Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It all starts when they're coming home after having drinks with the team.

Naturally, they're both tipsy. Some might even call them drunk.

They let themselves fall down into the couch, looking at the ceiling, giggling to themselves at nothing at all.

"Want a beer?"

Buck nods. Of course Eddie doesn't see it, he can't stop staring at the ceiling, thinking maybe he could repaint it.

After a few seconds of silence, Eddie uses his leg to nudge Buck's and get his attention "Want a beer?"

Buck turns his head so he gets to see him, amazement in his eyes "Another one?"

"You already have one?" Eddie seems betrayed at the implication.

"Uh, no, I'm beerless"

"I'm gonna beer you up"

"Do you want a beer?"

"Yeah, thanks"

"They're in the fridge"

"Oh"

"We gotta go to the kitchen"

Eddie looks in that direction, sad "Oh no"

"You think you can make it?"

"It's really far"

"But I'll come with you"

Eddie giggles "Be careful"

"I'm always" Buck gets up, wobbling as soon as he does "Woah, your house is moving"

"Is not"

"Is too"

"Is it?" he gets up as well, and stumbles a little "Ok, ready when you are"

"Doesn't feel like we can"

"Buck" he grabs him by the shoulder, serious "We are firefighters"

"Right" he takes in a deep breath "We do firefit- firefaith- what?"

"Fight!"

Buck pouts "Why? I don't want to fight you"

"Me neither, man" Eddie opens up his arms and hugs him "I'm sorry I said that"

Buck hugs him back "Let's never ever fight, ok?"

"Deal"

They separate and smile fondly at the other, then sit back down on the couch. A few seconds in silence go by before Eddie speaks again.

"You want a beer?"

Buck cackles. So Eddie cackles as well.

But then Buck suddenly stops laughing, and stares right into space with a concerned look on his face. Eddie looks at him, curious.

"I should call my parents"

Eddie frowns "Ew, why?"

"So they don't call me"

"They will?"

"No, it's precautionary"

"Oh" Eddie smiles "So I should call mine as well"

"Ew, no"

"Why not?"

Buck pouts again, playing with his own fingers "You always seem sad when you talk to them"

"I can't be sad if I'm with you, cowboy"

Buck cackles again, and Eddie does too.

"So instead of calling we should invite them over! So I can be here, that way they won't make you sad"

"That's a great idea!" Eddie smiles, getting his phone out and opening the group chat with his parents, but Buck gets in his way and snatches the phone out of his hands.

"That won't do"

"Why not?"

"If my parents find out your parents came here, they'll nag the shit outta me for not having manners and inviting them too"

"They talk to my parents?"

"Precautionary!"

"Oh no" Eddie grabs his head, as if he just received terrible news "You always seem so angry when you talk to them"

"Nothing to be angry about when you're here, silver star"

Eddie cackles, so Buck does too.

"You should invite them over!" Eddie yells out as if it's the solution to every problem in history "That way I'm here and you won't be angry"

"That's a great idea!" Buck takes out his phone and opens up the group chat with his parents, but Eddie snatches the phone out of his hands before he gets to write anything.

"You know what would be an even better idea?"

"What?" Buck tries hard to focus his eyes, but he just keeps seeing two Eddies. He figures he could do a lot worse than that.

"We have them four over the same day! So we only deal with one gigantic headache instead of two big ones"

"We throw a dinner party?"

"We throw a dinner party!"

They both giggle and throw their arms up in the air, screaming together "Dinner party!"

"Man, we are really good at thinking"

"We are" Buck says, tearing up "We really are"

"They should know how good we are!"

"Those are great news! They should!"

They both unlock the phone they have in the hand, a chat already opened.

Buck starts recording a voice message "Heeyyy! I was talking to Eddie and we thought you guys should visit us! We have great news to tell you! Come here tomorrow night! Eddie and his parents will be here as well! We'll have a dinner party!"

"Dinner party!" Eddie screams in the background, and then Buck sends the audio.

"Ok, my turn" Eddie starts recording a voice note of his own, using a poor British accent "Hellooo mom, hello dad, I would like to cordially invite you both to come over for dinner tomorrow, Buck's parents will be here as well because we have great news to share! Hereby you're invited to a family dinner party!"

Eddie looks back at Buck, expecting, but he remains silent. 

"You're supposed to say dinner party, man" Eddie says, disappointed.

"You didn't say I'll be there" he answers, upset "You said Buck's parents but didn't say Buck"

"Oh shit" he looks down at the phone, which is still recording "Buck will be there as well! Don't forget Buck will be there! And I will too! Because we have good news to share!"

"Great news" Buck corrects him.

"Great news!" he looks back at Buck "Wouldn't it be more fun if it was just them four and we two went out to the movies or grab dinner or something?"

"That would be fun, there's this new place I saw the other day when we were coming home from work, I think you would like it"

"Ow, why didn't you show me?"

"You were on the phone with Chrisssschool"

"Let's go now! You think it's open?"

"Man but the house is still moving"

"Oh right" he looks at the phone and giggles "It's still going"

Buck laughs and leans forward, pressing his forehead against the phone "Dinner party!" he screams. 

Eddie gets the phone close to his own face and sends the message.

"Ok, cool... wanna beer?"

Buck laughs, hysterically, and then uses a hand to cover Eddie's mouth "Shhh"

"Shhh" 

"Chris'ssssleeping" 

"Right, shh" Eddie nods, and then whispers "Not here tho"

"Uh?"

"He's with my tía"

"Oh" he nods, eyes closed "Good for him"

"Dude, you need to sleep"

"You need to sleep"

"That's what I'm saying"

"Ok, nighty night, alligator"

And just like that, Buck is asleep on the couch.

"After a while, crocodile" 

Eddie falls asleep next to him almost immediately after, both still sitting on the couch.

Eddie wakes up to the sound of the phone in his hand ringing. He can barely open his eyes, but he manages to answer the call.

"Finally!" Maddie is on the other side of the line, screaming at him "Have you been paying attention to our lives? We don't get to sleep with the do not disturb mode on, how many times have I told you that?"

Weird, Eddie didn't notice the phone ringing before "Uh, I don't think you have, like, ever"

There's silence for a second, and Eddie has closed his eyes again. He doesn't think he ever opened them.

"Eddie?"

"Yeah?"

"Sorry, I thought I'd get Buck" she sounds discerning.

"You should try his phone, but don't worry, he's right here, I can wake him"

"Uh... well this is actually his phone but, yes, please"

"What? Why do I have Buck's phone?" 

Maddie chuckles "Oh my God"

Eddie can't manage to open his eyes yet. He can barely even move. He stretches out his arm until he feels Buck's face on the palm of his hand, and he just squeezes until he feels Buck pushing him away.

"What the fuck, man, hands to yourself"

"Maddie on phone" 

"Tell her no"

"He says no"

Maddie sighs "Eddie, I swear to God"

Eddie reaches out the phone to Buck's face "She's swearing on God's name"

"Not cool, Maddie"

Eddie half opens his eyes, just enough so he gets to put Maddie on speaker "There, he hears you now"

"Ok, great, Buck, could you explain to me why did I just get a call from mom asking if they can stay with me and Chim, since you two don't have a room for them to stay in?"

Buck groans "I have no idea, tell them not to come"

"I would but apparently they're on their way to LA because you and Eddie invited them to a dinner party and want to share great news with them"

Buck manages to open his eyes, befuddled "We what?"

"She was actually confused, she said Eddie sent a message to them, which clearly was meant for his parents, but Eddie did say 'Buck's parents are coming too' so she figures you just got your phones mixed up"

"And instead of asking they just decided to take us up on that invitation?"

"She called me freaking out because you never answered, she thinks you two are like together or something because why else would you two send a voice message at 3 am telling them to come over and then get distracted mid-message saying you should ditch the whole thing and go grab dinner alone instead... also the fact you are living together... with a kid"

"I was subletting" Buck argues.

Maddie ignores the comment "And because of that she got angry at me because we don't have room for them to stay here either, so thank you very much"

"I don't think we ever implied they could stay for the night" Eddie adds "That's on them"

"Also, we were drunk, they weren't supposed to actually come"

"Totally, I don't even remember inviting them"

"Yeah, no, me neither"

Maddie grunts "Check your phones" and she ends the call.

Buck and Eddie look at each other, frowning.

"Ok... lemme see" he goes through Buck's messages "Your mom is not happy" he says as he scrolls, until he finds the voice note they sent last night, and he presses play on it.

"Dinner party" Buck says once they've heard it, quietly, defeated.

"Your mom wants you to call her"

Buck sighs "She's just confused, she'll get over it"

"Where's my phone?"

Buck gives it to him "There, it wouldn't stop buzzing a few hours ago so i turned it off"

"Couldn't you just give it to me?"

"I thought it was mine!"

Eddie turns it on and is met with dozens of messages and calls, most from his parents, a couple from his abuela and tía Pepa. 

"Seems like we sent a similar message to my parents"

"You did"

Eddies stares at him, blank, and presses play. Buck's voice echoing in the room.

"Ok so I did" Buck says, smiling apologetically.

"My abuela and tía Pepa wonder why weren't they invited to this family dinner"

"Because we love them"

"But we are apparently going to share great news so they want to know if everything's ok"

"That's a tough one"

"You think?"

"What are those news we were gonna share?"

"I don't know" Eddie sighs "But my parents are also on their way"

"This sucks"

"My parents I can deal with" he says, frustrated "Your parents I hate"

"Well same, your parents are awful"

"They're not so bad"

"Eddie, they treat you horribly, they took your kid!"

"They don't treat me horribly, they're just... square"

"I hate the way they speak to you, like you're a little kid making the same mistakes over and over... like they know what's best for Chris better than you"

"They meddle"

"They act like you are never good enough and it infuriates me because I've seen you actually believing it, believing them"

"They care too much and it doesn't always come across in a good way"

"But they..." he cuts himself off "I'm sorry, I shouldn't talk this way about your parents, it's... it's your family"

"No, it's ok, no big deal"

"No, no, c'mon, uh... tell me why you hate my parents"

"What?"

"Yeah, so we're even"

"I don't wanna do that"

"Do it"

"No"

"Do it"

"Buck..."

"Do it, do it, do it, do it, do..."

"They act like you don't matter" he blurts out "Like you're colateral damage in their quest to save their other kid, like you're expandable, like... like you are not worthy of life"

"Oh" he says quietly "Seems like you were waiting on that one"

"Buck..."

"No, it's fine, I don't dispute that" he half smiles "I've believed that too for as long as I can remember, it's ok"

"I feel awful"

"No, don't, you did nothing wrong"

"But..."

"Eddie" he scolds "You are right"

"Ok, so I hate them"

Buck chuckles "Fine by me"

"But, hey, they got their good qualities, don't they?"

"Such as?"

"Well, uh... well, they accept you, when you came out they didn't judge or question it, they were on board... if it were me my parents would never support me"

"Nah, you said it yourself, when it comes to me they just don't care, they didn't support me or accept me, they couldn't care enough to be mad or be happy or anything... it's all the same to them because they couldn't care less about me"

"That's not true, they got an invitation at 3am and they just jumped in the car to come and see you"

"Yeah that was weird, I wonder if something else is going on"

"Maybe they want to be there for you"

"I just feel like... like they blame me, like they got an underlying anger because I couldn't save Daniel, so they get overly protective but like... like I owe it to him to keep myself alive, not because they actually care that I live for me... like a 'you don't get to die on us too because it would remind us of our other kid', like I'm a reminder of the kid they actually loved... maybe they can't stand the idea that I get to have a life so they're coming here to ruin it"

"That's awful"

"Well" he sighs "Your parents got good qualities, like they love you, in a very intrusive way but they do, they care about you"

"Yeah but only as long as I fit into the life they want for me, if I go out a little bit is hell"

"They think that's the best for you, even if they're wrong it comes from a place of love"

"But I'm a grown adult, I kinda don't need them to try and figure out what's best for me and my kid"

"Well, you're right" he ends up agreeing "After all I think being ignored is not as bad as being mistreated"

"They didn't mistreat me"

"They do, as in until now"

Eddie scoffs "Also out of love?"

"What? No... I mean... they got their ways but... for instance, what you said before, that they wouldn't support you if you were gay or bi or so, I don't think that's true, I don't think you think that's true, deep down you know they love you"

"They do but they're also very catholic, they think I need to have this very traditional family, wife and kids and dog and so on"

"The bible says anything specific about the dog? I feel like you're more of a cat person"

Eddie chuckles "Oh God, I'm never drinking again"

"We really got ourselves in quite a pickle"

"More of a nightmare"

Buck looks at him for a couple of seconds, worried.

"Maybe..." he says as an idea settles in his mind "Maybe not"

"Not what?"

"Maybe we don't go through the whole dinner, maybe we annoy them so much they end up storming out early"

"Annoy them?" he scoffs "What are you gonna do?"

"What do you think?"

Eddie shakes his head "Beatbox?"

"I happen to be a great beatboxer"

"Prove it"

"I... I won't actually so you're gonna have to take my word for it"

"We'll see"

"Great"

"How do we annoy them so much they end up leaving?"

"My parents are easy, I've been doing nothing but annoy them since the day I was born"

"Uh-uh"

"I got experience at making them leave"

"Not funny"

"Dude"

"My parents don't leave, they smother me to compliance"

"Oh"

"So there's that"

"Unless..."

"Unless?"

"You said they'd hate it if you were to come out of a closet"

"I did"

"And we also told them something about great news and we can't remember what that was about"

"I think something about beer"

"Not the point"

"Alright"

"What if... we pretend we got married? And we pretend the whole dinner was for us to announce our marriage and that's the news we wanted to share! That's gonna annoy the four of them so much I guarantee we'll be free by 8"

Eddie looks at him in silence, in disbelief "That's ridiculous"

"It'll be easy, you heard Maddie, my parents already believe we're together anyways"

Eddie wants to say no, he wants to call him an idiot and be done with this, because there's no way that will work.

Except that his parents also sent him a message, and they appear to be on edge, like the slightest of movements will set them off. So, maybe...

The more he thinks about it, the more his expression turns into one of amazement, consideration, he looks at Buck and slowly he is agreeing with his eyes.

"That might work"

"Yes!" Buck smiles "And when they're on their way home we call them and come clean, will be fun"

"So much fun" he says, sarcastically "I bet my parents leave as soon as we say it"

"My parents will leave earlier, I told you, driving them away is kind of my talent"

"My mom might faint the very second we say it so she'll be leaving earlier, in an ambulance"

"Wanna bet?"

"On whose parents leave earlier?" Buck nods "Sure, why not"

Buck is smiling wide, mischievous "Winner gets one wish out of the loser"

"We're not genies"

"You have no whimsy"

"Ok, fine, whatever, I'm so hungover you're giving me a headache" he groans.

"I think I'm still drunk"

"I might be too, that's the only reason I find for me agreeing to one of your crazy plans"

"It will still be a great plan after we sober up"

"Doubt that, my parents might figure it out, they ask a lot of questions... we gotta get our story straight"

"Don't you mean... get our story gay?" he looks at him, brows raised, smiling proudly at his own joke.

Eddie tries to keep a poker face looking at him after such a terrible joke, but he ends up laughing "You're an idiot"

"You love me"

"I did marry you"

Then, they get to throughly, rigorously, coming up with the story.

Chapter Text

They decide it's best for everyone if Chris sleeps over at tía Pepa's again, so he doesn't have to deal with the Buckley/Diaz parents craziness. They anticipate dinner will take a turn for the worse.

"You ready?"

"Not in the slightest"

"Ok, c'mere"

Buck does so, he drops everything and meets him on the other side of the counter. Eddie grabs him by the shoulder and softly brushes him with the thumb "You are not expandable, ok? You don't need to be in danger to be worthy, you matter even if you're not risking your life"

Buck smiles, slightly blushing, and nods "And you" he grabs him by the shoulder with the other hand "You are enough, ok? You're a great dad, you are a great firefighter and a great person, and you're allowed to make mistakes, that doesn't make you a failure, you're far from it, you're amazing"

Eddie smiles back at him, blushing as well "We got this"

"We so got this" he puts his fist in front of Eddie's face, Eddie bumps their fists.

"You need help with dinner?"

"Could you stir that?" he points at a pot "Slowly"

"Sure" he does as he's told "Mom will probably criticize the food so don't take it personally"

"C'mon, Eddie, you know me, of course I'll take it personally"

"You could get Ramsay in here and she'd still criticize it"

"Are you saying Ramsay is a better chef than me?"

"I wouldn't dare"

"Thought so"

"Just be ready, if she's in a really bad mood she'll even bring her own food, just to be passive aggressive about not wanting to be here"

"Are you for real?"

"She can be difficult"

"Understatement"

Eddie is about to refute, but the doorbell rings before he gets to "Man"

"Ok, I'll be on my best behaviour, go"

Eddie goes to the door, and Buck remains in the kitchen finishing up dinner, telling himself he has to bite his tongue, he won't make it difficult for Eddie, he will try to be at ease.

But then he hears a quiet "Oh, hey, Mrs and Mr Buckley, come on in" and Buck feels himself getting definitely not at ease. It's gonna be a long night.

"Hello, Edmundo" he hears Margaret answer, and the sound of the door closing behind them tells Buck they're already inside.

"Buck is in the kitchen making dinner, but you can take a seat, would you like something to-oh, ok, or just go in there, don't mind me"

His parents are walking into the kitchen as Eddie says it. 

"Evan" Phillip greets, half smiling.

"Why the sudden invitation?"

Eddie gets in as well, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed.

"Hi mom, hi dad" Buck is making the salad now, chopping vegetables "Nice to see you"

"Well?" Margaret insists "What happened?"

"You can't just call in the middle of the night and say you need us to come over"

"No?"

"We can only assume the worst given your history, Evan, you're always running towards danger"

"Like a moth into a flame... a fire" Margaret agrees.

"It's my job, mom, to run into fires, it's literally what it means"

"You never care about protecting yourself, the world is so dangerous and you thrive on taking unnecessary risks" 

"Alright, I'm not doing this"

"You can't keep doing this to us!" Margaret says, high pitched "We thought you were hurt"

"No, you know that's not what this is about" he answers, annoyed "Otherwise you wouldn't have come"

"Evan-"

"I know, you can't stand hospitals, I know" his voice is also coming out pitchy "So you didn't really think I was in danger, did you? You wouldn't have come, so why are you making such a big deal out of this?"

"We just wanna know why did you make us come all the way here" Phillip chips in, trying to remain calm.

"I didn't make you, I invited you"

"Edmundo invited us, technically"

"Well, that's dinner talk" he looks at Eddie, who's already looking at him "Could you bring this to the table?" he hands him a bowl with bread, and Eddie takes it, he smiles at Buck, an attempt to comfort him, and he walks out of the kitchen.

"You always make everything more difficult than it needs to be"

"Could you guys let me finish? Wait in the living room, please"

"No, we-"

"Alright" he takes the salad bowl "I'll leave then"

He walks to the dining room, where Eddie is silently sitting.

"Off to a rough start" Eddie says, calmly.

"We don't stand a chance" Buck scorns, sitting down beside him.

Phillip and Margaret walk out of the kitchen, just as the doorbell rings again.

"We'll get the door" Buck rushes to say and practically bolts out of the room before his parents manage to say anything.

"I guess we will" Eddie says, smiling, and walks towards the door. By the time he gets there, Buck is already welcoming Helena and Ramon.

