1 - 20 of 152 Works in Depressed Merlin (Merlin)
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At first, it wasn’t a problem. At first, it was just a weight on his chest that made it slightly harder to smile.
Then it got just a little bit heavier, making small tasks harder to do.
It wasn’t the first time he felt it, so he paid no heed and went on with his days. He woke up bright and early, got Arthur’s breakfast prepared, did his rounds for Gaius, cleaned the king’s bedroom, scribed his speeches, laundered his clothes, polished his suit, sharpened his sword, saved Camelot from yet another attack—
He did everything according to a perfect routine, from sunup to sundown.
Until one day… he stopped.
OR
Merlin has depression fic!
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....
Arthur had hid everything. Merlin snuck out of the bed anyway with a dimly lit candle, gently scouring the cupboards and drawers. The soft shift of wood and the slow scan of eyes.
As the chance of finding anything sharp decreased, his desperation increased. At some point, the candle was blown out and left to roll on the floor somewhere. His movement became frantic – feverous. Drawers rattled and closets slammed with no interest of Arthur’s presence.
He wanted it.
The catharsis. The release. The blood. The cuts. The pain.
He needed it. All of it.
......
Merlin has a nightmare and wants to cut while in the beginning of his recovery.
Series
- Part 17 of Mentally-Ill Merlin (Merthur)
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There’s something inexplicable about locking eyes with someone who knows they are about to die. And not just die a normal humane death, but a violent, gruesome death that it would be a mercy to be killed fast.
He’s not fast enough, not strong enough, not skilled enough. -
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After centuries of immortal solitude, Merlin lives in quiet exile, burdened by grief and the failure of a great prophecy. His reclusive existence is shattered when an unexpected delivery is left at his door: an infant girl, abandoned because she possesses a dangerous and innate magic.
Reluctantly, Merlin takes her in, and the child, Olivia, slowly pulls him back into the world. As he raises her and teaches her to control her growing powers, their quiet life is interrupted by strange signs from a sacred lake—signs that the ancient prophecy Merlin thought had failed may be stirring back to life, forcing him to confront the past he left behind while protecting the future he has found in Olivia.
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Merlin can’t get out of bed. There’s a hundred different reasons why he should yet he just can’t bring himself to.
The light from the window hits his eyes, the sounds of the townspeople below fill his ears, boiling herbs burn his nostrils, the scratchy woolen fabric irritates his skin, and the bitter taste of his mouth, dry with disuse, all burden him. All too noticeable. All too present.
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Immortality shared by HadrianPeverellBlack
Fandoms: Merlin (TV), The Originals (TV), The Vampire Diaries (TV), The Vampire Diaries & Related Fandoms
26 Aug 2025
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Merlin knew his immortality was a burden.
And, somehow, something changes
Series
- Part 58 of Merlin Bingo 2024
- Part 1 of Multifandom Flash Bingo
- Part 7 of Merlin Bingo 2025
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Just Between Us, I Remember It by TheDreamPriestess for FathomMeOut
Fandoms: Merlin (TV)
15 Aug 2025
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Arthur knew what a Sigil represented; a concept he had been introduced to as a young prince, late on those evenings his father could stand his presence for more than a moment. A marriage proposal of the deepest and most romantic kind, a callback to the traditions of old – especially along the Pendragon line.
As such, his message was clear.
He was going to marry Merlin.
No matter what it took.
****
OR: Arthur’s POV of ‘Just Between Us, Did the Love Affair Maim You Too?’
Series
- Part 2 of Just Between Us (It's All Too Well)
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based on a poem by Rumi, a Persian poet. See notes for the full poem.
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-------<3
“I told Arthur I had magic.” He states. He looks down. Not shameful, but as a shell of the man he once was. “And told him to kill me.” Merlin choked out, beginning to notice the tears filling his eyes and throat.
----<3
“One more step and your friend is dead! Drop your sword!” Arthur nodded, “Okay, okay.” he agreed. Sword falling to the floor. Merlin’s brows furrowed. What the hell was Arthur doing? He shook his head in the man’s grasp.
Arthur didn’t bring any other weapons with him today. Merlin hunched his shoulders, hating the feeling of the man touching him. “You tryna die? Stop squirming! Or would you like to say some last words to your mate?”
Merlin gasped for air as the man’s hand left his face. “Let him kill me!” he screamed.
“Are you insane?!”
-----------<3
Gaius and Merlin talk about what happened while he was out of town. How he begged Arthur to kill him.
Bandits attack, ruining any sense of peace.
Merlin stays clumsy.
He falls asleep in Arthur's arms after crying.------<3
Series
- Part 16 of Mentally-Ill Merlin (Merthur)
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Merlin lost Arthur five years ago and the pain still cut deep every time he got out of bed.
