Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When Evan Buckley moved to LA, he had one goal in mind: Become a member of the LAFD. He picked up his life in effort to find happiness, for the first time in his life he felt confident in his choice that he was making a choice that was leading him somewhere purposeful, meaningful. The promise of comradery and fulfillment made the decision to join a group of friend-ish frat-ish dude bros in renting out a small place worth it. The guys were chasing after the party scene, but Evan Buckley was chasing after a promise for more.

Entering the fire academy fueled him with a feeling of pride unlike any other. His training was enjoyable. The readings and fire science and all those studies were surprisingly easy to flip through, easy to retain the information. In school growing up he had never really been able to focus, in college he didn't even try before he dropped out. Readings were never interesting, his mind would always wonder, and there was never a point to whatever he was learning. But fire science? There was a point in learning that. There was genuine interest in learning about it too. Buck would often go home after a day of training, and after brushing up on whatever required reading he had to complete he would poor over internet deep dives on various interests his training peaked. Some were directly relevant to his training, while others were just him learning about things for the sake of they seem cool: iconic arson cases, the design and development of various first responder tools, the folklore around spontaneous human combustion. Buck, for perhaps the first time in his life, felt truly happy with what he was doing with his life.

The nickname was a gift from the academy as well. Too many "Evan's" it seemed, so his peers, his future collogues, his almost-friends, his would-be brothers and sisters, they started calling him Buck. It felt a bit like he was reinventing himself. Evan Buckley was an attention-starved kid with no direction. Evan Buckley followed impulses first and defended his actions -and their consequences- later. Evan Buckley spent his days sleeping in, his nights as a bartender, and his nights off drinking and hooking up with whoever caught his eye. But Buck? Buck was answering a calling. Buck was somebody who would research his interests. Buck owned an alarm clock. Buck... still appreciated sex, and the occasional drink on a night his roommates dragged him out of the house, but Buck navigated the world with a glowing purpose.

A month away from graduating the academy, a hand full of weeks before Buck would be assigned a house and finally become a full-fledged (probationary) firefighter, was when Buck was forced violently awake from the dream he had been living.

~

"9-1-1, What is your emergency?"

Buck tried to respond, honestly he did, but as he opened his mouth to speak but the second he tried to use his voice a wheezing cough was ripped from his throat.

"Hello?" The voice asked again through the phone.

Buck was dizzy. There was too much going on. The noises from the phone, from the radio, from the rain pounding on the car roof. With a grunt of pain Buck managed to click off the pop music that Buck couldn't handle anymore.

"Are you able to speak?" The voice came through the phone again. Right, Buck called 9-1-1.

He forced a cough out, clearing his throat as best he could, before focusing on the phone call in front of him, "I-I'm here."

A sigh of relief came over the line, "I'm glad to hear that, do you mind telling me where 'here' is?"

Buck blinked, looking around. It was dark, it was rainy, it was disorienting everywhere Buck looked. Nonsensically, Buck reached up to adjust his windshield wipers. The lever was too close, and already pushed upward in an "on" position. Buck nearly laughed, though all that came out was an airy chuckle and the strained words, "Somewhere rainy. U-uh, I-I was driving. I'm, uh, still in the car. Think there was an accident."

"Are you able to look around, see any street signs or identifying landmarks?" The dispatcher asked in a calm, controlled manner. Buck was grateful for the way it was able to keep him grounded.

"I gotta... I gotta be honest, man. I, uh, I can't even see a road anymore," The more Buck spoke the more coherent he felt. Dizzy still, pain fiery hot down his leg, a dull throb in the back of his head, but he felt more awake. Dazed, but more awake.

"Alright, that's okay. I'm gonna have your location real soon, okay? Can you tell me your name?" The voice asked through the phone.

"Buck," He answered trying and failing to move, to stand up in his seat, "Buck. Uh, Evan Buckley."

"Alright, Buck, Evan Buckley. My name is Josh, and I have some good news for you," The dispatcher -Josh- said, "I've got your location. We have firefighters pulling up to the scene of the crash now."

Now, even in this state of disorientation, Buck knew a thing or two about response times. So he asked, "Already."

Josh breathed a small chuckle, "Yes, already. Someone else already called in the pile up."

"Pile up?" Buck asked.

"I'm operating under the assumption that you got pushed off the road during the crash. Are you able to see any lights flashing? Hear any sirens?"

Sure enough, Buck could hear the faint sounds of fire engine sirens growing louder. He tried to move, to look behind him, but his leg was pinned, his shoulder strapped down by his seatbelt, and the rearview mirror was thrown out of place. Still, he felt a sense of relief in knowing he was soon be be found. He answered Josh, "I can, I can hear them, behind me. I, uh, I can't turn around to see, though."

There was a pause for a moment. In a dreadful second, Buck was worried his phone disconnected from the call. But then, Josh was back, "Okay, Buck. I've let the firefighters know to be looking for you. Can you tell me where you're hurt?"

At the pain being vocalized Buck felt it flair up once more, "My, uh, my leg. Mainly. But, uh, I bit of a headache, too."

"Alright, Buck. Sit tight. Don't try to move, alright? Can you tell me what kind of car you're driving?"

"Jeep. Uh, wrangler. Gray," Buck answered. Words were taking effort again.

"Alright. Keep talking to me Buck, where were you headed tonight?"

Buck let out a laugh, a sharp sound that quickly dissolved into a fit of coughs.

"Buck," Josh's voice had a layer of concern breaking through the carefully curated calm from earlier.

"S-sorry, uh, sorry," Buck coughed out another laugh, "I just, uh, I realized I should tell me roommates to not wait up for me to pick up the takeout after all."

"Let's just worry about you right now, okay?" Josh tries to refocus.

"I dunno, man," Buck responds, "I was really looking forward to Thai night."

Buck can hear Josh laugh a bit, it makes him feel relieved in a way, Humor is a connection. Buck is so lost right now, he doesn't wanna be alone.

"Over here!" Buck can hear a yell. It takes him a second longer than he’d like to admit to realize that the voice was not Josh’s through his phone.

”Hey, Josh, I think, uh, I think your friends found me,” Buck said.

A moment later there was a knock on the roof of his car, Buck turned his throbbing head as best he could to face the window. An asian man in LAFD turnouts was peering through the shattered driver’s side window.

Oh. The window was shattered. No wonder Buck was damp. No wonder the rain was so loud. 

“How are you doing in there?” The firefighter asked.

”Hungry,” Buck forced out the word, trying for a bit of a smile. It felt like more of a grimace, but the message seemed to get across and the firefighter flashed a bright grin back to Buck. Through the phone, Buck could hear Josh let out another chuckle as well.

“Well, let’s get you home for dinner then.” The firefighter spoke with a cheery tone.

“Okay, Buck. Focus on the firefighters now, alright? You’ve been doing great.”

”Thanks, Josh,” Buck managed. It felt important to thank the voice that had remained steadily at his side from the moment he awoke.

”Dispatcher Josh?” The firefighter asked while he began opening a bag and pulling out medical supplies, “He’s a good one, isn’t he?”

Before Buck could respond, the sound of heavy footsteps broke through the volume of the rain.

“What are we looking at, Chim?” An authoritative voice boomed out over the rain.

"He's conscious, Cap," The firefighter -Chim?- responded, then turned back to Buck with a slight laugh in his voice, "Besides the hunger, man, what hurts?"

"I, uh, I mean my thigh. Definitely a headache. I think I was unconscious for a bit," Buck tried to mentally scan his body, feeling where the pain was flaring.

Chim was peering through the window, trying to scan over Buck's body externally. He spoke, and Buck couldn't quite tell if the words were directed at him or at the man's captain, "I'm gonna need this door open."

"Jones, where are my jaws?" The captain called out.

"Got 'em," A feminine voice spoke as a new firefighter moved closer to Buck's car. Buck knew the tool. Hydraulic rescue tool, probably gonna be used as a spreader to pry the door open. He should be focused, should be paying attention to the sight in front of him to use for future reference in his training and professional development, but he felt himself start spinning again.

When the door was opened, Chim was pushing in front of the woman firefighter to get to Buck. He must be a paramedic, then, given how he was assessing Buck for injuries.

”How are we doing, kid?” Chim asked, eyes locking onto Buck’s leg. The man fumbled for a moment, turning around to ask a quick, “Cap?”

Buck can see the captain, a tall man wearing a helmet displaying Station 118 in bold numbers, reach to speak into his radio, “Hen, we could use you at the fallen Jeep,” Then, the captain turned to the woman firefighter and spoke again, “Jones, get that steering wheel out of our way.”

”That bad, huh?” Buck pushed the words out of his throat. His voice was shaky, but his head was lulling. He couldn’t quite find himself able to look down at his body. He could only feel the steering wheel pressed tight against his chest, the terrible shooting pain still present in his thigh.

Chim recovered from his stupor pretty quickly, saying, ”Nothing we can’t get you out of, okay? I’m gonna put this brace around your neck now, yeah? Just so when we move the steering wheel-“

“You don't, uh, you d-don’t risk a spinal injury by moving me around, yeah,” Buck nodded. He knew this, It was actually pretty good that he knew this, it kept him focused on something other than the hurt.

Chim locked eyes with Buck but moved slightly back so that the woman -Jones- could place a thick fabric over his shoulder. He nodded in affirmative, “Yeah, that’s right.”

”Don’t worry,” she began, “this is just to protect you from-“

”The sparks,” Buck filled in. He leaned away slightly, “Y-yeah. Yeah, you’re good to go.”

“You know your stuff,” The captain stated, speaking over the volume of the saw cutting away the steering wheel.

Buck, dazed and disoriented still, waited until the sparks stopped flying before he answered, “I’m, I was set to graduate the academy next month. Think, ha, think they’ll let me take my physical exam a little late?”

Chim gave a sympathetic smile, eyes slightly uncomfortable in a way Buck didn’t want to read too deeply into. The captain’s eyebrows raised a bit, almost in a way which seemed to suggest he was reevaluating Buck as he responded, notably deflecting away from the initial question, “This cohort’s got some promising up-comers. What’s your name, kid?”

Jones pulled the steering wheel away from Buck’s chest. Chim went to catch him, as if Buck would fall forward without the part holding him in place, but the seatbelt was still locking him tightly in place. Chim moved then to cut away the seatbelt, moving his hands across Buck’s ribs to check him out.

Buck felt a rush of air escape him with the pressure removed from his chest. He coughed rough and heavily, but still willed himself to answer. He knew it was important for him to stay coherent and awake, but he could only manage the single syllable between gasped breaths, “Buck.”

The captain’s eyebrows raised in slight surprise, “Buckley?”

Buck nodded, letting his eyes close. Maybe he could leave them closed, just for a little bit.

”You know, I’ve had my eye on you, kid,” The captain spoke. Any other time, Buck would have assumed he was saying it out of formality, for the sake of keeping Buck awake and talking. But the captain knew Buck as Buckley without having to think for more than a second. Buck wished he hat the energy to feel proud in that moment.

Buck wanted to awknoledge it, he really did, but Chim’s voice is the next one to speak, “Well, I got good news. Your ribs aren’t broken. I’m gonna listen to those lungs now, kay?”

Buck nodded, focused again on the reality of him needing to be rescued, “Y-yeah. ‘T’s a-a little easier t-to breathe now. Pressure’s gone.”

”Then the good news keeps coming,” Chim said with a wink.

A new voice then cut through over the rain, “What do we got?”

Chim turned his head to watch a dark-skinned firefighter approach, medbag slung over her shoulder. He answered with half a smirk, “Well, our future probie just couldn’t wait to meet us.”

Buck chuckled out a harsh laugh at that.

”New probie?” The woman asked, her gaze seemed to focus on Buck’s leg. Again, with the leg. It was terribly concerning how everyone seemed to focus on it, but Buck still couldn’t bring himself to look down.

”Evan Buckley,” The captain said, apparently he had been following Buck’s progress in the academy, “He’s nearly finished his academy training now.”

”And you’ve had your eye on him?” The woman asked, still eyeing Buck’s leg as she moved closer.

”You keep staring at my leg,” Buck points out before anyone can make another comment, “You all keep staring at my leg.”

”Evan,” The new woman approaches calmly. Buck doesn’t like hearing his given name in the moment, but he doesn’t have the energy to correct it either so he stays silent as she continues, “My name is Hen. I… Can you wiggle your fingers and toes for me?”

Buck nods, he tries. His fingers flex and twist and move, and Hen watches with a slight smile. She nods, “Good, and your toes are moving?”

”I, uh…” Buck tried to focus on the feeling, tries to feel his toes wriggling against the inside of his shoes, but really all he can feel is the building pain below his knee, “I think? I don’t-“

”It’s okay,” Hen cuts him off, “I just…”

Hen sighs, Chim looks worried, it kind of makes Buck want to be sick.

”Hen, what’s our play here?” the captain asks, snapping both paramedics out of their trance.

”Okay, Evan,” Hen spoke gently, "We're gonna put a tourniquet on your leg. I have a feeling when we move you, you're gonna bleed, but I promise you're in good hands, alright?"

That was... not what Buck had been hoping to hear. He's going to bleed? As in moving is gonna make it worse? Why wasn't he bleeding already? Why wasn't the tourniquet already put on? It was Chim who moved to put the tourniquet on Buck. Lifting Buck's leg slightly to wrap it just above his knee. Buck cried out in pain as his leg jostled, a ripping burst of agony shooting down his leg.

"Sorry, sorry, I know. Sorry, probie, but that was the easy part," Chim looked Buck in the eye, a sign of respect Buck appreciated, "Are you ready for it to be tightened?"

Buck nodded a little shakily, but he tried for a smile and a joke, "Pretty sure you're supposed to explicitly tell me this is gonna hurt."

"Hey, kid?" Chim asked.

"Yeah," Buck took another shaking breath.

"This is gonna hurt," Chim nodded an empathetic expression.

Buck had known it would hurt. He knew from his training, he knew from Chim, he knew from his late night wikipedia deep dives, and yet he was still so thoroughly unprepared for the pain. He couldn't hold back the wail of discomfort that pushed out of his lungs. He tried to breathe through it, but his vision was cloudy with black spots. He focused on counting his breaths, but in the pain it was hard to remember how to count past three.

"There you go," Chim praised as Buck's breathing began to even out again, "Wasn't so bad, was it?"

It was the captain who spoke next, "Alright, Jones on jaws. We move fast,"

Buck turned to Hen, puzzled. He expected the next step to be further medical attention. He asked, "Jaws again?"

Hen didn't have a teasing lighthearted tone like Chim. She was still genuine, but all focused and sympathetic as she answered, "Your leg is pretty pinned between your seat and the front of your car. We're gonna use the separator to give us some space to pull you out."

Foggily, sluggishly, pieces began to click together in Buck's mind. Tourniquet before the bleeding starts, anticipating heavy blood loss. In the haze of pain, he only felt tirdness instead of panic as he asked, "The car's crushing my leg?"

Hen blinked, then gave a gentle smile, "We're gonna get you out of there, Evan. Are you ready?"

Buck didn't have much of a chance to answer. Jones was in position and the car was being pushed backwards, away from his leg. Agony swirled again. He could feel himself being dragged out of his seat, being placed on a board to be moved to an ambulance. He knew the motions his body was goin through, mainly due to how he would be familiar with the steps in his own academy studies. The blurry, swirling image of the world around him didn't do much to help Buck make sense of what was going on.

Buck assumed the captain was one of the firefighters carrying him to the ambulance, a semi-familiar voice next to him saying words that could have been, "Come on, kid, stay with us," or maybe "Stay awake for us."

The darkness kept getting darker, however, and Buck could feel the pull to sleep winning out over the roar of pain.

He should've corrected Hen. He should have told her his name. It was a shame he was about to die as Evan, he would much rather have died as Buck.

~

In the end, Evan didn't die that night. For a while, he thought Buck might’ve. The reimagined version of himself was nothing if not a firefighter. When Evan Buckley woke up in a hospital bed the surgery had already been completed. When Evan Buckley awoke in the hospital bed he only had one leg. Numb, a little high from pain meds, a little disoriented from feeling a limb that he could see was no longer there and yet was so used to being present.

It was a drunk driver, apparently. Disoriented by the rain, by the alcohol, by who knows what other distractions, caused a three car pile up after running Buck’s Jeep clean off the road. Three serious injuries, including Buck and a mother and child, and one fatality being the driver himself.

Buck should feel something about that. The man who stole his leg is dead for his reckless decision, Buck should feel justified. Maybe Buck should feel angry. Maybe he should feel sad at the thought of a life lost. But he didn’t feel much of anything.

For a week, Buck sat in his numbness in the hospital. Each day passed dreadfully, three meals rotated out, assistance with everything from getting to the bathroom to taking his medication. Lots of "walks," wheeling around hospital hallways in a wheelchair. A few trips to a physiotherapist gym in the later days. Learning to walk with crutches. It wasn't hard, necessarily, but Buck didn't particularly enjoy the thought of requiring mobility aids. Throughout the week there were a few texts from his roommates, even a visit or two from Connor, but the days blurred and swirled together until he was finally discharged.

The next week passed by just as drowsily. Buck was jobless, legless, and unable to strain the strange filter of anger and defeat pooling in his gut. Maybe a bar was hiring? In a week or two, Buck should be good enough to stand through a shift. He'd need to learn how to balance on his crutches while making drinks, though. Maybe he could invest in a prosthetic? Maybe it was time for drastic measures. Maybe it was time to call it quits in LA. LA was supposed to be a new start, but Buck didn't like this new chapter very much.

As it turns out Buck was saved from stewing in his own misery, ruminating in the trauma of losing a limb and the disconnect between being "Buck" or being "Evan" as he continued on with his life, by Evan. Evan Watkins, that is. A peer from the fire academy who insisted he and Buck go out to get coffee so relentlessly Buck couldn't help but agree. Eventually. It took a few days, but the meet up ended up being exactly what Buck needed.

"This is not the way I planned on graduating top of the class," Watkins nodded at Buck, placing down his mug to join Buck in the cafe.

Buck rolled his eyes, almost beginning to smile in the semblance of brotherhood he and Watkins almost had. Buck retorted, "Davies could outscore you and me combined."

"Salutatorian, then," Watkins offered, still teasing.

"Johnson?" Buck asked with raised eyebrows.

"Damn, dude," Watkins snorted, "How low am I ranked in your head?"

Buck shrugged, a little noncommittedly. His cynicism could be passed off for reciprocated teasing if he pushed on a smile, if he put a little more efforts into his words, but he still felt like he was at this coffee shop against his will. Watkins seemed to sense the mood shift. Awkwardly he asked, "So, uh... What's the gameplan now, Buck?"

Buck laughed a humorless sound.

"Hey, come on, man. Where are you going from here?" Watkins tried, a little more sure of his words.

Buck let out a sigh, "That why you made me meet up? Wanting some closure on me? I don't know what to tell you, man. I... I don't know where there is to go from here."

It was a little too raw, a little too truthful to be confessing to an almost collogue, but Buck spoke the words anyway. Watkins pushed anyway, "Well, where were you going when you ended up here?"

Buck blinked, asking a confused, "What?"

"You don't know where to go from here," Watkins clarified, "But what about when you did know your plan?"

"When I knew my plan I was going to be a firefighter," But said a little icily.

"Why?" Watkins asked the word simply, sipping his coffee.

"What do you mean 'why?'" Buck squinted, "You're becoming a firefighter, man. You get it."

"I am becoming a firefighter because it's the family business. My mom, her dad, his dad. It's a family business. Joining it makes sense," Watkins explained with a shrug, "You're telling me that's your story, too?"

Buck answered in a deadpan, "Obviously not."

Watkins nodded, "Right. So, why?"

Buck opened his mouth but paused. He took the moment to think, really think, about his answer. Finally he landed on, "It felt like I was gonna be... be a part of something big. I was, I was gonna have people I could trust. I was... I was gonna be someone people could trust and count on. I was gonna help people."

Watkins nodded, with a slight smile, "Well, there you go."

"There what goes?" Buck asked.

"There's where you go. You go somewhere you can be someone people can trust. Somewhere you can help people," Watkins said.

"But I can't-"

Watkins cut Buck off, "Have you ever thought about working a phone line?"

It was such an abrupt shift in conversation Buck found himself wrinkling his eyebrows in surprise. He asked in a bit of disbelief, "What? Like... Like a sex hotline?"

Watkins choked a bit on his coffee, "What? No!" He allowed a laugh to escape as he spoke, "Not a sex hotline, dumbass. Like a crisis line. Suicide hotline, 9-1-1 dispatch, would you ever think about going that route?"

Buck was blushing a bit as he started to respond, "No, I uh... Oh," Buck paused for a beat then asked, "Would I be good at that?"

Watkins laughed again, "You're smart, Buck. And you certainly know how to talk to people. It could be a way to help people."

Buck started to smile after a moment, feeling a spark of hope for the first time in weeks. He could talk to people. He could help people. Hell, he had first hand experience with how helpful it felt to have a calm voice talking you through an emergency situation. He could... he could really do that. Buck could really do that. His hopeful spirit was interrupted by a tease from Watkins, "Then again, I'm sure you'd be pretty good working the other kind of hotline, too."

Buck barked out a laugh, full and genuine, "Yeah? Would you be a regular caller?"

Watkins threw Buck a small wink when he responded, "I'm sure I'd be your favorite."

Buck laughed at the playful flirting, then grimaced a bit at the thought saying, "I would not be able to refer to you by name."

Watkins looked confused, then laughed, "Why not? Oh, duh. I forgot your name was Evan, too."

Buck raised his eyebrows, amused, "You drag me out for coffee, make me pry into my soul and search for purpose in my life before it's even noon on a Saturday, and you couldn't remember my name?"

Watkins rolled his eyes, "Whatever, man. I dunno. Buck just always fit you better."

At the statement, Buck felt his grin widen. He chuckled a bit and agreed, "Yeah. Yeah, I think so, too."

Chapter Text

It took two months. Two months since meeting Evan Watkins for coffee, Buck was confident he was making steps in the right direction. Two months of trainings, of certifications, for Buck to feel like he could really make this dispatch operator thing work after all. Two months waking up in the morning to stop feeling like survival and start feeling like recovery. Buck was managing. Things weren't how he imagined they would currently be: He wasn't a firefighter in the LAFD, he wasn't spending his days pulling off elaborate and adrenaline-pumping rescues and spending his nights finding short-term stress relief in the company of a stranger met at a bar. He was, however, in a 9-1-1 dispatch polo, training to take calls under Josh -yes, the Josh. Crazy how full circle it was- and Sue's supervision. He wasn't in a firehouse full of siblinghood and family and comradery, but he found decently strong social ties at the call center, even if he's still pretty new there. Josh was supportive, encouraging Buck by sharing his own story of how he joined dispatch after Sue answered his 9-1-1 call. It was nice to bond over such a similar situation. Sue was encouraging in a gentle, maternal way. A woman named Linda welcomed Buck with open arms and took it upon herself to send Buck some "beginner-friendly" recipes.

Buck found himself not quite fitting in, but not exactly standing out either. He was new, in training, but people seemed accepting and polite overall. No one seemed to look down on him for being physically disabled, either, which Buck was grateful for. Over the past two months he has been growing more and more independent overall. Recovery, not survival.

Things had been coming together. Things had been looking up. Until Buck was confronted at a gas station. 

When at first he heard a voice ask, "Evan?" Buck didn't even look up. No one really referred to him as Evan anymore, he had hardly even had the thought cross his mind that someone would be calling out to him. His focus only locked in on the voice when it asked, "Evan Buckley?"

At his full name, Buck looked up from the rows of gum flavors he had been staring at. Turning his head, his eyes landed on a man standing a few feet away. The man seemed conflicted, layers of emotions clear behind eyes that were trying to put on the front of a stoic gaze. Buck raised his eyebrows and asked the man, "Can I help you?"

The man blinked, seeming a little surprised, but recovered quickly enough and cleared his throat to speak.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt," -Interrupt Buck looking at packs of gum?- "I just..." The man trailed off with a sigh before nodding firmly and saying, "I'm glad to see you're doing okay, kid."

Buck felt his face melt into an expression of both confusion and incredulity as he asked, "Do I know you?"

The voice was almost familiar, the face almost recognizable, but Buck had no idea who the man near by was. He grimaced at the information that Buck didn't recognize him, relenting an introduction, "My name is Bobby. Captain Nash of the 118."

Oh!

...Oh.

Buck felt his eyebrows shoot up in recognition before feeling a pool of anxiety swell in his gut. He blinked, properly taking in the sight of the man -of Captain Nash- for the first time. He tried to respond, but was left stuttering over himself in the swirl of his raising emotions and his confusion over how exactly to address the man in front of him, "Oh. Uh, s-sorry. I was a little, a little out of it last time we met, uh, sir. Captain. Sir?"

Captain Nash showed the ghost of a smile pulling across his expression, "Just Bobby is fine, Evan."

This time, Buck winced, "Then just Buck is fine, too."

"Buck?" Bobby questioned.

Buck shrugged, "No one really calls me Evan."

Bobby nodded. Then, the two of them just stood there for a moment. It was quiet, tense, until Bobby finally spoke again, "I looked for your name. In, uh, the graduate pool."

It surprised Buck to hear in a sense that was so deep Buck didn't know exactly how to respond. He just sort of glanced down at his crutches, swinging the leg that ended just below his knee, and said, "I, uh, I couldn't quite pass my CPAT."

Bobby was quiet. He looked as though he couldn't tell if Buck wanted him to laugh. Honestly, Buck wasn't sure himself he wanted that. The tense atmosphere was making the small hairs on the back of his neck stand up, just a bit, so Buck broke the silence and said, "Thank you." 

At Bobby's confused expression Buck elaborated, "For saving my life. And, uh, trying to follow up on me. You know, I hear you're not supposed to do that."

It was true, one of the most important points Josh had tried to emphasize to Buck, that more often than not a caller will hang up before a situation is resolved. That the job often ends before the story does, and that trying to figure out what happens next is the quickest way to drive yourself crazy.

Bobby laughed a bit at Buck's comment, conceding, "Not my most professional moment."

Buck gave a small, tense smile. It was quiet again, but only for a moment before Bobby spoke again, "You don't have to thank me, Buck. You know it's part of the job."

"I don't though," Buck's voice moved faster that his brain, anger and frustration and grief over his first real passion being torn away from him in an agonizing night rushing back into him. Sticky, uncomfortable feelings he hadn't needed to think about, much less actually feel, until this man cornered him in the pasta aisle. His voice tasted bitter, "I'm never gonna know that job, not really."

Bobby closed his mouth, swallowed. The pause between words grew heavy again. Buck shouldn't have said that. He shouldn't have spat words laced with bitter spite at the man who saved his life, but before he can apologize Bobby beats him to it.

"I'm sorry," Bobby said, "I shouldn't have approached you, brought up those memories. I-"

Buck cuts off whatever Bobby was about to say with a rushed rambled, "No, no. I... I'm glad to be able to see you again, actually. I just..."

"Busy few months?" Bobby suggests.

Buck agrees with a sigh, "I'll say."

Bobby nodded. This time the quiet between them felt less tense, more understanding. A little closer to the feeling of closure and a little less like the feeling Buck would get in high school -reckless and defensive- when his parents would catch him sneaking in after curfew. 

Buck felt his eyes go wide, suddenly. He swayed a bit on his crutch. Bobby moved forward to catch him, calling out a "Whoa!"

Buck caught himself first, before Bobby needed to grab onto him, but the older man still stared in concern and asked, "What's wrong, kid?"

Buck let out a distressed little sound, an airy wheeze more than a laugh.

"Buck," Bobby prompted again, concern clear in his voice.

"S-sorry," Buck got out, "Sorry, I, uh. Just realized something is all."

Bobby looked a little exasperated as he asked, "You 'just realized' something that made you nearly keel over?"

Buck nodded, taking a shaky breath, then flashed a tight smile at Bobby, "Yeah, all good. I think I'm still... processing some things about the accident is all."

"Okay," Bobby nodded, hesitating only a moment before asking, "Do you want to talk about... whatever you're processing now."

He seemed to genuinely care so much that Buck found himself opening up without even realizing. He said in a soft voice, "I never told my parents."

"You never..." Bobby paused for a moment, "You never told your parents about the accident?"

"I never told my parents I was back in the country. Actually, maybe they didn't know I left. They... I... I mean..." Buck stammered out the racing thoughts.

Bobby furrowed his eyebrows and asked, "Kid, when's the last time you talked to your parents?"

Buck was quiet, for a moment, then looked Bobby in the eye. He asked with a serious tone, "I'm supposed to tell them, right? Even if they saw the bills, I'm supposed to tell them myself, right?"

Bobby took a moment to look over Buck, spiraling in front of a gas station's gum stand, before he asked a perfectly calm question, "Do you want to?"

"Do I- What?"

"Do you want to?" Bobby repeated, "Would it help you in your recovery?"

Buck laughed a sharp sound, "I think talking to my parents is the last thing I need right now."

Bobby nodded, "Then, there you go. The only thing you're supposed to do right now is keep moving forward, one day at a time."

"Yeah," Buck breathed in relief, letting the comfort of Bobby's words wash over him, "Yeah, I can do that."

Bobby clapped a hand on Buck's shoulder, a reassuring touch grounding him even more, and he said, "I know you can."

"Thank you, Bobby," Buck said once more, more genuine in his gratitude than he had been be fore, "I'm really glad we ran into each other again."

Bobby smiled, genuine in a way Buck hadn't seen from the man before, "Me too, kid."

Chapter Text

The run in with Bobby had given Buck a sense of closure that he didn't realized he craved. It was like finally shutting the door on the idea of who "Buck" was supposed to be, leaving the man to just continue growing into Buck was going to become. 

Buck was progressing at the call center, now taking calls himself with Josh leaning over his shoulder, and he was able to admit he liked the work. He felt confident and capable, he felt like he was able to talk people through crises and emergencies in a way which really mattered. He was helping people. He wasn't rushing into burning buildings or prying open wrecked cars, but he was helping people and he liked the feeling of being trusted. It was validating the first time Josh handed over a headset, a nod of confidence and fate. It was reassuring the immediate response of police and firefighters following Buck's instructions to go where they were needed. It was a breath of relief those few times the situation was resolved while Buck was still on the phone and the caller would thank Buck for being there with them in their time of need. 

Buck was enjoying his life. Recovery kept progressing and he had long been done with painkillers expect sometimes ibuprofen after a rough PT session, but he would join his roommates out drinking some nights. He would let himself flirt, be social, be lost in the familiar party scene. Other nights he would let himself do deep dives on whatever wikipedia rabbit hole he was currently passionate about. He would go to work and make small talk with his coworkers, he'd help people in emergency situations, all-in-all it wasn't so different from the life Buck had imagined for himself when he moved to LA.

The first time Buck dispatched station 118 to a location, Buck nearly froze when he heard a familiar voice answer, "Copy, dispatch. 118 en route."

Right. Bobby. These people who had saved Buck's life were sure to cross paths at work every now and again. It was fine, Buck was a professional. Only it kept happening. Buck would send them to car crashes, medical episodes, a snake attack? Buck was growing familiar with the voices of a few fire captains, a few police officers, but Captain Bobby Nash seemed to stand out more than the rest. Maybe there was some transference going on, Buck's perceptions being warped from his own lived experiences, but Josh and Linda had something of a superstition about Station 118. The more bizarre the call, the more likely it would be that the 118's A shift would be the responders on scene. Not that they were the only station and shift to respond to intense or straight-up weird call, LA was a big city with plenty of strange and scary emergencies, but the 118 certainly seemed nearly infamous at dispatch. Enough, at least, that Josh had gotten to know Chim and Hen a bit outside of working hours. They were friends? In the way that Josh would mention Chim texting about a shift being cured by someone uttering "the Q-word" or maybe a story about meeting the paramedics for drinks, but their socialization seemed pretty inconsistent. It felt like the kind of friendship where you just know a person for so long in passing eventually it only feels appropriate to swap numbers and sit at a bar once every three months.

Buck was glad he was never invited to those outings. Well, the outing. The one time since Buck started working at dispatch that Josh mentioned he would meet Hen and Chim for drinks after a particularly hard shift. Buck had still been too fresh of a face to invite along, but he didn't mind. He wasn't exactly sure what he would say to the two paramedics who saved his life after his leg got crushed. Conversation with Bobby had been closure enough.

Besides, all the calls Buck seemed to send the 118 to seemed more or less pretty typical. Maybe Josh was exaggerating their bad luck. The reputation of the 118 hardly even felt relevant until the second night Buck met Bobby in person.

It started with Buck in the call center, of course it did. He was sending police to home invasions, ambulances to medical calls, a wellness check here, a car crash there, it was a rainy and dreary night and the people of LA seemed to be having emergency after emergency. It was progressing as the night went on. 

"Do you need a break?" Josh had asked, concern clear in his face and voice. Buck knew why, of course. Answering a phone call where someone's leg was pinned after a car accident on a rainy night certainly was throwing him through a loop, but Buck just needed to keep pushing through. The shift was crazy, people were in need, and it was Buck's job to be there, to answer the phone, to help.

"No," Buck answered, "I'm good."

He waited for the next call to come through. Someone across the room began snapping their fingers for a supervisor's attention. Buck turns to lift his head, following Josh's gaze, but all too soon his own station signals an incoming call.

"9-1-1, What's your emergency?" Buck opens with his well-practiced line.

"All these messages get recorded, right?" A man's voice comes through the speaker.

Buck finds himself furrowing his eyebrows at the question, "Uh, yes sir."

"Good. Good. My name is Dale Marks," The man continues with an urgency, "I need to leave a message for my wife, Annie Marks. I'm on Flight 46, and we're going down."

"Th-the plane is going down?" Buck's mind is reeling as he begins to type. He tries to catch Josh's eye, call him back, but in the brief second he glances around the room he sees the faces, sees the sudden spike in incoming calls. They know.

Dale doesn't answer Buck's question, instead begging for his chance to leave a message, "Please. Please, look I don't have a lot of time. I-I need to say something to my wife. Will you just let me do that?"

"O-Okay. Okay, yeah," Buck answers around the tense feeling swelling in his gut, typing what little information he has into the computer system. Caller: Dale Marks. Report: Flight 46, plane crash in progress.

"L-look. She's having a difficult pregnancy, so somebody needs to be with her when she-" Dale is cut off by a clattering sound, a scream can be heard in the background over the call. Buck feels frozen, helpless. How can you stop a plane crash by being a voice on a phone? Dale continues with a voice that sounded like he was trying so hard not to be scared, "Just tell her that I was thinking about her. And our little girl who I don't think I'm gonna get the chance to see in this lifetime."

Buck felt his stomach drop, he didn't know how to respond and in the end he didn't need to. Dale spoke on, talking directly to Annie now instead of leaving a message through Buck, "I love you Annie, so much. So, so much. And that's not gonna die, even if I do today. And I promise you, babe, that I'm gonna watch over you both. I'm so sorry that I cannot come home to you. I need you to be strong for our daughter. You tell her that her d-"

The voice is suddenly gone.

"H-hello," Buck tries, "Dale?"

The call was dropped.

"Buck?" Josh placed a hand on Buck's shoulder. How long had he been staring at the screen?

He blinked, shaking himself a bit before clearing his throat, "I'm good."

"Take a break," Josh shook his head.

"I'm good," Buck insisted, moving to adjust his headset, but Josh snatched it away from him completely.

"I don't want you back on the floor for at least 15 minutes," Josh's stern tone left no room for arguments. At Buck's wince, he softened his gaze marginally and explained, "This is new to you, taking calls, vicarious trauma exposure, it's easy to work yourself until your numb. You need to take breaks. You can't burn out this early in the game, you can't let yourself be numb. You have a heart, Buck. That's why you're good at this. You can feel with people, feel the help they need, but if you're numb you're helping no one. So, take a 15, I'm not asking."

Buck didn't have much of a choice but to listen.

Buck needed… something. Something in between the dreadful and draining shift and returning to the disgusting, rowdy mess he lived in with his roommates. They were probably already drunk, maybe high, maybe sleeping with strangers far too loudly behind thin walls. Maybe they would be out, bar hopping and laughing while Buck would return to an empty apartment with nothing besides his thoughts for company. Both possibilities seemed horrible, so Buck decided he needed something. 

A snack, a soda, maybe a six pack to share with his roommates. He just needed something to serve as an excuse to prolong his commute out of work, just a little. Walking into that gas station, he didn’t even realize it was the same one he had run into Bobby at before. Not until he saw the man standing there, that is. 

Buck almost didn’t want to interrupt the man. Bobby seemed so…tired? Devastated, more like. He was glancing at a shelf of cheap, crappy liquor, the type of shit you could only expect to find at a gas station behind a display of equally shitty beer, though the beer they at least had a prominent stock off. Honestly, without Bobby’s gaze guiding Buck’s he never would have guessed that the gas station had vodka or any liquor at all. Bobby stared with an empty gaze that was cold and detached enough Buck really considered not approaching the man at all. But then Buck considered the alternative of walking out the doors and continuing back to whatever state his apartment waited for him in and… well… Buck wanted a distraction and Bobby offered something.

”I had the same plan,” Buck said while he moved closer to where Bobby stood. 

Bobby didn’t react at all. Buck moved closer still, rambling on, “Well, kind of. I wasn’t set on drinking yet. Honestly I was probably gonna end up just grabbing a candy bar, but that was before I knew they had the hard stuff here.”

Now, with Buck standing right beside the man, Bobby slowly pulled his focus to Buck. He seemed confused, for a moment he was just quiet. He was still seeming a little disconnected from the world when he finally asked, “Buck?”

Buck nodded and gave a tight, awkward smile, “Hey, Bobby.”

Numb, Bobby asked, “What are you doing here.”

Buck shrugged, “I told you, I’m looking for a drink. Or a snack. Maybe a soda? I dunno, man, I just needed something before I stopped at home today.”

”Hm,” Bobby shifted his gaze away from Buck uncomfortably. It should have been a cue that Bobby wasn’t in the mood to talk, that Buck should leave him to his staring at gas station liquor and let them both move on with their nights, but Buck was still feeling itchy and uncomfortable at the thought of heading back to his apartment already. That and… Something felt off about Bobby’s empty stare. Buck barely knew the man, but his apathetic demeanor left a sensation of goosebumps rolling over Buck, especially given how Buck knew Bobby had been called to the scene of the crash and the rumor was some members from the 118 had some pretty close calls of their own. 

“It must’ve been hard to be there,” Buck offered. Bobby snapped his attention to Buck with his eyebrows pinned close. This expression was not of detached apathy, but almost angry. Buck wanted to recoil away from the gaze, but it was the first hint of real emotion he had managed to pull from Bobby all night so instead he continued to speak, “I, uh, I can’t imagine pulling up to a scene like that.”

Bobby’s gaze hardened, “No, you can’t.”

”R-right,” Buck started, “I mean, I just need to-“

”You don’t need,” Bobby cut Buck off with a voice that sounded more sad than angered, despite the expression he wore, “You don’t need to think about that crash in any way beyond knowing a tragedy happened. So don’t think about it. You don’t need to.”

Buck was taken aback by the words. Bobby seemed so… something was wrong. Buck could hear the dismissal in Bobby’s statement, he could see the lack of interest in Bobby’s eyes as they roamed once more away from Buck and back to the alcohol, and maybe there should have been a red flag waving. Maybe it should’ve been a clear sign that this man in front of Buck needed help and support in this moment, but what kept Buck rooted to his spot wasn’t altruism and a desire to help. No, Buck stayed because he was angry. How dare Bobby say that to him. Buck may not have been there at the scene, but he had heard a man die. He had spoken to victims, he had listened to a father’s final goodbye to his wife and unborn daughter and Bobby had the nerve to say Buck was in a position to just choose to ignore the plane crash ever happened?

Despite the anger and downright fury beginning to bubble in Buck’s core when he spoke his voice was cool and flat, “You know I’m a dispatcher now, right?”

When Bobby’s expression seemed to show a flash of surprise as he turned his head back towards Buck, but Buck deflected his own gaze back to the shelf of alcohol as he kept talking, “You know the first time I sent you guys somewhere I had wondered if you would recognize my voice. By, like, the third I realized it didn’t matter if you didn’t recognize me or you weren’t saying anything out of professionalism. But now I’m thinking it’s a safe bet you just didn’t recognize it, right?”

”I…” Bobby paused. Buck glanced back at him warily, where Bobby stood confused. At Buck’s eye contact, Bobby finally asked, “You worked tonight?”

Buck nodded. 

“You weren’t the one to send us to the crash,” Bobby said. It wasn’t an accusation, but seemingly a moment used for Bobby to mentally run through the facts of the evening in his own mind. 

Buck shook his head, “No, uh, I think Linda got the bystander call. That’s the one that sent you guys to the scene. I picked up the, uh…”

Buck paused, unsure if he was allowed to keep talking, unsure if Bobby was welcoming the conversation or if he was simply too caught off guard to put an end to it. 

“You still got a call about it, though?” Bobby asked. It wasn’t the permission to speak Buck needed. 

“I got a call from it,” Buck explained, “A-A passenger. 9-1-1 calls are recorded, you know? He, uh, he wanted to record his goodbye to his wife and future daughter.”

Buck watched as Bobby’s expression morphed into a more specific concern, an expression of worry that seemed to be for Buck himself. Before Bobby could say anything, Buck continued to ramble, “I don’t really know what to do now, honestly. I heard… I heard this guy’s last words to his wife and she might not’ve even gotten the call that he’s dead yet. She's probably watching the news still, probably trying to call him again and again and I… I dunno.”

