Athena draws Eddie back to their conversation. “He took photographs and printed them off for Buck.”

“And you said that guy—Erick? He documented the whole thing?” Eddie’s anger simmers dangerously in his blood. He clenches and unclenches his fists. Wishing for something to hit.

“Yes. In a journal.” Athena huffs. “I know it’s awful, but in a way that journal is a good thing.”

“How?” Eddie fixes her with a look.

“Because it’ll walk him straight into a jail cell.” Athena answers with a righteous smirk. “He wrote down his own confession. Everything in that journal will be used against him in court. Buck and the girl who escaped might not have to testify. If we’re very lucky, Erick won’t even fight the charges. He’ll simply go away for the rest of his miserable life.”

“All those families deserve justice.” Eddie nods. A sick feeling turns uncomfortably his stomach. They were lucky enough to get Buck back. Those other families would have to live with the knowledge that their loved ones had been murdered. Horrifically.

“They do. And they’ll get it.” Athena promises. “Rick isn’t letting anything slide. Anything he can nail this bastard with, he will.”

“Is—have they questioned him yet?” Eddie tries to keep the hatred out of his voice. He fails. Though he finds that he doesn’t mind too much.

“Well.” Athena frowns a little. “The doctors haven’t cleared him yet. He has a concussion and a busted knee, thanks to Bobby’s heroic efforts.” Athena smirks. Clearly proud of her husband despite the situation. “It might be a few days before he’ll be able to be placed in an actual jail cell. However, he isn’t going anywhere. We have him under lock and key.”

It still makes Eddie nervous, knowing that Erick is handcuffed to a hospital bed rather than a jail cell. Still, like Athena said, he isn’t going anywhere. He won’t be escaping.

At least the monster is being kept at a different hospital. Buck and the other victim are safe. Although, if Eddie heard right, the other victim has already been discharged. He sort of wishes he had gotten a chance to see her again. They had all but abandoned her in the truck when they went to save Buck. Eddie doesn’t regret it—but he still feels a little bad.

“Dad?”

Eddie’s head whips around, his eyes instantly spotting his son—and his own father. What? He stands on wobbly knees. “What?” He glances from Christopher to his father.

“You said I could come home when I was ready.” Christopher reminds Eddie, chin tilted up in defiance. As if he’s expecting an argument. He shifts his weight on his crutches slightly. Nervously.

“I—I did.” Eddie’s heart thunders in his chest. He feels unsteady. Like the world around him is seconds from being ripped away. Christopher is here. His father is here. How did they know where he was? Why didn’t they tell him they were coming? Was Christopher home to stay or was this just a visit? So many questions swirl in his head. “Of course, Chris. I—but how? When?” Eddie looks at his father for answers.

“He told me it was time when he got off the phone with you earlier today.” Ramon nods. His face breaks from stoic concern to a look of encouragement. “We’ve been waiting for you to call him.”

“I—Chris.” Eddie doesn’t deserve it. He deserves nothing. He didn’t earn this. He didn’t—what was happening? “I’m so sorry.” His voice breaks and he falls on his knees in front of his son. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know.” Christopher nods, bottom lip trembling ever so slightly. His chin stays up. He remains stoic. “We need to talk.”

“Yes.” Eddie agrees. “Of course, of course. But—Buck.” He glances back at Athena. She’s standing a few steps back, watching the scene unfold with curious eyes. It occurs to Eddie that Athena might not know what’s going on. Not the full story, anyway. Not unless Hen told her. Bobby wasn’t one to gossip. Not when it came to personal issues like Eddie’s complete parental fuck up.

“Buck isn’t going anywhere.” Athena says gently.

“Is he going to be okay?” Christopher asks her. More emotions breaking in his voice.

“With time.” Athena tells Christopher with a small smile. “I’m sure seeing you will make him feel better. Maybe tomorrow, after you have a good long talk with your daddy.” She suggests. “He might be more awake then.” That was the hope, anyway. Buck needed rest, though. Eddie wasn’t complaining. Seeing Christopher would be good for Buck.

“Okay.” Christopher nods and looks back at Eddie. “Let’s go home.”

Eddie swallows and nods and glances again at his father. “My car is still at the firehouse. I never went back for it after—after everything.”

Ramon nods. “We have a rental.”

Taking a deep breath, Eddie stands. His knees still shake, one hand resting on Christopher’s shoulder. His boy is so tall. When did he get so tall? Tears burn behind Eddie’s eyes, but he forces the emotion down. He can’t cry. Not in front of his father. Not in public. Diaz’s men don’t cry. He swallows again and looks back at Athena.

“You’ll let me know if—” his question trails off. There are so many ways to end it. If something goes wrong. If Buck asks for him. If anyone needs anything.

“I’ll keep you updated.” Athena promises. “Good seeing you, Christopher.” She adds, eyes drifting to his son.

“You, too.” Christopher manages a weak smile.

“Alright.” Eddie glances at his father and then back down at Christopher. “Let’s go home.”

It feels a lot like he’s going to his execution—but maybe it’s better that he feels so totally unprepared. Maybe it’s better that he can’t over think what’s about to happen.

Maybe, if he’s lucky, this time things will actually work out.

Maybe he isn’t so unforgivable after all.

Or maybe he’s lying to himself.