His panic attacks hadn't got any better in the years that had passed, in fact they had gotten worse. His breath often went too shallow, head spinning as he gripped his palms too hard.
There was no one left to help him either.
Mordred was dead, Morgana was dead, Gwaine, Lancelot, Elyan, Arthur... all dead.
Even Gaius was lying on his death bed in his old age.
Merlin was left with nothing. Gwen was busy trying to run a kingdom, Percival had gone off the rails after Gwaine's death and no one could get too close to him. And Leon, he was stretched thin trying to support everyone.
But Merlin had some things to sort out.
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In Your Arms, I feel Safe (5+1) by TheDreamPriestess for FathomMeOut
Fandoms: Merlin (TV)
14 Jul 2025
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5 times Merlin comforted Arthur by holding him, and the first time Arthur returned the favour.
OR: An experiment in Merthur love languages.
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ask the wrong questions (i'll answer with a fake smile) by GlitterFairy_21225
Fandoms: Merlin (TV)
02 Jun 2025
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A tragedy followed by an almost tragedy leads to a misunderstanding that shuts down the entire castle for days on end.
Merlin doesn't know how correct it without revealing things that are better kept hidden.
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Prince Arthur did not intend to bring Merlin on patrol, he didn’t even know his manservant could ride a horse. But he can’t say no to that grin, not when Merlin has gone and packed and saddled up a horse for himself without asking. It’s a dull, routine patrol along the border, almost a formality at this point. Even if magic is legal in Escetir, they’ve held a shaky peace treaty with Camelot for over a decade; it’s unlikely they’ll see any danger.
But what Arthur does not know is that the recent spike in deaths of magical creatures in Camelot has not gone unnoticed. There are whispers that King Uther is a liar and a hypocrite, now secretly rebuilding his magical defence. And to bring sorcery to the border - well now, that would be an act of aggression tantamount to declaring war.
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The Blush On My Cheeks Is a Cover For the Blood Beneath It. by fallen_stxr
Fandoms: Merlin (TV)
10 May 2025
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The door opened.
The knife clatters to the ground, blood splatting on the wooden boards - a stalemate between the knight of light and the hungry void of evil. Merlin on the inside of the box of secrets - Arthur opening the door. Was Arthur discovering what hid in the dark or was he letting it consume him?
Eyes blurred and ears buzzed.
Merlin knew Arthur was asking for some sort of explanation, some sort of sequence or series events that led to Merlin’s… issue. Merlin knew that. But all he saw was a finger pointing at him. All he smelled was the coppery scent of blood. All he tasted was the contents of his stomach. All he felt was every point of his body pulsating under his flesh with a burning heat of shame. All he heard was ‘What did you do?’.
A blip of time passed, Stumbling drunkenly, perhaps, with the only intoxication being the rush of evil injected straight into his spine. Smashing the room, maybe, the only intention being a cry for help. But from who? Because who had he really let in, to his heart - his room - of darkness.
“I’ll kill you” Arthur stated
How did we get here? How did we get to Arthur giving up? How did we get to Merlin receiving his true punishment - his prize?
Series
- Part 15 of Mentally-Ill Merlin (Merthur)
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Merlin hates having someone voice his thoughts. It pushes him to break promises, pushes him to the brink of his strength, pushes him to his wit's end. It pushes him... out of a window.
Him and Arthur have a wholesome breakfast.
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The rock accelerated out of Merlin’s hand, shattering the window as it flew into the world. He placed his bare foot and hands on the sharp-edged ledge.Cold wind blew on his face, ignoring everything else. Just as his body was just about to fall, a wrist grabbed his ankle.
“Let go!” Merlin screamed out. His voice was warbly and raw.
“Are you insane?! No!” Gwaine shouted.
“Of course I am! Let me go!”
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Arthur hugged him tighter and Merlin raised his own hand to detach Arthur from his body.Arthur looked so torn. Heartfelt. Merlin looked broken. Empty.
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“Leave me alone!” he attempts to persuade. “Oh? How would I punish you for eating my cake then?!” Arthur says, cackling as he grabs Merlin by the legs, pulling him down to land on the bed. “Mine!” Merlin says, going to eat the last bite from his fingers.
Arthur rushes forward and takes the last 8th of the cake with his lips. “What a delight. The last bite of my cake."
Series
- Part 14 of Mentally-Ill Merlin (Merthur)
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His eyes traced his hand. It felt like someone had taken a match stick to a wound, cauterizing the edges of his skin. Instead of a marred outline of what Merlin assumed would be a wound, was a large patch of skin, dug out by his own nails. Blood painted the covers, his nail beds and his arm.