Buck looked back at the shelf in front of them and chuckled dryly, “Yeah, maybe I need a drink.”

”Buck, I…” Bobby paused. He shifted from worried to pointed, and eventually spoke clearly and unrestrained, “I’m an alcoholic.”

Buck’s eyes shot up on his forehead. Of anything Bobby could have said, that certainly was not what he expected. Bobby took in Buck’s expression. He gave a dry laugh and continued, “I’m sober. I have been. For a while.”

Buck glanced from Bobby, face detached and cold, back to the liquor shelf he stared at.

"You were here last time," Bobby said eventually. His voice was the only connection between them as they both stared at the liquor shelf. He continued, "the last bad call. A building fire. I lost... a lost a kid."

Hearing Bobby, Buck pinched his face, a wince of empathy, but simply allowed the man to speak. He couldn't help Dale tonight by listening, not in any way that would have made a substantial difference in the outcome. But listening to Bobby? That felt like he might actually do some good tonight. It might actually change the outcome of Bobby walking out of this gas station and breaking his sobriety. So, Buck listened, "It was rough... I wasn't gonna... I don't know that I would have actually bought anything if I hadn't run into you. But I did run into you and it redirected my attention."

Buck shifts a little on his feet, turning to glance at Bobby and ask, "And tonight?"

Bobby's voice sounds broken as he breathes out the response, "Tonight was worse."

As heavy as Bobby's voice was, weighted down by pain and despair, he was talking. Buck knew how to keep someone talking. It was his job, after all. Instinct from working the call floor seemed to take over as Buck began to assess for a safety plan. Gently, he asked, "Bobby, is there anyone you can talk to tonight?"

Bobby scuffs his throat but Buck clarifies, "Family, a friend, your team."

At that last word Bobby let out a rough, humorless chuckle.

"Bobby-"

"There's no one waiting for me at home, Buck," Bobby sighed, "There hasn't been in a long time."

Buck pinched his eyebrows in confusion. Maybe Bobby didn't have a family but... "But your team? Can you call any of them? I'm sure this call was hard for-"

"I can't," Bobby's voice was cold and sharp, his gaze on the liquor shelf once more.

Buck paused. There were steps to take if he was at work: Ask Bobby to talk through his options, weigh his potential for engaging in risky drinking behavior, but Buck wasn't at work. He didn't want to be an extension of his job, he wanted to be a person. He wanted to be there for Bobby without forcing Bobby to admit he needed someone there for him right now. Last time, Bobby said he was saved by a redirection. Time to redirect.

"You drink coffee?" Buck asked.

The question seemed to actually manage to shock Bobby. The man threw Buck a strange expression, not dismissive but far from enthusiastically engaged in the conversation. Buck ignored the look and continued to speak, "There's this diner down the way. 24-hours, all day breakfast. Pancakes aren't the best, omelets are always a little more well done than I prefer, but their coffee? Man, is it good."

Bobby pinched his eyebrows even more and Buck really tried to sell it one more time, "And, uh, I know it's late, but they have a sweet decaf roast, too. Well, not sweet, but not too bitter? I mean I guess you could always add sweeteners if you prefer it sweeter, but I don't think their brew really-"

"What are you doing?" Bobby finally cut off Buck.

Buck shrugged, relaxing a bit, "I dunno... I just thought... Well, if there's no one you're gonna talk to tonight, maybe I could talk to you for a bit. Maybe swap numbers, if it goes well, make it a regular thing."

"You wanna be, what? Like a sponsor?" Bobby's gaze was growing angry again and Buck was quick to cut him off.

"No! No! Not for you! F-for me. Like a... Like a mentorship-type thing," Buck explained. Bobby looked confused again and the silence stretched a bit too long so Buck began to ramble once more, "I-I just... I'm just still pretty new to this. Th-the whole 9-1-1 thing. I don't... I don't really have anybody to talk to? I mean my friends, my roommates, they're... nice? But their lifestyle is more, uh..."

Bobby raised an eyebrow, taking a moment to consider Buck. He suggested, "Sex, drugs, and rock and roll?"

Buck snorted, he couldn't help himself. He didn't miss the way Bobby's mouth quirked up in the corner either. Buck agreed, "Yeah. Not exactly the kind of crowd I can... process everything with. And Josh -my supervisor- he's great. And Sue -you know Sue right?- she's great, too. But they're also, like, my bosses. And I just... I could use some advice. I could use a mentor who isn't responsible for whether or not I get scheduled on every full moon shift or not."

Again, the ghost of a grin fought against Bobby's frown. He asked, "Superstitious?"

Buck shrugged, allowing a gentle smile to fall across his face, "I hear it's bad luck to turn down a coffee invite when it's raining."

"Kid," Bobby sighed, "I'm not sure you want me t-"

"You're all I got," Buck cut him off, "I-I mean if you don't want to, that's fine. But, uh... I really don't want to go back to my apartment yet. Can I buy you a coffee? I think I owe you, anyway. You, uh," Buck shrugged down at his leg that stopped below his knee, "You did save my life and all."

For a minute, Bobby just looks at Buck. Then, the man sighs and shakes his head. Quietly, he answers, "No, kid. No, we're even."

Buck blinks at him, confused, but Bobby nods his head towards the door. He begins moving, hardly waiting for Buck to follow as he calls behind himself, "What's the name of this place? I'm paying."

Chapter Text

Dinner, breakfast, breakfast-for-dinner with Bobby at the diner went well, went really well. They teetered around the heave topics, what Bobby went through at the scene, the way Buck had no way of knowing if Dale Marks really died that night and was riddled with the impulse to continuously check eulogy postings, the way Buck had been hit with two rough calls back to back and was told to get off the floor for the time being, they stayed more-or-less away from the details of those. They talked about self-care, about finding the moments to smile. Buck started to wander into the direction of 'leaning on the people around you for help' but could sense Bobby's defenses raising again so they shifted topics again.

They talked about the several lifetimes' worth of jobs Buck has worked, the several different locations Buck has lived. They talked about Buck's move to LA, following the plan of becoming a proud member of the LAFD. When Bobby asked what made him decide on firefighting in LA of all things, Buck deflected by saying, "You're gonna laugh."

"Try me," Bobby shrugged between sips of coffee (Not decaf. Buck's wasn't either).

"I saw a movie," Buck answered.

Bobby snorted. Buck rolled his eyes, "I told you."

Bobby smiled, "You just seem the type. You see some Hollywood hotshot do a cool stunt or two and pack your bags?"

Buck resisted the urge to sneer a bit while he defended himself, "No. I went to LA because that's there they guys were moving. I went for firefighting because, well, I mean... Okay, yeah, the stunts were cool but I really liked the brotherhood, you know?"

Bobby lifted an eyebrow. Buck continued, "Or, siblinghood, don't wanna leave the girls and whoever out. But, like, the team. Having people have my back, it was a nice thought."

Bobby hummed, then took a bite of his slightly-burnt pancakes, "You're really caught up on this whole team stuff, huh?"

Buck flashed a teasing grin, "So, just my luck I get a broody, loner mentor."

"I never said this was gonna be an ongoing thing," Bobby said while gesturing his fork between himself, Buck, and the diner around them.

"M-hmm," Buck slid his phone across the table, open to a new contact ready to be imputed.

Bobby gave a flat glare.

Buck gave a wide grin.

Bobby rolled his eyes.

Buck smiled wider.

That night, Buck changed the contact in his phone from Capt. Bobby Nash (LAFD) to Bobby (Mentor) 🚒.

It was a good thing they had going, Buck and Bobby. They would text regularly, often initiated by Buck. They would call, occasionally, if Buck had a particularly rough shift and needed to chat with someone level-headed. They would sometimes meet for shitty pancakes and decent coffee at that 24 hour diner. Buck would talk to Bobby about Abby, the coworker who he was in a bit of a will-they-won't-they with at the moment. He caught a glimpse at Bobby's phone showing off a notification from a dating app for first responders and took it upon himself to thoroughly dissect Bobby's profile. Bobby gave as good as he go with the teasing moments, but he was able to be more serious, too. He was able to be stern and firm and call Buck out on his bullshit. He was able to be empathetic and guiding in the warm way a mentor should.

Bobby was there when Buck would hear some die before help could arrive at the scene. He was there when Buck struggled to accept help had arrived and the call to 9-1-1 disconnected before Buck learned what happened next. Buck was there for Bobby, prompting in little ways for him to open up more and rely more on his team.

Buck still crosses paths with Bobby professionally, too. It was only natural, Buck sending the 118 to calls of a car crash, a small fire, a pregnancy yoga class having multiple women go into yoga at once, Buck had grown familiar with the sound of Bobby's little scripted lines of "Copy" or "118, responding" or "Thank you, dispatch." But there was one night, after Buck had had to talk the 118 through navigating a particularly maze-like building, Bobby slipped up. Instead of the usual, "Thanks, dispatch," Bobby had begun packing up his team and signaling an end to the call with the words, "Thanks, Buck."

Buck had grinned so wide he should have feared his teeth falling out. He could not wait until his next break, where he shot Bobby the text: yk that wasn't very professional of you captain nash

Buck had barely had the time to sit with a cup of coffee before Josh was rushing into the break room declaring, "Oh, good, I thought I missed you."

Buck raised an eyebrow, "My break just started."

"Even better," Josh grinned, sitting next to Buck, "Then we have time."

"Time?" Buck blinked.

"Care to explain why Chim and Hen of the 118 are demanding on who Buck from dispatch is?" Josh smirked.

Buck let his shit-eating smirk fall back into place and threw a wink at Abby as she was walking by the break room, "Who wouldn't wanna know who I am?"

Abby didn't pause, but did affectionately roll her eyes and wave at Buck. Josh didn't seem to have the energy to linger on Buck's momentary distraction and refocused Buck with an exasperated tone of voice, "Buck, seriously. You know Captain Nash?"

At this, Buck felt his face grow puzzled. He's told Josh about this little mentorship/friendship he had going on before. He stated, as if it was already obvious, "Uh, yeah. Bobby and I are brunch buds."

"Brunch B-" Josh paused, then seemed to realize something, "Your friend Bobby is Captain Nash of the 118?"

"Uh, yeah," Buck answered, a little concerned about the way Josh began to furiously send out a text.

Buck's own phone buzzed and Josh nearly fell over himself trying to peak at the screen, excitedly asking, "Is that him now?"

Buck rolled his eyes, pulling his phone backwards until he could check from himself. He pretended he didn't feel himself deflate at the fact he notably did not have a snappy response back from Bobby yet when he answered Josh, "Nah. Kyle's gonna be a little short on rent again this month."

Josh cringed, "You seriously need to find a new place."

"The guys aren't that bad," Buck's defense sounded weak even to his own ears.

"Roommates aside," Josh spun around dramatically to head towards the coffee pot and start pouring a cup, "The elevator has been broken for like three weeks."

"Hey!" This time Buck's voice was sharper, a stronger defense ringing proudly, "I can take the stairs the same as anybody else."

Josh flattened a look at Buck, "Anybody else would be complaining that the elevator has been broken for weeks so they're being forced to take the stairs."

"Whatever," Buck waved him off. He was still trying to navigate the whole I-feel-like-I-need-to-prove-myself-in-every-aspect-of-my-life in his recovery and would sooner lose his other leg than admit Josh had a point. It was easier to change the subject, "How was drinks with what's-his-face this weekend?"

Josh let out a groan, "Don't even get me started."

He sipped his coffee and glanced down at his phone, suddenly smirking wickedly, "Actually, bad dates make great stories. You free after shift?"

"Aren't you the one always saying office relationships can be messy?" Buck tilted his head, referring to Josh's apprehension about Buck's flirtationship with Abby. Another eye roll was thrown Buck's way, followed by a flat glance and a notable lack of any intention to even respond to the question. Buck just laughed and smiled back at Josh, "Yeah, I'm free. Where are we heading?"

They ended up heading to a bar that was not Buck's typical scene. There was loud music, darts, the works, but less dancing to pop hits and more chattering over the background drone of classic rock.

"So..." Buck trailed off as he and Josh squeezed into an empty table in the corner.

"So?" Josh looked completely confused as he slid Buck's beer over to him.

Buck raised an eyebrow, "Your bad date?"

"Oh," Josh's eyes go wide and he's glancing around for a bit. Instead of answering Buck's question, his eyes widen and he waves happily at someone behind Buck. Before Buck can ask what's going on, a slightly familiar voice cheers out from behind him.

"Probie!" 

Buck allows the confusion to grow on his face as he turns to find Chim and Hen, the paramedics from the 188, having just approached the table.

"Probie?" Josh asks with a slight smile.

"I... uh..." Buck was blinking between Josh and the firefighters, realization of the trap falling into place. The three seem to notice a shift in Buck, tension raising on his shoulders as he stared a little blankly. Hen was the first to break the relative quiet of Buck's fumbling for words, "It's Evan, right?"

Buck didn't miss the way Josh twitched at the name, a face so similar to that Evan Watkins pulled at the reminder that 'Buck' wasn't really Buck's name in the legal sense. Still it was the only name that mattered anymore. He was able to come back into his senses a bit. Shaking his head a bit, he held his hand out to shake, "Most people call me Buck."

"Buck," The paramedic smiled and shook Buck's hand, "I'm Henrietta, but most people call me Hen."

"Right," Buck nodded, shifting a little awkwardly in his seat.

The other paramedic cut in, holding his own hand out for Buck to take, "I'm Chimney, says so on my birth certificate."

"Ch... Chimney? Really?" Buck questioned.

Hen rolled her eyes and hit the back of her hand against Chimney's shoulder, "Most people just call him stupid. You can ignore him."

Buck gave a soft laugh, mostly out of politeness. The pair brought with them a warmth and yet Buck found himself at a loss on how he was supposed to interact with the two of them. They were practically strangers, and yet their boss was quickly becoming Buck's strongest role model. Strangers, and yet they were there for the worst night of Buck's life. Strangers, and yet they've saved Buck's life. Strangers, and yet they weren't supposed to be. They were the ones, they were the team, that Buck was supposed to join before the accident sent his life down a completely different path. But Buck didn't join their team. 

Chimney gave a wide grin at Josh and Buck, "Fancy running into you guys here."

"Hmm," Buck flattened a glance at Josh.

"What?" Josh took a sip of his beer.

“Really?” Buck raised an eyebrow but Hen interrupted Buck’s growing sense of… frustration? Maybe distress. Regardless, she spoke up again, “It’s good to see you again Buck. You earn the nickname at dispatch?”

”Academy,” Buck redirected his attention to his beer and took a sip, willing whatever cocktail of tension and anxiety swirling in his chest to relieve itself. 

The tension lingers in the air after that. A single word and Hen and Chim are sharing a look while Josh has the sense of looking remorseful. He clears his throat, “Listen, Buck-“

”Thank you,” Buck cuts off whatever tangent Josh was about to go off on. He was speaking to Chim and Hen, but kept his gaze lowered onto the bottle in his hands, twisting it around to avoid sitting dead still, “I… I thanked Bobby, but I, uh, I don’t know if he passed the message along. 

Between a tense attempt at a smile which may have looked more like a pained grimace Buck managed to spare a glance at the paramedics. Hen had an expression of warm affection on her face while Chim smiled politely yet awkwardly. Hen met Buck’s gaze saying, “Yeah, he mentioned it.”

Chim snorted, his face relaxing into a more genuine expression as he snarked out, “With prompting.”

Josh made an expression at Chim, akin to a what-the-fuck as he threw his hand slightly to the side. Buck didn’t feel offended at that insight, though. Instead, he snorted before letting out a dry chuckle and reflecting, “Yeah, he has a hard shell to crack, huh?”

Chim raised his drink as though to point at Buck, expression reading loud and clear: See?! Hen’s smile filled out a bit more as she agreed.

“Yeah,” She began, but then raised her eyebrow a bit and spoke with an almost accusatory tease, “He’s been more open recently though.”

Buck waited for Chim to jump in with a further comment, one which would likely be dry and witty given how the conversation has been going, but an explanation never came. Buck was prompted into speaking again when Josh lightly kicked him under the table causing him to jolt, “What?”

Chim snorted, shared a smirk with Hen before sipping his drink, then finally began to explain with pleased tone, “Well, he’s been more open the past few weeks. Talking more with the team, acting less angry if a call goes bad, overall just more open, positive. Genuine, he’s been sharing some deeper family stuff too. It’s a welcome change, you know, makes the team feel a little more respected. We just couldn’t for the life of us figure out why it was happening.”

Buck furrowed his eyebrows, confused yet pleased Bobby seemed to be getting closer with his team. Chim smirked wider and continued on, “Imagine our surprise today when we learn that these past few weeks of our Captain acting more like a real person with a life outside of work every day just so happens to coincide with him beginning to mentor a kid at dispatch.”

Buck shifted awkwardly, not quite sure what to do with that. He tried, “I… He’s a good man.”

”He is,” Hen agreed, “And he’s always had judgement I trust. So, I was hoping-“

Chim elbowed Hen, causing her to shoot a glare his way before continuing, “We were hoping- to meet the dispatcher Bobby’s saying we can trust.”

Josh rolled his eyes, “I’d hope you’d trust all of us.”

”You know what I mean,” Hen directed her glare at Josh now, and in another setting Buck would have found it to be a funny sight, but he still felt so tremendously out of place he wasn’t sure exactly how to respond. In fact, he wasn’t sure he wanted to be there at all. 

“Well, it was nice to meet you again, properly this time,” Buck declared, standing up and flashing a tight smile, “I, uh, I should probably be heading out soon though.”

”Why?” Josh asked. 

“Getting late,” Buck shrugged, “My roommates are waiting on me.”

Josh gave a flat look, “Your roommates suck.”

Buck ignored him and turned to look again at Hen and Chim, “Thank you, again, for the whole… saving my life thing. I’m sorry, I gotta go.”

And then Buck was moving, standing on his crutches and trying to move as smoothly as he could towards the nearest exit. Only Hen’s voice called back, “Hey, wait.”

Buck paused, suppressing a cringe, and looked to face her once more. She offered a last warm smile, “It was nice to meet you properly, Buck. I hope this isn’t the last we see of you.”

Buck felt himself relax marginally. Maybe on another night he would stay. Just not tonight. He smiled, small and yet the most genuine he has since the ambush, and gave a nod to Josh and the paramedics before turning to leave once more. 

He texted Bobby about it that night, of course. A concise retelling in the simple text: your team ambushed me at a bar tonite

Bobby responded: I’d be more keen to believe you if you could pass a second grade spelling test. 

That was not the support Buck was looking for right now, a call-me-on-my-bullshit type of support his mentor seemed to have an abundance of. He sent back: ask them urself man they conspired with josh

It took a minute, but a response did eventually come through: They’re good people, but they’re nosey. They didn’t upset you, did they?

Buck huffed an annoyed breath as he typed his response: no i don’t think so

Buck barely gave Bobby time to read the first text before sending another: idk it’s just not the way we were supposed to meet yk? like i wasn’t ready

Buck turned over in bed, dragging his pillow over his head to dry and drown out the noise of his roommate seeping through the wall. Bobby’s text came through: How were you “supposed” to meet them?

Buck rolled his eyes, even if Bobby couldn’t see, as he responded: preferably as their new probie

Bobby’s type bubbles started, disappeared, then started again. The text still came through relatively quickly, though: Do you want to call?

Buck understood why Bobby was asking, this conversation was getting heavier with each line, rapidly approaching emotions and thoughts that have the potential to trigger a trauma response, and yet Buck heard a bang and a groan through the shield of a thin wall and a pillow over his ear and turned the offer down: not sure i’d be able to hear u over my roommates noise

Then Buck smirked to himself and added on a second text: also not sure if you want to hear the noise my roommate is making with his lady guest

Bobby’s typing bubble appears, disappears, and repeats the pattern twice before the message finally comes through: You know tonight wasn’t the way you met the team. 

Buck felt anxiety coil. He supposes he’s not getting out of this conversation with a few teasing redirections. Instead of another deflection, he concedes: yea ik

Bobby’s texts comes through nearly right after: It might not be a bad thing to have a few more first responder friends, within and outside of dispatch. 

They both knew that the first responder was less of a problem than the whole first responder who saved Buck’s life the night he had to amputate his leg due to a crush injury therefore redirecting his whole life the second after he finally had a sense of what he was meant to do thing. And yet, Buck knew that would be to argue that. “A few more friends,” Bobby had said. Because Buck did have Bobby as a friend and mentor even though Bobby was there that night, the same as Hen and Chimney. In the end, Buck just sent back a repeat of: yea ik

Bobby texted back: It also wouldn’t hurt to find a place away from those roommates.

Buck laughed, short but full, as he flipped over on his bed one more time and let a smile overtake his face. This time, the dryness of Bobby’s humor was more than welcome. Buck texted back: finding a new place to rent in la when my closest friends are my boss or some old guy i met at a gas station is not the easiest task

Buck could practically hear the eye roll in Bobby’s response: That’s still not how we met. 

Buck smiled: still can’t believe i went out for pancakes with a stranger i met in a gas station

Bobby started to type, and then the bubbles disappeared. Buck wanted to laugh. He waited a minute, and when no response came through he sent a follow up message: actually i can’t believe i allowed us to waste two dollars playing billy joel on the diner jukebox for like 30 minutes while we trauma dumped

This time, Buck didn’t even see the bubbles pop up. He sighed, shutting his phone off and leaving it to lay on his nightstand. In all likelihood Buck had annoyed Bobby enough for the night and the man fell asleep. It left Buck feeling satisfied the same way he had when he was living under the same roof as his older sister and would pester her until she’d shut herself in her room for the night, ignoring him out of frustration but also out of her own inability to hide her begrudged amusement. 

After a moment, right as Buck was finally shutting his eyes to call it a night, he heard his phone buzz. He glanced at it, waking up again when he read that the new message was from Bobby: (XXX) XXX-XXXX, Chimney’s been looking to rent out his second bedroom. If you want, reach out to him. No pressure. 

Buck was confused, so much that he must have started at the text for an entire minute before he blinked to his senses and responded: shouldn’t u check in with him first

Bobby’s response was instant this time: I just did before I sent you his number. If you do choose to reach out, consider  typing out full words. 

Buck still felt like there was no way this was just offered: i don’t even know him

Bobby was quick to send back: He’s a good guy. And you didn’t even meet him at a gas station. 

Despite himself, the confusion and anxiety and slightly buzzing sensation coursing through Buck’s veins, he smiled. “He’s a good guy,” Bobby had said, and Buck knew it was a two way street. Bobby wouldn’t have suggested the roommateship unless he trusted it would be good for both Buck and Chim, and Buck knew both he and Chim trusted Bobby’s judgement. Still, Buck had the sense to pretend he hadn’t already committed to an impulsive decision while in an emotional and slightly confused mindset, instead texting: maybe i’ll reach out tomorrow

Bobby sent back a reassuring: No pressure, kid. Just think about it. 

And Buck would need to think about it. He had to think about a lot. He had to think about how he would need to regulate his awkward anxiety being around a man who saved his life but not his leg, think about how he would even start a message after running off on him and Hen so quickly today, think about what floor Chim potentially resided on, think about the accessibility and accommodations available in the building, think about where in his commute to the dispatch center his new address would leave him. Buck had a lot to think of, but there wasn’t even a second where he believed he wouldn’t be ending up with a new roommate in the very near future. 

Chapter Text

Living with Chimney was an easy transition practically speaking. Chimney’s apartment was less of a frat house and more of an actual genuine apartment. The landlord was apparently pretty hard to reach, but rarely did a problem come up where Chim said he ever needed to reach him in the first place. It wasn’t on the ground floor, but the elevators worked and there weren’t a thousand and five cracks to navigate Buck’s crutches around. The rent split between the two of them was not only manageable for Buck, but also was taking a burden off Chim who didn’t even really need the spare room in the first place. It just seemed like the type of move which made sense. 

It was a slightly harder transition, though, socially. Living with Chim brought with it a different dynamic. Chim had his life more or less put together. He had a career, a best friend who he’d meet for drinks and social events despite working long shifts alongside her, no long term partner but potential progress being made on that end. He did his laundry on a schedule, washed his dishes right after he ate, and would rarely stay up past 10:30, which would already be a late night for him unless he was out with others. 

Buck, on the other hand, was very much so not used to living in the style he’d expect of a high-functioning adult. He was used to roommates that were more likely to be found at a bar than in the apartment, used to a cluttered space and a noticeable tinge to the atmosphere. He spent the past few years taking on a vagabond lifestyle, living out of his Jeep as he passed between jobs and friend’s couches and cheap overcrowded apartments that split rent five ways. So, it was something he and Chim needed to work through. 

At first, Chim was polite. A “Hey, could you take the trash out on your way into work,” a not-so-subtle “Wow, I can barely wash my hands around those dishes” spoken between a slightly-too-forced chuckle, a “By the way, I picked up more counter wipes when I went shopping today” every now and again. Most of it was a learning curve, navigating a bump in the road for Buck living a career man’s lifestyle for the first proper time in his life. 

But Buck was forgetful, attention always pulled seven different ways, and they both worked long and hard hours that would lead to some  pettier -but understandable- actions taken by Chimney. There was the placing on Buck’s still-wet clothes on top of the washer, a receipt for a transaction of cleaning supplies left out on the counter, an increase in nights out with Hen as the days ticked on. Those were the moments when tensions were high. 

Most moments weren’t those. Most moments were of reflections of crazy calls at their respective jobs, most moments were of strengthening an instant rapport where they learned to tease each other comfortably without fear of a joke crossing the line, most moments made Buck feel like Chim was almost like… like how Maddie was. Chim knew how to call Buck out on his crap, was learning a humorous way to tease Buck in a way that showed despite all his annoyance he was still endeared by the younger man’s presence. He knew the cues of Buck wanting space, mainly him saying he was gonna chat with Bobby or that he was in the mood for a wikipedia deep dive, and he knew when to push Buck for company. 

There was one night, a night Buck came home from a shift sluggish and barely supporting his weight in his crutches. He felt drained, dizzy, and had a slight ringing in his ears. 

“Hey, man, I don’t wanna be a dick but the dishes-“ Chim paused as he rounded the corner, catching sight of Buck straight away, “Buck?”

It took a lot of energy, but Buck pulled his focus to lock the apartment door behind him. 

“Buck?” Chim repeated, stepping closer. 

Buck shook his head, coming back to himself a bit, “Right, uh, dishes… I’ll-“

“Sit on the couch,” Chim interrupted. 

Buck shook his head and moved to step past Chim, “I can-“

Chimney caught his arm, “Dishes tomorrow. You look like shit.”

Weakly, Buck pulled his arm out of Chim’s grip with a dry huff. He began to move towards his room, avoiding looking at Chim. 

“Are you gonna call Cap?” Chim asked. He’d do that, sometimes, call Bobby Cap as if he was Buck’s captain too, as if Buck’s mentorship with Bobby somehow equated to Chim’s 24-48 hour long shifts trusting that man to make the right calls to get him home at the end of the day. 

Buck didn’t have the energy to dispute it that night. He just shook his head and began, “Bobby’s at a-“

Buck stopped abruptly, stumbling. He snapped his wide eyes to Chim who looked confused for a moment, then melted his gaze into a gentle and understanding smile. Chim filled in the rest of the sentence, “He’s at a… church… meeting?”

Buck sighed in relief, a mutual unspoken understanding of “Bobby’s an alcoholic and has trusted us individually to know that.” Somewhere behind the buzzing numbness in Buck’s core he was even proud of Bobby for letting in his team more. Still, it wasn’t enough to let Buck smile as he answered, “Yeah.”

Chim hummed, then clapped Buck on his shoulder, gently pushing so as not to knock him over but to begin to guide him to the couch. He asked, in a voice so casual it almost didn’t sound forced, “hard day at the office?”

Buck shrugged his shoulder free of the hand placed upon it, silently making his way to the chair in the corner of the room. 

“Hey, come on. I’m not Bobby but I know a thing or two about the hardships of being a first responder,” Chim sat on the couch across the room, giving Buck physical space but demanding his attention anyway. 

Buck stayed quiet. For a minute, Chim just watched him, searching eye contact for any sign he was breaking through. Buck tried to stay defiant, tried to pull upon the years of being a younger brother he had under his belt, tried to imagine the ways he would wear Maddie down until she was slamming her bedroom door in a frustrated attempt to escape Buck’s stubborn antics, only Buck was exhausted and Chim was unmoving and eventually Buck broke. 

“All he had to do was stay on the line,” Buck spoke with an airy, broken voice. He avoided looking at Chim at all. 

“Who?” was the prompt that followed. 

“He… Devon, he…” Buck sighed, “You know, most people who try to kill themselves act on the impulse within the first ten minutes of the thought. But he… He called for help. He called me for help and I was talking to him and I did everything right. I went over the immediate crisis plan and I sent the first responders and I was there on the call with him and all he had to do was trust me but-“

Buck’s voice was cut off in a crack which sounded a lot like choking on tears. Chim shifted, Buck could hear the attempt to move, but a glare from Buck snapping his head up successfully kept Chim rooted to his seat across the room. It didn’t keep him silent, though. 

“That’s not all he had to do,” Chim offered softly, after a long stretching pause. 

“What?” Buck’s confusion took root in his chest for a moment. 

“Trust you,” Chim explained, “That’s not all he had to do. He had to trust himself, too.”

“I… What?” Buck asked again, trying to make sense of the statement. Devon had called for help, it was Buck’s job to help him, to save him. 

“It’s hard in the field,” Chim shifted in his seat, “when you’re reaching your hand out and all they need to do is take it. You’re right there next to them, holding out your open palm and all you need is for them to trust you, reach out, and grab on. I can only imagine what it’s like over the phone when you can only reach out with your voice,” this time Buck shifted in his seat a little awkwardly, but Chim continued on, “It’s easy to feel like them reaching out, then listening to us, is all they need to do to get through that moment. Because for us, it is. But for them, it’s not. They need to trust themselves to get through that moment, and every moment after that. It can be… a lot. Especially for someone who’s mind is clouded with panic and emotional crisis. All you needed him to do was listen to him, but he needed to convince himself that not only could he survive, but the moment was worth surviving.”

Buck stared at Chim for a moment before taking a shaking breath. His voice came out only as a whisper, “How do you do it?”

“Hmm?”

“Deal with the people you can’t save,” Buck clarified, “I mean… Bobby focuses his attention on the next person he can save but I… Devon had a whole life waiting for him still and-“

Chim cut off the spiral, “I do it for my brother.”

Buck shot him a confused look, and Chim huffed out a smile before continuing, “Kevin. He, uh, he was a firefighter, too. Said I ‘inspired’ him when I applied to the academy, we went through training together. He, uh, there was a structure fire. I couldn’t save him. But I didn’t stop then, he wouldn’t have wanted me to. Every morning I wake up, I keep living my life because it’s what he would have wanted for me.”

Buck blinked, observing the way Chim was subtly trying to push the tears welling behind his eyelids back down. After a moment, Buck broke the tense silence, “You’re a good brother, Chim.”

And he was. Chim was a strong and supportive sibling in a way that made Buck yearn to be able to call Maddie and tell her all his troubles from the day. He wondered if she was still a nurse, if she was still convinced she was happy with Doug, if she had been receiving Buck’s Christmas cards. Maybe she never received any of the postcards in the first place. Maybe if Buck was a better brother, if Buck was a brother the way Chim was, then maybe he would be able to answer those questions. 

Chim’s voice cut through Buck’s spiraling thoughts, “You know, Kevin and I weren’t blood related, either.”

The words took a moment to come into focus behind the hazy exhaustion of today and the emotional weight of missing Maddie, but eventually Buck looked up and asked, “‘Either?’”

Chim gave a small smile, “I mean, his parents kinda raised me. We grew up together. Brotherhood through forced proximity. Nowadays?” He nodded his chin towards Buck with a slight smirk, “Well, people always say history repeats.”

Buck smiled. It was a tight smile, and almost painful smile, the type of smile that only came out as a way to stop oneself from crying. 

Yeah, most days Buck and Chim felt like brothers. But other days? When the laundry would pile and the dishes would stack up and Chim just had his shit together oh so well while Buck was resisting the urge to burn every left-footed shoe he ever came across, living with Chim felt condescending. A glowing, vibrant, neon sign exclaiming “Look at Who You Could Have Been! Look at the Life You’ll Never Live!” It came to a head one night after Buck stumbled into the apartment, a little drunk and a little too loud. 

“Are you kidding me?” Chim was glaring at Buck as he stumbled his way into the kitchen. 

“Chim-cherie! Hey, could you pass me some water?” Buck asked with a grin and a laugh. 

Chim rolled his eyes and moved to leave the room. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” In his drunken haze, Buck found his stomach dropping at Chim’s abrupt exit. 

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong is the place is a mess and I come home from a cursed 48 hour shift and you tumble in here, louder than a tap dancer in a library, as if that’s all totally okay,” Chim snapped. 

Buck’s mind clung onto the word ‘cursed,’ asking the question before he could process the rest of Chim’s sentence, “Did you say the Q-word?”

“Did I say the-“ Chim paused, took a breath, “This is getting out of hand, Buck.”

Now, as Chim’s words were settling into Buck’s mind, Buck bristled, “You don’t know me.”

Chim scoffed, “Two months living together and I don’t know you?”

Buck sneered, “Course you don’t.”

Chim crossed his arms, “Lemme tell you how your night went, Buckley. You made your microwave dinner, threw the dirty fork on top of the pile in the sink, got all done up nice and pretty before heading out to get shitfaced, made out with some random chick to get over your situationship leaving to go to Europe for god knows how long, and now you’re crashing into our place reeking of booze, cheap perfume, and bad decisions.”

Buck was beginning to see red, “Abby wasn’t-“

“Abby wasn’t ,” Chim doubled down, “and she’s not gonna be.”

Buck would’ve growled if he was able, a bubble of frustration and annoyance and plain jealousy taking form in his chest. He tried to defend himself nonsensically, “Well I’m sorry we can’t all have our shit together all the time. Do you know what it’s like to live off tips? To spend every penny you have to move to place after place without an ounce of stability? I save people’s lives , Chim! Who cares if i never learned the way you think an apartment should be cleaned.”

“Saving lives doesn’t make you special around here, Buck!” Chim snapped. 

Buck wanted to scream, but he found the ability to form words and yell regardless, “What? I’m just supposed to lay myself down at your feet because you saved mine? Oh, thank you, Chimney! Thank you so much for-“

“That’s not what I meant,” Chim glared. 

Buck laughed in disbelief, “It’s not?”

Chim threw his arms out in frustration, “Of course it’s not, dumbass. I don’t hold that over you, asshole. I was just doing my job, same as you do yours.”

Buck wanted to snap back about how Chim’s job saving people’s lives wasn’t any more important that Buck’s job saving people’s lives, only Chim already acknowledged Buck’s work. So, for a moment, Buck was lost. Chim took the pause as a cue to keep speaking after letting out a heavy sigh, “It’s not what you do that makes you special. Not to Bobby, to the 118, to this family.”

Buck felt his fists clench, his gaze glaring daggers at the stump which used to be a leg. He could’ve been a firefighter. Buck grumbled out the words, “I’m not a part of-“

“Don’t be stupid,” Chim cut him off, “Before you wore Bobby down the 118 wasn’t even a family.”

Buck rolled his eyes, “So I made you a family, but I’m still not special.”

Chim shook his head, anger in his voice giving way to exhaustion, “What you do isn’t special. Who you are is.”

“And you know me so well, right?”

“Yes,” Chim insisted, “Which is why I’m worried .”

Buck still felt defiant, still felt defensive, still pushed back, “You have no idea-“

“I don’t know what it’s like to go from a bartender to a first responder?” Chim laughed, “‘Cuz I do. I don’t know what it’s like to have a blood family that still isn’t talked about after living with someone for months? ‘Cuz I do. What, you don’t think me switching from Howie to Chimney could be at all relatable to you switching from Evan to Buck? The amputee thing? You got me there. But seriously man, at what point do you stop letting the life you expected control every moment that you live? When do you start trying to make the most out of the life you still have ?”

Chimney was out of breath, breathing a little heavy. Buck was staring at him blankly. 

Chim’s eyes when to meet Buck’s. The guilt was washing over Chim’s features as he moved to apologize, “ Shit , man, I-“

“It’s okay,” Buck cut him off curtly. 

“No, Buck, I-“

“Tomorrow, Chim,” Buck said as we moved to walk away. 

“Buck!” Chim called after him, but Buck didn’t slow down. His head was dizzy and his eyes were heavy and the words were hitting a little too squarely in his chest for him to want to talk it out tonight. And when he awoke? Buck wasn’t feeling much better. His head still ached, his stomach nauseated, and he couldn’t tell if it was from the anxiety of Chim’s words or from the night drinking before. 

Maybe it was both. 

Regardless, it was a crappy feeling. Buck has been feeling a lot of crappy feelings since that pivotal night several months back. He was getting a little sick of it, honestly. 

By noon, Buck dragged himself out of bed with a plan in mind. As he was leaving the apartment he heard Chim call out, “Hey, wait! Listen, Buck, about last night-“

“I’ll be back in a few,” Buck called over his shoulder as he opened the door. 

“Buck, man, I’m sorry-“

Buck left without responding that time. It took him a a few hours to return, a bag full of materials held on his shoulders, hitting awkwardly but manageably into his crutches every few steps. 

When Buck rushed into the kitchen to fling the bag down on the counter, Chim was looking stressed beyond belief. Riddled with guilt, hair askew from having been pulled five ways and counting, he shot up when he heard the sudden intrusion. Then, confused, he asked “What’s in the bag?”

Buck shot him a smile. He pulled out a magnetic white board, then two more, a stack of paper, a clipboard. As he reached into the bag again, Chim tried another time, “Buck what is this?”

Buck slid the first white board over to Chim, “ This is a shared grocery list. Shit we both use: coffee, spices, those protein bars you pretend you don’t eat too.”

Chim raised an unimpressed eyebrow, “You use spices?”

Buck ignored him, placing a fire truck refrigerator magnet on the second white board and a telephone magnet on the third, “ This one is for you,” Buck slid the fire truck board across the counter, “and this one’s mine,” Buck held up the whiteboard marked with a phone. He opened up a box of colorful dry erase markers, drawing a speech bubble next to the phone saying ‘ 9-1-1, What’s your emergency? ’ as he continued to talk, “For, like, individual notes. Who’s turn is it to buy garbage bags, when we plan on doing laundry-“

“My laundry schedule-“ Chim begins. 

Buck, still grinning, cuts him off with an eye roll, “Your laundry schedule makes sense to you . But between your weird shift hours and your insistence on changing your sheets every other day your routine is not clicking in my brain. So, please, whiteboards. Or better yet,” Buck reached into the bag and pulled out a calendar board, “Calendar!”

Chim looked like he was shorting thoughts for a moment, before landing on the words, “Please tell me you change your sheets because we both know my biweekly bedding wash is not an excessive amount.”

Buck grabbed onto the clipboard, flashing what he hoped was a charming smile as he answered, “I’m working on it.”

Chim furrowed his eyebrows, “With a clipboard?”

Buck grinned proudly, “With a chores checklist. Have I ever told you how much I love a good checklist?”

Chim seemed to think he was joking, “You love… a checklist?”

Buck nodded, “The organization, the way to have a right answer, yes , Chim, I fuck with checklists.”

Chim was glancing over the calendar, certain Fridays or Saturdays for the month already filled in. He asked, “What’s ‘CWB?’ Or, uh, is ‘Fam Din’ family dinner?”

“Yup,” Buck popped the ‘P,’ “You and me bud. Family dinner. Twice a month, biweekly if you will.”

“What, we eat our takeout together?” Chim chuckled a bit. 

Buck shook his head and pointed to today’s date, the first ‘CWB’ written on the calendar, “Cooking with Bobby. I figured it was time I learned and he agreed to teach me.”

Chim’s eyebrows shot up, “He’s coming over?”

Buck laughed, “Nah, I’m headed to his. He didn’t want to be ‘invading your space off hours’ or whatever.”

Chim paused for a moment, gaze turning gently concerned as he looked over Buck, “Man, if this is about last night-“

Buck laughed, “Obviously.”

Chim winced, “Seriously, I didn’t mean-“

Buck snorted this time, shaking his head, “Oh, no. You meant it. You just said it a little more like a dick to little old drunk me than you would have liked.”

Chim’s expression had guilt wash over it, “I’m sorry.”

Buck let out a soft sigh, “I needed it.”

Chim’s head twisted in a question and Buck took it as his cue to keep talking, “A kick in the ass. I needed it. You weren’t wrong. I have a… a pretty good life right now. I should be acting like it.”

“Still, loosing my cool on you while you were tired and drunk,” Chim shook his head in reflection, “I could have gone about it differently.”

Buck hummed, “Maybe. But, I mean, I’m a grown man, Chim. I can handle smelling my own shit when need be.”

This finally seemed to break Chim out of his guilty tension. Tentatively, he raised a tease at Buck, “A grown man who needs a clipboard to wash his sheets?”

Buck grinned back, “This is gonna change my life , man.”

Chim snorted, “I bet you stop using it after a week.”

Buck grinned a little devilishly, “You’re gonna regret saying that.”

Maybe it was a little nonsensical, an ominous threat over a clipboard, but Chim seemed to laugh anyway before he patted his thighs while looking over the various whiteboards and supplies and asked, “Alright, what’s my cut?”