"Glad to see we won't be lacking food" Buck says, looking at the plastic bags in Helena's hands.

"Oh, is this ok? I didn't know if you guys would cook dinner" she answers, and Buck can so clearly see through her.

"Right, who cooks dinner for a dinner party?" Eddie smiles sarcastically, standing next to Buck.

"I just wasn't sure" she dismisses the whole thing, making her way inside the house.

Buck shakes his head, trying to suppress his dislike "I love Thai"

"So..." Helena smiles at them, standing in the middle of the living room "Where's Chris?"

"He's with my tía"

"You made us come all the way here and we don't even get to see him?" she says in a tone that makes Buck feel sick, it's condescending, like she's scolding a little kid.

"Why do they keep saying we made them?" Eddie asks Buck "It was an invitation, could've said no"

"We thought we'd take the chance to see Christopher" she says as if it's obvious "You keep him away from home too long"

"This is home, mom"

"You know what I mean"

"Do I?"

"I mean we don't see him that often, that's all"

"You said something about good news?" Ramon tries to mediate.

"Yeah"

"Well, you did" he tells Buck, and chuckles.

"Yes, we uh, we got our phones mixed up"

"I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often" Helena says, Buck really hates the way she talks to Eddie "With you two living together and all" and she's so clearly implying something else, using an ironic tone of voice so obviously patronizing.

"Oh, do you get your phones mixed often?" Eddie says, imitating the irony in her voice "Since you leave together"

"It's not the same"

Eddie sighs, giving in "Why don't you go to the table? We'll introduce you"

"Your parents are coming as well, right? They already here?"

"They're in the dining room" Buck nods.

"Funny, isn't it?" Helena says, scoffing passive aggressively "Like, who invites their parents to meet their roomie's parents?"

"We are not roomies, we are friends"

"Best friends" Buck agrees "And w-we live together because I was subletting, so he could go to Texas when you took Chris away"

They fall silent for a couple of seconds "We didn't take him away, he asked for help" Helena argues.

Buck just now notices the way his words may have come across "Oh, I didn't mean like... you kidnapped him or something, just... well, he belongs here, with his father, so..."

"Eddie was kind of lost, we didn't want him to take Chris down with him"

"That's just lovely" Eddie whispers to himself "Why don't we raincheck on this? Let's go to the table, dinner is ready, isn't it?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll get it" Buck runs to the kitchen, leaving the Diaz family in the living room.

"Why are you acting like this? Why is this guy always hovering over you and Chris?"

"Mom, enough" Eddie says, voice steady, slightly rough but still kind "He's not hovering, ok? He cares, he helps, he loves Chris and does a lot for him, for us"

"Alright" she lifts up both hands as a sign of peace, as if Eddie's being unreasonable "You don't need to get angry, I just think it's weird"

"I don't wanna fight, ok? Why don't we just go over to the table so I can introduce you guys"

"Fine"

In the dining room, Buck has already brought over dinner, the table is set, and he's having a mild argument with his parents. Figures.

"Mom, dad" he cuts the argument off "This is Helena and Ramon Diaz, Eddie's parents"

"And they're Margaret and Phillip" Eddie adds.

"It's a pleasure to meet you" Margaret stands up so she can greet them, Phillip follows.

"Likewise, I'm glad we're doing this" Ramon says, greeting them back.

And then they all fall silent, Buck and Eddie look at each other, trying no to laugh at the awkwardness of the situation. 

"Ok, so who's hungry?" Buck says after a few seconds and takes a seat

"Yeah, let's eat" Eddie chuckles and sits right next to Buck. Helena and Ramon sit next to Eddie, so Margaret and Phillip sit next to Buck.

"We didn't know if there'd be food so we picked up Thai, help yourselves to it as well if you like" Helena says, placing the containers next to the homemade dinner.

"Thank you, Mrs Diaz" Margaret nods, but serves herself some salad.

"Call me Helena"

"So, do you guys live nearby?" Ramon asks the Buckleys, helping himself to some pasta.

"Oh no, we live in Pennsylvania"

"Oh, so you were also made to travel across states" Helena scoffs.

"You too?"

"We live in Texas"

"To come all the way to California and still don't know what about" 

Buck takes in a deep breath "Dad, we'll get to it"

"No, I get where Phillip is coming from" Helena chips in "You just left a voice message and stopped answering the whole day"

"They got us to worry and let us assume the worst" Margaret nods "Like it's no big deal"

"We did say it was good news, mom"

"Yes, but knowing Eddie we can't really trust good news are good news" Helena keeps going "Last time he had 'good news' he took Chris and moved to LA"

"I didn't take him, he's my son"

"It just wasn't smart to tear him away of everything he knew, he needs us"

"No, he needs me"

"You need to figure yourself out before you can manage with a kid, Eddie"

"No, what's important is that I'm there for my kid, me, his dad, and we figure everything else out together"

"If I may" Margaret interrupts "As parents we are allowed to take some time for ourselves when needed, you too, Edmundo, and if your parents can take care of your son while you do it, it's a win win situation"

"Like you are one to talk" Buck says, angry "You don't let kids to fend for themselves just because you need time, kids need their parents"

Phillip looks offended "Parents are entitled to care for themselves too"

"But those two things are not opposites, you can take good care of your kids and still deal with your baggage, which is what Eddie does, you don't get to abandon your kids, good parents don't want to abandon their kids so they get to lick their own wounds"

"Leaving a kid with his grandparents is not abandonment" Helena says, upset "Is just... doing what's best for Chris"

"What's best for Chris is being with his father, and Eddie happens to be an amazing father, that is a win win"

Ramon nods "Of course, but if right now he can't take good care of him..."

"He can! He does! There's no better place for a kid than with his parents"

"C'mon, Evan, how would you know? You don't even have kids"

Buck looks flabbergasted at his father's words, he goes speechless. Eddie is now fuming.

"He might not but you know how much he loves Chris? He protects him, he's always there for him no matter what, he might as well be his second dad, he would do anything for him, that's what being a good parent is about, to never stop trying"

"But Chris still needs family stability, not his dad and his dad's best friend, both with the same life-threatening job, working 24 hour shifts "

"That job is so dangerous" Margaret wails "There's no need to go chasing waterfalls when the world is already so uncertain"

"Right?" Helena agrees "More so when you have a kid! What would happen to Chris if anything were to happen to you?"

"You're so right, I'm so careless I took this job and never stopped to figure that out" Eddie says, sarcastic.

"I wouldn't be surprised"

"Well, be at peace, it's taken care of"

Buck hasn't recovered his ability to speak, so now, hearing Eddie, having a pretty good idea of where this is headed to, he feels even more speechless, breathless even.

"What does that mean?"

"It means I'm not as negligent as you so firmly believe, years ago I made sure someone would take care of Chris in case I... passed away... it's stated, in my will"

"That's great, honey" Helena smiles at him "We'll be happy to have him living with us when that happens"

"If" Buck finds a way to blurt out "It's not a when situation, it's an if"

"Yeah, of course" Ramon nods "We would be happy to-"

"No" Eddie cuts him off "I'm not giving you guys the legal guardianship, if it came to it, he wouldn't go to you"

"What?" Helena is outraged "You left him to your aunt Pepa?"

"Nope"

"Your abuela?"

"Nope"

"Edmundo, tell us whom, right now"

He smiles, mischievous, bright "Dad's best friend"

Buck is completely red as all the eyes on the table fall upon him, he smiles apologetically, trying to look innocent "Dad's best friend"

"Oh my god, Evan" Margaret grabs her head, stunned.

"God, that's just..." Helena scoffs, astonished "I can't believe you would do this to us"

"I'm not doing anything to you" he scoffs "I never wanted him to live with you, not when he was little, not now"

"We are his family! For six years we were all he knew, we took care of him, we love him, he needs to be with us!"

"But guess what, after those six years he spent in Texas, time passed, and he's spent seven years here, with me and, guess who? Buck"

"I can't believe you would leave him to a stranger instead of his family, Eddie, have you lost your mind?"

"He's not a stranger! He's Buck!"

"He's just your friend, he can't take good care of Chris!"

"Well, he can, actually he does, he saved his life when that tsunami hit, he was there when I couldn't, time and time again, and not in the self-fulfilling way you guys are, Buck's genuine, and that's what I want for Chris"

"So you're trying to say our care is not real?"

"It's like you want him to live with you so you get to mold him in a way you couldn't mold me, like he's your second chance at being parents, and no, you don't get a do-over with my son"

"That's stupid, Eddie, that's not-"

"He spent a few months in Texas and you made him so anxious he threw up at some chess tournament, which he didn't even like, but he was so scared of disappointing you guys he kept it up, that's not what I want for him"

"We didn't realize it was a crime to get him into some... healthy competition"

"That's not it, I don't want him to feel like he has to be and behave a certain way in order to be enough, I don't want him to think he has to please your every command just because it's easier than getting into arguments that lead nowhere because you never listen, I want him to be himself and feel comfortable in his own skin in a way I was never able to"

"It's not about pleasing us, it's about doing what's best for him, for you"

"And who gets to decide what's best? How is hiding myself so you don't get angry the right thing?"

"What exactly did we keep you from doing? What is it you hide that's our fault?" she says, skeptical.

And Eddie has to stop for a minute, because he's not sure. He didn't have a particular example in mind while saying that, it's not like he's actively changing himself into something he thinks his parents will approve of, not that he knows of, not that he remembers. But he said it so certainly because it's something he feels deep inside, as if his soul remembers something he doesn't, as if something is bubbling through his veins and trying desperately to come out, he just doesn't know what it is. 

"Well..." however, he's not about to give in just because he can't name that feeling, so he sees a chance to put their plan in motion "That's actually the news we wanted to tell you"

"Eddie" Buck whispers "I don't think we should"

"Evan, you made us come all the way down here, of course you should"

"I gotta ask, you all know we were drunk, right?" Buck looks at the four of them "I've been operating under the assumption that you do but you guys just keep bringing it up, you know we were drunk, don't you?"

"You were?"

"You're kidding" he snickers "We were drunk, had a stupid idea and sent those messages, then we fell asleep and next thing we know you're already on your way, we didn't make you, we made an invitation by mistake"

"You were drunk?" Helena scolds "So much for being responsible enough"

"Mom" Eddie says, pleading "I'm not 17"

"It's so reckless to just get drunk and... did you drive?" Margaret asks, as if she's getting heartbreaking news.

"No, I didn't, I'm not stupid"

"But you love to take unnecessary risks"

"The risks I take are not unnecessary, in fact they're life or death situations for the people I save"

"And now this? You're legal guardian of a kid? You can't do that!"

"What does that have to do with anything? Why can't I?"

"Because it's yet another way for you to get yourself into a mess, it's what you always do, and then you end up not being able to handle it"

"Actually Buck didn't ask for it, I did it without even telling him, I just mentioned it to him a year after it was already in my will"

"Is that even legal?" Margaret says, appalled. Eddie shrugs. 

"I want to do it" Buck quickly clarifies "I wish it never comes down to it, because I would hate for something to happen to Eddie, and I would hate for Chris to lose his father, it would be devastating... but if it happened, I'd take care of Chris, as if he were my own"

"What about you? You're always getting hurt, you might as well end up dead too" she wails "You make it so hard for the people around you"

"Which doesn't include you" he argues "You're never around, you've never been... in fact, you only were around if I injured myself"

"We tried, Evan"

"No, you didn't" Buck is barely managing to keep it together "You always acted like you were disappointed in me, as a child I never understood why, but I knew, I felt it, every time you looked at me, like... like just looking at me hurt you, like you resented me for living"

"We were grieving"

"You still are!" he yells "You still are, and you forgot you had two other children to look after, you practically coerced Maddie into raising me, you abandoned us even when living under the same roof"

"That's not fair"

"I still don't understand why you came today" he leans forward "Why did you care? You never do, not when it comes to me"

"Well, you said you had great news" Helena reminds them "Which we're still waiting on"

"No, but it's never like that with them" Buck says, still looking at his parents "I wanna know what's going on, it's not like you to care"

Margaret and Phillip look at each other, at a loss of words.

"Of course they care, they're your parents" Ramon says "They might have a hard time showing it but I'm sure they do"

"You just met them like 15 minutes ago" Buck refutes.

"Parents always care"

"Sure" he nods "Just not about me"

"Evan, we took you up on the invitation because we wanted to see you"

"See me? Just that?"

"Well, you said you had great news"

"Uh-uh"

"When we got that message, we figured... you and Edmundo... we thought you were going to tell us you're a couple"

Helena chuckles, but Buck doesn't pay her any attention "Go on"

"And we got worried, so we wanted to... to talk to you, because... well, Maddie has her children but they're not Buckleys, you know? They're Hans, that's the last name that gets passed on"

"There it is" Buck sighs.

"And since... Daniel didn't get to have a family of his own... it's up to you to... to keep the Buckley family name alive"

Buck laughs, he can't help it, he feels like screaming "I knew it, I... I knew this was about Daniel, about you thinking me having a life of my own is somehow disrespectful to him"

"Who's Daniel?" Helena asks Eddie, and he just shakes his head.

"It can't be always about you, Evan!"

"It never is! Nothing's ever about me with you!"

"Buckley was his last name too!"

"And since I failed at saving him, now it's my penance to live life just for him, is that it?"

"It's not like that, Evan, we just don't want you to... to regret not keeping him alive"

"Oh, that's much better"

"That's an awful thing to say" Eddie says, enraged.

"I didn't mean it like-"

"Stop, mom, dad, stop" his voice is slightly shaking, but only Eddie seems to notice "I know you had me for a sole purpose and you never forgave me for failing, but you need to find a way to at least hide your resentment"

"They don't resent you, Buck, they're just worried" Helena says.

Buck brings his hands to his head, overwhelmed "Oh my God"

"Mom, you don't know the story, stop"

"We just got worried, Evan, that's all, make of it what you want"

"Sure"

"You always do anyways, we can do no right when it comes to you"

"Oh, like you try"

"Evan, don't talk to your mother like that!"

Buck's voice continues to quiver, he looks at Eddie "You still wanna do this?"

Eddie nods, and he thinks he should grab Buck's hand, for dramatic purposes. He does.

"So, yeah, you got it right, we got married" Eddie says, his heart racing against his chest, avoiding his parents' gaze "That's the news we wanted to share"

"What?" Helena stands up, raging "What do you mean you got married?"

"I mean we went to the courthouse and had the whole I do business"

"I'm gonna be sick"

Buck frowns at Helena "Why?"

"Eddie's not even gay!"

"This is never going to work, then" Eddie says with irony, looking straight into Buck's eyes "Would you still love me if I weren't gay?"

"But then you wouldn't be you, dear"

Eddie does a face scrunch, trying to keep himself from smiling too hard "Would you still love me if I weren't me?"

"Uh... is that a riddle?" 

Eddie laughs, and he feels like he needs to seal the moment with a kiss. He doesn't, but the urge is there, so vivid he even looks at Buck's lips for a split of a second, he takes his eyes away from Buck in order to avoid it "Mom, sit down"

"Sit down? You can't just drop a bomb like this and then tell me to sit down!"

"Are you leaving?" he looks back at Buck with a victorious smile.

"I'm not leaving, in fact I won't leave until you understand your mistake"

"What?" he exclaims with anguish.

"You cannot have married him, Eddie"

"Why not?"

"Because he's a man!"

Eddie's not sure how to answer that. He spent the entire evening rehearsing this very moment in his head, he knew it was coming, he knew those exact words would come out of his mother's mouth, and yet he's now feeling defeated, like he's being torn apart, he didn't anticipate how real the whole thing would feel "So?" is all he manages to say.

"I, for one, agree with Helena" Margaret says "Evan, this is absurd"

"What?" he frowns "You didn't care when I was dating Tommy, why is this any different?"

"Because... well, with that Tommy guy it didn't seem serious, right?" Margaret asks Phillip, who quickly agrees.

"Yeah, we figured the whole thing would go away like all your other relationships do"

"Marvelous" he whispers to himself.

"But... but marrying a man is... it's serious"

"Wait, you said you already thought we were together and that's why you came, like just dating, why did that freak you out as well? It didn't freak you out when it was Tommy"

Margaret sighs, giving in "Well... you talk so much about Edmundo, when we last visited we saw you two together as friends and..." she looks at Phillip for help.

"We kind of knew right away, we noticed there was something special between you two, we figured if you ever got together... it would be for good, no more break ups, you would go all the way"

Buck and Eddie are left speechless, for the first time they both have no idea of how to continue.

"You noticed?"

"Yeah, it was there all along, you just had to figure it out"

They both look at their plates, nervous "That's... odd"

"We just hoped you never would"

"You guys are adults now, you don't get to just follow your heart and believe in a happily ever after, there are more practical matters you need to take into account"

"Like giving my last name to a child so Daniel's memory lives on?"

"Just because you are meant to be with someone doesn't mean you should"

"Let me get this straight, you think Eddie and I are meant to be together, you've thought this for years now, and you hoped we would never figure that out and be happy together just so you two get to have a grandchild with the Buckley name?"

"You really are selfish" Eddie mutters, in disbilief.

"But none of that is true!" Helena yells "Eddie's not gay, he's never been, he can't be"

"He must just be confused, right?" Ramon says, trying to remain calm "After spending so much time with Buck, he must have just... you know, caught it"

"Caught it?" Eddie looks up, astonished "What do you mean caught it?"

"Yeah, like... a bad habit someone rubs off on someone"

"Are you saying Buck... gave me the gayness?" he says in disbelief "He's not gay"

"I'm bisexual"

"Well, whatever, you just spent too much time together and he infected you"

Eddie is getting red with anger "You can't just disrespect him like that"

"It's ok, I..." Buck grabs him by the arm, but Eddie continues talking to his dad.

"You need to apologize"

"He's not apologizing" Helena jumps in "He has a right to speak his mind"

"Not when he's discriminating" he looks between them both "But I do have a right to be gay, yet here you are losing your minds over something so normal"

"Normal? You call that normal?"

"Yes"

"If it's so normal why can't you have biological children together?"

"Plenty of straight couples can't either"

"And that's not normal either"

"I mean... if it's so important to you we can always try to get each other pregnant, right, Buck?"

Buck chokes.

"Edmundo!" Helena yells "Watch it!"

"You're getting way ahead of yourself, mom, we weren't even thinking about children, we just got married"

"It doesn't matter whether you think about it or not, doesn't change the fact that you can't"

"There's always adoption"

"Like someone's gonna give a child to two men"

"They will"

"That's unfortunate"

"Mom, what do you want from me?" he stands up as well, facing his mother "You wanted to know what is it that I felt like I had to hide in order to make you both happy? This is it, and you're just proving me right"

"Don't try to guilt trip us into accepting this nonsense, you hid this because you knew it's wrong"

"You can have your hissy fit, it won't change a thing"

Buck stands up "How about we all calm down, take a seat and... talk this through"

Helena slowly sits down "I got nothing else to say" 

Eddie gets back down on his chair "And yet you won't stop talking"

"Edmundo!"

"Why don't you guys just get an annulment?" Margaret says "You're still on time, I think"

"Because we don't want to" Buck says as if it's obvious.

"This is a sin, Edmundo" Ramon tries this time "But you can mend it"

"He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone" 

Buck leans towards Eddie, and whispers into his ear "I think we should tell the truth"

Eddie frowns at him, and shakes his head "No way, not yet"

"Not yet what?" Helena questions "What other news do you have for us?"