He must’ve rolled over some time in the night, giving the two men front-row seats to the massacre that was carved from his arm. He huffed and looked up at Percival, ears cleaning of that grating ringing. “Sorry.” he muttered, not really wanting to look at either of them anymore.
----<3
Merlin watched the fire dance and Arthur watched the gold glow of the fiery magic whirling and burning in Merlin’s eyes. “Magic really is ethereal.” Arthur softly whispers, indulged in the pool of expanding liquid gold - the greatest of treasures - in Merlin’s eyes. Merlin’s hand stayed in the air, keeping the fire still. His eyes slid over to Arthur’s gaze. A pool of happiness fluttered in his stomach.
------<3
Depressed Merlin continues his trials in living and talks with Arthur about his past endeavors. Arthur finds the beauty in Merli- magic.
Series
- Part 13 of Mentally-Ill Merlin (Merthur)
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The Beginning of the Week’s Limbo of Heaven and Hell by fallen_stxr
Fandoms: Merlin (TV)
10 May 2025
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“Did you take everything from the physician’s chambers?” Merlin asked quietly. The serving girl nodded, “As instructed. I sorted through the mess. Most of it, I managed.”
Merlin hums, slightly impressed. He thinks of where he last kept his- “Was there anything on the bed or floor?”
Alicia pauses for a moment, “…Just dust, I think.”
Merlin shoots her an inconspicuous look, “Nothing at all?”
She shakes her head, “Not that I can think of.” She says with sweaty palms.
“Was it- Was it anything important?” She whispers. Merlin gives off a small smile. “To me, it was.”
Alicia could take a guess that it was the dagger, sheathed in blood that she almost threw up upon finding. She’d remain silent about her findings, wanting to notify Arthur first. “Would you like me to look for it?”
Merlin pauses a few moments. He’d like to think that he shouldn’t tell her.
--------<3
Depressed Merlin is being forced to live after Arthur doesn't order his execution Post-Magic reveal. Maybe Arthur doesn't hate him. Why doesn't he hate him? Why isn't he dead? He should be dead. Why is he still here? Being cared for? He doesn't deserve this. Maybe it's punishment - psychological torment somehow.
Series
- Part 12 of Mentally-Ill Merlin (Merthur)
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“Dying is the easy part. Living is what’s hard.” Merlin is having a hard time with destiny and decides he’s had enough. A stranger helps him see the light.
**Crossposted on Wattpad and Fanfiction.net
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In the Throne Room there is Nothing but a Dance of Death and Banquet of Bloody Murder. by fallen_stxr
Fandoms: Merlin (TV)
11 Apr 2025
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-------<3
"Maybe Merlin was a lost child. Never been able to get to 18 without… this burden."
"Merlin. I’ll help you.”
“Kill me. I don’t want to feel anything anymore. Burn my corpse in the courtyard - serve it for dinner, for all I care.” He laughs, swaying towards Arthur’s chest a little. Arthur doesn’t move. His throat feels scratchy. What’s he supposed to do or say?
“I know you want me to die.” Merlin states. Arthur’s brows pinch and he shakes his head with a wince.
He wanted to retire to his chambers forever. He wanted to throw up his guts.
“You’d enjoy it, right - killing me?” Merlin asked as if he was already certain of the answer. Pale and frail fingers twisted the sword so the sharp edge scraped against the King’s armor. Arthur gulped but made no intention to move.
Merlin slid his fingers up the side of the blade, leaning in closer until his lips were centimeters from Arthur’s ear. “You don’t have to hide how you truly feel. I accept all of you - even the part that wishes people like me dead.”
-----------<3
OR
After a long period of self isolation, Merlin tells Arthur about his magic and begs for his life
To be taken.
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Series
- Part 11 of Mentally-Ill Merlin (Merthur)
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How to Kill an Immortal Being - in the Height of a Wall of Stone or Less by fallen_stxr
Fandoms: Merlin (TV)
10 Apr 2025
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Summary
-------------<3
Merlin isolates himself from the world, certain it's the best for everyone else. After a friend breaks in, he breaks down. By the end, he thinks he has his answer.
---------<3
OR
"“Do… Do you no longer wish to serve me?” Arthur said, quietly."
"“It felt like years… until you entered, that is. Then it felt like only a few minutes.""
"He hated knowing he was loved. He just wanted to disappear. But it felt so good. He indulged in the feeling of love. He hated that he wanted to be loved and that he was loved."
"Merlin ignored it heading straight for the Throne Room - straight for Arthur."
Series
- Part 10 of Mentally-Ill Merlin (Merthur)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,670
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 70
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