“What?”

“How much do I owe you?” Chim was already grabbing out his wallet. 

Buck shook his head, “Consider the passed months’ cleaning supplies, help with dishes, help with trash, and everything else payment in full.”

Chim started to argue, “Seriously, Buck-“ 

Buck cut him off, “Also, family dinners are mandatory. First one is next week. No skipping because I’m new at cooking.”

Chim groaned, “You’re gonna poison me.”

Buck smirked, “Not if Bobby’s a good teacher.”

So things started to go better. Buck didn’t feel this weird power struggle between him and Chim any time he saw Chim successfully completing a typical task for a functioning adult to complete. Sometimes a message on the whiteboard would be a gentle reminder, “Heads up, I’m doing laundry tomorrow.” Other times, there’d be written a threatening, “I’m going to burn your clipboard in the next flaming building I walk into.” Most times, there were just brotherly in-jokes or cartoony drawings passed back and forth. 

Buck was learning to cook with Bobby, who was proud of him for ‘climbing his was out of the rut.’ When Buck tried to argue that he had been climbing his way out for months Bobby simply shrugged, “You plateaued for a bit. I mean, you leveled out and-“

“I know what a plateau is,” Buck defended. 

At Bobby’s laugh Buck rolled his eyes, “Come on, Pops, back to breading.”

This, for the briefest moment, made Bobby pause. It was meant as a tease, Chim’s constant family talk building this web in Buck’s mind where he and Chim were really brothers and then obviously Bobby would be the paternal figure. But when Bobby paused Buck felt scared for a moment that maybe the joke was weird, that the tease would be out of place or unwelcome. Only Bobby just smiled to himself, almost proudly, as he turned to pour the breadcrumbs out on a plate. 

His voice showed no hesitation or delay as he instructed, “Okay, kid. Show me whatcha got.”

Oh. Buck felt a little warmth hugging him tight and secure, a feeling of safety he hasn’t felt since Maddie used to patch his knees as a kid after he fell. Maybe it wasn’t too much of a joke after all. 

Buck was happy. Buck was truly happy. He and Bobby were close, he and Chim like brothers. He was winning Hen over the few times they’d interact, he could tell. He had a fulfilling career, coworkers who were friends. He was finally, finally, finding a semblance of control over wanting to actually date and not just sleep around since things fell through with Abby. Buck was happy and Buck was safe. 

Then, Chimney got into a car accident. 

Rebar, through his skull. It was intense. That night in the hospital, sitting between Bobby and Hen. God, they were there. They were the ones who pulled up to the scene. Buck couldn’t even imagine…

It was a miracle, the full recovery. Chim would even be back to work in a few weeks. He was handling the whole walking-out-of-a-potentially-life-changing-injury thing pretty well, all things considered. The breakup, however?

Chim was depressed. It wasn’t the near death experience. It wasn’t the being put out of work. It wasn’t even his car being totaled. It was the fact that when he needed his partner she left him behind. 

It didn’t matter that Chim still had his family. Still had Bobby. Still had Buck. Still had Hen, who Buck had been getting to know more and more in the weeks of Chim’s recovery. Buck understood the pain of being left behind, he knew it like his own back hand, and he cared about Chim too much to let all the progress they’ve made as roommates, as family, be snuffed out because some woman decided to break his brother’s heart. 

“Okay, up and at ‘em,” Buck was pounding on Chim’s bedroom door. 

“Go away,” came the groans of a man who has clearly been awake for a while already. 

“No can do, man,” Buck called back. He paused a moment, waiting, then began knocking loudly again, “Chim, come on, man.”

Eventually, after the knocking had been going on for just a bit too long, Chim finally pulled his door open with a glare, “What?”

Buck just smiled, leaned his weight on one crutch and raised his clipboard on the other side, “We’re behind schedule, you’re not even dressed yet.”

“Behind schedule?” Chim asked flatly. 

“We’re meeting Hen for lunch in thirty,” Buck explained, “Come on, man.”

“No,” Chim moved to close the door but Buck was already pushing his way inside, whistling lowly. 

“Good thing I marked cleaning your room on the list today,” Buck moved his way to the window on the wall and pulled the curtain open, “this place could use a good freshening up.”

“I am not going to-“

Buck cut him off, “If it’s on the list, we’re gonna do it.”

Chim was glaring so strongly at the clipboard you would think he was trying to vaporize it with his mind, “I am going to kill that clipboard.”

“No,” Buck simply denied, “You’re not.”

Chim fell back onto his bed, “Please, Buck, just go away.”

“And let you rot in your bed all day? Blow off your friends and family? Pitying yourself for surviving the impossible?” Buck prompted, hoping to snap Chim out of his sadness. 

“Yes,” Chim groaned out. 

So, that wasn’t quite the answer Buck expected. He was quiet for a moment before moving to join Chim sitting on the bed. He waited until Chim, a little pathetically, lifted his eyes to glare at Buck. Then, Buck tried to remind Chim of his own words, since Buck wasn’t seeming to get through to him. He asked, a little gently and wearing a slight smirk that read how he knew this next question would break through to Chim, “When do you stop feeling sorry about a life that’s not yours and start trying to make the most of a life you still have?”

Chim’s glare hardened, “What life?”

Buck looked down at his stump then back up to Chim, slowly. He shrugged, “I dunno, man. Just feels like your life isn’t over yet.”

Chim’s expression softened. He seemed conflicted for a moment. 

Buck asked, “Should I cancel on Hen, then?”

A sigh, then Chim shook his head, “Let her know we’re gonna be a bit late.”

“But you’re showing up?” Buck couldn’t keep the grin out of his voice. 

“We’re showing up,” Chim corrected, “Don’t go bailing on me now, man.”

“Nah,” Buck smiled, “It’s looking like you’re stuck with me.”

Chapter Text

Recovery after the accident was relatively easy, physically at least. For Chim, it was a lot more of a mental struggle when getting back on his feet. It stung, being left. He had survived an impossible event, and yet right as he was gifted his life the person he had envisioned himself living the rest of his life with turned away from him permanently. Enough time had passed that Chim could reflect and admit that it was probably for the best, that a life with her would’ve been a life of him exaggerating stories, a life of Chim hiding from and denying his authentic self, but it still had hurt with a defeating pain he hasn’t felt since he rang the final bell before burying Kevin. 

He felt unlovable in a way that felt so blatantly undeniable it wasn’t even worth talking about. The universe felt as though it held such apathy for Chim that it was built into his bones and forced everyone to look away from him. The deeply settled depression and insecurity probably would have killed him, had it not been for his family stepping in. 

Bobby, over the past few months, had morphed from being a boss into a familial role. Maybe parental? It was certainly parental for Buck. And while he offered Chim guidance and advice as any good leader should, it wasn’t to the same way that he and Buck clearly fit into a father/son dynamic (even if neither seem eager to admit the role they have in each other’s lives). So, Bobby didn’t feel like a father figure to Chim the way he clearly was to Buck, but he didn’t feel like a brother the same way Buck did either. He just felt like family, and Chim figured that was label enough. Bobby’s support and encouragement remained steadfast throughout Chim’s recovery, gifting meals and advice and a listening ear often before Chim even realized he needed any of it. 

Hen, bless her, was the main reason Chim kept surviving. His best friend and partner, with whom he had grown so much along side. Hen knew how to make Chim laugh and smile. She knew how to call him in with a nonverbal raise of her eyebrow. She knew when to push, when to pull, and when to simply sit with Chim. She wasn’t just his sister, she was his twin. They were made to walk this earth together, supporting each other through thick or thin. If platonic soulmates existed, Chim had no doubts Hen would be his. 

If Bobby was the one fueling Chim with strength, and Hen was the one keeping Chim alive, then Buck was the one keeping Chim sane. It felt ridiculous to think, Buck of all people gifting Chim with sanity , and yet it was undeniable. Although learning to cohabitate was a learning curve at the beginning, after one big argument Buck had settled into being an organized and tidy roommate. Arguably, a little too organized at times with that damn clipboard. There were those little things, Buck leaving an obnoxious message on the whiteboard for Chim, Buck loading the dishwasher under a different system of organization than Chim used, Buck randomly giving Chim ‘pop quizzes’ in attempt to assess his cognitive functioning through his recovery, despite the way Chim is already back to work and has been cleared by every possible doctor who worked his case. Those little things should be enough to drive Chim crazy, if it weren’t for the way Buck’s being kept him sane. 

At the end of the day, Buck knew what Chim was going through more than anybody else. Buck had been in a car wreck and almost lost his life. His accident had been a pivotal point in his life. It was even arguable that Buck’s accident was more impactful, considering the whole amputation that resulted. But Chim was trying not to compare traumas and Buck was good at not turning it into a pissing contest either. Buck knew what recovering from an accident like that was like. He also knew what it was like to feel abandoned, to feel alone, although he never brought it up. Chim could tell in the way Buck never mentioned his family, in the way he rarely connected with anyone outside of Chim, Hen, Bobby, and his friends from dispatch, not even staying too close with the friends he had been living with for nearly a year before moving in with Chim. Buck understood Chim, and allowed that understanding to be conveyed through actions rather than words, and that was what kept Chim sane. 

What was sanity, if not your family driving you mad?

The showers were the worst. Buck was pretty good on the electricity usage, but he drained water like it was going out of style. Buck never talked much about where he actually grew up, only ever mentioning stories from where he’s traveled all over, but a lot of those stories seemed east coast based and the way Buck ran up their water bill certainly seemed like he grew up in an area without the threat of droughts. As Chim came in to the apartment, the shower water was on and running and he couldn’t help but roll his eyes. He was practically seething fifteen minutes later when the water was still running. It was another five until Chim was walking down the hallway to the kitchen and heard the shower finally taper off. 

He let out a sigh of relief, walking into the kitchen Chim spent a minute looking through the cabinets. Eventually, he pulled out a handful of roasted almonds and peaked at the clock. He waited another few moments, scrolling on his phone and snacking quietly. After about ten minutes since the water was shut off, Chim shook his handful of almonds and began making his way towards Buck’s room. Surely, Buck would be decent by now. And if not? Well, Buck was a little shameless anyway. 

Rapping twice on the door with the back of his knuckles, Chim made his move to enter Buck’s room. He was already rolling his eyes as he began a complaint about their inevitably high water bill at the end of the month, “Listen, man, I-“

A high pitched yelp from an unfamiliar voice caused Chim to jump so abruptly he dropped most of the almonds in his hand. Across the room a woman stood, wrapped in a towel, wet brunette hair dripping over her shoulders. Chim was staring, he wished it could be explained by being caught up in the beauty of the woman stood in front of him, but honestly he was just blinking in confusion. She was not Buck. Chim had been expecting to talk to Buck. This towel-clad woman was not Buck. 

“Um…” The woman began, startling Chim out of staring. 

“Shit,” Chim moves abruptly to cover his eyes, “Hi!” He waves with the hand not currently covering his face, “Sorry, I, uh,” He takes a step back wards, wincing as he hears the crunch of an almond breaking under his foot, leading him to stumble a bit into the corner of the doorway trim, “ ah , shit. Sorry. I, um, I didn’t know Buck had a guest.”

Trying to find his balance, blinding himself and disoriented by confusion, Chim pauses his desperate attempt to escape the scene at the sound of the woman giggling. Chim pulled his hand away from his eyes to flash a sheepish smile at the giggling woman. 

“Sorry,” It’s a soft exhale, almost a laugh as he speaks it. He finds his gaze captured by the woman’s shining eyes, the trace of blush on her cheeks. Damn, why were the pretty ones always gravitating towards Buck. Shit, he’s staring again. Chim feels his eyes grow wide as he quickly moves to bring his hand back up to cover it, exclaiming a stronger, “Sorry!”

The woman chuckles, amused. 

“It’s, uh,” She pauses, “I don’t think Evan was expecting me. Sorry, for the intrusion.”

Chim fights the urge to remove his hand from his eyes and throw a confused glance at the woman. Nobody calls Buck ‘Evan.’ Still, Chim found the decency to keep his gaze covered. Instead, he asked, “Buck’s not here?”

“I, uh…” The woman’s voice was growing louder moving across the room, “No.”

“Alright, uh,” Chim still had his eyes covered, “How… did you get in?”

Was Buck giving out a copy of their apartment key? That certainly felt like something they should’ve discussed. 

“I explained to the landlord that I was Buck’s sister, he let me in,” The woman sounded so close now. 

Chim had half a second to flood with disbelief that this woman had actually gotten ahold of the landlord so easily before he locked on another, more important word. He couldn’t help his hand dropping again, eyes blowing wide as he stared, “Sister?”

Oh . 

She was standing closer. A few feet away from Chim, still, but up close Chim could see the way her eyelashes still clumped together damply and beautifully framed her coffee-brown eyes. The woman shifted, hugging the towel a little tighter where she held it clasped. Chim’s eyes followed down to the towel, human instinct to look after a movement, but then he abruptly snapped his gaze back upright. He was flushing furiously, he was sure. The woman seemed a blend of confident and amused. 

She was attractive. She was so attractive. She was also, allegedly, Buck’s sister so Chim should very much not be staring so openly. It seemed uncontrollable, though. He was so caught up in his staring, listening so intently to her smooth voice asking, “Do you know where Evan keeps his sweats?” that he didn’t even hear the sound of the apartment door opening. 

It was a good shift. Buck was leaving dispatch each day feeling more confident than ever about his job. He knew how to navigate more difficult calls, he knew how to think critically on his toes, he knew how to connect with people over the phone line. He was able to tease with Josh and Linda on breaks but focus while taking calls. 

As Buck entered the apartment he had a buzz of satisfaction, a feeling of fulfillment oozing through his veins as he headed down the hallways towards his room. Chim was already standing there, back turned to Buck, but standing at Buck’s room entrance nonetheless. It should’ve stricken Buck as odd, but Buck was too concerned with his racing happy thoughts buzzing through his brain. 

“Hey,” Buck crutched forward and Chim jumped sky high, almost yelling as he rushed to turn around. Buck threw him a funny look, laughing as he continued, “I was thinking, we should invite Bobby and Hen to family dinner next week. It might be…”

Buck trailed off, gaze catching over Chimney’s shoulder. For exactly one millisecond, Buck is bewildered at the fact Chimney is standing in his bedroom doorway with a towel-clad woman beyond the threshold. But then, Buck sees who the woman is and all that’s left is a numb ringing between his ears. 

“Maddie?” Buck’s voice should hold an emotion. It should hold confusion or anger or joy or anything , but instead it just comes out breathless and numb. 

Maddie is silent, staring, gaping at Buck. 

“This isn’t what it looks like!” Chim eventually breaks the silence with his exclamation. The sudden words startle Buck’s attention back towards Chim. Chim, who was standing alone in their apartment with Buck’s practically naked sister. 

“What, uh…” Buck trails off. His ears are still ringing and in the back of his mind he’s aware he should have some protective nature sizing Chim up right now but the reality is everything is ringing and everything is numb. 

“E-Evan,” Maddie’s voice is cracking. Her gaze is glued to where Buck’s leg ends, stump hovering above the floor while his crutches extend lower. The disbelief on her face is enough to make Buck feel sick. Maddie wasn’t even blinking. She asked, a little choked, “Wh-what happened?”

Buck saw Chim’s gaze morph into confusion. He ignored it. He gazed into his room over Maddie’s shoulder as he deflected her question with one of his own, “Where’s Doug?”

Maddie tensed, then grew visibly determined. She still stared at Buck’s missing limb as she started, “Evan-“

“Where’s Doug?” Buck interrupted, asking a little more sternly. 

Maddie lifted her gaze, finally meeting Buck’s eyes. An understanding seemed to wash over them both: this was a standoff, seeing which sibling could out-stubborn the other. Only, Maddie was at a disadvantage. She was standing in Buck’s apartment, in his home, and so she answered his question first. 

“I don’t know,” Maddie answered. 

Buck huffed out a disbelieving breath, sarcastically asking, “You don’t know?”

Maddie rolled her eyes, a momentary break from the deep concern focused onto Buck. She answered, dryly, “Don’t know, don’t care.”

This time, Buck’s disbelief was laced with hope, “You left him?”

His soft tone was a mistake he regretted immediately. It gave Maddie an opening. She hooked into his vulnerability, that tragic tone of hope which escaped him, and her stubborn gaze melted into a gentle concern all over again. She nodded, taking in the sight of her brother. She tried to ask again, “Evan, what-?”

“How did you even get in here?” Buck cut her concern off with another question. 

Maddie opened her mouth, closed it with a sigh, then opened it again and explained, “I, uh, I went to the address from your last christmas card. Your old roommates gave this place as your forwarding address.”

It was quiet. Maddie attempted a lighthearted comment to break the tension, “This place is certainly a step up from the other.”

Buck ignored the way she shifted awkwardly, “So you were getting those Christmas cards.”

Maddie winced. Chimney looked a little pale, like he’d rather be anywhere else besides caught in between the Buckley siblings, stuck watching the tennis match of questioning that Buck was clearly winning. He did try to escape, giving a small point as he tried to step around Buck and away from the siblings saying, “I’m just gonna…”

Only his voice was enough to snap Buck’s attention back into a protective focus of finding his friend with his sister dressed in only a towel. She glared, “So you just let her in? Get her all comfortable and showered while you-“

“I’d be more comfortable if I had clothes on,” Maddie cut in. 

“We all would be,” Chim sighed out, hands flexed in surrender as he was looking at Buck. But then the words he spoke seemed to catch up to him and he quickly turned to look at Maddie and started to clarify, “Not that you’re not-“ He cringed cutting himself off and flexing his hands in surrender once more, “Not that I’m looking , I-“ He cuts himself off one last time, shaking his head with a sigh. He turns to Maddie and holds steady eye contact, gaze never wandering, being a perfect gentleman as he says, “I’m sorry for scaring you. Though, to be fair, you did sneak your way into my apartment.”

Buck watches as Maddie smiles in soft amusement. He wants to sneer and scoff and roll his eyes, but he simply allows Chim to turn to him. Chim speaks with a less gentlemanly tone to Buck. Instead, he’s using his I-am-nearly-out-of-patience tone while he points at Buck and orders, “Get your sister some sweats or pajamas. I’ll make up some coffee. For the last time, I promise what you walked in on was not what it looked like.”

Buck stared at Chim for a good few seconds. He looked stressed and desperate to be believed despite also looking so incredibly flat there wasn’t room for any of when he was saying to hold nonsense or lies. Buck decided to throw him a bone, saying, “It looked like my sister scared you shitless.”

Chim hung his head, pushing past Buck, “I dropped my almonds.”

Buck pulled a grossed out face, “If that’s some sort of reference-“

“No!” Chim exclaimed at the same time Maddie wrinkled her nose and let out an, “Ew.”

Chim waved his hand vaguely in the direction of Buck’s floor as he walked away and mumbled, “Watch your step.”

Buck glanced toward the floor and indeed there were some almonds thrown about. He sighed, stepping into his room and bringing himself over to the dresser. Maddie was watching him move himself across the room on his crutches. Buck pretended he didn’t see her watching. 

“Evan…” Maddie tried to begin once more. 

Buck shook his head, handing over some baggy gym shorts that had an elastic waist string you could tie tighter and a loose brown hoodie. It would fit her loosely, almost blocky or boxy, Buck felt satisfied with that choice as he thought back to Chim in the other room. He passed her the clothes, “Here.”

“ Evan ,” Maddie began to insist, but Buck shook his head, already moving back towards the door. 

“Get dressed first,” He said, “Then we’ll talk.”

He closed the door behind him and headed into the kitchen where Chim was standing pouring three mugs of coffee. Buck sat at the counter, wordlessly accepting a mug and letting Chim pass some sweetened flavored creamer towards him. 

Chim took a sip of his own drink, letting the silence stretch on just a bit longer until he finally grew sick of it and began to speak, “So… You have a sister, then?”

Buck looked at Chim, suddenly floored with the guilt of keeping Maddie a secret for so long. Only, she was hardly an active character in Buck’s life the recent few years. She was the recipient of an annual winter holiday card. That’s all the communication they’ve had for years and Buck wasn’t even sure she was receiving those cards until a few minutes ago. Still, Chim had told Buck about Kevin. He had opened up and Buck hadn’t and-

“You know, I’m glad she found your room instead of mine,” Chim offered a distraction in the form of a tease. 

Buck snorted, “What’re you hiding in there, Chim?”

“Not a secret sibling,” Chim quipped without missing a beat. 

Buck winced, “Listen, man-“

Only Chim furrowed his eyebrows, confused for a moment, before looking at Buck and declaring, “I never told you about Albert.”

“Albert?”

“My brother,” Chim shrugged. 

“I thought Kevin…” Buck began.

Chim cut him off, “Kevin was my brother in every way that matters. Albert is my brother biologically.”

Buck took another sip of his coffee, swallowing a deep gulp before offering a truce, “So we both had a secret sibling?”

Chim snorted, “Seems like it.”

They sat there for a moment before Chim spoke up again, “You good?”

“Am I good?” Buck repeated the question flatly. 

“Yeah, man, I mean…” Chim trailed off as Maddie walked into the room. 

She made her way, almost shyly, over to the countertop. Chim passed her a mug of coffee with a tight smile, nodding to Buck and saying, “That’s my cue.”

“You don’t have to-“ Maddie started, but Chim shook his head. 

“You guys catch up,” He said, offering Buck a supportive pat on his shoulder before heading out of the room, “Holler if you need me.”

Buck shifted awkwardly in his seat on the counter. He passed the creamer over to Maddie. 

“Thanks,” she offered. 

Buck nodded his head, “Yeah, no problem.”

It was quiet for a few moments too many. Buck was feeling itchy over it. He nearly snapped when he asked, “Are you gonna ask?”

Maddie raised her eyebrows, “Oh, am I allowed to yet?”

Buck gestured his coffee mug outwards, opening himself up as if to say fire away . It was a petty and sassy gesture and seemed to nearly break Maddie, tears welling in her eyes as she asked yet again, “Evan, what happened ?”

Buck took a sip of his coffee, letting the heat of the drink ground him before he cleared his throat and answered, “Car accident.”

“A car accident?” Maddie repeated. 

“Car accident. Drunk driver hit into the Jeep on a rainy night. Crush injury fucked up my leg beyond saving,” it was clinical the way Buck could recount the night by now. He felt almost desensitized to the whole event. Maddie, however, seemed to be struggling to take in the information. 

“You were in the Jeep,” She repeated. 

“Yeah?” Buck took a sip, unsure why that of all parts was the part to focus on. 

“You lost your leg in the Jeep I gave you,” Maddie spoke out loud but it didn’t feel like she was talking to Buck, it felt like she was talking into the air. 

“Don’t do that,” Buck stated. Maddie’s eyes met Buck’s and he ignored the sight of tears beginning to pool behind her lashes as he continued, “The only person at fault for that night is already dead.”

“I gave you that Jeep,” Maddie said, a little numb. 

“You could’ve come with me,” Buck pointed out, words slipping out before he could stop them. 

Maddie was quiet after that. She nursed her coffee for a few moments before shifting awkwardly in her seat.

Eventually she broke the silence, “How long has it been?”

Buck shifted uncomfortably in his seat, “A few months.”

Maddie took a shaking breath. Somehow she managed to keep her voice calm when she asked, “A few as in two or three?”

Buck felt guilt flood him as he shook his head, “Closer, uh, closer to nine or ten I think.”

Maddie blanched. After a moment she tentatively asked, “Did, uh… Do mom and dad know?”

Buck’s fist clenched tighter on his mug, “I, um… I don’t know. I don’t think so?”

“Evan,” Maddie began, but Buck cut her off. 

He questioned her authority to cast judgement, “Do they know you’re here? That you left Doug?”

Maddie tenses, clutching her own coffee mug tighter. Eventually, she speaks coolly, “You can’t tell them.”

“Okay,” Buck shrugs, a tired apathy digging into his soul at the idea of his parents’ involvement in his and Maddie’s respective lives. All he really cared about was the fact that Maddie was here with him now, even if he had that nagging doubt telling him that it wouldn’t last. He knew he would only feed the doubt by asking, but he couldn’t hold the question back, “How along are you staying.”

“Oh, I…” Maddie paused to collect herself, forced casualness flowing through her next words, “I’m just passing through.”

“You’re just passing through,” Buck repeated. 

Maddie nodded. 

It was quiet for another moment. Buck’s itchiness was back. His doubts here screaming louder. The cocktail of anger, grief, disbelief, confusion, and pure joy and love that seeing Maddie had gifted him was swirling uncomfortably in Buck’s stomach. It was overwhelming. It was too much. 

“I can’t do this right now,” Buck said, more to himself than to Maddie next to him. 

“Evan, what-?”

“I-I can’t… I don’t,” Buck paused before standing, “I just need a minute.”

“Evan, wait-“

“No, I just…” Buck trailed off and Maddie looked miserable. 

She offered, “I can go.”

“No!” Buck was quick to reject the idea, “No, please I just… I need a minute. Can I have a minute? This is…”

“A lot to take in?” Maddie suggests. 

“Yeah,” Buck lets out a sigh of understanding. 

“I know the feeling,” Maddie says while looking again at Buck’s crutches. 

Buck shakes his head out of the locked gaze, “I need to go.”

“Evan, if my being here makes you uncomfortable-“

“It’s not that,” Buck is quick to correct, “I want you here. God, Maddie, I’ve wanted you here for so long but I just… I need to get my head on straight about, about how to… to talk about all this.”

Maddie nodded, “Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense.”

Buck nodded once, sure of himself, “You’ve already found my room, feel free to nap if you’re tired.”

“Evan, I can’t just-“

“Bother Chim if you want food. He seems a little scared of you, he’ll probably buy you the best take out in town to try and apologize for… whatever I walked in on before,” Buck was gathering his phone, keys and wallet as he spoke. 

“Chim?” Maddie asked. 

“Chim,” Buck nodded his head towards the hallway, “Chimey. Uh, Howard. Howie Han.”

“That’s a lot of names,” Maddie commented. 

“Most people just call him stupid,” Buck smiled to himself, teasing the in-joke despite neither Chim nor Hen being around to hear it. 

Maddie pulled a funny expression, a fond smile hiding in its shadows, before commenting further, “that’s a lot of nick names.”

“Yeah, I, uh…” At this, Buck struggled for where to go. His and Maddie’s parents had a clear stance against nicknames for so long. 

“He kept calling you Buck,” Maddie pointed out. 

Buck was frozen for a moment, fearing whatever judgement Maddie might have for his new but deeply connected identity. 

“It suits you,” Maddie spoke with a reassuring smile. Then added on, “We’ll talk about it later?”

Buck smiled, forced but honest, as he nodded in agreement. 

“Yeah,” he said tightly, “We’ll talk about it soon.”

When Buck first left his and Chim’s place he didn’t exactly know where he was headed. A walk, maybe a drive? He just needed to escape, he needed to get out of his head but also dive into his head and sort out every little complex thought he was having. 

He thought about going to a bar, finding someone nice to distract himself with, avoiding all the stress for just an hour more. Bobby would have called that “unhealthy” or maybe a “maladaptive coping mechanism.”  With a roll of his eyes Buck decided that the voice in his head which sounded a bit too much like Bobby was probably right. 

He ended up at Bobby’s place instead, knocking on the door repeatedly. He was taking a while to answer, and Buck wasn’t quite sure why. It was 8:30 on a Friday where Bobby was off from work. He didn’t have church service or any meeting to attend tonight as far as Buck knew, so logically he should be available right now. Unless something happened on shift earlier? But surely Chim would have mentioned something. Unless in the chaos of Maddie’s arrival it slipped into the back of his mind. Or maybe the old man was already sleeping? At that thought Buck rolled his eyes and pounded a little louder on Bobby’s door. 

Eventually, Bobby opened the door partially, standing in the doorway and flashing Buck an annoyed glare, “Can I help you?”

Buck rolled his eyes again, glad that Bobby could actually see the action this time, and met Bobby’s annoyed tone when he asked, “What took you so long?”

“I do have a life outside of you, you know,” Bobby crossed his arms. 

“Sure,” Buck agreed, “But outside of me and work? There’s not much there.”

Bobby was throwing Buck a stern look, seeming like he might be gearing up towards sending Buck away for the night. Maybe he thought this was a purely social call, or maybe he was actually having a hard time tonight and didn’t want Buck to be there to call him on his bullshit. But that would be bullshit because Buck needed support right now, he needed help. 

“Listen,” Bobby started, peering behind him for a second. 

Buck took the moment to use one of his crutches and push Bobby’s door farther open. He began his debriefing, “My sister’s in town.”

Bobby slid over to catch the door, leaving the side of the doorway he had been standing in more open. He asked in an annoyed tone, unaware of the opening he’s left Buck, “Is that a problem?”

Buck rolled his eyes and began to move through the pocket Bobby created in the doorway to enter into Bobby’s apartment. Bobby’s eyes seemed to grow wide and almost frantic at Buck’s entrance but Buck just ignored it, Bobby was acting weird. Instead Buck gave a dry laugh and snapped back at Bobby, “I don’t know . It shouldn’t be a problem! I mean, I’ve missed her, I haven’t seen her in forever. But, like, that’s her fault, you know? She’s the one who hasn’t tried to talk to me,” Buck was leaning his weight on one crutch to stressfully run his hand through his hair. The more he’s talking, the less Bobby’s frantically looking around his apartment and the more he’s finally focusing his attention on Buck and Buck finds himself flooded in relief with the steady eye contact. 

Encouraged, he continues, “And now she shows up, out of the blue, and like showered in front of Chim or something,” Bobby’s eyes go wide again and Buck shakes his head, correcting, “Not actually. It wasn’t what it looked like.”

“I-“ Bobby starts. 

Buck just continues to dump more information to the man, “And now she just keeps staring at my leg, at the lack of a leg I have. Which, okay, maybe I didn’t tell her about but it’s not exactly the type of thing you send a postcard over. But she thinks I should tell our parents -I can tell she wants me to- which is so unfair for her to think when she refuses to tell them that she’s on the run and-“

“On the run?” A new voice breaks Buck out of his spiral. 

Bobby’s face squeezes into a resigned expression and Buck turns around, eyes wide and startled, as he catches sight of a short and slender black woman sitting at the table in Bobby’s bland apartment, a home cooked meal in front of her. 

Buck turns back to Bobby, more confused than anything else, as he points out the obvious, “You have a guest.”

Bobby is clearly resisting the urge to roll his eyes as he quips back, “I did say I have a life outside of you and my job.”

Buck, still a little numb with confusion, huffed a short laugh as he conceded, “I guess.”

Bobby flashed Buck a soft smile, patting his shoulder and moving further into the apartment. 

Buck, coming to his senses, didn’t take it as the forced invitation inward it clearly was, “I, uh… Sorry for interrupting. We can… I’ll talk to you-“

“Kid,” Bobby cut him off, “You’re in no state to drive with your head spinning like that,” He turned to the woman and added softly, “Between himself and Chimney, you’d think they’d all learn-“

Buck rolled his eyes and began to back up, “Really, I should go.”

“Sit,” Bobby ordered, nodding his head at the open chair. 

The woman next to him seemed to take this as her cue to leave. Buck felt floored with guilt as she made to sit up and said, “Right. Well, I’ll just leave you two t-“

Bobby cut her off, “You sit, too. I’ve been meaning to introduce you two.”

“Oh,” The woman let out. It was unclear if this reaction was to Bobby’s order to sit or him revealing that Buck was someone he wanted to introduce her to. 

Buck didn’t exactly know how to take that news himself. He tried to escape one last time, “I should-“

“Buck, this is Sargent Athena Grant,” Bobby began the introductions, easing into an open seat at the table, “Athena, this is Buck.”

It’s quiet for a beat, both Buck and Athena looking to Bobby for a hint as to what to do next. It’s only a second, though, before Athena offers a small smile Buck’s way and says, “It’s nice to meet you.”

There’s something familiar about her voice. Buck’s a little caught up in trying to understand why and all he’s able to answer is with, “Right.”

Bobby throws him a glance that reads as try again but Athena’s already attempting to stand, “Right, then. I should really be getting out of your hair.”

Bobby sighs, “Athena…”

She shakes her head, “No, really. It’s already passed 8:30 and-“

Buck heard it, he heard it and he couldn’t help exclaim the realization, “7-27-L30!”

Athena went stiff for a moment, turning to Buck almost defensively, “What did you say?”

Buck smiled unrestrained now that he recognized her, “I knew I recognized your voice.”

Buck was moving further into the apartment now, navigating to sit next to Bobby and opposite Athena. He reaches to his side and picks a bite of chicken off Bobby’s plate. 

Bobby unsuccessfully attempts to smack Buck’s hand away as he turns to Athena and explains, “Buck here works for dispatch.”

Athena nodded, sitting back down. She spoke more to Bobby than to Buck as she put together the pieces, “He’s your pet dispatcher Hen mentioned?”

“Pet?” Buck grimaced at the idea as he crossed his arms defensively. Bobby just laughed. 

Athena turned to look directly at Buck, asking him with a light tone, “Did Bobby ever tell you when Hen and Chim tried to gift him a ‘ who rescued who ’ bumper sticker?”

Buck couldn’t help the snort that escaped him. It certainly sounded like something that would happen. 

“Alright, enough,” Bobby tried to deflect, but he was smiling as he spoke. 

Suddenly Athena snapped her attention at Buck, a realization coming over her, “You were the dispatcher who sent the fire trucks past the home invasion to not spook them.”

“Oh, uh,” Buck remembered that. One of his first solo calls where a responder had called back ‘ Nice work, dispatch .’ He smiled, remembering the voice of the woman, the sergeant, who said that. He continued, “Yeah, that was me.”

Athena smiled, then thinned her eyes into almost a glare, “Then you’re also the dispatcher who sent me instead of animal control to deal with that rabid raccoon.”

Buck flexed his hands in surrender, “To be fair, the caller presented it as a home invasion.”

“Mhmm,” Athena hummed, but was smiling softly. Buck turned to Bobby with a grin and saw approval in his eyes. 

Buck let his smile morph into more of a smirk, “So, Bobby… You never mentioned having plans for tonight.”

“I didn’t realize I had to clear my calendar with you,” Bobby shrugged. 

“Just saying,” Buck went to pop another piece of food off Bobby’s plate into his mouth, “If you wanted an evening alone with your-“

“ Friend ,” Bobby cuts off sharply. 

“Friend?” Athena asks, unimpressed. Oof, nice one Bobby. See, this is why he should’ve turned to Buck for help. 

“ Lady friend ,” Buck offered, smiling between the two. They turn to Buck with matching expressions of distaste for that term. Buck grinned wider, they were good for each other. 

Bobby cleared his throat, clearly desperate to shift the subject, “So, uh…. You have a sister.”

Suddenly the spotlight was back on Buck and he found himself freezing up a bit at the reminder of why he had interrupted Bobby’s very-clearly-much-so-a date night. He sighed, “Right, uh… Maddie.”

Bobby hummed, “You never mentioned her.”

“I didn’t,” Buck started, then shifted uncomfortably again, “I honestly didn’t know that she would be worth mentioning.”

“She’s on the run,” Athena points out. 

“Not from the law ,” Buck says with exasperation, “From, uh… From her, I guess ex?”

Athena raised her eyebrows, “Is she safe?”

Buck felt his defenses rise, “She’s here.”

“But is she-“ Athena began again, but Buck shook his head. 

“She’s at my place, with Chim. She’s, uh… He’s not here. She’s safe,” Buck was trying to assure himself as much as he was trying to assure Athena. God, Maddie came all the way to California to try and find Buck, to go to him for help, and the first thing he does is panic about the next time she’s gonna leave and run away himself. 

“What’s going through your head, kid?” Bobby asks, clearly picking up on whatever tells Buck has which indicate ‘hey! I’m spiraling! ’

“I, uh…” Buck trailed off, unsure. 

“I should let you two talk,” Athena offers quietly. It seems with the knowledge that Maddie is neither an outlaw nor in immediate danger Athena doesn’t feel the need to gather all the details or stick around for the full story. Buck can’t help but think that her ‘mind-my-own-business’ attitude may be good for Bobby, who’s surrounded with nosey gossips like Hen and Chim and even Buck himself. He also can’t help but smile at the thought that Bobby’s own nosiness will surely balance out Athena’s rigidness as the two become closer. It’s not like Buck has a right to approve their relationship, but he approves of it anyway. 

“You don’t need to go,” Buck offers, genuinely, only a little surprised to find that he means it. 

Athena shakes her head, “This seems like a family conversation.”

Bucks defenses snap before he can hold the words back, “Bobby is family.”

He regrets it as soon as the words leave his mouth. He feels his eyes go a little wide as he turns to look at Bobby’s reaction. Bobby, who looks a bit like he has seen a ghost. Athena is smiling though. 

“Clearly,” Athena agrees, as if that was never a point to be argued. Bobby turns to look at her in shock, his expression melting into something softer. Athena continues, “I meant that I’m practically a stranger.”

“We captured a raccoon together!” Buck is quick to point out. 

“ I captured a raccoon while you talked me through the steps miles away from the rabies,” Athena corrected. 

Buck rolled his eyes, “That’s still teamwork.”

“Listen, Buck?” Athena began. 

Buck didn’t give her the chance, he challenged, “Fine. Go if you’re just Bobby’s ‘ friend ,’ but if you’re moving towards being family and you choose to leave right now then I will never believe you’re in this,” Buck gestures between Bobby and Athena, “to stay.”

“Buck,” Bobby cut off with a stern voice, “That is not your place.”

“It’s not,” Buck agrees, then turns his challenging eyes to Bobby, “But you want my approval anyway.”

“There’s nothing to approve,” Bobby said. 

Buck gave Bobby a distasteful grimace. He turned to look at Athena, a question of disbelief on his face. She had a hardened glare pointed at Bobby but her expression shifted into something softer when she turned to look at Buck. It was a question of ‘are-we-doing-this?’

Buck nodded at Athena’s chair. She sat down again, gaze focused on Buck and stubbornly ignoring Bobby. Buck nodded his head towards Bobby and told Athena, “I’ll talk to him later about labels. Just be patient, he’s kind of a mess at dating.”

Athena smiled just a bit, “I’ve noticed.”

“Hey,” Bobby tried to defend himself but between Athena’s glare and Buck’s quoting “Good flan is the bomb,” he raised his hands in surrender and let out a sigh. He turned to Buck, “We were talking about your sister.”

“Right,” Buck agreed, unsure where to take this further. Bobby understood the silence and offered a prompt, guiding the conversation so that Buck wouldn’t have to. 

Bobby asked, “How did she react to hearing about the accident?”

Buck sighed, “Worried. Stressed. I dunno, I didn’t really go into details. I can tell she still has questions but…” 

After Buck trailed off he noticed Bobby sending a look towards Athena. A nonverbal exchange occurred, one that left Buck quiet and even more confused, before Athena cleared her throat, “Would you want to practice?”

“I… What?” Buck didn’t understand. 

“Bobby was there, right?” Athena asked. After Buck nodded she continued, “So he already understands that might so deeply. But I never, I mean I’ve heard from Hen or Chim’s comments once or twice, but I don’t know your story.”

“You want me to practice explaining my trauma by telling it to you?” Buck asked, looking to Bobby to catch some kind of clue that he was reading this wrong. 

Bobby stayed quiet, a fond kind of smile twitching at the corner of his mouth. When Buck turned back to Athena she offered a shrug with a forced nonchalance as she stated, “I mean, you don’t have to. But if you don’t talk to me at least a little bit I may never believe that you trust I’m here to stay.”

She kept the smirk off of her face, but not out of her voice. She had backed Buck into a corner using his own ultimatum against him. Buck smiled. He liked her. He definitely needed Bobby not to screw this up. As Buck glanced at Bobby one last time he saw the man looking at Athena with such warmth and pride. It almost looked like adoration. It looked a lot like Bobby didn’t want to be screwing this up either.

Chapter Text

Buck was grateful for his living situation. Moving into Chimney’s apartment brought with it opportunities his old place never would have allowed. Such as: enough quiet to sleep through the night, teasing jokes with punchlines that extended beyond the sexcapades of the residents, a diet which was made up of more than just microwave meals,  pre-workout, and beer. It took a while, but Buck and Chim eventually settled into having a pretty good thing going as far as roommates are concerned. 

Buck was grateful for his sister being in LA. Getting back in touch with biological family was something Buck had pushed back into the corner of his mind, a hope which was overpowered by a crippling anxiety that would wake him up at 3am unable to catch his breath. Maddie returned with a strength behind her weary eyes that filled Buck’s heart with pure pride. She was a survivor, the role model Buck had looked up to his whole life still displaying incredible resilience and holding so much love and compassion in her heart. 

But Maddie was also a third roommate in a two bedroom apartment. She had no income, no job, no set plan of how long she would even be staying, and it wasn’t like Buck could really push the issue either. Sometimes he’d try, a hint about a “hiring” sign or a comment about how some of the patients from his call were sure to need good nurses once they got to the hospital, but bringing up the idea settling with a job or the sign of anything being just a tad more permanent came with the risk of waking up the next morning seeing Maddie had already run away again. 

Okay, so, probably not quite that dramatic. She wouldn’t leave, not without saying goodbye. Buck was fairly confident of that. But even waking up to the conversation of Maddie leaving wasn’t one he wanted to have. So, he avoided it. He was going to cling to his sister's presence back in his life for as long as he was able. Even if that meant sleeping on the couch. 