"Marital convo"

Eddie's not sure why, but he feels the intrinsic need to keep going, to stand his ground on this, as if he couldn't afford to lose this argument. He's gotten so into it he can't allow himself to lose, not now, he's kept quiet too long, he's let his parents get away with things they shouldn't have, but now, this, this is where he's drawing the line, this is his last straw, and this is the hill he's choosing to die on. For whatever reason. 

"You're really angering me, Edmundo"

"That's on you"

"How about this, how about Margaret and I take Evan to the living room so we can talk this through, and you all stay here so you can talk this through"

"What? No, we're not little kids, you got something to say, you say it to both of us"

"But we're fighting different battles, they're angry about their son being gay, we're angry about you choosing to ignore your brother's memory'

"You're right, dad, I don't know which one is more absurd"

"Evan!"

"You just keep going on and on about the last name and-and Daniel's legacy, but we can still give the Buckley last name to a children we adopt, alright? Happy now?"

"I mean..." Margaret and Phillip exchange a look, and then nod "I guess that works, that way there's still a little piece of Daniel alive"

"Oh my God" Buck looks up to the ceiling, exasperated "You need to realize I'm my own person with my own feelings and my own life, and it matters too"

"We know that"

"Course you do" he says, sarcastic.

"What do you want from us, Evan? To throw a party at every step you take?"

"I actually don't want anything from you, I realized a long time ago that's like hoping for... for monkeys to fly"

"You just love making us the bad guys"

"Don't be modest, you do that all by yourselves"

"We won't just stay here listening to you go off"

"Well then, if you want to leave" he looks at Eddie, smiling, half triumphant.

"We won't give you that pleasure"

Eddie smiles at Buck "Of course not"

"Can we go back to the point?" Helena says "When did this happen?"

"Last weekend"

"You have a certificate?"

"Yeah"

"Show me"

"Nope"

"No?"

"No, I don't need to prove anything, you don't believe me? Fine by me"

"It's just all out of nowhere, since when have two been dating?"

"A couple months ago, since Chris and I moved back from Texas"

"Does Chris know?"

"I mean, Buck lives here"

"Why didn't you invite us to the wedding?"

"Would you have come?"

"Yeah"

"Well of course you would've, just to try to stop it"

"Someone should have!"

"We didn't have a big wedding or anything, just us, the 118, Maddie, Chris"

"Because you knew it was wrong!"

"We're just going in circles, mom, this is tiresome"

"Because you don't listen!"

Eddie grabs his head with his hands, frustrated "Buck, should we go get dessert?"

"Uh, yeah, sure"

"We don't want dessert, we want answers!"

"But you love apple pie!" Eddie smiles at her, and gets up along Buck, Eddie softly grabs him by the waist, guiding him into the kitchen.

"This is going too far" Buck says as soon as they're alone "I didn't think it would go down like this"

"Relax, it's gonna be fine"

"I figured we'd say it and they'd just leave, I didn't think we'd get into it"

"Buck, it's ok" he grabs him by the shoulder "We're fine"

"They're saying horrible things to you! I can't keep listening to them being so awful"

Eddie peeks inside the oven in order to check on the pie. He has no idea how to tell if it's ready. "They're fine" he dismisses it, not sure he'd even put this fight in the top 3 worst things his parents have ever said to him. He thinks this is actually going great, all things considered. 

"They're most definitely not, and for what? For the sake of a fake argument?"

"The argument is not fake, the reason is"

"We could just tell them we were only trying to make them storm out, maybe that way they actually storm out"

"But... no"

"Why not?"

"Because my point still stands"

"What point?"

"The whole thing I said about having to hide myself and pretend so they wouldn't get angry"

"What do you mean?" Buck seems genuinely confused, even scared "How did you pretend?"

"I... I just did, ok?" he answers, sharp, because he's still not so sure himself. He just knows, he feels it in his bones.

"So now you can't tell me?"

"Buck" he groans, and looks back to the dining table to make sure no one is listening "Just keep it up, alright?"

"Things are getting out of hand, Eddie"

"No, they're not" he sighs, frustrated at the fact that Buck doesn't get it. To be fair, Eddie doesn't either, he just wants to win, he feels an urgency to make his parents understand how fine it should be if he were gay, maybe he got too much into character, maybe he just can't back down once he's taken a stand. Maybe this is all for the sake of the argument. He just needs to make his parents come to terms with his sexuality, even if it's not real. Maybe the sexuality is a metaphor for something else, he just is not sure what. He figures it will come to him.

"Is something else going on?" he tries, looking annoyed. And speaking from experience, Eddie knows they don't usually get along when they don't understand each other, or when they're not able to put into words what they're thinking or feeling. They don't do well with miscommunication. 

"I just can't let them think they always know what's best"

"They will! That's the thing about parents, they think they're above change"

"Why are you being so difficult?"

"I'm not! I just think we don't need to make up reasons in order to cause a fight, we got plenty of actual reasons going around"

"I want them to accept me!" he blurts out.

"Accept you being fake gay? What's even the point?"

"I... I don't... God, I don't know, I just need, ok?"

"This is a terrible idea"

"Buck, please"

"I... I know this was my idea, and I-I'm sorry, but I just don't understand the point, I don't, ok? And-and I don't wanna keep doing something that's just making them come at you and... and insulting you and... and treating you like you're a bad person or... or wrong or.. I don't wanna pretend we're married if the only thing we get out of it is-"

Somewhere in the middle of all that, Eddie saw Helena getting up and walking towards the kitchen.

Naturally, somewhere towards the end of all that, he launched himself into Buck and kissed him without second thought, anxious, urgent, trying desperately to get him to shut up before Helena walks in, trying to keep her from listening to Buck ramble about their fake marriage, trying to avoid the truth from coming out.

So he's kissing Buck. He holds Buck by the cheeks, he kisses deep, he softly pushes him against the fridge and caresses his face. His lips move confidently, slowly, like champagne bubbling up and spilling over, Eddie feels it slowly taking a hold of him, he feels warmness creeping up on him, all over, tingling from his lips to his hands and his stomach. He feels like he's sparkling from within.

"Edmundo Diaz!" 

Buck flinches at the sound of Helena's voice, and quickly takes a step back, hitting his back against the fridge.

However, Eddie barely even notices. His chest goes up and down, trying to catch his breath, he's flushed, and he feels... different.

He remembers being 14 when he first kissed a girl, he remembers thinking it was nice, like a milestone he gets to check off his list, and it was a good kiss, he just thought it would be engulfing, he thought it would feel something like what he's feeling right now. Now he's standing in his kitchen thinking he's been kissed for the first time, feeling swept over, as if he has finally figured it out. Eddie doesn't move, he frowns at that odd feeling sitting in his chest, a gleam of something. He tries to figure out what that something is, he digs in the deepest corners of his mind, his heart, his soul, trying to understand. He's close to, he can brush it with the tip of his fingers, but then Helena yells his name again.

"What are you doing!?"

"Uh?"

"What are you doing!?" she's frantic. 

"Checking on the pie" he says nonchalant, as if his heart is not going crazy.

"Is the pie inside Buck's mouth?"

"Uh" he says, considering, and looks back at Buck, who's blushing and his eyes are wide open, he's not even moving, Eddie's not sure he's at least breathing, he's just completely gobsmacked, almost catatonic "Let me doublecheck"

"Edmundo!"

"Kidding! God, we'll be right back, pie needs a couple more minutes"

"I'm not leaving you two alone"

"Yes, you are, either way we have no qualms about kissing while you're standing there, so I'd advise you give us a few minutes"

Helena looks torn for a couple of seconds, but ends up going back to the dining room.

"Close one" Eddie sighs.

"W-wha-what? What was that? W-what...? Why?"

"Why what?"

Buck is even more flushed now, if that's even possible "Y-you- I mean, you... you just... you kissed me!"

"Yeah"

"Why?"

"My mom was coming in here and you were going on and on about telling them we're not married, I had to shut you up"

Buck's eyes get even wider "Couldn't you just tell me that?"

"I'm sorry! I panicked!"

"You panicked?" his voice is high-pitched "Try getting kissed by your best friend out of nowhere!"

"It's not a big deal" he says, but as the words come out they feel wrong, because it did feel like a big fucking deal.

"Ok" he takes in a deep breath, trying to ground himself "Don't do that again"

Eddie gets a dreadful feeling at that, he's just not sure why, so he avoids acknowledging it. 

"Won't" he murmurs.

"We gotta tell them"

"Oh my god" he groans, frustrated "Stop"

"They're being really rude"

"I can handle it"

"That's the problem! You shouldn't have to, you shouldn't normalize it like that, yes, you can handle it, but you don't deserve needing to handle something like this, you can, doesn't mean you should"

Oh. So there's that gleam again. Warm and nice and if he looks closely it resembles hope a little too much.

But also looking back he realizes is not new, it's always been there when it comes to Buck, maybe just dormant, latent with every touch and every hug and every glance, and now he guesses it's awaken, and it's coming to the surface with a recently found strength, demanding to be noticed. All because of one stupid kiss.

"Thank you" he manages to whisper. He still can't really understand what's going on inside of him, and it's becoming overwhelming "You don't deserve that either"

"Does that mean we'll tell them?"

"What? No"

"You're being impossible" he groans, and checks on the pie for the first time since coming in the kitchen "This is burnt"

Eddie laughs, loud and somehow relieved, he feels insane "Of course it is"

"Don't laugh, oh my god" Buck says, smiling "Didn't you check on it just when we got here?"

"You think I can tell when it's burned? I thought it was toasting"

"Now we don't have dessert, what are we gonna do?"

"Cause that's the biggest of our problems right now"

"We have ice cream"

"That'll do"

"I'll bring it, you go tell them the truth"

"Will you stop?"

"Eddie..."

"I'm serious, Buck, stop, let's keep it up and see how it goes"

"I know how it goes, it goes horribly, it goes straight to hell"

"How about we have a safe word, ok? And when I say it it means I need you to pick up the slack, so you, like, take over and change the subject"

"You never ask for help when it's for your benefit, you just bottle everything up until you explode"

"Not this time"

"Promise me you're gonna ask for help if you feel like it's too much"

"Promise"

"Pinky?" Buck lifts up his left pinky finger "That's unbreakable"

Eddie rolls his eyes, fondly, and nods before linking together their fingers "Pinky promise"

"What's the safe word?"

"Uh... Billy Boils"

"Dude"

"Too soon?"

Buck sighs "Billy Boils it is" he points his right finger at Eddie "I still think it's best if we just come clean"

"Course you do"

"But I'll follow your lead out of respect for you"

"Course you will" Eddie smiles, pleased "Alright, bring on the ice cream"

Just now, Eddie looks down at their fingers and he realizes their pinkys are still linked, holding on to each other firmly, and he wonders how would it feel to hold hands. He wonders a little too long, until Buck follows Eddie's sight, landing on their hands. Buck blushes slightly and breaks the contact.

"Uh... so we shouldn't actually bring ice cream yet, we're still having dinner"

"Yeah, yeah, let's wait" Eddie nods vehemently, awkwardly "So let's go back then"

"Sure, yeah" Buck says, matching Eddie's energy.

They both go back to the table, where Helena and Ramon talk among themselves, and Margaret and Phillip do the same. 

"So, we have more news for you" Eddie says, sitting down "Because we know it went great last time"

"Eddie..." Helena says, warning.

"Oh you don't need to worry, I think they added dessert with your take out"

"What?"

"News is we burnt the pie" Buck cuts them off "So we''ll have ice cream for dessert"

"Of course you burnt it, you were not watching it"

"We were"

"You were making out! Like a couple of teenagers, you weren't paying any attention! Which is exactly the kind of omen for this, that's what this is, you getting married and paying no attention to the world around you, you will end up burning yourselves"

Fire, that could be it, that could be the explanation behind that warmness that takes over his body and ignites all of him and makes him dizzy. Maybe Eddie just has gastritis. 

"Like, in hell, you mean?" Buck asks, genuinely concerned.

"Yeah, that too"

Eddie looks at Buck, bewildered "Don't encourage her"

"Sorry"

"Have you been to confession lately?" Helena asks Eddie.

"Yeah" he answers, like a liar 'The priest and I are even on first name basis" 

"That's disrespectful"

Eddie huffs "Ok"

"Is he aware you've done this?"

"Burn the pie?"

"You need to take this seriously, Edmundo!"

"How can I?" he scoffs "I can't be serious about any of this, it's all just too ridiculous"

"Your father and I were talking..." she looks back at Ramon, looking for support.

"Yeah, we... we think... this seems like you acting out"

"Acting out?" he asks, confused.

"You remember when you were a little kid? You had this flowerpot with a plant you'd water everyday at least three times a day, and you'd go around the house chasing the sunlight so the plant would never be out of it, you really loved gardening with me, but then your plant died because you were overwatering it and the seeds in the garden wouldn't grow in the span of a day as you wanted them to, so you quit gardening, you got frustrated because you weren't naturally good at it"

"So?"

"So you quit and said you were done with plants and you'd throw a tantrum whenever I asked you to help with the garden"

Eddie thinks, he really tries, but he just can't see where is this going. He looks at his parents, expectant.

"Point is, you've been dating women all your life... so maybe you got frustrated because you haven't found the right one"

"Oh my God" Eddie groans, flabbergasted, he looks up to the ceiling as if waiting for divine patience to hit him. It doesn't.

"And you're acting out just the same" Helena keeps going, louder so Eddie still hears her over his groaning "You're now throwing a tantrum and refusing to date women because you think you're not good at it, but Eddie, honey, your ideal woman is still out there and you..."

"Stop" he pleads "Stop, for God's sake, stop, stop talking"

"You can get it right!"

"I have!" he shouts, and Buck places his hand on Eddie's shoulder, tender "I got it right, this is me getting it right, with Buck, there's no tantrum or acting out, this is who I am, this is what I want, this is who I love"

"Eddie-"

"And you know what? You are not wrong about the fact that it never worked with any of the women I dated, Ana, Marisol... Shannon... but that's because I didn't have it in me to love them, not like this, not like I love Buck, so me marrying him is not changing paths, it's finding the right one"

"You're just settling for him because that seems easier!"

"Settling?" he asks, angry.

"What other reason could there be? He's just over here so much you ended up picking up on that gay thing"

"You don't get to talk about Buck like that" he's livid now "You can't just come into our house and disrespect him"

"I think we should go" Margaret and Phillip had both just been looking at their plates and at each other, absent, as if they didn't even notice what's been going on. Buck couldn't be bothered anymore, that's the way it's always been. But for the first time in longer than he can remember, he was actually expecting them to say something, anything. He reprehends himself, he should know better than to hope for something from his parents.

"Yes, this seems more like a, uh, a family issue... your family"

"So you don't care, uh?" Buck says, his voice coming out disappointed "You really can't be bothered with any of this"

"Evan, it's not us you should be concerned about, we are ok with whoever your partner is, as long as you remember the last name matter, go on with your life"

Buck nods "Figures"

"Would you rather we fight you on this wedding?" Phillip asks, sarcastic "What do you want from us?"

"Nothing" he pouts without realizing "Go right ahead, walk yourselves out"

"He wants you to care!" Eddie says, adrenaline running through his body "Act like he matters to you!"

Buck shakes his head, surprised, and it's rather instinctive when he reaches for Eddie's hand and softly squeezes it "Uh, E-Eddie, no, don't-"

"They can't just act like this, Buck, you got a right to tell them what they're doing wrong"

Buck looks at him, reassuring "They know, they just won't change"

"But-."

Buck meets Eddie's eyes, staring wholeheartedly, Eddie stares right back "It's ok" Buck whispers, forcing a smile "I'm ok"

Eddie feels himself calming down as he looks into Buck's kind eyes, blue like the sky, like the sea washing him over and rinsing him free. He loves the warmness and serenity yet burning feeling of just looking at Buck, like the cracking sound of a bonfire. He finds himself grounded after just a few seconds. But he keeps staring, and he thinks that urgency settling in his gut is trying to tell him something, almost like yearning, like he needs to know how close they can get before bursting into flames. 

"Hello?" Helena says, annoyed "Are you gonna end this?"

Eddie rolls his eyes and looks back at his mom "End what?"

"The ogling"

"I'll walk you out" Buck rushes to tell his parents. Margaret and Phillip get up and politely say their goodbyes to the Diaz family.

"Your in-laws are kind of difficult" Phillip says as they've reached the front door.

"You know, I always thought being neglected was better than being treated like that, but I'm not so sure anymore"

"We didn't neglect you, Evan, we were in pain" Margaret wails "You just never understood us"

"You never told me!" he retorts "And that's still no reason for you to be so far away emotionally"

"You don't know what it's like"

"No, I don't, but even after losing a kid, that is no reason to forget you have two other kids to look after, you just never cared"

"Grief is not easy like that!"

"I know that! But we still needed our parents!"

"We were there!"

"Only when I got injured, because that reminded you of him, right? I only ever mattered to you when you could find a way to make it about Daniel"

Buck gets hit with a feeling of guilt just as he says it. He feels he's being cruel and mean and just pinching an open wound when he shouldn't, when it's still bleeding. He decides he's gonna keep on pinching. 

"You reminded us too much of him!" Margaret yells "Like a perpetual reminder of the child we lost"

"So you despised me for it since the second the treatment didn't work!"

"We tried, Evan!"

"No, you didn't! You gave up on us! You rejected me since I was a baby and I never understood why! You left me to think I was unlovable for so long just because you two never even tried to forgive me! To love me! You made it seem like love was something I never managed to earn"

Eddie is suddenly making his was to their side "Everything ok?"

Buck's eyes are watery, he's red with anger, he's panting while he looks at his parents, waiting for an answer. Eddie just grabs him by the shoulder and softly strokes him.

"We tried" Margaret insists.

"Stop saying that! It's not true!"

"What do you want us to say?"

"Just admit it!" he's still yelling, but his voice quivers, like he's going to break "At this point in life I don't even ask for an apology, I just want you to admit it"

"Admit what?"

"That you never forgave me" he says, quietly this time "That you resented me so much you were never able to love me, no matter how hard I tried, that you could never see me as anything but a failure"

Margaret and Phillip remain quiet. They look at each other, speechless, like they're waiting for the other one to speak. Neither one of them does.

"That I could never do enough to deserve being loved" he insists, but there's still no answer. So Buck takes a deep breath, nodding while a couple of tears stream down his face. He waits a few more seconds, but ends up opening the door "Thank you for coming, have a nice drive back home"

They leave in silence, and Buck closes the door behind them.

"You ok?" Eddie says, looking at him with concern in his face, he tries to meet Buck's eyes, but he keeps looking at the floor.

"Yeah, yeah, uh... yeah, great"

"Buck-"

"I won the bet, didn't I?" he tries to sound casual.

"You did, I owe you a wish"

"So I'm fine"

"Wanna talk?"

Buck finally looks at him, eyes still wet "Nah, it's ok"

"You don't need to pretend with me"

"I know" he smiles, barely "It's just the same old story, don't worry"

Eddie doesn't push, Eddie trusts Buck to open up when he's ready, when he needs it. He always does, so Eddie doesn't need to force it out of him, Eddie usually waits for him to be ready "You just come to me when you want to, ok?"

"Will do"

He hates seeing Buck like this. He hates Buck's parents, he hates the way they talk to Buck, how they look at him, the way they dismiss him, the way Buck goes livid every time he talks to them, the way they always leave him looking like a beaten puppy standing alone in the rain. Eddie would do anything for Buck, and right now he hates that he can't give him what he needs, he can't provide him with any kind of comfort or solution. He can only wait for the moment Buck reaches out, so Eddie will at least listen and try to bring him solace.

