1 - 20 of 37 Works in Witchers Are Not Human (The Witcher)

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    The Princess was supposed to be dead.
    Not as in he wished it - so far from that - but it was a fact, a fact the Lioness all but hurled at him, last he managed waywards towards Cintra.
    For a decade, the Witcher carried those tidings as blood carried a toxin, and for a decade, he roamed, death clinging to the heels of his boots. War encroached upon the land, famine creeping behind it like a child after its mother.
    The Black Hand of the South reached its fingers across the kingdoms, grasping, pulling, tearing. And for a decade, the Witcher did not care, face still unmoving at the horror in front of it.
    And the Princess, the Lion Cub, was supposed to be dead.
    And yet.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,716
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    18
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    210
  2. Tags
    Summary

    When Aiden is finally healed enough to have some fun, Lambert wastes no time making up for lost time with his lover, without a single care who may hear them.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,086
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    17
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    158
  3. Tags
    Summary

    A collection of one-shot ficlets from over the Winter as Jaskier pines for his far-off demigod lovers, while Eskel and Geralt interact with the other Witchers in Kaer Morhen and count down the days until they get to return to their mortal bard.

    Smut, fluff, laughs, and(hopefully) minimal plot or angst!

    Every chapter should stand alone from one another, and I will put ratings for each chapter in the chapter titles/notes.

    Fic overall has an Explicit warning just to be safe, but not all chapters will be Explicit.

    Likely, none of these will really make sense if you haven't read the first story in this series, but who am I to tell you what to do?!

    Tags will be added as needed.

    "Inkpot Gods" is a song by The Amazing Devil, and the inspiration for so much of this series.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,285
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    92
    Kudos:
    111
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    847
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Where witchers are death, and Jaskier is a bard with a flare for the dramatic who keeps saying he wants to “just die” in any given situation.
    To Jaskier, this is just a figure of speech. To Geralt, it is very definitely flirting.
    When he decides to finally court the bard, it doesn't quite go as expected, and he finds out just why it is so easy for Jaskier to flirt with death.

     

    ---000---

    Geralt tilts his head to listen, the corner of his mouth twitching upward. The bard has been flirting with him for weeks now, exclaiming he could just die, all over Oxenfurt. At first, Geralt thought the man was being dramatic and didn’t know what he was doing, but no one is that theatrical.

    “Little shit at it again?” Lambert grouses. “Just fucking court him already, pretty boy. Or I might just do it for you.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    47,626
    Chapters:
    14/?
    Comments:
    549
    Kudos:
    567
    Bookmarks:
    113
    Hits:
    10,117
  5. Tags
    Summary

    In a world without monsters, the most dangerous beasts wear human skin.

    Geralt of Rivia is a hunter of vampires—a killer by trade, bound by his code. But when a string of brutal murders leads him deep into the mire of Velen, he finds a predator unlike any he’s faced before.

    You are one of the undead, yes—but you only feast on those who deserve it: slavers, butchers, men who walk free after committing unthinkable acts. Cold, clever, and terrifyingly beautiful, you wear your power like silk and hide your scars beneath a charming smile.

    He should kill you.
    You should run.

    But something in the mud and blood binds you—an uneasy alliance, a shared hatred of cruelty, and a growing connection neither of you can afford.

    Because in a land rotting from the inside, love is the most dangerous hunger of all.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,195
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    26
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    330
  6. Tags
    Summary

    “Sleepy puppy,” Maciej said with a crooked grin, bouncing on the balls of his feet, eyes gleaming steel-blue. He puckered his lips into a pout. “Was a good idea.”
    Lambert raised an eyebrow, arms crossed. “What was a good idea, kid?”
    Maciej’s grin twisted, almost feral. His form rippled—red-and-black fur flickered along his forearms, claws scraping the air just enough to make Lambert’s jaw tighten. His eyes flashed wild, like a cornered cat daring you.
    “Stabbing three things today. Felt alive,” Maciej said, voice sharp and breathless, feeding off chaos. “Like chasing shadows. Like hunting.”
    He leaned in, whispering, eyes glinting. “Monsters aren’t scary. Boredom is. It eats you inside.”
    Lambert smirked, cautious. “You’re lucky I like crazy.”
    Maciej’s grin stretched too wide, teeth flashing sharp. A short, wild laugh.
    “Lucky me,” he said, voice low. “If I’m dying, it better be quick. Pretty. No whining.”
    Lambert shook his head. “You’re unhinged, kid.”
    Maciej’s eyes flicked—half-cat, half-boy. “Maybe. But boring? That’ll kill us all.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,310
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    10
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    134
  7. Tags
    Summary

    The stranger doesn’t look approachable in the slightest. The long, silver-white hair pulled back in a ponytail belongs to a man who is probably in his thirties, a black leather jacket tight across his massive shoulders that could lift a fully grown man, an unfriendly scowl on his handsome face, short stubble visible on a jaw square enough to cut oneself on.
    So, naturally, Jaskier makes right for him.
    “I love the way you just sit in the corner and brood."
    The stranger looks up and Jaskier finds himself transfixed by eyes that glow golden in the shitty lowlight of the bar. “I came to drink alone,” the stranger says with a deep and husky monotone.
    “Yeah, sure, but what did you think of my performance? Three words or less.”
    A moment passes while the handsome man tilts his head, regarding Jaskier in a way that should be unsettling. “You’re too early,” the mysterious stranger offers.
    “Hmm, I’m certain I’ve never heard that particular complaint before, do tell?”
    “Your music. It’s ahead of its time. Give it…ten years. You’ll be where you want to be, then."