Which, okay, Buck didn’t have to sleep on the couch, but the apartment only had two bedrooms. And if Buck wasn’t crashing on the couch, that meant that Maddie would be crashing on the couch, and Buck insisted against that. Mostly because Maddie has just escaped an abusive relationship and deserved the safety and security of her own private space with the additional peace of mind that her brother, someone she deeply trusted even after years apart, was right outside the door. But if Buck were to be entirely honest with himself, there was a small teeny tiny part of himself who was hyper aware of the fact that if Maddie wasn’t in the private space of Buck’s bedroom, then she would be in the not-so-private space of Buck and Chim’s living area. 

Chim was great, okay? Chim was a great guy. He was funny and considerate and a good person to his core. He was a firefighter paramedic and one of Buck’s closest friends and most importantly he was safe and trustworthy and Buck knew he would never do anything to hurt Maddie. Only sometimes Buck would catch them in moments where Chim seemed to be doing a little more than would be expected to assure his roommate’s sister that she could trust him. He seemed to interact at a comfort level that sometimes felt like he and Maddie were the close friends and Buck was the sibling crashing at the apartment. 

Buck knew that nothing was actually happening. Maddie had only just left Doug, Maddie and Chim had only just met. They were friendly -sometimes, unfortunately, flirty- but that was mainly due to their close proximity in the Buckley-Han cohabitat. If anything were to happen it would be a desperate and needy rebound with someone who just happens to be there, and Buck didn’t want that for either of them. Plus, their friendship seemed too cute for either of them to be ready to pursue anything further anyway. Still, Buck sleeping on the couch maybe had the slightest thing to do with ensuring that no rushed and reckless rebound happens. 

Still, it was crowded. Buck had spent every night for over a week sleeping on a couch and it was beginning to affect his hip and back. Even family dinner, which with Hen invited tonight meant Buck was cooking for four instead of two, seemed more overwhelming this week. It was bittersweet that Bobby couldn’t make it that night. On one hand, Bobby would’ve been a steadying presence and grounded Buck. On the other, he would’ve been another mouth to feed, not to mention a more experienced cook who would not only be tasting Buck’s meal but had also been the one to teach the recipe in the first place therefore having even more of a right to cast judgement should Buck prepare something wrong, and he would’ve been another pair of eyes watching Chim and Maddie interact as if they were animals in a zoo display. All in all, Buck was grateful that he didn’t have those layers of stress added on to tonight. Besides, Bobby deserved a night out with Athena, who had even teased the idea of hosting a barbecue for the “extended 118 family” sometime in the future. 

Hopefully Maddie would still be there for that. 

Hen being over tonight was… pleasant. She could tease Chim with a familiarity that was cultivated as years in the field as partners, a comradery that even after months of living with Chim Buck knew he would never be able to match. They would share sideways glances and seem to speak through eye contact alone, but Buck couldn’t complain too much as he was aware of he and Maddie doing the same thing throughout the night. 

Hen was nice, kind, an alright friend. She and Buck weren’t close, though they had shared plenty of interactions throughout Chim’s recovery after the car crash. She was cool, but still a bit… distant from Buck. Though tonight was going well and seemed to suggest the two still had an opportunity to grow closer. 

“I still can’t believe you get to come home from a shift and still get to have Bobby’s recipes waiting for you,” Hen was teasing Chim, but complimenting Buck’s cooking all at once. The meal had passed and the four were sitting around the all too crowded common room and splitting a bottle of wine between them. Having his own work compared to Bobby’s firehouse-quality mealtimes had Buck blushing a bit, though Maddie caught it based on the way she nudged him. 

“This is not a nightly occurrence,” Chim bemoaned, “Besides he practices for like a week before the ‘official’ family dinner night.”

“Well, Buckaroo,” Hen spoke and Buck felt a twinge of warmth at the new nickname, “If you’re ever looking to practice on any guinea pigs you have my number. I’m sure Denny and Karen would be racing me to a plate.”

“Ooh!” Chim cut in excitedly before Buck had the chance to fully process what sounded an awful lot like an invitation to spend time with Hen and her family, Hen and her son , “Has Denny convinced Karen to adopt that cat yet?”

Hen shot him an unamused look, “You make it sound like it’s inevitable.”

Chim snorted, “Nah. Well, maybe. If it were a dog.”

Buck furrowed his brow before he could help it, asking, “What kind of kid asks for a cat instead of a dog?”

Immediately, Hen’s flat glare shifted to Buck as she answered, “ My kid, it seems.”

“Shit,” Buck grimaced, “I didn’t mean-“

“Did you guys have a dog growing up?” Chim cut over Buck’s voice. He seemed to be talking more to Maddie than to Buck and Maddie, which, rude . Still, Buck was relieved to watch Hen’s expression morph into amusement. 

“God,” Maddie rolled her eyes in fond exasperation, “Buck practically begged me to help him catch a stray and sneak him inside.”

“ Her ,” Buck corrected, huffing at the memory, “and we hardly needed to catch her, she was practically lying on our doorstep.”

Hen laughed and asked, “What did your parents say when they found you two?”

Buck could feel his chest growing a little tighter. It was Maddie who answered, slightly strained, “We, uh, we realized it was probably best to get the dog off property before our parents got home.”

Chim seemed confused, “Was someone allergic or something?”

“We weren’t a pet family,” Buck answered before swallowing around a mouthful of wine. This was something else he needed to grow more used to. With Maddie back around, he was talking more about his childhood in little snippets throughout his days. It was exhausting, honestly, to try and keep an impression of surface level peace and joy. Thankfully, Hen seemed to pick up on some of the tension rising as she redirected the conversation back to the present. 

“Karen says that, too,” Hen gave a small smile, “But Denny has his heart on getting a little kitty to call Az-land or something.”

Buck perked up, “Aslan?”

“That!” Hen cheered excitedly, then paused, “Wait, how’d you know?”

Buck chuckled, “Like, the lion from Narnia?”

“Huh,” Hen looked smug, “I didn’t realize my boy was such a little bookworm,” then, she paused and turned to Buck, “I didn’t realize you were such a little bookworm.”

Buck flushed a little sheepish but Maddie snorted. She teasingly commented, “We had The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe on tape as kids. He watched the movie a bunch but the only reading he did was the subtitles.”

Hen laughed, but Chim rolled his eyes with a snort and commented, “That guy? His nose is always in a book.”

Maddie turned to Buck a little confused and asked, “When did you pick up reading as a hobby?”

Buck shifted a little uncomfortably, “Uh, around the same time I met those guys the first time.”

For a moment it was quiet. Not a comfortable and familiar quiet, but an awkward one. Until Hen cleared her throat after taking another sip of wine, “Are you a fan of the library?”

Buck shrugged, “Most my readings are more… deep dives into my interest of the week.”

Chim laughed and teased, “You have heard of the non-fiction section, right?”

“Denny and I are going tomorrow, you should come,” Hen suggested. 

“I- Me?” Buck asked for clarification. He turned to Maddie, “But what about-?”

“Then you could show me that lunch place you were talking about,” Maddie said to Chim. 

“Whoa,” Buck looked between Chim and his sister, “You’re going out to lunch?”

“Denny’s been dying to meet you,” Hen pulled Buck’s attention back to her. 

“You’ve told your kid about me?” Buck couldn’t help but ask. It was clearly a trap, it was so clearly a set up. Obviously Hen was the distraction so that Chim and Maddie could… hang out? Date? It was a crummy distraction, but damn if it isn’t working. 

“About the cool dispatcher who talked Athena through that bank hostage situation last week? And who figured out how to help us get a man out of a ‘chocolate swimming pool’? The kid thinks you’re the coolest,” Hen was laying it on thick. Damn , the trap was really working. 

“Denny could probably give you a run for your money with the asteroid facts,” Chim pointed out to Buck, “Karen’s a rocket scientist, after all.”

“So, you’re coming?” Hen was confirming faster than Buck could even process the plans were made. 

It was a whirlwind: the confirmation of plans, the rush to stand up and get home, the bidding goodnight with Maddie and Chim turning into their respective rooms. Buck blinked and suddenly he was in the future. It was disorienting, a bit overwhelming, but then came through a text from Bobby: Did you manage to get the portions right?

Buck snorted a bit as he replied: plenty for everyone even sent hen home with leftovers

Bobby’s response was quick: Good job kid 👍. 

Buck could have left it there, but there was so much anxiety curling in his gut he couldn’t help but send the question: have u ever met hens kid 

After a minute Buck’s phone buzzed with a text: Denny? Once or twice. He’s a good kid. 

Buck waited for the question of “why” to come through, but it never did. Instead, Buck had to come up with another text: how old is he again?

Bobby’s response was a moment later: That feels like a question for his mom, not his mom’s captain. 

Clearly, Bobby wasn’t going to feed into Buck’s nonsense. Either Buck opened up without prompting, or he didn’t. Sighing, Buck typed out and sent: im going to the library with hen and denny tomorrow

Thankfully, Bobby’s next text had a bit of a teasing tone: What, are you collecting members of the 118 at this point?

Buck ignored it and explained his concern, feeling a little lighter already: i dont really know if im any good with kids

Bobby, apparently, took barely a second to think of a response because Buck received a text immediately: Just be yourself, you’re practically the same age mentally. 

Buck rolled his eyes and shot back a: Ha. Ha. 

Bobby was apparently in a very good mood after his date night because he sent back another joke: Oh, proper grammar. Trying to bump up a grade level?

Buck was smiling, but he wouldn’t admit to it since Bobby couldn’t see him. He ended up sending: i want a new mentor

Bobby, again, didn’t miss a beat: Ask Hen tomorrow. 

Bobby, Buck texted in exasperation. 

The response was finally more meaningful: Buck, it’ll be okay. Hen wouldn’t have invited you if she didn’t trust you to meet him. 

It was common sense, basic logic, but reading it written plainly in text did something to ground Buck. thanks cap, Buck sent.

 It’s been happening more lately, calling Bobby ‘Cap,’ but neither of them ever addressed it. Buck followed up his text with a question of how was dinner with athena

A minute later came through Bobby’s reply: I’ll tell you on Wednesday when I teach you how to make it. 

Buck couldn’t help but grin. As overwhelming as tonight was, Buck was happy. This was Buck’s family. It was big and connected and messy and overwhelming. It was exactly the kind of family he’d search for in stray dogs growing up. It was exactly the kind of family he wished he could show his 11 year-old self, watching the Narnia movie, that he would be able to find. 

Going to the library with Hen and Denny was kind of amazing, actually. Denny was a pretty chill kid for an 8 year old. He got excited over fun facts and definitely held his own in a conversation about space. Buck had enjoyed himself. What’s more? Buck enjoyed the peace . 

“So…” Buck had asked Hen, trying to gauge some insight into Hen’s best friend’s mind, “Maddie and Chim.”

Hen had glanced over at Denny, flipping through a collection of picture books before meeting Buck’s gaze, “Chim and Maddie.”

“They’re out to lunch,” Buck observed, a forced casualness. 

Hen smiled a bit, “It’s just lunch, Buck.”

“ Just lunch?” Buck was trying to clarify. 

Hen, rather than enthusiastically confirming, let out a bit of a resigned sigh, “As far as they’re willing to say.”

Buck perked up, “So you agree that they got a vibe going on?”

“A vibe?” Hen snorted. 

“Like,” Buck floundered his hand, willing himself to respect the quiet in the library, “Like, a thing .”

“I’m glad we’re in a library, it might help you expand your vocabulary,” Hen’s gaze followed Denny to where he was sitting down on a beanbag. 

Buck ignored the tease, “They’re just moving so fast .”

“It’s lunch ,” Hen clarified. 

“It’s a date,” Buck argued. 

Hen huffed, “Not that either of them are calling it that.”

“You’re not helping,” Buck rolled his eyes, smiling briefly as Denny chuckled to himself at whatever he was reading. 

“Maybe,” Hen began, “They finally wanted a moment to themselves without supervision.”

“Supervision?” Buck was confused. 

“A certain little brother who’s sleeping on the couch between their rooms as if he’s a sleep away camp chaperone?” Hen smirked. 

Buck opened his mouth to retort, but another voice cut in, “Excuse me, uh, I’m hoping you can help point me in the right direction.”

A blonde woman was speaking, directly to Buck. She was pretty, beautiful really. Short straight hair and a thin but muscular frame. A few tattoos peaked out from underneath her sleeves. Buck pulled on a flirty smirk, confidence stunted but not defeated by the way he caught her eyes glancing between Buck’s crutches back to his eyes. Still, she was pretty, so Buck responded with a light, “Really? I’m thinking you’re right where you need to be.”

Hen scoffed and rolled her eyes in joking distaste but the woman chuckled with amusement. She gave a smile at Buck and asked, “Could you point me to the veteran’s group?”

Now, Buck stiffened. It was something which had been happening more often lately. People would see his missing limb and make the assumption that Buck surely must be a veteran who’s lost his leg in combat. It was uncomfortable to need to redirect every time, especially when it was coming from a real veteran. 

“Oh,” Buck shifted, “I’m not… Uh, I don’t…” He let out a sigh and caught onto the woman’s eyes going wide. 

She rushed to correct, “Oh, I didn’t mean to assume-“

“It’s fine,” Buck deflected, “Do you, uh, do you know what room it’s supposed to be in?”

Blushing, the woman tapped a little frantically on her phone, “Uh, B32?”

Buck looked to Hen for guidance, who jumped in with support. 

 “That’s basement level. Down those stairs there’s a hallway, turn left and it’s along the right side wall,” Hen paused to nod proudly towards Denny, “My kid takes an art class in that room.”

“Right,” The woman smiled, flustered, “Uh, thank you. And, uh, I’m sorry about-“

Buck waved her off, “Happens more often than you think. Uh, thank you for your service.”

She flashed a tight smile, shifting uncomfortably before nodding in thanks and moving away. 

it was quiet for a minute, before Hen broke the silence between them. She asked, “Does it?”

“Hmm?” Buck turned to her in question. 

“Does that happen often?” Hen clarified. 

Buck shrugged a bit, shifting. Hen smiled in sympathy. There wasn’t much to be said about it. 

In his beanbag, Denny began to giggle again. Buck watched with a smile, commenting, “He’s loving that book.”

Hen smiled with soft pride, “My little man’s reading above his grade level already.”

Buck smiled back, “Thanks for letting me tag along today.”

“Let you? Buck, I invited you,” Hen chuckled softly. She then tacked on, “Besides, Denny loves this place. We’re always looking for excuses to come.”

Buck nodded and glanced around the library, “Yeah, it’s nice here.”

“Quiet,” Hen pointed out. 

Buck hummed in agreement. 

“Spacious,” Hen added again. 

Buck turned to her, trying to figure out what she was getting to. 

Hen smiled, “Just saying. I’d rather hang out here than play camp counselor for two grown adults.”

Buck groaned and threw his head back, “It’s more than just lunch, isn’t it?”

Hen snickered, “They won’t admit it, but I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“It’s too fast,” Buck pointed out, well aware of the fact he sounded like a petulant little brother. 

“They’re grown adults,” Hen reasoned, “And Chim’s a good guy.”

“I know that,” Buck cut in defensive. 

“What?” Hen laughed, “You think Maddie’s not good enough, then?”

It was a joke, a reflection to make Buck process how weirdly defensive Buck was being about the idea of Maddie and Chim getting together. Only, for as protective as Buck was feeling over Maddie, he also was a little worried about Chim. Buck must have tended, because Hen picked up on it. 

“Wait,” She asked, “Do you-“

“Maddie’s good,” Buck cut in. He was defensive, firm, but then, “She just... I don’t know how long she’s staying in LA.”

Hen furrowed her brow, “I thought-“

“Mom!” Denny cut in after running over and holding up a book, “Can I bring this one home this week?”

Buck snorted at his excitement while Hen turned to him with a loving smile, “Of course. You getting hungry?”

Denny nodded and Buck began to grab his crutches to lift himself up. It was a nice outing Buck enjoyed his introduction to the library. He enjoyed even more the deeper layer of friendship he was developing with Hen. 

The library became a more routine visit for Buck after that. It was nice there, peaceful, and even if he was going alone then at least he was outside of the crowded walls of his apartment. 

Bucks library afternoons on his days off had become an integral part of his self care. Unlike family dinners or meetings with Bobby, library afternoons were a time for Buck and Buck alone to research or read or relax as he pleased. It helped that the library acted as a community center, too. Plenty of events going on all the time. The only problem that occurred was whenever there was a veteran’s group, Buck’s being mistaken as someone who was wounded in combat increases exponentially. He’s taken to laying his crutches flat on the floor, hiding his missing limb and mobility aids as best as he could. Still, nosey people were able to still somehow realize. 

A woman had approached Buck from behind, interrupting his reading on radiation poisoning to say, “Pardon me, sir. Just, thank you for your service.”

Buck cringed a little bit. He learned that the best way to get through these interactions was just to deflect and ignore, so he nodded with a tight and strained smile. She turned around, clearly picking up on how Buck wasn’t looking for a deeper conversation. He was about the turn to his book, when the chair from across the table was pulled out. 

“Excuse me,” A man was holding himself a little awkwardly, inviting himself to sit but still seeming unsure of the decision. He had long brown hair, a muscular build, wide eyes that seemed to be carrying layers of exhaustion underneath them. The whole ruffled-tired-shy-hot-guy thing? It was kinda doing it for Buck. 

“Uh,” Buck blinked at him, “Hey.”

“Hey,” He said, then paused. Buck held the awkward eye contact for a moment before he began to turn back to his book. At the movement, the man spoke again, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to overhear. I just…” He paused and points to himself, saying one word as if it explained everything, “Army.”

The man paused, looking towards the woman who had walked away after thanking Buck for his service and Buck cringed. He was gonna have to start wearing a sign ‘ Missing Leg from Car Crash, Not War.’

Buck sighed, “The, uh, the veteran’s group meets in the basement. Room B32. Down those stairs, to the left, it’s on the right side.”

He had assumed that the man would take the instructions and go, nodding in thanks maybe, but instead the man tipped his head to the side and asked, “You don’t join?”

“Uh,” Buck stumbled, “No. They’re not for me.”

The man huffed a breath that could’ve been a chuckle. He was cute with his tired smile. He spoke freely, “These systems are hell to navigate, right? Trying to find a group that works for you, lining up VA benefits which accepting one would cancel out the others you would be eligible for.”

“I, uh,” Buck shifted awkwardly, “I can imagine.”

The man raised an eyebrow, “What? You get your way past all the red tape?”

Buck flashed a sympathetic smile, though it might’ve been more of a grimace, “I, uh, I’m not actually… I didn’t serve.”

The man sat up a bit straighter, recoiling almost as he asked, “What?”

“I…” Buck looked to where the woman from before was striking up conversation with the librarian at the desk, “She got it wrong.”

The man furrowed his eyebrows. Buck missed his smile. The man sounded confused as he pointed out, “You didn’t correct her.”

Buck shrugged, apologetic, “It’s, um, it’s easier not to most times. Sorry.”

Only the man didn’t seem very forgiving, instead he turned a little angry. An insane voice in the back of Buck’s head noted how he wouldn’t mind the sharp focus of the other man’s eyes directed at him in a different setting. Buck tried to ignore that voice and focus on the sound of the man in front of him chastising, “People die, you know. People get hurt. And for you to sit there in perfect health and play pretend while accepting thanks for-“

“Whoa!” A younger voice was heard over the man’s rant. He had a point, Buck could admit. Or, he would have had a point, if it weren’t for the missing limb that wasn’t under the table where Buck sat. 

“Chris,” The man stood up abruptly, moving to where a young child was approaching Buck, “Don’t-“

The boy -Chris- looked at Buck with wide, glowing eyes and a bright smile. He pointed underneath Buck’s table and spoke with awe in his tone, “You have crutches just like me!”

The man, who was placing a hand on Chris’s shoulder, froze, rounding the table and catching sight of where the young boy was pointing. 

Buck gave the young boy a tight smile, “I sure do, bud.”

Buck began to fish out a sticky note and pen from his backpack, scribbling down some information. Chris ignored Buck’s distracted behavior and asked a follow up, “Why?”

“Chris!” The man from before looked at the boy with wide, panicked eyes. 

Buck just chuckled, finishing his bite he put his belongings away and began reaching to pick up his crutches. He looked at Chris but was sure that the man was listening as he answered, “Thank you for asking, most people just assume I was a soldier.”

The man begins, “I didn’t-“

“My dad was a soldier doctor,” Chris cut in. 

Buck smiled, “A soldier doctor?”

“M-medic. Army,” The man answered as if he didn’t tell Buck the army part already. He was flustered, scrambling. Buck thought it was cute despite the weary stress and exhaustion clearly weighing him down. He continued, “Listen, man, I’m sorry I-“

“I should have corrected her,” Buck shook his head, “It can just be a little tiring sometimes.”

The man nodded sharply, still flushed, and said, “I, uh, I can imagine.”

“Were you a medic army, too?” Chris asked. 

Buck laughed as the man, Chris’s dad, gently corrected, “Army medic.”

“But you just said-“ Chris looked to his dad with confusion as he started to speak. It was a beautiful family, Chris and his Dad, whoever the other parent was was so incredibly lucky. 

“I was in a car accident. No soldier heroics here,” Buck told Chris. He was proud of himself, in a way, to now be able to so freely offer up even simple discussions of the accident. 

“Not all heroes are on the battlefield,” The man said to Buck. It was nice to hear, assuring and validating and filling Buck with a warmth. But it was also kind of a ridiculous thing to say to a person you don’t even know. 

Still, Buck smiled and nodded in thanks. Leaning on one crutch, he passed a sticky note over to the other man. The man wrinkled his eyebrows and looked at it. Suddenly, he was blushing and asking, “A phone number?”

Buck snorted and moved a little closer, leaning into the man’s space to point on the name written on the note, “Carla Price. She’s a home health aide, helped an… an old coworker of mine when her mom got sick. She’s redtape’s worst nightmare.”

The man, still flustered, blinked at Buck, “Right. I don’t… Thank you.”

It was cute that he was still so embarrassed about the earlier mix up. 

“It’s no problem,” Buck flashed him what he hoped was a reassuring smile as he stepped out of the man’s space. He moved toward the young boy, holding out his fist towards the kid, “It was cool to meet you, Chris.”

Chris looked at Buck’s crutches, then the tied off pant leg, then the outstretched fist. The little boy wore such amazement in his eyes as he smiled greatly and pressed his own fist against Buck’s in a fist bump. 

“Ooh!” Buck recoiled with an exaggerated grimace, shaking out his hand, “You got some muscle there kid.”

Chris fell into a fit of giggled. Buck looked up to see his dad watching the exchange with an unknowable yet still warm expression. Buck flashed the man a smile and a head nod, “I’ll see you around.”

Between laughter, Chris waved and cheered out, “Bye!”

Chris’s dad just let a soft smile fall over his face, “Yeah, we’ll see you around.”

It wasn’t until Buck was halfway back to his apartment that he realized he never even asked the man his name.

Chapter Text

“I’m just saying ,” Buck rolled his eyes as he put a tray of vegetables in the oven to roast, “No one is making you do this.”

Bobby snapped his tongs in Buck’s direction and shooed him away from the stovetop, “No one except God.”

Buck shrugged, “Fair enough.”

He peered over Bobby’s shoulders, watching as he turned the chicken over on the stovetop. Bobby shot him a look indicating Buck was standing too close, but Buck shot back a cheery grin. Bobby rolled his eyes and nodded his head at the fridge, “You need to slice the lemon.”

“You got it, Pops,” Buck did a mock salute as he bounced over to the fridge. He was feeling generous so he let the way he witnessed Bobby grin a little fondly at the nickname go unmentioned. He waited until he had the lemons prepped on a clean cutting board before posing his next question, “It’ll probably get less scary the more you do it.”

Bobby raised his eyebrows at Buck, “Slow down.”

This time it was Buck’s turn to roll his eyes, “I was a bartender, Bobby. If there’s a kitchen lesson that I’d never need it’s how to cut a lemon.”

“You’re not making garnishes,” Bobby said, unhelpfully.

Buck gestured down to the cutting board, “Why do you think I’m slicing so thick?”

Bobby sighed, “You know most the time you tell me about a past career of yours they catch me off guard,” Buck rolled his eye at Bobby’s generous use of the word ‘ careers ’ but Bobby just kept talking, “but a bartender? That makes sense.”

Buck smirked, attempting to raise to the challenge, “It was a beach bar when I lived in Peru.”

Bobby shrugged, unbothered, “Yeah, I believe that, too.”

Buck huffed a little, “Well, I believe you changed the subject.”

“You mentioned being out of the country for a bit,” Bobby ignored Buck, “I didn’t realize you were properly living in Peru.”

Buck’s instinct was to clarify what Bobby considered to be “proper” living, but he didn’t take the bait. Instead he insisted, “It’s just a little blood.”

“A ‘little blood’ would be a one time donation of a pint. This? It’s me donating for the rest of my life,” Bobby defended his fear, almost teasing the line of childishness.

“Which you're choosing to do,” Buck points out again.

“Buck-” Bobby starts, almost a little disappointed.

“I know, I know,” Buck passed Bobby the lemons, “I wouldn’t be able to not donate either if I was in your case. But, y’know, it’s still consensual on your part.”

Bobby gave Buck a flat look, “People don’t steal blood. The Red Cross isn’t some vampiric conspiracy .”

Buck laughed, loud and full at the way that Bobby said the last two words in what could only be described as a goofy fake vampire accent. Shaking his head Buck leaned back against the counter, smiling for a moment. A sudden thought caught his attention and Buck spoke it out loud, “Hey, did Hen tell you about how they're coming out with a new documentary on the Mars rover? Apparently Karen and Denny are super excited. Which, honestly, I feel like there can't be new information that Karen wouldn't already know, you know?"

"Pass me a plate,” Bobby ignored the question at first, but then turns to Buck with a slight  glean in his eye as he asks, “So you’re getting along well with the team then?”

“They have some pretty good stories,” Buck shrugs with a smirk, “Like, Hen was telling me about a certain fire captain on the brink of passing out at the blood drive.”

Bobby groaned, opening the oven to grab the roasted vegetables, “I thought we moved past this.”

Buck gave an exaggerated, dreamy sigh, “If only there was video.”

Bobby gave a flat stare. Buck snapped his fingers, “Hey! I can bring over apple juice boxes next time.”

“At least I donated,” Bobby pointed out while portioning out the vegetables on the plate, “A certain dispatcher had the day off but still never showed up.”

Buck rolled his eyes, grabbing a plate from Bobby and moving to sit at the table, “I’m ineligible.”

“Oh,” Bobby followed Buck and placed his plate down, “Because, uh…”

Bobby’s eyes were flicking down to Buck’s lack of leg and Buck rolled his eyes again. He nodded at Bobby, “Do your thing.”

Bobby nodded back, evidently taking Buck’s instruction as a dismissal. Still, he said a small, quiet grace to himself before picking up a fork and pointing at Buck, “Dig in.”

Buck picked up his fork and shoved a piece of broccoli in his mouth. He didn’t wait to finish chewing before he picked up the previous conversation, “Amputees can still donate blood. Mostly. I mean, I could. If, you know, if I could .”

Bobby, somehow, understood the ramble. He asked in a tone which delivered no pressure, “But you can’t?”

Buck shrugged, pushing the food around his plate, “I mean I’m not… sexually… in active.”

Bobby coughed around his bite of food, a sight that made Buck give out a chuckle. Face red, Bobby took a sip of water before speaking to Buck in a confused tone, “I mean… I’m… not… either?”

Buck felt himself visibly recoil as he exclaimed, “Oh, gross.”

“You brought it up!” Bobby exclaimed in laughter.

“Yeah,” Buck defended, “But I don’t want to think about you and Athena-”

“Well, who said-?”

“Oh, please,” Buck cut Bobby off, “Who else would it be?”

Bobby was blushing but spoke with an ingrained confidence as he said, “It is perfectly healthy for two consenting adults-”

“I do not need the talk,” Buck tried to argue.

Bobby plowed on, pointing his fork in Buck’s direction again, “And it doesn’t mean you’re ineligible to donate blood.”

“It does ,” Buck points back, “If those two consenting adults are both men.”

“Oh,” Bobby blinked. He looked down at his plate, then his eyes shot right to Buck and he repeated with more force, “ Oh! ”

Suddenly Buck felt like he was missing a key piece of information floating behind Bobby’s eyes. He furrowed his brow, “Oh?”

Bobby floundered for a moment, “I didn’t, uh, realize… Thank you for telling me.”

“For telling you…” Buck pauses, “That I’m sexually active?”

Bobby gave Buck a look to say he was an idiot before elaborating the slightest bit, “Thank you for trusting me with that part of yourself.”

Confused, Buck went to take another bite of his meal, but then froze with his fork halfway to his mouth. Realization struck, “Wait, cuz the guy thing?”

Bobby chuckled a bit, moving to take his own bite. Fondly, he confirmed, “Yeah, Buck.”

“Oh, come on,” Buck complained, “You had to know I’m an ally.”

Bobby looked confused again for a second, “You’re an ally?”

Around a mouthful of chicken Buck pointed out, “Were we not just talking about Hen and I being friends?”

“I…” Bobby paused, “Buck, I’m an ally.”

Buck raised his fist in the air and called out, “Hoo-rah.”

“I don’t sleep with other men,” Bobby said, almost out of nowhere.

Buck stabbed another piece of broccoli and popped it in his mouth, “I would hope not, with Athena and all.”

“I can’t tell if you’re messing with me,” Bobby admits.

Buck gestures out his palms, matching Bobby’s confused expression. Eventually Bobby speaks again, “To my knowledge, allies tend to be heterosexual.”

Buck shrugged, “Well yeah but I’m… Oh.”

“Oh?”

Buck took a moment to let the thought sink in, that maybe the past few years he’s been more than an ally. Yeah , He supposed, That makes sense.

“Good point,” Buck popped another bite of food into his mouth.

“Good point?” Bobby asked, “That’s all?”

“Yeah,” Buck spoke with his mouth full, “I guess I’m… Bi?”

“You guess?” 

Buck nodded, “I mean, yeah,” He paused to smirk, “You gonna tell me you’re proud of me again, Pops?”

Bobby puffed out a breath, a balanced middle ground between a sigh and a laugh, before saying, “I’m so honored to share this moment with you, kid.”

Buck rolled his shoulders back and sat up straighter. With a teasing smile he nodded, “You should be.”

Bobby grinned wider, “And I can’t wait for Hen to hear this story.”

“Hey!” Buck pulled back, “You don’t get to tell her.”

Bobby’s smile stayed in place, “On your timeline, Buckley. But one day Hen will be told how you came out to me by calling yourself an ally.”

Buck could imagine Hen’s laughter now, loud and infectious as it was sure to be. He could imagine how Chim would join in shamelessly. Honestly, he was looking forward to that moment of joy and laughter and support from the 118. Only, he needed to tell Maddie first. Put it into words for his blood family before the rest of them joined in.

“Do you think dogs know they’re dogs?” A young voice spoke as Buck felt a tug on the bottom of his shirt. Turning around, Buck saw the little boy with crutches who had approached him at a previous library visit.

“Uh, hey… Bud.”

“Chris,” The boy reminded.

“Right, Chris,” Buck nodded, “Where’s, uh, where’s your dad, bud?”

Chris shrugged, unbothered. The immediate moment after he turned his head to look over his shoulder, pointing to the familiar man looking around a little frantically near the children’s area. Buck huffed a slight laugh of amusement before raising an eyebrow at Chris, “Did you tell him where you were headed off too?”

Buck didn’t hear Chris’s response. As he was speaking, the man turned around fully and caught sight of Chris and Buck. His eyes widened and Buck flashed a sheepish smile, throwing a wave up as he begins moving away from the bookshelf he was standing at and nodding to Chris to follow with him.

The man crosses the room far faster than Buck and the little boy were able to. His eyes are locked on his son, “ Christopher , you’re not supposed to leave the kids’ corner.”

The boy gave a smile that held the energy of a child who knew how to get away with anything if he played his “I’m innocent” cards correctly. He grinned as he spoke, though it came out as a question, “I didn’t know I left?”

His father crossed his arms and glanced over towards the cartoony fence and trees which marked the entrance to the children’s section. He questioned flatly, “You missed the giant gateway?”

Buck had to hand it to the man, he was holding himself with a firm do-not-budge attitude against Chris’s bron puppy dog eyes that would’ve had Buck folding in a minute. Though, he supposed, the fear of a child going missing might have something to do with the man’s steadfast expression. Buck found himself speaking without really thinking it through, “I think it’s an archway.”

The man looked at Buck, a question in his eyes. Buck continued, fueled by the attention the man was providing him, “Because, like, the entrance is through the trees. Not the gate. Uh, fence.”

The man stared for a moment. He opened his mouth, but Chris beat him to speaking. The young boy was looking at Buck with something akin to awe, “You know everything!”

The man let out a sigh and redirected his glare back to Chris, “You cannot leave the archway without telling me.”

“I had a question though,” Chris all but whined.

“ Mijo , what question could’ve possibly been so important you had to run away?” The man’s eyebrows were pinched.

Chris turned and looked back up towards Buck. Smiling, he asked once more, “Do you think dogs know that they’re dogs?”

“What?” The father is the one to respond.

Chris turns to him, taking a step closer he comments, “Do you think we’re just bigger, less hairy dogs?”

The man blinked at his son. Then, he turned to look up towards Buck. Buck could feel the amused grin on his face but tried to school his expression as Chris’s dad made eye-contact. He must’ve pulled a less-than-serious expression though because the man began to break into a grin as well. He looked down at his son again, pulling him into a hug and pressing a kiss on top of his head, mumbling a soft, “I hope you never change, kid.”

It should’ve felt like Buck was intruding on a moment, but in reality he felt more as though he was sharing this moment with them. Caught up a bit, he chimed in a joke, “Expect, maybe change your habit of running off on your dad.”

At this the man’s eyes widened again. For a moment Buck felt as though his tease was overstepping, only the man grabbed Chris’s shoulder and pointed a firm finger at the boy as he doubled down on Buck’s comment, “Yes. No more running off.”

“No more running off,” Chris repeated with a firm nod and a grin.

His dad smiled, then turned to look at Buck once more, “I hope he didn’t bother you.”

Buck lightly shook his head, “I think he gave me my new research project.”

Chris grinned and asked, “I did?”

Buck nodded, “I’m not sure I can leave here today before I learn all about the consciousness of dogs.”

“Wow,” Chris said. The man laughed. It sounded rich and genuine and made Buck feel proud that he was the one who made the man laugh in the first place.

Chris spoke again, unprompted, “Why don’t you have a pro-to-stick?”

“Um,” Buck looked to the father for a translation but the man was looking at his son with an expression that read as confused as Buck felt. After a beat of silence Chris spoke again, “Like, a robot leg.”

The father’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline as he chastised, “Christopher.”

Buck felt a chuckle bubble out of his chest as he confirmed, “A prosthetic?”

“Yeah,” Chris nodded eagerly.

“Chris, that’s a rude question,” The father tried to explain. He looked up to Buck, eyes still wide and slightly distressed. Buck shook his head and tried to give the man a reassuring smile.

“It’s okay,” Buck said to the man, then turned back to the boy, “Honestly… I just haven’t looked much into it. Might be another research project for me.”

The boy nodded and informed Buck, “Carla helped me research the weather for my homework.”

At the mention of Carla, Buck felt his eyes light up. He was glad the family had given her a call after all. He looked to the dad, who appeared to be blushing a bit, before asking, “Oh yeah?”

“The water cycle,” The dad corrected his son.

“Yeah, that!” Chris agreed.

“Well that is very cool,” He flashes a genuine smile at the man to try and ease away some of the embarrassment that Chris’s dad seemed to be wearing on his sleeve as he tacked on, “I hear Carla’s a very good helper.”

Chris lit up, “You know Carla?”

Buck is about to respond when he feels his phone buzzing rapidly in his pocket.

“One second, Buddy,” Buck adjusts his weight standing on his crutches to fish out his phone. A single message from Maddie and Buck feels his heart drop:

Can we talk soon? Howie’s out for the night. I’d like to talk just you and me if that’s okay.

Right. Buck knew this would be coming. A big talk. A deep talk. A Maddie-leaving-LA talk. A promise-to-keep-in-touch-this-time that Buck’s supposed to take at face value kind of talk. Buck had let himself grow too comfortable. He had his sister, his friendships, his mentorship with Bobby. He had a career he enjoyed and cared about and was feeling more comfortable in his own identities and -hell- he was even getting comfortable sleeping on that couch in the apartment’s common area. He has been avoiding the fact that his sister was not a permanent fixture in his life for too long.

“Hey, man,” Chris’s dad startled Buck out of staring at his phone screen, “Are you okay?”

“Y-Yeah,” Buck pocketed his phone, plastering on a smile for the family next to him, “Yeah, I just gotta meet my sister for a bit. It was good to see you guys again.”

“Oh, uh-” The man started.

“Hey, tell Carla I said hi,” Buck added on to his farewell as he turned to move away.

“Right, uh,” Buck could hear the man responding, “Good to run into you again.”

Carla still wasn’t exactly sure who referred the Diaz boys to her, but she was surely pleased with the assignment. Chris was a bright and engaging boy and Eddie was a loving and hardworking father who treated Carla with the respect of an employer but the care of a grateful friend. Apparently, the boys had run into a stranger at a library, one who Carla knew somehow and was able to give her name and number.

At first Carla wondered if the mystery-person was someone from the veteran’s support group but Eddie shut that train of thought down with a firm “Definitely not.”

After the abrupt shut down, catching the slightly embarrassed look behind Eddie’s eyes, Carla stopped digging for information beyond what she was initially told, “A man in the library.”

Regardless, she was grateful to be helping out the Diaz family. With Eddie’s new job as a firefighter the hours weren’t the most consistent and shifts tended to be long, but they were enjoyable and rewarding and fulfilling in a way that helped Carla remain happy. It didn’t feel much like a job most of the time, and Chris was just too cute.

He was coloring in a worksheet about the water cycle when suddenly he perked up, “Oh!”

“Hmm?” Carla looked up from where she was making dinner to look at Chris.

“The librarian says hi,” Chris tells her with a grin.

Carla smiles fondly, “Well that’s nice of them to greet you.”

“No,” Chris laughed, “He said hi to you !”

“To me?” Carla asked.

“Yeah,” Chris nodded, “Cause he knows you.”

Carla took a moment to think. She wasn’t even positive which library the Diazes frequented. Moreover, she wasn’t sure who she knew who was a librarian. There was that man, a client’s son who she remembered starting work in a library a few years back. Maybe…

“Mr. Brett?” Carla guessed. He was probably still local.

“Uh,” Chris paused. He looked down at his crayons, switching from blue to yellow as he began to color in the sun instead of the raindrops. He nodded as he got back to work, “Mr. Brett. He’s the librarian.”

Carla watched in amusement, wondering what thoughts exactly were rushing through the little boy’s head. She smiled as she responded, “Well, next time you see him you tell Mr. Brett that I say hello too.”

Chris nodded, without looking up from his drawing he smiled and answered, “I can do that.”

Maybe the referral was from an old client family afterall.

Chapter Text

“Hi,” Buck stood at the entrance to the kitchen shifting his weight back and forth on his crutches.

“Hey, where have you been?” Maddie asked. She was smiling but there was a strain behind it, a tension in her stance which only fed the air of stiffness suffocating the room.

Buck shrugged and answered, “Library.”

Something pinched behind Maddie’s expression though she tried her best to maintain a smile when she said, “You’re really there all the time, huh?”

Buck shuffled a bit further into the room towards where Maddie was sitting at the counter. He didn’t meet her eyes as he said, “Guess I came a long way from being a dropout, huh?”

The pinch in Maddie’s expression couldn’t even attempt to hide behind a smile when she said, “Don’t even joke about back then, Buck.”

Buck felt his defenses flair, “What? It happened. I’m not, like, ashamed to admit I flunked out and blew my tuition on a bike. Gotta live with the choices we make.”

It was a sentiment he and Bobby had settled into upholding. You live with the choices you’ve made. You live with the circumstances that happen to you, that you never got the chance to choose. One day at a time, accept reality and pursue your own fulfillment. Blah, blah, blah, Buck’s old high school psychologist would probably be proud of his commitment to accepting his life as it is. His life. Buck would still be damned if he didn’t try to do everything within his power to fix undesirable circumstances for those around him. 

“That ‘bike’ was the reason you were laying in a hospital halfway through my overnight shift and scaring me half to death,” Maddie bit back.

It was a bit obvious, if Buck took a second to pause and think about it. Maybe Maddie didn’t want to talk about the time he dropped out because it was a hard time for her too. Maybe it wasn’t about Buck implying he was stupid or the stigma of being a dropout. Maybe it was because it was stressful to have Buck show up out of nowhere, hurt while Maddie was working. Maybe she didn’t want to revisit how he had begged his older sister to run away with him and she agreed before ghosting him, sending him off with a new car and a half-assed farewell note. Maybe she didn’t want to talk about when Buck ran away because it was a little too close to what she was about to tell him now. This was it, wasn’t it? She was going to leave. He was going to leave her all over again.

Buck felt bitterness and rejection and abandonment pooling in his chest as he humorously laughed and said, “Yeah, well. I never lost a limb riding a motorcycle.”

“That’s not funny, Buck,” Maddie glared.