"And, hey, you're not unlovable" he manages to say "Not to me"

Buck grins, shyly "You just say that because you're my husband"

Eddie chuckles "I mean it, Buck, I would actually describe you as lovable"

"Now you're pushing it"

"I've never met a single person who doesn't love you! You draw people in like a ray of sunshine in a cold day"

Buck blushes "That might be the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me"

"I got my moments"

He nods, smiling "Wanna go back in?"

"Not really"

Buck pats him on the lower back "Let's go"

In the dining room, Helena and Ramon are eating in silence, pensive.

"So, seen any good movies lately?" Eddie says as they sit down.

"You're not funny, Edmundo"

"Ok"

"We don't agree with Chris living in this environment"

"Ok"

"We think he should come back to Texas with us"

Eddie scoffs "I bet you do"

"It's not right for a child to live like this"

"I'm not going through this again"

"We don't think Buck-"

"You're not going after Buck again either" he cuts her off "Not a single word"

"See, I thought your parents liked me" Buck tells Eddie.

"We did, as a friend of Eddie's, not as a husband nor a coparent"

"That still won't change the fact I'm in love with him and we're gonna stay married"

"That's not love, Eddie, it can't be" Ramon grites his teeth.

"I thought the same, at first, but then one day my mind just... woke up, like a... like I suddenly realized something that I should've realized before, like I unburied a feeling I didn't even know was there, it hit me from one moment to the other, like 'oh, you're the one for me', and then it just... it all made sense, life itself had meaning"

"It doesn't make sense" Ramon says.

"You've never been so in love it... it takes your breath away? You... you know, when you're at the beach, and the sea washes over you, like it could take away all the pain and all the fears and all the tears, and the sun shines so you're warm even when your soaking, and the air kisses your skin so you feel free, like you could fly, like... don't you ever feel like love is the very ground for life?"

Buck is looking at him stunned, his chest rising with every ounce of air he manages to take in, his eyes are wide open and his lips are parted, he's speechless, his heart racing like it's trying to pump its way out of his chest. He never knew Eddie was so good at improvising. Because what else could it be.

He tells himself that in order to continue. He needs to tell himself that.

"Not with a man" Ramon says.

"Pity"

Buck doesn't think he can keep going. This is starting to sound a little too serious, too real, and he's not sure he can take that, he's not sure he likes what's happening.

"So this is it" Helena says "You're gonna stay married"

"We are, yes"

"I'll get the ice cream" Buck gets up and walks to the kitchen before anyone can say anything.

Eddie scowls and follows him. He hears Helena say "Stop following him around!" but he doesn't pay her any attention.

"What happened?" he asks as soon as he's in the kitchen and he gets a sight of Buck, leaning against the open fridge, absentmindedly staring inside of it, as if he got frozen in the middle of the task of taking out the ice cream.

"I'm dazed"

Eddie looks at him with concern and moves closer, he leans against the counter so they're close enough, maybe more than enough "Why?"

"Because-"

"They're actually calming down, I think they might end up accepting this"

"Except this is not real" he says, carefully, as is he's trying to figure out whether Eddie remembers that part.

"Yeah, I know" he dismisses it.

"I still don't understand why we're still doing this"

Eddie stares at him, and just now he realizes how close they actually are. Maybe because he's used to having little to no personal space when it comes to Buck. But now he notices, and he hates that he's noticing so many things at once, it's overwhelming, mostly in a nice way, but overwhelming still. 

Not for the first time even today, he feels like he should kiss Buck. He feels an urgency in his gut, like hunger, hunger rising to his chest, craving for a touch of his lips like it's air itself, like he needs it survive.

He realizes he's staring at Buck's lips. He doesn't even know for how long now, so he quickly looks at the floor, in an unuseful attempt to conceal.

Buck rushes to the other side of the counter, as if he's shielding himself behind of it "Why are you being weird?"

"Uh?" he can't even look at him.

"Y-you're... you... why?"

"Why?"

"You need to drop this whole act"

"Buck..." he finally looks at him, but now Buck avoids his gaze by staring at the counter.

"Parents don't change, Eddie"

"They're almost there"

"This is not a battle you need... we need"

"I don't know"

"Please" he sounds desperate.

Buck then looks at him pleading with his eyes, begging for mercy. Eddie can't handle it, he can't stand Buck feeling so distressed, much less by a situation Eddie feels responsible for. He can't keep doing this to him.

"Alright" he caves in "You're right, I shouldn't have put you through this"

"It's not like that, Eddie, I just think there's no point in fighting like this over nothing"

Eddie knows, technically, that's true. It just doesn't feel like it is. It feels like he's actually walking away from an important fight, like he's surrendering to his parents, like he's giving up on himself. The problem is he can't actually comprehend the reason behind that feeling, he couldn't explain it if his life depended on it. And when you don't know what you're fighting for, you're bound for vanquishment. 

He tries to go over what he does know quickly in his head.

He knows he kissed Buck on an impulse.

He knows it felt like starlight flying inside his chest, filling him up with sparks that run through his veins, he even felt his fingertips tingle with electricity. 

He knows he feels warm and free when he's with Buck, and he could spend the rest of his life with his best friend, he doesn't think anyone else could bring him such bliss like Buck does when he's rambling about the ocean or animals or outer space, or when he's cooking for him, or when he's just existing nearby.

He knows he would go up against anyone who makes Buck feel sad or angry, in a heartbeat

He knows all of that was also true before, but now it's trying hard to emerge.

He knows he needs his parents to be ok with this, for whatever reason, them approving of his fake marriage feels fundamental. Deep in his bones, it feels personal, like he's actually defending himself and not just an act.

He knows his chest is aching with desire. He knows he's pining, devoutly, hopelessly. 

He knows he wants to kiss Buck again.

"Eddie?" Buck says after a few moments of Eddie not saying anything, just staring into the wall, anguish behind his eyes.

"Oh, shit" he murmurs to himself as he's gone through all the facts.

 "Uh?" he looks at Eddie with concern, big puppy eyes staring at him.

Eddie meets his gaze, and of course he feels his heart racing like crazy, he even feels his eyes watering because he just realized this painful longing is tearing him apart. Shit indeed.

"Is everything alright?" Buck moves back to his side of the counter "Why are you crying?"

"No, no, I'm..." he scrunches his nose, trying to avoid it "Got overwhelmed"

"About what?"

"I just... I don't know"

"You don't know? Are you having a panic attack?" he places his hand on Eddie's chest, trying to feel his heartbeat.

Eddie chuckles, his heart is going crazy, Buck quickly picks up on that.

"Woah, uh, ok, here, come, uh... here, grab this ice, let me-"

Eddie softly grabs Buck's hand and takes it off, he manages to intertwine their fingers.

"Not a panic attack" he whispers, attempting to be reassuring, but Buck is not sold.

"I know the symptoms"

"Still not a panic attack"

"Are you nervous?"

Eddie chuckles "I'm losing my mind"

"What?"

"I feel insane"

"Why?"

"I'm such an idiot"

"Hey, no, c'mon" he grabs him by the shoulder "What's going on?"

Eddie closes his eyes, trying to ground himself, trying to focus on Buck's touch, Buck's smell, Buck's presence "Oh, God"

"What? You're scaring me" he waits for an answer, but Eddie is just trying to breathe "I didn't know it was that important to you, we don't have to tell them, ok? If you think it's best we keep going, I will, it's ok, I'm ok with that"

Eddie shakes his head "Grab the ice cream, I'll get plates"

He moves to the cupboard, his hands shaking, he tries to avoid Buck.

And Buck just stands there, looking at him with profound turmoil, following his every move.

"Wh-what is happening?"

"We'll tell them"

"Yeah, no, I mean, what just happened?"

"Uh?"

"Why were you crying? You got lost in thought for a minute and then you were crying, what is going on?"

"Nothing, Buck, don't mind me, it's ok"

"It's most definitely not ok"

Eddie knows Buck never lets go of anything. He never stops asking questions. He never allows himself to miss on any piece of information. So Eddie knows Buck will in fact mind him.

"I... I'll tell you later, ok?"

"Why not now?"

"We're busy now, remember?"

"We don't have to tell them"

Eddie nods "C'mon" and without waiting for an answer, he goes back into the dining room. 

"Ok, Eddie, we talked" Helena says as soon as he's back.

"Right, but we gotta tell you something"

"Us first"

Eddie doesn't argue, He doesn't think he has it in him right now.

Buck finally comes back, looking deeply distraught.

"We are willing to let this go" Ramon says, reluctantly.

Eddie frowns "Oh?"

"As long as you agree on Chris moving back with us"

"What? No, no way" Buck rushes to say, and Eddie thanks it, because he himself is struggling to find the words, he's tearing up again, it's all just too much.

"This is between Eddie and us, Buck"

"I don't care, you are not taking Chris away again, why is it so hard to understand he is Eddie's son, not yours?"

"We know that, but Eddie can't take good care of him, not like us"

"Eddie is a great father!" he yells out, livid "He's nothing like you"

"Exactly the problem"

"He's way better, he knows better than anyone how to take care of his son"

"Not better than us!"

"So you think just because he is nothing like you, he is wrong? Who even told you you are great parents?"

"Eddie, are you gonna let him talk to us like that?"

Eddie nods "I can't have this dance again, I... God, I just can't believe this"

"It's what's right for Christopher!"

"Being with Eddie is what's right for Christopher! Why are you so obsessed with taking him away, why do you think you even have a say on his upbringing? He's not your kid!"

"He's not your kid either!"

"Enough!" Eddie finally yells "You are not taking him, you are not making anything, and you can accept this or not, I don't care, I'm done caring so much about your opinion, I'm done"

"Eddie, maybe we should tell them and get this over with?"

"Tell us what?" Helena wails "What now?"

 Eddie takes in a deep breath "We are not married"

"What?"

"We... were trying to anger you four so much you would storm out, because we didn't want to have either of you here tonight, we wanted to make you all leave as soon as possible and... we thought saying we got married would do the trick"

Helena and Ramon don't say anything, they look at both of them in silence, flabbergasted.

"So you don't need to worry"

"Oh, this is actually worse"

Eddie scowls "How is this worse?"

"Look at you!" Helena practically screams "You're not even married and look at how you act! So in love you had to use us as an excuse to finally take the step"

"What?" Eddie yells back, stunned "We are not..."

"What was all that about the beach, then? The unburied feelings? Did you just come up with that? You were never good at acting, remember the school play?"

Eddie doesn't answer. He feels trapped right now, like he has nowhere to move in order to keep the wrecking ball from smashing him.

"That's not the case, Eddie's straight" Buck says when he realizes Eddie's not going to speak "We are best friends"

Helena stares at Eddie, waiting for him to say something, but he can't find the words "You live together and you talk like that about your best friend? Who do you think you're fooling? We demand the truth, now" the way she looks at him makes Eddie shiver, the same angry look she would hit him with when he was a little kid, when he'd do some mischievous thing and then swear he didn't, but his mom knew anyways, so she just looked at him, waiting for him to come clean and tell the truth. Eddie realizes that means Helena thinks they are actually together, just keeping it a secret.

"We are best friends" Buck insists "We live together but... but it's not like that, I sleep on the couch, and he's straight" he sighs, frustrated "Why do I need to keep having this conversation?" he mutters to himself.

Eddie looks at him, brows furrowed "When did you have this conversation?"

"Uh?"

"With whom?"

"Oh, mhm, no one"

"With whom?" he insists.

"Uh... yeah, no, just Tommy" he says like it's not important.

"What? When?"

Buck tries to come up with something, but he's not able to, so he sighs, giving up "When you were in Texas"

"You saw him?" his voice comes out pitchy, almost hurt, a tint of betrayal.

"It's a long story"

"I don't care, tell me" he demands "Why am I just now hearing about this?"

"Because it doesn't matter!"

"Oh, it doesn't?" he asks, sarcastic "Then why are you so avoidant?" 

"So you're just friends, uh?" Helena says, skeptical "I don't believe it, Eddie's eyes have always been too transparent, whatever he feels, you can see right through him because of it... even when he tries to hide it"

Buck looks at Eddie, eyes wide open, as if he's waiting for Eddie to deny it, almost like he's hoping he does. Eddie can't bring himself to.

"And this so called love you're feeling, is not real, Eddie, you have to know that"

"You don't know how I feel" he finally whispers, so quiet he's not sure he did, barely being able to find his voice, barely being able to avoid breaking down in tears. The only reason anyone is able to hear it it's because everybody at the table was attentively waiting for him to speak.

"I do" she refutes "You don't"

"Stop talking to him like he's inherently wrong!" Buck yells "Stop treating him like a child you have to rectify! He's an adult, he's his own person, he doesn't need you to meddle, for fuck's sake"

"Don't talk to us like that!"

"Then don't talk to him like that!"

"Let's all calm down" Ramon says before Helena gets to answer "If they say they're not married then what's the issue? All's good, right?"

Eddie swallows, hard, he might actually have a panic attack now "Right" he mutters.

"Not right" Helena says "We still have to solve this, maybe you have lingering feelings you're misplacing? What about that girl, Ana? She was nice, wasn't she? Maybe you still feel-"

"I never did" he cuts her off "I never felt anything for Ana, I just told you that"

Buck looks at him, speechless. Because Eddie said that when he was explaining him being gay. Which is not actually true, right? So what does he mean?

"Well, what about Marisol?" Ramon asks "You even lived together being unmarried, despite us not approving"

"She wasn't even done unpacking when I asked her to move out" he says, exhausted "No lingering feelings there"

"Maybe you haven't moved on from Shannon, honey, you're still grieving"

"Shannon was my best friend, I didn't know my love for her was just that, I never knew"

"But you had a kid together!"

"Which I'm happy about and grateful for, but we were never supposed to get together, I realize now I didn't love her like that... like this"

"You're making no sense"

"Maybe that's enough, Helena, if they're not married, who cares?" Ramon tries to mediate. 

"They may say they're not married, but there's still something going on here, I know when Eddie is lying to me, and he actually thinks he's in love with Buck!"

"Just... let me be, please, this is it, this is what I am, you either take it or leave it, you don't get to change it"

"Wait, wait" Buck jumps in "What even is this fight? We just told you we're not married, not together, Eddie's straight, so what are we arguing about?"

Helena looks dumbfound, trying to figure out whether Buck is lying or just oblivious. She knows, she just wonders if Buck knows.

"You're saying you're not in love with Eddie?" she asks, suspicious.

"Exactly! I'm not in love with him!"

It stings. Eddie knew Buck was gonna say no. It still hurt him in a way he didn't anticipate. Maybe he thought Buck would at least considere it for a second, or that he would sound doubtful while saying no. But it came out relieved, as if he's glad they're clearing that up. And he knows Buck is not great at lying. So it feels like he's being torn apart.

Helena quickly looks back at Eddie, so he tries to cover up the way his eyes are getting watery, or the way he's struggling to breathe.

"Stop, please" Eddie says in anticipation, out of breath.

"It's just you then" she mutters to herself without even realizing, for the first time not really trying to prove a point, just unraveling the whole situation.

Buck looks at Eddie, confused, and for the first time Eddie doesn't look back at him, he even avoids him. He could throw up at any moment, he's sure, he even thinks his blurry vision is the result of the tightness in his chest and the way his head is throbbing, he's even panting.

"Mom..." he pleads, his voice breaking.

"Oh, Eddie" she says, gloomy "Don't do that to yourself"

"Do what?" he answers, defensiveness trying to cover the trembling of his voice.

"Don't set yourself up for failure"

"I'm not"

"He just said he doesn't feel the same way, why did you even ask him to pretend like this just for us?"

"What do you mean the same way?" Buck asks with a sense of urgency "Eddie's not in love with me!" he looks at Eddie, looking for reaffirmation, but Eddie freezes, he can't bring himself to say anything. Buck is now looking at him with anguish, his eyes going crazy.

Helena huffs "Does he even know?"

"Know what?" Buck demands "Eddie, tell her she's wrong, you are not-"

"Billy Boils" Eddie manages to say. Buck nods and tries to say something, but Helena cuts him off.

"Of course not, he's still convinced you're straight" she blurts out without a second thought, she doesn't even ponder the possible outcomes, she's just driven by anger and desperation.

Eddie pants, a tear finally streaming down his face "Mom, stop, please"

Buck frowns, confused, but wrath overcoming him when he notices Eddie's crying, so he stands up "Ok, you know what? Dinner's over, that's it, you need to leave, now"

"What?" Ramon says, offended.

"You heard me, we're not doing this for another second, you gotta go right now"

"This isn't your house!"

"I don't care!" he's livid, Eddie doesn't think he's ever seen him react so aggressively to anything "You're so self righteous it's actually sickening, you don't even realize how much you hurt him! So until you do, you're out, go"

They look at Eddie, as if they're waiting for him to defend them, to stand up for them. Eddie doesn't even look away from the table, he's too dismayed.

"Fine" Helena stands up "We'll go, doesn't change the fact that this all is wrong"

"Great, but you gotta go"

Ramon stands up as well "We are so disappointed, Eddie"

Eddie is still not able to look up, he's so staggered he can't move, like his soul left his body and is hovering over him, trying to jolt him out of it, it just can't.

"Leave, now" Buck snarls. Helena and Ramon walk out of the dining room, and Buck follows them, just to make sure they leave. Eddie still doesn't move, even as he hears the front door opening and closing with a slam. 

A ringing in his ears, tightness in his chest, tears blurring his vision. 

But his main concern is his heart. Shattered and maimed, bleeding out inside his body. 

He wants to disappear. 

Chapter Text

When Buck comes back to the dining room, he can barely look at Eddie.

"So that was something"

Eddie nods, looking at the table "Something indeed"

Buck sits down, right next to him "Eddie..."

"Let's not, ok?" he cuts him off, looking hurt "Not today, I'm exhausted"

"So am I, but we need to talk about it"

"Well, I don't think so"

"We can't just ignore this"

"Ignore what?" he finally looks at him, unsure of what Buck made out of that last conversation "What exactly are you talking about?"

"You know"

"Tell me"

"The whole thing was just weird" he sighs "The... you know, h-how it seemed so important to you that-that they accepted you being gay, how much it seemed to-to faze you when they said you were not straight"

Ok, Eddie can work his way around that.

"Yeah, I guess I was projecting into it"

"The way you kissed me" he continues, coy "The way you... you reacted at me saying I didn't feel like that... the crying in the kitchen... the oddly specific feelings and realizations you described"

Ok, Eddie can't work his way around that.

"Yeah" he whispers, out of air.

"What does that mean?"

"What do you think it means?"

"I... I don't know" he's staring right back at Eddie's eyes, they keep looking, with such sorrow they can feel scratches in the chest being left behind by their shattering hearts "I don't... I..."

"You know" he's speaking so softly he's not sure Buck hears.

"Tell me"

Eddie feels himself gasping, quietly, he looks up at the ceiling, trying to fight the tears "I can't" it comes out as a plea, shaky, broken.

"That's ok" he whispers back "I'm sorry"

Eddie nods, defeated "Me too"

"I... I don't know what to say"

"No need to"

"Will you ever tell me?" 

"Uh?"

"Like, you can't say it right now, I respect it, I just... I wonder if... if you'll ever feel ready, to, you know, say it out loud"

"Oh"

"Will you?"