    OR: Geralt is a crossroads demon, and Jaskier accidentally makes a deal for dick.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,058
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    60
    Kudos:
    156
    Bookmarks:
    16
    Hits:
    1,174
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Geralt returns from a routine scout around the mountain, and it's Eskel's first time taming Geralt with Jaskier playing rabbit to his wolf.

    -----

    adding to the great tradition of Witchers occasionally going feral post-hunt

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,035
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    40
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    476
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Geralt is a god of death who really doesn't want to be worshipped by anyone.

    Jaskier, of course, has other ideas.

    ~~~

    “Geralt, forgive me, I…I should not have come here, shouldn’t have disturbed you. Please allow me to withdraw my prayer, no one needs to die,” Jaskier says shakily, and even though there is fear in the bard’s heart for his own life, largely there is regret and horror that he asked for Valdo’s death.

    The demigod sighs softly, going down to one knee in front of the mortal, and very gently tilting Jaskier’s face to look up at him with a gloved finger under the bard’s chin. The witcher tries to make his stern countenance a gentler one and offers the man a small but sad smile as he murmurs in his gravelly baritone, “That’s not how this works, Jaskier. I can…set aside your request, as it were, but it doesn’t just go away. A prayer made must be answered.”

    ~~~

    “And what you see is not the dark. It's just the gods upturning ink pots 'cause they know what you'll become,”
    -“Inkpot Gods” by The Amazing Devil

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    74,045
    Chapters:
    18/18
    Comments:
    438
    Kudos:
    447
    Bookmarks:
    93
    Hits:
    9,112
  10. Tags
    Summary

    While emotions are suppressed in other witchers, the alchemical cocktail used in the School of the Cat had apparently intensified them. Before the error that tainted the formula could be corrected, it was already too late – a new generation of Feline witchers was born. A generation who would seize control of the School... And had no intention of changing the formula.

     

     

    Thorne had been the best of them, way before the Trial of the Grasses. He was the fastest, the smartest, the nimblest.

    So much for grasses. Turns out he was a weed.

    ~~~

    Or; A not-particularly-in-the-timeline, self-indulgent, make-my-oc-in-every-universe story about Geralt finding a young, over-mutated and overly-emotional Cat School witcher. This fic is just an experiment.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,527
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    43
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    269
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Если вы спросите на Севере: «кто такой ведьмак Кийян?» вам, вероятно, ответят, что это безжалостный наёмный убийца и выродок, позорящий, как и все Коты, Орден ведьмаков.
    Если же окажетесь южнее Нильфгаарда или в Зеррикании и вдруг знаете Старшую Речь, вам ответят: «vatt'gern Kiyan был достойнейшим из мужей, благородным и бесстрашным воином».

    Трудно сказать, почему об одном человеке мнение столь различно, но, так или иначе, своё место под солнцем он определённо занял.

    Language:
    Русский
    Words:
    30,563
    Chapters:
    9/?
    Kudos:
    2
    Hits:
    82
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Geralt is human, of course he is. He has a job and a flat and ratbag of a landlord that charges too much and doesn't pay enough attention to the upkeep of his properties. Totally human. Until the police come by to accuse him of being a draft dodging Sentinel.
    Then everything, including his humanity, goes to hell in a handbasket.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    36,406
    Chapters:
    5/6
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    21
    Kudos:
    39
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    1,039
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Jaskier gets sorta tied up when an elf's plans to kidnap him go wrong. Geralt has to get his bard back one way or another.
    This leads to a long overdue conversation between the men about what they truly want from each other. Oh, and "why the fuck does this elf think I'm some sort of witcher pet" - Jaskier.

    Lots of fluff and innuendos and eventual smut.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,572
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    61
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    2,536
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Jaskier wakes after being captured and poisoned — "Where the FUCK are my legs, Geralt?!"

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    500
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    20
    Kudos:
    166
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    1,850
  15. Tags
    Summary

    It's been a year since the events that took place in Toussaint. Regis and Geralt happen upon one another again, and life instantly changes for the pair.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,780
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    15
    Kudos:
    27
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    415
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Desperate to save Geralt, Nenneke works tirelessly in the temple’s alchemy lab, preparing a potion to reduce the pressure on his injured brain. When Letho offers his help, Nenneke’s initial skepticism clashes with the Viper’s confidence in his own knowledge.

    Whumpcember 2024
    Day 10: “Let me help you.”

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,488
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    29
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    293
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Called to a small hamlet in the northen realms, Geralt was tasked to hunt down a Minotaurus. Returning to the hamlet with his trophy, he discovered a plot to steal his very life force. Will he survive this wicth? Or will the White Wolf meet his match?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,732
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    3
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    163
  18. Tags
    Summary

    After their engagement has been finalized in an attempt to strengthen the bonds amongst the northern kingdoms against the ever-imposing Nilfgaard, Jaskier and Geralt are forced to spend every summer together. As the son of a viscount and heir to a warlord, you would expect they will be at least civil together—only to find that they can’t even stand the sight of each other!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,381
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    15
    Kudos:
    131
    Bookmarks:
    23
    Hits:
    1,526
  19. Tags
    Summary

    𝐔𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐯𝐞𝐢𝐥 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐄𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞. 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐮𝐧𝐫𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲. 𝐁𝐞𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐛𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬.

    𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐭 𝐚 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐞...

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    40,587
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    12
    Kudos:
    21
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    593
  20. Tags
    Summary

    The voice of a ballerina breaths life into a vampire...

    Opposite worlds collide and connect more than they should. Here's a tale of a love triangle, family drama, death, revenge, and a new found home

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    32,930
    Chapters:
    10/30
    Kudos:
    2
    Hits:
    338

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