“What did you want to talk about?” There was nothing left for Buck to do besides change the subject. Redirect the topic to the main event. He watched Maddie grow a little pale in front of his eyes and the anxiety in his chest felt vindicated. She was leaving. Again. He shook his head and moved towards the cabinet offering with a defeated sigh, “Do you want wine? This feels like a wine conversation.”

“No, I-”

Buck cut Maddie off, “Red? White?”

“Evan…” Maddie looked so pained.

“Tequila?” Buck offered, another humorless laugh fell from his mouth.

“Evan, I don’t need-” Maddie started.

Suddenly, another terrifying possibility for what this conversation could be entered Buck’s head and he exclaimed, “Are you pregnant?”

“What?” Maddie nearly shrieked, “Who would even-”

Buck looked over towards the hallway which leads to Chimney’s room and felt pale horror flood his face. This was way too soon and their little “lunch, hang out, not-a-date” situationship was way too young and Buck was feeling incredibly overwhelmed. He turned back to her with wide eyes, “Oh my god. Are you really-”

“Buck!” Maddie, his wonderful older sister, took a deep breath and let out a sigh. Tension released from her shoulders and she offered Buck a tentative smile, “Do you have a Moscato? I could go for something sweet.”

Not pregnant then. Buck wishes relief flooded his veins but instead the dread came back of knowing Maddie must be leaving. He nodded absently but couldn’t look in her eyes. He grabbed a bottle and a corkscrew. He slid them over to where he would sit and the counter before turning to find and slide over two glasses as well. He couldn’t hold everything with his crutches so it turned into a lot of pushing things around the countertop before he finally sank down into a seat next to Maddie. Opening the wine, still avoiding looking her in the eye, he said, “You’re gonna have to settle for a Riesling.”

“Riesling’s good,” Maddie reached out to help with the bottle.

“I got it,” Buck jerked away from her hands sharply. He accidentally elbowed his crutch which fell over in the process though. He watched as a look almost like pity fell across Maddie’s face. God, he couldn’t do this.

Maddie, however, paused. She looked down at the crutch before looking back to Buck holding the wine and corkscrew. She nodded her head towards the crutch on the floor and softly asked, “May I?”

Buck let out a breath, “Yeah. Yeah, thanks.”

It was quiet between them for a moment. Maddie stood and walked to pick up Buck’s crutch, leaning it upright next to his chair again. Buck didn’t watch her as she did, he opened the bottle and poured out two glasses. Admittedly, he gave a bit of a heavy pour, but at least he didn’t suggest they simply pass the bottle between each other. As Maddie slid back into her seat Buck held out a glass to her.

“Thanks,” She offered with a small smile.

“Yeah,” Buck nodded. He looked away and took a sip. Then another gulp.

Maddie let out a breathy laugh, “What, uh… What do you think I wanted to talk to you about?”

Buck pinched his expression. Here it goes. He allowed himself another undignified gulp of wine before turning back to Maddie. He shook his head, words beyond him but he still spoke, “You’re leaving?”

He watched Maddie’s heart breaking show through her eyes. It was answer enough.

“‘S okay,” Buck nodded.

“Evan-”

“No, it’s… It’s okay. Sorry. You’ve gone through a lot. You’ve been ‘just passing through’ for a while now,” Buck nodded again as he stared at the wine swirling around in his glass.

“Evan, I need you to listen to me,” Maddie said.

Buck looked up, he matched Maddie’s eyes and felt his sorrow show on his face. He was trying so hard to be supportive of her but he wishes she would just rip the bandage off.

Maddie took a sip of her wine and then began to speak, “I have been crashing here for a while. You can’t keep sleeping on the couch in your own home.”

“No,” Buck shook his head, “No, you don’t get to use me as an excuse.”

“It’s not an excuse,” Maddie started.

“No, okay? No,” Buck felt his grip tighten on his glass, “You’re not putting me out by being here. If you want to move then-”

“Buck, you’ve been sleeping on your couch for weeks,” Maddie interrupted, “It can’t be good for your back. I don’t even want to think about the physical strain it might put on your leg and-”

“I don’t even have a leg,” Buck threw his hands in exasperation, “If anything there’s more room for me on the couch because-”

“You’re six feet tall,” Maddie shot him a disbelieving look, “And still have one leg which I’m sure is hanging off.”

“Maddie I-”

“Evan!” She leveled him again, another no-nonsense look cast his way. The kind of look he once thought only Maddie would ever be able to strike him with. The kind of look in recent months he’s seen thrown across Chim’s face, Hen’s face, Bobby’s face. Maddie wore it best, still, though Bobby was a close second.

Buck sighed. He wasn’t going to win this, he knew. Still, he didn’t want to give in too easily. He grumbled in his best younger-brother-petulance, “I’m six-two.”

Maddie smiled softly as she repeated, “You’re six-two.”

She took a sip from her glass. Buck took one in turn. A true sip, this time, not a gulp.

Maddie is the one who spoke again, “You can’t keep sleeping on your own couch.”

“I know,” Buck all but whispered.

“Which is why,” Maddie used the intonation of her voice to call Buck’s attention back to her. She paused until he returned eye contact before continuing, “Which is why I need to move out.”

Buck nodded. He felt a knot form in his throat and tried to swallow around the choking sensation. His voice was quiet as he asked, “Do you, uh… Do you know where you’re gonna go?”

Maddie smiled a little brighter. It hurt a little more, seeing just how happy Maddie was with her decision. She pulled out her phone and passed it to Buck, pictures present on the screen, “Swipe to the right. This is the place I’ve been looking at.”

Buck could barely process the sight. As he swiped through the real estate pictures he felt a little numb, detached from the world around him. Maddie had already been looking at a place.

“Where, uh…” Buck trailed off. It was too much.

Maddie smiled. She brought her wine to her lips, speaking into her glass as she answered, “Safe bet is to say 20 minutes away.”

“What?” Buck nearly dropped the phone.

Maddie pulled away from her drink, smiling broadly after swallowing her own undignified gulp. She nearly laughed in that smug way she could as she explained, “I mean, it depends on traffic, of course. It’s not far but you know how LA can get.”

“I…” Buck felt as though he was blue screening, “You’re staying in LA?”

“Yeah, Buck,” Maddie spoke with warmth and joy, “I want to stay.”

“How did…?” Buck looked with disbelief, “When did you…?”

Maddie’s smile turned a little sheepish, “Howie started helping me look a few weeks back.”

“Howie? Chimney?”

Maddie nodded, blushing a bit. She continued, “Yeah, he, uh… Well Karen’s coworker’s wife is in real estate so they got us connected and she showed me this place and it just… It feels right.”

“It feels right,” Buck echoed back numbly.

“It feels right,” Maddie confirmed with a grin. She reached her hand to rest on Buck’s arm, a gentle touch to ground him.

A sudden realization hit Buck and he pulled his arm away, “Wait. Karen, Hen’s wife Karen?”

Maddie bit down on her lip and nodded.

“They all knew?” Buck asked in a bit of disbelief.

“I didn’t want to tell you anything until things were set in stone,” Maddie said.

“Okay, but you wanted to stay. You want to stay. In LA,” Buck felt a bit of frustration bubbling up within him again, “And you didn’t think to let me know? You didn’t think to let me help make it happen?”

“I needed to do this myself,” Maddie tried to explain.

“Right,” Buck scoffed, “By yourself. Except for my roommate. Except for my friends and my friend’s families. Except for everyone else you let help you.”

“They’re my friends, too,” Maddie sounded a little defensive.

“Well, yeah, but…” Buck felt his fingers turning white with how strong he was gripping his wine glass, “But I’m your brother , Maddie!”

“Exactly,” Maddie was speaking calmly, not rising to Buck’s growing volume, “You’re my baby brother and you’ve opened your home to me. You’ve been sleeping on your couch because you gave me your bed. You’ve been feeding me despite how I wasn’t there when you were learning to cook. You’ve rewritten your life because of a chronic injury you got while driving the car that I gave you and then without you still let me in your home and into the community of wonderful people you’ve found for yourself here without even blinking.”

“Of course I did!” Buck exclaimed.

“ Of course , you did,” Maddie agreed, reaching out to give Buck a grounding touch again, “You’ve done so much, so much , for me. But I needed to know this was a step I could take without needing you to do it for me.”

“I would have done it with you,” Buck’s volume was back to a lower sound.

“I know ,” Maddie assured, “But I needed to do it with myself. Before I asked for your help with something else.”

Buck turned to her confused. He didn’t bother with words. He let the question show plainly on his face. He was frustrated, sure, but she was right. At the end of the day, this ultimately wasn’t about him. This was about Maddie. And Maddie apparently needed his help with something else.

Maddie took a sip of her wine. Placing her glass on the counter she turned to Buck, “I want to send Doug divorce papers.”

Buck blinked, “You want…”

“To send Doug divorce papers,” Maddie nodded, “But I don’t really know where to start.”

“I…” Buck paused for a second before nodding, “Okay.”

“Okay?” Maddie asked.

“Okay,” Buck confirmed, “I can… We can figure that out.”

Buck took a gulp, not a sip, of his wine and drained the glass before placing it down. Maddie was fidgeting her fingers against the foot of her own glass on the table. Quietly, she spoke while staring at the glass, “I think I’m gonna need a restraining order, too.”

“Maddie-”

“He hasn’t contacted me,” Maddie was quick to assure, “But when I send the papers then he’ll know where I am and…”

“Maddie,” Buck could hear the sadness in his voice.

Maddie met Buck’s eyes with a stubborn spark. She nodded her head towards his crutches and spoke firmly, “If I’m not allowed to pity you, you’re not allowed to pity me.”

Buck nodded, less out of actually agreeing and more out of trying to process everything that he’s been told. Ringing between his ears is the never ending thought of Maddie’s staying. Maddie’s staying!

He glanced back down to the phone, still open with pictures on the counter. Looking it over with enlightened eyes he could admit the place was nice. It looked nice . So nice he had to ask, “How are you going to afford this place?”

“Well,” She picked up her glass and downed the rest of her wine, “I’ve been meaning to get back to work.”

“Can you do nursing in California?” Buck asked. He wasn’t exactly sure of how certifications transferred across states, “Like license-wise?”

“Well, I…” Maddie paused, “I actually wasn’t looking to go back to a hospital setting.”

“Like… A residential home?” Buck quirked an eyebrow.

“Like, I’m not looking to be a nurse again,” Maddie explained.

“Oh,” Buck waited for her to continue.

“But I still want to help people,” Maddie said, “I like… I like helping people.”

“Mhm,” Buck nodded, “So, uh. What were you thinking?”

“I had an interview earlier this week,” Maddie said.

“Okay…” Buck prompted her to keep talking. Her flightiness in the information she was giving was having his anxiety spiking again.

“It went really well,” Maddie offered, “And I think it would be a job that I’d really enjoy. I think it’s a job I’d really be good at.”

“That’s great,” Buck smiled, but left the questioning look in his eyes.

“You, uh,” Maddie shifted awkwardly in her seat, “You know who interviewed me, actually. Sue. Sue Blevins.”

Buck blinked. Maddie watched cautiously as the information settled behind his ears. It took a moment, but Buck got there in the end, “You want to work at dispatch.”

“I’m going to work at dispatch,” Maddie corrected, “I start my training next week. If that’s… I mean if that’s okay.”

“I,” Buck paused, “Of, of course it’s okay Maddie. I just…”

“I don’t want to, like, invade your life or-”

“Maddie, I want you here,” Buck cut her off with confidence as he spoke. He wanted Maddie to stay. And now, she’s staying. In his city. With his friends, his family . In his job. Buck sighed a little tiredly. He reached his hand over Maddie’s and gave a firm, reassuring squeeze, “I think you’re gonna make a great dispatcher. I am so glad you’re staying in LA. This is just… It’s just a lot.”

“Good, a lot?” Maddie questioned.

Buck smiled, “Good a lot.”

“Good enough for another glass of wine?” Maddie raised the bottle with a teasing smile.

“Actually, I…” Buck trailed off for just a moment, “This is good a lot.”

“But you need to process?” Maddie guessed.

Buck nodded, staring down at the counter. 

“Hey,” Maddie caught his attention, “I love you, Evan. You know that, right?”

Buck let out a shaky sigh and a smile, “I love you, too.”

coffee? Buck’s text lit up Bobby’s phone screen.

Are you alright? Bobby sends back the question. Buck can be a little spontaneous. He’s the type of kid to show up to his house and crash a date unannounced. He’s the kind of kid who will send Bobby wild out of pocket “fun facts” only sometimes vaguely related to calls they’ve worked. He’s energetic, that’s for sure, but something about the single question of “Coffee?” raised Bobby’s little red flag that this was one of Buck’s “Help” nights rather than one of his “Hiya, Pops! Let me weasel my way into your attention” nights.

yeah Buck’s next text came through. Half a moment later came another message, mostly i think immediately followed by a third message i mean im fine if your busy i just could use a talk if your free

I’ll be at the diner in 30. Bobby sent back. 

Getting to know Buck has been nothing short of life changing, Bobby was aware of that. He wasn’t, at first, not really. He had noticed the way he better curbed cravings for drinks. He noticed the way he felt more comfortable opening up to his team. He noticed the way he allowed himself to open up to Athena. 

At first, Buck wasn’t the one he accredited these developments. He had just happened to start their “mentorship” at the same time that he let himself start laughing more at Hen and Chim’s jokes, at the same time he started joking back with them. He just happened to start looking at Athena with new possibilities swirling in his mind around the same time he had given Buck a pep talk about being able to form strong, mature commitments in relationships when Buck was falling a little beyond hard for his old coworker Abby. When Bobby finally asked Athena out it had nothing to do with the talk he and Buck had about timing and finding your people and about being ready to be all in for the people you care about after Buck was dealing with the heartache of Abby moving away weeks after saying she was ready to try and start something real with Buck.

Eventually, it became too much to continue being a coincidence. Bobby was many things, but an idiot wasn’t one of them. Every time he taught Buck how to cook a new meal or spent an evening playing card games together Bobby found himself remembering how much he loves to smile. Each time he and Buck would laugh and joke around Bobby remembered how good it felt to trust other people to enter into his life. Every time Buck turned to him for advice or a life lesson, Bobby would leave the conversation wondering if he was living his own life by his advice. Bobby told Buck to rely on the people around him, so Bobby started leaning more on his team. Bobby told Buck that a past can’t be changed and that having regrets is a sign you’ve grown as a person, so Bobby allowed himself to move forward and keep growing in his own life.

Buck played into the family bit a lot. He would call Bobby “Pops” as the most obvious one. Bobby’s overheard Chim talking to Hen a few times, teasing comments about how Buck was the younger brother he never knew he actually wanted. Bobby has even overheard Hen tease that Denny was due a library trip with his “weird Uncle Buck.” It was a fond little joke, but only a joke. 

At least, it felt like only a joke until Buck was testing Athena about if she was ready to be committed to their family. Athena, who Bobby had known for far longer than Buck, who had been in Hen’s life since before Denny was born, who had known Chim for longer than she had known Bobby. And yet Buck sat there, hardly blinking, challenging Athena to nudge her way into their joke of a family unit. And Bobby? He did want Buck’s approval, no matter how hard he tried to deny it. Because they all knew each other. Athena, Bobby, Hen, and Chim, they had all known each other for years. But they didn’t start to feel like a family, they didn’t feel like Bobby’s family, until Buck opened the door beyond Bobby’s walls.

It was less than a week later Bobby was being invited over for dinner at Athena’s house. He had assumed her kids would have been spending the night at Michael's. Instead, it’s Michael who greets him at the door. Apparently, the plan for the evening was for Bobby to have dinner with the whole Grant family.

Athena had laughed at Bobby’s shock as she approached the door to usher him inside along with Michael after a brief introduction.

“Well, I met your kid,” She had reasoned, “I figured it’s about time you met mine, too.”

“Buck’s not…” Bobby had attempted to deny Buck being his kid, but he found the words trailing off even before he caught sight of Athena’s unimpressed look. He found himself smiling, finally internalizing that yes, Buck is his kid . He shook his head fondly at Athena. He turned his gaze over to the dining room table and cleared his throat, “May, Harry, it’s so nice to meet you both.”

And so Bobby’s family kept on growing. The core of it, the heart of it, Bobby knew to be Buck.

Walking into the diner that has more or less become “their spot,” Bobby hardly needed to wave to the hostess before she pointed over to where Buck is sitting tense at the bar, staring down into a coffee mug and he spins the drink in circles.

“Thank you,” Bobby gave a polite nod as he began walking over to where Buck sat. He looked tired? Stressed. He looks stressed.

“Hey, kid,” Bobby said as he pulled out a chair to sit across from Buck.

Buck jumped in his seat. Bobby couldn’t tell if it was at the sound of the chair scraping or the sound of his voice, but Buck was visibly startled. Then in the next second he fixed a level glare to Bobby. Buck suddenly looked a lot less stressed. No, he just looked pissed off.

“Did you know?” Buck practically spat the question.

Bobby raised an eyebrow, “Did I… know?”

Buck sat back in his chair and crossed his arms, “Did you know that Maddie is staying in LA?”

“I…” Bobby let his face pinch in confusion before he asked, “Did you tell me she decided to stay in LA?”

Buck rolled his eyes, “I just found out today.”

Bobby almost laughed at the ridiculous line of questioning, “Okay. So, why would I know she was staying in LA?”

“Well, everyone else seems to,” Buck grumbled.

Bobby opened his mouth to respond but a familiar server approached the table with a mug and a glass of water. 

“I had a feeling you’d be joining,” The server greeted Bobby with a standard customer service smile as he placed down what was surely Bobby’s go-to coffee roast. Buck had tried to get him to play around with darker or infused roasts for a while, but ultimately Bobby ended up preferring a standard medium roast. The young man continued, “Are we doing food today boys?”

Bobby raised an eyebrow to Buck in question. Buck just shook his head, returning his glare to his drink. Bobby turned back to the server with a polite smile, “Just the drinks today, Matt.”

“No problem,” Matt moved to take the menus away from in front of where they sat, “Just flag me over if you guys need a top off.”

“Thank you,” Bobby spoke on behalf of both himself and Buck as Matt moved on to greet an older couple down the other end of the bar. Bobby turned to look at Buck who was staring at his drink with an intensity so strong Bobby would have half a mind to think was the reason the coffee was still steaming. He cleared his throat as he took a packet of creamer and added it to his own mug, prompting Buck with his best guess, “Did Maddie tell Chimney her plan to stay before talking about it with you?”

Buck let out a sound which could’ve been a laugh if you took away everything that made a laugh sound joyful. He answered, “Chimney. Hen. Karen .”

Bobby felt his eyebrows shoot up on his head, “Really?”

“The team of them helped Maddie find this perfect little place to move into in LA,” Buck spoke bitterly.

“And that’s… Bad?” Bobby questioned before raising his mug to take a sip.

“No, it’s not bad,” Buck was quick to snap, “It’s just…”

Buck sighed after trailing off. The anger was melting away from him leaving that perfect picture of stress sitting before Bobby once again. Bobby offered the question, “Why didn’t they tell you?”

Buck sighed and rolled his eyes in annoyance, “I don’t know… Maddie was saying, like, she wanted to be able to know she could take this step without needing the help from her ‘ baby brother.’”

Bobby nodded. He picked up his mug to take a sip after he spoke because he knew Buck wasn’t going to like what he was about to say, “That sounds… reasonable.”

“Reasonable?” Buck snapped his head towards Bobby, who just continued taking a long sip and allowing the warmth of the drink to keep him focused into a calm demeanor.

After placing the mug down, Bobby spoke again, “She’s needed to rely on you for a lot of support recently. Is it that hard to believe she wants the confidence of knowing she’d be able to make this step on her own?”

“But she didn’t do it on her own,” Buck pointed out, “She did it with a lot of other people. I mean she’s even got a job lined up at dispatch of all places so Sue definitely knows which means that Josh probably knows and then-”

“Buck-” Bobby started.

“I know,” Buck cut him off, “I know , okay? This is about Maddie. This is a big step for Maddie and she had to do it on her terms. But it feels like all of them have been sneaking around behind my back and-”

“They’re your family, Buck,” Bobby cut him off. He’s not sure he’s ever been the one to voice to Buck the strange, intertwined family dynamic Buck and the 118 have fallen into but he doesn’t pause for long enough for Buck to second guess hearing Bobby say those words, “Of course they’re going to be there for your sister if she asks. From the way they talk about her it sounds a lot like they’re well on their way to considering Maddie family, too.”

“So they do talk about her at the station!” Buck pointed at Bobby.

Bobby rolled his eyes but was quietly grateful they weren’t getting stuck on the topic of what is a family? He shook his head with an amused grin, “They have, yes. I haven’t heard anything about a move though.”

“Really?” Buck still looked skeptical.

Bobby threw Buck a look to convey how unamused he was at being questioned over his honesty. It seemed to work because Buck turned back to his mug and mumbled, “Right.”

A beat passed, and then, “Wait, do you guys talk about me?”

Bobby kept his look of disbelief in place, “You mean you, a dispatcher we’re frequently working scenes with, Chimney’s roommate, Hen’s friend who has watched her son on quite a few occasions now, my own self-proclaimed mentee ?”

Buck sent Bobby a shit eating grin. Bobby just laughed and shook his head in amusement before confirming, “Yeah, Buck. Your name has come up once or twice.”

“What do you say?” Buck asked.

Bobby should have seen the question coming. Rolling his eyes he teased back, “That you’re nosey.”

“Bobby, come on,” Buck tried again.

“I don’t know Buck,” Bobby paused to take a sip from his mug, “We work long shifts. Plenty of times for plenty of conversations. Most recently Hen and Chim have just been trying to get a read on the new guy, honestly.”

At that last comment Buck started to look a little confused, “Wait, new guy?”

Bobby raised an eyebrow, “They didn’t mention the new probie?”

A bit of tension returned in Buck’s brow, “Seems like a lot of things haven’t been mentioned lately.”

Bobby sighed, “Buck…”

Buck looked dejected as he spoke next, “No, I know. I know. It’s not about me.”

Bobby swallowed down his pride and turned in his chair to face Buck more directly, “Come on, kid. You can’t think of a reason why it might be hard for Hen and Chim to bring up the first probie brought into the station since we all met for the first time.”

Buck flinched and Bobby found himself feeling a little guilty.

“You didn’t bring him up either,” Buck pointed out.

This time it was Bobby’s turn to flinch, “Yeah. Not my finest, I’ll admit. I was hoping Chim would run his mouth before I had to be the one to break the news.”

Buck shook his head, “He’s not replacing me.”

“Buck, of course he’s not-”

“No, I mean…” Buck took a breath before turning to Bobby with a slightly pained look on his face, “That spot was never really mine. It never got the chance to be. Honestly, I’m surprised it took you so long to put somebody in it.”

Bobby studied Buck for a moment. He carried himself as if he was defeated but he spoke with a maturity that caught Bobby a little off guard given all the insecurity he’s watched Buck shoulder.

“I guess,” Bobby spoke slowly, still somewhat waiting for Buck to snap, “I guess I’ve just been waiting to find someone who’d be the right fit.”

Buck nodded a little solemnly, “And this guy is?”

Bobby nodded, “Army vet. Calm in crisis. Holds his cards close to his chest, but he seems to be fitting in well enough so far.”

Buck nodded.

It was quiet for a moment too long. Bobby cleared his throat before trying to shoot Buck a small smile, “You know, I think you two would actually get along pretty well.”

Buck let out a hum as he picked up his mug to take another drink of coffee.

Bobby tried again, “Yeah, I bet if anyone could get him to open up a little more to the team it would be you, kid.”

Buck hummed again. He was in his head. He seemed to sag in his own body.

“We’re not replacing you,” Bobby reminded gently.

This seemed to shake Buck out of his stupor. He cleared his throat, “I know, I know. Sorry, I just… What does Athena know about restraining orders?”

“I…” Bobby blinked at the abrupt subject change, “What does a police sergeant know about restraining orders?”

“Yeah, uh,” Buck nodded to himself and finally turned back to look at Bobby again, “Specifically for residents across state lines.”

Worry was gripping Bobby’s chest, “Buck are you-?”

“For Maddie,” Buck clarified, “I mean most of it isn’t my story to tell. But this part she asked me for help with. With her divorce, I mean. She asked me for help with the divorce because she doesn’t know where to start but honestly I don’t know where to start and-”

“Kid,” Bobby cut off the rambling. Buck looked up with eyes wide, thoughts still surely moving a hundred miles an hour between his ears. Bobby gave a reassuring smile and was filled with his own sense of relief as he saw some of the tension ease its way out of Buck’s shoulders.

“We’ll figure this out,” Bobby reached up to give Buck a firm squeeze on his shoulder.

“We?” Buck questioned.

“Let me text Athena,” Bobby nodded, “She’d probably know where to start.”

Buck nodded, turning back to his mug. Bobby took the moment to write off a quick message to Athena asking when she’d have a spare minute to chat. He turned to look at Buck so he could ask how much he’d be comfortable disclosing about the situation but was met with the sight of Buck grinning smally down into his drink.

“What?” Bobby eyed Buck suspiciously.

Buck lifted his gaze to smirk a bit at Bobby, “You called all of us family.”

Here we go .

Bobby tried to ignore it, turning to his own coffee to take a sip. Buck didn’t let up though and tried another tease, “You called me your mentee.”

“Self-proclaimed,” Bobby clarified.

“Uh-huh,” Buck smiled and even though it was at his expense it brought a little warmth for Bobby to watch his kid smile, “Myself or yourself?”

“ Your self,” Bobby emphasized.

“I think you might mean our selves,” Buck grinned.

“I don’t know why I show up to this place sometimes,” Bobby grumbled into his drink despite the grin fighting to stretch across his face.

“Cause we’re family ,” Buck snickered.

He was right, of course. Not that Bobby was looking to feed the kid’s ego by admitting it. Buck still looked so tired, a little stressed, a little dejectedness still carried in his shoulders. But he also looked the lightest he has since Bobby walked into the diner today. It made Bobby feel a little lighter, too.

Chapter Text

Eddie wasn’t a superstitious man. When he moved 800 miles across the country from Texas to LA, he wasn’t following some divine path. He was pressing reset for himself and his son after finalizing his divorce from Shannon. He was learning what it meant to be a single father -officially- and establishing his own place in the world outside of the reach of his parents’ looming judgement. None of this was fate. None of it was faith.

It hardly mattered that he prayed to God for strength and support for practically the first time since his army discharge just two nights before he ran into a kind stranger who freely offered the number of Carla Price. It’s not like Eddie wished on any stars to find a home, hell, he’s hardly seen any stars since he’s moved. There was nothing about fate, about destiny, about God’s master plan in Eddie’s move. It was Eddie’s plan. It was Eddie’s choice. But, damn, does Eddie feel like he’s been making the right ones.

Realistically, it shouldn’t really matter that Eddie ended up in Station 118 over Station 6. They were two offers, similar districts, the same job overall. The only difference was the people. After Captain Nash had given Eddie a tour of the 118, arguing the value he believed Eddie could bring to the team, Eddie made his choice. It wasn’t intuition, not really, that would’ve felt too much like saying it was the universe calling to him. No, Eddie didn’t choose which offer to take based on some mysterious gut feeling. Bobby must’ve just argued a good case, because Eddie left that day knowing without a doubt he would be returning again not as a visitor but as a member of the 118.

It was the right choice.

Hen and Chim, the paramedic team Eddie worked with on A Shift were a dynamic duo. They were friendly, competent, and had each other’s back in a way that showed Eddie he’s not sure that he’s ever truly had a best friend in his life. They were funny, entertaining to be around, and able to drag Captain Nash into a number of their teasing antics around the firehouse between calls. It was probably the best work environment that Eddie had ever found himself in. He was able to trust these people, trust this team to be able to get himself home alive and well to his son at the end of every shift.

He wouldn’t call himself close with anyone, not really. Not yet, at least. He was still fairly new to the team. He felt welcome, he felt as trusted as he felt trusting, but Eddie was a coworker and the trio of Chim, Bobby, and Hen seemed to act a bit more like family. He’d get there with them. One day. Maybe. Probably. They all seemed to be building towards that, at least, even though Eddie still felt a little bit like an outsider.

Leaving the glass doors of the locker room Eddie headed up to the loft where Hen and Chim were already hovering by the coffee pot in the kitchen. 

He caught the tail end of what Chim was asking Hen, “-still hasn’t talked to you?”

He watched a flat look fall across Hen’s face, “I’m not the one under the same roof.”

Chim let out a defeated sigh, “I mean, we’ve talked but we haven’t talked talked. Not about the whole moving thing, just more like… who’s turn is it to take out the kitchen trash.”

Hen nodded her head in understanding, “I mean you kept a pretty big secret from him.”

Chimney glared, “ I ? Last I checked you and Karen had all the details, too.”

Hen let out a scoff, “Only I was missing the detail that he didn’t know .”

There was clearly something going on here. Something deep running tension through the tight-knit duo. Really, it wasn’t any of Eddie’s business. But…

Well, they were standing right in front of the coffee pot. So, if Eddie approached to get a drink it would just be rude, wouldn’t it? To ignore the two. He wasn’t digging for details or searching to quench his curiosity or anything. He was just getting some coffee. And it would only be polite to ask, “Everything okay?”

“Diaz!” Chim greeted.

“Eddie,” He corrected, beginning to fill up a mug.

Chim just continued onward, “Let’s say you had a sister, right?”

Eddie quirked an eyebrow, “I have two.”

“Really?” Hen asked.

Chim ignored her and exclaimed out, “Perfect! So let’s say hypothetically one of your sisters was moving and she turned to a mutual friend for help but this mutual friend didn’t tell you because she’s been going through a lot recently and needed to lean on you a lot for support but wanted to feel like she could take this step a little more independently from her brother.”

Eddie blinked, trying to follow the hypothetical situation told to him. He thought of Adrianna, of Sophia, of how stubborn they both could be at times. He thought of how he’s had to bite back his own instincts after having such a strong hand in raising them for so long to allow them “breathing room” as they grew up and wanted to take their own steps to establish their lives.

“Seems… reasonable,” Eddie conceded, bringing his coffee to his lips.

“Mm-hmm,” Hen hummed flatly, “Only this mutual friend was also your roommate, and kind of your sister’s boyfriend, and kinda dragged half your friend group into the house-hunt while still not telling you.”

Eddie began to cough, choking on the coffee still in his throat.

“Maddie’s not my girlfriend,” Chim grumbled into his own mug.

Collecting himself, Eddie found himself teasing the question, “I thought this was a hypothetical.”

“Come on, man,” Chim rolled his eyes, “You know, this is why I don’t keep secrets.”

“Not because you value honesty and truth?” Hen teased.

Chim seemed to catch sight of something behind the counter and opted not to respond to Hen. Instead he called out, “Bobby! Have you talked to Buck, recently?”

Sure enough, Captain Nash was rounding the corner. Eddie shuffled a bit off to the side to grant him open access to the coffee pot. He turned to Hen and asked softly, “Buck?”

She didn’t respond, though. She was watching Bobby with as much concerned curiosity as was showing on Chim’s face.

“Not since last night,” Bobby offered casually, “Why, is he alright?”

“No,” Chim insisted.

“He’s fine ,” Hen insisted immediately after, “I think he has the right to be a little annoyed at us right now.”

Maybe at this point Eddie should have moved away to let the trio sort out the conversation on their own. Again, it really wasn’t any of his business. Only… He was intrigued. For Hen to be friends with Chim’s roommate -Buck, apparently- well, that made sense. But where did Bobby fit into all of this? Why was Buck still talking to Bobby but not Chim or Hen. It was reasonable to stay, Eddie figured, to ensure his team was… emotionally cohesive by the time calls started coming in for the day. Yeah. He wasn’t hovering , he was being there for his team.

“Annoyed?” Chimney sounded exasperated, “He took family dinner off the calendar this weekend. Family dinner!”

“Oh,” Hen’s expression suddenly became a little grim.

“Uh-huh,” Chim continued, “I see on the calendar this morning he replaced ‘fam din’ with ‘D@GNH.’ What the hell is ‘D@GNH?’”

Bobby cleared his throat and raised his mug to his lips. Speaking into his cup he offered, “ Maybe … it’s… dinner at the Grant house.”

Grant? Eddie was trying to follow the conversation as best he could but was deeply confused. Where would the ‘N’ come into that anyway. Hen, however, seemed to understand right away. Her eyes lit up and she smirked as she suggested, “You mean the Grant- Nash house?”

“Athena was kind enough to suggest hosting this weekend. She’s opened her kitchen to me and Buck and is opening her doors to the rest of you all,” Bobby said with a smile.

Oh. Suddenly Eddie was regretting his decision to hover just a little bit, watching the three of them fall into plans together.

Hen was still teasing, “You mean, the Grant-Nash doors?”

Bobby ignored her and continued on, “She’s got the space for families to come along, too. Might be a good time for Chris and Denny to finally meet, right?”

Eddie blinked, a little taken aback by being invited to this. Bobby smiled politely and amended directly to Eddie, “Assuming you two could come, of course.”

“Oh, uh…” Eddie paused to clear his throat, “Yeah, um… When?”

“I was going to send you all the details after shift today. Saturday on the 48 off,” Bobby explained.

“Right,” Eddie nodded. He could make that work.

Chim let out a grand sigh of relief, “So he didn’t cancel dinner.”

“Give him time, Chim,” Bobby began to walk away with his mug of coffee. He paused to give Chim a reaffirming pat on his shoulder, “He’ll come around.”

Eddie has more questions. What should he bring to dinner? How regular is this ‘family dinner’ kind of thing? How many people? How does Bobby know Buck so well? Who is Buck, to all of them? What else does he need to know about Buck? But before he gets the chance to ask anything the alarm is sounding overhead.

Damn .

He didn’t even get to finish his coffee.

“ Engine 118 be advised: The driver is armed with a gun.”

The voice of a dispatcher came through the static of the radio as they were stepping out onto the scene of the car wreck. Sure enough, police are already on the scene, guns raised to where a red truck is smashed into a streetlight. A man is holding his own weapon outside the window and yelling out for the officers to stay back.

“Yeah,” Captain Nash said flatly into his radio, “Copy that dispatch,” Then he called over to one of the officers on scene, “Sergeant Grant,” Grant? Eddie’s attention whipped over to the police uniformed sergeant walking over to Bobby as he continued to speak, “What are we looking at?”

“Can’t get to him safely until he drops that gun or passes out,” The Sergeant said, “He’s got a kid in the passenger seat, basically a hostage at this point.”

“His kid?” Hen asked.

The officer kissed her teeth and shook her head, offering a gesture of frustration with the limited information.

“Lamppost is jammed into that passenger side, does the kid appear to be conscious?” Bobby asked.

“According to dispatch the kid’s groaning can be heard on the call, but I can’t see him moving,” The sergeant sighed.

“Wait, dispatch is on call with the guy?” Chim spoke up.

The sergeant nodded, “Driver seems to be in some kind of paranoid episode. Ran off the road while calling 9-1-1 thinking he was being chased.”

“Shut up! Shut up !” The driver could be heard yelling before letting out a loud groan of frustration.

“Stop moving!” An officer a few steps closer

“ 727-L-30” The radio cackled to life.

“I’m here,” The same sergeant responded back.

“ Listen, the driver just hung up,” The dispatcher was speaking in a gentle tone. Not like he was calling codes and information to the scene, as if he was right by their side working out the problem with them, “ he thinks the cop was the one chasing him. Thinks he’s been being followed. 

“Not sure what I’m supposed to do with that,” The sergeant snipped back to dispatch before turning to Bobby, “We gotta get you to that kid and I don’t think it’s gonna be a pretty path there.”

“ Athena, listen, ” Dispatch called back. Eddie was a little caught off guard. First, by the first-name basis this dispatcher was speaking with. Second, by the sudden confirmation of Athena Grant falling onto his ears. The voice continued, “ He doesn’t trust that cop. He thinks Officer Munez, specifically, is impersonating the police.”

The sergeant, Sergeant Grant, -Sergeant Athena Grant - seemed to have a realization fall across her eyes.

“Copy that, dispatch,” She said into her radio before turning to Bobby and saying, “Get ready.”

He nodded in understanding before turning to the rest of them, ordering, “Get saws and jaws ready, let’s go.”

Eddie moved to the side of the truck in order to grab the correct equipment, careful to watch Athena’ approach to the scene all the while.

“Hey,” Sergeant Grant was calling out, “Hey!”

“Don’t come closer!” A yell could be heard from the driver, but Athena was barely even looking at him.

“Alex Munez!” Sergeant Grant called instead, “It is illegal to impersonate a police officer.”

“Wh-” The officer began to ask but Athena cut him off.

“I need you to back up. Back up!” She called and the officer took a few steps back. His gun began to lower and Athena shifted her attention to the driver in the car.

“Thank-” He began.

“I got him,” Athena nodded her head to the confused officer near her side, “But I need you to put the gun down so the fire department can help you and your boy.”

“No,” He began, “No, I-”

“I got him,” Athena insisted, stepping between Officer Munez and the driver, gun trained on where the driver still sat, “Now you need to put down the gun.”

“I…” The driver seemed to hesitate. Then, weakly, the gun fell from the window and dropped to the street. Athena was quick to rush forwards, kicking the gun farther from the crash and gesturing to Bobby.

“That’s our cue,” Bobby called out, “Let’s move!”

The 118 rushed forward to begin assessing the crash. Hen was first to the passenger side.

“Pulse is weak, but it's there, Cap,” She said while moving to place a neck brace around the teenage boy, unconscious in the passenger seat.

“We need jaws there,” Bobby was ordering, but Eddie was already on the move to Hen’s side. They really did all operate fluidly together. These moments of cohesion made Eddie feel like he had already been working alongside these people for years.

“Dispatch be advised,” Athena was speaking into her radio, “Weapon has been contained. Fire and rescue has taken over the scene.”

“ Copy that, 727-L-30 ,” Eddie could hear the radio respond. The voice, almost familiar at this point, sounded almost proud.

Chim was at the driver’s side, checking him for concussion or other injury as Eddie was helping Hen extract the kid.

“Nice thinking, Sergeant,” Bobby had said to Athena as she came closer to the driver’s side door.

“Yeah, well,” She sighed, “Thank god for Buck.”

Buck? Buck again?

“Kid’s got a voice of an angel, to hear him on calls” Chim tacked on signaling to Bobby that the driver was good to be extracted.

“Eddie, jaws on this side, too,” Bobby waved him round the car.

Buck was… Buck was the dispatcher?

Eddie couldn’t focus on the flood of information he was receiving. The scene had moved quickly, intensely, and apparently Buck and Sergeant Athena Grant were commonly seen not only in his coworkers’ personal lives but were regularly interacted with while in the field, too.

It was a lot to take in, a lot to process. But right now Eddie only focused on his job. The weird extended family of his coworkers could be thought about later.

Buck has been… processing. Processing a lot, the past few days.

He wasn’t ignoring everybody. He’s just been… processing. It’s been a lot: Feeling rejected by being left in the dark about Maddie’s plan to stay. Feeling ecstatic over the fact that Maddie did plan to stay. Feeling replaced by a new probie in the firehouse, one that took a job that was never truly his to begin with so he knew, logically, he wasn’t actually being replaced. But now that Buck knows about the probie everyone has been talking about the probie and it’s been a lot.

The new guy is a war veteran with a silver star, barely even feels like a probie to the team apparently.

The new guy has a dry sense of humor that the others are just so positive that Buck would get along well with.

Firefighter “Don’t-Call-Me-Diaz,” which Hen and Chim have been referring to him as, has medic skills and is good with the heavy lifting and just fits right in with the team.

Apparently he’s smart.

Apparently he’s hot . Even Hen had admitted he should submit to some sexy fireman’s calendar picture contest. Hen hates that “sexist, misogynistic, toxic waste” of a calendar. Also, Hen is an out and proud lesbian. But apparently neither of those matter when it comes to the 8-Pack of Don’t-Call-Me-Diaz.

Apparently Mr. 8-Pack is also now coming to dinner at the Grant-Nash house with his son .

Okay, maybe that last point of annoyance with the mysterious newbie was a bit Buck’s fault. After Athena had suggested hosting the first group dinner of the month so that families could all come, Buck might’ve suggested to Bobby he invite the new guy, too. It was a peace offering, really. It was Buck proving to Bobby that he really wasn’t all that caught up in the fact that the 118 has a new member. It was proving that Buck really wasn’t all that jealous of hearing story after story of Mr. Perfect and was willing to at least get to know the guy who was going to be spending 24 hour shifts watching the backs of his friends and keeping his family alive on risky calls. 

Sure, Buck was jealous and was very much caught up in the fact that there was a new guy on the team, but Bobby didn’t need to know that.

Bobby probably did know anyway, but still offering for the captain to invite the man over earned him a small but proud smile from Bobby which made it seem almost worth it. And if Buck got the chance to watch this man feel a bit out of place in the comfort and familiarity of watching Buck interact with his little found-family unit? Well, then maybe inviting him to Saturday would feel even more worth it.