"Buck, I literally just figured all this out today, like an hour ago, I have no idea what this even means"

"You just had the realization?"

He nods, slightly embarrassed "Yeah, when I, uh, kissed you"

"Oh"

"Yeah, so" he notices he's not tearing up anymore, he takes the small victory "It just... overflowed me, like... those prank peanuts"

He chuckles "What?"

Eddie chuckles as well "You know, the can of peanuts that is actually filled with like plastic worms or snakes? And you open it and they fly all over the place, like they were just waiting for the smallest chance to come out"

"Oh, ok, I... yeah, I get it"

"So I kissed you and the feelings just took the chance to bubble up"

"Got you"

"I'm sorry"

"Why are you sorry?"

"For this, I... I shouldn't feel this"

"Eddie, you're entitled to feel anything"

"You're not mad?"

"Why would I be mad?" he grabs Eddie's hand "You'll always be my best friend"

Eddie nods, not sure how to react to that. Because he's sure Buck meant for it to be reassuring, but to Eddie it's just heartbreaking.

"Thank you"

"So, uh, everything you said... to you parents, all the... uh... the feelings you described, the... figuring out you're gay, the... all that, was it..."

"All true"

Buck seems in awe "Wow"

"Yep"

"Eddie, I'm... wow, to stand up for yourself like that, having just realized it, it's... you're incredible, I'm so proud of you"

Eddie slightly blushes "Thank you"

"You really are amazing"

"Stop it" he chuckles.

"I mean it!"

"Alright"

"So, uhm, are you going to try dating?"

Eddie frowns, because, what?

"Dating?"

"Yeah, like, finding some nice guy, I could help you find someone!"

Eddie looks at him, bewildered "Are you serious?"

"Of course!" he even seems excited "Why? Oh, maybe you need some time? That's totally fine, I..."

"Buck" he cuts him off, putting the pieces together in his head "What exactly do you think I figured out today?"

"Uh?"

"What do you think is going on right now?"

"What do you mean?"

"I came out, did you notice?"

"Uh, yeah, you came out"

"I did, any idea why?"

"Because you're gay?"

"Turns out I am, but there's a little piece of information I think you haven't registered"

"Oh, I... uhm..." he seems puzzled, and that's all the confirmation Eddie needs, Buck didn't understand the whole thing.

"You did mention the way I reacted when you said you didn't love me" he clues in.

"Yeah?"

"How would you describe it?"

"You seemed... sad... disappointed"

"And why do you think that is?"

Bucks considers it for a moment, and then realization hits him right between the eyes, he looks at Eddie, astounded, he blushes, his eyes are wide open. 

"Oh"

"There you go" 

"I... oh my God, Eddie, I..."

"Don't" he asks of him, don't break my heart all over again.

Buck loos away, to the floor "I didn't know" 

"It's ok" 

"I thought..."

"Buck, stop"

"I'm sorry I said it like that"

"No need for that"

Buck looks around, still stunned "I'll, uh.. I'll clean up, ok? Maybe you get some sleep?"

Eddie nods "Right"

He would've offered to help, but he knows Buck. He probably needs to sit with the news for a minute. So he'll give him that, he'll wait for him to reach out when he's ready, Buck always does.

Buck doesn't reach out. 

The next morning, when he wakes up and walks out to the living room, Buck isn't there.

Eddie checks his phone to see if Buck texted him or left a message. He didn't.

He spirals for a moment. He thinks something happened, maybe Hen got into a car accident or Bobby fell off a cliff or Chimney got caught in a fire. But there's complete silence from everyone, not a single alarming message, not a single missed call, so he quickly pushes that idea away. What is it then? What was so urgent that Buck had to leave in the middle of the night without telling him a thing? Was he so weirded out he couldn't stand being under the same roof a minute longer? Maybe he was confused, maybe he went out to talk to Bobby as Buck so often does when he finds himself in a difficult situation. But that's not great either, Eddie being in love with him shouldn't be such a difficult situation, right? Eddie being in love with him is just natural, is not even new, just because you didn't notice the elephant in the room sooner doesn't mean it just magically came out of nowhere. Eddie figures he shouldn't have said it. Everything was fine, Buck was only focused on the I'm gay situation and somehow managed to miss the I'm in love with you situation. And that would've been great, but he just couldn't leave well enough alone, could he? No, he had to test his luck and completely fuck up. 

He paces the floor for the better part of an hour. He could climb up the walls, pondering on whether or not he should call him or text him. 

He ends up not doing any of those things. He gets his phone out, Buck is always sharing his location with him, so Eddie settles for just knowing where he is. He stares at the blue dot in the screen, hovering over Maddie's house. Having that information helps him carry on about his day, still losing his mind, but at least being aware of where he is.

When he picks up Chris, he finds out Buck did text Chris to let him know he won't be there when he gets home, so Eddie guesses he'll be back at night.

But it's fine, Eddie figures he just needs a little more time, maybe he just hasn't cleared up his mind. Eddie knows Buck will eventually build a bridge.

The whole day goes by, and there's no news from Buck. 

So around 11 pm Eddie finally sends him a text as he feels his own heart beating in his throat.

You ok?

A few minutes later, Buck answers.

Yeah, with Maddie

Oh, ok, just got worried

Why?

Eddie frowns, what does he mean why?

Well you left in the morning and never came back, and didn't say anything

Didn't know I have to run things by you

Ok, what? Eddie stares at his phone for a couple of minutes, just to make sure his eyes are not mistaken. 

You don't

Ok then

Eddie doesn't say anything else, he's not sure he could if he tried. So the conversation just ends there.

Eddie knows for a fact he's no longer with Maddie, since many hours ago, around noon, when he saw the little dot moving and ending up at a very different location. Eddie thinks he knows the address, but right now he can't really figure out why, he can't think clearly, he just wants Buck to come back. So he didn't meddle, he wouldn't know how to bring up the change in location without it looking like he's deranged. So he just played along, while his gut wrenched, because Buck doesn't lie to him, Buck is as honest as they come, he's so terrible at lying he just wears his heart on his sleeve, at least with Eddie he's honest, he's almost always been, and Eddie hates the idea that this is how it's gonna be now, the sneaking around and the lies and the keeping things from each other. That's just not them.

He goes over the conversation in his head. Buck didn't seem weirded out, did he? He seemed perfectly fine, sure, a little surprised but still fine, like he could use a little sleep, but fine. Or maybe he didn't, maybe Eddie overlooked the way Buck almost instantly stopped looking at him, the way he frowned as the wheels and screws and bolts behind his eyes swiftly started to move, getting his brain running all over the place, straight into a million different possibilities, each more horrifying than the previous one. Maybe Eddie failed to discern the shivering in Buck's voice, it had been there for the better part of the conversation so Eddie just assumed it was the aftermath of the argument with their parents, what if it wasn't? What if it was very much meant for him?

Looking back, Buck never said anything about Eddie's feelings, did he? He apologized for the way he turned him down, but did he ever say anything about how did that make him feel? Did he even acknowledge them? 

He has a horrible night, he barely gets any sleep, and he's angry, because it's all so messed up, one doesn't just disappear like this, leaving a trail of unanswered questions behind, it's not right, it's cruel.

Next time he sees or talks to Buck is next day, they have a 24 hour shift together. And Eddie's had more than a whole day to stew that resentment, ever since he woke up to an empty couch.

Eddie walks into the station and there he is, laughing with Hen and Chimney as if nothing happened.

Except that when Buck sees him approaching, his blue eyes go numb, his whole face seems to be filled with anger and annoyance.

"Glad to know you're alive" Eddie says, with a fair amount of anger of his own.

"Why wouldn't I be alive?" he snaps.

Hen and Chim look at each other, expectant, as if their favorite show is on. Maybe it is.

"Well, if someone disappears and doesn't text or call, you kind of assume they died"

"That's a drastic conclusion to reach"

Eddie scoffs "Are you angry with me?"

"Why would I be angry?"

Eddie can't stand the tone, that haughty voice he's speaking with, it's driving him insane.

"Because of what happened?"

"What did we miss?" Chimney says, not being able to keep to himself anymore "Who sued who this time?"

"Nothing happened" Buck hisses.

"For fuck's sake, if you're angry, why wouldn't you just say so? Why disappear and act so childish about the whole thing?"

"I'm not angry!"

"Then why are you acting like this?"

"Like what?"

"Like I don't even exist!"

They stare at each other in silence, frowning, panting. Then Buck takes a step forward, and he's now close, really close, like at kissing distance close. He hears Hen telling him something, but he pays her no mind.

"You are not the center of my universe"

Eddie raises both eyebrows, surprised "Don't want to be"

"Then stop suffocating me"

"Woah, ok" Hen gets in between them, softly pushing both of them back "Let's talk this through"

"Let me tell you something, Buck, if this were the other way around, I would never turn my back on you, I guess this just shows how good of a friend you are, right?"

Buck stares at him, half angry, half guilty, completely torn.

"I'm done" Eddie continues, hurt "I'm done with you"

"Good"

Eddie ignores him and goes up the stairs to the kitchen, vibrating out of his skin with anger.

"You ok?" Bobby asks as soon as he's up.

"Uh? Yeah, yeah, all's good"

"I saw you two down there" he says, concerned "Something you wanna get off your chest?"

Eddie caves. He just needs someone to listen, he needs someone to at least try to understand him, someone who won't judge him.

"I'm in love with him" he blurts out, nervous.

Bobby doesn't seem surprised or angry or disappointed or anything, he barely even reacts by nodding "Ok..."

"Ok?" he repeats, bewildered. 

"Oh, that's the whole story? I thought there was something else coming"

"What?" he's astonished "What other thing could be bigger than that? My world turned upside down from one moment to the other and you just say ok?"

"I just... what I mean is I don't see the problem there, I thought you had a problem"

"How is that not a problem?" his voice is pitchy "I told him and now he's avoiding me and acting like he hates me"

Bobby frowns at that "You told him?" Eddie nods "And he said he doesn't feel the same?"

"He actually said it before, but yeah I guess in this case the order doesn't matter"

"He said it before?"

"Yeah, uh, there was this whole thing with our parents, they asked him if he was in love with me and he said no, and then, after everyone had left, I confessed, and he just said he was sorry he said it like that before"

"I see" he nods, pensive "And then he disappeared?"

"Yeah, next morning he was gone, I didn't see him again until now"

"And out of nowhere now he's angry at you"

"That's exactly it"

"I'm gonna tell you something about Buck... he's a great kid, you know I really care about him, but he doesn't always think before he acts, or before he speaks"

"Don't I know it"

"And a lot of times, he acts and talks from a place of fear, fear of losing the people he loves the most... sometimes it's that very fear what makes him push that same people away"

"So he's pushing me away because he's afraid of losing me?" he says, skeptical. 

"I'm not saying it makes sense, maybe it's his own way of putting people to the test, make sure they'll fight for him, maybe he just thinks it will hurt less if he walks away rather than being left behind... you know he only has two settings, when he holds on so tightly people end up slipping through his fingers and the radical opposite"

"So you're saying I should... stick it out until I've passed the test?"

"Oh, no" he rushes to say "You don't deserve being shoved aside just so he can measure how much you're willing to take, he needs to come around on his own"

Fear creeps over him "And if he doesn't?"

"He will" he reassures him "He might be often driven by fear but he loves you, and if there's one thing that moves Buck more than fear, it's love"

Eddie nods, the certainty and calmness in Bobby's voice leads him to think, maybe, things will work out for the better. Maybe he just needs to wait it out.

But patience has never been a forte of his.

When they're barely three hours in, he already feels insane. 

He's sitting next to Chimney, they're eating popcorn while they watch TV. Almost every three minutes he looks back to where Buck is, and he is angry, he's furious at Buck for the way he's behaving, but he still needs to look at him, make sure he's there, maybe even hope he looks as lost as Eddie feels. Not his proudest thought, but he needs something, anything, just a glint of hope so he can keep going. 

"You're gonna break your neck if you keep contorting like that" Chimney says, not even looking at Eddie.

"Shut up"

"Are you gonna tell me what's going on between you two?"

"Buck didn't?"

Chimney shakes his head "Nah, when you left so did he, he walked out, Hen went after him and I went after you, but you were already talking to Bobby when I reached you"

"Where did he go?"

Chim shrugs "Why are you fighting?"

"No big deal"

"Dude, you are tweaking, he's livid, no big deal? Like hell"

"It's... it's complicated"

He looks back, there is Buck, looking down at his phone, bored. Eddie wants to punch him. But he probably wouldn't.

"Complicated, uh?"

"To be honest I don't even know"

"You don't?"

"I... I told him something, and he didn't say anything back, which I was actually expecting, but then he disappeared and stopped talking to me, which I was not expecting"

"Uh" he nods, as if he knows what that something is "I see"

"But it infuriates me he won't just admit he's angry, he's playing this stupid game" he keeps going "Like, whatever, he's entitled to feel whatever he feels, right? There's no denying that, but he won't say, he just avoids me and pretends I'm crazy"

"How does him being angry makes you feel?"

He sighs "Awful" he admits "Rejected... like he wishes I never told him... what I told him"

"And what did you tell him?"

Eddie shakes his head "What did he say? You know, when he was at your place"

"Uh?"

"Yeah" he frowns "Last I heard of him he was with Maddie"

Chimney thinks for a minute, then nods "You mean yesterday morning?"

"Just the morning?" he asks, even though he knows the answer "He didn't sleep there?'

"No, man, he came over, he said he wanted to show Jee a new recipe, chocolate pancakes, so he cooked that and we had them for breakfast, and then around noon he left"

"So he didn't say anything?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary, not to me, at least"

"That's... uh"

"I mean, while he cooked, Maddie was in the kitchen with him, they were alone for a couple of hours so maybe he said something to her, but nothing to me"

"And he didn't seem... I don't know, odd?"

Chimney thinks for a moment "I mean, yeah, he arrived at like, 5 am, when we woke up he was already in the kitchen, his eyes were, uh, puffy? Watery, red, and he seemed... kind of all over the place, y'know? Like... he kept spilling stuff, he was either talking too fast or staring into space in complete silence, he... I don't know, it was like he was trying to stay out of his own head"

Eddie nods "I know that facet"

"What happened?" he asks, genuinely concerned this time "I just assumed he had insomnia or something, like, maybe he was tired"

"Did he say where he was going?" he purposely ignores the question "When he left your place"

"Uh, no, nothing, he just said he had to run some errands"

Eddie frowns "I fucking hate him right now"

"I can see that"

Eddie's leg is bouncing up and down, restlessly, anxiously, he's trying his damn best to keep himself from acting on impulse, trying to control himself so he doesn't do something he knows will end up hurting. 

"Screw this" he mutters to himself as he caves in, he gets up, stomping across the room until he's right in front of Buck.

Buck notices, of course he does, but he pretends he doesn't, he lowers his head even more, looking closely at his phone.

"Where did you sleep last night?"

Buck lifts his head, and looks at him with fake amazement, like he can't believe Eddie's talking to him "I thought you were done with me"

"Just answer"

"No" he looks back at his phone, scrolling absentmindedly. 

"Why not?"

"It's not your business"

"Why are you so pissed off?"

"I'm not"

Eddie groans, frustrated "Can we have an actual conversation for just a minute?"

"This is a conversation"

Eddie takes the phone from him, forcing him to look his way "I just want you to be honest, please"

"I am being honest"

"Like hell you are"

"Give it back"

"No"

"Eddie"

"No"

"I'll talk to HR if you don't give it back"

"Snitches get stitches"

For just a fragment of a second, Buck smiles, he tries hard to avoid it, but a glint of a curve forms in his lips before he manages to hide it and go back to scowling "Now who's the childish one?"

"Just figured I should be at your level"

"How considerate"

"I swear to God, Buck, I'll smash it if you don't talk to me"

"I am talking to you"

"Be fucking serious"

"I am"

Eddie snarls "You know what? You're acting just like your parents" he knows that might be low, but he just can't stop himself "Dismissive and avoidant"

Buck seems genuinely pained at that "Oh, yeah? Well, right now you're acting like your parents"

Eddie scoffs "How come?"

"You're acting like you know better, like I'm in the wrong just because I'm not dealing with this in the way you want me to"

"What?" he says, hurt "I've been trying to get you to talk to me about exactly that! All this time I just asked of you to tell me what you feel! I'm trying my damn best to understand you!"

"Oh, so you're my parents too, try, try, try, always trying, where've I heard that before?"

"Fuck you"

"No, thanks"

"What the hell happened?" he asks, flabbergasted "Like, from 10 pm when I went to sleep and around 4:30 am when you decided to leave, what the hell happened? You weren't this angry when I told you"

"Just drop it"

"Drop it? No, you're gonna tell me"

"You really sound like your mother"

"Buck" he warns, angry "Don't"

"Eddie, I need to put some distance, ok? For fuck's sake, leave me alone"

And somehow that does it for Eddie. He nods, his eyes getting watery as he surrenders "I do owe you a wish, remember?" he drops the phone on the table "Granted"

He walks away. As he does, he feels a part of himself being left behind alongside Buck, as if Eddie is being torn apart and a vital part of his existence just got shattered into a million pieces.

The way Buck was so nonchalantly wreaking havoc on him left Eddie feeling such sorrow he can barely stand on his feet. So cold, so unbelievably detached, as if he despised the idea of Eddie having the nerve to love him like this. 

Eddie never thought they'd have such a gelid ending.

First time someone mentions it, they're on a call.

It's a medical call, just a girl who crashed her bike and ended up with a couple of broken toes and knee scratches, no big deal, no urgency to it. So Buck and Eddie are most definitely not really doing a lot.

They're both standing near the truck, watching as Hen and Chimney treat the patient on the side of the road. Eddie in the far left, Buck in the far right. And then Bobby approaches them.

"We're gonna transport her, I need you to get the gurney"

They both nod and walk to the back of the ambulance, in silence, not even looking at each other. They make a mess out of such a simple task.

First, both of them try to step inside the vehicle at the same time, and fight their way inside against each other, trying to walk in before the other one and just shoving each other along the way.  They end up bouncing against the ambulance walls. They both stand back up, not without a mutual look of disdain, and try to focus on the task.

Then, they grab the gurney from the same side, both refusing to let go, so they struggle for a good five minutes to get it out of the ambulance, not without hitting a few cabinets with it, which causes many tools and medications to drop. All of this without even glancing at each other, much less saying a single word.

Finally, they are wheeling the gurney to Chim and Hen, who are still doing basic wound care and splinting. Of course they don't manage to get it up on the sidewalk, they keep bumping it into it, as if they can't figure out how to lift the wheels and give it some angle. They just push at it, and it just keeps pushing back.

Bobby makes them both step aside, and he does the work himself.

"You two, with me" he tells them, serious, and takes them to the other side of the ambulance. 

They both stand side by side, but making sure there's enough room in between them.

"What the hell are you doing?" Bobby scolds "What's going on?"

"Nothing's going on, Cap" Eddie says as he shakes his head "Just doing our job"

"Are you? You did a whole dance just the get the gurney out, are you still no speaking?"

Eddie doesn't say anything, Buck looks dazzled. 

"What do you mean still?"

"You think no one noticed you're fighting?" Bobby asks, in a voice Buck would describe as condescending "You did a whole 180 on your day to day interactions and you think no one knows?"

"I didn't think it mattered"

"When we're in the field, it does, I need you to work together, to be in sync like you always are, you can't quarrel like this while we're trying to save lives"

"Won't happen again" Buck reassures, upset.