Maybe that made him a little mean, but Buck didn’t really have the energy to stop himself from thinking a bit meanly right now. If he wasn’t listening to stories of Don’t-Call-Me-Diaz, he was listening to persistent apologies from his friends. If he wasn’t listening to apologies, he was figuring out how to get Maddie safely divorced from her husband. If he wasn’t dealing with Doug, he was watching Maddie and Chim dance around each other like middle schoolers at a dance leaving more than enough room for Jesus between them. Seriously, he regretted ever considering the two “just friends” as moving too fast because now that Maddie was officially legally moving on from Doug they were slower than a snail pushing through molasses. He was getting ready to bring out the same “Importance of Labeling a Serious Relationship” speech he had to give to Bobby after first meeting Athena. Only the problem was Maddie and Chim seemed so far in denial that their little flirtationship was serious.

He was exhausted, honestly. He was jealous and frustrated and hurt and… excited. Maddie was gonna stay in LA, living nearby. Hell, they were going to be working together. And his friends obviously cared about him. And Bobby had recently admitted that they all are a bit like family.

It was a lot. It was good a lot. And maybe Buck could start granting Chim -and especially Hen- a bit more grace about the whole secretly helping Maddie thing. Hen, for one, didn’t even know she was keeping a secret. And Chim? Buck did like the way he was being so helpful and supportive of Maddie. He was just being respectful of Maddie’s needs.

They were good for each other.

want anything from just brew it? Buck sent the text to Chim. There, another peace offering. He was already out at the small cafe and was drinking his own latte at the counter. It would be a bit of a hassle carrying a drink out to his car for Chim but nothing he couldn’t manage. With any luck, he’d only ask for a pastry that would be easy to carry out in a bag.

Id never say no to a bearclaw Chim sent back after a minute. Good. They were good.

Buck would pick up the pastry before he left. For now, he was content to just sit and drink his coffee in the peace and quiet of not needing to listen to stories about Don’t-Call-Me-Diaz.

That was until a now familiar voice could be heard calling out, “Mr. Brett!”

Buck looked up to the noise and was unsurprised to see the little boy, Chris, from the library entering the cafe with his dad. What was surprising was the way the boy was approaching Buck directly, saying once more, “Mr. Brett! Hi, it’s me!”

Buck turned to look behind him, to see who the boy could be talking to, but found the rest of the coffee bar was more or less empty. He turned back to Chris and found him standing right next to his stool with his Dad close behind.

Chris’s dad wore a smile on his face. With shining brown eyes he asked, “Mr. Brett?”

“He’s the librarian , Dad,” Chris said as if it were obvious. Then the boy faced Buck again and questioned, “What are you doing outside of the library?”

“Oh, uh,” Buck could feel the heat rising on his cheeks as he corrected, “I’m, uh, I’m not the librarian, bud. And, uh, I’m pretty sure they don’t live in the library, anyway.”

“They don’t?” Chris questioned.

Buck gave a fond smile which grew wider when he watched Chris’s dad chuckle softly at his son. The dad spoke with a smooth voice, “No, mijo , librarians don’t live in the library.”

Chris turned back to Buck, still a little confused, “You’re sure you’re not the librarian.”

“Yeah,” Buck gave a small laugh, “I’m pretty sure, bud.”

“What, uh,” Chris’s dad met Buck’s eyes once more, “What do you do? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“I, uh,” Buck found himself smiling. The rush of confidence and pride he has in his job, in the career he’s been able to find for himself, comes rushing in. He answers in a safe-for-kids-to-understand way speaking to both Chris and his dad, “I answer 9-1-1 calls.”

“You work in dispatch?” Chris’s dad’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

“You said you weren’t a hero,” Chris interjects over his father.

This time it was Buck’s turn to feel his eyebrows shoot up as the boy’s father lets out a chastising “Chris!”

“When dad said he was an army medic ,” Chris explained, clearly proud of himself for getting the old job title right, “You said you weren’t a hero.”

“Chris-” The boy’s dad begins again but Buck beats him to the explanation.

Sheepishly, Buck rubs the back of his neck and explains, “I just answer the calls, bud.”

Chris didn’t seem to like his answer, though. He shook his head and explains to Buck, “Well, my dad says the people who answer the phone calls are heroes, too.”

Buck felt the flush returning to his cheeks again. He looks to the boy’s father, who appears to be blushing just as strongly, when he asks Chris, “Does he now?”

Chris is nodding, “Because you send the police and the firefighters and you help with your voice until they get there.”

“That’s right, Superman,” Chris’s dad places a proud hand on the boy’s shoulders before turning his smile back up towards Buck, “Dispatchers are first responders, too.”

“Thank you,” Buck replies softly.

“Can we sit with you?” Chris asks excitedly.

Buck looks up to Chris’s dad for a cue on what his answer should be. The man was eyeing the barstools with a bit of caution when he answered for Buck, “Maybe a table would be better for you, bud.”

Chris pouted immediately, “But Mr. Brett can sit up there with crutches.”

The man blanched for a second, blush remaining firm on his cheeks, then looked at his son with a bit of disbelief and responded, “Mr. Brett is also two and a half Chrises tall.”

Buck found himself letting out a deep laugh watching the two. Chris’s lack of filter was very entertaining. He enjoyed running into these two, watching the father trying and failing to keep the curious and excitable boy from running his mouth. He shook his head and felt his shoulders bounce, ready to embarrass the dad a bit more as he revealed, “You know, my name isn’t actually Mr. Brett, right?”

The man, as Buck predicted, pulled another face of pinched embarrassment as he asked, “No?”

“Nah, uh,” Buck chuckled a bit and took another sip of what was left of his latte, “Actually, I’m pretty sure Mr. Brett is a librarian.”

“No kidding,” The man gave a tight and airy chuckle of his own, “I’m sorry. Just, all these times running into each other and I still don’t know your name. I’m Eddie.”

Chris’s dad -Eddie- held out his hand towards Buck.

Eddie.

Buck smiled back at the man. Reaching out to finish the handshake he tried saying the name for himself, “Hi, Eddie. I’m-”

“Evan?”

A much more familiar voice was walking over. Buck dropped the hand right away and looked over at Maddie approaching.

“Hey,” He offered, taking in the slightly stressed tension in her shoulders. He flashed a quick apologetic look towards Eddie an d Chris before asking his sister, “You okay?”

“I figured you’d be here,” She said instead of answering.

“You did?” Buck asked.

“Well, you weren’t at the library,” She shrugged.

Beside him Eddie let out a snort and a quiet question of, “You sure you don’t live there?”

Buck whipped his head around to look over at the man. Eddie pulled a wide-eyed expression as if he was shocked the joke came out of his mouth. Clearly, Chris got his lack of filter from somewhere. Buck smiled at the sight, responding with his own chuckle and asking, “Seriously?”

Chris let out a laugh and Eddie’s horrified-embarrassed look shifted over to an amused-embarrassed look, as if Buck’s smile granted her the reassurance he needed that him butting in wasn’t overstepping.

“Oh,” Maddie said, looking over Eddie and Chris, “I didn’t realize you were out with… friends.”

Buck gave his sister a tight smile and pointed out, “I have friends.”

“I never said you didn’t,” Maddie responded. She looked over towards Eddie and continued, “Sorry for interrupting. I don’t…”

“Hey,” Buck called her attention back to him. He spoke with a more serious tone, again seeing the stress that was swirling behind his sister’s eyes, “What’s going on?”

“Nothing. Nothing’s wrong, just…” She eyed over to Eddie and Chris before focusing back on Buck, “There’s been some, uh… updates on the… paperwork.”

“Paper.. Oh!” Buck’s realization hit him fast and strong. They were expecting final clarification on the restraining order and sending over the divorce papers being served to Doug. 

“I didn’t realize you were with other people,” Maddie spoke softly, “I can meet you at the home later and-”

“Next time you can just text me, like a normal person.” Buck cut her off. He couldn’t help her move, she had to do that on her own and he respected that. But like hell was he gonna give up helping her with the paperwork he was trusted with. He continued after he gestured to his now empty latte mug, reassurance in his voice, “I was wrapping up here anyway. Let me pay. And I gotta grab a bearclaw for your boyfriend.”

“Howie isn’t my-”

“ Howie ?” Buck cut her off, enjoying the way she froze up after realizing the name she just used. He let out a soft chuckle before turning back over to Chris and Eddie and saying, “I’m glad I ran into you guys again.”

“Yeah,” Eddie nodded with a smile, “Yeah we’ll-”

“Next time will you eat with us?” Chris cut off his dad with the question.

Buck looked from Chris to Eddie. Eddie raised an eyebrow, shrugging and smiling as if to say it was fully up to Buck if he wanted to accept the invitation. Buck smiled, “Sure thing, bud. I’d love to.”

“Unless we’re at the library, no food there” Eddie pointed out then stage-whispered to Chris, “I bet he only leaves that place to eat.”

Chris laughed loudly at his dad’s joke and Buck rolled his eyes in good nature. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Buck pushed himself up onto his crutches, “I’ll see you guys around, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Eddie smiled, “We’ll see you around.”

Maddie waved a polite goodbye to Eddie and Chris as well and graciously waited until they were waiting at the counter for Chimney’s bearclaw to say, “They seem nice.”

“They are,” Buck agreed.

“And they’re…” Maddie was leading.

“Library friends,” Buck said, as if it was a perfectly normal explanation.

“Library friends?”

“Yeah,” Buck nodded, “I’ve run into them a few times now. You got a car with you?”

“Oh, uh,” Maddie blushed, “I’ve been walking?”

Buck shook his head as he grabbed the pastry bag laid out on the counter for him, “Come on, I’ll drive us back. We can sort out this paperwork .”

“You could’ve stayed with them longer,” Maddie says with guilt.

“Maddie, you’ve been wandering the streets of LA, hunting me down so I could help with this,” Buck points out flatly.

“‘Wandering the streets of LA,’” Maddie mocks, “If you’re not at the library, you’re here. If you’re not here, you’re at the diner up the road with Bobby. Only thing out of the norm about finding you here was you were with your ‘ library friends.’”

“I have friends!” Buck defended once again.

“I know all your friends,” Maddie pointed out.

“Not my library friends, it seems,” Buck gave a sneering grin with the tease.

Everything has been a lot recently. But this? Sibling banter while on his way to help his sister finally sever all ties from her awful ex? This felt, once again, like the good kind of a lot.

Things stayed good, overall. The pastry peace offering seemed to finally assure Chim that the flood of apologies weren’t still necessary. Hen and Buck had a long and teasing text conversation about whether Bobby’s cooking lessons to Buck were involving more spice yet or if he’d be willing to take a masterclass at her house one of these days. The divorce papers to Doug Kendall were officially mailed out to be served.

It was Saturday, and things stayed good.

Buck had gone over to Athena’s house early in the afternoon with Bobby to start all the prepping and cooking together. He met May and Harry and Michael, with news that David -Michael’s new boyfriend- would be coming over later to meet the kids, too. He made plenty of jokes about the big meeting the family event that this night seemed to be turning into. He made jokes about learning to grill alongside his Pops since a barbeque seemed to be the safest bet to feed so many people.

It wasn’t until people started showing up -first David, soon followed by Hen and her family- that Buck felt the anxious-jealous monster biting up inside him as he remembered that tonight he would be meeting Mr. 8-Pack-Don’t-Call-Me-Diaz.

He did his best to push it down. He would be civil tonight. He would be open to the new guy tonight. It was his own damn idea to invite the guy, anyway.

The doorbell rang and Buck peeked at the time. It was still a bit early. He was relieved with the thought of Maddie and Chim already being there, too, before he had to meet Mr. Perfect.

“Buck, could you-” Bobby started to ask.

“Yup, I got it,” He was already moving towards the door, fully expecting to be able to tease Maddie and Chim on their “efficient, friendly carpool” of showing up together.

Only when Buck opened the door, Maddie and Chim weren’t on the other side.

“Hi!” Chris’s face absolutely lit up, standing on the porch with crutches, Eddie right behind him.

“Uh, h-hi. Chris,” Buck felt himself blinking a bit in disbelief, “Eddie.”

To his credit, Eddie looked equally as shocked as Buck felt. He sounded just as confused, too, when he said the name, “Evan.”

Oooh. Buck felt himself grimace just a bit. He never did get around to properly introducing himself, did he?

“Evan?” It was Athena’s voice behind him. Buck turned around to see her giving a suspicious look at Eddie.

When Eddie spoke again it was impossible to tell if he felt intimidated by her look or if he was still caught up in the surprise of seeing Buck be the one to open the door, “Athena. I-It’s good to see you again.”

“Well, it’s Sergeant Athena Grant, if we’re using full names here,” Athena responded coolly.

“O-Oh? Uh…” Eddie moved his gaze back over to Buck. Intimidation. He was definitely intimidated.

“Um, oh,” Buck shook his head a bit and opened the door a little wider, “C-Come in, come in. Sorry, I… You’re the new guy at the 118.”

“Uh,” Eddie followed in after Chris as the boy walked into the room, “Yeah, that’s, that’s me.”

“You’re a firefighter,” Buck blinked. As if the hot dad needed to get any hotter. Great. This was great. An unhelpful realization flashed through his mind, He has an 8-Pack .

“You’re a dispatcher,” Eddie responded back. There was a puzzle being put together behind his eyes and he looked like he was still missing a piece.

“Buck,” Buck found himself offering his name, his chosen name, finally.

“You’re Buck!” Eddie said as the confused expression left his eyes. His eyes seemed to light up a bit, like all the puzzle pieces finally fell into place. Then, he repeated the same words but with the energy of a new realization, “You’re Buck!”

“I, uh,” Buck could feel himself blushing, “Yeah. Evan Buckley, but, uh… I’m Buck. No one really calls me Evan except my sister, Maddie.”

“Right,” Eddie nodded along with a smile. Then another realization seemed to flash across his eyes, “Wait, Chimney’s Maddie?”

“ Chimney’s Maddie?” Buck repeated, a shit-eating grin falling across his face.

“Is Buck for Buckley like how Chris is for Christopher?” Chris asked, blinking up at Buck with those same wide and curious eyes he always has.

“Uh… Yeah, bud,” Buck answered a beat before Eddie spoke.

“Oh!” Eddie turned back to Athena, “Athena- Uh, Sergeant Grant, I mean. Uh, this is my son Christopher.”

Chris spoke to his host with pride in his voice, “Or you can say Chris.”

“Is that right?” Athena asked. She’s smiling now, clearly having been entertained by watching the scene between Buck and Eddie unfold at the door.

“Well, Chris, you can call me Athena,” She said to the boy before turning to Eddie and reassuring, “ Both of you can. Buck, baby, close the door, you’re gonna let bugs into my home.”

“R-Right,” Buck moved to shut the door.

“Hey, Buck, I need you to,” Bobby came around the corner from the kitchen, eyes growing wide and cutting himself off as he caught sight of all of them standing at the entrance to the house, “Eddie.”

“Hey, Cap,” Eddie answered, “This is my son, Chris.”

It was a pleasant surprise that Buck wasn’t filled with an ugly jealous rage hearing the new guy refer to Bobby as “Cap” so casually. It might’ve helped that the new guy wasn’t just  the new guy. The new guy was Eddie .

“Hi, Chris,” Bobby greeted.

“Hi, Captain Nash,” Chris smiled back politely.

“You can call me Bobby, bud,” Bobby grinned at the boy before turning to face Eddie again. When he continued his voice carried a little more apprehension, “And I see you’ve met Buck.”

“Oh, they’ve met,” Athena comments, shooting a sly smile Bobby’s way.

“Oh?” Bobby gave the group of them a confused look.

“Yeah, uh,” Buck shifted his weight back and forth on his crutches, “Eddie, Chris and I have run into each other a few times, actually.”

“Really?” Bobby’s apprehension melted into a pleased smile at the news.

“Yeah, uh,” Eddie chuckled, “Pretty big coincidence, huh?”

Or fate , Buck’s thought’s unhelpfully answered.

“I’ll say,” Bobby provided a much more useful answer before directing the group further into the house, “Come on out back. Hen and her family are already here. Buck, could you finish up the mashed potatoes while I get things started on the grill?”

“Sure thing, Cap,” Buck answered in reflex. He paused only a moment, a little nervous at how Eddie might react to his own instinctive drop of the “Cap” title to Bobby. Only Eddie didn’t seem to react at all. He gave another smile towards Buck before following Athena and Chris deeper into the house.

“So, you’ve met Eddie,” Bobby prompted, not quite following the rest of them yet.

“A few times, yeah,” Buck repeated.

“You’ve never mentioned,” Bobby raised an eyebrow.

“I have friends,” Buck was insisting, yet again.

Bobby wasn’t there to hear him telling Maddie the same line, but was able to laugh at the humor of it anyway. Maybe he was just amused by the petulance in Buck’s voice. He shook his head with a smile, “Finish the potatoes, Buck. And let Chim and Maddie in when they get here.”

“Sure thing, Pops,” Buck replied with his own smile as he finally moved further into the house again.

“I’m excited to meet her,” Bobby tagged on.

“Yeah,” Buck nodded, “I’m excited, too.”

Things were a lot. Things have been a lot. But it was definitely a good a lot.

Chapter Text

Maddie and Chim didn’t end up showing up for another twenty-three minutes. When the doorbell finally rang, the side dishes all prepped and finished, Buck practically skipped on his crutches over to the front door wearing a smirk proudly.

“It’s incredibly rude not to be on time, sister of mine,” Buck said in lieu of a greeting, “I mean, I expect this from Chim, but from you?”

He expected an eye roll from Maddie, but instead he watched her wince in what appeared to be genuine regret. She shuffled into the room, Chim following in behind her while letting her ramble, “I am so sorry we’re so late. I had this bottle of wine to bring over but then Howie let me know that Bobby doesn’t drink and so I couldn’t bring myself to show up empty handed but someone” -She cast a glare at Chim that Buck couldn’t help but raise his eyebrows in a humorous reaction to as he closed the door behind him- “didn’t prepare to bring anything figuring he could just tag on with me. So then, that one bakery we like was already closed all we could get to was a grocery store and all we could find was this cheap sparkling cider and premade brownies and-”

“Maddie,” Buck cut her off with a chuckle, “You know you didn’t have to bring anything, right?”

Chim sighed but smiled fondly, “I tried to tell her…”

At this Maddie did roll her eyes in exasperation, “Of course I did. It’s rude to show up at someone’s house empty handed. Who raised the two of you?”

“We grew up under the same roof, you know,” Buck pointed out.

Maddie shook her head in disbelief, “Did you really not bring anything?”

Buck dismissed her with a wave of his hand, “I’m helping Bobby cook.”

“At Athena’s house,” Maddie pointed out.

Buck just shrugged, “I brought her my beautiful smile and wonderful company. Besides, you could have still brought the wine, Bobby would’ve been fine.”

“Unbelievable,” Maddie mumbled.

Chim placed a hand on her shoulder -an action so forcibly casual it could have been mistaken as a simple friendly gesture if it weren’t for that persistently fond look behind his eyes- as he informed Buck, “I think someone is just a little in her head about making a good impression.”

“But you’ve already met Athena,” Buck said to Maddie.

“And she’s been so much help through everything ,” Maddie countered, “Not to mention I’ve still yet to meet Bobby and he’s Howie’s captain and he’s your …”

Maddie trailed off with wide eyes that met Buck’s. Chimney laughed at the faces of both siblings caught in surprise. He started filling in the answer for Maddie with a teasing tone of, “Pops?”

Buck shook his head, ignoring Chimney he assured Maddie, “Come on, he said he was excited to meet you.”

“Speaking of meeting people,” Chim cut in hesitantly as he and Maddie followed Buck further into the home, being led out to the patio, “Have you met the probie yet?”

Before Buck can answer Maddie lets out a groan, “ Please tell me I didn’t leave you here without back up for when you met the guy.”

“Why would Buck need back up?” Chim asked, confused.

“I don’t need back up,” Buck insisted. He let Chim pull in front of the trio to open the door to the back porch.

“Just relax,” Chim was assuring Buck, “I think you’ll like the guy.”

“Actually I-” Buck was abruptly cut off by a number of cheers of hello while they walked out into the yard.

“Finally,” Bobby said as he approached.

“We’re barely late,” Chim rolled his  eyes.

“Not you,” Bobby clapped a hand on Buck’s shoulder, “I’ve been missing my pseu-chef.”

Buck shook off the hand with a laugh, “Bobby this is my sister, Maddie.”

He held out his hand to her with a grin, “It’s nice to put a face to the name, I’ve heard great things.”

“Yes, I,” Maddie moved to juggle the container of store-bought brownies into the same hand as the cider. Chim stepped in, taking both the items and allowing Maddie to return the handshake with a flushed grin, “Same to you.”

“Oh,” Athena fondly shook her head as she approached, “You didn’t need to bring anything.”

“Nothing big,” Maddie assured as Athena took the items from Chim.

“Well, still. It’s very sweet,” She smiled again and nodded, “It’s good to see you again Maddie. Everything been okay?”

“Yeah, uh,” Maddie let herself smile, a real and genuine smile that Buck watched with his own joy, “They’ve been really good recently.”

“Good, then. I trust Buck can handle the rest of your introductions?” Athena shot Buck a look.

“Unless Bobby needs your help on the grill,” Maddie turned to Buck, glancing over at where Bobby had already started moving towards the grill again. Then, her eyes seemed to catch just over Buck’s shoulder, “Oh!”

Buck looked over his shoulder to where Hen and Eddie have both approached.

“You brought your library friend,” Maddie spoke more to Buck than anyone else.

“Library friend?” Chim asked.

“Hey,” Eddie said, holding his hand out to shake, “It’s good to see you again.”

“Again?” Chim tried to speak up again. Hen could be heard snorting at him.

Maddie ignored him to return the handshake, “Yes, uh, you too.”

She turned back to Buck and mouthed a question, not as subtly as Buck would have liked, “Backup?”

It was Buck’s turn to snort, “Maddie, this is Firefighter Eddie Diaz, the 118’s newest probie.”

Maddie’s smile grew as she tacked on, “And your library friend.”

“Uh, well,” Buck could feel himself blush as Eddie took in the words again.

“Library friend?” Eddie asked with amusement.

“Wait, hold up,” Chim put his hands up and finally rounded all their attention back to him, “You guys know each other?”

“You’re late to the party, Chim,” Hen teased.

“Wait, but like…” Chim threw a suspicious glance at Buck and Eddie, “You guys are friends?”

“Well… We…” Eddie seemed a little confused at the attention this was bringing them once again.

“I do have friends outside you all,” Buck pointed out yet again.

“You haven’t gone back out with your old roommates in months, man,” Chim, the idiot, pointed out unhelpfully.

“You remember the whole reason Bobby and I got close was because I didn’t have any first responder friends who weren’t my coworkers, right?” Buck retorted.

Hen let out a laugh, “I hate to break it to you, Buck, but Eddie is a first responder.”

“Yeah, well,” Buck paused, realizing hitting him in his core, “Oh my god, all my friends are first responders.”

Hen and Chim start laughing hysterically.

“Wait, really?” Buck can hear Eddie asking, but Buck has turned to look at where Karen is standing at a soda cooler with Denny and Chris.

Buck is already on the move, “Karen!”

Chim and Hen double over in their laughter behind him and Karen looks up in surprise. Buck is still moving, “Karen I need normal-people-friends!”

Karen snorts and throws Buck a skeptical look. The two have only met a few times, but Karen’s always been kind to Buck and so far showed a good sense of humor. She raises an eyebrow and asks, “So you come over to this house?”

“What’s wrong with this house?” Athena is asking from a few feet over.

“You’re all first responders!” Buck is defending the point.

“Buck,” Athena is biting back a laugh, “ You’re a first responder.”

Bobby speaks up from the grill before Buck can answer, “I thought you wanted more first responder friends?”

“Well, yeah, but-”

Bobby’s smirking now, “I thought you had other friends, too.”

“I-” Buck is laughing at the teasing spread throughout the yard while still scrambling for a defense.

“I’m not a first responder,” Chris pipes up from next to the cooler.

“I,” Buck takes in the sight of Chris, smiling up at him broadly, and finds his own smile growing, “Yeah, bud. That’s a good point.”

“See,” Karen nudges Buck, “Me and the seven-year-old. Not all your friends are first responders.”

Buck shoots her a teasing sneer as she laughs at “the seven-year-old” being one of Buck’s only friends.

“It’s not hard to make friends,” Chris speaks again, “I’m gonna start a new school after winter break.”

Karen, always kind to kids, turns with exaggerated fascination to address Chris again, “Are you really?”

“Yup,” Chris nods with pride, “And I’m gonna make lots of new friends there.”

“I’m sure you will,” Buck says to the boy. Maybe it was a mistake, calling Chris’s attention back to him.

Chris smiles up to Buck once more, “I can teach you how, if you need help.”

That’s all it took for a riot of laughter to break out across the lawn again. Buck looks around. Maddie is leaning into Chim, trying and failing to smother her laughter with a hand over her mouth. Chim is practically shaking with tears in his eyes. Hen is doubled over, Bobby is barking out a hard laugh by the grill with Athena shaking her head by his side. Eddie is closer to Maddie and the others, still, he appears to be wiping up soda from his chin as though he was caught off guard mid-sip from his kid’s offer to teach Buck how to make friends. A bit further back in the lawn stands May, Harry, David, and Michael, looking on with amusement and in the back of his mind Buck can’t even feel embarrassed about the first impression he’s making on those four. He feels happy. He feels at home.

He turns back to where Chris and Denny are smiling up at him still next to the cooler and says, “Thanks, kid. I might take you up on that.”

He wouldn’t. Not because it would be completely ridiculous for a grown man to turn to a seven-year-old to be taught how to make friends, but because glancing around the backyard while watching all these people laugh and tease Buck he knows he already has all the friends he needs.

“So…” Buck dragged out the word, moving into the dispatch break room where Maddie was already sat, nursing a mug of tea.

She shrugged in brief acknowledgement, echoing back her own, “So?”

“So,” Buck rolled his eyes, “How’s it been?”

Maddie shrugged again, “You’re working the same shift. You know how it’s been.”

“But I’m not taking the same calls,” Buck points out, “Come on, Maddie, give me a little something here.”

Buck took a minute to take in the sight of his sister. His older sister. His big sister, although he’s been taller than her for a few years now. She looks so small, hunched over her shoulders and staring into her mug as though the tea leaves would float to the top and answer any and every grand question of life. It’s the same look she had sending off her divorce papers, she’s overwhelmed and trying to convince herself she’s too strong to feel something like that.

Buck lets her sit in her silence for a moment before attempting to speak again, “Josh said you’re doing alright.”

“Josh threw out my notebook,” Maddie grumbled into her mug.

Buck snorts a bit at the sight, “Yeah… He can be…”

“A lot?” Maddie finished for Buck. She finally looked up with pleading eyes and Buck could read plainly her need for support.

“Yeah, well…” Buck started, “He certainly has a ‘throw you in head first and see if you swim’ kind of training method but that’s always been how you learned best, right?”

“I mean,” Maddie hesitated, “I guess.”

Buck saw how there was more sitting behind her eyes so he prompted again, “Come on, what else?”

“It’s just…” Maddie had a flash of frustration before she schooled her expression back to neutral.

Now Buck was more intrigued than anything else, “Just…?”

Maddie sighed. She slouched in on her shoulders again a little shamefully before she took another breath and began to explain, “Do you remember when you started middle school and you would complain that all the teachers used to know you as ‘Maddie’s brother?’”

Buck felt his eyebrows raise, the hint of a smirk growing on his face. Maddie let all the tension fall out of her shoulders as she began to softly laugh at herself, saying, “Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything,” Buck flexed his hands in mock surrender.

“Your face said a lot,” Maddie pointed out, looking more relaxed than Buck had seen her all day.

“All I did was react to you comparing your current feelings to what I would whine about as a twelve-year-old boy,” Buck chuckled as he said it.

“Shut up,” Maddie groaned out again with another laugh, “I know it’s stupid, I just-”

“Hey,” Buck cut her off with a reassuring smile, “It’s not stupid.”

Maddie threw him a look of unimpressed disbelief.

Buck conceded, “Okay, it’s kind of dumb.”

“See!” Maddie interjected.

Buck just shook his head and kept on talking, “But not really . I mean, I get it, okay? I do.”

“Because you’ve been a twelve-year-old boy?” Maddie asked with a flat tone.

“Because,” Buck corrected, “I know you. I know how important it was for you to start building a life here that felt like yours and now everywhere you’re turning I’m basically already there.”

“But I like being close to you again,” Maddie insisted.

“And I like having my big sister around,” Buck reassured, “But I get how it would be a lot. Everyone you know already knows your awesome, cool, amazing, wonderful brother.”

“You forgot humble,” Maddie added on.

“Oh, me?” Buck feigned disbelief, “I’m as humble as they come.”

Maddie snorted. Buck smiled. Things felt easier than they had in a while.

Maddie took a quiet sip from her mug before admitting, “I like this job.”

“They like you here,” Buck reassured again.

“I feel like I keep freezing, like I’m messing up or I’m saying the wrong thing and-”

“Hey,” Buck cut her off again, “You’re still in training. You do know that, right?”

“I know,” Maddie sighed, “But Josh just sits there next to me all intense like-”

“Like he’s training you?” Buck asked with an eyebrow raise of his own.

Maddie looked a little bit like she wanted to smack Buck upside the head. He found himself chuckling softly again before he continued, “He trained me, too, you know? I remember how intimidating he can be shadowing a call. But he’s there to help when you need it.”

“Yeah, uh… He mentioned that,” Maddie conceded.

Buck didn’t like the slight hesitation in her voice, “Wait, he did?”

“I mean, he trains a lot of people,” Maddie pointed out.

Buck narrowed his eyebrows, “What did he tell you?”

“Just, just that he trained you, too,” Maddie assured.

“Maddie,” Buck used her name as if it was a warning.

“Okay he,” Maddie had a small smile growing across her face, “He may have mentioned one of your first calls where he had to jump in because you almost sent everyone to the wrong Western Avenue.”

“There are like five Western Avenues!” Buck is quick to defend, “I can’t believe he told you that.”

“If it helps,” Maddie admits, “It only came up because I was about to make the same mistake.”

Buck laughs. He leans to knock his shoulder into Maddie’s, stealing her mug to take a sip of her drink and then pulling a scrunched face. Maddie laughs right back at his reaction, “You could always make your own.”

“You could always add sugar,” Buck counters, “Or drink coffee with sugar and creamer like a normal person.”

“Your coffee order is only normal to teenage girls trying coffee for the first time,” Maddie teases.

Buck resists the urge to stick his tongue out, resists the urge to remind her again that she just compared her own emotions to those of a twelve year old, and instead settles on saying, “Sorry I like my coffee to taste like joy.”

Maddie laughs again and it sounds like music. Buck takes a lot of pride in his ability to make his sister laugh. She’s smiling and it looks so freeing on her. She looks free.

Josh walks by the break room with a brief wave inside. Maddie’s smile grows tight, not bad or strained just… prepared.

“Guess that’s my cue,” She sighs at Buck.

“Knock 'em dead,” Buck nudges her shoulder once more.

Josh, leaning in the doorway, throws Buck a flat look and teases, “I’d much rather her keep everyone alive. Seriously, Buck, who trained you?”

Josh laughs at Buck’s responding sneer but Maddie takes a shaky breath in and comments, “No pressure.”

“Nah,” Buck shakes his head, “Pressure makes diamonds.”

“Sometimes I think your brother’s only ever heard advice from kitten posters,” Josh stage whispers to Maddie conspiratorially.

Maddie snorts and adds on, “Or fortune cookies.”

“You guys are the worst,” Buck says back. As intimidated and stressed as Maddie is, moving to the call floor for her training, he’s glad to see that Maddie and Josh are getting along. They would probably make good friends, the two of them.

“I’ll see you later,” Maddie says over her shoulder as she follows Josh out of the break room.

Buck nods and waves before moving over to the coffee pot. A few more minutes on break. A few more hours on shift. A buzz on his phone catches his attention.

It’s Bobby who texted: How is your sister’s first day on the call floor?

It’s a bit warming that Bobby had remembered. 

so far so good , Buck responds before adding a second text, ive a good feeling about this

Proud of you, kid. Bobby sent back.

Yeah, Buck was pretty proud, too. Mostly of Maddie, but maybe a little bit proud of himself. Or maybe he was just happy. It was good to be happy.

“All right,” Buck slammed the back door to the car shut as he turned to Maddie and smiled, “That’s the last of it.”

“I barely had anything to begin with,” Maddie said with an eye roll, already moving to the driver’s side.

“Hey,” Buck started to race her, “I’m driving.”

“Forgive me, but in my eyes you will always be my baby brother,” Maddie moved quicker of course, beating Buck to the door, “Which means I do the driving.”

“I’m a safe driver!” Buck insisted, “I’ve driven you before!”

“Just…” Maddie paused, let out a sigh, then hit Buck with her eyes full of emotion, “Let me be the one to drive us to the place I’m about to move into? Please?”

It didn’t take Buck long before he folded. Rolling his eyes he tossed his keys over to Maddie and moved his way to the passenger door. He was only a little petulant throughout the process.

“Alright,” Buck sighed as he buckled in, “Goodbye, triple roommate trio. Hello, me sleeping in my own bed again.”

Maddie snorted, “I knew you missed it.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Buck dismissed. Teasing was easy. Easier than confessing to Maddie just how much pride Buck had for her rebuilding her life. Easier than Buck expressing how grateful he was that she’d still be around. It was easier to focus on the current plans and say, “So, Eddie and Chim said they picked up the furniture. They’ll meet us at your place soon.”

“We could’ve gotten that stuff delivered,” Maddie pointed out again.

“Would’ve been expensive,” Buck gave his same argument right back, “Eddie offered his truck.”

“I can’t believe he’s spending his day off burning his gas to move his library friend’s sister,” Maddie said in response. She had the same amused smile she always wore when she referred to Buck and Eddie as “library friends.”

“Well, he’s a good friend like that,” Buck defended the man, even though Maddie wasn’t really insulting him to begin with, “He just seems like the kind of guy who likes being helpful. Plus, he’s really helping Chim not break himself on new furniture sets. He seems to get along with the 118 really well, obviously he wants to help his friends.”

“Alright, alright,” Maddie laughed lightly, “I get it. He’s so strong and friendly and helpful… Are you trying to tell me something with this boy crush of yours?”

Buck found himself crossing his arms out of impulse when he responded, “It’s not like that.”

And it wasn’t. Sure, Eddie was hot. He was easy to talk to and a good dad to Chris and he was funny to begin with but only got more goofy the more Buck got to know him. But he was also well entwined with the 118 extended family, working alongside Bobby and Chim and Hen. He would be a good friend to have, that much was obvious, but he didn’t exactly give off “queer vibes,” nor was Buck looking into rushing into something that could make a mess out of the little LA family he’s built for himself here.

He continued to explain when Maddie didn’t respond immediately, “If anything, it’s like a friend crush.”

“A friend crush?”

“Yeah, you know,” Buck rambled on, “Like I feel like he’d be a good friend. I’d like to get closer but not in like a date way, in like a friend way.”

Maddie’s eyebrows scrunched together. She still sat quiet.

“What?” Buck prompted, feeling a hint of anxiety beginning to pool in his stomach.

“It’s just…” Maddie paused for a beat before carefully continuing, “You just… You don’t seem defensive at the thought of having a crush on a boy.”

“Oh,” Buck let out.

“Oh?” Maddie all but squeaked.

“Can this…” Buck felt himself wince, “Can this not, like… Be a thing?”

“A thing?” Maddie moved her eyes off the road for a quick glance, looking over Buck blushing in the passenger seat.

“Like,” Buck squeezed his fists, “Bobby made it a thing. Not a bad thing, just, like, a thing. And it doesn’t have to be a thing.”

“Oh, it could be…” Maddie’s voice was slightly high pitched as she let the words out, “A bit of a thing.”

“But it isn’t,” Buck insisted.

At that, Maddie began to nod like a bobble head. She sucked in a breath and let it right back out, “Okay. Okay, no. No, you’re right. Doesn’t have to be a thing. That you’re ga-”

“Bisexual,” Buck cut her off. He continued to explain, “I mean I love women. I’ve always loved women. Just… I’m also not afraid to check out a hot guy’s ass from time to time either. That’s normal. Not a thing.”

“Not a thing,” Maddie agreed, a small and tight smile growing across her features.

“Not a thing,” Buck echoed, letting the awkward air continue to thin the quiet of the car between them. It stayed quiet for a moment too long and Buck, for the first time, was actually scared that maybe this wasn’t a good reaction. Maddie’s smile seemed forced. She seemed a bit overwhelmed again. He wanted to say something else but found himself without words.

Eventually it was Maddie who let out a sigh and spoke, “Sometimes it kills me just how much of your life I’ve missed.”

Oh. That’s what her reaction was about.

Buck took in her defeated posture and small voice and felt his own heart start to bleed a bit. He spoke gently, “Hey. You’re here now.”

“Yeah,” Maddie’s smile grew a bit more genuine, “Yeah, I… Thank you for telling me.”

“You’re making it a thing,” Buck pointed out.

“I’m proud of you,” Maddie continued.

“That sounds like more of a thing,” Buck groaned with a smile as he threw his head back.

Maddie had the tension fully off her shoulders as she smirked and told Buck, “I’ll keep my teasing to a minimum when I catch you checking out Eddie’s ass.”

“Hey!” Buck shot his full attention back to Maddie. He was laughing a bit himself as he repeated, “It’s not like that.”

“Oh, please,” Maddie was rolling her eyes.

“I don’t check out Eddie’s ass,” Buck insisted, “If anything, he’s got like… a friendly ass, not a boyfriendly ass.”

“A friendly ass?” Maddie was laughing fully.

“It’s not like that,” Buck said yet again. His arms were crossed once more but his shoulders were still shaking with chuckles and his smile was still plain on his face. Sure, at one point, Buck may have peeked a glimpse or two. Who could blame him, Eddie was attractive. But that was before Buck realized how close Eddie was to his people. Before he realized how important it would be for the two of them to be friends. Before he even knew Eddie’s name and was only ever “Chris’s dad” in Buck’s head.

Before Maddie can continue to tease, Buck redirects the attention back to his sister, “What about you and Chim, anyway?”

“What about me and Chim?” Maddie is quick to question.

“Oh please,” Buck rolled his eyes, “Karaoke night, game night, just call them date nights and put the rest of us out of our misery.”

Maddie’s quiet for a moment, her smile staying but growing smaller. It’s a gentle look of joy when she says to Buck, “I need you to tell him to ask me out.”

“I…” Buck feels his brows furrow, “What?”

“I need you to tell him to ask me out on an official date,” Maddie says, as if that explains herself any further.

“I’ve been telling him to ask you out,” Buck confesses.

“Wait, what?”

“Same as I tease you, call him your boyfriend,” Buck explains, “I call you his girlfriend and tell him you both need to pull your heads out of your asses.”

“Well, we’ve been taking out time. Going slow. But now…”

“Now…?” Buck prompted her further, a little giddy at the idea that the two of them could be starting to actually get somewhere.

“Now, I’m single. Legally divorced. And he’s funny and nice and cute and he makes me smile so I need you to tell him to ask me out on a date,” Maddie lays it out. Buck finds in his excitement for Chim and Maddie to actually be getting somewhere in a relationship he doesn’t have the attention span to latch onto the strange feeling of Maddie calling his closest friend cute.

Buck lets out a laugh, “You know, you could always ask him out.”

“But I want him to ask me out,” Maddie emphasizes.

“What’s the difference?”

Maddie lets out a sigh, “I don’t know. I just want to know that he wants to take a step forward as badly as I do. Not out of, like, obligation to say yes.”

“I think that’s his fear, too,” Buck confesses, “That he doesn’t want you to feel rushed or obligated.”

“Really?” Maddie sounds so surprised and Buck almost wants to laugh.

“Yes, really,” Buck sends his sister a smile, “And I think the best way for him to know you’re ready is for you to take the step and just ask him.”

Maddie smiled a bit, blushing as she nodded, “Okay, yeah. Maybe I will.”

“You should,” Buck reassured, “Something small at first, maybe. You guys can look at one of those Christmas light shows or something and-”

“Not Christmas,” Maddie cut Buck off sharply.

“Not Christmas?” Buck felt his eyes blow wide, “Maddie you love Christmas.”

“Not this year, just…” Maddie cuts herself off, taking a shaky breath, “Not this year.”

“Okay,” Buck gently conceded, seeing the distress clearly washing over his sister, “Okay, sorry.”

It’s quiet a moment longer before Buck speaks up again, “Why don’t we pick up some pizzas for the four of us?”

“Hmm?” Maddie seems to be pulled out of her head a bit by the question.

“I mean, it’s only polite. We’re all helping you move,” Buck says with an easy smile.

“Right, I guess-”

“Perfect, I know this great place, take the next right,” Buck directs.

“A great place?”

“Yeah,” Buck nods, “They have nice seating for dine-in. Casual classy. Might be a good spot for a first date if you had anyone you wanted to take out sometime.”

“Oh my god,” Maddie laughs a bit.

“This is perfect, you can sample how you like the food now, too,” Buck grins.

“You’re ridiculous,” Maddie continues to chuckle as she takes the turn as instructed.

It sounds a lot like her saying, things are going to be okay.

Chapter Text

When a child is first born they often come into this world screaming. They wail and cry and take in the world around them. Suddenly there is light, there is air quickly drying their still wet skin, there are sounds of the world around them. It makes sense that an infant would be uncomfortable. It makes sense that they would be in distress. Maddie’s never looked too much into the science of infant emotions, but she’s always figured that the first emotion would be fear.

It made sense, she thought, that in the discomfort and overstimulation of suddenly being born that fear came right along with it.

Fear has been with her from the second she was brought into this earth, surely wailing and crying and longing for the comfort of her mother’s heartbeat.

She’s grown up knowing fear.

Fear after falling off her bike for the first time. Fear and confusion of losing a brother and being sworn to promise never to speak his name again. Fear that she was persistently failing the baby brother she still had, the sweet boy who was always getting hurt and causing trouble just to finally capture the attention of their parents.

It was fear the first time she had to give a class presentation. Fear the first time she had to administer an IV as a nurse. Fear when she moved away from her parents and brother, determined to start a life of her own.

Fear the first time Doug hit her.

Fear when her baby brother showed up in the hospital in the middle of her shift, pleading with her to run off somewhere together. Followed by so much fear that night when she took one of the worst beatings of her life and had to send her little brother away with her Jeep and a note, as if that could possibly be an acceptable apology.

Fear when she packed her bags years later and finally, finally, escaped Doug for good. 

Fear when she found her baby brother she always wanted to protect, missing half his leg but still standing so strong.

Fear when she mailed the divorce papers, knowing he now knew what city she was in.

Maddie was well acquainted to fear. The fear she felt now, however, she knew she didn’t need to face alone.

“Is the red too much?” Her voice was tight and tense.

Buck was rolling his eyes on the facetime call, “The red is fine.”

“Just fine?” She felt her anxiety beginning to spike again.

Buck let out a laugh, her distress must have shown on her face, before he corrected, “It’s good! You look good. And you looked good in the blue shirt. And the green. And the other red.”

This caught Maddie’s attention, “Should I go with the other red?”

“You’re gonna mess up your hair if you keep changing shirts,” Buck pointed out unhelpfully.

Maddie felt her fear double, “What’s wrong with my hair?”

Buck, the jerk, is laughing again, “Nothing’s wrong with your hair. You look good, Maddie.”

“You’re sure?” She asked. God, she hasn’t been this nervous for a date since high school. She felt like she was back in high school.

“I’m sure,” Buck told her, a firm steady voice she found grounding her. God, her little brother has grown up so much. Buck continued with a less-impressed tone, “It’s just Chim. What are you so worried about?”

“Because we’re friends,” Maddie hissed out, “And if this all goes wrong-”

“It’s not going to go wrong,” Buck tried to cut in.

“But if it does-” Maddie tried again.

Buck wasn’t hearing any of it, “It won’t . You two have both been wanting this for a while. The only difference between you guys going out tonight and all the other times you’ve hung out together is this time you’re finally calling it a date when last week you guys were making us all pretend you weren’t dating.”

“We weren’t dating,” Maddie felt herself rolling her eyes.

“You weren’t calling them dates,” Buck’s responding eyeroll was putting Maddie’s to shame, “But trust me, you guys have been unofficially dating for a while now.”

Maddie’s doorbell goes off before she can respond. Her heart is pounding when she tells Buck, “I think he’s here.”

Buck scrunches his face on the face time screen, “Damn, he made good time. Tell him not to speed so much with you in the car.”

“What?” Maddie wasn’t expecting that to be the final words of advice she got from her brother before the terrifying date she was about to step into.

“It feels like he just left,” Buck is shrugging.

“Evan,” Maddie is throwing all the annoyance she can into her glare through the phone screen.

Buck takes it in stride and laughs at her again. “Maddie,” He responds in the same chastising tone she just used, “It’s going to be fine . Just text me when you get to the restaurant, I wanna double check he’s not driving unsafely with you.”

“You can’t be serious,” Maddie is shaking her head, moving through her house to get to the door.

“No, I am,” Buck answers with a grin.

“I’m hanging up,” Maddie informs him.

“No, hey. Hey!” Buck calls for her attention just enough to make her pause and look straight into the camera, “Seriously. Text me when you guys get there, text me when you get home. If not for my own piece of mind then for your piece of mind that I won’t be blowing up your phone all night.”

“I thought you trusted him,” Maddie says flatly.

“I do,” Buck confirms, “With my life. He’s saved my life. Doesn’t mean I don’t want you checking in, though.”

Maddie lets out a soft laugh as a gentle smile stretches back across her face. Knowing Buck would be checking in, being reassured at how much Buck already trusts Chim, it grounded her for the first time since she started getting ready.

“Okay,” She tells Buck, feeling the last of her fear finally leaving her shoulders. It was just Chim. It was Howie, her friend. Howie who made her laugh and smile. This wasn’t going to go wrong.

“Don’t have too much fun,” Buck said a final tease before tacking on, “Love you.”

“Love you too,” Maddie said with an easy smile, ending the call at last. She took a final few steps forward, pausing just in front of the door. An inhale in, an exhale out. She runs her fingers through her hair one last time and reaches for the doorknob.

It’s just Chim.

She could do this.

Opening the door, she prepares her smile.

“Well, don’t you look nice.”

There’s no doubt Maddie’s first emotion was fear, and yet Maddie has never felt her blood run as cold as when she heard that voice. She froze, what could she do besides freeze?

“Expecting someone?” Doug’s question snapped Maddie out of her fear-stricken gaze. She moves to slam the door back shut but it was too late, Doug was already pushing his way inside. Stumbling backwards every instinct is screaming at her to run, but her muscles haven’t yet got the message and instead she fumbles back to the phone in her pocket.

“None of that,” He says. His hands are on her, rough and strong and unwelcome. He’s gripping her wrist harshly as the phone is thrown from her hand, scattering across the floor.

“No,” She’s crying out, trying to squeeze out of his grip, but her voice sounds weak and pathetic in her ears.

“I let you have your time,” Doug shook his head, fighting to keep her in his grasp, “But it’s time to come home now, love.”

She’s trying to fight. So hard, she’s trying to fight. Fear is a superpower, isn’t it? Fear is supposed to make you stronger. Maddie’s never felt so weak.

Doug’s nails press into her and he turns her around. His hands move around her form, holding her torso and pressing her back tight against his chest. She feels disgusting in his hold. She feels pathetic, trapped, but still she tries to kick and yell around the hand clamped firm to her mouth as Doug moves her towards the door. She can’t kick strongly with her feet being pushed forwards. She can’t bite the hand with her jaw gripped so tight. His hands are so tight around her, his grip so unwanted. A terrible thought crosses her mind, I’d rather he just kill me.

“Hey!” There’s a yell. There’s a yell and Maddie knows that new voice and Maddie is so, so afraid.

She’s thrown into the wall hard head first. The thud is enough to disorient her as she falls to her knees. She needs to move, she needs to get up, she needs to run, she needs to get to her phone and call for help and get away from Doug. But when her eyes open, spots flooding her vision, she’s again overwhelmed with fear when she sees the sight of Chim trying to pull Doug away.

It all happens so fast. Chim lands a punch as Doug is reaching for his pocket. She goes to crawl, attempting to scramble over to her phone, but Doug kicks his leg out, landing straight in her stomach and rendering Maddie a wheezing mess. When he rights himself to face Chim again he’s holding a knife.

Maddie knows that knife. Maddie gave him that knife. It was a gift from year ago, before Doug went on a camping trip with some friends. Before Maddie knew the dangers that Doug could pose without needing a weapon to do so. 

He’s quick with the blade. Chimney’s shirt is bleeding red before Doug throws another punch, knocking him to the floor.

“No!” Maddie’s voice is stronger but no less desperate than it’s been since she opened the door.

The sight is horrifying, Chimney bleeding against the wall. She can’t be sure if it was the punch or the fall that knocked him unconscious. 

He’s going to die .

Maddie knows it. She sees it. It’s awful. She should be going for her phone, of course she should be going to her phone. But she can’t. She’s trying to crawl her way to Chim instead but Doug’s hands are on her before she can even stand.

“No,” It’s a pleading cry but it goes ignored.

“Shh,” Doug is soothing, a cloth pressed over Maddie’s mouth, “Shh, it’s okay.”

It’s not okay. It’s not okay. Howie is dying. Maddie is going to die.

As her vision fades into blackness, all Maddie feels is fear.

“You’re acting insane,” Hen’s voice came through the phone. Buck could practically hear the eyeroll she was surely sporting.

“She promised she’d check in,” Buck insisted yet again. He was already driving, pulling onto Maddie’s road.

“Did she promise, or did she say what she needed to say to get her little brother off the phone so she could get the door?” Hen asked flatly.

“Hen, something just doesn’t feel right,” Buck tried to explain.

“Of course it feels weird,” Hen was still speaking in disbelief, “She’s your older sister, about to go on a date with one of your best friends.”

“And I’m excited for them!” Buck was quick to defend.

“Of course you are! We all are,” Hen insisted right back, “But now that they’ve finally figured it out you need to give them the space to keep figuring it out.”

“I’m just gonna drive by,” Buck was saying, “Just to check.”

“They’re grown adults,” Hen was sighing, “You need to trust them, Buck.”

“That’s weird,” Buck mumbled as he flicked his blinker on to park alongside the road. He spoke a little louder for Hen to hear, “Chim’s car is still outside.”

“Maybe,” Hen’s voice had an air of teasing to it now, “After all their time waiting they decided to skip dinner and go straight to desert.”

“Oh, gross,” Buck wrinkled his nose as he put his car into park.

“They’re adults, Buck,” Hen pointed out yet again, “You need to-”

“Hen, I’m gonna call you back,” Buck hung up rather abruptly. Was that…? Was the door still open?

It was very possible Buck was going to walk into something far more scarring than seeing his sister in a towel, Chimney having “dropped his nuts” in surprise at their first encounter. But Buck unbuckled his seatbelt. Extending his crutches, he hobbled out of his car.

He was probably being ridiculous. He knew he was being paranoid. But there was something pushing him forward, an anxiety brewing in his gut, a terrible feeling that something was wrong that he just couldn’t shake. It was instinct, and his time at dispatch has taught him how he needs to trust his instincts, but there was logic to it too. 

Chim’s “ Here we go. Wish me luck! ” text came through only a few minutes after he hung up the facetime call with Maddie. A few minutes after Maddie was supposedly already opening the door Chim. Sure, maybe it was a text sent as they were leaving for the restaurant. But then why would Chim stop to text Buck before they even left? And why wouldn’t Maddie text a few minutes later saying when they arrived at the restaurant like she said she would? Plus, if Chim’s car was still outside -Maddie’s still in the driveway, too- then they never even left after all. And now…

As Buck approached he could see a discarded bouquet of flowers at the porch. Chim had stressed for hours over choosing “the right” flowers. Apparently, roses were too bold, too presumptuous. Carnations could be devotion, which was also “too much,” not to mention being a Mother’s Day staple. Buck had spent too long learning about flowers and their meaning and symbolism to help Chim find what would be just right. And now the collection of daisies -for new beginnings- was discarded across the porch.

Something was wrong.

“Hey, guys,” Buck called out as he knocked on the door. It pushed open further at the first contact.

Buck’s heart plummeted.

Of anything he could have expected -hell, at this point he even hoped that the flowers on the doorstep could’ve possibly been a sign the two immediately jumped each other- nothing could have prepared him for the sight of blood. There was so much blood.

“Chim!” Buck fell over himself, crutches clattering to the floor as he rushed to quickly pushed himself back up and clambered over to Chim, unconscious, bleeding, unresponsive.

He barely processed the 9-1-1 call. Information rolled off of him like instinct: Address, Male, Mid-30’s, Stab wound, Unconscious.

“Maddie!” Buck could remember calling out for her.

“Sir, is there someone else in the home?” The dispatcher was asking. It wasn’t Linda, wasn’t Josh, maybe Brenda? Buck wasn’t paying attention to the voice and they sure as hell didn’t recognize his already.

“N-No,” Buck said in a shaky breath, “No, she’s not here, she-” Buck was pressing onto the wound, careful not to move the knife still lodged inside. He wanted to scream, “How long until the ambulance?”

“Police and paramedics are both 9 minutes out,” The calm feminine voice tried to call his attention back.

“What do I do?” Buck was asking more to himself than the phone. He knew what he needed to do. He needed to hold pressure on the bleeding, he needed to wait for someone more qualified to give proper care. Someone more qualified.

“Sir, just hold pressure on the wound and-”

“Sorry, I- Tell them to get here faster,” Buck hung up on 9-1-1. It was a shitty thing to do. He knew how shitty it was to be on the other end of a dropped call, but he needed the voice of someone else, someone he trusted in his ear. He could apologize later.

Fumbling over to his contacts with one hand, smearing more blood onto his screen, he pressed call.

“Buck, I’m praying you didn’t walk in on-”

“Hen!” The desperation in his voice shut her up, “Hen, he’s bleeding and-”

“Buck, Buck! Slow down,” Hen’s voice came through the speaker, suddenly serious, “Who’s bleeding?”

“Chim, he, he was stabbed and-”

“Buck, you need to call 9-1-1,” Hen’s voice was sharp.

Buck yelled out more insistently, “I already did that! The ambulance is nine minutes away and he’s-”

“How long?” Hen’s question came through.

Buck tried to think. He texted so long ago now. Between Buck finally giving in to his instinctive desire to check that something was wrong and then the drive here… God, how long has Chim been bleeding? Buck’s voice was as shaky as his hands pressing into Chim’s abdomen when he answered, “M-Maybe 25 minutes? Maybe longer?”

“Where’s Maddie?” Hen asked. Buck wanted to cry.

“I-I don’t know,” He stuttered out, “She’s not here and-”

“Is he awake?” Hen asked another question. Buck knew she wasn’t here, he knew she needed information, but the drilling of questions was beginning to get on his nerves.

“No, he’s… He’s unconscious. Hen, there’s not enough pressure to stop the bleeding, what do I do?”

“What was he-?”

“The knife is still inside, Hen,” Buck yelled, “What do I do ?”

“Okay, okay,” Hen wasn’t placating, she wasn’t trying to calm him down, she was clearly trying to think, same as Buck was. Luckily, Hen was a fast thinker and her voice came through the speaker again, “Add more fabric, something you can use in place of gauze.”

“R-right, right,” Buck was quick to shrug off his light jacket, rushing to replace the pressure onto the stab wound for the short seconds he had to let go.

“Okay, okay, now what?” Buck called back to his phone.

“How’s his pulse?”

Buck pressed down with one hand onto his jacket wrapped around Chim’s wound and used his other to press to the side of Chim’s neck.

“I-It’s there,” Buck explained while moving quickly to place the second hand back on the bleeding abdomen, “God, it’s barely there but it’s here.”

“Can you check his pupillary response?” Was Hen’s next question.

“His eyes are closed , Hen,” Buck gritted back.

“You can still check,” Hen explained, “Use your phone flashlight and pull his eyes open, but only if you can keep pressure on the bleeding.”

“I’m not a paramedic, that’s why I called you,” Buck all but growled, “I need you to walk me through what I’m looking for. Pupils dilating?”

“Contracting to the light,” Hen reminded Buck the procedure, “But only if-”

“I can,” Buck insisted, “I can just-”

He wrapped the jacket tighter around the knife, pushing down strongly in one hand he reached for his phone with the other. He was trying to move steadily, trying to do it all without moving the knife inside Chim. With a bloody thumb he turned the flashlight on and raised the bottom corner of his phone to his mouth to bite down. It was uncomfortable, leaning over his friend to hold the light as he tried to quickly wipe the blood of his free hand off onto his jeans. He raised the hand to Chimney’s face, pulling the eyes open one at a time to hover the light above them. By the time he had finished he was gagging on the phone in his mouth. Sitting back on his heels he spit it out, letting it clatter to the floor as he moved his second hand back to join his first in adding pressure..

It was face down, Buck realized as he coughed. God, if it hung up on Hen in the fall then-

“Buck?” Hen’s concerned voice came through the speakers.

Thank god.

“He’s,” Buck took a breath, “Both eyes are contracting”

“That’s good,” Hen said, “That’s a good sign for his brain.”

“His head isn’t bleeding,” Buck informed her, “He looks maybe bruised near his eye?”

“But not bleeding,” Hen reminded Buck, “That’s good.”

“What now?” Buck was quick to ask.

“He needs the ambulance,” Hen was saying. At some point in the call, Buck realized the sound through the speaker had changed. It came through more crackled, as though Hen was connected to her car. She must already be driving.

“They’re not here yet,” Buck snapped back.

“You don’t have the supplies,” Hen explained firmly, “He needs medical help, he needs an IV, and a doctor, and blood and-”

“But they’re not here yet!” Buck was yelling again.

His ears felt like they were ringing, but through the faint fuzz and buzz Buck was able to hear it. There was the faint sound of sirens growing closer.

“W-Wait, I hear them, I hear them,” Buck called back.

“Thank god,” Hen breathed out.

The sirens grew louder and louder while Buck was still pressing down, mumbling to his friend, “Come on, Chim. Hold on. You gotta hold on, man. You gotta-”

“LAPD!” A familiar voice was calling from the porch.

“Here!” Buck screamed back. He turned to the door and was shaking his head as he saw the police uniform walk through.

“No,” Buck insisted, “No, Athena, he needs-”

His own voice cut off at the sight of a paramedic team hustling in behind her. She was nodding them forward, clearly giving a sign that the scene was safe to enter, but she was already rushing over herself.

“Buck, oh my-” She was moving to put her hands on him. Pulling him back, horror in her eyes as she looked at Chim, she did all she could to keep her voice steady, “Give them room to work, baby.”

“N-No, no I-” Buck was protesting leaving Chim’s side but found himself easily falling into Athena’s embrace and being pulled backwards.

“What happened?” Athena asked him as he pressed his back further into her chest, letting himself fall fully into her hold.

“I-I found him like… They didn’t check in and I found him like…”

“Where’s Maddie?” Athena spoke up another question.

Buck’s face was wet, he must be crying. His vision was blurry. How long have the tears been falling?

“I-I, I don’t know,” Buck felt the words out of him, “She’s not here. She’s not here and-”

“Take a breath,” Athena put her hand, wrapped around Buck from behind, flat and firm against his chest. There was no pressure. It was gentle and grounding, rising and falling with Buck’s gasping breaths, “That’s it, baby, that’s it. Keep breathing.”

Breathing became intentional, gasping in and out still but slowing with the careful guide of Athena. She speaks again after a minute, “You hung up on 9-1-1?”

“I-I had to call Hen,” Buck explained, “I-I- He needed a paramedic and I didn’t know what to do and-”

“Buck?” Hen spoke up from the speaker on the floor, “Buck, what’s going on?”

“You did good, Buck,” Athena assured him, shifting them both so that Buck was sitting up on his own now. She moved out from behind him, hovering when she reached his phone on the ground, “Can I?”

Buck was nodding numbly, staring at where the paramedics were wheeling Chim out on a stretcher by now. Athena bent down again to fully pick up Buck’s phone and turn it over. She spoke into it, “Hen?”

“Athena, what’s going on?” Hen’s voice was more desperate, unsteady without the weight of needing to talk Buck through providing Chim care, “Where’s Chim? Is he-?”

“In the ambulance now,” Athena informed her.

“Which hospital?” Hen was asking.

Buck was pulling his crutches back towards him. God, he didn’t even know which hospital.

“We’ll find out,” Athena told her, “We’ll get you both there.”

“No,” Buck was shaking his head as he hefted himself to stand up, “No, I need to find Maddie.”

“Buck-” Athena tried.

“No,” He insisted, “No, Maddie isn’t-”

God, what if Maddie was somewhere deeper in the house? He was already starting to move, but Athena’s hands are on him.

“No, no, Athena-” Buck is desperate to keep moving but is weak against her pulling him back.

“Officers already cleared the rest of the house,” She spoke gently, nodding to the other two uniformed officers behind them, “She’s not here, Buck.”

“Then we need to find her,” Buck insisted.

“And we will,” Athena explained, “But that starts with us figuring out where she could go.”

“Doug,” The name is cold falling out of his mouth, “He took her.”

“We don’t know that,” Athena responded.

“Yes we do!” Buck finally shouldered her hands off of him, “Yes we do! Who else could’ve done this?”

“Buck, for all we know…” Athena’s voice trailed off, staring at the pool of blood where Chimney had just been laying.

“For all we know what?” Buck pressed her. She stayed quiet. Looking into her staring eyes that wouldn’t move from the blood he felt rage boil up inside him. No. It was laughable. He did laugh, hard and angry, as he spat out the words, “What? You think Maddie did this to Chim?”

“No,” Athena’s eyes are finally meeting his again.

“Really?” Buck said bitterly, “Because it looked like-”

“No,” Athena cut him off firmly, “No, I know Maddie. I have welcomed her into my home. She has met my kids. But I also know how these investigations work and she was the only other person we know was here.”

“Doug was here,” Buck insisted again.

“We don’t know that,” Athena said pointedly.

“Yes we do!” Buck was still yelling but Athena wouldn’t break under his harsh tone.

“All we know,” She spoke firmly, “Is that Chimney is on his way to the hospital. And that is where we need to be.”

“I need to be with Maddie,” Buck tried one more time, but it was a moot point.

Athena was firm, a steady hand back on his elbow, already guiding him out the door.

“We will find her,” She insisted, “But right now we can only get you to the person we know.”

Buck is familiar with hospitals. He’s spent so much time in them even before his crush injury and amputation. At one point in his youth the clinically clean smell and fluorescent lights reflecting off eggshell walls and linoleum floors brought comfort, a conditioned response to actually feeling careful attention given to him by his parents. He’s not used to being the one sitting in the waiting room, too tired to shift and fidget on an uncomfortable chair, too worried to pay attention to the hustle of people in and out of the room around him.

He’s always had a respect for employees. They walk into the building prepared for another day at work. They walk in and move around the place like it’s familiar and comfortable and easy to do so. They walk in almost numb to the fact that so many people in this building are experiencing the worst day of their lives. They walk in calm and controlled despite knowing that some people would perhaps be experiencing the last day of their life. 

Buck was begging the universe that this was not Chimney’s last day.

Hen’s hand on his back brought a comfort to them both, a grounding touch neither had the energy to give up. It was quiet between them, had been for a few moments now, with nothing else to say. Nothing after the questions of if they were okay -they weren’t- or if there was anything the other needed. They needed Chimney to survive. Buck needed Maddie to be safe and home. Has she even had the chance to start considering LA to be home yet?

Buck sat there, slouched over, staring at the floor. He looked for patterns in the specks of discoloration which only came into view the longer he stared at the same spot between his legs. His only hint that something worthy of pulling his attention upwards was the feeling of Hen’s hand pulling up, only slightly, from where it was pressing into him.

“Bobby,” Hen was greeting, a tired weight still pulling on her voice.

Buck let his attention draw slowly upwards. He took in the sight before him. Bobby stepped closer to them both, wary and tired and stressed. He had something draped over his arm, curled tight to his side, as he moved forward with tired steps.

Who called him? Buck hadn’t even thought to call him. Had Hen? Had he missed her taking on the hard task of informing the captain of what was going on? Should Buck have been the one to call instead?

He looked so tired.

Buck felt so tired.

“How is he?” Bobby was asking them both. 

“We haven’t gotten an update since he went into surgery,” Hen explained. She gave one more reaffirming press into Buck’s back before she pulled her hand back into her lap.

“Right,” Bobby nodded. He showed strength in his posture, the calculated leadership that came with his job, but he couldn’t hide the disappointment that there’s yet to be word of any improvement.

“And you guys?” Bobby asked carefully.

It was quiet but only for a beat. 

Hen was again the one to speak, “We’re waiting.”

“I should be finding Maddie,” Buck couldn’t help the words which spilled out of him. The thought that he was just sitting here, just waiting while his sister was god knows where being hurt god knows how was killing him.

“They’re going to find her,” Bobby spoke firmly. Buck has found so much comfort in his voice over the past few months, over the year he’s spent falling into the 118 family and building it up, but right now he wanted nothing more than to snap and bite back at the words.

“I should be helping,” Buck tried to insist.

“You should change,” Bobby took one hand and placed it onto Buck’s shoulder. The touch was as grounding as Hen’s had been before but still did nothing to ease out the antsy biting Buck was feeling that he wasn’t doing enough. Bobby stretched his other arm towards Buck, offering what was draped over his arm, “Athena mentioned you might be needing a change of clothes.”

“I don’t need-” Buck is still snapping, still biting with rage.

“Buck,” Bobby cut him off firmly. He tightened his grip on Buck’s shoulder, pulling him upwards. It was a team effort, pulling Buck up and securing the grip around the crutches, and Buck found himself unable to fight it. Bobby wasn’t exactly giving him a choice, “Let’s get this blood off you. You need to change.”

He let himself be guided to the bathrooms. Bobby entered the men’s room with him, guiding him to the accessible stall before passing off the clothes more firmly. He didn’t always use these stalls, unneeded without a wheelchair, but he was grateful for the extra space as he changed. The handle on the wall was used to help him balance while he leaned his crutches into the corner of the stall and navigated his way out of his jeans and into the sweatpants Bobby had brought him. It wasn’t exactly easy. Buck found himself taking the time to tie the pantleg in a knot just below the stump on his left side, unwilling to have the fabric dangling loose and in his way whenever he stepped or moved. It was easier to pull off his shirt. It was easier to pull the hoodie Bobby also brought over his head. It fit surprisingly well, but Buck wasn’t paying much attention to the soft fabric hugging his chest and arms. He stood there, staring at the bloodstained clothes bundled up in his grip.

He must’ve been taking too long, or maybe Bobby just heard his movements go quiet, because after a minute a knock on the stall door is startling him.

“Buck?” Bobby’s voice was careful and concerned.

Pulling the stall door open, Buck felt almost absent from his movements. He admitted quietly, still staring at the bloody mess he was holding, “I don’t know what to do with these.”

Bobby gave a gentle smile, strained and forced but still there, as he took the bloody bundle from Buck and placed them into a plastic bag. Had he always been carrying a bag? Buck couldn’t remember. Bobby tried to cling to optimism, tried to cheer Buck up when he said, “We can give Chim your dry cleaning bill once he wakes up.”

Buck shook his head, not feeling hopeful of the possibility, “I’d rather burn them.”

“Buck…” Bobby trailed off as Buck moved his way over to the sink. He needed to wash his hands. He had already washed the blood off when he first arrived in the hospital, but changing his clothes brought the dirty feeling back over them.

Bobby followed him over to the sink. He grabbed a paper towel off the dispenser on the wall and folded it before running it under water. He squeezed it until it was only damp and then brought it to wipe on Buck’s crutches, smearing away drops and stains of blood that were still clinging around the handles. He’d need to go over it later, sanitize them properly, but for now it was enough. Buck watched in the mirror. He watched as Bobby moved in a quiet and sure way, cleaning Buck as best he could. He watched himself standing there, wearing an LAFD hoodie Bobby must have brought from his own wardrobe, hair a mess and eyes full of a tired determination.

He couldn’t just keep standing there.

Leaving the bathroom the two of them made their way back over to Hen, but she wasn’t alone anymore.

“Eddie,” Bobby’s voice sounded a little surprised.

Buck was less surprised at the sight of him, sitting next to Hen with a solemn expression, than he was to see Athena dressed in plain clothes at his side.

“I got here as quick as I could,” Eddie was beginning to explain.

“I only just got here myself,” Bobby reassured him. It wasn’t exactly true. Buck was aware they spent a while in the relatively quiet company of him getting changed in the bathroom. But Buck didn’t call him out on it. They were all just waiting anyway. They were waiting and doing nothing and Athena shouldn’t just be sitting next to them, she should be out there finding his sister.

“You’re on shift,” Buck told her plainly.

Athena raised an unimpressed eyebrow, “Believe it or not, a family emergency came up.”

“You need to find Maddie,” Buck was snapping.

“I was told I’m ‘too close’ to this one,” Athena’s tone showed how unhappy she was with the news, but that did little to comfort Buck. She should’ve pushed back. She should’ve insisted on staying. Athena Grant was too strong to just roll over and accept that as the bullshit dismissal it was.

“So what?” Buck’s anger was unable to be held back, “We just sit here and keep doing nothing and-”

“We’re not doing nothing Buck,” Athena cut him off, pushing herself to stand.

“That’s bullshit!” Buck didn’t yell, didn’t really want to cause too much of a scene in the hospital room, but he could see how Hen and Eddie flinched in concern at the venom in his voice, “We’re all just sitting here, waiting, while she’s still out there and she’s still in trouble and-”

“Buck-” Bobby started.

Athena spoke over him, “It was Doug’s knife.”

“It was…?” Buck blinked at her, “What?”

“The name ‘Kendal’ engraved on its side. Proof enough that they’re beginning to look for where he could be,” Athena kept giving Buck this “new” information, as if he hasn’t spent all this time already knowing it was Doug who was at fault.

“Chim, is he...?” Bobby was asking. Right. If they got the knife out of him and over to evidence there must be some kind of update.

“Out of surgery,” Hen piped up quietly, “He’s not awake yet. No visitors.”

It should have brought more relief than it did, but Buck wasn’t an idiot. He didn’t miss the way Hen said “Out of surgery” instead of “Stable.” He didn’t miss the worry still dripping from her voice. He didn’t miss the sad look that was sitting in Eddie’s eyes. He didn’t miss the glaringly obvious fact that Maddie was still out there somewhere.

“You should be looking for Maddie,” He glared at Athena, “You shouldn’t just be-”

“Well, I figured you would want to help,” Athena cut him off with a hand on his shoulder.

“W-What?” For the first time in too long Buck didn’t have anger in his words. It was almost instantaneous, Athena’s comforting touch shifted all the rage into confusion.

“You’re not the type to sit back and let this happen without being involved,” Athena pointed out to him, “And you know I’m not either. So me and you, we’re gonna take a drive. We’re going to figure out what we can.”

“We’re…” Buck almost couldn’t believe it, “What?”

“You know her better than anyone, Buck,” Athena gave a squeeze to his shoulder before dropping the hand, “Let’s find her.”

It’s only a second of hesitation, Buck looking to Bobby and seeing him nod his head in approval. Looking back at Hen and Eddie, they sat fidgeting in their seats as if they were about to jump up and insist on joining as well. They couldn’t, Buck knew. Chim needed people here, too.

“Keep us updated on Chim,” Buck instructed to Bobby.

Bobby met his eyes with unwavering support, “Of course.”

Buck nodded, then turned and walked with Athena out the door. They needed to find Maddie. They were going to find her. Buck would move heaven and hell and bring them both to meet on Earth if that’s what it took to find his sister alive.

“So he’s been here for weeks?” Buck asked Athena incredulously. She had just gotten off the phone with one of the officers working the case.

“He hasn’t been at his home for two weeks,” Athena corrected. She slid back into the driver’s seat of the car and buckled in.

“So he’s been here for weeks,” Buck repeated, “Stalking her and none of us even knew it.”

“He’d be a damn fool to take her back to their old house,” Athena said, “But police there reported that the place seemed pretty packed up anyway.”

Things felt like they were moving so slowly, so much bureaucracy involved when conducting an investigation across state lines. God, it made Buck’s head hurt.

“Any update on Chim?” Athena didn’t give Buck time to spiral.

“He’s stable,” Buck informed her of the details of his own phone call to Hen, “Awake.”

“Thank you, God,” Athena let out breathlessly. 

Buck continued to fill her in, “He confirmed Doug’s picture. H-He’d seen him before, actually. Ran into him while picking up flowers for Maddie. He didn’t know…”

“Buck,” Athena spoke pointedly, “I need you to think. Where would he take her?”

“Athena-”

“No,” Athena shook her head at the doubts which were surely about to fall from Buck’s lips, “You know your sister. Had she ever mentioned anywhere special to them, special to him?”

“We hadn’t talked in years,” Buck’s frustration in his tone was less about being questioned and more aimed at himself for truly not knowing. He had been trying to think. Him and Athena, riding around, trying to find anywhere, anything, that would give some sort of hint or clue or insight over where Maddie would have been taken. Maybe they should go back to the house, taped off as a crime scene and still stained in blood. Maybe they would find something there that…

Buck’s gaze casted to the side. He watched out the window as the world kept moving around them. People were outside, smiling, laughing, placing out holiday decorations and Christmas lights as if Buck’s world wasn’t falling apart at the seams. So many joyful decorations…

“It’s December,” Buck shot up to attention.

“Does that mean something?” Athena’s question almost sounded hopeful.

“Maddie never came home for Christmas,” Buck explained, “Her and Doug were always on these cabin vacations out west, according to my parents.”

“Where?” Athena was already pulling onto the highway, driving in the vague direction of northeast as if either of them had any idea where they were headed.

“One sec,” Buck was fumbling for his phone, looking for any reference he might have of the cabin’s name. It had to be nearby, didn’t it? His parents always lamented about Maddie being 3,000 miles away for the holidays. That's the west coast, right? Fully California territory, far away from Pennsylvania?

“You get the name,” Athena instructed, “I’ll call it in.”

“We’ll get there first,” Buck said with a sureness, a confidence sparking within him allowing himself to actually feel hope for the first time in hours.

Chim was okay.

Maddie would be, too. 

She had to be.

Maddie knew how to feel afraid. She’s spent so much of her life afraid. She simply didn’t have the energy to feel scared anymore.

Hands tied together, restrained in a passenger seat of the car, she stared numbly out the window. She wasn’t sure how long exactly she’d been awake, time passing blurredly and dazed. Her forehead felt the cool glass of the car window where she was leaning against it. She wished she could jump out, feel the warmth of a road rash and welcome the bleeding that would come with it. 

The roads were empty, had been for some time now, with no chance for Maddie to do anything to signal to a passing car she needed help.

A bump in the road slammed her head against the window.

“Careful,” Doug had the nerve to chastise.

She didn’t look at him. She couldn’t stand the sight. Instead, when her head turned towards the sickening voice her gaze fell to the gun he was holding low in the hand that wasn’t steering.

She was so tired. She had fought so hard to find help at the gas station. She had done all she could to run away in that bathroom. Stalled all she could for anyone who might be following her to catch up. But her desperate fight to find help only ended up with that poor cashier being shot, someone else dead. The wheels of the car rolled forward, and the last of any hope Maddie had faded away from her heart.

“It’s just until I get you somewhere safe,” Doug explained. He must have seen her looking at the gun.

Safe. Maddie had no humor in her to laugh. There was nowhere safe with Doug.

“Kill me,” Maddie’s voice was weak but she meant every word.

“What?” Buck seemed surprised to be hearing her speak.

“Just kill me,” Maddie felt as though she was pleading. She fought down the bile she wanted to choke on and brought herself to look at Doug directly.

“Maddie,” Doug shook his head far too casually, “You know I wouldn’t do that.”

“You killed the cashier. You killed Howie,” Maddie spat back in his face. Oh, god, she could hardly stomach the thought. Howie, Chimney, he was dead. He was so kind, so funny, so sweet, with so much love to give. The two of them should have had the chance to fall in love. Doug stole that from her. He stole Chim’s life from him. He had taken so much, the least he could do was give her the release and peace that death would bring.

“He shouldn’t have been there,” Doug gritted out. She saw how his hands gripped tighter on the gun. He continued with venom that a few months back would’ve made Maddie flinch, although she had no energy to do so right now.

“You shouldn’t have let him get so close. I let you have your fun, your pathetic little trip. I let you see your brother and meet new people. But, Maddie, come on,” At his words Maddie’s stomach churned with the realization that he’s followed her, that he’s been watching her. He’s watched her and Buck, her and Chim. She was never really free from him at all. He spoke without care for her nausea, “It’s time to come home. I mean, really? A divorce? If you want a fresh start I can give you one. We can make one together. Far away from anyone else who would poison your mind into thinking that we should be apart. You know how good we are together.”

“I don’t want to,” Maddie glared at him with all her might, as if narrowing her eyes with enough hatred could possibly force him into squeezing the trigger while aiming straight at her heart.

He laughed. He laughed as if she bought alfredo instead of a red pasta sauce by mistake when buying groceries. He laughed as if it was casual, brushing off a minor inconvenience. Through his light smile he spoke again, “No, no. You just think you don’t. Let me remind you of how good we are. You love me, and I love you. I’m taking you somewhere nice.”

Maddie still stared. She stared at the horrible smile he wore. Beneath all the sick she found another feeling building up inside her. It wasn’t just exhaustion. It wasn’t just fear and sorrow and a dreadful sense of defeat. She was angry. She was so, so angry at him. She was so angry at herself for still being so afraid.

Doug kept trying, driven on by her silence. He sounded almost teasing, the way you speak to a dog while holding a treat just out of reach, “A little cabin retreat. You know how special our Christmas trips are.”

Maddie didn’t want to feel like his little bitch anymore. 

She was still so afraid, but so much more than that she was angry. If fear couldn’t be her superpower then rage would have to do. She had made up her mind, if she was going to die here she was going to die fighting.

Her movement was quick, catching Doug completely off guard. She reached out with her bound hands and yanked at the steering wheel.

Doug didn’t have time to scream before the car was pulled sharply off the road and straight into a tree.

It’s disorienting, maybe there’s whiplash in the sudden stop in movement from the car. The airbags deployed and Maddie’s coughing and thrashing, fighting against them. Doug is coughing too, maybe yelling, clearly pissed and angry but disoriented all the same. With her bound hands Maddie is reaching to release the seatbelt Doug had strapped onto her after the gas station stop. It had pressed harshly against her throat in the crash, winding her, already riding up with both her hands tied together underneath it instead of one being able to rest above.

“What are you-?” Doug is yelling, but Maddie is moving. Fumbling with the car lock, she practically kicks out the door to get it open.  She all but falls out of the car, dizzy and hurt but still somehow alive.

“You bitch!” Doug is yelling, fumbling with his own seatbelt now.

Maddie doesn’t look back to watch. She runs forward. She runs into the woods. She runs into the trees. She runs as fast as her weak legs can carry her with her wheezing lungs. She needed to escape or die trying.

She’s running but she can hear him chasing, she can hear him yelling and screaming for her to come back, she’s running but he’s following and there’s nothing she can do about it.

Bang!  

A gunshot rang out. The sound startled Maddie enough that she lost focus on the woods in front of her. She fell to her knees, tripping over a root, distantly aware of a twinge of pain shooting through her ankle before she even feels the dull thud of hitting the ground. She needs to keep moving, she needs to keep fleeing.

She feels his awful hands back on her, trying to yank her back to her feet.

She needs to keep fighting.

She kicks out her legs, ignoring the pain she knows is there but in her desperation can’t quite feel, and feels Doug topple on top of her.

“Stop!” Doug tried to demand, wrestling against Maddie. She turns herself over but he’s still fighting to pin her down. It takes all her strength to keep her elbows tight to her side, letting her hands remain between them as he pushes down on her. They’re chest to chest. It’s suffocating. He has one hand grabbing at her throat, trying to land in a grip firm enough to squeeze. The other hand he holds her down with is still holding the gun. The gun that’s pressed between them, same as Maddie’s hands. The gun she’s desperately trying to get to. Logic is to hit it away, to get it as far away from her as possible so there’s no chance she could be shot. When she feels the cool, smooth texture of it, she lets instinct take over. She yanks it from him, as best as she can with her hands so restricted. She turns it over. Feeling for its shape blindly, she squeezes the trigger.

“Wait, wait look,” Buck is pointing up ahead as he and Athena were driving along a fairly vacant road, “Is that the car?”

There had been another update, confirmation that Doug has been driving around in a rented white sedan, the police had found at some point in the investigation. It matched the description of the car Buck and Athena were rapidly approaching now, ditched into a tree off the side of the road.

Athena pulled over quickly, already on the phone as Buck was quick to leave the car and approach it further.

“Buckley, wait!” Athena was yelling, phone pressed to her ear and gun drawn at her side.

Like hell would Buck be waiting any more.

“It’s empty!” Buck called back, desperately looking around. Both front doors were open. There was blood all around the crash sight.

Through the ringing in his ears Buck could hear Athena speaking into the phone, “We found the car… empty… Crashed… Airbags… at-”

Bang!

Buck felt his stomach drop at the sound.

“Maddie!” He screamed, already on the move, making his way into the woods as fast as he could carry himself.

Athena was saying something about shots fired. She was running forwards, faster than him. God, of course she moved faster than him. He tried to maneuver himself on his crutches, doing all he could not to fall over roots and branches. He felt so slow, so limited.

Bang!  

Another shot rang louder, closer.

“Maddie!” He’s yelling, pleading really.

A few more strides and he can see two masses laying on the ground.

Doug is there, not moving, slumped over on the cold dirt, red spilling out beneath him. Maddie is still moving, crawling with all her might to further the distance between her and Doug.

“Maddie!” He yells again and her head whips up, dirty and bleeding but still alive.

Athena’s in front of him, faster and first to reach her. She pauses by her side only for a moment and Buck can hear her asking, “Are you hurt?”

“No,” Maddie’s shaking her head, a gun falling from her hands to be dropped at Athena’s feet. It’s bullshit. She’s bleeding, she’s crawling, but Buck is able to register the answer for what it means: She wasn’t shot.

Athena gives a quick nod to signal to Buck she needed to continue moving towards Doug.

Finally, finally, Buck was able to reach Maddie. He let himself fall to the ground, clinging to her. He felt the strength of her clinging right back onto him.

“Maddie,” Buck breathed out, pulling her tight against his chest.

She was sobbing, near hysterical, insisting to Buck, “I didn’t give up. I fought. I fought. I didn’t-”

“Shh,” He soothed. He pet her hair, clumped with blood and a tangled mess, and let reassurances fall from his mouth, “You fought so well. You didn’t give up. You did it, you’re here. You’re okay.”

“Ch-Chim,” Maddie sobbed out.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Buck said again.