"Are you going to solve this?"

"People have fall outs, cap" Eddie says "We can be coworkers without being friends"

Eddie notices the way Buck frowns and turns his head to look at him, taken aback. Eddie doesn't look at him.

"That's true" Bobby agrees "What you can't be is coworkers while antagonising each other, not in this line of work"

"That's not what we are doing" Buck retorts. 

"Maybe it's best if we are not partners" Eddie murmurs, as if he's thinking out loud, and Buck does the same astonished head turn he did before "For the sake of everyone, maybe we just can't work side by side anymore"

Bobby looks at Buck, expectant, as if he's waiting for him to fight Eddie on this.

Eddie hates those silent seconds, because Bobby's anticipation gets him to have hope of his own. He's never been a fan of hoping.

And even though Buck is still looking at Eddie in disbelief, anger creeping up his face, he says nothing.

"We can discuss that when we're back at the station" Bobby ends up saying "Let's go, it won't be long before we gotta get her in the ambulance"

Bobby then walks back to the scene. Eddie starts to walk as well in that direction, but Buck's voice makes him stop dead in his tracks.

"Wow, so now you can't work with me, huh?"

Eddie turns around to face him "I won't be able to keep up with you right there terrorizing my every move, look at us, we are barely five hours into this shift and I'm already exhausted"

Buck nods "Right, you did call me exhausting once"

"God, grow up" he snarls "You wanna make me the bad guy just so you don't feel guilty about the way you're acting? Fine! Go right ahead, see if I care"

Eddie walks back to the scene, not caring if Buck has something else to say. Just a few seconds go by before he's asked to get the patient in the ambulance, and almost immediately Buck is there, helping him get the gurney inside, smoothly as ever. 

As they drive back to the station, Eddie notices the way Buck won't take his eyes off of him, brows furrowed, teeth clenched, like he wants to fight him. But Eddie never looks back at him, and Buck never manages to say a word.

So the second time someone mentions it, they're just getting off the engine.

"Still no talking, uh?" Hen says as soon as she sees them both clearly keeping their distance.

"Uh?" Buck says, annoyed.

"I mean, you made a mess in my ambulance, what were you, wrestling?" she raises an eyebrow "Why are you so angry at each other?"

"It's nothing" Buck dismisses it.

"It must be something, actually, and something big, given how secretive you're both being"

"No, it's really nothing" Eddie agrees "We just decided we are better off as strangers"

"You can never be strangers" Hen disagrees "After eight years of being attached by the hip? Basically coparenting a child? Stevie Nicks said it, you'll never get away from the sound of the woman who loves you"

"That's just..." Buck groans "Not it"

"What happened? Why are you so set on the idea of not being able to fix it it?"

"Well, Hen, you said it, some things we just can't get away from"

Hen looks at him, confused "What happened?" she insists.

"Sorry about the mess" Buck intentionally changes the subject "I'll clean it up"

"Of course you will" she agrees "As in you both will"

Eddie chuckles "Oh, man"

"Why is that funny?"

Eddie shakes his head "It's like when you have little kids arguing in a classroom and you make them work together so they work it out"

"I did make Mara and Denny clean the kitchen together after they squabbled over the last pizza slice, that's true"

"You're wonderful" Eddie says, hugging her while laughing "Oh God, I hate you"

Hen seems confused by Eddie's amusement, she clearly did not expect him to full on laugh at this. 

And Eddie didn't either, he's just so overwhelmed he feels like he's losing his mind.

"Hate you too?" she says, doubtful, but hugging him back.

"I'll clean it" Eddie says, and starts walking towards the ambulance.

"What? No, I will" Buck shouts at him and rushes over, trying to arrive faster than Eddie.

Eddie pays him no mind. He keeps going at a normal pace, as if he didn't notice Buck running right by him.

They get to work in silence, picking up the bottles, pills and equipment they dropped before. 

Buck squats in the right side of the ambulance picking up everything he manages to reach without asking for Eddie's help, categorizing what he does know, looking confused at the things he doesn't.

"That doesn't go there" Eddie mutters when he notices the way Buck struggles "Those are blood thinners"

Buck looks at him, as if he's expecting a joke regarding that, a remark, a 'you should know that', but nothing.

"Uh, yeah, I know" he lies.

Eddie nods. He's very aware of the fact that Buck doesn't really know, because he was on anticoagulants, while the pills he's holding right now are anti-platelets. But he doesn't say anything, he just gets up and walks out, he needs to restock some of the medications they dropped.

Buck gets a weird feeling seeing him leave, almost certain he is not coming back. Something resembling abandonment, a sort of void from being left alone to deal with the mess.

He reckons he's been kind of a dick, so he knows Eddie has every right to leave. But the whole thing just got so complicated. Suddenly he found himself in a battlefield with his best friend, not side by side but facing each other. Buck is not entirely sure of the reasons, he just knows it's his fault.

So now, as he picks up bottles and tools, he feels so alone he just cries. Tears stream down his face and make it hard for him to figure out what the medications are, but he keeps going, the best he can, even though he knows his best has never been good enough. 

When Eddie told him he was in love with him, Buck got dizzy. He knew this was going to be a disaster, because how could it not? 

Buck didn't lie when he said he wasn't in love with Eddie.

So how was he supposed to deal with this? How was he supposed to pretend nothing happened and just be the same best friends they always were? How could he turn him down, break his heart, and just remain the same?

He pondered on the idea. He spent up all night going over the moment in his head. He cried like crazy. He hated himself for not being able to love him back like that. 

Because it just doesn't make sense, right?

Buck is not blind, he knows Eddie is crazy attractive and breathtakingly alluring, he knows he's god-like built and has a beautiful face. He knows he has lovely, bewitching eyes, and that when he looks at you it's like the world stops and nothing else matters. He knows he has a gorgeous smile, so bright and so warm you can't look away, you don't want to look away, it's like he makes all the stars in the universe look dull. And he's also so damn funny, Buck thinks he's the funniest person in history, he could talk with Eddie for hours and hours on end and never get bored. He's smart and he's so fucking good at everything he does in an effortless way that would be annoying if it weren't so wondrous. And he's too kind for his own good, he cares so much about the people he loves he ends up not caring about himself. But if you're loved by Eddie you're one lucky bastard, your whole world changes if you get to be loved by him, he will make you feel like you're the only person in the universe, he'll stand by you no matter what, he'll be so loyal it makes you think you're actually worth a damn. Buck knows. 

Yet he found himself crying in the couch until three in the morning because Eddie loves him. And that's just not fair.

Because Buck also knows love doesn't just happen. He knows love is something you earn. He knows you gotta try, you gotta do your best everyday to try and get it, like a prize you need to work for. He knows love is not unavoidable, it's actually kind of unattainable.

But first and foremost he knows he couldn't have possibly ever done something to deserve being loved by the most heavenly person on Earth. So he just doesn't believe it. And therein lies the root of his endless spiraling and overthinking in the middle of the night. Why would Eddie tell him something so utterly, unequivocally, untrue?

So he just kept thinking, going in circles, pacing, feeling sick. Each conclusion he reached just increasingly becoming more and more upsetting.

And now he's here. In the floor of the ambulance, picking up bottles while he cries alone, trying his best, his never good enough, to get the job done.

Eddie comes back, medications in his hands, he doesn't look up from them, he just walks in as if no one else is there.

Buck feels relieved by him coming back, maybe a little less lonely, even a little less guilty. A 'he's not talking to me in the sense that he won't say anything' instead of 'he's not talking to me in the sense that he can't handle being in the same room as me'. And that's calming, if anything.

"Get those in there" Eddie tells him, giving him a couple of bottles, and that's when he finally notices Buck's puffy eyes, still red, and his tough facade falls off "Buck? Are you ok?" he kneels in front of him, concerned.

Buck nods "Fine" he tries to lower his head so he gets to hide his face "Allergies"

Eddie's not convinced "You're not allergic to anything airborne"

"Of course I am"

"Since when?"

"You don't know everything"

Eddie sighs "Whatever" he gets back up and continues with the cleaning "I never learn" he mutters to himself while he puts the bottles away.

There's silence, they continue moving around, but Buck can't focus, he keeps looking at Eddie.

"I'm sorry" he finally says. Eddie doesn't look back at him, but he does stop moving, he freezes in his place, looking at the cabinet, still turning his back to Buck "I didn't mean to talk to you like that, I know you were only trying to help me, so thank you, but I don't wanna talk about it" 

"Fine" he says, blankly, and continues organizing the racks.

"Fine"

"I wanna ask you something" he says once he's finished cleaning his side of the ambulance, and he does turn around this time "And since we're no longer friends or anything you can totally tell me to mind my business, but I'm confused, ok? Why... why did you get angry? Because I'm in love with you or because I told you?"

"What's the difference?"

"Well, if it's the first, then I can be certain we were always bound for this fall out, if it's the latter, it means I could've avoided it"

"Why does it matter?"

"I just wanna understand what pissed you off"

"I'm not pissed off"

"Oh, ok" he chuckles, sarcastic, he rolls his eyes, and turns around, aiming to walk out.

"You just don't listen!"

"You are not talking" he looks at him again.

They're both raising their voices now, exasperated. 

"I don't wanna talk about this!"

"That's fine! Then don't!"

"I won't!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

They look at each other, furious. They're not saying anything. They're most certainly waiting for the other one to throw the first stone.

"If you need help let me know, this side is done" Eddie murmurs, and this time he does step off the ambulance. And then he just leaves. Buck doesn't. Buck finishes up and then lies on top of the gurney until he hears Bobby looking for him.

"Yo, Cap" he says as he steps out of the ambulance.

"Lunch time"

Buck nods and follows him upstairs. Unluckily for him, it's been a really slow day, they haven't had a lot of calls so he's had plenty of time to just sit with his mistakes, but also for his mind to keep going on and on about the whole situation, which has him oscillating between the bluest of sadness and the deepest of rages. He's about to say the q-word just so he doesn't have as much time alone with his thoughts. 

Everybody is already seated in their usual spots, which of course means the only empty chair is the one right next to Eddie.

He notices the way everybody looks at him, expectant, he wouldn't be surprised if there's a bet going around on whether he takes that seat or if he moves the chair or if he does some other crazy thing. 

He stands longer than expected. He consideres his options as he stares at the chair, he thinks it's mocking him, if the chair could talk it would definitely be laughing its legs off right now. 

"Are you gonna sit?" Chim finally asks.

"Yeah, sure" he rushes to say and walks to the chair not as fast.

"Chim, could you tell Buck I'll move to any other spot if he's gonna act so weird about it?"

Chimney looks at Eddie, speechless, but then nods "Uh, Buck..."

"Tell him no need to, I can just pretend he isn't here" he finally sits.

"Eddie, he says..."

"Thank you, Chim" he cuts him off.

Hen looks at Chimney, trying hard not to laugh, but also completely disconcerted. Chimney looks back at her, equally entertained.

"Don't you think you're being ridiculous?" Bobby says with a sigh.

"I'm not the one freaking out about having to sit next to him" Eddie answers, unbothered.

"I wasn't! I just didn't want to... uh... you know"

"Sure do"

"How about we change the subject?" Hen jumps in "How's Chris?"

"He's great" both of them answer at the same time, and instantly roll their eyes.

"Denny would love to get together, like a playdate? I don't know if we still call them that, since they're not little kids but... yeah"

"You guys can come over anytime" Eddie says "Chris misses him, they have so much fun together"

"Maybe we could drop by tomorrow night?"

"Sounds great"

Buck tries not to, but he ends up talking "Tomorrow night Chris has a sleepover"

Hen looks at Eddie, looking for confirmation, but Eddie doesn't say anything for a couple of seconds, he seems to be trying to remember, he ends up sighing with frustration "Hen, could you tell him Chris didn't mention that to me?"

"Yeah, no, I won't be a part of this" she continues eating.

Buck looks at Chimney "He asked me because he said Eddie was kind of jittery so he would probably say no, I told him I would talk Eddie into it"

"Why are you telling me this? He's right next to you"

Buck gives him a look, a 'you know why' look. Chimney smiles at him, wide, showing his teeth. 

"When was this?" Eddie asks, looking at Chimney as well.

"Dude, I don't know, he talked to Buck, not me"

Eddie gives him the same 'just play along'  look. 

"Yesterday" Buck says looking at Bobby, but he doesn't even bother, he just shakes his head. 

"He told you yesterday and you said you'd talk me into it? Well aware that you were going to spring this nonsense upon me?" Eddie finally talks directly to him.

Buck frowns at him "What nonsense?"

"Your whole offended act, whatever it is, you were already avoiding me and you told Chris you'd talk me into it? How were you going to do that?"

"I don't know"

"Of course you don't, it's not like you ever plan ahead"

"I didn't want him to worry!"

"So what, we won't ever tell him we no longer speak? How are you gonna pull that off?"

"I... I don't..."

"Maybe Buck was hoping he wouldn't need to know" Hen chips in "Maybe he thought you could figure it out without having to bring Chris into this, right?"

"How? We can't work it out if he won't tell me what's wrong!"

"Stop acting like this is all on me! You know what you did"

"Yeah, I know what I did, what I don't know is why are you so angry"

"Because of what you did!"

"Why did that piss you off?"

"Because!"

"Why?"

"Because"

"Why?"

"Because!"

"Oh my god, stop" Chim says before they get a chance to continue "Please, shut up"

"Fine, whatever, I'll follow your lead, you want to pretend for the rest of our lives we're best friends for Chris' sake? Fine, I can pretend for him"

"Good, that's what I want... for his sake"

"Right"

Hen frowns in disbelief "Hey, Chim, if we ever fight, could you pretend we're still friends for Denny's sake?"

"Of course, Hen, that's what friends are for"

Buck rolls his eyes at the mocking "I'm not even hungry" he gets up and walks to the sofa, he sits down and tries his best to avoid listening to whatever they talk at the table.

And the third time someone mentions it, they're eleven hours into the shift, they have not had a single conversation since lunch, they manage to avoid each other, Buck looking like a sad puppy who misbehaved and now won't get his owner to play with him, Eddie trying his best to look his way as little as possible, as if he won't be able to stop himself from running towards him and hug him tight, leaving him breathless. 

Buck is mopping the floor, Eddie is polishing the engine nearby. So it doesn't really take a lot of effort from Chimney to talk to them both at the same time, they're already pretty close to each other. 

"Oh my, doing separate chores, are we?

"What?" Buck says, already annoyed.

"You usually pretend a one man job takes actually two men, and we all pretend not to notice because you are unbearable if you're apart"

Buck just rolls his eyes and continues mopping.

"Not now, Chim" Eddie begs.

"So you're still no talking"

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Buck mutters, upset.

"I was wondering why have you two been so vexed all shift"

"We are not" Eddie says.

"Speak for yourself" Buck retorts.

"Oh my God" he groans "Dude, seriously, chill the fuck out, we can't keep doing this"

"Don't tell me what to do"

Buck is well aware that he's now just picking a fight. And it's so juvenile, but he can't stop himself, he yearns for Eddie's attention, even if it's just him yelling at him and getting angry, Buck does much rather that than nothing at all.

"Ok, still fighting, indeed" Chimney says before Eddie gets to answer "God, what happened? The not knowing is driving me insane"

"Makes two of us" Eddie answers.

"Don't play dumb" Buck snarls.

"I told you a million times already, but I know what happened, I just don't know what made you angry"

"You don't need to know"

"True, the longer this tantrum of yours goes on, the less I care"

"Wow, ok, yeah, figures" Chimney mutters.

"What?"

"Cap wants to talk to you both in his office, he was kind of upset about it so I guess it has something to do with this"

Eddie and Buck look at each other, frowning in confusion, but then they seem to remember they're not friends anymore, so they quickly look away.

"Now" Chimney insists.

Buck and Eddie walk towards the office, not saying a single world the whole way there, not even walking side by side.

"Come in" they hear Bobby say from inside after they've knocked the door, they do as they're told "Take a seat"

"Is everything ok?"

"You tell me" 

"It's not" Eddie jumps in.

"You guys really think you won't be able to solve this?"

Eddie looks at Buck, and he hates that he feels hope while doing so, he hates feeling so stranded.

"No" Eddie ends up saying after a few seconds of silence, not being able to look away from Buck "We won't"

Buck's mouth twitches with sorrow, staring at his own fingers, not daring to look elsewhere.

Bobby looks at Buck as well, waiting, he knows Buck must have something to say, he can see it written all over his face, he's in pain, but he's closing off so tightly he's not even recognizing it. Bobby waits, but there's no answer from him.

"Alright" Bobby sighs "We built this team so thoroughly, Hen and Chim work great together, you two were practically made for each other, I don't know that we can switch it all up and remain as effective"

"We were not" Buck mutters.

"Uh?"

"Made for each other" he clarifies "We were not"

"Buck, I handpicked Eddie to be your partner, I knew you two would work perfectly together, in and outside the field" 

"Oh, so it's my fault?" Buck says, annoyed.

Bobby seems utterly confused at that "What is?" 

Eddie rolls his eyes "Don't even try, he'll just tell you he doesn't want to talk about it"

"But he brought it up"

"This is what I've been dealing with the whole shift"

Buck rolls his eyes "Screw you" 

"Buck!" Bobby scolds "You're both adults, you need to find a way to put your differences aside, figure this out"

"I don't want to" Buck says almost immediately. 

"And I don't care" he looks from one of them to the other, expectant "Well?"

"You don't know what happened"

"He does, actually"

Buck frowns, then looks at Eddie, angry "You told him?"

"Kind of"

"Kind of?"

"I mean, I told him about dinner and everything we talked, but nobody really knows what exactly got you this outraged, Buck" Eddie says "You won't talk to anyone"

"I didn't want anyone to know"

"Because you know you're being a dick"

"Eddie!" Bobby reprimands, then sighs "Look, guys, I'd much rather you solve this, the team works perfectly the way it is"

"Not anymore"

Bobby nods "Yeah, no, with you two fighting like this the team is definitely not working"

"What then?"

The alarm goes off, and all three of them get up, rushing to the engine "We'll settle this" Bobby says as they walk out of the office. 

They arrive at a car crash only a few minutes later. A car ran straight into a stop sign, which fell down on top of the car itself, starting a mild fire on the passenger side.

"Buck, Chim, you're on fire duty, put it out, Hen, Eddie, check the driver and get him out"

The four of them seem taken aback for a second, but just follow the order. 

Hen and Eddie manage to take the driver out in just a couple of minutes, which makes the task of putting the fire out much less urgent. 

"So you're now not even partners, uh?" Chimney says, spraying the car hood.

"It's for the best" Buck answers, aiming at the driver's door.

"Man, I don't know what's going on so this might be out of place, but you're both being ridiculous"

"You're right, you're out of place"

"If you two never work this out, are you both gonna be perpetually angry? Like you've been so far today? It's like not talking to each other makes both of you go feral"

"Chimney, don't" he warns.

"I think if you told me what happened maybe I could help and you two will get it together"

"No need"

Chimney doesn't push, they just keep putting the fire out. They're done quick enough. And it goes as smooth as it could, until Eddie's laugh resonates across the street. Buck turns his head so abruptly Chimney says something about how his neck is gonna break. But Buck barely listens to him, so he just packs everything up and gets it in the truck.

Buck sees Eddie leaning against the engine, arms crossed, and he's cheerfully nodding at whatever the guy in front of him is saying.

Eddie throws his head back laughing, the guy places his hand on Eddie's arm, and Buck hates whatever it's going on there.

He's not unfamiliar with the feeling. He's seen plenty of people hitting on Eddie, he's been right next to him countless of times as he hears Eddie turn someone down, kindly rejecting anyone who asks for his number. Buck kind of finds comfort in the fact that Eddie never seems interested in anyone. Even when he had girlfriends, Eddie was never really involved, Eddie would still hang out with him and even prioritize that over spending time with his girlfriends.

However, the second that seemed to be at risk of changing, the second Eddie said something among the lines of 'I can't, I already have plans with her' he would feel so rejected he would actually lose his mind. They're lucky that doesn't happen very often, Buck knows he can be pretty jealous, therefore he also knows he can act completely deranged when jealousy takes over him, even if it's regarding friendship, he doesn't like feeling left behind, and it's fairly easy for him to feel replaced, he's always unsure of his place in other people's lives. And he proved that, didn't he? When he was jealous of Tommy and Eddie spending so much time together, he got so unhinged he even sprained Eddie's ankle. Not his proudest moment. 

Right now he would flip over the whole damn truck just to take Eddie's eyes off of that dude, he would actually climb up to the top of the nearest building and jump off just so Eddie looks at him instead of that other guy.

And he can't really understand why is he getting so angry, why is there a raging feeling setting in his gut, why is he panting and frowning and thinking about all of the ways in which he wants to stop them from interacting.

It's not like last time. Last time he was able to figure it out, he wanted Eddie to stop hanging out with Tommy because he wanted Tommy to hang out with him instead, but right now it's not like he's into that other guy, he can't even see his face, so it just doesn't make any sense.

Yet the feeling remains. He's standing in the middle of the street staring at them, his teeth clenching inside his mouth, and he just aches all over. He feels everything inside him burning bitterly, engulfing him in a cloud of something resembling absolute despair. He even feels his eyes getting watery and his heart racing against his chest. 

He hates it. He hates that someone else gets to hear Eddie's laugh when he hasn't been able to in almost two days. He hates that someone else is making him laugh like that. He hates that his arms pop out in a really gorgeous way, that his cheeks get such a beautiful shade of pink as he closes his eyes while laughing. He hates the sultry strand of hair that falls over his forehead when the hair gel has worn out and makes his whole face look even more flawless. He hates that he wants to touch him, he wants to take that guy's hand away from Eddie's arm so he gets to place his own there, so he gets to feel under his fingertips Eddie's soft skin, he wants to know what it feels like to be worthy.

He had never felt such loathing. So he keeps staring, trying to understand why is he feeling like this, why is he so torn apart while seeing Eddie with that guy, why is he yearning so hopelessly for something he doesn't recognize.

And he's staring so hard, Eddie feels it. Eddie suddenly looks his way, and their eyes meet for a second, just a second, until Eddie looks back at that guy, he smiles even harder and he even touches that guy's hand, and the blush in his cheeks goes crazy.

That only makes Buck's stomach twist with wrath. He feels sick, he's sure he could throw up right there in the middle of the street, he is panting with anger, and if his eyes stopped watering for a second he's sure he would be able to blow things up just by staring at them. He really hopes that happens, so maybe he can do it to that man.

Eddie is moving closer to the guy, and Buck just can't fucking stand it.

"We gotta go" he rushes to Eddie's side and mutters, still furious.

Eddie barely looks at him "We're waiting for Bobby, he's talking to that driver's wife"

"So is Chimney, but we have to go" he insists, louder "Now"

Eddie finally looks at him "Why? Hen and Gomez already took the patient to the hospital"

"But we are working, remember?"

"I told you Bobby's not back yet" he's clearly upset as well.

"I don't care"

"What's your problem now?" 

"My problem? What's your problem?"

"Me? I wasn't even talking to you until you walked up here"

"We are doing a job, Eddie, we're not here to fraternize"

The guy seems apologetic about that "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"I'm sure you didn't" Buck cuts him off, barely keeping it together.

"See, now I need to put some distance, Buck, leave me alone"

Buck probably had that one coming.

"No"

"I'll leave you two to it" that other guy says "Sorry, I didn't mean to get in the way"

Eddie doesn't pay him any attention, instead he just walks to the other side of the engine. As he reaches the door he decides on not getting inside, it's way too hot for that, so he just stands there. Buck follows right away, he stands right in front of him.

"What do you want, Buck?" he asks, drained.

Buck doesn't really know. What's he supposed to complain about? On what grounds?

"Who was that?"

Eddie frowns "What do you care?"

"I care"

"Why?"

"Because... I do"

Eddie shrugs "I don't wanna talk about it"

Buck rolls his eyes "Don't be childish"

"You got your right to not explaining a damn thing to me, I do too"

"It's not the same!"

"How come?"

"Because me not telling you is because I feel stupid just talking about it!" he finally blurts out.

Eddie seems concerned at that, he takes a step forward, closer to Buck "What?"

"And you not telling me is because you're just trying to get back at me" he deliberately ignores the question.

"I am! Because you don't get to shove me aside like this! It's cruel! Specially after I told you I'm in love with you!"

"Stop saying that!" he nearly begs.

Eddie's frown gets even deeper "Why?"

"Because it's not true!"

"What do you mean it's not true? It's very fucking true"

"I don't believe it" he takes in a deep, shaky breath "Who was that guy?"

"Don't change the subject!"

"You tell me who that was, I tell you what I mean"

Eddie groans, frustrated "No one! He was just some guy who was walking by, he asked me what happened here and then he made some small talk"

"Small talk? You were laughing!" 

"He was funny!" he yells back, they're both yelling at this point.

"He was touching your arm!" 

"So what!?"

"You touched his hand!" 

"So what!?" he insists, even louder this time "Who cares about that?"

"I care!"

"Why?!"

"Because I hated it!"

Eddie looks thunderstruck "You hated it?"

"I did!" he snarls "Because we... you're already meeting new people? It's like I'm completely replaceable to you! We haven't been apart for even a day!"

"Oh, but we have! You left yesterday morning, remember? A whole day already, you didn't even send a text!"

"One day, two days, not my point! My point is you were flirting with that guy when we just stopped being friends! Like you don't care!"

"How are those two things related?"

"Huh?"

"We were friends, how is flirting, as in romantically, disrespectful to a friendship?" 

Buck frowns "I don't know! It just is!"

"It's not!"

"Then why did I hate it, uh?" he asks as if that's proving his point.

"What the hell do I know? You're the one acting crazy!"

"You said you loved me" he answers as if that's the answer he had to figure out, and takes a step closer to Eddie, pointing at him "And you're just moving on like that?"

"But you just said you don't believe me, so what's that about?"

"You still said it!"

"Yeah, and I still fucking meant it!"

"So you don't say I love you to a guy one day and then flirt with a different guy the next day!"

"My flirting has nothing to do with you"

"That's the problem!"

"How is that a problem?"

"Because..." Buck looks trapped, he doesn't know, he's just figuring it out as he goes, but right now nothing is coming to mind.

"If you don't believe me when I say I'm in love with you, why do you think this is somehow your problem?"

"It just is!"

"How!?"

"It infuriates me!"

"Why!?"

"Because..."

"Why!?" he insists after a second "Why, Buck, why!?"

"It does!"

"Fucking tell me why!"

"Stop!"

"Tell me!"

Buck gives no further answer. Instead, he grabs Eddie by the waist and presses his lips against Eddie's. He kisses him with a sense of urgency, he holds on tightly and pushes him against the side of the truck, kissing him deeply, he moves fast, frantic, like he wants to suck the soul out of his body. He moves one hand up to Eddie's cheek, cupping his face firmly. Eddie's hands are quickly moving up to Buck's curls, pulling at them vehemently, and he kisses right back, blistering pace, they move almost aggressively against each other. It's such a desperate kiss, as if they were trying to get the most out of it, enough to remember for a lifetime. Eddie bites Buck's lower lip, sinking his teeth hungrily, and Buck manages to smile before they lock lips again. It's messy and all over the place and maybe even vulgar. They don't care.

It takes Buck not even a second to realize this is like nothing he ever experienced before. It's loud and it's reckless, but it's also filled with care and maybe even hope. He feels his chest filing up with warmness, it's so hasty he barely manages to keep up, but he does, he would never forgive himself if he didn't. 

And it's also senseless because this is not even the first time their lips touch. Buck remembers that kiss in the kitchen, but he was so dumbfounded he didn't get to make anything of it, he couldn't even register it until after the fact.

"Mhm" they hear someone clear their throat beside them, so they quickly jump away from each other. And right there, Bobby and Chimney stand, looking astonished.

"Way to go, guys" Chimney says "Remind me to never fight neither of you, I don't know if I'm up for this kind of reconciliation"

Eddie, heavily breathing, looks back at Buck "Screw you" he says, infuriated, and just gets in the truck.

"Didn't see that coming" Chimney says and looks at Buck, who, by the look on his face, didn't see that coming either.

"C'mon, get in" Bobby tells them and they both do as they're told.

The whole ride back to the station, Eddie never looks at Buck, and Buck just stares at Eddie, and Chimney knows not to meddle right now, he can so clearly see they're in a really delicate spot. Bobby doesn't either, he just occasionally looks at them. So no one says a single word the whole way back. 

Chapter Text

The truck is not even fully stopped before Eddie jumps out of it, running to the locker room without paying attention to Buck calling him.

Buck, naturally, follows him, he runs right behind him and loses no sight of him.

"What, Buck, what?" Eddie snarls "What do you want now?"

"What happened back there?" he asks, half concerned, half upset "Why did you get angry at me?"

Eddie huffs "No, you don't get to ask me that, no way"

"Listen, I know I've been kind of... difficult all day..."

"Dreadful" he cuts him off "You've been a nightmare"

"Right, and I... I'm sorry, ok? I know I owe you a lot of answers and apologies but... you answer me and I promise I'm gonna answer everything you ask"

Eddie looks at him, skeptical "That so?"

"I swear"

"No" he shakes his head "You first"

Buck sighs "Yeah, no, that's fair, ask away"

Eddie knows there are plenty of questions he wants to ask, he knows some of which are kind of urgent, he knows Buck owes him a lot of answers. Yet the first thing that comes out of his mouth is not exactly a question to which Buck owes him an answer, but Eddie will take a chance.

"Why did you see Tommy?"

Buck seems troubled at the question, as if he just got caught doing something he shouldn't "What?"

"At dinner, you said you told Tommy I was straight and we were just friends, when was that? Why were you with him?"

"Oh, mhm... that's kind of a long story"

"Oh, sorry, is there somewhere else you need to be?" he asks, sarcastic.

Buck takes in a deep breath "Alright, I did promise you answers so... mhm... when you were in Texas"

"You already said that"

"I mean... uh, I was missing you, a lot, I felt so lonely I couldn't even sleep at the house because it felt... haunted... so Maddie told me I should make new friends"

Eddie frowns, upset "What? Why?"

"Because you weren't here"

"So what? I didn't die, I just moved, why would you need a new best friend? We still talked all the time"

"Yeah but Maddie thought it would be good for me, you know, hanging out with new people"

"I gotta have a word with Maddie because, why?" he insists "I wasn't out there in Texas trying to find a new best friend or... what, are you saying we're only best friends because of proximity?"

"No! I'm not! And I'm not saying I wanted a new best friend! Just a new friend!"

"Whatever!" he sighs "What does that even have to do with anything?"

"Let me finish!"

"Go on"

"So I asked Ravi to go out with me, we went to that bar we went to the day of the basketball game, remember? The one where..."

"Buck" he says blankly.

"Yeah, ok, so we went there, and... Ravi ran into Tommy and he brought him back to the table and... I- I guess Ravi got fed up with my yapping about you because he took off, he left us two alone and... and I mentioned I moved and... and I invited him over and we... we kind of... slept together"

"What?" he frowns, disgusted "In our house? Are you insane?"

"Missing you was driving me insane! I missed you, ok? I was having such a hard time getting used to life without you I... I didn't know what to do! And he was there and... and it helped me take my mind off of you for at least a second!"

Eddie still looks upset "You had to sleep with your ex because you missed me? What sense does that make?"

"I don't know! I was spiraling, ok? Nothing made sense, I just... I felt so empty, I... you know when you just got out of a relationship so you kind of start sleeping around in order to avoid that sense of emptiness?"

Eddie changes his upset look for a bewildered one "We were not"

"Uh?"

"In a relationship, we were not"

"I know! But that's the kind of void I was trying to fill! So yeah, I slept with Tommy, and the next morning he started going on about how we could get back together now that the competition was out of the way"

"What does that mean?"

"He said... he felt he was competing with... w-with someone else for my love, uh... competing with you, specifically... he thought... he thought I would end up breaking his heart because... well, if we put it together with what he said when he dumped me, I guess he thinks you'll be my last, like the one for me... with you being in Texas he figured there would be no competition so he and I could make it work"

Eddie scoffs "Where do you people think Texas is? Outer space? Why do you all act like me moving to Texas meant we would no longer talk? We Facetimed like ten times a day! We texted nonstop!"

"I don't know, I got angry, we got into an argument and he left, I didn't think to ask that"

"And that's when you told him we're just friends and I'm straight"

"That's when"

Eddie sighs "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It felt... wrong, as if I had been... disloyal? I mean, I knew I shouldn't have done that, I guess... I guess I felt ashamed, guilty?"

"Why?"

"I don't know, I thought, uh, I just didn't want you to ever find out"

Eddie nods, slowly, realization setting in "Fine"

"We done?"

"With the first question? Yeah"

"Right, go on"

"Where did you spend the night?"

So that's gonna be awkward.

"Uh..." he stalls, nervous "I..."

"Tommy's" Eddie guesses after a few seconds in which Buck does nothing but stutter.

Buck feels his own heart breaking at the sound of Eddie's sad, disappointed voice "I'm sorry"

Eddie shakes his head "For what? You're free to do whatever you want"

"I didn't mean to hurt you"

"That's on me, isn't it? You didn't ask for me to fall in love"

"Eddie..."

"Way to prove yourself to Tommy tho, running to him just after the competition told you he loves you"

"It's not like that"

"No need to explain"

"Nothing happened between us"

"You don't owe me an explanation or your excuses, Buck, if you wanna get back together with him, you got every right to"

"I don't, I went there and I slept on the couch and didn't even tell him why"

"Why, then?" he asks, hurt "Why him?"

"I... I couldn't go to Chim or Hen or anyone who would ask a lot of questions, I didn't want to tell them anything because... because... I didn't know if you..."

"You didn't want to out me" Eddie realizes.

Buck nods "I wasn't sure if you were ready for them to know"

"So you didn't tell Tommy?"

"No, no, I just... I told him I was there to apologize for... some things I said when we argued, thank him for some other things, and then I just pretended to fall asleep on his couch so he wouldn't know I... I needed a place to stay"

"Ok, but why? Why did you need a place to stay? What made you so angry you couldn't come back home?"

"I wasn't angry"

Eddie rolls his eyes and starts walking towards the door "So much for being honest"

"I swear!" Buck grabs him by the wrist and turns him around "I wasn't! I... I was... hurt"

"Hurt?"

Buck sighs, compliant "You hurt me"

"How?"

"You are not in love with me, Eddie"

Now that he's listening more actively at Buck, Eddie looks stunned at that, he frowns and gapes and looks around as if he's waiting for a guy with a camera to jump out and scream something among the lines of 'psych!', but it doesn't happen "What?"

"I went over the whole thing a million times in my head, I spent hours... crying, lying on the couch, wishing the answers would hit me, and... and they did! They did, you're not in love with me, the only logical explanation there seemed to be was that you lied to me, you lied about being in love with me and... and it hurt! It hurt, Eddie, it made me feel so... so stupid, so... hurt"

"Why would I lie to you?" he exclaims, astonished.

"That's what makes the most sense! You... I figured you... maybe you thought you having a gay awakening without me being part of it would make me feel bad so... so you just said it to help, which ok, whatever, it's a nice gesture, but you don't joke with something like this, Eddie! You don't spring something like this upon someone when you know damn well it's not true!"

"You think I faked being in love with you just so you wouldn't feel left out?" he says, stunned.

"It's the only logical explanation! And the idea of you toying with me like that, it was devastating, I felt... betrayed, even if your intentions were good, I... I'm fine with being just friends! But don't lie to me like this! Don't treat me like I'm some kind of idiot or... or like I'm deranged and you need to walk on eggshells around me, I... you don't!"

"Buck, listen to me" he takes a step closer, concerned at the increasing quiver in Buck's voice and shakiness of his breath "That's not what happened"

"It must be! What else could it be?"

"Are you seriously saying that's the only possible explanation you can come up with?"

"Yeah, uh... maybe, my other theory was that I'm the first guy you ever kissed so you just got it all mixed up and got realization confused with love, which still hurts, because... because... it's cruel, to use me like that"

"How on earth did you manage to reach those conclusions?"

"How could I not? What else could it be?"

"Buck, I... I don't even know what so say, I..." he sighs, deeply confused "So you came up with those theories and got mad at me"

"I got sad! And... I wanted to cry and... well, yeah, maybe there was a sense of... of anger to it, I didn't want to be angry but I just... I didn't... God, it was like being torn apart, every breath hurt, every... every word ached I... I hated it... b-but I also just knew I had to come in here and make you accept the truth"

"The truth?"

"That you are not in love with me!"

"Make me accept that? What the fuck does that mean?" he insists "I know how I feel better than you"

"But why would you be?"

Eddie looks at him, puzzled "Why?"

"I haven't done anything to deserve that"

"First of all, that's not how love works..."

"Of course it is!" he cuts him off "Love is something you work for, something you achieve, you don't just wake up one day and there it is"

"You don't need to work hard to deserve being loved"

"Then why do people stop loving each other? Because the person on the receiving end stops trying, they get too confortable and lose their right to be loved"

Eddie takes a minute to think, trying to wrap his head around the whole thing "Ok so, when it comes to you, be honest with me, do you only love people if they've done a lot of effort to deserve it?"

Buck seems baffled at the question "Well, no, not really, but that's different"

"How is it different?"

"Because... because...."

"You're saying other people get to just be loved, but not you, you need to work for it?"

"Eddie..."

"You think you're not lovable just for being you, but other people are?"

"Well, I'm not!"

"Why the hell not?"

"I don't know! I'm just not!"

Eddie seems profoundly sad at that, and Buck just waits, for him to realize, for him to get it.

"Let's say you're right" Eddie finally says "Let's say love is something you need to earn like it's a medal, it's not, but for the sake of this argument let's pretend"

"Ok?"

"You seriously think you haven't done enough to deserve being loved by me? Me, of all people"

"What does that mean?"

"Buck, I..." he sighs, in disbelief "Since I met you you've done nothing but being there for me, look after me and Chris, going out of your way so we both are ok, you... god, you want me to make a fucking list? I will, I swear to God I will"

"But I don't do any of that so you two will love me, I..."

"I know! You do it because that's who you are, you care, you fight for the people you love, you'd do anything and expect nothing in return because it's all from a place of love! And you want me to believe you've done nothing to deserve love? Just being you is enough, Buck, you need to know that"

Buck's eyes are watery, red, as if he's fighting to death so tears won't stream down his face "I'm sorry"

"Love is easy, Buck, loving you is easy"

"I don't think that's true"

"Well, to me it's as easy as breathing"

"I'm sorry"

"What do you have to be sorry for?"

"The way I reacted, I... I was so hurt because I convinced myself that you were lying, but then I got so scared at the thought of losing you, I..."