“N-No!” Maddie clung to Buck tighter, “No, Chim! H-He’s… Buck, he’s dead! Chim’s-”

“He’s okay,” Buck felt his embrace somehow tighten further around Maddie. His heart broke for her, for how scared and grieving she had to have been. She needed to know, “He’s okay. We found him in time. He’s at the hospital, he’s okay.”

“He’s alive?” Maddie’s voice has never sounded so small.

Buck took a second to place a kiss against her head before confirming again, “He’s alive and awake. He’s okay.”

Looking over Maddie’s shoulders, Buck throws Athena a questioning glance. She’s back on the phone again. She nods her head a bit to where Doug is lying and gives Buck a subtle headshake as if to say no. He’s dead. Doug is dead and Maddie is alive.

Chimney’s okay.

Maddie is alive.

Buck thanked the universe for letting his family survive this.

He sat there, hugging Maddie closer, rocking them slightly as they sat on the cold dirt. He let her sob into his chest, he let his own tears of relief finally fall.

It takes three days before Maddie is wheeled into Chim’s hospital room. She’s concussed, battered and bruised, but she needs to see him.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in the hospital?” His voice is strained and raspy but there’s a gentle smile on his face.

“I am in the hospital,” She matches his smile with a tearful one of her own, “I asked for a transfer, I needed to see you.”

Carefully, she raises herself up out of the wheelchair and brings herself to sit on the foot of Chim’s bed. Somehow, after everything, when she gets closer Chim’s smile manages to grow even brighter.

Maddie has known fear her whole life. These past few days have been a horrible storm of so many emotions coiling in her chest. Right now, though, she looks at Howie smiling -close to tears himself- and she feels as if fear may never touch her again.

He reaches his hand out.

She grabs onto it, fitting securely into his hold.

They were alive. They were alive and they were crying and they were smiling at each other.

Maddie holds his hand tighter. She’s never been more grateful to be alive.

Chapter Text

“You should take the bed tonight,” Maddie sailed to Buck.

Buck looked over at her, watching the way she still moved around timidly in her own house, seeing the toll that a few weeks of recovery has yet to lift out of her bones. He hummed softly, “Nah, I don’t think so.”

“Buck,” Maddie chastised, “The main reason I moved out was so you would stop sleeping on your couch, not for you to start sleeping on mine instead.”

“Okay, well, do you feel safe sleeping alone?” Buck asked, but he knew the answer. He didn’t need to see the way Maddie was pretending she hadn’t just tensed, frozen by the grip of fear. He sent her a knowing look before he tried to lighten the tension a bit. He waved his crutch in front of him and spoke, “If I’m on the couch then I’m like,” He slashed the crutch like a sword, “First line of defense.”

“Evan,” Maddie trailed off. Full name. She was serious.

Buck gave her a soft smile, “Relax, Maddie. I’m not sleeping on the couch tonight.”

“Y-You’re not?” Maddie seemed as surprised as she was slightly distressed.

“No,” Buck said softly, “No, I think it’s time I get back to my own bed.”

At those words, Maddie’s distress pinched even more so across her features. Buck almost felt bad, almost. Part of him was still just the slightest bit petty from Chim and Maddie keeping her moving a secret. Only a little. Besides, he was sure that tonight would be good for Maddie. She needed a push. She needed to allow herself to be pushed.

“R-Right,” Maddie nodded, “Of course. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to keep you here for-”

“Hey,” Buck cut her off, leaning on one crutch to place a gentle hand on her shoulder, “I asked to stay. I wanted to stay. And I’ll be back tomorrow night.”

“Yeah, we gotta-” Maddie took a breath, blinking rapidly to try and dismiss the evident panic clawing at her, “We gotta take some baby steps, right? Th-That’s what Frank said.”

“Hey,” Buck pulled her into a hug, “You’re gonna be okay.”

Maddie was nodding, nearly shaking against her brother. Weakly, she pulled back to look her in the eye and said, “I don’t think I’m ready to be alone yet.”

“I know,” Buck reassured her. Maddie looked confused, suddenly, still wary, still trying to hold herself together to appear strong. Buck spoke to her with a soft smile, “You aren’t going to be.”

“What are you-?” Maddie’s question is cut off by a frantic pounding on the front door. 

Buck sees Maddie flinch, jumping while trapped within her skin, and he sends her a gentle smile and a reassuring squeeze to her arm.

“I got it,” Buck says easily, pulling away to move himself towards the door.

“Who is it?” Maddie is confused behind him. Buck doesn’t answer.

He simply opens the door, quickly moving to the side as Chim barrels his way inside.

“What’s wrong?” He asks Buck first, standing in front of him, but his frantic eyes dart around until they land on Maddie down the hallway. He’s moving instantly, rushing over to her, pausing just before touching her, hands hovering in the air as he squints and shifts his gaze to assess for any potential injury. He’s asking her with worry gripping his voice, “Are you okay?”

“I-” Maddie takes in the sight of Chim, frantic and anxious and looking just as distressed as she’s been feeling. Buck watches as she blinks, her confusion out of her eyes and begins to show the smallest hint of a smile.

“She’s fine, man” Buck says while he rolls his eyes fondly at the pair of them.

“No,” Chim shook his head in disbelief, “You said-”

“I said you should come over,” Buck shrugged with a smile.

Chim is rapidly pulling out his phone to pull up his messages, shaking his head no, “You said ‘SOS. Need you at Maddie’s.’ and then stopped responding!”

“What?” Maddie wrinkled her own eyebrows in confusion.

Buck flexed a hand in mock surrender while leaning on his other crutch. He admitted, “Okay, maybe the ‘SOS’ was a little dramatic.”

“A little?” Chim was glaring at him.

“I mean, you made great time, though,” Buck pointed out.

“What is going on?” Maddie cut off the two men.

Chimney stood blushing, still hovering next to Maddie without explicitly stepping into her space. 

Buck felt himself smile, “Date night.”

The pair in front of him wore equal expressions of confusion. In sync they turned to glance at each other, unsure, before turning back to Buck with matching expressions of disbelief.

Buck rolled his eyes, “Oh, come on. You two have barely seen each other since you got out of the hospital. You’re each asking me constantly for updates on the other. So here you go. Update each other.”

“Buck-” Chim started, looking unsure of himself.

Buck cut him off before he could argue any bullshit about this not being a good idea, “Are either of you going to settle until you know for a fact the other is really safe?”

They both blinked at Buck, again looking so right next to each other, and Buck was confident he was doing them both some good.

“There’s an extra toothbrush in the bathroom,” Buck told Chim before continuing to both of them, “Take it easy tonight. Order in, chill with a movie,” He turned to talk pointedly to Chim again, “Do not engage in strenuous activities.”

Maddie barked out a laugh, startling both Buck and Chim into looking at her. Seeing their faces, she let another laugh escape her throat.

“I’m serious!” Buck insisted with a smile, “This is a cozy night in, you understand?”

Maddie’s laugh died down to some giggles. Her hand was raised, half hiding her smile. It’s been too many weeks since Buck has seen Maddie laugh like that, seen her smile so genuinely.

Buck watched as she turned to Chim, reaching for his hand and letting an easy smile lay across her lips. She asked softly, “Is this… Would you…?”

Chim was meeting her eyes with a similarly soft expression. He rubbed circles into the back of her hand with his thumb, “I- Would you be comfortable? I need you to-”

“Stay?” Maddie cut him off with the soft question, a hopeful look in her eyes.

“Y-Yeah,” Chim nodded, wearing a smile that seemed to be growing without any chance of stopping.

Buck let them have their moment for another second before it grew to be too much. He very dramatically cleared his throat, rolling his eyes and saying, “Okay, well, I’ll be here tomorrow.”

Maddie and Chim laughed lightly, but didn’t push themselves from looking away from each other.

“You guys are gross,” Buck muttered. It was an affectionate tease, one that lead them both to chuckle and blush again.

They were going to be so much worse when they actually fell in love, Buck knew it as a fact.

Buck almost couldn’t imagine it, being that stupidly gooey over a person. He’s seen the strength of a growing commitment between Bobby and Athena. He’s seen the loving gazes of affection cast between Hen and Karen. He even sees the resilient desire to start something real that’s persisting through Maddie and Chim’s interactions. That never really felt like an option for Buck.

Maybe it almost was, with Abby. But she moved. Didn’t even give Buck the chance to “step in” to the hardships with her as Bobby had advised him to do. He was too young to be trusted to do that. Buck understood, really. For most of his life he just floated through the days. He bounced between miscellaneous jobs, miscellaneous living situations. The first time he found a true sense of purpose he lost it along with his limb. When he rebuilt his life around the painful changes he had no choice but to confront, he still found himself bouncing between roles.

He was a friend, he knew he was a friend, but everyone around him had partners . Bobby had Athena, along with his team. Hen and Chim had each other in the field, and off the field Hen had Karen and Chim had his dance with Maddie. Buck knew his roles and it was never as a partner.

He was a brother to Maddie. A friend, almost a brother, to Chim. A friend to Hen, to Josh, to Linda. He was a glorified student to Bobby, someone to coach and take on under his wing. These were simplistic labels, Buck knew that, but that didn’t change how limited Buck felt in what he could offer.

He couldn’t even run to save his sister.

Buck tried to push the thoughts out of his head. He’s still competent. He’s still capable. He can still do so much good. In fact, there’s a certain skillset he possesses that he knows for a fact wasn’t lost in his recovery after the car accident.

Just for one night, he knew he could be good for someone. He knew he could provide someone with pleasure and bliss and escape from their own worries. He knew that doing that would let him escape his worries as well.

Just for a night, only ever just for a night, but it was enough.

For the rest of his days, he could handle his role as friend. He liked being a friend.

He took out his phone to text Karen that their ambush plan for a Chim-and-Maddie date night had worked.

Chim will be back next shift. Chim will be back next shift. Chim will be back next shift.

Hen repeated the sentence about a hundred times on the drive from the firehouse to her own home. It wasn’t that she couldn’t do her job without Chim. She was more than competent and capable, even taking point on most medical calls when they arrived on a scene. It was just… Work felt easier when she was doing it alongside her best friend. Eddie was nice and funny with a good sense of humor, too, and they had definitely grown closer. Only, while he possesses a medic skillset from his army days he wasn’t technically a firefighter paramedic. Which means for the past few weeks Hen has been dealing with floaters.

Floaters are… not Chim. They miss B or C shift as much as Hen misses Chimney on A shift. They long for the familiarity of their old partners with the impending timeline of a temporary placement stopping them from growing close beyond acquaintances. Friendliness certainly wasn’t helped by Bobby mistakenly ordering “Hen and Chim” to assess victims and triage out of habit rather than calling out to Hen and the accurate name of whoever she was working with. He… seemed to feel really bad about that actually. The slip of his tongue was corrected within the first week of Chim’s medical leave, but still A shift seemed to operate a little less fluidly without Chim at Hen’s side.

At least this time it wasn’t rebar through the skull.

He was coming back, thank god. Hen just needed to get through this 48 off until her partner was back, just in time for Christmas! It was almost a shame, really, that Chim would be working the peak of the holiday season. Hen had even teased him that he should push his obtaining medical clearance another week so he could have a calm Christmas at home, lord knows she’d be spending the holiday with her family if she could. But Chim’s already stir crazy and apparently Maddie has some reservations about drawing attention to the holiday season so he’ll be back to work in time for the dreaded Christmas Eve overnight. Hen tried not to feel too selfishly happy that she won't be partnerless for that night.

Still, there was still a few days until she had her partner back, and this shift was tiring. Her body felt almost as if it dragged, stress and hunger battling for dominance in her body. All she wanted to do was go home, hug her beautiful wife, and thank Athena a thousand times over for taking Denny to allow a childless night in the Wilson residence. Hen loved her son, nothing would ever change that, but Hen can’t even remember she had a night alone with her wife.

Walking through the door to her home, Hen was already beginning to feel more relaxed than she has all day. It was somehow more tiring to get off of a shift at 7pm than 7am, the cool ease of the winter evening bringing with it a comfort to allow for rest to be welcome. 

Hen found Karen in their bedroom. She felt a smile overtake her features and let out a huff of relief while saying, “I am so excited for our quiet night in.”

Karen whipped herself around from where she was staring at the closet. Eyes wide and earnest she rapidly declared, “We need to go out.”

“Wait,” Hen felt herself flinch backwards, pulling a confused expression, “What?”

Karen is already crossing the bedroom, crowding into Hen’s space, when she begins to explain, “I was texting Buck.”

“Buck?” Hen can’t help but ask with a smidge of disbelief in her voice.

“Are we boring?” Karen insisted the question.

Hen blinked in disbelief at her wife. Karen rolled her eyes at Hen’s silence and continued to ramble, “You know what Buck is doing? His first real night off since everything has gone down? You know what Buck’s doing tonight?”

Hen looked at her wife’s frantic energy and felt a fondness stretch over her gentle smile. She then thought of Buck, a charming kid but still a guy with a “do-first-think-second” attitude, and felt herself almost laugh as she guessed, “Something reckless?”

“He’s going out!” Karen all but screamed.

Hen raised her eyebrows, trying to find where the root of Karen’s frustration was, signaling how lost she felt with the stretched out question of “Okay?”

“Okay?” Karen threw her hands to the side in frustration. Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say. Karen continued with growing fury, “Okay? Our first childfree night in who knows how long and how were we going to spend it? Delivery, reality TV, and an early bedtime?”

“I mean,” Hen started with a gentle smile, “That does sound nice.”

Karen’s movements stopped sharply, staring at Hen icily with a firm frown pressed tight to her face. Definitely the wrong answer. Oops.

Suddenly, Karen’s expression slackened. The frantic frustration evaporated leaving an expression of disbelief behind when Karen let out an airy, “We are boring.”

It wasn’t a question anymore. Karen spoke like it was a diagnosis. Chronic. Terminal. No treatment available. Hen felt her heart catch in her chest at how upset her wife seemed to be.

When Hen spoke it was gentle, reassurance doubled down by gentle hands reaching out and holding onto Karen, “Now, come on. We are parents, with stressful jobs and stressful lives. A night off for us is bound to look different than for a twenty-something year old bachelor enjoying the nightlife of LA.”

Hen could feel Karen tense underneath her touch. She had a growing dread that perhaps she said the wrong thing again. She was proven correct when she caught Karen’s eyes, sharper than ever.

“You think I’m old.”

Hen raised an eyebrow and tried to defend herself, “I didn’t say-”

“You think we’re old!” Karen used her hands to lightly shove Hen off of her, accusatory fire in her words.

At this, Hen couldn’t hold back a scoff, “Hey, now.”

Karen’s endearingly frantic demeanor was back, mind clearly spiraling away from her as she gasped and asked, “Is this lesbian bed death?”

The ridiculous question actually managed to wheeze a punched-out laugh from Hen’s chest as she met Karen’s frantic voice with her own, “What?”

“Of course,” Karen is mumbling, bringing her hands to cover her face, “Of course we-”

Hen decides enough is enough. As cute as her wife is, spiraling over nothing, Hen can’t stand to watch her spin herself into any more distress. She can’t have her wife thinking she’s boring, unexciting, unattractive…

“Hey,” Hen placed her hands onto Karen’s arms a little more firmly, rubbing gentle circles with her thumbs while she urged Karen to drop her hands away from her face, “Hey, look at me.”

Karen did drop her hands, pouting a glare at Hen. Hen just found herself giving a gentle smile, “There’s my beautiful wife.”

Hen moved in a practiced ease, lifting her hands from Karen’s arms, dragging them to lightly cup Karen’s face as Hen leaned in to press a solid, comforting kiss to her wife’s lips. Pulling back, she saw Karen’s pout had disappeared. It was almost enough, Hen wanted her wife to smile. She leaned forward again, pressing soft kisses to her wife while she spoke.

“My beautiful,” Another quick peck to the lips, "Gorgeous," A soft press of Hen’s grin to Karen’s cheeks, resulting in Hen feeling Karen’s smile beginning to stretch across her features, “Youthful,” A light laugh left Karen’s lips as Hen placed a kiss to her jaw, “Radiant wife,” Hen began to place soft kisses onto Karen’s neck. 

Hen could feel the last of Karen’s tension melting out of her muscles. Karen held Hen firmly pressed against her, sighing as she let herself be kissed. While Hen kissed her neck, lips trailing up again to trace Karen’s jaw line, right up under her ear, hands moved down Karen’s form to grip tightly at her hips. Hen used the grip to pull them more closely together. Tracing her nose against Karen’s ear, Hen paused her kissing to whisper the question, “What is it my wife would like to do on this beautiful evening when we have our home all to ourselves?”

She feels the way Karen is shuttering. She smirks as she leans in to kiss her wife just under her ear once more, thinking bed death my ass .

Only before she can leave more than a simple kiss Karen is reaching to cradle Hen’s face in one hand and pull her tilted head upright. Karen surges forward as she lifts Hen’s head, pressing a kiss to her lips. They kiss with a passion that leaves butterflies swirling in Hen’s stomach, with a desire that has Hen thanking whatever higher power may exist that she is lucky enough to be married to the woman whose taste is dancing across her tongue. 

Karen is the one to break the kiss, pulling back with a blinding smile looking fondly at Hen. Hen’s dazed gaze meets her wife’s shining eyes and she feels so full of love and affection and desire. Then, Karen’s smile stretches longer, into more of a smirk, and she finally answers Hen’s question, “I want to go dancing.”

“What?” Hen blinked a few times to try and get a grasp on her thoughts again.

“Dancing!” Karen smiled brightly, pressing a firm but short kiss to Hen’s lips once more, “You are going to take me dancing before you take me to bed.”

“That so?” Hen couldn’t help the fond chuckle leaving her lungs.

“Ooh!” Karen clapped her hands with excitement, “I need to get changed.”

Hen laughed again, shaking her head as her wife ran towards their shared closet. The exhaustion she had felt only minutes ago felt nearly untouchable now. Watching Karen smile, having felt Karen melt against her lips, hearing Karen laugh and cheer and demand them both to chase a bit of nightlife adventure tonight? It was worth sacrificing a night in on the couch. They could do a movie night with Denny tomorrow, they could have a lazy pajama day and Hen might even be able to get away with sleeping until 10am. Tonight? Hen was gonna take her wife dancing, and then -if she was lucky- would be taking her to bed.

Karen chucked a geometric pattern button down blouse at Hen and informed, “You need to change, too.”

Hen felt another laugh bubble out of her, “Yes, ma’am.”

“Twenty minutes!” Karen pointed a finger at Hen as she fumbled her way towards the bathroom, reaching for her makeup bag.

“Am I taking you out, or are you taking me?” Hen called the teasing question after her.

“You’re paying!” Karen called back.

“With our shared bank account,” Hen mumbled under her breath, a soft smile still gracing her features. She looked over the shirt her wife demanded her to wear and once more felt overwhelmed with fondness. Her wife was happy, and Hen didn’t feel tired anymore. She even felt a little excited about going out tonight. She made a mental note to text Buck a thanks tomorrow.

“This is not our typical kind of bar,” Hen teased Karen, wrapping her arm around her wife’s waist.

“What’s wrong with a gay bar?” Karen asked in light offense, “A lesbian-friendly gay bar.”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Hen shook her head with a light laugh, pressed close together by the crowded room, shouting a bit over the loud thump of the music, “It’s just not our usual scene.”

“You’re supposed to make me feel young tonight,” Karen pointed out.

Hen pressed a quick kiss to Karen’s cheek before speaking, “Then let me get you another drink. Wait here.”

Karen grinned happily at Hen and Hen once more felt so lucky to be married to this woman. They had a good spot that Karen was guarding as Hen walked over to the bar, a tall table without stools around it so that they could lean on something while they shouted flirty conversation over the sound of music they barely recognized. They weren’t really out dancing, but they were enjoying the ambiance of the bar and the novice of the new environment and the company of each other.

Hen got Karen another margarita, her third in maybe an hour's time, while opting for water herself this round again. She decided to drive tonight, after all she was the one taking Karen out. Allegedly. Shared bank account and Karen’s initiative aside, Hen was the one who drove, so Hen was the one taking her wife out. A small pride, but a pride and a privilege nonetheless.

Returning to the small space Hen and Karen had carved out for themselves outside of the busy dancefloor, Hen found Karen with her back turned.

“Should I be offended you haven’t been watching me cross the dancefloor?” Hen joked to grab Karen’s attention.

“Shhhhh!” Karen whipped around lightning speed, hushing Hen.

“Did you just ‘Shh’ me?” Hen couldn’t help her disbelief. It was hard enough to even be heard in this place, but to be ‘Shh’ed?’

Karen’s eyes caught on the still outstretched drink in Hen’s hand. Perking up with excitement, she grabbed the glass and took a sip. Then, leaning close enough that Hen could smell the tequila on her breath, she spoke loudly in the impression of a whisper, “Don’t freak out, but look two tables over.”

Hen raised an unimpressed eyebrow. Karen nodded encouragingly, so Hen lifted her gaze to two standing tables down, where two men appeared to be kissing passionately against the wall. Hen averted her gaze and snorted at Karen, “I told you this wasn’t our usual bar scene.”

Karen scrunched her face in confusion, asking, “That’s it?”

“I just crossed the dancefloor to get you your drink, I promise their little make out isn’t even the worst of the PDA in this place,” Hen rolled her eyes at her wife’s antics before taking a sip from her water.

“Not the kissing,” Karen kissed, then shook her head, “Well, yes the- Who’s kissing!”

Now it was again Hen’s turn to look at her wife in confusion. Once again Hen lifted her gaze over Karen’s shoulder. The men weren’t actively shoving their tongues down each other’s throats anymore, so Hen didn’t feel too uncomfortable letting her gaze take them in. She wasn’t quite sure what she was looking for. The brunette man whose face she could see seemed to be whispering up into the ear of the man pressed against the wall. Maybe Karen was surprised by the height difference, the taller man being boxed in by his shorter companion. Only, it seemed there was something else against the wall. Maybe he used crutches, like Buck, so being the one against the wall provided needed support.

Actually, those did look a bit like Buck’s crutches. He had the same curly blonde mop Buck did when he left his hair unstyled. Hen could even see the man had a birthmark over his eyebrow, revealed by the shorter man pulling backwards slightly. He looked an awful lot like-

Hen whipped her gaze back to Karen and hissed her question of, “Buck?”

“Shh!” Karen hissed back. She glanced again over her shoulder, then quickly back to Hen, “What is he doing here?”

Hen floundered for only a moment before a breathy laugh escaped her lips, “You did say he was going out tonight.”

“This is a gay bar!” Karen gestured around them, as if Hen somehow hadn’t realized.

“Well, he looked like he was fitting in just fine,” Hen points out, an embarrassed disbelief still taking center in her chest.

“Is he out?” Karen smacked Hen lightly on her shoulder.

Hen felt her eyes bulge out of her skull. She’s heard a few stories of Buck having a flirty night out or hooking up after a bar, only ever she/her pronouns involved. Her expression must’ve been answer enough for Karen who started humming and shaking her head.

“Mmm-mmm,” Karen held up a finger and swallowed the rest of her margarita down, grimacing a bit and not even licking the salt rim before insisting “Mmm-mmm, we are getting out of here.”

“Karen-”

“Nope!” Karen grabbed Hen’s hand, already pulling her towards the bar, “Close us out, he will tell us when he’s ready, not when we corner him at a bar.”

“We’re not gonna corner him,” Hen nearly laughed.

“He cannot see us,” Karen’s mind was made up. It made Hen’s heart melt a little, seeing how caring and protective of Buck’s identity Karen was being. Really, she was right. It seemed like the only option to avoid the chance of Buck seeing them was to leave.

Hen signed off the tab, tipping a little more generously than her standard 20%, and began to follow Karen through the crowd. They squeezed their way towards the door, only to be stopped by Karen tripping suddenly.

Hen’s hands shot out, steadying her wife, while someone thudded on the floor next to them.

“Sorry!” Karen’s frantic voice calls.

“Hey, Watch-” 

Oh no. Of all the people to trip into.

“Karen?” Buck blinked up from the floor. The man he was kissing previously had his hands pulling Buck upwards, evidence of his own failed attempt to catch Buck when he fell.

“Uh…” Karen looked a bit like she was floundering.

Buck’s confusion flashed quickly into a bright smile, “Karen!”

He laughed, accepting the dropped crutch from his companion he barely gave the man any attention. He focused on Karen with a light laugh, “Karen, what are you doing here? Did I invite you out?”

He looked a little like an overly excited, confused puppy. Karen, still buffering, turned to look at Hen letting out another, “Uh…”

“Hen!” Buck seemed to just notice her, “Oh! Izzit date night?”

He was slurring and swaying but smiling. Hen gave him a smile right back and answered on both her and Karen’s behalf, “Something like that.”

“Cool,” Buck chuckled, swaying back a little more and leaning into the man behind him.

Caught, confronted with the reality of running into Buck quite literally, Karen let out a noise of disbelief and narrated, “I knocked over your crutch.”

“Psh,” Buck waved her off, “Iz fine. Thinking of a prosse’ic sometime soon anyway.”

Oh. Isn’t that news?

Hen didn’t think Buck was at a sober enough state to handle a detailed conversation about that. She was practically buzzing with curiosity, though, and couldn’t hold back her question of, “Buck, who’s this?”

Buck turned with a dopey smile to look at the man behind him, then faced Hen and Karen again, “This is Cooper.”

The man closed his eyes, gave a soft laugh, and corrected, “Carter.”

“Ooh,” Buck leaned forward on his crutches, allowing him the ability to turn to Carter with a bashful grin and ask, “How bad of me was that?”

The man laughed a little richer, clearly having had some drinks but not seeming anywhere as gone as Buck, he answered, “I’ll be honest, I thought your name was Chuck until I heard your friend say different.”

At the reminder of his friends, Buck perked up again and turned around, “Oh! This is Karen, she’s a scientist. And this is Hen. She’s really cool, she saved muh life.”

Hen felt her eyes go a little wide, flushing over the slurred and casual way Buck introduced her as someone who had saved his life. Over the past few months growing into friends with Buck, shifting into family with the 118, she so often forgot about the first night they had all met. She forgot about the scared, hurt Evan who was watching his life change forever right before his eyes. That image of him has long since been replaced with the strong, resilient dispatch worker who poured his heart and laughter into everything.

“Cool,” Carter agreed before leaning into Buck again, “We still getting out of here?”

Look, Hen didn’t consider herself a prude. She was well aware of hookup culture, of Buck’s stories of being a flirt, that the two of men were kissing as if they were alone only a few minutes ago. Only Buck was slurring and sloppy and up until a few seconds ago didn’t even know that guy’s name. She was worried about him, which is why she couldn’t help but ask, “Buck, how much have you had tonight?”

He cast her a look, as if he found it amusing to dismiss the thought and answered, “Only, like… a few drinks.”

“Buck, you can barely walk,” Karen pointed out his swaying, and Hen felt relieved she wasn’t the only one worried about Buck running off for a hookup in this state. Maybe it was the mother in both of them, but if Karen was a few drinks deeper than Hen and still felt put off by the situation then surely it was worth mentioning.

“That’s what ‘eh crutches are for,” Buck smiled as if that answer was obvious.

Hen felt her eyebrows raise, unimpressed with the answer.

“You’re really cute,” Carter said to Buck, who seemed to preen under the compliment. Hen had half a mind to speak again before Carter continued, “Can I see your phone?”

“Hmm?” Buck seemed confused, but leaned onto one crutch to shift his weight and allow for him to pull his phone out of his pocket.

Carter laughed a kind laugh and instructed, “Unlock it, sweetheart.”

Maybe Hen was a bit of a prude. Something about this guy who was trying to get with her drunken friend using a pet name despite barely knowing his name made her shoot a look towards Karen. Her wife, however, seemed like her attention was solely focused on Buck and Carter in front of them. Looking back at the pair, Hen saw Carter hand Buck’s phone back.

“Another night,” Carter instructed. Buck visibly deflated but Hen felt relief wash over her, “When you’ve had a few less shots. Give me a call.”

“Really?” Buck flashed all three of them a look of disbelief. A poster image for someone drunk off their ass insisting to everyone around them they weren’t that drunk.

“Have a fun night with your friends, man,” Carter answered, already pulling away in another direction.

Buck’s flat look landed on Hen and Karen once more.

“Sorry?” Karen looked genuinely guilty, a little overwhelmed, a little unsure of that to do now.

The sight clearly broke Buck’s tension. He snorted, rolled his eyes, and eventually said, “‘S fine. Would’ve been weird when he moaned out ‘Chuck’ later anyways.”

A laugh startled it’s way out of Hen’s chest as she moved to place a hand on Buck’s swaying shoulders to steady him. She gave an offering, “Let me save you the price of an Uber?”

“Nah,” Buck dismissed, “Iz date night. ‘Sides I gotta…”

“Buck,” Hen insisted a little more firmly, “Let me drive you.”

Something must have shown in her face. Maybe the worry was evident in her tone. Buck held her eye for a moment more before relenting, “Okay. Okay, yeah.”

The three of them made their way out of the bar. The cooler air outside felt almost cleansing and the relative quiet of the street compared to the bar felt sobering to Hen despite only having had a single drink through the night.

In the end, as they all climbed into Hen’s car, it was Karen who brought it up. Karen, who was so insistent not to make Buck need to address his presence at the bar before they ran into each other, seemed like she couldn’t hold it back any more.

“So…” She trailed off, eyeing Buck in the backseat.

“So?” He questioned.

“So… That place… has a certain clientele,” Karen said. Hen was glad the car was still in park because she would have certainly slammed her foot down in shock of the conversation topic.

Buck let his head fall back and groaned, “Not again.”

“Not that there’s anything wrong with that-” Karen started.

“You are lesbian married!” Buck hissed out. Hen couldn’t help her chuckle as she started the car to pull out of the parking lot. Buck rambled on, “It’s clearly not a problem.”

“We just didn’t realize you were…” Karen trailed off.

Buck sighed again, filling in her blank, “I’m bisexual. Iz not a thing.”

Hen felt her heart pinch as she tried to assure Buck, “Hey. Bisexuality is a thing. Whoever told you it wasn’t-”

“No, no,” Buck cut her off, “I know it’s like, real. Duh. Hi. I just mean, like… Bobby made it a thing, then Maddie also made it like… a thing, but iz not a thing. ‘S just me.”

Hen felt herself relax. Buck was so sure of himself, so confident in his identity, it was nice to see.

Karen, clearly thinking the same, assured Buck, “It’s just you. And we love you. And we’re proud of you.”

Buck’s smile could be heard in his voice as he responded with, “I love you guys, too.”

“So, Bobby knows?” Hen couldn’t help but smile.

“‘S not like I hide it,” Buck responded.

“Good,” Hen nodded. She’s glad Buck felt comfortable in his own skin. She’s glad he felt comfortable with them all. She’s distracted, though, by the sound of Karen sniffling next to her.

“Karen?”

“Sorry,” Karen shakes her head, “Sorry, just… All my friends are first responders.”

“Oh, Karen,” Buck sat forward in the seat, placing a gentle hand on Karen’s arm. He seemed to understand. Hen was, unfortunately, far too sober to connect with whatever weird alcohol-driven wavelength they were communicating on.

“That’s not true,” Hen offers her case, “You have the other PTA parents, your coworkers...”

“The PTA moms are bitches!” Karen exclaims.

“Yeah!” Buck jumps right in, supporting Karen despite not having met any of the other PTA members.

Karen seemed encouraged by his drunken support, continuing on, “And my coworkers are coworkers. Your's are all… You’re all this family and Buck came out to his family and-”

“Hey!” Buck cuts off Karen’s words. She’s always been an emotional drunk, and Hen is just glad that Buck seems to be good at navigating that, “Hey, you’re in this family, too. You’re, like, legally binding an’ everything. Married in. I’m bas’ly Bobby’s stray.”

It doesn’t sound demeaning when Buck says it, he says it almost like a joke. Hen is about to cut in and let Buck know that he’s more than that, that his friendship with Bobby is what pushed them all to act more like family in the first place, but Karen begins to laugh and tells Buck, “You know, Hen and Chim tried to get Bobby a ‘Who Rescued Who?’ sticker?”

Buck laughs, full and proud, before he answers, “Yeah. ‘Thena… Athena told me that one.”

Karen turns in her seat, talking only to Buck as she says, “How do we do it?”

“What?” Buck asks. Hen tries not to feel too satisfied that for once he seems as lost in the conversation as she is.

“They won’t even be home for Christmas. Our Family,” Karen answers.

Oh. The pulling on Hen’s heartstrings strengthens as her knuckles turn white on the steering wheel.

Buck lets out a sigh, “We…” He paused, then gasped, “Ambush!”

Now, Hen was suddenly beyond lost in the conversation again. She couldn’t help but speak up, “Ambush?”

“Ambush?” Karen perked up with more excitement.

“Shh! Shh!” Buck was hitting Karen, signaling for her to calm down. In the rearview mirror, Hen could see him nodding in Hen’s direction before he said, “I’ll plan it. Trussme, yeah?”

Karen, somehow understanding, giggled. She nodded and told Buck, “I’m so glad we’re friends.”

“Iz important,” Buck nodded, “Having friends who ar’nt first responders.”

“Buck, you're a first responder,” Karen giggled a little more.

“Oh, yeah,” Buck said, as though he was genuinely just remembering. He then added on, “That’s okay, first responders make the best friends anyway.”

Buck and Karen were laughing, clearly in agreement, and Hen couldn’t help but feel lost still. Maybe they were both much drunker than she realized.

“Buck, do you need somewhere to crash tonight?” Hen needed to ask at this point.

“Nah,” Buck answered easily, “Got the apartment all to myself.”

“Chim’s not there?” Hen asked. She had thought Buck has been staying over at Maddie’s recently anyway. But now he was alone in the apartment?

“The ambush worked!” Karen cheered, leading Buck to laugh again.

“Am I supposed to know what you two are talking about?” Hen had to ask at this point.

“I’ll tell you later,” Karen promised, resting her hand across the consul to land on Hen’s lap, “Drop Buck off, baby. You still gotta take me home.”

“Ooooh,” Buck teased from the back seat.

Hen scoffed at his childishness.

“Keep it PG ‘til I’m out ‘eh car,” Buck tacked on.

“PG-13,” Karen nodded, giving a soft squeeze to Hen’s thigh.

“Karen!” Hen took a hand off the wheel to lightly smack her wife’s hand affronted. It only served to send her two passengers into another fit of laughter. Confused, a little embarrassed, and still so very happy, Hen let herself join in with their laughs.

Buck’s impromptu hang out with Hen and Karen the other night was good. Well, it was less of an impromptu hang out, and more of an accidental crashing of their date night while drunk off his ass and about to perpetuate the cycle of making bad decisions, but it was still good.

Not for the whole coming out thing, that’s not a thing, because it really doesn’t need to be a thing. But the night was good because Buck was intercepted. He wasn’t even all that upset not to have sex that night. What’s-his-face barely even knew Buck’s name and Buck was, admittedly in hindsight, a bit beyond the limit of alcohol he could drink before his own performance in bed was sure to dwindle.

He was craving validation, really. He wanted to feed into a habit and perform in a way he knew he was good at. Instead, he found himself surrounded by friends. He found himself reminded that his role wasn’t just to be a friend, but to be a member of this beautiful family he’s found.

With Karen’s inspiration, he found himself inspired to find a way to get his wonderful little family together for Christmas, even just for a little bit. It made it easier to actually embrace and enjoy the holiday spirit. He had a plan. Athena knew, Karen knew, even Maddie was beginning to look forward to the holiday. It felt almost healing, knowing Maddie was excited for Christmas again. Getting in touch with Eddie’s family took some more effort.

He had called Carla up. He knew she couldn’t really talk to him about her clients, but he figured reaching out with the mutual understanding that Buck was who referred the Diaz family in the first place. The first problem was that Carla did not know it was Buck who gave the referral.

A few laughs later, finally figuring out why Chris had been so sure Buck’s name was Mr. Brett, and Buck managed to convince her to pass along his information to Eddie’s Tia Pepa to let her know about Buck’s Christmas plan. They left it up to her to reach out to Buck if she wanted to be involved, fully understanding why Carla as a professional couldn’t directly give any contact information on the extended Diaz family to Buck.

It was nice to catch up with Carla again. Buck hadn’t realized how much he had missed her for a while. And when Buck softly admitted to considering obtaining a prosthetic leg despite being a little overwhelmed with the process, he knew Carla spoke more as a friend than as a professional when she reassured him, “It would be a pleasure to find you a starting point.”

Carla was the best.

Eddie’s tia, thankfully, did reach out and seemed ecstatically happy to join Buck’s 118 Christmas surprise plan. 

Things, overall, were looking up. He walked into his shift, a few days before Christmas, and felt truly happy for the first time in a long time.

“9-1-1, What’s your emergency?” The familiar words rolled off Buck’s tongue.

“Santa’s dying!”

Oh. Well. A little boy screaming about the death of Santa Claus was one way to dampen Christmas joy.

“Did you say-?”

Buck couldn’t finish his clarifying question before the young voice was spilling through his speakers again, “He’s shaking and sick and he’s dying!”

“Okay, buddy. My name is Buck, I’m gonna send some help,” Buck tried to use his most gentle voice to calm the boy down, he could hear a lot of screaming in the background of the call, “Can you tell me your name?”

“Carlos.”

“Okay, Carlos,” Buck began typing in the caller information, “Where are you?”

“I-I’m at the Christmas lights.”

“Okay, do you know where the lights are?” Buck tried again.

“At the park.”

Buck tried not to shake his head, the boy sounded so young and scared. He asked a new question, “Carlos, how old are you?”

“Seven.”

Where the hell were this boy’s parents?

Josh’s voice called across the call floor, “All calls regarding the seizing Santa at the Enchanted Light Show, advise callers that medical help has been dispatched.”

Buck looked around, seeing many of his coworkers smile and nod, making quick closing statements and ending their calls. Given the screaming chaos he could hear on the other end of his current line, he could only assume how many frantic parents were also sending in calls about a collapsed Santa Claus in the park.

“Carlos, are you at the Enchanted Light Show? Is that the name?” Buck had to confirm, just to be sure he wasn’t operating on assumptions.

“That’s right,” Carlos confirmed.

“Okay, that’s good. We have some help already on the way. Are you there with your parents?” Buck didn’t end the call, he couldn’t shake the feeling that a seven year old calling 9-1-1 from a park wasn’t right. He waved Josh over instead.

“They took off his beard!” The voice screamed frantically through the line, “They ripped the beard off Santa!”

“Hey, it’s okay buddy,” Buck tried, “That’s, that’s not the real Santa.”

“Santa’s not real?” The boy’s voice came through between a scream and a sob. Of course, it was at that point that Josh had arrived to Buck’s station. His mouth fell open, hearing the line, as he hissed out to Buck, “What are you doing?”

Which, okay, yeah, this seemed bad. This seemed like Buck just told a little boy who called 9-1-1 that Santa wasn’t real, but that wasn’t what Buck meant.

“No, no,” Buck spoke quickly, “That’s Santa’s helper, I mean.”

“He is?”

Buck thanked the universe that this kid was engaged and listening, accepting Buck’s rambled off and on-the-fly explanation. Buck continued, “Yeah, he helps Santa when Santa gets too busy. Because Christmas is almost here, right?”

“Right,” The boy agreed, “So his beard isn’t real.”

“That’s right,” Buck nodded even though the little boy couldn’t see, “The real Santa has a real beard.”

Josh gave Buck another look, another scrunched eye and a question of what is going on?

Buck tried to ask one more time, “Carlos, where are your parents?”

“They’re at home,” was the answer.

“Okay, who took you to the park?” Buck asked.

Nothing but sobs answered the question this time.

“Carlos, who’s phone are you using?” Buck tried a different approach.

“I-I just wanted to see Santa.”

Buck kept typing, filling in missing child as additional caller information. Josh began tapping away on his tablet, trying to see if any other calls could be related. Buck kept his voice calm and even, “That’s okay, bud. Can you tell me what you’re wearing?”

“What?”

“Just because we’re talking through the phone, I can’t see you,” Buck encouraged, “I’m wearing a red shirt, tan pants, and black shoes. Can you picture me better?”

“Uh,” Carlos seemed to think about it, “Yeah. Uh, I’m… I’m in a red shirt. And I have Spiderman shoes.”

“Whoa, Spiderman? Those sound like cool shoes,” Buck tried to keep the kid as calm as possible, typing in the more identifying information.

“They light up,” Carlos added.

“Well, that’s even cooler.”

“Got it,” Josh flipped his tablet over to Buck, information on Linda’s current caller. An elderly couple who was calling about their missing grandson at the lightshow.

“Carlos, did you go to the Christmas lights with your grandparents?” Buck asked.

“Y-Yeah,” Carlos sniffled into the phone, “I took my grandma’s phone to take a picture of the gingerbread man. But then Santa started shaking and everybody screamed and ran and now I… I can’t find them.”

“It’s okay, buddy, I think my friend is on the phone with them now,” Buck explained.

“Can I talk to them?” Carlos asked.

Josh had just confirmed with Linda that the missing boy her callers were looking for was named Carlos, matching the outfit description, too. LAPD’s own 7-27-L30 was with them already.

“Soon, bud. Can you tell me where you are? Are you still by the gingerbreadmen?”

“N-No,” Carlos admitted, “I ran to the candycanes. The green ones.”

“Okay, stay right there buddy.” Buck spoke gently into the phone.