"Why would you lose me?"

Buck snickers, humorlessly "You know me and relationships, they get to know me closely and they run off"

"Buck..."

"No, listen, it's ok, I know I can be too much, I know I get... clingy and desperate and I hold on too tight out of fear of being left behind, so much I actually end up being left behind"

"That's not true"

Buck stares at him, skeptical "I figured you thinking you're in love with me would make all my flaws much more visible to you, and I... I got so scared of you actually seeing me, seeing right through me, and walk away"

"The thing is, Buck, I already see you, and I love you, flawed or not, and I'm not going anywhere"

"I didn't lie, tho" he clarifies "When I said I wasn't in love with you, I... I mean, I thought it was true"

Eddie's stomach drops "Oh"

"But then I pushed you away and I realized I was losing you either way and... I loathed every second of it and... the further away I pushed you, the more I realized I actually am... in love with you, I mean"

"Oh" he blinks, nicely surprised.

"So maybe I thought it was easier... to just... if I saved us both all the trouble and just made you leave in advance, before I allowed myself to... to want too much"

"Buck..."

"I don't get to want this much, if I allowed myself to... to hope, to want, to have this, with you, it'd be so much harder to face the eventual fall out, I don't think I could survive that loss"

"Love is not bound to be lost, Buck"

"I've never known it to be any different"

"Me neither... but I've also never known it to be this real"

Buck's chest fills with a blazing fire, he feels like he's brushing the sun with his fingertips, and he wants this, he yearns so much and he loves so much, he's ready to combust and get burnt if it means he gets to have a taste of the sunshine, even just a glimpse "Me neither"

"Good" Eddie smiles.

"I'm sorry, about the way I acted, what I said... for kissing you earlier, I guess you got angry because I ended up outing you anyway and I'm really, really sorry, Eddie, if I could..."

"That's not why"

"Uh?"

"It's not, I... I got angry because I thought you were only kissing me to win an argument, as if... you thought my feelings gave you some kind of leverage, power over me"

"Oh my god, Eddie, that's awful, I'm so sorry"

"You need to stop apologizing"

"No but I get why you would think that, after the way I acted, I... I mean, yeah, it would've been in character so I'm really, really sorry"

"I know you are"

"I'm really sorry"

"I forgive you"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot"

"Uh... well since we already established... y-you're in love with me... and I-I'm in love with you... could we, like, be in love together?"

Eddie smiles, fondly, and slowly nods "Great question"

"Do you want to answer it?"

"Come here" he says with a tilt of his head, softly, still smiling. Buck hesitates for a moment, not moving from his place, so Eddie repeats himself, demanding more firmly "Buckley, come here"

Buck does as he's told this time, and quickly takes the couple of steps that separate them "Hi"

"Good boy" he whispers as he brings his hands up to Buck's cheeks, caressing tenderly, he brushes his fingers against Buck's stubble, barely there but still prickly, he carefully traces the line of his jaw, trying to get to know it by heart, memorizing all the ways in which his muscles tense and relax under his touch, learning wholeheartedly every freckle and every scar, he fondles the birthmark above his eye, watching as it slowly gets darker, Eddie wants to reach up and peck it, he wants to take in every crease, outlining its shape down to the smallest detail.

He looks down to Buck's lips, just enough for him to yearn a little bit longer. After a couple of seconds he looks up into Buck's blue eyes, and he notices Buck is staring at his lips with a fair share of yearning of his own, breathing heavily. Buck doesn't look away, as if he's waiting for the green light to come, he seems desperate, like he's been longing his whole life.

Eddie finally feels Buck grabbing him by the waist, so he grabs Buck by the nape and smoothly pulls him in, steadily yet kindly, he pushes their lips together in what is easily the most real kiss they've ever experienced.

When he was a kid, he quit gardening because his flowers wouldn't grow. When he was a teenager, he quit the school play because he couldn't bring himself to cry on cue. When he met Evan Buckley, he quit worrying so much about never meeting the one, because deep down he knew he already had. 

It takes a second before Buck kisses back, a second for him to realize this is actually happening, and when he does he moves his hands to Eddie's lower back and pulls him closer, vehemently, clinging almost desperately like Buck usually does.

Except right now Buck is not afraid. Right now Buck just wants to feel Eddie close, he wants their hearts to be so close together they imitate each other's heartbeat, he wants their skins to melt together in a way only alchemy would get to resemble. He longs so much and he wants so much, like a perpetual hunger settled in his chest.

This kiss, right now, is the culmination of such a long journey of longing without knowing what for, a desperate search out in the wild trying to find something that's been right in front of them, a mutual love so bone-narrowly set they didn't even question it. They make it last, they allow themselves to feel, to deep dive inside that feeling they unknowingly avoided for so long. 

Buck lets out a soft moan that disappears inside Eddie's mouth, and Eddie smiles amidst the kiss, pulling him closer even if there's already not a speck of air in between them, wishing he could swallow him whole. 

It's a soft kiss regardless, long and lasting, slow, like something they want to get the most out of, making every second count. For the first time there's no rush, no impulses to it, just love, love and love. They do say third time's a charm.

They keep going until a bang in the window makes them wince and break apart.

"Jesus" Eddie mutters, startled, and buries his head in Buck's shoulder. For a moment there he forgot where they were, and he doesn't appreciate being reminded by Chimney punching the fucking glass.

Buck wraps his arms around Eddie and keeps him close "What?" he blurts out at Chimney.

Then he notices everyone is running towards the engine. And also the alarm is blasting out.

"Sorry to interrupt guys but we kind of have a job"

Eddie then turns around and notices. They both run to the engine.

Once they're sitting inside, their knees touching and their cheeks still pink, Chimney looks at them, smiling knowingly, amused at the way both Buck and Eddie just smile at each other, blushing.

"So you're speaking again" Hen says when she notices the whole scene "Wonder how that happened"

"We talked"

Chimney chuckles "You talked alright"

Buck nudges him "Be nice"

"But I am nice"

"Chimney, don't push it"

"Ok, yeah, we're together" Eddie blurts out, as if he can't contain himself anymore.

"You are?" Chimney says with an obviously fake surprise, just as a very genuinely astonished Buck says "We are?"

Eddie looks at him, frowning "We aren't?

"Yeah, no, yeah, you... I mean I'd love to, I just wasn't sure, you didn't answer my question before"

"You were kissing" Chimney says, as if that's enough of an answer.

"I know that" Buck says, sharp "But what does that mean?"

"Are you for real?" Chimney looks at him, astounded, and then looks at Eddie "Is he for real?"

"Hey, we were still figuring it out" Eddie comes to Buck's defense "We got a little distracted but it's a fair question"

"I... yeah, ok, you guys do you"

"A little kissing never hurt anyone" Hen smiles, a make pretend innocence to it "It's what friends do"

"Guys, I think we need to take a step back and let them figure it out on their own" Bobby mediates "We are not intruding"

"C'mon, Cap, we've been waiting for this, we can't pretend it's just their business"

"Of course it is" Buck retorts "We need to do this right"

"Do what right?" Hen asks, inquisitive.

"You know, uh, Chris? Is he gonna approve? Or is he gonna think this is weird?" he asks, freaking out now "Oh my God, Eddie, what if Chris doesn't want this? What are we gonna do?"

"Chris loves you" Eddie answers, calm "And he kind of already knows"

"You told him?"

"After the whole Kim debacle I promised I would never lie to him or hide anything from him"

"Who's Kim?" Chimney asks, but neither Buck nor Eddie pay him attention. 

"When?"

"Yesterday, he wanted to know if we got into a fight or something, I decided to just come clean"

"He knew we had a fight?"

"We weren't exactly subtle"

"I'm so embarrassed"

Eddie finds Buck's gaze, trying to get him to make eye contact so he can reassure him "We're fine" 

"I gotta talk to him"

"Buck, it's alright" he tries to soothe him, but it's not really an easy task "He was actually glad we might be getting together, and he understood you maybe needed to clear your head, he's not mad, he's happy"

"I till gotta talk to him"

"Fair enough, just don't spiral, ok?"

"Specially not now" Bobby says "We're here, let's go 118"

They all step out of the engine, and Eddie pecks him on the cheek as he leaves. And Buck is finally at ease.

After putting out a mild fire caused by a barbecue gone wrong, Chimney and Hen ride the ambulance to the hospital with a patient, which means Buck and Eddie sit across each other with only Bobby sitting in the front seat.

They look at each other, smiling wide, they choose not to talk right now because they really want to do it in private. So they just stare, pink covering their cheeks, their knees touching, they giggle and feel ridiculous but they just can't help it, they're bubbling up. 

"Guys, everything alright back then?"

"Yep" Buck answers, not taking his eyes off of Eddie.

"Are you... uh, doing... something?"

Both of them do look at Bobby this time, holding in a laugh "What?"

"You're too quiet! I wondered why"

"What could we be doing?" Eddie chuckles.

"Well, I don't know"

"We're just waiting to get to the station so we can finish our talk, Cap, nothing else happening back here"

"Good" he nods "I'd like to take this chance to say I'm glad for you guys, and I hope you're really happy together"

Buck feels his smile getting bigger "Thank you, Bobby"

"Yeah, thank you, appreciate it"

"And if you ever need anything just let me know, alright? I'll be happy to help"

"We know"

"Great"

When they arrive at the station, they quickly make their way to the bunk room, they figure the rest of the team will be too busy having dinner for at least an hour so the room will be empty. They sit down, face to face, their knees pressing together.

"So..."

"So"

"We are together, right?" Buck asks "I wanna be sure"

"We are together"

"And Chris is ok with this? I mean I still wanna talk to him but he said it was ok?"

Eddie nods and holds Buck's hand "He said he was getting tired of waiting for us to figure it out"

Buck seems stunned "Really?"

"Turns out it wasn't all that surprising to him"

"He's always been really smart"

"Smarter than us"

"Never doubted that"

"He's happy for us, and for him, he actually wants this"

"What about you?"

"Me?"

"Yeah, uh, do you want this? I've seen you settling for someone just because it's what Chris wants and I understand it if that's what this is but I'd rather you tell me"

"Buck, what do I have to do for you to believe me? I will do anything, I swear, just name it"

"Sorry, I believe you, I do, I just... it's like... you're so amazing, really, you're the best person I've ever known and... and you love me like this? I just... I love you so much and I want this so much... it's odd, for me to get it right, you know? And this feels so right I'm just... doubting, like... waiting for the other shoe to drop"

"No shoe dropping here, I love you, you love me, we can just love each other, we can be together and make something good, we deserve it" he strokes Buck's hands "And I'm not that amazing, you are"

"Oh, no, you are" he moves on of his hands to Eddie's cheek, gently cupping his face and caressing him "And I hope you get to see it someday, you really are wonderful, you need to start believing it because it's true, you deserve the whole world"

"Thank you" he whispers, feeling his eyes filling up with tears and his heart going crazy inside his chest.

"Maddie also knows" he says, remembering.

"That I'm amazing?"

Buck chuckles "I mean, yeah, of course she does, but also this"

"How?"

"Yesterday, uh, I never said your name but I think she figured out I was talking about you when I kept referring to you as silver star"

"Wow, how did she crack that?"

Buck smiles at that "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have"

"Don't worry, Buck, I'm not hiding anything"

"But it should be you who tells other people"

"True, but it's also not a secret, and you were in pain, of course you were going to talk to your sister"

"Yeah, mhm, she kind of wasn't surprised"

"I'm learning that no one ever is"

"She was surprised at my reaction tho... which I don't really get, it's really in character for me to freak out, isn't it?"

"Maybe she thought we would have a smoother transition from friends to boyfriends"

"I guess" he nods "So are you, like, ok with being out?"

"I'm perfectly fine" he smiles at him "I just want to kiss you, and have you, and be with you, and we might not have everything figured out just yet but we'll get there, together, we always do"

Buck smiles, finally believing it, and he nods "Yes, together, I like that"

"Now we gotta tell our parents"

Buck laughs and intertwines their hands "Do we? I don't think it's their business"

"Well, if we're getting married someday we might as well give them a heads up, you know, so it's not as sudden as last time"

"Like it's gonna change anything" he sighs, and then notices "Wait, what?"

"Uh?"

"Married? You wanna get married?" he's blushing, and his smile is big and his heart flutters inside his chest, he feels like he might start floating in the air.

"Oh, yeah, someday, obviously"

"Obviously?"

"Don't you?"

"Obviously" he says, mocking.

"Be serious"

"I've never been more serious in my entire life"

"Wouldn't it be funny if we made them come here just for us to tell them the same news we just told them were fake? What would they say?"

"How about we don't do that and instead we just, like, call?"

"You have no whimsy"

"Where's the whimsy in walking through hell all over again?"

"Ok, don't do that, come here" he opens up his arms and Buck doesn't hesitate, he launches himself into a hug, he tackles Eddie, he knocks him to the bed and giggles as he does so.

He holds Eddie tight, close, he holds him by the waist and nuzzles his neck, Eddie smiles widely and hugs him back, caressing Buck's shoulders.

They lie down, quietly, Eddie moves his hands to Buck's curls, they're soft against his touch, they brush against his chin and he smells like vainilla, sweet, and it feels like home, like the cinnamon rolls Buck makes for him when he's craving something sugary, like the way Buck will pull a blanket over him when he falls asleep on the couch, the feeling he imagines he would've gotten if he had succeeded at growing pretty flowers when he was a kid.

Buck can hear Eddie's heartbeat under his touch, and it's loud, and he loves it, he loves it when Eddie is loud and engulfed in something so alive, he loves when his eyes spark and his cheeks are a testament to the blood running through his veins. Buck feels loved, just like the shot of caramel Eddie adds to Buck's coffee every morning because he knows he likes it sweet, like the way he cheers him up by getting Chris in the same room and it works every time, the kind of love that burns and shines but never consumes itself, like being held by a ray of sunshine. 

"I actually never told my parents the truth"

Eddie laughs at that, and Buck feels it against his cheek, so he smiles wider.

"You didn't?"

"I kind of forgot"

"We better get married soon then, before they find out"

"I'd do it right now"

"Bobby could marry us in the kitchen"

"Wait, no, actually no, I wouldn't do it without Chris here"

Eddie holds him tighter "We got all the time in the world, mi vida"

"Mhm" he nearly purrs, his eyes closing as he snuggles closer to Eddie, if possible "I missed you"

"You missed me?"

"Yesterday... and today" he clarifies "I barely got any sleep, I could only bring myself to drink an awful coffee in the morning that tasted nothing like yours, I was on the verge of tears all the time, I don't think I'm made to be apart from you... I actually think I got a fever"

"Alright, let's go, up" he sits up, bringing Buck with him.

"What? Why?" 

"You haven't eaten all day"

"I also haven't slept all day"

"You can sleep once you got some food in you"

Buck smiles, mischievous "I know something else you can get in me"

Eddie tries to be nonchalant about that, he tries to remain serious, but his cheeks just burn up and he's soon enough laughing "That was too easy"

"I'm a simple guy"

"You're too big of a menace for your own good"

"That so?" he leans forward, bringing their faces together, slowly getting closer and closer to Eddie.

"Go ahead" he whispers without looking away from Buck's lips, urgency to it, as he feels Buck's warm breath hitting him on the mouth, he longs so much and he needs so loudly he doesn't hear anything but his own heart pounding and his own blood gushing through his veins. 

Buck locks their lips together swiftly, and ever so smoothly he's knocking Eddie to the bed again, placing himself over him, their bodies pressing against each other tightly, trying to keep air from getting in between. Eddie places both his hands on Buck's back, drawing him closer, pulling him in like it's what keeps him alive.

Eddie lifts his chin, barely, but Buck is eager, he wastes no time before he's kissing him on the neck, he kisses and bites and licks like he's trying to suck out Eddie's blood and drink it just so he gets a little taste of what's been inside his heart. Not that he hasn't before. But he can feel on his lips the way Eddie swallows, and he feels himself getting thirsty.

"Whatever you're thinking, do it" Eddie murmurs, breathing heavily, his chest rising with every breath he takes in. He's a hell of a view.

"I don't think I can" he whispers back, moving his lips against Eddie's cheek.

"No one's coming in here" 

"That's not it"

"Oh?"

"I don't have fangs"

It takes a second, but Eddie ends up understanding. And Buck is somewhat surprised when Eddie smiles at that, nodding while looking at him with bedroom eyes.

"Try"

"I don't think you-"

"Guys!" there's a voice coming from the hall, yelling and approaching, so they break apart quickly, sitting up as if nothing's happening "Dinner!" Bobby lets them know once he's in the room, not without sparing a curios look their way. 

"Uh, yeah, yeah, we're coming"

Bobby hovers for a minute, inquisitive, he's examining their faces, both flushed, crimson red, quietly panting as they try to put on a nonchalant facade. Bobby just nods and walks away.

"That was not awkward at all"

Buck sighs "We shouldn't have gotten together in the middle of shift"

"The shift is so inconsiderate"

"It's been so long too"

"It has, hasn't it?" he stands up "Let's go"

Buck gets up too, and he swiftly pecks Eddie on the cheek, before they both make their way to the kitchen.

"I see we're speaking again" Hen says as soon as they arrive.

"You could say that" Eddie says as he sits down. Buck sits down right next to him.

"We, uh, yeah, we figured it out"

"So this means we can finally eat a meal without you two being at each other's throats?" Chimney says, sitting down "Today it would be a first"

"I could be at his throat" Eddie says, placing his arm around Buck's shoulders, looking at him with a smile on his face "I'd eat it up"

Buck smiles wild, blushing and nearly giggling.

"Let's not" Hen says.

"Oh, c'mon, we just got together, we're entitled to a little... what's the word?" he looks at Eddie for help, only to discover that Eddie never stopped looking at him, he's smiling fondly and looking at him like he's the only star in the sky "Oh God" Buck mutters to himself as he feels his heart trying to break out of his chest, it's like he's melting under Eddie's gaze.

"PDA?" Eddie suggests, he places his leg on top of Buck's, because he can, he can allow the urgency to keep touching him, as much as possible, to take over.

Buck nods, mesmerized "Sure" he rests his hands on Eddie's knee, caressing him.

"Don't" Chimney rushes to say, but neither Buck nor Eddie look away from each other "Oh great, they're gonna be unbearable" 

"They always were" Hen answers. Buck and Eddie share a quick kiss on the lips, barely even there, just a little touch so they can keep going. 

"I'm happy for you guys" Bobby says as he sits down "And of course you don't need to hide your love, just don't be inappropriate"

"Won't" Buck guarantees, big smile on his face. 

"We're all happy for you" Hen says, reassuring "Even if we like to give you guys a hard time"

"We know" Eddie nods "And we appreciate it"

"Yeah, totally, we love you guys, thanks"

Chimney nods "We much rather you being unbearable because you're happy together than being unbearable because you're miserable apart"

"That's so nice of you to say" Buck tells him, still stroking Eddie's leg.

"Don't mention it" Chimney pretends to dismiss it "We already know you just can't be normal about each other"

Eddie smiles, blushing, and he's now softly brushing his fingers against Buck's neck. He wants to rest his head on Buck's shoulder, and then he remembers he can just do it, so he does, and he feels so happy he could as easily float around like a balloon, growing bigger with every last speck of love he has for Buck, up, up, until he pops.

They finally get to have a proper meal. Intertwined as much as they can, touching each other every minute they get to, bubbling up and spilling all over, they get to love each other. And it's much better than they could've ever imagined.